User talk:Under user/Archive 12

Purity must be despoiled

Urinates on U.U's talk page. again I might add. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 12:08 12 September 2008

what?

australia? october? kangaroos? nuts!

watch out for drop bears, UU. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 13:18, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

I second that notion. Be careful of boomerangs too. And watch out for serial killers if you visit the outback. And spiders! Those highly poisonous ones. And -- oh god -- the scorpions! Have a great time U.U.! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:22 12 September 2008

Did you steal a lady's handkerchief and get shipped out here? Be warned there is this thing called the /sun/ down here, we got it in exchange for our water supply some time back. Also, statistically, Australia is safer in terms of the murder rate than the UK anyway (blame the damn chavs and their knives) and all the venomous animals have anti-venoms... except Germaine Greer. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:31, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Yeah but you've got more serial killers that rape and torture using venomous animals. And not all chavs are bad. Just misled by the other chavs. I blame the parents. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:35 12 September 2008

Don't be so cruel to your parents! It is not their fault you can't spell... sign here to accept my owning of you ___SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM___ --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:41, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Ouch: SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:45 12 September 2008

Sign it... --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:46, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Like that? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:52 12 September 2008

Close enough weren't I? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:58 12 September 2008

Hey! Now I own you! I'll get you to do something really out there... uh... um... have a regular straight marriage with an average looking woman. Suck on that (actually you can't now :P) --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 14:08, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Nooooooooooooooooooo! Yuck, I tried the straight thing for a few hours last week. It's pants. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:14 12 September 2008

What's it like on your side of the fence */me hops over* hey it's not so bad, my eyes are probably permanently damaged, but nothing alcoholism won't fix... --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 14:19, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Damaged eyes? You're meant to close them before he cums on your face. It does really sting but just make sure to wash it all out. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:21 12 September 2008

o_O That would've been helpful advice if I hadn't jumped back over the fence the moment I heard musical theater playing. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 14:25, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Musical theatre hurts your eyes? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:34 12 September 2008

Where do you think 99% of the world's sequins go then? --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 14:36, 12 September 2008 (UTC)

Drag Queens. Duh, you seen those girls! They're shiny! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:37 12 September 2008

I Look forward to your mods to User:Under user/Fish Puns‎ when you return. Have fun. :-) MrN 16:09, Sep 14

Thanks

Blue Power Ranger thanks you for voting! So you liked my tale of displeasure, huh? That's nice. Hey, maybe I could write a book about it! Before long I'll be outselling Pelzer!

Your vote did too make a difference! Of one. And that one made the total score 21 which has a far better ring to it than 20. Also what was it you liked about it? I'm asking cos I want to see if I can ever get the same effect again. And I was at a wedding today. It was fun. I want one. Enjoy your honeymoon too! And as the above, watch out for killers! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 02:54 13 September 2008

UnSignpost: September 11th, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

September 11^th, 2008 • Nineteenth Issue • All your readers are belong to us

Uncyclopedia celebrates 9/11 By Cajek 8 years ago, America was attacked or something. Uncyclopedians, who are true patriots, celebrated the eighth anniversary in true American fashion: by doing mostly nothing of interest to anyone but themselves. The UnSignpost devoted nine-hundred-eleven minutes of silence to the event Thursday by not even bothering to send itself out. "The Unsignpost was there nine years ago during those super not-kewl terrorist attacks," said chief writer Gerrycheevers. "I wasn't part of the staff then, so I promise that, in the 911th issue, we will devote a whole article to the events of that frabjuous day." In the 911th year of publication, the Unsignpost promises to dedicate the whole issue to 9/11 and those rascally terrorists. "We've already got 911 stories lined up for publication!" said staff photographer Larry. "It's too bad we have to wait so long to get them to the public, but that's what happens when you honor a holiday like this the way you're SUPPOSED to." Uncyclopedia's main page was 11/9-themed for the occasion. When Mordillo and Spang were alerted that nothing interesting happened on November ninth, 2001, Larry, Mordillo's public relations officer, claimed that "it [didn't] matter: One date is the same as the next. Why don't you Unsignpost people shut the hell up? Oh, and uh, I won't be able to come in Monday: it's my sister's wedding." Other wikis in cyberspace exist, and therefore did things relating to 9/11. Conservapedia, a conservative parody of Uncyclopedia, celebrated by drawing figures of Mohammed on their private nuclear stockpile. Legopedia celebrated by informing the public of Lego's new action series: 9/11: the Suckiest Thing Ever. Jengapedia honored the fallen by sponsoring a 911 minute championship Jenga competition. Liberalpedia, on the other hand, did nothing of any consequence. >:( FUCK YOU LIBERALS!! FUCK YOUUUU!!!! The Unsignpost would like to print a retraction of it's 47th issue from September 11th, 2001, wherein the terrorist attacks were called "super-kewl" and the terrorists themselves hailed as heroes. Those responsible have been sacked. Conservation Week Returns! By Gerrycheevers Conservation Week, also known as 'Rewrite-a-thon' or 'De-crap-ification', is upon our community once again. Twice a year, Uncyclopedians band together to clean out the weeds and squirrel corpses from promising trees found in the rewrite category, among other places. Due to the retirement of co-founder Jocke Pirat and quasi-inactiveness of co-founder THE, another user has stepped in with promises to annoy every user until they rewrite at least one article. That user shall remain anonymous. Opening day for this well-liked, popular, and intriguing event is Monday the 15th. The winner of the competition will receive the Greasy Mechanic Award for having rewritten the most articles in the two-week competition. Past winners include THE and Jocke Pirat. Be sure to participate early so as to avoid annoying requests to "rewrite an article, you lazy git!" The event has thrown into sharp relief the lack of Uncyclopedia events, or the excess of Uncyclopedia events, depending on who you ask. Ideas like Forest Fire Week and Everyone Edit A Ton Of Articles Week have not received much support, but may be enacted in the future to keep ADD-riddled Uncyclopedians something to do for five minutes. RC takes home NotM By Gerrycheevers After years of fruitless nominations, Rcmurphy has finally won n00b of the Month. The announcement came last week, when none of the three candidates fufilled the requirements necessary for winning the n00by. It seemed the two new users had both failed to write an article, and So So did not meet the main n00bishness requirement. Since there was no clear winner, the award went to Rc by Rule 4.1, Clause 3 of the NotM eligibility guidelines. As far as the NotM badge itself, it was initally placed on So So's userpage. After relenquishing the honor to Rcmurphy, So So proceeded to foul the badge and offer it to the user who wanted it the most. After the planned Panel of Penis Monkeys from Outer Space cancelled, a phone-in contest was held, in which Colin "All your base" Heaney dominated the competiton. He took home the badge and now proudly displays the feces-ridden merit on his userpage. In a related story, Rcmurphy is up for NotM yet again. However, he is facing stiff competition from W.T. Door, a U.S. Navy seamen who spends his time swabbing decks, battoning down hatches, and writing cool stuff.

