User talk:Under user/Archive 14

Reap

From Syc--Sycamore (Talk) 12:18, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

Over 3 minutes, according to recent changes. I was starting to worry. --UU - natter 12:19, Dec 4

Rip what you saw

So when do we start writing Sir? Are you becoming as lazy as you are handsome? ~ Mordillo where is my NICARAGUA? 12:56, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

I refer the honourable gentleman to my comments in the forum Forum:(Another) open letter to the Cabal. I'm busy as a bastard at work at the moment, and so general maintenance work and Signpost scribblings are all I have time to fit in in between large amounts of stressing and working like a paranoid beaver. And that's without the continuing travails of Mrs UU's family taking up most of my evenings... I'd love to get going on that article. And on the collab I'm supposed to be doing with DJI. And the article I told PP I'd have a tinker with. And the article MrN requested. And the... Yeah, you get the idea anyway. There is nothing I'd like to do more than settle down to some proper writing. I've just got no idea at all when I'll be able to do it! I haven't forgotten buddy. Promise! --UU - natter 13:24, Dec 4

I think you need to set your priorities straight - writing with me first. Work second, Mrs. UU last. As long as you don't tell her I said so O_O ~ Mordillo where is my NICARAGUA? 13:40, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

And your recommendation of divorce lawyer is...? --UU - natter 13:47, Dec 4

Famine. ~ Mordillo where is my NICARAGUA? 13:59, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

I'd prefer someone a little more active... --UU - natter 14:23, Dec 4

JoeShea? Oh no wait, I blocked him. Snap. ~ Mordillo where is my NICARAGUA? 14:26, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

Apostrophes

Rabbi Techno Awards You The Platinum Apostrophe

For your bravery in the Battle of Grammar.
However, we still have work to do!
The Apostrophometer estimates there are still over ten
million instances of misused apostrophes on Uncyclopedia!
Up and at 'em, soldier!

---

There is the distinct possibility that this is my favourite award on this whole site. --UU - natter 16:17, Dec 4

You're only about the third person to have received it, since apostrophe abuse runs rampant. :-) RabbiTechno 16:21, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

No no, this is your favorite award:

This user is hereby nominated an HONORARY JEW, and is entitled to all honors and persecutions as such.

~ Mordillo where is my NICARAGUA? 16:27, 4 December 2008 (UTC)

It's the surname, right? --UU - natter 09:01, Dec 5

/me passes by giggling wildly... MrN 16:28, Dec 5

Hey, don't just pass by, the UnSignpost still needs delivering. THEDUDEMAN said THEDUDEBOT was delivering it, but he said that ages ago and clearly was lying. Kick MrN9001 in the balls and get him moving, please! --UU - natter 16:40, Dec 5

Oh ta for that

I thought there was something wrong. It's just I wrote it a when I was losing my mind and started mis-correcting my spelling. What do you think of the actual laughter quality? Sissy liked it. Sir Orian57~Christmas!~Talk 14:22 5 December 2008

Thought it was alright, actually. Interested to see where you go with it. Very much one of yours, isn't it? --UU - natter 15:48, Dec 5

First person neurosis, I'd say so. also I writing it. Sir Orian57~Christmas!~Talk 18:29 5 December 2008

PEEING Congratulations!

Hey, Congratulations on getting the 100 in-depth reviews mark! You are an inspiration to us all! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 16:19, Dec 5

Heh, thanks. That's just "100 since Cajek started keeping the list" though - I'm closing on 150 in total, I think, although not all of 'em were in-depth. Not sure about the inspiration bit either, I'm just an opinionated git! As far as I'm concerned, OEJ's still the man. --UU - natter 16:30, Dec 5

Well, of course, nobody does it better than OEJ, but you still have been cranking out one in-depth review after another. That deserves another thank you. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 16:49, Dec 8

UnSignpost: 4th December 2008 (yea, we know it's late)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

December 4th • Issue 27 • Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

Sycamore: How does he do it? An UnSignpost Special Investigation Sycamore. What words waft gently into the back garden of your mind when you hear that word? "Tree", perhaps, or "unusual, propeller-style seeds", if you're of a naturalistic bent. Maybe (although we admit it is highly unlikely), the words "song by really obscure Scottish rock band Deckard" will sneak in under the fence. But for those of an Uncyclopedia nature (and let's face it, that should include all those reading this, or the paperbot's malfunctioning again), the words are likely to include: "Scottish"; "omnipresent"; "recent changes fiend"; "reviewer extraordinaire"; "categories"; "ban patrol"; or possibly "who?" if you're out of the loop. But who is this masked Celt? Well, since changing identity from MMACKNIGHT‎ in March 2008, he's racked up an impressive 18,000 edits (or he will have by the time this paper is actually delivered - it's hanging at 17.940-odd at the time of typing). Many of these edits have been thanklessly categorising pages, voting for deletion, reverting and ban patrolling - the kind of soul-crushing work, in other words, that would sap the will to live of the average individual, but not our Syc. His efforts have not gone un-noticed. Indeed, he's been re-nommed for Uncuclopedian of the Month, even though he's already won the award. And despite the understandable reluctance of the non-existent cabal to swell their non-existent ranks, there is a small but significant groundswell of opinion gathering that this should be followed by the bestowing of a Banhammer on the cheery Caledonian. All of this is interesting, of course, and handily fills up column inches in this week's issue, but it doesn't answer the burning question: how does he do it? Once again spending no expense on uncovering the truth, your fearless UnSignpost has the answers, and they lie in his welcome message, and a gratuitous stereotype of his nationality. Yes, Jaffa Cakes and Irn Bru are the fuel of choice of this salutary Scot, and it would appear that the chemical reaction of these two volatile substances in his bloodstream creates an energy level easily the equivalent of at least a small-to-medium Hadron Collider. This is sufficient to cause in him a state not unequivalent to that Scientific Holy Grail, perpetual motion. So there you go kids: that's how he does it! Warning: Your safety-conscious UnSignpost would like to point out that Irn Bru is only known to have this beneficial effect on Scots. Those from less tartan countries would be advised to steer well clear - don't try this at home, kids! From the Cabal's desk Greeting citizens. This post does not exist. We are not addressing you from this paper. We do not exist. We do not sit in dark corners, smoking expensive cigars and smirk when we see you make mistakes. Mistakes on this site do not exist. We do not watch your every step with our ban hammers poised for actions. Mainly because your edits don't exist. We are not tired by your petty dramas and wonder when will you write some new classics. Simply because you do not exist. You are not reading this post. We will not meet again next week. This was not the cabal's weekly address to the citizenry. Keep the peace, obey the cabal. The cabal is your friend.

Check out these pages! TKF v BHOP: an acronymious battle The inevitable bandwagon A history lesson, and RAHB's penis again From our logs BUMPER SPECIAL: 07:24, 3 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.43.66.7 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You've got to stop taking vacations like this. They get in the way of the valuable contributions you make to our site.) 00:40, 3 December 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fat hideous cunt (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Codeine why are you using socks to vandalize us) 18:25, 2 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.146.0.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (We love niggers. My best friend is a nigger. My wife is a nigger. And when I have a son, I hope he'll be a nigger rather than an IP) 19:57, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.184.39.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Regardless of what your girlfriends may have told you, orgasms are real) 18:18, 1 December 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Codeine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Country/Folk musician ‎ (When I see your name on my block log, I think of a song lyric by Townes van Zandt, if that means anything.) 18:03, 1 December 2008 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a penis ‎ (When I see your name in my watchlist, I think of penis. And that's not always a good thing.) 21:03, 30 November 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making RAHB think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.) 20:37, 30 November 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Sycamore (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (That's for editing a year old topic and making me think there was actually something exciting happening. Bastard.) Biopic of the Week There's beautiful, there's downright gorgeous, and then, beyond even that, there's Prettiestpretty. Blessed with writing talent to rival her boundless good looks, she has edified us on the delights of the Queef, the significance of the Colossus of Barbie, and much more besides. Long may she lend her grace to Uncyc! Forgotten and so-short-it-possibly-ought-to-be-a-template page of the week Tact: Actually, I think your religion is utterly ridiculous, and you're pretty stupid for believing in it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 19:15, 5 December 2008 (UTC)

