User talk:Under user/Archive 7

I smell fresh meat.

RAEP!

— Sir Manticore 09:36, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

Man, a page can't maintain its innocence for longer than 3 minutes on this site. What's the world coming to? Actually, I think this is the first time you've graced my page Manticore. Welcome! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 09:40, Apr 11

It's got colors. Colors of a gray, depressing sky! YAY! - CC Blah / Pee

Well, I don't want to encourage any frivolity on my talk page. This is serious! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 12:53, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

How serious? - CC Blah / Pee

Serious! --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 12:58, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

(CHANGING TOPIC TO CORRESPOND WITH LEVEL OF SERIOUSNESS)

WHO DO YOU CONSIDER THE FOREMOST PHILOSOPHER OF OUR AGE? THANK YOU FOR YOUR PARTICIPATION. -   ~  CAJEK. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Hmm, toughie. One has to consider the intellectual claims of Chomsky, for example, and his considerable contributions to the sum of human knowledge. 4.252.99.182 also makes a strong claim for the title with his profoundly insightful comments on existence. But on reflection, I'd side with Lavigne, for her assertion that "Uh huh, life's like this, Uh huh, uh huh, that's the way it is". Elegant and profound - what more is there to say? -- Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 13:12, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

IF (1) LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES, AND (2) EAT SHIT FUCKERS!!!, THEN AREN'T WE ALL JUST SHIT IN THE BIG SCHEME OF THINGS?   ~  CAJEK. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

That makes no allowances for the other things contained in a box of chocolates, such as moulded plastic trays, ridged cardboard separators, little maps and warnings about possible nut content. Truly, you never know what you're gonna get... --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 13:26, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

That is indeed the shit we are to consume... Also don't take my chocolates! You'll get icky stains all over my articles >:( --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:29, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

I AGREE WITH DJ IRREVERENT. I WOULD CONCEDE THE POINT, IF NOT FOR THE FACT THAT I EAT MOLDED PLASTIC TRAYS ALONG WITH THE CHOCOLATES. I, UH, HAVE AN EATING PROBLEM.   ~  CAJEK. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Consider also that boxes of chocolate also contain air, which can't be "eaten" by conventional means, and also very occasionally dead flies missed by the hygiene processes, which can and are delicious. I see myself as the 0.0000087 % of the air that is Xenon. So not shit, in other words. You may have some self-images issues which you are trying to suppress with your packaging-eating. Have you considered seeing a doctor? --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 13:41, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

EVERY TIME I SEE THAT DOCTOR, I GET BANNED, AND THEN I CAN'T SEE HIM ANYMORE. CONSIDER THIS STATEMENT AND WRITE A 500 WORD ESSAY TO THE EFFECT. USE THE MARGINS PROVIDED.   ~  CAJEK. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

Why d'you think I suggested you see him? That's the kind of forward-thinking treatment that we need. If more people were banned, there would be no worldwide moulded packaging shortage due to over-consumption. And I can't count. -- Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 14:07, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

Thanks guys, I needed that. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 09:41, Apr 12

:D   Le Cejak • <Apr 12, 2008 [13:19]>

Serious Criticism And Bandwagons

I liked the old page bettah... but I like riding bandwagons even more! --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:34, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

In which case, where's your serious sig? --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 13:41, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

I kinda misinterpreted that... Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:52, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

That's a definition of serious I'm unfamiliar with. Please wash your hands on your way out. --Sir Under User (Hi, How Are You?) VFH KUN 14:07, 11 April 2008 (UTC)

Reward!

With warm regards...

Javascap has decided that, somehow, you are a rightfully friendly fellow, and has decided to throw this colourful template onto your page.

REJOICE Under user!

For the great job you have been doing, and because I want to hand this fresh reward to SOMEONE. Cheers! Warm Regards, Javascap

yay! thanks for the delete vote!

--Moonzeppelin MUN 13:49, 13 April 2008 (UTC)

Hmm, this is new... (Also, did I? I can't remember?) --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:53, Apr 13

Blah

Vote, blah, vote, blah. DO YOU EVER DO ANYTHING WITH FEELING, MAN?!~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 21:11, 14 April 2008 (UTC)

How's about this from my contribs log: "09:28, 31 March 2008 (hist) (diff) m User:YesTimeToEdit/SigBook‎ (it says everybody feel free to sign, and I'm one of everybody, so I Feel Free. Hmm, good song actually, time to listen to Cream again...)" That was only a couple of weeks ago, what do you want, blood? --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 21:16, Apr 14

That would be nice. Otherwise, I have to find another sacrifice, and waiting makes Grendel displeased.-~~ Sir Ljlego, GUN  [talk] 22:28, 14 April 2008 (UTC)

Tanks

Campaign Leaflet thanks you for the vote.

Unfortunately Campaign Leaflet can not keep any of the promises it made campaigning as the $10 offered by the Pizza place down the street was just too good an offer not to fold for. But still, $5 Pizza - thats tonights dinner for YOU!

--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 07:27, 15 April 2008 (UTC)

Hey thanks.

I appreciate the second opinion. I hope I can take the fact you've gotten around to it to mean your Gran's feeling better. I've got a couple of follow up questions. 1. It's funny you mentioned VFD as I was a little concerned that it might come accross as too negative. I don't want to give the impression that we're a bunch of complete asshats. I'd like to also give the impression that there's fun to be found as well, but it's difficult to do in something like this. Got any suggestions? 2. I don't know if you're the right person to ask, but is there somewhere where all the helpful pages are collected? I'd like to link to them all in this article (in the spirit of helping noobs and all) but I'm sure there's several I don't even know exist. -OptyC Sucks! CUN 00:05, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

Hey

I got a few things to say to you. 1) Im surprised you have friends. 2) Your friend cant even spell rape right 3) You need quit meddling in friends buissness – Preceding unsigned comment added by SasukeUchiha (talk • contribs)

Really? Here are a few replies for you:

1. I surprise people regularly.
2. You can't even spell "I'm", or "business" right.
3. You can't wikiformat either.
4. I try to help out around here - generally, the stuff I revert is vandalism, and nothing more.
5. If you have a problem with somethink I've done, let me know what it was - I do a lot around here. If I fucked something up, I apologise. Although judging by your manner, I'm not sure that's the case.
6. SIGN YOUR POSTS. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:58, Apr 16

Hey you, I've got a bone to pick with you

What's up with you and reverting vandalism on my userpage? People work hard on that vandalism, you know! What kind of asshole are you?

And furthermore, you were editing my talk page! The insult! The horror! The dreadfulness!

And what's up with you editing the wiki?? Stop pressing "edit", you bastard!

GOD! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 17:20 Apr 16, 2008

I know, and I didn't even have the courtesy to vandalise your userpage during Lent. I know you may never forgive me, but I'd like you to at least try! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 18:43, Apr 16

UU - Should I ban the vandal? ~ 18:15, 16 April 2008 (UTC)

Mordillo - I think he secretly enjoys it, much better not to give him what he really wants... --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 18:43, Apr 16

I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! Oh wait, ban who?   Le Cejak • <Apr 16, 2008 [23:00]>

Tell me where you hid the body.

Hey, Punk!

You voted to get the UnScript featuring the most violent detective in the world to the front page to blow some heads clean off a few newbie shoulders. I'll keep this brief considering that I've been sitting on my ass for the last minute talking to you instead of carving holes into that punk Dexter.

So thanks for the vote.

I probably wouldn't have made this if I hadn't seen average cop. So, an extra thanks. ~

Jacques Pirat, Esq. Converse : Benefactions : U.w.p.