Check out these pages! More fanmail from celebrities Responding response VF...R? From our logs: 22:25, 5 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.130.4.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Disliking the Matrix.) 06:19, 9 September 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.240.72.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Oh, please. My grandmother could take down the US Military if she so desired.) 11:07, 11 September 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 125.27.19.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The cabal cartel deems you unworthy for further edits.) Biopic of the Week Adored by his hordes of fans, Cajek can usually be found in the 'ban room'. Uncyc's fifth-most featured author, one can argue that he has revolutionized the wiki with his unique writing style. His regulation of Pee Review and founding of this very periodical are among the many ways he has somehow managed to contribute to the site between his bans. Old-school Featured Article of the Week Perhaps the most feared out of any of the creatures that walk the Earth, the Gazebo is as lethal as it is deadly. Known for their excellent camouflage and for being extremely protective of their young (pictured), humans can only hope to never encounter one of these legendary beasts in their lifetime. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - There is travel in your future followed by a lack of travel, followed by very slow travel. Things you'll be sitting in include sports car, hospital bed and electric wheelchair controlled by a blow tube. see more horoscopes Retraction of the Week Last issue we claimed that people from Eurasia are "subhuman scum". We would like to make a hasty retreat from this. Those responsible have been promoted and reassigned, against all the wishes of God and man. I'M LOOKING AT YOU, GERRY!! Re-retraction of the Week Last week we retracted our claim that "all mammals, including humans, should be killed and stockpiled for the coming nuclear winter." We would like to retract that retraction for reasons that can't be given in full in this issue. EDITOR'S NOTE: Look for a full explanation in about four issues VFD Survivor of the Week Movie Of Lady Whose Ankle Is Showing is pornography film set for release in the summer of 2009. Not since Keira Knightley In A White Corset And Kate Beckinsale In A Black One has producer/director Robot Thomas Edison so brilliantly captured handicap fetishes or William Shatner's Jewishness. Starring Paris Hilton as Dickin Mymouth, Rosie O'Donnell as Your Mother, and William Hung as Tingle the Magical Flying Aardvark of Justice, this is one film that is sure to captivate audiences worldwide. Sabbatical of the Week Under user has gone to some hemisphere other than his own, possibly the bottom one. We here at the UnSignpost wish him a trip free of kangaroo attacks, drop bear maulings, swarms of dozens and dozens of scorpions, and the various other pleasentries from down under.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

— MantiBot Owner 11:43, 17 September 2008 (UTC)

UU in my country? It's More Likely Then You Think!

You... In Oz?

Well, I suppose it's time someone cleaned the Sewers. Make sure you get a taste of proper beer, and get to a proper beach. All's well that ends at a beach or pub. Enjoy your stay in the Land Down Under. Don't get yourself lost, and follow Rule 2.

I got to Whitehaven Beach - can't much properer than that, right? As to "proper" beer - I wouldn't know one if it was poured all over me. I'm a whisky man. I did stumble my way to the top of the Harbour Bridge, and generally had a great time. The bad news is: I'm planning on coming back one day! --UU - natter 14:57, Oct 6

So, is it done?

Are you lost to millions of hopeful females? ~ 12:21, 24 September 2008 (UTC)

Heh, if you want to put it that way... --UU - natter 10:14, Oct 5

I saw that...

