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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
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You are wasting this internet site's time. You should be writing something, but instead you are just sitting there, waiting for it to entertain you. You could even be the Time Magazine Person of the Year. Don't you have any sense of responsibility? How can you live with yourself? Think about all the times you've laughed heartily at some passing rejoinder in the forums, guffawed mightily at a clever turn of phrase on your talkpage, or even politely smiled at some article during your favorite Uncyclopedia program: HumorSearch. Don't you think you owe it to this wiki to put in at least a semblance of effort to return the favor? You should cease and desist all extraneous and benign activity and write an article.
- Okay, that was incredibly rude, mate. Firstly, I think you should be the one writing the article, seeing as you are the one who bloody gives a damn. Secondly, by caring about what I do with every second of my precious time spent on Uncyclopedia and forming an essay on what I should be doing, you have wasted more of the common people's time than I could ever imagine. Thirdly, how can you live with yourself? You think yourself funny, don't you? Well I don't. You are an idiot and have problems. Bugger off.
What? Who says "bugger" besides Captain Price? Probably some British creeper. British creeper, whoever you are, you need to "bugger" off, you filthy "wanker"! (Full article...)
Featured today, a long long time ago
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Breaking News
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 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
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February 6: Nihilism Day
- 1489 - Nothing truly happens, for life is bereft of all meaning.
- 1555 - What is even "meaning"? But a futile attempt to give essence to what is without it?
- 1644 - We are but things, mere atoms, floating in a miasma of angst, seeking out pain to fill a never-ending hole. A hole... of pain.
- 1709 - Where is God? He is nowhere. A marketing gimmick by the, uhh, bead companies, to sell beads.
- 1882 - You know what else is bereft of meaning? Family court. Family court, yet another "institution" meant to bring order in an order-less world.
- 1905 - Rachel! Let me see the kids! Goddamnit Rachel I can't even see their faces!!! You whore!!! Rachel!!!
- 1941 - Just the weekends, Rachel, please, just the weekends...
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