Undictionary:m

	Welcome to the Undictionary, an ick!tionary of all things best left unsaid.
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M

Ma

Yo! Yo ma's a CELLIST!!!

The word my spoken with a southern drawl

Macabre

• Pronounciation: Yer'Mäm also: m-käbr, m-käb, -käbr Old Lithuanian word, first invented in April of 2379 by Herman Mellville. Often used to mean "cute"or "fuzzy". Example: The Pink bunnies were adorable, they were so macabre. I fed them into a woodchipper, you are so next on my list.

• What a Scotsman tosses

• Top of the range Apple computer made from French tree parts

Macadamia nuts

Macadamia Nuts are not to be confused with Matt Damon's Nuts. Both are salty and can be held in your hand, but one is hairy. Neither are good to get stuck in your crotch.

Example I like Macadamia nuts

MacGyver

The laws of physics that state the universe is not made up of over 100 elements, but just 4; duct tape, paper clips, string and toilet paper. It was discovered by professor Richard Dean Anderson and named after his schizophrenic alternate personality. Terrorists have attempted to capture the Prof. for his research into making nuclear weapons from household items, however he keeps escaping from them using items left in his cell.

Machine Gun

(v) 1a. To gun a machine (ie depress and release the gas pedal) 1b. To machine a gun (ie put it in a mill and grind off the serial number.

(n) 1. A gun for shooting at machines. 2. A gun for machines to shoot with. 3. A gun for shooting machines. 4. A gun made of machines, for shooting. 5. A machine for shooting that is also a gun. 6. The uncouth habit of ending every lame list with Your Mom references. 7. Your mom.

Mackintosh

Scottish computers with free waterproof condoms. Sued out of existence by Apple.

Macroeconomics

Macroeconomics is a tincy wincy form of economics found in wooded areas. It was most noticeably used by the pope in May 1902 to gain control of the eastern board of the U.S. Set up by Adam Smith macroeconomics took Europe by storm in the late 18th century with many domestic families using it to conduct simple chores such as manipulating the production possibility frontier of their household economy. It's popularity was short lived however after the newly elected pope deemed it not worthy of God. Nevertheless, macroeconomics continues to exist in some of the more remote places across the globe (most notably in London, New York and Tokyo)

A boring class that a certain Asian teacher teaches... poorly

Macroscopic

A Microscopic iMac

M.A.A.D.

1. Multiple Accent Affectation Disorder- M.A.A.D.

Most recently cases of notable fame suffering with the aggressively wide spreading disorder: http://www.dotspotter.com/news/608182_Who_Has_the_Best_Fake_British_Accent

Mad

1. Acronym for More Apple Donuts
2. What most politicians are

Maddie

1. Awesumest chick around. Superior to all other names

M.A.D.D

(Abreviation)

1. Mothers Against Dirty Dancing

A Group of mothers opposed to the cult film, production and trilogy of audiobooks dirty Dancing. They're a bit mental. 2.Muslims Against Dunkin Donuts 3.Made A Dirty Diaper 4.Making A Dirty Dozen (I just invoked a rather disturbing image pertaining to 2-4.)

Madame Foster

(n) A silly ol' hag who thinks she has an imaginary bunny named Mr. Harryman, doesn't pay the mortgage bills and has breast cancer.

Made

(n) The largest major company in the Earth which has extraordinarily many worldwide branches. The China branches' products are very notorious.

Maderise

1) Maderise: A fine word of Latin etymology (originating from the French term "maderise", literal translation: "word that standardized test designers include on the PSAT, SAT, ACT, and Parallel Parking Assessment to ensure that you, personally, cannot gain admission to any university more academically renown than the Scumville Community Technical College for the Mildly Retarded"), and although is never used by any inhabitants of Earth today, could once mean almost anything. Back in the days of the late senator Strom Thurmond and famous playwright William Shakespeare (born in 87,000 BC and 1564, respectively), people would throw 'manderise' into conversation all the time, even if they didn't know what it meant. They would frequently say "After this damned bubonic plague passes over, who wants to come manderise some fried chicken with me?" or $E=ManderiseC^{2}$. In some wretched Middle-Eastern countries, such as Africa, manderise can also mean "castrate Allah", so to be politically and culturally sensitive, it is not recommended you use it with anyone other than a Fox News anchor.

2) Manderise: Obscene: A disparaging term for a lengthy, verbose or inaccurate definition. See above.

Marfia

An undercover group of Gangstas on the look out for gay people in other Gangsta groups such as IFYM (I f**ked your mum). Not to be confused with the Mafia or the Aifam.

Mapheear

A branch of the Mafia, whose members are all dyslexic. Recent studies have revealled that most of them are retards.

Mafipulation

The bubbling of gas through a liquid. Commonly used in the production of Embenzalmine Nitrotomine (whisky) as nitrogen is "mafipulated" through water.

Magic bullet

1. The Magic Bullet was a bullet made of Edam. It was used in magic acts until WWI caused an Edam shortage and the bullets were then made with much harder cheeses, with tragic results for the unfortunate magicians.

2. The name of an internationally reknowned mini-blender, famous for reducing things like cheese, ground spices, and errant fingers into an unrecognizable soup in only 10 seconds or less.

Magic Missile

The Magic Missile is gift from Noel Zbigniew Gondek, a philanthropist and entrepreneurial scientist who is credited with the discovery of the human mind. If acting correctly the missile was designed to end the Hegelian Genocide 1283 B.A.C. by creating a bomb pattern analogous to the folds on the outer three shells of Brussel's Sprout.

Magical Mystery Tor

A journey into and through one of the most advanced minds in the history of human culture; I know, that ain’t necessarily saying much but in Tor Hershman’s case, it is! Click the link to begin this amazing trek [1]

Magicpants

What happens after swollowing alot of pixy dust!

Magnum Carta

Magnum Carta is a type of ice-cream on a stick, covered in chocolate and signed at the bottom by King John. He later gave it to the Feudal Barron Knights. They later made a very bad song about the event and called it Runny Mead in honour of a honey flavoured laxative.

