Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:John Lennon actually said "we are bigger than cheeses," proved right in any case
UnNews:John Lennon actually said "we are bigger than cheeses," proved right in any case[edit source]
I would be very happy if someone could . ~Pleb 
the magic! 
22:53, 01/14/2012
- Ive got nothing better to do so OK. I understand and I wish to continue.
. 09:31, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
| Humour: | 4 | I never mean any offence when giving someone a shitty score so I apologise if I cause any hurt feelings. I haven’t really been around that much lately but I’m gonna take a wild guess and assume you haven’t been that active either. The reason I say this is that your article seems a little rusty. It basically consists of a one liner pun with some weakish jokes thrown in to try and fatten it out into a news story (admittedly, I’m also guilty of this so err… high five!)
If you’re feeling a bit rusty or you’re unsure of an article’s quality, you probably should have made this article in your userspace and then got it peed on before making it an official news item. That way, you can work on it before it becomes old news and nobody cares anymore. The biggest fundamental flaw I see in this article is that you make the joke with the headline and then spend the rest of the article trying to explain the joke. It’s reminiscent of some awkward guy at a pub who comes up with a truly shitty left field remark that only he understands and who then spends several wasted minutes trying to explain the different elements of humour involved. Any humour that might have existed is then washed away in a tidal wave of puzzled looks, awkwardness and boredom and inevitably results in them doing a “phantom”. You could counteract this with by coming up with an intriguing tabloidy headline such as “Beatles myth debunked”, “Beatles not bigger than Jesus” or whatever. That way, the reader’s interest is piqued, priming them for your main joke/punch line. We don't know what John Lennon meant by that, but something tells us it was a rather disturbing message. Seeing as this is an “informative” news article, it’s not really acceptable to say “We don’t know”. The news is there to tell us something about what’s going on. I’ve never watched the six o’clock news and been confronted with some ditzy blonde telling me “I don’t know what happened today, te he he”. Instead, tell me why it was a disturbing message. Maybe you can refer it back to the Beatles consumption of LSD or something. I can’t be arsed coming up with examples right now. But in either case, the professors are baffled at why it was such a scandal; after all, in both cases, Lennon was right. Their weights together combined were larger than that of Jesus, as displayed in the following mathematical equation. This feels like a rather awkward expaination sentence that feels comically flat . Generally, it’s bad form to start a sentence with “but”, “and”, or “get fucked niggaz ass bitch fukz”. Maybe it should read as “In either case, the professors were baffled as to why Lennon’s remarks were embroiled in scandal. In both cases, he was correct as their combined weight was bigger than that of Jesus or cheeses”. I could be wrong though as I’m not an expert in the many nuances of the English language. My natural language is a unique system of caveman like grunts coupled with hand gestures and defecation throwing. The rest of the article falls under the “If you have to explain it then it’s not funny” thing. The final comment, while being a clever reference, seems a bit random. Try to tie it in with the rest of the article. Crap example – “It’s a hard days night when you’ve been working like a dog – and getting chased down the street by right wing religious nut jobs wielding torches, pitch forks, and expensively pointy cutlery”. |
| Concept: | 8 | Not much so say here. I really like the concept despite it being a bad pun. I recall coming up with a joke similar to this but couldn’t be arsed making an article out of it. There's a good news article to be had here but it falls flat in the execution. You’ve got a great sense of humour, I just feel you need to work on getting your point across a bit better. As they say, “It’s not what you say but how you say it”. |
| Prose and formatting: | 6 | I think I've already covered a few prose issues in the humour section so err... hmm... High five! |
| Images: | 5 | For a news article, there seems to be too many pictures. I get the impression you’re just trying to fill up space. Generally, a good UnNews has only one picture, maybe two if it’s a long one. Three is pushing the limits a bit. I also feel that the ones that are there don’t really gel with the story. A short piece such as this should only have one picture. Personally, I’d go with the Lennon one as it wouldn’t give the joke away and I liked the caption. I also feel the pictures need to be a bit bigger but that’s biased by my particular screen resolution so disregard if it looks good to you. |
| Miscellaneous: | 5 | This review has been brought to you by the number 5, the letters N, Q, and R, and Uncle Luigi’s pizza basses, “for all your low end needs”. |
| Final Score: | 28 | I reread this review and I get the feeling I've been a bit of an arsehole but I honestly mean well. Try not to be butthurt and remember that this is only one person's opinion. I really like the your brand of humour, I just feel you need to work on delivering it a bit better. The best comdey writers never laugh at thier own material. Why? Because they've analysed the mechanics to the point where writing becomes unfunny. I don't know why I'm saying this but ask yourself, "Am I writing here because I enjoy it or because I like making people laugh?", If your here to make other people laugh then learn the nuts and bolts of good writing first, then, find a tone of comedy writing that suits you and hone your skills. Writing is boring, but if you can make some random sad sack of shit piss his pants with laughter then it's all worth it. |
| Reviewer: | I understand and I wish to continue.  . 11:29, January 15, 2012 (UTC)
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