17/04/2008 @ 03:04

Really? Hey, that's cool - an extra thanks to you for an enjoyable read! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 09:27, Apr 17

No Shouting

No Shouting?   Le Cejak • <Apr 17, 2008 [13:28]>

No. No shouting in the maintenance library. Naughty boys like Javascap who shout their name will get detention and miss recess. Or possibly a stern and disapproving UU glare. Either is bad. Also, do you prefer this lovely colo(u)r talk page to the gr(a/e)y? Crikey, this transatlantic spelling thing is tricky! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:33, Apr 17

I remember when you glared at me that one time... yikes. Well, let me say first: CAJEK!. Let me say second: YOU WANNA REVIEW SOMETHING I WROTE? Let me say third: I like this better, because it reminds me of MY talk page (which has been quiet lately). THANK YOU, SINCERELY CAJEK.   Le Cejak • <Apr 17, 2008 [13:37]>

...I hope whoring was allowed...   Le Cejak • <Apr 17, 2008 [13:57]>

That's not whoring, that's a review request - that's a different kettle of stuff you put in a kettle. I may well take a look at that later. I'm on another one of those days when I can do little bits here and there, but finding a block of time to concentrate on a review is a bit harder. I'll see what happens when I get home. Also, I'm not watching your faves page, but I did see you change it on RC - does that mean you're glaring at me? What the hell will happen if we get crossed glares? I'm feeling sparks build up as I type... --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:00, Apr 17

I have found that two people glaring at each other over the internet isn't like glaring in real life. Glaring is made of tougher stuff than this internets, although I can almost feel your glare from over here.

If you do review it, UU, thanks! I'm rewriting pages I find after going through special:random. Have you noticed that my last five VFH'd articles have been about animals? What does this mean?   Le Cejak • <Apr 17, 2008 [14:09]>

Rightyho, I've got a good few minutes spare, here we... wait a minute, it's been done already, by The Improver. Well, there's a thing. Well, here's the deal: I'll give a second opinion if you want, but only if you want - so let me know. And yes, I've noticed you're able to say "my last 5 features". I have to talk about "my 5 features". *sob*. I'm sure I mentioned somewhere about you being too funny... --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 19:42, Apr 17

Second opinion would be appreciated, although I have to give improver credit: although he didn't get the article, he gave an extensive review and stuck with it. Thank you, UU! ...sorry about being funny. Here, have my brains.   Le Cejak • <Apr 18, 2008 [2:24]>

Picture request?

Hey UU, remember when I found that picture for your article? Could you do me a favor and touch up this image I made? Make it look like an actual post 9/11 mindset color coded alert system, if you can. You got time to do it, or should I come back later? it's for UnNews:Something Wicked This Way Comes.   Le Cejak • <Apr 18, 2008 [5:47]>

I'll have a go - does the text reflect the colo(u)r you'd like in each bit, or is the black part of the joke, and you just want it touching up to look more professional? With this and the review, I hope to get to sorting it in a matter of a few short hours - after my dinner. Food must come first, as I am Lee Marvin. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:33, Apr 18

The "blackness" of each section is part of the joke, and I trust you to find a way to include it. If you can think of a really funny/interesting 7th box to throw in there, that would be fine, too. Looking forward to your review! That was for the cute puppy, right? ...I just realized why you don't have more features: Your jokes are British! :D   Le Cejak • <Apr 18, 2008 [16:03]>

Wow, you've done so much for me UU: U rock. I'm going to update the list...   Le Cejak • <Apr 19, 2008 [13:17]>

Oh, okay, you guys already did it! ...damn that was fast. Anyway, thank you again, UU!   Le Cejak • <Apr 19, 2008 [13:19]>

Is it possible to request another picture for Mordor Jalapeno? You did so good on that last one that I presumed...  Le Cejak • <Apr 23, 2008 [0:54]>

Oh bugger, I've been so caught up in other stuff I totally didn't notice this request - if it still stands, let me know what you want and I'll give it my best shot tomorrow. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 20:41, Apr 23

I Nearly Killed Myself

Here, I want you to have this:

Oh shit! Dude, I'm so sorry. Was that your car?   Le Cejak • <Apr 24, 2008 [22:47]>

Pee Stuff

Hey UU, I happened to be on your talk page when I remembered noting that the Pee Review for User:VGDictator/secret/secret appears to have been moved to the "Reviewed" list, but it hasn't been reviewed. I originally said I'd take it on but quickly relised there was a lot of work to do and I didn't have time to do it there and then, so i jsut offered up what I would have put in the review for the "Prose and Formatting" section... Anyway that was a bit of a ramble, what I'm saying is that this game hasn't been reviewed but is in the reviewed list!! I really did make a meal of explaining that, oh well... - 03:39 26 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

I apologise it was entirely my fault, Heerenveen has corrected it! - 03:46 26 AprilSir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

hello, than you very much for your review, im not sure how to use chat on this site. Your comments were very helpful and i will look into making the changes you recommended. If you have any more comments, please let me know!!! ---gamestud – Preceding unsigned comment added by Gamestud (talk • contribs)

Dude you adopted

Thanks so much. :)

So I have one thing that's really nagging at me. I see pictures on articles like the one at the top of Biffy Clyro, and I would really like to know how to use/create/access those. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Darthmat (talk • contribs)

Pics eh? Good: we start with something I know a little about! First off though, what are you referring to on the Biffy Clyro page? The Scottish template at the very top, or the pic of the personable young lady just below it? --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:11, Apr 28

Scottish thingy at the top. I know how to use an image and put a caption like the girl. (I have one of those on my user page.) -(Darthmat) 15:37, 28 April 2008 (UTC) (Also, as you can see, my sig. reeks of phailure. Any tips?)

Did I phail? (Edit at the top of the page.) Ignorance Also, on the top of this page, the image keeps on changing. How do I do that? -(Darthmat) 15:55, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/User:Darthmat/signature - How did I do? -(Darthmat) 16:40, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

"ow you need to pop it in a page by itself, then go to your preferences page, and in the "nickname" box add User:Darthmat/sigpagename. Tick the "Raw signatures (without automatic link)" box, and you're done! Use the 4-tildes or signature button (Image:Button sig.png) to use your saved signature." I didn't do all that. I just copied and pasted the code, and this is what I got. (Exactly what I wanted.) -- Darthmat  (talk to me) 20:52, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

Uh huh - but you'll find it quickly becomes really tiresome copying and pasting the code every time! Still, it's up to you man, it's just a suggestion... Nighty night, anyway! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 20:57, Apr 28

I just realized, the time stamp is really ugly. Advice?

Oh 'eck - well, here's the code I use for mine: <small><font color="navy"><i>{{subst:CURRENTTIME}}, {{subst:CURRENTMONTHABBREV}} {{subst:CURRENTDAY}}</i></font></small> - play around with the substituted bits in that and you should be OK. If you do go down the preferences route for your sig (which I heartily recommend), then you simply add the code after the {{User:Darthmat/sigpagename}} bit, and it should work fine (although then you have to remember to sign with three tildes instead of the usual 4). G'night! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 21:02, Apr 28

Thanks! Will play around with it.-- Darthmat  (talk to me) 21:06, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

So now we have this issue. This issue is as follows. Darthmat asked me to adopt him. I agreed. Darthmat announce to you that you adopted him. You agreed. So, should I ban him, you, both of you, or simply ask you out for a dual? Or a date? Whatdaya think UU? ~ 20:59, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

Oh blimey - I didn't know about any of that. Er, how about you ban the date, and we forget the whole thing. I'd be tempted to recommend if there's any confusion that he go with his original request as you're a far better parent than me, and I haven't really got a clue what I'm doing! But if you're, y'know, busy being an admin and all, I'll do my best to help him instead. Seems a decent sort, and all that. And now if you excuse me, I've said g'night twice already on this page, and I am going to log out. In a minute. Honest! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 21:11, Apr 28

Just kidding, you're actually a better option than me, I'm out of time at the moment. Darthmat, I will be seeing you around eh? nudge nudge wink wink ~ 21:27, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

User talk:Darthmat/signature Finished. (And with some help from Jacques Pirat) - Darthmat  (talk to me) 21:49, Apr 28

Dude, you adopted?