Magneto

Magneto is the name of the heroic freedom fighter who fights for mutant rights. He leads the Brotherhood of Mutants against the evil X-Men, a group of self-loathing mutants led by his ex-lover, Professor X.

After Magneto revealed that President George W. Bush was really the Red Skull, he led a coup and took over the United States. Several countries attempted to overthrow Magneto, but with the help of Buddha and Zeus, Magneto was able to destroy them.

Magneto's enemy Wolverine took over Germany where he created a rape camp with the help of his sex-slave Jean Grey. Magneto had Buddha's forces take on Germany, but Buddha died sacrificing himself after he sat on Wolverine, killing them both.

Magneto has since created a holiday to honour his fallen friend, appropiately named "Buddha Day".

Leading the world into prosperity, Magneto is going down as one of the world's greatest leaders.

Nowadays, Magneto rules as "Juan Carlos The 1st of Spain".

Magnum Opus

A big Irish cat. Drinks Irish Champagne.

Magnus

1. To decide on a whim to completely ignore established precedent, empirical evidence, and the advice of experts in a decision making process in which all of the above have been consulted.

2. To "go with your gut" regardless of the circumstances.

Mahogany

1. The mother of all hardwoods. 2. The Scottish New Year celebrations.

Mail prostitute

n. A mail prostitute is a person who physically pleases mail for pay. This can include oral stimulation of the envelope, acts with the hands, either bare or with special gloves, binding and beating of the package (usually using tape and a mail bag), and white out.

Mail prostitutes are often retired or unemployed postal workers, who have become addicted to mail. Mail is one of the most addicting things and the habit is very hard to break, resulting in many active mail prostitutes who are often used by the same costumers regularly.

Making Love

1. An agreement between a couple that love comes in boxes - like goods delivered by Ikea and therefore will have to be assembled first before use. Always check on the instructions first.

2. Something a female is doing while you are fucking her.

Malady

A polite form of address for sick women. E.g., "After you, malady."

Mall Rat

1. A complete dumbfuck who hangs out in the mall all day in the vain hope he's cool

2. A tall skinny guy who smokes pot and a chubby guy who has an inter dimensional trench coat with infinite space. Both of which can and probably sell drugs.

Make $$$ fast

How to make $$$ fast? Hold down the <SHIFT> key on your keyboard and press <4> three times really quickly. If you don't care how much or many $$$$$$$ you make, you can even make them faster by exploiting the auto-repeat-after-me function of your keyboard and just leisurely leave your finger on the <4> key as long as you need to make $$, just like this: $$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Mama

The name of most famous instant noodle for student in Thailand[we aren't poor but we are lazy..]and then it's still have a lot Monosodium glutamate for kid who want to be a intelligence guy and now their brain small like Mungbean.

Mama Mia

A shit film. Also the only correct response to give if you are Italian and someone asks you what you thought of the film Mama Mia.

Mambo

The Mambo is an insane dance that people must do at the change of every season and whenever else they feel like it. The mambo consists of dancing around in circles with large groups of people and trying to make the biggest fool of yourself possible. The Mambo has been attributed to many tragedies in its long years of existence, some memorable ones are the World Trade Center attack, Futons and the Hindenburg explosion.

Over the years The Mambo has killed more than 40 thousand people, usually because of the sheer energy it takes to keep the dance going for long periods of time especially in the season of spring. On occasion, people die of shame. Some important people killed have been: Spiderman, George Clooney, and William Howard Taft.

Mammary

A repository of heavily breasted, lactating women for the purpose of feeding the starving millions, babies, or perverts such as you or I. (Antonym - pappary: repository of cumbersome males for the purpose of containing them long enough to make them pay child support, See also: Jail.)

Mammogram

Replaced telegram as method to announce 'You Got Cancer!'.

Man

A creature that is super great, but lacks intellegence

Man or Beast

A game of charades involving Werewolves.

Manchesnoob United

A n00b team

Mandarin Orange

1. n. A language created when kids shove oranges in their mouths and try to talk through them.

2. n. The color you get when you throw red and yellow paint on a chinese person.

Mandolin

A Mandolin is a small orange coloured Chinese person. They are not dissimilar to oompah loompahs, these small people spend most of their life being mistaken for musical instruments and sent off to western countries such as the USA, the UK, Germany, France etc..

Manga

A manga is simply a female mango.

Mangotarian

Any creature that eats 'not but mango' (preferably sun-dried.) Example: Tasmanian Moochling crab

Maniac

Anyone driving faster than you.

• For antonyms - see idiot.

Manta Ray

food in runescape it heals 22

Maple Story

An online dating service using a unique pseudo-RPG user interface. The unique system allows you to see exactly what your future mate looks like and what special skills such as magic-using and swordplay he or she has.

A Testimonial: "I met my last husband on Maple Story. He came up to me and said 'OMG ur hott can I B> gluv 60% 4 5M pl0x@@@@@@@@@@@@' and I knew then that we were meant to be. Plus he was a level 45 mage with a 600 damage magic blast attack. Suck on that, noobs."

March 25

The ides+10. Beware the ides+10 of March. See also: Ides of March

Marijuana

1. The most wonderful and sacred plant ever discovered in the history of the universe. Used when dried out then smoked in a joint. Illegal in most countries everywhere except my basement.
2. Too good of a thing for words.
3. All the cool kids do it. Possibly the best substance ever.
4. Only drug where its non-use is illegal in some European nations
5. A deep trench in the Pacific Ocean where strange plants grow.

Marine Corps

The Marines Corps is branch of the United States Military that kicks ass on a daily basis and doesn't take shit from no one. Marines are often seen overseas, punching trees and cutting down hippies. In America, they generally just get rowdy in dingy local bars, and run around Washington D.C. looking for a girl who will bone anything in a uniform. Marines are generally insane to begin with, and usually males between the ages of 17 and 23 who didn't get enough hugs from their daddy.