Thank God you're back — Sir Sycamore (talk) 16:20, 3 October 2008 (UTC)

Hea! Hope the trip was great, and married life has started well... Oh... All hell has broken loose. Pop into IRC if you fancy. I'm in there now. MrN 16:37, Oct 3

you're back! sick. i've been checking the pee, so cajek/pee doesn't reek too bad. although i haven't checked my own in, so it still has that slightly earthy aroma that we've all grown fond of. now break out that UU tea mug and get back to work, you now-monogamous sewer-dweller! SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 19:00, 3 October 2008 (UTC) Yay!!! Your back! I'd like to second MrN's sentiments of hoping married life is going well (man that was an crap sentence). SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 19:08 3 October 2008

I dunno, you make one edit before bed, and everyone thinks you're back... I'm easing my way back in folks, but it's good to see you all around. Also good to come home to some good old-fashioned non-stop British drizzle. All that sun was starting to bore the hell out of me! --UU - natter 10:14, Oct 5

UnSignpost: October 3rd, 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

October 2^nd, 2008 • ALL-KITTEN ISSUE • Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Uncyclopedia's Name Changed By Cajek According to Wikia staff member Sannse, Uncyclopedia's advertising revenue is below expectations and must rename itself to appeal to the younger generation. "I think the problem is that 'Uncyclopedia' has lost its edge," Sannse said to a crowd of squirrels and kittens gathered around the Uncyclo-stables last Saturday, "...all of which is contained in its name." Older users, like Mordillo, the jew who secretly controls "Uncyc," and TheLedBalloon, who is an inanimate balloon, strongly petition for the name to stay the same. The Unsignpost couldn't be bothered to actually read the forum that Sannse created, but we're assuming that everyone's against changing the name to "Asparagus.org" or something. The name change will reflect the personalities and interests of every single contributor. "Yeah, Asparagus.org is gonna have to do until we figure out what would be a good name," Sannse yelled at a local gathering of squirrels in Uncyclopedia's break room. Many users have complained about the change, but not AsparagusSignPost, which has run into a little trouble with the law recently, and doesn't want to go back to jail by disobeying "the man" or causing "drama". Because, as we ALL know, some head writers have been banned a whole bunch of times for being "different". So to Asparagus.org we say: "Keep the funnies coming, unless someone is forecasting your doom again..." Uncyclopedia's Doom Forecasted By Gerrycheevers For the first time in over two weeks, the flaming death of this silly wiki has been predicted in some form. Last time it was that stain that looked puzzlingly like Jimbo Wales, the time before it was that bird that flew overhead. You know the one I mean. This time around, undead user Necropaxx has pointed out several recent disturbing trends that seem to mean only one thing: Uncyc is about to suffer its death throes. It seems this time that the demise of the wiki will also utterly destroy the souls of every one of the dozens of users who contribute here regularly. Tidings such as this have frightened new users such as September NotM Multiliteralist, who had his to say: "Oh no." Several of the signs that Uncyclopedia is doomed are unarguably true: VFP is stagnant due to the lack of Zombiebaron activity. The Pee Review queue is backed up worse than a public toilet after Cinco de Mayo. Modusoperandi seems to be malfunctioning, as he has dispensed with his usual biting wit in favor of just plain biting. It appears, in at least a few users' eyes, that Uncyc has "jumped the kitten". Lack of News Wreaks Havoc on UnSignpost By Regret Tenenbaum In an unprecedented press conference earlier this week, UnSignpost editor-in-chief Mr. Gerry Cheevers (the user, not the hockey player) admitted that "This week's issue is actually still a blank template", further stating "I've been swamped at work, and today developed cold-like symptoms." However, some experts disagree on the cause of an UnSignpost devoid of news. "There is an obvious explanation for the lack of gratifying news stories in the USP this week," said Mr. News Guy, the world-renowned news reporter, kitten enthusiast, and unicycle-fetish expert. "There is just no news to report on," he continued, to which the reporter we borrowed from UnNews responded "And what's causing this lack of news?" "That's just it! There's no news to report on!" "So... you're saying is, the reason there's no news is because there's no news?" "Exactly! And it's just a matter of time until some attention whore writes a stupid and redundant story on the fact that there's no news!" This story is dedicated to the memory of Mr. News Guy, whose body was recovered from the Los Angeles river the next day.

Check out these pages! Feature Kitten Huffing (Again)! Sarah Palin hates kittens Our kitten overlord returns, bearing a gift From our logs: 7:41, 20 September 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Just got back. Haven't banned Cajek in a month. Gotta get my fix. CLICK. Aaaaaah yeeeeeahhh. That's gooood shit.) 19:36, 21 September 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Reggie4 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You have 2 cows. Both of them are banned.) 12:16, 23 September 2008 Cajek (Talk | contribs) blocked a kitten (Talk | contibs) with an expiry time of 4 hours (it's lonely in the ban room, i want a friend) 19:01, 24 September 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.236.90.177 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I tire of your actions. Begone, ye pointlessness, from yon wiki.) 06:59, 1 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.106.6.52 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Pro Cat-in-the-hat vandalism? I think the internet just hit a new low.) Biopic of the Week DJ Irreverent: HAS A LIL' KITTEN!!! Old School Featured Article of the Week Kitten Huffing is the newest form of street activity that is corrupting the youth of the nation. Your nation, that is. By ingesting kittens nasally, one can enjoy a euphoric 'high' of sorts, complete with snazzy colors and loss of motor skills. A prepped kitten awaiting huffing is pictured. Kitten huffing has spawned many parodies and non-existant memes, but the act of snorting live kittens is no joke. This Week's Horoscopes GUARANTEED TO BE ACCURATE Cancer (June 22 - July 22) - Enjoy the time you spend with your kitten this week because...um...just in case... see more horoscopes People with Kittens this week This guy. Sabbatical of the Week Zombiebaron has taken an extended leave to ease his undead mind and change out his forest-green blood. He may or may not be traveling to some of the most luxurious and tropical destinations that Canada has to offer. He may or may not still ban you while he is away. His sabbatical may or may not be kitten-related. Stay tuned to the UnSignpost for the latest developments on ZB's location.

