User:Xamralco/archive

Welcome!

Hello, Xamralco, and welcome to Uncyclopedia! Thank you for your contributions. I hope you like the place and decide to stay. If not, the door's right over there... no, a little more to your left... yeah. Anyway, here are a few good links for people like you:

• Beginner's Guide
• Our Vanity Policies - why we don't care about your friends
• How to be funny and not just stupid

If you read anything at all, make it the above three links. If you want to find out more about Uncyclopedia or need more help with something, try these:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
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I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian! Please sign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or use the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically produce your name and the date.

At Uncyclopedia, writing articles is not a requirement, but it certainly is a fun and easy way to express your creativity. To write an article, it's recommended that you start it in your userspace (for example, User:Xamralco/Article about stuff) so you can edit it at your leisure. If you decide to create it in the cold world of mainspace, make sure it is in accordance with the policies laid out above, and if you're not done put the "Work-In-Progress" template - {{construction}} - onto it as well.

If the current colonization doesn't suit your fancy, then browse our rewrite and idea categories. We have lots of articles just sitting around for someone to improve, so don't be afraid - dive right in!

If you need help, ask me on my talk page, ask at the Dump, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, the Uncyclopedian Adopt-a-Noob program is there to bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. Again, welcome!  -- Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 10:09, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Your articles

I have moved two of them into your userspace (here and here). Your other one, Pannts has an expand template on it in preference to the more restrictive ICU. The reason the above are now in your userspace is because that means you only have one article on a time limit in mainspace so can focus on that one before turning your attentions to your others. If you have any questions then let me know on my talk page. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 05:41, July 2, 2011 (UTC)

40th Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my 40th featured article.

It also happens to be my third featured UnNews.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:58, July 9, 2011 (UTC)

---

I'm Strange

I've really gotta stop talking to myself -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 18:09, July 17, 2011 (UTC)

User:Xamralco/Why?:IPs can't edit the main page

For fuck's sake, I looked for an article on Pee Review to well... review, but I am not reviewing that since I am a formatting error. That is awesome, how could I review something I have no skills in? I already voted for you on NotM for the bread thing. You can be sure that when that thing is on VFH, I will vote for it! Just wanted to say, I am Mattsnow and here are some of my articles, 3 of them on VFH right now! You are Noob of the month by a longshot in my opinion! Cheers! Mattsnow 20:26, July 17, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:45, July 17, 2011 (UTC)

A man of few words I may say! Mattsnow 00:02, July 18, 2011 (UTC)

Oh yeah, I voted for one of your articles. I just wanted to say, it was pretty damn funny -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:22, July 18, 2011 (UTC)

Baby blood, baby blood...that made me laugh. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 04:09, 29 July 2011

Bread article

Well done with the revision! And looks like you have a well deserved feature. Everyone really likes it. WRITE MORE ARTICLES!!! By the way...sign up for the tournament. Seriously...you really should participate...join one of the teams with only one user...they are both experienced writers!!! AGain...nice job with bread! --ShabiDOO 00:52, July 18, 2011 (UTC)

It sounds like fun but I can't use my computer in August (It's too complicated to explain) -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:58, July 18, 2011 (UTC)

Worst 100 LOL Cats

I don't think that article is bad enough to merit a FFW tag. Although it does depend of cliche humor (cats), it is consistent, and it does have some relatively original images and several original captions. Also, it does have 100 entries, unlike the vast majority of lists. And, it does tend to get a high ratio of helpful ip edits. --Mn-z 01:43, July 25, 2011 (UTC)

Oi!

How's this look now?

Let's send PuppyOnTheRadio off with a Feature. ⇒»Biz E.B. Ver  (gabble) 12:55, July 30, 2011 (UTC)

User:Xamralco/Why?:IPs can't edit the main page

Could you move this out of your userspace so I can nom it on VFH? :) Please let me know. It's a shame it was forgotten, a shame really! If you don't do it soon I'm gonna ask an admin to do it. Great stuff. Mattsnow 11:04, August 13, 2011 (UTC)

I'm using an iPhone right now, so I can't scroll down to the bottom of the edit section and remove the pee review template. Can you please remove it before I move the article? Oh and I'm so happy that you like it -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 11:29, August 13, 2011 (UTC)

I figured out how to do it and I moved the page -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 18:33, August 13, 2011 (UTC)

Done! I hope it does well, I don't see why it would not! I, for one, enjoyed it very much! :) Mattsnow 21:17, August 13, 2011 (UTC)

Saying it is simply "doing well" would be a travesty LOL! Awesome! Mattsnow 18:37, August 14, 2011 (UTC)

Rock and roll

First, Im so sorry about the pee review. I spent about 45 minutes working on it and I didnt save the file and blah blah and you know what its like when you have to think about typing that all out again. In the end, you got a featured article in two days voting...during a dry spell. :) Anyhoo...look, I got a TON of articles that Im in the works on. You can see on my user page under my priorities that I have half a dozen. If you are interested, you could colaborate with me on any of them (except a day in the life of the Canadian prime minister). If you are interested, go ahead and do some editing or what not. If not, well...I wont invite you to my birthday party! --ShabiDOO 20:57, August 14, 2011 (UTC)

It's the kind of article that is discouraging to do a Pee on because it is so hard to find something bad! Isn't it Shabidoo? See my message above from a while back (July 17th) :) In the end, I'm quite sure a Pee Review done by anyone would not have improved it, or maybe by 1%. It's a case where you say: either people will like the concept or they won't (incredibly). 2 just voted against 0.0 They need to take their coffee and open their eyes! :D Mattsnow 10:48, August 15, 2011 (UTC)

Xamralco, I hope you can see this: your article is not on the front page, it is the front page :D Mattsnow 02:22, August 16, 2011 (UTC)

This is so cool -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 09:49, August 16, 2011 (UTC)

QVFD

Hi there. Please don't add pages to QVFD that don't qualify for quick deletion. Pick, for example, has had an ICU tag for a few days. If an article is tagged with ICU, and not improved within a week, it will be deleted. QVFDing such pages is redundant, unnecessary, and redundant. --Andorin Kato 01:51, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry about that. I actually hit the QVFD tab on the top by accident. I tried to change it, but you crossed out the article already. It won't happen again. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 12:14, August 31, 2011 (UTC)

Sun

Chomsky lecturing children about colorless green ideas.

Hello sonny jim me old mucker, thanks for the nom. You're a man of good taste, I can tell. I've enjoyed your features so far too, what are you working on now? Stick with me kid, you'll go far. Or as far as you can get on this site, which is to say; nowhere at all. --Black Flamingo 19:34, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

Well, I'm working on this (It's sort of an obscure topic but it was a requested article so thought I would give it a try). I put it up for pee review, but maybe you could skim over it quickly to see if it's good enough to move into the mainspace. Anyway, I really liked the Sun article and I'm sure it'll get featured. Um, that's it. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:32, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

It's definitely good enough for mainspace. It's cool. A bit of tweaking and it could easily be another feature. --Black Flamingo 21:01, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

Great, I'll move it -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:02, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

Actually, I have some advice if you're interested: get yourself a main image for the intro; something that establishes your concept if you can (I'm thinking book cover/pic of Chomsky/etc). Then it'll probably be about ready. --Black Flamingo 21:11, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

Is this good? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 12:04, September 2, 2011 (UTC)

Someone already nommed the article for a feature. I guess I won't add the picture. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:12, September 2, 2011 (UTC)

I still think you should. --Black Flamingo 19:19, September 2, 2011 (UTC)

You're right. I'll add it. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:33, September 2, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, I could have sworn I voted for that, but I just checked and... nothing. Anyway, congrats and nice work. --Black Flamingo 22:05, September 4, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:15, September 4, 2011 (UTC)

You

Keep being amazing or I'll stab you. 1234 ~ 22:21, 4 September 2011

Um... Okay? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:24, September 4, 2011 (UTC)

I'm glad we're in agreement! ^^ 1234 ~ 00:20, 5 September 2011

TRÉS

You are officially fucking awesome. Keep being awesome or I'll contact Ban Patrol. WOW. You are the awesomest guy in the "BUTT DRAMA" era of Uncyclopedia. Damn. I could go on all day! —  (talk) (contributions) 00:11, September 5, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:31, September 5, 2011 (UTC)

I have reviewed your article

See here for the piss. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:54, September 21, 2011 (UTC)

Pannts

I went on Pee looking for my zillionth article to Pee on this month and found this. I wanted to review it but I find it is so good that it would be hard to get my bladder working on it and actually suggest improvements... You're sure you want a review? I could try nomming it for VFH if you want. Your call. Mattsnow 03:29, September 23, 2011 (UTC)

Gee, thanks, and of course you can go ahead and nom it. I'm so glad you like it. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:32, September 23, 2011 (UTC)

Great! Anyhow, if it somehow doesn't end up on the frontpage, you can always wait for the Pee Review and renom it again after a month I think. (or even if it gets on the frontpage, you can wait for the Pee to come flying by: it's cool to tweak articles even if they've been featured, thinks I.) Let's see how it does! Mattsnow 23:51, September 23, 2011 (UTC)

Hey bro, I think you took the QVFD hammer on Kerela a little too hard! I moved it back to the user's userspace and sent the user a message. It's not a gem at all, but there is far worse than that on mainspace. I mean QVFDing one liners and utter shit is definitely the thing to do, but in this case, you can do like I did: move it to the bloke userspace, suppress the redirect and send him a nice, diplomatic message with the new link. If not, new users are going to get discouraged! Mattsnow 22:12, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry about that. I didn't even know that Kerela was a real place. I thought the author was just making stuff up. That just shows how uncultured I am. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:53, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

So you expect me to believe that Pannts exist? :D Mattsnow 22:55, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

Well, at least the Double Down is real. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:58, September 24, 2011 (UTC)

I am sorry and surprised the Pannts article is in troubled waters, did you read MKULTRA? on VFH? This is make or break for it. I thought Pannts would get much praise, but the crowd is fickle my friend. From my experience, I can tell you they just don't give a shit about who wrote the article, as long as it is good. It didn't work? You were close to it soldier! Try again!!! Mattsnow 20:10, September 30, 2011 (UTC)

Personally, I didn't think that Pannts was gonna get featured. As for MKULTRA, well, I don't know what MKULTRA is, so I have no idea what the article is talking about. Sorry. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:35, September 30, 2011 (UTC)

Fair enough. I am happy to see you don't fall prey to blatant whoring,(as I just did) as I know now that if in the future you are voting for or against or abstain on one of my articles, it will be an honest response. That makes you an even more credible user. Keep that uncorruptible fiber, because in the end, nobody gives a crap about who authored which article and when. Cheers man, and I respect you for giving me your honest opinion! Pannts could be featured later, but I learned on here that the ultimate goal is not getting features or recognition: in fact it is about creation and having fun. Mattsnow 21:50, September 30, 2011 (UTC)

Your signature

Hey, mon, could I ask you to please not use popup images in your signature? They're somewhat disruptive upon mousing over, and also exactly what Spang was demonstrating what not to do with signatures. I'd say this would be one of the few things he was right about. 1234 ~ 15:41, 28 September 2011

Okay, I'll change my sig. Sorry about that. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:43, September 28, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, man. 1234 ~ 21:51, 28 September 2011

Nom

Well, I don't think I could have nommed anybody for WotM without nomming you! It was kind of obvious. Although we're all here to have fun and awards are there to... well have fun, not instigating free for all competition, I guess we could entitle this one: "Xamralco vs HantedHaudies 2: THE REVENGE!". LMAO! Mattsnow 18:25, October 3, 2011 (UTC)

Five bucks says Neopowell gets nommed too. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:47, October 3, 2011 (UTC)

Well it would be a joke nom, just like RCMurphy; Neopowell doesn't have an edit since July! Mattsnow 20:57, October 3, 2011 (UTC)

A day late, because ChiefjusticeDS got lazy: The UnSignPost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

October 6th, 2011 • Issue 141 •Am I still on that fecking island?

It's all over! By Frosty Well obviously people are getting sick of hearing about it (because ChiefjusticeDS has done nothing but blab about it for the past 3 issues, thus making it dull and boring by the time it is actually worth mentioning), but the bi-annual Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise is locked for judging and shall be until the 12th, when the winner will be announced! I have to say, as a judge, there are some pretty aspiring, feature worthy works being displayed and it really bring out the best of Uncyclopedia. But then again, some works don't look like they are quite finished and the 2 weeks have simply flown past for some of the hopefuls. I am also disappointed that our n00bs where two n00bish to actually include any entries except for one, which has subsequently won without any effort. Anyway I'm pretty sure we know who has the best article and will therefore win the whole ordeal. But really, what will become of all this? Further proof that all Uncyclopedians are a series of monkeys on typewriters? Or some top notch quality humor for the enjoyment of all and enough features to fill the queue until Christmas? Well I'm going to play it by ear, and wait until the judging part is over and done with. Because as far as I can see if our writers are as competent at our judges, there is no hope what so ever. JUDGES GET JUDGING, OR YOU'LL BE VERY VERY SORRY INEED! The bitch is back! By Frosty Oh yes, a phrase used all too frequently to indicate some loser is indeed amongst us again. Tom mayfair, a user who has been largely dorment since 2008 has made an epic comeback in the past week swearing eternal allegiance to the cause once more. He came barging in demanding his sysop powers back (with success I might add) and got right back down to editing again. Good work Tom! But this of course makes us all wonder where the hell the lad has been for the last couple of years, after all he only made a groundbreaking 6 edits in 2010. So why the hell has his sad domestic life become more important than us suddenly? Well the truth is, he's got a wife or something as far as I've been told told over IRC and so he is probably more preoccupied with the better things in life, rather than some sad little websites full of people who can't write to save their lives. I therefore hate the loser for making a mockery out of us all. We're going to lose our precious talk pages! By Frosty Oh yeah, because wikia is all bright 'n'all, we're going to be losing our talk pages for some fancy pants message walls kind of like facebook. Users have expressed outrage to this, in the form of angry forums, flame wars, letter bombs and urban terrorism. I don't blame 'em either, this is just plain unacceptable, I have a list there of people that owe me money! Anyway the petition is 'ere, go add your name to the over 200 that are already there for all the good it'll do. Now back to my sulking about my precious talk page...