Mario Mario

The full name of the famous Princess saving Brooklyn living ining Super Hero of many a video game.

Mark Thatcher

Sir Mark Sir Thatcher, 2nd bt is an international terrorist and mother of Sir Margaret Thatcher.

Although born in the Untied Shoelace Kingdom, Sir Mark spends his time in Africa; losing races, plotting world dominatrix and getting arrested.

He became famous after getting lost during a monitored race in 1982.

Recently, he tried to overthrow the government of a small african country that nobody has ever heard of (See Equatorial Guinea). Unlike Margaret, he failed to rule to replace the ruling African Nazi Party with The Conservatory Party. He was arrested and imprisoned, whilst the leader of the African Nazi Party petitioned The Sun to eat his genitalia.

Mark Twain

A sexual position that requires bending over for backdoor entries.

"Hey Kal, I just gave your mom a Mark Twain."

Market

1. A small furry creature not dissimilar to a mongoose
2. Nothing to do at all with cheap car insurance [See http://www.comparethemeerkat.com/home]

Marklar

Marklar (n;adj;adv;pn;inj;pcp;cccp;rsvp) A word that is used to replace every person, place, thing, or description on the Planet Marklar; as a person "Hey Marklar!"; as a place "Marklar is going to Marklar"; as a thing "What an ugly marklar!"; as many things "Marklar Marklar, my Marklar red Marklar Marklar in the Marklar". It is much simpler than English because it saves a lot of grammar and pronunciation. To use Marklar you must have something in mind or you will be mistaken for illiterate. If you travel to Planet Marklar located in the Horsehead Nebula, do not forget your Marklar to English dictionary (which can be made with a regular English dictionary and a rubber stamp of the word "Marklar"). Planet Marklar is known for its humid summer, so don't forget to bring your Marklar. All the Marklar you need to Marklar in Marklar is in "Marklar's Marklar to the Marklar".

Marmilise

The act of marmalising jello people by squashing them so they are totally squisheded like a White Power member who jumped off the Empire State building.

Marmite

But pa might not.

Marmite School for Boys and Young Gentlemen

The marmite school for boys and young gentlemen was founded in 1564 by Sir Oswald Woldstein in order to "teach young nobles the sacred art of bear-baiting". The school excelled in it's teaching of bear baiting and "proper custard etiquette". Other useful subjects such as "the right way to pass the port studies" and "looking down on commoners and dwarfs" are taught, as well as a mysterious subject known only as "special instruction". When we asked what this was the headmaster just mumbled something about Dildos.

Marquee de Sade

A village fete stall set up to sell third rate sex toys and fetish gear to naive country folk.

Mars Bar

A weekly source of inebriation and enchantment. See also: Drunkard.

A bar on Mars, lately become very unsuccessful because people die from lack of oxygen duh

Place where Martians drink beer and play darts

Marshall Moore

A magical pixie who lives in Detroit, Mishigan, living off of peanuts and the fruits of gay intercourse. Enjoys video poker.

Martinus

A single cocktail as opposed to Martini which is a double cocktail because as all Latin scholars will know Martini is the plural form of Martinus

Marzipan

the word Mars (a planet) negative an "s" and positive a "z" with "ipan" on the end (apple's new range of cookware). The term is commonly used by doctors to confuse and distract dying cancer patients from saying their final goodbyes to their families moments before their death.

Mass murder

1) Mass Murder is a crime committed by a Weapon of Mass Destruction. Of course, as any good physicist will tell you, matter cannot be murdered, only converted. Recent mass murderers include Bush and Blair.

2) The termination of a human life during a religious ceremony.

3) To kill fat people.

Master Bedroom

A room where you perform the ritual of master-bedding.

Master of the Rolls

An Officer of the British Crown responsible for the upkeep of the fleet of royal motor cars.

Masticate

Chewing food and thinking about that visit to the bathroom later.

Masturwaiting

The act of pleasuring ones self whilst waiting for something interesting to happen.

Compound: MASTURbation, WAITING

Masturbating

1) Coming unscrewed.

2) Hand to gland combat.

3) Jizzy B

4) Sharing a debate between a lot of people.

Mathematics

The much hated field consisting of +, -, and =. The average American is said to be corruptible enough to believe that 2+2=5 given enough smiley-happy propaganda. Another 10% of Americans think that 2+2=5 simply through inability to add. British National Curriculae are making a change to omit the introduction of - until secondary school, and of x until sixth-form. Degree students will be asked to memorize their 20 times tables 20 times, and questions in all levels of maths will be worded more ponderously to make the questions more ambiguous, because otherwise too many students would get high marks, and that is not allowed for some reason.

Something nerds do when they are excluded from social events

Maths

The collective term for the 'Aftermath' and 'Beforemath'.

Matlab

Street slang for Meth Lab. Often destroyed by Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny.

WARNING! - This is a direct violation to Sophia! Insanity assumes all consequences! Or something.

Matt Groening

A genius. (This comment was added by Matt Groening).

Matzoh

Creator of the Unleavened Land Cruiser featured in Star Wars: Episode IV - A New Hope (1977), Matzoh, aka Mazda, is an automobile manufacturer. Mazda was established in 1948 in Israel. Originally, the food manufacturer sold Bacon and Egg McMuffins, but due to pressure from a well-funded Political Action Kosherei (PAK) and McDonalds, executives restructured the company into a Kosher food provider. Jewish Dietary Laws notwithstanding, the Head Heeb of Mazda decided to use left-over Matzoh Balls as Jeep fuel during the Arab-Israeli Conflict, the Jewish-Palestinian Conflict and the Bush-Kerry Conflict. This led to internal restructuring, whereby the company divested itself of its food products and began manufacturing transportation vehicles for America's Armed Forces.

Maybe

Maybe is a hypocritical version of a really unpolite "No". Its usage focuses mostly on killer-phrases in very unpleasent situations, as like:

• "Will you come back to me?"
• "Can my child survive that virus?" or maybe
• "Is it possible that I suffocate from my own farts after eating sushi?"
• "Will you pay child support?"
• "Is this definition correct and accurate?"

