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Falwellapedia has over 10,000 educational, clean, and concise entries, including exactly 66 canonical texts. There have been over 11,600,000 page views and over 172,000 page edits, including 171,699 reversions of heretical edits.
Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
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The famous Ring Bearer Frodo Baggins of the Shire, is a hobbit who saved Middle Earth. The heroic hobbit never set out to be a hero, or to save anything. But he was talked into it and having a good heart, he agreed with Gandalf's philosophy and being a wizard, Frodo couldn't bring himself to get into a battle of wits with someone much older and much more dramatic. The urgent warnings of doom, dark lords, and horrid creatures consuming all the pumpkin patches, cabbage and tomato gardens and strawberries and cream was enough to send Frodo into unnecessary hysteria. So effective was Gandalf's eccentric performance that Frodo agreed to leave the Shire, embark on a quest to an Elf Lord's secret meeting and then opting to go all the way to Mordor without having a single clue as to where the hell it was. But Frodo became renowned, known as a hard-nosed business hobbit, hell bent on revenge. (Full article...)
Featured today, a long long time ago
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 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
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January 11: Alexander Hamilton Day
- 1569 - English merchants propose a national game by which the poorest of society freely and willingly give their money to the rich with no hope of a reward; they call it a lottery.
- 1755 - Alexander Hamilton (Pictured), financial elitist, slave owner, serial adulterer and father of Wall Street, is born to a whore and a Scotsman; inspires overpriced musical for bougie liberals.
- 1879 - The Zulus defeat one British Redcoat unit with eleven Impi spearmen, British cry "no fair!" and reload save.
- 1922 - The first patented Diabetes treatment, a pair of rusty pliers used to excise the parts of the tongue that taste sweetness, is introduced to the general public.
- 1946 - Albanian dictator Enver Hoxha builds 750,000 bunkers not to keep Capitalist invaders away, but to see who cares enough to break them down.
- 2015 - Lin-Manuel Miranda is sentenced to hell for making a black guy dress up as Thomas Jefferson, which is like, three layers of wrong.
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