Miserable Son of a Bitch
- "Bastard" redirects here. For the bat excrement known as bat's turd, see guano.
- "if your looking for a teenage hoe whos run off with a french loaf you may be looking for a Batard."
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~ Johnny's mum on Johnny
The Miserable Son of a Bitch (abbr. MSoB) is a member of the Puppis Tiniatus genre of the Doggin animal group. Considered to be a central figure in dog mythology, the Miserable Son of a Bitch is thought to be the Dalai Lama of the Western canine group.
There have been 147 recorded Miserable Son of a Bitches since the MSoaB list was started in 1565 by Sir Cornelius Mastersicle out of Tweed. The average life-span of the Miserable Son of a Bitch is 12.948 years, usually due to the lack of veterinary insurance with the job of the Miserable Son of a Bitch.
A dog with the title of Miserable Son of a Bitch is to be called 'His/Her Bitchiness'.
The history of the Miserable Son of a Bitch traces back to England in 1565 when a puppy was found to have adopted the same fur patterns as his bitch. Upon extensive analysis by the village's doctor/mortician, he determined the puppy had the same genetic structure as his mother. Returning home with his puppy, Sir Mastersicle called his puppy the 'Miserable Son of a Bitch' because of its droopy eyes and constant chewing on the sir's cabin walls.
Throughout history, the dogs in the family line kept developing similar fur traits as to their predecessors. Although it was determined that all dogs had puppies in the same fashion, the Miserable Son of a Bitch was considered to be king of the canine kingdom.
Famous Miserable Son of a Bitches
- His Bitchiness the Droopiness I - The original Bitch
- Her Bitchiness the Shakespeare III - Shakespeare's dog, which he later gave away after horrible sales from Romeo & Juliet.
- His Bitchiness the Invest96E - Member of the Miserable Son of a Bitch discovered on a raft escaping a hurricane. Started the Miserable Son of a Bitch family in the United States of America in 1902.
- His Bitchiness the Accountant - Help end a possible war between America and England after Invest96E arrived in America, ending the royal tradition of MSoaB in England.
- Her Bitchiness the Experiment 96-Alpha - Scientists attempted to make clones of Her Bitchiness to expand the royal MSoaB family to have one family member in each American state.
- Her Bitchiness the Experiment 96-Beta - Scientists attempted the experiment again after 96-Alpha developed extensive mouth foaming.