User talk:TKF

“ You're gay. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Nov 23 '12 9:14 (UTC) ”

	UnSignpost Home Delivery Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

What do you think?

What do you think of Romance of the Three Kingdoms? Nom ready?--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 20:40, November 23, 2012 (UTC)

Looks quite good to me, fella. Give it a shot! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 00:10, November 25, 2012 (UTC)

Can you fix my sig?

It copies the code inside of the sig instead of the sig.--SirPeasewhizzdeNewYork Click here to talk 03:22, November 24, 2012 (UTC)

Looks like you got it, fella. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 00:08, November 25, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks

I got my audio file in, so now you can lock Being and Nothingness back up again if you so please. User:Matthlock/sig2 20:31, November 24, 2012 (UTC)

The UnSignpost! Cancel Your Subscription Today!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

Nov 27, 2012 • Issue 176 • I scream, you scream, we all scream...for painful orgasms

Good news, everybody! We're saved! By: Bizzeebeever No, Uncyclopedia has not gotten religion; it's still full of degenerates, wang vandals, and that scourge of gay men everywhere: uncensored images of boobies. However, it has seen a recent influx of old and new users, most of whom apparently never got the memo about how Uncyclopedia sucks, or how Uncyclopedia is dying, or how Uncyclopedia will be contagious for another six weeks before the amoxicillin starts working. Returning recently like a scorching case of gonorrhea were Meganew (!), Socky, NoNamesLeft (to the everlasting delight of Frosty), and Master of Menageries Comicat1, who took a six-month sabbatical to invent preposterous new animals on the Serengeti. New users include Sinner George, MagicBus, Leverage, Fakehater and Kamek98, who have all taken to editing like ducks take to water—of course proving that they are all sockpuppets of someone, for which they will all be perm-banned, just as soon as Frosty can figure out who. Lastly but not leastly, we celebrate the arrival of the ridiculously competent Murder Frog, who brings expertise on influential musicians of the last century, but, more importantly, has the most awesome name since the Universe itself birthed Captain Machinegun Thunderpants Fuckmaster on a pile of slaughtered tigers. The UnSignpost welcomes them, one and all, and hopes that their tranquilizers don't wear off while they still remember how to leave. Obituary for a friend By: Bizzeebeever Stay classy, Uncyclopedia! Thanksgiving came and went on Uncyclopedia this past week, and while the rest of the world was busy cracking jokes about how Americans really don't need to throw a holiday as an excuse for eating, a certain Uncyclopedia tradition was busy getting beaten, raped, and left for dead in the compost-bin of memory. Yes, we were referring to the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball; how did you know? For those of you who don't remember, or don't want to remember (we assume that's all of you), the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball was the once-mighty celebration of sex-, torture- and scat-based humor so debauched and vile that it would shame a London dockside whore, and not a fresh young one, either—one that had been "fucked around the fleet". Sadly, no one even remembered the damn thing until two days before Thanksgiving, and when Uncyclopedia's favorite whipping boy brought up the subject in a forum, he was met by a silence so vast that we assume he fell into it, because we haven't seen him since. Being Kip, though, he'll probably pop back up through a sewer grate somewhere. Swim hard, Kip. The ATDB left no survivors; its limp corpse will be thoroughly sexually abused, its intestines torn apart and worn around necks like Christmas garland, and its remains will be fed to a freshly no-legged midget with a massive dildo rammed up his butt. Damn you, Mhaille and Zombiebaron, you lazy useless fucks. Esoteric bullshit By Editor A certain faithful UnSignpost reader recently noted via electronic signal that the UnSignpost's last edition was both "spam" and "esoteric bullshit". We Here At the UnSignpost™ were, to be frank, shocked and dismayed by this statement, for it was never our intent to be anything but the most outrageously stupid, inane, crass, vulgar, rude, boorish, inbred, brain-dead, emotionally-stunted, anti-literate, fucked-up and all-around retarded puddle of gassy splooge east or west of the Mississippi—or any river, for that matter. In this endeavor, however, it seems we have failed. "Sit and spin, Hotadmin4u69." ~Jesus Yes, someone has beat us to it, and by a wide margin, for he is the undisputed champion of such sculduddery. So we offer up our most heartfelt apology to that reader, who shall remain nameless (it was Hotadmin4u69), and we humbly admit that we stand in awe of his ability to pick the gayest user name possible, not once, but twice. However, while we wish him the best of luck in disentangling his dental retainer from his own scrotum, we would like to remind him of the famous adage, Never quarrel with a man who buys ink by the barrel.

