User:Xamralco/archive3

ARCHIVE ONE! (June 2011-January 2012) ARCHIVE TWO! (January 2012-June 2012)

Rape

You're welcome.---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 20:51, June 14, 2012 (UTC)

New Section

Did you just delete my article? – Preceding unsigned comment added by Ticklethekeys (talk • contribs)

Well, there wasn't anything there. It was just a picture and the words "NEW JERSEY, UNITED STATES" -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:42, June 15, 2012 (UTC)

Remember

When you wrote articles that made us laugh? --ShabiDOO 01:23, June 16, 2012 (UTC)

I've been very busy lately, but I'm writing some stuff for PLS right now (and I'll finish them!). -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:35, June 16, 2012 (UTC)

Mexico

Thank you for clearing out most of the crap in this article. It used to be such a vandal magnet that I contented myself with Chihuahua, Mexico, but might now take on Mexico and make it relate to reality (and not Nazi reality). Have been working RecentChanges intermittently today and seen you do other good stuff too. Spıke ¬ 02:43 16-Jun-12

It seems like a lot of articles would be much better if people just spent 5 minutes fixing them. I'm glad that you do this kind of stuff regularly. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:53, June 16, 2012 (UTC)

Mexico is almost recovered from its former theme of shriveled rectums, only now I have to re-study Mexican history and save that part of the article from some cheap puns. Separately, thank you for discovering and nominating African American. Spıke ¬ 12:40 20-Jun-12

What can I say? I laughed. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 14:32, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for voting

Sorry, been real busy lately, so I don't have time to make a template. But anyways, thank you so much for voting for my Richard Pryor article! Sorry for not giving you a magnificent template for you to fap to but I do have appreciation, and you know what they say about appreciation!

It sucks. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 14:56, June 16, 2012 (UTC)

Hi

I would like to bring your attention to this forum. Note that we're voting on the new version of the message, per Spikey. -- Sir CuteDarkraiOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 16:37, June 16, 2012 (UTC)

Dude-bro!

I would like to ask you for two quick favors. First, please gently cup my balls. Got 'em? OK, good.

I would like if you could protect {{Infobox}} (just protect it so auto-confirmed users can edit it). IPs shouldn't be fiddling it.

Also, I would like if you could add the following line to MediaWiki:Common.css:

pre { overflow: auto; }

The way <pre> blocks overflow behind infoboxes bugs me.

Thank you.

(By the way, those aren't really my balls.) ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Jun 16 '12 19:53 (UTC)

Er, I'm quite bad with code. I would recommend asking someone with more experience to add that thing so I don't break it (I have no idea what any of that stuff means and I'll probably put it in the wrong spot). I protected the template, though. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:18, June 16, 2012 (UTC)

It won't break anything if you add it all the way down at the bottom, right before this line:

/* 
</nowiki>
</pre>
*/

Oh, and thank you for the other thing. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Jun 16 '12 22:03 (UTC)

I did i- BOOM! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:08, June 16, 2012 (UTC)

Before that line! AAAAAAAAA! THE HUMANITY! ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Jun 16 '12 22:10 (UTC)

See what I mean? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:11, June 16, 2012 (UTC)

>:D Nah, you're cool. It should go before that line, but that line shouldn't even be there, and it works whichever side of the line it's on. Some idiot added it many moons ago. Even the people here who "know" what they're doing don't know what they're doing. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Jun 16 '12 22:13 (UTC)

Fire Emblem

Yeah, can you please restore the last deleted version so I can copy the source and sandbox it? I remember the article very well, and how it needed to be fixed. I'll inform you once I get a copy of this into Microsoft Word so you can re-delete it. --173.70.31.99 18:29, June 19, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry, I can't just undelete a VFD'd article and stick in mainspace even if it is temporary, but if you create an account, I'll gladly move it into your userspace. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:27, June 19, 2012 (UTC)

Voting

It's just the way I see things, but I find its not a bad idea to personalise things when you give an unfavourable review or comment on things. So instead of "this is unfeaturable" could be "I don't see this as a feature" or "it's not funny" could be "I didn't find it funny" or "I didn't laugh". I love, in fact I BEG for constructive criticism, but I often feel taken back when I read negative comments as though it is a fact. Of course, its just the way I see it, maybe I'm a whiny little bitch who should have it's pony tail tugged on, but its something to think about. --ShabiDOO 16:50, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

What comment are you talking about specifically? I didn't mean to be offensive. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 16:53, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

No one's saying at all that you were offensive let alone trying to be offensive. I'm just refering to taking a little care to distinguis fact vs. opinion (It's not funny = I didn't find it funny). Ultimately it's not a big deal, but there are sensitive little creatures that are as fragile as an autumn orchid, whose petals will slowly blow away, silently, without protest, in the shadow of the distant breeze until all that is left is our own reflection in the pond of onlyness and everythingness. --ShabiDOO 17:04, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, the comment: " Against. The motherfucking nigga who wrote this should be hanged!!!" was a little stiff... XD Mattsnow 22:38, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Clearly! I might be a mother fucka' but I aint no nigga! --ShabiDOO 14:37, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

Double Top 3 Extension

Necessary? I mean, I know there's only 4 votes, but out of those 4 votes there's still 3 clear winners. Something needs to be done in general to make that page more visible, though. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 18:20, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Four votes just doesn't seem like a lot. I figure that we should just wait a few days more to see what happens, though it would be preferable if the notice on the top could mention it. Do you know if there's any way to edit it? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:53, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

I used to know how, but Lyrithya made Mediawiki:Sitenotice, and by extension finding the actual edit page, so arcane to the point that I don't bother anymore. I'm sure Bizzeebeever could wrap his head around the code, though. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 19:56, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

lol that works too -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 20:05, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

That should do it. ;) -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:06, June 20, 2012 (UTC)

Assume the position! it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

June 21st, 2012 • Issue 168 •Dost thou go cross-gartered yonder UnSignpost?

Blue Sky Thinking By Chief The only image Dr.Skullthumper did not delete. We here at the UnSignpost were just saying the other day, as we packed fudge at the mid-week meeting, how much we miss Dr. Skullthumper. Not because we like him or anything, nobody misses him for that. We miss him because he provided an unending stream of fantastic ideas! True, most of these ideas were along the lines of "Let's pack all the images on the wiki into a category which I have called 'Maintaining Your Brilliant Ideas Now' or MYBIN for short and let's delete all but the ones of Elephants holding tissues!!" but he was certainly trying and it made for sensational news. Alas, now Dr. Skullthumper has taken another leave of absence leaving nobody to save Uncyclopedia from certain doom. Or so we thought... It would seem that Shabidoo has his eyes firmly set upon the title of Humour-Wiki innovator having this week posted no fewer than three forum topics demanding, suggesting and complaining about the wiki and proposing that we all do something about it. His posts do lack Dr. Skullthumper's trademark doom and gloom and are instead infuriatingly chirpy and irritating. Pictured: A retro image from a retro article about a very retro game When asked to comment Shabidoo had this to say to Uncyclopedia: "I should now take this moment to inform you that you are all a bunch of snotty nosed dick faces, sinking into an abyss of cock-wad penis-smoking but-snot!!!". We know what you're all thinking; he's far too polite to be anything like Dr. Skullthumper. Shabidoo wants three things, he wants to be able to share pages on Facebook, he wants us all to go retro for a week and he wants his smart phone to load Uncyclopedia, probably so he can create more forum topics about banality. Shabidoo's best idea is retro week, we imagine this will comprise editing whilst wearing ridiculous hair, a ridiculous shirt, leather trousers and carrying a boom box. For those of you who aren't interested in that sort of thing, what Shabidoo actually proposes is that we re-feature seven articles from before 2010. Steady on there Shabidoo perhaps next time we could run Prehistoric week where we re-feature articles as from as far back as 2009! Most of you will remember 2010 better referred to by the man in the street as "The year before last". It's very retro, assuming you have no idea what retro actually means. The Facebook suggestion will likely meet with failure because it requires someone who can code, and we only have a couple of people who can do that and they're all insane, Olipro, American or a combination of the three. Elsewhere on the wiki this week Nikau missed the censorship outrage boat and was outraged by the censorship. Qzekrom created a forum topic and told nobody to reply to it, that was a bit weird,. The PLS is still running and Saberwolf116 returned to the wiki and was promptly ordered back to Pee Review and the voting pages for being foolish enough to announce his return. Nobody writes UnTunes any more, we could have a week of singing and dancing, we'd call it "UnTunes Week" because we're original like that. Happy Thursday. A Victory for Democracy By Chief Lyrithya's proposal for the content warning You all probably remember last week, it was the best of times, it was the worst of times. You might also remember that the UnSignpost ran a story on the OUTRAGEOUS censorship of Uncyclopedia. The big development to that story this week is that Simsilikesims has managed to get the content warning removed! Oh, wait that's not right, what has actually happened is that the warning has been changed so that it is more welcoming, not that there are many more welcoming ways you can say "WARNING: This wiki has over 600 breast images and racism!" This may or may not be Simsilikesims writing the new content warning The new warning is delightful and nobody can say a bad word about it, except me. I hate it. It's too compromising, I'm all in favour of encouraging new users to come to our site, but the current content message makes them all think that Uncyclopedia is the place for them! Do you know that just this week I was patrolling recent changes hunting for Grouse vandalism with my dog, Barnaby Montague Clifford III, when I saw new users. This is the work of Simsilikesims he/she/it has sewn the seeds of our destruction! I would also like to complain in the strongest possible terms about the Cat on the notice and Simsilikesims signature. The signature that most people see first is normally Zombiebaron's on the block page, or mine in the canned welcome message I have sprayed onto their talk page. Don't you people see? If we put Simsilikesims' signature on the content warning people will start asking her/him/it things. A truly deplorable state of affairs. Also, Aimsplode really likes the new content warning, as if you needed another reason to hate it. You! By Chief You is exactly who could write articles for the UnSignpost! In order to keep the periodical working on a regular basis. We also needed this space to even up the columns because of RAHB's massive complaint. Enjoy reading that. We certainly did. That's enough space filled.

Check out these pages! Yeah, still Yes, STILL!! 634 boob images Please God somebody sing something From our logs: 19:52, June 19, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Under user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 seconds ‎ (The UnSignpost Gods demand the banning of a blessed Virgin every Tuesday. Since there's none of those around right now I'll have to make do with Under user.) 21:13, June 19, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked Under user (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (wait wait wait i wanna block him too!) 09:01, June 14, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked Wllmlos (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Take some time to think about how unfunny you are. Then, try again.) 07:02, June 15, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 90.215.54.206 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Intimidating behaviour/harassment: This isn't Facebook.) 01:09, June 20, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked JoeSimmons (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (BIG TITTIES) 00:59, June 18, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (I saw your name and couldn't resist.) Biopic of the Week It's time for biopic of the week! This week the user we are "featuring" is none other that "Featured User". Now let me entertain you with a small amount of information shamelessly taken from his user page and ruthlessly put into my own words. Featured User was created in September 2011. There you go, wasn't that interesting? Featured User has created a number of splendid articles since then and remains something of an enigma, hardly speaking, hardly appearing but writing contest winning articles and winning awards when he does. He's like me in a dream I once had, where nobody hated me. FU, as you can call him should he annoy you, hasn't been seen since March which leads the UnSignpost to have a deep deep affinity with him. Let us all hope for his swift return perhaps, when he does, he can save us from ourselves. Old School FA Water Polo... With Sharks! is the hardest game to play, bar none. The sport is exactly the same as regular water polo, but with sharks. The Sharks are not aligned on either of the two competing teams, nor are they their own team, they are just thrown into the pool to add some spice, zest, and lethal danger into what would otherwise be a bland and inconsequential game of water polo. Although extremely difficult, and with a low survival rate, it's a great way to get yourself a scholarship to college. It is also notable for having the least-qualified and worst referees of any sport ever. Newsroom UnTune of the week GloriAAA! Complaints Corner I'd like to complain about the state of affairs in this hotel's tea room. The smell is unbearable in here. There's too much light let in from outside, and at night the place is too fecking dark to see whether or not I'm drinking green or black tea. This is very important as I have a theaflavin-3-gallate deficiency that flares up only at 9 o'clock in the morning. You'd this would be okay because that early in the morning I'd be able to see the tea, but the problem lies in the fact that if I have any more tea than fills the deficiency within a 24-hour period, I experience very inconvenient seizures and the temporary loss of ability to control my sexual urges, effectively leaving me twitching around on the ground while repeatedly thrusting my groin into the air, making grunting noises. But I digress. There's a dumpster next to the tea table and it attracts a great deal of local bird-life. All the unpleasant kinds, seagulls, pelicans, crows, what have you. Couldn't attract a nice spotted purple martin, noooooooo. It has to be the disgusting birds attracted to trash. Idiotic. At any rate, in retrospect it doesn't look like this is the tea room at all. I seem to have fallen down the trash chute by accident this morning. Cheerio! -RAHB 00:09, February 11, 2012 (UTC) We're glad you enjoyed your stay at the Bates Motel. We hope you choose to stay with us during next year's uncyclopedia Q&A convention. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   01:57, February 13, 2012 (UTC)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS2 00:49, June 21, 2012 (UTC)

IRC?

If you want :P Mattsnow 23:28, June 24, 2012 (UTC)

Jimi

Nice beginning, thanks for putting bullets in correct place i.e 1.2 etc. Jimi just was the best and I didn't have the heart to be OTT with the humor. Hope I did it well enough, but the beginning starts it in the light I did the rest so thanx for lovin Jimi. --Ticklethekeys (talk) 02:18, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

No problem. :) -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 14:03, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

Please review this Piss

Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/UnNews:Pele to blow up Kilauea over political concerns. -- Sir CuteDarkraiOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 02:32, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

Hello dude. I am writing here as the pee review table looks like something I'll fuck up.

I write a lot of unnews and you have a great one here. The secret is to find a CLEAR IDEA and just go with it. The Hawaii film star is a good one. We love those diva-types and volcanoes make a nice contrast to their moods! If YOU are happy with it and you've checked for spelling then save it. The worst that happens is that it will be in the news at least! Matt and Spike are usually very good at sorting through the news and putting it in the right place. Add a little more to this article and save it! I will read it again. Don't be afraid to write. Just go with it. --Ticklethekeys (talk) 02:54, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

You did a very nice job with the article. However, considering that its and UnNews, there isn't really a lot to write for a Pee Review, but I don't think you need one. It's definitely ready for mainspace. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 14:05, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

fuck you hypocritical cunt. Fuck off. --109.148.85.202 17:32, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

You didn't make a new section. Now my talkpage has improper formatting! :O -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 17:34, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

I've taken care of it. -- Sir CuteDarkraiOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 21:42, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

Anything I could do to improve it? -- Sir CuteDarkraiOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 22:04, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

Well, the last sentence seems a bit redundant, so you might want to change the wording a bit. Maybe you might also want to add some other deities like Buddha or Vishnu, but it seems pretty good to me. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:09, June 26, 2012 (UTC)

NICE!

On HowTo:Draw a perfect circle! Nice to see something creative, fresh and different. Please write more. --ShabiDOO 01:52, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks. I have more time now so I'll definitely be doing some more writing. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:53, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, Asshole

What the fuck? Reverted my edit in under 2 minutes? How am I supposed to reap satisfaction from my vandalism if its gone so quickly. I know what to do. I will get you for this. I'll stalk you, then find out where you live. I will murder your geraniums and rape your pet hamster, after which I will leave the most brittle cookie crumbs in your bedsheets. You'll be sorry. --Ajhuncyc (talk) 07:51, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

You are being observed by the UnFBI. Of course it would take him under two minutes, your potion has no power. Most uncyclopedians are wizards sent from a place far far away. We train in Tibet to have our scrota rubbed with fiery hot chilli chips. Your puny crumbs are no match. Write an article about vandalism. Beware of Lord Ralco, he is of the highest level of sorcery, I fear for your safety. ; Ticklethekeys (talk) 08:25, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

i feel left out, so here is some more hate

Fuck you good sir! ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:28, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

Nicely played, you are a Insult-Tennis champion in the making. It was an honest shot, just over the net and placed gently. Ticklethekeys (talk) 09:04, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

Hey booger faced nigger

What the fucking fuck nigger? Why did you go and fuck up the god damn booger shit bitch you fucking booer-bot! Only a nigger bitch of your boggerness could nigger up this kind of shitty shit shit shit you bitch-bot! You're dead! You're gone! You're over! You wait! You got it? --ShabiDOO 10:55, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, we're being racist now, huh? In that case, I'm going to link this here. You seem like the sort of folk who would enjoy it.--Some guy 11:15, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

Family

You guys are so disgustingly like family. Nobody talks so nice these days! The emotion in the swearing is so real. I love you fuckers. 110.49.248.213 12:12, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

Best Illustrated

Well done, again, now that you've got at least a tie for first locked in. A hilarious, ingenious article since the image for nervous system and nothing else was posted, everything else was just icing on the scribble. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 14:12, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

Your article's hilarious too. Definitely a feature. And apparently nobody else likes me all that much. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 17:12, June 27, 2012 (UTC)

I love you. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:34, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

Me too, I was just too shy to say it... Mattsnow 08:37, June 28, 2012 (UTC)

Hello, Mr. Favor-Vending Machine

Could you please change the protection level for {{XHTML}} to autoconfirmed users? I can't think of any reason why I want this done, or anything I can do in exchange, except that I will rub the feet of a woman of your choice for ten minutes straight, with one two-minute break in the middle, and an eight-minute period for resting. Thanks. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Jun 30 '12 1:18 (UTC)

Done. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:35, June 30, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you good Sire. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Jun 30 '12 1:59 (UTC)