The names Bond, Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/James Bond

Thanks for the review of my James Bond article. I've fixed the (shamefully many) spelling errors and added to the books section, which I had previously run out of steam on. I shall take it over to VFH. Thanks again. -- 15Mickey20 (talk to Mickey)  17:19, 7 December 2008 (UTC)

Zo

What zo you think about writing ze whole fafikte article in the red and black colors of the fatherland? ~ Mordillo where is my NICARAGUA? 16:12, 9 December 2008 (UTC)

And yellow - don't forget yellow. But actually, I'm not sure. It might look off-puttingly garish. I'm already wondering if that table can be formatted to be a little less in-your-face. And pondering other ideas as well. I like what you've written though, don't get me wrong! Man, what I really need is a few days off work for some serious writing time. Roll on christmas hols! --UU - natter 10:21, Dec 10

I was thinking about the table myself. It is a bit offensive. But then again...this whole article is offenseivr O_O ~ Mordillo where is my NICARAGUA? 10:27, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Igor

Eh, the alligator bit at the beginning I'm not all that fond of, mainly because it makes the entire article feel like it's the same formula over and over, so it's less of a surprise, and I think good humor has a large element of surprise. But perhaps it makes it funnier to others, I'm not sure. I do recognize the wiki nature of this site, and just because I wrote the article initially doesn't mean it has to be exactly the way I like it. The important thing is for it to get funnier for the general public with each edit (and it seems to be doing much better in VFH than it did before, so perhaps it is seen by most as funnier that way?). The other edits (the format and such) don't bother me. And thanks for the nomination. --NotANinja 16:28, 10 December 2008 (UTC)

Fair enough, I see your point about the alligator bit - I just thought it set up the running joke. I don't think the success on VFH is down to the changes though, I think it's down to 2 things - 1. At the time, I seem to recall a spate of really crap articles nominatmed by IPs, so people took one look at the first line, thought "that seems badly written", and then went back and voted. 2. People take nominations more seriously when they're by an established user as opposed to an IP, so they're more likely to read all of it and get the joke. Remove the alligator bit if you want, I don't think it'll affect it adversely. I was just trying to make a few edits in line with the spirit of your article, and I'd prefer it if when your article gets featured, you're happy with it! --UU - natter 16:34, Dec 10

UnSignpost: 11th December

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

December 11th • Issue 28 • The truth, the whole truth, and nothing

Colin breaks #uncyclopedia By SysRq At approximately 7:01 EST, Colin "All your base" Heaney officially fucked everything up yet again. IRC was engaged in what started out as a naturally occurring, all-caps LOL train. However, being the little faggot that he is, Colin decided to join in, effectively making it not funny anymore. This reporter, being an expert witness in cases of dipshittery, quickly came to the conclusion that "Colin makes everything suck." However, Uncyclopedia's resident shitstain did not stop there. He proceeded to incite bizarre and violent urges within members of IRC, causing them to commit unspeakable acts. This reporter, under Colin's influence, killed both of his parents; deadpidgeon and MrN9000 both became homosexuals as a result. Colin himself was then found to have been responsible for every case of unpleasantness throughout history: the Holocaust, 9/11, and abortion. As other users unknowingly joined the channel-turned-warzone, they too fell victim to Colin's faggotry. Users were eventually transforming into furries and fucking each other with "furry Disney dicks" just before this reporter relocated to a safer distance. Needless to say, there is now sufficient evidence that everything stupid and gay and unfunny is, in fact, Colin's fault. Chicks, man. By Regret Tenenbaum Hot Chicks. Just the words start your heart racing and your mumble mumble. Hot chicks have long failed to receive the ample, under-wire support they deserve here on Uncyc, and if it were not for one, soft-drink based, visionary noob, the femmes fatales of Uncyc would still be a saggy, wrinkly mess. Now all the babes, sexy ladies, foxy chicks, MILFs, and, yes, even magical anime girls, rest in the palm of your hand, throbbing with their new-found intellectual networking - WikiProject Hot Chicks. When asked how the aforementioned n00b came up with such a brilliant idea, he responded: "I don't know what UnSignpost is, my motivation for starting U[N]:WP Hot Chicks was because I thought it was rather humorous, I would like to be adopted, and in Soviet Russia, all your base are belong to YOU !!" (Doctapeppaman was promptly given a stern spanking for such irresponsible use of memes). The project has already succeeded in tagging several sexy talk-pages with the WikiProject Hot Chicks seal, thereby rating them on a random and baseless scale from A- to D-Cup, and the project will most likely be a success, considering the high ratio of users to perverts present on the site. Perhaps, one day, the project will achieve its primary goal - making every article without enough pictures of scantily-clad women into an article about cheesecake.

Check out these pages! Have yourself a neurotic little Christmas Will anyone notice another template around here? Lawyers struggling for work in global recession From our logs: 02:14, 10 December 2008 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.142.37.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hi. Welcome to Uncyc. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay here. We did too.) 13:16, 8 December 2008 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 208.43.6.211 (Talk) with an expiry time of 15 years ‎ (congratulations! You'll be back when OJ is out of prison. Let me know he gets a parole before that) Codeine (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wild sweaty orgies" (If anyone's gonna write an article about these it'll be me. I've done the research.) Biopic of the Week Far more than just a definite article, THE is a veritable cornerstone of the site, spoken of in hushed tones wherever people gather together to discuss prolific authors with ALLCAPS usernames only three letters in length. From computer expertise and nature documentaries to frankly ludicrous amounts of UnNews, THE covers all bases. And he won the WotM at the twenty-ninth time of asking in January 2008. Vital Question of the Week If we put blatant space filler in this box, will anyone notice? Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week Week Box of the week - by far the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week, "Week Box of the week", was featured in the very first edition of the Unsignpost, and for some reason that only the classic writers of the most classic Classic "...of the Week" Box of the Week know, Week Box of the week spoke not of boxes, as you weak-minded simpletons might believe, but of something higher - Dr. Skullthumper or Cajek's "humor juice".

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MrN9001 21:20, 11 December 2008 (UTC)

Now you listen here mister

If you can think you can run off drinking like that without a single smithing, you are sourly mistaken! ~ Mordillo where is my NICARAGUA? 17:19, 12 December 2008 (UTC)

But I did smith. It was about the only thing I did do yesterday. That was the busiest I've been in a very long time. My sense of humour may never recover. I really needed those drinks last night! --UU - natter 08:58, Dec 13

Sign here

Here is my card. The Saint has generously left you his card. Give him a call when you're ready to take things a little more seriously. Why so serious?

I've given you my card. Please make a visit to my user page (not my talk page), and sign my Hall of Fame. It would be an honor to me and my user page. Kind of like signing a cast.

Jimmy the Hellhound 16:37, 16 December 2008 (UTC)

Happy Hanukkah

PARTY LIKE IT'S 5769

if you're not Jewish, party anyway

Happy Hanukkah from Rabbi Techno
NOW START DRINKING

---

I'll raise a bacon roll in celebration this afternoon, how's that? ;-) --UU - natter 12:33, Dec 21

Merry Christmas

Bonner would like to wish you a Merry Christgame And a happy New Game P.S, You just lost the game (Bonner) (Talk)

Seasons Greetings

Remember: Keep the "X" in X-mas Santa checks his list to see who's been naughty and who's been nice. And naughty always makes out better at X-mas

Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 18:26, 21 December 2008 (UTC)

A FESTIVUS FOR THE RESTOFUS!

	Happy Festivus, from The Led Balloon and Jerry Stiller. Put up your Festivus Pole, air your grievances, and prepare for the feats of strength, for festivus cannot continue until I am pinned! Oh, and merry Christmas if you're into that sort of thing.
	It's a Festivus miracle!

- P.M., WotM, & GUN, Sir Led Balloon (Tick Tock) (Contribs) 20:22, Dec 21

Happy Holidays from all of us at SysRq Waste Disposal and Grinder Co.