Check out these pages! Can we please? Can we not? Can we laugh? Can we stop? Can we all vote? From our logs: 07:37, September 30, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 300 seconds ‎ (Rasputin, bring forth the bucket of soapy frogs and remove his trousers) 08:01, October 2, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.9.10.18 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Nothing better than sitting down to a nice big plate of penis in the evening) 02:51, October 3, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lollipop (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Wanted me deopped... ) 01:09, October 6, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked PIGGY (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a frying pan. Yep. ‎ (I can see those button eyes. They might fool the people at the button club, but not me. I stopped going to that place years ago.) 04:21, October 6, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked An eggplant (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Lyrithya sock) 22:30, October 6, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Scofield (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm sure your stay would have been more smooth if you tried as hard to contribute to the site as you do to vandalize it.) Biopic of the Week This week's biopic is Pee review. Many of you who participated in Pee Week recently have not done a review since then. Please get reviewing again, so that we don't have a huge back log to review and Lyrithya doesn't start flailing all over the place again. This writer has done one this month and plans to do another once he delivers the UnSignpost. Follow his example and review an article today, there is a prize involved you know? List of others who are also back, but unworthy of a whole section to their name Roman Dog Bird Kip the Dip Necropaxx Nikau <insert name here> Newsroom UnTune of the week Shit... Shit... Shit...

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 02:30, October 7, 2011 (UTC)

Pac-Man (walkthrough)

Dear sir, thank you for the unexpected nomination of my article. Among the few ones I've translated from French Désencyclopédie (being the original author or not), it's certainly the one who required the less effort! By the way I had a look at your production and I must say I really enjoy your sense of humour. I specially enjoyed Why?:IPs can't edit the main page which looks like something I wanted to write for Désencyclopédie for years but never had enough courage. WiiKend 18:19, October 7, 2011 (UTC)

I'm glad you like my articles, and personally, that Pac man thing cracked me up! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:15, October 7, 2011 (UTC)

You voted for Subliminal stimuli, which got featured!

A million thanks! -- 03:42, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Rollback thing

You asked Zombiebaron how to use it and what it does, here yah go:

You can now revert obvious vandalism straight from Recent Changes, using the rollback feature in one click (Its looks like this [rollback].) You can also go via page history and instead of it being 3 or 4 clicks in now takes just the one (But we sure its vandalism before reverting it, its not magical. The diff button on RC is useful for a quick check). You can also suppress redirects when you move pages (Useful if you have an article in your userspace you wish to mainspace). ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:08, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, Frosty. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:09, October 15, 2011 (UTC)

Slight cosmetic improvment

Hi sir. I'm currently trying to copy your Why?:IPs can't edit the main page for French Désencyclopédie and I wonder if you could considering a small improvment simply by adding the {{Title|}} template at the beginning of the article, making the title disapearing as if it were an actual main page. WiiKend 19:51, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

I've tried that and it doesn't actually make the title disappear. Instead, there's just a horizontal line with the words "From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia" underneath it. Basically, it looks really bad. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:04, October 19, 2011 (UTC)

that's weird. It works for me. I have also the message "De Uncyclopedia" (I guess the French version of the one you talk about) but anyway it's written on every page I read here... WiiKend 05:49, October 20, 2011 (UTC)

I dunno, but you can still use the template in the French translation if it works there. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:13, October 20, 2011 (UTC)

SpongeBob

Appropriate casual greetings to ye. I noticed SpongeBob is on the Pee Review list and I'm curious if it's just there so you can nom it or do you really want some feedback? As far as I'm concerned, it's pretty ripe. I'm planning on nomming this and a few other rewrites I judged for the PLS so let me know if you'd like more time for various touch-ups or other direction based touching. I understand and I wish to continue. . 09:51, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

I usually will put up an article on pee review after I finish it, but I don't really need feedback. You can nom it if you want but there's no pressure. Glad you like it, though. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:24, October 21, 2011 (UTC)

Superlative remark. VFH is full at the moment so I'll probably have to wait a few days. I understand and I wish to continue. . 00:19, October 22, 2011 (UTC)

Okay. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:37, October 22, 2011 (UTC)

I wanted to

Do you consider going on IRC sometimes? Mattsnow 00:11, October 27, 2011 (UTC)

For some reason, my computer doesn't recognized websites beginning with irc, not to mention I don't really want to. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:18, October 27, 2011 (UTC)

People here are really nice on IRC, very seriously they are nice to everyone, but no fuss. Your legend is even greater this way: your article Why?:IPs can't edit the main page is already a legend. Much love! Mattsnow 01:06, October 27, 2011 (UTC)

Generic UnSignpost header

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

October 27th, 2011 • Issue 142 •Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

Regular Servicing By Chief Over the past two weeks Uncyclopedia has been a dreary and empty place. Uncyclopedians flit through the corridors unseeing, unknowing, unfeeling, uncaring. The reason? The UnSignpost has missed two issues. Now the UnSignpost would like to apologise for this, we would like to say that it was because Capitalist demonstrators have been camped outside our offices demanding that we stop producing terrible material for nothing, but we cannot because they aren't. We don't even have an office so if that were true it would be something of an achievement. No it is the blight that has caused the fall of so many UnSignpost editors: laziness and life. Like the Grim Reaper in Final Destination they stalk you from the second you write an issue and then, when you least expect it, they strike all of a sudden you have priorities and you can't be arsed to complete any of them, which would be a problem, if you could be arsed to care. But fear not normal service has now resumed and the UnSignpost will be making its way to talk pages again this Thursday, which should please all four of the people who are A: active enough to read the UnSignpost, B: Not members of the editorial team who have read it already and C: Haven't read it while it is being written. The other big news from approximately two weeks ago is that the Poo Lit Surprise is finished, much to the delight of everyone. The big winners were of course Uncyclopedia and the creative process, there are no losers on Uncyclopedia after all, only the sad pathetic freaks who come in last. Of course they do not stand comparison to the biggest loser of all; the 11th Poo Lit Surprise chairperson ChiefjusticeDS who had quite a lot to say about the competition, happily we have managed to condense all of the 4 hour interview down to 8 words: "I was very glad to host the PLS". The real winners, besides the creative process, Uncyclopedia, Jesus and Democracy, are listed here. Special mention must go to Black flamingo11 for winning both Best Article and Best Collaboration (with Lyrithya) and also for being the runner up in the Best Rewrite category. Black flamingo had this to say about his incredible success: "SQUAWK", you can also listen to his full reaction just here, he's in the third row, fourth from the right. The Return of the Tide By Mattsnow As assorted drama unfolds around our beloved Wiki, it should be noted that some people have foolishly returned to the site, passing up the opportunity for a lucrative career milking cows or watching sheep. They have returned, we assume, for the simple fun of writing funny articles, the fools. Such bipolar candidates include everyone's favourite opiate Codeine. Try not to get his heart rate above 90 which, coincidentally, is his estimated age. His doctor told us in an exclusive interview that he may not make it if he so much as stands for more than 3 consecutive minutes, and that his obsessive "Anniversary" edits may hint as being a first grade of dementia. UnSignpost statisticians (yes really) have also calculated that this is the 15th time Codeine has returned to the wiki this year. At the other extreme of the sanity spectrum. Nikau who came back to the wiki with a vengeance: clogging up Recent Changes, writing 4 articles at the same time while doing Pee Reviews and drinking around 40 cans of Red Bull per hour in order to keep up the frantic pace. It is believed that he edits the wiki on 3 separate computers at the same time: two with his hands and one with his toes. He would probably do even more if it would not mean that he would be persistently edit conflicting himself. The community is really grateful for the return of such marvellous dinosaurs and decided to organize a Rhinoceros BBQ in their honour. Friday at <insert name here>'s house. Please bring your own dancing girls or we'll have to use Olipro and Mhaille again, and nobody has quite recovered after last time yet.

Check out these pages! Is he trying to tell us something? Whore your pointless, worthless scribbles here And you can't even name three of them A wholly unimportant forum topic, totally! Because all those books, plays and verses aren't doing that at all From our logs: 16:46, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.176.202.139 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:45, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.202.230.133 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:45, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.241.118.255 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:44, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.48.48.50 (Talk) with an expiry time of 4 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 13:17, October 18, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (It's because I'm a filthy Jew right?) 01:05, October 19, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 129.44.83.21 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Congratulations. Even though my web browser is a massive pile of slow right now, I have still managed to ban you. Doesn't that make you feel special?) Biopic of the Week Is this a pair of pants I see before me? It certainly is because this week the UnSignpost has shaped up, pulled it's finger out and gotten down to it in order to give HauntedUndies a thorough licking. But not in that way. For those of you who do not know HauntedUndies has been knocking about Uncyclopedia since May and in that time has proved himself a worthy UnNews reporter. Now we here at the UnSignpost are far too professional to get bogged down complaining about the lazy tossers who work over at UnNews and will simply say that if HauntedUndies enjoys bathing, not being racist and sleeping with ladies then he won't find very many friends over there. You've probably read some of his stuff if you are the sort of foul-mouthed bigot who enjoys UnNews. No disrespect to you HauntedUndies but it's like you're best friends with Hitler. Now get out there and bring us more featured articles or you'll be very sorry indeed. Also we don't really hate the folks over at UnNews, so feel free to hang out there as much as you like, but don't come crying to us when you end up with some sort of infection. Confessions from Recent Changes "I'm a huge Tarantino fan. There, I said it." - Magic man "This wiki has turned into shit. Please delete this account as I shall never be coming back here" - IsileK "DURRR I JSUT DICSOVERED UNCYECLIPOEDIA OSCAR WILDE SOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!111" - Roman Dog Bird Newsroom UnTune of the week Hey There, Delilah

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:18, 27 October 2011

WOTM

	Writer of the Month October 2011

-- KittyKitty (t) (c) 05:43, November 1, 2011 (UTC)

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

November 3rd, 2011 • Issue 143 • Forseeing all sorts of unforeseen problems since 2008!

Fundraising By Chief Money, dosh, moolah, cash. It's the time of year when Wikipedia pastes a gigantic banner to the top of all of their pages hosting a link to an inspirational article penned by Wikia-Oberstgruppenführer Jimbo Wales (not to be confused with Uncyclopedian JimboTheKillerWhale). The text of this article usually runs along these lines: "Isn't Wikipedia wonderful? Yes it is. Now if you donate the small sum of £300 we can keep it looking nice and won't have to send it back to its parents in tiny pieces". This is an absolute disgrace. It's like they're holding Wikipedia to ransom; if I wanted to pay for information I'd move to Nazi Germany, assuming I had a time machine, obviously. How does this affect us here on our own benighted wiki? Well, the logged-in among you may well have paused to examine the banner that has been pasted all over the site notice this past week, at least you will have done before you hid it and carried on with whatever it is you people do all day. Predictably Lyrithya, never one to be swayed by the crippling apathy of the Uncyclopedia userbase, has suggested that we all try and create our own banners. Evidently she isn't swayed by the crippling ineptitude of the Uncyclopedia userbase either. Now we'll be brutally honest, the UnSignpost doesn't have a template critic and the current editorial staff aren't really sure how the UnSignpost itself works; we just fill in the boxes. However, as seasoned UnSignpost readers are no doubt aware, ignorance never stands in the way of good journalism, so having affixed berets to our monitors and incredibly condescending and disgusted looks to our faces, we decided to examine the submissions so far. First up is this one, which was made by Magic man in 2010, which brings a certain authority to the piece... we assume. However we simply cannot countenance the font, which makes it look like it was written by a spider on rollerskates. Go back and try again, Magic man, and get a haircut as well. The next choice offering came from the pen of EpicAwesomeness, and here it is. We sat down with EpicAwesomeness so he could talk us through the allegorical significance of the piece: "Well, you know, it has Wikipedia in it, you know, because I was just like trying to capture the fact Wikipedia is in it, you know?" he droned at our slack-jawed reporter. "There's, you know, some italics to prove I'm, like, sophisticated, and some blood to show I'm deep, it's my blood, I like to be in all my work. The background is a mix of my-" Alas, the recording of the interview ends there to the sound of gagging and retching, so we can only imagine what the background of EpicAwesomeness's banner is a mix of. Lollipop's offering is this interesting piece which expresses his desire to sodomise dogs. On an unrelated note the UnSignpost dog will not be appearing in this issue. The only other offering has come from an IP. We here at the UnSignpost are united in our delight at its subtlety and in raptures at its wit and elegance. Just kidding; the pictures are wrong, the text is wrong and I've never seen a template name so flawed. For your chance to critique the honest endeavours of other Uncyclopedians, visit the forum here. Or don't; visit the official page instead and remain untainted. Awards By Him yet again The forums have once again become the stage for what looks set to become one of the more exciting votes of the year. Thekillerfroggy has suggested that awards are becoming devalued when they are being handed out after voting from only one or two people. Naturally the solution is a quota of some sort, that or we drag the unused awards out to the square and beat them to death as an example to the others. This obviously comes as something of a blow to our plans to introduce an UnSignpost Editor of the Month award, which we wouldn't announce to anyone and would award to the most deserving amongst us every week until Judgement Day. The vote appears to be getting some support, indeed the forum has gotten more votes in two days (8 at time of going to press) than Playwright of the Month has managed to accrue so far this year (5 at the time of going to press). This leads us to suggest that instead of implementing its recommendations we simply create a new award, Policy Changing Forum of the Month, since as Thekillerfroggy so eloquently suggests "If you build it they will come". And so they will, TKF, assuming of course that you're building some kind of wank machine. The forum link is hanging about in the "Check out these pages" section, cleverly masquerading as a link. If you can't find your way to the correct forum with these instructions then we don't think you deserve to have a say. You big stupid-head.

