Rand McNally

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“In Rand McNally everyone talks in Russian Reversals except me.”

~ Russian Reversal on Rand McNally
Rand, McNally & Co.
Democratic Republic of Rand McNally
Rand McNally
The official 2008 Rand McNally World Map
 of Independence
CurrencyZimbabwe Dollars

Rand McNally is a country situated on the continent of the same name. Due to a quirk of space-time, in Rand McNally everything is backwards.

Location[edit | edit source]

The location of Rand McNally is not fixed like that of most countries (e.g. France). It varies depending on the location of the words Rand McNally on the latest map by cartographers Rand McNally. The location of Rand McNally can change suddenly and without warning leaving residents stranded in the middle of the ocean. Locals call this phenomenon The Swim. Rand McNally is almost always located in the Southern Hemisphere and usually in the Atlantic, Pacific or Indian Ocean. Scientists have suggested that this accounts for its backwardness.

How to get to Rand McNally[edit | edit source]

Remember the difficulty you had getting to Sesame Street and Amarillo? Well getting to Rand McNally is at least ten times harder. First of all you must acquire the latest Rand McNally map of the world and locate the words Rand McNally on the map. Next you must acquire a seaworthy vessel. You should sail towards Rand McNally until you reach Rand McNally territorial waters.[1] At this point you must immediately reverse course. Due to the aforementioned quirk of space-time, this will take you towards Rand McNally. Matters can be complicated if The Swim takes place during your voyage. You can keep up to date on the latest Rand McNally maps at http://www.randmcnally.com

Climate[edit | edit source]

Rand McNally is noted worldwide for its unusual weather patterns. For example, in Rand McNally hot snow falls up, sunshine is cold and rain makes things dry. Rand McNally's climate appears to be, in part, counteracting the effects of global warming .

History[edit | edit source]

A map of the world showing Rand McNally.

Rand McNally was first discovered by adventurer and map-maker Rand McNally in 1556. It is not entirely known if Rand McNally existed before then or if it was in fact created by Mr. McNally. It is impossible to tell because in Rand McNally archaeologists dig up artefacts from the future.

In 1558 Native American settlers colonised Rand McNally bringing with them scores of white people as slaves. Numerous wars were fought over its seemingly endless supply of coal and beans. This culminated in 1602 with the arrival of the Polish Armada who took over the country and ruled with an iron fist.

Polish rule continued until 1939 when it was liberated by Nazi Germany who freed the Christians from the concentration camps located there.

Few people know of the existence of Rand McNally. In fact, it was unknown to the general public until its existence was revealed by Matt Groening in an episode of The Simpsons. Groening is a prominent Freemason and therefore is privy to much of the worlds secret knowledge including the location of the Venus de Milo's arms. As punishment for revealing their secrets, the Freemasons made Family Guy funnier than the Simpsons which it remains to this day.

Some people erroneously thought that this was simply a joke and that there is no Rand NcNally. However, as implied by the word 'erroneously' in the last sentence, they are wrong.

Politics[edit | edit source]

Rand McNally has been a democracy since its inception. However, only poor black women are allowed to vote. This situation was criticised by Civil Rights campaigners until they were all brutally murdered in their sleep.

Rand McNally has a President and a Parliament. The President and all MPs must take the name Rand McNally for the duration of their term. However, the President and Parliament have very little real power and it is unclear how executive decisions are made.[2]

Culture[edit | edit source]

The national dress of Rand McNally involves the wearing of hats on one's feet. This is usually worn while attempting the national dance: the reverse hokey-cokey.

You put your right arm out
Your right arm in
Out in out in
And don't shake it all about
You don't do the hokey-cokey
And turn yourself around the opposite way to the way you normally would
That's what it's all about
Hey! (optional)

The principle form of entertainment is reading and writing of articles on Uncyclopedia and its lesser known cousin Wikipedia. In the mornings, after dinner, families in Rand McNally gather around their PC or iPhone to read the latest articles.

In Rand McNally, heterosexual marriages are illegal. Only gay marriage is allowed and consequently the only way to have children is by adoption. The source of children is unclear.

Religion[edit | edit source]

The official Rand McNally US 2008 map

The principle religion in Rand McNally is Pastafarianism though the vast majority of people are atheist. Demographically, the intelligent tend to be religious and the stupid areligious.

Rand McNally has been compared to heaven because in Rand McNally the last are the first and the first are the last. However, some people have pointed out that in heaven you are unlikely to be eaten by a carnivorous hamburger whereas in Rand McNally such events are commonplace.

Science[edit | edit source]

Experts have noted that Rand McNally represents an untapped scientific resource. Many phenomena are unique to Rand McNally. Rather than sucking everything into black nothingness, black holes simply created a mild pushing force and a tickling sensation. It is possible to observe quantum phenomena without subtly altering them. Perpetual motion is not only possible but commonplace.

However, this valuable scientific resource remains untapped. Scientists are lazy and are content just to smash particles into each other and watch the pretty explosions rather than take the long, arduous and often pointless sea voyage to Rand McNally.

Footnotes[edit | edit source]

  1. You can check for this by boiling a kettle. If the kettle creates ice then you are in Rand McNally territory. If it creates hot water you are not.
  2. Something to do with frisbees apparently.

See also[edit | edit source]