✈ II II

	UnSignpost Home Delivery Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

This user wields a plunger and can rollback your crap anytime, anywhere, anyhow baby.

lol i hav a feetur

YOU JUST EDITED!

YOU JUST EDITED! - [22:07 5 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

OR DID I? - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 22:10, Thursday 05 August 2010 -

YOU DID IT AGAIN! AND AGAIN! I THOUGHT YOU HAD ABANDONED UNCYC? OR NO? HI! - [22:17 5 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

AND IT APPEARS I GOT THIS BITCHES' VAGINITY! - [22:18 5 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

IN FACT I HAVE NOT ABANDONED UNCYC WHEREVER WOULD YOU GET A SILLY IDEA LIKE THAT? No, seriously, you think I have a life outside this site? <3 - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 22:18, Thursday 05 August 2010 -

NO I DID NOT THINK YOU HAD A LIFE OUTSIDE OF HERE! JUST THOUGHT YOU HAD GIVEN UP ON THE ONE LIFE YOU HAD! BUT APPARENTLY NOT!!! DO YOU THINK THERE'S A MEME IN THIS CAPITAL THING? LET'S FIND OUT. - [22:20 5 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

BENSON LOL - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 22:21, Thursday 05 August 2010 -

DICKS LOL! HOW ARE YOU?! - [22:23 5 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

VERY WARM AS A RESULT OF THE SUMMER CLAUSE IN MY CONTRACT FOR LIVING ON THIS PLANET. HOW ABOUT YOU??? - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 22:25, Thursday 05 August 2010 -

YOU GOT A CONTRACT? I NEVER GOT A CONTRACT! DAMMIT, I WANT A REFUND. I APPEAR TO BE ENJOYING YOUR CLAUSE, TOO. - [22:28 5 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

YOU WERE DRUNK AT THE TIME, OBVIOUSLY. OH WONDERFUL HOW'S THAT WORKING OUT FOR YOU? - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 22:37, Thursday 05 August 2010 -

WORKING OUT WONDERFULLY, YES. I FEEL THAT EITHER WE SHOULD BE HURLING ABUSE AT EACH OTHER, YOU MOTHAFUCKIN GOOD FOR NOTHING PIECE OF SHIT, OR WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF A TWISTER...WHATEVER WORKS FOR YOU, YA CUNT. - [22:46 5 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

HEY COCKSUCKER, YOU MIGHT WANT TO GATHER YOUR VALUABLES, THERE'S ONE OF THEM THERE TWISTERS OUTSIDE. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 23:04, Thursday 05 August 2010 -

OH FOR FUCK SAKE. OI, FAG, IS THAT WHY WE'RE SHOUTING? CAUSE YOUR VOICE REALLY SOUNDS FUCKING STUPID WHEN YOU'RE SHOUTING. - [23:07 5 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

Hey. So there are a whole bunch of usergroups around at the moment (nazis and a frat). The new bastards. Do you feel like wasting your time at all? Showing them how a real user group works? Yeh, or not, that's cool too. :) - [02:26 6 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

Yes! Of course I would love to waste time. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 11:45, Friday 06 August 2010 -

Excellent! And it appears that Meth is back, at least for a bit. Do you have any ideas how we could make the mafia useful? I was thinking that instead of focusing on rewriting stuff, like all the other usergroups, we focus on the community. So welcoming and helping noobs, trying to somehow dampen any drama that flairs up and trying to ensure general good relationships. Very mafia-like, I know. What do you think? I also suggest that we simplify the mafia, cutting out things like the Russian and Italian special bars, leaving just one. And other complicated things, and getting rid of the pages we never got round to making. Like the golf course. Thoughts? I'm already beginning to feel drunk with power...sick sick power... - [12:51 6 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

Yeah, simplifying it might be for the best. It's complications seem to have led to it's demise. And the dampening drama sounds very good. We aren't a mafia, we're "community organizers". - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 16:28, Friday 06 August 2010 -

Yeh. Just stepping in when drama kicks in and repeatedly leaving joke comments no matter what, so that it becomes impossible for serious drama to take place. I like that idea. I would say death to the overcomplicated money thing, the Russian Members Only Bar, the Italian Members Only Bar, the Rackets Room, the Golf Course and the Shooting Range but keep the donate a dollar thing, just for the sake of it. And maybe less ranks? Maybe we need a 'What We Do Page' too. - [16:33 6 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

The what we do page is definitely essential, and joke comments are wonderful things. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 16:41, Friday 06 August 2010 -

Hey what's up with going back to this side of the page? This side smells funny. Of hobo. Joke comments are, indeed, wonderful. - [17:25 6 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

i c wat u did thar - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 18:02, Friday 06 August 2010 -

Indeed, so are you willing to waste your time helping me waste my time? - [18:50 6 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

Not cool

Not cool, bro. Aaadddaaammm 19:57, August 6, 2010 (UTC)

Hi. I happen to be loitering around this talk page and since Colin has not answered yet: can I help? - [21:09 6 August 2010] TheYet•Talk

Dammit, I can see not record of it, but [1] this picture was changed (passive voice) to Goatzee, so it would show up "in the news". I found it disturbing (but strangely alluring), so reverted it and posted a quick note her to say it was me. Aaadddaaammm 21:23, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

He got banned for 2 months for that.--HM (T) 21:28, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

[frigging edit conflict, I will leave the message unchanged however] I had a word with the admin that blocked Colin. They deleted the picture so there wouldn't be a record of it. Colin was blocked for two months. —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [21:29 7 August 2010]

dicks lol —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 21:53, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

Your sig looks great against a black background (slight homo) -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 08:32, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

My sig?? —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [12:30 8 August 2010]

That Colin is one crazy bastard. -- hairless Ape (crystallise) (Riot Porn) 22:27, August 7, 2010 (UTC)

hehehe. Yeah... Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 05:30, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

Haha, good stuff. It seems like a bit of overkill, it's actually pretty funny. And very much in the spirit of uncyclopedia eh! Aaadddaaammm 07:18, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

No, it's not in the spirit of Uncyclopedia. We are a humor wiki, not a lulz wiki. If you want Goatse on the front page you can go to ED. --Andorin Kato 07:21, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

Andorin, chill out please. -- hairless Ape (crystallise) (Riot Porn) 13:22, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

It is true though, it doesn't really make me laugh... —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [13:48 8 August 2010]

It made me laugh, and in any case, its not a big deal and takes 5 seconds to revert. I just don't like this distinction between humour and lulz, I think that's the source of a lot of the current tension. Anyway, don't want to have that argument on Colin's talk page particularly. -- hairless Ape (crystallise) (Riot Porn) 13:57, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

I do agree though that maybe the ban was a little harsh, especially since it was apparently an infinite ban to start with. —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [14:02 8 August 2010]

I generally don't laugh at goatse, but when Colin does it... It would upset me more if he didn't, man. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 22:27, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

Colin has done this before. The rules say goatse gets you banned. Plus, it's not funny. So...yeah.--HM (T) 00:23, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

I don't know previous history so withdraw comments. —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [00:56 9 August 2010]

I think it's funny independent of whether or not Colin should be banned for a while. -- hairless Ape (crystallise) (Riot Porn) 01:17, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

Is that sentence missing a comma or am I just very tired? —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [01:18 9 August 2010]

Dawn Of The Dead (Remake)

Paradise Abridged

It's up on VFH. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:53, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Did you just get unbanned?

