UnNews:Gazelle struggles to overcome gambolling addiction
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
31 August 2010
THE SERENGETI, Kenya -- An African gazelle living in the Serengeti is reportedly struggling to kick his compulsive gambolling habit.
The 11-year-old gazelle, who often spends several hours a day leaping gaily across grassy African plains, has thus far been unsuccessful in his attempts to quit cold turkey, although he says he has been able to cut down his playful frolicking to a manageable level.
"It started out as just the occasional carefree romp over the prairie," the gazelle told UnNews, "but it quickly escalated, until I would spend hours and hours running and skipping in a seemingly carefree dance. I was out of control. Things got so bad that sometimes I would just pass out in the middle of the verdant steppe after for cavorting for hours and hours."
"A little gambolling is fine in moderation," addiction expert Dr. Niles Frasier told UnNews. "There's nothing wrong with spending an hour or so prancing gleefully between grassy hillocks while bathed in the warm glow of the African sunset to let off steam after a hard day. But unfortunately for some gazelles, antelopes and impalas, it starts to consume their whole lives, leaving little time for other activities, like drinking water from lakes and grazing on shrubs."
"Excessive gambolling can also cause serious damage to the knee and hip joints, leading to potential mobility problems in later life," Dr. Frasier added.
The gazelle, who is currently receiving addiction counselling at a rehabilitation centre run by the African Wildlife Foundation, said he just wants a normal life, where running and jumping is solely for the purpose of escaping from tigers, cheetahs and other large predators.