Happy Giftmas. ~Sissie

sirsysrq @ 23:46 Dec 21

Peeing

Thanks for telling me I can join that little group thing, I would like to join, but for some reason if I click the thing that says sign up here it doesnt work, is there another way? sorry to bug you --Yodel monkey 04:30, 22 December 2008 (UTC)

No problem, what people have generally done is edited the section and added their name under there, although it's not exactly clear. However all that would then happen is I'd come along, say you were in, and shift you into the appropriate section below, so I've added you in and put the userbox on your page. Welcome aboard, thanks again for helping out, and good to have you around! You can call yourself a fresh stain of you want, and feel free to replace your name on that page with your sig if you create one. Give me a shout here if you have any questions, I'm generally about and always happy to help! --UU - natter 10:38, Dec 22

Yay someone else to do the work I've dodged for months! Good to have you on board Yodel! Sir Orian57~Christmas!~Talk 11:45 22 December 2008

Get back to your reviewing young Orian, or you'll feel the flat of my hand, so help me... --UU - natter 20:32, Dec 23

Alright thanks alot for putting the icon on, I think I understand what's going on but if I have any questions I will be sure to ask, thanks alot! --Yodel monkey 23:32, 23 December 2008 (UTC)

That's probably an incentive to keep doing nothing... Also Merry Christmas or "crimbo" if you're feeling hip. Sir Orian57~Christmas!~Talk 00:55 24 December 2008

Merry Something UU

May you have a merry something of your choosing and a happy new something else. O_O ~ Mordillo where is my NICARAGUA? 08:44, 23 December 2008 (UTC)

Likewise I'm sure, Mr Dillo. Whatever you celebrate, just make sure you PARTY HARD! --UU - natter 08:51, Dec 23

Tis' The Season

PARTY LIKE IT'S SATURNALIA!

Io, Saturnalia!- Eat, Drink and treat your masters with disrespect!

Happy Hedonism from the Saturnalicius Princeps
NOW START DRINKING JAGERMEISTER WHILE WEARING UGLY SWEATERS AND SILLY HATS

---

BITCH, PLEASE!

I'd just like to say to you, <insert name here> Merry/Happy/Already with the happy! Hannukah/Kwanzaa/Festivus/Capitalism, bitch-nizzle! and other mildly offensive things that make self-respecting white-people cringe with disgust. -Colin "All your base" Heaney

Merry Christmas Template!

User:Modusoperandi/Christmas template. Ho ho ho! I didn't put enough thought into this! Ho ho ho! I forgot to make a template! Ho ho ho! Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 04:13, 24 December 2008 (UTC)

During this season...

Yeah Happy/Merry whatever you believe/ride off to get presents from us at the Church of Assholes Who Make Fun of Churches of Assholes --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 13:24, 24 December 2008 (UTC)

MerryChristmas!

	Merry Christmas, dudes!
	Santa "Metallica" Claus and Necropaxx want to wish you a very merry Christmas, and to always rock around the Christmas tree.
	Don't forget the egg nog!

• • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 19:41, Dec 24

Here's Your Christmas Tree

Merry Christmas 2008 From Sawblade5

Here's a Potato Christmas Tree For You!
Caution the Grue protecting this tree!

---

----Pleb- Sawblade5 ^{( yell | FAQ | I did this )} 08:21, 25 December 2008 (UTC)

while i'm here

Merry Christmas and Happy Festivus 2008 from Halsoft

Fuck Christmahaunika! Fuck Festihaunika!
Have a Good Whatever!
Santa is watching you shower, <insert name here>

---

and the ip user 76.178.157.131 is deleting articles and replacing them with gibberish – Preceding unsigned comment added by Halsoft (talk • contribs)

Survival is for the meek

So how did you survive Xmas? And what are you doing at work? I thought I was the only miserable git doing something today. ~ 14:48, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

I iz not at worx, I iz compilin' a stoopid reportz for mai boss (also I haz been on I Can Has Cheezburger, can you tell?) I have to log on every day for a couple of minutes to note some meaningless figures, then I log off again to go do good family things with my folks. Only it takes 20 minutes because their internet connection moves slower than the average glacier. So while I wait for the stuffs to download I smith and voat for stuffs. I survived Xmas just fine - got loads of good stuff and am in a mist of possessive pride. How did the Hanukkah thingy go, overdosed on oily food yet? --UU - natter 14:53, Dec 29

My vanes are as good as done. ~ 14:58, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

I'm suffering from turkey overdose. My veins are full of sausagemeat stuffing, and my mince pie count finally stalled at 25. I'll book the table next to you in the heart bypass ward, we can spend January idly discussing stuff the Cabal would do if it existed. --UU - natter 15:04, Dec 29

Which luckily for us, it doesn't. ~ 15:06, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

I know. Just imagining the kind of abuses of power and evil schemes it would perpetrate were it to exist sends cold shivers up, down, across and through my spine. --UU - natter 15:08, Dec 29

Lucky for me, my spine is now surrounded by a fine layer of fat, so I don't feel anything O_O ~ 15:16, 29 December 2008 (UTC)

I was wondering when you'd notice that...

I came close to doing a bit of secretarial work last week and moving it, but ah well. Procrastination for the win! –—Hv (talk) 30/12 18:23

You shot who in the what now? Good to see you about anyways Hv. --UU - natter 18:26, Dec 30

Why does Uncyclopedia suck like shit now?

I swear this place used to be fun, but nothing here has made me laugh for ages. No one seems to be writing anything funny and people like Modus are spending most of the time making shitty forum jokes than anything really good. It started going downhill when Cajek left. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 08:59, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

Wow, that's a question and a half. Er, Some stuff still makes me laugh, although not as much as when I first started.. I partly put that down to being here a while and getting jaded, plus to being here a while and running out of things to discover from older times that would make me laugh, so that I'm more reliant on new stuff to make me laugh - and the ratio of good to crap in new stuff has always been high. Also, this strike Mhaille's on, coupled with the absence of plenty of talented, funny folk such as Cajek, Skull, Lj and the like doesn't help. Then there's the fact that many of our best writers are now admins and spend their time banning and the like, leaving them less time to write, and less inclined to when they do have time, seemingly. There are a bunch more reasons as well, but while I don't agree it sucks like shit, I'd say it's true the site is going through a lull right now. Maybe if the cabal gets its act together and sorts out the domain bullshit, a few more decent folks will return, and a snowball effect will start? I dunno, but I still love this place, and hope picks up again soon. I also hope you have a fun and prosperous 2009, DJ. --UU - natter 09:11, Jan 1

Ok, some things have made me laugh, but most of these are old articles dug up from 07 or 06, pretty much nothing written recently has had that class or funniness of the older articles. --Sir DJ ~ Irreverent 10:07, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

I don't disagree with you. No idea what to do about it though. I just keep plugging away, hoping my inspiration will return and I can write some good shit again. Until then, I'll keep hoping things will pick up. I'm mildly optimistic like that. The place doesn't feel like it did though, that's a fact. --UU - natter 10:25, Jan 1

Thank you for voting.

Thank you for voting. Thank you all for voting me your Writer of the Month for December 2008, despite my rather long winded speech half-telling you not to while still being whore enough to accept the award anyways. Enjoy this pretty template styled after my pretty new userpage as your payment, as per our previous agreement. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk) 22:49, 1 January 2009 (UTC)

Just don't stop, dude! --UU - natter 09:28, Jan 2

Zsa Zsa would like you to stop by...

Dahling and see the work that been done to her since you voted against her on Votes for Deletion. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 01:46, 2 January 2009 (UTC)

I went, I saw, I changed my vote. Good, fast work as ever. --UU - natter 09:30, Jan 2

Bore da

Alright, boyo? You voted for an article about me. This means that you're entitled to a free slice of laver pizza from Lloydios, the greatest pizzeria in all of Caernarfon.

IronLung 03:14, 2 January 2009 (UTC)

With Great Appreciation

THANKS FOR YOUR APPROVAL!

As a Commander of the Order I shall uphold the sacred duty to be funny, not just stupid and to make Codeine's Mum proud.