Frosty Sez: "Patrol RecentChanges, fags, 'cuz I'm not doing it anymore." Check out these pages! Yes, it is still going Whoever "snerk" is, he can't keep it in his pants. It is very very important that you know this Our suspicions are finally confirmed. WHY GOD WHY Current op abuse: 02:57, November 19, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.142.161 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 years ‎ (Still loving the penis after all these years, huh?) 09:13, November 22, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't recreate crap. Take a tissue.) 05:49, November 26, 2012 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.45.119.19 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back so soon? And guess what...you're still acting like a twat. I am extending your break Short Trousers.) 20:41, November 27, 2012 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.9.19.97 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (POOP.) Biopic of the Week In this edition of the Weekly Biopic, (gasp gasp...running out of ways to rephrase that!) the UnSignpost is spotlighting one of our newer members, Snippy, who makes silk purses out of sow's ears, reverts morons and vandals like reverting is going out of style, and is liked by one and all. In fact, this past week, Frosty claims he was in Snippy's lovely hometown of Byron Bay, New South Wales, to deliver Snippy's prize for being named Uncyclopedian of the Month: a forceful, lingering kiss on the lips, followed by a random sex act. Congratulations, Snippy, and we hope it only hurt for the first 15 minutes! Now that all your hard work has received recognition by your peers, please get out there and shovel some more shit; you missed a big pile of it. Sorry, our only shovel is broken; you'll have to use your shoes. Pity, they looked like very nice suede. Oh, well. Next week, look for a profile of Leverage! Before he disappears from the site forever, of course. Word of the week, provided by: Bizzeebeever Penis-sheath: An insult comparing the insultee to an article of clothing worn around the Johnson. Neither the insult nor the article of clothing actually existed up until I just now invented them. You're welcome. This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™ On or around this date in 2007, Dr. Skullthumper made the following edit: Added "800px" to an image in Kitten Huffing A quick review of the Good Doctor's edit history shows that, in 2007, he had less of a life than I do now. Thank you for reading This Week's Puddle of Random Crap™! Note: No Uncyclopedia dog this week. UnSignpost management is currently in negotiations with a supplier of illegal fighting dogs to provide a temporary substitute for the late UnSignpost mascot. We will miss you, UnSignpost Dog.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Nov 29 '12 5:33 (UTC)

By the way..

Highly amusing and absolutely justified sarcasm aside, your insistence that this website is a cold dead corpse and "had a good run" in the past tense makes me want to slap you, Batman and Robin-style. However, it's Christmastime, so I will give you a candy cane instead.

Kip the Dip has given you a candy cane! Oh crap. I forgot you were Jewish.

Dude! I was going to demand that he caress my privates in a loving, gentle fashion. And now you've gone and given him something sticky that he'll get all over his hands! Way to ruin it all, Kip. Bad Kip. Screw you, Kip. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Nov 30 '12 21:45 (UTC)

Man...I was planning on sucking all of the puss out of his pimples and you instead give him candy that will create more pimples? Zheeeeesh !!! --ShabiDOO 08:26, December 1, 2012 (UTC)

All this whining has inspired me to try out my new holiday template for the first time.

Kip the Dip has given you some gelt! Bwahaha!

Journalism so yellow it's orange: The UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

Dec 6th, 2012 • Issue 177 • OH GOD RUN! IT HAS GENITALS, AND IT IS IN SEARCH OF A MATE!

