User talk:Orian57/Archive 13

Ass grabbing

And you love it. You know you do. ~ 07:33, 27 April 2009 (UTC)

Oh I do, You know I do. /Me takes things further. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 07:44 27 April 2009

Thing

Can you believe it? Next week the Signpost celebrates its first birthday! I'm trying to pull something together featuring comments from regular contributors and editors and the like. You knocked out a couple of issues, so you count - do you have any comments for me to misconstrue in an amusing manner in our bumper special edition? --UU - natter 11:23, Apr 28

I count! Really, I count! *sniff* Thank you so much for making me feel so necessary. As for the USP, well I think it's a been a great help in bonding together this community. And it's made things more interesting, what with everyone trying to do news worthy things just to get their names in the paper. Or something, I can't manufacture funny under pressure and this is pressure because you're gonna put this in the paper just to humiliate me now, aren't you? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:26 28 April 2009

You have a week. That's enough time to come up with a witticism fine enough to make a statue guffaw. Although I might put that in anyway, we'll see if I get time and the whim takes me that way. --UU - natter 14:29, Apr 28

So basically you're giving me homework but also still holding my initial thoughts incase you feel like making an arse out of me? /me cracks under UU's mind games. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:32 28 April 2009

UnSignpost! 1st Anniversary Special!!!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

April 30th, 2009 • Issue 45 • The periodical that - Jesus Christ it's a lion get in the car!

UnSignpost Editors Too Busy Working on Anniversary UnSignpost to Bother with This Week's Issue By Gerrycheevers Since next week marks the incredible one-year anniversary of the storied UnSignpost, the editors are focusing all of their efforts on that issue and thus leaving this issue out in the cold. Rest assured that next week's 46th issue, marking the 46 weeks in the year on the Uncyclopedia calendar, will be "a bumper special issue" according to co-chief-editor Under user. The promise of a special bonus issue brings to mind several of the UnSignpost's more notable issues, such as the All-Kitten Issue and the Seventeenth Issue Spectacular. Reactions to the milestone were mixed in the community. "I feel the signpost has in many ways brought a little too much cabal propaganda to the site for my liking," said noted good-looking tree Sycamore. Were there a cabal, cabal authorities would currently be on the way to Sycamore's house to arrest him. Lucky for him there is no cabal. By the way, if you really thought this was the first anniversary issue, you suck.

Check out these pages! To pee or not to pee? Some more links. Are you still here? From our logs: Take your pick Biopic of the Week <insert name here> is certainly noteworthy. Old School Featured Article of the Week Nihilism. Word of the Week Brevity.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand delivered by MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 22:38, 30 April 2009 (UTC)

{{USERNAME}} strikes again, I presume? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:52 30 April 2009

im a whore

vote for me please--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 23:35, 1 May 2009 (UTC)

Which one is it? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 08:51 3 May 2009

HowTo:Get Over Jenny--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 14:36, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Are you gay or something?

You look pretty peppy, exultant and blithe. We don't like your sort round here. --CrabPope 12:59, 2 May 2009 (UTC)

And you are? sorry I can't tell are you being serious or not? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 08:50 3 May 2009

Nobody can tell.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 14:37, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Ah I was using the word 'gay' in the sense of 'happy' for comedic effect, so I was saying 'we don't want happy people around here'. I like your articles, and I thought I should leave something and well ... maybe I should let myself out. --CrabPope 23:10, 3 May 2009 (UTC)

Fair doos, I see the light now. And question: if you like my stuff, and this is similar, why the against? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 02:31 4 May 2009

Because it was too similar, I'd seen it all before --CrabPope 14:13, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

I geuss. I thought it was quite alot different though. oh well whatever. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:58 4 May 2009

sandcastles

howdy orian, just put my reviewing gloves on and i saw i've been beaten to the punch. if you'd like another review i'd be happy to give you one, just say the word. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 14:10, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

oh yes please, I put it up again, with your name literally on it, thanks Gerry! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:40 4 May 2009

OMG

UR GAYZ LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

Just kidding, I have no problem with you gay people=P Word of advice, though:If you decide to visit the U.S., stay out of Texas O_O Saberwolf116 21:12, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Why would anyone go to the US? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:19 4 May 2009

Because we're the best ever. Duh? Saberwolf116 21:41, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

And delusional too it seems. But seriously are you guys only just starting to notice that I'm gay? Crabs was here just a few days ago with the news. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:44 4 May 2009

Orian, where r u if your not in US?--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 21:46, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

The best country in the world. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:48 4 May 2009

Yes, I knew you were gay, I just thought i'd insert a punchline about bigoted Texans in there. Saberwolf116 22:10, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Oh I see, I was meargly being used. that's no problem. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:11 4 May 2009

You're a Brit? Really? I always pictured you being form San Francisco--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 22:17, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Really, from San Francisco? pillow talk 22:20, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Wow dude this is all pretty low...you offended by any of this Orian? I know they are joking and all but still...~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 22:23, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Why would I be offended? You're just Americans, it's not like you have proper opinions or anything. And actually I'd quite like to visit SF sometime. But not spend any money for fear of helping your silly econemy. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:26 4 May 2009

Well the gay economy isn't the same economy as the straight economy, you silly goose. One time, though, I won $400 playing video poker at a gay bar and drove across town and spent it at a strip club. So there is the occasional spill-over. pillow talk 22:27, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

Although I must ask, BBQ, why you thought I had the Union Jack in my sig if I wasn't Brittish. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:30 4 May 2009

I know you want me to ask why you were in a gay bar, but I'm not going to. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:30 4 May 2009

If you kept winning on that poker machine, you'd go back for more, too. pillow talk 22:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

...although I guess you'd also go for the gay people. pillow talk 22:33, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

I think gambling is immoral. Anytime I see gambling I just think of Las Vagas and all those murdered people! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:35 4 May 2009

It's definitely not good for you. After twelve consecutive hours of drinking, chain-smoking, and gambling last Saturday, I think I was seriously having some kind of small heart attack. Fortunately, I don't seem to be dead right now. pillow talk 23:12, 4 May 2009 (UTC)

See! You're just proof that gambling kills! Come with me, I need to start a movement around your imminent heart failure. Also while you're here what do you think to my sandcastle article? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:15 4 May 2009

I'm not American.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 00:14, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Really? I just presumed you were because you thought the union jack was American Patriotism. You a UKer too or are you a foreigner? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:31 5 May 2009

I hadn't noticed the U.J. The bright pink/purple was a bit distracting. And I'm Italian.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods

Ah... I didn't know you could BBQ pizza. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:48 5 May 2009

Nations matter not. For one day soon, our glorious messiah and President shall annex the world. Long live the United Democratic Republic! Love live Obama! Saberwolf116 01:32, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Yes you can Orian. I've had pizza with BBQ chicken on it and with CheddarBBQ doritos. Yum. Although, that's more Italian American than pure Italian.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 01:53, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Ah I was trying to be nationalist but it appears you have missed that. And no, there is no such thing as America. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 01:56 5 May 2009

Wait, what? I'm confused.--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 02:41, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Yes, you are. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 02:42 5 May 2009

What is that, a racist comment? Ya fucking brit. Don't make me go Mafia on your ass, though you might like it. OOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!!!!!--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods 02:59, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks but I don't want a fat, scarred man, that smokes cirgars and has a horrible accent, launching organised crime from my anus, thank you very much. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 05:02 5 May 2009

HEY!! I don't smoke cigars!!--Smokin' Cheddar BBQ: The King of the Triangular Snackfoods19:07, 5 May 2009