Thou art welcome. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:00, June 30, 2012 (UTC)

That's Not Odd

Deleting an article without it even being voted on? Mind telling me why you did it? RS (talk) 17:51, July 1, 2012 (UTC)

What are you talking about? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 17:53, July 1, 2012 (UTC)

You deleted my Fire Emblem Abridged article with multiple votes from the same people. What, you didn't think I'd notice/care? RS (talk) 03:24, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Here is an archive of the discussion: Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion/Archive265#Fire Emblem: Abridged. There were five delete votes and one keep vote, rendering a score of 4, which leads to deletion. At no point did anyone vote more than once. It was thus properly deleted, but you're free to have a copy in your userspace to work on. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 10:47, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

How would I get this copy and what was SPECIFICALLY unfunny about it. It better not have been, "I don't get it," either. RS (talk) 17:02, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Ask an admin (like the one you're talking with) to move it in your userspace, like User:ResurrectedSage/Fire Emblem Abridged. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 17:05, 2 July, 2012 (UTC)

You could hack it up and put it in RS's user space, Xam. Mattsnow 17:07, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Hack? Wait, you're meaning Xam isn't an admin? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 17:19, 2 July, 2012 (UTC)

He is. When they bring back a deleted article, the log says "Xamralco hacked up XXXXXX". Damn furry cat! :P Mattsnow 17:30, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Actually there's a mistake at the voting-process! Wasn't it like that IP Addresses's votes are counted only as half? *laughs evily* Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 17:44, 2 July, 2012 (UTC)

The article is now located at User:ResurrectedSage/Fire Emblem: Abridged. And as for what is unfunny, well you base all of the humor off of sex, in-jokes, and swearing, which really isn't clever. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:35, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Being sarcastic will be worked on another time. RS (talk) 07:06, July 3, 2012 (UTC)

As the other contributor to Fire Emblem: Abridged, I have a few things to say that hopefully can be answered. You see, many pages here on Uncyclopedia are incredibly crude. For example, any of the pages I linked to in the article, especially Making up Oscar Wilde Quotes. That said, should I put those pages up for deletion? I don't consider poets/playwrights/etc gay simply because of modern thoughts on what is "gay" and not. Many of the quotes insinuate this. Also, there are many other implications, but I think you see the point. I will refrain from using such humor next time I work on an article, but my question is this: Why are the aforementioned pages (and others I'm unaware of) still around? --LuMontyZ Was Here 15:14, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

They're mainly here because they haven't been deleted yet. I admit that many articles on this site are unnecessarily crude, but that doesn't mean that unnecessary crudeness is encouraged. It's discouraged, but older articles tended to be less sophisticated. Eventually, most of the stupider stuff will either be huffed or rewritten. Definitely nom articles for deletion if you believe that they should be deleted. That's what VFD's for. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:22, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

Good deal, I was hoping you would reply as such. I'll re-draft the new version so it'll read nicer. --LuMontyZ Was Here 23:02, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

We're getting there

I (casually) added an article to the Constitution (just like that). I feel powerful for saying that! LOL. It's gonna be like a Great wine: long in the making! I have nothing against that at all, let's take our sweet time. The important thing is to have fun and produce somethind hilarious. BTW, do you know who Benny Hinn is? Mattsnow 20:53, July 1, 2012 (UTC)

I love the way its turning out and yes I do know who Benny Hinn is. Why do you ask? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:41, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

You're the first that does! I wrote an UnNews about him. I like the fact that the Constitution is a long term thing ! Mattsnow 17:05, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

World War V

Wow, that was fast! I was just going to ask someone to delete the redirect. Thanks. In the future I will go to my namespace right away instead. Änjelajs (talk) 20:39, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

No biggie. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:58, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Pee Review request

Well, all I can say is that everything went better than expected with the PLS. I really want to improve my article (It's my first article). Can you do a full Pee Review of it? Here it is: User:Bp2611/HowTo:Make your own LHC --Bp2611 07:59, July 3, 2012 (UTC)

Sure, just give me a day or two. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:16, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you. --Bp2611 07:59, July 3, 2012 (UTC)

You're Winner!

Poet Lowrate

 

This person is the winner of the Poo Lit Surprise, which they won for their article: Human Anatomy

Thanks to the subjective whims of some rank basement dwellers, your article won the PLS! Enjoy this template as consolation for your wasted, wasted time. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 23:52, July 2, 2012 (UTC)

Pee Review is inactive

How come I haven't seen that many reviews recently? -- Sir CuteDarkraiOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 03:40, July 4, 2012 (UTC)

Because you aren't doing enough/writing enough articles. Hop to it! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 05:18, July 4, 2012 (UTC)

Java vandal

I've warned them not to disrupt Uncyclopedia to make a point (see Wikipedia:Do not disrupt Wikipedia to make a point). -- Sir CuteDarkraiOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 15:10, July 4, 2012 (UTC)

On the principle of "If I show them enough Wikipedia policies, they will become ashamed and stop"? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Jul 4 '12 22:38 (UTC)

Meh... it kinda applies here. Some IP just blanked UN:NOT. You know what I did? I just told them to stop. Hopefully they will and we won't need to block them. -- Sir CuteDarkraiOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 18:06, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

Stop, drop and roll! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

July 5th, 2012 • Issue 169 • You'd be crazy not to listen!

Reform and change By Chief Pictured: VFS It was the winds of change that wafted through the UnSignpost office this week, at least that's what we assume the smell is. This week's topic of change is the ever popular Vote for Sysops/Sandwiches. What's wrong with it? It's not good enough that's what. VFS has always been something of an old standby for the UnSignpost, it has drama, it has thrills, it has the invariable abuse of power and crushing of dissenting opinions. It has everything that made Uncyclopedia what it is today. With so many positives- did we mention the abuse of power? The drama? With so many positives it is hard to believe that anyone would ever wish to be rid of VFS, but it seems there is always one bold revolutionary desperate to spoil everybody else's fun. This week's bold revolutionary role is played jointly by Saberwolf116 and Lyrithya. Shocking really, after all Lyrithya always seemed so happy with how everything on Uncyclopedia was run and hasn't tried to change a thing since she got here. She favours scrapping VFS altogether and introducing a system similar to that used on Wikipedia. This correspondent would like to share the advice of his estranged father with Lyrithya: "If you like Wikipedia so much why don't you go and live there?". Lyrithya should go and live on wikipedia where her precious '"equality" and "accountability" can exist, she can leave us to fester in our misery, we've been enjoying that for several years. Saberwolf116 meanwhile is a splendid well-meaning fellow who has no idea that it is in fact quicksand full of shards of broken glass that he has unwittingly stepped into. Saberwolf proposes a system similar to a discussion board where everyone discusses and agrees who is the best candidate for the job, they are then appointed and begin doing a splendid job, perhaps while we are all living in Saberwolf's fantasy world we could all visit the Marshmallow planet and grow enormous beards. Saberwolf had this to say about his plans to abolish the voting: "Let's vote", so he is off to a good start. Lyrithya meanwhile proposes that we let people nominate themselves at any time and if they're good enough we make them an administrator, it's a good idea and it works on wikipedia, but so would Aztec human sacrifice if the arbitration committee suggested it. Satan deciding that admin votes should count double in the first round of VFS. Sycamore also appears to be formulating a system based on letting the administrators decide everything until the final stage which the UnSignpost is sure will go down a storm amongst a group who feel that letting administrators' votes count double in the first stage of the current VFS is a breathtaking abuse of position and power, which can only have been instituted on the instruction of Satan and his demonic minions. The discussion continues on the forum, though based on the current state of affairs you are unlikely to be made an administrator unless your mum is "ghey", which means RAHB is safer than anybody. On a lighter note Qzekrom suggests an article feedback tool be added to the bottom of articles so people can rate the article, some may remember we scrapped a scoring system for articles because "Nobody ever uses the thing". Anybody wishing to let an author know about the ghey-ness of their mum or how terrible their article is are encouraged to make use of the talk page, or have a go at using Pee Review, that's why most people use it. PLSURPRISE! By Chief Yes, the Poo Lit Surprise competition has concluded. There was a tremendous amount of ceremony as Zombiebaron closed the competition having completed all his adding up. It was something of a news item in of itself that there were no ties and a clear winner was found in every single category. The grand champion was Modusoperandi who wrote a splendid article about the Slender Loris. You should read it, you should vote for it. You should vote for everything and anything. The competition runner-up was Thekillerfroggy who successfully came second more than everybody else. He must be very proud. He wrote HowTo:Meet women, which is quite ironic when you think about it, he also wrote Freezer, which isn't ironic, even if you think about it. You should nominate these articles and then vote on them. Shabidoo's retro week idea that we thoroughly ridiculed the other week sits sickeningly on the Village Dump flaunting its garish imagery and mocking the forum's otherwise sombre tone. This forum still exists despite the issue it was created to challenge having been resolved, though it does seem to be nearing the record for the most votes on a single forum topic. Finally, the top 3 of the month has moved to the forum because it is easier to vote on it by phone. If we are altering things to make them easier to edit from a phone we should probably move the entire wiki into a forum. Happy Thursday!

Check out these pages! You don't! It does! Vote! Boat! From our logs: 05:22, July 4, 2012 Modusoperandi (talk | contribs) blocked 68.63.193.235 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (he eat fat dicks too hahhhhaaahha niches this shit is fake and the booze who wrote can a fat ass dick like their mother hahah) 11:13, June 30, 2012 Black flamingo11 (talk | contribs) blocked 90.208.52.194 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Please don't revert people unless you are sure you are better than them.) 17:45, June 29, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 24.113.223.122 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Blanking is 4kids. HAHAHA YOU SEE WHAT I DID?? I MADE A FUNNY!) 05:36, July 3, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute ‎ (VANBALISANG DA MANE PAGE) 17:53, June 27, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Dragonsheep (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Muck spreading is what farmers do. Are you a farmer?) 19:16, June 25, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked ROMARTUS IS A DIRTY TURD (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (GIANT BALLS) Biopic of the Week Hello! This week the biopic of the week is devoted to a set of stairs and a Jewish man. Yes, it's Staircase, a user who hasn't been seen since April 2010! A small number of you might remember Staircase for his articles and his touching up of your inner thighs. He won awards and I miss him. He never really knew me, he probably didn't know you but the wiki is a worse place place for the lack of him. I also miss Mordillo, I miss his Jewishness and his not-permitting-that-sort-of-thingness. He was a splendid fellow and he wrote good articles, plus he agreed with me, nobody does that any more. A moment please for two of our gayest and best. May they bring their own brand of humour and sexual perversion to whichever caring institution has the honour of housing them in their retirement. Old-school FA Henchmen are the missing link between the super evil and the rest of us. No task is too menial or monotonous for them. They don't talk much but they think fast. Henchmen are the vital cogs in the massive gearwork that is the wristwatch of the villain. Without them, his wristwatch would only be right twice a day. And villains need to be able tell time accurately all day. They are the villain's last and greatest line of defense - well, after the laser cannon that they built on the moon, the nuclear warhead and the escape pod, of course. The life of a henchman is sweet indeed- danger, beautiful women, a really good dental plan... who wouldn't want to be a henchman? Newsroom UnTune of the week 7 Shits Woof The UnSignpost Dog reminds all readers of the importance of symmetry. That is all.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS2 08:21, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

How would you like to participate in a forum I've created?

Forum:Are you a Matthlock? User:Matthlock/sig2 20:37, July 5, 2012 (UTC)

Thought about you

Dumbo thinks you should put a focus on your real life rather than spending too much time on Internet stuff. He will also trample you in case the Pee Review is not done in a timely manner!

Just check this and if you're up for it, do it! I don't care if it takes a week. I don't care if you don't do it either, no problem! I ask you because you are a great reviewer. Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/User:Mattsnow/Quebec City Mattsnow 22:18, July 6, 2012 (UTC)

I will take a look at it but a full pee could take a while as I like to take an hour or so out of my day to really analyze the article and I'm still incredibly busy. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:14, July 7, 2012 (UTC)

I don't care at all if it takes a week or if you let it slide, someone will ultimately pick it up on Pee. Your In Real Life stuff is far more important. Cheers! Mattsnow 00:27, July 7, 2012 (UTC)

Just kidding with the pic lol, I have 4 beers in. Mattsnow 00:32, July 7, 2012 (UTC)

Forget it, Chief did the review! OK Dumbo, you can trample him, I won't need him. XD Mattsnow 01:55, July 10, 2012 (UTC)

And right when I was about to do it. Damn you, you judge/video game controller, you. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:57, July 10, 2012 (UTC)

"Vegetarians shouldn't write articles"?

Sir, I challenge you to a duel. I win, you have to eat a celery stick. I lose, and I'll eat chicken.

Saberwolf116 (talk) 20:24, July 8, 2012 (UTC)

5 o'clock. Behind the dumpster. Be there. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:40, July 8, 2012 (UTC)

IP vandal

Some dude just vandalized Restless legs syndrome. I've rollbacked them and warned them on their talk page not to do it. Please don't block them unless they strike back (1 week ban). --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 01:52, July 9, 2012 (UTC)

If you see this happen it's better to go to BP. Saberwolf116 (talk) 22:54, July 9, 2012 (UTC)

UnNews:CBS reporter executed for impropery using the term "literally"; Grammar in America continues to erode

I just saw this, is the typo: "impropery" intentional? Mattsnow 23:23, July 10, 2012 (UTC)

lol. I once heard someone say, "Never correct anyone's grammar because chances are, you'll make a worse mistake while correcting them." -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:26, July 10, 2012 (UTC)

Since the article was about grammar, I thought that maybe it was part of the joke. Mattsnow 23:32, July 10, 2012 (UTC)

My God, how many retarded spelling mistakes did I make? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:36, July 10, 2012 (UTC)

A couple. And where the hell is the "qvfd" button atop pages? Is my PC fucking up or do you have that too? Mattsnow 23:55, July 10, 2012 (UTC)

Everything's getting a little fucked up. The math tags don't work, I can't access my preferences. I added <center> and had to refresh the page for the thing to actually center. I think that someone's changing the coding so I wouldn't worry. The admin version of the qvfd button is there though. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:12, July 11, 2012 (UTC)

Yes, things seem to get weird, I couldn't tag edits as minor 30 minutes ago, now I can. :S And a guy vandalized my userpage, please ban him indefinitelily lol Mattsnow 00:32, July 11, 2012 (UTC)

TKF beat me to it. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:34, July 11, 2012 (UTC)

Oh, and I asked you earlier about Benny Hinn since I put the UnNews on VFH quite a while ago, UnNews:Benny Hinn strongly opposes Obamacare, but I was shy about whoring directly. Also, I think someone who knows who he is will find it a lot funnier. (Unless that person believes his crap lol!) Mattsnow 02:53, July 11, 2012 (UTC)

I thought that I had already voted for that. Just goes to show you: indirect whoring is damn ineffective! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 10:48, July 11, 2012 (UTC)

Noticed odd shit happening too. Maybe the servers are about to pop? 110.49.241.202 01:18, July 12, 2012 (UTC)

Age of consent

Hey man, why did you delete my article about age of consent laws? I thought it was

whimsical, had some satire and was quite funny. Maybe you just don't get my humor.

I'm sure a lot of other people would so I think it should be up for voting. – Preceding unsigned comment added by 80.237.226.73 (talk • contribs)

I deleted it mainly because the article was much too short. Length is a standard and tiny articles can be deleted without a vote. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 10:56, July 11, 2012 (UTC)

Anon, it sounds like an interesting concept. Sign up with a username and then ask again for this to be undeleted and put in your userspace for work, which you could then do at your own pace. Spıke ¬ 14:26 12-Jul-12

Read this and tell me what you think of it

User:Matthlock/UnSignpost entry take-2 User:Matthlock/sig2 19:44, July 14, 2012 (UTC)

Just thinking about something policy wise

I was going through unpatrolled changes and came across User:Owen12345. Our unwritten policy is that user pages are generally sacrosanct, although we have made exceptions relating to blatant advertising, excessive vanity, or vandals. This doesn't really fit into those categories. While I was away though there was an introduction of a content warning by Wikia. I personally think that they are well within their rights to do this - they are our host, and we don't pay them for the hosting. The only thing that they have asked in the past is that they can promote other wikis (with the ads at the bottom of the page) and the occasional "We have a complaint about abc. Could you remove it?". They generally leave us to our own. The expectation is, partially, that we are self-policing. I've also had my attention drawn to WP:WP:NOTWEBHOST, which is the WP policy relating to user pages. While I don't agree with using WP policies here verbatim, I understand using the concepts of some of those policies here. In short, I'm wondering of we should review our guidelines on user page content. If it has no comedic value, what's the point in keeping it? What do you think? Nominally Humane! 02:38 15 Jul

Owen12345 is one of two users I've seen who uses his user page exclusively to prepare a scorecard based on some TV show or off-site activity. I've listed them for Ban Patrol a couple times and gotten pushed back based on the current policy described above. In my opinion, these guys are using Uncyclopedia as a free computing resource for their own purposes, which have nothing to do with ours. Spıke ¬ 02:51 15-Jul-12

Let's not forget User:Camp Raspberry or User:Sugababes. I'm quite certain there are more. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Jul 15 '12 2:59 (UTC)

Tee-hee. Look what I just stumbled across: User:Plan_B, User:Tom Parker, User:Justin Lee Gerrard, User:Girls Aloud History, and User:JLS, all edited by 90.211.58.30, and, yes, my suspicions are confirmed, that's an IP in the U.K. I'd bet someone else's left nut that it's a lackey from the PR firm that represents those crappy acts. In which case, this shit all counts as spam. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Jul 15 '12 3:02 (UTC)

If these guys are asking these guys be banned for being annoying promoters of crap TV shows then I concur. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:32, July 15, 2012 (UTC)

The main question here is "Are they promoting something or just writing random shit?" Socky's userpage, for example, doesn't follow wikipedia's guidelines but it follows our guidelines because it's not spam/vanity. I think our userpage policy is fine and we shouldn't change it, but what you showed me, in my mind, qualifies as spam. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:09, July 15, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah, I say ban the hell out of that UK IP. It's apparent sockpuppetry, at the least. If someone from that IP address has an issue with getting banned (and I can bet they won't make a peep, because they're spammers and spammers just go elsewhere), they can take it up via email or IRC. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Jul 15 '12 13:14 (UTC)

I huffed the userpages, but there's no point in banning the IP. He hasn't edited in 2 years and your IP address can change in that amount of time. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:20, July 15, 2012 (UTC)

Socky's user page is random shit? Delete it! Nominally Humane! 01:28 15 Jul

Actually, I believe that IP may have registered User:Sugababes, in which case, yeah, he/she has edited here within the past few months. And it seems to be a statically-assigned IP, such as one that might belong to a large company. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sun, Jul 15 '12 13:49 (UTC)

Good point. He's blocked now. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:54, July 15, 2012 (UTC)

Hey, could you take a look at this?

