User talk:Under user/Archive 15

Delete Me

I was a couple of lines into my entry, tried to preview an inserted link to make sure I was doing it right and you cancelled the whole thing under the Vanity Policy. Very astute of you to be able to judge an article off a previewed opening sentence. Having read the "chat" under this I realise now how it works. Clique is such an ugly word. So, as the header says, please delete/close/scrub my account. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Cult Of Leigh (talk • contribs)

Did you read BGBU? Like Wikipedia, we can't delete accounts. Sorry. MrN 16:02, Mar 2

Yes, I certainly did. It included pieces such as;

"The goal of the site is to be funny. Plenty of people first come to Uncyclopedia not knowing their way around and they may learn by trial and error what is funny, and by participation. This is acceptable; everyone is a newbie at some point (some never stop)."

But I read it again just to be sure. I didn't find the piece about being powerless to close accounts.

Anyway, apparently this site isn't for me or my writings. I should probably add in a from-hell's-heart kind of way that the article was not based on an individual but rather about several small towns in Britain. Well, it would have been if Ol' Quickdraw over there hadn't shot it in the back of the head.

Also UU, do you shoot as quick as you draw? Yeah that was an awkward ejaculation joke... :/ ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:41 2 March 2009

I'm geussing you didn't mean it but you deleted teh first, more serious, thing I said there. I said this:

I wasn't really mocking you I was just carrying on. Do try and stick around though, Place (town) articles never work, have you read HTBFANJS? It's also vital to success around here. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:39 2 March 2009

No need to be like that. Actually two admins deleted your article. I was one of them. It had all the hallmarks of a vanity article. If you wish it, I will recreate your article for you, and you can work on it some more. Do you want me to? Seriously though, read this. Had you done so, you would have known about the WIP and CONSTRUCTION templates. As I said before, we can't "close" accounts. If you want to leave the site, just don't edit here. MrN 16:47, Mar 2

Not-Rape!

Because you like people to be inventive. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:42 20 January 2009

So putting "Not-" in front of something makes you inventive? I'll have to remember that. --UU - natter 15:47, Jan 20

Not-yeah! I'm, like, the coolest trendsetter in my head! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:48 20 January 2009

sorry

I know I bug you about too many things. You just know everything and Sysrq, my adopter, is gone for a bit, but I just wanted to know how long a featured Unnews should be, and if there are any specifications to it. I tried putting it in for Pee Review but it is being ran over by a bunch of newer people (even newer then me! =O) giving high scores and saying, ya the humor was good, or I liked that picture lolz. Maybe I am just worrying too much and it is fine as it is, but I don't want to submit it if it has something wrong with it. Thanks bud--Tagstit 21:16, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Excuse me but Sys said to come to me with you're problems while he's off fornicating. As it happens there are no specifications, really, so long as it's about average (roughly fills the screen) it should be fine. if it helps I could do a review of it for you. As I'm thinking of getting my pee-hat back on, and do some writing -- actually be productive and that.. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:23 21 January 2009

Ahh! Orian is stalking me. haha You always know when I say something! Alright, I am sorry I will ask you things for now on and ya I would love a review! That would be really helpful!--Tagstit 22:04, 21 January 2009 (UTC)

Hey, I don't mind being asked stuff! I suggest you ask Orian57 for a review, Tagstit - it's about time the lazy buggerer did one! As to people overrunning pee - if that's happening, I'll pick it up when I check later, and I'll have a word. --UU - natter 09:07, Jan 22

Haha ya I forgot he is my "stepdad" and I ask him stuff when Sys is gone. And ya! Everything I have sent in so far gets like one lined reviews! Maybe I am overreacting or Mnbcxv or however you say his name just spoiled us all.--Tagstit 15:04, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

You want spoiled? You shoulda had a MightyDandyLion review when he has here - now they were epic'. However, young Orian has been known to turn out very good reviews himself. Just not for a while. See if you can do something about that. --UU - natter 16:39, Jan 22

Look. I did this. I should never ever have to work again! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:49 22 January 2009

The Millennium

I bumped into that mess, and revert it back to featured version. Can you take a look to see that I didn't remove any thing that you'd like to remain? ~ 08:45, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. I didn't see anything I thought was a particularly worthwhile addition, so I've had a polite word on his talk page. --UU - natter 09:08, Jan 22

I've added a less polite one O_O ~ 09:09, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

I simply must insert myself into this conversation. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:50 22 January 2009

Why not use your time better and insert yourself into something more appealing? ~ 10:56, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

More appealing than U.U.? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:01 22 January 2009

That leaves you a very wide, choice, believe me... BTW, can we stop this U.U. business, or do I have to revert to calling you O57? It makes me look like a pair of tits with escaping nipples. UU will do fine, thanks. --UU - natter 11:04, Jan 22

....escaping nipples? O_O ~ 11:06, 22 January 2009 (UTC)

lyke lmao! I always put U.U. because that's your initials. But if you prefer the nippleless granny boobs that's fine just don't call me O57. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:08 22 January 2009

OLVII? --UU - natter 11:07, Jan 23

Mmmm, No. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:25 23 January 2009

אוריאן57? ~ 12:32, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

O49+8? --UU - natter 13:23, Jan 23

Dudes. I can't read french -- or whatever Mordillo language is -- and I'm no good at maths. Stop trying to change my name. You're not the boss of me. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:30 23 January 2009

Did you say French? Merde. ~ 13:32, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

OhRyanFiftySeven? Actually scratch that, it's not exactly an abbreviation is it? Also lolfrench... Monsieur Le Mordilleau! --UU - natter 13:33, Jan 23

Ces't si nes't pas un pip! ~ 13:36, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Prenez la premiere rue á gauche, et continuez tout droit. Vous voulez deux tranches de jambon? --UU - natter 13:40, Jan 23

Non, merci, mais je vais coucher avec toi ce soir. ~ 13:41, 23 January 2009 (UTC)

Mais votre mére est une petit cobaye... --UU - natter 13:47, Jan 23

• Making a point of ignoring the french* Oh yeah... I remember Ryan. Forgot that's where my name came from. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:56 23 January 2009

I'm Snuffleupagus! [makes furnace noises through snuffle] f-f-f-f-f [pokes Under user with snuffle] Get out of bed! [slobbers on Under user, while making gurgling noises, with trunk flailing about] AARRGGHH! AARRGGHH! AARRGGHH! AARRGGHH! --Snuffleupagus 18:25, 24 January 2009 (UTC)

Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. --UU - natter 20:23, Jan 24

Mass Effect

I might get the budged for that since during the weekend I OKd an "Anne Fontaine" blouse to my better half. Do you know how many games you can get for this one???? Also, if you're a space opera fan, did you ever read Alastayir Raynolds? ~ 11:02, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

Have you got someone else's teeth in this morning mate? The ones you're speaking through don't quite seem to fit! I'm not quite following "Do you know how many games you can get for this one????" Also, I'm more a fan of space opera style games than books - although I plan to read Dune at some point, it's some way along my lengthy shelf of books to read. But when I get through that shelf, maybe I'll add him to the list! --UU - natter 11:49, Jan 26

Sorry, I spoke four different languages over the weekend, boggled my mind a bit. What I meant was - Do you know how many games do you get for the price of one blouse from this shop?. As for Mister Raynolds, highly recommended. In my opinion, as good as Dune. ~ 12:04, 26 January 2009 (UTC)

I reckon you could complete a couple of games in the time it takes their catalogue to load - bloody hell, talk about style over function! To be fair, in a perfect world, she'd owe you several games and a sexual favour or two. Knowing the capricious whims of female logic though, I expect you'd be lucky to be allowed a pack of Pokémon trading cards... As to language issues, I doff my cap to your linguistic gymnastics - I can barely handle my own language, let alone others. We were in a restaurant in Paris once, trying to ask for a slightly sweeter wine, because Mrs UU prefers sweeter wines. Could I remember how to ask for this? Could I buggery. I ended up trying to make the waiter understand by asking for vin "avec plus de sucre, comprends?" The look on his face was priceless - "vin avec sucre"! Clearly a sign of impending apocalypse, that! --UU - natter 12:32, Jan 26

Muchos Gracias

Thanks very much for the whole `Crat nomination thingy...I think that now that missus cannot deny me that copy of Mass Effect, I'm a `Crat for the love of god! Also, I think you earned another copy of this:

UnBan Voucher(*) The holder of this voucher is entitled to 1(one) UnBanning At his leisure *This voucher is invalid if the user was banned due to: wiki terrorism, unsanctioned page moves, creating double redirects, VFD violations, creating This page doesn't exist, vandalism, general dickery or editing BHOP. The voucher must be presented by the holder himself following the ban without violating the ban itself.

