Laughter
“Laughter is the best medicine, although many cancer patients prefer chemotherapy.”
– Former U.S. Surgeon General Bruce Springsteen on alternative remedies
Laughter, or laughing, is a common bodily function which has been proven to be linked with several different phenomena. These range from wetting yourself like a idiot to ritualistic human sacrifice (possibly linked with Christians and other deity-worshiping cultists).
Origin[edit | edit source]
The word laughter is thought to been coined in the late 1700s or possibly the early 1800s by Paul Laughing. Paul originally wanted the act of what we know today as laughing to be named carrying (after his wife Carrie). He remained adamant in this until he came home from work (at the Ministry of Names and Verb Innovation) early one day to tell her the news. After Carrie explained to Paul that carrying was already a verb (meaning to carry), Paul renamed it to laughing (coincidentally Paul's surname). It took three weeks for the change to take effect; during this time people were "carrying" at some of the world's first jokes.
Cause[edit | edit source]
Numerous things could make people laugh. An amusing knock-knock joke, a rather humorous episode of The Simpsons or maybe seeing someone in extreme physical agony or a state of morbid depression. Laughing is not, however, a medicine. Whatever it is, it is certainly not a chance for you to try walking on that broken limb again, or to return to your habit of breaking bricks with your face.
Definitive scientific evidence obtained by conducting studies at the University of Maryland for Medical Science has indicated that we laugh as a result of severe compulsions of the posterior hydrosis, a muscle used for the excretions of fecal waste and bodily liquids. These irregular spasms have no legitimate cause and their treatment is unknown. However, theorists believe that excessive harvesting of unborn fetuses as children may be a paramount contributor to this complex bodily function. People who suffer from incontrollable intakes of methane expended by livestock compulsively may be at risk for Unexpected Bursts of Laughter (UBL) later in life. Spontaneous human combustion as well as severe nausea, induced vomiting, increased saliva production, and irascible bursts of vexation over the imprisonment of penguins you illegally imported from the New Zealand coastline are all symptoms of a sufferer experiencing Unexpected Bursts of Laughter (UBL).
Effects[edit | edit source]
Laughter is often seen to cause happiness amongst communities, families and other social groups. This happiness is often at the expense of others.
Retaliation[edit | edit source]
Many jokes have caused people to lash out. For instance Hitler (who was a painter at the time) was in the middle of a tranquil scene of a picnic. Hitler's Jewish friend made a stab at Adolf's sexuality. Hitler retaliated with a mass genocide.
Overdose[edit | edit source]
A reported incident in 500 BC left famous mathematician Pythagoras dead. Pythagoras' wife told investigators that her husband had woken up ranting and raving about his entire lifework being pointless. He shouted something about nobody caring about triangles and then burst into hysterics. Seventeen hours later, Pythagoras was found in a fetal position, tears of blood dripping from his eyes and the biggest smile ever seen on a dead persons face. This incident is just one of many too much laughter scenarios.
Other reported instances have had people laughing so hard, they have drowned in their own tears of joy. Many of these people regret the decision to laugh, and survivors have since opted for the less fatal chuckle, or maybe just a nice smile.
Also, some have, for some reason, laughed for a bad reason, such as losing a job, going crazy, and others.
The best medicine[edit | edit source]
Laughter is widely considered to be the best medicine. But this theory has often been thrown into doubt because laughter has never really cured anything. Nurofen, cough syrup and chemotherapy cure – laughter just makes such things funnier, enabling others to laugh at your misfortune. When was the last time you laughed yourself better than when you broke your arm in that skiing accident? I'm willing to bet never. Laughter is nothing more than an expression of amusement and therefore only palliative.
Common misbeliefs[edit | edit source]
Throughout history many different cultures have believed that "laughter is the best medicine", some taking it too far: Africa, Korea and Ireland have had different medicines comprising of this ingredient, all with dastardly effect. Certainly those most adamant that laughter is in fact the best medicine are the French, who began taking bad situations and laughing them off in the 15th century, to wit "the Joan of Arc incident".
Joan of Arc[edit | edit source]
Joan was put on trial for heresy. Her firm belief in "the best medicine" would ultimately be her downfall. She was accused after she uttered one of the first laughs whilst fighting the English. Joan was immediately seized and jailed under suspicion of having mocked the Crown. After numerous trials she was sentenced to burn like a steak. On the verge of death, Joan (now out of ideas) uttered a final, shrill laugh: a desperate attempt at survival. The English again took exception, viewing Joan's desperation as another insult, and screamed: "It's not working! Pour on more oil!" before dousing the already quite hot Joan of Arc in more flammable liquid. Laughter yet again resulted in fatal tragedy.
The future[edit | edit source]
Many people have speculated as to what's next in laughter, one of the world's most popular inventions. Many think that laughter will soon become obsolete, being replaced by video games and Amazon Prime. Others have predicted a strong future for laughter, with many new products soon becoming available for purchase over the Amazon Web Browsing System. Whatever happens, laughter has certainly been a financial success and investment is still strong even after more than thirty years in business.
See also[edit | edit source]
Aspirin • Caffeine • Chantix • Cheerios • Cocaine • Codeine • Coffee • Crack • Corn syrup • Ecstasy • Dexedrine • Gluten • Haoma • HeadOn • Heroin • Jesus Juice • Kittens • Laudium • LSD • Magic mushrooms • Marijuana • MDMA • Medicine • Meth • Opium • Phonics • Prozac • Psychedelic • Ritalin • Side effects • Soma • Tylenol • Walgreens • Xanax • Vaping • Viagra • The World's Most Powerful Drug
Quasi-Featured Article (29 March 2009)