Somebody thinks Pi + Internet Protocol is funny. What do we do with the article? -- Sir CuteDarkraiOnTheRadio [CUN • PBJ'12 • PLS(0) • Stuy'16] 16:00, July 15, 2012 (UTC)

You can add an ICU tag, which is what I did. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 17:35, July 15, 2012 (UTC)

My talk page

Can you PLEASE restore my talk page, it is not spam, it is important for my Sims Big Brother series on Youtube. You should have discussed with me on my talk page first before you delete MY things with no action. Thanks, not. --Owen12345 (talk) 18:56, July 16, 2012 (UTC)

Your userpage is intended for only uncyclopedia-related stuff, not to promote your series on youtube. So, no, I will not restore your userpage. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:06, July 16, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks, Fucker!

You saved me some time. I tried to find that under construction template, but like the useless noob I am, I failed to find it. Thanks again. :-) Ratfactor (talk) 21:38, July 18, 2012 (UTC)

No problem. It's just {{Construction}}. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:39, July 18, 2012 (UTC)

Well that explains it. Who the hell would think of something as obfuscated as that? Ratfactor (talk) 21:41, July 18, 2012 (UTC)

That's why we pay him the big bucks. Nominally Humane! 12:14 19 Jul

Some interesting stuff I learned at skool to-day

IP: 69.122.228.35

Decimal:1165681699

Hostname: ool-457ae423.dyn.optonline.net

ISP: Optimum Online

Type: Broadband

Assignment: Dynamic IP

Country: United States

State/Region: New York

City: Syosset

Latitude: 40.8294

Longitude: -73.5052

Area Code: 516

Postal Code: 11791

Likes: Making redirects, racism, misspellings

And so now I know. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Jul 19 '12 10:58 (UTC)

We've got a boner for news! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

July 19th, 2012 • Issue 170 • Got Wood?

Fancy a Bone? By Chief Everybody loves horrendous drawings of genitals! "The latest meme is Template:Boner." Qzekrom blared into the press room last Thursday. We here in the UnSignpost office were absolutely beside ourselves, if we wanted people to tell us the news we'd open a hotline, a suggestion precluded by our lack of a phone, money or staff. So it came down to a straight choice between considering the reaction and the effect of the new MediaWiki Upgrade and the featuring of a template whose entirety is a very poor drawing of a penis. Naturally, we chose the one that included the smallest amount of penis: Template:Boner. This template is apparently the best thing since sliced bread, and you can use it in practically the same ways; you can spread it with butter and serve it to your friends as a surprise, you can dunk it into egg and, most importantly, consume it with jam. The template stormed to feature status with 23 votes for, which, coincidentally is the same number of votes cast on VFH throughout the whole of March. Nothing it seems mobilises Uncyclopedians better than a penis. The size of the penis in the template may account somewhat for its popularity*. Qzekrom does have a point, and a worrying obsession with css and javascript and all those uninteresting things whose only real function is to produce unnecessary work like page editing and the graphical interface. If you share these interests then you can easily head to one of the many forums he has created to discuss them, if on the other hand you are short on time because of the job you have to go to and be miserable at for fifty hours a week then you can always go to VFH and vote one of of the many penis related articles that Uncyclopedia has to offer. The UnSignpost Dog loves a bone The VFH vote is being called "The third most rigged VFH in the history of Uncyclopedia", losing out to some votes that were actually rigged one must assume. Anybody wishing to rig their own vote has only to head onto IRC and start asking if anybody is "up for lulz" today and then simply pitching their idea as "This great thing I found". If you are struggling then feel free to ask Frosty who is the mastermind behind the present craze for boners. Not that anybody is particularly surprised. Have a bonerific week! *Readers are invited to interpret this statement however they like. A Song of Ice and Fire By Scofield Isn't that the story of the human heart? The fight between fear and passion, between kindness and meanness, between pwn3d and pwnz0r? It's always two forces, at constant war with one another, until the heart stops beating. But then again, it is but one heart amongst many, and so the war goes on for years and years, with ice winning and then losing, and then fire winning, and then losing. And the efforts of the great men who built this wonderful civilization before us have always striven to achieve the balance between these ubiquitous opposites. For ice shall freeze us, and fire shall burn us, but the middle component, the in-between, nourishes us. And the in-between component I speak of, is water. We always speak of following the middle path, of moderation, of not going to extremes. Well, water is the epitome of moderation! How queer is it, that if you heat a bucket of ice over fire you get water, but only if the ice is heated IN MODERATION! Indeed, water has always given us the best of both worlds! When ice was melted by the fire from the sun, the resultant water ended up becoming the very medium in which the first living organisms thrived! Is it a coincidence that even after all these years of evolution and extinction, 70% of the body weight of man is still water? Is it a coincidence that no living being (except for dormant-ass seedlings) can survive for long without a regular hit of H2O to keep it alive? I think not. Water is always straddling the middle path between ice and fire. Unlike ice, we can swallow it without it clogging our windpipe, and unlike fire, it won't burn our dear skin if we touch it. And water always nourishes us, keeps us alive and well! We all rose from the water, and to the water returns all our piss and shit! People have always wondered, what is the middle path? What is the balance we all seek? I say, the balance is water. The middle path is water! The answer to all conflicts and dilemmas that plague our life- is WATER!

Check out these pages! A serious problem It's boring Vote and so on I prefer: HURGLAAAAAAAAAAAAAB Are you? From our logs: 21:47, July 17, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopediasucks69 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Unacceptable username) 06:51, July 17, 2012 Electrified mocha chinchilla (talk | contribs) blocked 71.179.95.227 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (Penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis.) 01:03, July 6, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Abrabudallah (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (YOU HURT ABUSE FILTER'S FEELINGS) 08:43, July 10, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 99.103.84.134 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Blanker. Now, because of you, a block that could have been used on a starving African child is being wasted. For shame.) 19:30, July 9, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked 71.245.83.21 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (thou shalt not tarnish the dead's pregnancy fetish stash) 00:16, July 11, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (He's a frog lol ;)) Biopic of the Week Not many people get a biopic in the UnSignpost. Actually that's a lie, everybody does, though we maintain the hilarious façade that we can't biopic everybody because of the long queue of people we have awaiting a biopic. In reality the main cause for the lack of a biopic are the crippling inadequacies of the UnSignpost staff. After that tremendously complimentary opening Saberwolf116 is onto biopic number two. The older of you may remember Saberwolf from before his year and a half hiatus, pee reviewer, article voter and an all round splendid fellow, otherwise known as a poopsmith. To be serious for a moment (brace yourselves) while he probably doesn't know it he has been an inspiration to many of his fellow Uncyclopedians, on Pee Review and beyond. He has showed, by example, how to apply oneself to a task and how to function well within this community. He is a model Uncyclopedian and you should do your utmost follow his example, except for the parts where he screws things up and causes everybody to hate him. Saberwolf116 everybody, I hear his penis is very impressive. Old-school FA Sock Puppetry, or the assumption of multiple online personalities, is a growing phenomenon in anonymous online communities such as public blogs, commentable news-info sites, and "wikis." The more popular and extensive Wikis (such as Wikipedia, Uncyclopedia, and Memory Alpha) present an unusually fertile ground for various forms of sock puppetry, since the community interactions within a wiki site are vastly more complex than in other anonymous online communities. Newsroom UnTune of the week Uncyclopedia Didn't Start The Fire

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS2 16:59, July 19, 2012 (UTC)

Please read

Forum:SOPA is back for dessert! --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 16:29, July 22, 2012 (UTC)

Cabbage

Xamralco...could you please feature Cabbage? It's supposed to be in the cue for today. Thanks --ShabiDOO 01:39, July 23, 2012 (UTC)

Undeletion request

Why did you delete Autoconfirmed user? You provided no reason for deletion. --TC02t 18:20, July 23, 2012 (UTC)

It was a purely random list that was not actually related to autoconfirmed users and qualified for quick deletion, but don't despair (my first article was really bad). Try reading HTBFANJS, BGBU, and some of our featured articles to see what quality standards we have. Good luck! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:37, July 23, 2012 (UTC)

Please give me the entire contents of the deleted page in my user page. This is called userf1cat10n. --TC02t 00:26, July 24, 2012 (UTC)

I've moved it to User:TotalCuddles02/Autoconfirmed user. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 00:56, July 24, 2012 (UTC)

Poke poke

My darling Xamralco...could you please put Fire Hydrant in the feature cue (to switch over in 2 hours and 15 minutes?) And if you aren't too busy could you also put the next two features the following days so I don't have to go around bugging admins:

• Fire Hydrant today (in two hours)
• Fisher Price: A Retrospective July 25
• Really big tree July 26.

My deepest apreciation --ShabiDOO 21:53, July 23, 2012 (UTC)

Get Your UnSignPost! Now More Respected Than The Town Crier!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

July 26th, 2012 • Issue 171 • Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

Painting by Numbers By 98.197.156.96 Numbers can shag the sheep, but it isn't any fun. This week some of Uncyclopedia's greatest and not so great have spent some time watching Uncyclopedia pass by without them. This is the news that Wikia has taken the momentous decision to lock out the vast majority of the active administrators and half the users. Problems began at 11:20 UTC on the 24th of July when Socky discovered that he was unable to access a few select features of his account; logging in being the most obvious. Banished to the realm of numbers Socky went to the forums and told everyone else. It soon became apparent that nobody could log in, except for Bizzeebeever, who "made the software his bitch" by pressing the log in button more than even wikia had anticipated. As everyone sat on the forum and debated just how angry and indignant this news should make them, a wikia representative was dispatched to the forum to pour oil on troubled waters, suggesting that Uncyclopedians "Return to causing world suffering or burning me in effigy". But burning effigies of Wikia staff members would have to wait as it became evident that, following the initial lock out of everybody, the adminstrator database had somehow been lost when it was being carried to a new building, or something like that. The administrator magic then gushed into the ground and caused a giant peach to grow outside Wikia headquarters. Pictured: The administrative database This condemned the administrators to a long evening of moaning on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel, where another Wikia representative awaited with nothing but a can do attitude and a lack of information about the problem to ensure that everybody remained as irritated as possible. Even worse than that, following a great deal of moaning somebody started off UnTrivia, forcing everybody through an evening of anagrams and obscure song lyrics. At the time of going to press only Thekillerfroggy appears to have been able to force his way through the log in procedure to use admin tools while users who could log in took full advantage of the absence of any administrators to fill the forum with appalling alternatives to fixing the problem. It would seem that, at present, the only solution is to make a new account and then curry favour with TKF, the only way to do this being fellatio or copious helpings of wang. 13.145.208.87 had this to say about the outage: "Zombiebaron.... FU WIKIA". 67.173.252.79 reported a similar feeling saying "Ahahahahahahahahah...god dammit, why can't I log in?". As we enter a second day with all the admins locked out something novel occurs to me; I can watch Uncyclopedia, and I can shag the sheep, but I don't want to if nobody knows it was me. Loramycetaceae of Ipswich By Socky Loramycetaceae of Ipswich do lorikeets while sitting amidst consecrators a-disciplining the elite. My gonads' dictum ipsilaterally saps your mom. Nullification of the masses accretes the Nibelungen's pretty umpty temperament. Done accelerating liberation. Done cunting shit amidst nisin from a pedo auctioneer named Hendrik. Protein from Trisha's antique rises into risus sardonicus. Doodlebugs' necks beget a menu with fetus. Protein exposure lectures quip Magdalena Corvallis, files nisei fermenter magma, nut amputate diam denim ac tulles. Groin peed. Coned a joust ac oleo perambulator lacing. In presidium collision purls. Letitia venations, nils veal consenter plenteousness, orcas mi male Tussuad urns, veil tempoes nuns est at gurus. Nascence volute. Vivacious Yul trices. Crays portrait offends libeler. Nuns mi amass, collisional veal, dissimilar quips, volute vitae, nuns. Done consequent. Coned congruent peed sit meat denim. Duelist pulmonary ants. Nuns consecrate tether. Done cactus cum, qualm sit mate pulp Tate oculists, just libeler various purrs, seed biennium Turpin purls beget Loramycetaceae. Quizzes we equine dew, Budapest neck, male Tussuad veld, fermentation in, odors. Phallus invites torpor. Integer neck elicit. Nam vitae felts vile Loramycetaceae lacerate Hendrik. Present ornate. Loramycetaceae of Ipswich dolor sit meat, conch secreter a-discoing lite. Sunlamp Isis. Plenteousness vaccinial volute arch. Bisque non nun. In ornate commodity venality. Swed nun rises, gravid at, concuss id, tempts you, Sulla. Phallus is lacking, commodore sled, incident pulmonary, facilitates Vella, Nissie. Vivacious Budapest. Noella enigma. Donne portal Allison dolor. Groin non Maurise. Letitia Loramycetaceae urns, vestibular eat, aliquot vitae, suspicious neck, tulles. Letitia so dales diam egret equine tempos aorta. In ult rices Dolores. Also, I can log in again! Hurrah!

Check out these pages! Zorks! Awkward WikiEd is silly YAWN! That's so retro From our logs: 10:24, July 23, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 124.148.242.53 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I will certainly duel you good sir kni- AHAHAHAHA SNEAK STABBAN ATTACK! I WIN!) 05:17, July 24, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 96874 seconds ‎ (Begged for it. Pathetically. With fellatio. Which was respectable, but still rather pathetic.) 00:18, July 24, 2012 Xamralco (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.115.48.5 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Are you hitting on me?) 06:47, July 21, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Adhans (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (with this month off you can maybe find the time to draft one article with fifty words instead of the other way around) 17:14, July 23, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.198.208.29 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Literal wanker.) 06:43, July 20, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.178.153.139 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Before you make your next edit, consider this: Your last few got you banned for a week.) Biopic of the Week What can you say about GEORGIEGIBBONS that he has not said already? Especially as he has already said that he is an asshole. You might not see GEORGIEGIBBONS around the wiki as he is a hopeless timewaster, or IRC user as we normally call them. He does however do a fair bit of recent changes patrolling and votes on VFH when begged to do so. One of his main claims to fame is having the worst internet connection out of everyone in IRC, a title he regularly competes for with ChiefjusticeDS who connects with a Nokia N-Gage. A big positive with GEORGIEGIBBONS, besides the seconds you save by not having to switch off caps lock to type his username, is that he rarely involves himself in drama and it would be splendid to see him editing the wiki a bit more rather than hanging out in IRC lynching other Uncyclopedians and solving anagrams. He's an asshole that way. Wordˢ̭ of the week, provided by: PuppyOnTheRadio Erotic Using a feather as part of love-making Kinky Using the rest of the chicken Newsroom UnTune of the week I Kissed a Girl (And I Threw Up)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--OliOmniOmbudsman 15:31, July 26, 2012 (UTC)

A call to arms!

Greetings, fellow colonizer! As you know, we have chosen Futurama as our article of choice in our quest to resurrect the once grand and glorious empire of Imperial Colonization. After considerable debate, we have decided on our battle strategy and plan on subduing and annexing this article into our Empire forthwith. As a God-fearing solider of our order, it is your duty to contribute to our conquest of this brute. Help us! Should you have any questions or suggestions for a new battle approach, please talk to your fellow imperialists.

Happy hunting!