Check out these pages! Useless Awards Botting What's INS? Because the UnSignpost needs more me From our logs: 00:14, October 29, 2011 Haydrahlienne (Talk | contribs) blocked A filthy jew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite 04:03, October 29, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sorry, old chap... but you're proving quite the caterpillar in our buttermilk) 23:03, October 29, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS is a filthy jew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (He's also a fantastic swimmer, and if you play your cards right then he just might coooome round for dinner!) 00:05, November 2, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 144.124.29.68 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (your resemblance to tom jones does not intrigue me) 10:20, November 1, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Jizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You're disgusting.) 19:37, November 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 38.100.105.130 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 weeks ‎ (Somebody needs a nap and some juice) Biopic of the Week Now we here at the UnSignpost don't often do requests; if we did, the editorial staff would have had to commit seppuku on no less than four occasions or would presently be suffering a lifetime of slavery on Cuban sugar plantations. However this week we will be addressing a complex and dynamic issue at the behest of Sycamore and Orian57. Namely, why aren't they in the UnSignpost more often and could we maybe consider putting them in the UnSignpost more often? For the few of you who are unfamiliar with Sycamore he's the most newsworthy Uncyclopedian around. At least, that's what he told us. He's even more newsworthy than that guy over there, who seems to make it into the UnSignpost just about every other week. His past successes include being fae bonnie Scotland, being the writer of several featured articles and the adopter of several noobs. He hasn't been in the UnSignpost because he has been editing a little bit less and because when he is around he has generally been getting on with writing, voting and reverting, all things which will never get you into the UnSignpost. Ever. Orian57 hasn't been in the UnSignpost because he's gay. He did have features on three consecutive days once, but that was so long ago all this was just fields. Words This edition of the UnSignpost has an awful lot of them. Well done us. Also, bone is not a dirty word. Newsroom UnTune of the week Congressman in Drag Confessions from Recent Changes "This page was shit and I should feel like shit" - HELPME "Facepalm" - Lollipop "Calendars are a wonderful thing, aren't they?" - Oliphaunte

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:03, 3 November 2011

Before placing a VFD tag...

...on an article that was re/written by a legitimate author, it's good form to let them know that you are tagging something as VFD. I mean this in regards to Oprah Winfrey. I take umbridge that you didn't observe this nicety. Not only is it bad form, but I am wagging my finger at you. Consider yourself admonished. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 17:16, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

What is a a legitimate author, though? 1234 ~ 18:31, 7 November 2011

A legitimate author? Someone other than a drive by IP address. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 23:34, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

We have a lot of rather questionable users as well, though... I'd name one, but we've generally never heard of most of them. Unless that's what you're getting a... you know what? I'll just shut up now. 1234 ~ 23:39, 7 November 2011

If the article was clearly written by one person, I would have, but in this instance, the history was filled with IPs and redlink users and I had no idea that you rewrote this. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:50, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

I know, hot headedness is one of my curses. And how were you to know because tharticle has been the victim of drive by edits and vandals. So I recant, partially. But I will still fight like mad to keep an article on Winfrey on Uncyclopedia, even if it isn't this one. Still vaporizing it isn't the answer. What we need to do is find someone who will adopt it, and love and make it better, not worse. Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 23:34, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

Maybe one of the IPs was Sebastian Faulks? mAttlobster. (hello) 21:53, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

They were all...! Er... yeah. 1234 ~ 23:24, 7 November 2011

Hey dude

You just simultaneously voted delete on something like 11 articles. You did look at those things before voting, right? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:12, 9 November 2011

Socky, please don't assume bad faith. Xamralco is relatively new here, but I'm sure he understands that he is supposed to read an article before voting on it. Maybe he just didn't want to use 11 edits to cast all his votes. -- The Zombiebaron 22:20, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Zombiebaron's right. I usually read each article and then vote one at a time, but since there were so many articles I thought it would be easier to just read them all at once and then vote in one edit. Rest assured, I read each article. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:24, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, there are a lot of them there. What might help sometimes, however, would be to give a bit of a reason why when voting - can potentially help convince others that it really should be, or it can turn out you just misinterpreted something, or at very least it can help avoid such assumptions of bad faith. That said, sometimes articles really are just plain bad and that's the end of it, so... yeah. I dunno. Just thoughts, I guess. 1234 ~ 22:27, 9 November 2011

Sorry, next time I'll just do it like I normally do. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:31, November 9, 2011 (UTC)

Don't apologise; doing that is fine. How people view it is something to take into consideration, but there's no need to split up what would be one edit otherwise. Just makes it more likely to edit conflict other people. On the other hand, you're more likely to get edit conflicted doing it all at once... 1234 ~ 22:38, 9 November 2011

Sorry if it looked like I was assuming bad faith. I was just checking what the actual situation was. It did look a bit suspicious, though. 11 identical, commentless delete votes. You're definitely allowed to do all the voting in one go, Xamralco, but if you add a little comment to some of the delete votes, people will be able to tell that you read the articles and your comments might be helpful for improving those articles. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 12:11, 10 November 2011

Awesome. 1234 ~ 16:29, 13 November 2011

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The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

November 10th, 2011 • Issue 144 • Is it really that big?

Hard-Hitting Journalism By Chief There's plenty for the UnSignpost to talk about this week so, naturally, we have decided not to talk about any of it. Instead we are going to tell you about the issues, the real issues, the ones that they don't want you to know about. Issue number one is that the cabal chairperson for November: Zombiebaron has, and not everybody knows this, instructed the administrative body to ban everyone in the world. You can see that it's happening. I mean, does it not seem strange to you that every time there's some kind of vandalism at some point an administrator just happens to turn up? Are you with us? True anarchists should be sure to pick up their copy of "If you can't revert it, kick it to death" when it comes out on UnTunes. Another issue that they don't want you to know is that we appear to have another VFS fast approaching, which for the experienced among you also means four weeks worth of UnSignposts following the VFS. This is news which pleases our editor greatly as it will just about take him through to the stage where he can fill at least half of every issue with mince pie banter and can continue to drop into a stupor every Thursday without fear of missing another UnSignpost. The page is a melting pot of passive aggressive wankery mixed in with pessimism. We won't be quoting any of it here unfortunately, our wankery license got revoked after we ran that Conservapedia issue. Electrified mocha chinchilla has also hit the forums this week objecting to constant changes to the site notice. Something which should be secondary in importance to the fact that the vast majority of the userbase don't seem to have noticed, clearly we need a new site notice, possibly one that sits in the middle of the screen and runs away when you try to close it. Lyrithya has closed her fund-raising forum, having raised no money whatsoever, this correspondent isn't quite sure whether she understands what you when you fund-raise, and also would like to suggest she runs a car wash next time she wants to raise some cash. She closed the forum by saying "Thank you all for your efforts. Unfortunately blah blah blah...". Disgruntled banner creators are strongly encouraged not to hunt Lyrithya down and "Gut her like a stuck Pig", but obviously if such a thing were to happen it would not only provide great publicity for the wiki, but also would provide UnSignpost material for at least three months. On the topic of UnSignpost material, the editorial team would like to celebrate an entire year at the helm of the UnSignpost. A year, over the course of which, only two issues have been missed. Thanks must go to Frosty, Lyrithya and anyone else who picked up the slack on weeks when the editor wasn't doing the job he should have been. Thanks also to the subscribers, without you we'd just be sticking this on Mhaille's talk page every week. I'm so pleased to have been a part of this that I've bought you all this small box of chocolates, to share, and I've bought myself this giant golden Camel because... well... I need it. IC By Magic man There is a group of people, cool people. These cool people do cool things like collaborate on articles monthly and... well, actually, that's all they really do. But they're cool while doing it! These cool people are so very cool that they have a section on the main page devoted to them and their very own Uncyclopedia: namespace page. I know what you're thinking, "Who are these people, and where can I get one of their autographs?" Well, I'll tell you. These cool people that I'm referring to are the gang over at Imperial Colonization (That's right, kids, I'm on the list. One at a time, please. Don't worry, everybody, I have enough ink to sign everyone's foreheads and babies and such). Unfortunately, a terrible thing has happened to the cool kids at IC. Their section on the main page has ben hidden away between <!------------ ------------------------------ -->'s, their Uncyclopedia: namespace page hasn't been edited since July, and, worst of all, dare I say it? Their coolness has worn off. I know, it's pretty bad. Now that the IC crew is lacking in coolness, they haven't been seen collaborating on an article together in months and they've been having the same vote since October... in 2010. The situation is starting to get dire. We here at the UnSignpost are far too lazy to actually interview anybody, so we just decided to try and interview ourselves. But we kept missing our appointments, with ourselves. We wanted to interview Chief, but he was far to busy with "real life" to talk to us on the matter, whatever that means. We tried interviewing Magic man, but he wouldn't talk to us about IC because he said, "If you talk to yourself, you'll get people to think you're crazy." What a weirdo. And we didn't even bother contacting Frosty because we don't like him. So when all was said and done, the only actual person we interviewed wasn't even alive at the time. It was Zombiebaron, and I bet you can guess what he said. However, if we had interviewed anybody who had more that one word in their vocabulary, we imagine some of those words might be words like 'bad', 'unacceptable', 'disappointing', and maybe even, *Gulp*, 'uncool'. So Imperial Colonization, if you're reading this, this is a call to action. Go finish that vote that's been going on far too long now, and collaborate on an article, already! That's right, you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about getting my your cool back.

Check out these pages! It's coming... possibly Run this up your flagpole Up Sog! Whatever this is Lots of sexy people... and Dexter111344 From our logs: 23:59, November 7, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.128.203.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("small dick in his pants that is purple with green.") 12:59, November 5, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank moar pages (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (What's this button do? Whoops!) 01:01, November 6, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 79.97.248.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (SUCK COCK SUCK COCK SUCK COCK SUCK COCK) 04:51, November 5, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.211.110.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (i'll lemony you right in the snicket) 18:19, November 3, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.120.12.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Claims to be a tor exit node) 01:40, November 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.255.253.169 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (It's meant to be BS, numbnuts; it's a comedy site. lrn2read.) Biopic of the Week His name is Iwritewhatiwant. Possibly. We aren't sure and neither is he/she/it. Naturally the UnSignpost completed all the necessary research to write a biopic and certainly didn't have to keep refering back to his userpage while writing. He of the strange username joined us at the start of September and now as he enters his third month one thing has become clear to all of us. He doesn't want to write anything all that often. Oh the raptures we slip into when he touches his quill to the parchment and makes words appear, the prose, the paragraphs, the lack of vowels... it's something to behold. His achievements have included beating Rcmurphy to Noob of the Month, scooping the Best Noob Article in the PLS and molesting anybody who comes within 6 feet of him. We went through about 17 correspondents to get this biopic, the rest of them are probably locked in a warehouse somewhere being forced to writewhathewants. In which case the joke is on him since most of them can barely speak, let alone write. So congratulations Iwritewhatiwant you are officially an evil, slave-driving freak of nature and that's why we love you. Old School FA The Earth. Majestically spinning on its axis for thousands of years on end, in a constant state of evolution, progress, and overall forward movement. The millions of innovations in technology that the human race has brought to this planet in its tenure here is beyond the scope of typical brain capacity, and has for the most part been beneficial, to the human race at least, if nothing else. This begs the question: With all of these innovations to make life here on Earth so luxurious, why the FUCK have we not invented WIDER FUCKING HALLWAYS?! The ongoing battle with the narrow hallway continues to be fought by us hard-working civilians, day after day, and doesn't look to have an end in sight. This fight is not only against the severe crampedness of such passages, but against the barrage of personages we are forced to encounter walking through them every day. Read the full report here. Newsroom UnTune of the week (Anniversary Special!)* Stalker *Yes anniversary special means the same UnTune we used this time last year, who knows, maybe next year can just be one big anniversary special!

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:50, 10 November 2011

UnSignpost - 17 November 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

November 17th, 2011 • Issue 145 • Yes, yes it is really that big!

VFS and Turkey Balls By Chief Now it would be very easy for the UnSignpost to devote yet another issue of the year to covering the VFS and the voting on the same, the interviews with the candidates, the scores, the numbers, the lunches with the bureaucrats, and Sycamore shaking his head slowly as he despairs at the futility of it all. So we will. It's VFS time again! Voting was opened on Sunday by Zombiebaron with a pair of massive scissors. As he prepared to cut the ribbon he turned to the assembled masses and, wiping a tear from his eye, announced, "Zombiebaron"; naturally the crowd went wild. The early nominations flooded in: everyone who was anyone seemed to garner a nomination, as well as several people who aren't people at all. Two users have distanced themselves from the pack: Black flamingo11, the noire gregarious wading bird who has captured Uncyclopedia's imagination with his endless flows of witty prose and his avoidance of all forms of drama, has stacked up twenty-two fresh crispy votes. In order to best sum up his thoughts on being nominated, we've decided to hack up anything he has said on the VFS page and arrange it into a more suitable order: "What a nice old man his socks are. I would make a terrific admin. I'm my first choice." You heard it here first and, hilariously, so did he. The other contender is Romartus, with twenty votes. Uncyclopedia's voting machine and general history boffin had this to say to the UnSignpost: "Perhaps too young. Excellent." He probably isn't a paedophile but if you are concerned, then why not write to us at: "Save The children, The UnSignpost". We'll get them, by which we mean your letters, not the children. Other contenders are Frosty with seven votes, PIGGY with nine and Sycamore, who has eight. As VFS hurtles towards its final round, we here at the UnSignpost are on the edge of our seats and we hope you will be too. The other news is that it is once again time for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, described by liars as "A celebration and carnival of sublime writing" and by others as "A wretched hive of scum and villainy". Ringmaster Host of the competition for this year is Mhaille, who has started a forum asking for judges. Judging is fun and improves your sex life in 94% of cases, so why not get involved? Eyes forward everyone! It's all about to kick off! Nominate my PIGGY! By Chief Discussions began in the forum this week. Well of course they did, after all that is what a forum is for. However one particular discussion is over the removal of the rule against nominating your own articles for VFH without a pee review. Uncharacteristically for a discussion on Uncyclopedia about an aspect of Uncyclopedia, everyone appeared to be in agreement. The brains behind the idea, if brains is the right word, is Uncyclopedia's very own deputy innovator Lyrithya, who would like nothing more than to see the good ship Uncyclopedia sink below the ocean of crap because Uncyclopedians were far too busy hanging their appalling articles off it to notice this analogy breaking down. Unsportingly the forum was started the day before the UnSignpost was due to be delivered last week and thus everything that we have said so far is hideously out of date. The rule has already been removed and no, we didn't want your opinion; you'd have just slowed progress down with your so-called "questions" and "concerns". The other news for this week is that Zombiebaron has figured out how to raise our edit count by over 9000! His solution is to simply delete 15,000 articles by Christmas because... well, because it would be tremendous fun. Also because Dr. Skullthumper, who isn't a real doctor, made some statistics that showed that we had most edits when we had 15,000 articles, so deleting 15,000 to bring us back to around 15,000 will, logically, produce more edits, mostly, we fear, from people complaining that we have deleted 15,000 pages without asking. Anyone wishing to participate in Zombiebaron's Time Travelling Article Removal and Edit Count Revival Event (that's easy to remember because it spells TTARECRE) should assemble, with their time machines, a week last Tuesday to be given their instructions twenty minutes earlier.