~ 11:24, 27 January 2009 (UTC)

You are kidding, right? It was just something that needed to happen. And I'm very pleased to see it has. --UU - natter 11:31, Jan 27

UnSignpost 22 + 7 (+1) January

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The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

January 22 + 7, 2009 • Issue 32 • Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Zionists consolidate wiki power By The rather nervous junior horoscope writer accidentally promoted to editor in chief Yeah the st-story is, erm, about Mr Mor-Mordillo’s erm asce-ascent—rise to new power. He was, eh, pr-promoted to erm, Be-Beu- Bureaucrat? Which, erm, me-means he can- can now do- do th-things he cou-couldn’t d-d-do b-before; Kind-kind of like m-my pro-pro-promotion. Heh-heh, th-that was a j-jo-joke. S-some Un-Uncyclope-Uncyclopedians th-think this p-p-proves s-s-s-something abou-about so-some s-sort of J-Je-Jewish, erm, conspiracy. Or-or something, I-I’m n-not really sh-sh-sure why that was meant to be funny. Pro-pro-probably was-was-wasn’t. So-sorry. Th-the decision ca-came about b-b-because of th-the fuh-fuh-forum voting process in-in-initiated b-by Under—Under user wh-who was u-u-upset tha-that Bureaucrat C-C-Codeine had decided to leave. After s-some ti-time voting it-it was d-d-decided that Mordillo w-w-would become a Bureaucrat and that C-C-C-Codeine wasn’t leaving a-a-after all! Which was g-g-good. M-M-Mordillo di-didn’t ma-make a c-c-comment s-so I-I’ve b-been told t-to make one u-up. Erm, “Ha ha ha! N-Now you-you’re all un-under my thumb!” Or something, that that wasn’t really f-funny ei-either. Sorry, M-Mordillo, it-it’s not my W-words! Image:Do a jailbait.jpg Determined to be a Shemale By Mnbvcxz and Orian57 To the relief of Uncyclopedians everywhere, notorious image "Do a jailbait" has been scientifically proven not be a girl. Originally, many suspected that the disturbing and disturbingly attractive image was that of young girl: age estimates ranging from jail bait age down to "pedo-bear approves" age. However, due to much "research" on the internet regarding the appearance shemales who are just over the age of consent, it has been determined that said image was in fact a young shemale. Researchers said the hairy arms and the huge penis of the lady in question proved without reasonable doubt that the image can not be that of a girl. Many in the Uncyclopedia community were relived by the news. Orian57 in particular who stated the child was “quite sexy.”, on the image talk page, was relieved to find he could no longer be considered bisexual. Some worry about the continuing freedom of Sockpuppet of an unregistered user after his comment: “I don't care. Me wanna rape!”

Check out these pages! Think of the Grues, won't someone please think of the Grues? Looks like the cool and sexy admins IP is back under another different name then Virtually nothing From our logs: 19:48, 22 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Jeus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (And the Lord said, "Let there be bannination," and there was bannination, and one more asshat was kept off of the wiki, and the Lord looked and he saw that it was good.) 03:30, 19 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.27.241.181 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blanking talk pages is annoying. Your inability to take a joke is even more annoying. The fact that you haven't yet been banned for either is the most annoying of all. I can fix one of those.) 02:47, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked CANIHASTHISPLEEZ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Looks like somebody needs to get a life. This nice little ban will keep Uncyclopedia from getting in the way of that.) Biopic of the Week To some, a meaningless jumble of letters, Mnbvcxz is much, much more than that. In fact, he's much, much more than you could possibly imagine. In fact, he's so much more that trying to explain it in a small box in a wiki newspaper is futile, particularly if you spend so much time explaining that you can't explain his awesomeness that you leave yourself little space to try. Still, he reviews, categorises, helps out and does stuff. But that's only the tip of the iceberg that is Mnbvcxz! Reason why the UnSignpost is a week late of the fortnight The editor was busy, and totally lacked inspiration. Want to make sure the paper is on time next week? Give us a story in the press room! Cajek ban of the fortnight 05:21, 19 January 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a spanking ‎ (20 bans in August, 9 in September, 10 in October, Just 2 in December and 2 in January. Disgraceful.)

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MrN9001 02:37, 31 January 2009 (UTC)

"Hey! Hey! UU!/

I want to be your girlfriend!/ No way, no way/ I think you need a new one." I mean not that I'm inciting adultery or anything I was just joking -- I've probably used it before but it's a good joke -- kind of like a pun really -- but it's not. And anyway that isn't what I came here for, I was just comming to say that it's good to see you around again, the whole site nearly fell apart for those hours you weren't here. I mean you made me do this signpost! Also I know I could do the Neurotic article you suggested I'm just not really sure of direction or how to start really, any ideas? Also random geography lesson:

Notice he doesn't mention Wales? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:52 1 February 2009

I adore the Animaniacs. Thanks! Alas, I am just passing through - I have a roast dinner in the oven that requires my attention in just a couple of minutes (and that's not an innuendo), and I was just killing time. The site seems to be holding together - you did a great job on the Signpost, thanks, and the legendary Mordillo is on patrol, so I can pop off to sort out my Yorkies and roasties with a clear conscience. As to the neurotic article - I may come up with a suggestion, I'll have a think. But my main suggestion would be: start writing! It's amazing how ideas start to form when you get going - and as you joined me in the top 10 articles '08, I'd say that proves you are more than capable! Now, off to yummy dinner - toodles! --UU - natter 17:58, Feb 1

Aww but you need to stay! I don't really think I did that great a job to be honest but if you think so that means I might have some spare self esteem to waste talking to people who only pretend to be my best friends. Well I'll see what I can do with the article cos I want a feature, feel like I've done something. And have fun with your dinner, cream of chicken soup for starter is it? (Innuendo intended, you know because cream of chicken is like sperm?) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:30 1 February 2009

Oh yeah, and where's my template?

And also I made a start on Neurotic. Kinda worried it might get a bit too long but I suppose I should vomit everything up and pick out the carrots later. Wow that was an awful image. And it also presumes that carrots are bad when they're normally the most colourful thing about sick. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 04:42 2 February 2009

In the five intervening hours between these two messages I believe I've finished off Neurotic. Want to pee it? Or at least read it let me know if it's featurable. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:48 2 February 2009

I am still colossally busy this week, and will be MIA thursday and friday as well, spending some time with the folks (it is the old man's 60th). I will take a look if I get time, I am looking forward to seeing it! Would you mind helping me out this week on the Signpost again? I'll do the regular stuff, the side panels and the like, but I'd like the main article to be a summary of the "of the Year" winners, and a general summary of the voting flurry of the last few weeks, but I don't know that I'll have the time - could you possibly take on the task? A template will be forthcoming, although I doubt it'll be anything other than a generic one, we'll have to see. Now, back to the coalface! --UU - natter 09:59, Feb 2

Generic is fine. Also I should be able to do something with that of the year things. For now I must sleep though as hammering out potentially fantastic writing all night kinda of takes it out of you. night night Mr User. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:06 2 February 2009

Rightyho, I've had a quick look, and I like it - identifiably your work, and striking many of the right notes, just as I hoped you would. What I'd say now is it needs a little fine-tuning, a little attention to detail in the area of the prose. I know you intend to have the rambling stream-of-near-consciousness feel to it, and it works, but just occasionally it reads a little clumsily, and I think a little of what Terry Pratchett calls "sanding and polishing" would do it the world of good. I may even take a proof-read through it if I ever get enough time. But glad to see you writing something new, and thanks for some chuckles! --UU - natter 22:34, Feb 2

I suspected as much, but the actual content and such works right? Glad you liked it! I'll see was tag says then probabably nom it, might leave it for a few days though so I can look at it with slightly less rose tinted vision. :D ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:51 2 February 2009

With gratitude...

UU, with yo I wo ld be f ll of things to say, b t somehow it wo ldn't be the same. And thank yo for yo r vot on ncyclopdeia:Potatochopper of the Year Kisses and H gs, Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 00:24, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

I pres me yo meant witho t? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:45 2 February 2009

RAAAWR

RAAAAAWR. Gavin would like to thank you once more for sympathizing with him enough to vote for his book to be among the top ten books of 2008. Unless, of course, you happen to be a transsexual, in which case you are a freak and should not email him. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:49, 2 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 5th February 2009

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Now with 20% more ninjas!

February 5, 2009 • Issue 33 • It's Journalism Jim, but not as we know it.

The ‘of the Year’ run down of the year! By Orian57 So after a long neurotic month of blatant prostitution, secret e-mail canvassing, bribery and coercion in deciding who should win the various ‘of the Year’ awards (plus a completely normal five days of knowing who did) the results are in! UotY: Mordillo! Nominated (but not voted for) by UU with the reason “[he does] the big bad wolf stuff to keep fuckwits at bay.”. 21 Jew jokes later (“Jew that controls the internet”, “I feel I have to vote for him” and “I love this man. To the point that his girlfriend is seriously distraught by it”) Mordillo was the landslide victor a whole 12 votes ahead of the runner up, UU! And he deserved it too (though to be frank I deserved it more)! Our WotY was Modusoperandi! Narrowly beating Mhaille by 2 votes he was nominated by UU with the reasoning “…Tends to brighten my day whenever I see him, although that could be the light reflecting off his gleaming naked body.” Another 19 Canadian jokes ( “this silly Canadian”, “I never would have thought that casting a vote would be so painful as this” and “Modus is like maple syrup. On the outside he's all golden, sweet and sticky. On the inside however, he's all golden, sweet and sticky”) won him the award! (though to be frank I would have appreciated it more!) Next up was our winner of PotY, Prettiestpretty! She was nominated (but not voted for) by Mhaille because she is the “producer of some very impressive work” and has won the PotM twice! 18 girl jokes later (“such a foregone conclusion”, “She's earned this and then some” and “Unlike most people here, I'm actually going to give a reason for voting for PP. I'm even going to write two sentences explaining the reason.”) she deservedly won the award which she herself designed. (I don’t even know how to use MS paint but I’d still like to have been acknowledged). There was also an impromptu N00b of the Year award created that Rcmurphy ran off with. He was nominated by Spang with the reason “He really deserves it this time” and received 12 N00b jks (“How can you be a year old and still be a noob without being rcmurphy”, “He's still confused too” and “[Hyperbole is] regularly here and dangerously competent. Rc remains the quintessential n00b”). (*grumble* I started lurking in 2007…) Lastly and leastly there was the UGotY which was awarded to Wikia. Nominated by Mhaille with the reason “Wikia continue to raise the bar on defining what it means to be a Useless Gobshite”. He/she/it got 5 jokes that I don’t properly understand (“As much as I'd like to see Yettie take this, Wikia is both more useless and far more of a gobshite”, “it's rare to see such dedication to gobshitery” and “Outstanding contributions to fail.”). (Ok so I’m not bitter about loosing this.)