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-- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 23:22, 3 October 2008 (UTC)

Top of the mornin to ya UU

It's been a while. How you your ring finger? ~ 09:28, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Morning Mr Dillo, how's Mrs Dillo? I'm easing my way back here, as I have a stack of emails and work to catch up with, but I can't let the important stuff (ie Uncyc) fester... The ring finger is fine - it's the ones either side of it that feel odd. How's you? Got used to referring to Mrs Dillo as "the wife" yet? --UU - natter 09:33, Oct 6

Fish Puns! Fish Puns! Fish Puns! Fish Puns! Fish Puns! ... Sincerely... MrN9000 :-)

Not really, I'm more into Yes Ma`am, no ma`am" at the moment :). Now starting to plan the honeymoon. Did you actually go down under? ~ 09:41, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

The evidence is on Facebook for your perusal if you're that bored. Yes, we went, and it was everything I had hoped for. A magical 3 weeks. --UU - natter 09:50, Oct 6

Say UU, how busy are you at the moment, I'd like your opinion about an article I'm playing with? ~ 14:46, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

Right at this very moment, I have time for tinkering but no more. However, Mrs UU will be watching America's Next Top Model this evening, so I'll have at least an hour spare to devote to taking a really good squint. In other words, happy to take a look in a few hours, if that's OK? --UU - natter 14:49, Oct 6

Sure is. This one. I wrote everything until 3. I'm currently wondering if I should write these parts as well (which are currently sporked from the original one in Wikipedia) or just end it at this point. ~ 14:54, 6 October 2008 (UTC)

I see some people got married. Hope you enjoyed your life of freedom, suckers. I mean hi, UU! Haven't seen you in a while! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 15:14 Oct 06, 2008

Afternoon Skullthumper, good to see you about. And freedom's overrated anyway. --UU - natter 15:19, Oct 6

Official Urination Request

I've placed the revised Rashomon version in the Pee queue. If you have the time, I got the money! ~ 13:03, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

P.S., I'm in London next week in case you're in the area. ~ 13:04, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Well, I've got a bit of a rush on at work today, and then football training tonight, so if you can wait until tomorrow evening, I'll happily take a look then. As to Lahndan - I'm rarely in that area, to be honest. Would be good to have a pint with you one day, but next week will not be it! --UU - natter 13:33, Oct 8

`Tis a shame indeed! And regarding the pee, take yer time. Whenever you can. ~ 13:38, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote

Thanks for the vote on France Now let's go strike again!

Thanks there:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 13:57, 8 October 2008 (UTC)

You're back, doing things!

Ah, my favorite "Under" themed user! Too bad I'm not doing as much as I used to around here, but rest assured: Uncyc is a firefox tab that's always open, no matter where else on the web I go. So, stop worrying! Stop it! Stop worrying!! There. Nice to see you again, UU   Le Cejak • <13:11 Oct 09, 2008>

I let other people worry on my behalf. Seriously. It's a full-time job for several people, but it keeps my face worry-line-free for a very reasonable rate. I just hope they never join/form a Union... Also, I'm still not writing and reviewing as much as I'd like these days, as they seem to be expecting me to "work" at the moment. Damn them. So all I'm really doing is stuff I can fit in in between worky things. Hey ho, it's the way it goes. Nice as ever to see you around Meester Jek. Do you reckon you'll manage that coveted 100th ban before Christmas? --UU - natter 13:17, Oct 9

Those them are big ol' jerks! They are making me "work" too, damn bastards. As for getting banned, I have a "ban plan" that'll get me banned BIG time! It involves vandalism, sockpuppetry, cussing, name-calling, vanity, AND denial afterwards! They'll never catch me! ...oh wait: They'll never catch me!   Le Cejak • <13:32 Oct 09, 2008>

I've been eavesdropping. I want to become part of this conversation. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:33 9 October 2008

So your ban plan is: impersonate NXWave? (The "classic" version - ignoring any disagreed-over more recent incarnations). ;-) (And if I ignore Orian, what effect do you think it will have on his fragile self-esteem?) --UU - natter 14:08, Oct 9

<crying in almost a physical pain> No body loves me :( Everybody hates me :( I think I'll go and shag men. :) </crying in almost a physical pain> SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 14:14 9 October 2008

Ah!

You've put some very good points in your scented urination, and I'll certainly change it accordingly. Best point is with the baby. Thing is, I know the film so well, I didn't notice that it wasn't placed in context for someone who doesn't know the film. Much obliged!

Don't Panic Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz wish to read for you one of his poems as a token of gratitude.. Alas, you are not expected to survive the experience

~ 15:00, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

And thankyou for another good read! --UU - natter 15:01, Oct 10

UnSignpost: October 10th 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

October 9^th, 2008 • Twenty-First Issue • Bursting with Crunchy Goodness!