But you are fat and scarred with a horrible accent? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:02 5 May 2009

I like my accent. ITS FUCKING ITALIAN! The best accent in the world. That's why people love The Godfather so much. Can you imagine an very old British guy saying, "I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse," while making a little motion with one hand, and looking like the biggest badass ever?
Italy: 9432
Britain: less than that
Whore cHeDDaR 21:54,5May,2009

What are those numbers? Times the respective country has been invaded? And for the record yes, I can. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 00:48 6 May 2009

Oh, so we're doing historical attacks now? Cause, you insulted America quite a few times, seeing as Britain, while the most powerful country in the world, fell to America, who had almost no power. And no matter how many times Italy is invaded, it survives, and, according to the "Catch-22" theory, it will stay that way. It's also one of the most beautiful places in the world. I admit, your StoneHenge is impressive, but we have pizza, which trumps all.-- Whore cHeDDaR 02:07,6May,2009

All Pizza shows is that you're poor engineers. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 05:59 6 May 2009

That doesn't even make. We're amazing engineers, just look at Pisa. Can any other country in the world make a building defy gravity? I don't think so. And how many things has Britain created that are loved by everyone in the world? Italy has pizza. America has the hotdog. China has... um... chinese food. Germany has bratwurst. Poland has sausage. Mexico has the taco. France has, well, France has nothing. Sorry Frenchies. What does Britain have?-- Whore cHeDDaR 19:09,6May,2009

Tea and english muffins. And Haggis. And Forign food, we invented that you know! And Pisa wan't built like that, it just hasn't finished falling over yet. And for teh record I don't like pizza. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 20:13 6 May 2009

I don't like tea or English muffins, and I don't even know what haggis is.-- Whore cHeDDaR 00:55,7May,2009

Planet Earth: Humans

Yo Orian, just wanted to know if you could help direct me in any way before I finish my latest article. There is still alot to be done. I just wanted to know if you think any specific aspects of humans should be included, or if I should change the tone a bit or something. Any ideas would be great. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 05:55, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Would you mind if I just stepped in and made some edits of my own? Just froma a quick skim I can tell this is suffereing some of the same ailments I brought up with Monkey Lover (Oh and I will help with that now that it's not on VFH). You're general tone seems to be quite good (esspecially if you have david attenbouragh in mind) but it's your expression again. I'll give it a proper read through first though. Oh and *cough* *cough* *gasp!* *KAHACK!* ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 06:25 5 May 2009

Ya that'd be great do whatever you'd like without ruining the tone. Also, do whatever you'd like about Monkey Lover, I think I should take out the rape bit and leave it at that. Anything you want to do to improve either just go ahead and do. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 14:06, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

*cough* *cough* *gasp!* *KAHACK!*, sorry got this horrible cough, don't know where it came from. Anyway I wouldn't dream of changing the tone -- that's its strongest feature! And yeah Monkey lover, I wouldn't remove the rape bit entirely But tone it down, use that intersting fact somebody (RAHB, I think it was) mentioned about the fact gorrillas only have two inch dicks. I recon that would make teh whole affair more interesting. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:20 5 May 2009

Alright work your magic! And you should get that cough checked out bud...I am worried for ya...thanks for your help! ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 16:34, 5 May 2009 (UTC)

Congrats!

I'm sorry I didn't vote for your article, but congrats on the feature! Tribbuca222 21:29, 6 May 2009 (UTC)

Hey that's ok, lots of people never got the chance to vote on it! I'm glad you liked it. And good to see a new user (users?) sticking around for a change. Mostly they just leave. Anyway, have a fun and feel free to ask about stuff if you're ever stuck, I'll gladly defer you to UU. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:33 6 May 2009

Hey

It's that time again! YAY WHORING!!!-- Whore cHeDDaR 01:09,7May,2009

Hey!

We gonna start our collabs? They are awaiting your glorious touch. I realized I can do generally good starting ideas, but I can't write them out too well. You are much better at that than me because your good with detail, something I am not. I would say we'd make a good team! ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 03:35, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

I would say so yes, although I'm not sure how great I am with detail (if you look you won't find it) and like I've said in my Pee reviews it's just your expression. What I mean by this is the way you phrase things, quite often you're slightly redundant, which causes the reader to trip over what you're saying. Often I know what your trying to say you just aren't saying it quickly enough. Advice that I got from one of my many books on writing is use less words. Right I think I'll go through Monkey lover now, and just rephrase things where I found them awkward. And then you can see what I've done (generally the only way to pick up on other people's styles is to read what tehy write.) After that we can maybe talk about adding in some other ideas, if you think their nescessary. And then we can get into your (maybe our, but you've already done most of the leg work) Planet Earth one. Sorry If I'm seeming a bit cunty or worse pretentious. :S ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 03:57 7 May 2009

Oh we can make it ours for sure. And you are really good with detail I have found. Everything you say in Sandcastles is somehow related to the grand theme. Even things as little as "his hands being all tied up is a lie" was very detailed I thought. Maybe that's the wrong word though. Depending on the amount of work you put into any of my articles they could be collabs for sure. I have no problems with that. And do whatever you need to do with any of my articles. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 04:04, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost is proud to present its 1st Anniversary Special

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

May 5th, 2009 • First Anniversary Issue! • Disdaining news in favour of blatant self-promotion

