UnNews:John Lennon actually said "we are bigger than cheeses," proved right in any case

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13 January 2012

Remember them? Yeah, them.

Great Britain, UK -- The sixties. Peace, love, rock and roll. And what better example of all of those than the Beatles? Consisting of the Paul McCartney, Ringo Starr, the late George Harrison and the late John Lennon, that band was truly one of the greats. And we all know about the scandal when they said the following:

“We are bigger than Jesus.”

However, at the University of Uncyclopedia sound studies, it was recently discovered that that was not what he said at all. You see, one of the nerds discovered that he actually said:

“We are bigger than cheeses.

~ Lennon

We don't know what John Lennon meant by that, but something tells us it was a rather disturbing message.

John Lennon remembers exactly how much bigger they were.

But in either case, the professors are baffled at why it was such a scandal; after all, in both cases, Lennon was right. Their weights together combined were larger than that of Jesus, as displayed in the following mathematical equation.


Let's assume that Jesus is a 140-pound man (unless he is a 500 foot Jesus, which is currently out of the question), we'll represent this by man. And there are four Beatles (represented by Beatles), and each of them are around that weight, so obviously:

(4 * man) = Beatles


man < Beatles

meaning that Jesus weighs less than the Beatles and there's nothing you can do about it.

What? It's the truth.

And, after weighing most cheeses, even the 400-pound cheese, we discovered that they were bigger than cheeses, too. So in either case, John Lennon was right.

In other news, it's been a hard day's night...

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