User talk:Under user/Archive 29

GRAPE CAPE RAP

TAPE--    10:31, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

Big mistake. I don't ask much on my talk page, but nice though it is to see you Doc (and it is good to see you), that is one of the things I ask people not to do. And I'm very serious. --UU - natter 10:36, Jun 7

Sorry about that old bean! I actually didn't notice that part of your talk page instruction. I just saw the archive action on recent changes and knee jerked because someone always beats me to it. I was long overdue for my first ban but didn't want to actually offend anyone to accomplish that - so sorry! ;-) --    11:26, June 7, 2010 (UTC)

I had something actually witty planned for UU's archive- oh well, I must watch his actions more carefully next time...--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Monday, 03:25, June 07 2010 UTC

VFH

Since you're removing items, Death is both ineligable and has been renamed, and Padddy is working on the new version, so the entry is invalid in about six ways. Thanks. Aleister sans chains 12:06 6 6 MMX

Bah

Sorry 'bout that. It seems i've forgotten where to stick various things in my absence. Read into that as you will. I'll make note to re-read all the shite and instructions we have at the tops of pages in case i've forgotten anything else! (Bonner) (Talk) Jun 9, 16:02

I'm confused and terrified!

I was directed here upon learning that the article "Rowdy Rod's Big Bible-Based Book Of Birds N' Bees For Bible-Believing Boys" had been, as you folks say, huffed. Do I want a copy back? I guess I do, though I'm not really sure what the hell is going on.--WiWiJumbo 07:26, June 15, 2010 (UTC)

Look here.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Thanks there

A smurf was about to make love to my behind, but you intervened just in time. I am truly grateful. Thanks for sticking up for me. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:37, 16 June 2010

No worries, I am the Wiki's number one choice for anti-Smurf molestation protection. --UU - natter 10:37, Jun 17

So, When did you choose to become left-handed?

Just curious cos, I mean, it's not really normal is it? Also, life? going good?    Orian57    Talk   02:01 17 June 2010

If the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handed people are in their right minds. Or something. I'm a weird lefty anyway - I write left-handed, and play pool left-handed, but play racquet sports and use scissors right-handed. It's like I can't commit fully to the left-handed lifestyle. And life is OK, if a little sombre right now - just attended my Gran's funeral (actually, she was left-handed too, now I think about it). Very proud that she got to meet her great-granddaughter before she passed away - she always wanted to be a great-grandmother. Sorry to be a bit of a bringdown, but you did ask. How's you? --UU - natter 10:41, Jun 17

I eat my food with the cutlery in the wrong hands, but for everything else I'm righthanded. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

OMG, Mhaille on my talk page twice between archives? Is this a sign of the repocalypse? --UU - natter 10:47, Jun 17

much the same actually. My grandfather died recently aswell so I have to go to wales next week for his funeral. Still can't quite get back into the swing of this place, and I have a job now so I'm always tierd and grumpy. just thought I'd drop by though see what was up. sorry to hear about your gran. She must've had some really good innings, though, considering how old you are. :P    Orian57    Talk   16:50 17 June 2010

/hugs UU and Orian. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:54, June 17, 2010 (UTC)

Orian dropped by and didn't even talk to me? I'm sad now...--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Thursday, 04:56, June 17 2010 UTC

You said you don't want me touching you so here. /hands HELPME baby lotion and a box of Kleenex. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 16:59, June 17, 2010 (UTC)

You touched that, so I can't use it. I don't want to get an STD.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Thursday, 05:11, June 17 2010 UTC

Dude. Losing people sucks (even though my gran was 95, she just seemed unstoppable). My thoughts are with you. As to getting back into the swing of this place, sometimes you click, sometimes you don't, you know? I've had a few periods when I seriously thought I'd done all I could here and wasn't going to come back because I couldn't get into the mindset. Then something happened, and I clicked again. And ended up writing some of my best articles, now I come to think of it. Don't worry about it, you're still the funny guy you always were, and you'll fire again, just don't try to force it! --UU - natter 21:34, Jun 19

I use left-handed mouse and touchpad. I play football prefering kicks by left foot. I open bottles with left hand. But I write with right hand and play darts with right as well. I was ambidexterous lacrosse and pool player. Am I weird then?. Sir Ptok-Bentoniczny^{Pisz tutaj} • KUN 22:53, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

No more than me. Actually, that's not hugely helpful, now I think about it... --UU - natter 21:34, Jun 19

Hey

I've been absent for some time. However, I've seen you had done a fantastic job with Mark Robinson. I laughed much. Great, great work. So, is it done yet? Let me know when it's finished. Cheers. (And sorry for my rusty English. I've seen that you sent me to learn to spell :P Well. Fast fingers :P)

Sir Ptok-Bentoniczny^{Pisz tutaj} • KUN 22:49, June 18, 2010 (UTC)

Glad you like what I've done Ptok - I'm nearly there, hope to be finished this week. I'm enjoying it; as I said, I loved your ideas, and I'm trying to keep as many as possible. And don't you dare apologise for your English, it's very good for someone who isn't a native speaker (I speak not a word of Poloish, and until I can speak your language, I will never ridicule your abilities in mine). --UU - natter 21:38, Jun 19

So I was all like hey and you were all like bitch what's up and I was all like shooting you in the knee caps for calling me a bitch

You remember this right? Just wondered if you were fit to apologise yet?    Orian57    Talk   08:40 22 June 2010

Never apologise, never surrender....what are you, French or something? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

*BANG* *BANG*    Orian57    Talk   08:43 22 June 2010

I never apologise for anything. I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am. Also, what? --UU - natter 12:04, Jun 22

