User:MrN9000/TalkArchives9

Command & Conquer

Hi I've rewritten the Command & Conquer article quite a while ago. I put up a pee review request and yet nobody has send a review.

Could you help me? I wonder if this article is good enough?

Thanks--ASHPD 08:05, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Sure dude. I will have a look at it tonight when I get home... MrN 12:14, Aug 18

It's been 2 days, sir? :( :( :( --ASHPD 10:40, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

Uh, it's been reviewed dude. Or are you just observing the passage of time to pass the time? --UU - natter 10:43, Aug 20

Well I never! MrN 10:56, Aug 20

*confused*

So is this your talk page, or is that your talk page? *shrugs shoulders*. While I'm here, good job on getting the quick pee idea up, you and anyone else that helped (except for that "Not reviewed yet" thing that looks...not great...). Good job! ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 18/08 10:38

Hea, well I was kinda using my page to let people know that I'm moving away from VFD a bit and will be working on getting category rewrite and ideas working a bit better... Yea, spang helped out with the code. I think how I worded the text works well and is a good compromise between what everyone wants. The "not reviewed" thing was Spangs idea. It is handy I guess. MrN 12:14, Aug 18

Handy, yes. Aesthetically pleasing...no comment. Very useful though. As for that below, I'd say that leaving the tags up more allows more variety in what people think they can rewrite, thus increasing contributions, but that's just me. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 18/08 13:32

Whoops! Thanks for fixing the t1 thing. Hea, I'm not stuck on the 200 article limit thing. I think it's worth drawing a line somewhere though. 200 appeared to be a good point. So long as an article fits the criteria given on the page for a rewrite, I would be happy to see it in the category. I did leave Wank shame in after all... ;) MrN 13:57, Aug 18

American Joke

Just checking in here - if that article isn't right for a rewrite tag, what is it right for? I'd rather not nom it for deletion on the grounds that "we have worse", but it needs work, attention, love, or a steamroller. What do you recommend? F Also, I've no idea how Hv could be confused. I'm not confused or anything. Putting talk page stuff on a userpage? Who does stuff like that? --UU - natter 11:00, Aug 18

HeHe... Hea, I knew I would get into trouble for this "rewrite thing"... I thought it might be with you also! lol... Well, if you had not noticed I'm trying to get category rewrite working a bit better. This is one of my new projects now that I'm nominating less on VFD... I managed to get it down to less than 200 (so it fits on the one page) by removing the pages which don't really fit with the requirements of that category.... I'm trying to focus the attention towards the "important" articles and away from fictional subjects, and less notable things. If ya really care about that page in particular, re-add it. It's no biggie, but it's probably on the line as to if it's suitable. I asked ZB about doing this tidy up in general and he was happy for me to do it, but suggested that I swap the {{rewrite}} to {{fix}} on the really bad pages.

The thing is... We have what is it? Um, 23,000 articles or something. Of those probably 20,000 probably "could" use a rewrite of some description. What I'm trying to do with category rewrite is promote those articles which have lots of links to, and are about important things. We could put thousands of articles into category rewrite, but only the firstr 200, would be visible on the first page, and those articles which really should be rewritten would get less attention. If you have a look at what's left in the category now, maybe that makes a bit more sense...

Regarding the specific case of American Joke, at the time I made a call to just leave it be. I don't think it's VFD, and a {{fix}} would also be too harsh, it would probably not be edited and so (maybe) deleted after 30 days. I decided it was best to just let it drift back into the mainspace, and if someone finds it and fixes it great. Like I said, if you really think this is worth a rewrite tag, go re-add it, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to do by trimming the category back. :-) MrN 12:14, Aug 18

Hmm. Well, I see your point, and I agree in principle. But... One of the things about maintenance tags is that they can help get people editing articles. When I first discovered this place, and make a few little IP edits before registering, I was nervous about editing articles in general, and felt safer picking ones with a rewrite, fix, expand or whatever tag on it. I figured articles without them were seen as being good as they were, and was loathe to edit them. By removing tags from articles that do need work (and American Joke does need work), we may be reducing the likelihood that people will edit them, and possibly raising the likelihood that people will think it's what we find "acceptable" around here.

Plus, it's difficult, on a humour wiki, to say what articles are "important" - some of our funniest articles are on topics no-one would have ever considered important before they were written. Who knows which article will spark someone to rewrite it into something excellent? Limiting the number of rewrite tags just so the tagged pages fit on one page seems a bit self-defeating to me. One of my first features, good ol' Shopping List was a rewrite, and I found it on the second page of the rewrite category. Just a thought. Can we make more use of the soft/medium/hard rewrite tags? Would that help? I guess we may have to agree to differ on this one - I think the rewrite tag is an important part of helping people feel confident about editing a page, and the number of them shouldn't be limited. Still, c'est la vie! Thanks for the fish puns input, I will get back to that when I have more time. Although the way things are running, that may well be in October, after the honeymoon! --UU - natter 12:34, Aug 18

Hea, like I could ever argue with you! I'm basing my thoughts on the comment at the top of the rewrite category:

"Note: pages are included in this category by adding the {{rewrite}} tag to the page. This tag should only be added to articles that are of general interest, such as famous people, major historical events, major cultural or literary works, etc. Fictional subjects, less notable people, and other articles that should be improved by their original authors should be placed in category:articles to fix or category:cleanup. Violators will be shot on sight.".

Think about it this way... It's a bit like the debate we were having with Pee Review. Some people were taking the view that everyone should review everything, whereas you and I were saying something along the lines of "yea, but there is only so much reviewing effort to go around". I think the same goes for category rewrite. There is only so much rewriting effort to go around, so it's better to focus that if possible. I have also focused it a bit more in the direction of getting people to work on more "encyclopaedic" articles which is another of my wants. Hea, I agree it's impossible to know what titles would produce a funny article, and in cutting it back I may have removed some potentially good ones. I hope though that I have done more good than harm. Please don't take the "I guess we may have to agree to differ on this one" view UU. :-( I would hate that and want to get you on board with what I'm trying to do here. Firstly... I would have left Shopping List with a rewrite if it had one. That's an important enough thing easy. I understand what you are saying about confidence thing in letting people know that it's OK to edit something... Rather than using rewrite on the more obscure articles, how about using one of the many other tags we have which does not include the article in the rewrite category? We have loads of different ones. Maybe we need to make another template or possibly a "less notable things" or "others" category (maybe not!). I'm not sure. I have to dash to a meeting anyway! Chat later! MrN 13:28, Aug 18

Oh, in-case you did not read what I just said to HV... I'm not stuck on the 200 article limit thing. I think it's worth drawing a line somewhere though. 200 appeared to be a good point. So long as an article fits the criteria given on the page for a rewrite, I would be happy to see it in the category. I did leave Wank shame in after all... The thing is, if someone wants to rewrite an obscure article, they will probably find it and do it. I think rewrite should mostly contain things Codeines mum knows about.  ;) If she is watching... I feel very shameful for leaving Wank shame in the category, and hope you accept my apologies. There are some pages which are probably such a good idea that it's worth breaking the "rules" for. I'm not saying it should be hard and fast. (um? cum on, I'm trying here) ... Obviously people should use their best judgement. I'm just trying to make the category a bit more useful, and stop people thinking... Oh, I would like the article on Bristol Rovers better, but I can't be bothered to re-write it myself, so I will slap a {{rewrite}} on it. I think the Manchester United article is worthy of a rewrite, tag, but not Bristol Rovers. Basically, I'm trying to make the category a bit more useful... MrN 14:12, Aug 18

I dunno, I only found Shopping List through that category, and others too. I find it a very useful category anyway. And I don't agree on things like Bristol Rovers v Man U. Apart from the fact that, as a good, patriotic Yorkshireman, I'd like to see the article and the club deleted, erased from history, and the ground ploughed with salt so no evil will grow in its stead, I don't think we should be differentiating here - as I say, who knows what will inspire someone to rewrite an article? Just because Codeine's ma may have heard of them, doesn't make it any more likely. I rewrote Scraggle after finding it in that category, and while it'll never get feature, I'd say it's decent enough. We're a humour wiki - noteworthiness alone doesn't define our content, and it shouldn't define what is more or less worthy of a rewrite. Surely the only thing that defines worthiness of that is when someone looks at the article and thinks "yeah, I can make this work!" Those guidelines on the tag are just guidelines, and could feasibly be changed if necessary, after all.

It's not just by browsing the category that people find the articles, and I'd say seeing a rewrite tag on it is more likely to make a few people feel empowered to make it their own. I know it did for me. If there are things people feel we really need, but are particularly in need of attention, there's the colonisation thing for that. I'm not sure yet another maintenance tag is the answer, I can't remember all the ones we have at the moment. And I don't think that leaving articles in need of some form of attention like American Joke in limbo (I found it through Lonely Pages - it's not linked from anywhere, how else will it improve?) Anyway, that's my thoughts. I'll finish by saying I'm not trying to stop your admirable quest to improve so many aspects of this place, just that I'm still not sure I agree with this particular one. And now, back to the daily grind. --UU - natter 14:32, Aug 18

Dam. I hope I'm not pissing you off by going on about this one UU. I respect your opinion very highly as you know, and if you disagree with me, well... Maybe I am wrong. Well, I have re-added the rewrite to American Joke. I was not sure about that one myself, it was borderline, and thinking about it... I was probably wrong to remove it...

With that said, I hope that you will allow me to bounce a few ideas off ya. I TOTALLY agree about the "guidelines" being only that. If someone thinks it's worth a rewrite tag, maybe it is. I think that if Shopping List needs a rewrite it should deff be in the re-write category and also probably Scraggle. Everyone knows what a Scraggle is! The thing is, that if everyone who supports their local football team (such as Bristol Rovers) or random unknown band adds a rewrite tag to that page the category view page would become swamped. OK, I know I said that before! Hear me out! I'm fishing for ideas here...

I do strongly feel that it would be good if people rewrote a bit more rather than creating new articles all the time, and I'm just trying to come up with some ways to try and make that happen. I think that a "more useful" rewrite category might help. Of the articles which I removed many had been sat there for over a year without an edit (in some cases more). Those articles were exclusively about fictional subjects or people I had never heard of (I did a Wikipedia search on them also). Now, it's my view that for these "specialist" articles if someone is going to rewrite them, they will do a search and find the article that way. Being in category rewrite was not helping them. I think it would have been better if those articles had been tagged with something like {{1000 Uncyclopedians}}, {{Funny?}},{{Bat Fuck Insane}}, {{Nigga Please}}, {{Serious}}, {{Stupid}} or {{Unintellectual}}. Those templates let the reader know that it's OK to edit the page as per your "It's not just by browsing the category that people find the articles, and I'd say seeing a rewrite tag on it is more likely to make a few people feel empowered to make it their own" comment. I obviously agree this it's impossible to know what could inspire someone to write a funny article, but given the option I would prefer users working on pages about well known things rather than less well known things. If Codeine's ma has never heard of them, who is going to rewrite it just because it's in the category view? I'm not stuck on the 200 article limit at all. I intend to slap a rewrite on a load more "notable" pages, and that will surely take it well over the 200 mark. I'm still not convincing ya? HV thinks I'm being an arse as well as you! OK, I will nip off and shoot myself... MrN 19:30, Aug 18

Just a quick note: I don't think you're being an arse. Healthy discussion is all it is. I would type more, but I'm for an early night - getting up an hour earlier at the moment is so not agreeing with me. To quote Vincent Vega: "fuck - to be continued". (Go watch Pulp Fiction again instead of shooting yourself). --UU - natter 20:36, Aug 18

I don't think you're being an arse either. This is like a microcosm of those quality debates in the VD: Both sides want to improve the wiki, but both have different methods of accomplishing that. Everyone means well though, and that's the important thing in the end. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 18/08 20:39

You go watch Pulp Fiction as well. I'll watch it tomorrow, after this nice, early night. That way, everyone wins! Night all... --UU - natter 20:43, Aug 18

Night. ;-) MrN 20:48, Aug 18

Rap

Sup My G?