Self-Proclaimed Greatest Newspaper on the Wiki Reaches First Birthday By UU Can you believe it? We can't - particularly as we're only on issue number 46 - and yet it's true, the greatest piece of talkpage spam in the history of this shabby little wiki (and the most modest too) celebrates its first anniversary! Birthed in a blaze of optimism and creativity by fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper and mythical user-in-exile Cajek at the start of May 2008, the UnSignpost was intended to shine a light into the dark corners of the wiki, keeping users up-to-date with anything worth keeping up-to-date with. In this special article, we examine what went wrong, where that glorious vision got corrupted, and how it has ended up in its current state. The early issues were churned out at a great rate by the founding editors, and Cajek was so enthused by the project that he suggested to Skullthumper that they should move to a twice-weekly release - fortunately, this suggestion was shot down in flames by the doc, or the paper may never have celebrated a second month, let alone a full year! Skullthumper was first to leave the Signpost behind for pastures new, perhaps feeling his work was already done. Looking back nostalgically now at those heady early days, Skull exclusively observed: "Well! Working on the UnSignpost in the beginning was a really fun experience, not gonna lie. Cajek and I were both super excited about it. I'm glad it existed through to today, entirely by the help of other people. The setup was seriously the most fun part. We had NO clue what we were doing, we were experimenting with formatting, content, and a bot that only worked half the time. To summarize: It kicked ass. I had no idea it was about a year ago that it started." With only Cajek powering it, the Signpost forged onwards, but was beginning to run into troubled waters - even Cajek's legendary enthusiasm was beginning to founder, and when he began to struggle for time, he asked DJ Irreverent to take the helm. We asked Cajek for a nostalgic comment about the Signpost, but he was unavailable, so instead here's a random line from one of his articles: "Also, don't be surprised if you go to jail for what society deems "gross", "horrible", and "Satanic": it's all part of being an ant keeper... and an ant "watcher"". The DJ managed to steady the ship (how long can we sustain this metaphor?), but struggled to handle the torch he'd been passed by his adopter (looks like we didn't sustain it very long - never mind!). Asked to comment on this turbulent period, the DJ exclusively remarked: "I dropped said torch like a ton of bricks as a good child should always do. I could not take on the family business, I needed to dance. Anyway, I wrote about 2 articles". So the pattern of users taking over the paper, only to burn out and abandon it again was becoming well established. Next in the editor's chair was UU, who lasted about 6 issues, before becoming so overwhelmed by the pressures of the paper that he went and got married in order to have a good excuse to get away from it for a few weeks. Recalling those halcyon days, UU told us exclusively: "I love the Signpost, and have had a great time working on it. It does get in the way of writing real articles though, as some users might testify, and it can be a pain to come up with stories each week - hopefully this issue might spark a few people to put some more ideas in the press room". Fortunately, UU had taken the foresighted step of questioning the staying power of one Gerrycheevers in a previous issue's "comeback of the week" box, and Gerry was so determined to prove he had what it took, that he took over the paper while UU swanned off around the world. Cheevers's time at the helm brought such classic issues as the all-kitten issue, and his exclusive dewy-eyed remembrances run thusly: "I'm proud for having successfully stolen this periodical from Cajek and Skull, and I look forward to many more years of turning forums into news stories, dredging up old features that nobody cares about, and of course making tedious Cajek ban jokes. I also demand a raise and Cajek's office!" Unfortunately, Cheevers's staying power lived up to UU's expectations, and Gerry took another small break. UU returned to the paper, and frantically enlisted contributions from the likes of Orian57 and Heerenveen to keep the wheels of news turning smoothly. Asked for comment on his input, Orian exclusively told us: "It's a been a great help in bonding together this community. And it's made things more interesting, what with everyone trying to do news worthy things just to get their names in the paper. Or something, I can't manufacture funny under pressure and this is pressure because you're gonna put this in the paper just to humiliate me now, aren't you?". Hv, meanwhile, exclusively commented: "It's amazing that our wonderful newspaper has lasted for so long, especially when you figure the us editors have had nothing to work with but "OMGZ THIS WIKI IZ D00MED" stories since about Issue IV. It's a great tribute to the us editors' ability to make Cajek-filled fluff pieces up on the fly. Maybe they we should try for the Daily Mail?". Gerrycheevers has been fully back on board since early this year, UU is still hanging around in between banning people and huffing stuff, and with other contributors still pitching in, plus a plentiful supply of Cajek bans to use as padding (see next story), it looks like the immediate future of the paper is in good competent human some kind of hands. Want to join the list of over 25 people who have contributed to the paper since its inception? Or want to join the ranks of hand-deliverers and paperbots that have been burned out along the way, and now line the wiki as lifeless husks? Give us a shout in the press room, and become part of the Uncyc furniture! Wish we'd gotten a quote from Cajek though. Bastard. Cajek 100 Ban Extravaganza By Gerrycheevers During the very same week that Uncyclopedia's most well-known journalism source (suck it, UnNews!) celebrates its first birthday with much cake and punch, one of its co-founders achieved his own personal milestone by being banned for the one hundredth time. Rumors of making Cajek an admin when he reached the milestone have thus far not proven to be true, although he may have magically gained sysop powers upon entering triple-digit territory and we just won't know it until he comes back from wherever he's hiding in a hailstorm of admin-related activity (whatever it is that they do). The milestone was reached largely thanks to users such as Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who took to the streets in a grassroots effort to raise awareness, and Gerrycheevers, who went directly to certain sysops with demonstrably active bansticks pleading for a "Cajek-whooping." The landmark 100th ban was achieved yesterday, with the good Dr. Skullthumper blocking Cajek with an expiry time of "a milestone". The UnSignpost would like to congratulate Cajek, and also plead for his return. Cajek was unavailable for comment, and this reporter was once again chased off of the grounds of the Cajek Mansion, this time by the abstract philosophical concept of existentialism. From the desk of the Cabal Special By No-one The cabal is most displeased with this apparent so called "newspaper" or "voice of the people". What news could there be other than "maintain the peace and obey the cabal, should it exist"? What voice should the people have other than "Yes sir", "No sir" and "Of course, I'll send my sister post haste to your bedroom, Sir"? This useless rag might let people think that the Uncyclopedians have a modicum of freedom. We the cabal, do not exist. But if we did, we'd be most unpleased and just about prepared to clamp down on this operation. Obey the cabal, the cabal is your imaginary friend.

Check out these pages! 3,422 and going strong! No winner yet declared in 'not pointless' forum A blast from the past Best of From our logs: 09:23, 30 March 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gay admin ‎ (you like rahb. rahb = penis. therefore you like penis. therefore you = ghey. this logic is irrefutable. also, morning mordillo.) 11:00, 15 March 2009 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Slicktorine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbullying: We just don't care about you or your friends. Sorry. I suggest you ask him for a date. He's probably a really nice guy.) 02:46, 8 February 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 97.83.236.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fer the love of Christ, you make me think I actually have a life. You've been doing the same God damn thing since the summer. Just fuck off already.) 08:25, 13 January 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Tardman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (I love being a cunt, it makes my hair glow) Codeine (Talk | contribs) huffed "Wild sweaty orgies" (If anyone's gonna write an article about these it'll be me. I've done the research.) 02:14, 10 December 2008 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.142.37.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Hi. Welcome to Uncyc. I'm glad you enjoyed your stay here. We did too.) 04:57, 23 October 2008 Tom mayfair (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Intimidating behaviour/harassment: & Not The Good Sexual Kind of Harassment Either) 04:20, 22 October 2008 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.15.244.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (You, sir, have gone above and beyond the call of failure. Now that may sound like a compliment, but read it again, paying special attention to that last word. Yeah.) 7:41, 20 September 2008 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Just got back. Haven't banned Cajek in a month. Gotta get my fix. CLICK. Aaaaaah yeeeeeahhh. That's gooood shit.) 19:36, 21 September 2008 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Reggie4 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You have 2 cows. Both of them are banned.) 21:17, 23 July 2008 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.88.33.191 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Try to suck less. You're sucking too much. I didn't say "stop"! Take your time. Yeah, that's the stuff. Now gently squeeze my balls.) 23:56, 20 July 2008 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Swampgas (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (congratulations, now you can add us to your list of sites you got banned from for being a bellend) 07:26, 23 June 2008 Manticore (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 124.170.144.245 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (You have been autoblocked by the Uncyclopedia penis-size-detector. Rylie, I'm afraid your penis is too small to edit Uncyclopedia. Please try again after puberty.) 12:50, May 28, 2008 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Benhagerty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (KILL EVERY FIRSTBORN SON) Biopic of the Week 1 year old this week, the UnSignpost is the wiki-based newspaper vain enough to give itself a biopic! It has yet to write any featured articles, and hasn't even created a single featured image, but it's appeared on almost as many talk pages as a Modus one-liner, and is certainly the longest-lived newspaper on this wiki. Vive l'UnSignpost! Thankies of the Week The staff of the UnSignpost would like to thank all our readers for pretending to care long enough for us to reach this milestone. We couldn't have done it without you. (Well, we could, but there wouldn't have been much point). Retraction of the Week In last week's edition of the UnSignpost, the current swine flu pandemic was hailed as a blessing, and our editors expressed hope that the world population would be reduced, making references to particular groups of people as 'expendable'. We would like to express our deepest apologies for referring to this epidemic as 'swine flu', and we will henceforth refer to it by the disease's proper name: H1N1 influenza. We are truly sorry to any pigs or other members of the swine family who may have taken offense. Old School Featured Article of the Week Water Polo... With Sharks! is possibly the most difficult, dangerous, and exciting sport known to man. With only slight rules variations from normal water polo, such as the amount of hands you can have on the ball and there being sharks in the water, Water Polo... With Sharks! is the world's second fastest-growing sport, behind Texas Hold 'Em... With Rabid Wolverines! Pathetic Plea of the Week What has happened to all of the robots? The UnSignpost has gone through a seemingly endless supply of robots, and several unsuspecting and apparently bored users have also hand-delivered the paper when no automated bots were available. Lately, Sock and Dexter have joined forces to ensure prompt Signpost delivery, but surely the task of pasting the paper onto thousands hundreds dozens of talk pages will result in arm fatigue and dog attacks. Therefore, a plea: everyone create more robots! Old School 'Of the Week' Box of the Week This Week in Uncyclopedia, featured in issues 3 through three, took a look back at some of the greatest highs and crushing lows in the history of this silly wiki. Look for this box to make a triumphant return to the UnSignpost, along with other old favorites such as UU's Obscure British Dialect Expression of the Week and Reason For Leaving Uncyclopedia of the Week.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

---

Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:01, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Nice!