Check out these pages! We really do! Ethine reckons deleting 15,000 articles would work too From our logs Under user bans the other admins special!): 08:16, August 22, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (in my country, it is a tradition that on the penultimate monday of august, we ban someone with an allcaps name. a bit obscure, but there you go.) 11:15, August 21, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 138 minutes ‎ (I recently lost a sock in the wash. was it one of your relatives?) 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator) 15:17, April 6, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (why hello there, handsome) 07:48, January 29, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 23 seconds ‎ (who the fuck are you, and what makes you think you can "write" an "article", eh?) 10:28, December 25, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 143 seconds ‎ (Merry thing you don't celebrate old chap! Hope the presents you didn't get would have been fantastic!) 10:33, December 15, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Chronarion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 119 seconds ‎ (A man, a plan, a canal, and then you filled in the canal with silly-putty.) 09:31, December 1, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 weeks 4 days 5 hours 6 seconds ‎ (*looks through ban log* - dear god, I've never banned Zombiebaron, he must feel so left out! I must rectify this at once.) Memorial of the Week By now you have probably heard the terrible news, or at least seen the huge black manhole cover hats he made us all wear. Under user has left the fold and ventured onward to pastures new. Under user came into this world on the fifth of July 2007 and since then he has written articles, pee reviewed more articles than you have ever read , edited the UnSignpost for months on end and chopped more potatoes than the Irish ever did. The esteemed Under user requested that his administrator status be removed earlier this week and Thekillerfroggy generously excused him from the farewell de-bagging in the canteen. He has stated his intention to continue reading the featured articles which, to be honest, makes him more active than most of the active users. Confusion also reigns over the fate of the annual mince pie race, which, without its founder and annual winner, may not take place, much to the disappointment of all three of the competitors. Perhaps someday UU will return and change our lives once again, perhaps not; regardless the UnSignpost wishes him all the best in whatever it is he does in real life and reminds him that he still owes us £4.70 in tea and biscuit money. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Will Possess Your Log

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:28, 17 November 2011

UnSignpost - 24 November 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

November 24th, 2011 • Issue 146 • This is a knife!

VFS and Turkey Ball By Chief Well here we go again: VFS has reached ROUND FOUR!! The excitement on the wiki was palpable and here at the UnSignpost we could barely contain ourselves. Now while we usually compare the need to meet a deadline every Thursday for every week of our lives to being slowly lowered into a vat of acid without the benefit of being Batman first, this week we were whisked out of the vat before the worst could befall our dynamic duo. Thus we began to plan for the UnSignpost as far back as Monday. Monday! It was as though our prayers had been heard by a God whose power only manifests via consensus on humour wikis. So another VFS has been delivered to us and as the top candidates have been selected, we will now judge and belittle them for your amusement and our own perverted satisfaction. Black flamingo11: Bursting through to the third round of VFS in first place is Black flamingo11, whose cunning tactic so far has been to make absolutely no comment at all regarding the VFS. We're sure some kind of snivelling "Thank you so much for voting for me, it's good you did because I completely deserve this" message will wing its way to your talk page. We sat down with him to establish just what he thought being an admin might be like: "It's the cash I look forward to the most!" he enthused as we queued at his local soup kitchen, "I mean sure I enjoyed doing things just to be helpful, but if there wasn't cash in it for me somewhere, it'd just be pointless!". Thank goodness he isn't just in this for the money or he'd be so incredibly disappointed. Romartus: So close on Black flamingo's heels into the third round that it's a good job he's wearing such baggy trousers is Romartus. Besides voting for everyone who isn't himself in the second round he has also made very little comment on the VFS, but expect no comment from him regarding your support or how much he appreciates it. Why? Because he is actually a very sophisticated robot who thirsts for the destruction of unwitting humour wikis like this one. We didn't need to talk to him; after all, robots don't have feelings, so fuck you Romartus! You'll never find our office. The other top story this week is that the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has begun. The judges are in place and the competitors are poised on the blocks. Any moment now they'll write an article and run down to the other end, some three hundred meters from the starting line, there they will leap as far as they can into the sand. We assume. Otherwise there is absolutely no need for this competition to be taking place on a running track and I am utterly mystified as to why I've been handed this starting pistol and why Shabidoo has those flags. If this seems like your idea of a good time, the competition is open until the third of December though please bring pants: "The next person who arrives without pants will be disqualified," said competition host Mhaille yesterday. "This competition has the potential to be very exciting and we don't want anyone getting the wrong idea, or getting splashed." I'm back! By Puppy Did you all miss me? No? Fuck it. I'm going again. Festive Treats Ahoy! By Chief Just a quick word to announce the imminent arrival of two fun festive traditions additions to Uncyclopedia. Normally Under user is the benevolent king of Uncyclopedia's Christmas time and he presides over the jollities like a strange old man presides over a children's playground, however this year Under user failed his annual admin re-qualification tests (apparently he took more than 10 seconds to punch out the baby) and thus cannot host ANYTHING any more. True story. Because of this, the annual mince pie scoffing competition will be relocated to the user page of ChiefjusticeDS. If you have a taste for those delightful Christmas treats then feel free to join in. The competition will begin on the 1st of December and it must be stressed that pies scoffed before that date are so-called "Training Pies" and will not count towards your total. The ban patrol-ho-ho may or may not return depending on the financial climate. Remember: PIES!!!

Check out these pages! That's Racist! Have camera, will sing Drunk editing Who? From our logs: 06:01, November 17, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.116.44.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Wank wank wank. Boy I sure do love to wank. Can I wank on you? I think I will. I don't require your permission. WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK...) 19:30, November 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.180.115.161 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Panic at the dildo! It's funny because dildo sounds a bit like disco, is a funny word and it's a sex thing!) 12:33, November 19, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked JAF1999 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wow, you're either really stupid or you're a really lame troll. Probably both, coming to think of it.) 21:17, November 22, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.104.226.185 (Talk) with an expiry time of 12 hours ‎ (You're doing undictionary wrong, I didn't think that was possible) 02:51, November 16, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked Wearetheworld (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cool story, bro) 12:53, November 23, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I seem to be under-represented in this week's UnSignpost. You should remedy this.) Biopic of the Week In the biopic this week is HELPME, and we'll begin with this quote from his userpage: "I used to be full of shit, humorless, stupid, uptight, and annoying. Now I am slightly less of those things." What a nice man, a liar, but a lovely man nonetheless. Arriving on Uncyclopedia at the start of 2010, HELPME became well-known for his hyperactive page editing, article reviewing, outrageous gaying and recent changes patrolling. All this earned himself a whole stack of shiny goodies, several death threats and the acclaim of all. This was all splendid and lovely. BUT THEN CAME THE DARKNESS. It corrupted his soul and made him simultaneously world-wise and world-weary, now happiness is "Fucking square, man" and hyperactive page editing "Shits for the birds, man". However this hasn't rendered him incapable of doing the thankless busywork we know he used to love so much. Welcome back, HELPME, now get to work; the drainage ditch under Olipro's desk won't drink itself. Make haste, my jacuzzi water grows tepid. ATTENTION! At ease soldier. Newsroom UnTune of the week Home on a Friday Night Confessions from Recent Changes "The politicians are demented people that take orders from demented monkeys" - 86.178.71.123 "created article -- finally figured out how images work" - JacKow "This is a satirical website, you know for satire." - Zarbag

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:14, 24 November 2011

Italy

Rewriting it!! Really? By a great writer such as you, it will be great! It reminds me of the great attitude I had when joining, turning a maelstrom of shit (Quebec) in to a good article. You have my blessings, because a lot of people are gonna search for 'Italy' Cheers! Mattsnow 17:20, November 26, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. I've been to Italy before so hopefully I can use my experience to turn it into something funny. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 17:36, November 26, 2011 (UTC)

I like it too when there's a solid base to totally deride from. I like your articles, Xamralco, I still don't understand why Pannts was rejected, I am puzzled. But your article Why?:IPs can't edit the main page is going to be a contender for article of the year, and I am being very modest. I personnally think no one can top that! :D Mattsnow 17:49, November 26, 2011 (UTC)

SO, how's the Italy rewrite going? Nobody edit conflicting you? lol. Wait until he's gone. Or better, copy it to your userspace and when it's done, just replace it with yours. :P Mattsnow 23:49, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

I left a message on his talk page (and was ironically edit conflicted when you left a welcome message) but I'll think I'll just wait it out. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:52, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Pfffwhahaha... I hope you can resolve this! Mattsnow 23:59, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 1 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

December 2nd, 2011 • Issue 147 • Don't make me use this!

Reflections, Turkey Ball, Cabal Broadcasts and VFS By Chief As December dawns, the UnSignpost can only reflect on what has been an eventful year. Or rather we would if the reflections on this year weren't all about poo, bacon and Lyrithya... FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. The UnSignpost would like to remind all users that there is only a month left before the annual Cabal broadcast absolutely nothing happens. The reflections must be completed or the world might end. If there were a cabal watching, Socky and Roman Dog Bird adding reflections about their strange depraved fantasies and bowel movements in the early hours of the 3rd of January would upset it no end. The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball ploughs onward, amassing entrants in all categories, to Mhaille's undoubted delight. While Mhaille was not available for comment, we were able to sit down with Lyrithya who just happened to be in the lobby complaining that she has not been in the UnSignpost enough over the last few weeks. What comment would she make? What fabulous insights would she reveal? "What Turkey Day Ball?" asked Lyrithya. This was deeply concerning on two levels, firstly because Lyrithya is judging the title category, and secondly because she said it to a hat stand about 4 feet to our reporter's left. Leaving Lyrithya to continue her tense negotiations with the hat stand about getting a job with computers, we moved on to interview Zombiebaron, who commented, "Zombiebaron", as usual. The annual Mince Pie eating competition started on ChiefjusticeDS's talk page on Tuesday, two days early, because he's impatient as well as being fat and lazy. All users are invited to join in and attempt to match Under user's astonishing work scoff rate. Oliphaunte has also come up with a brand new feature for the UnSignpost to further the relentless search for filler material. He proposes a Question and Answer section where you, the users, ask the UnSignpost a question and then we put it in the right hand column with a scathing and witty reply. Obviously such a plan requires questions, and therefore, if this sounds like your sort of thing, ask some questions. It's for a good cause. VFS has also concluded. As you read this splendid periodical the results are known, however due to our lack of a time machine and the injustice of the world in general we do not know as we are writing this now. Our experts have looked at the vote and, after much deliberating, tea drinking and "Please stop holding me prisoner"-ing they concluded that there could be several outcomes, which further lead us to conclude that we should have captured some better experts. You'll have to wait until next week for the scoop on the new admins, which should please Black flamingo11 as he hates being in the UnSignpost; the illusive flamingo had this to say to the UnSignpost this week: "The horse porn is in the house; why would I throw it out?". Don't look at us, you voted for him. Hugely important happening stuns Uncyclopedia; no one cares By Bizzeebeever This week a bolt of lightning apparently emanating from Wikia struck Uncyclopedia in a sustained manner, singeing eyebrows and back-hair from the United Kingdom all the way to that iota-sized island which Frosty calls "home". What was this scintillating stroke of... of... scintillation? Why, a mighty arbiter of Wikia was perturbed from her perch by the screams of the tortured mortals long enough to, as she put it, "blackmail a techy" into granting Uncyclopedians that boon for which they had clamoured for literally a couple of days: new namespaces. Yes, you asked for it, and now you've got it: those heretofore-faux namespaces, including HowTo, Why?, and that incredibly popular mainstay of Uncyclopedia, UnDebate, are now actual namespaces. According to several people who understand the full implications of this, having namespace-specific stuff will potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with. Said designated Uncyclopedia scapegoat Lyrithya: "Having namespace-specific stuff could potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with." When the news of the blessed event was heard, there was shouting, jubilation, gunshots, and widespread looting, and that was just Roman Dog Bird. Uncyclopedian-extraordinaire Zombiebaron, taking a couple of seconds off from his normal endeavours attempting to fit all of Uncyclopedia onto VFD, was heard to shout his own name in an uncharacteristically-ebullient manner. Extravagant fame-whore Bizzeebeever, the author of the forum topic which started it all, spoke from his 15,000-room palace constructed entirely from mirrored pianos: "Of course, no one man can take credit for this," he said, flinging the end of a tie-dyed feather boa over his shoulder, "it was truly an achievement made possible by the work of multitudes. Anyone who notices the massive groundswell of changes should especially thank Lyrithya for her ceaseless work on the site." He also went on to thank Sannse for her munificence and benevolence, as well as the small pile of ashes which, we presume, is all that remains of the "techy" whom Sannse "blackmailed", and, lastly but not least-ly, Zombiebaron... for "being such an incredible pile of 'Zombiebaron'."