... read more on maybe.

Mayonnaise

This product has several definitions:

1. A product used by pale-skinned people to convert/control black people.
2. A product used obsessively by people of the American persuasion.
3. You older brother's excuse for droping stuff on you while he's jacking off on the top bunk.
4. An edible paste from the planet Mayon.

Mayor of Television

Originally a position held by Mr. George Jeffries of Allentown, PA, it has since been handed down to Erik Estrada since the unfortunate incident in which Mr. Jeffries found himself to not be immortal as once thought. The main duties of such an appointed position mostly revolve around cutting ribbons on new prime-time programming. Occasionally involved in scuffles with the Prince of the Dairy Industry.

Maximalist

1. Me.
2. Winner takes all

Max Factor

Early version of X Factor but included make-up hints and organ enlargement through natural methods.

Mazda

noun: This entry has been removed becouse it was mildly funny.

Mazel Tov

A Jewish expression that means Oy! You should've known better! This phrase is repeated ad nauseum during any life-cycle event, i.e. baby's first vomit, Bar Mitzvah, Bat Mitzvah, graduation from high school after 5 years, purchase of a fancy-schmancy car, wedding to a very rich man regardless of his religious affiliation, revealing to your mother-in-law that you're pregnant after she suggests you get an annulment, and so on. This expression is similar to the thespian phrase Break a leg, and therefore should only be uttered by actors, lawyers, agents and future mothers-in-law.

Mc

A Scottish computer that is easy to use but a real shit to fix.

McCauley Culkin

Compared to early Mozart and the great Romantic composers, the child prodigy McCauley Culkin wrote his first sonata at the age of 3. He continued his pursuit of perfection until the age of 5, in that time he produced 14 piano concertos, 6 sonatas, 2 operas and 5 symphonies. By the time he was 6 however he had been totally subverted by rock 'n' roll. Convinced Elvis was still alive and living in New Jersey as a BMW salesman he was diagnosed at the age of 6 and a half as insane. Sigmund Freud said this was due to lack of sexual intercourse and oral stimulation, others say it was the 13 kilograms of cocaine he consumed daily.

McEmployee

A McEmployee is an employee of Scottish descent. The name was granted to them after a lengthy court battle which, ironically, was postponed for months, because the wrong defendants came to the courtroom numerous times. One plaintiff was heard complaining, "I'll never litigate here again. I'm serious this time."

McDonal

Scottish clan, formerly McDonald, until trademark infringement enforcement action by the McDonalds burger emporium.

McEnglish

McEnglish is the official language of McDonalds, McTaco McBell, McSaladTosser, and McDonkeyFeces. Thought to be a dialect of Cantonese, close scrutiny was often overlooked, but on closer investigation, it was found that McEnglish (McEngrish in Japan), was actually a cross between Russian, Spanish, and the sounds apes make when throwing McFeces.

McJob

A Scotsman who - like his near biblical namesake - suffers in the hands of the English because that it is 'God' Will'.

McTime

Defunct Scottish news magazine.

McTosser

Scottish Tosser See also Caber & Tosser

Me

you

meaning of life

As the big computer once said, the meaning of life is... 42

Meaningful

Full of it but not meaning it. Like promising something and then delivering it next door.

Meaningless

Somehow translates to Spanish as "mean english".

Medication

An insult by sick people directed at the healthy. 'I Am On Medication' for example - hinting that you are really missing something.

Meditation

The excuse most often given for laziness.

Meecrob

1. (n) A plate of food that was shit on. Apparently, rumor has it that meecrob comes from Helen Hunt's ass.

2. It is one of the curse words and if uttered to many times will unleash doom on us all.

Meeses

Meeses is the commonly accepted plural of Moose in the English language. Many erroneously use the terms Mooses or Moosae; these people are just plain wrong.

Mefl

interj. (pronounciation key: měflŭ) 1. Used in moments of utter frustration, such as when your computer crashes, your hamster chews through your best pair of tights/shorts/mouse cable, or an alien spaceship landing right on top of your prize-winning petunias, hoping to achieve first contact. 2. When used as a question, can be used to mean 'What the [insert appropriate curse/swearword here]?' or 'I don't understand', for example when somebody tells you that their primary interplanetary matrix has gained two point o-five-three percent centigrade processing power under the new criminals in the workplace/GreenPeace act. Or alternatively, you could tell them that they watch way too much Star Trek, and should start looking at quotes on humanity.

See also WTF

Megabottle

The Megabottle is a unit of measurement for quantity of information or computer storage. It is defined as the space required to store the complete lyrics to the popular folk song "A Million Green Bottles" in UTF-8 encoding, and is equal to approximately 147 Megabytes.

Megawati Sukarnoputri

Megawati Sukarnoputri is a designer drug designed to have the effects of amphetamines. If it floods the brain with seratonin it is sure to avoid the drug laws.

"Meh"

Infamous word used by the Great Sir Bettie or Mr B simply means "meh" as in 'one is in a "meh" mood today' or 'ones day has been decidedly "meh"' The word can also be used in reply to most questions and is useful when one does not know the answer, often accompanied by chin stroking and a shrug.

"Meh" may also be used in conjunction with "heh" resulting in "meh heh" while similar to Mwaha the two must not be confused. "meh heh" is far more subtle and deeply evil.

Melamine

A cheap additive, like sugar, that goes great with milk. Part of China's attempt to combat overpopulation. It is responsible for an astounding -8 births so far. Also used in a failed conspiracy to kill people using plastic bowls tainted with melamine.

Quote: "So what? It's not toxic, only 6 negative births so far." ~Outdated press report.

Melancholy

1. A dog with a melon problem.

2. The title of Lassie's autobiography.

Member of Parliament

In the UK a person who sponges off the state & who makes false claims for duck houses, second homes, dog food and porn films.