I'm still under the thumb of my adopter.   Le Cejak • <Apr 28, 2008 [21:26]>

I was never under the thumb of my adopter :P --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 12:05, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Your adopter was a free spirit: a spirit who was free and unhindered and yadda yadda! You can't expect him to be responsible!   Le Cejak • <Apr 29, 2008 [13:14]>

<old fart> In my time we didn't even have adopters </old fart> ~ 13:22, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

Did you have audios for unnews? :D   Le Cejak • <Apr 29, 2008 [13:25]>

<reckless fool>In my time we had adopters. Good ones. I just decided not to bother with one.</reckless fool> And look at how I turned out - a shining advertisement for why we need good adopters! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:27, Apr 29

Pee?

If you have the time I would love you to review User:DJ Irreverent/Pre-Market Economy, right now it is in the finished writing down everything I can think of, needs cleaning up stage. I will go over it later to and give it more of a serious economic tone, cutting down and better intro. A lot of the humor is subtle and metaphorical and I am /trying/ to compare the market with children playing. Maybe I'm trying too much at once? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 15:56, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

Yep, I would agree. That's a good way to put it.   Le Cejak • <Apr 28, 2008 [15:59]>

I'll try to have a look later - I'm off home now! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 16:09, Apr 28

Sorry DJ, not right now - I've been tinkering with Uncyc while doing other stuff tonight (real life important stuff, unfortunately), and I'm not going to have the time to give your article the attention it deserves until at least Wednesday now. I'll see what I can do then though - and I will add it to my memory to show I'm serious! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 20:47, Apr 28

Yeah thats good actually. I'm still fine tuning it to awesomeness so that is perfect for reviewing. Please understand that I have put tonnnnes of effort into this and kinda underestimated the difficulty of it with such an arcane topic. Oh congrats on UotM :) --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 12:01, 29 April 2008 (UTC)

It is ready save making the story sound more like a typical kids book at the end --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 14:36, 30 April 2008 (UTC)

Rightyho, there you go, one review. I took a lot of time over that, as I wanted to make sure I respected the effort that's gone into its creation. I don't think you have much more to do, although the prose tweaks are needed, and you might want to consider the future of the big business section (I find it incredibly hard to cut anything from my own stuff, and that bit is quite funny, so I'll understand you leaving it in though). All told, a very good job indeed. As to your UotM comment above - there is still time left for that to change, although I'll concede it's unlikely. And while I'm obviously flattered by the votes and comments and the like, I'm slightly gutted not to be setting a brand new "4 noms without a win" UotM record, and also gutted not to see it going to Heerenveen, who I think really deserves it. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 20:19, Apr 30

Nom it if you like. I feel it is about 96% right, I just want to change the end of the story a bit but inspiration isn't coming even after reading it again. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 16:26, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

thx

FOOM Thanks for voting for Why?:Burn a Furby? on VFH. Now get out there and incinerate some of those suckers!

– Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 19:13 Apr 28, 2008

Oh yeah - I meant to do one of those for RPMTT - better get to it. Once this Furby is completely torched - there's still some hair left! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 19:20, Apr 28

Do you know...

That that picture you use is one of a Merkava tank? The whole story behind that is quite famous in my parts of the world...:) ~ 19:53, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

Ah, one tank looks much like another to me... But you're not getting one on your page, you not-voting-for-it swine! (The fact that I think you were away when it ripped through VFH pleasingly quickly is neither here nor there!) --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 20:18, Apr 28

DAMN YOU ! I DEMAND A PICTURE OF TANK WITH SOME WORDS ON MY PAGE! ~ 20:28, 28 April 2008 (UTC)

Thanks

	Well, well, well. I never would have guessed that Under user was stupid enough to vote for this tripe! Goes to show you never can tell.
	Thanks for voting!

And an extra big helping of thank you for making that picture for me. -OptyC Sucks! CUN23:58, 29 Apr

UotM

Haha! NERD!   Le Cejak • <May 01, 2008 [13:18]>

Your point being? That's practically my job description. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:25, May 1

Ha... haha... yer a... a nerd... Dammit! Beating up nerds is no fun when they don't fight back.   Le Cejak • <May 01, 2008 [13:27]>

Shitbags man, you'll have to do better than that - I have a t-shirt that declared my nerdness to the world! Besides, isn't it, like, a requirement of contributing to Uncyc that you're a nerd? Besides besides, you created the list... doesn't that make you a geek? Besides besides besides, one of the biggest spiders I've seen in a while (remember: I live in the UK, where big, dangerous spiders can only be found in pet shops) ran across the office and freaked all the girls out, what was I saying? Oh yes, three Southern Comfort and Cokes please barman. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:41, May 1

I deny ever creating the list and you can't prove anything and you're a nerd and a geek shut up! Anyway here's a list:

1. There is no alcohol in England. You people are too uptight for that.
2. There are no spiders in England, for the same reason.
3. "Barmen" don't exist, unless it's a new group of superheros I've never heard of. They're called "Bar Tenders".
4. There is no England. Well, at least no England with a Cajek in it.

  Le Cejak • <May 01, 2008 [14:36]>

1. We're only uptight when we can't get alcohol, like when we go to California age 20, for example (sassenrassenfrassen stoopid drinking age laws)
2. You try telling my girlfriend that - she's convinced anything vaguely arachnid with a body larger than a bit of pocket lint is a tarantula
3. I thought it was us who was supposed to use extra letters where they're not needed? Bar tender? Sounds like a gardener to me
4. There'll always be an England, Cajek or... __NOCAJEK__ --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:35, May 1

Dude! I was going through old featured articles and didn't expect to see this page. If that had been written nowadays, it might've even gone to VFD.   Le Cejak • <May 01, 2008 [14:46]>

Dude that was when the place was like 4 days old or something and there were like 1.5 people here, one of them STM /me runs off and crys. Nostradamus is just as bad. PS. I just looked at the Featured version, HOLY CRAP was that bad and name droppy. It would be VFD nowadays as you said. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 14:56, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

Oh jeez, you're right! I didn't know that Mr. Wilde was already an overused meme @ 4 days old! Jeez. These old features should be reexamined. (SIDE NOTE: I just rated Under User's talkpage as "poor")   Le Cejak • <May 01, 2008 [15:04]>

SIDE NOTE: lend it some money then. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:35, May 1

Thankies

Congrats on UotM, too - I might be seeing you on 4 noms soon enough! Thanks yet again. –—Hv (talk) 1/05 16:00

Nomination

	Thank you, Under user, for voting Orian57 your Reviewer of the Month. However the egotistical beast that you have now unleashed is not grateful and meagrely expected the vote but would like to give you a condescending pat on the head. Good girl/boy
	Thanks for voting!