Time for some T?

I'm awesome. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 17:22, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Apparently so. You need to learn to rape virgins though. It's more fun. MrN 17:25, Aug 18

I don't do rapings. I just do drive-by horrible white awesome rappings. WAY more fun. The Woodburninator (woodtalk) (woodstalk) 17:49, 18 August 2008 (UTC)

Daddy, I'm hooooooome... /me dodges possible foam bats coming her way...

Hiya.

I'm sorta back.

Don't hurt me for being away for ages... PLEAAASE..? -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 14:49, 19 Aug

Hea! Long time no see... What are ya up to? MrN 16:05, Aug 19

I was adopted by an abandoned kitten, who takes up most of my time now. Also, my computer has an odder than odd bug that didn't go away with even a full format and reinstall of Vista. I've started to suspect it's the Windows' so-called upgrades that cause it. The bug disables some but not all javascript functions, so that my online alter ego is starving without anything it can do. Oh, and I ordered a custom tailored tightlacing corset for me for my birthday. I'll get it a little early, though... ^_^ -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 17:29, 19 Aug

Corset eh? Custom too? Very sensible... MrN 17:58, Aug 19

Yes, Daddy. It's very comfortable. Who wouldn't like a girl in a corsetted waist, pencil skirt, real classical secretary look... *ahem* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 18:30, 19 Aug

You had better get of daddies lap now, these trousers are getting a little tight around a particular area. Daddy needs to go to the bathroom for a second. MrN 18:40, Aug 19

/me looks around all innocent. Did I do something bad, Daddy? o.O -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:37, 19 Aug

No more so that usual. But it's probably time you behaved yourself. We don't want to get a A Lover's Complaint now... :P MrN 19:42, Aug 19

Ooh... Thanks for reminding me :) *scurries off to cuddle her puss kitten* His name is Rontti, means "Scoundrel" in my Native, he's a really adorable... And don't worry, It's not like I'm not wearing any knickers. You won't be seeing pants on me... No... Trousers in some cases, but I prefer skirts. With a decent-ish hemline... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 20:46, 19 Aug

Who's a popular boy then?

Yeah, one of the 50 most edited pages on Uncyc, this. How many times in one lifetime can a man use the word "pants"? --UU - natter 18:12, Aug 19

Hea, well how the heck did that happen? I must have been talking a lot of shit eh? Don't answer that... Actually, I'm not sure that's right according to what I guess are talking about, only Cajek and ZB are above me for talk pages. That's probably not correct. Must be some odd thing caused by having pants on your talk page or something.

Anyway... As you know, the MrN shift away from VFD towards a more creative MrN type meddling, is making trosers the new in word. They are not pants you know. Did you see what Skull and me are working on? Uncyclopedia:Ideas? Check it out. ;-) MrN 18:39, Aug 19

on MrN's hiatus from the word 'pants'

Hyperbole is now back. what will you do? is the utterance of 'trousers' by you still acceptable? shall i say 'pants' way more often? SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 16:49, 20 August 2008 (UTC)

It's true. The "P" word has now been archived. At least for the forseeability future. As explained on my userpage, and the promise I made to Hyper. I will, as predicted be making a move into more trouser related issues. MrN 17:16, Aug 20

Pee Review of Codename: Kids Next Door

Look, I know you reverted my edit, but I would really like it if you set up a Pee Review for my article. Either that or post detailed instructions on my talk page.

Firstly. Get yourself an account. That way, I know I'm talking to the same person each time. Secondly, Pee Review can be found at UN:PEE. Detailed Instructions can be found at UN:PRG. GET AN ACCOUNT. MrN 08:26, Aug 21

you pantsed it! You pantsed it all to hell!

Hey MrN, would you care to do a pee review for me?   Le Cejak • <3:15, 21 Aug 2008>

Sure. Where is it? Might not be able to do it tonight though, I have some stuffs to do, so might not be on Uncyc. Also, you know about my promise to Hyper on his talk page? I can now not say the "P" word for 2 months. It will be tough, but I think I can manage it. Trousers. MrN 08:26, Aug 21

Ah well, (I should really change that sig, btw), I agreed on a ridiculous bet to go decaf for a month. Failed pretty fast :) I don't think Daddy can avoid saying pants for too long... -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 10:06, 21 Aug

I agree, Luvvy ("hey!" by the way). I also think that "trousers" should be on the "do not say list," seeing as how it's almost the same as the forbidden word! But, whatever. Anyway, too slow MrN, I already asked Woodburninator to do it. Neener neener, I guess!   Le Cejak • <11:18, 21 Aug 2008>

Yeah, sorry about that

I was summoned to the kind of "emergency" that happens when you're the only computer-literate in the family. But you got the DPL up anyway, so my sudden desertion didn't matter all that much...meh. ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 21/08 19:31

Hea, some friendly doctor happened to be passing. Cheers. MrN 08:11, Aug 22

UnSignpost: August 21st, 2008

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August 21^st, 2008 • Issue Sixteen • The periodical without any junk in its trunk

And the award for Sluttiest User goes to... By Gerrycheevers ...Mhaille! With over fifteen thousand links to his userpage strewn willy-nilly about Uncyclopedia, Mhaille takes home the Slutty for the sixth consecutive time. Everyone's favorite moustachioed chappie overtook Codeine in early 2007 and never looked back. When asked about this momentous achievement, Mhaille was still in shock from the victory. "I'd like to give thanks to my mother and my father, for first taking me into the family business. Without their years of experience and their guidance I would not have become the Slut I am today," he said. "It is for them that I hope to make it a seventh title!" Coming in at second on the list was the legendary Benson. Despite having only twenty edits in the past year, Benson has managed to rack up over twelve thousand links to his userpage. He still enjoys a several thousand link lead over slut number three, Thekillerfroggy. When asked how Benson managed to not only maintain his lead, but actually increase it, TKF said, "A wizard did it." In-depth investigation by this reporter revealed that Froggy's signature may have something to do with it, as random selection feature will occasionally cause TKF's sig to spam dozens of links to Benson's userpage, mostly in Dr. Skullthumper's userspace. UnSignpost gets new paper-boy by An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Uncyclopedia's semi-official newspaper, enjoyed by literally several readers each week, has hired a brand new paper boy. This individual has been delivering the UnSignpost for the past two weeks. This cost cutting measure was announced after the guy with the keys to the delivery robots disappeared, taking the keys, several thousand dollars in cash, and a stapler with him. Unconfirmed rumours made up by me suggest that he intends to staple the money to the keys before turning the stapler on himself. The paper boy, who calls himself Gerrycheevers, says that it is a tough job, but he is glad to be able to contribute something. "It's a tough job," he told UnSignpost reporters "but I am glad to be able to contribute something." The young paper boy is saving up his pocket money to buy a new frisbee. The mammoth task has taken its toll on young Mr. Cheevers, leaving him with severe wrist pain and an acute hatred of humanity. "It totally messed up my wrists. I was out of action for days!" he said. Most Uncyclopedians are said to be happy with the new service, saying that they prefer the more personal touch that comes with human delivery. "Those damn robots trampled my garden, broke down my door and killed my dog with their death-rays" said one unfortunate Uncyclopedian. In a related story, Gerrycheevers has been 'throttled' from such activites as moving pages and making mass edits. His repetitive edits have apparently pissed off at least one admin, and Gerry is now limited to one edit per four hours. He has used these edits carefully, and has managed to find a new paperbot. This week, the UnSignpost will be delivered by MantiBot. Subscribers can only hope the new delivery system works out, or the UnSignpost may be doomed.

Check out these pages! Testify! Taking the community down a peg Stop the madness! Think of the children! Etc.! From our logs: 16:52, 17 August 2008 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.212.136.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You are now officially really hated on Uncyclopedia. Congratulations.) 21:30, 16 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.220.124.187 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month, 2 days, 3 hours, 4 minutes, 5 seconds ‎ (Blanking a featured article? No mercy.) 06:19, 16 August 2008 Spang (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.72.7.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go and write some bad poetry or something) 10:51, 20 August 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Nmeallin (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (We regret to inform you that Chuck Norris does not approve of page blanking.) Biopic of the Week RAHB ~ One of the most (if not the most) decorated Uncyclopedians ever, RAHB is one of those guys who seems to be everywhere. Whether it's writing awesome stuff, taking care of crap, or banging out narrations, you can always count on this guy to be lurking somewhere in the bowels of Uncyclopedia, toiling away at his next project. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Being grateful this week could result in improved relationships. Being grating this week could result in cheese fragments that will melt easily over nachos. see more horoscopes VFD Survivor of the week "One man touches the other/it's incest cus were all brothers/you may say its wrong/well its the touch eachother song" Pithy VFH Comment of the Week Meh. I liked the conversation bit, but the rest is pretty bland. Skull tells me he wrote it for a girl or something. And he admits himself that it isn't very good. Well, I wouldn't feature it anyways. Oh yeah, and everything you write is shit, Skull. Everything! Shit, shit, shit! Now start writing something funny, you SHITTY WRITER! Shit shit shit! SHIT!!! - RAHB (Unfomercials:Inspirigun)

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— MantiBot Owner 12:24, 22 August 2008 (UTC)

Technically

You violate your two months pants probation everytime you place your welcome message, no? ~ 13:43, 23 August 2008 (UTC)

Sabba sighting?! *hugtackle* You're making a valid point there... :) I should disable the link to my "office", as I currently don't frequent any IRC chatrooms... *hrm* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 14:37, 23 Aug

And someone PLEASE explain to me what silly bet Daddy agreed on to not say PantsPANTSPANTSPANTS!PantiesPANTSPantsPanties is all about? -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 14:46, 23 Aug

Mordillo: Well, I realised we would need to rewrite the whole wiki to remove all my references to the "P" word, so I'm limiting it to what I type as new stuff. I hope that meets with acceptible trousarian probation protocols.

Luvvy: It was because of a promise I made to a Uncyc users (who's name escapes me although I'm probably exaggerating). He kept his end of the bargain and so now I have to keep mine. It's a huge personal sacrifice (obviously) but I think it's one which is worth making. MrN 22:58, Aug 23

/me is still confused. Nevermind, then. I'm really tired. Migraine day. Wooot! -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 06:43, 24 Aug

/me starts an argument

Not a clue what it's about, but just to be argumentative, as you put it ;). Trousers possibly? ―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 25/08 20:24

As you know, it's rather difficult for me to take an opposing position to that issue. MrN 20:29, Aug 25

I'll help ya, Daddy. Pantsies. -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 07:16, 26 Aug

I'm sorry, you want next door. This is abuse. You toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert! Etc etc. --UU - natter 12:32, Aug 26

Piscine puns

Thanks for more input MrN. I will get around to finishing that article, honest I will. And it shall glow radiantly in harmonic goodness. Or something. But for now, it's all I can do to get on here, wander through my watchlist, randomly insult a couple of people (see above), sort out the list, seeing as Orian's cooled on it and Hv's not bothering so much, and leave, enigmatically. Actual writing is firmly on the back burner. Far too much going on! Argh! Anyway, nice to see you, now I must dash. 1001 things to do by yesterday. --UU - natter 12:32, Aug 26

I've never commented on here suffice to say pants --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 12:36, 26 August 2008 (UTC)

Cool UU... I have a few more fishy puns tucked away for sure. I guess this is a MrN-UU collab now? I have some more ideas for it...

