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From today's featured article [Feature an article]

She was one hundred sixteen years old and different from other girls. She wasn't notably pretty and was socially awkward. She was the only alien in her school, which didn't help her feelings of exclusion. But the tolerant people of her town for the most part saw past her glowing blue skin.

Despite this all, she was in with the popular girls. Guys were cordial with her but nothing more. Drunken jocks at parties often dared each other to score with the alien chick. "Fifty bucks for the bro who scores some Pluto pussy" they said. They always failed. At parties she was so socially awkward that any guy coming near her would set off blue LED like lights in her cheeks. It is a biological trait Plutonian females have. It instantly freaks out any guy who gets near her. (Full article...)

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Did you know... [edit]

... that all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy? (Pictured)

... that Uranus is a gas giant?
...that I'm better than this person in particular?
... that a drummer is someone who hangs out with musicians?
... that Richard Nixon was well-known for his honesty and often referred to as Honest Dick?
...the Cleveland Indians were about to become the Cleveland Clevelands?
... that I am Batman?
... Altaïr has excelled in the tactics of fooling the mentally challenged?

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In the news [edit]

The face of HATE!

4chan hacked, nobody cares
Vatican commits simony
YouTube child educator Ms. Rachel detained and deported by ICE (Pictured)
Scientists revive some dead wolves because they can
Steve's Lava Chicken shut down due to health code violations
Wayne Gretzky's all-time regular season goal record broken by Putin's Instagram buddyboo
Donald Trump receives prestigious award for destroying the stock market
Kid (and ball) escape narrow car crash
Robert F. Kennedy Jr. engulfs every panda bear in existence
Kardashian and Ye do washed up things

Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • Everyone ditching some Disney live-action remake for A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Meghan Markle's Netflix show • Kurt from Good Burger • George Foreman • 23andMe • Bruce Glover • Richard Chamberlain • Roger Daltrey's eyes and ears • Val Kilmer • Yoon Suk Yeol's presidency and freedom • Your 401K • Jay North • Columbus Blue Jackets' playoff bid

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global Economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Gawr Gura • Google's ad monopoly

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On this day [edit]

Queen Elizabeth brutally suppressing anti-monarchical sentiments in British Columbia [1955] [Colorized]

April 18: Dependence Day (Canada)

1485 - A conductor accidentally invents jazz music when the orchestra's metronome goes on the fritz.
1524 - The world's first Spanish restaurant is founded by Hernán Cortéz in Tenochtitlan.
1958 - The Supreme Court of the United States bans poetry and evicts all known poets from the country.
1972 - First state laws mandating public toilets passed in Texas. In protest, Texans urinate in public.
1983 - A suicide plumber floods the United States embassy in Beirut, Lebanon.
2002 - The internet is officially declared "useless and beyond redemption" by the Norwegian military.
2007 - The same orchestra who played jazz band music in 1485 faces the horror of Cole Porter's "Anything Goes."

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Picture of the day

El cazador que hace trofeos de los hombres—The demon who makes trophies of men.

Image credit: Mhaille
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