? —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [21:22 19 August 2010]

Why yes, yes I did. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 04:15, Friday 20 August 2010 -

Why hello! —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [10:29 20 August 2010]

Well, I suppose see this....

Have I whored my newest article to you yet? (And I may not respond to your next response for a while, as it is 5:30 AM here and I'm about to head to sleep.) - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 10:32, Friday 20 August 2010 -

I'll check it out. Have I whored my this, to you? —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [10:39 20 August 2010]

Dear Valued Mafia Member,

Dear Valued Mafioso,

I am very sorry to be encroaching on your talkpage. Please feel free to move this message without incurring the wrath of the mob. You are, whether you remember or not, a member of the Uncyclopedia Mafia. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen circumstances, the Family has been inactive recently. However, members of the Family believe that now is the time for our little business to burst back into the spotlight.

Mafia 2.0 promises:

• MORE violence
• MORE whores
• MORE gambling
• MORE guns
• MORE pointless awards
• MORE positions to be filled
• MORE of an actual purpose

The Mafia Pledge:

The Uncyclopedia mafia hereby declares its intention to be a family business dedicated to welcoming, socialising with and being friendly to new users, in an attempt to integrate them into the Uncyclopedia community, offering help to any Uncyclopedia user who wants assistance and looking to promote merriment within the Uncyclopedia community.

As a current member we are proposing that you should help the Family, once more, by becoming an active member. We humbly present you with the following options:

1. Simply reply here, saying you are willing to continue being a member of the Mafia.
2. Sign the code {{u|<insert name here>}} here to opt out of the Mafia.
3. If you do not reply within ten (10) days you will deemed inactive and stripped of your current full Mafia membership.
4. Reply here saying you are willing to continue as part of the Mafia and then request one of the several senior roles within the Mafia that need filling at my office.

As of 10:30 20 August 2010 the following roles within the Mafia require filling. If you would like one of the positions please request it at the above mentioned office.

• Personal Secretary to the Don (with special privileges)
• Capo Bastone (deputy to the Don)
• Chariman of the Italian branch of the family
• Capo Bastone Delegato (deputy to the Capo Bastone)

Yours Sincerely,
Don Mr. Antonio "Snowmobile" Yettie
[18:29 7 August 2010]

dicks lol —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:33, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved! By UU UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with. So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes By UU Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly. TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages! Did the leprechaun tell you to burn things? Finally, something worth voting on! Classy! From our logs: 06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars) 03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence) 16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....) Biopic of the Week Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be. During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write. Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good die leave young early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeWii 11:59, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks

For that vote on VFH. I 'ppreciate it! —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [17:38 20 August 2010]

Mafia

Do pop in, sometime. —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [10:29 22 August 2010]

Faggit

How ya been my nig? -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:24, 27 Aug

I've been fairly decent, though I'm going back to public high school, and I'm banned from Freenode. How about you, you big sloppy homosexual you? - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 01:24, Saturday 28 August 2010 -

Oops

Sorry I screwed on you in IRC, I got disconnected accidentally and had to go. Rev. Zim_ulator (Talk) I am the dirt under your rollers 02:02, September 3, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, no big, it's fine. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 02:03, Friday 03 September 2010 -

stuff on stuff

This list may and be changed, added to, and removed from at any time without prior notice as my current suggestions change and the article changes.

1. shit doesn't randomly explode normally... and with oil there would be lots of investigations and stuff, its not exactly unknown territory to assrape the earth get oil

2. i love where oil disaster links linked :( try to put back in the desert storm reference

3. "Maybe they had just heard about the BP oil spill, and saw how weak it would look? No one can know" wtf does this mean? removed from article

4. "whoever potentially probably did this" doesn't work with the style of rest of the quote. the guy seems of at least moderate intelligence before then, can't just turn him retarded removed from article

5. "Some government analysts see a flaw in this outcome, however" I don't like this sentence. A flaw in this outcum? Wtf is that supposed to mean? I changed it. Along with the order. Before I had no idea as to how this could made sense, much less be funny. If it was some analysts doubting that it was done by terrorists or maybe doubting the specific terrorist chosen! YA THAT ONE! (maybe using 9/11 as a reference (get in your link that way too ;] )) could make the argument that the standard suspects would have done a much better job. maybe it was the egyptian mafia or some such crap. Idk. But the Al Quieda (however the fuck you spell it) would have done a much better job. I think this could add something to the article to make it more than the usual 'blame the terrorists, lol' theme. Theme more of blame the terrorists, but done so shitty we are having trouble figuring out what terrorist could have possibly done it. Could add either as a quote or a note that no terrorist groups have publicly taken credit for this, used as 'proof' that it was done so badly they are ashamed or something (while a sane person, aka the reader, would see it as proof that terrorists didn't do it, but don't mention anything along those lines in the article).

6. "The explosion, which had the chance to kill 13 workers, left none injured." "left none injured" barely brings attention to it, it is really small. It's the whole point of the article in my opinion! Maybe "miracously left none injured" Another thing is you could add that the explosion did almost no damage or something like that? That the terrorists not only failed to hurt anyone, they failed to even damage anything.

7. see my added paragraph. the 13 workers were maybe merely inconvenienced by the 'explosion' or didn't even know it happened until told about it later.

8. i'm sure you know this, but flesh out the suspected terrorism line. without it the news ain't funny.

ALWAYS FEEL FREE TO REVERT MY EDITS I DO TO THE ARTICLE ITSELF. I AM NOT HERE TO STEAL THE ARTICLE FROM YOU.

-- Soldat Teh PWNerator (pwnt!) 06:18, Sep 3

Errr Colin

Your sig is becoming quite outrageous -

- Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 02:03, Friday 03 September 2010 - XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Shorten it so it matches the Xs please? Thanks. ~ 10:10, September 8, 2010 (UTC)

That's because Wikia has disabled the sighidden function, Mordillo. Wikia is Ebil! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:18, 8 September 2010

Yeah, what Socky said. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 10:20, September 8, 2010 (UTC)

Dear god, they've disabled?!!?!?!?!?!?!?! WHAT ON EARTH!!!?! —BUTTFUCKER WHORE Mr. Antonio Yettie (talk) [16:41 8 September 2010]

Ah yes, EBIL WIKIA. Thank god we have them to blame. Sorry Colin, keep doing whatever that you were doing. What were you doing anyway? ~ 11:36, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

That's for me to know and the CIA to keep files on. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 20:51, Thursday 09 September 2010 -

UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours

The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week! By UU It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too! Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked: Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it? Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles? Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy? If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before! The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins! By UU As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF. That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again. Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation." Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again. UnNews main page By Socky Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted.

Check out these pages! Wikia sucks, part 469 In other news, The Pope's a Catholic Insert lie here The very pinnacle of humour From our logs: 06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.137.241.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck. Flaxmere too.) 04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.30.32.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!) 05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.) 18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Thank god I'm in Israel then!) 18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!) 17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn) Biopic of the Week It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed some seriously good featured articles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways? Old-school featured article of the week go eat shit fuckers

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:49, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!

You voted in support of antinatalism. The future totalitarian world government will make sure to have you sterilized. Thanks for participating in saving the planet! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:05, 13 September 2010

MINDFUCK

^{Pirate Lord}__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 20:56, September 14, 2010 (UTC)

Did I thank you?