DJ: Welcome to my humble abode. :-) MrN 12:52, Aug 26

Pants Banking

This anything to do with you? --UU - natter 10:14, Aug 28

Ha Ha! That was really quite funny! I shall include reference to it in a project I have planned for when my 2 month ban expires... MrN 11:06, Aug 28

Offering my 2cents here... Nothing to do with pants... (however it's likely not safe for work...) -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 07:03, 14 Sep

That is just... Um. Awesome! MrN 14:29, Sep 14

ICU Contributions

How do I know when I have made a "significant" contribution to an article? Does fixing up grammar & punctuation plus adding header sections count? And yes, I plan to leave future ICU templates alone for now. Simsilikesims 20:38, 29 August 2008 (UTC)

Fixing up grammar & punctuation alone probably does not count. The simple answer is to check with the person who left the ICU by asking them on their talk page. If they are happy for you to remove it, then it's OK. After seven days without being edited, an admin will make the judgement to delete or not, so there is really not that much point in removing the ICU anyway. If you had added LOADS of great new material, maybe it would be different and you could remove it, but still... Removing ICUs is one of those things which people get a bit "itchy" about when non admins do it, which is why I recommend that you steer clear of doing it under any circumstances at least until you have been around a good while longer... Gerrycheevers added that ICU for good reason. As it was we had to have a VFD vote which is a lot more effort for the community than if the normal process had run its course... Anyways... No harm done. Enjoy. :) MrN 20:52, Aug 29

UnSignpost: August 28th, 2008

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The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

August 28^th, 2008 • SEVENTEENTH ISSUE SPECTACULAR • Word to your mother

Porn Wars End in Sticky Truce By Regret Tenenbaum At exactly 10:28 pm (UTC), Sir Led Balloon did the honors of emblazoning a golden '1000' in the count to a million project, a true milestone on the journey to seven-digit greatness. Another user celebrated by gracing the page with an unprecedented one-thousand-and-one pixel high "1001", which was quickly taken down. The user was, needless to say, embarrassed, yet happy that the uncouth horde of devoted Uncyclopedians had finally reached the number 1000, as such a milestone had not been reached since the number 100 and the end of the Porn Wars. On that note, the Porn Wars ended earlier this week with a tentative truce between Commander Jailbait and General Pervert. The war began the week before, when Regret posted a pin-up girl to balance Orian's photo of a scantily-clad male, claiming he was "bringing balance back to the universe." Regret also stated he would "fight to the death"... or at least until Leddy stepped in, this time to call a "three-pornstuffs rule", which eventually ended the erotic feud. Meth, a constant editor on the forum, said "'twas a fortunate day for all under 18." Still, even with peace returning to the forum, not all is well in the land of counting. On the subject of reaching 1000, one dissenting user said: "Perhaps we should seriously consider stopping there. I mean that would be 1/1000 of the goal! Imagine doing this whole thing, 1000 times. That would mean 3000 archives, give or take." To which another user responded, "unfortunately for you, Nobody cares." Nevertheless, as long as there are users with nothing better to do, the Forum will always trudge on, giving Uncyclopedians something with which to kill thirty seconds, and also giving UnSignpost reporters something to write about. Lack of cure for testicular cancer kills 100 Uncyc members By Methamphetamine Uncycloversity members are still failing to find a cure for our previously mentioned testicular cancer, and to date, 100 people have died of said cancer. When nobody died, some user said it was a rumor made by some other user to piss us all off, right before clutching his balls in pain and dropping dead. Within an hour, about 16 more people died a cancer-related death. A live update shows that 105 users are now dead. You could be next! Don't panic, that'll make you die faster. Regret Tenenbaum, the user who originally warned of the disease, had this to say: "I TOLD YOU SO!" to which he added "Na-nanana-nanana!" The death toll is expected to reach into the thousands, with no end in sight. A memorial was set up earlier today to remember the dead, with one number added for every fallen Uncyclopedian. With fear and panic filling the hearts of users everywhere, there is one question that is on everyone's mind: "WHY GOD, WHY?!" Another live update show that 200 people have now died, and out of those, 10 people killed themselves in anxiety. Remember to always feel your testicles with your fingers. That's right. It helps prevent the cancer from reproducing.

Check out these pages! VOTE VOTE VOT Everyone tell Cajek what they've been up to Who is the man behind Uncyc's curtain? The truth about wikia's staff! From our logs: 05:22, 20 August 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 12.219.249.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days, 14 hours, 15 minutes, 93 seconds ‎ (Blanking Africa does not make it go away.) 20:45, 24 August 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Norwich (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (and you're an annoying cuntfluff) 09:39, 26 August 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 93.190.63.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (o hai, no blank plz. kthxbai.) 00:41, 27 August 2008 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) huffed My balls (content was: 'Sweaty and hot.') Biopic of the Week TheLedBalloon - Feature machine and Star Wars aficionado, Uncyc's resident hockey expert has come a long way from his humble beginnings. Seeming to appear on talk pages where there is conflict brewing as if there was some giant balloon signal silhoutted against the clouds, Led's recent oppage ensures that he has the tools to keep Uncyc as most excellent as possible. Old-school featured article of the week Five-time World RiskTM Champion Napoleon Bonaparte was a man of great stature. He enjoyed many military victories, revolutionizing armed combat. He rose to the rank of Emperor, and came closer than any diabolical supervillian has (before or since) to conquering the world. Unfortunately, nobody took him seriously because he was short. This Week's Horoscopes NOW UPDATED FOR WEEK OF 8/25/08 Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - Think long and hard before misdirection-linking to the Uncyclopedia article on Penis, as it could result in stiff competition between you and other members of your unit. see more horoscopes

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–—Hv (talk) 30/08 20:16

What's the Big Idea?

Now who's being fake?

You think you can just go on here and delete my comment? What is your problem? You had no right to do that, so put my comment back. – Preceding unsigned comment added by 72.95.139.248 (talk • contribs)

What are you talking about? MrN 17:25, Aug 31

[EC] I think he's on about Mordillo deleting Fucking You page sucks. –—Hv (talk) 31/08 17:27

How could anyone mistake me for Mordillo? I'm far better looking. Does Mordillo have breasts like these??? MrN 17:29, Aug 31

Well yes. you she-males all look the same. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 19:52 31 August 2008

I have no idea what you are talking about. MrN 20:08, Aug 31

On reflection neither do I. Trust me, if it made sense it would have been hillarious. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:31 31 August 2008

You all better start claiming I'm the better looking, if you know what's best for you. ~ 08:06, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

/me digs out a kitten and cuddles it. Awwww... Did you say something? Sabba, you're both good looking, however since Safta would kill me for anything I could come up with convincing you're the better looking one, Sabba, I'll just claim that you two are tied right after my Significant Other... *ahem* -- Luverly - (Contribs) (Talk) Grammar Nazi, Mum , BFF & NotM, CUN , GMP . - Perkele! 19:58, 1 Sep

HeHe... I wondered if you were still spying on me. ;-) MrN 09:09, Sep 1

rowdyspoon

Okay I guess I was just being lazy with the Borat thing, but thanks for the help (making the pictures and generally tiding it up) – Preceding unsigned comment added by Rowdyspoon (talk • contribs)

Cool, no problem. Don't forget to sig your posts on talk pages with ~~~~. Also, I moved this to the bottom, where the new messages go! MrN 09:09, Sep 1

Okay....CRAP!

Thanks for the feedback, and additions to the article. A former UWE student...what are the chances!? I know I'm supposed to make it funny for people who don't know it, but those people annoy me. They require me to think of universally funny content. Like you said "IT'S A UNIVERSITY DAMMIT!"...who else is gonna read it but UWE students?...my target audience. It's not exactly a world famous uni. Anyways, it's my first attempt EVER at comedic writing and I'm staring to realise how difficult it is! Maybe I should just bail out now and congregate on the grass with the Carroll Courtians.

Well, the "IT'S A UNIVERSITY DAMMIT!" line would probably be considered universally funny if you are witting the article from the perspective and using the tone of a student who is defending their university. The "Oh, you mean Bristol Polly" line (I think) also works at a wider level. I'm not sure how many people will know who "Carroll Courtians" are though. You get what I'm saying I'm sure. You can get away with some inside jokes (maybe) if there is enough other generic stuff to make the general public happy. Like you said, it's tricky to make it appeal to the wider group of readers. Who said writing for Uncyc was easy? I read what you did, and I think you can do it though. Ya clearly have a fair bit of writing talent so I think you can manage it. I suggest you maybe consider changing the tone of the article a little to give it a bit more character. Choose an interesting perspective to write from. Maybe pretend the author is a teacher, or the student was thrown out or maybe the student is stoned? Maybe they are pissed off with their exam results? You get the idea... Do something to make this stand about all the other Bollocks we get from students at all the other Unis. I think you can manage it. I will take a look tonight to see what you have done. I EXPECT those papers to be worked on boy! (hehe) MrN 09:09, Sep 1

pants

{{subst:thankyouforwelcome}} Tusho 16:24, 1 September 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: Pants Pantsth, Pants Thousand and Pants (4/9/08)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

September 4th, 2008 • Eighteenth Issue • STOP!! SIGNPOST TIME!!

Uncyclopedia copies Conservapedia By Gerrycheevers Recently, on the fact-based no-spin-zone wiki known as Conservapedia, there has been debate raging over whether to ban all atheists from contributing. Apparently conservapedians believe atheists (those who deny the existence of the creator) to be at the very least a hinderance, and at the very most a hideous group of venom-spitting demon-eyed savages who feed on the blood of children. If this motion garners enough support it may become a 'Conservapedia Commandment', along with 'no girls allowed' and 'slow down, this is a neighborhood.' Mild amusement and complete apathy were rampant among Uncyclopedians yesterday. Some poked fun at the silly conservatives for proposing such a Nazi-esque measure. Others took up the reigns in a new thread: should atheists (of Cthulhu) be barred from Uncyclopedia? It seems support for this action is widespread, and soon 'Cthulhu tests' will be administered to random users at random times. Failure of such tests will result in soul consumption. User Heerenveen had this to say: "I believe that it shouldn't matter whether you are an avid worshipper of Cthulhu, just someone who pretends to like Cthulhu to fit in with your mates, or indeed a foaming-at-the-crotch atheist (of Cthulhu), you should be infinibanned from Uncyc regardless. Unless, of course, you are Cajek," to which Orian57 added, "Richard Dawkins is so sexy." As is the norm here on Uncyclopedia, the controversy was immediately parodied, and then the parody of the controversy was summarily parodied. It has yet to be seen whether the parody of the parody will in fact be parodied. Movie Trailer Announcer Guy Dead at 68 By Gerrycheevers IN A WORLD where JUSTICE is a distant memory...where HOPE seems desperately out of reach...where THROATY BARITONES are hard to come by... ...ONE MAN performed voice-overs for OVER NINETY FOUR THOUSAND FILMS. His DEEPLY SONOROUS VOICE could turn even the most BORING movie into AN ALL-OUT THRILLER... ...Most famously known for THAT GEICO COMMERCIAL HE DID, that man's NAME was DON LAFONTAINE. Critics hailed him as 'THAT MOVIE TRAILER ANNOUNCER GUY' and 'THE DUDE WITH THE CRAZY VOICE'... ...On Monday, LaFontaine PASSED AWAY suddenly when a FIERY EXPLOSION in a SHRAPNEL FACTORY caused the TURBO-CHARGED SPORTSCAR in which he was being pursued by MONGOL HORDES to CAREEN OVER A CLIFF. He was 68...