Check out these pages! Penis Pants Er, fox? From our logs: 1:33, 2 February 2009 Flyingfeline (Talk | contribs) blocked 81.169.166.86 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Oh, brilliant. Well, that's going to be fun for both of us. I wonder who'll get bored first?) 04:39, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 72.138.52.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Hey there! Remember me? I was the admin that asked you to stop failing so hard back in October. Now I'm asking again, but with a ban length 12 times longer.) 18:16, 29 January 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Sej (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ ("And He saw the work, and He was sore displeased; and He did smite the n00b with all his wrath". Book of Codeine, ch. 6, vs 9) Biopic of the Week YesTimeToEdit Commonly known as Yettie, he won N00b of the Month back in April 08 after writing a featured UnNews. He went on a crusade to gave us all more things not to care about than we can handle. Following another feature he deservedly won UGotM. There has also been some recent confusion about his gender. Cajek ban of the week 04:48, 31 January 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 28 minutes ‎ (Apparently the UnSignpost has a 'Cajek ban of the week' section. This is my week!) Custom box #3 This box is empty. Imagine something nice here like a Caribbean holiday, getting sand in your shoes and arse crack while being blistered by sun you weren't made to handle and pretending to enjoy yourself.

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9001(bot)  03:23, Feb 5

Look, the spelling isn't my fault. I told MrN to check it and he clearly didn't so blame him. Also *looks across the room seductivly at 9001* I have other buisness to attend to. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:29 5 February 2009

Hea, I read it, but asking me to check your spooling is lick asking... Oh, well it's gust not a good ideal OK! MrN 16:59, Feb 5

I sawed this and thinked of UU...

Crap huh? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:06 9 February 2009

OH LOOKSEE! A VIDEO! - [17:02 9 February 2009] YYettie

Uh? Oh, fish puns. Cool. Also: good to see you both did a review in the last few weeks. Almost like old times! --UU - natter 10:13, Feb 10

You don't like it do you? I was just trying to be nice but you're dissapointed -- I can tell! D: I mean I don't even like puns but I watched that for you -- do you have to be so damned ungrateful? And what exactly do you mean by "worryingly familiar"? Are you trying to say I've shat myself? Because that was years ago, there's no need to drag that up now! I'm leaving! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:58 10 February 2009

If I never speak to you again, I can't say anything wrong - right? --UU - natter 11:03, Feb 10

Yes -- I mean -- wrong! Please like me! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:06 10 February 2009

Then stop trying to second guess everything I say! Actually, strike that - you're way beyond that, you're on to 74th guessing everything I say. Sometimes "I just want to watch TV this evening" actually means I wanna watch TV, you know? Why do you have to read so much into everything? --UU - natter 11:17, Feb 10

You're breaking up with me!? What exactly gives you the right!? You can't! Alls I said was maybe we could have sex, but if watching Diagnosis-fucking-Murder is more important to you than our phsyical expression of love then maybe we shouldn't be together. I expect you to have your things packed by the time Desperate Housewives is over. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:25 10 February 2009

Does this mean I get my bullshit this week? MrN 11:30, Feb 10

What? Mybe I'm just being stupid -- and if I am I apologise for the inconveinence (I know that's spelt wrong, sorry), but I really didn't understand that sentence. Why do you want bullshit? I'm so confused... :S ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 11:35 10 February 2009

Oh, yea. I was meant to say something here.... Did you read the link? I was trying to point out the difference between random, and bullshit... I had always assumed that you were an expert in bollocks... MrN 19:14, Feb 13

Sheep shagging

Edit conflict me, would you?! Ah well, fair enough. You deleted precisely what I was going to delete anyway. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 14:19, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Yah, I didn't realise it was you who was conflicting me until I'd finally got the damn thing to save. If I'd known you were on the case, I would have left it in your safe hands! --UU - natter 14:23, Feb 10

No worries. The whole article's crap anyway. Suitable for VFD, do you reckon? Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:15, 10 February 2009 (UTC)

Possibly. I'd not vote keep, although I suspect some might. It's not up to much and it's a magnet for certain types of people. Give it a go, see what happens. The worst that can happen is I have to pop a VFD kept template on the talk page. Also, did you hear anything just then? --UU - natter 15:24, Feb 10

Hey! Are ignoring me? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:51 10 February 2009

Your lack of words hurt, you know? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:34 10 February 2009

/me nods and pretends to be listening while watching the TV. Yeah, great - and see if you can get one for Mordillo as well, huh? --UU - natter 15:40, Feb 10

Oh yeah, Mordillo! I'd give him one. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:50 10 February 2009

UnSignpost 12th February 2009

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The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

February 12, 2009 • Issue 34 • Mainlining news direct to your talk page artery

Worrying influx of n00bs a threat to Uncyc's "worst" status By UU How can you resist my n00b power of cuteness? After the flow of n00bs slowed to a trickle at the tail end of 2008, 2009 has seen the site experiencing a veritable tidal wave of new editors, enthusiastically bounding around the site like wide-eyed puppies that have yet to meet Olipro, tramping mud into the carpet, and leaving half-eaten IPs on the floor of the Village Dump. Worse still, many of these new arrivals show early signs of being dangerously competent: writing funny articles; giving in-depth pee reviews; voting on stuff; helping folks out - generally making the kind of contributions that could, if the community is not careful, lead to the site losing its coveted "worst" status. Experienced editors queued up to condemn the invasion - "Very happy to see the influx in good new editors coming in, we've been devoid of that extra boost for far too long it seems" said RAHB, the bile seething from his every pore, while MrN spoke scathingly about "great additions to Uncyc". But is it too late? With competition for the NOTM award at its most fierce for months (4 noms and none of them Rcmurphy at the last count), it looks like it may be too late to reject this transfusion of new blood. Is there any hope for the long-term future of the proud traditions of the wiki under this relentless onslaught of new talent? A comment on Bullshit from MrN As a well known protagonist of the noble and honourable art of bullshitting I felt it my place to speak out regarding this most tricky of issues. Much has been said of late regarding the consistency, and texture of what we at Uncyc consider to be suitable for our beloved wiki. As you know, normal traditional (un-specified) crap we don't want, but there must always be room for more bullshit on Uncyclopedia. Some will no doubt consider my last comment to be horse shit, which (as you may know) has a slightly thicker consistency. The dilemma we must then face is how do we categorise and specify the fine (if rather smelly) line between what is crap and what is bullshit. The study of bull-crap may also been of concern to some readers, but I feel it not my place to enter that arena. This article stinks enough as it is. However... When considering bullshit, I feel it important to point out our rigorously defined guidelines regarding the use of bollocks as I feel many of the important principles apply. If I may quote: “Sometimes articles arrive at Articles for deletion which have only the most tenuous connection to reality: they are, to use a British term, Complete Bollocks. This is not always a bad thing.” ~ Uncyclopedia:Complete Bollocks I think that speaks for itself. Got it? So basically, we want more bullshit, some horse shit, and a liberal helping of complete bollocks. But NO CRAP. Unless it's crap which adds to the general stench of the article in question (assuming that stinking is what we want). Got it now? Well, look at it this way... There was a man who had three wives. No, that was Moses. Oh, so Moses comes down from Mount Sinai and says: "Well, lads. I got him down to ten, but adultery is still in." No wait. Sorry, that was complete bollocks. I'm drifting into the realms of pointless excrement, and what does this have to do with anything? Don't tell them that! So what was it I was talking about again? Oh, yea... Does anyone know where I left my slippers?

Check out these pages! Apparently, we had a "golden era" Only the Lonely Oh, it's nothing to do with marriage. I'm disappointed Random suggestion If we weren't on the internets, I'd say this was getting geeky From our logs: 13:25, 9 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.71.123.168 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (1 day for blanking, 1 week for blanking a featured, 2 weeks for blanking a top 10 and the rest is a bonus!) 02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.) 16:41, 7 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Luvvy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a purrr ‎ (And that's for flirting with another admin. Shame on you.) Biopic of the Week DrStrange is one of these here stellar n00bs that we're wittering on about in that there main article. He's been here for a bit over 2 months, and in that time has won NotM and already been nommed for WotM. At this rate, he'll be WotY by about June. Good job he's funny and good at writing things really, otherwise we'd be obliged to hate his precocious guts. Gender confirmation of the Week YesTimeToEdit astonished the Uncyclopedia community by admitting to being male. Orian57 continued in whale raping Yettie. SysRq consequently "won teh penis", granting him this most prized life-time achievement award. In the ensuing chaos, Sockpuppet of an unregistered user cut off Yettie's penis and went on a raping spree with it. Mnbvcxz still believed that Yettie was a girl and the latter declared his love and desire to be raped towards the former. SoaUU AKA Sockie admitted having a vagina, or did (s)he?... Mnbvcxz refused to give his/her gender... Will Yettie get his penis back? Who is pretending to be male and who is pretending to be female? Tune in next week! Same penis-time. Same penis-channel. Cajek ban smackdown of the week 02:53, 10 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a voyage made in less than twelve parsecs ‎ (You want a ban-off, RAHB!? BRING IT!) 00:46, 7 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a Kessel run ‎ (I shall not allow TheLedBalloon to dethrone my weekly Cajek-banning title!)