As NOTM for December 08' I am deeply humbled
I APPRECIATE YOUR VOTE AND SHALL UPHOLD MY RESPONSIBILITY TO MAKE YOU LOOK LIKE A TOTAL GENIUS FOR CHOOSING MY CARNIVAL FREAK SHOW

---

--    14:04, 2 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 1st January 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

January 1st, 2009 • Issue 29 • The first newspaper to wish you a Happy Christmas 2009!

The UnSignpost starts 2009 as it ended 2008: Late The UnSignpost, the wiki newspaper with the highest staff turnover on the interwebs, has made a promising start to 2009, by being late with the first issue of the year. Gentleman editor UU said "I could say the issue was ready on time, but it was tricky to find a paperbot, but we at the Signpost have never hid behind excuses. Oh no, wait, we do that all the time. I couldn't be bothered to hunt hard enough to find a paperbot. Sorry. Still, it's not like the readers expect better, is it?" Several readers were probably available for comment, but we didn't ask them anything and blatantly made one up: "it wouldn't be the UnSignpost if it arrived on time", Orian57 might have said, if we'd asked him. The Patronising New Year EditorialTM If you follow a sensible calendar, and not a Chinese, Jewish, Muslim, Celtic or whatever one, a New Year has just dawned, bringing with it the faintest vestiges of hope. Hope that things may just be different this time. Hope that we may keep a resolution for longer than a week. Hope that we will achieve all those targets our hearts desire. Hope that mankind may finally rise above the pettiness of squabbling between families, religions and nations, and unite in a glorious surge towards a bright, common future. From this we can infer that Andy Dufresne in The Shawshank Redemption didn't have a clue what he was on about - hope is a ridiculous thing, and should be crushed as soon as possible. However, there is still the possibility, however remote, that something good might happen. Active users might start writing more good articles again. VFH might start to flow like it used to. Old users may return, invigorated, to bestow upon us fresh fruits of their imaginations. New users may arrive to take up the baton, and stride boldly forward, blessing us with a wealth of new articles that inject fresh purpose and impetus to the site. Don't look like that - it might happen. Well, monkeys might also fly out of your butt. Depends if teleportation technology ever becomes viable, widely available, and small enough to secure in such a narrow location. Face it, we haven't a clue what this year holds for us yet, folks, all we can do is try and make it the best we can by writing more articles, and helping new users out, and see where we go from there. This is your UnSignpost, patronising the fuck out of you. Happy New Year! Kevin Rudd says Uncyclopedia is the worst By Joe9320 Recently, Kevin Rudd said that Uncyclopedia is the worst. In his statement when he was at his speech in Beijing, China, he said "Uncyclopedia is the worst. They put up articles of disgust, nonsense and rudeness. Fuck Uncyclopedia! It's just a plain ripoff of Wikipedia" Then he went on to say how Uncyclopedia is bad. He also said "Illogicopedia is nonsensical, but much better than Uncyclopedia. Even Wikipedia doesn't have anything disgusting on it, despite articles about rude words". As the people of Uncyclopedia, we totally disagree on Mr Rudd's comments on Uncyclopedia. People should realise that this great website is not a ripoff of Wikipedia. Hail Cthulhu!

Check out these pages! Something about us being the worst, maybe? Possessive pride The "bring back Gert" bandwagon starts here Upstanding songwriting competition From our logs: 14:04, 26 December 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.59.56.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (For doing something to a page on Phil Collins. You have terrible taste.) 12:56, 25 December 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs) blocked YourFriend (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (If I shove a Christmas tree up your ass, does that make you an angel?) 21:23, 18 December 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.182.114.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Your edits are bad on a scale I haven't seen in quite some time. You'd be the chosen one if the goal of this wiki was to make shitty stubs about your friends.) Biopic of the Week Proudly the worst since 2005, Uncyclopedia is the place all subscribers to this newspaper will have edited at least once. That means you are directly responsible for its worstness. We hope you feel suitably chastened. Year of the week 2008. As far as years went, it was OK - there were days in it, things happened and whatnot. People joined, people left, people returned, people lurked, people vandalised, and drama was never far away. But it's probably the best year we've had for at least 8 months. Year that hasn't happened yet of the week. 2022. We just get a good feeling about it. It'll probably suck now. Exhortation to vote on stuff of the week We at the UnSignpost know how much you all love voting, so what better treat than the bumper crop of New Year voting pages? Top 10 of Dec, WotY, UotY, PotY, WotM, UotM, PotM, RotM, VFH, VFD... How much fun can you have in one month?

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MrN9001 01:07, 3 January 2009 (UTC)

What do you reckon of...

This... A. Fuck off Sycamore B. Do you remember Thundercats? C. Yeah I like this, you've taken one of the more difficult articles down well or D. None of the above?:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 12:17, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

Let's see, funnier? Check. Better written? Check. Contains a link to one of my articles? Check. That'll be option C then. Nice work Syc. --UU - natter 12:49, Jan 7

Groovy:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 12:54, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

Also, I do remember Thundercats. My friend at school had the entire collection. I was more of a Transformers/MASK man myself. --UU - natter 13:01, Jan 7

Hang on, that looks like... was that... (Whisper it) Talk page whoring? --UU - natter 13:19, Jan 7

I remembered Thundercats this morning, very randomly. The other thing, whoring... me? I think you are mistaken:) — Sir Sycamore (talk) 13:42, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

I would suggest you stand in a Scottish pub and order a pint of Fuller's London Pride as penance, but I'll overlook it for the subtlety on display. ;-) --UU - natter 13:48, Jan 7

I remember we had a conversation like this about Thundercats, not that I remember it, it was just a joke I stole from someone older than me. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 21:56 8 January 2009

What do you think of...

this:

>--------O

~ 13:22, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

Dunno, looks like a tall person lying down? --UU - natter 13:22, Jan 7

I was aiming for a heat seeking missile, but that will work too. ~ 13:25, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

I think Palistine's odds just looked up... — Sir Sycamore (talk) 13:44, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

I just discovered that...

...You nominated me for writer of the year. I'm really touched...and I take pills for that. But still, deep down from my heart...theres a lot of blood pumping around. Thank you. Hugs, Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 13:57, 7 January 2009 (UTC)

You deserve it for a whole bunch of articles that have genuinely made me laugh out loud, quite simply. --UU - natter 14:00, Jan 7

Was it you...

That changed my biopic in the october 16th issue of the unsignpost? If i was awesome! You is epic! it's given W?PR a huge link boost. If it wasn't do you know who it was? Also I feel like we don't talk any more. How are ya? SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 06:56 9 January 2009

Oh and I was gonna ask -- this isn't whoring incidentally -- but what do you think of this I might even have asked you about this before but I don't think I have. It's just as I read it now I still think it's pretty good, though the review I got a few months ago said otherwise. Basically I just want a quick second opinion. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 07:19 9 January 2009

I have never touched your profile, and that's a scandalous accusation. Also, that was Gerry from start to finish, and changed it? That issue hasn't been touched since October... I'll take a look at the article later, once I've got settled in for the day. Also, I guess you're spending too much time playing Horde these days to converse with the likes of me. --UU - natter 08:57, Jan 9

Oh ok, maybe I just never noticed until now and I'm probably the first (if I don't read about me who will?). I just remember that Gerry put in something that I'd written to poke fun at something completely different that Woody wrote, then changed it to just one line, after that I never noticed it changed. Oh well anyway cool. And it's not just horde, it's the rest of Gears2 not to mention Banjo-Kazooie N&B -- and Dead Space is literally the best game I've ever played. Ah well cool. I'm kinda tired. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 09:11 9 January 2009

I'm actually fucking pissed off. I bought myself Mass Effect as a late Christmas present, problem is, I bought it on PlayTrade at Play.com, and I've been sent a turkey. It plays OK for an hour, just long enough for me to really start getting into it, and then it starts telling me the disc is unreadable. Fuck. Bet I don't get a refund from the little bastard either. But that's not what bothers me, I just wanna play the goddamn game! Argh! --UU - natter 09:15, Jan 9