Uncyclopedia Stock Plummets By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia stockholders are in a state of panic after shares of Uncyclomedia fell over 60% this week amid fears of a writing recession. "I just can't gamble on a rebound," said one investor as he carefully climbed out onto his window ledge overlooking Wall Street, perhaps seeking some fresh air. "With the current economic and comedic climate, and rumors of the destruction of the website, it looks like Uncyc Incorporated is about to fold." Other investors are slightly more optimistic. We ran into a smartly dressed woman in the Uncyc break room and were intrigued as to why a female would ever have enough confidence in the wiki to invest the large sum of one dollar bills she was counting. It turned out that she was a stripper, but we did eventually find someone who still had faith in the company. "There's so much more to the Uncyclopedia Empire than just the humor wiki," said confident money-man Chet Hardluck. "There's the kitten factory, the escort service, the games & sports division...and don't forget the world's largest boron-smelting plant!" When it was pointed out that these claims are in fact bollocks (except for the boron plant), Hardluck joined the queue of businessmen waiting their turn to get some frsh air on the suddenly popular ledge. The fate of the Uncyclopedia corporation remained unclear at press time. Some say that if Uncyc stock plummets through enough negative numbers, the stock will reset itself at zero, resulting in huge negative negative profits for those who bought the stock whilst it was negative. Uncyclopedia announces invasion of YouTube This week the first UnTunes was uploaded onto YouTube, the video sharing site so weighed down by copyright infringements that it certainly would not float in the tub. Our staff couldn't be bothered to watch the video, but we assume from the description of the foray that it is some sort of archival recordings of Oscar Wilde being awesome. The first upload began a series of incursions onto YouTube by all types of Uncyclopedians. Some made sense, such as article narrations and UnTunes. Some were questionable, such as the gangsta rap video by the usually timid Sycamore. But nearly 99% of all material in the 'Uncyclopedia' category is patent nonsense, such as a visualization of AAAAAAA!, faceoffs between George Bush & Kanye West and Steve Ballmer & various other injokes, and a 'don't blink contest' featuring Gert5 staring into a camera for nine hours.

Check out these pages! Be nice to n00bs! Poop management A modest proposal From our logs: 17:23, 4 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked AdamtheSpud (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Thou shalt not create stupid MySpace vanity; nor shalt thou spam links to it across the site, lest ye be smited) 02:00, 6 October 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 100100100 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Jesus rang. He hates you for blanking your neighbor's article. Also, he says he caught you mastrubating the other day. They're reserving a spot in the ninth circle of hell for you. Enjoy!) 23:50, 6 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.147.9.218 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Excuse me my kind sir, but may I please ask of you what the fuck you're doing?) Biopic of the Week The Thinker is an Uncyclopedia powerhouse. He was last year's bestest writer and is the proud papa of 17 featured articles (and proud co-papa of a further 14). He has won numerous awards for his writing skills, journalistic style, and sexy baritone. His fame and fortune stem from his daily routine of cleansing the body and spirit. Old-School Featured Article of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships is an annual Swedish tradition dating back to simpler times, when the joy of launching rodents into a lake could light up the face of the young and old alike. However, protests and scandals have recently threatened this once-great occasion, and interest has dwindled to the point where the land of Sweden is once again littered with unlaunched rats.

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— Sir Sycamore (talk) 18:34, 10 October 2008 (UTC)

Thanks!

Here, have this:

Rejoice, Under user! You have been entitled to the
Golden Shower Award

For donating high quality material to the Pee Review.

---

For your wunnerful review of my terrible article! Extra thanks for the good writer comment. It made my day. Take that, Sycamore! Bye! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 23:29, Oct 11

Rashōmon

Got a face lift. I think I managed to incorporate most of what you mentioned in your review. Mind take a look? Mainly - you think the formatting is reasonable? ~ 22:24, 12 October 2008 (UTC)

Yeah, I like it. Reads better, and I don't think the formatting is a problem at all. I like the "headache" one particularly. I'd say it's good to go. --UU - natter 12:00, Oct 13

Thank god for that, only took two years :O). Cheers as always! ~ 12:03, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

Pee

How can I get 100% on User:Cajek/Pee? — Sir Sycamore (talk) 17:47, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

the equation (in-depth pees)/(total pees) must equal 0.995 or greater. seeing as you have 2 non-in-depth pees, you will achieve 100% the moment you complete your 398th in-depth pee. good luck! (don't fret, i need to do 2587 before i get to 100% :) ) SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 18:10, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

OMG cool! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:40 13 October 2008

What Gerry said. Only possibly less mathy, as I studied linguistics. --UU - natter 20:09, Oct 13

i can do other statistics, too. i once calculated that sycamore averages one edit on uncyc every twenty-seven minutes. other pleas for attention include handstands and feigning seizures. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:26, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

You remind me of the missus, she has a BA in statistics for some reason. Scary stuff. ~ 20:30, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

FACT: assuming Mordillo's jew star is a wheel that has been spinning since his first edit, and assuming a pixel-to-centimeter conversion factor of 20:1, mordillo's jew star could have traveled to the moon and back three times. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 20:36, 13 October 2008 (UTC)

I dunno if that's true or not but it sounds true. Shear brilliance! SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:40 13 October 2008

Thanks there guys. Wow Gerry - my attention whoring can be statisticly measured /me Handstands:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 07:20, 14 October 2008 (UTC)

Grawp

Grawp cums in front of a computer. He tries to keep the cum off the computer keys. I'm not sure if he can cum with a human being. If he weren't such a prick it would be sad. Proxima Centauri 20:23, 14 October 2008 (UTC)

Ummm, wow. That's poetic. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 20:28 14 October 2008

Amen to that. - [20:47 14 October] Sir FSt Don Yettie

Let's see if we can improve Grawp's cumming standing here. See Grawp. It links to Harry Potter. It’s late here. I my look for ways to improve it all tomorrow. Proxima Centauri 02:23, 15 October 2008 (UTC)