Check out these pages! Another user says goodbye CENSORED Unflinchingly rigid vanity guidlines to take effect immediately From our logs: 07:32, 29 August 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.42.174.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble-minded, and scientifically proven to be evidence of underdeveloped genitalia.) 20:57, 31 August 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.109.95.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Go masturbate somewhere else.) 03:32, 2 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.59.31.226 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Exemplary douchehattery.) Biopic of the Week 15Mickey20, Uncyc's resident tennis analyst, has won virtually every writing award and competition in existence on the entire site. His PLS and Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball entries were both later featured, and his WotM award stems from the rest of his totally awesome articles. Mickey Mantle is pictured a the right for no reason at all. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Hammers are extremely useful tools, most usually used for whacking stuff. Employed by Norse Gods, Italian plumbers, and 90s rap artists, the hammer can also be used to gouge out eyes and perform other tasks. Reading up on this article will result in increased knowledge of the hammer life cycle and sexual abuse of hammers, but may also cause severe cranial damage. This Week's Horoscopes Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - When you assume, you typically make an ass out of Ume. And you know how sensitive that guy is. see more horoscopes

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

―― Sir Heerenveen, KUN [UotM RotM VFH FFS SK CM NS OME™] (talk), 5/09 16:56

Ooooooohh, someone's in troooooouuuuuubbbllleee...

lolololoyou get the idea. - P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 06:25, Sep 7

Not sure I do get the idea actually! Um, they are? Would that someone be me? Don't forget, I'm just a humble Brit and don't understand some of the history here. I just saw a stub which looked ripe for deletion so recommended using the redirect given by MadMax. What did I do??? MrN 09:09, Sep 7

You didn't sign. Also, What the hell? You're kidding, right??? /me punches MrN. --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 01:20, 8 September 2008 (UTC)

What MrN is expected to sign now? Well, I never... Well, one liners are OK in Undictionary... I did think it was a good one. Probably better than some of the others which you left in. Don't forget dude, you are probably one of the more deletionist users on Uncyc so ya need to be careful... I do understand what you are trying to do though. ;) I really am going to bed now though... Night. MrN 01:32, Sep 8

Deletionist my ass! I simply believe we should delete all but the 7,000 best articles on the site. Then, we'd be able to restart with only the best! We'd then recruit a few more Jews (21) to write 7,000 more articles a day! In a weeks time, we'd have the greatest site ever with exactly 42,000 articles! It'd be perfect! Mwhahahaha! ... What? Like you don't like that idea, too! --MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 01:45, 8 September 2008 (UTC)

Thanks!

Blue Power Ranger thanks you for voting! So you liked my tale of displeasure, huh? That's nice. Hey, maybe I could write a book about it! Before long I'll be outselling Pelzer!

You'll probably notice that I'm asking everyone what it was about the article they liked. Well I don't need to know from you. You were only voting for so I'd have to come here and edit. I know your game Mister. Seriously though, thanks! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 02:31 13 September 2008

Updates and what ya think?

I've revisited Command & Conquer: Read Alert 3 and my page User:ASHPD and re-improve on it. What ya think? I need feedbacks! ~ASHPD (unknown time)

Hmm, well my first thought is that I'm not a fan of what you have done with the boxes in the "READ ALERT 3 Overarching Storyline" sections. I don't think using boxes in that way there really works. This is meant to be a parody of an Encyclopaedia ya know. Did you ever see that kinda thing in an Encyclopaedia? I recommend just using the normal headings and sub headings. Kinda boring I know, but I think as it stands it's not really working. I will read the whole thing later when I get a chance... MrN 18:01, Sep 13

Question!

What the hell happened to my talk page?!?! -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 00:07, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

A vandal/idiot moved it, and then moved it again. I can't fix it for you dude, sorry. I'm not an admin. It needs an admin to huff the original redirect created by the move to make way to move it back. I have listed this on UN:BP, so an admin will fix this mess for you when they get around to it. Sorry dude. MrN 00:13, Sep 16

sigh... well, thanks for clearing that up :) -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 00:29, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

...and here's yours!

REGRETTENENBAUM has awarded you a "special" cookie for fixing up all my talk page trouble! (there's weed in it)

-- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 04:01, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Awesome. Why would I want "weed"? There is enough of that in my garden... Um. MrN 10:46, Sep 16

Re: Turn on, tune in, cop out

Thank you old friend. No, I'm not just here for the conflict but sometimes people just don't give me any other choice. --Narcissus Black 20:34, 16 September 2008 (UTC)

Well if you don't mind me saying, you did appear to be talking a rather confrontational stance to some of the other users. Basically all I was saying was that maybe you just need to chill out a bit. I know Uncyc can be frustrating sometimes (believe me, I really do), but if you take the time to get to know some of the guys on here you will find that most of them are actually pretty cool... That dude you were edit waring with for example. He's actually a really good guy. Basically, what I suggest is that the next time you feel frustrated, take a walk away from the computer for a while and come back a bit later when you have had a chance to cool down. Then send the user in question a message on their talk page explaining things. You might be surprised at the response you get... Have fun. MrN 20:40, Sep 16

Cheers but seriously, Sycamore is out to get me. Look at my contributions then look at the edit histories of the articles I've edited and you can bet that about ninety percent of my edits will have been reverted by this loser with no explanation and about 99.9% of my edits are ingeniously funny. He is the ultimate cyberstalker. I think he's jealous because I'm wittier than him. --Narcissus Black 12:07, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

That's exactly the attitude that got you banned in the first place. Try talking with him, and when I say "talk" I mean "talk" - don't tell him how much you are better than him. Improve the attitude and you'll become much more popular instantly. ~ 12:23, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Just as a brief statement: I don't not have personal gripe against you - I have gone through the reasons of why your edits were reverted. I ask politely and civilly not continue with this vendetta against myself, not to call fellow users names like “twerp”, “loser”, they're just too near the bone. Seriously, read our literature on contributions listen and you won't go far wrong:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 12:36, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: September 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

September 11^th, 2008 • Nineteenth Issue • All your readers are belong to us

Uncyclopedia celebrates 9/11 By Cajek 8 years ago, America was attacked or something. Uncyclopedians, who are true patriots, celebrated the eighth anniversary in true American fashion: by doing mostly nothing of interest to anyone but themselves. The UnSignpost devoted nine-hundred-eleven minutes of silence to the event Thursday by not even bothering to send itself out. "The Unsignpost was there nine years ago during those super not-kewl terrorist attacks," said chief writer Gerrycheevers. "I wasn't part of the staff then, so I promise that, in the 911th issue, we will devote a whole article to the events of that frabjuous day." In the 911th year of publication, the Unsignpost promises to dedicate the whole issue to 9/11 and those rascally terrorists. "We've already got 911 stories lined up for publication!" said staff photographer Larry. "It's too bad we have to wait so long to get them to the public, but that's what happens when you honor a holiday like this the way you're SUPPOSED to." Uncyclopedia's main page was 11/9-themed for the occasion. When Mordillo and Spang were alerted that nothing interesting happened on November ninth, 2001, Larry, Mordillo's public relations officer, claimed that "it [didn't] matter: One date is the same as the next. Why don't you Unsignpost people shut the hell up? Oh, and uh, I won't be able to come in Monday: it's my sister's wedding." Other wikis in cyberspace exist, and therefore did things relating to 9/11. Conservapedia, a conservative parody of Uncyclopedia, celebrated by drawing figures of Mohammed on their private nuclear stockpile. Legopedia celebrated by informing the public of Lego's new action series: 9/11: the Suckiest Thing Ever. Jengapedia honored the fallen by sponsoring a 911 minute championship Jenga competition. Liberalpedia, on the other hand, did nothing of any consequence. >:( FUCK YOU LIBERALS!! FUCK YOUUUU!!!! The Unsignpost would like to print a retraction of it's 47th issue from September 11th, 2001, wherein the terrorist attacks were called "super-kewl" and the terrorists themselves hailed as heroes. Those responsible have been sacked. Conservation Week Returns! By Gerrycheevers Conservation Week, also known as 'Rewrite-a-thon' or 'De-crap-ification', is upon our community once again. Twice a year, Uncyclopedians band together to clean out the weeds and squirrel corpses from promising trees found in the rewrite category, among other places. Due to the retirement of co-founder Jocke Pirat and quasi-inactiveness of co-founder THE, another user has stepped in with promises to annoy every user until they rewrite at least one article. That user shall remain anonymous. Opening day for this well-liked, popular, and intriguing event is Monday the 15th. The winner of the competition will receive the Greasy Mechanic Award for having rewritten the most articles in the two-week competition. Past winners include THE and Jocke Pirat. Be sure to participate early so as to avoid annoying requests to "rewrite an article, you lazy git!" The event has thrown into sharp relief the lack of Uncyclopedia events, or the excess of Uncyclopedia events, depending on who you ask. Ideas like Forest Fire Week and Everyone Edit A Ton Of Articles Week have not received much support, but may be enacted in the future to keep ADD-riddled Uncyclopedians something to do for five minutes. RC takes home NotM By Gerrycheevers After years of fruitless nominations, Rcmurphy has finally won n00b of the Month. The announcement came last week, when none of the three candidates fufilled the requirements necessary for winning the n00by. It seemed the two new users had both failed to write an article, and So So did not meet the main n00bishness requirement. Since there was no clear winner, the award went to Rc by Rule 4.1, Clause 3 of the NotM eligibility guidelines. As far as the NotM badge itself, it was initally placed on So So's userpage. After relenquishing the honor to Rcmurphy, So So proceeded to foul the badge and offer it to the user who wanted it the most. After the planned Panel of Penis Monkeys from Outer Space cancelled, a phone-in contest was held, in which Colin "All your base" Heaney dominated the competiton. He took home the badge and now proudly displays the feces-ridden merit on his userpage. In a related story, Rcmurphy is up for NotM yet again. However, he is facing stiff competition from W.T. Door, a U.S. Navy seamen who spends his time swabbing decks, battoning down hatches, and writing cool stuff.