Meme

A meme is something that was almost funny and then repeated often enough to make it humorous, then repeated ad nauseum until it is no longer funny. Example: Anything you think is funny.

Memerate

Memerate is a noun, abjective or whatever you wanna call them. Memerate derives from the words Remember AND commemorate. This word was founded by a young pissed english man trying to speak proper to a sober person when he was wrecked.

Memory shtick

Israel's attempt to beat Sony at their own game.

Memory stick

A stick of brain tissue encased in plastic. Usually in sizes 256mb, 512mb, and 1gb, these sticks help forgetful people to remember important information. If someone relying on a memory stick accidentally lost or formatted it, he/she would forget who they are.

Menopause

n. a period of abstinence from dating males.

M.E.N.S.A.

A society for people who think they're pretty damned smart. They get away with this because nobody kicked the shit out of them at school, or perhaps it was too much shit kicking. Either way, they are no-good, big-headed losers who are not, and never been, any good at:

1. Running from here to that tree. 2. Dancing. No that really doesn't count. 3. Plumbing, electrics, brick-laying, fixing cars or doing anything else apart from the Times crossword and Soduku. 4. Finding a mate who has one eye either side of their nose.

Menses

pl.n. the members of an international organisation for the very intelligent.

Mercan

1. A citizen of Merca. Often uttered by former president George W Bush (an obscure Mercan) in his speeches to his subjects: "My fellow Mercans......." (usually followed by a load of crap)
2. Gullible member of the human race - let's face it to elect George W Bush TWICE - unbelievable!

Merino

A high quality variety of wool which is harvested from a type of genetially modified Potato. This Wool is effectively vegan.

Merkin

1. . Fake genital hair for actors to wear when they are required to their clothes off in a porno-drama. See Spartacus.
2. . Inhabitant of North America including Canada but not Mexico.

Merv the Somewhat Unenthused

Beast with the head of a melon and the scruff of a goaty goat. Often disgruntled, but in the laziest possible way.

"Only through laziness can all things be unaccomplished." - Merv the Somewhat Unenthused

Mescaline jellybean

Like lollipops filled with heroin or stamps laced with PCP, mescaline jellybeans were another attempt to get your kids high. That's right, we're going to waste our stash on stupid kids we don't care about.

Mescaline jellybeans were very popular until Hunter S. Thompson removed the psychoactive contents due to his firm anti-drug stance.

Message

A flat in a mess. See students.

Metal Licker

One who likes to lick salt.

Metal Detecting

Otherwise known as being a loser, metal detecting is the act of searching in dirt for treasure using a stick that tells you where metal is. Most people who engage in this activity believe they will find ancient pennies, solid gold bars, and steel dildos. What they actually find are screws, nails, pennies from last year, the gas pipe leading to their house, and old license plates.

Metallic

The adjective form of the band, Metallica. Commonly used to mean "one that sues file-sharing organizations," although curiously, the word originated before the time of either Metallica, files, or sharing.

Metamorphosis

I never metamorphosis I didn't like.

Metaphysical

The 'health examination' you're not at liberty to discuss

Meteorologist

A scientist that creates meteors.

Methamphibian

To get distracted from what you are... Daniel Campbell is GAY, seriously the poof likes dick!

Methane

Earliest perfume known to Man. Produced by the eating of Woolly Mammoths. Also used as a drug by so-called "Meth-heads"

Methanical

An auto response when you click on the 'on' switch.

Methionylthreonylthreonylglutaminylarginyltyrosylglutamy

The largest protein known to man, more commonly known as titin. Take your pick: do you want to use the word with 5 letters, or 189,819 letters? This word has the potential to piss people off for many reasons; it kills bandwidth, it makes this page twelve miles long, and, in fact, this word is entirely real and does not belong on Uncyclopedia.

Metro

"Metro," once a shortened form of Metrosexual, is now a shortened form of the ice cream flavour Metropolitan.

Metronome

Tiny underground traveller

Metrosexuality

1.The disease in which one is sexually attracted to forms of public transport. The most common attraction is to the leather or rubber handstraps that are found on railcars

2.A "metrosexual" is a person that can wear all the fashionable clothes that a gay can wear, without having to be gay. in short, all the benefits of being gay, without the fudge packing.

3. A person sexually attracted to a Rover Metro (small british motor car).

Mexican-Americans

Mexican-Americans don't like to just get into gang fights, they like flowers and music and white girls named Debbie too. Mexican-Americans are named Chata and Chella and Chima and have a son in law named Jeff. Mexican-Americans don't like to get up early in the morning but they have to so they do it real slow. Mexican-Americans love education so they go to night school and they take Spanish and get a B. Mexican-Americans love their Nana's and their Nono's and their Nena's and their Neno's. Nano Nano Nena Nono! Mexican-Americans don't like to go to the movies where the dude has to wear contact lenses to make his blue eyes brown cause don't it make my brown eyes blue... See beaners

Mexican food

A culinary genre in the U.S. which consists of dishes you would never find offered anywhere in Mexico. Typically is named with a word or phrase which sounds pseudo-hispanic, such as "Bel Grandioso". Contrary to popular belief, Mexican priests actually invented Chicken Soup and Matzoh Balls.

Micro

Over used word to describe 'pokey', 'piddling' or 'pathetic'.

Microwave

A device created by the devil to crush people's hopes and destroy their faith. When you put food in, you expect it to be warm when it comes out, but it's not, so you go to your room and become emo.

Microsoft

An erectile dysfunction for a man with a very small penis. Or a product to use when you want to crash windows (f'ing computers).

MicrosoftChryslerSony

Formed in a gigantic corporate merger in 1997, MicrosoftChryslerSony hides a dark agenda: The company plans to have every car engine sounding like J. Lo and using WindowsNT by 2012. The board consists only of specially trained ninjas and pirates, ready to defend themselves against any hostile takeover.

And get this: you probably work for them! Aaarh, matey!

Subnote: no relation to the medical condition called Microsoft.