Is that a reference to that quote on my userpage? I pity the poor thing, whatever it is, and I hope it reaches puberty soon. But mentioning it in links or articles on here will only encourage it. Don't feed the trolls! --UU - natter 13:23, Oct 15

You're a true American hero

Despite the fact that, given the chance, you'd probably blow us all to hell! ...anyway, thanks for archiving my talk page thing. If I had an award, it would be really awesome and you could show your friends and you would finally be respected!! But I don't. Thanks, UU!   Le Cejak • <13:18 Oct 15, 2008>

I'm pretty sure you archived it, I just linked to it. Anyway, it'll take more than non-existent awards on an online comedy wiki to make my friends respect me. First, I'd have to make some friends. I saw a movie about that recently, Weird Science, I think it was. I'll be following their methods closely. Then I'll work on the respect... And as to blowing you all to hell, that'll have to wait until I've done my Great American Road Trip across the place. I plan to do that some time during my second mid-life crisis, so you've got, ooh, weeks at least. Probably. (You're welcome). --UU - natter 13:23, Oct 15

Urination

Thanks for the compliment on my pee review efforts...I don't seek out recognition, though. People put templates on my talk page -- in appreciation, I guess -- but it's just that once I get writing about an article a sort of motor-mouth thing gets going and I end up writing quite a lot. It's not an ego-trip; the review just kind of grows like a mushroom. Maggots and all. But it's very, very difficult to really affect someone's writing style, I think. It's too personal. It's like offering advice on the way they chew. Or on their style of kissing. I suspect that the best an advisor can hope for is that if the writer keeps working then a few years later one small bit of your advice will be marginally helpful. In the matter of personal creativity one can only really wish the writer good luck. ----OEJ 01:01, 16 October 2008 (UTC)

Dude!

Hey guy, could I be so bold to have you look over Jesus Christ, who brought that guitar? and provide me with some informal feedback or editorial help? Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 18:25, 17 October 2008 (UTC)

Would love to. But possibly not soon enough - I have a very busy weekend piled up in front of me. I'm grabbing a quick ten minutes of laptop time while Mrs UU goes through her ablutions, and then all hell will break loose! (DIY, furniture shopping, in-laws over for dinner, utterly riveting weekend, need I say more?) So I'll get back to you when I have half an hour to call my own, if that's cool? That said, I did have a quick look through and utterly, utterly love the idea. One quick question: which is worse, the phrase "here's one you all know and love", or the phrase "I'd like to play something I've been writing myself"? Anyhow, must dash! --UU - natter 08:57, Oct 18

I'd like to awkwardly pop in and say that "I'd like to play something I've been writing myself" is considerably worse. Because then you feel bad when it's terrible and you're pretending not to grimace in pain. --Mr. Monkey Pant-hoot here. 19:55, 18 October 2008 (UTC)

Consume this cookie!

Modusoperandi has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

For your moderately fast reaction to a vandal. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 10:29, 19 October 2008 (UTC)

A cookie from Modus. That makes me happy. I'm moving slowly but surely through the list of people I'd like to get templates from. Well, I would be if I had such a list. And if I had such a list, you'd probably be on it Modus, so yeah, good things. --UU - natter 08:27, Oct 20

I try to avoid making lists. Too listy. This greatly simplifies shopping for groceries. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 08:36, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

I remember when I used to get attention from Modus. Now all I hear is I'm too busy with work. This is why I go to Florida: to forget. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 13:25, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

I got attention from modus once. That was a good day. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 13:48 20 October 2008

You two should count yourselves lucky. I get attention from me all the time. If I'm not quick enough with the mace, I'm all over myself. I'm an animal. Think I'm lying, do you? Well, just ask the other people in the checkout line at the grocery store. They'll back me up. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 18:03, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

XD you have something against masturbation? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:20 20 October 2008

I didn't before. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 18:29, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

Geeze are you that bad? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:30 20 October 2008

Yes. Terrible. You'd think that, like a fine wine, I'd improve with time. Instead, I improve with time like raw chicken. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 22:25, 20 October 2008 (UTC)

Left out on the bacteria laden warm counter in a Chinese restaurant kitchen where the employees don't wash their hands after using the bathroom?/ Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 13:37, 22 October 2008 (UTC)

You and your filthy mouth. Who's a dirty girl? Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 14:04, 22 October 2008 (UTC)

You're being a HUGE ASS. JUST THIS HUUUUUGE ASS!!!

UU's Ass.

It's true! Anyway, I've gotten a new idea on how to do reviews. Observe how I review Proxima Centauri's article: Proxima Centauri and the aliens of Porrila/review.   Le Cejak • <21:19 Oct 19, 2008>

Watching, ready to learn. --UU - natter 21:23, Oct 19

What the! /me spies MrN 21:26, Oct 19

When I'm done, you guys could add comments too! It could be a collaboration/review!   Le Cejak • <21:35 Oct 19, 2008>

Is <comment> a real HTML tag? <comment>I wonder...</comment> – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:36 Oct 19, 2008

Nope, apparently it isn't. To the sandbox! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:37 Oct 19, 2008

JESUS CHRIST! STOP BEING A HUGE ASS!!!!!!!!!!   Le Cejak • <21:41 Oct 19, 2008>

My ass will do what it wants, and there's nothing you can do about it. And my huge ass is one of my best features... --UU - natter 21:44, Oct 19