Shup Nigga' I, like, aint taking no shit from you!    Orian57    Talk   16:30 22 June 2010

Oh, I finished ME2 a while back, BTW. You've probably forgotten all about it, but as I've had to steal short plays in between looking after the bairn, I'm only now on my second playthrough. And it's been improved a lot by the patch that speeds up the scanning, let me tell you. Also, as you suspected, none of my team died. I am somewhat of a perfectionist about doing everything I can first time round. And it is indeed a fine game. But a Human Reaper? WTF? --UU - natter 20:16, Jun 22

oh brilliant! =D I still haven't got that achievment yet Jack and miranda fell out and then the miranda died. couldn't resolve it either because I'd been more "grey" with my choices. I've done a bit on my third play through as an evil woman so hopefully I'll get it this time because I really wanna see the proper ending. On an xbox break at the minute anyway. old one is threatening to die so I'm gonna sell it to someone and upgrade to the slim model which is out soon. will probably go back to ME2 and play the DLC bits. Haven't played it since it was patched either, so that'll be fun to see. Impossible to forget about though -- it's a complete epic. currently been playing my wii and going through the metroid prime series again -- fuck those games were immense!    Orian57    Talk   12:08 23 June 2010

with regard to reaper, I have no idea. I suppose the reapers in their infinite wisdome decided to model their scary monsters on the scariest monsters in the galaxy. Or some other pathetic sci-fi metaphor. did find it a shame that the bug men used to be the protheons though, I kinda liked them.    Orian57    Talk   12:16 23 June 2010

Here's some personal info about me

I'm 18. My real name is Carl. Um... I have like five or six hard drives that I'm not using. I'm watching CNN. My mother wants me to wake her up later. And I like you. A lot. No homo. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 11:55, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

You say that like I didn't already know. Did you forget that, as an admin, I have access to Mordillo's unrivalled spy network, and as such know more about you than you do? --UU - natter 12:03, Jun 22

Then can you tell me why she left me? MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:05, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

Because they're all the same. --UU - natter 12:08, Jun 22

Because you had just paid her, and she had another client waiting in the other room. Aleister 12:12 22 6 MMX

Nice edit summary ;-)

I assume my recent contributions are unlikely to be deleted as vandalism on this project. I may contribute more, with purdy pictures in the near future. Does the project use categories?  ;-) — Rt Hon. LRC (non-MSP) / Humbug! 13:07, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

Categories? You need to talk to the expert! As to deletion for vandalism: as long as you don't break the rules, you should fit right in. --UU - natter 13:17, Jun 22

Yes, you can ask me anything. Also, the answer is "yes." I'm glad I could be of help. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:22, 22 June 2010

• Heh. Quite. Thank you for being more helpful than I usually expect from technical support. --— Rt Hon. LRC (non-MSP) / Humbug! 13:58, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

You're obviously talking to the wrong people then. You need to talk with these guys. ~ 20:22, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

How's it going

I havent talk to you in a while. I really don't see you alot nowadays.--DirectorWILLYOU 333Talk IF YOU DARE 14:53, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

That's at least partly because I haven't been here much - my new daughter now takes up most of my free time. How are you? --UU - natter 20:17, Jun 22

I told you to wear a condom. But did you listen? No. Little bastard.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Tuesday, 08:23, June 22 2010 UTC

Bitch, get off my turf!    Orian57    Talk   23:35 22 June 2010

But it's so nice and artificial!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Tuesday, 11:55, June 22 2010 UTC

Get. Off. My turf. BITCH.    Orian57    Talk   23:56 22 June 2010

Did you even get my pun?--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Tuesday, 11:59, June 22 2010 UTC

What pun!? Is this one of those american things when some one says you were being stupid you claim a non existent higher meaning that nobody understands because you're an idiot?    Orian57    Talk   00:01 23 June 2010

I don't think 'bastard' is a pun when you abduct a child is it?  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  23 Jun 2010 ~ 00:10 (UTC)

ooh hurra. child abuse jokes. I missed thouse.    Orian57    Talk   00:13 23 June 2010

Quick question: So you have six kids, UU? God your wife is such a whore. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:30, June 23, 2010 (UTC)

I'm doing fine, thanks for asking--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 03:12, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Twanks!

no really, i exist

damn it's easy how two months can go by when you're meaning to really try to come back to uncyc the whole time. good to see you're around, anyway. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 01:11, June 24, 2010 (UTC)

Wow, I gotta stop eating cheese before bedtime. I'm hallucinating a Gerrycheevers, whatever one of those is. Perhaps if it were to write an article, I'd remember? (Hope you're having a good summer Gerry). --UU - natter 08:07, Jun 24

I happened to drop by this talkpage and what do I see? I don't believe it! An actual Gerrycheevers! It's not just a creature of myths and legends, it's a real creature of myths and legends! Hi Gerry! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:48, 24 June 2010

hi sock! my summer has been ok. i'll try to at least get back to doing something, as i miss you all terribly. except for that one guy. you know the one i mean. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 23:28, June 26, 2010 (UTC)

The UnSignpost Is Not Dead!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches By UU Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so By PuppyOnTheRadio It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandipedia? Fuck... Uncle Dex needs ideas for business cards Wait, we seriously have a store now?! From our logs: 06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots) 00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.) 09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that) 15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!) 05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei) Old-School Featured Article of the Week UnMysteries:J'accuse Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning. International Sporting Tournament of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that? Missed anniversary of the week Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347 The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:43, 24 June 2010

Aid?