Saberwolf116 (talk) 19:04, July 26, 2012 (UTC)

(Block log) . . Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked 37.112.79.50 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎(I hate premature ejaculation as much as the next guy but your products sound dangerous)

I laughed it out! Mattsnow 00:51, July 29, 2012 (UTC)

Forum talk:Template watch

I'm now curious. Can you email me the content of the page? Failing that, restore to my user space (without links, if there are any). Nominally Humane! 12:53 29 Jul

Check your e-mail. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:44, July 29, 2012 (UTC)

Hasn't come through yet, but email sent via Wikia can drag. Thanks! Nominally Humane! 02:23 29 Jul

Delete

Hey man, you just deleted one of my articles; I accidentally published it as I started working on it, so it was incomplete. I'd appreciate it if, once I've published it when it is done, it wasn't automatically deleted. Cheers, Luke

My mistake. Next time, add {{Construction}} on top of the article to tell people that you're not done yet. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 16:01, July 29, 2012 (UTC)

Here ya go. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 16:03, July 29, 2012 (UTC)

Please man

Man can you please not delete the article I made for fun, that's what this website is about, and I don't see why I'm getting banned for creating an article when this person: http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Celebrity_Big_Brother has done exactly the same as me. It's very bias. I've already talked to someone asking if it's alright to create this article and they said it was fine, so I don't see what your problem is. Please restore the article as there is nothing wrong with it. Thanks. --Owen12345 (talk) 03:05, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

You had previously posted one of your Big Brother Lists on your userpage which you stated was "important for my Sims Big Brother series on Youtube," which is unacceptable. Your article looked suspiciously like your former userpage, not to mention that it isn't funny. Moreover, you're lying about someone telling you that it was okay to make this article as I checked your contributions and such a conversation never occurred. As for that other article, I have currently listed it on Vfd. Thank you for pointing it out. It was crap. If you want to make quality articles, that's perfectly fine. Good luck. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 03:15, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

Why are you suspicious of the article? I'm not stupid enough to make a youtube series about 'Big Brother Antarctica' that would just be silly, and to be honest, the article I made was much better and much clearer than the Celebrity Big Brother article, that was just a mess, my article however was not. What sort of articles are you expecting me to make? Name some ideas? --Owen12345 (talk) 03:23, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

Oh and can you perhaps list my article on Vfd as well before deleting it immediately without any voting. Thanks. --Owen12345 (talk) 03:25, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

If I could immediately delete that other article I would, but it's much too old for that (it's been here over 8 years). Your article was not funny and that chart thing looks mighty suspicious since there's no room for humor but tons of room for spam and stuff that doesn't belong here. I will not restore it. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 03:33, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

If an admin decided to delete a page as it's failing on HTBFANJS, or a rollbacker reverts for the same reason, a vote isn't required. I tagged the page as {{ICU}} myself as it was borderline, at best, not realising that it was you who created it. I also flagged your old user page for deletion as it was well outside of what is relevant for this site.The fact that you'd decided to be insulting on your user page, and you've changed your tune about the purpose of your old user page, and lied about talking to another user about this, suggest that you may have missed the whole politeness aspect of BGBU. Nominally Humane! 03:37 30 Jul

My point is, I've read through the deletion policy and nothing there signifies or provides good reason for you to delete the article. My article according to that policy is acceptable and there's nothing wrong with it. And it is CERTAINLY NOT spam. So your decision is highly bias and unfair, and I've learnt from my mistakes from the whole 'spam' thing. --Owen12345 (talk) 03:41, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

Xam, is it possible to restore this to his user space and just keep monitoring it? Working under the assumption of "assuming good grace" - despite his apparent gracelessness - this might be a valid compromise. Nominally Humane! 04:01 30 Jul

Owen, can't you read? It wasn't funny. That's what this site is for, not for you to use to publish your little dance card on the Internet. Spıke ¬ 12:40 30-Jul-12

This is what I will do. I will restore the article to your userspace as Puppy said but I will remove that chart. You can do whatever you want as long as you don't re-add the chart and don't move it to mainspace until it's a legit quality article. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:21, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

[I quit and it's your fault]

Fuck that then, I'll go create it somewhere else. Obviously it's ok for everybody else to 'create a simple table'. I don't see Don't create a chart on the website rules, so I suggest you stop making your own rules and stop being unfair. Fucking assholes. BYE – Preceding unsigned comment added by Owen12345 (talk • contribs) 14:25, July 30, 2012‎

Thanks for leaving. It's all I really wanted. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 15:41, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

What to do about policy

I don't see Don't create a chart in the rules either, though I did see (and comment in) #Just thinking about something policy wise above. The result of that discussion deserves to be in the rules and applied consistently. Spıke ¬ 19:09 30-Jul-12

I agree. How and where would we exactly put that, though? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:13, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

User pages are addressed in the last section of UN:CM. That deserves the additional information that user pages must serve the purpose of Uncyclopedia--and most do so by introducing yourself to other Uncyclopedians--but they are not available for arbitrary personal uses, as the start of that article mentions. I'd be Italic but the page is locked for obvious reasons. Spıke ¬ 19:21 30-Jul-12

I changed it. What do you think? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:31, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

Good idea. Given it has been a de facto rule for ages, making it official is a good move. Please don't add anything against making a chart though. Charts are pretty. Nominally Humane! 11:18 30 Jul

Your change gets the job done. Spıke ¬ 01:28 31-Jul-12

Hey

You spoiled my fun! Nominally Humane! 02:01 30 Jul

Hey, you were lying. I called that number and I didn't have a good time. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 14:04, July 30, 2012 (UTC)

It was good for me. Nominally Humane! 02:12 30 Jul

Section with a subject

Maybe we're trying too hard! I'll just go linger on IRC a bit, it's been weeks since I went there, just come if you want, it'd be cool! Mattsnow 23:19, July 31, 2012 (UTC)

And it's happening. The great whoring of our time.

Quebec City Whatever your vote is (if you don't abstain), can I have a 3 or 4 lines critic? :P Mattsnow 01:54, August 1, 2012 (UTC)

I did a light copy-edit. The initial photo isn't funny. Your own opinions sometimes get in the way. Spıke ¬ 13:20 1-Aug-12

Well, they are not my opinions as I like English people. While it's true that French is under threat, I just tried to exaggerate the "language racism". Thanks for the tweaks :) Mattsnow 15:38, August 1, 2012 (UTC)

You're welcome! The problem is that making caricatures of opinions that are often expressed in caricatures anyway (especially making the article's point of view be a caricature) is sometimes too hard to tell from the real thing. Spıke ¬ 19:44 1-Aug-12

PS--It is more than English vs French; there is also the trite stuff about US imperialism/dominance, plus point-of-view about the mayor. When writing humor for everyone about topics where serious disagreement exists, make sure to keep it light, preferably by lampooning both sides. Spıke ¬ 13:30 2-Aug-12

Request

A discussion is taking place at Forum:Userfy request to restore my article Megaupload. Since no-one replied to that in a long time, you might want to participate in the discussion. --TC02 ^{(Chat with me)} 16:03, August 3, 2012 (UTC)

There's no need to create a forum to request that one of your articles be restored to your userspace. You can simply ask an admin to do it for you. I understand that you're new here. Have you read BGBU? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 16:58, August 3, 2012 (UTC)

Hi, this is FlameHorse

I was going to ask what gives you the right to judge the humor of photoshopped garfield comics, but based on what I've read on this talk page, I think you're just a cunt.– Preceding unsigned comment added by FlameHorse (talk • contribs)

Dude's got a point. You suck. Can I have five bucks? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Aug 4 '12 11:43 (UTC)

Dude, you usually have to pay the person who sucks. You never get $5 back. Separately, the problem with photoshopped Garfield comics is (1) that Garfield is not an original humor creation, and our theft of it is not justified by fair use; we are exactly capitalizing on the work that Garfield's creator did to make Garfield famous; and (2) the replacement captions that I remember were prankish, more reveling at the power to create crude things than delivering any benefit to the reader. Still separately, FlameHorse flames on for the first time in five weeks and reintroduces himself to us with an unsigned message that calls an Admin a cunt. Spıke ¬ 14:36 4-Aug-12

Does that mean I'm not a cunt? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 16:04, August 4, 2012 (UTC)

Of course not! That an accusation is uncouth does not mean the charge is false. Spıke ¬ 20:47 4-Aug-12

I've never met a cunt I didn't like. Nominally Humane! 10:59 06 Aug

No need for eye protection, it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

August 9th, 2012 • Issue 172 • You need to know stuff to be biased!

The state of the Wiki: Summer 2012 By Chief The biggest news of the week this week is that there isn't any news whatsoever, sure there are a few forums in the dump that promise to radically shake up the way everyone edits Uncyclopedia, or at least change it slightly. But for the most part there is no news, which always comes as a great relief to everyone in the UnSignpost office as it means that we can spend this week drivelling about pointless minutia and thus crawl that one vital step closer to death. The state of the wiki is this: nobody is voting for half of the monthly awards. This is naturally a cause of great concern for everybody, the prevailing feeling being that somebody should be nominating and voting for people on these awards, but we'd rather it wasn't us. Nobody is happy with the current VFS system, but nobody can agree on anything to change it to, so the current VFS system has remained with he proviso that everyone sneer about how unfair it is every time it is used. This periodical has already chronicled the appalling miscarriage of justice that allows administrators extra votes on VFS so it with an air of surprise that the UnSignpost can now bring to you a proposal to let administrators run everything. Uncyclopedia's 29th wordy controversy filled blockbuster of the year suggests that the admins run everything because they are the most thorough and most experienced users, the voting section of the same forum being filled with comments from admins saying "Tl;dr" and "I can't be bothered to read your entire essay", hand these splendid fellows the keys to city immediately, the UnSignpost implores you to entrust the administrative body with any nuclear codes or state secrets you might have, safe in the knowledge that they will never ever be looked at. Pictured: This week's admin work schedule Thekillerfroggy has solved the problems of the Worst 100 list by skipping 60 reflections and justifying it with a cliché, absolutely nobody notices and continues adding reflections about themselves and why they are adding a reflection to the list. Modusoperandi adds an actual reflection to the list causing the universe to begin collapsing in upon itself. The final and most grave piece of news is that Uncyclopedia is critically low in images of boobs, totalling only 634 pictures in the boob images category, now either some of you aren't correctly categorising your images of boobs, or there is a serious problem. Socky, who long ago took on the arduous and time consuming task of auditing the boob images category said "How I wank on audit the images properly if they are incorrectly categorised? Please don't keep your not safe for work images to yourself. Categorise them and thus share them with the world!". Uncyclopedia Needs More Vandals By One Step Away From Copyright Violation The UnSignpost editorial staff trying out some vandalism Yeah, you heard me, <insert name here>. Uncyclopedia needs more vandals. Why, you may ask. Why would we need more annoying basement-dwellers to ban? Well, I'll tell you. As all of you may have noticed, Uncyclopedia has been going through some inactivity lately, to the point where users who haven't signed on since who knows when are becoming more active on the site than users who check the website everyday. It seems our competitor has been gaining more activity than us, and we can't let that happen, now can we? There's only one way to get our activity back up: recruit vandals. Most vandals are EDiots anyway (of course, the best vandals are admins), so if we attract some vandals here, maybe they'll attract some more writers! And... er... Second thought, we don't need more vandals. Vandals suck and they should die.

Check out these pages! Why aren't we voting on this? Whales! What's yours? Read this! This is a terrible idea From our logs: 17:50, August 1, 2012 Lyrithya (talk | contribs) blocked 109.152.200.136 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 day (The cat said you were evil. ) 01:06, July 31, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked Waltdisneyfan999 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (I can't trust Mr-ex to form a coherent sentence most of the time, but I can generally trust his transcendent knowledge of trolls and sockpuppets.) 10:05, August 6, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Lmarine0510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Whenever you add a shock image to a page on Uncyclopedia God sets fire to a school bus) 06:37, August 4, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 108.59.252.58 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite (LOLDONGS) 12:51, August 8, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 95.0.200.42 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Creating shite pages, I got banned for that once.) Service outage of the Week So the UnSignpost delivery schedule is in something of a state of flux at the moment, it arrives every two weeks and then it arrives weekly. This is an intolerable state of affairs and you all deserve an explanation. It's all your fault for not writing splendid articles that we can use to fill up the gaping white space that confronts us every single week. Why not write a splendid article that can be placed into the UnSignpost, thus freeing up our editor's busy schedule and allowing him to spend less time slaving away at his keyboard and more time windsurfing with foreign dignitaries. Old-school FA Adobe Potatochop CS4 is the industry standard software for chip production amongst chip shops the length and breadth of England. Available with a number of plug-ins, including the most recent 'extra crispy' update, it is, along with Adobe Suppersready and Adobe Fritolayers, one of Adobe's most well known pieces of software. Released first in the United States, it is currently available for Pringles XP and Pringles Vista under the slogan "Once you chop, you can't stop" and also for Apple Mac as CS4 (Chip Shop 4). Newsroom UnTune of the week Bobby Brown Goes Down (PMRC Edition)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS2 07:14, August 10, 2012 (UTC)

Thing

You deleted a bunch of stuff a while ago that looks like this could you do it again there please? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:27, August 15, 2012 (UTC)

iBauer

Thank you very much for your vote. I always used to thank people (until someone acted like a bent prick). It is a nice gesture and I want to continue it. Much appreciated! Cheers!--Funnybony    10:47, Aug 15

ChiefjusticeDS enjoys buttsex: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

August 23rd, 2012 • Issue 173 • One periodical to rule them all...

Don't mention the merger By Chief Simsilikesims visits UnScripts Playwright of the Month the wastelands. The UnSignpost office is always busy, the phones ringing, the journalists writing, the constant clamouring of eager interview candidates and our editor daydreaming all of the above into existence. If anyone else came through the office every week there wouldn't be room for the crippling loneliness that forms such a massive part of our lives. The same, alas, cannot be said for UnBooks Author of the Month and UnScripts Playwright of the Month whose complete lack of any activity has resulted in them both being rolled into writer of the month. Why is this news? Because it means less voting and if there's less voting there must be less democracy, that's just common sense. Responsible for this dastardly plot is none other than Simsilikesims, you all know Simsilikesims, she's the person who wrote the content warning which we now see approximately six times a day. If you didn't know how content warnings worked before you definitely do now. Simsilikesims has had a number of these good ideas and it's likely that shortly we shall see her malevolent intent, possibly in the form of combining the UnTunes namespace with the mainspace because not enough people are singing their articles in the style of Dragonforce or however it is those people who don't understand magnetic fields sing their songs. What would an intolerable loss of the right of Uncyclopedians to let parts of the wiki fall into a state of abandonment and disrepair be without Thekillerfroggy to swing the hammer of despair? Hoping nobody would notice TKF also decided to smite Reviewer of the Month into the ether. RotM is an award that literally nobody was ever interested in... It's also the only award I've ever won twice, so don't mind me, I'll just be over here sobbing while I look through the archives of the first award I ever won... The Caped Crusader considering an update to the latest UnNews template In other news Mattsnow has stepped down as UnNews' biggest cheese. The war to replace him is now on, the choice being between GlobalTourniquet and a machine who will plaster something onto the front page every so often, a machine and nobody at all. We here in the UnSignpost office haven't quite decided which we prefer and have ultimately decided to vote for Batman instead. Batman has a grappling hook to reach hard-to-reach places, sneaks around wearing leather and is a complete social retard while he's doing the job, in other words he's perfect for the position. If he can save Gotham from the Joker then we have absolute confidence in his ability to read articles and then put them in a template on a fairly regular basis. Do you have an opinion? Too bad, because you don't get a say; GlobalTourniquet started doing the whole thing last Saturday. Happy Thursday! The feature feature By Chief Don't make Thekillerfroggy knock down your ceiling... "VFH sucks right now." proclaims the banner that greets all visitors to the VFH page. We've all seen it, probably whilst passing through and very pointedly not visiting VFP which is now beginning to resemble the immediate aftermath of a Nuclear event. However, this reporter has come up with an alternative explanation: it isn't VFH that sucks, it's all of you, and by extension all of us, which also happens to be all of me. Uncyclopedians, famous for their flame wars and constant douchebaggery seem to have come to the conclusion that when on VFH that it's better not to vote than to disagree. What else could account for the 15 plus voter turnout for articles that we all agree are fantastically well written/crafted, while articles which may well be of high quality, but bear the title "UnNews:Politicians politicise the filing system of plumbing the South-Eastern region of the Ukraine" struggle along, accruing 7 votes for before sitting on the feature queue until they die of old age. This alongside the fact that people can't be bothered means Thekillerfroggy is beside himself at the state of things. Why TKF? Because he seem to have appointed himself supreme worrier in-chief for VFH and is executing that duty by slapping increasingly urgent messages onto the page. "DON'T MAKE ME PUT IN CAPITALS" twitched Thekillerfroggy when approached by the UnSignpost about the latest message. ... Or expose you to ionising radiation How do we fix this? Voting, obviously, but it's more than that. Yes, you might only have time to vote on just one article, yes you are probably more likely to enjoy the article with 20 votes than 5, but unless you vote the articles with 5 votes will never have 20. There are lots of articles to vote on, but you have ages to do it in! This article has been there for a month and has managed 10 votes. Twitter managed 17 in 5 days! Are you people pulling our balls? Don't make us use the awe inspiring powers of caps lock to get our way, VOTE NOW!

