Oh boy is my cat a horny bastard!
- By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boooyyy! My cat is a horny bastard! Seriously! My cat won't shut up! He's always chewing on my chords, meowing, biting my laptop's corners (of the screen) and interrupting my Yankees baseball game! Seriously, what should I do? I wanted to write something interesting today for the UnSignpost, but I have to deal with this cat situation! His name is Max by the way. Somebody help me! My cat is horny! HORNY!
I love Mila Kunis
- By Sir Peasewhizz de New York
I love Mila Kunis. I'm sorry, but I really do. She is my girlfriend. I'm not kidding. Why would I lie to you? I LAUGH. This is serious, just like the whole website. Serious matter.
I love you baby.
- What do brains taste like? (asked by Simsilikesims)
- Everybody's brain tastes different based on what sort of stuff they think about. My favorite is people who think about pizza.
- If beans are such a musical fruit, how come they can only play the trombone? (asked by Modusoperandi)
- Beans believe in quality not quantity. Why play multiple instruments when you can just play one really really well.
- Have you seen Iron Sky? XDD (asked by Cat the Colourful)
- Yes! I finally watched it a few weeks ago and totally forgot to answer this question. I highly recommend this movie to all fans of my column. Two words: space nazis.
- If you mixed a Zombiebaron, an Olipro and a Mr winkler, what would be the ultimate outcome? (asked by Lost Labyrinth)
- The superior Zombiebaron DNA would devour the other two and you would get a clone of me.
Ask Zombiebaron questions and maybe he will answer them!'
- Dear, Zombibaron [sic], is professional wrestling fixed? (asked by RAHB)
- I didn't know it had been broken.
- Life is like butt hair. Short and full of crap!
- Elvis not dead. He is doing the Jail House rock in HELL!
- Man who finger girlfriend during her period, caught red-handed!
- He who laugh last think slowest!
- Man with hand in pants feel cocky all day long!
From our logs:
- 21:13, April 9, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Using "W***a" in a block reason. Irony.)
- 10:31, April 9, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked TanyaArne (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Abusing multiple accounts: Fuck you too.)
- 10:30, April 9, 2013 Hotadmin4u69 (Talk | contribs) blocked BrookeTra (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Tired of these bot created accounts with names. What happens when the real Brooke Tra tries to join Uncyclopedia? Nothing, because you stole her username you faggot)
- 22:35, April 8, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Wanda The Monkey (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Have a nice day)
- 02:10, April 5, 2013 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) (Banning me for nearly 2 years over a link on a subpage that I haven't edited in over a year seems a bit much)
- 01:52, April 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 667 days (mentioning Wikia in a block reason)
- 22:28, April 4, 2013 Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 666 days (A HARD-LINK TO WIKIA???? ZOMBIEBARON?!?!? ZOMBIEBARON!!!!)
IRC Log Of The Week
<Dex> Shut up, Kip.
<derpyy> Shut the things got up, because we watch Dexter PORN
<Dex> And leave that poor IP alone.
<Kip2> That's my ghost, you idjit.
<Kip2> Yeah. That's a slang word, right?
Biopic: In Their Own Words
This week, for the Biopic we went to the extremes of MAGIC BUS RIDES! Ladies and gentlemen! The magical MagicBus! YEAH! This is what he had to say for us at the UnSignpost! And yes, the ride was magical! I came. But you don't want to know that. That's icky stuff. Here's what MagicBus had to say:
- Hello, I'm MagicBus. I have a mom and a dad. I also have one cool sister and three very annoying brothers. I am Christian and I believe in God. My favorite colors are blue, green and black. I am currently attend high school and I'm in 11th grade.
I will try my best to kick the 5-time champion and the 4-time champion out of NASCAR. My favorite football team is the Buffalo Bills and I extremely hate the Cheaters. I also like many rock bands from the 60's, 70's and 80's and wish Justin Bieber to hit puberty and to stop kissing his girlfriend. I also love to play the drums and I play them like Keith Moon of The Who. My favorite NASCAR driver is David Ragan.
And this was his closing statement, which came extremely magically:
- I'm MagicBus and I approve this message!
There you have it everybody! The magical, the transportation daredevil, the hip MagicBus! Yes, cheer. Cheer. Harder, louder, faster stronger. Now twist. One more time. Okay stop! Hammertime.
|Old School Featured Article of the Week|
Minecraft is a sandbox-building independent video game written entirely in Java, created by Swedish professor Markus "I-can't-make-circles-or-other-shapes" Persson.
- Originally featured on 30 August 2012
Persson began on the project after he decided that he had a deep yearning to create a game that was more boring than real life. Instead of, you know, making something that would actually benefit the world. At the time, he probably thought the project as small, insignificant. Little did he know that his creation would soon amass a mighty army of sheepish gamers that would never have a relationship or even know a life outside of Minecraft.
The game is mainly comprised of extremely pixelated blocks, gardening tools, inconsistent gravity and 12 year olds who will spend every waking moment at this little game. (Full article...)