A headline goes here! No, really! By Some guy Because pictures of Santa are gauche, and no one else was going to use this perfectly-good image. Well, it's that time of the month when you realize you've wasted another 30 days in the company of Uncyclopedians, and your wife or girlfriend metamorphoses into a giant man-eating banana and rampages through Kuala Lumpur while screaming about "cramps". But cheer up, Mister Cratchit! Eet's Christmas toime! Yes, time to purchase meaningless junk for people you hate, give freely to homeless assholes who are too lazy to work for their own money, and get drunk with other people you hate, because the economy is in the shitter, and if you ain't buying, you're with the terrorists! And now that I've reminded you of your long-lost Christmas spirit, it's time to remind you of something we like to call "VFS"! Yes, VFS is upon us again, and with it come several calls to op some twit named "Bizzeebeever". We Here At The UnSignpost™ can't think of anything that would benefit the wiki less, unless it was feeding live badgers through a blender inside Wikia's datacenter, or perhaps marking the words "UNCYCLOPEDIA HATES JIMBO" onto a large paper bag, filling it with our own feces, lighting it afire, and dropping it through an open window at the headquarters of the Wikimedia Foundation. Or perhaps renting a hot-air balloon and filling its ballast tanks with liquid sewage and flying over the house of one James Q. Wales, Esq. Or perhaps sacrificing virgins on a beach under a full moon, nude, while blasting Slayer from massive speakers while a Coast Guard boat rakes the sand with machine-gun fire...um, where were we again? Ah, yes! The idiots over at VFS are on about something. You should go vote "no". A very special UnSignpost story By: Bizzeebeever Shown: a man without gin This week, MAJOR NEWS happened, and as usual, our correspondents were on it quicker than Kirstie Alley on a meat sandwich, or a meat pie, or anything made of meat, really. We are happy to report that longtime useless slacker and IRC lurker RAHB checked out a book from a local library! (Please suppress your exclamations of shock and dismay, folks; the neighbors are still complaining about the Coast Guard-assisted virgin sacrifice). When we inquired about RAHB's first foray into intellectual enrichment since his early childhood, he summarized it as follows: “ I checked out a book about Bob Newhart, and also Mark Twain's The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County, and Other Stories ” As you can see, RAHB is a consummate intellectual, and a man among beasts. Stay tuned for next week, folks, when Zombiebaron Hears a Who! Same Bat-Channel, same Bat-Time! A quick note from the editors The last two editions of the UnSignpost, which were the first editions published since the last editor came down with a case of exploding lung-weasels and threw himself off a cliff, contained 150% more fucking swear-words and 6000% more hyperventillating about things which are going to kill us all (such as Wikia, you knew it was going to be Wikia, because fuck Wikia). However, most of the 700 complaints we've received in the last two weeks (all of which were from Hotadmin4u69, and 699 of which included candid shots of his genitals) concerned the lack of the UnSignpost dog, who we cheerfully claimed had been murdered and turned into soup. (If you hadn't noticed, go back and check. We'll wait.) This, of course, was an outrageous and unforgivable ploy on our parts to get your attention, and we apologize for it profusely; we promise never again to threaten or even joke about violence against dogs, especially since the SPCA's hired thugs know where we live. So here you are, folks: this week's edition of this glorious rag will go back to the usual tradition of featuring a charming dog who is in no peril at all: Oops.

Check out these pages! A departed Uncyclopedian's reply to this forum An article about kittens A scholarly treatise on gay sex and the Internet A departed Uncyclopedian's opinion on gay sex and the Internet How Uncyclopedia admins sniff each other's butts: 14:15, December 1, 2012 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Man, I miss you something terrible, rather like a third arm that was finally amputated... <3) 16:32, December 2, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (acting like the archetype of a perfect admin, and on a completely unrelated note making certain other less active admins look bad) 16:35, December 2, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 74 years ‎ (Exists) 22:49, December 2, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I am blocking you because you spelt Lead wrong. Seriously what the hell?) 23:44, December 5, 2012 TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12 years ‎ (drinking out of cups/being a bitch) 23:46, December 5, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked TheLedBalloon (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Does you dick hang low? Does it wobble too and fro?) Biopic of the Week Well, we promised it to you, and now here it is: a biopic of Leverage! Yes, new user Leverage is a right smart fellow, with joy in his heart and fudge in his nappy. Nothing much is known of Leverage except that he might be from Spain "som'eres", unless he's not. You're either an American, or a terrorist, and as Leverage is not American, he's doing his terrorist mother proud by hating Americans with a fervor usually reserved for the entitled children of American middle-class parents. He's even won awards for it! And lest you think last week's profilee, Snippy, is by far the best of Uncyclopedia's new crop of users, ...you'd probably be right, but Leverage gives him a run for his money by actually writing UnNews articles by literally the dozens. Seriously, you can check his user page; they're all there. (Like we're impressed.) We'd nominate him for a Foolizter Prize, but according to beloved Uncyclopedia admin Frosty, "nobody votes on that (homosexual) (feces) anymore," and, sadly, the stats bear him out. Thank you, Leverage, for you tireless perseverance in the face of apathy, and fuck you, Uncyclopedia! Stay tuned for next week's biopic on Sinner George, if he even still edits here! Random Made-Up Statistic of the Week: This issue of the UnSignpost contains 500% more curse words than ChiefjusticeDS's last issue! We will now bow our fucking heads for a motherfucking moment of goddamned silence. This Week's Old-School Actual Wikipedia Article Obviously Lifted Word-For-Word From Uncylopedia: Committee to End Pay Toilets in America "The Committee to End Pay Toilets in America, or CEPTIA, was a 1970s grass-roots political organization which was one of the main forces behind the elimination of pay toilets in many American cities and states. “ When a man's or woman's natural body functions are restricted because he or she doesn't have a piece of change, there is no true freedom. —Ira Gessel ” "Founded in 1970 by then-nineteen year old Ira Gessel, the Committee's purpose was to "eliminate pay toilets in the U.S. through legislation and public pressure." Starting a national crusade to cast away coin-operated commodes, Gessel told newsmen, "You can have a fifty-dollar bill, but if you don't have a dime, that metal box is between you and relief." Membership in the organization cost only $0.25, and members received the Committee's newsletter, the Free Toilet Paper...[more]