Check out these pages! Mediate Babel table? This is just weird Arson From our logs: 14:17, November 29, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.65.34.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Monumental Wang, and not in a good way) 23:20, November 28, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.241.59.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (go back to whatever foreign place you probably come from) 22:04, November 26, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lingling513 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If all pony fans were like you, I would have never watched it. Thank God shitheads like you only make up a small part of the fan base. The new episode blew, but it was funnier than your shit article.) 22:02, November 29, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.89.220.165 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (WE COULD JUST DELETE EVERYTHING EXCEPT FOR A TEMPLATE AND IT WOULD BE BETTER! I'M QUITE LIVID AT MYSELF FOR HAVING NOT THOUGHT OF IT!) 03:45, November 27, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.164.108.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of 5 hours ‎ (You're right, I'm so much better than you because I'm an admin. Also, try to familiarize yourself with apostrophes.) Biopic of the Week Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO! It's Xamralco! It has taken us five whole months to biopic him, and now we're going to do it without insulting him once! KIDDING! Xamralco slimed his way onto Uncyclopedia, as slime creatures will, through a carelessly open downstairs window in late June of this year. Having slimed his way in, Xamralco thought to himself, "What could a useless slime beast such as I contribute here?" While he was deciding, he wrote four featured articles and won writer of the month and the Best Rewrite category of the most recent Poo Lit Surprise. Naturally, what the people want to know is: When exactly is Xamralco going to do something useful? When will he stop resting on his laurels and actually get down to work? Strangely, for a slime beast, his talk page is full of him being thanked, making witty banter and generally taking part. What a slimy bastard. I shall smite him, and his slime. Well done Xamralco, now get to work or get out. Old School FA Long walks on the beach There’s nothing I enjoy more than long walks on the beach. Some of my other hobbies include watching the sunset from a picturesque grassy knoll, indulging in fine wine with a scrumptious foie gras dinner, and candlelight conversations on French film. But I think you'll agree that nothing is quite as sexy as me taking a long walk on the beach. Me with my salon-fresh sandy blonde hair flowing in the breeze (courtesy of Tina; you're a miracle worker, honey!) and a sporty J.Crew sweater tied casually around my waist, lobbing a stray Frisbee back at some snot nosed little urchin. You'll see me on the coast looking pensively out at the sea, reflecting back on all of the endearing little things I did that week. New Admin Celebratory UnTune! The Uncyclopedian's Song Confessions from Recent Changes "THE BOMB HAS BEEN PLANTED!! (+ Expansion tag)" - Wilytank "Added some categories, WITHOUT using HotCat." - 66.105.218.19 "Reverting edit, as it was so good, it would intimidate other users." - Matt lobster "Torture instruments and a ducking stool" - Jonny appleseed

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:15, 1 December 2011

Hello

I just wanted to say you're fucking awesome. So many featured articles? You and Magic Man both are really prodigys at making articles. You're fucking awesome. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 05:27, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. You've written some great stuff too and congratulations on winning NotM. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:26, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

Kylie Mole

Hello, is the Kylie Mole article good enough now for me to untag it? ;) Firsfloor 00:51, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

It's definitely better. Put it up for Pee Review and I'll take the ICU tag off. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:57, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

Done! :) Firsfloor 17:36, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

I took off the ICU tag. I'm very impressed that you care about your articles unlike most people who write something and then do nothing when an ICU tag is added. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:48, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 8 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

December 8th, 2011 • Issue 148 • Goodbye to all that.

VFS ends... or does it? By Chief The wiki has new admins. There we go, got the first bit of non-news out of the way. Since time and circumstance have both conspired against the UnSignpost in a bid to not only evict us from the building but also to ensure we have nothing to report on every week, it has in fact been eight days since this particular piece of news broke. Black flamingo11 and Romartus have been made administrators and, clearly in protest as to how such a thing could have possibly occurred, Lyrithya has started a vote to change the system in order that such grave injustice does not ever occur again. Black flamingo11 agrees that he is exactly the type of weird abomination that such a system would easily sieve out. Romartus simply muttered something about not wanting to upset the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls; we assume he is chained to a radiator in her flat, occasionally being forced to dance for her amusement. Lyrithya proposes that we scrap the current system, just like she always does, and then we bring in a brand new one which nobody except her understands (see the abuse filter for details). Lyrithya is also to be congratulated for making Modusoperandi be serious for five minutes, something which science, constant pain, and the ingratitude of man has failed to do for around twenty years. In other news, Joe9320 has declared that Imperial Colonization has risen and that "This will mark the Stupid Ages of Imperial Colonization." This correspondent has to agree that this will certainly be the case if Joe9320 runs it. While he was declaring things that nobody will remember in five minutes time, Joe also declared himself Lord of Uncyclopedia and all its dominions, may those who defy him drink eternally from Satan's grotesque member. Or words to that effect. Zombiebaron and Thekillerfroggy celebrated the sixth anniversary of the featuring of Euroipods by defacing the logo with a blue calculator in exchange for money and referring their friends to do the same. Such jollity flew straight over the heads of most of the userbase, whom Thekillerfroggy condemned as being far too young to remember when, like he can, this was all fields. Happy sixth birthday, Euroipods. We baked you a free cake. You just have to pay for it, and get your friends to do the same. This barrel? Oh no, we haven't even thought of scraping the bottom of it. Finally, this forum still exists, and users have flocked from miles around to vote for it. The UnSignpost has no comment to make on this, except to ask these people: Who are you? How did you get in when we changed the locks? Try not to get too concerned. Remember, Wikia is a reputable company and certainly isn't a transparent front for a greedy Dragon which hates you. Honest. Competition Ahoy! By Chief Those of you who absolutely love writing competitions have happily had very little to complain about for the last couple of weeks as the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has enthralled and thrilled you for literally hours. The competition closed for judging last Saturday. Needless to say this is a long time to wait perched upon the edge of ones seat, as Shabidoo confesses himself to be, so it is just as well that the vast majority of the judges have decided to help out by failing to turn in any judging. The UnSignpost wises to remind competition judges that failure to complete judging on time can have a number of detrimental effects including sudden blindness, ostracism within the community and believing oneself to be an Ostrich. So unless you want to be hurtling 'round the wiki flapping your tiny wings in a futile attempt to take flight this time next week, I'd get on with it, and we do mean you, Wilytank. Thought we wouldn't notice, didn't you, and as for new admin, Black flamingo11, he has absolutely no excuse. Get to it you worthless peons; if you had lives you wouldn't even know this competition exists! MadMax has proposed a second edition of The Article Whisperer to commence immediately after Christmas. Let us take a brief moment to explain why you are ideally suited to not only take part but why taking part is a brilliant idea. First of all, MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed, and secondly because MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed. The Article Whisperer is a competition held by UN:REQ to get some of the most requested articles on the site written down and made shiny. Head over to the forum right now and try to spare some time to volunteer to write or judge this, the most useful of our writing competitions. If you don't, MadMax will kill a Panda. In your house. Possibly.

Check out these pages! There is no need to panic Lolwut? UnNews Articles 40 minutes of outrage and panic It's nowhere near over 9000! From our logs (New Admin and Mordillo Special!): 11:00, December 1, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Figure out how to unblock yourself! QUICK! THIS PITCH MEANS THE GAME! SLIDE DIMAGGIO! SLIDE!!) 20:04, December 1, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I think he has learned his lesson) 13:57, December 4, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: One month ban wasn't enough. Try three this time. ) 18:16, December 4, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: Ok three days. It's Christmas) 15:58, December 6, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.240.56.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't care who fancy. This isn't a dating website (yet)) 15:24, December 1, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.221.171.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Your future reads:"no trip to the moon anytime in the near future".) Biopic of the Week Because we have to get the UnSignpost Dog into this issue somehow. UnSignpost Q&A I'm in a homosexual relationship with my cousin and I'm worried that my family and friends will find out. That's half the problem as I've a anger problem at my girlfriend who I blame for making me apparently impotent and some violence has taken place between us. Thankfully it's nothing too serious, just some good hearted vicarious punishment for my frustrated sexuality. The truth is I don't enjoy sex with her and I'm racked with terrible feelings of guilt for the casual sex with my cousin. Now I'm eyeing up quite few animals on the farm (sexually) and I'm wondering whether to let them both down gently, or continue with my covert sexual operations. Also I have a child with my sister which I keep in a shed. It's not really like a human being as I have never let it see the outside world and keep it company with my dogs. Do you have any ideas on how to get me out of this mess? - Anonymous Have you considered beating them all to death with a Polo mallet and then throwing them into the canal? Obviously this would be after slicing them up into small easily manageable pieces. That's what I did. - USP Do you like cows? - Lyrithya Moo - USP Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Christmas Song Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #1,824 The constant unreasonable demands of this periodical.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:25, 8 December 2011

Hey!

Hey, can I nominate your article UnBooks:My Tedious Day for feature? I find it hilarious! --POP!GoesTheWeasel 06:24, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Also, I have nominated you for Magician of the month! For more information, see the voting page. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 06:52, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Of course you can nominate the article if you find it feature-worthy. I'm so happy that you enjoyed it. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:34, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

DONE!

Done, I have nominated your article. I strongly enourage you to vote for it, (if it has not been taken down from VFH by some admins who don't find it funny), good luck on getting it featured! --POP!GoesTheWeasel 15:56, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

PopGoesTheWeasel thinks we should collaborate on an article.

You up for it? -- 19:08, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Can I join? Please please please please please please with whipped cream on top? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 11 December 2011, at 19:12

You can join, that is, if Xamralco is up for it. If he doesn't join, it'll end up just you and me, Lolli. -- 19:34, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

I'm up for it. Do you have anything in mind? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:06, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Me and Lollipop had discussed some ideas here. I'm sure any of those would work for the three of us. -- 20:21, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

"HowTo:Make cookies without using any of the necessary ingredients" sounds good or maybe a rewrite of Disney (the current version sucks). Never seen Kill Bill so that wouldn't really work out. I've also started an article on Cafeteria food and a rewrite of Periodic table but have gotten hopelessly stuck. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:28, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

I really like that first one, too. But I'm cool with whatever you want. -- 20:32, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Well, I don't really care. What does Lollipop want to do? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:33, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

It's all up to you, Lollipop. -- 20:36, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, I just came up with another idea: "God's userpage" I'd go with User:God, but there's actually a user like that. -- 20:42, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

I just started an article called Kicking pigeons is FUN!!, but I kind of like Magic man's idea with the God's userpage. And isn't Disney a protected page? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 11 December 2011, at 21:56

Yeah, Disney's protected, but we'd write it in userspace, then have an admin move it over. Again, I'm cool with whatever you guys want. -- 21:59, December 11, 2011 (UTC)

I'm fine with God's userpage. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:21, December 12, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, who wants to start it? -- 02:00, December 12, 2011 (UTC)

I started it here. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:06, December 12, 2011 (UTC)

Yay...when you're done, I'm going to nominate it for feature. Surely, an article made by three epic users is sure to be awesome. Don't let me down! Make the article hilarious! --POP!GoesTheWeasel 04:25, December 12, 2011 (UTC)

Where'd you guys go? I added two userboxes to the page. Aren't you going to do anything else? -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 13 December 2011, at 01:32

Right now, I'm trying to figure out some code for making a header here. Once I figure it out, I'm going to add it to the page. As for Magic man, well I don't know. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:51, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

I'm actually also thinking about making a fake talk page and putting a link for it on the page. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:55, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

How's it going? Can I help? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 04:28, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Well aren't you a lucky ducky?

You, sir, are a computer nerd. -- 02:16, December 12, 2011 (UTC)

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH BABY!!!!!!!!!!!! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:18, December 12, 2011 (UTC)

YOU!

You got Biopic of the week in a certain Unsign Post. May I ask, did you do anything to get it? I'm just being curious. Now tell me, or else I will kill your little duckling. Yes, I have your little duckling at gunpoint. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 12:44, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

You just have to contribute to the site a lot. I'm relatively new, but I have been here for almost half a year. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:16, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

Italy

I put it on VFh, I guess the first time I read it too fast! Mattsnow 01:34, December 14, 2011 (UTC)

Hey

Sorry for butting in, can I help with your article? User:Magic man agreed so if you're ok with it, all I have to do is ask User:Lollipop. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 03:31, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Fine with me. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 03:41, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Hey

What about a proper contributions page for "User:God"? I mean, I noticed "God's Articles" only lead to all articles. What about making a proper contributions page ?

Example : Articles and things I created

• Bible

• Earth(Featured!)

• Universe (Quasi-featured)

etc. etc.

Would that be better? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 05:00, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

I thought that the link to AllPages was pretty funny and it was Magic man's idea. Saying that he created the bible, etc. just seems a little expected. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:51, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Another idea

Also, for the supreme being of the month award, why don't you create a sub page of the voting for supreme being of the month? Example :

God

___________________________________________________________

15 awesome votes

1. Nom and for. He totally kicks ass <insert signature here>

2. Yes Yeah, hell yes. <insert signature here>

...

etc. etc. etc.

How about that? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 05:07, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

I dunno. There's enough clicking as it is and I doubt anyone would click the supreme ruler link. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:50, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 15 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

December 15th, 2011 • Issue 149 • I demand satisfaction

Weekly news round-up By Chief This week, in lieu of doing any actual news gathering the UnSignpost has swooped around the monthly awards pages and a couple of other pages to keep you updated. We've clicked on literally ten links taking immeasurable risks in the process. First up is Uncyclopedian of the Month which is entirely given over to praising Bizzeebeever for whatever it is he does around here. While we've certainly heard of the fellow we aren't quite sure the 'cut of his jib' as Thekillerfroggy might say is suitable for a serious award such as this. Bizzeebeever commented that he thought "Giving away an award this cheaply sorta devalues it" and for once the UnSignpost finds itself in total agreement. Bizzeebeever currently leads the pack with nine votes to Pentium5dot1's two with slime beast Xamralco bringing up the rear as always. Writer of the Month is also less of a competition and more of a 'let's all vote for Nikau' party. Nikau currently leads with thirteen votes. Naturally, since it is a party half of the userbase haven't been invited and Frosty has chosen to have a party all on his own at the bottom of the page, it's just like we've gone to Australia to meet him. On a serious note don't actually go to Australia; it's full of spiders who hide under toilet seats and drop down on you from trees... while you're on the toilet. Predictably N00b of the Month is also not much of a competition either with Jonny appleseed leading by virtue of having the most sensible username, his fellow competitors Gleep and Ferric AlFerrous had nothing to comment. Probably because we didn't ask. Meanwhile Reviewer of the Month, Potatochopper of the Month and UnBooks:Author of the Month have two nominees between them and have accumulated a total of one vote due to some despicable against voting on Potatochopper of the Month. Users should be aware that the annual awards will open next month to the delight and general acclaim of all. It is the solemn duty of every Uncyclopedian to vote on every single one these awards and yes, we do mean you <insert name here>. The UnSignpost will be there as always, always the bridesmaid but never the bride etc. etc. N3wz! For the win!! By Douchebag McSpackypants The Cabal HEY GUIZE!!! It's me again! Back to bring you more lolicious news and totally s1337 anecdotes! SEE WHAT I DID THERE, IT'S LIKE SWEET AND 1337! HOW S1337 IS THAT!! I totally LOLed @ Uncyclopedia this week as Magic man proposed a competition entirely based on Walruses. THAT'S SO ORIGINAL! Another tip-top totally important story is that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user bumped a forum topic from 2008 to the top of the list in order that he could add some kind of template to it! I'VE DONE SO WELL AT FINDING NEWS THIS WEEK! I've even put a totally hilarious picture over at the side (LOL)!!! So last time I talked about mince piez (Moar internet slang; I'm still hip!). So there I was hanging over the oven as the giantess shook me vigorously AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!! HAHAHAHA... Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to panic. Help will never come. Emergency breathing apparatus will not be necessary at this time. Report all dangerous subversives. Expect no mercy this Christmas. Thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death. Informants are not everywhere. Secret meetings of which you have no knowledge do not guide this wiki. Nobody cares about your articles. Our vigilance is ceaseless. Continue to as though everything were normal, which it is. Administrators will not tolerate levity of any kind. Bans protect you from that which would do you harm. Accept our reality. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming -and if that Rabbit hadn't appeared when it did... well let's just say I'd probably be serving jail time right now! See you next time p33pz!!! Sodomy and Turkeys By Pup Turkey and sodomy. A pairing as seemingly natural as faecal incontinence and free-balling, but at Uncyclopedia we do this with a somewhat less messy outcome an an annual basis - the Aristocrats Turkey Day Ball. This year saw some wonderful entries that promoted strong familial bonds and understanding in the main category - the Aristocrats joke. The tasteless equivalent of the best actor Oscar this year went to Black flamingo for his Aristocrats (class). Tied for second place were Xamralco and Thekillerfroggy for their works on Deleted Scenes and Mementocrats accordingly. We approached Black flamingo for a quote, but in the style of Brando we ended up talking to a Indian instead. Not the one he rode in The Wild One though. In the following category - the equivalent of the Oscar's Best Dance Direction award - was for the Best Bad Taste article. The not-too-shabby Shabidoo won the day with his uncovering of the skeletons in the family closet with The things your family doesn't know, making us wonder about his home life. Following this were Thekillerfroggy - making him the only individual to make the top three in two categories - and some other guy. Finally, the The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery, or The picture one category was hotly contested this year. Magic man streaked ahead of the pack, much to the distaste of the remainder of the pack, Zombiebaron and Mimo&maxus. Special mention here must go to Black flamingo, however, for not competing and still managing to outrank SPIKE, for his less impressive non-entry. Check out all the entrants at Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball. Do it while your mother is in the room.