Oh I've had similar bad luck, though I prefer the term crisis. When I first decided to get a 360 and all the paraphernalia I had to go through a catalogue (of course by "I" I mean my parents cos I'm still a child really). When the games started arriving I thought I must have gotten lucky and that it would come within the week. Although I was wrong, and slightly frustrated by the fact that as the six-to-eight weeks went by I accumulated more and more things for the x-box despite the fact it hadn't arrived yet. I had three games that everyone had told me I should play (and by everyone I mean my friend) and a spare controller that I used to pretend I was playing BBC News at Ten. Then it arrived! It was like (and very nearly) christmas! I was at a loss on which game to play first. After hooking it up I decided on Grand Theft Auto IV (the game I bought because my parents fear it). I didn't even get to figure out how to shoot people -- hell I never even saw anyone to shoot before the screen froze. Three lights around the power button went red. Which is sort of the same as massive heart failure. Gutted I packed it up again and sent it off for a replacement. Now I had four games, two controllers, a headset, wireless adapter, 12 months live subscription, the hard drive, a fucking box and a big empty space where the best thing that happened to me in years had sat for only a few hours. It was heart breaking. Still if it had worked the world would have been deprived of my halloween event. so some good came out of the situation. Although it's successor it's the reason my christmas event it less than half finished and the fact i haven't done a review in like ever. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 09:41 9 January 2009

Mine red ring of death'd just before christmas. It arrived back on tuesday, at the same time as the game arrived. I thought that was tremendous serendipity. Turns out it was just to taunt me. Still, I can still play Crackdown and blow the shit out of lots of nasty evildoers, so it's not a complete loss. --UU - natter 09:45, Jan 9

Also my edit comments are normally for my own benefit, so I can see what I was up to at any point. Hardly anyone reads them, and I keep forgetting that you do, and even take them seriously. Ignore 'em, it'll make life easier. And stop being so paranoid! --UU - natter 09:56, Jan 9

Oh right. You have a 360 too? I didn't know what Mass Effect was so I assumed it was a PC game. Not have Live no (if you do or ever get it, like sissy said my alias is Orian57)? Oh well I guess the point is: I feel your pain brother, only more so. Oh and that fake link might actually make a really good article. If you have any ideas what may come under a title like that we could collab sometime. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 09:59 9 January 2009

Seriously, U.U. O57 sounds like boy-band that flunked chemistry really badly. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 09:59 9 January 2009

I know. That's why I only use it when I'm gently winding you up. Or I'm in too much of a hurry to type 4 extra characters... Too skint at the moment to get Live Gold membership. I did get a month's free subscription with my repaired console, but I don't have many games to play over it anyway, so I haven't used it yet. If I can be bothered playing Rock Band online, maybe. But I'm not too bothered about playing Halo, Gears etc. online, I'm shite, and am in no hurry to be called a fucking n00b by 12 year olds. Besides, the only Halo I have is the original, which I picked up for a fiver. I prefer stuff like Mass Effect (an RPG with guns), and the Zelda series on my trusty Nintendo. I'm a sad old git like that. --UU - natter 10:16, Jan 9

Oh well if you're gonna be all poor on me we can't be friends. You should use your free month though then me you, Sissy and Heeren could probably get a game of Horde going, dead fun with loads of people specially if they're your friends. And actually I've never met a twelve year old on Gears before (fingers crossed though) but there was this one guy, must have been at least sixteen, who was almost in tears, over the fact he was getting shot. simultaneously the funniest and most pitiful thing I've experienced in quite some time. Seriously though Dead Space is really worth it, it has a great story and is genuinely scary and has plenty of replay value. Also don't knock nintendo, I've still got a wii and 64 (though I never played zelda for the 64, my parents thought it was too violent or grown up for me. I was 8 for fucks sake! All my other friends knew what a condom was for before I was allowed to watch power rangers, ok this is turning into a bitter rant about a lost childhood) will never forget Mario64 though, awesome stuff. SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 10:37 9 January 2009

Let me put this another way: not only am I not bothered about playing Halo or Gears online, I don't own Halo 2 or 3, or have Gears. I didn't get on with Gears at all, don't know why, just didn't find a spark in it for me. Hey ho. I'd like to hook up against some Uncyc types sometime, but it's not gonna be any time soon. My 64 is back out anyway, as I had to play something while the 360 was away. I'm yomping through the original Banjo-Kazooie and Zelda: Majora's mask again. Does you good to revisit the classics. I might dust my old Amiga off one of these days... Not sure about Dead Space - I'm not that moved by scary stuff, it tends to bore me - not my kind of thing again, although I can see why people like it. --UU - natter 10:45, Jan 9

Oh I see, well that's fair enough, I own all three halos and they don't move me very much (3rd one is a vast improvement though and I'm sure I'll be able to get into it). Old classics are great, I downloaded the original banjo over live (so I could get the stop and swop bonuses in N&B) managed to complete it insanely fast (it took me months to do it ten years ago) but brought back alot of good memories. As for horror/scary stuff I'm well into that (I think I mentioned before that's what I'd like to write for a living) and shooters of any sort. Resident Evil Four you must have played that, it was released for everything! I bought it twice; once for the GC and then again for the Wii. Anyways Like you said it'd be great to get together over Live we just need a common game now. Not sure what sissy and Heeren have. So wow this has been a very long conversation. pretty awsome though. Might actually write something for here now, I feel kinda motivated. it's a nice feeling. Oh And do let me know what you think of that article I mentioned way up there! |^| SK Sir Orian57Talk RotM 11:04 9 January 2009

Biofreak?

Thanks for the biopick of the week. I always wanted my fifteen minutes of fame. Now I can finally return to my home planet. ~ 16:05, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

I'm sure you agree it's so accurate it could have been written by your own mother. --UU - natter 16:11, Jan 9

I'm quite sure that your mother would have done a better job. ~ 16:12, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

And we all know Codeine's mum would have done the best job of all... --UU - natter 16:15, Jan 9

Actually, after meeting Codeina, she would have done the best job of `em all. ~ 16:20, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 8th January 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

January 8th, 2009 • Issue 30 • Suckling the Milk of News from the Teat of Truth

Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live By SysRq Recently, hundreds dozens some Uncyclopedians have joined the ranks of thousands of pizza-faced proud high school graduates and pre-pubescent twelve year old boys in the dysfunctional, loosely connected network of gamers known as Xbox Live. Among these traitors to Uncyclopedia were Orian57, a friend of the UnSignpost and frequently featured writer. Other Uncyclopedians on Xbox Live include The Woodburninator, Mhaille, Bonner, and Heerenveen. How could such successful Uncyclopedians go so wrong? I went undercover as "Pope Gustav" to expose these turncoats and find out why they abandoned the site in such numbers. The following is an actual transcript between me (under the alias "Pope Gustav") and Orian57 (under the alias "Orian57") on Xbox Live. Pope Gustav: Hey buddy, it's SysRq from Uncyclopedia. Orian57: Hello. You want to play some Horde? Pope Gustav: Yeah, man. We're playing on Gridlock, right? Orian57: Actually, Security is a much easier map for Horde. Pope Gustav: Cool. This is stunning evidence that Orian57, along with others, is leaving the site for the glamorous life of Xbox Live. When confronted with this transcript and these accusations, Orian replied that "I was just on Uncyclopedia today. I was just bored and wanted something else to do." Oddly enough, all of the other Uncyclopedians that have Xbox Live accounts that I spoke to also claimed to have "lives" outside of Uncyclopedia, lives that mainly consist of playing Halo 3. Article gets +21 votes on VFH By Mnbvcxz. Only a few days after going back to featuring "Today's Featured Article" for only one day, instead of the previous two, the article, The defense rests, your honor received 21 "for" votes and no "against" after a mere 3 days on VFH. The article, nominated on VFH by SysRq, and written by noted admin Modusoperandi, is the first article surpass +20 votes in a long while on VFH. Upon hearing of his accomplishment, Modus is heard to have said, "I'd like to thank all of the little people that I crushed to get where I am," and, "Can I wear my Kernel Popcorn costume?" SysRq, the article nominator is quoted as saying, "I was the one who nommed that article; I deserve some recognition." For those of you are new around here, VFH is the process by which uncyclopedia nominates articles for "Today's Featured Article", the article in the top left corner on the mainpage. All users of uncyclopedia, including anonymous ip users are encouraged to vote on VFH and nominate articles on VFH. VFH can be found here, but typing in VFH in the search box, by clicking the "Votes for Highlight" link under the community links on the right (it's second from the bottom between "Pee Review" and "Votes for Pictures"), and Uncyclopedia:VFH, in addition to several other redirects. Many users have expressed approval of this accomplishment, as the more votes an article gets, the better an article is. Therefore, by voting on an article, one injects more quality into an article, in the same way that manufacturers "inspect" quality back into a finished part. Additionally, the admins will not longer be forced to torture various cute animals to inspire users to vote in VFH: provided VFH doesn't stall out again.