<sings> I like big butts and I cannot lie... </sings> /leaves SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:46 19 October 2008

This is a fascinating idea. I'd like to extend this idea a bit by suggesting that a new CSS class be created called "comment" or whatever. It would be invisible to everyone except users with a certain addition to their CSS or JS, and one could click a "show/hide comments" button. This wouldn't just be a tool for reviewers but for anyone stopping by who wants to leave a comment. Therefore it would allow non-pee-reviewers to leave comments about what works and what doesn't (perhaps in different colors) and it allows pee reviewers to do a completely in-depth review! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:44 Oct 19, 2008

That would be the next step in revolutionizing reviews. So far, I really prefer just leaving comments on a seperate page, but if you can figure out how to add comments somehow... yeah...   Le Cejak • <21:49 Oct 19, 2008>

It is a very interesting idea. I think it would only work for some articles - formatting-intensive ones, those with multiple pages, ones with multiple random lines (can't think who'd write ones like that) and so forth might not work so well. But for some articles it could work very well. Certainly a good addition to a pee-er's armoury though. Mind, it'd be a bitch to check, but that's not important! --UU - natter 21:51, Oct 19

Maybe I should be more specific.

Normal viewers: Would see nothing.
Users with a special line of JS in their JS: Would see a show/hide button in the upper left of a page, they would not see the comments or anything.
After clicking show/hide: They would see the comments. Cajek, I don't see why you couldn't still do it on a separate page - if you prefer that then sure, but this will also save you a bit of a headache with your template. But if we implement this, anyone from in-depth reviewers to casual readers could add comments really simply, and no one would see them unless they pressed a specific button, thus not breaking formatting or anything. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:55 Oct 19, 2008

I know where you're coming from Skull, and I like that idea. May work well in conjunction with a "normal" review as well. Gives us an extra option for trying to help people, which is always a good thing. Until someone finds a way to abuse it... --UU - natter 21:58, Oct 19

Whoa, that would be awesome... Could it be idiot proof, like that awesome VFH autovote template?   Le Cejak • <21:59 Oct 19, 2008>

I guess part of the issue here is why we do reviews... It's probably easier to just change the text to how you think it should be and leave a comment to the effect of why. I guess with this it's kinda more a way to teach people... Obviously whatever is done it would need to be quick to do. A button like the <nowiki></nowiki> button would be handy... MrN 22:00, Oct 19

There is probably something to be said for doing this type of thing in the actual article rather than a copy... I think it makes sense and is quicker to actually change small things in the actual article... Spellings, typos and the like. Rather than tying "delete this word" - just do it... You could also add new text in. I think this commenting style is useful for giving general comments or a wider scale... Such as a suggestion for something new, or how a whole section could be re-worked... If there are two copies kicking around, people might get confused as to what was what... What happens if the author does not come back for a week and the original gets edited? You can't compare diffs between different pages very easily... But... If there was only 1 copy, people who don't have the .js might not understand what is going in if they edit and see the code. In conclusion... Um... Hell knows! MrN 23:02, Oct 19

I considered the possibility of people messing up, but then again, that's a chance you take no matter what you're doing, where or when, on a wiki. If someone messes up... revert. And yes Cajek, there's got to be a way to make this idiot-proof.

I think it really makes a good use of the wiki system, which, as a site, we mainly don't. Other than the occasional collaborations it's mainly one user editing one page, but with this, we really could make use of being able to edit everything... by leaving comments! – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 23:19 Oct 19, 2008 =Skullthumper suxz donkeys dingles.

Hmm, who left that coloured message above? Maybe it needs a sig in there, or some kind of way of saying who left the comment... MrN 23:26, Oct 19

UnSignpost: 21 October 2008

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

October 16^th, 2008 • Twenty-Second Issue • Now with 40% more Batman!

Uncyc Users throw Support Behind Joe Plumber By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedians today officially declared their undying allegience to Joe Plumber, a newcomer in the upcoming U.S. presidential election. Plumber was thrust into the spotlight last night at the second of many dreadfully boring presidential debates between those two or more candidates currently jockeying for the office. His name was mentioned no less than twenty-four dozen times by the candidates, with each claiming that Joe sided with him on issues such as healthcare, tax increases, and the 'Canada Problem'. One candidate even went so far as to claim that he and Plumber were 'buddies', and that Plumber installed a new bathtub in his palatial presidential candidate mansion last July. Several prominent Uncyclopedians spoke out in vehement support of Plumber, citing his many qualifications to be the leader of the free world. "He's a maverick in the plumbing industry," said staunch pro-Plumberer Colin "All your base" Heaney. "He also has a plan to live the American Dream, through the infinite wisdom of buying his own plumbing company. America needs dreamers, Gerry." Despite being asked to stop commenting, Heaney went on to say that Plumber "cleans people's pipes on a regular basis." Other supporters of Joe Plumber's campaign and platform included inanimate objects such as TheLedBalloon. "The most important thing to know about Joe Plumber is that he is AMERICAN, in bold italics underlined and all caps, just like that." When asked to give another example of how patriotic both he and Plumber are, Mr. Balloon replied, "Just picture him standing in front of a flag with the Star Spangled Banner playing in the background, and you'll know why I support his presidency." Current polls show Plumber trailing in the presidential race, with an estimated zero percent of all voters. His backers are trying to spread the word about Joe's tax relief plan, his rugged good looks, and his skill with a pair of slip-nose pliers. Uncylopedia Issues Food Stamps By Gerrycheevers Due to the recent downturn in the economy, Uncyclopedia officials have issued hundreds of food stamps to users who have no means of feeding themselves. These users might be out of a job or have no arms. In any case, these food stamps are to be given out on alternate Thursdays, except for odd-numbered months, months ending in 'y' or 'r', and April. They will be available at the Uncyclopedia Meat Depot, the boron smelting plant, or by calling the new food stamps hotline. These food stamps will be valid for purchasing a wide variety of nutritious and delicious items from the Uncyclopedia Farmer's Market and Livestock Emporium. Included are items such as pre-packed huffable kittens, gummi grues, and AAAAAAA! cookies.