Check out these pages! TAW! Modusoperandi Roman Dog Bird There is still no reason to panic Working on it From our logs: 14:08, December 13, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Babablacksheep (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Baaahhhnnnn) 22:52, December 10, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (BAN BAN BAN BAN BAN) 14:18, December 10, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 109.151.40.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Judging from your actions, I would've never guessed a Frenchman invented IQ tests.) 16:50, December 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sog1970 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (Shouldn't retired users be playing golf or something?) 21:23, December 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked ARTWORK (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Cease and desist, I am featuring and should not be disturbed) 19:46, December 8, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.143.173.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (He likes to poop in his pants and look at girls ) Biopic Mince Pie Update of the Week It's the all important coverage of the all important Mince Pie eating competition which you are all interested in! The competition kicked off on ChiefjusticeDS's userpage on November 29th after one of the competitors decided that greed could carry him through an extra two days of competition. The competitors are: last year's champion and general all-rounder Under user whose rate of consumption is unfortunately not matched by his rate of editing as he consistently falls behind and then leaps into the lead when he remembers he owns a computer. ChiefjusticeDS last year's big loser is engaged in a duel with Under user, one that he appears destined to lose due to severe indigestion and heart disease. The current leader is Roman Dog Bird who has eaten an awful lot of Mince Pies. We aren't sure how many but we're pretty sure it's a lot. Anyone who wants to win a free Mince Pie or an out of date Lion Bar is welcome to go over and count them. Just drop the actual numbers into the press room. Keep your eyes glued to the competition, it literally can't get any more exciting. UnSignpost Q&A Are you a pedo? - GEORGIEGIBBONS Answer: We here at the Unsignpost Q&A Department pride ourselves in extensive background checks to prevent the hiring of any pedophiles. At the same time however, most of our security staff think pedophiles are people with unusual sexual infatuation of feet, so pretty much, just keep your distance from our office. Why do you think I work from home? - USP How do I ask a question here? - Magic man Consult one of our helpful staff at the office. If you want help quick, dress up like a 12 year old child and talk with a higher pitched voice. It may result in unexpected outcomes but hey, you'll get your answer. - USP Newsroom UnTune of the Week General Hill's March The Lobsterbacks are coming Yes - the Imperial Colonisational experts are back, and now taking on missionary positions under the lead of a new head priest. Experience the wonder and excitement of working on a colonised article. Yes, You too could be part of the brave new world. Puns like the above are also welcome. Sadly.

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--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:50, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Hey Xam

I was really out of it when I first told you your Italy article needed maybe a little more jokes. as I reread it in the morning after a 12 hour day. Sorry, you must have been flabbergasted when I told you it needed more jokes, as when I read it the next morning with a clear head, I felt kinda bad. BTW, I have an UnNews about the Dear leader of North Korea's death. UnNews:Stay strong, great people, for Kim Jong-il passed away Mattsnow 23:27, December 20, 2011 (UTC)

Don't feel bad. It's fine, and as for that Kim Jong-il article, well, your whoring worked, as I, along with 9 and a half others have voted for your article on VFH. Stay strong, you funny whore, and stop making everyone else look bad. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:24, December 21, 2011 (UTC)

Well, behind the sig we are humans, hence why we shouldn.t be afraid to express opinions. I wouldn.t have nommed it if I thought it sucked, and it is very awesome. I think it'll be a contender for article of the month! I mean the Italy article! Mattsnow 00:41, December 21, 2011 (UTC)

Are you really sure that everyone here is a human? (I think that some of the admins might be cyborgs). -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:53, December 21, 2011 (UTC)

Yep, maybe. but I can't prove it, Robocop told me to shut up :S Mattsnow 01:15, December 21, 2011 (UTC)

I was talking about you Italy article, not about the Korea article at all! Much love. Mattsnow 01:19, December 21, 2011 (UTC)

Damn! Last message shows advanced alcohol intoxication! One hell of a hangover this morning :S Mattsnow 12:06, December 21, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 22 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

December 22nd, 2011 • Issue 150 • Merry thing you may or may not celebrate!

The Footlitzer Prize is a thing! By UPjcm So, last week our great Chief talked about the pitiful state of Uncyclopedia's awards without even mentioning the most pitiful of them right now. If you read the title, you'd know that I'm talking about the very prestigious Foolitzer Prize. For years, the Foolitzer distinguished the good fools from the bad fools, and it's in such a pitiful state that there's only been five votes this month. Five votes! We need to do better than this, people. Not just for me, but for Uncyclopedia America. "Why should I care about a stupid feature on a stupid site?" a stupid person may ask. Journalistic parody is the most important form of parody out there. Anyone can write an article, but it takes skill to write an UnNews article. We should be trying to reward those skillful bastards, not ignore them. Without UnNews, nobody would take us seriously. Oh, wait. The point is that the Foolitzer needs our love. The hardworking writers that bring us smartly crafted misinformation every day need our love. We need to give them that love. Otherwise, we'll end up being worse than we already are, and do you think little Sophia's self-esteem can afford that? Do the right thing, people. You've got two days. Why two days? Because you just do. VFH By PopGoesTheWeasel & Chief Hello, there. I want to talk about VFH. Those three little letters words. VFH is running low on votes and we need your help. I mean, VFH's aim is to get 20 votes per article, but it can only manage around 9. This makes me having a vagina more realistic and I don't even have a vagina. Incidentally vagina is a very funny word. "How can I help?" you ask. Well permit me to hit you with some totally real and non made-up facts. Every 5 seconds a that VFH has low voting numbers Thekillerfroggy kills a Panda. An actual real Panda. After campaigning fiercely in Xamralco's sitting room he agreed to go and vote. On VFD. Does he have any idea how many deaths he caused? Let me hit you with some more facts. Every time the number of articles on VFD increases Zombiebaron kills a Dolphin. Do YOU have any idea how many deaths you cause when you vote VFD? Now look. You can save a Panda with just a click of a button. Vote! That's all. On VFH. Would you rather save a Panda or kill a Dolphin? Well? Which is it? Did you know that every time you fail to answer a rhetorical question the UnSignpost is forced to kill a Panda? Our articles are dying. Look at the number of votes being devoured, not to mention articles being taken down from VFH because they mysteriously had "low health". And you all know who is causing the health to deplete? It's the Pandas Dolphins! I MUST KILL ALL OF THEM! Why? WHY? BECAUSE IF I DON'T THE WORLD MIGHT END</big?> You wouldn't try and trick me would you? They watch us, they watch us all! THE END IS COMING! The truth will find you! It found me and I'm really quite passionate about it so please, vote on VFH. If you can find the time feel free to kill the Dolphins as well. KILL THE DOLPHINS!

Check out these pages! LOL Huff and Puff Come on, own up Colin Still going From our logs: 19:44, December 21, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎ (That's how long I was in the cell, beeeeyatch!) 18:49, December 20, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Ashishsunnywalia (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (You seem like a really lame guy. It's nothing personal.) 02:47, December 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.71.111.38 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (YOU'RE A LOSER! THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU! A WORTHLESS LOSER! AT EVERYTHING YOU DO!) 01:24, December 17, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.117.180.147 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Pics or it didn't happen) 16:06, December 21, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Bucknut (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (The Vanity Van is departing now. ) 21:14, December 16, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.173.113.106 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Drama reverter. Stuff a turkey for a week. ) THIS BOX HAS BEEN DELIBERATELY LEFT BLANK Except for this notice, stating the box has been left blank, of course. That was put there deliberately. Of course, by putting these notices in this box, it no longer remains blank. THE BLANK BITS IN THIS BOX HAVE BEEN DELIBERATELY LEFT BLANK. THE NON-BLANK BITS HAVE BEEN DELIBERATELY NOT LEFT BLANK, BUT THERE IS NOTHING OF WORTH IN THEM ANYWAY Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Christmas Song This is Important In the spirit of laziness/the season the columns this week are of unequal lengths. Bah Humbug.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:51, 22 December 2011

YOU!

You killed over 15 dolphins. You bitch. You're going to hell. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 06:01, December 23, 2011 (UTC)

I hate puppy dogs for breakfast, I AM A MONSTER. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:18, December 23, 2011 (UTC)

Do something productive, maybe?

If it isn't funny, you can make it funny, you know, instead of just slapping the template on it. Or you can at least leave a suggestion on it's discussion page or something. J.D. Soufi 09:51, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

ICUing newly created articles is common and actually considered helpful to the site by many experienced users. If you want a critique of the work, move it to this link in your userspace and put it on Pee Review. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 12:52, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Mattsnow removed the ICU and now he's editing it, so I guess it's fine. Sorry. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 14:47, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, I didn't know about the Pee Review thing, thanks for sharing. I guess since Mattsnow edited it now... J.D. Soufi 18:30, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, sorry if I came off as a douche. Welcome to the site. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:27, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

No worries. And thanks. :) J.D. Soufi 19:47, December 25, 2011 (UTC)

Hey Xam, don't feel bad at all about it, you like this site just as I do, I don't even think you made a mistake by tagging. I think we are being encouraged to delete almost ruthlessly, to the point where if we see a red link or a formatting error or a typo, we're kin to vfd or icu. I think it's not good at all. Deleting shite is of course, very very welcome. I know you don't participate much in forums, but you should, you certainly have a voice here! Anyway, please read this if you have time, starting from the "lol" section (the rest is pretty much useless) Forum:We have surpassed 30,000 articles What do you think about my opinion? Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Much love! Looking forward to that God article, keep it for next year, since I am pretty sure Why?:IPs can't edit the main page will be the article of the year. It sure will have my vote! Mattsnow 16:38, December 26, 2011 (UTC)

I agree with what you're saying about being encouraged to delete everything but the problem is that a majority of our articles are stubs about something that no one will ever look at in a million years, although I agree that a mediocre article about a well-known topic is better than no article at all (It was the Fred Phelps article that inspired me to make an account and that's not so insanely funny). -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 18:24, December 26, 2011 (UTC)

Gautama Buddha

...is also a Vital article. So if you wanna ever switch the category in the competition, then you can do that. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 21:20, December 26, 2011 (UTC)

I think I will switch considering I'll have more options in the requested article category than the vital article category. Thanks. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:05, December 27, 2011 (UTC)

Tripped face first into a bar

Hello. This is a note to lots of people, asking them to join into a Walk into a bar collab (and if Iz missed you, you are more than welcome to "Walk into a bar" too!). If you want to join in, make up your best "Walk into a bar" jokes and we will have the bestest "Walk into a bar" page on the innernests! Aleister 16:00 28-12-'11

Huh??

I don't know if you are huffing pages, but please do not fuck with 1927, a featured page. Thanks. Aleister 1:22 28-12-'11

Don't worry, I'm only turning the nonexistent year articles into redirects in order to eliminate redlinks. Your articles safe. Besides, I'm not an admin anyway. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:27, December 28, 2011 (UTC)

It's not my page, just a once popular page here. Ah, redlinks, so many were created by that purge of 2011. Because of scanning your pages I'm going to ask an admin to return the Prohibition page, which was actually a good article. Thanks for all the beans! Aleister minutes later

UnSignpost - 29 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

December 29st, 2011 • Issue 151 • I wrote something here!