Check out these pages! More fanmail from celebrities Responding response VF...R? From our logs: 22:25, 5 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.130.4.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Disliking the Matrix.) 06:19, 9 September 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.240.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Oh, please. My grandmother could take down the US Military if she so desired.) 11:07, 11 September 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 125.27.19.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The cabal cartel deems you unworthy for further edits.) Biopic of the Week Adored by his hordes of fans, Cajek can usually be found in the 'ban room'. Uncyc's fifth-most featured author, one can argue that he has revolutionized the wiki with his unique writing style. His regulation of Pee Review and founding of this very periodical are among the many ways he has somehow managed to contribute to the site between his bans. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Perhaps the most feared out of any of the creatures that walk the Earth, the Gazebo is as lethal as it is deadly. Known for their excellent camouflage and for being extremely protective of their young (pictured), humans can only hope to never encounter one of these legendary beasts in their lifetime. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - There is travel in your future followed by a lack of travel, followed by very slow travel. Things you'll be sitting in include sports car, hospital bed and electric wheelchair controlled by a blow tube. see more horoscopes Retraction of the Week Last issue we claimed that people from Eurasia are "subhuman scum". We would like to make a hasty retreat from this. Those responsible have been promoted and reassigned, against all the wishes of God and man. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GERRY!! Re-retraction of the Week Last week we retracted our claim that "all mammals, including humans, should be killed and stockpiled for the coming nuclear winter." We would like to retract that retraction for reasons that can't be given in full in this issue. EDITOR'S NOTE: Look for a full explanation in about four issues VFD Survivor of the Week Movie Of Lady Whose Ankle Is Showing is pornography film set for release in the summer of 2009. Not since Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One has producer/director Robot Thomas Edison so brilliantly captured handicap fetishes or William Shatner's Jewishness. Starring Paris Hilton as Dickin Mymouth, Rosie O'Donnell as Your Mother, and William Hung as Tingle the Magical Flying Aardvark of Justice, this is one film that is sure to captivate audiences worldwide. Sabbatical of the Week Under user has gone to some hemisphere other than his own, possibly the bottom one. We here at the UnSignpost wish him a trip free of kangaroo attacks, drop bear maulings, swarms of dozens and dozens of scorpions, and the various other pleasentries from down under.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— MantiBot Owner 11:10, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

Steven Seagal

Thanks for welcoming me! So was that the right sort of thing? Fr33kman ^{t c} 22:05, 19 September 2008 (UTC)

Hea! Welcome again to Uncyclopedia. Sure... Looks like you have made some good contributions there to that article. Don't feel too worried about making changes to articles, it's easy to undo them anyway, and from what you have done so far it looks to me like you are going to do a lot more good stuff here. If you have any questions or just want help with anything, feel free to ask away. :-) Enjoy... MrN 23:33, Sep 19

Alright, then

I've just phoned my Mum and she said that you have permission to adopt me. Just so long as 'adopt' isn't prison lingo or anything. Geoffprickett 21:32, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

If you could just pick up the soap... MrN 21:39, Sep 26

Oh, I thought we were "special friends", oh well... — Sir Sycamore (talk) 21:41, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

Your soap smells funny. Geoff's is far fresher... Just a bit lower now... Ah, that's it. :) MrN 21:43, Sep 26

My soap was also herbal remedy though — Sir Sycamore (talk) 21:45, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

Oh my God, it's Deliverence! Geoffprickett 21:49, 26 September 2008 (UTC)

Hello ... er 'Dad'. I need your help. Due to my hastiness, I created this article and I would like to change the title to UnNews: Sylvia's Mother, Mrs Avery admits she lied. Can you change it for me or at least show me how to do it? It's a shock for me as it's the first article I've written without including any reference to genitalia. Geoffprickett 13:12, 4 October 2008 (UTC)

Hea. Well, you use the "move" button! It's one of the tabs at the top of the page (just to the right of the "Discussion" tab. We don't "rename" pages we "move" them... I never really understood the difference... The move will create a "redirect" page in place of the old page such that anything which links to the old name will be bounced to the new one. You need to be a user of 4 days to move pages, which I think you are! so there should be no problems... Let me know if you have any trouble with this... Oh, nice minge you have there. I wish you lick luck on VFH with it. Just remember that the voters over there are EVIL!!! EVIL I tells you! So, don't take it too hard if it does not pass. It's looking good right now though, but anything can happen... MrN 13:23, Oct 4

Dad, could I request a perusal of my latest bid to avoid getting anything featured I know you're the picture expert, so tell me if i need anymore on there. Thanks. Geoffprickett 07:03, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Consider it added to my list. I will take a proper look at it sometime soon. ;) MrN 21:12, Oct 8

UnSignpost: October 3rd, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

October 2^nd, 2008 • ALL-KITTEN ISSUE • Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Uncyclopedia's Name Changed By Cajek According to Wikia staff member Sannse, Uncyclopedia's advertising revenue is below expectations and must rename itself to appeal to the younger generation. "I think the problem is that 'Uncyclopedia' has lost its edge," Sannse said to a crowd of squirrels and kittens gathered around the Uncyclo-stables last Saturday, "...all of which is contained in its name." Older users, like Mordillo, the jew who secretly controls "Uncyc," and TheLedBalloon, who is an inanimate balloon, strongly petition for the name to stay the same. The Unsignpost couldn't be bothered to actually read the forum that Sannse created, but we're assuming that everyone's against changing the name to "Asparagus.org" or something. The name change will reflect the personalities and interests of every single contributor. "Yeah, Asparagus.org is gonna have to do until we figure out what would be a good name," Sannse yelled at a local gathering of squirrels in Uncyclopedia's break room. Many users have complained about the change, but not AsparagusSignPost, which has run into a little trouble with the law recently, and doesn't want to go back to jail by disobeying "the man" or causing "drama". Because, as we ALL know, some head writers have been banned a whole bunch of times for being "different". So to Asparagus.org we say: "Keep the funnies coming, unless someone is forecasting your doom again..." Uncyclopedia's Doom Forecasted By Gerrycheevers For the first time in over two weeks, the flaming death of this silly wiki has been predicted in some form. Last time it was that stain that looked puzzlingly like Jimbo Wales, the time before it was that bird that flew overhead. You know the one I mean. This time around, undead user Necropaxx has pointed out several recent disturbing trends that seem to mean only one thing: Uncyc is about to suffer its death throes. It seems this time that the demise of the wiki will also utterly destroy the souls of every one of the dozens of users who contribute here regularly. Tidings such as this have frightened new users such as September NotM Multiliteralist, who had his to say: "Oh no." Several of the signs that Uncyclopedia is doomed are unarguably true: VFP is stagnant due to the lack of Zombiebaron activity. The Pee Review queue is backed up worse than a public toilet after Cinco de Mayo. Modusoperandi seems to be malfunctioning, as he has dispensed with his usual biting wit in favor of just plain biting. It appears, in at least a few users' eyes, that Uncyc has "jumped the kitten". Lack of News Wreaks Havoc on UnSignpost By Regret Tenenbaum In an unprecedented press conference earlier this week, UnSignpost editor-in-chief Mr. Gerry Cheevers (the user, not the hockey player) admitted that "This week's issue is actually still a blank template", further stating "I've been swamped at work, and today developed cold-like symptoms." However, some experts disagree on the cause of an UnSignpost devoid of news. "There is an obvious explanation for the lack of gratifying news stories in the USP this week," said Mr. News Guy, the world-renowned news reporter, kitten enthusiast, and unicycle-fetish expert. "There is just no news to report on," he continued, to which the reporter we borrowed from UnNews responded "And what's causing this lack of news?" "That's just it! There's no news to report on!" "So... you're saying is, the reason there's no news is because there's no news?" "Exactly! And it's just a matter of time until some attention whore writes a stupid and redundant story on the fact that there's no news!" This story is dedicated to the memory of Mr. News Guy, whose body was recovered from the Los Angeles river the next day.

Check out these pages! Feature Kitten Huffing (Again)! Sarah Palin hates kittens Our kitten overlord returns, bearing a gift From our logs: 7:41, 20 September 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Just got back. Haven't banned Cajek in a month. Gotta get my fix. CLICK. Aaaaaah yeeeeeahhh. That's gooood shit.) 19:36, 21 September 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Reggie4 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You have 2 cows. Both of them are banned.) 12:16, 23 September 2008 Cajek (Talk | contribs) blocked a kitten (Talk | contibs) with an expiry time of 4 hours (it's lonely in the ban room, i want a friend) 19:01, 24 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.236.90.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I tire of your actions. Begone, ye pointlessness, from yon wiki.) 06:59, 1 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.106.6.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Pro Cat-in-the-hat vandalism? I think the internet just hit a new low.) Biopic of the Week DJ Irreverent: HAS A LIL' KITTEN!!! Old School Featured Article of the Week Kitten Huffing is the newest form of street activity that is corrupting the youth of the nation. Your nation, that is. By ingesting kittens nasally, one can enjoy a euphoric 'high' of sorts, complete with snazzy colors and loss of motor skills. A prepped kitten awaiting huffing is pictured. Kitten huffing has spawned many parodies and non-existant memes, but the act of snorting live kittens is no joke. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Enjoy the time you spend with your kitten this week because...um...just in case... see more horoscopes People with Kittens this week This guy. Sabbatical of the Week Zombiebaron has taken an extended leave to ease his undead mind and change out his forest-green blood. He may or may not be traveling to some of the most luxurious and tropical destinations that Canada has to offer. He may or may not still ban you while he is away. His sabbatical may or may not be kitten-related. Stay tuned to the UnSignpost for the latest developments on ZB's location.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 23:35, 3 October 2008 (UTC)

You rock and so forth

user:Cajek has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Thank you for getting me that feature, N! I hope we can put our violent past behind us, now that one of my mediocre articles got featured... I hope so. I hope we can be friends instead of virulent ENEMIES but that's up to you. AS SOON AS YOU STOP BEING A DICK!! Have a cookie! :D

Now, teach me how to win UotM in a month. Hurry!   Le Cejak • <13:43, 05 Oct 2008>

The site is running slower than a sexy blond chasing me down a dark ally. That's for sure. It's almost like the site is vulnerable to some kind of change which could really mess things up... Oh, you forgot to sig your name here. Yep... "We" do know what we are doing with this, and your sig would be important...

How to win UotM? Heck knows. Maybe re-write BGBU? Here is a starting point for you! There is a talk page also... Seriously. This really needs doing, BGBU suxs balls. If you fixed that, I think UotM would be yours (next month anyway)... MrN 13:54, Oct 5

Thanks for the vote

Thanks for the vote on France Now let's go strike again!

Thanks again:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 13:54, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Extremely Boring Sig Question

Not that anyone wants to contact me, can you tell me why the Geoff Prickett  (Speech) 'talk' link on my sig doesn't seem to work when I save it?

Oh. It appears to work now. Bugger. Didn't do that on my own pages! You ain't seen me, right? -- Geoff Prickett  (Speech) 21:23, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Silly Geoff. On your talk page, you are... On your talk page. It's a bit like linking to User talk:MrN9000 for example. :P MrN 21:27, Oct 8

Er .. No, I was ... just testing you and I'm not at all embarrassed. (Erase this. Erase this now!):@ -- Geoff Prickett  (Speech) 21:31, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Phew! That Skullthumper guy doesn't like anything, does he? I'm going to pop off on an extended hiatus, I think. It hasn't been a successful couple of weeks and my only surprise is that I lasted so long. I got to do a signature and everything! But I'm glad I gave it another chance. The rejection levels are higher than the BBC's! I'm never really certain what I can write that people here will like. As I feared last time - There's just not enough understanding of humour and too many proponents of Humor. Uncycl just doesn't like newbies. Geoff Prickett  (Speech) 06:06, 9 October 2008 (UTC)

OK... This is the second time you have gotten upset as a result of something not doing that well on VFH? I disagree with everything you just said above. I think you are putting too much weight on the importance of VFH. It's just a vote anyway. You should be writing first and foremost for your own amusement. If others like it, great. If they don't it does not really matter. Actually Skullthumper is (almost always in my view) a very good judge of humour. It's not about humour/humor. That article you submitted was simply not that great (in my view). Some of the other stuff you have written was much better. Your parody of live aid was awesome (in my view).