Check out these pages! Happy days are here again! For the greater good of the Empire Weekly 'Uncylopedia sucks' forum, right on time From our logs: 06:45, 10 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Wp 815 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎(Blanking pages is so Emo. Now go write about it in your Livejournal.) 16:46, 13 October 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked You can shove your wiki up your arse. SIDEWAYS. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎(I'd come up with something witty if I wasn't too busy eating.) 09:01, 14 October 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Nihilist909 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Whatever it is you're doing, you shall not do that anymore. At least until tomorrow.) 12:23, 15 October 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.15.183.15 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(What's the Thai for "fuck off and stop vandalising our website"? Whatever it is, kindly do so.) Biopic of the Week With one of the loudest userpages you'll ever see, urine aficinado and making-stuff-up-as-you-go-along expert Orian57 is, among other things, pleased to not be a Power Ranger. Just don't look under his mattress. From the Desk of the Cabal Firstly, there is no cabal. However, if one were to exist, it might remind citizens to leave the Uncyc offices well before dark, as the streets are generally safer in the daylight, and Cajek continues to feed the gremlins after midnight. In addition, whatever organizations intended to ensure public safety might happen to exist might also happen to enforce a shoot-on-sight 7:00 curfew. These guidelines are still useful, even though there certainly is not a cabal.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--Sycamore (Talk) 09:28, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

VFH thanks

***You Are Dead*** Necropaxx's soul-felt thanks go with you for the For vote on Grim Reaper. Remember, Grim's just a normal guy with the greatest job in the world.

Thanks for a much-welcomed vote on Grim Reaper. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 15:14, Oct 21

Wow, is that a proper, old-fashioned VFH thankies template? Why, I haven't seen one of those in months! Could it be to do with the weather, do you think? --UU - natter 15:16, Oct 21

Scuse me, five weeks. I gave you one for my power rangers article. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:02 21 October 2008

Yeah, well, I was sort of a little busy then, what with the wedding and all. I'm still grateful for it, honest... --UU - natter 18:05, Oct 21

You forgot about it! D: How could you!? What, was it not colourful enough!? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:07 21 October 2008

Radiohead revert

I see you recently reverted a bizarre edit on the Radiohead page. Your comment was "What? Why?" or something like that. I think what happened is somebody ran the whole article through some sort of translator that was supposed to render everything into leet. Some symbols and concepts didn't translate very well, hence all the "undefined"s.

Yes, folks. It's a new way for anonymous users to vandalize pages. Rejoice! YouFang 18:11, 21 October 2008 (UTC)

Oh, I got that much, the "What? Why?" was at 1. the fact it hadn't worked too well, and 2. the idea that someone would waste their time doing that in the first place. It's a whole new way to prove you have no life and no girlfriend. Woo! --UU - natter 18:14, Oct 21

I don't have a girlfriend (technically neither do you as it happens) that doesn't make me want to vandalise. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 18:17 21 October 2008

IRC

Now. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 15:33 Oct 23, 2008

Manly Thankyous

Thank you for the Noob of the Month nom. I even blurted this out whilst chewing on meat during dinner with my family. Thank you for giving me the status of Fresh Stain (blurted this one out whilst on the toilet). Thank you for your encouragement and advice towards PEE reviews (I blurted this out during English. Teacher responded with "what."). And thank you for your review on Golf War (blurting this one out now). The comments were very helpful and I intend to implement your suggestions, but for the next 8 days I'm in China, so I'll do all that when I get back. Anyway, the things you mentioned were good points; when I was writing the article I was unsure of whether it would be entirely golf related, or a mixture of the two and getting away with talking about the actual combat procedures. There were a few typos, I should do better to notice them next time (then again, my school essays are usually highly populated with misspellings). I also saw what you meant by the "Golf War II" thing. Frankly, I was torn between which conflict to parody, since the current fun and games is more commonly known as the Iraq War and etc. However, the Bush Sr, war occurred in the very early 90's, a time when I was too busy being bored. I was also afraid of people thinking they could milk the humour by making a prequel of their own for my work, but whatever they want to do I guess. But you're right, I could've used the first conflict somehow in the article. I should also change words like 'tyrant' to 'golfing maverick', I should've thought about that! I would go on, but that'd result in a needless wall of text. Thanks again! --Nachlader 19:29, 23 October 2008 (UTC)

Hey, no problem, it's nice to get people joining who seem to want to do things the right way! Have fun around here. and don't worry about the typos - I'm a very, very finicky bastard (I've just corrected the spelling on my talk page while posting this reply, for instance) and could probably find flaws in perfection. That said, I really do like the article, and your style in general, so carry on doing what you are doing, and as I say, let me know when you're done, as I'd love to take another look at it! --UU - natter 10:44, Oct 24