Organs
Organs are funny the little things that, live inside us and shift food and junk around. Without them we would die, although some people can live without certain ones, while other ones seem to have to be in there and working, or we die.
So anyway we hear that organs are important, so you should probably read this article.
Locating one's organs[edit | edit source]
A very important thing to note about organs is that they can be found absolutely anywhere in the body, many people will swear that one's brain is in one's head, but have you ever cut yourself open to check? Of course not, silly. Thats what doctors do, and then what!
Our perception of organs is based purely on hearsay. For example, one could have a feeling that one's brain is in one's fingers, but having never cut them open with purpose, can one be sure of this theory? And if it is true, is the brain in one finger, or do certain fingers house the certain functions of teh brain? We can't be sure, but it would plausable to assume that the portion of the brain that controls nose picking would be in the index finger.
The Heart[edit | edit source]
The heart is the most famous organ.
It got it's fame from being on a game show called 'Everything Is Made of Custard' (basically you just have to sit on an electric chair and answer questions about custard, it was a piece of shit but some people liked it). After appearing on the adore said show, the heart went on to singing songs in educational children shows.
“I am the heart,
I enjoy a good fart.
The humor in this song is very smart.
I do enjoy a good apple tart.”
~ Oscar Wilde
The heart eventually gave up on this career because the lyics where just so dam tacky. It realized that it's songs, although intended for education, didn't actually teach anything. So the heart became a teacher in fine arts.
Sadly, the heart committed suicide because it got an F--+- in a test
The heart was not teaching in Soviet Russia so being given and F--+- by a student was very confusing and sad. A man/boy/girl/woman (citation needed) called Dr Phill, in memory of the heart, set up an organization that makes clones of the original heart and places them deep inside newborn babies when they are still in the womb. (most of this organization is in jail for something called 'extreme sexual assault' so the newer models of baby do not have this feature.
The Spleen[edit | edit source]
I don't believe the spleen exists so I refuse to write about it. If you believe in the spleen then please add something here.
The spleen is the center of all human collective knowledge. and soon some day in the future we will reach a Utopian state were we can understand the true meaning of the spleen, for did not Shakespeare once write `The spleen or not the spleen, that is the question`
Thank-you
The Stomach[edit | edit source]
Also called the tummy, but only by babies. (Do you call it tummy? If so you're a baby, follow this link on how to cure it: Baby Eating.)
The stomach is where all our food is stored. It's like a bank, when you eat something nutritious, like asphalt, it get depositeds in your stomach and you receive interest on it over time. So if you eat one pound of asphalt and wait a year you should have two pounds of aspalt in your tummy. (As promised, here is the link to the article on Fingers)
Tomatoes[edit | edit source]
Tomatoes are, technically speaking, fruit, but most people think of them as a vegetable. This is because they are eaten in salads with things like cucumbers, which are strongly believed, in most circles, to be a vegetable. This close association between tomatoes and cucumbers means that they often feature together in things like tomatoe and cucumber sandwhiches.
Tomatoes are technically not considered organs. But a cucumber can be substituted for an organ, if you know what I mean.
The Liver[edit | edit source]
Statistically speaking, all livers have severe alchohol poisoning and are unable to fully function as an organ. This may not be quite true but the confusion shall be explained. The reason that, the statistics say that all livers are damaged is because everyone desperate enough to offer their liver to testing also, by some coincidence happened to be a severe alchoholic. Regardless of this explanation we shall assume that the statistics are true and so therefore this section of the article shall be about liver poisoning...Your liver is evil... it must be punished.