Ignorance
- This article is too broad on the definition of ignorance. For a more exact definition, see Westboro Baptist Church.
“If ignorance is strength, then I'm the world strongest man.”
“Oh, really? I didn't know that.”
“Ignorance is surely not bliss, because if you are ignorant, you will ignore the bliss around you”
“Ignorance is your new best friend!”
“My teacher told me to define ignorance, but I don't really know what that means, and I don't want to look it up.”
“If you ignore ignorance, then you might become more ignorant of ignorance. But just might, I'm not totally sure”
“You're an ignorant asshole Fred, I'm going to smash your fucking teeth in”
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Ignorance was invented in the United States of America in 1946, and is the measure of human cluelessness. The official unit of ignorance is the Stallone.
People who suffer from ignorance are dumbfounded by the oddliest of creatures even when the creatures forshizzle. They generally have an inkling for trouble and they like to spy on tuscan raiders like Peter Pan and his cronies.
Theological implications of Ignorance[edit | edit source]
Ignorance is the incontrovertible and undeniable truth of God's existence. As ignorance is the original state of the human mind and our mind was created by God in his likeness we must assume that God is more ignorant than anyone of us. Achieving a Zen-like, blank mind as a mean to commune with God through meditation has been the goal of many religions, specially eastern ones, while as western religions prefer to obliterate every trace of knowledge.
The Bible, in its first chapter, describes Adam and Eve living in an original state, where they wallow in their ignorance and are, thus, happy. They know no shame, no sin, nothing. It is not until they reached the tree of Knowledge that their original state is irrevocably corrupted, as they partake in the forbidden fruit they are cast out of paradise. Some scholars think that the longing to return to paradise and undo the suffering wrought by knowledge is the real reson behind its systematic elimination from the world.
Those same scholars believe Paradise to be an illusion, thus bringing a second, ontological implication for Ignorance (with capital I)
Ontological implications of Ignorance[edit | edit source]
According to the Greek philosopher Bob, Ignorance is a world-changing force. As Adam and Eve were in a state of perfect ignorance, their world was paradise, no suffering was possible as they could not recognize it, but happiness was impossible as well. The general state of numbness associated with ignorance was the closest to any emotion they would have felt. The snake in the apple, talking with Eve, is philosophically impossible, as their ignorance would have made improbable for the snake (or anyone else, for that matter) to communicate with them. A possible paradise would be a forest full of apple trees, as having the mere hint of curiosity would have cast them off paradise eventually. Not until they opened their eyes could they have realized that paradise was an illusion. Not until they had the knowledge could they have realized that apple trees were cardboard cutouts in a barren land.
Ignorance is, then, the perfect way to turn any barren wasteland into paradise, any ill-conceived plan into sheer geniality, every sugar pill into a cancer cure and an AIDS vaccine, every utter bullshit into a world bestseller.
Thus, we have a political inclination for ignorance.[edit | edit source]
The best ruler is not that who governs with wisdom and strength, but that who can make everyone overlook his obvious flaws.
A brief How to be a "good" ruler[edit | edit source]
- Eliminate the smart guys who can realize you're a phony. ELIMINATE!!!
- Provide free or inexpensive entertainment. When things do not look so good, send in the strippers. Once all the paint has been removed, send in the loose women!
- Control the media and replace them with 5000 typing monkeys. If monkeys eventually evolve into something intelligent, shoot them and replace them with something unintelligent with hands.
- Be sure to replace neon lights in schools with microwave generators that will fry the brains of the citizens of the future.
- Have plenty of drugs and booze available, and to make it attractive to the general population, outlaw them. They will fight with claw and teeth for it.
- Create overprized trinkets that cost you a few cents but are made to look expensive (remember this word; Shiiiiiny!), market them and have your slaves spend their already low paychecks on them.
Now that you have read this you are a threat to national security. Did we mention that we poisoned that water you took a shower with? Wait, you didn't take a shower today; however, the anthrax on your seat is crawling up your anus as you read this. Assuming you're sitting down. So, to be sure you're dead, we have sent a ninja to get you. It would be a good idea to duck at random times.
Synonyms[edit | edit source]
People Widely Considered to Be Ignorant[edit | edit source]
- People who dont know what the song "Afternoon Delight" is about
- Captain Oblivious
- People who confuse the homonyms "your" and "you're"
- Holocaust denyers
- People who edit Wikipedia
- Dubya
- Conservatives
- Holocaust Survivors
- Americans
- David Hasselhoff
- Public school teachers
- Your dad
- Barack Obama