Although you nominated and didn't vote, the point still stands. Thanks I apreciate it. Have Fun! MuCal. Orian57|Chat|Chuckle|PEE List|Awarded|UnBlog|Orian57 17:51, 1 May 2008 (UTC)

nomnomnomnomnom

You have been selected by the Grand Master General Lord Dame Knight Sir Me as a potential criminal for the crime of being awesomely awesome. You have 3 days to take out the washing OR ELSE (I like it in paper, preferably unmarked) :> --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 10:41, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

I've gone ahead and nommed Pre-Market Economy. I love it, and expect to see it storm the voting shortly! Now, what's this? WotM? No chance! Thanks for the nom - very flattering and all, but there's just no way I've written anywhere near enough - I spend too much time on pee and RC! I think that, given a little time and a few more articles, you'll have a very good shot at it one day - better than me anyway. Still, I'll enjoy having the voteWotM template on my userpage for a month. I just hope it doesn't feel like it's slumming it! ;-) --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 12:00, May 2

I'd say you have a good shot next month :) 6 features is nothing to sneeze at. Me? WotM? ahh give it time, I'm just nigh on 3 months here writing seriously --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 12:02, 2 May 2008 (UTC)

NotM - Thanks

SHIZZLE DIZZLE!

Under user, you there? Come out where I can see you, I come bearing gifts! There you are! You are a VERY clever person. Why? Because you voted for me and helped me become NotM! Well done. Give yourself a pat on the back.

To reward you, I'm giving you a YTTE goodie-bag. It is a collection of YTTE memorabilia I've just pulled out of my pocket...That's one scrumpled piece of paper, a dead slug, three unidentified hairs, a strain of the bird flu virus, a morally ambiguous Olympic torch, two cows and various assorted, unexpected items. Enjoy!

YTTE would also remind you that he's still got a few miracle toothbrushes left. Toothbrushes have so many uses, and these miracles ones are great! Buy one now for a massively reduced price and enjoy their increased ease-of-use feel. 98% of the people studied said their teeth were saved by these total protection tooth brushes! Get your hands on one now!

P.S. Sorry that was so long and rambling, sorry there's no picture. You'll just have to imagine that this is a short, concise, beautiful thank you template. Also I'm hoping I'm not breaking any unspoken rule or etiquette of Uncyclopedia by giving you this thank you template!

from YTTE.

Thank you!! - 16:11 2 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Awesome - that has to be the single largest template I've every had on this page - good work YTTE! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 22:09, May 2

New Pic Request?

Instead of using the old header, I'll start a new one. Could you modify Image:Mordor2.jpg to include a small, white picket fence in the foreground? Just big enough to see would be nice. Maybe some flowers. And a shrubbery. Does that sound doable, or are you too busy or something? Anyway, thank you UU!   Le Cejak • <May 02, 2008 [16:34]>

I don't see why not - tomorrow OK with you? I'm out tonight at my football soccer team's end-of-season awards drinkathon... --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 17:29, May 2

Yeah, do what you gotta do. Thanks, dude!   Le Cejak • <May 02, 2008 [21:13]>

Uncyclopedia:VFP/Image:Mordor fence.jpg. Plus, take a look at its article and see if that picture adds anything! I believe it does.   Le Cejak • <May 02, 2008 [23:32]>

Aw thanks, man, glad you like it. However, I had to vote against - while it does work in the article (and on another read, I'm thinking I was in a bad mood when I only gave that a weak for on VFH), it doesn't really work by itself. I would like to get a featured pic one day, but that one is not going to be it! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 07:31, May 3

Sorwwy!

Sorwwy about jumping over that there gun, I thought there was some restriction about that...I'll just go repent to the Gods of Pee. - 14:42 3 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Ah, I wouldn't sweat it - as a misdemeanor it's not exactly up there with page blanking! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:47, May 3

Oh that's slightly disappointing that's good to know. - 15:45 3 May Sir FSt. (QotF BFF NotM) YTTETalk!Read!Sign!Whore!CMC!Pee!

Really really really really really really late thanks

I felt like making one after all those months --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 12:41, 5 May 2008 (UTC)

How do I work this crazy thing?!

Well, I went on a walk over to User:Cajek/Pee to try to update the list of recent reviews... and I have no clue how the hell I am supposed to do anything! Would you kindly enlighten me on the ancient art of updating the Review page? Warm Regards, Javascap

Well, to quote Cajek on SysRq's talk page: "tonight's story is about the maintenance box and the score averages. You have to only cross out (<s>) the pee review name and the author, not your own thoughts on it. Then you must find their names down in the other sections and update them. That includes, for EACH USER WHO DID A REVIEW, their total # of reviews, # of in-depth reviews, the {{%|X|Y}} thing, their scores, the last review that person did on which date, the average # of reviews down below, the average # of in-depth reviews, the average scores and the last review checked overall. It's actually pretty easy once you see it. Jeez, when I write it all out like that it sounds insane". I think that mentions most of it, but I'd suggest the best plan is to look through the history at the last few edits and see what gets done. As Cajek says, a few edits and it starts to make sense. (Then Cajek adds another section or bit to confuse you all over again!) --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 10:35, May 6

Thanks for voting

Thanks for voting for that article about the sun, or something. Yeah, so I was too lazy to make a template. That doesn't make this message any less generic though. -RAHB 08:22, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Ugh

On that depression news thingy article on VFH I am absolutely positive I am missing something because I just didn't laugh once despite reading it twice. What was the gag behind it? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 09:33, 6 May 2008 (UTC)

Ah, as always, it's a subjective thing, nothing more. There's more than one feature I failed to see any funny in (Hodgepodge springs instantly to mind). For me, it's a no-talent hack with a massively inflated sense of his own writing ability, and of the importance of his utterly insignificant newspaper column, who is (only partly of his own accord) spiralling into psychosis and mania in the misguided belief that it will render him a genius. Plus the casual misanthropy and increasing paranoia and so forth help. I find it absurd, and I love it. But there you go man, that's the way things work - just occasionally, something misses your funny bone and hits someone else's. C'est la vie! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 09:44, May 6

Thanks

Thank you for voting You have been awarded majority shareholding in DJ's Worms and Drinkies by way of thanks for voting Pre-Market Economy onto the main page. Just hold on tight, those kids bite...

--Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 10:00, 7 May 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost: May 8th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