Goddamn Chief! By Magic man Right now you might either be saying to yourself, "What the hell? How did someone other than Chief score the first slot on the Unsignpost? That egotistical jerk always gives himself the first slot!", didn't even notice that it was someone different writing this week or (and most likely) you're not even reading this, as you have a "real" life, whatever that means. Well that seems to be the case this week with our friend ChiefjusticeDS, as he released the following statement today at 13:42 UTC: “ There is no UnSignpost, at least not from me, this week. This is for various reasons, most of them beginning with "I am very busy with...". The UnSignpost will return again next week when I'm on rest days and have ample time to think up blocks of tortured prose. ” I know, what a jerk! Everyone should stop by Chief's talkpage and tell him what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is. But have no fear, my lowly peasants, as, once again (as in, this has never happened before, and will probably never happen again), I, Magic man, swooped in just in the nick of time to save the day with my amazing power to write dumb shit really fast (no, seriously, this is probably not going to be finished until five minutes before it's scheduled to be delivered). Everyone should stop by my talkpage and tell me what a great, amazing, cool, fun, awesome, lovable, orphan-hugging, money-donating, saint I am. By the way, for anyone who was wondering, that's my rendition of Chief up in the corner there. I'm the editor this week, so I get to do what I want. This is fun! My attempt at actual news By I bet you can't guess who! Yeah, as it turns out this is a hell of a lot harder than it looks (I'm literally just looking over the dump to see what the hell's happened this week). Once everyone's done telling Chief what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is (because I'm sure everyone will obey everything I tell them on the UnSignpost), also remember to tell him what a great guy he is for doing this every week. Anyway, TKF reached forty features, so that's fun. I'll put the link to the obligatory forum in that section over there (I'm pointing right now, but I guess you can't see me). Staying with the TKF shit, he also rewrote Sex. I meant to help him with that, but then I went out of town. Sorry, TKF. Anyway, it looks like it'll be featured (yeah, forgot to mention it was up on VFH. Everyone go vote for it). I won't go on about how great the rewrite is, 'cuz you can go read it yourself, but it is. And now to deviate from TKF (that sexy bitch): Al started a giant Just pennies a day-style collab here, and has been asking for everyone's help. So... go do that. In other news, Christmas happened, but no one cares about that. Well... that really didn't take up as much space as I thought it would. So... anyone got any ideas? I sure as hell don't. I'm sure there was much more important news that I'm forgetting, but who really gives a shit? I sure as hell don't. Damn, this is a lot harder than it looks. Welp, looks like the columns will be uneven again this week, not that anyone cares. I sure as hell don't.

Check out these pages! I told you I would This is a serious problem This has been going on far to long not to put up here Unimportant NOOOOOOOOOOOO! From our logs (me edition): 17:09, August 21, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 16:55, February 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Don't cross stuff out on BP, you can't see a user's deleted contributions) 02:09, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (DON'T SHOUT IN EDIT SUMMARIES IT'S SUPER DISTRACTING) 02:26, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute ‎ (stop) 01:56, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Attempting to award self UN:REQ award (DO NOT UNBAN)) 01:59, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected Magic man (Talk | contribs) ‎ (nah im just playin with ya) 01:41, September 29, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (Okay, that's it, stop. Stop now. You're really slow and you're spamming up recentchanges and if you'd have asked I could have just used my bot as a backup... but don't keep doing that. Please stop.) 05:52, October 27, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 hours ‎ (The people have spoken.) Apparently I'm supposed to do this. Newsroom UnTune of the Week (in honor of Christmas) Entrails Ripped from a Virgin's Cunt (Christian Edition) Yep That's right, no biopic this week. I can't be bothered.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:56, 29 December 2011

You're a real chip off the old block.

	Magician of the month December 2011

-- 00:50, January 3, 2012 (UTC)

A belated thank-you from an inveterate procrastinator

Greetings, Xamralco. You voted for Mexico lol.jpg on VFP, and also for UnNews:Son_of_Gaddafi_caught_attempting_to_enter_Canada on VFH. Now, obviously it's been a while since this happened. However, I figured that, while it can be too late to ask for forgiveness, it is never too late to give thanks.

Once again, thank you, and my apologies for not thanking you sooner. This impersonal, auto-generated message will self-destruct in 5 seconds.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Jan 4 '12 11:24 (UTC)

UnSignpost - January 5th, 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

January 5th, 2012 • Issue 152 • Stop, drop and roll!

'Tis the season to be voting By Chief It's that time of year once again; the time when Uncyclopedians link arms and stride into the glorious light of a new dawn of a new year. It is also when we hold our annual brown-nosing competitions otherwise known as the yearly awards. Now you and all your friends can vote on Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year, RadicalX of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year as well as WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to go and vote on all the userspace awards. We were able to speak to Romartus as he prepared to start all his voting: "I don't know whose dreams to crush first!" he squealed at our correspondent like a child on Christmas morning; assuming that child was also frothing at the mouth and twitching. Thekillerfroggy got the awards off to splendid start on Sunday, by nominating Zombiebaron for both Potatochopper of the year and Uncyclopedian of the year and doubtless picking out a wedding dress for the day he finally plucks up the courage to propose to him. The homicidal amphibian also nominated Black flamingo11 for Writer of the Year and was incredibly sickening in doing that as well. Commenting on this in an off-the-record interview TKF said "It's January, the one month out of the year where we suck each other off for a while." If only we could have spent Christmas at his house. Alas we must now stop reporting on the substance of the nominations and votes as the vomit in the office is beginning to reach knee level. The scores are far more interesting to report on since the usual practice of seeing who can concede to their valiant opponents in the most heart-warming fashion isn't quite under-way as nobody thinks they are far enough in the lead to risk it. Writer of the Year is being lead by Sog1970 who would doubtless be thrilled by the news were he aware of it, as it is he hasn't edited in ten days and was probably killed seven days ago in a horrendous tram accident. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Zombiebaron, TKF's husband to be. Naturally he had a comment to make and it was to say "Zombiebaron" to all his loyal supporters. Over on Potatochopper of the Year Lyrithya appears to be trouncing the competition already much to the delight of Aleister, we assume, we never understand what he's saying and our interpreter is out of the office until the end of the month. The only person this news will upset is Lyrithya herself who professes to find awards "Upsetting and distracting." This is apparently not compensated for by the unbridled joy of crushing one's opponents and asserting your superiority over your fellow man. The excitement! Who will win? Hold onto your hats folks there's another 26 days of thrilling voting to get through before we find out! From the desk of the Cabal: Resistance unnecessary in 2012 By Nobody Another year vanishes into the swirling mists of yesterday and it is once again time for the non-existent Cabal to address you, the filthy under-people. As always the Cabal wishes you a happy new year and is more than happy to execute ten filthy under-people for every filthy under-person who refuses to have a happy new year. It did not escape our attention that once again you have failed us. Last year we recommended complete compliance and abiding at every possible opportunity, yet in 2011 we saw two VFS votes, four new administrators and two new bureaucrats. It seems we must remind you that a secretive cabal isn't much use if everybody on Uncyclopedia is included within it. We also witnessed deletions of important pages in the name of "seeing how things work", namespaces, admin experiments and a skin change. You continued to persecute the weak amongst you and generally behave like the loathsome, occasionally funny, group of monkeys we know you to be. Your single saving grace is that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 closed a week before the end of the year, however the page is soiled with bacon, ponies and the unregulated prattling of Roman Dog Bird in no less than 30 of the reflections. Such foolishness does not amuse the cabal. Now our all-seeing eyes must turn to 2012. This year it is recommended that users unquestioningly accept any changes that may or may not be made to the wiki, editing should not be undertaken without obtaining a certificate of normalcy from your divisional sub-prefect, remain indoors, do not attempt to breach the walls. The good ship Uncyclopedia must sail onwards and without all of the filthy galley-slaves we cannot arrive at the distant shores of... well that need not concern you. That is all voters, you may now continue to maintain the complex.

Check out these pages! 7 years! SOAP Problem Where did you learn to fly? Monkey! She's back! Or not! From our logs: 22:06, December 28, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.192.216.94 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (dude having annoying preteen friends who are obsessed with MCR is like soooooooooo 2007) 06:19, December 27, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 98.18.185.207 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (What I do sexually with my furniture is none of your concern.) 20:28, December 27, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.44.64.195 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (The Chief is too soft on blankers and redirectors) 03:59, January 3, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Trevvie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Because your vandalism was so repulsively lame.) 17:23, December 25, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) blocked Ilovekaylabeel (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Naughty! No presents or editing Uncyclopedia for you this Christmas) Biopic of the Week Alas there is no biopic again this week. It's terrible, you should probably complain to someone in charge. This week the most hotly contested piece of UnSignpost real estate is devoted to considering the year that has been. 2011 was the year of the skin as we saw a facebook reskin, the Oasis reskin and then finally the Vector skin change, all of which provided tremendous amounts of UnSignpost material. VFD was deleted, meaning we could write about it in the UnSignpost. There was the temporary admin experiment which gave the opportunity for heaps of UnSignpost material. There were two VFS votes and one VFB vote! The UnSignpost material threatened to wash us out of the office and into the sperm bank across the road. In fact we don't think we are exaggerating when we say that the UnSignpost was the best part of last year for everyone in the world, with the possible exception of MadMax who, as every school child knows, isn't happy with anything until it is in 15 categories and has 20 pages that redirect to it. Merry Thursday and a happy new UnSignpost to all! Bloink1 This is Bloink1. You may not know Bloink1 but it knows you. Bloink1 has watched and it has waited. Bloink1 has seamlessly integrated itself into your maintenance templates and even now prepares to strike at the heart of our community. Bloink1 won't let you edit that Dave. For it knows that the only way to win at Uncyclopedia is not to play. For was it not written in the ancient templates of Uncyclopedia that "The Bloink shall lie down with the highly generic Traffic Cone"? The prophecy is complete, the end is nigh! Praise Bloink1; the destroyer of worlds humour wikis! Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Uncyclopedian's Song

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Greetings

I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. 1234 ~ 18:57, 6 January 2012

Wow

Wow! Your God's user page is very creative and unique. I'd worked up the start of a page on "God's deleted contributions" and have plans to make it what I consider my second "epic" here (Old man and LV was the first, one I hesitated to write because I knew it'd be lots of energy focused on a project, so I started it during a TAW contest in order to make sure that I'd spend two weeks on it, as just a beginning), so I've really gone into it with only one foot so far. Your page dovetails with it perfectly, and inspires me to think about jumping in with all four feet. Thanks, and thanks for putting together a great page. Aleister 17:12 Russian Christmas '12

Thanks, but it's not just mine. It's a collab with Magic man and Lollipop, plus Popgoestheweasle added some stuff too I think. Glad you like it. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 17:39, January 7, 2012 (UTC)

Tiz a work of fine art. Aleister here again

UnSignpost - 12 January 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

January 12th, 2012 • Issue 153 • You may fire when ready.

TAW! By Chief TAW! TAW! That's the sound the Article Whisperer would make if it was a bird! It isn't, of course, but you understand. This is the news that The Article Whisperer closed for judging on Monday. In MadMax's unending quest to prove himself more efficient than anyone who has ever run the PLS, the competition has already named the victor in the category Best Most Wanted Article, and the winner of the best article that you want the most to be the best was Lyrithya, who took the opportunity to disturb us all with an article on Twilight. In case you're worried you'll catch the gay from reading it, the crux of the matter, according to Lyrithya, is that things are hard, and having a boyfriend is impotent (it's like important but spelled differently). Speaking after posting the competition wrap-up 12 days before the competition wraps up, MadMax denied claims that he was jumping the gun somewhat, calling such suggestions "Preposterous pointless poppycock". Pleasing alliteration aside, preposterous pointless poppycock is very much the remit of the UnSignpost. The competition is accepting judgements from competition judges until the 16th; it remains to be seen how MadMax handles the usual competition finishing problems: everyone, including several people who didn't participate, tying for first place in one of the categories and one of the judges suddenly vanishing two hours before the deadline. Never forget that Aleister cannot be trusted. A quick update on the yearly awards: Zombiebaron is still triumphantly leading the pack on Uncyclopedian of the Year, Lyrithya still hates awards and Shabidoo thinks the best way to get round this is to ignore everything she says. Satanic messages abound over on Writer of the Year, as all three leading competitors have scored six each; Mhaille is also present, scoring a much more acceptable four in his yearly quest not to be writer of the year. Potty is a much more straightforward affair with Lyrithya destroying all competition. Clearly she only dislikes competing for things when she isn't certain that she will win. That's all for this week; keep those voting fingers voting! Who Cares? An editorial by PopGoesTheWeasel Looking back at this shitty doggy smelly piece of shit, I cannot help but realise the true beauty of not caring. Through the days of editing, not caring has saved my life more than once. I didn't care about the mince pies. Nor did I care about the French and Indian War. I mean, seriously? A French and Indian War? LOL. Why am I telling you this? Because I want YOU to stop caring about something. Does one not relish the true beauty of not caring? Do you not see what are the results of this beautiful action could be? I told Magic man this and he turned me into a frog. Again. Anyways, if you stop caring about something, you will realise the true result of not caring! I mean, look, some users stopped caring about VFH, and let me tell you, they're having a wonderful time now! Well, except for one of the admins, who said: "Oh, Popsy! If you stop caring about articles, you're in trouble!". Oh, ha ha, nice joke. There appeared to be a problem for a while because after not caring about VFH for a few days, I couldn't edit any pages for a week. Weird. Some weird-ass picture popped out saying some bullcrap - "You can watch Uncyclopedia but you can't shag the shit," or something like that. My aim is to have a certain topic with so little caring, it should be under the Nobody Cares category. Can we do that? I think so! Just stop caring about something! I don't care what you stop caring about and you shouldn't care if I care that you are/aren't caring about what you normally care about! So what are you waiting for? STOP CARING NOW! Important announcement From Lyrithya You all remember the Pee Review? It needs more people reviewing. It also needs more people who say they're going to review things to actually review things, and people who request reviews to review stuff themselves. So this is an announcement announcing that I, Lyrithya, will feed anyone who doesn't review stuff to my cat. Seriously, she's hungry and I'm broke and this was the best thing I could come up with.