Check out these pages! Serious Bitchin' Business Women farting on baked goods... Who was that guy? From our logs: 14:30, 7 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.249.151.205 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (hi hi poop? That's the best you can do?) 22:38, 6 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.201.148.112 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (People who don't learn need to get extra lessons via their anus. Well, I'm here to give extra lessons. Bend over mister!) 15:22, 4 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 79.175.81.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (1nd, I have 2 dads, and 2th, just because I am the product of dirty, dirty incest, and also a fuckface, that is no reason to blank my talkpage. Fuckface.) Biopic of the Week Whatever else you say about Mordillo, you can't say he's idle. Except in real life, because he's spending all his time on his computer, banning asshats, deleting crap, making stuff happen, writing quality articles, and sorting shit out. Of course, as he's a Zionist, it's all part of a wider conspiracy to control our very thoughts, but that's probably a small price to pay for such an efficient admin. Old School Featured Article of the Week I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice. And they always come up snake eyes. The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years. Translated Uncyclopedia Article of the Week Drill Sergeant in Mexican. ¡UN INSTRUCTOR DE ENTRENAMIENTO ES LO QUE CARAJOS SOY! ¡DESDE AHORA NADA VENDRÁ DE ESA INMUNDA COLADERA LLENA DE CACA QUE USTED LLAMA BOCA! ¡SÓLO RESPONDERÁ CON 'SÍ SEÑOR' O 'NO SEÑOR'! ¿¡ENTIENDE RECLUTA!? Read the original. The welcome(?) return of Cajek ban of the week 09:46, 7 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Cajek, you have no idea how wasted I am. 15 shots of gin and somehow I'm still awake. And blocking you. Fuck yes.)

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MrN9001 16:13, 9 January 2009 (UTC)

Sammy Jackson

Hey, thanks for reverting the samuel jackson page. I hope he doesn't revert it back. --Gilgal1(Talk to me bitch!!!) 13:25, 12 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey UnderPants man!

“Pants”

~ MrN9000

Why do we Britishers still say "underpants" when we wear them under our trousers? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:34 12 January 2009

Probably due to an obsolete word stem - ie the word comes from "under pantaloons". A more interesting question might be "why did 'pants' as an abbreviation of 'pantaloons' catch on in American but not here in the first place?" Also, I thought it had been at least a week since you had a change of sig. --UU - natter 15:44, Jan 12

Well I've gotta keep up with the fashion! Less is more nowadays you know? Not really I dunno I'm just making this up. Also can I ask a slightly bizarre question? Do you know/remember what a charizard is? Also also also did you read that Big brother related article? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:34 12 January 2009

A Chraizard? I believe that to be a type of Pokémon. Beyond that, I can't help you. As to any BB articles, if you refer to the TV show, I avoid anything to do with that on principle, even Uncyc articles - no point encouraging the buggers further, is there? --UU - natter 16:37, Jan 12

Ah that's good, you know enough. That question I just thought I'd ask cos I wrote something that kind of involves Charizard a little bit. Just wondered if anyone else remembers him. Also I sort of see what you mean but that's like cutting off your nose to spite your face is it not? (I mean Dead Set was awesome! Although you don't like horror and keep forgetting that. You should like horror, it's fun. why am I saying all this in brackets? oh well.) For what it's worth satire is rarely on the side of what it's satirising. Oh well I'm working on something new now which is nothing like Why?:Am I a Power Ranger?, in the same sense that it is. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:47 12 January 2009

I'll take a squint later, now it's time for me to do the mad dash home! (Oh, and you should like boobies, they're fun.) --UU - natter 17:20, Jan 12

What the hell U.U.!? First you call me H which -- contrary to social stereotypes -- I do not appreciate, and then you start berating me about my sexuality. Just because, because well -- why? *cries* ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:24 12 January 2009

Ahem, typo. I must have been in a rush or something. Plus, you say I should like horror, I say you should like boobies. Fair trade? --UU - natter 18:25, Jan 12

Yes but horror is something you'd like if you gave it a chance. I looked directly at girl boob today and felt nothing. It was pierced as well and I don't even know if that's meant to be kinky or not. Also hello MrN! I think I might come visit you soon. In the night. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:25 12 January 2009

I wondered how long it would take MrN to pop by. Nice to see you, even in passing, old chap. Now, young Orian: I have given horror a try. I'm old enough to have tried quite a few things in my time. And guess what? I don't like it. Many of my friends don't understand it either, but it's just the way I am. Same as you and boobies, which is why I chose that particular example. Horror leaves me cold, my friend, but that's just part of life's rich tapestry. I've never understood the appeal of scaring the living fuck out of yourself, I guess. --UU - natter 21:33, Jan 12

But, what if there were scary boobies? Or cold scary boobies which were however, still... Boobies. MrN 21:39, Jan 12

Yeah now that I'd watch. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:41 12 January 2009

Message from Santa

Ho bloody ho You paid your inflated entrance fee for Lapland New Forest so I guess you should have some sort of Christmas present. Here, tell you what, have this crappy lovely dolly then go and feed the reindeer - carrots are only £3 each from our gift shop.

--Asahatter (annoy) 11:25, 13 January 2009 (UTC)

I bet you always used to play with dolls. Thats why you are the way you are now. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:31 13 January 2009

/me considers this, then adopts Noo Yawk gangster accent. Sure. Dolls, broads, dames, whaddever you wanna call 'em, I "played" wit' 'em alright. Know whaddimean? You, on the other hand, probably played with a Ken doll, and were vaguely disappointed by the lack of anatomical correctness. --UU - natter 12:43, Jan 13

Convincing accent, right up untill you said anatomical, something about a new yorker saying that bugs me. And actually no. I had legos, so I could build the perfect castle for me and my prince. :P ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:57 13 January 2009

Thanks

Thanks for the welcoming message =) Just wanted to ask though. I've noticed in the DYK suggestion section a DYK that is, it seems, directed at me since it says something like how someone loves me (Kit paddle) so much.. and then that im gay. Even though i laughed at the discovery of that submission I find myself wondering if a friend to mine wrote that or someone just really dislikes me =P (already... me who just started out here at uncyclopedia.. ) Is there a way to find out who submitted that suggestion ?

Thanks =) --Kit paddle 17:05, 13 January 2009 (UTC)

You're welcome for the welcome ;-) As to the DYK matter, there's a template called {{username}}, it puts the username of whoever views it into whatever page they're viewing, while they view it. So I'd see that entry as everyone loves Under user so much. (It's a bit of a giveaway for me, because everyone calls me UU, or Under User...) Anyway, to show you what I mean, here's that template in action: <insert name here>. Try logging out then viewing this page and see the difference. Then go and abuse the life out of that template, everyone else does! --UU - natter 18:53, Jan 13

Why honey, your making an example out of little old me! Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 21:35, 13 January 2009 (UTC)

Damn it you got here first, well I'll carry on like I haven't noticed. Say U.U. Why'd you put my name there if you're trying to show kit how it works? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:37 13 January 2009

Hahaha! Fooled me.. Darnit! =) Thanks for explaining, ill think of it next time i see my nick around. --Kit paddle 10:43, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

No worries, it fools everyone at least once - you can't really consider yourself an Uncyclopedian until it has! --UU - natter 10:52, Jan 14

Request for your opinion on revisions to the Ussher article

I got a second review on Ussher, and I got a fairly good score on it. However, I don't the reviewer had a sense of humor that aligns with the article. He said, "I think its at its max potential," and I would tend to agree with him.