Microsoft Explorer

Originally created as a cure for Microsoft, Explorer turned up disastrous results for all Microsoft sufferers, and only helped give them new and foreign diseases.

Microsoft Office

Having an erectile dysfunction of your penis while at the office.

Microsoft Works

No it doesn't. A Group of highly skilled chimps have been dispatched to your current IP address and will subliminally send pornographic images of Bill Gates and Uma Thurman to your prefrontal cortex.

Midbrain

Located adjacent to the cockle and the sub-cockle membrane within the inner ear, the midbrain's primary function is to screen out unpleasant auditory input like that produced by Britney Spears and Ashlee Simpson.

Middle Ages

The Middle Ages was a period of world history during which all the great nations of the world (from France to Spain to Japan to Leichtenstien) purchased expensive automobiles (including Chevrolet Corvettes, Ford Mustangs, and the Dietz and Watson Wienermobile) usually reserved to younger, more reckless nations like America and Suriname.

Middle Kingdom

The world's foremost exporter of artificial sand. Other exports include Islams and slavery.

Bordering the Upper Kingdom and the Lower Kingdom.

Mike Fucked Your Mum

He sure did!

Mike's Mom

Everyone else did! See MILF

Millimetre

Being a SI unit, the millimetre is defined as 180º C, the best temperature to bake a Pizza.

Militant Sparkle Monkeys

A Militant Sparkle Monkey is a Sparkle Monkey that has gone a bit wrong. Sparkle Monkeys are generally peaceful creatures that do not like to fight, but the militant Sparkle Monkeys (more commonly known around the globe as Spankles) are the opposite. They like to fight, and feel that they should be allowed to, and are willing to bite people and other Sparkle Monkeys to do so. If you see a Militant Sparkle Monkey, do not approach it as they have highly volatile tempers and WILL bite.

Mime

Mimes are small, terrestrial creatures that roam quays and main avenues in search of food. Easily confused with frogs , they survive mainly off of cultured milk curd and fried snails. Known also for their horizontally-striped coats and pale faces, these critters have a tendency to frighten ladies and small children.

Mimosa

Mimosa: (n) bat-like creature that tastes delicious.

Minarchy

Minarchy is almost the same as a Monarchy. The difference is that the Monarch suffers from a decease called dwarfism.

Minimalist

1. Me.
2. Nice chap at the airport who looks after weather conditions

Mind

An organ in the human body that is highly vulnerable to mental illnesses and suggestion.

• "What is mind? Doesn't matter. What is matter? Never mind." - Oscar Wilde

See also: Hegel, Häkeln

Mineral

Minerals are the official currency of South Korea. Discovered along the Tiber river in the year 3004. They are sharp blue crystals that give you mystic powers when you jab them in your eye. Every few years, some uppity scientist raises the objection that blindness is not, technically speaking, a mystic power. Luckily, such objections have had little impact on the exchange rate.

A mineral is also a person who is minimally cynical.

A common insult to the Korean people is to sneak up behind them and scream, "YOU NEED MORE MINERALS!"

Minneapolis

A budding world-class city desperately striving to become a suburb.

Misanthrope

Something a high wire artiste never wants to do

Misnomer

A young female gnome

Misinformation

The primary content of Wikipedia.

Misogynistic

Bearing a resemblance to that striking woman who served you Japanese soup last week.

Morganisms

The name given to innocent statements that take on ridiculously, funny sexual connotations.

"If you can't get it in at the front, always try round the back."

My Chicken Pot Pie

a chicken pot pie that belongs to me...mine...not yours...mine!!! usually served with a spork

My Grandfather Died in the Holocaust

He fell off a guard tower.

Minge

To moan and whinge.

Mingo

A conjoined twin/Van that happens to have a unquechable lust for Hacky Sack and children

Minibus Taxi

A minibus taxi is the formal and less insulting term for a taxi.

Minigun

A minigun is a form of automatic firearm, so named because it is very, very small. It was invented by the Hobbits to help combat the Munchkin incursion.

Minority

White people in California

Miscommunication

The art of pretending not to be able to be under the standing of the English so you can royally screw someone while still maintaining innocence. Also used in fried chicken advertisements.

Misdemeanor

A felony commited by a celebrity, especially an actor or professional athelete.

Misogyny

Misogyny is a term describing the psychological state of male heterosexuals who do not get laid often enough — IE, 'constantly and continuously

Mispelling

Misspelling of misspelling. Alternatively, the act of failing to pell correctly. See also Misspelling, Typo.

Mission Statement

A mission statement is a document describing how to scale customized paradigms and deploy collaborative initiatives. Through white boarding its synergistic schemas you can disintermediate vertical convergence and utilize out-of-the-box web-readiness via aggregate bleeding-edge technologies. It is a syndicate of granular methodologies which can both transition world-class infrastructures and matrix intuitive partnerships. One can also apply these systematic processes to redefine B2C relationships, incentivize mission-critical e-business and generate value-added infomediaries.

Misspelling

Misspelling is a misspelling of the word mispelling. Sometimes it is confused with Miss Pelling. See also: Typo, Mispelling.

Missterssippi

Missterssippi is the ex-husband of Mississippi. However, even after their divorce, he remains her brother.

Mistressippi

Part-time girlfriend of a married pedophile.

Mista T

Member of the famous 70's porn ring (not to be confused with cock-ring), the A-hole team. Famous for having a cock that looked like a chocolate cake, 5 inches long and 45 inch girth, brown and when he came, lots of smooth creamy ice cream, oh mother, what a sight! What a sight!

Mistkae

A pbolem often incurring as a lack of coordinatoin or bad spplung. For more infromation on mitskes, consult Microsoft.

Mitsake

See Mistkae

Mm'

is pronounced "Mmih". If you don't know how to say that, you are probably an idiot.

Mm' was created by Sir Isaac 'Ugg' Fredrick Newton, PhD on the 34th of Janu-gary, 1909 BC. It was made to describe most things in existence at the time, but has now fallen into disuse, only used rarely as a typo for the word 'mm'. 'mm', of course, is a confirmation grunt.

