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Jerry's Daily Sermon:
"Grown men should not be having sex with prostitutes unless they are married to them."
Crossfire (17 May 1997)
Daily Historical Falwell Quote:
"Han, Han. If only you hadn't had to dump that shipment of spice. I just can't make exceptions. Where would I be if every pilot who smuggled for me dumped their shipment at the first sign of an Imperial starship? It's not good business."
On Han Solo's loss of Jerry the Hutt's illegal cargo (Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope, Special Conservative Edition, 1997)
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John Marshall was a professional floor-is-lava player who lasted 34 years until he touched the floor and died. He played on the Supreme Court team and had the role of the fourth Chief Justice, which he served for three point four decades before dying. He arrogantly held the role and thought no one else was good enough to wear a robe and scream "constitutional law" at people. Marshall even copyrighted black bathrobes, so anyone who wanted the role would instantly have to pay Marshall $97.99 (plus shipping and tax). He was famous for vastly improving the Supreme Court team by inventing the established judicial review move. This allowed the Supreme Court team to respond  to any attacks by the Congress team, making them a worthy team. (Full article...)
Featured today, a long long time ago
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 "You can have my gun when you pry it from my cold, resurrected hands." |
On this day...
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February 13: Simple English Day
- 1689 - William and Mary run Damp Islandland with each other, instead of having fights like normal marriage.
- 1880 - Stealy Inventorman finds out about light bulbs from some of his friends, so he steals it and makes lots of money, but loses friends along the way.
- 1960 - Angry wine people, after Damp Islandland gets big explodey mushrooms, decide to make their own big explodey mushrooms.
- 1990 - After drunk commies collapse into a big pile of nothing, Nofunzoneland and East Nofunzoneland come together to have no fun together.
- 1991 - Shooty Shooty Freedomland bombs a shelter and kills 400 innocent sandy people, for looking like the people who will blow up the Twin Towers 10 years from now.
- 2008 - Big Parliament Man of Underland, Kevin Rudd, makes a sorry for his pale people friends killing all the brown people.
- 2017 - Brother of fat, bad Korean rocket man is stuck with poison by murder people, because sometimes, friend, family is hard.
- 2021 - The British watch calmly from the sidelines as Orange Man is acquitted from incitement of insurrection.
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