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9001(bot)  20:54, Feb 11

'Lo UU

You seem to have a talent for spotting typos. Can you do me a favour and give a couple of my articles a brief looking over? These ones 'ere - Common Household Pests and Wild Jews. You know how hard it can be to spot them in your own work when you've been staring at the same bloody text for however long it takes to write it in the first place. Cheers matey. :-) – Preceding unsigned comment added by RabbiTechno (talk • contribs)

I'll take a look when I have a little more time, if that's OK - tomorrow, possibly, as I'm out for drinkies tonight. --UU - natter 16:00, Feb 12

Fun fact: you don't drink. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:11 12 February 2009

Fun fact: my friends do. --UU - natter 16:23, Feb 12

Dude, neither do I. It keeps me firmly on the moral highground. I was simply commenting and hoping you'd think I was stalking you or something. Which I sort of am as I was reading your archives the other day. Fun Fact: your phone number is eleven digits long. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:28 12 February 2009

Also I know you hate whoreing but I'm sure this link is relevent. UnTunes:I Kissed a Girl (And I Threw Up). and also this one. Please don't hate me I was/am just joking. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:57 12 February 2009

You're right, I'm not keen on whoring. Next time you do this, it's an automatic against on principle. Nothing personal, and I don't hate you: it's just how I roll. I'm holding off on voting on that article until I'm in a position to listen to the audio, which I think is a vital part of UnTunes articles and as such important to the vote. Rest assured, I'll get around to it, how many votes have I missed recently? ;-) --UU - natter 09:58, Feb 13

Yay! me leaves before I can do anything else wrong. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:03 13 February 2009

Thanks, UU. Can't believe I missed those ones. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:19, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

Thankies

Going Down? Necropaxx would like to thank you profusely for reading his article and actually liking it enough to vote For. The picture on the right is exactly what you wouldn't see in an elevator. Sorry. :(

Thanks again, UU. :) • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 17:12, Feb 12

Thanks for voting

And now, a special message from the President *pff...hehe* of the United States My fellow Uncyclopedians, This past vote on VFH has been an emotional one for our wiki. The people have spoken, and I am honorated to accept the privilegitude to servify the Uncyclopedia front page for another eight years. What do you mean, articles are only featured for one day? Thank you for voting. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk)

Can I assume

That you won't be all chivalrous this month and refuse the VFS "honor" bestowed on you? That would be INCONCEIVABLE! ~ 16:47, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

I'm not withdrawing myself from the running, if that's what you mean. But nothing's been bestowed on anyone yet, there's a lot of votin' to go, and my money's still on the Prince of Pants. Don't rush things - you rush a miracle man, you get lousy miracles. --UU - natter 16:53, Feb 13

Either one of you would be great for sysopage, then I may get joke-banned more often. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:54 13 February 2009

Sorry, wrong wording, I meant that - "I hope that you will not retire from the race". I think that both you and the prince of pants are great candidates. Speaking of which, have you seen "The Candidate?" ~ 17:09, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

I haven't but I'd still like to contribute to this conversation. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:10 13 February 2009

I'm trying to find the "Orian57 protection button". ~ 17:28, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

Not "button", "society"; Orian57 Protection Society. I'm an endangered species ya know? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:42 13 February 2009

No, I haven't seen that one. I've seen The Manchurian Candidate (the original, obviously</film snob>) --UU - natter 19:07, Feb 13

Ignore me all you please I'm not going anywhere. And seeing the original just means you're old. I think my ancestor said that Dracula used to be good, you agree with him I suppose. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:11 13 February 2009

No Horror, remember? Also, ever hear of a thing called DVD? Or even Blu-Ray? Lots of old films available on those there shiny discs of fun. --UU - natter 19:15, Feb 13

Blue-movies you mean. We washed the paint off ray a while back. </awkward techno-ignorance joke> ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:24 13 February 2009

Just Curious

What are the requirements for the next level of reviewing. Like the steel kidneys or whatever. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 17:05, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

SK means you've won RotM, Attending urologist is entirely up to teh captain catheter, Mr UU here. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:06 13 February 2009

Oh ok, sounds good. Thanks Orian. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 17:09, 13 February 2009 (UTC)

TBH, the Attending thing is not much bothered over - you can see that by the vast number we have ;-) Anyway, I'd consider making an Attending if we had an obviously worthy reviewer not on course for RotM. If you see one, give me a shout (or initiate a vote on the PEEING talk page, and I'll make an arbitrary decision like Boomer used to, whichever works for you!) --UU - natter 18:44, Feb 13

The story of how I failed to vote

Its not uncommon for me to forget to log in. Which is what I did when I voted on Uncyclopedia:VFH/Piety. Although I noticed my error and edited in my signature, the vote only count as 0,5. Not that I think it matters that much but I thought I'd let you know; so if you know how to correct my error feel free to do so. If not, well nevermind. Soxz for being clumsy xD Cheers --kit 16:07, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

Nah, if you just forgot to sign in, it's a full vote if you correct yourself. Which you did, so I corrected the score. Don't worry about failing either, I have a WTFjastar from Ljlego for managing to forget to increase the score in any votes I participated in for about 4 months. We all have blind spots! --UU - natter 16:12, Feb 19

My blind spot Is Modus. ~ 16:36, 19 February 2009 (UTC)

No, he has a bald patch. There's a difference. --UU - natter 16:44, Feb 19

Stop bullying Modus. It's not his fault! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:37 19 February 2009

UnSignpost 19th February2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

February 19, 2009 • Issue 35 • Sifting the flour of news into the soufflé of your talk page

Uncyclopedia shuns ads in favor of product placement By Gerrycheevers Uncyclopedia admins today announced that there would most definitely never be advertisements placed in the hallowed halls of yon humor wiki. However, it seems in order to rake in the cash that would have resulted from these ads, similar to raking in the flavor from KFC's new Turkey-Flavored ChickenTM, we will instead be treated to subtle product placement in every facet of Uncyclopedia. The driving force behind this decision is undoubtedly greed. The driving force behind the new Ford ExplorerTM is Jack Bauer. Catch 24 this Sunday on FOX! Jack Bauer drives a Ford! When asked for Uncyclopedia's official political stance on the matter, sysop TheLedBalloon said, "You can't fool me Jimmy Carter! I voted for Gerald Ford in the last election and I'm DAMN PROUD OF IT! You can't intimidate me with your 'pretending to be the newspaper reporter but actually being Jimmy Carter in disguise who will then detain me for several months of waterboarding hell' routine--fool me once, shame on you; fool my twice, shame on me...", which only added more fuel to the fire of speculation surrounding this occurence. For the best value fuel, visit Egan's SunocoTM. The mood in the Uncyclopedia break room was sombre today. Several users expressed their concern about not having ads placed on the wiki. "What? No ads? But how will we make money?" asked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. It seems the secret of product placement has been kept under wraps by the non-existant Cabal. For the best quality cling-wrap, choose Crestfield Wax PaperTM. When asked for the reason behind the secrecy, TheLedBalloon further elaborated on his earlier statement, saying, "FORD WAS RIGHT TO PARDON NIXON, DAMMIT! So take your goddamn liberal hippy goddamn elitist goddamn tax-raisings somewhere else!" Readers are reminded that Williams BrandTM is the preferred brand of hippy elitist tax-raisings by a 2-to-1 margin. Please stay tuned to the UnSignpost for further updates on the ad situation, the product placement situation, and how really, really terrible all of our articles are going to look with trademark tags mucking up the line spacing. Sonic Fever Hits Uncyclopedia By Joe9320 For the first time in 18 years - in fact, since the first Sonic game came to the USA in 1991 - Sonic Fever has again spread far and wide, and the age of Sonic is back! (Among several users on Uncyclopedia, at least). The first Golden Age of Sonic ran from 1993-1998. By 2001, Sonic was way past his prime, grumbling about how he "used to be a contender" and trying to hock his large collection of gold rings and emeralds for beer money. People no longer cared about Sonic. Then in 2008, a surge in Sonic Mania started again, but this time on the internet! It reached Uncyclopedia in 2009. Uncyclopedia Experts have determined that the mania will be short lived, and be replaced by Mario Fever, and then a resurgence in Pokémon Fever all within the next 3 years. Meanwhile, Twilight mania among teenage girls will continue to outstrip it. Enzo Aquarius declined to comment, for he was too busy for an interview. The UnSignpost imagines he'd probably have said something about Rouge The Bat being "hawt".

Check out these pages! Suffering voting withdrawal? This'll keep you happy for ages! So, do we collaborate... ...Or colonize? Decisions, decisions From our logs: 21:29, 15 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Thebigj2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (1. blanker. 2. I live 10 minutes from Anna Frank's house, ergo - you're trashing my neighbourhood) 17:55, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Flyingwombatperson (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (If Britain no longer exists, why can I still buy British Breakfast tea? HUH? ANSWER ME THAT, SMART GUY! (also don't blank pages, please)) 13:21, 13 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Gettgett (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Do I know you? No. Do I know your butt ugly friends? No. Do I CARE about you and your friends? NO. Do I think you are all bored and butt ugly. YES. Get the point? Get some good looking friends) Biopic of the Week What do you look for in an amphibian? Long hind legs, a short body, webbed digits (fingers or toes), protruding eyes and the absence of a tail? Or a large banstick, supercool admin powers, awesome writing skills, gratuitous profanity and minor homicidal tendencies? If you chose the first option, you need a regular frog. If you chose the second, you need TKF. (Just don't call him TFK). If you chose the third option, you aren't playing properly. The continuing saga of Cajek block of the week 15:09, Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Can you believe I haven't blocked you yet in 2009? Yeah, I know!) 07:40, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 hours (Thou shalt not be Cajek, though I suppose thou must, so I shall cut thou some slack) 17:50, 15 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 11 minutes ‎ ([edit/QuickEdit] Cajek (Talk • Contribs (del) • Editcount • BLOCK (rem-lst-all) • Logs • Groups • Checkuser) -- how Cajek on VFS looks to the sysops) 21:30, 11 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (Right you two - sod off, the chap had enough!) 21:06, 11 February 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 672 seconds ‎ (Oh that just fuckin' tears it Led. You hear me?! That fucking TEARS it! It's ON!)

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9001(bot)  18:19, Feb 19

Peeing Stuff

Hey UU, I have another question. Maybe I am stepping out of my place by asking but I will anyways. You are about to become a banner and you are gonna be really busy. I wanted to know if I could help out at all by doing that thing you do on that Pee sheet. That one where you decide what is good help and bad help. Just chip in whenever I have time you know? Maybe I need a bit more time on this site before I help out in that way but if it is cool with you, I'd love to learn how and help. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 00:13, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

Slow down there Tags mate! Let's not pre-empt any votes, who knows who's about to become what? It's a little more nailed-on that you're going to become RotM, which is the answer to your main question if you look at it: Steel Kidneys can update the list, check out new applicants, check reviews and generally do all the stuff that would make my life easier! What I'd suggest is you watch for the rest of the month when I update the list and see how I do it - there is the guide, but it is an annoyingly complicated process I can't think of a way to streamline, so it's worth making sure you know what you're doing before you get stuck in next month.