May 8th, 2008 • Issue 1 • Yankees: 5

UnSignpost Unleashed on UnCommunity Unless you were blinded or high during the time you read this newspaper's title, you know that Uncyclopedia finally has UnSignpost! For too long, Uncyclopedia has been devoid of talk page spam, such as thank you templates and welcome messages. To rectify this, Dr. Skullthumper, a local doctor and zombie specialist, and Cajek, one of the last members of the light-blue-ish species of Cajeks, have created a newspaper in the latest exercise in futility to hit the site since Forum:Count to a million. Skullthumper and Cajek spent 15 hours working on the first edition, not including writing time. Said Skull, who was trying to sleep until we interviewed him, "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." News has reached us that friendships were strained during the production of the first issue. Skullthumper, whose hospital room we broke into, said "F**king Cajek. I will NEVER forgive him for what he did to me! Oh, see you guys in the office Monday." The Uncyclopedia Signpost has a world-wide circulation of more than 3, with plans for further issues. Uncyclopedia F**king Doomed Uncyclopedia, a humor wiki that you're on right now, has thrown itself into a state of chaos and is on the verge of collapse. Unless someone either writes more or writes less, the wiki that we have come to know and love (like that retarded cousin that comes over during Christmastime) will vanish. Unless it doesn't, in which case someone's going to be very disappointed. Codeine, Save the Mooses, and a bunch of other people we've never heard of give the site 6 days to "clean up its god damned act." Because the site is doomed, the local WikiNewspaper, UnSignpost, will soon print its last issue. Cajek, one of the editors, said of the event, "No we're not closing down you bunch a 'tards! You're the worst reporters I've ever seen! DON'T YOU DARE PUT THAT IN THE FIRST ISSUE!" Local psychics have set Uncyclopedia's Doomsday for next Monday, around teatime. Upgrade On Wednesday, Wikia upgraded to MediaWiki version 1.12. While these reporters don't have any idea what that means, new features seem to include: Broken <choose> tags! That's right, even more signature-breaking action! Russian Roulette usergroups! So you thought you had rollback rights, huh? Whoops! Not anymore! Wikia is reportedly looking into making new features such as accidentally dumping the database for Shits and Giggles™. These reporters would like to thank Wikia for working so hard to keep our beloved wiki running, and would also like to say "FU WIKIA", preferably in caps. Pee Review Does Goodly UN:PR is nearly empty due to many diligent reviewers who have little else to do, and don't know how to write articles themselves. Uh, unless they're reading this right now, in which case they rock! YesTimeToEdit starts a cult One of the newer cults, YesTimeToEdit's Cow Moo Cult is our... CULT OF THE WEEK! With a base located in the jungles of Nebraska, YTTE's cult makes all the fun things you want, like polygamy, sodomy, and, in YTTE'S case, polysodomy, legal. Sadly, unlike more Eastern-y cults, it does not practice Kung Fu. But you can bet that if it did, it wouldn't just use it for defense. ...Damn namby-pamby bastard Easterny cults. YesTimeToEdit's eternal nemesis, NoTimeToRevert, has not announced plans to start a cult, but probably has one in secret just to be a dick. That guy is such a dick. Rcmurphy nominated for Noob of the Month again Thekillerfroggy is sucked into the black vortex of tradition as he takes another whack at a dead horse and nominates long-time noob Rcmurphy for the honor of Noob of the Month. Mr. Froggy had this to say to "reporters": "I figured that, since RCMurphy, one of the oldest members of the site, was in fact NOT a noob, that this little gesture would give the community a giggle. You see? Because he, like, isn't a noob."

Check out these pages! What you probably missed on IRC (and were happy you did) Help Fnoodle link up Uncyclopedia Uncyclopedia At-A-Glance Kalir's Epic Story Irony in the forums From our logs: Codeine huffed "Man With no Name" (You don't need to create redirects for every case permutation of your title) Codeine huffed "Man with no Name" (in fact, it's quite irritating) Codeine huffed "Man with no name" (and, frankly) Codeine huffed "The Man with No Name" (a complete bloody waste of your time and mine) Codeine huffed "Man with No Name" (but hey, welcome to Uncyc anyway) Codeine huffed "The Man With No Name" (now read BGBU) 07:16, May 6, 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 29 minutes ‎ (Admins are immune to autoblock, duh. And if autoblock tried that shit on a janitor, why, we'd just superblock his ass.) 14:47, May 5, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.108.96.22 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (The Jonas Brothers, eh? Sounds like some kind of shitty boy band. One week to go out and buy a Led Zeppelin album. Oh, and stop blanking.) Biopic of the Week Dr. Skullthumper ~ With a degree in HTML and Wikiology, Dr. Wolfgang Amadeus Milhouse Mozart Jonathan Willy Wizbang Skullthumper, along with Spangle Gay Glittersprinkles, is full of all sorts of techie knowledge for the wandering newb. He enjoys walks on the beach, holding hands, and heroin. Lots and lots of heroin. ...Except replace "heroin" with "rubber duckies". Hey, we just wanted a bad-boy reputation! ...Obviously we failed. Quote of the Week: " very very hilariously strong against" - Everyone on Everything. Spacefiller of the week: Did you know that Grand Theft Auto has had more than 700 different spinoffs, including Grand Theft Auto:Antarctica Oscar Wilde LOLOLOLLL and Grant Theft Auto:Crime Scene Investigation:The ReReckoning:Time of Darkness? No, you didn't. Dumbass. Disclaimer of the week: UnSignpost is not responsible for any lost property while reading. Any lost property found while reading UnSignpost is property of Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek, irrespectively. Any lost property lost while reading UnSignpost is your own damn problem. Week Box of the week: Definitely the Grand Theft Auto one. I peed my pants. Seriously. Somebody should give these guys an award. I was all screamin' n' shit, "Oh yes, YES Dr. Skullthumper or Cajek! Slather me in your humor juice!" The other people in the library, and my psychiatrist, said I was weird, but it was totally worth it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:25, 8 May 2008 (UTC)

Gah

Watching you update the list on RC reminds me I haven't done a review in like fifteen days – I think the RotM curse sort of happened! Combine that with writer's block (not that I'm a decent writer anyway ;)), and Uncyc gets a whole lot plainer for some reason. Like digestive biscuits. And now, because of my obsession with the preview button, I've completely forgotten why I came here in the first place. Damn button. —– Sir Hv » | Talk | Contribs | KUN | UotM | RotM | VFH | Kidney | 9/05 20:57

It hits you man, it seems to take us all! Look at SysRq - not half the peeing force he used to be recently. OEJ's only just returning... I have to admit, I haven't done a review in over a week, which is so unlike me I'm tempted to declare myself an impostor and try to remove my own mask in slightly surreal Scooby Doo fashion. Oh, and you are just way too modest, while we're here - you totally deserved RotM, you totally deserve UotM (you deserved it last month - when I'm keeping half an eye on RC while at work, I only bother until I see you pop up and QVFD something, after which I know there's not really much point! ;-)) And you're a good writer, and getting better. Features will head your way my friend, I'm sure of that. And now, if you'll excuse me, I have an incredibly strong urge for a Rich Tea biscuit to dunk in my cup o' char, so I must away to the kitchen. G'night! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 21:08, May 9

Gahh, you're right. I haven't been reviewing much. I've been too busy trying to get me one more feature soz I can make it into the Hall. But alas. I must refocus. I must reinvent myself. I must quit my job soz I have more time to devote to Uncyc. No, I probably won't do that. But I'll still review more, dammit! And HV, you're awesome. You're twice the reviewer I am, and three times the writer. People tend to drift in and out of Uncyc for various reasons. I've noticed that this is a very low time of the year, because some people have exams and whatnot. Don't feel bad, if anything, you've been working more than any of us and the rest of us have been slacking. And with that, I'm gonna throw this pizza in the oven, go get my Vitamin Water that I left in the car, and get to reviewing. ~Minitrue Sir SysRq! Talk! Sex! =/ GUN • WotM • RotM • AotM • VFH • SK • PEEING • HP • BFF @ 21:22 May 9

I'm a bit late with this (exams, not that you'd know it) but, anyway. I'll address both of your points here.

UU: RotM, yeah it is true, and it's very slightly annoying, especially when you put something on the queue, it makes you feel guilty a bit. I don't feel overly modest really, I just feel that Lj/Led/Manti deserve UotM more than I do. They've done a lot more for this place than I have (put it this way - I left for half a year and this place didn't miss a beat. Imagine if that was Lj?), and that's what I think UotM's core foundation is - rewarding those who've put in lots of hard work for the place. Besides, all I do here is watch RC a bit really. Don't get me wrong, I'm not declining the nom or anything (if I was going to do that, I'd have the class to do it on the first before everyone had voted), but I just feel that they've been far more instrumental to Uncyc's success (yes, despite the doom mongering, I feel this place is actually getting better quality and noob-wise, look at a guy like Hyperbole for instance) than me. And that biscuit made me hungry, but we only have hob-nobs. Damn.

