Mickey

Mickey pills - Helpful wonder drug, or mime killer?

Also known as "Mouse", "That one dude who has kids in his basement made a drug we should try it”. "Satan's Mouse", or "Da Mouse”, mickeys are an illicit and illegal drug that has one of the highest growth rates in America. Originally distributed by Disneyland pharmacies to cure dehydration in their costumed employees, mickeys have become a popular drug amongst the raver set. The rehydrating effect the pill provides helps young kids continue to dance poorly and repetitively into the night (much like other drugs we are all familiar with), effectively negating the effects of the massive ecstacy overdose they just shoved down their filthy gullet, and the kitschy nature of the pills design appeals to their mindless commercialism.

While initially viewed as harmless, mickeys were made illegal in the aftermath of the "Just Say No" campaign put on in 1992. It is hard to remove the drug from the streets, however, because of its high level of collectability. After all, everybody loves Mickey Mouse.

It is also the name of a song created by Toni Basil to accompany the music video for a pair of insane kids who were high on said drug at the point of the song's creation and imagined a bunch of cheerleaders dancing around for no reason, hence the 1982 song "Mickey".

Indeed, mickeys HAVE blown their minds, as is claimed by their mindless chanting.

Effects of consumption

The first time one takes a mickey, their head will start to spin and they will find themself naked in the middle of a field with the word "Failure" written across their face. MICKEY MOUSE SAYS NO TO DRUGS. This is not a hallucination, as the next four times one takes it, the same thing will happen, except the word will change to "woogalwangwee" on the second time of having a mickey, "cinghiitresit" on the third, "mondaseeeryt" on the fourth and "urafukindumas" on the fifth. but upon the sixth time they take it and onwards, they will find themself in a far-away place called Disneyland Paris where people will say "Bonjour" or some shit instead.

If the consumer is over the age of three they will experience signs of George H.W. Bush hallucinations, but a few weeks later, every hallucination will seem normal and they will need another drug such as cocaine. but after about 3 business days the consumer will die from the long term affects of mixing mickeys and cocaine.

Places of use

Often found at teenagers' "sex parties", or in one's mother's underwear drawer, mickeys are considered extremely dangerous especially to little brothers, looking around for all the drugs to take. Mickeys also have a medicinal use, doctors sometimes use mickeys to treat "Post traumatic stress disorder" or QRDF. Doctors only prescribe this in extreme cases, and highly forbid giving these to addicts. Addicts are extremely noticeable, and exhibit weird behaviours like the possession of an uncontrollable bladder, profuse vomiting, insufferable insomnia, crackheadedness and an extreme urge to watch the children’s show “Mickey Mouse Clubhouse”.