Can you please help me with this article? User:Joe9320/Princess Daisy. You deleted this article, so I'm getting you to help me fix this up. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 05:37, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Honestly Joe? No, I can't. I have no knowledge of, or interest in the subject, two vital prerequisites for me to write anything. Sorry. --UU - natter 09:01, Jun 25

Since your looking like a Chinese court with the bans today, how about a soothing read...

Hey there UU, I hope you are keeping well and haven't gone on the traditional post-natal "Get the fuck outta here and pray to God that you dodge the child support bullet" and also remain ideologically pure. I wrote another abomination: Why?:Mads Mikkelsen does not speak one line of dialogue in Valhalla Rising, rather than have a full review any impressions would be very appreciated:)--Sycamore (Talk) 11:41, June 25, 2010 (UTC)

Oh crap, I totally forgot about this Syc, I'm not ignoring you, honest. I'll try to have a look tomorrow or thursday - giving me a reminder nudge would probably help. --UU - natter 21:06, Jun 29

Cześć

Hey, shall I put Mark Robinson on Pee Review queue or are you going to work on this in nearby future? ;) Sir Ptok-Bentoniczny^{Pisz tutaj} • KUN 21:20, June 27, 2010 (UTC)

On a completely unrelated matter, I was in Poland this week for two days. I made you proud Ptok. ~ 21:30, June 27, 2010 (UTC)

Give me a couple of days just to finish tweaking the diary, Ptok, then do with it what you will. --UU - natter 08:03, Jun 28

The list

Hi UU, just a minor matter. Next month I will be disappearing off on my holidays since the nothing I get up to most of the time exhausts me so much. The reason I'm letting you know is to see if you would be able to check Cajek's list for that 2 weeks or so, if you aren't able to and nobody else who knows how wants to, then I will just do the lot when I get back. Let me know. --ChiefjusticePS2 21:34, June 27, 2010 (UTC)

Hey Chief, I might be able to do it while you're gone, since I'm pretty much a sure-in for ROTM. Of course, I might be getting in over my head, but I have LOTS of time to do nothing at all. I'm saying this because I think UU might be too busy- unless he's not.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Sunday, 09:43, June 27 2010 UTC

HELPME - that would be handy. How about you have a go and I keep an eye on what you're doing? I'll be sure to point out any bits you miss! --UU - natter 09:51, Jun 28

Well, I have a review of my own that needs checking...so someone besides me should probably do that. I'd be happy to do it, otherwise.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Monday, 08:13, June 28 2010 UTC

come on feel the noiz can i play with madnes

I win. ~ 20:57, June 29, 2010 (UTC)

WELL?!?!? ~ 08:07, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

You win, are you kidding? Necropaxx spotted what I was doing there months ago. If anything, you redefine the word "lose". --UU - natter 08:09, Jun 30

What? When? How? I'll kick your ass! I also bet that I change a diaper must faster than you! ~ 08:18, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Probably do. But I bet I do a better job! --UU - natter 08:21, Jun 30

That's an easy one, you don't have a tool you need to control as part of the changing. ~ 08:40, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, but that simply means that extra delicacy is required... --UU - natter 08:42, Jun 30

You know what? I think I'll need to teach you a lesson. I demand a dual, with a baby of your choosing. My honor will be satisfied sir! ~ 11:33, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

The only Honor I am interested in satisfying is Honor Blackman, and then only back when she played Pussy Galore... --UU - natter 11:42, Jun 30

Hey dood

So, I'd like to contribute to the USP (or whatever it's going to be), but I feel like just dropping yarns and letting the rest be handled. I'd like to write a biopic about Shandon sometime. And a few others things. So if it's fine with you, might I just drop them off on your talk page from now on? --EMC ^[TALK] 04:29 Jun 30 2010

I'd prefer if you dropped them either in the press room or even directly into the latest issue (there;s alaways a link on my userpage). But I'd be glad of any contributions you have - lob 'em in and be thanked! --UU - natter 08:04, Jun 30

Mordillo's and your ban-fest

Reminded me of a toy my eldest used to have. It was this plush star that when you squeezed it it played this tinny unrecognizable tune. It was one of his favourites, and I blame it for his lack of musical talent. It did what these toys invariably do and got stuck playing the same tune over and over. Tried hitting it to make it stop. Then jumped on it. Then hit it with a hammer. Then cut it in two with a pair of shears. Then dropped in a bucket of water and left it under the water for 24 hours. It still kept playing the same tune. If only they used that same technology on pacemakers... Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 09:39, Jun 30 2010 UTC

Oh we have a myriad of noise-causing implements, without which it seems my daughter's life would not be worth living. I am currently at the "still able to tolerate them and find her enthusiasm for them cute" stage, but I suspect this will not last much longer. Also, how is it that her baby gym plays 3 different tunes when activated, but she alwyas manages to keep rattling it until it plays the most annoying one again and again? It's like she's discovered that extra rattling acts as a "skip back to most annoying tune again" function. It's unerring. --UU - natter 11:36, Jun 30

I have that tune stuck in my head. MAKE IT STOP! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! ~ 12:16, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Hey - at least yours aren't old enough to put on Frankie Valley and ABBA on your stereo. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 13:18, Jun 30 2010 UTC