SysRq: Coming from someone who's nommed for WotM, that's a bit of lofty praise, don't you think? It is quite a low time, especially compared to now last year, which I think is a bit down to this new "experienced user" structure, but it'll shake itself eventually. Personally, I feel I actually worked better last year, when no-one knew me, sort of in a MadMax-before-he-got-famous kind of way, but no chance of that now obviously. And don't review too much, I want to still be able to catch you ;).

Anyways, I'm out. RE mock exam and stuff tomorrow, so I'll probably not be active. Yawn. —– Sir Hv » | Talk | Contribs | KUN | UotM | RotM | VFH | Kidney | 11/05 21:48

Collab w/ Cajek?

I just put two new ideas on my idea board: The Old Country and Spear 2.0. Do those look interesting at all, or should I come back later?   Le Cejak • <May 10, 2008 [2:46]>

Maybe take a look at the other crap I've got there, too, just in case one of them tickles your idea box.   Le Cejak • <May 10, 2008 [2:55]>

Hmm, I like the sound of The Old Country, although that may be because I've just re-watched No Country For Old Men. A collab sounds like fun - I've not tried one of those before. I guess when I get time spare from these wedding invites I have to put together this weekend, I might have a good old think about it. Good luck with the essays 'n' shit! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 09:18, May 10

My input would say write The Old Country describing modern society like the good old days or something - break the cliche maaaaaaaaaaann --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 09:37, 10 May 2008 (UTC)

UnSignpost Sunday Edition: May 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

May 11th, 2008 • Issue 2 • Scene XII

Wikia staff finally locates blockage in the Internet tubes: Spang's talkpage After endless days of searching itself, Wikia has discovered the source of all its problems. "It's not DPL," Wikia's local sexy janitor, who wished to remain anonymous, told reporters. "It's not those damn ParserFunctions either, or forums, or even Chuck Norris." When asked what the real cause of Wikia's distresses were, our source remained tight-lipped by stapling his mouth shut. Which was probably a bad idea, considering he ended up writhing in pain on the floor, bleeding all over the nice Wikia rugs. Thankfully, the UnSignpost has a trained doctor on its staff, who was sensible enough to call for medical help. After the sexy janitor was revived, he said "rar." When further questioned about the source of all Wikia's woes, he finally admitted it was Spang's talkpage. "Uncyclopedia user "Spang"'s refusal to archive his talkpage is slowly clogging up the arteries of the Internet," says a technical forum at Wikia. "The talkpage in question has already managed to crash all three of the computers in Australia." Upon being asked to archive his talkpage, Spang reportedly said, "No." When Uncyclopedia was asked to comment, the site had this to say: "FU SPANG". UnSignpost Releases First Issue May 8th, 2008: Uncyclopedia develops a new fungus... a newspapery one. "Through all the shockporn and Oscar Wilde references, we made it!" Founder Dr. Skullthumper said at a recent press conference. At the conference in Skullthumper's backyard, editor-in-chief Cajek, wearing a traditional light blue Mongolian Toga and screaming at birds, had more to add. "I would like to thank all the writers involved. Thank you, you gods of men. You captains of the human experience." Police are investigating the use of strong hallucinogenic drugs during the making of the first issue. So far, the investigation has reached the top of the Unsignpost empire, when detectives found Dr. Skullthumper forcing his staff to squirt automotive door-lock de-icer up their noses to "enhance the creative joo-joo." Local police then ordered the paper to rescind two award-winning articles from its May 8th release. Two of the most hardened criminals on the UnSignpost staff, Meatbone and Spider, are currently planning revenge. When asked if UnSignpost was, like the Daily Show, the Onion, or Uncyclopedia, popular enough to parody itself, Cajek said "No. Obviously not. We can't say we suck yet, or else people would be like 'yeah, they do suck!' We have to wait until people like us. Then, when they read us making fun of ourselves they'll be all like 'this paper ROX!'" In the meantime, the paper promises to not make fun of itself, and will stick to meta-parodying instead until "someone important says it's okay." Heavy metal music found to be beneficial when reverting vandals Ever find yourself stuck awake at three in the morning (EST), fighting a few vandals with no admins around? Studies show that your choice of music might influence how you revert. In a study involving Squiggle, RAHB, Cajek, Fnoodle, Dr. Skullthumper, and Starnestommy, in which they fought diligently for Uncyclopedia through the night, heavy metal music was found to be the best for the purpose of "ass-kicking". After sprinkling some magic over the statistics, they automatically became true. Cajek's Corner By Dr. Skullthumper Today, we're going to make a standard Uncyclopedia article, Cajek-style. You will need: Annoying text. Preferably some blinky things and <big> tags. A sense of humor. Something to complain about for a page or so. Now, we'll combine the elements together into something that might be called an "article". In reality, all you have to do is whine for a good few pages of text, then sprinkle the annoying elements - sparingly. Add headlines and split up paragraphs to disguise your rant as a well-formatted article, and you're done! Next week: Whoring your article Skull's Skullery By Cajek Hi kids! Today, we're going to travel with me, Dr. Skullthumper, through a normal day at Uncyc! 9:00am: Complain about Wikia. Post new topic in Village Dump about Wikia. Troll Special:Recentchanges. 10:42am: Troll talk pages. Post new topic in Village Dump about some random techie shit. Bother some guy. Revert some guy's edits. Get some guy banned. 10:44am: spend thirty minutes on IRC talking to an admin saying how that guy was my best friend, and I never meant to hurt him. 12:10pm: Vandalize some guy's userpage over and over again. 4:92pm: Forget what I was doing. Start over. 5:19pm: Enact wild scheme to make Uncyclopedia that much weirder. End day.

Check out these pages! Self-reference jokes alive and well! Get your Starnestommy sig space while supplies last halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp halp Game portal Kip the Dip unbanned From our logs: 02:49, May 7, 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.233.101.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Fun fact #12341: Cyberbullies have a miniature penis) 11:03, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wigger" ‎ (You people make me hate my life.) 11:04, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Lee Jorde" ‎ (I mean, seriously. I have better things I could be doing than wading through cruft. But I do it anyway.) 11:06, May 8, 2008 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) huffed "Handcuffs" ‎ (Book 'im Danno!) Biopic of the Week Drama ~ Considered the most controversial user on Uncyclopedia evah, Klaus Drama is going strong, getting on average 50 people banned per week. Having studied acting for 40 years and written his own Dadaist version of Hamlet (entitled "dazzling cod"), Klaus has much experience making people nervous and uncomfortable. With his life-long boyfriend Jizz Rick (who demanded to be in the second issue of UnSignpost) Drama is conquering Uncyc one shouting match at a time. Reason to Leave Uncyc of the Week #53 Too many users leaving. Horoscope of the Week Scorpio ~ Expect gains and/or losses in business affairs this week. Oh, and tell that f**cker John that UnSignpost's registered horoscopologists told you he's the one stealing food from the employee fridge, and that if he doesn't stop, the writers of this horoscope will come to his house on Brickwood Lane and trash the damn place. Reason to Leave Alternate Universe Uncyc of the Week #97 Although the alien admins were nice at first, they're starting to lay eggs in our more important organs and eating our more favorite children. Sympathy Biopic of the Week Optimuschris ~ An American user born in mumble mumble, Optimuschris, author of HowTo:Become Stupid in 21 days, is an up-and-coming young Uncyc user, according to, like, lots of people. Whereas he was really friendly before, now, because he appeared in the UnSignpost, "OptyC" has gotten a huge ego, and refuses to "hang" with you. Feeding Trolls of the Week: "I actually made an account just to point out that you accuse ED for being "1000% Unfunny" for having a page for Chuck Norris when you have a link to your very own Chuck Norris page in the article. If you go through UC and just read a random article you probably aren't going to laugh no matter how hard the author tried (and failed, lulz). Encyclopedia Dramatica just wants to fill this goatse-challenging gap that you created with things that are actually funny, liek mudkipz. Plox 2 b nt hating us 4 bein funny kthxbai." - Uncyclopedia on its rival. Quote of the Week: "I feel like throwing myself into the goatse challenging gap we created. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo" - Mordillo on the recent Goatse gap crisis