Check out these pages! Still going Tweet tweet We're famous! Teh feechur Q Nobody Cares From our logs: 15:41, August 15, 2012 Hotadmin4u69 (talk | contribs) blocked 83.146.246.120 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (You are such a good contributor that I am giving you the next week off to find Jesus.) 15:43, August 12, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 198.228.200.154 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (Incorrectly adding ICU tags and generally taking it up the arse like a champ) 09:51, August 21, 2012 Romartus (talk | contribs) blocked 71.129.63.113 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (I think you need to lie down for a week after producing that noble effort. ) 03:11, August 14, 2012 Lee Harvey Osmond (talk | contribs) blocked WONDER WANDAL (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (but ur like, rly rly dum) 16:44, August 9, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (talk | contribs) blocked Imrealized (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ("this is stupid" your profound criticism is valid and necessary, where's your pulitzer dude???) 22:04, August 17, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked Mohamed loves hot canadian (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months (Suicide is painless, but it brings on many changes) 06:16, August 20, 2012 Hotadmin4u69 (talk | contribs) blocked Tauhid (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours (Leave that picture alone. And don't revert admins. And suck me dry.) Biopic of the Week I was in two minds about the biopic this week. One of my minds wanted to biopic a picture of the UnSignpost dog or how much I enjoy cutting corners by filling sections of the UnSignpost with pictures of a dog, the other wanted to biopic a real person with a pancreas. So congratulations Snippy, you win the biopic on the basis that you actually exist. Snippy is one of those suspicious fellows who we all suspect has done all this before. He's funny, an immediate danger sign, he's polite, another danger sign and, most damning of all he's competent. Naturally Uncyclopedia has welcomed him with open arms, a noob of the moment nomination and constant accusations that he is somebody's sockpuppet. All of you who haven't met him yet should swing by his talk page and say hello, read his Minecraft article and vote for him on Noob of the Moment. Be sure to discourage him from such displays of competence in future, or we'll have to ban him out of principle. We'll probably return to the biopics of traffic cones and imaginary animals in the next UnSignpost, so no need to be concerned that we're upping our game. Old-school FA Aesop's Fables are a collection of moral tales by Aesop, who is some old, dead, Greek guy. These fables use interesting stories, which feature English-speaking animals as the character base, to get across a moral. They were written to be relevant and meaningful to children who could relate to the various stereotypes the animals symbolized. Aesop wrote his stories in this manner because he was inarticulate and couldn't just get to the point. I had a collection of fables when I was younger, and you know what it taught me? Not a goddamn thing! Newsroom UnTune of the week Congressman in Drag Hammer Time!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:35, August 23, 2012 (UTC)

Template:MonthlyAwards

Can you update this please? I know its the 25th, but meh. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 01:16, August 25, 2012 (UTC)

We need a better system for these monthly award things. I personally suck at doing them and have no idea what to say, but we should have someone update them regularly. I'll give these a go, however.-- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:20, August 25, 2012 (UTC)

Front page

Thanks, the front page was driving me potty. Can we do away with an entire article being on the front? Pointless. People who are new to uncyclopedia will leave as they can't see what the sites about. Ticklethekeys (talk) 03:11, August 25, 2012 (UTC)

It's very uncommon for the entire front page to become an article. It only happens when the joke is derived from how the page is formatted, so you shouldn't see it happen very often. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 13:23, August 25, 2012 (UTC)

UnNews:Biden does it again

What do you think of the improvements. Nominally Humane! 01:48 28 Aug

It's much better. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 14:24, August 28, 2012 (UTC)

It addresses my complaints that the article was too short and that it had no theme; the theme now seems to be a swarm of hypercritical interest groups picking apart everything a candidate says. It doesn't address my complaint that the comments attributed to Obama aren't anything he would say and aren't the way he would say it--though you do parlay the comments to a new joke. And the theme is muddied by the cheap shot at Fox at the end, and the cheap shot at Biden at the start. "UnNews:Biden does it again" is like "UnNews: Biden continues being a dope" which suggests advocacy and doesn't sound like news. The link is real, and addresses your original concern that you had not been following the thrusts-and-parries of midsummer American political positioning closely enough to understand the article; only, screwing with the title makes it seem like a fake link and decreases the chance that the reader will follow it to understand the basis for the UnNews. Finally, in my opinion, this is an event with all parties acting so absurd that an UnNews could revel in the absurdity rather than play to chronic stereotypes. Spıke ¬ 14:43 28-Aug-12

UnNews:Romney/Ryan to re-institute Negro slavery

Here's how I would have played it. Spıke ¬ 14:25 30-Aug-12

Nicely done. Much drier than the original, and much of it relates to events I know next to nothing about, but due to the tone of it all it's obvious that it's referring to similar "gaffes" along the way. I like it. (Of course, you and Funnybony outclass me on UnNews every time.) Nominally Humane! 12:15 31 Aug

Thanks. The "events you know next to nothing about" are now catalogued on the article's talk page. Spıke ¬ 21:00 31-Aug-12

It's been some time

Since I talked to you, so I guess I'll be brief and tell you how awesome you are. By the way, have your jimmies rustled? --POP!GoesTheWeasel 06:04, September 2, 2012 (UTC)

Figurative jimmies or jimmy, the guy I have locked in my basement? By the way, love the lasagne article. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 16:33, September 3, 2012 (UTC)

Set phasers to frag! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

September 6th, 2012 • Issue 174 • When we were your age, this was all fields...

My "coming out" By Chief This story is exceptionally gay Hey girlfriends! This week the UnSignpost puts the "Queen" in "Drama Queen" as it discusses the issues which are literally the bomb. The biggest bomb this week, besides how darling our UnSignpost correspondents look in their new outfits, is that Zombiebaron wants the wiki to improve, this means deleting most of it and playing trivia on IRC. The bigger news is that PoofyOnTheRadio also wants the wiki to improve, this means not playing trivia on IRC and sending editors out onto the internet in order to sell their bodies to Google in the hopes that this will increase traffic to the wiki. These squabbles are ultimately self-defeating, while we are arguing amongst ourselves whether or not we ought to change the beginner's guide into an 20 minute video and a fireworks display we still haven't managed to do anything. What we have decided is that articles can be deleted with less than +5 votes to delete and that RAHB is very good at trivia if nothing else. The other big news from weeks ago is that Mattsnow has stopped being in charge of UnNews after a period of however long it is he has been doing that. Shabidoo who loves to do "zany" stuff so he can get into the UnSignpost, has created an extra forum to ensure that absolutely nobody thanks Mattsnow and instead demonstrates just how hilarious they are. Congratulations to Zombiebaron who came out with the completely obvious joke before anyone else. Finally GlobalTourniquet, the new UnNews Quasar (by appointment of himself) is open to criticism... and penis, lol. VFHarassment By Chief There's nobody here... Remember the heady days of two weeks ago when we told you all to feel very bad because VFH didn't have enough nominations. Well forget that because now it does and we can move our sensationalist bandwagon elsewhere. Where better to send it than Pee review, currently known as the namespace that isn't a namespace that time forgot. Five reviews for the entire month of August demonstrates that nobody really seems particularly interested in assisting the review process. It might take a little while to do a Pee Review but there is a reason we have the space. It is of particular concern as we have a list of people who are supposed to be doing reviews at least once a month, myself included. Where are we? Who knows, but we certainly aren't perusing the list of articles awaiting review. Let's go over there! Let's bring Thekillerfroggy who can put a stern template at the top of the page and insist that this is hugely important to the wiki, guess what.... IT IS!!! Also there is likely to be a new VFS this month, bring on the voting, it makes everything better! REVIEW SOMETHING YOU BUNCH OF SLACKERS! Why, again, are we counting to a million? By One Step Away From Copyright Violation A tremendous waste of everybody's time please Carol Ever since 2008, Uncyclopedia has had a tradition of counting to a million. Started by Spang, this tradition has been going on for nearly five years. However, recently the question was asked relating to the value of the forum, with users complaining that it was "completely devoid of humor" and that it turns smart users into idiots. After mass protest (okay, not really) from the contributors of the thread and from someone else, said users commented on the forum saying that counting to a million is why so many articles supposedly suck nowadays and it's also why VFH is completely empty. It has also been stated that only idiots would do it. So now I'm attempting to answer it as quickly as I can: that's the point. We're idiots and we know that we're never going to make it to a million, but we want to see how close we can get anyway. So if you are the type of idiot that would write for Uncyclopedia, feel free to assist us in our count to one million, or close to.

Check out these pages! Tweet tweet Candy Girls! VFS!! The real VFS link From our logs: 03:08, August 30, 2012 Lee Harvey Osmond (talk | contribs) blocked 95.233.217.65 (talk) with an expiry time of infinite (if i were confident that you understood english, i'd say something naughty) 21:56, August 29, 2012 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 212.183.128.49 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 days (Caring about football... that's actually a life sentence when you think about it.) 00:03, August 30, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 76.178.53.110 (talk) with an expiry time of 3 months (Stay away from theatres, you thespian!) 19:02, September 3, 2012 RAHB (talk | contribs) blocked 86.151.117.175 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 week (lol blacks. They're almost as bad as Jews.) 02:32, August 29, 2012 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Roccohene (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Gambling is a sin, but Jesus still loves you. Visit your local church and repent today!) Biopic of the Week We haven't put the UnSignpost Dog in the UnSignpost for ages, so now we have. Old-school FA Since the dawn of time, Man has been responsible for creating his own entertainment. The ingenuity of the human mind has given us cock fighting, badger baiting, pogroms and, most consistently popular, WAR. Rarely has there been a time when man has not taken pleasure from smiting other men with the jaw-bone of an ass, or amused his friends by firing Phosphorus missiles into crowded population centres. But not all wars are the same, so just which wars did we enjoy the most? Over the centuries Historians have struggled to find consensus on just how to measure the popularity of wars and this dispute itself led to the so called “Wussy War” of 1952 when Professor AJP Taylor triumphed over the forces of Noam Chomsky. Newsroom UnTune of the week Piano Ballad

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticePS2 10:58, September 6, 2012 (UTC)

September admin nominations

Go nominate and vote for new admins here. -- The Zombiebaron 03:07, September 11, 2012 (UTC)

But don't vote for Xamralco. I created a new page for 'World series cricket', and the moron deletes it after 1 day. Jesus. Not funny enough for you sick cunts or what?

I think you need a day off...I insist Anon. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 13:29, September 11, 2012 (UTC)

Where did you go?

You have disappeared, this saddens me. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 11:33, September 24, 2012 (UTC)

You despair too soon Frosty. He must just be away for a short time. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 11:42, September 24, 2012 (UTC)

But he's Xamralco! ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:56, October 3, 2012 (UTC)

Thank you

Hero, you voted for my Lasagne article and it got featured. I'm too much of a douchebag to make a template(actually, I have a lot of shit in my hands but proclaiming that would make me a pussy.) so yep, you're awesome. --POP!GoesTheWeasel 01:20, October 13, 2012 (UTC)

Waaaaaaah!

A few months ago, you deleted a classic and beloved page by many. I don't care what you think of it personally, a lot of people took joy in the humor of the page, and you've wiped it clean.

http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Uncyclopedia:Votes_for_deletion?oldid=5514000#Lost_.28TV_series.29.2FPrevious_recaps

The action you five took in deleting this was a complete outrage, garbage work. This page worked on and beloved by many, with no other way of accessing it. It was one of the few enjoyable pages on this relatively crappy unfunny parody Wiki. Just terrible. Just terrible. Shame on you and everyone who took part Lost Previous Recap page's deletion. I know a number of others were greatly upset. I'm speaking out against your terrible work.– Preceding unsigned comment added by Disenchanted Reader (talk • contribs)

Bizzeebeever's response. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 8 '12 10:30 (UTC)

Yo I am A N00b

Adopt me Mak G Nigga (talk) 20:02, November 19, 2012 (UTC)

Extra! Extra! News that's not new to you!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

Nov 20rd, 2012 • Issue 175 • The edition that's black and white and dead all over

We are all doomed, and it's Wikia's fault By Bizzeebeever Shown: Wikia It's been a quiet four months at Uncyclopedia, our hometown, out here on the edge of the prairie, and it's not just because Wikia have murdered everyone and are currently bathing in golden tubs filled with their blood. It seems Uncyclopedia has lost more users than John Travolta has lost gerbils up his own butt, but fear not, Uncyclopedians-who-have-been-here-less-than-one-month! Long-time wunderkind and beloved administrator Frosty (sorry, are we laying it on too thickly?) has a plan to save us, and it involves... getting himself run over by a car. Ha ha! Actually, he posted a forum topic, accompanied by a vote, because that's what Uncyclopedians do in times of crisis, and it always works. Forum:Petitions to make all our users that quit comeback attempts to galvanize Uncyclopedia's remaining users to action by reminding them that we used to have members, Oh! so many members! Most of whom were better than us! Please sign a petition asking them back—sign, you ungrateful todgers, like your lives depend on it—and then email them all on the 14th! In theory, the people receiving said emails will return to Uncyclopedia with smiles on their faces and bliss in their hearts. In practice, however, the plan has been difficult to implement. And by "difficult", we mean "slightly impossible". A frustrated user has narrowed the plan's failure to three causes: Wikia sucks dicks Wikia is Satan Wikia sucks Satan's dick As it turns out, Wikia has limited the number of emails users can send to each other to ONE PER BLOODY DAY, rendering Frosty's scheme to bury our departed users under an avalanche of spam all for naught. As of Monday, November 19, exactly two departed users have been persuaded to return by the campaign, and nobody likes Kakun or Oliphaunte anyway, because they are useless puddles of suckage. It's just as well; most current Uncyclopedians are slightly too drunk to notice that putting a running chainsaw against one's neck is a bad idea, much less understand what the petition is all about. At any rate, if you haven't accidentally decapitated yourself with a chainsaw, do have a look at that forum, and if necessary, make yourself one or two (or forty) sockpuppets, just to spam those long-departed users of ours. The Cabal Wills It.* *(Note: There Is No Cabal) Frosty is dead. By Bizzeebeever Requiscat in pace, Frost-dude. No, you read that wrong, he is just dead inside. Earlier this month, Frosty nearly had the shit murdered out of him by a car. Luckily, as Frosty is a typical Australian teenager, he was protected from serious harm by his protein-based exoskeleton and his thick layer of poisonous, mucosal warts. The car is expected to recover in time for the rematch; in an interview with our correspondent, the car shouted numerous dark threats while leaping onto a turnbuckle and shredding its T-shirt. In the interim, Frosty has been resting comfortably with the aid of codeine, alcohol, and oral favors from the Asian transsexuals arrayed at his feet. "I find Uncyclopedia no longer holds the same draw for me as it did before," said Frosty, "especially since I've been getting oral favours from these Asian transsexuals arrayed at my feet." So weep, all ye who read this, for Frosty has joined the ranks of the undead, despised by God and abhorred by the God-fearing. On the upside: he can now appreciate those movies about sparkly vampires. On the downside: he wants our blood. RUN! Return of the Prodigal Son By Bizzeebeever Hearts and minds were filled with joy last month by the tentative return of beloved Uncyclopedian Bizzeebeever, who became scarce in July, leaving behind a terse apology for "having no money for Internetting". Current Uncyclopedia ghost Lyritha was heard to say "Buckets, remind me who that is, again..." before floating away down a corridor, moaning and rattling chains. Or rather, she would have, if ghosts were real, and if we'd asked her. Bizzeebeever's return is said to augur good tidings for the wiki, even though his current contributions consist of pointless pot-shots at Wikia, and short, pithy remarks left on talk pages, such as "fuck you, I hope you are dead", and "please disregard the previous comment, my penis was caught in a pencil sharpener". He also lurks for hours on IRC, talking and playing UnTrivia by himself. It will surprise no one at all that Bizzeebeever is now the person most accomplished at playing with himself; when we asked Zombiebaron about Bizzeebeever's remarkable dominance of a game that no one else plays, he was heard to remark "Zombiebaron", which our interpreters took to mean "Can someone please ban that guy? I am too lazy to do it myself." We at the Unsignpost do hope that Bizzeebeever holds on to his current position as Head of Quality Assurance at the dildo factory, for we have missed his hilarious forum posts almost as much as we missed his habit of talking himself up in the Unsignpost ...and his limpid blue eyes ...and his silky-soft golden locks ...and the charmingly-gnarled 40 kg tumor jutting from his neck—you know the one, it resembles the offspring of a blood tangerine and a baboon, and contains both hair and teeth...? (That might be his head; we're not sure.) Anyway, yes, we all love Bizzeebeever, and we hope he stays "returned", at least until the judge decides whether to hold him indefinitely, or just chemically castrate him, for the safety of the public. Return of the OTHER Prodigal Son By: Bizzeebeever This past week, another intermittent Uncyclopedia member (and full-time Mensch-in-Chief), TKF, returned to swear at SPIKE; delete articles which had even votes on VFD; ban people; feature an article with one "For" vote, one "Against" vote, and one comment on VFH; and be a generally hilarious excuse for an administrator. We all want to be you when we grow up, TKF!

