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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

Finger Cancer is a leading cause of premature death among people who die of hand related diseases. Finger Cancer is prevalent in the entire animal kingdom. The dinosaurs got Finger Cancer all the time and even mushrooms suffer the disease (especially in winter). Right now, at least one human being has Finger Cancer this very moment right now. Victims are always young healthy men who dress well and know how to smile for the camera. Finger Cancer is a silent cancer meaning the cancer is unable to communicate verbally; instead it interacts with the host by infecting the skin of the finger with toxic carcinogens instead of having an open dialogue and a sincere conversation.

There is no cure for Finger Cancer, though some traditional healers claim that rubbing cayenne into one's eyeballs while chugging Frog Semen® helped cure at least one cancer patient according to a Mexican soap-opera. The only proven treatment for Finger Cancer is amputation. All fingers and toes have to go whether they are infected or not – it's either every digit lobbed from the body or the frog semen. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that the Washington Niggers (Pictured) are set to change their name?

... that Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit has mostly turned into Witch-Hunting For Fun in this modern era of cheaply produced Chinese assembly line witches?
... that there is a pipe bomb placed in your mailbox?
... that reading this DYK suggestion just wasted 10 seconds of your life?
... that Robert Shaw won the Northeast Regional Dogfishing Open in 1974, the first sporting event to be broadcast on the new ESPN network?
... that spambots suffer from constant self-doubt and low self esteem? They have feelings too you know.
... that your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory?
... that Bruce Lee could juggle two balls with his penis?

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In the news [edit]

Sly Stallone
(1946-Present)

Netanyahu and Khamenei get it on
Elon Musk breaks up with Trump
Trump sends condolences to "Sly Stallone" (Pictured)
Trump celebrates TACO Wednesday by reversing course on long-held campaign promise
THE ROCKIES HAVE WON A SERIES!
Hit videogame Deltarune about to be released tomorrow!!!
New York Knicks throw tantrum, fire head coach for barely missing the NBA Finals
Elevation Worship's Chris Brown filling in for mainstream Chris Brown until further notice
Taylor Swift buys back her masters
"Real" Timothee Chalamet at 2024 look-alike contest actually Finn Wolfhard

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, TAWOG, Stranger Things 5, and Spaceballs 2 • Russian Invasion • Gaza War, now with Iran! • Trump and Elon's feud.. make up.. no one knows anymore • NBA finals and Stanley Cup • Aaron Rodgers finally signing with a team • Animal-related live-action remakes kicking Snow White's ass

Recent deaths: Updates for Mortal Kombat 1 • Rick Derringer • Carolina Hurricanes' choke job in the playoffs • New York Knicks' surprisingly kickass season and coach's tenure • Fear Street: Prom Queen • John Redcorn • Brian Grazer's career and livelihood, and anyone's respect for him • Sly ~~Stallone~~ Stone • Brian Wilson • Nonna Grande

Upcoming deaths: DEI • Diddy's and Chris Brown's chances at freedom • Tom Cruise's career of sprinting on-screen • New York Knicks' future success and ego • Pittsburgh Steelers' locker room • Greta Thunberg? • R. Kelly • Iran's leadership

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On this day [edit]

June 18: High Flying Women's Day

1264 - The Parliament of Ireland meets at Castledermot in County Kildare, the first definitively known meeting of this Irish legislature. It's actually quite boring.
1812 - War of 1812: The United States declares war on the British Empire, the British respond by stopping the export of cricket and croquet products into America.
1917 - The first carbonated drink is put on the market, first batches are accidentally spiked with ridiculous amounts of cocaine.
1928 - Amelia Earhart attempts to crash land on a deserted island somewhere in the Atlantic Ocean, fails miserably.
1983 - NASA astronaut Sally Ride becomes the first woman to pierce the heavens and reach outer space. Valentina who?
2017 - According to Vatican astrologists, St. Peter's Basilica is scheduled to reawaken on this day, and will terrorize the Italian countryside until a Pope is sacrificed within its gaping maw. (Pictured)

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Picture of the day

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, come one, come all, step right up and see the Amazing Seizure Lad! Behold in amazement his contracting tonic muscles! Gasp in awe at his prolonged clonic phase! Feel your heart race at the very sight of his convulsions! His eyes will roll backwards, but we guarantee that yours will be glued to this 4-year-old prodigy! Tonight only at the Palace Theatre!"

Image credit: TheLedBalloon
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