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 04:40, 11 May 2008 (UTC)

Ping

Your crappy microwave dinner is ready! - Very nice article that, I should have given it more credit for how well rounded it was (thats why I don't often do Pees) --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:24, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

Thanks, very handy. I'll have another look soon and administer tweakage as necessary. One thing though: an unwritten but generally adhered to rule of thumb for article spellings is that if they start in British or US English, they should stick to the same one throughout. So none of this "civilization" rubbish, there's a good chap! ;-) --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 13:42, May 12

Blame windows. As an Aussie we just pick and choose, like our humorouror --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 14:06, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

Heh, I blame Windoze for everything I can... Ah, good old Oz: in just a few months, I'll be in ur country, swimmin ur reef - the thought's getting me through so many hours of tedium at work at the moment! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:12, May 12

The UK suxxorz. Sincerely, Cajek. 14:13, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

It took over 30 minutes to get that from you? Mr Jek, you disappoint me. And those that disappoint me rarely get a chance to do so a second time. Have fun disposing of the ruthless Morris Dancing hit squad I have dispatched, Mr Jek. /me strokes cat reflectively. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:22, May 12

The US and UK both suck equally. Happy? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 14:23, 12 May 2008 (UTC)

No way! We so suck more than they do! It's one of the few things we're still a world force at! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:28, May 12

Don't worry, Under user, you're the biopic of the week in the next unsignpost. THEN we'll see who's laughing! /me strokes giraffe reflectively   Le Cejak • <May 12, 2008 [14:31]>

That's if my crack team of Gloucestershire Cheese-Rolling Ninjas don't get to you first, Meester Jek. /me strokes reflective mongoose. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 14:49, May 12

That's only if my crack team of tractor pull specialists don't get to you first, Meester Under. /me squeezes stress rat reflectively   Le Cejak • <May 12, 2008 [14:58]>

If I were you, I'd be far more worried about my trained stealth Bog Snorkelling heavies, Meester Jek. (Seriously, watch that video). Your feeble American quirks are no match for our full blown British Eccentricities! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 15:14, May 12

/me drops stress rat What in the... no wonder we won the American Revolution! And here I was thinking English accents made people look sophisticated.   Le Cejak • <May 12, 2008 [15:22]>

Long-delayed thankings

	Err... Hey, sorry I'm, uhh, a little bit late on the thanks for this thing... I've been really, really, busy. Anyways, thanks for voting, and, with any luck, those delusional fools will let me out of this hell-hole soon.
	I'm going to burn you all!

Hey, absence makes the heart grow fonder, amirite? - Don Leddy the Crunch (Nyah, see, nyah!) 23:54, May 12

Charles Sumner VFH=

Yeah, I know you're trying to be helpful. Please don't construe my comment as mean-spirited. I haven't submitted anything to Pee Review for years since a couple articles I submitted when I was a n00b were completely ignored there.

I'll bite the bullet on this one and give the ol' Pee Review another chance. I'll submit Charlie Sumner for review and see if anybody "gets it" there.

I'm very skeptical, though. Feedback is only helpful in comedy if the reviewer "gets" why it's funny. YouFang 18:51, 13 May 2008 (UTC)

This is true, very true. Funny is such a subjective thing. On the other hand, sometimes, if enough people don't "get" why an article is funny, maybe it's an indicator that it's not as funny as you thought - it's happened to me often enough! I think you'll find it gets picked up quite quickly on review this time - there are a few really good reviewers out there at the moment, and the queue is moving quite well. --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 08:02, May 14

UnSignpost: May 15th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

May 15st, 2008 • Issue 2 3

The Bible Finally Catches a Break For years... or whatever... Conservapedia has attacked Uncyc for being too liberal. Today, Uncyc publicly derobes itself, and reveals its patriotic side. From now on, "Uncyclopedia" will be renamed "Falwellapedia" in honor of the late pastor, Jerry Falwell who died May 15th, 2007. Unsignpost spoke with the founder, Modusoperandi, in his isolated forest bunker. "I hate how the liberals treat us!" Modus shouted, along with his two followers. "Don't they see that when they make fun of us, the lord rolls over in his soon-to-be-resurrected grave?" The conservative propagandabot Fbooble is scheduled to "purge the site of any left-wing statements" by the end of the week, soon after it gains self-awareness and joins the Republican party. "HUMANS, CLOSE YOUR NOISE HOLES AND PAY ATTENTION!" Fbooble proclaimed at a recent press conference. "THE DEMOCRATS AND ALL THOSE OTHER LIBERALS ARE NEARING THE END." Fbooble, whose titanium wristwatch glistened in the afternoon sun, held up a copy of the Falwell Children's Bible near the conclusion of the conference and said "ALL PRAISE JEBUS, AND HIS INVINCIBLE ARMY OF DISCIPLES!" Although Fbooble is unclear on the details of religion right now, it promises to become ultraconservative when it does. Not all Uncyc users are happy with the transition. Although we could not find anyone who actually called themselves a liberal, we did manage to vandalize a hybrid just to equal the score. Unsignpost promises a lucrative year via advertising revenue for the Republican National Committee and a weekly "Republican of the Week" section. Changes by Fbooble will include replacing all swear words, such as ****** and ***********, with the word "daffodil," and deleting all articles. Shockporn deemed unworthy will be replaced with this image, and quotes not from the bible will be deleted with extreme prejudice. All non-American users, such as that one guy are to be called "fags", also with extreme prejudice. HTBFANJS Most Linked Article How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid, one of the hallmarks of Uncyclopedia, has reached the top of the heap. Mordillo, an administrator who will be the least offended when we attribute absolutely false quotes to him, recently said of the page "Finally! Although I've never read it, I hear it's full of fatherly, patronizing advice for those newbs that write those articles I'm constantly huffing!" Mhaille, who has the most linked-to userpage on Uncyc, was slightly more angry at the recent news. "I'm only in 10th place? What the f**k?" While spying on Mhaille from under his bed, the news staff heard language that no human being was ever supposed to hear. Thankfully, the staff was smashed on Listerine, and may have just made up the entire event. Mhaille commented that "No, they didn't make it up, and if they do it again they had better bring enough Listerine for everyone." The user responsible for the 36,000+ links to How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid wishes to remain anonymous, but said to our reporters through a wiretap "I just got too carried away. I wish I could take it back, but I can't, and that's no reason for threatening my family in this way! Oh jeez, I hope you get this message, Uncyclopedia. All right, I'm hanging up now, and I hope you're not angry. *BEEP*" UnSignpost Releases Second Issue May 15th, 2008: Uncyclopedia has developed an open wound... a newspaperish one. Riding high on their success, Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek have "deployed their golden parachutes" and are "planning to pack up our shit" and "get the hell out of here." Wearing his trademark solid gold sweatpants, bought with the advertising from the first and second issues of Unsignpost, Dr. Skullthumper said "It was fun, I guess, but now it's time to move on. Like a wild hyena, Unsignpost has left its mark. There are no more stories to cover: no more people to attribute fake quotes to." Cajek, munching on a shish kabob of bald eagle babies, had nothing to add except maniacal laughter as he threw thousands of dollars into the air. Unsignpost, bankrupted by the two owner's antics, is planning to make the paper a paid subscription, unless something kooky happens, in which case it won't. In addition to subscriptions, Unsignpost is having a luau at Mike's house to raise money. "Oh, it'll be soooooo exciting!" Mike said. ...You know Mike. Anyway, Mike continued, "There'll be a silent auction, and a limbo contest, and a pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey! Oh! So exciting!" With the proceeds, Unsignpost hopes to add a "Week Box of the Week of the Week" section and a mascot. Maybe a shark. Protein folding: The latest in computer entertainment The editors of the UnSignpost strongly encourage the community to sign up for Uncyclopedia's Folding@Home team. Started in 2005 by rcmurphy, Codeine, Flammable, Paulgb, gwax, Mhaille, Carlb, Naughtyned, DrakeGTA, and RadicalX, the signup page has since gathered more cobwebs than new users. By joining F@H, you will get a free program that uses any extra unused CPU power to perform complicated calculations in the background. "Well that's great," you say. "So I'm helping compute protein folding, a never-before-possible situation to model on computers, and thus helping cure some of the most misunderstood diseases to strike humankind as well as advancing the knowledge of the human race into parts of science that were up until recently perceived as impossible. So what's in it for ME?!" You, yes you, will get the excitement of watching proteins fold in your very own home! "Wow!" exclaims part-time F@H user Dr. Skullthumper, "did you just see that? Did you just SEE the way that blue thing collided into that gray thing? Oh man, it was amazing! And in super-slow motion, too!" Other users have given the program similar reviews, describing it as "utterly transfixing" and "better quality entertainment than mitosis!" You, too, can join in the fun and the frenzy of the world of those wacky proteins - while saving the world!

