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From today's featured article 

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Colin Rat Kaepernick is an American professional political activist, clown, police officer, and occasional football player. He played six seasons for the San Francisco 49ers in the National Football League (NFL). As a political activist, Kaepernick stopped standing during the national anthem (a song about the American flag and military) at the start of NFL games in protest of systemic disrespect for police officers in American culture. He also did this to draw more attention to himself in the wake of losing his starting job and being benched for Blaine Gabbert.

Kaepernick played college football for the Reno Wolf Sack, where he was twice named the WAC Most Offensive Person of the Year. After leaving Reno, he was selected by the 49ers in the second round of the 2011 NFL Draft. Kaepernick began his professional football career as a backup quarterback to Alex Smith and became the 49ers' starter in the middle of the 2012 season after Smith did what he does best. Kaepernick then went on to promote himself as much as possible, milking his stardom for all it was worth. (Full article...)

Did you know... 

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  • ... that I started drowning two minutes before typing this? (Pictured)
  • ... that my girlfriend has herpes? Neither did I.
  • ... that suicide is an answer to every problem, just not a very good one?
  • ... that I am Batman?
  • ... that 100% of divorces start with marriage?
  • ...that dihydrogen monoxide can kill you, specially if you breathe it?
  • ... that, because of Anonymous' credibility, he has become a frequent source of information for news articles?
  • ... that Former President Bush prefers his Tuskegee airmen with a side of risotto and mushrooms?

In the news 

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Ongoing: The wait for GTA VI, Silksong, and Deltarune • Eurovision • Russian Invasion • Israel-Palestine conflict • DOGE budget cuts • SWAT teams on guard for the "chicken jockey" scene of A Minecraft Movie • Trump and Xi's tariff games • The IRS hunting late tax payers

Recent deaths: Jay North • SPOILER: Joel • Pope Francis • Shedeur Sanders' career, before it even started • Lar Park Linkin • Gawr Gura • Toxicity • Girl-kisser and Harriet the Spy soundtrack artist Jill Sobule • Ruth Buzzi • LeBron James' playoff run

Upcoming deaths: U.S. and Global economy • Luigi Mangione • Kate Middleton • Laura Palmer • DEI • Google's ad monopoly • Cleveland Browns' locker room • LeBron James' career • Diddy's chance at freedom

On this day 

"You're going down, "Touch Tits" Malone!" *yodels*

May 9: Unusual Bears Day (Arctic)

  • 1628 - Edict passes in Switzerland requiring all lawyers to deliver evidence by yodeling. (Pictured)
  • 1671 - Pope Clement X is captured by the Queen's Guard while on a visit to England, being mistaken for that guy who stole the crown jewels in a pope costume.
  • 1861 - At the age of seven, Oscar Wilde begins his first job, working as a Witticist's Apprentice in a local Humor Emporium.
  • 1919 - Radical suffragettes burn down factory that makes posters comparing suffragettes to smelly dish rags, constabulary cries, "A step too far, ladies!"
  • 1934 - Anteaters formally name themselves the Aardvark, seeking the lucrative first spot in taxonomy classifications.
  • 1945 - The Americans celebrate single handedly defeating all of Nazi Germany, no thanks rest of the world.
  • 1991 - Small and Medium file a complaint with the U.N. against Large, who claims, "Size does matter".

Picture of the day

Hand Grenade
 The M822 Hand Grenade is an explosive device that resembles a hand. On activation, the device lunges towards the nearest throat or throat-like object and latches on tight with its five "fingers" exploding violently in a gruesome mess. Special care must be taken when activating the grenade. When activated, one should run behind the nearest wall or bush and squat down, so that the grenade cannot "see" you.

Image credit: Mosquitopsu
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