I think I did... but thank you again for voting for Pursuit of Happiness, love. Although your signature is just annoying. You know the links cannot be accessed if they go over linebreaks, right? ~ Lyrithya *shifty eyes* (words) (actions) -- 20101027 - 17:02 (UTC)

You're most certainly welcome. It's a right funny article. And yes, I know, I just happen to like the jumpy effect is has when you rapidly run your mouse over it. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 22:48, Wednesday 27 October 2010 -

D'oh. What a reason. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101028 - 00:00 (UTC)

It gets my vote as the best signature on Uncy. A fun one, not a boring one like Aleister 00:30 28 10

It'd be more useful if it came with consistently accessible links to your userpage... you could turn the hammer and sickle into a link. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101028 - 00:45 (UTC)

Yeah, I'd considered it, but now you've put the image of an increasingly frustrated user trying to click link to my userpage into my mind, and quite frankly, it's very entertaining. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 00:48, Thursday 28 October 2010 -

Actually, I just typed User:Colin into the searchy thingy and you came up just fine. Now there be links elsewhere. But okay. ~ *shifty eyes* (talk) (stalk) -- 20101028 - 00:52 (UTC)

Sincere thanks

WOTM is the heaviest award ever - just see.

--Funnybony    14:17, Nov 1

Ohhh!

Yummy!

No not that! I'm about to eat an ice cream pervert! --Dancing dude 20:09, November 26, 2010 (UTC)

... - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 20:17, Friday 26 November 2010 -

5th-trimester abortion

(Was watching you on RecentChanges) Don't you mean 4th-trimester? Spıke ¬ 04:07 28-Nov-10

Nope, I mean 5th. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 04:31, Sunday 28 November 2010 -

As in 4th through 6th month after birth? Very well. Spıke ¬ 04:32 28-Nov-10

Have to let the fruit ripen before making a pie, you see. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 04:36, Sunday 28 November 2010 -

Thanks!

And thanks for helping me write it, of course. It could have never been featured without you. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 18:58, 5 December 2010

Instead of doing something productive...

I have come to demonstrate what a terrible mistake you made voting for me for UotM last month. Really, I do not understand what you possibly could have been thinking, but what is done is done, and now I suppose I should be gracious and attempt to thank you, or something. As I do not know how to be gracious, however, I will instead give you a carefully chosen line of Madness, for you to keep as your very own:

“ What's that, you say? My exam? Oh, it's going straight to hell, and thank you for asking. At least it gave me these beautiful lines, so that I can flunk with style, yes? ”

UotM needs more love this month, of course, but as I am indeed here to be a terribly useless lump, instead of imploring you to vote for a rather wonderful fellow who should have gotten it last month, I'll just end now and sign this with a signature that has, indeed, been confirmed to be... er, against policy, or something. 1234 ~ Major Pleb Dame Lyrithya • Athyria • Isarra • Haydrahlienne - 'Destroyer of the Wiki' - MUN OUN CUN KUN DUN GUN *shifty eyes* (zombiebaron) • (dr. skullthumper) • (roman dog bird) • (nachlader) • (frosty) • (more zombiebaron) • (talk) • (stalk) • (block) • (log) • (list) • WotM • UotM • RotM • PotM • UGotM x4 • SotM • FFS • NOM • MotM • BFF x2 • GSA x2 • PS • FiyC • MD • Top3 x3 • Top10 • VFH x15 • VFP x3.5 • HoS • TAW • HMC • PEEING • PRS • PC • URC • ΥΣΣ • IC • ZB -- 21:39, 9 December, 2010 (UTC)

Merry Christmas!

-- Thankful Kippy Share blessings Bountiful harvest 22:39, Dec. 12, 2010

Hey...

Thank you. For your indignance on my behalf regarding those illogical against votes. I appreciate it. 1234 ~ Major Pleb Dame Lyrithya • Athyria • Isarra • Haydrahlienne - 'Destroyer of the Wiki' - MUN OUN CUN KUN DUN GUN *shifty eyes* (zombiebaron) • (dr. skullthumper) • (roman dog bird) • (nachlader) • (frosty) • (more zombiebaron) • (talk) • (stalk) • (block) • (log) • (list) • WotM • UotM • RotM • PotM • UGotM x4 • SotM • FFS • NOM • MotM • BFF x2 • GSA x2 • PS • FiyC • MD • Top3 x3 • Top10 • VFH x15 • VFP x3.5 • HoS • TAW • HMC • PEEING • PRS • PC • URC • ΥΣΣ • IC • ZB -- 23:04, 4 January, 2011 (UTC)

Any time, fair lady. Undignified behavior in the face of perceived injustice is just one of those things I do. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 23:22, Tuesday 04 January 2011 -

ya

	Uncyclopedian of the Month January 2011

--Roman Dog Bird 02:54, February 1, 2011 (UTC)

Hey there..

Colin "All your base" Heaney, just popping to let you know that it's your time to shine as the articles are all locked up and ready for judging. Your are Best Illustrated category and you put your results here. Good luck:)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:08, February 1, 2011 (UTC)

hey Colin "All your base" Heaney

i need a adopter for the adopt a noob program you seem cool will you adopt me and send me a message when you can thanks webby790

Alright, I can dig it. Any questions, right off the bat? - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 00:16, Monday 14 February 2011 -

Could you get round to your judgyfying duties soon?

As you need to be done judging for tomorrow:)--Sycamore (Talk) 09:01, February 12, 2011 (UTC)

HAPPY MONKEY COMPETITION MARCH 2nd

¡¡¡ OLÉ !!!  :)

--Shabidoo 10:41, February 24, 2011 (UTC)

Madison

Did you make it over to Madison? How was it? I have a page you may appreciate on VFH, the UnNews where a 5-year-old girl talks to the governor. Dexter and MrtheJazz made a great audio for the page. Did you see doggies when you were in Madison? Peace through strength! Aleister 4:00 27-2-'11

It was pretty bitchin'. Also, cold. I caught a glimpse of Michael Moore. I had a sign that said "The Little Boy Who Cried Fascist". And I saw dogs, yes. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 22:30, Tuesday 01 March 2011 -

Doggies! Please run, don't walk, to read my page on VFH and listen to Dexter and mrthejazz's audio. I envy your participation on the street, in the action, and protecting your sandwich from Michael Moore. More, tell me moore, I mean more. Aleister 3:39 2-3-'11

Hello, did you check out the featured article today? It's my 2nd Madison page, the one with the great audio mentioned above. Please let your friends in Madison know. I hope that the Governor or someone on his staff reads the thing. Aleister 1:20 4-3-'11

I've showed multiple people your articles, and gotten positive responses from all of them. They're pretty amazing. And I wish he would, but he'll probably be too busy sending out layoff notices to public employees. Also, is there any possibility of you having a Facebook I could add? - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 01:27, Friday 04 March 2011 -

Wow, thanks. I didn't know if you had seen that featured one yet. No, I don't use Facebook or twitter or the others, not even IRC here. That's one of the reasons it seems like I spend lots of time here (multi-tasking much of that time), it's my choice social site (I do have other sites I look at and sometimes write on, but this one is home base for now). Maybe the Capitol Times would give a mention of that feature. Hmmmm. Aleister 1:31 4-3-'11

Blocked for 3 months

You have been blocked for the following reasons;

Disruption and removal of important information.