Listen to the advice UU gave you on your talk page. UU really knows what he is talking about. Self noms are a particularly poor idea. Mainly cos this kinda thing can happen. Probably a good idea to avoid the self noms. Others will do it if they thing it's got a chance. Seriously.

We are (I hope) accepting of n00bs. But you are hardly a n00b now are you? What would you change to make us more accepting of n00bs anyway? Got any specific suggestions?

We have all been kicked in the balls over at VFH. You are not the first. It normally happens when someone does a self nom. Basically... Don't be so silly. You are a good writer, but you're taking it all to seriously. MrN 08:51, Oct 9

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

I created something new. check it out, and either comment on it, pimp it, pee on it. It;s your choice. I promise you as long as you do something to it you can make love to that sex machine. I promise! --ASHPD 12:21, 9 October 2008 (UTC)

Cool dude. Awesome. I will check it out. Might not be tonight, but maybe... :) MrN 12:51, Oct 9

tonight Sir?--218.186.12.11 14:08, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

Hea! OK, I read through it... I must say the quality of your writing is steadily improving... I have not seen the show (though obviously I have seen the films) so I'm probably not able to give the best of opinions on the article, but... My reservation would be the references to paedophiles and homosexuals... Hea, I'm all in-favour of using any thing as a source for giggles, but for me the paedophiles and homosexual related stuff did not really make sense. I think it makes it a bit too random, without really adding anything... There are also a few places where you make the same joke once two often. You say the bit about Sarah writing it at the start, but then labour the point again later on. Maybe it does not need that... Generally, I think this would work better if it were a bit more subtle at times also... Take the bit where you talk about Sarah being a paedophile because she is sleeping with a guy who (at that time) was a kid. If you can find a more subtle way to imply this sort of thing, rather than blatantly just saying it, it might work better.... I am REALLY pleased that you have gone for a more standard layout in how you have formatted the article. You are really getting the hang of making a page look like a Wikipedia article. That's the key. It should look like the "real thing" as much as possible. It's then more funny because it's actually really silly. You need the contrast. Which you have created. I probably like this best out of the articles which you have written so far. I did not laugh out loud, but I did feel happy that you had written something which is a really good addition to Uncyc. Nice work dude. I will probably make a few edits to the page over the next few days... As always with articles, a bit more funny here and there is always useful, and I think we can improve it a bit... MrN 21:44, Oct 10

UnSignpost: October 10th 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

October 9^th, 2008 • Twenty-First Issue • Bursting with Crunchy Goodness!

Uncyclopedia Stock Plummets By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia stockholders are in a state of panic after shares of Uncyclomedia fell over 60% this week amid fears of a writing recession. "I just can't gamble on a rebound," said one investor as he carefully climbed out onto his window ledge overlooking Wall Street, perhaps seeking some fresh air. "With the current economic and comedic climate, and rumors of the destruction of the website, it looks like Uncyc Incorporated is about to fold." Other investors are slightly more optimistic. We ran into a smartly dressed woman in the Uncyc break room and were intrigued as to why a female would ever have enough confidence in the wiki to invest the large sum of one dollar bills she was counting. It turned out that she was a stripper, but we did eventually find someone who still had faith in the company. "There's so much more to the Uncyclopedia Empire than just the humor wiki," said confident money-man Chet Hardluck. "There's the kitten factory, the escort service, the games & sports division...and don't forget the world's largest boron-smelting plant!" When it was pointed out that these claims are in fact bollocks (except for the boron plant), Hardluck joined the queue of businessmen waiting their turn to get some frsh air on the suddenly popular ledge. The fate of the Uncyclopedia corporation remained unclear at press time. Some say that if Uncyc stock plummets through enough negative numbers, the stock will reset itself at zero, resulting in huge negative negative profits for those who bought the stock whilst it was negative. Uncyclopedia announces invasion of YouTube This week the first UnTunes was uploaded onto YouTube, the video sharing site so weighed down by copyright infringements that it certainly would not float in the tub. Our staff couldn't be bothered to watch the video, but we assume from the description of the foray that it is some sort of archival recordings of Oscar Wilde being awesome. The first upload began a series of incursions onto YouTube by all types of Uncyclopedians. Some made sense, such as article narrations and UnTunes. Some were questionable, such as the gangsta rap video by the usually timid Sycamore. But nearly 99% of all material in the 'Uncyclopedia' category is patent nonsense, such as a visualization of AAAAAAA!, faceoffs between George Bush & Kanye West and Steve Ballmer & various other injokes, and a 'don't blink contest' featuring Gert5 staring into a camera for nine hours.

Check out these pages! Be nice to n00bs! Poop management A modest proposal From our logs: 17:23, 4 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked AdamtheSpud (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Thou shalt not create stupid MySpace vanity; nor shalt thou spam links to it across the site, lest ye be smited) 02:00, 6 October 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 100100100 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Jesus rang. He hates you for blanking your neighbor's article. Also, he says he caught you mastrubating the other day. They're reserving a spot in the ninth circle of hell for you. Enjoy!) 23:50, 6 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.147.9.218 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Excuse me my kind sir, but may I please ask of you what the fuck you're doing?) Biopic of the Week The Thinker is an Uncyclopedia powerhouse. He was last year's bestest writer and is the proud papa of 17 featured articles (and proud co-papa of a further 14). He has won numerous awards for his writing skills, journalistic style, and sexy baritone. His fame and fortune stem from his daily routine of cleansing the body and spirit. Old-School Featured Article of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships is an annual Swedish tradition dating back to simpler times, when the joy of launching rodents into a lake could light up the face of the young and old alike. However, protests and scandals have recently threatened this once-great occasion, and interest has dwindled to the point where the land of Sweden is once again littered with unlaunched rats.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— Sir Sycamore (talk) 18:47, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

FU Edit Conflict

Y'know, considering we both do quite a bit of work round here, those smithy edit conflicts don't happen all that often, do they? ;-) --UU - natter 19:40, Oct 15

Ah, I thought you might be just about to get poop in your face when I saw your edit comment and not much changing... Sorry old chap. Looks like I just pooped on you poop. Reminds me of the time the whole squadron was destroyed. By poop you understand. Yea, it's odd it does not happen more often... I think the merge code is getting rather good now on changes. Hope all is well with you and the new trouble and strife... MrN 19:44, Oct 15

Action required

For the glory of her majesty is this week's Colonization. Your Uncyclopedia needs you!! You asked for it and now For the glory of her majesty is to be transformed by our band of rewriting brothers. It is your duty as an Uncyclopedian to join the invading army, go forth and spread the funny word. Good luck, my friend.

-- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey)  11:21, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 21 October 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

October 16^th, 2008 • Twenty-Second Issue • Now with 40% more Batman!

Uncyc Users throw Support Behind Joe Plumber By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedians today officially declared their undying allegience to Joe Plumber, a newcomer in the upcoming U.S. presidential election. Plumber was thrust into the spotlight last night at the second of many dreadfully boring presidential debates between those two or more candidates currently jockeying for the office. His name was mentioned no less than twenty-four dozen times by the candidates, with each claiming that Joe sided with him on issues such as healthcare, tax increases, and the 'Canada Problem'. One candidate even went so far as to claim that he and Plumber were 'buddies', and that Plumber installed a new bathtub in his palatial presidential candidate mansion last July. Several prominent Uncyclopedians spoke out in vehement support of Plumber, citing his many qualifications to be the leader of the free world. "He's a maverick in the plumbing industry," said staunch pro-Plumberer Colin "All your base" Heaney. "He also has a plan to live the American Dream, through the infinite wisdom of buying his own plumbing company. America needs dreamers, Gerry." Despite being asked to stop commenting, Heaney went on to say that Plumber "cleans people's pipes on a regular basis." Other supporters of Joe Plumber's campaign and platform included inanimate objects such as TheLedBalloon. "The most important thing to know about Joe Plumber is that he is AMERICAN, in bold italics underlined and all caps, just like that." When asked to give another example of how patriotic both he and Plumber are, Mr. Balloon replied, "Just picture him standing in front of a flag with the Star Spangled Banner playing in the background, and you'll know why I support his presidency." Current polls show Plumber trailing in the presidential race, with an estimated zero percent of all voters. His backers are trying to spread the word about Joe's tax relief plan, his rugged good looks, and his skill with a pair of slip-nose pliers. Uncylopedia Issues Food Stamps By Gerrycheevers Due to the recent downturn in the economy, Uncyclopedia officials have issued hundreds of food stamps to users who have no means of feeding themselves. These users might be out of a job or have no arms. In any case, these food stamps are to be given out on alternate Thursdays, except for odd-numbered months, months ending in 'y' or 'r', and April. They will be available at the Uncyclopedia Meat Depot, the boron smelting plant, or by calling the new food stamps hotline. These food stamps will be valid for purchasing a wide variety of nutritious and delicious items from the Uncyclopedia Farmer's Market and Livestock Emporium. Included are items such as pre-packed huffable kittens, gummi grues, and AAAAAAA! cookies.

Check out these pages! Happy days are here again! For the greater good of the Empire Weekly 'Uncylopedia sucks' forum, right on time From our logs: 06:45, 10 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Wp 815 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Blanking pages is so Emo. Now go write about it in your Livejournal.) 16:46, 13 October 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked You can shove your wiki up your arse. SIDEWAYS. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎(I'd come up with something witty if I wasn't too busy eating.) 09:01, 14 October 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Nihilist909 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Whatever it is you're doing, you shall not do that anymore. At least until tomorrow.) 12:23, 15 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.15.183.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(What's the Thai for "fuck off and stop vandalising our website"? Whatever it is, kindly do so.) Biopic of the Week With one of the loudest userpages you'll ever see, urine aficinado and making-stuff-up-as-you-go-along expert Orian57 is, among other things, pleased to not be a Power Ranger. Just don't look under his mattress. From the Desk of the Cabal Firstly, there is no cabal. However, if one were to exist, it might remind citizens to leave the Uncyc offices well before dark, as the streets are generally safer in the daylight, and Cajek continues to feed the gremlins after midnight. In addition, whatever organizations intended to ensure public safety might happen to exist might also happen to enforce a shoot-on-sight 7:00 curfew. These guidelines are still useful, even though there certainly is not a cabal.

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--Sycamore (Talk) 09:50, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks, Hal

***You Are Dead*** Necropaxx's soul-felt thanks go with you for the For vote on Grim Reaper. Remember, Grim's just a normal guy with the greatest job in the world.

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:29, Oct 21!

Thanks for the vote

From--Sycamore (Talk) 17:24, 1 November 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 3-ish November 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

November 3^rd-ish, 2008 • Twenty-Third Issue • Better than things that aren't as good!