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 13:07 (UTC)

SPIKE ban

Does this mean he isn't coming to the office Christmas party?

Because I'm his secret Santa. YOU READ NOTHING. -- Kippy the Elf Talk Works ☃ 11:33, Dec. 10, 2012

If SPIKE has overstepped the mark, then a one month ban is way too long in my view. I banned Aimsplode for a week for openly abusing Simsilikesims and Frosty gave Matthlock a two week ban for creating a vanity page to attack an ex-girlfriend. I trust you will reconsider the length of this particular ban. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 15:51, December 10, 2012 (UTC)

Sorry, but I have to correct you now Romartus; Matthlock created a page about Final Fantasy (a game), not about his ex. He only created one section where his ex was mentioned and attacked and so on. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 07:27, 14 December, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks for the correction Cat. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 07:55, December 14, 2012 (UTC)

In the spirit of your own words to Aleister a few months ago

You really need to calm down. --ShabiDOO 18:18, December 10, 2012 (UTC)

Seriously, since when is poking by for two minutes before I go to bed and being the only funny person on the site equivalent to being angry? If all of you cared as little about the site as I do, then we'd all have ourselves a wonderful site. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 00:53, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

? --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 08:43, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

I believe this is his version of this, only with fewer words and (oddly for TKF) no curse words. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Dec 11 '12 8:46 (UTC)

Also I'm not quitting. Quite the opposite. I'd like to stay, since this is actually a pretty okay place to peruse for five minutes a day. It would just be so much better without all the shitty users, y'know? Ain't rocket science. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 08:38, December 13, 2012 (UTC)

FU TKF. I will leave when I am good and ready. (Or when you perm-ban me.) ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Dec 13 '12 9:38 (UTC)

It can be your new role...to tell us all how stupid we are. --ShabiDOO 10:40, December 13, 2012 (UTC)

SPIKE ban

Hey, I have reversed your block of SPIKE for what I assume was this comment. While that comment was perhaps not the most amicable, it was by no means as overtly disruptive as you made it out to be, nor even beyond the usual manner of interaction that any new users should learn to expect with any Uncyclopedians. Using it as grounds for a ban is not something I can agree with, especially in light of the far more degrading block summary, and also of your prior interactions with the user in question.

In general, if you don't like what someone said, I would suggest you talk to them. Bring it up on their talkpage and ask them to revise or strike their own comments instead of jumping to the block button, as that is much more likely to get through to folks. Though it may seem the simpler option, just blocking people without talking to them, in particularly ones with whom you have an apparent history, is far more effective at driving others off the site than anything someone might say on a page.

As it stands, were it not for our history, I would probably block you myself for you own personal attacks and dickish behaviour, but as it is I will leave that to the wider community to decide, if they care to. -— Lyrithya ༆ 23:55, December 10, 2012 (UTC)

Shouldn't you be off stealing a website? -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 00:48, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

You both deserve to be busted down to "rollbacker" and banned for a week. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Dec 11 '12 8:22 (UTC)

How come you don't own uncyclopedia yet, seriously -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 09:30, December 11, 2012 (UTC)

I'll ask next week, when I'm at Wikia HQ. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Dec 11 '12 9:32 (UTC)

Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

Dec 12th, 2012 • Issue 178 • Only wild horses can tear me apart.