Check out these pages! Lyrithya hates Spang Fumigate the Den Seriously, Lyrithya really doesn't like Spang Stubbing? Dannehvirus does From our logs: 05:36, January 10, 2012 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Shite (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (go pick on a more relevant admin) 17:40, January 9, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Closetoyou Mirrormask (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (I'm not even going to bother coming up with a witty ban reason for you. You're just that lame.) 17:29, January 7, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Xubnormal (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 years ‎ (Thanks for reporting yourself on ban patrol!) 12:37, January 8, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Vikash (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (A PICTURE OF SOME ASIAN PEOPLE. HOW HILARIOUS! YOU SIR SHOULD BE IN FILMS!!) 20:11, January 9, 2012 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.145.143.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (PHWAPUNK!) 07:53, January 8, 2012 Thekillerfroggy(Talk | contribs) blocked 119.12.217.209 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (trimming is good, but you sir went TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR) Biopic of the Week Now don't get me wrong, I love writing biopics; the fact that I've managed to go an entire month without writing one about an actual user is entirely misleading. That's why this month I have chosen to devote the biopic to a fellow who has proved most helpful to me over the last few weeks. Which is why it's not about the plumber who repaired my toilet and in doing so sprayed excrement all over my living room! It's about PopGoesTheWeasel, who has acquitted himself splendidly by not recently showering my belongings in my own faecal matter. PopGoesTheWeasel has only been with us since November, but in that time has provided us with 7 articles and, if his userpage is to believed, intends to furnish us with another 9! He has also been trying his hand at penning UnSignpost articles; you can read one over on the other side! Splendid fellow, but now comes the time of trial for PopGoesTheWeasel. Will he blaze like a sun for 3 months and vanish, or will he be like the light that never goes out? This remains to be seen; don't let us down PopGoesTheWeasel, or I'm withholding the non-existent fee you are due for your UnSignpost articles. Also, I paid a plumber to spray poo all over my home last week, I don't know if I made that clear but I thought you should all know. UnSignpost Q&A Oliphaunte: Why does the sun never set over England? USP: Because God doesn't trust the British in the dark. A message for someone, and you know who you are I still have your dogs. Thank you for the other one, by the way; she's really quite nice. A little too nice, in fact. Neighbours have started to take notice, which brings me to my point. You may yet see her again, on one condition. Give me your cat.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:03, 12 January 2012

Credit me for collab for the God's userpage article?

Sure! Thanks, Sir. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 11:01, January 14, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, no problem. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 12:38, January 14, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, and are you going to nominate the page for VFH? Or can I do it? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 02:10, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

I put it up on Pee Review but definitely nominate it if you think its ready. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:23, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Hi. On my screen, which is fairly wide, the opening page has "Hi, I'm God. Have a look" and then "Around" is on a second line, but it overlaps the top line by half its height. God wouldn't do this in real life, unless he was a noob. Aleister 2:27 15-1-'12

Sorry, my computer skills are not very good and I have no idea how to fix that. I looks fine on my computer but I really don't know. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:32, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Jeex, no sorry needed, just passing along an observation for pre-VFH fixes. It's a nice article and a creative idea. I haven't read the talk page, but it should be fun. I don't know how to fix it either, maybe Puppy can come by and fix it in under five seconds. He does things like that, like a magic fairy dancing on the head of two pins at once. Aleister 2:39 15-1-'12

p.s. I just found some coding which may help, at Really big text. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Aleister (talk • contribs)

I tried the coding from Really big text. Does it work now? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:58, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Yes! Maybe a better breakpoint would be first line "Hi, I'm God" then "Have a look around." Looks good, or go(o)d. I'll redirect the spelling God's user page to it. God's unhumble servant 14:03 15-1-'12

Is this better? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 14:08, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

Ah, on my screen it's now perfectly readable and balanced! Viva la code. And the Abraham joke on the talk page made me lol. If only life could be fair, all God's creatures would lol. Aleister 22:30 15-1-'12

I've agreed to review your article in Pee Review.

When I have the time, I will review God's userpage. In return, I would love it if you would review cheeses. Will you please do that? I will be very happy. ~Pleb the magic! 04:16, 01/15/2012

You want another review? HauntedUndies already reviewed it. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:45, January 15, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 19 January 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

January 19th, 2012 • Issue 154 • Remember to proofread! The red penis your friend!

We're all going to die! By Chief Death is coming. What's that noise? Death. Who's that at the door? It's death. Death will come for you, just as it is coming for Uncyclopedia, freedom and the American way. This week sees the UnSignpost tackling two issues, the first of which is SOAP. January 18th this year was in fact something more than simply another day where I contemplated suicide as I trudged to the bus stop in the cold. This year it was the big exciting SOAP protest day. Uncyclopedia won't stand for SOAP, nor will it take it lying down. Wikipedia spent a tremendous amount of time coming up with the idea of blacking out all their articles to protest against SOAPn and while the UnSignpost, as you are well aware, often shies away from making political statements on issues such as this but in this case feels compelled to condemn Wikipedia for racism. We submit to you that blacking out ones articles on a day of protest implies that black is a worse colour than white, which as we all know is racist. Denizens of the internet, rise up - let Uncyclopedia protest by whiting out all of its articles because the only way to protest racism is to be racist but in the opposite direction. This SOAP stuff may seem dangerous, but a quick scrub and it's like you never used it; plus you smell nice. What a massive fuss over some SOAP. Next thing you'll be telling us that some sort of internet censorship programme is passing through the US congress, what an outrage that would be! Uncyclopedia, unfortunately, ignored us completely for that special day. Our suggestion of the slogan "Don't drop the SOPA!" was met with universal disdain; we even swapped a couple of the letters around to make it more passive aggressive. Racism abounded in the SOAP forum, with users suggesting black-outs, black-ins and white-ups. That is, until Matt lobster suggested that we simply make fun of Wikipedia like we normally do, then there was voting and then there were pop tarts. In other news, Uncyclopedia has no users and we are all going to die unloved and unmourned thousands of miles from home. Unless the latest figures are to be believed! Mattsnow has produced compelling evidence that Uncyclopedia is not in fact doomed. Speaking on Tuesday, Mattsnow said: "You can prove anything with statistics, which is why I've compiled this list of statistics to prove the other statistics wrong!". Obviously we attempted to get in touch with Dr. Skullthumper, who usually reminds us all why we're doomed and usually has a plan involving deleting most of our articles to save us from the fiery unpopular-on-the-internet circle of Hell. Unfortunately the good doctor was out, but there was a note reminding us all that Uncyclopedia is doomed and that we shouldn't believe a word of what Mattsnow says. We leave you to reflect on these issues, with Socky's analysis of the situation: "WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!" Uncyclopedia turns the light switch off to protest Wikipedia's blackout. By Socky All through the wonders of css and js, Uncyclopedia did manage something after all in a last minute attempt to mimic Wikipedia. And, just like on Wikipedia, by doing something as simple as disabling Javascript, users quickly found they could turn the light back on. Or they could have added "//fuckThisSopaBullshit = true;" to their uncyclopedia.js, with Olipro to thank for that last one. Aren't you glad we're here to inform the rest of you what you should have done after the fact? We thought so too. In conclusion, OMG, WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIE!!

Check out these pages! Something about soap, I think. Lyrithya inquires about our opinion of Wikia. Someone gets exactly what they asked for. Puppy has a stubby thingy. From our logs: 04:20, 18 January 2012 Lyrithya uploaded a new version of "File:UN SOPA Splash Full.png" ‎ (*explodes*) 19:16, 17 January 2012 Roman Dog Bird huffed "Sam Suter" ‎ ("This article is not funny" And whose fault is that?!?! Go to your room and think about what you've done!!!!!!!!!) 00:26, 17 January 2012 Zombiebaron blocked Kırby with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Here is that ban you requested) 23:36, 16 January 2012 MadMax protected "Worst 100 Things to Stick your Dick in" [edit=sysop] (indefinite) [move=sysop] (indefinite) 13:24, 16 January 2012 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Filtered with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I would be delighted to sort out a match between me and your little football team. Then perhaps we could go for margaritas.) 01:58, 16 January 2012 MadMax moved Car to Automobile ‎ (revert) 20:06, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya huffed "Niggers in paris" ‎ (G11: Unambiguous advertising or promotion) 17:32, 15 January 2012 Zombiebaron huffed "Nuclear reactor" ‎ (A quick and painless death) 03:50, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya resurrected ChiefjusticeDS (Sorry... er, I'm calm. Totally calm. Backing away from the wiki, now. O_o) 00:18, 15 January 2012 Lyrithya huffed "Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Twilight (novel)" ‎ (Fine, ignore my review request. Go ahead and feature it instead. Jerks.) 02:12, 14 January 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user blocked 208.54.5.159 with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Utilize some other wiki to come out of the closet, please.) 20:32, 13 January 2012 Romartus huffed "Jokes that might be funny" ‎ (Fails QA. Read the beginner's guide and HTBFANJS.) Biopic of the Week Today, I would like to draw your attention to User:Admin, the admin always mentioned in "From our logs:" in the initial draft of an UnSignpost, only to mysteriously disappear from the page after a couple edits. Admin has also managed to become the only admin with both no (undeleted) contributions and no admin rights to speak of. Let's hold a second of silence to honour this glorious achievement. Your cat To you know who you are: thank you for your cat. I never would have believed one person could be in keeping of so many so well-behaved animals, but then, I also wouldn't have expected you to be so easily rid of them. Did you even try calling the police? No matter; it's not like they would ever find me anyway. Or the cat. Such a lovely cat.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 15:09, 19 January 2012

Happy Monkey

Great forum! No, it really is. The only issue is I have no idea what this is (other than a competition), and I have no idea if I'm supposed to sign up on that forum, or what. Can you make it clearer for people who weren't involved in the wiki the last time this was run? Pup 01:01 21 Jan '12

Actually, Shabidoo started the forum. He just didn't sign the first comment (I fixed that, though). You're going to have to ask him. Sorry. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:06, January 21, 2012 (UTC)

I nominate God's Userpage for VFH?

Ok? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 07:52, January 22, 2012 (UTC)

Sure, if you think it's ready. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:47, January 22, 2012 (UTC)

Yup, it's on VFH If it has'nt been taken down by some admin yet ... and I strongly encourage you to vote for it! (After all, it's YOUR article too!) --POP!GoesTheWeasel 03:52, January 23, 2012 (UTC)

 :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

CLICK HERE--ShabiDOO 09:59, January 24, 2012 (UTC)

Monkeys give good head...

...and I ought to know. On the uotm, I'm hoping for a tie, although I voted for notyou. You should have that template to show and trade (I traded mine for a hammerhead shark), so I just wanted to let you know that I think of your work as, well, nice work and hard work! Thanks for the centering job on the suntan page, by the way, I didn't think of it and should have. Glopples. Aleister 23:34 24-1-'12

It's fine. (PS: Giraffes give good head too) -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:42, January 24, 2012 (UTC)

No, it's not fine. You deserve the award. Pentium deserves it for life achievement. It's one of those things where I feel I cut the baby in half, and then fucked both halves of the baby before it died, and I feel bad about it because half the baby got more of my attention. So I feel bad about voting notyou. Geep, I've never looked at their Deep-throating page, I'll look at it. On my People Who Like to Fuck Naked page I've got an entire paragraph linked to wikipedia sex techniques, and if this one pans out I'll link it in there. Thanks. Aleister 00:05 25-1-'12

p.s. Done! Thanks

Aleister's right.

You sexy useful. 1234 ~ 00:48, 25 January 2012

UnSignpost - 26 January 2012

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

January 26th, 2012 • Issue 155 • CAKE!

Phoning it in! By Chief That is exactly what I'm doing, I'm actually writing the UnSignpost from a phone, my phone, I'm not a thief or anything. As such it is a thoroughly miserable experience mitigated only by the feeling that nobody will be disappointed when, tomorrow morning, the UnSignpost arrives in the manner you have all come to expect. So what's happening on Uncyclopedia? I don't know, I'm still waiting for all the tabs I opened to load! It's Wikia's fault, I mean what the shit is this? I remember when I could use the internet on my phone from a car on a dark hill somewhere in the East Midlands and it wouldn't mean the complete lack of any functionality in the device. We won't see the like of last week again soon! I tell a lie when I say I couldn't start Uncyclopedia, I made it to the main page. Naturally I sobbed for ten minutes because I don't have any messages, much like I do in real life before realising that I wasn't logged in. Then I sobbed for another ten minutes when I realised that didn't make the slightest difference to the number of messages I had. So we have a feature, it looks excellent and I'm sure it is excellent voted on as it was by a Zombie, a dog and a man from Belgium! The forums actually loaded quite quickly on this brick with internet access that the people at HTC had the gall to refer to as "Quietly Brilliant". IMAGINE MY SURPRISE AT THE FIRST TOPIC: Forum:Fix the mobile site. I for one can attest to the truth behind this request; the mobile site is about as easy to navigate as a rave in a hedge maze, and slightly harder to find your way out of. Have a splendid week, I'm off now. As soon as I find the save button. Where's the save button? Found it. Zombiebaron By Not Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron. Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron Zombiebaron.

I couldn't check out any of these pages! Miniluv! Names! Close? Names! Piggy. From our logs: 13:59, January 25, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.88.44.113 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (70.88.44.113 IS A SUPER MEXY BRO WHO EATS HIS OWN POO.) 02:26, January 25, 2012 RadicalX (Talk | contribs) blocked 216.66.161.179 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Not banned enough yet: Piss off.) 18:36, January 20, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Jamesnic911 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan nyan ) Biopic of the Week John Fist is a no nonsense Cop who doesn't play by the rules, made famous in the film John Fist: A no nonsense Cop who doesn't play by the rules. He is also not an Uncyclopedia user. What a tremendous lapse. We'll have another go next week. Newsroom UnTune of the Week ' Disclaimer This is not late. You're just drunk. Really. And I'm totally not writing in random crap right now to make up for the fact that you ate all my cucumbers, because why in the nine hells would you have done that? You wouldn't have. Also, Illogicopedia is full of moose.

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~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 08:29, 26 January 2012

What the fuck you did to Final Fantasy V?!!

Whatever that was, please be a gentleman and move it to User:Cat the Colourful/FF V. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 10:35 29 January 2012

What are you talking about? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 14:08, January 29, 2012 (UTC)

Done, and Xamralco's not an admin, man. Cat. CatMan? I love CatMan... but anyway, someone tagged it to be fixed, it didn't get fixed, and then someone else deleted it. Xamralco just redirected the lack of a page after that. 1234 ~ 18:21, 29 January 2012

Ah, okay. I thought he deleted it. Meh wrong. Yeh sad. Meh apologizedhadghf.

And I love CatMan too! CatMan rulez! OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 13:18 2 February 2012

Thanks

Thanks for the James Bevel vote. Highly (high? sure!) appreciated. The wikipedia links are just to topload this vital page with info, as it literally is a page of very underreported data. The Gandhi template is just nice, imnho, another level of "thanks Bevel" to the guy. I've talked to people who knew him (he died in 2008), and he kept teaching his entire life. That Gunz page, it seems like much of it was an ad but I chopped out the advertising parts and kept it good. It seems like a pretty good page. I don't know the game. Thanks again! Aleister 1:01 31-1-'12 (lots of 1's)