I have been watching your edits all day. They are fantastic! Even the parts I made boring have been greatly improved. I will go through and add edits. Do you think it is set for VFH then? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 23:40, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Oh your doing that now! Okay please continue sorry ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 23:43, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

I was just gonna see if I could add some links, yeah. And I think it's certainly ready for another try at least. Maybe best to give it another Pee though. Also I'm kinda dissapointed you changed "nasty, raping gorrila". I thought that was quite good. (I know the whole gorrilla rape thing is what is was criticed for, but I think it was because it was too explicit.) but it's still your article, it's up to you. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:45 7 May 2009

I'm sorry! I just thought it would be better that he had a pain in his ass, but didn't know why. So some people will know but the character doesn't...sorta. And Pee is all backed up at the moment too. That might be a while. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 23:49, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Yeah I noticed earlier that it was kinda busy, almost motivated me into doing one. Anyway I'll just finish with teh links and then let you nom it again. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:53 7 May 2009

Alright, sweet, do you want to nom it? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 23:54, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

Nah, I'll let you have teh honour. Unless you really want me to. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:55 7 May 2009

I guess, I would rather someone else do it but your vote after should be enough. (Assuming you vote for) Also is this a collab? ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 23:58, 7 May 2009 (UTC)

I suppose so, I think I did add in a bit more funny content but again I'll let you descide. I already feel like I've just bulldozed in and took over. :S ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 23:59 7 May 2009

Alright perfect. And your bulldozing is much appreciated. ~SirTagstit • VFH • NotM • PEEING • CPT • RotM • BFF 00:03, 8 May 2009 (UTC)

Don't wanna offend you

Just wanted you to see this-- Whore cHeDDaR 01:52,8May,2009

lol. That's chucklesome, :) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 01:53 8 May 2009

Chucklesome? Yeah, you're definitely gay. And British.-- Whore cHeDDaR 01:59,8May,2009

Just wondering, where did you find this? Cuz it sounds a lot like a quote from a little-known-online-anime-spoof show I watch. JackOfSpades (talk) 19:01, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Google Images-- Whore cHeDDaR 19:05,10May,2009

If you're interested in where that quote's from I uploaded the video here. If you've ever seen yugioh I'd recommend watching the whole thing, but the quote itself is at 5:13 or so. (talk) 01:57, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

HAHAHA That's funny-- Whore cHeDDaR 02:57,11May,2009

Sorry, my online sarcasm detector is broken. I can't tell if 3 capital "Ha"s is sarcastic or not. (talk) 04:52, 11 May 2009 (UTC)

Actually not sarcastic. I used to like Yu-Gi-Oh, so I know what it's talking about, and I lqtsed.-- Whore cHeDDaR 17:31,11May,2009

A message to the Queers of Uncyclopedia

Dear Sinners,

We at Westboro Baptist Church have noticed you are participating in unholy sexual activity. We do not wish for you to rot in hell alongside Hitler and Rush Limbaugh. Therefore, we have devised a plan to save your unholy souls.

You must cease all sexual activity, effective immeadeatly. This is includes kissing, buttsecks, as well as making out with each other, dripped in oil and talking dirty....

Is it just us, or has this room become hotter?

Sincerily,

The messengers of god, Westboro Baptist Church.

Call us, Kay?;)

There you have it, the closest I can get to being a bigot. Enjoy.

Saberwolf116 01:00, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Well fuuuuuuck you! Honestly you Americans are all the same! Twittering on and on about how gays are leading the moral decline while you blow up abortion clinics and ban evoloution because it scared your imaginary friend. Your pathetic. You're just useless and embarrasing to the rest of the civilised world. Maybe if you all died the world would be a better place, now if you'll excuse me I need to go detox after having shared the same air as you. Piss off! ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:06 9 May 2009

Oh and get your Fucking air conditioning fixed you diseased cunt. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:16 9 May 2009

I love you too.=) Saberwolf116 18:36, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

Fuck off ya faggot. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:25 9 May 2009

GOD HATES Evangelical nut-jobs who no one listens to FAGS!!!!!!!!!!! Saberwolf116 21:04, 9 May 2009 (UTC)

ORIAN DISLIKES PEOPLE WHO DON'T INDENT PROPERLY!!! That's you, to clarify. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 21:05 9 May 2009

Hello.

i am the most gigantic lying mouth of all time ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 01:03, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

Lied about what? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 01:08 10 May 2009

lying about taxes. lying about laws. lying about people. lying about the planet. lying about the demons, the demons. lying about everything. but then i lie about myself. i'm not the most gigantic lying mouth of all time at all! i was lying about that. please envelope this. what if some things are to be sent. ---kun "whisper sweet nothings into thine ear..." 10:38, 10 May 2009 (UTC)

/me nods/ Oh yes, I agree compleatly. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:33 10 May 2009

Technically not whoring

If you would like, you can check out my Leprechaun article and vote for it if it pleases you. wE COULD REALLY USE THE support of the gay society.-- Whore cHeDDaR 17:30,11May,2009

WAAAAAAHHHH!!!!! Your mean!!! Whore cHeDDaR 17:55,12May,2009

Yeah sorry, it just didn't make me laugh. And I know you're not being seriosu now but I'd just like to say it's best not to bring it up with people if they vote against. What happens at VFH stays at VFH, it avoids unnescessary drama. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 19:31 12 May 2009

I know. This is the only time I've ever done that, and it was specifically as a joke cause I know you wouldn't overeact. However, if I had done that at UU or GC or TT's page, there would've been another dramathon, which would've sucked. Meany. Whore cHeDDaR 21:39,12May,2009

Mmm. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:10 12 May 2009

Mmm? Is that like a gay thing? You're not saying "Mmm" about my sexy ass, are you? Whore cHeDDaR 00:02,13May,2009

Planet Earth

Well, now that Monkey Lovers (which seems very VFH ready) needs to wait a while due to Mordillo, what do you say we get cracking on Planet Earth? We can really do good I think. Also, I had to take out lots of ideas because it would get to long, so maybe a series would be funny. For example, Planet Earth: Human Trends, Planet Earth: Human Systems, Planet Earth: Human Body, Planet Earth: Human Destruction of the Planet. You know, just to get all ideas out. We could then have one main page linking to all of those. Just an idea. It might kill the joke and might become overused though. Also, I think we should have pictures all over the place so that it looks neat, with a picture of at least every situation. Besides, as amazing as the British guy is, the gorgeous views on Planet Earth are what really make the show. Just some ideas! The page is waiting for you!    Tagstit    talk    contribs    awards   05:48, 12 May 2009 (UTC)

Woken up yet?