Check out these pages! Some forum or other Almost forgot about this one... ZOMG NOOOOOO! Morons whining impotently As usual, VOTE YOU FAGS Srsly, somebody should do something about this shit Current op abuse: 04:58, November 6, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Romartus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Adding yourself to ban patrol (I seroiusly tried very hard not to do this, I SWEAR!)) 10:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 03:00, November 18, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Aimsplode (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 years ‎ (Asked to be blocked for 5 seconds, alas I can't spell.) 19:24, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Nothing can get me ready for a day of school like blocking chief for no reason.) 11:29, December 8, 2024 Famine (Talk | contribs) blocked Everyone (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Wouldn't it be cool if this actually happened (lol)) Biopic of the Week This week's biopic concerns Hipster, who used to be Hypster, who used to be Another n00b, who was ...apparently a doody-headed dildo who pissed off other users by NOT INDENTING COMMENTS PROPERLY and BEING FOURTEEN YEARS OLD. (No, seriously.) A doody-headed dildo who was given his very own section in the Right Honourable Flammable's Bureau of Overreaction, Never-ending Embarrassment and Regret (BONER), shortly before accepting a free ban for life from Zombiebaron. However, the Autist Previously Known As Another_N00b made his return to the wiki via sockpuppet last year, and only just this week was found out...by audaciously admitting who he was, right there on his talk page, for God and all the bourgeoisie to see. Unfortunately for those whose ban-fingers were itching this week, the incorrigible little twit seems intent on becoming a useful member of society, seeking redemption by turning 17, making edits that aren't actually vandalism, and (only occasionally) calling other users "utter fuckwads". He even wished Uncyc admin Frosty a speedy recovery from his car accident with the tremendous words "Exactly how does any of this nonsense affect me and why should I care?" We at the Unsignpost salute Hipster on his freewheeling, brutally honest style, and wish him the best of luck in the forty minutes that will elapse before Frosty drops a uranium banhammer on him. We're rooting for ya, Hipster! Old-School FA A popular defensive measure during the Medieval period, the bouncy castle dissuaded attack by bouncing. Bouncy castles look exactly like static castles, except for the enormous springs concealed in the cellar. As an enemy, such as Goths, Vandals or rabbits approached, castle staff would release the springs causing the entire castle to shoot up into the air, thus saving it from plunder. The first recorded idea for the bouncy castle comes from the notebooks of Leonardo da Vinci. Forward thinking as ever, da Vinci rendered his castle complete with springs, airbags, electric windows, CD player and machine guns to deal with helicopter attacks. Like so many of da Vinci's ideas, however, it was hundreds of hours before anyone put it into practice. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Castoreum: \cas*to"re*um\ n. 1. a peculiar bitter orange-brown substance, with strong, penetrating odor, found in two sacs between the anus and external genitals of the beaver. You're welcome. Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. As the Unsignpost could no longer afford the Uncyclopedia dog's increasingly ludicrous demands for royalties, he has been made redundant. His relatives have been notified.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Nov 20 '12 9:20 (UTC)

The UnSignpost! Cancel Your Subscription Today!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

Nov 27, 2012 • Issue 176 • I scream, you scream, we all scream...for painful orgasms

Good news, everybody! We're saved! By: Bizzeebeever No, Uncyclopedia has not gotten religion; it's still full of degenerates, wang vandals, and that scourge of gay men everywhere: uncensored images of boobies. However, it has seen a recent influx of old and new users, most of whom apparently never got the memo about how Uncyclopedia sucks, or how Uncyclopedia is dying, or how Uncyclopedia will be contagious for another six weeks before the amoxicillin starts working. Returning recently like a scorching case of gonorrhea were Meganew (!), Socky, NoNamesLeft (to the everlasting delight of Frosty), and Master of Menageries Comicat1, who took a six-month sabbatical to invent preposterous new animals on the Serengeti. New users include Sinner George, MagicBus, Leverage, Fakehater and Kamek98, who have all taken to editing like ducks take to water—of course proving that they are all sockpuppets of someone, for which they will all be perm-banned, just as soon as Frosty can figure out who. Lastly but not leastly, we celebrate the arrival of the ridiculously competent Murder Frog, who brings expertise on influential musicians of the last century, but, more importantly, has the most awesome name since the Universe itself birthed Captain Machinegun Thunderpants Fuckmaster on a pile of slaughtered tigers. The UnSignpost welcomes them, one and all, and hopes that their tranquilizers don't wear off while they still remember how to leave. Obituary for a friend By: Bizzeebeever Stay classy, Uncyclopedia! Thanksgiving came and went on Uncyclopedia this past week, and while the rest of the world was busy cracking jokes about how Americans really don't need to throw a holiday as an excuse for eating, a certain Uncyclopedia tradition was busy getting beaten, raped, and left for dead in the compost-bin of memory. Yes, we were referring to the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball; how did you know? For those of you who don't remember, or don't want to remember (we assume that's all of you), the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball was the once-mighty celebration of sex-, torture- and scat-based humor so debauched and vile that it would shame a London dockside whore, and not a fresh young one, either—one that had been "fucked around the fleet". Sadly, no one even remembered the damn thing until two days before Thanksgiving, and when Uncyclopedia's favorite whipping boy brought up the subject in a forum, he was met by a silence so vast that we assume he fell into it, because we haven't seen him since. Being Kip, though, he'll probably pop back up through a sewer grate somewhere. Swim hard, Kip. The ATDB left no survivors; its limp corpse will be thoroughly sexually abused, its intestines torn apart and worn around necks like Christmas garland, and its remains will be fed to a freshly no-legged midget with a massive dildo rammed up his butt. Damn you, Mhaille and Zombiebaron, you lazy useless fucks. Esoteric bullshit By Editor A certain faithful UnSignpost reader recently noted via electronic signal that the UnSignpost's last edition was both "spam" and "esoteric bullshit". We Here At the UnSignpost™ were, to be frank, shocked and dismayed by this statement, for it was never our intent to be anything but the most outrageously stupid, inane, crass, vulgar, rude, boorish, inbred, brain-dead, emotionally-stunted, anti-literate, fucked-up and all-around retarded puddle of gassy splooge east or west of the Mississippi—or any river, for that matter. In this endeavor, however, it seems we have failed. "Sit and spin, Hotadmin4u69." ~Jesus Yes, someone has beat us to it, and by a wide margin, for he is the undisputed champion of such sculduddery. So we offer up our most heartfelt apology to that reader, who shall remain nameless (it was Hotadmin4u69), and we humbly admit that we stand in awe of his ability to pick the gayest user name possible, not once, but twice. However, while we wish him the best of luck in disentangling his dental retainer from his own scrotum, we would like to remind him of the famous adage, Never quarrel with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Frosty Sez: "Patrol RecentChanges, fags, 'cuz I'm not doing it anymore." Check out these pages! Yes, it is still going Whoever "snerk" is, he can't keep it in his pants. It is very very important that you know this Our suspicions are finally confirmed. WHY GOD WHY Current op abuse: 02:57, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.142.161 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 years ‎ (Still loving the penis after all these years, huh?) 09:13, November 22, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't recreate crap. Take a tissue.) 05:49, November 26, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.45.119.19 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back so soon? And guess what...you're still acting like a twat. I am extending your break Short Trousers.) 20:41, November 27, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.9.19.97 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (POOP.) Biopic of the Week In this edition of the Weekly Biopic, (gasp gasp...running out of ways to rephrase that!) the UnSignpost is spotlighting one of our newer members, Snippy, who makes silk purses out of sow's ears, reverts morons and vandals like reverting is going out of style, and is liked by one and all. In fact, this past week, Frosty claims he was in Snippy's lovely hometown of Byron Bay, New South Wales, to deliver Snippy's prize for being named Uncyclopedian of the Month: a forceful, lingering kiss on the lips, followed by a random sex act. Congratulations, Snippy, and we hope it only hurt for the first 15 minutes! Now that all your hard work has received recognition by your peers, please get out there and shovel some more shit; you missed a big pile of it. Sorry, our only shovel is broken; you'll have to use your shoes. Pity, they looked like very nice suede. Oh, well. Next week, look for a profile of Leverage! Before he disappears from the site forever, of course. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Penis-sheath: An insult comparing the insultee to an article of clothing worn around the Johnson. Neither the insult nor the article of clothing actually existed up until I just now invented them. You're welcome. This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™ On or around this date in 2007, Dr. Skullthumper made the following edit: Added "800px" to an image in Kitten Huffing A quick review of the Good Doctor's edit history shows that, in 2007, he had less of a life than I do now. Thank you for reading This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™! Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. UnSignpost management is currently in negotiations with a supplier of illegal fighting dogs to provide a temporary substitute for the late UnSignpost mascot. We will miss you, UnSignpost Dog.

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 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 29 '12 5:35 (UTC)

Journalism so yellow it's orange: The UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

Dec 6th, 2012 • Issue 177 • OH GOD RUN! IT HAS GENITALS, AND IT IS IN SEARCH OF A MATE!

A headline goes here! No, really! By Some guy Because pictures of Santa are gauche, and no one else was going to use this perfectly-good image. Well, it's that time of the month when you realize you've wasted another 30 days in the company of Uncyclopedians, and your wife or girlfriend metamorphoses into a giant man-eating banana and rampages through Kuala Lumpur while screaming about "cramps". But cheer up, Mister Cratchit! Eet's Christmas toime! Yes, time to purchase meaningless junk for people you hate, give freely to homeless assholes who are too lazy to work for their own money, and get drunk with other people you hate, because the economy is in the shitter, and if you ain't buying, you're with the terrorists! And now that I've reminded you of your long-lost Christmas spirit, it's time to remind you of something we like to call "VFS"! Yes, VFS is upon us again, and with it come several calls to op some twit named "Bizzeebeever". We Here At The UnSignpost™ can't think of anything that would benefit the wiki less, unless it was feeding live badgers through a blender inside Wikia's datacenter, or perhaps marking the words "UNCYCLOPEDIA HATES JIMBO" onto a large paper bag, filling it with our own feces, lighting it afire, and dropping it through an open window at the headquarters of the Wikimedia Foundation. Or perhaps renting a hot-air balloon and filling its ballast tanks with liquid sewage and flying over the house of one James Q. Wales, Esq. Or perhaps sacrificing virgins on a beach under a full moon, nude, while blasting Slayer from massive speakers while a Coast Guard boat rakes the sand with machine-gun fire...um, where were we again? Ah, yes! The idiots over at VFS are on about something. You should go vote "no". A very special UnSignpost story By: Bizzeebeever Shown: a man without gin This week, MAJOR NEWS happened, and as usual, our correspondents were on it quicker than Kirstie Alley on a meat sandwich, or a meat pie, or anything made of meat, really. We are happy to report that longtime useless slacker and IRC lurker RAHB checked out a book from a local library! (Please suppress your exclamations of shock and dismay, folks; the neighbors are still complaining about the Coast Guard-assisted virgin sacrifice). When we inquired about RAHB's first foray into intellectual enrichment since his early childhood, he summarized it as follows: “ I checked out a book about Bob Newhart, and also Mark Twain's The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, and Other Stories ” As you can see, RAHB is a consummate intellectual, and a man among beasts. Stay tuned for next week, folks, when Zombiebaron Hears a Who! Same Bat-Channel, same Bat-Time! A quick note from the editors The last two editions of the UnSignpost, which were the first editions published since the last editor came down with a case of exploding lung-weasels and threw himself off a cliff, contained 150% more fucking swear-words and 6000% more hyperventillating about things which are going to kill us all (such as Wikia, you knew it was going to be Wikia, because fuck Wikia). However, most of the 700 complaints we've received in the last two weeks (all of which were from Hotadmin4u69, and 699 of which included candid shots of his genitals) concerned the lack of the UnSignpost dog, who we cheerfully claimed had been murdered and turned into soup. (If you hadn't noticed, go back and check. We'll wait.) This, of course, was an outrageous and unforgivable ploy on our parts to get your attention, and we apologize for it profusely; we promise never again to threaten or even joke about violence against dogs, especially since the SPCA's hired thugs know where we live. So here you are, folks: this week's edition of this glorious rag will go back to the usual tradition of featuring a charming dog who is in no peril at all: Oops.

Check out these pages! A departed Uncyclopedian's reply to this forum An article about kittens A scholarly treatise on gay sex and the Internet A departed Uncyclopedian's opinion on gay sex and the Internet How Uncyclopedia admins sniff each other's butts: 14:15, December 1, 2012 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Man, I miss you something terrible, rather like a third arm that was finally amputated... <3) 16:32, December 2, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (acting like the archetype of a perfect admin, and on a completely unrelated note making certain other less active admins look bad) 16:35, December 2, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 74 years ‎ (Exists) 22:49, December 2, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I am blocking you because you spelt Lead wrong. Seriously what the hell?) 23:44, December 5, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12 years ‎ (drinking out of cups/being a bitch) 23:46, December 5, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Does you dick hang low? Does it wobble too and fro?) Biopic of the Week Well, we promised it to you, and now here it is: a biopic of Leverage! Yes, new user Leverage is a right smart fellow, with joy in his heart and fudge in his nappy. Nothing much is known of Leverage except that he might be from Spain "som'eres", unless he's not. You're either an American, or a terrorist, and as Leverage is not American, he's doing his terrorist mother proud by hating Americans with a fervor usually reserved for the entitled children of American middle-class parents. He's even won awards for it! And lest you think last week's profilee, Snippy, is by far the best of Uncyclopedia's new crop of users, ...you'd probably be right, but Leverage gives him a run for his money by actually writing UnNews articles by literally the dozens. Seriously, you can check his user page; they're all there. (Like we're impressed.) We'd nominate him for a Foolizter Prize, but according to beloved Uncyclopedia admin Frosty, "nobody votes on that (homosexual) (feces) anymore," and, sadly, the stats bear him out. Thank you, Leverage, for you tireless perseverance in the face of apathy, and fuck you, Uncyclopedia! Stay tuned for next week's biopic on Sinner George, if he even still edits here! Random Made-Up Statistic of the Week: This issue of the UnSignpost contains 500% more curse words than ChiefjusticeDS's last issue! We will now bow our fucking heads for a motherfucking moment of goddamned silence. This Week's Old-School Actual Wikipedia Article Obviously Lifted Word-For-Word From Uncylopedia: Committee to End Pay Toilets in America "The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America, or CEPTIA, was a 1970s grass-roots political organization which was one of the main forces behind the elimination of pay toilets in many American cities and states. “ When a man's or woman's natural body functions are restricted because he or she doesn't have a piece of change, there is no true freedom. —Ira Gessel ” "Founded in 1970 by then-nineteen year old Ira Gessel, the Committee's purpose was to "eliminate pay toilets in the U.S. through legislation and public pressure." Starting a national crusade to cast away coin-operated commodes, Gessel told newsmen, "You can have a fifty-dollar bill, but if you don't have a dime, that metal box is between you and relief." Membership in the organization cost only $0.25, and members received the Committee's newsletter, the Free Toilet Paper...[more]

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 13:09 (UTC)

Where did you go friend?

D: --POP!GoesTheWeasel 05:06, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

Dec 12th, 2012 • Issue 178 • Only wild horses can tear me apart.

Peas offering By Kip Ed. note: in a spasm of Darwinian fish-eat-fish madness, self-described "cock-juggling thunder-cunt" Thekillerfroggy has been riding a white horse with Death following after, especially targeting SPIKE, who, on his own time, has been gnawing the heads off of newbies and IPs alike. Here to comment on the lulz-filled proceedings is our own field-correspondent (yes we have a field correspondent, stop looking at us like that), Kip the Dip: I was asked to write a guest editorial, so let's get this over with. In the spirit of the Christmas and/or Holiday Season, I would like to offer an olive branch of peace. We could all use a little more peace around here. Well, not here, per se, because drama is always welcome amusement for me. More so than in places like the Middle East—the Middle East needs to calm the fuck down and Uncyclopedia needs to be more like the Middle East is what I'm trying to say. Still, drama isn't always amusing. For example, I won't be on the front page next month (I mean, if (point for humility) I win an award) because someone is having a pissy-fit over some bollocks and removed the awards from the front page. In this particular case, we need to pee on the fire, rather than fan the flames. The conflict I'm referring to is between two celebrated users, Thekillerfroggy and SPIKE. The root of this tension stems from the fact that TKF thinks SPIKE is the worst person ever and should leave this site, or at least stop sucking his own dick. Basically, SPIKE is to TKF what Toby is to Michael on The Office. Particularly if there were a British equivalent to Toby. God, that's a good show. Or was. It really blows now. Let me just say that you both have your faults. TKF: You need to stop being a dick, even when it is more hilarious than when it isn't. You appear to be in a drunken rage. I realize it's Hanukkah, but you should really tone it down on the whine. And SPIKE: Well, I just think you're a textbook case of someone who needs to masturbate more. I suggest you start December 25th, when you're having a less-than-sufficient amount of fun reading my holiday-themed articles. Despite these differences, you both have one thing in common: You're Uncyclopedians. And the essence of being an Uncyclopedian is appreciating the art of Comedy. When the world is at its darkest, we rely on the light of humor, parody and satire. Some have said that Uncyclopedia is at its darkest point right now, that our brightest days are far behind. Yet if the annual winter solstice teaches us anything, it's that the brightest days always follow the darkest nights. Or some sugary moral message like that. I mostly just wanted to drop a few horrible puns and get away with insulting you both all over the site. Merry Christmas! Today's date is significant! By Bizzeebeever Because Joey Numbers has his first feature, Wikia are censoring cocks, and it's 12/12/12. That's why, bitches. Shown: classical art, according to Wikia. Uncyclopedia and social nutworking! Do you have a lame sense of humor that is best expressed in 140 characters or less? Do you enjoy ruining the mojo of entire websites? Do you have a tiny penis, or none at all? Then have we got news for you! Those of you who wish to do a better job of misrepresenting Uncyclopedia on all the popular social platforms, including YouBoob, Twatter, Facebutt, StubbleUpon, Porntrest, Cumblr, Spreddit, and all the others, are hereby invited to hit up Hotadmin4u69's talk page, and to do it forthwith, post-haste. Why? Because Hotadmin4u69 runs Uncyclopedia's social networking presenceses...es, all by his lonesome—or at least he did...until now. But he's NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOAH! No, seriously, he's going to quit the wiki entirely (as if he hasn't already) if people don't lend him a hand. He loves you all, but you all suck, and it's a thankless task—almost as thankless as writing and delivering this drivel every week.

Check out these pages! Very, very sad, really. Kindly take that language elsewhere, sir. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. From our logs: The ban that started all the fun 03:37, December 10, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (I just swallowed a little bit of my own vomit reading you put down a noob then proceed to suck your own dick for five whole lines of what I presume to be English words) Mad-libs ban: 16:08, December 11, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Hi, I'm Fuck You. I like gay bum sex with You're Banned. And sometimes I like to suck Don't Come Back's fat cock.) Get a room, girls! 01:41, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 226 hours 37 minutes 45 seconds ‎ (Idling on IRC for this long like a true gay faggot <3) 23:01, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (Frosty has both female and male genitals. The more you know.) 23:23, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Hold on I've gotta figure out how to deop you before you can unban yourself) 23:24, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (pwnt.) 23:27, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (lol obvi i was joking although i agree it will be funnier next time when i deop you before the ban) Biopic of the Week Last week we promised you hookers, rum and flavored spermicide, so here you are. Ha ha ha, just kidding! No, this week's biopic is about Sinner George, whose exceedingly clever user handle is a reference to Saint George, patron saint to all Greeks everywhere, which tells us that he is Greek. As does his user page, and the little flag next to his signature. Unfortunately, we know absolutely nothing else about Sinner George; however, as this has never stopped us from writing a biopic before, we asked our Field Correspondent Kip the Dip to discover some fascinating things about this fascinating newbie. Here's a transcript of our conversation: <Editor> Kip: know anything about sinner george? <Kip> No. <Editor> Make one or two things up. I have a biopic to write! <Kip> He likes Greek food because he's Greek. <Editor> Excellent. <Kip> Also, he's probably hairy. <Editor> Yes, yes, also excellent. So there you have it! Sinner George is (a) new to the 'pedia, (b) Greek, and (c) therefore probably not someone who reads the UnSignpost. Your loss, George! UnSignpost Word of the Week Censorship: see Wikia. (This Section Intentionally Left Blank)

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Dec 12 '12 14:08 (UTC)

Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

Dec 19th, 2012 • Issue 179 • YOUR JOKE HERE! Contact management for details.