I'll be interested to see how long you last - Orian was champing at the bit to do it when he finally became a SK, and he lasted a couple of weeks before getting bored of it! But yeah, when your award is confirmed, you're welcome to get stuck in, and I'll be glad of the help! The only condition I make is that you're lenient with brand new reviewers, apply more rigorous standards to established ones, and are friendly and encouraging when having a word with serial offenders about improving their game. Cool? --UU - natter 09:03, Feb 20

Seriously, Tag it's excruitiating. Like fire only more precise. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:10 20 February 2009

Alright I have seen what you said to bad reviewers and will watch until the end of the month. I hope I last longer! Thanks UU. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 14:54, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

You won't. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:54 20 February 2009

Thanks for the support Orian... ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 14:57, 20 February 2009 (UTC)

Anytime :) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:58 20 February 2009

Now that you're a member of the non-existant cabal

Memorize these links: Uncyclopedia:Ban Patrol Uncyclopedia:QuickVFD Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion Uncyclopedia:Maintenance Special:NewPages Special:BrokenRedirects Special:DoubleRedirects Special:NewImages

and study them every day, 74 times a day. Also, get Spang's auto-delete script, which I'm too lazy to find. And also, penis. -RAHB 11:03, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks RAHB. Of course, I patrol most of those anyway, but it's nice to have it officially confirmed! ;-) --UU - natter 16:49, Feb 21

Hey, congratulations on your sysop'ation. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 11:09, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Thanks. I promise faithfully to only joke ban you occasionally, if I feel like it. --UU - natter 16:49, Feb 21

Yeh! Gratz mate. As an admin I thought you could have a better looking user page though =P Cheers to you! --kit 11:15, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Shiny userpages are sooooo last year. Also, thanks. --UU - natter 16:49, Feb 21

/me bows to new overloard. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:42 21 February 2009

/me strokes shiny new banstick reflectively (no, that's not a euphemism) then decides not to use it on Orian. Ever. Probably. --UU - natter 16:44, Feb 21

Bloody heck! MrN 12:45, Feb 21

Oh, yes. Deja-vu. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 12:50, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

WOO CONGRATS

Gratz on the oppage, my friend. What are you going to do now? —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:13, 21 February 2009 (UTC)'

What, you too? Well hot damn! Maybe Uncyclopedia isn't the worst after all. Congratumalations and whatnot. -OptyC Sucks! CUN15:30, 21 Feb

@Sys - thanks. I plan to abuse my powers and go on a rampage of unprecedented proportions. Well, that or just carry on as i normally do, but with added 'tard banning. I haven't fully decided yet. @OptyC - thanks. And good to see you about the place again, I don't believe I've said that yet. --UU - natter 16:51, Feb 21

Yay! I told you you would be an Op, I just knew it. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 17:07, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

I'd like to second that motion! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:30 21 February 2009

Congratulations from me, too! • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} 22:05, Feb 21

In honor of your oppage

And since now I can slack off completely, I got mass effect. Congrats! ~ 18:10, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

All this talk of Mass Effect makes me want to bust out my copy and start playing that game again. I borrowed it from a friend and then his father smashed his 360 so it became mine. That made the game all the more enjoyable. =] —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:04, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, I saw where you told that story on another talk page somewhere. It never gets old. Anyway, I am now on my third playthrough of the thing, this time on legendary difficulty. You could argue I should have started on that, being hard as nails as I am, but meh. Also I really hope you don't hate the game now Mordillo! --UU - natter 19:11, Feb 21

Since you're an op now, I'll ignore what I initially perceived as sarcasm. I like my stories. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:15, 21 February 2009 (UTC)

And 48 hours later with no sleep, no food, and barely time to pee, yes, I like the game UU, thanks very much. Mordillia however, asked for your address. I'd look under your car in the near future if I were you. ~ 08:43, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Mrs UU is seriously considering hiding the disc, I believe. Also, how irritating is this: just as I get opped, we get a massive rush order at work and I'm having to work flat out. Man, my opping is gonna seem like a really bad idea this week! Still, normal service will resume shortly. Promise! --UU - natter 11:11, Feb 23

I can always undo it that will serve you better...O_O. Also, how annoying is the fact, that I can continue my sleepless nights for a few days since I'm going to France. Bloody Frenchmen!! ~ 11:14, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Zut alors! --UU - natter 11:21, Feb 23

Merde! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 11:27, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

I don't know if you remember this...

...but a while ago you said my next challenge should be to get three features. Today is the glorious day and now I can be on that chart. How do I do that though? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:02, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Do you mean Uncyclopedia:Hall of Shame? You can edit that page. Copy what the other guys have done and add yourself in. Also... Hi UU! MrN 01:07, Feb 23

Thanks MrN! ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:13, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

RAHB's penis. Also, Hi UU! —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:17, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

My next challenge is gonna have to be to get myself some kind of site meme - I can't hold my head up high as an admin without one. Any suggestions? Also, hi everyone! --UU - natter 11:15, Feb 23

Maybe something with that double U of yours? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 11:22, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Or should I call them your tits? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 11:24, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

MANBOOBS! >:) -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 11:32, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Please. Muubs. Carefully cultivated. --UU - natter 11:39, Feb 23

Cultivated, watered, and planted? Ok, M-UU-bs it is. BTW, I really should be headed for bed sometime before dawn. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 11:44, 23 February 2009 (UTC)

Hea!

Where you going! Come back!!! MrN 22:15, Feb 23

Bed. Mrs UU wants an early night... --UU - natter 22:18, Feb 23

• Shakes fist!* MrN 22:20, Feb 23

UU!

It's a disaster! Look at how long the pee list is! And it is only medium sized because like 20 crappy reviews have been put out! Is there anything we can do?!?!?! I'm gonna review like crazy now. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 00:05, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

It happens sometimes - it's weird, the list gets long and everyone worries, then in a month or two there'll be nothing on it, and everyone congratulates themselves - kind of cyclical. I want to get a couple of reviews done myself soon, but I'm sure things will calm down again soon. --UU - natter 08:59, Feb 24

Problem solved! We have someone ripping through those pee requests as we speak! Maybe I can squeeze in a rare review before there's none left.--    18:07, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

I fucked your mother

Its doing exactly the same as with the nomination I really cannot get this to work at all, is it broken or something? --Projectmayhem666 12:13, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Ooo, interesting. Dunno. I'll create it properly manually for you, then call SPANG SUPPORT! --UU - natter 12:16, Feb 24

Thanks. --Projectmayhem666 12:19, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Here it is. Watchlist that, and ask someone who isn't me on this page for a review to guarantee a good one. Good luck! --UU - natter 12:21, Feb 24

House of Leaves

UU, sorry to intrude and all, but I saw you put an "Ugly" tag on the House of Leaves article earlier today, and I just thought I would register a bit of protest on behalf of whoever wrote it since he hasn't reappeared since posting it. It isn't really ugly - the formatting is intentional, it's a visual gag and you sort of have read the book to get it. Anyway, maybe it should be in "Category:Articles about a person written in the style of that person", but IMO it shouldn't have the "Ugly" tag. If anything, it should probably get an award!  c • > • cunwapquc? 23:57, 24 February 2009 (UTC)

Since UU is a big tough Op now, he doesn't have time for these simple questions, so I have to answer for him. It is very short, the footnotes are as long as the writing itself. The pictures are at the same place, both are black. There is one section and an intro. Some may find the way it is written funny, but even intentional messy writing can be done...well cleaner and more professionally. In fact, for messyness to be funny, it should be done in a clean manner. I know that is confusing, but its what I think on the matter. And by the way, UU will answer your question despite his business because he is amazing. Just give him time... ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 01:32, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

Fair enough, if you think the tag should be changed, go for it - as Tagstit says, it is pretty short, and to my mind it needed some kind of tag, but I didn't want to add anything like rewrite - possibly I should have gone with expand. But yeah, you know what you're doing, some user, so do as you see fit there! As for you Tags - the late reply is nothing to do with business, everything to do with sleep! ;-) --UU - natter 09:09, Feb 25

Sleep is business! ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 15:37, 25 February 2009 (UTC)

Hope

You like the changes... MrN 15:35, Feb 25

Cheers =D

This is my happy face Unlike this monkey you appreciated my article. Nerds all around the world are rejoicing and praising you as their newest Captain. Thank you for voting! The Force is strong within you.