I'm sure I remember you promising to look at something as soon as you woke up... --UU - natter 09:09, May 12

You know not linking to it is actually more inconvenient for me. and I shall no doubt be chuckling over it mere moments from now. Also can I whore to you on my talk page? It's just you mentioned you were looking forward to voting on something and I wouldn't want to delay that pleasure any longer than necessary. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:17 12 May 2009

Okie cookie. I liked, I liked a lot, certainly VFHable. just a few things I'd like to bullet point out first.

• "playfully" (the word next to gambol) while it's a perfectly acceptable word, it really irked me. I'd like it gone, it kinda broke your flow. Not a huge thing I know, but it did.
• images. They need to be bigger. Preferably have the second one left aligned too.
• You didn't link to any of my articles!

Yeah so those first two things are the only things that immediately struck me as easy improvements. Other than that I did really like it. :D ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 09:53 12 May 2009

Thanks man, happy to have feedback. A couple of responses: I like "gambol playfully", and I think it is a more fitting description than just "gambol" on its own. I don't like left aligning images too much, so I made the images small enough to fit on the page without cramming up in different resolutions. I'll have a look at it with a change or two, but I'm not sure I'll make that change. I can't see how I could really link to any of your stuff in that - feel free to add a link if you spot an opportunity (I liked the links you put in your Tweet bit, I forgot to mention that). So if I don't make any of those changes, at least you know it's not just because I'm dismissing your opinion out of hand! I do appreciate it. --UU - natter 10:19, May 12

Oh I was joking about linking to my article although "kids' attention" is a possible place for HowTo:Build the Perfect Sandcastle as that is what my howto was about, the capricious nature of children. And your looking alot better now, althought you've possibly gone too big. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:32 12 May 2009

Oh and about plafully, I just hate adverbs in general. they annoy me, and I think that gambol sort of implies carefree and playful anyway, but it's your descision in the end. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 10:37 12 May 2009

I'm bored

Say something. I need someone to argue with. Or insult. Or make jokes with. Do you know anyone I can do that to? Whore cHeDDaR 02:01,14May,2009

Grammit

I've fixed my page, thanks anyway. The sig is meant to be some $math$ thing. y'know... User:Zheliel/sigz2 12:24, 14 May 2009 (UTC)

Oh right, well see if you can get it to link to your page anyway as that's kinda the point of sigs. Still best to ask socky. And again thanks! :) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 12:54 14 May 2009

UnSignpost May 14th

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

May 14th, 2009 • Issue 47 • And you will know our name is the UnSignpost when we lay our news upon you!

Wales Speaks Exclusively to UnSignpost! by UU It's the big one folks, the interview they all wanted, but we got: shy, retiring Wikimedia mogul Jimbo Wales has spoken exclusively to your UnSignpost. Wales (pictured right in happier times) took time out from his busy schedule of inserting further Liberal bias into Wikipedia to share with us his thoughts on the credit crunch, the Obama administration, the Pope's visit to the Middle East, and the future of Uncyclopedia, and the insight is literally devastating in its incisiveness. When pressed on these vital issues, Jimbo confided to us: "You kids get offa my pipe! Now, where's my lawn?" These are words that every user will interpret in their own special way - Jimbo, like all great orators, has the ability to make profound pronouncements that each and every listener will put their own unique spin on, so that it seems he is talking to them alone. Whatever pearl of wisdom you find in this oracular utterance, we are sure it is exactly what you were intended to find. Crowning Acheevement by UU UnSignpost co-editor, Imperial Colonization lynchpin and all-round star user Gerrycheevers has made Uncyclopedian history by becoming the first user ever to win all of the major monthly awards on the wiki: WotM, UotM, NotM, FPotM, and PotM. Plus RotM, although that's not really considered "major". This astonishing fact was pointed out by RAHB, proving quite conclusively that he must have no life whatsoever. When asked for comment, Gerry exclusively told us: "Well, I don't know what to say, really. I suppose my well-roundedness speaks volumes about my excessive amount of free time. My next objective will be to obtain a microphone and continue my quixotic quest to collect all of the awards". Rules < Funny: The Essay by UU Loveable Uncyc pyromaniac The Woodburninator, long known for his views on how "rules" and "funny" should relate to each other, has, in an alcohol-induced "moment of clarity", composed an essay on the subject. He encourages you to read it, and exclusively told us he questions the sexuality of everyone who doesn't. As a completely neutral wiki newspaper, the UnSignpost of course neither endorses nor doesn't endorse any of the views contained within the essay. It just agrees with some of them. Is it a Usergroup if there are no Users Grouped in it? by Joe9320 It has been about a year and a half since Uncyclopedia's once shining usergroup network stopped operating and became extinct. As ever in such circumstances, conspiracy theories have quickly sprung up to explain how this could have happened. Some say that when Chronarion left Uncyclopedia to focus on another project, he left it to the Wikia staff to do all the patrolling, which caused Uncyclopedia's domain name to be changed in October 2008, and the user groups were left to rot with no activity, like the Hittites did when they destroyed their own city and left. Others say that UNSOC killed off every other usergroup, from the Grue Army to UNATO, and had a monopoly on the usergroups. Whether the theories are true or not, the usergroups appear to have all but died. In January 2009, archaeologists from the Philippines dug through the ruins of the usergroups and found compelling evidence that there is still a small amount of activity in the UNSOC group, whose interim leader Necropaxx was heard to observe "UNSOC has about 3 or so active users right now; we just keep that gigantic list to inflate our numbers". The non-existent Cabal have not made any comment about this being a dastardly plan of theirs to ensure the "golden Age" of Uncyclopedia 2005-2007 remains sacrosanct. Because they don't exist, obviously.

Check out these pages! Rewriters, assemble! Confessions of a parody parodist Who needs publicity? From our logs: 18:42, 27 April 2009 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked I AM GOD (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(Zeus called. He wants his title back. Something about missing having an excuse for incest.) 21:58, 13 May 2009 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.141.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎(seek the definition of life in the dictionary. Hint: it does not include so called venegance against humor wikis. Also, seek the definition of vengance. Creating wiki pages does not constitue as such.) 12:49, 14 May 2009 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.41.56.104 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (don't blank pages, it's proof you have even less of a life than we do.) Biopic of the Week Colin "All your base" Heaney may possibly have the most annoying username to have to copy and paste into a Signpost biopic in all of Uncyclopedia. A mainstay in such helpful roles as VFD, Colin's accomplishments include contributions to the famed Al Gore colonization, having explosions in his sig that look rather cool when he signs a bunch of times in a row, and setting the record for most electrons used in a userpage and corresponding talk page. Go Colin! Cajek Sighting of the Week Co-founder of the UnSignpost Cajek was sighted this week in an alley behind his userpage, taking out the trash. He also updated his ban counter to a robust 117 and added electricity and magic to the iron fences surrounding the Cajek Mansion. Look for an exclusive fake interview with Cajek in next week's UnSignpost! Desperate Attention Seeker of the Week 00:55, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (The) 00:55, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (UnSignpost) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Had) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Better) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Run) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (This) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Series) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (of) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Bans) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Next) 00:56, 8 May 2009 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Week) (There were more. We got bored copy/pasting them. Find the rest yourself)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Hand-delivered by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:07, 15 May 2009 (UTC)

Kudos

Hey, thanks! I like to think I'm being a responsible citizen of the internet. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:17 15 May 2009

Thanks for making me look like a pervert by deleting your porn first. Anyway, I reworked my one page a bit. I left the images alone for right now (they weren't as bad as yours, well, not as naked at least). Do you think it still "works". --Mnb'z 06:38, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

Thanks

Thanks for saving my userpage from oblivion. =) —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:16, 16 May 2009 (UTC)

Oh that was no problem, I like having excuses to use rollback. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:18 16 May 2009

Der Unwehr

Check this out, and join if you really want to: User:Guildensternenstein/Der Unwehr —Sir Guildensternenstein 21:39, 18 May 2009 (UTC)

Might as well seen as how I'm on this slightly terrifying talent streek. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 22:14 18 May 2009

Thanks for support...