Fantasy (American) Football

Wasn't expecting you to sign up. Don't get me wrong, it's cool that you have, though. Perhaps now, through inadvertently being exposed to American Football, you will realize its wholesale superiority to the pathetic game you Brits and the rest of the globe calls "football" that actually involves men kicking balls with their feet. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:14, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Oh I've had some exposure, if I'm honest. My school went through a brief but intense flirtation with it. Watched everything we could (and in the days before cable and the internet, damn that was hard), and even tried having a few friendly games over the local park with our limited knoweldge of the rules. These were of limited success, although my stellar career as a sort of de facto wide-ish receiver during this period included 5 catches from 5, three touchdowns and one big argument (over whether I was fully past the bag that marked the start of the endzone before being launched into orbit over the sideline by the biggest kid in the year - it was eventually decided I hadn't when he offered the argument that he'd twat me if I didn't agree with him). But that was *cough cough cough* years ago, and I never understood much of it then. I enjoy the pomp and circumstance for more than the sporadic action though - it always has baffled me, but in an interested kind of way. We'll see what happens. If a twelfth person signs up! --UU - natter 15:20, Jun 30

Judge For Nastiest Meanest Thing to Say Contest

Hey man, I need a judge for this, I would do it myself but I already enter myself in the contest. Thanks--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 03:11, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Uh, not my kind of thing man. I'm nice. Try Mordillo. Everyone knows he's a big meanie. --UU - natter 11:11, Jul 1

Am not. ~ 14:58, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

Are too. --UU - natter 15:03, Jul 1

Am not. ~ 20:15, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

Are too. --UU - natter 08:50, Jul 5

All the news that's unfit to print!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed! By UU Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community. We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages! Tell me about your mother Fantasy (American) Football is back! (Oh yeah - I went there) Open the podcast bay doors, Skull... From our logs: 09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you) 20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. ) 16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version) Biopic of the Week What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands... By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either. Old-school featured article of the week Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool. This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

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--ChiefjusticePS2 12:06, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

You know...

We never did write fear and loathing. --Sog1970 10:53, July 2, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, Mhaille has been prodding me on that just this week, and added an idea or two. It's here, if you want to take a look and add to it. I hope to give it some serious attention at the weekend, family permitting! --UU - natter 11:00, Jul 2

I did write a quick summary and then lose it. I'll see if I can find it. --Sog1970 13:33, July 2, 2010 (UTC)

You Have a very strong badness about you

Says I. What you gonna do! Not ban me surely you wouldn't sink so low as to not ban me!    Orian57    Talk   20:48 2 July 2010

Er, what? Did your dad leave the top off his aftershave again or something? --UU - natter 06:52, Jul 3

I dunno either. I was fishing for a ban and tripped over my own words. It doesn't matter anyway, Chief banned me. He's a REAL friend.    Orian57    Talk   20:13 3 July 2010

Mind Voting for this

Mind voting for this. Appreciate it!--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 21:14, July 2, 2010 (UTC)

OK, I was trying to be subtle last time, but here: Please do not whore your nominations. What I mean is telling everyone about something that is up for VFH, or anything else, really. In fact, UU even has something in his little talk header thingy asking people not to whore their nominations. Don't worry, it's a common mistake. I'm just letting you know that it's bad before you face UU's wrath.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Saturday, 03:22, July 03 2010 UTC

Alright, I understand. You really didnt make it clear at first, but now I understand. My aplogies, I din't know that is an unwise thing to do.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 03:49, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

What he said. I do warn people nice and clearly at the top of the page there. If I find your article funny, I vote. When I'm active, I always check VFH. You'll have noticed that with your other noms... I know you apologised, but as I said, consistency is my watchword: everyone who whores on this page gets their ass banned. But I kept it short, because you apologised. --UU - natter 06:51, Jul 3

Told you I wasn't a big meany. ~ 07:00, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

I thought whoring was vandalism. Whats wrong with it?--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 07:34, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

Can I at least put crack whores on your page?--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 07:42, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

People find whoring annoying, and I can kind of see why. Sometimes I intentionally avoid a nomination or simply plan on voting later, and whoring is a waste of time and bytes. So, the moral of the story: Only whore to your friends, and if somebody has something along the lines of "no whoring you ugly loser fuck" on the top of their talk page, DON'T WHORE THERE!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Saturday, 07:54, July 03 2010 UTC

One of my biggest problems with whoring is that it can stack the deck quite heavily - people who haven't voted for ages suddenly go and vote for their mate's article because they asked them to, regardless of how good it is. And they ignore the other articles on the queue. I've seen some brilliant articles not featured at the same time as mediocre ones that were heavily whored catpulted on to the front page. Can't stop that, but I do not like it, and I'm not interested in being whored to as a result. If your article deserves my vote, it'll get it. End of. --UU - natter 08:53, Jul 5

You Sir!

How about writing something together on Mass Effect? If I don't get someone to help me pull out of my laziness, Immma gonna never write no notin again. ~ 15:33, July 5, 2010 (UTC)

Wow, that puts me in a situation. As one of my favourite writers on this site, the thought of you not writing again would seriously depress me. On the other hand, I've thought about a Mass Effect article and really, really can't find any spark of inspiration for writing one. I just can't think of any way I'd be interested to write about it. Perhaps you could have a word with Orian? He had previously told me he was going to completely rewrite that article and stop it being a pile of suck. Then he did nothing. I need a nudge to get me out of my rut myself, but I'm not sure Mass Effect is the one. Tell you what - I liked the idea of User:DJ Irreverent/Magic, and he asked me to collab on it, but we never really got going, then he vanished. How do you like the idea of that one? --UU - natter 15:57, Jul 5

Yeah, that looks like a cool subject to work for. Will take my mind of the Trolopedia this place has become recently. Let me know when you wahtr to start. ~ 11:18, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

Well, you know how I am with collabs - have a look at it, make an edit, and hopefully in about a fortnight's time it'll spark a new idea for me! ;-) --UU - natter 11:22, Jul 9