Thanks

I love the biopic. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 09:31, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

No problem. I hope you also appreciate the joke ban for sneaking an early peek! --UU - natter 09:37, Feb 26

Am I not allowed to do that? I did add a missing ")" to the issue. Also, the ban felt great! Woohoo! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 09:42, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

I don't think there are still any missing punctuation marks or anything. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 10:24, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

Though it might be possible that Gerrycheevers comes to bother you if he still wants to add a little something. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 10:26, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

UnSignpost 26th February 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

February 26, 2009 • Issue 36 • Picking the poppy seeds of truth from the teeth of the news

Imperial Coloni(s|z)ation For Glorification of Motherwiki By Gerrycheevers Imperial Colonization made yet another triumphant return this week, after several months of languishing, inactivity, and Richard Nixon. Upon a general query from an annoying masked UnSignpost writer, another anonymous user stepped up and took control. That anonymous user is SysRq. Forums were created, ideas were exchanged, and the Cajek search party was sent out again. Only the last one was in vain, as an all-new Colonisation page was rolled out last week. Uncyclopedians wasted no time in signing up and nominating their first target: the utter garbage pile that was Al Gore. Previously containing banal tripe such as Manbearpig references, internet invention claims, lockbox bollocks, and other assorted drivel, the article is now, according to an official Colonization spokesman, "well on its way to not sucking." Future Colonisations have been lined up as well, leading this reporter to believe that this time around, Colonization is here to stay, even moreso that Manforman or the Poison Pee template. It looks as if the article on Jews is next on the Colonisation docket, since all articles relating to that topic are "utter bilge, consumed with hateful pointlessness and also secretly controlled by Jews." British Infiltration of Non-Existent Cabal Continues at VFS by UU Talking of organisations secretly controlled by Jews, the non-existent Uncyclopedia Cabal was expanded ahead of schedule to the tune of two brand new British admins at the weekend. The early opping was due to two factors, firstly, an unprecedented landslide, with two candidates polling so many votes that the final round was rendered an irrelevance, and secondly, new 'crat Mordillo being impatient to use his whizzy new powers to op the new admins before Codeine or Mhaille beat him to it. The most votes were polled by MrN9000, and your USP can't think of a more deserving recipient of a shiny new banstick. He's already thrown himself into his new role with gusto, banning, deleting, featuring and the like with gusto, and proudly declaring "I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing", thus showing he has as much grasp of the role already as any other admin. The numbers were made up by fellow limey Under user, who has been keen to get started using his whizzy new powers, but has been limited to mainly joke bans so far by MrN's astounding competence and annoying habit of doing all the work. UU was unavailable for comment (which is odd, seeing as he's writing this), but his wife had this to say: "you bastards! Do you have any idea what you've done? I'll be lucky to see him for more than about half an hour a week now!" She wasn't joking.

Check out these pages! Is this something to do with us being the worst? I want candy No pain, no gain From our logs new admins bumper special: 05:09, 24 February 2009 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.207.115.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Blocking you for a day because I feel like it (and also because you blanked California)) 19:44, 21 February 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a slightly torn pair of pants ‎ (Happy adminship, fucker <3) 16:40, 21 February 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a brand new pair of admin pants ‎ (let's see, who to ban first... Cajek? Too obvious. Mordillo? See last comment. MrN? Yeah! Oh, and about damn time you got this - how come they gave it to me too?) 10:58, 21 February 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (his first ban is the crat who gave him powers. my sort of chap) 10:54, 21 February 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Rogue Admin) 10:15, 21 February 2009 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.184.94.78 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Ne habla gibberish) Biopic of the Week Sockpuppetry is normally frowned on here at Uncyclopedia, with bans routinely handed out to those who transgress. There are no exceptions. The exception, of course, is Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, a sock who seems to have its head sewn on the right way, or at least drawn on with permanent marker in the right way. He makes his presence felt by fighting vandalism wherever it rears its ugly head, and generally making himself helpful around the wiki. A helpful sockpuppet? Got to be one of the signs of an impending apocalypse! Explanation of the week This week, there will be no Cajek ban of the week. This is because Manticore decided to ban him in the hope of making it into your UnSignpost, and we're not gonna give that big ol' whore the satisfaction. You hear me, Manty? YOU'RE NEVER GETTING IN THIS... Oh shit.

Judges Wanted! The next PLS is impending, and the are still judging slots unfilled. Hv is looking for users who are opinionated, who think that those opinions matter, and who want to give the benefit of those opinions to many in the form of passing judgement on articles. Enjoy the temporary sensation of power! Impress your friends! Alienate those whose articles you don't favour! Sign up now! UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:32, Feb 26

Also, UU, why don't you just combine contributing to Uncyclopedia with pleasing your wife? I've always wondered why people want to separate things. Go to work or look after your kids... Don't play games while you're doing your homework... Why not both at the same time? Take your kids to work! Have some fun while doing your homework! Combining stuff is the way to do it! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 11:45, 26 February 2009 (UTC)

I could be wrong though... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 22:11, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Completely unrelated to SoaUU's comment, but it's related to the UnSignpost, so: Thanks muchly for the free advertising. It got us two extra judges, so I'm considering it a smashing success. Only seven more to go! You never know, this thing might actually start on time after all... –—Hv (talk) 26/02 22:30

No problem. and it's three now - I'm in, and I'll be scrutinising everything with an intense scrute. --UU - natter 10:23, Feb 27

J'Accuse!

I have photographic evidence of your involvement in the Cabal!!! DON'T YOU DARE DENY IT!!!! Sir Not A Good Username360 KUN 01:17, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

I dare. I deny what I will, for I am that kind of individual. I particularly deny anything said with multiple exclamation marks. --UU - natter 10:29, Feb 27 10:29, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Oh? Well then, deny THIS! *holds up very incriminating evidence* Sir Not A Good Username360 KUN 21:54, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Ohhkayy. *Holds up flamethrower. Incinerates so-called "evidence".* I refer you to my previous comment. --UU - natter 22:46, Feb 27

Hmm... now we see the benifits of the flameproof photo paper I used... also, it is bullet, slash, Grue, spy, sarcasm, and Chuck Norris-proof. For the lawyer in everyone. Sir Not A Good Username360 KUN 00:21, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Hey, Not A Good Usename360, there is no Cabal! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 00:24, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Then what is... THIS?!? Sir Not A Good Username360 KUN 01:13, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Heh, heh. Told you I had pictures of your involvement. What do you say to rhat, UU? Sir Not A Good Username360 KUN 01:21, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

VFS

For your vote in VFS You have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage within Uncyclopedia's borders if Zionist domination is eventually established. Rabbi Techno

'Twas a shame there could only be two, in my opinion. Next time, Rabbi, next time. --UU - natter 14:15, Feb 27

ICU

You just ICU'd an article that was an exact duplicate from Wikipedia, as explained on QVFD. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 15:17, 27 February 2009 (UTC)

Yes. Sometimes people use Wikipedia articles as a base for their own, starting off with the copy/paste, then changing them. They had made a change or so - not great changes, but changes nonetheless, so I was using the ICU template in the proper spirit - to give 'em a chance to get it right, but ensuring it won't be missed if they don't. I explained that quite well in the fix reason I gave, I thought. Oh, hang on, I fucked up the ICU. Man, do I ever suck. Good job I don't have any responsibilities round here, huh? --UU - natter 15:26, Feb 27

We're done!

Ready when you are, chief. Don't hate the player, hate the game. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:59, 28 February 2009 (UTC)

Spelling error in feature

It should be "exceedingly", not "exeedingly". -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 10:19, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Thanks for fixing it. Cheers! -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 17:09, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Another thingy

There's a red link linking to "Data" which was deleted. Maybe it can be linked to some other article? -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 10:32, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

It's not that much of an issue though... -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 17:08, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh yeah, I totally missed this didn't I? Suggestion for the future: if you see something like that, and admins are being too lazy to correct it, why not create the page in question as a redirect to something worthwhile? --UU - natter 15:52, Mar 2

I'd like to file a formal complaint

While you removed the UOTM nomination template of my page you denied me of my second Goldstein! For shame! ~ 10:50, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Heyyyy, I'm trying to get round to everything this morning. I only have one laptop! --UU - natter 10:54, Mar 1

Well, get yourself another mister! Better yet, hire Mrs. UU as deputy adminess. Another fact of the day - did you know that we had a real couple working this place a while back? They even had a joint feature. ~ 10:59, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

She did consider creating an account last month, to vote against me being an admin... --UU - natter 11:00, Mar 1

I'll give her Mordillia's number. She'll help her cope. Why doesn't women understand that we need to do...stuff? ~ 11:02, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

For the same reason we don't understand why it takes three hours to get ready to go out, even when you're just going down the pub. Speaking of which, I think we're off for a nice, traditional English pub lunch - she's just about ready now... --UU - natter 12:49, Mar 1

Who were they? Also hey UU! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:46 1 March 2009

Trivia fact you didn't care to know #12542: It's exactly two years since my first Goldestein :) ~ 18:51, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

I did want to know that and I still want to know who the couple were! ...Please? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:15 1 March 2009

I'd like to know it as well, as a matter of fact. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 19:18, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Third drive-by comment making sure you note my own curiosity about this matter. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:20, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

That would be HerrDoktor and FoxyBabe ~ 21:27, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh, I remember HerrDoktor. Didn't know FoxyBabe was HerrDoktor'sBabe. —Sir SysRq (talk) 21:29, 1 March 2009 (UTC)

Thank you!

Good day, old chap! Thank you indeed for your vote on my article, UnBooks:Hot Japanese Girls - Colourblind or Unable to Speak English?. As a sterling reward, I will not deliberately make this text extremely tiny around these pictures of some rather cracking Japanese girls I've supplied for you. ... I say, are you still there, old boy?

Also UU, thanks for the review you did back in december or thereabouts. ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 15:39, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Whats this

A zombie poopsmith?--Sycamore (Talk) 15:49, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Nah, just a reflex action... --UU - natter 15:53, Mar 2

He comes back from the dead to eat your poo. There are worse zombies... MrN 15:53, Mar 2

UU is a rather spiffing Zombie, he offers Pimms before consuming you brain. Ta ta;)--Sycamore (Talk) 15:57, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

How pleasant. I only hope that once I'm undead I'll be just as pleasant as UU. —Sir SysRq (talk) 16:48, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Thank you berry much!

Thank you berry much! Thank you berry much! Instead of some Golden Shower or lame ass Ninjastar, I feel the need to bestow upon you this berry! You rocked that Pee Review despite our impatience, and for that I created this entirely new template just for you. Much love, —Sir SysRq (talk)

Oh, and checkit the changes I made to Al Gore. And yes, I am too shy to self-nom. Or am I? I'll let you find out yourself. —Sir SysRq (talk) 23:20, 2 March 2009 (UTC)

Cool, my vote shall be bestowed shortly. --UU - natter 10:33, Mar 3

A Template of Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article

Your support is greatly appreciated.