This was my most constructive idea so far so I would seriously hate it to get scrapped. I might even start living my life again, instead of hanging around here. -- Style  Guide 05:44, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

I think it's a sound idea. Practical and helps us look a bit more Wikipedia-like. I'll keep an eye on the forums but let me know when I can start to help on one. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 05:46 19 May 2009

Erm. Any time by me - are you an admin? I fail to remember. If not, ask them if you can be in - I suppose you can. I just bred the idea, and nobody told me what happens next: if the Cabal is going to pick the people or what. I suppose they will, Mordillo hinted at it somewhere. Another thing - I have nothing to work with, no time to learn how to make what I need from scratch. In other words - I would need a template for Science portal: I think the front page format would look good. Two columns is better than one I think. Any ideas besides front page source (that seems a bit clumsy to start with)? -- Style  Guide 10:46, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

And also, why the fuck haven't I asked you for co-operation earlier? Do you write alone or do you like cow-riting? I have umpteen ideas and half-ready articles, have made spectacular time with people like Mhaille and RabbiTechno in chat: best way to kickstart an article. So tell me if you like the idea. You might want to read my Total Trash to see what I like to write, and Klestosapharot to see what I do when I don't have an idea for satire. -- Style  Guide 10:55, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

No, I'm not an admin. Also I tend to work by self on writing, but I geuss I could try doing a collab with you sometime. Also, who else is working on thsi portal sceme with you? I think it's proabably best to get someone more proficient in wiki-code to come up with the basic template and then I'll come in and work the categorising and stuff. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 14:30 19 May 2009

Yes, that's what we need. Mnbvcxz made a sample portal on Sonic - but it's not in two columns, and he said he doesn't know how to. Nobody's doing anything yet since I'm waiting for some admin to pick people for portal operators. I don't know who might want to make a sample portal, so if you know who can/would, please suggest. If the Cabal doesn't tell me anything in a few days or so, I'll ask Mordillo what I should do (if anything) - but I'll not bugger him yet since he already knows about all this. I basically only got the idea and developed it by the arguments of others. I don't know if I'll get a portal to run - it wasn't the main thing - but I'll do it if someone asks me to. I might push myself later if nothing happens. Also, just send me word when/if you feel like cowriting something. Also - if you know the Cabal better than I do, please go ahead and harass them about the business. I basically only know Mhaille - left a message on his talk page. -- Style  Guide 15:29, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

I can't see any of the admins getting worked up if you just go ahead with your idea, aproach a few people you know are interested and get them to work on a portal page, (perhaps in userspace initially, if your worried). I actually quite like Mn's portal layout and think it might be better to go with that. At least initially, get the ball rolling while people are still interested. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:46 19 May 2009

All right, let's do that then. I'll ask the few I know who seem capable. You probably know more people here than I do, please spread the word. Let's see who we can round up. Then I'll try to work the science portal from Mnbvcxz's. -- Style  Guide 16:43, 19 May 2009 (UTC)

5/19/09

how is it not funny? my friend came up with it.

That may be why. And my main problem with it is that it really has very little to do with twitter. Also in future please use headers properly and sign with 4 tildes (~), thank you. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 03:12 20 May 2009

UnSignpost

Do you have anything to put in the upcoming issue? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 13:38, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

no, but I'll see if I can find something. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:07 21 May 2009

Science...

Here's what I have so far. Copied Dawg's user page so it still has some of his stuff in it. Feel free to do whatever you like there. Mordillo and Spang thought it should look like Wikipedia's corresponding portals, that's the only somewhat limiting thing. -- Style  Guide 15:13, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

This seems good, not entirely sure if the intro is nescessary (after having a look at some of Wikipedia's they don't seem to have them) but I geuss we should have our own spin on things. I liked Mnbvcxz's idea of having a list of articles that need improving and that's probably more important than linking to HTBFANJS and the like. But yeah it seems good so far. I was thinking I might start one for Sexuality, and tehn maintain it. It'll be a popular one anyway. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 15:58 21 May 2009

We are working on making the portals for the higher level categories (i.e. those on the top right of the mainpage) first, then creating "sub-portals." --Mnb'z 16:47, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

Oh I see, but wouldn't sexuality be a pretty big one? Like a third of teh whole site? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:54 21 May 2009

Science does have its introduction in Wikipedia, I just copied and twisted what they had. So do Arts and maybe some others. Glad you like it. Sexuality...hm. How about making a "People" portal (seems to me the Cabal recommends sticking to existing categories, by their comments) and making "Sexuality" a subportal in it, but twice or three times over? Might be a joke to consider. Feel free to copy the Science one when it's ready - it will be as close to Wikipedia's as I can make it - unless someone more knowledgeable helps to make it more so. -- Style  Guide 17:06, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

Okie-kokie. I'll have a word with mordillo though, see what he thinks about "Sexuality". If done right I think it could be very helpful for the site. But yeah I'll keep and eye on what you're doing and copy it later. :) ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:19 21 May 2009

Its not so much sticking to the "existing categories" as it is getting the base level portals done first. Also, what do you plan on using the sexuality portal for? --Mnb'z 18:27, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

Sex? -- Style  Guide 18:34, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

Correct Mnbvcxz - or, to be precise, we're both right. Have a look at Spang's comment here. Says it all there. In fact I only read it properly now. So: a portal that matches a category -> category name will point to the portal soon. Enough good portals -> portals get their own spot on front page. Everyone should be OK with those two. -- Style  Guide 18:41, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

Portal Updated

User:Mnbvcxz/GamePortal I added a random featured image and did some box rearranging. But more importantly, the lists are now transcluded subpages. Hopefully, it will make editing the lists a bit less intimidating for new users. --Mnb'z 07:30, 22 May 2009 (UTC)

So I was bummin' about your userpage, and...