See ya at 2012 then. ~ 11:34, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

It could even be a feature before the next Ice Age! --UU - natter 11:35, Jul 9

Lies! I'm pretty sure I blanked the page and then never saved it. That was tottally a good start. Am up for trying to work some angles on ME, though I "did nothing" because my vaugue idea never fully formed and was rubbish anyway. seems everyone is just stuck rutting nowadays. I think I have an original Orian article that may work though: How's "UnBooks:Not Another Post-Nuclear-Apocolypse Novel" sound? I've read a rash of them recently so I can only assume everyone else has. Also I think I have a bit of a straight crush on Miley Cyrus. Am a bad person?    Orian57    Talk   22:23 5 July 2010

You have a straight crush on Miley? Sicko! Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 11:36, Jul 6 2010 UTC

I'm not the one whose country tolerates ridiculouse looking plugs though, am I?    Orian57    Talk   12:02 6 July 2010

Of all the people you could have a straight crush on, you chose Miley Cyrus? I don't think I can ever talk to you again.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Tuesday, 07:28, July 06 2010 UTC

that's a good thing. My church group told me I need to cut SCUM like you out of my life anyway.    Orian57    Talk   23:39 6 July 2010

Sunds like a good thing. The article idea, that is. The crush - hey, whatever floats your boat, I guess. It would be worse if you had a crush on her dad. That would be wrong whatever your sexuality. --UU - natter 08:55, Jul 7

What crush? I'm no breeder. I'd fuck anyone's dad before I'd fuck a Miley -- er, girl.    Orian57    Talk   22:07 7 July 2010

Please delete this article

Can you please delete Fnord and redirect it to Fnord (car maker)? The two articles are too similar. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 08:54, July 6, 2010 (UTC)

What, you mean delete an article we've had since 2005, and replace it with a redirect to your pointless copy? No, I can't do that. I can delete your pointless copy and redirect it to the actual article, and you make any changes you want to the actual article, how's that sound? --UU - natter 09:01, Jul 6

One is a PLS-nominated-but-lost article, the other is just old. Otherwise, delete pointless copy. The actual article is a copy of my one. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kemador CUN|IC Kill | 10:46, July 7, 2010 (UTC)

Wrong. You article is a copy of an article that has been here for ages. With very few changes. In fact, you might as well just have made those changes to the old article and had done with it. As it stands, it looks like a copy, and that's it. Which is probably why it lost in the PLS. And the most logical place for the article is under the original title, not under your version, which is a logical place for a redirect. I'd probably make your changes to the original, transfer the PLS tag across to it, and delete your version and make that the redirect. I'm not doing it the other way. Clear? --UU - natter 11:16, Jul 7

Sir I require your aid.

My humblest apologies for this here interruption of you normal life, it has come to my attention that a previous article which I much enjoyed has been huffed by you, the note on it redirects me to this abode. The article in question happens to be Gantz-0, I would very much like a copy of it to be back. So how can this be resolved?-- ~ Hard to port!!! <font-size:9px;" color=red> Kamariel 06:03, 7 July 2010 (UTC)

By suckling at the fruit of the magic anus.    Orian57    Talk   18:32 6 July 2010

Ignore the odd Scottish type there, I've restored the article and put it in your userspace here. I suggest you work on it a little there before moving it to mainspace - make it a little more presentable, and spend a little more time with HTBFANJS to make it a bit more amusing. Good luck! --UU - natter 08:53, Jul 7

Sure thing, I'll get working on it right away, thank you for your help. -- ~ Hard to port!!! <font-size:9px;" color=red> Kamariel 19:20, 7 July 2010 (UTC)

Look, just because I told you battered-mars-bar was a fruit doesn't make me instantly Scottish.    Orian57    Talk   22:10 7 July 2010

No, it's the fact that you're permanently fiddling with your sporran that gave me the clue. --UU - natter 08:28, Jul 8

PERVERT! You shouldn't be watching me when I do that.    Orian57    Talk   15:31 8 July 2010

VFD

Can you tell me why and how the "no editing" thing got on VFD? Did somebody put that there? I can't find what's causing the problem.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 05:46, July 07 2010 UTC

It wasn't. It was put on Sawblade5's sig, which was then put on the page, causing the lock. I've removed it from his sig and given him a little warning ban. Should take care of it. --UU - natter 08:50, Jul 7

Ah - can't help but feel a tad responsible on that one. I pointed out to a few people in a few places how to do that trick - in fact it smells like my work, but in a bad way. I should have thought before screaming from the rooftops This is how to break Uncyclopedia. I apologise for any unintentional accessory to vandalism. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 11:50, Jul 7 2010 UTC

RE: So, that biopic

Done. And as Shandon's personal friend, this is more scathing and true than you may realize. --EMC ^[TALK] 13:17 Jul 7 2010

How about Brad? He just recently retired. A posthumous biopic seems fitting for him. There are, in fact, many forgotten oldtimers who I'd like to write biopics about, including Tompkins (he lives in Iowa with me; we are a glum lot) and Sir Cornbread (he held my hand during my first few months of Uncyclopedia back in 06 and deserves some disrespect if you ask me). --EMC ^[TALK] 14:11 Jul 7 2010

Oh, and the Some user guy from way back in the day. Biopics head down nostalgia lane... --EMC ^[TALK] 14:20 Jul 7 2010

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Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway? By Under user The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it? Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective By UU Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat. Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages! Yes, it's fucking political... I, er, won't survive? Everyone's a winner baby From our logs: 03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules) 21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen) 18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war) Biopic of the Week In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days... Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream. So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book). Old-school featured article of the Week A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week 12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

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Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 10:49, Jul 9

Yup, looks like it. --UU - natter 10:50, Jul 9

You know.....you could probably get away with making UnSignpost a weekly rather than a daily.....unless you can get a load more writers involved.... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Weekly? But what would I do about all the mountains of news that would pile up around my ears? I have a hard enough time deciding what to leave out as it is! --UU - natter 11:29, Jul 9

Yet Another Worthless Award

AMAZING FREE GIFT!