Date the block will be lifted; August 25th, 2011. – Preceding unsigned comment added by Derecho (talk • contribs)

Oh man, he sure got you good. See you in three months, buddy. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 06:37 May 26, 2011

Dammit, and I was looking forward to some sheep shagging when I got back... - Colin obviously using a proxy to evade his ban.

Hmm...

This was your idea, wasn't it?

Also, where'd you wander off to, anyhow? 1234 ~ 15:01, 5 July 2011

I believe it was, if you can count bullshitting on IRC as coming up with the idea. And I am currently in Montana, where I will be until the end of August. The internets just started working here, however, so I should be on a bit more frequently. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 22:19, Thursday 07 July 2011 -

Recent UnNews template

Please run your stories by a third party before adding them to the Recent UnNews template. Thanks. ~  Talk 23:13, 23 July 2011 (UTC)

Lawl. -- hairless Ape (crystallise) (Riot Porn) 23:18, July 23, 2011 (UTC)

That's what I get for using that damn bargain-bin fourth party. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 03:09, Sunday 24 July 2011 -

Cider

I love's this article. Can I remove the fire? mAttlobster. (hello) 21:14, July 28, 2011 (UTC)

JFK BLOWN AWAY WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SA - Sure, go for it. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 21:20, Thursday 28 July 2011 -

Vandal's Paradise

Hey Colin, I'm sorry to inform you that your article died in the recent conflagration of Forest Fire Week. Instead of just deleting it, I moved it to your userspace (User:Colin "All your base" Heaney/UnTunes: Vandal's Paradise) for posterity. —rc (t) 00:51, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

*poke*

This is just a reminder that you offered to judge the PLS, wound up with your name on a section, and still haven't done it. Apparently the deadline for results is October 12th, so... uh, please do so before then, and stuff. Cheers. 1234 ~ 20:22, 8 October 2011

Greetings

I have gone through my records and it appears as though you may have voted for me for some award, supported one or more of my articles on VFH, or supported one or more of my images on VFP, in the past year or so. If this is not the case, then please ignore this message. Otherwise, thank you for your support. May you have a long and fruitful life, and have many parasites. 1234 ~ 18:57, 6 January 2012

You sir

Are a tremendous faggit. Have a nice day. -OptyC Sucks! CUN21:42, 11 Aug

Some people just don't understand the deep appreciation I have for Seal. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 02:40, Thursday 16 August 2012 -

Adopt a Noob

Hi,

My name is ChinaTownGypsie and I would very much like to become a funny Uncyclopedia editor. I feel I am funny enough but I have no idea how to write and how to make it professional looking. I am not sure how Adopt a Noob works but I would appreciate it greatly if you would adopt me as a Noob. It took me about an hour to work out how to do this so any help would be appreciated.

ChinaTownGypsie

Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:32, 7 February 2013

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:31, 14 February 2013 (UTC)

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:32, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

IS THAT YOU COLIBN I TOSS YOU INTO A PUPPLE WITH A SMEGM MONKEY and takes you're

lunch momey7 -- Style  Guide 18:09, 26 February 2013 (UTC)

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:47, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 20:33, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

You fuckerman

Why not hop on now? User:Multiliteralist/SoS and good time will be had. -- Style  Guide 18:31, 8 March 2013 (UTC)

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 11:39, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:25, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost’s BONER TIME!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 21:51, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

Happy Fun Candy

Somebody has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 18:21, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:33, 11 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost, late and lazy!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:33, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

The 2 Days Tardy USP!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:59, 27 April 2013 (UTC)

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Tue, Jun 11 '13 2:30 (UTC)

UnSignpost is back

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.

And enjoy the news! Anton (talk) 17:42, 6 July 2013 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news

The UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

August 1st, 2013 • Issue #200 • Archives • Press Room

Servers Paid For Until 2014; World Peace Inevitable

Approximately how much money Uncyclopedia has now. Oh well, one zero is still more than no zeroes.

In a genius financial maneuver called "eat only Ramen for nine months", Uncyclopedia administrator Isarra has paid for Uncyclopedia's servers until September with what little student loan money she had left.

The remaining three months of 2013 were paid for with money raised from donations, merchandise sales, and advertising on the Uncyclomedia Shop. It cost $277.80 of the site's whopping $307.51, leaving the rest of the admins with barely enough money for their Ferrari gas tanks and an Uncyclopedia Android app.

However, this makes it obvious that the site is not yet financially self-sustaining and that other methods of generating revenue and/or more exposure to Uncyclopedia are needed if the site will do better in 2014. Ideas proposed on IRC include advertising, finding a generous sugar daddy, playing the lottery, and selling synthetic marijuana. Also worth considering is that even though raising awareness of the site through word of mouth and Operation Infamous is embarrassing and socially isolating, it will attract more people who will (hopefully) put money in our cup. And clicking on the ads in our e-store helps a bit too.

---

Count to a million fiasco
On July 29th, 2013; the infamous Count to a million thread which is popular for it's time wasting appeal was locked by Frosty in what could be said as "an action of gay gay gay proportions." Several Just three users took to the streets to protest this decision, angry that their only source of time wasting has been taken by one gay snowman; of course, they didn't protest or anything so nothing notable happened.

When we asked Frosty about this, he responded "This is to make sure people edit in the mainspace like they're supposed to, for so long very few edits have taken place in mainspace and it seems like the most popular thing here is that blasted thread. I feel like I've made the perfect choice." However, TheHappySpaceman and co-partner in crime Kırby think otherwise; claiming that "This is just so Frosty can get the "gayest person in the world" award; we've made attempts to make the thread viable by contributing comics and other stuff and to mock all of our attempts, that's gay indeed. Even gayer than Mr. Winkler's F."

Everybody else is oddly not disturbed by this recent conundrum; knowing full well that the thread will be open in a week. "It's nice that we have a motivation to edit mainspace, I was getting tired posting numbers in an attempt to reach a million. Hey, maybe I'll make a featured article in a week." said a random Uncyclopedian. Okay, so it's not much of a fiasco as we portrayed it to be but two people are pissed off and that at least has to make it a mini-fiasco right? As of writing, TheHappySpaceman and Matthlock are currently planning to write a mainspace article, presumably with lots of gay jokes.

---

UnDroid
For eons, an Uncyclopedia Android app was only a pipe dream. Maybe like two weeks ago. Thankfully, it's now a reality. The app, developed by some guy you've never heard of named Jude Pereira, can be found here. It's free in exchange for money and referring your friends to download the app. The app also has many exciting features such as AutoTypo 1.0, which shrinks the keypad and allows you to create typos faster than ever before, and Zoom 0.8, an innovative feature allowing you to make large things small and small things large. It's truly revolutionary technology, and it's completely free. So download it, use it, and be somebody.

Biopic
In this Biopic we examine the trials and tribulations of Fakehater who, with a few uploads under his belt (however that works), is taking audio requests in the Village Dump. He says he enjoys proofreading, doing audio, and based on his userpage, The Goonies. He is also into older women but, like most UnNews reporters, he has little to offer any dignified, diabetic septuagenarian. Embarrassingly, his IRC nickname is "arsenic_x", which we're pretty sure is what created the Powerpuff Girls.