...I read that you're planning on/trying to write a novel. That's flippin' sweet. May I ask what it's about? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:42, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

Yeah, it's a post-apocoliptic horror. The focus being, as with all stories like this, how the characters get on. My main focus being a boy and his uncle and how they both need to grow up, in slightly different ways. I'm about a third done. As soon as I'm published -- and I will be, damnit it's the only thing I want to do with my life! -- this whole sit will know about it. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 16:50 21 May 2009

That's amazing. I've made several semi-forays (to use that word again) into "serious" literature, which never really turn out well. Comedic/satire is apparently my strong point. In December, I wrote my friends a funny novella-length piece as a general Christmas present, and am currently in the process of writing a similar story in collaboroation with my friend from college. What other stuff have you done? If any's on the internet, send me a few links because I'd be interested in reading some of it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:58, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

I so rarely finish things. But I started this last year and have long since given up on it. Was trying to gat a sort of Richard Laymon, style about it. It's not finished but it's the only sort of 'serious' fiction I have on the net. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:14 21 May 2009

I'm just reading it back now and it's really bad. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:31 21 May 2009

No like, seriously, it's really, really awful -- what the hell was I thinking? I can do so much better than that now. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 17:37 21 May 2009

It's good, haha, don't be so hard on yourself. I'd like to see a copy of this novel your writing, when you're done, if it's apparently "much better" than what you've shown me. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:30, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

Also, what sorts of literature to you like? I'm something of a bookworm myself, and an always willing to converse with a fellow book-lover. *adjusts glasses* —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:30, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

(I don't actually wear glasses, for the record) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 22:30, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

Firstly, sorry for the delayed reply. I got busy. As for what I like to read (off site) it tends to be what I like to write (off site). Horror in short, with sprinklings of sci-fi. I don't think I actually have a very wide literary knowledge though, tend to stick to well known authors like Steven King. Although I have foudn a slightly less well known author Richard Laymon (mentioned him above), some of my favourite novels ever were written by him (see One Rainy Night and Night in Lonesome October). What about you? ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:21 23 May 2009

UnSignpost May 21st

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

May 21st, 2009 • Issue 48 • I've seen news you... people wouldn't believe

Glorious Cajek return story By Socky Something known as a "Cajek" apparently made some sort of return recently. According to eyewitnesses, he updated his ban counter, wrote a few articles, got some of his old articles deleted, did some nominating and voting stuff at VFH, and made several comments on user talk pages. This, seemingly, is about what he used to do, although few of our readers are old enough to remember his previous contributions to Uncyclopedia. Cajek exclusively told us the following: "Gotta go bye see ya". People disappearing, people reappearing, people with little time on their hands, bots unavailable By Socky & UU What happened to users like MrN9000, Dexter111344, GlobalTourniquet and DrStrange? Were they run over by a train? Did they suffer from a heart attack? Are they running from the law? Or are we just getting too worked up after a couple of weeks' absence? Whatever be the case, we here at the UnSignpost hope they are all right and will be returning to us in the near future. More recently, it has come to our notice that Gerrycheevers, Sonje and RabbiTechno have been missing for at least a couple of days. Perhaps there is a serial killer stalking and brutally murdering bright Uncyc talents? (Are we getting good at this whole "wild press speculation and fear-mongering" thing yet or what?) In the mean time, fortunately, several other users have made glorious returns to Uncyclopedia. As documented elsewhere, a Cajek is apparently back and doing stuff. MNM5150 has been doing some things around places, mostly the forums. Readmesoon has been spotted at VFH and a few talkpages. Yettie has been sporadically active. And Todd Lyons has been doing more stuff recently than he was doing less recently. A lot of users seem to be unable to contribute as their work/school requires them to spend their time on "useful" things. The more young adult users/little kids seem to be struggling with certain "finals", like Mahm00shA for instance. SysRq appears to be working on his graduation. Statistics show that Hyperbole's activity has been rather low, but recently increased dramatically. For how long this trend will continue is uncertain. UU has been here intermittently, but keeps proclaiming himself to be "busy". He commented "I don't have time. In fact, I may not even have time for banning and deleting today, things are going fucking nuts! [...] I have teetering mounds of work, and nowhere near enough time! Arrrrrgh! (I almost feel a second exclamation mark coming on, but nothing's that bad...)" He then proved himself to be a big fat liar by editing this story and various other bits of the UnSignpost. Additionally, while Wikipedia is being overrun by bots, they seem to have gone completely extinct on Uncyclopedia. This has led to our beloved Socky becoming partly mechanized in order to fill the role of paperbot. However, he is currently planning to get his bot operational so he won't have to tire his arse off every week. Porn! Porn! Pr0n! By Socky There has been somewhat of a controversy as of lately about the existence of supposed pornographic images on Uncyclopedia. Some support the view "Only if it's funny.", while others say "Meh." The controversy led Orian57 to put all his gay porn on QVFD. Optimuschris was quoted saying "I don't know what the fuss is all about, there's no porn on Uncyclopedia!" The discussion seems to have concluded in something like "If it's really bothering you and isn't funny in any way, delete it!" Mnbvcxz might also want to add that pictures showing prominent nudity could give rise to some legal issues, though he wasn't actually available for comment, so we can't really be sure. Usergroups! Usergroups! Usergroups! By Socky War is raging in usergroup land. IC, suffering major losses, has been grinded to a halt and was forced into defensive strategy, regressing to trench warfare. But UNSOC, with masses of new recruits, has declared an all out war against any potential competition. Meanwhile, a new powerful group has arisen, Der Unwehr, and they have established themselves as a force to be reckoned with. The Goa Tse Clan has gone into hiding and remains a mystery to most Uncyclopedians. "The End" is being foretold once more By Socky Since this UnSignpost issue almost didn't make it to the press, it was inevitable that there would be foretellings of "The End" and it being "near". On Forum:Count to a million, Orian57 was found stating "we could all die [...] then how stupid would we look?" A lot of users made somewhat eccentric speculations on how several issues were related to this "impending doom". Multiliteralist, Cajek and Optimuschris posted the following "articles" in response to a request to write something for the UnSignpost. Porn and the impending doom By Multiliteralist As we all know, the impending doom to all good things is caused by porn. This vile practice of drawing pictures of naked women has spread so wide among our young men that it is almost impossible to get them to do anything else. User groups and the impending doom By Cajek No wai, the impending doom is caused by user groups! Impending doom and porn By Optimuschris Our porn! The usergroups are coming, and with them...impending doom! Treasure these last few mumble with your porn for the end is nigh! First person article about porn and impending doom By Multiliteralist I was in a usergroup, watching porn. Suddenly I understood watching porn in a usergroup would do nothing against the impending doom. I got rather stuck, and forgot the reason. Later, I forgot about the impending doom as well. That's what watching porn in a usergroup will do to you. Suddenly I understood: if you are the first person in a usergroup, nobody can make you watch porn. My advice if you are in a usergroup and someone tries to make you watch some porn, avert your eyes! if you see porn, remember that the doom is impending. The perfect solution to problems with porn, usergroups, and the impending doom Form your own usergroup and make others watch porn!

