Babel:Falwell

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

Welcome to Falwellapedia,

The official Encyclopedia of Liberty University.
40,865 articles in (American) English

Beginner's Guide · The Five Solas · Style · Questions · Help · Charity

Categories · Biblical Canon · A–Z index

Welcome to Falwellapedia

The literal and inerrant encyclopedia you can trust.
To get to heaven, you have to get past me, first.

Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.

Jerry's Daily Sermon:

"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them." Crossfire (17 May 1997)

Daily Historical Falwell Quote:

"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."

On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)

Please read our rules here, and how we differ from the too-liberal Conservapedia here.

Despicabilus horribilis posterior view.jpg

In the annals of history, it was thought that the list of the Worst 100 Things To Stick Your Dick Into was comprised of a more-or-less random selection of Earth-based horrors – such diverse things, in fact, as snowblowers, chainsaw tensioners, and Britney Spears. However, a recent scientific discovery has revealed each of the Worst 100 Things To Stick One's Dick Into to be... an orifice of the newly-discovered organism Despicabilus horribilis, vulgarly known as the gargantuan gut-worm of planet KL5-6309. According to a strangely gleeful Dr. Ephta Octavus, professor of biology at Utah State University, "Nothing from Earth even comes close, really."

Of course, most sensible people, when confronted with the living horror that is the Despicabilus horribilis, might ask "why on Earth would I want to stick my dick into something like that?" It is a puzzler; perhaps this terrifying organism's appearance belies a deep, alluring nature, or perhaps it's just the novelty of copulating with an alien organism. It does not seem to merely repulse, it piques, and piquancy is apparently just a short drive down the road from HotSexyTown. Countless human scientists have lost their genitalia within hours of acquiring a specimen of this organism. It seems to be only a matter of time before any male human looking at a gargantuan gut-worm of planet KL5-6309 feels a sudden, aching urge to "become one" with the beast. Despite the well-documented horrors that lurk within it, its orifices remain so alluring that an average of six people a day (most of them men) are torn to pieces during "scientific investigations" conducted with their ... er, shall we say, "members". (Full article...)

Breaking News

"You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands."

On this day...

Sharks can be very dangerous... and apparently they also sometimes play in bands.

October 25: Shark Awareness Day

  • 625 - Pope Boniface V eaten by a blue shark.
  • 1147 - The Portuguese, under Afonso I, and Crusaders from England conquer Lisbon after a four-month siege. They decide to celebrate by going for a swim, and then all get eaten by tiger sharks.
  • 1946 - The secret vote was held by the British parliament to enact the 1946 Gay and Lesbian Slavery Act.
  • 1977 - Renegade child eats dozens of sharks at Miami Beach. Panicked King Tritan declares State of Emergency and suspends Civil Liberties.
  • 1979 - Greenpeace activist dies after trying to train the first vegetarian shark.
  • 1994 - Vincent Price's tomb found empty and a series of bizarre murders occur. Sharks are prime suspects.
  • 1997 - Charge of the White Van Men, an infamous fight during the Battle of Balaclava.
  • 2006 - All travel to Australia banned; shark eats young child at beach.
  • 2008 - I could not find my keys. Sharks were to blame.

Featured picture

Dali's 'Stache
You want surreal? Try wasting four hours a day waxing your 'stache until it closely resembles your entire Catalonian name. That's surreal.

Image credit: Imrealized
View image · Nominate new image · View all featured images


Recent Articles


More recent articles | Most wanted pages | Requested rewrites | Add to stubs | Lonely pages | Pee Review | Try writing about... | Stuck articles needing a push

Writer and Noob of the Month

Writer of the month.png

Holy cock! We may have forgotten to update these over these last few months. The days we missed could be counted as few as if at all. We have just updated this since last May. How awesome!

So basically, let's get to business. Take off your pants; IFYMB! wins Writer of the Month for September 2014. His hit singles include the frankly libellous UnNews:Nude photos of celebrities leaked, the almost-topical UnDebate:What does the fox say? and the spiritually upliftingUnNews:Thursday is a dirty whore.

Let us all clap for him because I said so.


BePrepared.png

Do not pull your pants up just yet. We got a Uncyclopedian of the Month award winner up in here! Give it up for Leverage!


Noobaward.png

Since there is no winner for the Noob of the Moment, you are all now noobs. There are a couple of long-running nominations, but they are stuck there, like foetuses in suspended animation, and I fear for their souls.


Vote for Writer of the Month | Vote for Noob of the Moment | Vote for Uncyclopedian of the Month | Past Winners

You have less than a week, just 6 days to nominate and vote for Writer of the Month, Noob of the Month and Uncyclopedian of the Month! Get voting!

Uncyclopedia's sista projects

Uncyclopedia is hosted by the Uncyclomedia Foundation, a non-profitable organization that also hosts a range of other projects as well as some foreign language Uncyclopedias and Illogicopedia.

Uncyclopedia Languages

This Uncyclopedia, started in 2005, currently contains 40,865 articles. Uncyclopedias are being written in many languages, including Falwell!:
United Kingdom
Uncyclopedia
English
United Kingdom
40,865
Desciclopédia
Português
Brazil
50785
アンサイクロペディア
日本語
Japan
19194
Nonsensopedia
Polski
Poland
Wikia 17766
Nonciclopedia
Italiano
Italy
Wikia 14423
Italy
France
Désencyclopédie
Français
France
Wikia 8936
Inciclopedia
Español
Spain
Wikia 12400
偽基百科
正體中文
Taiwan
6417
Uncyclopedia.de
Deutsch
Germany
Wikia 6330
Hikipedia
Suomi
Finland
7300
Finland
Pagecount statistics listed above were updated on November 1, 2016.

Protected by Jesus Christ, Our Lord and Savior, and an elite clan of Baptists.