The update mainly consists of more material in the evolution section and a change of pics. The images are the only thing that I think might need changed. Finally, do you think its good enough for VFH? For reference, your review is here --Mnbvcxz 06:35, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

Morning UU

So what is this anniversary? It seems rather dramatic? ~ 09:32, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

Would have been my brother's birthday. I always get a tad emotional at the thought. --UU - natter 09:34, Jan 14

My sympathies. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:40 14 January 2009

Oh damn, sorry to hear that. ~ 10:24, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

No worries guys, but if I fail to be funny today, forgive me, huh? ;-) --UU - natter 10:53, Jan 14

Will do. I will also be happy to ban Orian if it will put a smile on your face. Or Cajek. ~ 11:49, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

But I'm replying to his message on my page and it's already taken me nearly half and hour! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:56 14 January 2009

Mordillo: how about you drop a Cabal news of the week item into the USP Press Room? That'll put a smile on my face by giving me less flannel to come up with myself! --UU - natter 12:06, Jan 14

Ah! That's doable. 12:11, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

Ok feel free to ban me now, I'm done. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:14 14 January 2009

First article *TADAA*

So here goes nothing! I just added my first article. Had nothing to do today so i stayed at home thinking of what stupid lies i could write about so i went for an article about the game "Fruit Sallad". Plz check it out and gimme some feedback. Maybe a few grammatical mishaps or things like that but all in all im quite proud =P I still have the construction template on since im not entirely sure im done. Maybe a few things id like to add, and of course the changes ill probably have to do after i hear your comments =) Cheers!--kit 17:05, 14 January 2009 (UTC)

OK, a very quick check over reveals nothing that I think would get it quickly deleted, so I'd say you can take the construction tag off. What you have there is a start, now you need to spend a little more time on it. When you want some more in-depth feedback, pop over and ask for a Pee Review - but be patient, they can take a couple of weeks to get actioned. It's worth remembering that if an admin in a bad mood does delete your article, you can ask any admin to restore a copy to your userspace, so you can carry on working on it - not that I think it will be deleted, it's just good to know, I think! Glad to see you're making an effort to go about things the right way around here, if you have any other questions, let me know. --UU - natter 09:04, Jan 15

Deletion

Hey I am really new here (about 4 or 5 days old) and I think I have caught on to many of the things here. I am running into a problem though. I have a list of ugly articles which I am trying to go through and clean up. Some are just god aweful though and I thought it would be better to just delete them. When I go to VFD though there is no place to "nominate" an article like there is for VFH, so I checked around and I didn't find out how but found out your a big part of the VFD system, so I just wanted to know how exactly I nominate an article for deletion. Btw I am sorry to hear about your brother, similar thing with my sister for a few years now so I kinda know how it is. Anyways, ya no rush just wanted to know. :) Thanks! --Tagstit 05:02, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Hi Tagstit, no problem - here goes:

1. On the VFD page, click the edit button beside "Pages For Deletion" near the top - this opens up most of the page for editing

2. At the top, you'll see a template that's been commented out - it'll look a lot like this:

==[[]]==
 {|{{purtytable}}
 ||'''Keep'''||
 |-
 ||'''Delete'''||
 |-
 ||'''Comments'''||
 |}

3. Copy that table and nothing else. About 3 or 4 lines below is a line containing a --> insert the table in a new line after this.

4. Put the offending article's title between the square brackets

5. Put a delete reason under the "delete" line, remembering to sign it with the tildes - your code should now look like this:

==[[Crappy Article]]==
 {|{{purtytable}}
 ||'''Keep'''||
 |-
 ||'''Delete'''||
 *'''Delete'''. Ugly, unfunny, no hope for improvement, it would be better for humanity if this were deleted. --~~~~
 |-
 ||'''Comments'''||
 |}

6. Preview the page, make sure it look like the other tables below it - it should look like this (only without a redlink):

Crappy Article

Keep
Delete	Delete. Ugly, unfunny, no hope for improvement, it would be better for humanity if this were deleted. --UU - natter 09:25, Jan 15
Comments

7. Save the page. Then pop over to the offending page and edit it to add the {{VFD}} tag - or you'll invalidate the vote.

8. Finish a long numbered list with the following obligatory Uncyc in-joke:

9. ???

10. Profit!

Hope that helps. --UU - natter 09:25, Jan 15

Thanks alot for the help! Thank you for your NOTM nomination as well,I really appreciate it. By the way about the Peeing thing I would like to be put on that list thing. Thanks for everything! --Tagstit 15:11, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

No worries, and good luck! --UU - natter 16:24, Jan 15

This message was not left by the cabal

Any feedback on the Unsignpost thingy? ~ 12:00, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, much obliged - many thanks. I'll shovel some final content in and turn it over to the paperbot this afternoon. --UU - natter 12:01, Jan 15

I was thinking "You have some nerve to put your trash on the main article" And then I thought, "I am the cabal, I can do whatever the hell I please", and then I remembered that there is no cabal and got into a cosmic paradox and vanished in a puff of vaguely stinking smoke. ~ 12:17, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey!

Did you read my story about shoe shopping? I didn't write that for nothing you know. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:29 15 January 2009

Sorry dude, I've been colossally busy, and thought I'd replied to everything, but I had fully intended to respond to that mini epic of neurosis, so obviously my senility is just advancing more rapidly than previously suspected! If all that is on the nail, then you might just give an ex-girlfriend of mine a run for her money in the insecurity stakes, and I don't say that lightly. And it made me chuckle, no mean task yesterday, so thanks! --UU - natter 13:36, Jan 15

I'm not insecure, am I? Anyway I know you're just saying that, because you don't want to hurt my feelings -- if it was that good you wouldn't have forgotten to reply! -- But I appreciate it. Also glad to have been of service. And it wasn't exaggerated even slightly, I was prepared to walk out of a shop wearing odd shoes. And I'd have worn them till I needed new ones. just so I wasn't putting anyone out. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:45 15 January 2009

I haven't offended you have I? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:54 15 January 2009

/me facepalms. No, I fully intended to respond - I even started a response mentioning that girlfriend in some detail, then realised that was more information than I wanted to put on the internets, so I closed the window, planning to come back, then promptly didn't. And if you ever offend me, you'll know. I'm not backward about going to a userpage and saying "what the fuck did you mean by that?" If I don't do that, you haven't offended me, so keep going! Also, I'm Northern - very hard to offend. Finally, I'd love to see a new Orian article, and Uncyclopedia seems to lack a page on Neurotic - surely you can do something about that? ;-) --UU - natter 14:04, Jan 15

Yeah I know, it was all part of a joke. Also I shall look into it. Reckon I could probably do that quite easily, actually. So... Am I as cute as this ex? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:28 15 January 2009

I am so not going there... --UU - natter 14:50, Jan 15

So what you think I'm ugly? Is that it? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:23 15 January 2009

La la la not listening la la la... --UU - natter 15:25, Jan 15

/Cries to friend He won't even talk to me anymore! He basically said I was a stuffed chimp with a monobrow then when I asked him why he wouldn't talk to me -- I mean how childish is that? And I didn't even do anything! /threatens to do something stupid. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:30 15 January 2009

That's stunningly accurate. When did you meet her? --UU - natter 15:43, Jan 15

Oh god no, that's not what I meant -- I wasn't talking about her I just presumed that's what you thought about me! Oh god now she'll be thinking I'm a bastard -- why are you doing this to me? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:03 15 January 2009

OK, I'm starting to think you are her now. Seriously, this is the best impression I've heard in ages, right down to the deliberate misunderstandings. I'm gonna suffer a relapse soon. Where are my meds? --UU - natter 16:22, Jan 15

Oh so you think I'm a man now is that it? I've never been so insulted and what's this I hear about you getting married without me? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:26 15 January 2009

UnSignpost 15th January

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

January 15, 2009 • Issue 31 • Making the New York Times look like Mad Magazine (or is that the other way round?)