As YOU voted for BIBLE! to be featured on the front page,
this FRAMED, VERY RARE and HIGH COLLECTIBLE
JESUS AND LINDSAY LOHAN
issue of the magazine is YOURS TO KEEP!
Generations to come will thank you for this wonderful keepsake.

---

Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:30, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

I never really said this, so..

I'm sorry. As an SK in PEEING, I should have known better than to book that for "a few days". I prevented others from being helpful. I won ROTM even, so I shouldn't do stupid things like this. I am held to a higher standard and I failed to live up to it.

And before you think I'm sucking up, you should know that I tend to beat myself up about stuff. The longer I go without apologizing, the worse I feel.

So, yeah. Sorry. Also, when you finally finish changing diapers all day, you should do a review! You don't want to take Boomer's title, do you? ;) (I know about all of this because I read award and talk archives in my spare time. I am a bored stalker.)--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Friday, 07:52, July 09 2010 UTC

You. Are such a queen. (Although I know exactly what you mean, I routinely get chewed up by the worms of guilt). And it's "nappies". Seriously. Fucking Americans.    Orian57    Talk   20:38 10 July 2010

I couldn't work out what you two were talking about then, and then I realised that you meant crap-bags Nominally Humane! some time Sunday, 20:59, Jul 11 2010 UTC

I said my bit, gave the ban, as far as I'm concerned, it's done with. Unless you do it again. And I see it. Of course, if you're that full of remorse, you could always do the review! As for me doing a review, I absolutely fully intend to, when I get time. But I take at least an hour per review, so as to when I'll get a full hour to concentrate on a review... don't hold your breath. I agree with Orian on the "nappies" thing though. Diapers is a stupid word, and always has been. --UU - natter 09:00, Jul 12

Yaya! I'm right!    Orian57    Talk   12:50 12 July 2010

Help needed

I'm just creating my first game, but I don't know how to create the subpages for the game. Do you just create a new page and link it to the article, or is there are a special way to do it? --Some Idiot 05:37, July 12, 2010 (UTC)

Simples: you go to the main page of your game, which should be in the game namespace, for instance Game:Your Game Name. Then you go the the address bar of your browser and, after the name of your game, add the subpage name following a slash, and hit enter, giving perhaps Game:Your Game Name/Hit Cuddly-Wuddly Bunny With Bunch Of Daffodils. Then you hit the "create page" option, and voila! Basically, the subpage is done the same as userspace stuff and the like: Pagename/subpage. Clear? Oh, and that pic in your sig is a little too big. Have a look at UN:SIG and make sure it's no taller than 12px high. Ta! --UU - natter 08:56, Jul 12

Two things

1. You know that a song was written for Celine Dion - shame!
2. I forgot the second thing.

Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 02:17, Jul 15 2010 UTC

I remembered the second thing... But you don't want to know the details. Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 03:29, Jul 15 2010 UTC

I used to run a music quiz over the local pub. You really don't want to know the frightening amount of useless music trivia I know. Also, you're right. I never want to know details. They just get in the way. --UU - natter 08:17, Jul 15

Funny - that's my attitude toward pleasuring a sexual partner. Nominally Humane! some time Thursday, 10:51, Jul 15 2010 UTC

Here's this thing

My plans for world domination are nearly complete now that HowTo:Survive the Titanic was featured!Thank you for your part in bringing about the end of the world.

– Preceding unsigned comment added by John Lydon (talk • contribs)

So...

...the Pee Queue is backlogged to fuck. When CW ends, you should send out one of those rallying calls to all the members of PEEING so there aren't, like, 35+ articles sitting up there. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:53, July 15, 2010 (UTC)

Is this you telling people what they should do again Guildy? ;-) Seriously, I had thought about it. I'm just trying to find a time when I can do a couple so I don't look like a hypocrite asking everyone else to! --UU - natter 10:11, Jul 16

Naw, I gave up on the whole "trying to tell people what to do" thing ages ago. There are definitely way too many articles that need to be peed on, though. Saberwolf did just come back, but I feel if we left the duty of clearing out the Pee Queue entirely to him he'd resent it to some extent. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:57, July 16, 2010 (UTC)

Re one of your Top 10 of 2009 votes from January 2010

Dear Mr/Ms Under user/Archive 29, Greetings. I am the lawyer for Arthur C. Clarke's estate. Last summer, following the listing of an article on this website (henceforth referred to as "Uncyclopedia"), namely the article titled 2001: A Space Odyssey, as a featured article, I and my assistant began to prepare a copyright infringement suit against you, and were about to file it in December 2009 when both of us were attacked violently by the user MacMania, who was imprisoned for his central role in this infringement, but had apparently escaped custody to exact revenge against us. Needless to say, MacMania was once again taken into custody, but we lapsed into a comatose state. However, now that we have woken up, we have found out, much to our chagrin and dismay, that you have further encouraged such infringing actions by selecting 2001: A Space Odyssey as the number 2 article of 2009, and that England once again failed to make the World Cup final. We must, of course, take further action, and would like to notify you that unless Uncyclopedia's administrators take action, we will press the following charges: 1. continued support, encouragement, and flaunting of copyright infringement; 2. indirectly causing severe physical harm to me and my assistant; 3. potentially providing shelter to Paul the Octopus, whose psychic powers clearly drastically demoralized the English national football team against the German team, which is an unspeakably criminal act. We will drop these charges only if you agree to furnish us with a Paul the Octopus voodoo doll* for our perusal. Please let us know if this is possible. Your obedient servant (strictly in a figurative sense) James Steel c/o Alesha Phillips London EC4M 7EH UK * Must be complete with voodoo boiling water, voodoo olive oil, voodoo knife and voodoo fork.