Address Change: Return To Sender? For those of you with your heads buried in the sand, or who choose to concentrate on writing articles, or who don't ever look at address bars, or who don't care: Uncyclopedia's domain name has been changed by evil communist oppressors Wikia. If you are one of those people, here's a brief summary of the incident: Sannse tells us Wikia have decided the domain is changing. We don't get any say in the matter, but do get to suggest ideas for the new name. Lucky us. Fuck.Wikia.Com is a popular suggestion with all except Wikia. Lots of people get angry, Zombiebaron sticks his undead head in briefly, Codeine adds a Bill Hicks clip railing against the evils of advertising, lots of people sign a petition threatening something vague if the change goes ahead. The change goes ahead. There follows an uncoordinated response, during which some users go on strike and do nothing, some users open the wiki up to vandalism, and some users get pissed off about it. The UnSignpost goes on strike for a week in solidarity, and doesn't, for example, miss another week due to the laziness of editors. Oh no. The change is of such profound magnitude, it even brought Mooses out of self-imposed exile. Briefly. Sort of. The community decides an uncoordinated response isn't working, and tries to get its shit together. There are even attempts to elect a Cabal to deal with the issues. The self-defeating nature of attempting to establish an Uncyc Cabal is not lost on some. Skullthumper solves the problem. Sort of. If you aren't one of those people, here's an even briefer summary: Shit happened. People got pissed. The world has so far failed to end. More on this ongoing situation as we get it. Probably. Glorious return to form for MrN! The UnSignpost is pleased to be able to report that, after a two-month self-imposed embargo, popular poopsmith MrN9000 has made a glorious return to using underwear references in his daily conversation! The dam finally burst at 23.06 on Oct 22nd, and all those who know him could feel and share the relief, the release of that pent-up tension and the sheer untrammelled joy of their favourite user with a pair of tits in his sig. Fellow poopsmith and genial man-about-town UU said of the momentous occasion: "you what? MrN? Oh yeah, him. Good bloke. Knows his underwear". Then he scratched his nose reflectively and wandered off. MrN himself was unavailable for comment at the time of going to press/we couldn't be bothered to interview him (delete as you think applicable), but the UnSignpost fondly imagines he would have smiled enigmatically, raised an eyebrow quizzically, nodded appreciatively, and said "PANTS!" predictably. The pants themselves were also unavailable for comment.

Check out these pages! ALL CAPS v Ban Magnet. Modus gets vaguely irked. Did we miss doing a Hallowe'en issue? From our logs: 09:26, 20 October 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 121.217.149.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You're interrupting my essay writing. Unless you plan on writing my essay for me, fuck off.) 04:20, 22 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.15.244.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You, sir, have gone above and beyond the call of failure. Now that may sound like a compliment, but read it again, paying special attention to that last word. Yeah.) 18:03, 22 October 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.70.120.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Your friends do not interest us. Your sister does.) 04:57, 23 October 2008 Tom mayfair (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Intimidating behaviour/harassment: & Not The Good Sexual Kind of Harassment Either) Biopic of the Week Sexy, Pompey-supporting bureaucrat Codeine has probably banned you. If he hasn't, he probably will. Soon. Viewed as one of the most diligent and trusted admins on the site, Codeine has probably been here longer than you as well. And he'll probably be here long after you leave too. Deal with it. VFD kept article of the week French accent. Zo, you zink ze article iz zaveabeule? Zut alors! Well geurd leurck weez reewriteeng eet zen! Meurdeus, Preetiestpreeteey and 'yperbeule 'ave made a stert. Cajek ban of the week 00:43, 26 October 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Posting in the forums. You know better than to get involved in the community. Now get back in your cage.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Shoved through the letterbox for the one and only time by UU - natter 11:41, Nov 6

Back back baaaaack!

Yay! Good to see you about again. Now, about certain comments promising a glorious return to pee... ;-) --UU - natter 09:26, Nov 8

Good to see you back:)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:04, 8 November 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: 13th November 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

November 13^th, 2008 • Issue 24 • So close to journalism you'll be hard pushed to know the difference!

Uncyclopedian does something vaguely noteworthy in "real life" In an unprecedented development, Uncyclopedian 15Mickey20 has made a foray into media activity outside of the internets. Mickey, Uncyc's tennis correspondent, has been seen on popular-with-students-and-pensioners UK gameshow Countdown, operating under the pseudonym "Martin". Mickey has so far failed to live up to Uncyclopedia's proudest traditions, by actually being quite good at the game. Indeed, at the time of writing, he'd won several games, including what he modestly described as "an awesome numbers game, beating Carol". He also shamelessly mentioned his connection to the site in a recent episode, leading to quite literally no extra edits to the Countdown article - still, thanks for the plug, Mick! Having spent time in the company of such notable international icons as Des O'Connor (no, we don't have a page on him, so there's no link), Paul Zenon (nope, nothing on him either) and Suzy Dent (spotting a pattern here, non-UK readers?) Mickey is now Uncyclopedia's most prominent celebrity, and it's surely only a matter of time before he appears on Strictly Come Dancing or Celebrity Big Brother, and has a lurid kiss-and-tell exposé in Heat Magazine. Various "...of the month" award candidates - November's in-depth analysis Writer of the Month: There's a bumper crop of WotM candidates nominated this month for your voting delectation. The UnSignpost's own Gerrycheevers is the early favourite, having established a significant lead over this week's biopic star Mrmonkey72, several-time nominee SysRq, inactive-for-ages-but-funny Nydas, dark horse Knucmo2 and the multi-featured and multi-talented An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays. But! There is still time, your votes can still make a difference! (Unless you've already voted, natch). Uncyclopedian of the Month: Controversial nominees abound here, as serial ban collector Cajek goes head-to-head with Wikia corporate mouthpiece Sannse. The hyperactive one with the light blue sig is in the lead at present. But! As with certain other popular recent votes, there is a third candidate inexplicably attracting little attention - Dexter111344, a site maintenance and VFD stalwart. Who will win? Only you can decide (and all the other people who vote, obviously). Noob of the Month: No-one. Yet. Find a noob doing something vaguely decent and nominate them please! Otherwise the UnSignpost may just have to bring back the ultimate dead horse for yet more flogging and nom Rcmurphy again. Useless Gobshite of the Month: Kip the Dip is out on his own for this one so far. Having proved an exemplary gobshite for months on end, despite being cruelly denied the recognition of this award, the UnSignpost feels that his time is now, and is abandoning all pretence at unbiased journalism: VOTE KIP FOR UGotM!

Check out these pages! Mad for Uncyclomania! Logical Merge? Hyperdeletionism From our logs: 14:58, 11 November 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.118.10.166 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (idiots never learn. That's why they're idiots.) 08:09, 6 November 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.203.113.117 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Didn't your mother tell you not to use such bad language? Inbetween all those dicks she was sucking, I mean. ) 05:04, 6 November 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.46.44.68 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Yeah, I agree, this site is the worst. Tell you what, now you don't have to edit here ever again! Aren't I the best admin ever?) Biopic of the Week Mrmonkey72 is another stellar addition to the Uncyc ranks this year. This highly evolved simian's natural habitat seems to be UnNews, where he's settled with impressive speed, although he's not above writing the odd high quality article as well. And with a Foolitzer Prize and a WotM nom already under his belt, who knows how far he'll go? VFD kept article of the week Odd. Surely there's some potential here folks - one talented writer, or failing that anyone with enough time on their hands, might want to add copious sprinkles of funniness dust to this strange confection. Glorious Return of the Week Hey everyone, SysRq's back!

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MrN9001 12:50, 13 November 2008 (UTC)

Are you trying to tell us that underwear is pants, and pants are not pants? So that's why you walk aroud in your underwear, eh? --Dimpy 19:20, 13 November 2008 (UTC)

You have much to learn... MrN 19:45, Nov 13

Bots and What Not

So... how does one make a bot? Was it hard? How does one operate a bot? Does it hurt? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 01:54, 14 November 2008 (UTC)

Well, I did not actually make that one myself. There is an article about bots here if you are interested in reading up. This gives you some info about making them. Also, if you want to run a bot, you have to get agreement from some admins, as it's easy to make a real mess if you do things wrong. MrN 02:08, Nov 14

If you didn't make it, who did? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 04:19, 14 November 2008 (UTC)

Check out "AWB" on Wikipedia... ;) MrN 19:36, Nov 14

Wow, that seems a hell of a lot easier than all those links above are. So... if i download that thing from Source Forge are there any specific things i gotta change to make it work on Uncyc rather than on Wikipedia? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 00:31, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

There was a reason I gave you those links. Did you read them? MrN 00:37, Nov 15

Several times, actually. Why? did I miss something important? Does the bot policy/approval process apply to Uncyc? -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 00:42, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

I don't think we have a "official" bot policy at Uncyc. You don't understand why I thought it a good idea for you to read the Wikipedia one? MrN 00:45, Nov 15

Thinking about this more... It might be best if you have a word with Dr. Skullthumper‎ in IRC... MrN 00:59, Nov 15

A small request

Thanks for moving some entries from HyperVFD to VFD, as I have been too lazy to do it. However, in the future, could you move them from the bottom of the list instead of the top? I'm only halfway through the alphabet, and if we move them from the top, I run the risk of constantly losing my place.

Also, I really don't mind if you paste in my own delete votes; the timestamps will be weird, but does anyone really care?

Cheers! pillow talk 00:09, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

Well, I picked the ones which I was most interested in deleting really. A lot of them which are left are not really used that much and so I'm less bothered about deleting them... Not sure about keeping your vote like that... Maybe... MrN 00:13, Nov 15

Maybe not. ~ 00:18, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

No? Why not? Is there really any benefit to making me retype what I already typed? pillow talk 00:19, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

MrN: Well, actually, I don't mind you picking and choosing - just do me a favor and leave the very top one alone :) pillow talk 00:20, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

The benefit is not creating a VFD bypassing page. When you copy and paste your own votes, that's fine. What someone else does that for you, that's not fine. I might seem bureaucratic, but as I said numerous times in the past I have extreme disliking to personal VFD lists that bypass the only official VFD here. So no, I'm afraid that MrN will not be pasting your votes. If you'd like to vote for something, you'll need to do so yourself. ~ 00:22, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

Wow, I've thought about that for a minute, and I really can't see any semblance of logic in it at all. But if that's the ruling, that's the ruling. pillow talk 00:29, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

The thing is... VFD is VFD. It's the voting page where we vote to delete articles. The nomination is made by the person who makes the actual nomination on the VFD page at that time. When I nominate a page I'm saying "right now I want this deleted". It means that I have checked the article/template just before the nom, and I want it gone. Maybe the template has changed since you added it to your VFD list? Maybe you don't actually want it gone now? You can't be sure. When I had my huge short pages VFD list running there were 4 or 5 other users who made noms from it, but I still made my individual vote each time they did. As Mordillo says, keeping a list which is a waiting room for VFD is one thing, but actual voting should only take place on the VFD page. I do get where you are coming from Hyper, but I think Mordillo is probably right... MrN 00:33, Nov 15

Ugh. You know what? I don't want to deal with deletion issues at all anymore. I feel like I'm taking a heap of shit for it, and several times it's made me want to walk away from the whole site. I'm going to take both HyperVFD and VFD off my watchlist and forget about them; MrN, if you want to take over and you find the list at all useful, you're more than welcome to move it into your own userspace. pillow talk 00:45, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