From The Desk of the Cabal: Incest and sex change are now bannable offenses From the desk of the cabal. Embedded with the last person who came looking for the cabal Following the sex change operations of citizen (now citizeness) Yettie, and several suspicious sexual activities in the Uncyclopedia compound, the Cabal hereby decrees the following: Sex changes are only allowed if the citizen wishes to become a voluptuous female. Any other operations are banned (particularly those who wish to become males, or just more manly looking, in order to improve their chances of scoring with various Uncyclopedians of either gender). Any sexual activities with family members is strictly prohibited. Exceptions are: members of the AAN family members, who can shag aunts and granddaughters as much as they'd like. Sex tax is now in affect. All sex acts taking place in Uncyclopedia are taxable. Taxes should be paid to Olipro no more than 24 hours after the act has taken place. Acceptable currencies are: Euros, Dollars, Pounds, Young Boys and Camels. Thank you citizens, this message was not delivered by the Cabal which does not exist. Behave nice, vote on VFH and obey the Cabal. The Cabal is your friend. Or it would be. If it existed. Pee Revuu? In a surprise move, Boomer, former dictator in absentia of PEEING, the group for opinionated users who enjoy nothing more than giving a good Pee Review, has announced his official retirement. His last official act was to appoint Under user, noted reviewer and maintainer of the Pee Review committee page, to his old position of Captain Catheter. Some regular pee reviewers are worried; Orian57 was heard to say "If UU is going to do Boomer's job, then who the hell are we going to get to do UU's old job of keeping track of pee reviews, judging the quality of pee reviews, and actually getting around to doing the occasional pee review? Don't look at me, I'm gay." UU himself dismissed such fears, pointing out that he's got nothing better to do with his time than arbitrarily judge the quality of other people's opinions anyway, and adding "I'm relieved to be taking up this position as it will drastically reduce the number of reviews I'm expected to do. Also, I'm thinking of introducing a policy of stripping Orian57, and only him, of his RotM award, his rank, his mittens and his right to drink hot chocolate ever again unless he does a bloody review some time soon". However, some users are still not convinced this is a good idea, or even possible. One, speaking on condition of anonymity, said, "I seriously doubt that UU can do Boomer's job and his own at the same time. I mean, how can he be accused of being a lazy arse if he has almost twice as many good pee reviews as anyone else and does 75% of the pee review maintenance tasks? This ruins the running pee review committee in-joke about Captain Catheter not doing anything. There is no way this can work."

Check out these pages! Rcmurphy of the Year Mooses pops back for some bandwagon action The reason for 4pedia From our logs: 08:25, 13 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Tardman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (I love being a cunt, it makes my hair glow) 23:58, 12 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 218.186.12.218 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Replacing a page with 'Hey uncyclopedians, edit this please' is basically the same thing as replacing it with 'Hey uncyclopedia admins, ban me please.' Talk pages are your friend. Blanking is not.) 01:06, 12 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.135.165.198 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hey! I remember you! You evaded that ban that one time, remember? Good times, man, good times.) 15:17, 10 January 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked Modus Operandi (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 months ‎ (1 month for being an ass, the other for that stupid username.) Biopic of the Week It's hard to define the singular entity known as Modusoperandi in mere words. He's like Uncyclopedia's wandering troubadour of amusing non-sequiturs: roaming the land in search of discussions worthy of his absurdist input, sitting by the campfire of the conversation, treating those assembled to another whimsical one-liner, and then heading off toward another exchange where his presence is required. Kinda like the Littlest Hobo, but with jokes. And lots of awards, featured articles, admin powers and suchlike. VFD Delete vote of the week Delete How many half-baked, stale jokes can we fit on one page? More importantly, how can something be stale and yet only half-baked? by Syndrome on Awesomeness. Transatlantic jaunt of the week After many months in the hands of that most malevolent of dictators, the United States date format, the New Year allowed our stand-up English editor to put the UnSignpost printing presses on a 747 to what this journalist considers the correct British format! Rejoice! (Note: What you paid for this paper may or may not have gone on the presses' ticket. We don't know. It may also have gone on that booze over there.)

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MrN9001 21:37, 15 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey

Not entirely sure what was borderline with my review. It had already been reviewed once and fixed up, and there wasn't that much left to say what to fix up. The article is currently on VFH. --Docile hippopotamus 00:15, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Templates

Hey UU, sorry I keep bugging you but I really like that template you have everytime it says you review, with the tea and all. I wanted to know if you could possibly teach me how to make my own or tell me where I can go to learn how to make one with a different picture and different words and all. If you think it is stealing your idea then I understand completely! Thanks for your time bud! --Tagstit 04:15, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

No problem at all. The thing about making templates is simple: find one you like, steal the code, then tweak it until you like what you've got, and call it your own. My first few templates I stole shamelessly from other people. So take a look at User:Under user/book review, edit the page and steal the code. Create a page in your own userspace called whatever you like, and paste the code in. Then play around with picture, colours and words until it suits you. This is a really handy page full of colours and names so you can find ones you like. Most of my templates are simple, just variations of picture, colours and width/height. For some more interesting ones, look in YesTimeToEdit or Cajek's userspaces, by using the extraordinarily handy Special:Prefixindex page (pop their username in the first box, select "user" from the drop-down list, snoop around!)

The only general rule with templates is ones that are for your own use stay in your userspace, while ones you think may be more widely used go in the Template namespace. Play around and have fun! --UU - natter 11:21, Jan 17

Hey thank you so much! Sorry for the delayed response, I have been working and playing with it for a while. I think I have come up with a decent one here, the only problem I have is that there is a white line I can't get rid of between the picture and the text. Any suggestions? You have been really helpful and I appreciate it alot. --Tagstit 20:19, 17 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey

Not entirely sure what was borderline with my review. It had already been reviewed once and fixed up, and there wasn't that much left to say what to fix up. The article is currently on VFH. --Docile hippopotamus 00:13, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

Woo, deja vu. Mate, I do respond to posts eventually, but on my wife's birthday weekend that can take a little longer, y'know! Anyway, it's a tough call to make on reviews like that, particularly on articles that don't need too much doing - but nonetheless, there wasn't that much help or feedback in the review - two or three lines of help or suggestions. I appreciate you felt it was pretty much done, but the point of the list is to keep an eye on how helpful reviews are, and by the standards of "in depth", that wasn't there. However, you are a good, helpful reviewer, the list doesn't mean that much beyond keeping track of people to have a word if they're not that helpful, and if it's any consolation, you see I'm one review down on the list? That was longer than the review you just gave - Cajek being harsh but fair, I think! So yeah, don't take it personally, OK? --UU - natter 20:47, Jan 18

yeah no problem. --Docile hippopotamus 00:35, 19 January 2009 (UTC)

I'm just stirring the shit and all that but didn't he say that there was no bad review and that you're just marked down because you're all humble and that? Also BOO!

For when you have kids, don't know what my excuse is I'm just weird. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:02 18 January 2009

He said something like that, but I do remember the review in question, and it was borderline... Also, what's this "when" business? Everyone assumes that married = kids. We'll see... --UU - natter 09:09, Jan 19

You're married? So? I just thought that's what straight people did, blundered around, falling inside eachother and creating "the wonder of new life"... All I meant is they're a good accesory to have so you won't feel guilty when you watch Lazytown. Which is acually an awsome show. No, really. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:59 19 January 2009

Cheers

Thanks for the NOTM nom =) Doing my best to help the community. Even though I wont win I really appreciate the acknowledgment! Cheers --kit 14:22, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

I think it's important to acknowledge people who make a good start, and you look to be taking things the right way so far, so I'm only too happy to nom you Kit, keep going, and I'm sure there are other awards you can aim for! --UU - natter 09:11, Jan 19

Jesus Christ, who brought that guitar?

We work well together, and you are The Man! Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 22:35, 18 January 2009 (UTC)

I think you'll find I just piggy-backed on your talent ;-) --UU - natter 09:29, Jan 19