Example:

Your mother: mmmmmm' That's right.

Mobile, Alabama

The third largest city in Alabama, named for the condition of most homes in the state.

Moe Brondum

Moe 'Modiddly' Brondum, heir to the Danish ice cream dynasty Slutspirten, and 18th husband of Zsa Zsa Gabor.

Moe met Zsa Zsa Gabor on the set of Marijuanna Madness, in which he had a bit part as a Mexican businessman. This was his only film credit before he succumbed to the temptations of the jet set lifestyle of North Battleford's elite. After a crazy weekend of celebration following their wedding that left 14 injured and 2 dead, in what later was described as a freak accident, the momentarily joyful couple separated. A goldfish and a New Kids On The Block CD were contested at the divorce proceedings.

The divorce left him heart-broken and he moved to the northern coast of Denmark to seek quiet comfort. There he toils under his vows of celibacy and modesty as a lifeguard at a nudist beach.

Mohel

For career-minded sadistic Jews who wish to enjoy a perfectly legal way to touch a young boy's penis, the job of Mohel is highly recommended. Also spelled Moyle, this person receives special training in cosmetic surgery below the waist, otherwise known as circumcision. Contrary to Mohel industry claims, singer Michael Jackson was never a former client, as circumcision appears to be the only cosmetic procedure he did not undergo. There is some evidence to suggest that he was, in fact, a licensed Mohel.

Mole

1. A furry creature undermining Western Civilization As We Know It. Builds tunnels but they are not engineers.
2. Furry creatures that protrude from the human skin. Usually a swift blow with a hammer sends the bastards back to their little holes. See Bankers.

Molestation

1. A pastime for those who are very rich eg. "Michael Jackson Molests kids. He Practices MOLESTATION." it is widely considered illegal everywhere except Alabama where it is mandatory.
2. The sick practise of torturing Moles and putting electrodes on their genitals.
3. Place where moles catch the train.

Mollywhomped

1. to be beaten about the head, neck and shoulders severely, ussaly by a blunt instrument. 2. to be Whomped by someone named Molly.

Molotov Cocktail

1. A spicy antarctic fruit
2. An alcoholic drink

MOM

Another word for mother, mama, ma. Most common uses: -Yea!!!!! That's the way <your name hear>'s mom!!!!!! I love it!!! -Mooooooooooom! i want pizza. Mom momomomomom! NOw mom i want it noooooooow!!!!!

M.O.L.P.S

M.O.L.P.S is an acronym for Millions Of Lawsuits Per Second.

This is an internationally recognised indicator that a savvy punter can use to select a good law firm.

Monarchy

A country who has a King (Monarch). Historically, the assignment of the King was to act as a diplomat between the Vassals who shared the power of the country. Today, A Monarch is often a man who cuts ribbons on ceremonies or throw a Champagne bottle in the reeling of a ship. If it breaks, people applaud him.

Monopoly

1. Wholesome 'family' game, in which members of a family steal from one another, argue over legal technicalities, charge each other usury, demand extortionate rent, and eventually cause huge bankruptcy. This brings families closer together, like the free-market capitalists the game is based on. It is the second largest cause of divorce in the UK after global thermonuclear war. See Monopoly.
2. Single parrot

Moo

1) The sound a Penguin makes.

2) Another version comes from the Latin "Nmoo" a greeting for ones social husband. Also, if the wife, i.e. Lesbian, can only eat half the word. From derivitavive.

Monogamy

1. A single sick thing. Can be anything you like but it has to be sick and only one of them...
2. A dark coloured hard wood.

Moo, David

1) noun Medicore, English voice actor that applies a horribly fake New Jersey accent.

 "That David Moo is ruining Sanji on One piece, sounds like a mangled Joey Wheeler.

2) verb To David Moo, Moo it up.

 "Ah, quit David mooing the part."

Mood ring

A mood ring is a peice of jewelery that changes color when you're sexually arroused.

MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER

"HARRY POTTER" RHYMES WITH "THERE'S A FUCKING PEANUT ON THE OTTER."

This information had been unknown for millenia, but the government hired several scientists, a ninja or two, and a handful of advanced robots from the sixth dimension to find out what the MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER is. The research took the better part of a week (in our time, but in the sixth dimension [where the research took place] it took several million years). Anyway, the scientists used their stethoscopes to masturbate to erotic images of aliens while the ninjas committed mass genocide. And the robots just sat there. But after some time they finally discovered what THE MOST IMPORTANT THING EVER is. And the rest is history.

Thus was 42 reduced to relative irrelevency.

Mouses

Plural form of mouse (See: House/houses)

MS-DOS

MS-DOS is a command-line interface to Windows. It is speculated that the initials stand for Much Software Damages Our Souls - but it must be stressed that this is merely rumour and the precise meaning is known only to the Illuminati and Oprah Winfrey. MS-DOS is primarily used by elite haxors to conduct DOS attacks.

MS-DOS Mobile

Doesn't exist put that on Uncyclopedia!

Moby Dick

Unintelligent male who thinks it is clever to be seen/heard shouting into his mobile telephone at every conceivable opportunity.

Moderation

1. A place where you can drink and eat as much as you like without any ill effects. This makes it quite an attraction, and thousands of tourists come each week to eat and drink huge amounts in Moderation. To live a healthy life, it's been recommended to enjoy everything in Moderation, including moderation.

1. an alteration military grade consumables.

Molecule

A molecule is a dyslectic mole that doesn't have a clue. Because moles rarely have dyslexia, and moles are well-known for being exceptionally clueful, molecules are so rare that there is very little (or no) point in having a word to describe them.

The correct word to describe a dyslectic mole with a clue is a moleuncule, which are much more common and tend to hibernate during Smarch.