You are not the first to feel that way dude... MrN 00:49, Nov 15

Seriously, this is a hard site to participate in. I make a good-faith effort to do Pee Reviews, and I'm threatened with a ban. I make a good-faith effort to participate on VFD, and I'm actually blocked. Twice. Including a permanent ban that was later rolled back. I make a good-faith effort to clean up the legions of articles marred by twelve asinine leading templates, and I'm nailed with mountains of red tape and a general sense that the staff here doesn't approve of the project. Well, fuck. pillow talk 00:57, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

The site is set-up in a way which favours the Status quo. That is for sure. That's why I suggested this a while back, but although no one actually voted against it, it did not get enough support to go through, so I withdrew the suggestion. The site has changed a lot over the years it's true, and a lot of what used to be accepted content wise in the old days is not now. Still, VFD is probably the best option we have. If a page has survived for years without anyone bothering to make a VFD nom it's probably not that much of a problem anyway. Also... There is nothing stopping you personally removing templates from pages if you think they are not helping. If my understanding of what you are trying to do is correct, then that's kinda what is needed anyway... MrN 01:08, Nov 15

I like what you're trying to do Hype, and I appreciate your efforts, both on Pee and on VFD. Sorry if you feel there's stuff getting in your way, and if it's putting you off, then I'm right behind you not continuing, if it means you stay doing other stuff - I'd hate to see us lose another user I really like because they felt unappreciated. --UU - natter 09:21, Nov 15

/me russles up some Eggnog and a hug for Hype:)--Sycamore (Talk) 09:24, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

Allow the big bad admin to respond. I'm not giving you hassle, nor am I banning you or throwing red tape over your actions. My perspective is different than yours due to being here a bit longer. I've seen in the past of Uncyclopedia several private deletion lists, some of them endorsed by various admins which lead to mass deletions that were not agreed upon by the wider community. In fact, in the past, you had some admins going on and deleting stuff out of the blue just because you didn't like it. If you look at my articles, the first ever was deleted like that as part of Famine's "Great DeDarthing Expedition of 2006". Also, I'm one of those who feel that deleting old articles en mass drops our own foundation beneath us. AND THAT is why the reason I'm not making it easier on you, or MrN who tried to run a similar deletion process in the past and on others. But you need to differentiate between sticking to the rules on this and giving hassle. I would never restore something that was VFDd nor would I ever ban you for running something on VFD. As for your past bans, to be honest that little trick did warrant a ban - although not a permanent one. And as you might remember you got unbanned quickly after that with literally every second member of this site begging you to come back - including myself. You know well aware that you're respected here (if only due to the amount of awards you get) but hell, you can't always get what you want! Sorry! There are other interests or way of thinking in Uncyclopedia. You can accept this and continue with VFD and I can guranetee that no one will get in your way as long as you don't bypass the normal VFD, or you can drop that and get back to writing - which is what this site is all about in the end of the day. Believe me, I know how hard this place is, wadding in shit up to my knees each and every day for last year I've been an admin. There are good reasons to leave, but this little story, as far as I see it, is not one of them. So let's all give up on the drama and the patting on the head and get back to writing. And if this ever happens, I'll buy you a beer and you can spill it in my face. But only if you're of legal age. ~ 10:14, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

My Friend you could never actually seriously upset me. I know you too well by now and appreciate your motives, although in this case I think you may have gotten your words slightly wrong... Your comment at VFD "A general message to all the VFD happy people - deleting these and all the rest of the foundation-like templates, articles and babel pages in Uncyclopedia that has been used for 3 years by numerous people, is dropping our whole wackiness nature." Trying to prejudice the nominations which people make is wrong. You should not do that. People can nominate whatever they want, you should not be telling them how to use VFD. Most of the templates on Hypers list will be deleted, and many of them are old. I'm not sure about the value of calling VFD users "VFD happy". Just a bit patronising don't you think? VFD regulars are there because they care about site quality as a whole. Personally I don't enjoy reading crappy articles, or making VFD noms, but I do it because I love Uncyc, and I want to make it better.

"My perspective is different than yours due to being here a bit longer. I've seen in the past of Uncyclopedia several private deletion lists, some of them endorsed by various admins which lead to mass deletions that were not agreed upon by the wider community" You are talking about ZB and squiggle's list right? Is Hyper suggesting mass deletions? How is any of this relevant to Hypers list or this situation? He suggested people vote on his page a while back, but that's not what we were talking about above. Incidentally, my first article was deleted by ZB 1 day after it was created, with the reason "expired ICU". Is anyone here suggesting we delete stuff "out of the blue" Where does that comment come from? I have no idea what Famine and all his madness has to do with any of this. NXwave flooding UN:POOP? Well, I did not notice any of the admins bothering to undelete all those articles. Some one should have, that's for sure... Several users requested it actually... "or MrN who tried to run a similar deletion process in the past and on others" Are ya suggesting that I did only "try" and was not successful? Actually I spent best part of 6 months slaving my balls off on VFD. My goal was to get rid of the short shit articles. Our standards for accepting new articles are different than they used to be. When I got here there was a huge hypocritical contradiction going on. We deleted new articles saying they were pants, but had hundreds of other articles which were much, much worse. Because VFD is so bureaucratic and slow this process took me 6 months. The vast majority of my nominations were successful, and in general I think more effort in total was required by the community than was actually put in by the original author who wrote the article in the first place. That is wrong. That's why I suggested [1]. This proposal moves the emphasise onto keeping articles rather than deleting them. It could serve has a pre-VFD voting page. The article is put on the "keep" page, and a template put on the article, ANY user can remove the template and the article from the page if they want it kept. Consider reading proposal again. It is (possibly) a better system than VFD, and could be used in tandem with it anyway. I REALLY wish I had been allowed to use this process to help me get rid of all the short pages crap. I did not want to spend 6 months busting my balls on VFD, but I love Uncyc too much, and when I saw just how hypocritically stupid the situation was making us look at the time it made me mad.

You see Mordillo old buddy, that's the thing which people forget about the VFD regulars. Admins talk about "wading through the shit"... Well, that's what VFD voters do all the time. It does upset me a little bit to see VFD users getting given a hard time. Like the guys at pee-review the VFD regs are some of the most self-less users on the site. They get no recognition for their efforts, no one says "Yea that nom you made was REALLY great, here's an award". Their efforts are also not recorded on the wiki. When you write a good article you get the satisfaction of knowing that your article will live on forever on the wiki. VFD voters get nothing of the sort. All they get is the self satisfaction that they have slightly increased the likely hood that when a new user looks at the site they will stick around. You are generally anti-deletionist Mordillo, but you have to remember that if it were not for the VFD regs our site would be totally swamped by all the old 2005-2006 crap, as well as the stuff which slipped through QVFD. That's bad, as crap articles scare away new users.

Basically, what I am saying is that people who don't bother to vote on VFD should think twice before telling people who do how to use the page. If something is good it will be kept, if it's not it will not. I can count the number of times I have disagreed with the result of a VFD vote on one hand (when one of my noms fails I usually see that I was wrong), which is saying something, as I have observed several thousand. The view that people should concentrate on writing and not bother with VFD is questionable. If there was a faster process (like the one I suggested) people would not need to spend so much time on VFD, but because they do the site is better for everyone.

Hyper Yea, I warned you a while back about VFD. Remember? It can grind you down. The man who started VFD gwax eventually found it hard going and quit. Everyone hates you for using VFD, you get no reward and in the end you wonder why you bother. The solution for you personally is to concentrate on writing articles, and doing pee-reviews. You are a dam good writer, and I always thought you were waisted on VFD anyway. Maybe just pop into VFD from time to time, but whatever you do... Don't let it get ya down. ;-) MrN 12:49, Nov 15

Pics

How do i add my own pictures to an article and add captions?

Harry the Hammer

Hea, you click the "upload images/file" button on the left (in the toolbox). Then you use the format:

[[Image:Example.jpg|thumb|right|250px|Caption goes here!]]

Generally, if you want to know how to do something which you see on another page, view that pages source using the "edit" tab, and copy the text from there. MrN 12:54, Nov 15

Addendum to a small request

You know I'll have your children, MrN. There's nothing personally involved here. ~ 10:19, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

Ahh, give me a kiss ya big softy. XxX MrN 12:55, Nov 15

Tails the Straight

Thanks for you help with the article, I think its ready to be put on VFH now.--Mnbvcxz 17:46, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

Done. Like I said, don't be surprised if not everyone gets the humour here, but whatever happens it's a great Uncyc article. MrN 17:54, Nov 15

Stella Artois

Need help making this page less "it suxs ballsy".--Baina 21:40, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

Hea, yea... I read what RAHB said about this over at his talk page... You have fallen into the same trap which I managed to save you from with Monmouth‎. From reading Stella Artois I think... "Well, this could be about anything". Kinda like your Monmouth article was (though it's less so now) in terms of a town. What you need to do is come up with more of a concept for this article. It should be about things which are specific to Stella Artois, and not just a generic article about crap larger. You need inspiration. Firstly... Read Wikipedia:Stella Artois. To write a good funny article about something you need to really know a lot about it. Seriously. You need to be an expert in the subject, and then break your knowledge down to try to figure out what's funny about the thing in question. Those adverts of the French guys coming back from the war has huge scope for example. Basically I think you need to re-think your strategy for witting. You my friend have talent. I noticed that when I decided to help you with Monmouth‎, but ya need to channel that talent in the right direction. Harsh fact: Writing funny stuff is hard work. It's fun, but it can still be hard work... Next step. Have you read HTBFANJS? If you have not, please do so. It's WELL worth a look. I have read it many, many times. It's not perfect, but there is a lot of very useful advice there. If you are serious about becoming a good writer you are going to have to put the effort in. I hope you decide to do that. ;-) Go read the Wikipedia page, and HTBFANJS, then make some edits to Stella Artois in accordance with what you have learnt from reading those two. When you have done that, come back here and let me know, and I will take a look at what you have done. Good luck. MrN 21:57, Nov 15

Ok, I shall read into the Wikipedia page a bit more and re-read the HTBFANJS page. I think I will do the same with the Monmouth page. Its definately fun working on Uncyclopedia. I used to contribute alot to Wikipedia, but its just full of crazy people and arguements. Definatly much more fun contributing to this. Thanks. --Baina 15:53, 18 November 2008 (UTC)

Awesome. Yea, HTBFANJS is really useful. I have read it loads of times, and sometimes go back and read it again when I'm looking for more ideas. MrN 10:47, Nov 19

I'm ALWAYS watching.

<insert maniacal laugh> -RAHB 22:50, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

What? Oh, that. I post that last week or something I think... :P MrN 23:00, Nov 15

You will pay for deceiving the almighty overlord. -RAHB 23:46, 15 November 2008 (UTC)

/me hands RAHB 25pence MrN 00:05, Nov 16

Gay as a Rake

But that was hillarious! D: SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:51 16 November 2008

It was? Well, put it back then! You don't have to ask! I was not sure who the person was. That's why I removed it. Is that a well known person, or was it a cyber watsit? MrN 21:54, Nov 16

I unno. The expression made me laugh though. Diddn't recognise the name but I suppose we could put the ground force presenter in for that expression. What ever his name is... SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:57 16 November 2008

Sounds like a job for... The Caped Reverter!!! MrN 22:00, Nov 16

Yay! I has a cape! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 22:08 16 November 2008