From The Logs
• 20:53, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lemonpie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Infinite ‎ (just fuck off pls)
• 17:13, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of -3600 seconds ‎ (how many dicks could a dick sucker suck if a dick sucker could suck dick?)
• 11:41, July 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 31 millennia, 6 centuries, 8 decades, 8 years, 269 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 3 seconds ‎ (Better number of nines)

---

Top VFH Competitors
• UnNews:Army launches new recruiting ad campaign (8/0.5)
• UnScripts:Your Guide to Notable Literature: Abridged (6.5/0)
• Constantine II (5.5/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week
Katy Perry hit generator (10/0)

---

From The Forums
• Remember a time when Uncyclopedia didn't suck
• Hey! This looks like an important thing!
• I can't hear you!
• The day the music was born again and accepted Christ

---

UnSignpost News
You are probably noticing that the UnSignpost looks a little bit different. That's because it is. If you don't like it then that's just, like, your opinion and stuff man.

---

IRC Quote
[13:35] <DogTheColourful> I WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR MOTHER DOWN

Anton (talk) 14:13, 8 August 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

5 May 2014 • Issue #201 • Archives • Press Room

Some headline to make this awful story by an inexperienced editor seem important and newsworthy

By Llwy-ar-lawr
So it seems nothing much goes on these days that's really newsworthy. Sure things happen, new users stop by, edit a while then leave, people write things, but...nothing really notable, you know. But we won't write an entire article about how nothing's happening and how depressing that is because, well, it's depressing, you know? So we're going to tell you about one thing the author - in her extreme vanity - thinks is worthy of reporting and make it seem like that's important and trick you into caring, when you'd really much rather be playing video games or (gasp) writing an article.

This forum resulted in our acquiring a new admin, Llwy-ar-lawr, who is still all over the place just like she was before but now shows up in different places and is making this slow website go a little faster to hide how slow it is (we hope). There are rumours that she sleeps sometimes, but they have yet to be verified. She also happens to be writing this text right now, which is a terrible conflict of interest so we can't say any more on the matter; this means we will distract you with more pointless drivel about nothing. Now back to our regularly scheduled commercials, which we've forgotten to serve you. We bet you were really missing them because they're so yummy and informative. And yellow. That comes from the pee, which is high in nice nutrients like phosgene phosphorus...we think. Probably. We're telling it to you as a fact, though, because we're never wrong.------------

Retro Week happens

By Anton199

The Retro Week organisers combat Uncyclopedia's liberal minds.

Uncyclopedians, rejoice! A great victory over the forces of liberalism has been won!

We, the Conservative users of Uncyclopedia, have decided that we don't have enough featured in-jokes, clowns, Really Big Trees, user and disambiguation pages, as if we haven’t pulled enough boners (and templates), we are putting all our past glories on our main page, once again, one by one, ten days a week.

Dear readers, only a few days late, the UnSignpost declares the Retro Week open! Applauds!

Originally Shabidoo's very controversial idea, the Retro Week has grown to become the time when all the Uncyclopedia administrators take an official rest from their site work, unless they are also the UnSignpost editors. You don't believe us? Check the recent changes!

So the 2014 Retro Week opened with a really big tree. A very big one. But it is pretty much everything original about it. It pursued with Slender Lorises, that are able to live in wet and dry forests, next - with Template:Boner, which we are not going to use in this UnSignpost, no matter how many times you ask us. Then came the turn of Hardwick Fundelbuggy's Userpage, featured not because it was funny, but because its author had written a lot of funny stuff (following this logic we can feature sandboxes and user contributions). Finally, we saw the Fire Hydrant spreading its waters around Uncyclopedia and slowing down - if not destroying - the servers.

Amongst other pros of the Retro Week are the facts that it gives users a good excuse for not voting on VFH for a while, because nobody does this anyway and that it is keeping our main page busy, while we are making an UnSignpost for you.

Thank Sophia, it happens only once a year!

Biopic We haven't managed to get hold of anyone long enough to get sufficient information out of them for a biopic. They always managed to ooze away just in time. Must be that slime that's got into the works.

---

From The Logs

• 23:35, 1 May 2014 Llwy-ar-lawr (talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds (account creation disabled) (does this do what I think it does?)

• 08:07, 17 April 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked MediaWiki default (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (you can't do that... YOU JUST CAN'T!!)

• 15:09, 10 April 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 166.216.165.0/24 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Hey! Hey, guess what? I have a BONER for you to gnaa on! Ha ha ha ha ha pwnt.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Breaking Bad Wind (9/0)

• Why?:Are motorists out to get me when I ride my bike? (9/1)

• UnNews:Massage bugs discovered in Uganda (7/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week This is not an article (12/2)

---

From The Forums

• Retro Week is in session

• This looks interesting

• This looks interesting too

• Shiny stuff

---

UnSignpost News This is the first UnSignpost issue since August 2013. If that's not news I don't know what is, so stop complaining.

---

Chat Quote [22:15] <snerk> I just can't help but think that this is a pattern that is indicative of an anarchist takeover.

– Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 03:56, 5 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

HMC

Your topic for the competition is The unusual hamstring pain fat people get when they sexual role play as babies, and how to cure it

So go create an article on your user space. Contact me (or an admin if I don't respond soon) for any questions. You have two days. Remember:

CREATIVITY, ORIGINALITY and HELARITY. You will be judged on all three of these out of 10 for a score of 30.

HAVE FUN!

--ShabiDOO 18:06, 14 June 2014 (UTC)

You did it! This year is a record for semi-completed and finished articles. I've been blown away by the humour and creativity of the articles I've so far read! Watch as the scores slowly trick in over the next week here. Hope you enjoyed it you stud-cupcake. --ShabiDOO 05:24, 20 June 2014 (UTC)

Dishonourable mention

You did it.

Your article The unusual hamstring pain fat people get when they sexual role play as babies, and how to cure it

was good enough to just not make the top 3

which if you had tried just a little harder or bribed the judges it would have happened. Well done! --ShabiDOO 20:30, 29 June 2014 (UTC)

It's back! - The UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

25 July 2014 • Issue #202 • Archives • Press Room

UnSignpost: Return of the worst newspaper in history! By Frosty

Uncyclopedia. A kelpy substance.

Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.

Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.------------

New admin time By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.

Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.

Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face comedy tragedy!

Biopic For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.

---

From The Logs

• 14:56, 23 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) changed block settings for 184.7.86.140 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I've decided to use lube. You should feel so lucky.)

• 00:55, 19 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked 184.7.81.56 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Chronic sock wanking and being a really shit vandal.)

• 14:41, 1 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 23.105.212.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I’m coming at you like a dark horse)

Top VFH Competitors

• F4 (10/0)

• Potatoe (10/0)

• Bidet (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)

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From The Forums

• Well, do you?

• Goes without saying, this is Uncyclopedia.

• Good riddance!

• Oh boy...

---

UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.

---

Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:49, 25 July 2014 (UTC)

Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

01 August 2014 • Issue #203 • Archives • Press Room

...And they're off! By Frosty

Just as lame and boring as a horse race, except without the gambling.

Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.

It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.

If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!------------

VFH smells By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.

You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.

Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.

If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).

---

From The Logs

• 16:25, 25 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (You look like you're doing something important right now. Are you? What is it? Why are you doing it? Did I break it? Would that be bad?)