Better late than never, or at least that's the thought. (Sorry about the length of this, by the way.) Horribly belated thanks for voting 2001: A Space Odyssey into #2 of 2009! Sir MacMania GUN—[01:48 16 Jul 2010]

Voodoo Olive Oil? Feature this thanks template! --UU - natter 10:12, Jul 16

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In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands By UU Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure. We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration By UU The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?" The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages! Please not Stephenie Meyer, Please not Stephenie Meyer... Lazy journalism. Which is something we never indulge in Kicking on with another bandwagon From our logs: 23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.) 15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?) 14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.) 14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.) 06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas) 19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS") 01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.) Biopic of the Week Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath. Old-school featured article of the week The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley. Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them. Cajek ban of the Week 10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 09:53, 16 July 2010

Luke Perry

I enjoyed your Luke Perry article, and after running the page through that "Who Do You Write Like" and saw that you write like Moe Howard, am much impressed. It demonstrates what a good writer can do with a barren topic such as Mr. Perry. Nice work! Aleister 13:33 16 7

Hnng. --UU - natter 13:54, Jul 16

Weegee

Hey although my page does say i joined in February, i only have really started with this site a few weeks ago.

I sort of feel that you were a bit harsh on me on my picture. I mean i was trying to make the thing look messy because that's how cat's face actually looks. I actually am good at Photoshop for my age but again i was in a hurry.

And i mean the i made the writing look better then the picture, because that was the whole point of it, it's not the picture it's the caption. And seriously, how does mine have -5 and the one below mine, which is stupid and terrible have +1!

And i know weegee and cats are common, but never together. Memes aren't original, but mixing them can be.

But anyways, whatever, just try to take it easy on the new guys will ya? --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 18:30, July 16, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, I was taking it easy - you should have seen the comments I got on my first VFP submission! People tend to be pretty blunt, particularly when they see a lot of jokey submissions (not unlike the one below yours, which is just a joke (and, as such, people are voting for it as a joke - they know it won't get featured; at least, I hope they do!)

Also, you missed an older user called Zombiebaron, who would probably just have voted against for it being "text-based" - the idea tends to be that the image should stand alone as a funny image without needing text to make it funny. I agree that in the context of all your base, the text is an integral part of the idea, but that's the way it is.

Further, it might not be a great idea to put up an image you did in a hurry, people do look for something to look half-decent if it gets featured. And that pic does look a bit slapdash. It does show you have a grasp of the basics, so that's promising, and hopefully you'll go on to create better work, but that, again, is how it is.

Also, while there can be original takes on memes, just slapping two together doesn't tend to be one of them - people would look for a more interesting or subversive approach, which would probably get you a better response. Don't ask me what - if I had an idea, I'd be making it myself!

Finally, good luck around the place, I'll always be friendly to new users with the right spirit, but I won't vote leniently for them - I'll try and help them if I can until they deserve the vote. Cheers! --UU - natter 19:23, Jul 16

UU, in appeciation of you being so nice to Happymonkey, have one of these delicious cookies. Yummmmmm. These are some of the best cookies you can imagine. ummmmmm. Aleister 19:31 16 7

Actually i just said it was a hash comment cause it was a conversion starter :P. I knew you weren't being rude or anything. And i do now understand why mine got so...well denied, i was kind of confused, i mean i thought it was kind of interesting. But what ever. I'm only 14 and pretty sure most of the common users around here have much more experience with photoshop than I. To tell you the truth Ive only used it for less than a year! On that photo i was trying to capture the tearing of the original memes face...it didn't work out too well. I started to remake it to make it look better however, i feel as i must show that i am capable of...photoshopping....besides i got 100% on every project in my Cyber arts class, two of them being photoshop. But whatever...wait a sec ALEISTER THOSE ARE MY GOD DAMN COOKIES, I'M GETTING TIRED OF YOU TAUTING ME WITH THEM THIS IS IT HAND THEM OVER...long story UU, bottom line is that cookie your currently eating is mine *grabs it out of your hand*...Mmmm, man these took forever to make!--Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 21:39, July 16, 2010 (UTC)

Aleister, just give me the god damn cookies already!

Showdown for Cookies

Hello there Under User. Congratulations! You have been chosen to be one of our not-so-special judges for the writers showdown that will be between Aleister in Chains and me Happymonkey39. This will be a showdown were we give each other a name of an unwritten article and we must write as much as we can in 1 hour and 15 minutes. Then our 5 judges will choose which article is better overall. A template on how it shall be evaluated will be given later.

This showdown will be held at 10:30EDT, please convert the time yourself. At 11:50EDT each judge will review each article and chose which he finds best. The user with the most votes wins. And yes the prize will be cookies, the loser must give 100 cookies to the winner on the users talk page.

