Cliff Williams
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| Occupation | Musician (Bass Guitarist) | |
| Associated Acts | AC/DC(A long time ago to present) - Some Other Band - Another Band You Wont Know - Home | |
| Years Active | 1673 B.C. to 2666 A.D | |
| Genre(s) | Cock stompin' rock n roll | |
| Born | During The Powerage Regime | |
| Height | Not as small as Angus, but still puny. | |
| Achievements | He once fucked <insert name here>'s mom so hard in the ass she couldn't shit right for a month. | |
| Most Famous Lick | A]-2-2-2-2--2-2-2-2- | |
| Penile Legth | Ask <insert name here>'s mom | |
“AC/DC require a bass player as much as Paris Hilton deserves a #1 hit.”
“Hell, even I know AC/DC does not need a bass player.”
Williams, Cliff Williams, Shaken But Not Stirred[edit | edit source]
A long time ago, in a galaxy not that far away, but somewhere not so into the future, kinda like, a few years back, Burgess Meredith & Irene Ryan gave birth to there only son, Clifford Abigale Monseigneur Randolph Farqwah Gaylord Meredeth-Ryan the III (3rd). Clifford was an unexpected bastard child that was given up for adoption at 3 months old to be raised by his adopted father, Tennessee Williams - Tennessee had wanted a son to follow in his footsteps, but his testicles had been ripped off 3 years before by Andre The Giant after a dispute between the two over weather the toilet paper should hang on the outside or to the inside of the wall.
Cliff was expected to be a great poet and writer like his adopted father, but lacked the intellectual ability to construct sensible vocabulary or understand literature to a form of degree that went beyond the likes of, "See Spot Run" - Cliff knew from an early age that he would not have the ability to compose poetry or literature, but did have a passion for music. At an early age Cliff was anxious to learn to play guitar, and at the age of 9 his adopted father brought him his first shiny 6 string guitar. But Cliff soon learned that trying to play something with a number of strings outside of his maximum counting up to ability may not have been the best choice. Cliff was battling through the decision of weather or not to give up on trying to play a guitar that had two extra stings he could not count up to, or if he should try a more simpler instrument like the triangle. It was during high school try outs for the school band that Cliff found out about another type of guitar called the bass, which is a much simpler musical instrument that pretty much anyone who thinks a guitar is too hard will switch to. Cliff even liked that it had 4 strings, and he could count up to 4. And the best part Cliff enjoyed about it was he only had to hold one note and repeatedly hit it, and no one would ever know if he was in rhythm, let alone even in tune.
After high school, Cliff joined a band, that's name's not even worth mentioning, who where an alternative-grunge-death-metal band that just sounded like a classic rock band because none of them actually knew what they where playing most of the time. The group consisted of 9 bass players and one drummer. They where known around the local gig circuit as the band of no musicians what-so-ever. Cliff was actually considered the best of the 9 bass players, because he had been shown by a 6 string guitarist once how to play the opening riff bassline to Van Halen's Running With The Devil, which impressed the other 8 bass players, who did not even know that 1 single note existed! Cliff now knew how to play 3 songs, which was 3 more songs then the rest of the band he was in knew how to play, so it wasn't long before Cliff begun to grow tiresome of carrying the rest of the band on his back, and it was time to move on.
It was at this time he met his new fellow band mates in a group called, "Home" who had been looking for a bass player who knew how to play at least 2 notes. Cliff was a little reluctant at first, as Cliff knew 3 and a half notes, but decided it might be a good chance to get laid, and took the gig. The group Home, went onto record 2 albums, which where no success at all, but made for cheap Frisbee's that where given away to everyone who spent over 25 cents at K-mart that year. But tensions grew between Cliff and the rest of Home as Cliff would often try to work in that extra note and a half during live shows, and the rest of the band just did not notice at all. Cliff wanted to be recognized for his gifted bass talent, and decided he had enough of playing with these talentless lackeys, so he left Home to go home.
AC/DC[edit | edit source]
A small unknown group from Australia where starting to make a name for themselves in the UK in the mid 1970's and where sick to death of their bass player at the time, Mark Evans, who only knew how to play 2 notes. AC/DC where desperate to find a bass player with the rare ability to play 3 notes. Not that AC/DC needed a bass player at all, but they where curious to know what a show would sound like if they opened with a bass line that was in a different key then A# (A-Sharp or B) just for that first 30 seconds before blasting into there opening number of "Live Wire" and drowning out any need for a bass line for the remainder of the show. Cliff received a phone call from a friend that a new group where looking for a bass player who could play at least 3 notes during the one song. And Cliff's reaction was, "Are you kidding, I can play 3 and a half notes!" and Cliff was sent to audition for AC/DC and got the job straight away when the Young brothers couldn't actually tell for themselves, but took Cliff's word that the 3 and half notes he was playing where actually not the same note.
They agreed Cliff would be a temporary replacement, but would give him a fair go to become a permanent member of the group if he proved himself worthy on stage. Angus and Malcolm Young took a special liking to Cliff moments before there first gig together, when they heard a strange noise coming from Cliffs bass guitar as he warmed up. It was a sound they thought was a little familiar, but couldn't quite place it. It was the sound of something sounding low, then getting slightly higher in pitch. Malcolm walked over to Cliff and asked what that strange noise was, Cliff just shrugged and smiled and replied, "Just tuning the bass"! The room went completely silent, to a degree you couldn't hear a pin drop, Angus passed out on the floor and needed 9 buckets of sweat to bring him back to from the shock. Bon Scott and Phil Rudd where even in shock, even tho they where both percussionists, even they had never heard of a bass player who could tell if he was in tune or not. It was there and then, Cliff Williams was officially a member of AC/DC forever.
Cliff fell into place well with AC/DC, and his bass playing ability had even grown to knowing how to play an astonishing record of 7 notes on a bass guitar which is actually 2 more notes then Angus & Malcolm know how to play! Not to mention he holds the world record for being one of the only bass players that know if they are in tune or not. This is an achievement not many bass players in world history can lay claim to, the amount of bass players that can do this is a number that even Cliff himself can count up to. Cliff has even blown the minds of world renowned bass players for playing all 7 of those notes in a single song, during more then 4 songs per gig.
Personal Life[edit | edit source]
Cliff's lack of ability to write poetry, write a song, write anything in general hasn't held him back from some of the finer things in life. But everyone's buggered if they know what they are, as he never says anything to anyone.
Related Articles[edit | edit source]
- AC/DC
- Angus Young
- Malcolm Young
- Bon Scott
- Neil Young
- Brian Johnson
- Phil Rudd
- Dave Evans
- George Harrison
- Chuck Berry
- Chuck Norris
- Richard Simmons
- Big Bird
- Jesus/Satan
- Gary Coleman
- Randy Savage