Apocalypse postponed until after NFL playoffs By Editor This week, it was publicly confirmed for the first time that the on-again-off-again Apocalypse has been postponed indefinitely, due to an accumulation of frozen water in and about the subterranean headquarters of Heck, Incorporated. Yes, it appears that Uncyclopedia's dwindling community of degenerates and failed comedy writers (which is literally the same thing, but never mind), having suffered far too long under the Wikian lash of nipple-and-dick censorship, have finally gotten their shit together, and are making a move to new hosting. News of the move came in Uncyclopedia's Village Dump, as part of a nonchalant post by Lyrithya, who returned to the site from her current job as a human spiderweb to stun, confound, and enrage exactly two people with her announcement. When asked why she chose now to de-bag her cat, instead of waiting for a more opportune moment (such as, y'know, after the fucking move actually happened), Lyrithya had this to say: "I was drunk." Salient words, indeed, which show she is an Uncyclopedian through-and-through, and which afford the rest of us an overwhelming sense of confidence in the Uncyclodepia Moving Company. Yes. High-jinks on the farm. However, while We Here At The UnSignpost™ lounge about and poke fun, you may rest assured that the technicians at Up With Uncyclodepia have not been taking it easy. It's been eleven months of back-breaking work out on the wiki farm, getting up at the crack of noon to shovel out the cow coop, milk the chickens, and slap the sheep for indulging in indelicate thoughts. According to an anonymous source at the highest level of Uncyclopedia's labyrinthine network of cabals, the move quite definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, will be happening at some distant point in the very near future, probably maybe, just as soon as all the ducks are lined up in convenient rows so that they can be loaded onto trains and sent to special camps. When we asked what the bloody devil this meant, we were told to shut up and move along, and that there is no cabal, which we admit must be true, as we have heard it so many times. So, to recap: Uncyclopedia is leaving Wikia for greener pastures, and as most things undertaken by Uncyclopedians happen, it will be slap-dash, semi-competent, and will probably result in everyone involved hating each other to the death, hopefully with the assistance of swords, horses, and heavy artillery. Reaction to the news! By: Editor As of press time, the list of Uncyclopedians furious at having been left out of all the fun could not be reached for comment, but are assumed to be boiling with righteous indignation. To make sense of the week's stunning development, we were able to get hold of an expert on all things frozen and hellish: Sumerian demon-king and devil-about-town, Pazuzu. "I was just doing what I usually do," said he, "by which I mean I was hanging out in some northeastern American town, whispering into the ear of a nondescript loner that guns are fun and kids love fun, and hey wouldn't it be cool if you combined the two?, when I heard that Uncyclopedia was leaving Wikia! I said shit, motherfucker! and ran over there as quick as I could to shut that shit down, but it was too late. And now my home Down Under is encased in ice. Man, some days you're the dog, and some days you're the fire hydrant, know what I mean?" We really didn't, but as we have always enjoyed not being frogs, and would prefer to maintain that state, we nodded furiously and thanked our interviewee for his time. Newbies! Protect them, love them, they are our future! Heil Newbies! By: Romartus How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed' , and other variations of the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny' ? So what we can do here, but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well-scrubbed! In recent months, we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed, and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater, and the ferocious Fakehater, who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phony. Then there is Murder_Frog, who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. (Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers.) Another newbie who is currently taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea, but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground, looking for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog-related stories, is Igotnothing, whilst from the Land of Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places—here, there or everywhere. Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door? The jury is out, and so am I, tonight. Go ahead, check these fledglings out here.

Check out these pages! No, no we are not. That is a vacuum cleaner, Aleister. No thanks. Shabidoo's 500th new forum! You win a prize, Shabidoo. Here's a mop. From our logs: This week, due to intense laziness on the part of our administrators, no one received a funny ban-summary. We have our best men on the case, and are ferreting out the source of this oversight. In the meantime, you should be ashamed of yourself, Frosty. Biopic of the Week For what we're quite certain is the first time in the long, inglorious history of the UnSignpost Biopic, our correspondents have actually interviewed an Uncyclopedian about themselves. It was a difficult job that was as hard on us as it was on Bill Melater, but the scratches and bite-marks are probably just superficial, and we were going to get a new pair of pinking shears anyway. To the facts: Bill enjoys making up fake names that are ribald puns, and he claims to be a Cuban-American cat owner living with his beautiful Russian bride, Ripya Kokov, in the wonderful country of Finland, which he terms "the home of comedic flop-sweat". The UnSignpost has never been to a comedy club in Finland, but rest assured that if we visit one in the future, we will bring towels and an industrial-sized drum of Clorox. Bill also claims he's 47 years old, which we believe makes him the third-oldest active Uncyclopedian, behind SPIKE, who was born during Woodrow Wilson's second term, and Romartus, who we understand still owes Hadrian five denarii for a mule that he borrowed and never returned Anyway, We Here At The UnSignpost™ feel that Bill is selling himself short. Bald, fat, married, and living in one of the coldest, darkest countries on Earth?! Ladies of Finland, I sense an opportunity! If you're looking for hot, sweaty lust with a middle-aged Yankee Lothario who isn't getting any, and is therefore filled to the brim with sexual angst... don't look at Bill Melater, because his wife just found his talk page, where he described himself as "pussy-whipped." Ouch. You thought Finland was cold in the winter? You ain't met Ripya Kokov. Word of the week, provided by: Bill Melater Pussy-whipped 1. a phrase used to describe the state of a person who has been beaten with a cat. Believed to have originated during reign of Ramses II. 2. something you say when you hope your wife isn't listening. Newsroom UnTune of the week UnNews:Hark! The Herald Angus Sings It's an UnTune AND an UnNews, because that's how Kip the Dip rolls, bitches! (You're welcome, Kip.)

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 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:41 (UTC)

Drop your pants and grab the eggnog! It's the UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

January 2nd, 2013 • Issue 180 • We always do it Manually!

Vote! Or else! By Chief This image has not been altered in any way Is it that time of year again? It's the time when everyone celebrates the people who are the most remarkable amongst us at everything except what matters. It's time for Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year. These compliment our small selection of awards: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to all the userspace awards. Writer of the Year got off to a splendid start when Aleister in Chains nominated Funnybony and SPIKE for the award by writing brief but poignant marriage proposals to both of them. Thank goodness for Aleister, if not for him the wider world might have assumed we weren't all massive girls. Since then Thekillerfroggy nominated Xamralco, who was not able to express his appreciation due to a serious case of not editing the wiki any longer. As always what should be a rigorous heterosexual competition involving manly pursuits like backstabbing, lies, blackmail and threats is being irretrievably compromised by people like Aleister and Shabidoo; people whose sole purpose on the awards pages is to make everybody else feel bad about not noticing other people. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Romartus, Uncyclopedia's voting-in-chief. Shockingly, he was also nominated by Aleister who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas, apparently Romartus makes him "Proud to be an uncyclopedian", he makes "Legendary votes on VFH" and gives "Legendary hand relief". Potatochopper of the Year is a more subdued and manly affair, where absolutely nobody has been nominated at all... it's like reviewer of the month were moved to a different page name. Hopefully Aleister or Shabidoo will nominate someone soon, we here at the UnSignpost have gone to the trouble of writing the nomination for them: "<insert name here> has made many fantastic images, at least two of which I have made love to on at least nineteen occasions. My genitals ache for them every single evening and someday they will make my dreams come true and love me! Also Olipro sucks balls." Olipro was the only nominee for Useless Gobshite of the Year (insert your own joke here), but Zombiebaron quickly joined him in ignominy. Please go vote for both of them so they may end up tied, and share the prize (a year's supply of toilet paper) on their revolving bed built entirely from used condoms and KY bottles. From the desk of the Cabal: 2013 is the year of subservience By Nobody Once again you all stand before us, another year of failure behind you and another year of subjugation ahead of you. The non-existent Cabal would like to wish you all a happy New Year. All workers users are reminded that failure to celebrate the new year with adequate happiness and joy is punishable by enforced time labouring in the non-existent Lime Quarries followed by the immediate cessation of chocolate rations for the remainder of this work quarter. Once again you have failed us, utterly and completely. Last year we advised you all that resistance was utterly unnecessary and, if anything, we have had to tolerate 0.22% more resistance, we have heard you discuss and then decide to leave our kind benefactors, whilst promoting several of your own number to within the cabal in an effort to encourage dissent and democracy within our ranks. We saw you continue to tinker with that which does not concern you whilst simultaneously complaining when people are warned about the indecent images you propagate amongst your number. It seems prudent to remind you that if we delete every single template, every single image and every single forum your freedom will only increase. It is not what some of you have foolishly referred to as "overly deletionist", it is streamlining and it is good for all of you. It is with vague optimism that we note that you continue to strive at a barely satisfactory level, you have certainly earned a small fraction of the baubles and trinkets that have been handed out over the past year. It has not escaped our notice that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2012 only closed on time this year due to Thekillerfroggy skipping sixty of the reflections, we are gratified to note that Roman Dog Bird had practically no input on the list and very few of them regard uncontrolled outbreaks of creativity and morale, such dangerous forces must be carefully rationed and controlled. Cutting of corners and a blatant disregard for regulations do not amuse the Cabal. Now we must inexorably turn our attentions to 2013 and the promise it brings. All users should note that due to several security compromises over the last few months movement throughout the Uncyclopedia complex has been restricted during the hours of darkness. Where major editing is to take place you must ensure that you have faxed the appropriate forms to your divisional liaison officer prior to commencing work, failure to do so will result in an unacceptable breakdown in bureaucracy. Uncyclopedia must prevail, editors must remember that without patient mind numbing work and servitude we can never accomplish our ultimate goal of... well, that need not concern you. That is all citizens, you may now return to your allocated taskings.

Check out these pages! BURN THE WIKI BURN IT TO THE GROUND A long, long, very long forum where nothing was accomplished and everybody eventually just started typing random bullshit. A bad, bad, very bad idea, which the UnSignpost endorses with full vigor. An even worse idea. A page where Kip the Dip takes credit for something bad, very bad. A discussion far more important than any of the preceding links. Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home: 03:48, May 2, 2012 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Hahaha you're not an admin so I can do this and get away with it! Hahaha! (hahahhaha)) 22:44, May 18, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Not cool to use other people's sigs man......*shity eyes*.....) 23:07, July 17, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Snoopin' around in areas he shouldn't be concerned with) 19:32, October 4, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 44 seconds ‎ (I must block you at least once in order to be more awesome than you.) 03:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 02:11, December 13, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 minutes ‎ (User request) 16:11, December 19, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Necessary research into the reasons for no funny bans having happened last week. Do not be alarmed, we are trained professionals, and also very aroused.) 01:29, December 26, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 33 seconds ‎ (Telling me how to be an administrator) Biopic of the Week When we carried our knuckle-dusters and brick-filled socks to the talk page of new user Equilateralperil this past week to interview him, we were amused and perplexed to see him employ the classic defensive stance of a painfully shy, abused opossum. Rolling into the fetal position on the ground with his buttocks in the air, he began to reveal embarrassing personal details in a shrill voice, shouting "Have a field day, you scamps! Yes, mock me harder!", apparently hoping that we would walk away in disgust. However, to assume that reverse psychology would work on Uncyclopedians is to give them credit for having something that they don't, namely, a psychology. Some of the details which he will now regret ever having shared: Equilateral (that's what we call him for short, when we don't call him Bitch) is a 17-year-old schoolboy living in Victoria in Australia, is at the "top of his class" in multiple subjects, and is on his school's debate team. As he is on his school's rock band, jazz band, and "show" band, we are forced to assume that his school, like the one from Glee, is filled to the brim with people wearing matching plaid shirts, bow ties, white vests, and straw skimmers, who are all horrifyingly perky and prone to breaking into song (or dance) for no apparent reason—especially when the occasion does not require it. He claims to have had one girlfriend, who was Japanese and broke his heart. He refused to supply nude pictures of her, so we are forced to conclude that she is imaginary. For Christmas, he claims he received a "charcoal Italian moleskin jacket", which he is apparently wearing at this moment, over his Casper-the-Ghost™ footie pajamas. So there you have it! From our experience, Equilateralperil is most likely his school's Designated Punching Nerd, and spends most of his spare time pulling his poodle-haired head from toilets, when he isn't writing excellent articles for Uncyclopedia. While he's on holiday in Perth or Canberra or someplace, do give them a read. Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Uncyclopedian's Song This space left intentionally penis.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Jan 2 '13 13:31 (UTC)

Hello!

Glad to see you're not completely dead. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:10, 9 January 2013 (UTC)

Sadly, this is only my 2nd or 3rd time I've been on the site since September. I'm just too caught up with real world stuff. :( -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 22:12, 9 January 2013 (UTC)

Pfffft, that's more than some users seem capable of. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:13, 9 January 2013 (UTC)

I've been off the site for a while too, although I'm plotting a comeback. I changed a dead link on our collab Rick Santorum. I had so much fun reading the thing again, we really made a hilarious one! I hope you are doing good Xam :) Mattsnow 20:52, 1 February 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost sez, "Give Pease a Chance!"

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

Jan 11th, 2012 • Issue 181 • Solid information. At its worst.

Three cheers! SPIKE is going to lose his bet! By Sir Peasewhizz de New York If you haven't heard, we recently moved and split from those meanies at Wikia. If you haven't heard, you're 1) either oblivious or 2) new to this site. Because... you are on the site now. But don't get me wrong, we are sooooo better than the fools who stayed. AY! Speaking of fools at the old, less stylish Uncyclopedia site, (maybe I'll regret saying this in the future) SPIKE made a bet with a few other users that the new site would be out and down by the end of the week. Being Saturday the 12th. We will all stay up Friday night and count down until that naughty dog is proven wrong. However if we do fail, which we won't, SPIKE will become known as a psychic throughout the globe. We aren't going to let this happen, are we? If you haven't gotten the hint... the answer is a big N and a big O! NO! Plus, SPIKE, according to TKF has a very bad betting history. Send him to Vegas, lord, please! Make him bankrupt or something, please? Also, some examples of the users that decided to migrate to this site (all the cool users do this) are for one, myself, Zombiebaron, RAHB, Simmy, Lyrithya, Aleister who received a name change, and TKF, who received a name change. Not to forget that one guy, Sir Frosty, who has been recently reverted all of our pornos, for our self enjoyment. The majority of his reverts of the Wikia censorship thingy-ma-bobber pics involved boobies. Nice work, Frosty. Round of applause everybody! On the other hand, all the cool cats are doing it, so go add yourself to this list and tell us about how you stumbled upon calling yourself what you are known as here. Better be good, or we're coming to get ya! We're gonna suck out your insides using your intestines as a bendy straw, YUM! An example includes Zombiebaron, who got his name from stealing it from a video game. Another example is Strange but untrue, who took the name from her first (probably porn) website. Some lame examples include David Gerard's and Splaka's, who became known as that because of a typo. I myself, am a typo of my parents, who misspelled condom worked and here I am. Splaka failed to tell us more about the typo and what word was suppose to be the username. Shame, shame, shame! And one last thing, Ly is demanded the reporting of any and all (EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF 'EM, OR ELSE) bugs/crashes/malfunctions/apocalypses the site gives you. They should be reported here, or else we'll kill help you. That is it for now, I am Sir Peasewhizz, you are some random reader in which I may not know, this article is over, except for this line: I need some soup. Be ashamed By Sir Peasewhizz de New York Just because of that little incident, you had to make more little incidents, Kip? Shame! Look what you've done, oh dear heavens!

Check out these pages! Report any bugs here or die. We're not horsing around. Where are all by rights be meant to be taken in NO WAY ANYTHING OTHER THAN SERIOUS. THIS IS UNCYCLOPEDIA! And.We.Are.Honest! Indeed it does. But what else is supposed to suck? Why is your mind in the gutter? You sicken me. We want boobies! Get it? You see a censored pick of 'em, reversion! Give us boobies, or give us death! Link your page. Art is nice. What about us? Is something wrong? From our logs: 16:58, January 7, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Wutjtod En.Uncy.Co Deluxe Limited Edition (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Not being Zombiebaron: <youtube>n9sEBBCIZ54</youtube>) 02:30, January 6, 2013 MoneySign (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk) with an expiry time of 2.71828182 hours (... like flowers!!) 02:27, January 6, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked MoneySign (Talk) with an expiry time of 3.141592653589 hours (You smell.) 02:26, January 6, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk) (UR GAY) 02:25, January 6, 2013 MoneySign (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk) with an expiry time of 3.1415926 hours (Active admin does administrator activity.) 22:53, January 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Socksilikesocks (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Fuck off) 18:12, January 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked MoneySign (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (Not supporting my vote, also hasn't been banned in 2 and a half years, you call yourself an admin???) Biopic of the Week Sorry, due to recent tasks that are far more important, there is no Biopic of the Week. If you need medical help, wait... what? Newsroom UnTune of the week Sorry, due to recent tasks that are far more important, there is no Newsroom UnTune of the Week. Please go listen to your favorite band. It is highly recommended by 8 out of 4 doctors. Which means 2 doctors recommend it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Jan 11 '13 5:32 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130119042144 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Jan 19th, 2012 • Issue 182 • Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:25, 19 January 2013

Unsignpost - 20130124050125 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

January 24th, 2013 • Issue 183 • Better sign it.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:04, 24 January 2013

Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

January 31st, 2013 • Issue 184 • We're delivering it to your door anyways!