Check out these pages! MrN makes it Over 9000 René Descartes "That's disgusting! Where can I get a copy?" Spang tries to break Wikia again; fails, settles for MediaWiki instead Jar of dirt, possession thereof That Gray Thing on the Back of Your Screen The first ever WikiBand! From our logs: 22:23, May 9, 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.71.223.144 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't add crap to pages(take that as literally as you want to, btw).) 07:26, May 11, 2008 One-eyed Jack (Talk | contribs) uploaded a new version of "Image:PASex.jpg" ‎ (Pineapple-shaped sexual aid. Stoled off the Internets for higher purposes. The end justifies the means, as Stalin said.)) (Huff log); 11:39 . . Spang (Talk | contribs) (hacked up "Blood": 102 revisions restored) Biopic of the Week Under user ~ By the great Lord Harry, pippings all! Numpty numpty numpty, loo fag wut? Tea time, London, England, Britain! Aluminium, football, dustbins up the dual carriageway, chaps with bad teeth, wot wot? I write long things wit' humoUr! In short, my good numpties: Don't f**k with England. ...even though I'm actually from Idaho. Crossword of the Week Across 5. Uncyclopedia is facing a _ _ _ _ _ _ challenging gap. 12. What happens if you mess with Unsignpost's writers. 14. Uncyclopedia is _ _ _ _ ing DOOMED. 19. Dr. _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ is the one with the lame techie articles. That other guy is pretty cool, though. Well, the crossword thinks he's cool, anyway. Answers next week! ...maybe. Shape of the Week Octangle ~ After thousands of years of being the forgotten cousin of the triangle, and the bastard child of the rectangle and octagon, the Octangle has made a re-emergence. Appearing 20 (secret) times on the $100 bill, the Octangle is our... shape of the week! Doomsday of the Week Monday, around tea time: Uncyclopedia will suddenly shut down due to too many unfunny articles. Users will shake their heads in disgust, pity, anger, sadness, anger, defeat, pity and anger. The last article written will be Grand Theft Auto:Siberia Chuck Norris LOLLLOLOLOLLOO by User:SqueezeMeGently, and the last article featured will be Rough Gay Wolf Sex by User:TheAntiUncyc. User of the Week, not to be confused with Biopic of the Week: FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS ~ Although blocked infinitely, FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS was a boon to the community. We at User of the Week don't see any actual contributions from FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS because they were blocked infinitely, just in and/or before their prime. Which begs the question: Who is the real monster here? Certainly not FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS. ...Go quietly into the night, FUCK MY TIGHT LITTLE ASS, for we shall never forget ye. HanSolo's Weapon of the Week: ARCTIC WARFARE MAGNUM: It's a damn sniper rifle. No explanation needed. (not recommended for use on admins -ed) This Week In Uncyc, 1957 Week of May 15th, 1957: Recreated as a warning system for nuclear attacks, the megacomputer Uncyclopedia kept the Ruskies at bay. With its 5 megabyte database and kung fu grip, Uncyclopedia was a force to be reckoned with. This Week In Uncyc, 1765 Week of May 15th, 1765: The proud warship H.M.S. Uncyclopedia, christened earlier that week, began patrolling the Atlantic for Napolean's fleet. With a crew of 90, a Surface-to-Air missile battery on deck, and the world's first Lolcat, Uncyclopedia was a force to be reckoned with.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 01:10, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

Re.:Pee Review: UnNews: US Govt. encourages Perverts!

Something on here will not allow me to upload any pixes to that article at all. Can you handle this matter? 65.163.112.181 04:47, 15 May 2008 (UTC)

To upload images, you need an account. Get a username - it can't be much worse than mine! Alternatively, if you put in a request at UN:PIC, some kind soul may create and upload one for you (I'm a tad busy at present, see my below chat with Cajek). Or you could find an image you like on another article and use that one. There are ways around it, or you can join up - what's the worst that can happen? --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 17:24, May 15

The bit about Hillary Clinton in the article is in reference to the sudden occurrence of teachers in both high school and junior high school actually having SEX with students, and THAT is STILL GOING ON right now. This has been in the news for several years, and reported on various news outlets. Where the hell were teachers like that when I was in school? 65.163.112.181 00:26, 16 May 2008 (UTC)

the LIST

Man, UU, thank you for keeping up the list! I would give you a template, but I don't know what to give you. Oh I know!

There you go!   Le Cejak • <May 15, 2008 [13:59]>

Oh wow! I mean, most people give me nothing every day, but hardly anyone every does it pr-actively like that! Anywhat, I find the list useful, so I happily take a look at it most days as part of my routine "requires less thought than writing so I can fit it in between bits of actual work" maintenance stuff. The way work is going, I may actually have some time free to look at that collab you suggested some time in 2011. Maybe a wednesday? We'll see what my "creative" approach to deadlines opens up... Also, some advice: never get married. I have an evening of sorting out invitations to relatives I really don't want to come to my wedding to look forward to tonight. Maybe that's why I'm still at work late. Whoever, I'd better finish up and stuff, good evening! --SirU.U.Esq. VFH | GUN | Natter | Uh oh | Pee 17:20, May 15

FUCK YEAH!

FUCK YEAH! Congratulations for voting for Washed Up 70's Rock Band! We know all of our fans out there appreciate us, and wish for us to continue making music! Also, each and everyone of you will be receiving a free copy* of our new album, Last Chance to Make Money Before We Die! *Not actually free. Or an album. You'll be lucky if you even get half a song.

Thanks for the vote - UnIdiot | | Talk | Contribs - 19:01, May 15