• 11:46, 26 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Asking for it, begging for it actually.)

• 09:24, 29 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 173.44.44.121 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Now sit in your corner and think about what you've done)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (11/0)

• What's-his-name off that thing (10/0)

• F4 (10/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)

---

From The Forums

• Vote if you haven't already!

• Bunch of sluts!

• This has been bumped again, add yourselves!

• How often should we feature things?

---

UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.

---

Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:34, 1 August 2014 (UTC)

Great idear for you

It would please me if you got some fish, blended it all up, took all your clothes off, and rubbed the mixture of fish chum and bones all over your naked body, then buy a boat, get your boating license, and drive it out to shark infested waters, and jump in, preferably holding glow sticks.... In fact, forget the boat, boating license, jumping into shark infested waters, and glow sticks! The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 01:58, 5 August 2014 (UTC)

Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

08 August 2014 • Issue #204 • Archives • Press Room

The return of TKF (sort of)! By Frosty

Filial Piety.

Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."

No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".

Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.------------

Forum dramaz By Frosty
Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.

But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...and the sequel rest of the trilogy.

Biopic This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of winning losing.

He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...

---

From The Logs

• 11:50, 6 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.115.32 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (You are the weakest Chink. Goodbye.)

• 06:40, 6 August 2014 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked XReaper (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Horse dick)

• 06:14, 5 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.116.97 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Enjoy this beefy cock.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (12/1)

• F4 (11/0)

• Jared Leto (10/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)

---

From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Are you a bigger slut than RAHB?

• What this is I don't even

• This'll be good...

---

UnSignpost News Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".

---

Chat Quote [20:17] <James_T> My dick is large

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:18 (UTC)

Now your talk page is more active!

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate)  ~ Mon, Aug 11 '14 7:53 (UTC)

Now your talk page is more active!

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate)  ~ Mon, Aug 11 '14 7:54 (UTC)

Now your talk page is more active!

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate)  ~ Mon, Aug 11 '14 7:54 (UTC)

Now your talk page is more active!

SPAM

SPAM

SPAM

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SPAM

SPAM

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate)  ~ Mon, Aug 11 '14 7:54 (UTC)

Now your talk page is more active!

SPAM

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate)  ~ Mon, Aug 11 '14 7:54 (UTC)

Now your talk page is more active!

SPAM

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate)  ~ Mon, Aug 11 '14 7:54 (UTC)

Now your talk page is more active!

SPAM

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate)  ~ Mon, Aug 11 '14 7:54 (UTC)

Now your talk page is more active!

SPAM

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate)  ~ Mon, Aug 11 '14 7:54 (UTC)

Now your talk page is more active!

SPAM

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate)  ~ Mon, Aug 11 '14 7:55 (UTC)

Automated request

Babysayingaaa.jpg

Please archive your talk page

This default text has been chosen by a jury of its peers as the best on the site

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Mon, Aug 11 '14 8:00 (UTC)

More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

15 August 2014 • Issue #205 • Archives • Press Room

I'm back By Sir Peasewhizz

It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.

I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.

However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good 200 years 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.

So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...

Madiq.

I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,

Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.------------

New admins for you!

By Sir Peasewhizz

New admins/sysops.

Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip

Leverage

Supergeeky1

Banzaikitten

Mr-ex777

Colin "All your base" Heaney

Lost Labyrinth

Cat the Colourful

They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.

Biopic This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...

They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?

---

From The Logs

• 05:37, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (talk | contribs) (I felt bad ;_;)

• 05:36, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Adminning while drunk)

• 05:35, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/0)

• F4 (13/0)

• HowTo:Cure homosexuality (11/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)

---

From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Roman Dog Bird

• Unban a bastard or nah?

• Why is it? Well... because..

---

UnSignpost News This just in: Don't hit your children.

---

Chat Quote

[23:56] <SirPeasewhizz> I'm going to go watch anime

[23:57] <thefakeazned525> Which one?

[23:58] <SirPeasewhizz> Uhm Yugioh GX because I'm feeling nostalgic for shitty card games

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:08 (UTC)

We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular!

The UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

22 August 2014 • Issue #206 • Archives • Press Room

It's the USP!

By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.

Banzaikitten warns you that this UnSignpost may change your sexual orientation.

But anyway, I'm an admin now and I'm going to try and be the best admin that I can be, and judging from my recent attempt at changing the featured article, and all the admins reactions to my fuck up, the best admin I can be is one who does absolutely no administration work and just writes the occasional UnNews. Thanks for all your votes.------------

RAHBs Sexuality By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.

---

Shame on you By the curate

As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.

“ Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you! ”

These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.

Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!

Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work! Biopic bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.

---

From The Logs

• 15:59, August 16, 2014 Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) blocked Chaoarren (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ([22:58] <Chaoarren> Can I get joke banned? :D)

• 15:00, August 15, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked DungeonSiegeAddict510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (As you aided my quest to take over Uncyclopedia, have a block. I was meant to give this to you earlier but you were already banned for 40 minutes. Have a 1 second extension!)

• 05:57, August 15, 2014 Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) blocked Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 seconds (Fuck Finland)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/1)

• UnDebate:What does the fox say? (13/2)

• Jared Leto (11/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week F4 (13/0)

---

From The Forums

• Olipro is a dick-tator.

• Vote for rainbow names?!

• Vote on RAHB's sexuality.

• View this if you're feeling hot.

---

UnSignpost News

---

Chat Quote
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:11 (UTC)

We ever going to do this?

this.   Sir Peasewhizz ... Biblio . HOS . Awards 03:47 8.22.14

We ever going to do this?

this.   Sir Peasewhizz ... Biblio . HOS . Awards 03:48 8.22.14

OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE!

The UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

7 September 2014 • Issue #207 • Archives • Press Room

Returning MASTERMINDS

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.

The legendary Xamralco, who pwns.

Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.

For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.

Okay? Okay.

Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Biopic For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.

When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.

“ no ”

Thank you! Give it up for auror!

---

From The Logs

• 00:54, September 1, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked IlanaZkhfzm (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (user did not suck Leverage's cock as promised)

• 16:02, August 31, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked AleidaJbjo (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (sister did not suck my cock as promised)

• 12:24, August 29, 2014 Kip the Dip (talk | contribs) blocked Electric Pope (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 centuries, 4 decades, 8 years, 364 days, 14 hours, 38 minutes and 24 seconds (Annoying douchebag.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Shirley Phelps-Roper (8/0)

• Rape (12/6)

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (7/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Sir Peasewhizz came up with a great idea apparently, but nobody has replied. So screw his idea.

• Leverage wants people to update/add/fladangle with the DYK shit. Shall we? We should. Maybe. Idk. DO IT.

• Inspiring parody

• UnMedicine project page? Is anyone here a doctor? WELL THEN YOU'RE A NERD!

---

UnSignpost News The USP will be delivered on Sundays now. (or around then)

---

Chat Quote
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical

[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.

[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:45, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion

The UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

14 September 2014 • Issue #208 • Archives • Press Room

Pee Review pls

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day and some cash you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.

Piss on my review quests.

Olipro is gay.------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.

---

Uncyclopedia App

By Anton199

There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.

The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).

The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Biopic Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.

His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."

So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"

There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!

---

From The Logs

• 22:20, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked LorrineLundy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Orange is the new black. Welcome to Internet Jail, Lorrine.)

