Portal:Games

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The Games and Sports Portal

Hey, gimme a go.

Going back thousands of years through the anals of time, man's penchant for sport (pronounced spurt) is limitless and bounding. Competition has both raised the blood to passionate fervency and reconfirmed the eternal greatness of mankind throughout the centuries. Among the first sports was rungold, which consisted of one man standing at the top of a hill next to a huge boulder, and another man one hundred paces down. The first man would push the massive rock down the hill, and the object was that the second man had to "return it."

Another early sport was Sokur, an archaic game in which players would kick a round object with their feet with the object being to get the ball into either of two makeshift structures called "nets" (usually made out of tungsten weed, or spiderwebs). This game quickly fell out of favor when it was discovered that the object could be picked up with the hands, eventually leading to modern-day Rugby.

Modern sports include Real Football, Baseball, Kitten Huffing, Curling, Snooking, Sockey, Kitten Hurling, Chucking loads of Elephant Poo at each other, Sailing and Monkey Waxing. Every 5 years the Olympiad is played in these and three other grand sports. It is an international competition open to all nations, which originated with the Geeks, an ancient civilization of people with thick glasses and a penchant for VRML tags. People have been throwin' the pigskin, hurlin stones, and waxing monkeys for decades with no stop in sight. This event is ultra-telecast on multilive video feeds on a number of stations worldwide. The soft drink revenues from the event are in the billions, but hey you don't need to know that, you're too busy watchin koko get a clean wax job. (Full article...)


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Baleog, Erik, and Olaf

The Lost Vikings are a group of sports newscasters who were once under the employment of Blizzard Sports News. Consisting of Erik "The Swift" Ronnson, Olaf "The Stout" Starke, and Baleog "The Fierce" Gundersenn, the three worked together effectively to bring the world amusing coverage of many sports topics. Although they delivered their stories with great skill, humour, and an amazing neutrality, they are perhaps more known by their video game appearance, as well as the Super Bowl half-time commercial that inspired it. Both of these featured the newscasters in stereotypical Viking garb attempting to traverse multiple obstacles, all the while making "witty" quips and subtle jabs at one another. As a minor note, they also carry the dubious distinction of being the only sports figures parodying a civilization of one sort or another that have not yet been targeted by multiple lawsuits.

Anchors

Although there are generally only the three above-mentioned anchors within the group of Vikings at any time, a couple of other faces have shown up.

Olaf "The Stout" Starke, defensive play expert, is generally the butt of many jokes by his two co-anchors, helped in no means by his large stature and poor hygiene. (Full article...)

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Thermopylae

Thermopylae was the top selling board game of the 5th Century BCE.

Nominate stuff Image credit: Mhaille Image archive


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Did You Know...

  • ...AAA is, was, and always will be, without question, the greatest video game player on Earth.
  • ...If it weren't for Phillips CD-i, there would be no such thing as youtube poop, and thenforth, life would not be worth living in the slightest. So it's safe to say that Phillips resurrected the gaming industry from when Atari's rendition of Pacman, E.T. The Game, and Sonic Unleashed killed it.
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Board Games - Cards - Computer Games - Departure of Fun - Drinking Games - Fighting Games - GameFAQs - Games for Mac OS - Grand Theft Auto - MMORPGs - Mortal Kombat - PacMan - Puzzles - Role playing games - RuneScape - Sports - Uncyclopedia Games - Uncyclopoly - Video games - Vile racism - War Games - World of Warcraft - Xbox Live Members

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