Check out these pages! A "clever" forum topic? Has the world gone completely insane? What in the name of Sophia is a "clan"? Voting to close voting on a votey type thing? From our logs MOTHERFUCKING NIGGER LOVER SPECIAL: 21:34, 14 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Nevada" [edit=autoconfirmed] (expires 21:34, 14 May 2010 (UTC)) [move=autoconfirmed] (expires 21:34, 14 May 2010 (UTC)) ‎ (Why is the fucking nigger vandal back? I figured he would have killed himself by now, the little waste of sperm......) 01:38, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "ROMAN DOG BIRD IS A NIGGER FAGGOT WHO SUCKS MY COCK" [create=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (Anybody else here a nigger faggot? Oh, wait, we all probably are. *goes back to eating his god damn fried chicken w/ Colt 45 on the side*) 05:49, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.212.236.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Fucking one trick pony. And stop accusing all of us of being black, you worthless little prick. You do realise how gay that makes you sound when you tell us to suck your dick, right?) 05:55, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "UNDER USER IS A NIGGER FAGGOT WHO SUCKS MY COCK 24/7" [create=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (Oh, you're a clever little cookie, aren't you? I can't WAIT for you to do this me. Too bad I might not be up at the time...oh well.) 06:08, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "ROMAN DOG BIRD IS A NIGGER FAGGOT WHO SUCKS MY COCK 24/7" [create=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (Oh, fuck it, I want to see what this little mongoloid can come up with instead, if anything. But seriously folks, in all seriousness, I'm as black as they get. A friend of mine told me this once.) 18:09, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Joseph Stalin" [edit=autoconfirmed] (indefinite) [move=autoconfirmed] (indefinite) ‎ (Yeah, Bill Cosby pounded me up my gay nigger ass last night. It was HOTT.) 20:27, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.46.52.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Please end your life right now. Go take one od your father's guns, load it, put it in your mouth, and pull the trigger.) 20:30, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!" ‎ (Oh God, first the nigger vandal returns, and then you're ugly ass shows up again to "torment" us with your worthless crap. You need to kill yourself as well.) 20:31, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "Talk:UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!" ‎ (No, really. Tie a noose, put it around your head, hang yourself. Simple.) 20:32, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!" [create=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (Yeah, yeah, we know already, you little crybaby. What did we ever do to you? Oh, wait, all you can do is cry and moan and make pages with periods and then blank them. Speech is beyond you, I guess.) 20:33, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Talk:UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!" [create=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (And I've never been more serious about this whole suicide thing. I've been reluctant to tell you people to do so in the past, but I really don't care anymore. It's not like you're really going to do it. I'm sure you're having a blast doing this every day.) 20:37, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "Talk:UNNEWS SUCKS!" ‎ (I'm sure you're not as much of a lower life form as I think you are. You just love doing this, knowing how much it irritates us. Me especially, as I'm the only one willing to type out messages this long in response.) 20:40, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!!" ‎ (I wonder what else you'll come up with. Are you just going to keep adding exclamation points? You must be one of the angriest people on the planet or something. You're worse than Idi Amin and God combined.) 20:40, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "Talk:UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!!" ‎ (And I'm sure shit like this has been done before. Originality certainly is dead. I mean, can you get any lamer?) 20:42, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!!!" ‎ (But really now, what if nobody deleted this shit? What if we let you and the nigger vandal just do what you always do? Would you assimilate the website so it's all the same shit? OH! What if you two got into a conflict?! That would be comedy bronze!) 20:43, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) huffed "Talk:UNCYCLOPEDIA SUCKS!!!!!!!!!" ‎ (God, just imagine you two going at it, two little twats who think they're the rebellious type going at it, with.....with......oh man....) 20:50, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.96.165.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Yes it does. You're a real rebel aren't you? I bet you've murdered many blacks before and beaten up various others. I am TERRIFIED of you.) 20:51, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Kentuckistan" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (You're talking about how we're nigger faggots like it's a bad thing. Well, if you keep talking about putting your dick in my mouth, that clearly makes you gay. Don't try to tell me you like women. You haven't said anything to prove this.) 22:19, 16 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Ohio" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) ‎ (Oh, so it's a domination thing, right? You can't possibly be gay since you're making me suck your cock, but I'm the one enjoying it since I'm a gay nigger, which is the type of person you hate. Right, okay, but do you like women? Y'know, with the vaginer?) 15:50, 17 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked ZooZoo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (Your mother is a nigger. You are what you hate.) 17:43, 17 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.94.198.122 (Talk) with an expiry time of Judgement Day ‎ (TYLER LIONS!!! YOU KEEP GETTING BETTER AND BETTER!!!!! AND MORDILLO IS A JEW, MY NIGGER!!!!!!!) 17:50, 17 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Maryland" [edit=autoconfirmed] (expires 17:50, 17 May 2010 (UTC)) [move=autoconfirmed] (expires 17:50, 17 May 2010 (UTC)) ‎ (Tyler Lions? Never heard a more niggerish name then that! Let's lynch 'em!!!!!!) 20:27, 17 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Louisiana" [edit=autoconfirmed] (expires 20:27, 17 May 2010 (UTC)) [move=autoconfirmed] (expires 20:27, 17 May 2010 (UTC)) ‎ (Well, you're finally listening to me! But Hitler's been long dead! How the fuck is he going to take out Mordildo? Don't talk for my nigguh hitler, man.) 15:42, 18 May 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) protected "Work" [edit=sysop] (expires 15:42, 18 May 2010 (UTC)) [move=sysop] (expires 15:42, 18 May 2010 (UTC)) ‎ (Yo nigga, imma gonna break free from deese chains and fill yo cracka ass up wit mah dick, honkey bitch) Biopic of the Week MOTERFUCKING NIGGER BITCH LOVER is the token black admin. Known for his rampant homosexuality and love of sucking the cocks of racist vandals, he's forever spoiling the fun of innocent, hardworking vandals by deleting their masterpieces about their friends, and then adds insult to injury by banning them with excitable and lengthy comments. Bastard. He'll probably get lynched by the KKK before too long. Cajek Notice of the Week He was banned a couple times. No, seriously. See for yourself.

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Brought to you by —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:50, 21 May 2009 (UTC)

Hey

Just wondering if you could adopt me... I don't know if I am doing this right.. I'm kind of new to the whole adoption thing... yeah --LongLiverh3 00:04, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

Well, you certainly recognize good writing based on what you've nommed on VFH. Of course, I may be totally biased seeing as one of those noms was for something I wrote. But anyway... Orian57's a hot talent on a hot streak. And if Mordillo is to be believed, he's got a hot ass too. All things considered: a good choice to be adopted by -- unless of course he's too busy, in which case I apologize profusely and make a shame-faced exit. --T. (talk) 17:32, 23 May 2009 (UTC)

Yes, Hot streak. Hot ass. Adoption sounds like a fine idea. Though I've yet to actually do it propely. Bassically stick

{{Adoptee|Orian57}}

on your userpage and then come and ask me for help with things you've written or need help with. I'll also do my best to look out for you and such. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 18:05 23 May 2009

Hey Faggot!

Or alternatively, hi there! I noticed your name was listed on IC. I also noticed that our latest project is in need of some help. So I put two and two together and realized I should ask Modus. When he told me to get bent, I immediately thought of you. I'm setting an arbitrary deadline for this one at next week Saturday, so if sometime in the next week you can tear yourself away from your porn collection and maybe contribute a line or two it'd be appreciated. We're counting on you, <insert name here>! -OptyC Sucks! CUN18:18, 23 May Dictated; not read.

Why haven't you enlisted in Her Majesty's colonization effort yet? -OptyC Sucks! CUN17:17, 24 May

Because if I do then I'd get people comming to my talk page, berating and abusing me for not doing anything. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 05:42 25 May 2009

Sportals

Science portal is almost done. Which one would you like to run? I think you'll do best to pick some of the existing categories top right, front page, to get audience. Spang said he'd linkify our portals to those links when we're ready. I'll make Science and Art, unless you want either of those. Copy the text from User:Multiliteralist/Science_portal to kickstart. It has a couple of templates but I think you know better than I do how to handle those. -- Style  Guide 17:25, 24 May 2009 (UTC)

Looks good, I'll Probably be able to do something with Computers and Technology. ~Orian57~ ~Talk~ 05:49 25 May 2009

Techmology seems to be a subcategory of Science for some reason. Let's see. -- Style  Guide 08:10, 25 May 2009 (UTC)

Yes - it's on the list of subcategories in the Science Portal. If you get Cabal to make Techmology a category of its own and add it on main page, it has a far wider audience. But Computers is there already... what if the category name was Computers and Technology? It would be a subtle joke all on its own. Then the Technology subcategories should go under that, and Technology removed from the subcat list of science. Just some ideas that ran through my ad/hd addled gotta go, bye. -- Style  Guide 08:16, 25 May 2009 (UTC)