• 22:14, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked CharissSparrow (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Dude, your gay porn name is lame)

• 22:12, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked VictorForest (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Eat my crotch-forest, Victor.)

Top VFH Competitors

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (8/1)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (6/0)

• A letter about Megan Fox (6/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Shirley Phelps-Roper (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Piss on these

• Proposal of Changes

• Drugs?

• Allahland...

---

UnSignpost News Hi. This is a lazy edition of the UnSignpost.

---

Chat Quote
[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)

[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO

[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE

Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming!

The UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

21 September 2014 • Issue #209 • Archives • Press Room

IMPERIAL COLONIZATION OR NAH? By Sir Peasewhizz

SUCK MY ASSSS!

Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which mimics is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?

Anyways I'm telling you this because it would be soooo sweet if we could get this running again... and I kinda need Xamralco or any other admin to combine histories again because I just found out I shouldn't have moved the project myself...------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

---

From The Logs

• 13:13, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked WolfganKix (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Wolfgan's arse is going to get Kix if he doesn't stop making accounts here.)

• 13:12, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked JanetteMelton (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (You brought your girlfriend with you? How sweet. She can fuck off too once she's tossed me off.)

• 13:11, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked AndreBecker (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (OMG A SPAMBOT! I've missed seeing you around man. Where you been these past few days? It's been so emotional. Okay, emotional reunion is over. Now fuck off.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Antibiotics (9/0)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (9/0)

• Firesheep (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Ludwig Wittgenstein (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Enter On This day submissions, plz.

• Mobile issues

• Sorry, I don't speak Cuntenese. (Bot rights or something)

• Mass massaging messaging can now be used by the admins!!

---

UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

---

Chat Quote
[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.

[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy

The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

28 September 2014 • Issue #210 • Archives • Press Room

Incoming October bullshit

By Sir Peasewhizz
So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?

So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?

Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

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From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Colin "All your base" Heaney (talk | contribs) blocked Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour and 9 minutes (You're like the Grinch, except it's your cock that's three sizes too small.)

• 14:35, September 24, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 173.213.80.213 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Your free trial of Uncyclopedia has expired.)

• 07:05, September 24, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked JessieTedesco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (fuck Jessie Tedesco, he gets his clothes from Tecso)

Top VFH Competitors

• Nouvelle cuisine (10/0)

• HowTo:Fry an egg (9/0)

• Firesheep (9/1)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods (10/0)

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From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• Don't smoke the dope, kids.

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UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

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Chat Quote
<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships

<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e

Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?

The UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

5 October • Issue #211 • Archives • Press Room

Uncyclopedia's preparations for Ebola By Sir Peasewhizz

Gross.

As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.

Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!

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From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked 178.137.80.72 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (dickery)

• 15:07, September 28, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 23.231.7.217 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (The Maitri Inthusut has ordered us to block editing permanently for all residents of the Phuket Province.)

• 13:39, September 28, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked Leanna Hollway (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (she wouldn't go the "holl way" with me)

Top VFH Competitors

• White-haired Asian Scientist (8/0)

• Bluestocking (8/1)

• Aries (6/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Firesheep (10/1)

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From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• No more silly rules

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UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has begun.

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Chat Quote
<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?

dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time!

The UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

19 October • Issue #212 • Archives • Press Room

Hi

By Sir Peasewhizz
Do u think we should cancel the USP

Anyone

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!

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From The Logs

• 02:04, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) resurrected Xamralco (talk | contribs) (I have frostbite on my nipples.)

• 01:58, October 12, 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds (Obligatory retaliation ban)

• 01:46, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds (Obligatory welcome back block)

Top VFH Competitors

• Richard M. Nixon (8/0)

• Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast (8/0)

• Antiques Road Rage Show (8/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnDebate:Should women rap? (10/0)

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From The Forums

• FFW2014

• FFW2014 (for pussies)

• That time I nearly sojourned on a village dump or a short and repetitive story about what it's like to read short and repetitive articles

• This gay forum about renaming the site... PISS ON THIS

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UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has ended.

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Chat Quote None

The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)

The UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

9 November • Issue #213 • Archives • Press Room

Donate your soul to Uncyclopedia!

By Sir Peasewhizz
Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.

That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!

And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.

All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.

How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.

Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!

Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.

If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.

And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.

Anyone

Biopic You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!

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From The Logs

• 05:54, November 7, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked DickSankthptxd with an expiry time of infinite (talk | contribs) (his dick sank)

• 22:48, October 29, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked 50.115.173.177 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (made me read some gay book)

• 15:45, October 29, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked Zficysll (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Why bother trying to spam Uncyclopedia? If you're as good with girls as you are at hitting abuse filters then I'm sure you'll have no problem getting laid.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Dag Hammarskjöld (8/0)

• UnNews:Wrestlemania 87 commentary LIVE! (10/2)

• Electricity (8/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week President Hoover (11/1)

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From The Forums

• Comeback of the Year

• Read about donating here.

• Parody of Wikipedia banner

• Someone who is good with WikiStats should look here.

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UnSignpost News Donate to Uncyclopedia if you can.

---

Chat Quote None.

Vote, Vote, Vote

It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:22, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

Nice One

Colin "All your Cocks, Please". 18:22, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Stop

vandalising people's userpages. Thanks! 202.142.129.178 (talk) 23:16, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Nah...I like what he did on mine. I like it when (very once in a while) someone does something silly on my userpage. It just takes a second to revert it and it adds some life to the place. ShabiDOO 00:18, 7 August 2015 (UTC)

I like what Woody did on mine, but others I hate. MUN MyOwnBadSelf, The BFDI Fan (talk - stalk - block) 00:27, 7 August 2015 (UTC)

i did it all 4 u bb<3 - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 01:47, Friday 07 August 2015 -

Thank you

That means a lot to me. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 20:44, 13 August 2015 (UTC)

Hopefully 10,000 years will be enough to think about what he did. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 20:46, Thursday 13 August 2015 -

Nevermind, you're just an idiot. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 22:52, 13 August 2015 (UTC)

Vigilance... FU COLIN?! MUN MyOwnBadSelf, The BFDI Fan (talk - stalk - block) 00:49, 14 August 2015 (UTC)

Colin Sux Cox. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 01:56, 14 August 2015 (UTC)

Agreeable! An 8 decade block will show him! Come back in 2095. MUN MyOwnBadSelf, The BFDI Fan (talk - stalk - block) 03:09, 14 August 2015 (UTC)

I found you!

--Jinx | Talk | Edits 20:43, 28 September 2015 (UTC)

judgery

Hey caybh..competition is over after no one stood up to me with my totally unfair multiple day extension. Go ahead and finish evaluating all the articles and pick a first second and third place. Leave some constructive criticism if you can. ShabiDOO 00:44, 16 December 2015 (UTC)

Merry Xmas, Turkey Day Ball is Over

Get to some judgin' already, you are spoiling xmas for children everywhere and making the Baby Jeebus cry... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Judgery

Señor, could you please please pretty please finish the judgery super super duper pleasy please!?¿¿?! ShabiDOO 00:53, 28 December 2015 (UTC)

U SARE SI SGAY

LIKE A FO XY OUR DUMBY XD I FUNY RUGE?!?! XE YEAH. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 06:07, 8 February 2016 (UTC) REMEMBER TILDE MI RITE?!?#?

