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Rogue punchlines

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This joke was preceded with, "I think my wife is leaving me...".

WARNING: This page contains rogue punchlines, proceed at your own risk

“I never use pogue punchlines. Just like when I masturbate.”

~ Noel Coward on rogue punchlines

Rogue punchlines are extremely short jokes that can be placed after almost anything and be funny. They are both a study in minimalism and the adaptability and versatility of some jokes. Many consider rogue punchlines to be stupid, but you're stupid.

See? That was a rogue punchline, on loan for this article from the Oslo Museum of Humorology, and used with thanks. Work with me here....that was another one. So's your face.

Comedy genius

Statue of Leonidas at the site of the Battle of Thermopylae: The inscription beneath reads - OMG ITS LEONIDAS, GET IN THE CHARIOT QUICK! Historians are unaware of the preceding lines, though can make out the word "masturbate".

Often utilised by the leading academics and top comedians, pogue punchlines can be witnessed in many situations, but usually find their home within Celebrity Roasts, jumble sales and IRC channels. Many experts consider the rogue punchline to be the most superior form of comedic commentary since Swift's satirical masterpiece "A Modest Proposal". But what the fuck do they know?

As with many flavours of humour, the use of rogue punchlines is limited by fixed "laws" which govern the amusement levels that the joke may produce. Subtle wordplay in the hands of a trained comedic master has provided mankind with some of the most memorable moments in human history, including the classic Ides of March fun run featuring the great Italian comedian of Julius "You're sitting in it now" Caesar, the happy-go-lucky Invasion of Pantheon and the mirthful outbreak of the Great War following the assassination of a very serious Archduke "Well what if I don't WANT to take my clothes off?" Ferdinand.

Social commentary

Many of the world's top scientists believe that the very essence of humour is anticlimactic in nature, that an abrupt and sudden change in viewpoint, and a moment of revelation is the key to all good humour, in the classic sense. This is a load of shite.

It is known that a sense of humour is a quality which is universal amongst humans and some species of halibut, although the extent to which an individual will personally find something humorous depends on a host of absolute and relative variables, including, but not limited to geographical location, culture, maturity, level of education and context. An example of this is that young children and morons (of any background) particularly favour slapstick style of humour, while mature audiences are more appreciative of satire, irony and scatological humour. This too is a load of shite.

At least, that's what your mom told me last night.

Actual example

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Possibly the most famous of all rogue punchline gags is the now infamous Aristocrats gag. Named after the popular Disney feline extravaganza, the joke takes the following format:

A man walks toward a talent agent's office, but finds the agent is just leaving. He stops the agent from getting into his car by saying, "Look, I have a family act, and I'd like you to represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned. Plus, I'm late." The man says, "But, this is really special, and it'll only take a second." The agent says, "Okay, fine, what do you do? And make it quick." The man says, "My wife and I come out in our Sunday best and play Beethoven's 5th, me on violin, she piano. Then my son comes in and reads the collected works of Noel Coward, while my daughter hands out homemade cookies to the audience." The agent, unimpressed, and just wanting to get the man to leave him alone, says "I'll let you know. Incidentally, what do you call yourselves?" The man says, "JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A LION! GET IN THE CAR!"!"

Key rogue punchlines

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Rogue punchlines generally come in two forms: innuendo and inside jokes. While anyone can get "in your end-o" (get it?), inside jokes require prior knowledge of the joke that's referenced to think that the rogue punchline is funny.

Innuendo

  • "That's what she said."
  • "Just like when I masturbate."
  • "Well what if I don't WANT to take my clothes off?"
  • "... in bed."
  • "... naked,"
  • "...in his pants."
  • "...FUCK."
  • "... speaking of which, AIDS."
  • "...after the orgy."
  • ".... lube or as nature intended?"
  • "... like a boss."
  • "... another one bites the dust."

Inside Jokes

  • ...with SAVINGS!!!
  • "I think so Brain, but where will we get that many cucumbers at this time of night?"
  • "That dog's not so shaggy."
  • "JESUS CHRIST, IT'S A LION! GET IN THE CAR!"
  • "...but it's pronounced 'Throat Warbler Mangrove.'"
  • "...The Aristocrats!"
  • "It could be worse. It could be Jar-Jar Binks."
  • "OMG PONIES!"
  • *** You have died ***
  • "How the HELL am I going to operate my digital watch now?"
  • "...with turtles."
  • God Bless America
  • "Papadachi"
  • "Oh, that's our shortstop!"
  • "OVER NINE THOUSAAAND!"
  • "Solid as a steel blade, and glowing with true magic"
  • "In America."
  • "The cake is a lie."
  • "I ain't givin' no tree-fiddy to no goddamn lochness monster"
  • "Debbie Does OH JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION GET IN THE CAR!!!
  • jumbo-large
  • "Yes we can."
  • "... and then I was like EMILIO!"
  • "Fuuutooon..."
  • "WHAT THE FUH-BOOM!!!"

Other

A rogue punchline shows up in this rarely seen episode of Voltron.
  • "No, YOU..."
  • "Honey, not on Mommy's new couch."
  • "You're sitting in it now."
  • Your Mother Likes It
  • "So's your face!"
    • Alternatively, "So's your mom!"
      • Alternatively, "So's your mom's face!"
        • Alternatively, "So's your face's mom!"
          • Alternatively, "So's your mom's mom!"
            • Optional mock-serious reply to this line of attack: "*sniff* My mom's dead. I miss you, mommy..."
              • Highly recommended if your mother has in fact passed away.
  • "I know YOU are, but what am I?"
  • "Sews your face!" (plastic surgeon version)
  • "And the French guy says "Deodorant? What's that?"
  • "...and thats why I ALWAYS carry a spare pair of underpants."
  • "...but how would that be different from any other day?"
  • "...and then I found $20."
  • "...and then I stabbed a guy in the face."
  • "Wankel Rotary Engine!"
  • "As the bishop said to the horse..."
  • "... for me to poop on!"
  • "...bitch."
  • "... and then she got eaten by a bear."
  • "... and that's how I lost my virginity."
  • "...and that's when I said 'hold the Dr. Pepper'. True Story!"
  • "That's not funny, my brother died that way"
  • "...and I knew that it was morally wrong, but I covered it in cheese and ate it."
  • "...and that's how my gerbil died."
  • "...and that's how I got chlamydia."
  • "...and that's when I bought the horse a prostitute."
  • "...At Wal-Mart."
  • "...No, you're a towel."

See also

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Rogue punchlines.
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