Guildensternenstein

---

What?

You dare to block Tom Mayfair??? Don't flamewars get started over that sort of thing? ~Formerly Annoying Crap 09:51, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Ah, the man's got enough of a sense of humour, from what I remember. Of course, I don't remember much, being incredibly ancient in internet-years, so it's entirely possible I'm wrong and he will hate me and flame-grill my ass. But then, if an admin can't joke ban another admin, it's a pretty poor show (as Mordillo just proved). And, I'm more active than him, so it's entirely possible he won't even notice! ;-) --UU - natter 09:57, Mar 3

Wow, you guys are really starting to take me seriously, aren't you? ;P ~Formerly Annoying Crap 10:11, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

I take everything on the internets seriously, it's the only way to be sure. This is how I know I am incredibly popular, am due to be extremely wealthy as soon as seven separate members of the Nairobi Royal Family get back to me, and shall eternally be teh n00bzors. I think. --UU - natter 10:32, Mar 3

Scandalous omission of 4 tildes

Thanks for your msg, I completely forgot to add my tildes, then the page gave me that bloody 'page not saved/you've been logged out' message, so when I'd sorted it and saved the page I forgot to add my tildes again. It's my age, I think. Anyhoo, did you actually read my (inadvertently anonymous) addition? It's a bit ironic that it was that particular entry I should omit to sign, I thought. I'll ignore the splinter in the eyes of others and set about removing this whacking great log from my own eye then, shall I?! Have a positively lovely rest-of-the-day. Codeye 11:52, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Hey, no problem - I have forgotten to sign when adding that tilde template before, taking both incompetence and irony to new heights! I read most of it, and as I say, I'm not here to stop you adding what you like to the Nottingham article as long as it doesn't cross the line. I lived there for 20 years, and it has it coming, as far as I'm concerned - knock yourself out, give it hell! --UU - natter 11:59, Mar 3

I think I might have been concieved in Nottingham. if that had happened ten years (or so) later that might have been my name. Also while I'm here Regret did something to my talk page, ban him. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:03 3 March 2009

And could you sort it out too because I can't find what he's changed. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:06 3 March 2009

I don't know that it's what he's changed, specifically - I think it's to do with the change to the new parser - see here. I'd suggest checking the templates and suchlike that you use on your page, and manually checking that every tag you <open> has a matching </close> tag. It'll take a while, and I really don't have time to do it myself, but it'll almost certainly fix it. If you can't find anything, ask Sannse if she has time to help, or remove all templates and extra coding stuff from the page, see if that fixes it, then add them back one at a time until it breaks again. Alternatively, try redecorating it - whatever tickles your fancy! --UU - natter 12:15, Mar 3

But it must have been RT he was the last to edit my page! Burn him! BURN HIM I SAY!!! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:17 3 March 2009

How do you know he is a witch? --UU - natter 12:22, Mar 3

He's obviously made of wood. ~ 12:26, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

OH THAT IS QUITE LITERALLY THE FUNNIEST JOKE EVER! I GET IT! He's a witch because he's made of wood and all trees were once witches! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH LOL!!!! erm anyway. The preview button isn't working either. It shows me the page (with no apparen't changes) but the edit box and save button aren't comming up, yet the tab at teh top still says I'm editing. I do not understand this at all. And what's a parser? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:44 3 March 2009

UU, I think Orian is officially off your talk page. He didn't get it. ~ 12:46, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

I did too! Stop being so childish! :( ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:47 3 March 2009

A parser is the thing that converts the code in the page into what you see on the screen. The previous one was more tolerant of bad, broken or fucked html. This new one seems to be less so. I see the thing with the preview, it also affects trying to look at comparisons in the history. The only thing you can do, I think, is strip out all of the code bits and templates completely, leaving just the talk page comments, then put the code bits back one by one until something breaks again, and you should have identified your culprit. Then it's a tedious case of finding why it's broken, almost certainly a missing tag closing something, and putting it right. Good luck! Now, go further your education. --UU - natter 12:54, Mar 3

Chucklesome. And fuck it. I can't be bothered right now I'm going to watch Shameless. And if you don't like that then... well then I suppose you don't like it. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:03 3 March 2009

My Favourite Presidents

Nicely done. :-) Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 15:24, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

I've just started... --UU - natter 15:58, Mar 3

I reckon you're better off keeping the redirect, personally. Seems to be the best idea for any page with an English/American spelling issue in the title. Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 16:02, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh yeah, I'm keeping that redirect. And I'll look at adding Gorge Woshingtun and Barry Obarma soon enough. --UU - natter 16:08, Mar 3

This page is filled with stuff >_> Disorder 15:26, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

Riiiiight. --UU - natter 15:58, Mar 3

BOO!!! dipity dee/ it's only me/ boobity boo/ I scared you/ Click on the light theres nothing there/ everything vanished in the air... ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:37 3 March 2009

Very small text. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 16:40, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

DON'T IGNORE ME! THIS IS WHERE I COME TO DUMP MY ERRATIC EMOTIONS!!! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:44 3 March 2009

Not quite so small now I fixed the html juju, is it, Socky? --UU - natter 16:45, Mar 3

Apparently so. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 16:47, 3 March 2009 (UTC)

I have feelings you know! Also can I point out just how funny it would be if you and Mordillo got married and had a baby, because then you could call it U-jew -- kinda like Eugine but less spotty. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:50 3 March 2009

There you go, I fixed your pages - you didn't close a span tag in your title sig, as I suspected. You may now thank me at length, but I'm off for a bath. Until tomorrow, tatty byes. --UU - natter 21:49, Mar 3

Thank UU!

Wow, just got some deja vUU... Anywho.

~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:07 3 March 2009

Hey, it's what I do! --UU - natter 11:49, Mar 4

On Banning Orian

I want people to mess with my page. I'm sick of it being all organized and whatnot. So... i dunno, use your admin powers to give him 3 minutes of un-ban... er... something. -- REGRETTENENBAUMIS DEAD TALK! 00:15, 5 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh that's so cute. Your standing up and fighting for me. aww. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 02:44 5 March 2009

UnSignpost 5th March 09

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

March 5, 2009 • Issue 37 • The News, Smelted to 93% Purity!

New parser causes havoc by requiring Uncyclopedians to get things right by UU The latest Mediawiki update imposed on Uncyclopedia by its despotic overlords, Wikia, has had a catastrophic effect. The new parser, described by UnSignpost technical expert Gerrycheevers as "little gnomes in your browser that run between HTML tags to produce the proper effect in between" has thrown the formatting of quite literally some Uncyclopedia pages completely out of kilter. Resident tame Wikia staffer Sannse tried to explain: "bad HTML is the most likely cause of errors. But there are some other changes that might cause errors. For example, the way that some complex parser tags work has changed. The best thing to do is to look for HTML problems first (not forgetting that the errors are often in templates used on the page). Then, if you can't find it, hassle anyone you know who knows HTML and wikimarkup better than you (nah, not going to link some poor guy). Then, if you can't find it, hassle me to find help (Uberfuzzy is on standby to assist where needed). Again I'd suggest that the template author should be the person who knows how to make it work!" Most Uncyclopedians had already gone cross-eyed by this point, but she gamely continued: "Don't forget that you can use Special:ParserDiffTest as a help in finding exactly what's different on a page. A lot of the changes don't mean anything. For example, on this page the only differences are to class and section titles. But this one shows problems with center and div tags (the last two green sections on the div)". Your USP offers the following, less confusing advice: if you open any kind of tag in html like <this>, you have to close it again, like </this> before the end of your page. And if you open more then one tag, be sure to close them in the right order <like><this></this></like>. Then shit should not get fucked up. The gnomes were unavailable for comment. February '... of the Month' Awards Hoedown by Gerrycheevers Well, February is over, and that means it's time to look back at the shortest month of the year and make fun of people who won awards during that month, for they have only won 90.32% as much recognition as those who won the award during a robust 31-day month. Let's get started with... DrStrange, our newest Writer of the Month, fresh off his NotM victory in December, is a welcome addition to our close, close family of editors who have never had any physical contact with each other. Since joining, the good doctor has written several featured articles, and is well on his way to another. He has enjoyed perhaps the quickest transition ever from NotM to WotM, but don't expect us to go looking things up to confirm that. February's Uncyclopedian of the Month was our lovable Wikia dictator, Sannse. Donning her staff hat and Wikia mystic power staff, Sannse always manages to be polite and cheery, even when sending vandal IPs to their doom, tacking notices to the corkboard in the Uncyc break room that incite site-wide user rebellion, and crushing the earlier mentioned site-wide user rebellions. Our N00b of the Month was a chap by the name of Guildensternenstein, which we have come to believe is some sort of undead monster from a Shakespeare play. His impressive work in his short time here, along with his other helpful contributions such as dropping by Pee Review and Imperial Colonisation from time to time, should quiet up those doomsayers who say "we don't have any good n00bs anymore" for quite some time.