Adopt Me

I have been browsing this horrible ... I mean awesome website for years.

However, I didn't have an idea for an article until now.

It might be tough to pull off on my own and I feel that Being Adopted is the best way to create it.

Moonlight Shadows 18:50, 4 August 2016 (UTC)

I'd imagine that you'll have him at "pull off on my own".... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Useless Gobeshite Lifetime Achievement Award

Nominated from Sepetember 2015 - March 2017; Useless Gobeshite Lifetime Achievement Award Congrats on being the first ever winner of this new wonderful award. -- The Zombiebaron 00:42, 23 March 2017 (UTC)

I'm so sorry I only got around to congratulating you on this esteemed honour only now. I've been busy jerking off my pet hedgehogs while choking on frozen cookie dough. Congratulations though!!! ShabiDOO 00:13, 6 October 2020 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Competition 2021

Hey its HAPPY MONKEY TIME 2021 (Feb 21-28). Your favourite writing competition where we write articles on one another's suggested topics. Go ahead and sign up because the more users we have competiting the more ridonculously fun it is. If you don't wanna write you can sign up to judge! Sing up here. Remember it's not about writing a sure fire VFH article, but pushing the limits of your originality and creativity and spitting out an article on a topic you had never thought about writing before. Also...Shabidoo will love you forever and owe you like a zillion favours for it. He will literally do anything to please you if it means you participate. Happy Monkey Farts!!! ShabiDOO 15:29, 10 February 2021 (UTC)

UnSignpost Home Delivery for May 1st, 2021

The UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

1 May 2021 • Issue #215 • Archives • Press Room

Most Active Admin Gets Promoted to Bureaucrat, Transitions to Female By Cassie

Following an incredible (by 2021 Uncyclopedian standards) 16 VFS votes, Uncyclopedia's most active administrator has initiated their transition to female. Said admin, now known publicly as Cassie, has had a talk page that often inflated by 80,000 bytes or more weekly, and singlehandedly managed a vast variety of things, including (but not limited to): vandal whipping, being the school principal, managing VFH, and more.
"Vandalism, eh? Fuck off already," they said, whilst throwing bags of feces at our new dumpyard.------------

Vote for Sandwiches: Triple Resignation, Quintuple the Drama By Cassie
Following the resignation of two of our longtimemost bureaucrats, EMC and Zombiebaron, in addition to the resignation of admin CandidToaster, a new wave rejuvenated much of the now-ancient television show Vote for Sandwiches. MrX and Hipponias quickly climbed the ranks; Shabidoo received the same treatment, but ultimately withdrew. Zana Dark and JJPMaster were both nominated for a new category, interface operator, instead of the traditional sandwich role granted.

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Uncyclopedia's Technologies are Finally Modernized By Cassie
it has been a long time in the making, but Uncyclopedia's editing technologies have finally been optimized for the new decade. An introduction of a new extended-confirmed protection level has enabled famous articles, such as AAAAAAAAA!, to see the light of commoners' editing again. Utilities such as Huggle, RedWarn, CurateThisPage, autoarchiving, and a lot more has been implemented thanks to JJPMaster. Many gnomes have been working on this; as such, please treat their work with respect! Biopic This edition's biopic is about the joy of templating. Templating is a fine art which can be practiced on Uncyclopedia, its parody Wikipedia, and so many other places. It can furthermore be expanded to "module coding", which produces the same stuff albeit in a much more efficient and dynamic way. Come try templating now!

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From The Logs

• 1 May 2021 Cassie renamed user Redacted (8224 edits) to Cassie (Per message here)

• 10 April 2021‎ JJPMaster (38 bytes) (-13)‎ . . (Reverting edit(s) by Gale5050 (talk) to rev. 6045969 by Celeste:shhhhhhhhhhh (RW 16.1dev))

• 22 February 2021 Cassie blocked JJPMaster with an expiration time of 4 hours and 20 minutes (account creation disabled) (You [[Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit

Top VFH Competitors

• User:Zombiebaron/Resignation (9/2)

• UnNews:As Bernie Sanders starts his second term, we reflect on his Presidency so far (5.5/4)

• Patent nonsense on Wheels! (1/2.5)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week COVID-19 (6/1)

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From The Forums

• We are still learning how to count. Albeit much faster.

• Gale5050.

• There is nothing to worry about! Right?

• Gale5050 again. Or not.

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UnSignpost News Following 1.5+ years of hiatus, Cassie has taken the lead, in a unilateral albeit undramatic manner, and has designated themselves as the lead editor of the UnSignpost.

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Chat Quote Supergeeky1: Boner.

Poo Lit Surprise is back!

The 15th Poo Lit Surprise contest is here! This multifaceted competition, with four distinct and open categories, is open between June 1st and June 21st. Five $10 prizes, as well as a bonus $5 prize, are up in the air! Here are the open categories this year:

• Best Mainspace Article - for articles in the traditional sense.
• Best Alternate Namespace Article - for stuff like UnNews or even UnTunes!
• Best File - replacing Best Potatochop, all self-made files are allowed here (with a few exceptions)!
• Best Rewrite - for the best already-existing articles rewritten from scratch.
• Best Template - A brand new category this year: the best template wins!

To register, please consult Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise, add your name to the table in the category you wish to join, and link your entry once you are ready. Everyone is welcome, regardless of seniority!

Judges may enlist at User:Cassie/PLS/Scoring. Judges may not participate in the category or categories they enlist in, but are free to participate in other categories!

Good luck folks!  Cassandra  (talk) 02:32pm  May 31, 2021

Poo LIt Surprise due date coming up

Hey all! You have three (3) more days to submit something to the Poo Lit Surprise contest if you wish to do so.

Good luck with your creations!  Cassandra  (talk) 23:28, 18 June 2021 (UTC)

It's beginning to look a lot like…

See you next year! The first annual *Kiss My Ass* Holiday Competition has officially ended for 2021

Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?

Judgement day is upon ye!

Seasons Greetings!

It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny — Sign Up Today! (pretty please)  –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 13:22, 13 December 2021

Merry Christmas and all that jazz

Santa Baby… Wishing you & yours a Happy Holidays & a Zana Christmas.

I heard that you were single again, well then—we should hook up real soon. Santa baby, Facebook me and give me some likes. Santa cutie, Snapchat me and send me some pix, not dicks—but if you want, I don't mind. Santa cutie, favorite me on Instagram. Slide into my chat DMs—add me to your list and we'll be more than friends. I'll follow you on Twitter too, and this Christmas won't be quite so blue. Santa baby, I saw you had a Tinder and I swiped right—found your Bumble account. Santa baby, Match with me so we can Meetup.

Santa honey, if you call me up on the phone—we'll bone. I won't play hard to get. Santa baby, do you have white hair down there? Santa baby, you don't have to wear a condom, come on—we can play 'Just the Tip'. Santa baby, even if it's just for one night. I haven't been with lots of men—but last time I got laid he said I was a ten. I'm sure that we could have some fun—if you work out and don't weigh a ton. Santa baby, don't forget the presents this year—like beer, or perhaps some good wine. Santa baby— let's get drunk, Netflix and chill…Here's a hundred dollar bill?..I'm on the pill…

 –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 19:29, 24 December 2021