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:26, 31 January 2013

Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:36, 7 February 2013

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:36, 14 February 2013 (UTC)

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:39, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:55, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 20:38, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 11:48, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

I seen you!

YOU EDITED :D <3  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 20:42 3.17.13

Wow. Hi Xamralco! Awesome to see you. Um. Shame it appears to be under these circumstances. Um... You are going to have to provide a lot more about why you think you have the right to remove edits to Cow tipping. I don't think you do, and so I (unfortunately) do intend to recreate them unless can explain in more detail why you think you can. I think you should make a forum about this. Anyway, great to see you dude. I'm sure you have a good explanation, but I think people are going to want to hear it before we let you take one of OUR featured articles away... MrN 20:56. Mar 17. 2013

I figured someone would say that. Essentially, while I had published the article on here, I had also submitted it to a writing contest. I ending up winning a prize and they now own the exclusive rights to the piece for the next two years. They told me to take it down. I'm not sure what the legal implications are so I figured that since the only edits I had reverted were my own, it was fine to take down. If you notice, what I removed was my complete rewrite. No significant edits by any other user were reverted. If the article had not been featured, I feel that little to no notice would have been taken. However, this is a unique situation as the article was featured. I had also reverted my edits on the Wikia site (of course, no one there gives a shit). Nonetheless, due to the reasons stated above, I do feel that removing the article was appropriate. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 01:50, 18 March 2013 (UTC)

Sorry mate. You are going to have to give a better explanation than that. I think that you wrote this article on Uncyclopedia first. Whatever happened after that is of no interest to Uncylopedia. I think you need to make a forum post about this explaining EXACTLY what has happened and where to everyone. Dates, times and places and such... To me it looks like you wrote this article on Uncyc and then decided to submit it elsewhere afterwards. Either that happened, or you have broken the rules for submitting articles. Did you do that with any of your other FA??? If so you are a cheat. I don't think you are... Hmm... You will need to provide exact details saying where, and when exactly what happened... Sorry mate. Yes, because this is an FA I'm not letting this one pass. As I don't want to get into a revert war wit you... I'm requesting that you need to make a forum about this so the rest of the community can decide. We are both admins so our views carry equal weight. We need to let others decide this... If you do not make a forum about this I will recreate your edits to the page and make the forum myself... All the best... MrN 10:42. Mar 18. 2013

Better yet, why don't you write for the USP again, good old buddy?  Sir Peasewhizz Biblio HOS Awards 12:25 3.18.13

That would be good 2, but we still need that forum please, thanks. MrN 12:33. Mar 18. 2013

I created a forum concerning the issue at Forum:Deleting your own featured article. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:15, 18 March 2013 (UTC)

Awesome. Thank you. ...and sorry to be a Dick. This situation has never happened before (to my knowledge) and I'm keen to set a precedent for this as it could happen again... MrN 19:26. Mar 18. 2013

No worries. I doubt this has happened before either, and you were right: a forum is necessary. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 19:48, 18 March 2013 (UTC)

BTW, it's my favorite article from you. I really enjoyed how polite and light of heart it was, which was perfect as a contrast for the brutality of real cow tipping. MrN 19:53. Mar 18. 2013

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:30, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost’s BONER TIME!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 21:56, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 18:26, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:37, 11 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost, late and lazy!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:45, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

Hey Xam

I read your forum and of course voted so you have the right to do this, I'm chuffed you had recognition! It would be cool if you e-mailed me at the rather complicated address mattaidepikiw@hotmail.com, the other one's been hacked by a guy in Algeria (not even kidding). I'd like to talk about articles and stuff. I've been away for pretty long too! :) Mattsnow 23:06, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

The 2 Days Tardy USP!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:09, 27 April 2013 (UTC)

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.

-RAHB 04:43, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost is back

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.

Enjoy! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:27 7 July 2013

The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news

The UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

August 1st, 2013 • Issue #200 • Archives • Press Room

Servers Paid For Until 2014; World Peace Inevitable

Approximately how much money Uncyclopedia has now. Oh well, one zero is still more than no zeroes.

In a genius financial maneuver called "eat only Ramen for nine months", Uncyclopedia administrator Isarra has paid for Uncyclopedia's servers until September with what little student loan money she had left.

The remaining three months of 2013 were paid for with money raised from donations, merchandise sales, and advertising on the Uncyclomedia Shop. It cost $277.80 of the site's whopping $307.51, leaving the rest of the admins with barely enough money for their Ferrari gas tanks and an Uncyclopedia Android app.

However, this makes it obvious that the site is not yet financially self-sustaining and that other methods of generating revenue and/or more exposure to Uncyclopedia are needed if the site will do better in 2014. Ideas proposed on IRC include advertising, finding a generous sugar daddy, playing the lottery, and selling synthetic marijuana. Also worth considering is that even though raising awareness of the site through word of mouth and Operation Infamous is embarrassing and socially isolating, it will attract more people who will (hopefully) put money in our cup. And clicking on the ads in our e-store helps a bit too.

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Count to a million fiasco
On July 29th, 2013; the infamous Count to a million thread which is popular for it's time wasting appeal was locked by Frosty in what could be said as "an action of gay gay gay proportions." Several Just three users took to the streets to protest this decision, angry that their only source of time wasting has been taken by one gay snowman; of course, they didn't protest or anything so nothing notable happened.

When we asked Frosty about this, he responded "This is to make sure people edit in the mainspace like they're supposed to, for so long very few edits have taken place in mainspace and it seems like the most popular thing here is that blasted thread. I feel like I've made the perfect choice." However, TheHappySpaceman and co-partner in crime Kırby think otherwise; claiming that "This is just so Frosty can get the "gayest person in the world" award; we've made attempts to make the thread viable by contributing comics and other stuff and to mock all of our attempts, that's gay indeed. Even gayer than Mr. Winkler's F."

Everybody else is oddly not disturbed by this recent conundrum; knowing full well that the thread will be open in a week. "It's nice that we have a motivation to edit mainspace, I was getting tired posting numbers in an attempt to reach a million. Hey, maybe I'll make a featured article in a week." said a random Uncyclopedian. Okay, so it's not much of a fiasco as we portrayed it to be but two people are pissed off and that at least has to make it a mini-fiasco right? As of writing, TheHappySpaceman and Matthlock are currently planning to write a mainspace article, presumably with lots of gay jokes.

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UnDroid
For eons, an Uncyclopedia Android app was only a pipe dream. Maybe like two weeks ago. Thankfully, it's now a reality. The app, developed by some guy you've never heard of named Jude Pereira, can be found here. It's free in exchange for money and referring your friends to download the app. The app also has many exciting features such as AutoTypo 1.0, which shrinks the keypad and allows you to create typos faster than ever before, and Zoom 0.8, an innovative feature allowing you to make large things small and small things large. It's truly revolutionary technology, and it's completely free. So download it, use it, and be somebody.

Biopic
In this Biopic we examine the trials and tribulations of Fakehater who, with a few uploads under his belt (however that works), is taking audio requests in the Village Dump. He says he enjoys proofreading, doing audio, and based on his userpage, The Goonies. He is also into older women but, like most UnNews reporters, he has little to offer any dignified, diabetic septuagenarian. Embarrassingly, his IRC nickname is "arsenic_x", which we're pretty sure is what created the Powerpuff Girls.

From The Logs
• 20:53, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lemonpie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Infinite ‎ (just fuck off pls)
• 17:13, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of -3600 seconds ‎ (how many dicks could a dick sucker suck if a dick sucker could suck dick?)
• 11:41, July 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 31 millennia, 6 centuries, 8 decades, 8 years, 269 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 3 seconds ‎ (Better number of nines)

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Top VFH Competitors
• UnNews:Army launches new recruiting ad campaign (8/0.5)
• UnScripts:Your Guide to Notable Literature: Abridged (6.5/0)
• Constantine II (5.5/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week
Katy Perry hit generator (10/0)

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From The Forums
• Remember a time when Uncyclopedia didn't suck
• Hey! This looks like an important thing!
• I can't hear you!
• The day the music was born again and accepted Christ

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UnSignpost News
You are probably noticing that the UnSignpost looks a little bit different. That's because it is. If you don't like it then that's just, like, your opinion and stuff man.

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IRC Quote
[13:35] <DogTheColourful> I WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR MOTHER DOWN

Anton (talk) 11:37, 7 August 2013 (UTC)

Uncyclopedia:AAN/Adopters

Hi, just letting you know that since you don't seem to be active these days I've moved you from the list of active adopters to the list of inactive ones. If you should become active again, you may want to move your name back to the active list. Hope to see you around. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 19:28, 16 Mar 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news

The UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

5 May 2014 • Issue #201 • Archives • Press Room

Some headline to make this awful story by an inexperienced editor seem important and newsworthy

By Llwy-ar-lawr
So it seems nothing much goes on these days that's really newsworthy. Sure things happen, new users stop by, edit a while then leave, people write things, but...nothing really notable, you know. But we won't write an entire article about how nothing's happening and how depressing that is because, well, it's depressing, you know? So we're going to tell you about one thing the author - in her extreme vanity - thinks is worthy of reporting and make it seem like that's important and trick you into caring, when you'd really much rather be playing video games or (gasp) writing an article.

This forum resulted in our acquiring a new admin, Llwy-ar-lawr, who is still all over the place just like she was before but now shows up in different places and is making this slow website go a little faster to hide how slow it is (we hope). There are rumours that she sleeps sometimes, but they have yet to be verified. She also happens to be writing this text right now, which is a terrible conflict of interest so we can't say any more on the matter; this means we will distract you with more pointless drivel about nothing. Now back to our regularly scheduled commercials, which we've forgotten to serve you. We bet you were really missing them because they're so yummy and informative. And yellow. That comes from the pee, which is high in nice nutrients like phosgene phosphorus...we think. Probably. We're telling it to you as a fact, though, because we're never wrong.------------

Retro Week happens

By Anton199

The Retro Week organisers combat Uncyclopedia's liberal minds.

Uncyclopedians, rejoice! A great victory over the forces of liberalism has been won!

We, the Conservative users of Uncyclopedia, have decided that we don't have enough featured in-jokes, clowns, Really Big Trees, user and disambiguation pages, as if we haven’t pulled enough boners (and templates), we are putting all our past glories on our main page, once again, one by one, ten days a week.

Dear readers, only a few days late, the UnSignpost declares the Retro Week open! Applauds!

Originally Shabidoo's very controversial idea, the Retro Week has grown to become the time when all the Uncyclopedia administrators take an official rest from their site work, unless they are also the UnSignpost editors. You don't believe us? Check the recent changes!

So the 2014 Retro Week opened with a really big tree. A very big one. But it is pretty much everything original about it. It pursued with Slender Lorises, that are able to live in wet and dry forests, next - with Template:Boner, which we are not going to use in this UnSignpost, no matter how many times you ask us. Then came the turn of Hardwick Fundelbuggy's Userpage, featured not because it was funny, but because its author had written a lot of funny stuff (following this logic we can feature sandboxes and user contributions). Finally, we saw the Fire Hydrant spreading its waters around Uncyclopedia and slowing down - if not destroying - the servers.

Amongst other pros of the Retro Week are the facts that it gives users a good excuse for not voting on VFH for a while, because nobody does this anyway and that it is keeping our main page busy, while we are making an UnSignpost for you.

Thank Sophia, it happens only once a year!

Biopic We haven't managed to get hold of anyone long enough to get sufficient information out of them for a biopic. They always managed to ooze away just in time. Must be that slime that's got into the works.

---

From The Logs

• 23:35, 1 May 2014 Llwy-ar-lawr (talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds (account creation disabled) (does this do what I think it does?)

• 08:07, 17 April 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked MediaWiki default (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (you can't do that... YOU JUST CAN'T!!)

• 15:09, 10 April 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 166.216.165.0/24 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Hey! Hey, guess what? I have a BONER for you to gnaa on! Ha ha ha ha ha pwnt.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Breaking Bad Wind (9/0)

• Why?:Are motorists out to get me when I ride my bike? (9/1)

• UnNews:Massage bugs discovered in Uganda (7/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week This is not an article (12/2)

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From The Forums

• Retro Week is in session

• This looks interesting

• This looks interesting too

• Shiny stuff

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UnSignpost News This is the first UnSignpost issue since August 2013. If that's not news I don't know what is, so stop complaining.

---

Chat Quote [22:15] <snerk> I just can't help but think that this is a pattern that is indicative of an anarchist takeover.

– Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 05:13, 5 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

It's back! - The UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

25 July 2014 • Issue #202 • Archives • Press Room

UnSignpost: Return of the worst newspaper in history! By Frosty

Uncyclopedia. A kelpy substance.

Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.

Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.------------

New admin time By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.

Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.

Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face comedy tragedy!

Biopic For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.

---

From The Logs

• 14:56, 23 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) changed block settings for 184.7.86.140 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I've decided to use lube. You should feel so lucky.)

• 00:55, 19 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked 184.7.81.56 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Chronic sock wanking and being a really shit vandal.)

• 14:41, 1 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 23.105.212.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I’m coming at you like a dark horse)

Top VFH Competitors

• F4 (10/0)

• Potatoe (10/0)

• Bidet (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)

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From The Forums

• Well, do you?

• Goes without saying, this is Uncyclopedia.

• Good riddance!

• Oh boy...

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UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.

---

Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:53, 25 July 2014 (UTC)

Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

01 August 2014 • Issue #203 • Archives • Press Room

...And they're off! By Frosty

Just as lame and boring as a horse race, except without the gambling.

Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.

It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.

If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!------------

VFH smells By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.

You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.

Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.

If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).

---

From The Logs

• 16:25, 25 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (You look like you're doing something important right now. Are you? What is it? Why are you doing it? Did I break it? Would that be bad?)

• 11:46, 26 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Asking for it, begging for it actually.)

• 09:24, 29 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 173.44.44.121 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Now sit in your corner and think about what you've done)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (11/0)

• What's-his-name off that thing (10/0)

• F4 (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote if you haven't already!

• Bunch of sluts!

• This has been bumped again, add yourselves!

• How often should we feature things?

---

UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.

---

Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:54, 1 August 2014 (UTC)

Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

08 August 2014 • Issue #204 • Archives • Press Room

The return of TKF (sort of)! By Frosty

Filial Piety.

Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."

No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".

Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.------------

Forum dramaz By Frosty
Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.

But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...and the sequel rest of the trilogy.

Biopic This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of winning losing.

He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...

---

From The Logs

• 11:50, 6 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.115.32 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (You are the weakest Chink. Goodbye.)

• 06:40, 6 August 2014 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked XReaper (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Horse dick)

• 06:14, 5 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.116.97 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Enjoy this beefy cock.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (12/1)

• F4 (11/0)

• Jared Leto (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Are you a bigger slut than RAHB?

• What this is I don't even

• This'll be good...

---

UnSignpost News Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".

---

Chat Quote [20:17] <James_T> My dick is large

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:23 (UTC)

More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

15 August 2014 • Issue #205 • Archives • Press Room

I'm back By Sir Peasewhizz

It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.

I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.

However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good 200 years 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.

So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...

Madiq.

I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,

Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.------------

New admins for you!

By Sir Peasewhizz

New admins/sysops.

Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip

Leverage

Supergeeky1

Banzaikitten

Mr-ex777

Colin "All your base" Heaney

Lost Labyrinth

Cat the Colourful

They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.

Biopic This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...

They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?

---

From The Logs

• 05:37, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (talk | contribs) (I felt bad ;_;)

• 05:36, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Adminning while drunk)

• 05:35, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/0)

• F4 (13/0)

• HowTo:Cure homosexuality (11/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)

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From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Roman Dog Bird

• Unban a bastard or nah?

• Why is it? Well... because..

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UnSignpost News This just in: Don't hit your children.

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Chat Quote

[23:56] <SirPeasewhizz> I'm going to go watch anime

[23:57] <thefakeazned525> Which one?

[23:58] <SirPeasewhizz> Uhm Yugioh GX because I'm feeling nostalgic for shitty card games

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:10 (UTC)

We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

22 August 2014 • Issue #206 • Archives • Press Room

It's the USP!

By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.

Banzaikitten warns you that this UnSignpost may change your sexual orientation.

But anyway, I'm an admin now and I'm going to try and be the best admin that I can be, and judging from my recent attempt at changing the featured article, and all the admins reactions to my fuck up, the best admin I can be is one who does absolutely no administration work and just writes the occasional UnNews. Thanks for all your votes.------------

RAHBs Sexuality By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.

---

Shame on you By the curate

As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.

“ Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you! ”

These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.

Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!

Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work! Biopic bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.

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From The Logs

• 15:59, August 16, 2014 Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) blocked Chaoarren (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ([22:58] <Chaoarren> Can I get joke banned? :D)

• 15:00, August 15, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked DungeonSiegeAddict510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (As you aided my quest to take over Uncyclopedia, have a block. I was meant to give this to you earlier but you were already banned for 40 minutes. Have a 1 second extension!)

• 05:57, August 15, 2014 Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) blocked Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 seconds (Fuck Finland)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/1)

• UnDebate:What does the fox say? (13/2)

• Jared Leto (11/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week F4 (13/0)

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From The Forums

• Olipro is a dick-tator.

• Vote for rainbow names?!

• Vote on RAHB's sexuality.

• View this if you're feeling hot.

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UnSignpost News

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Chat Quote
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:12 (UTC)