User:An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays

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Coolface.png This user is just your friendly neighborhood cyberbully/troll, per conviction without questioning.

This user is voting for Romartus.
EMC is a shrimp fisherman.

Writer of the Month Award Writer of the Month January 2009

Poet Lowrate
This person is the winner of the Poo Lit Surprise, which they won for their article: Marie Curie
Foolitzer Prize Award Foolitzer Prize Winner September 2009
Foolitzer Prize Award Foolitzer Prize Winner October 2010

“So, you have finally reached my user page! Did you expect a welcome party?”

~ Me on You

“Wait a minute! This isn't the dry cleaners!”

~ You on my user page

Quoteses[edit | edit source]

For those of you who can't be bothered to read anything I've written, here's a few select quotes:

“I can count the number of trolls who actually read the site's contents on no hands - partly because there are none and partly because I don't need to count on my hands.” - UN:DENY

"It was Newton's aim to turn lead into apples. However, he only succeeded in turning lead into slightly hotter lead with iron filings on it - a partial success, at best." - Isaac Newton

"This is believed to be the origin of the popular saying “upsetting the apple cart” as well as the less well known phrase “don't go mad and start humping apples like Newton did.”" - Isaac Newton

"The procedure for this operation is very much like fishing, except for human fetuses." - UnBooks:Backstreet Abortionist's Handbook

"These are no ordinary beans, my friend, though they may look like ordinary beans, though they are in fact identical in every meaningful sense to ordinary beans." - Why?:Trade Your Family's Only Cow For Magic Beans

"The only others present are his mother and his drunken racist grandmother who sits in the corner spitting and saying “I told you to have an abortion!”" - The Dog Dies at the End

"Being a girl, young Marie did not possess a Y-chromosome, which is the location of the so-called 'science gene' – the gene responsible for scientific ability. She did, however, display an uncommon talent for playing with dolls." - Marie Curie

"While at university, Marie attempted to earn money by forging banknotes. However, she was easily caught as she insisted, despite the advice of her friends, on including her face on the notes." - Marie Curie

"Numerous scientific studies show that people who read books are better at reading books than those who don't." - Why?:Read a Book

"The film may attract a new audience who just want to see Zac Effron get shot in his stupid fucking face." - UnNews:New High School Musical Movie Gets Mixed Reaction

"We need to go back to the days when a goat would be killed and then burned in a daily offering to the Sun God in every American classroom." - UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to appease the Sun God?

Things Written By Me (that I am not ashamed of)[edit | edit source]

ArachnismCovering yourself in blood and children's fecesFluffy Bunny WorldIsaac NewtonJustice League Europe* • Marie CurieMTV CribsRand McNally* • Space Invaders*The Dog Dies at the EndThe Great Gig in the SkyTool (band)UnBooks:Backstreet Abortionist's HandbookUnBooks:IRAQATTACKUnNews:Apple unveils new iPhone for giantsUnNews:Awful comedian demands third Bush termUnNews:Bin Laden and 80,000 others killed]] • UnNews:Bradley Manning 'just wants some alone time' says Department of Defence‎‎UnNews:Could China suicides hurt Apple's image?UnNews:Embarrassed paedophile apologizes to children for poor sexual performance+UnNews:FBI leaks private information about Julian Assange just to see how he likes itUnNews:Fears film may spark fresh wave of deicidesUnNews:Gazelle struggles to overcome gambolling addictionUnNews:Getting oiled-up fails to make seabird more attractive to femalesUnNews:Horrific rape was really victim's own fault for dressing like a slut‎‎UnNews:I have taken hostagesUnNews:Is the Government doing enough to appease the Sun God?UnNews:Is the Government doing enough to suppress the proletariat?UnNews:Local man disappointed as Twister game fails to turn sexualUnNews:Mad scientist slightly too mad to invent time machineUnNews:New High School Musical Movie Gets Mixed ReactionUnNews:Pope makes creepy apology to child-abuse victimsUnNews:Post-structuralist engineer blamed for bridge disasterUnNews:Pro-choice group demands right to carry out post-natal abortionsUnNews:Shocking evidence of corruption in Washington lost because I forgot to take the lens cap offUnNews:Snickers launches new advertising campaignUnNews:Tea Party supporters oppose plans to display severed heads of 9/11 victims at Ground ZeroVoter Information for the 2008 US Presidential ElectionWhy?:Collapse Space-TimeWhy?:Read a BookWhy?:Trade Your Family's Only Cow For Magic Beans

(Bold = featured; italics = rewrite; * = requested; + = quasi-featured.)

What I'm working on:

More to follow (unless I die (which I won't)).