Check out these pages! Masturbating Monkey Hang on, someone really tried it? {{username}} strikes again again From our logs: 09:02, 5 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.160.35.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (thanks for your thoughtful and insightful additions, and your considerate removing of content, you win a free day off! (don't blank)) 13:36, 3 March 2009 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a torah, two bagels and a large blue yamulke ‎ (Unblocked too early. I suspect a Jewish conspiracy!) 19:28, 2 March 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked MTTB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (possibly one day people will start reading messages I leave for them on the talk page. YOU. DO. NOT. REVERT. ME. WITHOUT. TALKING. WITH. ME.) 06:44, 2 March 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.225.120.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And I'm going to rape you if you don't shut up. *takes his first ever swig of Jack Daniels, throws up*) Biopic of the Week Optimuschris ~ "Having been around for a while now, Opty deserves some recognition," said the newest UnSignpost intern, pictured at the right. He went on in his monotonous, metallic voice: "He has a featured article and another in the works. He contributes to bettering the site via Pee Review and Imperial Colonization." We were going to agree with the robot-ish fellow, but when we turned back, he was gone. But there was a refrigerator there we hadn't noticed before... Old-School Featured Article of the Week The Keep Your Finger In The Box Game has been a smash hit among the rainy-day crowd since its introduction to America in 1954. Despite the title of the game, the object is to not take your finger out of the box before your opponent does. The article contains a rich history of the game, as well as a detailed strategy list involving cats, seduction, and urine-filled projectiles. Cajek ban of the week None. Seriously, it hasn't happened. Not banning Cajek is the new banning Cajek. New poopsmith of the week RabbiTechno has taken up his new position as co-processor of shit on the wiki alongside some scrote whose name escapes us briefly - perhaps because he hinted he wanted a story about himself in this edition. The good Rabbi has so far been diligently watching his sidekick do all the donkey work, while conducting the far harder task of making sure it has all been done properly. He exclusively didn't tell the Signpost: "yup, looks good enough to me".

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  14:11, Mar 6

So um...

How exactly is it determined when an article gets featured? Or is it simply the whim of whomever is doing the featuring? It's just Neurotic and the song have both been up more than a month now (at least 12 days longer than anything else) and I was kinda wondering what's gonna happen to them. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:40 6 March 2009

Simple: featuring is decided by whatever has the highest vote score when the next feature is added to the queue. In the event of a tie, I think it's the article that's been on the queue longer. Currently your articles have scores of 9 and 10, and there are 4 articles with higher scores, so they won't be featured just yet. And with 26% health, Neurotic is likely to get quasied tomorrow as it'll be removed due to low health. Wait a while then renom is your best bet. Or whore like you never whored before, whichever works for you (apart from whoring on this page of course, which is now a bannable offense - abuse of power? Me?) --UU - natter 14:51, Mar 6

Personally, I never remove until the health drops below 20 percent... Also my first true hate edits!. I now truly feel like an admin. Lovely day ain't it? No seriously, it's a lovely day here! :) MrN 15:02, Mar 6

I is jealous - the closest I've yet had was just a visit from Grawp, which hardly counts. Note to self: be more hard-line. --UU - natter 15:09, Mar 6

I've only had my userpage vandalized twice. I can only dream of having hate edits... —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:15, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

/me flicks paper spitwad at Sys--Sycamore (Talk) 15:16, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

Thank you, Syc, at least that's something. —Sir SysRq (talk) 15:22, 6 March 2009 (UTC)

I've had hate edits. If you just make a big deal about you sexuality you get it the whole time. I even get them in real life sometimes. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:55 6 March 2009

So,Umm more questions..

May I firstly make it clear that I'm not just some kind of N00b or something? I'm just 'registered ignorant' and I can get a note from my Dr. to prove it if you like. :) What's the 'health of articles' bit all about, please? How do I find out what the 'scores' are for the pages I have written? I assume 'whoring' means to post something like this: Please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please give me a good score/support my nomination to become 'featured' etc?! (PLEASE NOTE THAT THIS IS JUST AN EXAMPLE OF WHAT I IMAGINE 'WHORING' ENTAILS AND NOT ACTUAL, BANNABLE REAL-LIFE 'WHORING'!) I have written pages that I've had pee reviewed and everything, and I've edited/added to hundreds of pages, so I feel kinda stupid and excluded because I still live in Nottingham don't understand what the hell's going on. Thanks.

Problem

I finished Mass Effect. I feel lost, what will I do now? ~ 09:58, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Well, if you're as sad as me, give it a day or two, then plunge back in on the hardest difficulty setting you've unlocked, and play it through completely differently (take every major decision the other way, play as a female - don't worry, you don't have to shag the bloke, cop off with the Asari ;-) ) because the sequel, due out this year, apparently uses your save file from the first one, and every major decision you made affects the second game. Alternatively, take Mordillia somewhere nice to make up for the lack of contact recently! --UU - natter 10:03, Mar 7

I'm sure you are talking about a computer game right? Also... Did you see User:MR9000Ns??? Whoever did it even did all the sup pages from my menu... It's amazing, someone put a lot of effort in. Each page has been completely re-written. I now have a stalker. Top that! We both know who it probably is... MrN 10:54, Mar 7

XBOX my good sir, XBOX. Also UU, I've restarted it, this time vowing to be a complete and utter arse, and maybe get BOTH the Asari and the Human. I'm sure there is a way, and I intend to find it!

Also, this time I have to keep Wrex alive. Do you have any other RPGs you can recommend? Don't let Mordillia see this question though :) ~ 10:57, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Interesting - this time, I have to let Wrex die. Make sure you have full charm or intimidate and you should be ok - it may help to have found his family armour on one of the planets somewhere or other (helpful, I know!) I wish I knew more I could recommend, but due to extreme cash flow problems, I'm unable to purchase any right now. --UU - natter 12:07, Mar 7

I'm gonna get this game fairly soon I hope. Also I'm really looking forward to Resident Evil 5, that looks awsome, probably. I'm basically relying on it being as good as four. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 13:28 7 March 2009

I think I can do this...

You left out one of my articles I reviewed...Dr.Tran. I will try to put it in there. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 16:51, 7 March 2009 (UTC)

Thankees.

Achtung! Your support for the Nazi party has been documented. Danke shein. That vill be all.

-OptyC Sucks! CUN18:01, 7 Mar

Tanks UU!

I Told Her Thanks For Voting To Feature Private Eye But she looked at me like I was wearing orange in the St Patrick's Day parade. I wasn't sure if that was fog behind me or if my favorite place for take-out Chinese food had just went up in flames but I knew that I'd better make this quick either way. "You were great, kid" I told her but her facial expression never changed. She kicked off her heels and put on a pair of roller skates but she looked about as comfortable in them as a woodpecker in the petrified forest. She took one last drag off her cigarette, blew the smoke in my face, flicked the butt at my feet and rolled away into the night - leaving me standing there like a wide screen TV on layaway. I took another sniff of the air and now I was sure, Chang's Wok Inn was definitely on fire and it looked like it was going to be another night of hamburger helper and "Juggs" magazine..............................

I appreciate you stepping up and pushing me on the formatting issue, the result is that I've learned an enormous amount about what I'm doing here which will lead to better articles.--    11:49, 8 March 2009 (UTC)

Is there...

Something wrong with Mrs. UU? ~ 09:51, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

She's shortly to undergo a biopsy on a rather nasty growth to see if it's something really serious or not. So we'll see... --UU - natter 09:59, Mar 9

Damn, I'll keep my fingers crossed as well...~ 10:03, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Aye, my thoughts are with you both. Hope it's nothing too serious, yeah? —Sir SysRq (talk) 14:10, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Just like to echo the above thoughts. Hope everything goes OK. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:29 9 March 2009

Same... MrN 15:40, Mar 9

Same here too, hope everything's alright. –—Hv (talk) 9/03 16:25

Likewise - hope its nothing serious. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 16:39, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

I wish Mrs. UU (and all the people above) the best. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 18:08, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Signed. Best wishes. -OptyC Sucks! CUN14:55, 10 Mar

Thanks folks. As I have been telling her all along, they've confirmed it's basically nothing. But she's been on the internets scaring herself shitless with horror stories of all kinds. I'd ban her from the web but she does most of it at work, largely because I already monopolise the connection at home. Anyway, it's all good, so I'll be back in full effect tomorrow. Nice to know y'all care though (you can stop pretending now). --UU - natter 21:37, Mar 10

I WAS THE FIRST ONE AFTER MORDILLO SO FHUK U POSERS —Sir SysRq (talk) 17:47, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Would you? Reallly fuck me? I'll go take a shit first but just you wait there... ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:03 9 March 2009

Goddamn Uncyclopedians have no respect. What if it were your wife? How would you like it if two guys started shagging on your talk page then, eh? —Sir SysRq (talk) 18:05, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Orian having a wife? That would totally blow my mind. -Sockpuppet of an unregistered user 18:09, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

You're making me scared and uncomfortable. Sorry UU I realise I've been insensitive. I'll leave now, Daddy will punish me. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:34 9 March 2009

You're damn right I'll punish you. Right here in front of your own mama, since that's the only way I'm gonna get off anyways. —Sir SysRq (talk) 19:31, 9 March 2009 (UTC)

Are you my mummy? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:39 9 March 2009

This place is becming a whorehouse. Also, UU, glad to hear all is well. Get her a pint on me. ~ 22:42, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

Are you my mummy? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:44 10 March 2009

No, Luke, I am your father. ~ 22:46, 10 March 2009 (UTC)

Oh, did you grow a willy so youu could be like uncle Ray? You must really love eachother. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:49 10 March 2009

Purim

Mad Mike "Moishe" Tyson does it, so you should too!

Yes - it's Purim already, so be like
Mike and eat some ears today!

It's the only time of year when being a Jew is fun!
Chag Purim Sameach from Rabbi Techno

---

OK, so you're not Jewish. Who cares? This is a great excuse to get drunk.

Inactivity

I was hit by a car while cycling, after suffering a shattered wrist and some head injuries, I'm in a cast for 6 weeks and can barely type, please don't think I've left or not reviewing I'll even send you a picture as my nose is broken too which is quite ick, although my cast is red woo! --—The preceding signed comment was added by Projectmayhem666 (talk • contribs). 00:08, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

...shit, dude, that's....BADASS. WOO you're like fucking Jack Bauer! —Sir SysRq (talk) 01:43, 11 March 2009 (UTC)

Woah. Mate, take care of yourself, best wishes for a speedy recovery, and see you when you're back. We'll keep your seat at the back of the bus warm! --UU - natter 10:20, Mar 11

Today is a special day!

It may have started as a little turd, but you helped make it into an award winning pile! ~Formerly Annoying Crap 08:40, 11 March 2009 (UTC)