So are you willing to be an unhonorable judge? --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 16:32, July 17, 2010 (UTC)

(no longer) URGENT

Main page vandals! They're ruining the Empire's defences! WikiaRox1337, JujuInTheSky, NotreDame1337. I'm sure you know about it already, but... Sir MacMania GUN—[01:15 20 Jul 2010]

Cool. JujuInTheSky 01:16, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

Take that! Oh, and never mind, Sannse took care of it. Sir MacMania GUN—[01:32 20 Jul 2010]

Thanks!

For voting for Rolex. When it moved to the front page, time stood still. A day without ticks and tocks settled onto the world. All because of you! Thanks again, appreciated. Aleister 2:38 21 7

The r word

I bet it happened to you or someone you know, thats the best way to put it. Or you just hate it because it spreads aids.If not, then explain--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 00:39, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

I can't speak for UU, but I don't like it becausse it is an annoying and overused joke. Also, I am butting in, sorry. Also also, could you check my review on Cajek's list, UU?--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 12:43, July 21 2010 UTC

Instead of saying the word I shall say this "Forced Sexually Intercourse" At least Im not saying the r word--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 02:48, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

I can just see the ban coming from miles away...~ 04:50, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Ban me for that? He said dont say the r word, so what he going to banned me for? Plus its called free speech buddy--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 05:46, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

You assume that this is a democracy? You think this is air you're breathing? Hmmm....~ 05:53, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

If it was ruled by me, it'll be a tyranny (Not Communism though. I despise Communist, they think they're all that but are truly a bunch of wussies) But Uncyclopedia has some sort of Democracy and some sort of Monarchy, so techinically I call that Uncyclopediacy. But the administators are a bunch of cruel, evil, money hungry tyrants (except you and UU). But we do have freedom of speech--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 06:07, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

That's what you think, serf. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 06:13, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

You shall never silence me. NEVER!--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 06:15, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, to be picky, freedom of speech does not guarantee freedom to speak on Uncyclopedia. --Andorin Kato 06:49, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

This is the worst topic start I have ever seen. *shakes head* Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 06:42, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Your mom--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 06:43, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

I would agree with Woody, but he used to live close to where I am and then he moved to Ohio, so I hate him now. So I echo IWKY's sentiments. Your mom.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 06:44, July 21 2010 UTC

Stalking Guildy's talkpage, I see. Well, if you ever find the right girl, you might understand. But, lets get back to the case at hand, which is this awful topic. Can we go against the usual no deleting comments, and just burn this entire thing? I'm  For. it. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 06:51, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

I agree, let's get back to the topic at hand, which is Woody's failure to use apostrophes. --Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 06:53, July 21 2010 UTC

I agree with HelpMe.And Woody, I did your mom--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 06:55, July 21, 2010 (UTC)--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 06:55, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

BAH! Overrated. Next youll be wanting me to use commas to which I just wont do thank you very much. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 06:55, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

I, disagree, commas, are, awesome, and, should, be, used, as, much, as, possible.--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 06:57, July 21 2010 UTC

Too many commas! AAAAAAAHHHH!!!! Keep doing that and I'll r.... um I mean Forced Sexually Intercourse you and eat your fucking liver--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 07:05, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Since you ask, I'll tell you. Yes, it's happened to several people I know, actually. Including 2 ex-girlfriends, one at the hands of her step-brother. I've seen first-hand how much it completely destroys a person, and can wreck their whole lives. As a result, I fucking despise with every fibre of my being all these people who over-use the word. It represents something truly hideous, and the casual use of it all over the place diminishes that in many people's minds, as far as I'm concerned. I hate the over-use of the word and, while I can't stamp out its use, I can certainly ban with extreme prejudice any fucker who uses it on my page. That a clear and comprehensive enough answer for you? --UU - natter 08:34, Jul 21

If you are answering awful, awful questions, I hear that your daughter poops a lot. Explain to me how the feces looks in great detail. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:35, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Ok, I understand UU, but do we have free speech on Uncyclopedia.? Yes we do.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 18:51, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

No, we don't. Uncyclopedia is a private website; free speech rights only apply to the government. Too, this is UU's userspace, and he can control what's in it, especially with regards to disruptive edits. --Andorin Kato 18:53, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Dude, just a friendly suggestion. There's a difference between free speech and non-accountability for your actions. And also, most British peeps (not including UU here) couldn't give a stuff about the 50th proclamation of constipation, or whatever amendment this free speech concept comes from. --Matfen 19:41, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Free speech is a fine and noble concept, but there's a world of difference between free speech and acting like a twat to piss people off. I suggest you learn it. --UU - natter 21:35, Jul 21

But administators are still a bunch of cruel, evil, money hungry tyrants who care little for the weak, (except UU and Mordillo)--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 22:07, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

So UU

Good thing we have that collab going eh? ~ 10:12, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Oh yeah, moving at our usual zippy pace with that one, aren't we? --UU - natter 10:16, Jul 21

Shall I book a pee review for 2013? ~ 10:25, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Oh wow, you're picking up the pace? --UU - natter 10:28, Jul 21

Hey matey

I just knocked up a quick "improved" version of the Giger counter image for that page, using his Baphomet painting which was the first one I could think of off the top of my head that could be easily changed into a handheld meter by chopping out the background. Now, I'm not the greatest photoshopper in the world, but I reckon you might be able to improve on it if and when you rewrite the article. What d'yer think? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 13:04, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

OOoooo, shiny! Looks good chap, ta! --UU - natter 13:18, Jul 21

Thanks, by the way

For the Pee Review you did for UnBooks:Bad Romance. Very helpful! I put virtually all of your suggestions into the article. pillow talk 19:39, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Just gutted you cauldn't wait for me to nom it! --UU - natter 21:38, Jul 21