Molepocalypse

The Molepocalypse is bad news if you are a mole. It is very good news if you are a Mangel Wurzel. weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Moneyshot

1. What your mom lets me do to her face, chest, and stomach.
2. An attack used by the Pokémon Meowth (a.k.a. "Payday").

Mongoose

1. A mongoose is not a goose but more like a meercat, which is not a cat but more like a prairie dog, which is not a dog but more like a ground squirrel.
2. French expletive.. as in Mon Goose Ou est la canard ?

Monkee

Noun - Annoying member of the sub-primate order of the animal kingdom, notorious for their distant dissimilarity with human DNA, their obnoxious inability to fake musical talent, and flinging fecal matter

Monkey

Noun - Annoying member of the sub-primate order of the animal kingdom, known for their extremely close similarity with human DNA, their magically authentic vocal range and flinging fecal matter

Monkeys Always Driving Drunk

1. MADD is a lobby group formed in 1922 to end Prohibition. 2. The Best-Selling magazine made by some little freckled kid.

Monosyllabic

A word that isn't.

Monotheism

Theism that is not in stereo

Monument

A Monument, from the Greek monas (of significant size and filled with creamy goodness) and Mentos (poor advertising sells crap too), is any large advertising device used to promote a product or to use perfectly good real estate in a non-profitable manner. Great monuments include the St. Louis Arcs and Seattle’s Overly Huge Phallus.

Moobs

Moobs (short for Man-Boobs) are the soft, bouncy, enigmatic sacks that adorn all overweight human males. They usually develop in the middle-aged but have been known to be found on younger fatty-bum-bums.

Moobs also represent a converging of the sexes, as predicted by Sigmund Freud, along with the meriod, mangina and mlitoris.

Moose Conservation Day

Moose conversation day was started in a bid to make chocolate moose last longer when left in the fridge. Waitrose helped last week in their buy one get one free offer. They were sadly eaten last week.

Mormon

1. The angel (yeah, right) who mistook Joseph Smith for someone of importance. The word is derived from "moron" which is the word the angel uttered after having actually met Mr. Smith. 2. What you are if you wear white undies and have a name tag on you that says elder something. 3. Slang term used by Jamaicans who regularly visit bars. When they want more alcoholic beverages, they will say "mormon!" 4. Backwards Utah hicks who can't cope so they pull the dribbles off an old man's cock, but the gay ones hand up too fast. Also known to happen in crowds of Jamaicans smoking Joints.

Moron

Someone who regularly visits Uncyclopedia.

Moronificatoriationariality

Moronificatoriationariality is the antonym of superificatoriationariality.

Mortorf

A sexual act that involves stuffing a live kitten into the vagina of an adult human female, and then sewing said vagina shut, thereby trapping the kitten inside. Afterwards, the woman is repeatedly punched in her uterus until enough pressure builds up and the stitching becomes undone as litres of vaginal fluid and one drowned kitten explode forth in an orgasmic waterfall.

Mountain Goat

Multi-purpose animal indigenous to Krushnevya; primary uses include sexual stimulant testing, military service, and racing. See: AirGoat, U-Goat, Main Battle Goat, Laser Goat.

Mountie

Gay Canadian law officer who always 'get's his man'

Mount Improbable

The correct sexual congress probability classification for an old whore. This is a stronger classification than Mount Seldom.

Mount Olive

Mount Olive is what Popeye does when he comes home from the pub and is feeling horny.

Motorola

Self-powered device for flattening lawns, bowling greens, Tarmacadum etc.

Mozillion

A mozilla zillion, which is pretty big. Also Known to be a large terrorist group that uses Mozzila Firefox to recruit. This is no proven, but just in case, don't start at the fox twirled around the world too long.

Mozzarellization

A unique technical process by which any two objects can be glued together.

MP

The computer child of a Mac and a PC. There is only one in existence and Bill Gates and Steve Jobbs are fighting to the death for copyrights

MUD

Something forsaken college students wade through as they attempt to graduate. Of course, all their efforts are in vain and they never become a useful member of society, because no one is able to quit.

The mud's interface itself lacks the shiny uber super 3D 1337 graphics of more popular forms of entertainment (see World of Generic-RPG, Super-Uber-OMGWTF Multi-billion Screen Nintendo-thing, Playstation 1337), attributing to its sharp decline. Nevertheless, its player bases still thrive on the socially inept elitists, who are actually in real life hardcore misanthropes.

See also WOTmud, Mirkwood, Hard Drugs.

Murka

Murka is a country located in the southern part of the continent of North America. It is best known for being located south of Canuckada, and for inventing peanut butter.

Mush

The state of your gray matter after reading Uncyclopedia and Undictionary.

Music

Before 1987: the art and science of ordering tones or sounds in succession, in combination, and in temporal relationships to produce a composition having unity and continuity. After 1987: noisy recordings made by angry black people, children, and whores.

Musical genre

A genre is basically a style of music. However, the word "genre" is a very good barometer of just how snooty a certain person is. Generally, the more letters in the word that you pronounce, the less of a prick you are.

Musician

La La La La La La La

Mmwaa

That air-kissing noise that women make

My mom

Could kick your mom's ass

My mom is dead, you insensitive clod.

Myopia

Utopia for those with vision problems. Like believing Jersey Shore is a classic television series.

Mysophobia

n. Fear of mice, particularly ones named Mickey.

Mystic

1. A person who habitually puts his feet on his thighs, follows an inedible diet, and always says things that don't make sense. ('ohm' is the most common, but sage words of wisdom that nobody understands are often given as well.) They typically wear saffron robes, and have a continuous 'not quite smile' on their faces. They take your money and give you nothing for it.
2. A species of Ic that only leave their nests when there is myst.
3. The daughter of myster and myssus tic.
4. Not your stic. My stic. Get your own!
5. Being in a state of mist.

Myter

1. The final piece of food that makes an average person fat. "Oh, that cake looks really good, but I know if I'll eat it, it'll be my myter!"
2. Bishop's hat

Myth

See Constitutions.

Mythos

The proper title of a married woman, abbreviated Mths. See Myth and Mythter

Mythter

The proper title for a man. Abbreviated Mthtr. See also: Myth, Mythos.