Peas offering By Kip Ed. note: in a spasm of Darwinian fish-eat-fish madness, self-described "cock-juggling thunder-cunt" Thekillerfroggy has been riding a white horse with Death following after, especially targeting SPIKE, who, on his own time, has been gnawing the heads off of newbies and IPs alike. Here to comment on the lulz-filled proceedings is our own field-correspondent (yes we have a field correspondent, stop looking at us like that), Kip the Dip: I was asked to write a guest editorial, so let's get this over with. In the spirit of the Christmas and/or Holiday Season, I would like to offer an olive branch of peace. We could all use a little more peace around here. Well, not here, per se, because drama is always welcome amusement for me. More so than in places like the Middle East—the Middle East needs to calm the fuck down and Uncyclopedia needs to be more like the Middle East is what I'm trying to say. Still, drama isn't always amusing. For example, I won't be on the front page next month (I mean, if (point for humility) I win an award) because someone is having a pissy-fit over some bollocks and removed the awards from the front page. In this particular case, we need to pee on the fire, rather than fan the flames. The conflict I'm referring to is between two celebrated users, Thekillerfroggy and SPIKE. The root of this tension stems from the fact that TKF thinks SPIKE is the worst person ever and should leave this site, or at least stop sucking his own dick. Basically, SPIKE is to TKF what Toby is to Michael on The Office. Particularly if there were a British equivalent to Toby. God, that's a good show. Or was. It really blows now. Let me just say that you both have your faults. TKF: You need to stop being a dick, even when it is more hilarious than when it isn't. You appear to be in a drunken rage. I realize it's Hanukkah, but you should really tone it down on the whine. And SPIKE: Well, I just think you're a textbook case of someone who needs to masturbate more. I suggest you start December 25th, when you're having a less-than-sufficient amount of fun reading my holiday-themed articles. Despite these differences, you both have one thing in common: You're Uncyclopedians. And the essence of being an Uncyclopedian is appreciating the art of Comedy. When the world is at its darkest, we rely on the light of humor, parody and satire. Some have said that Uncyclopedia is at its darkest point right now, that our brightest days are far behind. Yet if the annual winter solstice teaches us anything, it's that the brightest days always follow the darkest nights. Or some sugary moral message like that. I mostly just wanted to drop a few horrible puns and get away with insulting you both all over the site. Merry Christmas! Today's date is significant! By Bizzeebeever Because Joey Numbers has his first feature, Wikia are censoring cocks, and it's 12/12/12. That's why, bitches. Shown: classical art, according to Wikia. Uncyclopedia and social nutworking! Do you have a lame sense of humor that is best expressed in 140 characters or less? Do you enjoy ruining the mojo of entire websites? Do you have a tiny penis, or none at all? Then have we got news for you! Those of you who wish to do a better job of misrepresenting Uncyclopedia on all the popular social platforms, including YouBoob, Twatter, Facebutt, StubbleUpon, Porntrest, Cumblr, Spreddit, and all the others, are hereby invited to hit up Hotadmin4u69's talk page, and to do it forthwith, post-haste. Why? Because Hotadmin4u69 runs Uncyclopedia's social networking presenceses...es, all by his lonesome—or at least he did...until now. But he's NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOAH! No, seriously, he's going to quit the wiki entirely (as if he hasn't already) if people don't lend him a hand. He loves you all, but you all suck, and it's a thankless task—almost as thankless as writing and delivering this drivel every week.

Check out these pages! Very, very sad, really. Kindly take that language elsewhere, sir. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. From our logs: The ban that started all the fun 03:37, December 10, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (I just swallowed a little bit of my own vomit reading you put down a noob then proceed to suck your own dick for five whole lines of what I presume to be English words) Mad-libs ban: 16:08, December 11, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Hi, I'm Fuck You. I like gay bum sex with You're Banned. And sometimes I like to suck Don't Come Back's fat cock.) Get a room, girls! 01:41, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 226 hours 37 minutes 45 seconds ‎ (Idling on IRC for this long like a true gay faggot <3) 23:01, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (Frosty has both female and male genitals. The more you know.) 23:23, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Hold on I've gotta figure out how to deop you before you can unban yourself) 23:24, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (pwnt.) 23:27, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (lol obvi i was joking although i agree it will be funnier next time when i deop you before the ban) Biopic of the Week Last week we promised you hookers, rum and flavored spermicide, so here you are. Ha ha ha, just kidding! No, this week's biopic is about Sinner George, whose exceedingly clever user handle is a reference to Saint George, patron saint to all Greeks everywhere, which tells us that he is Greek. As does his user page, and the little flag next to his signature. Unfortunately, we know absolutely nothing else about Sinner George; however, as this has never stopped us from writing a biopic before, we asked our Field Correspondent Kip the Dip to discover some fascinating things about this fascinating newbie. Here's a transcript of our conversation: <Editor> Kip: know anything about sinner george? <Kip> No. <Editor> Make one or two things up. I have a biopic to write! <Kip> He likes Greek food because he's Greek. <Editor> Excellent. <Kip> Also, he's probably hairy. <Editor> Yes, yes, also excellent. So there you have it! Sinner George is (a) new to the 'pedia, (b) Greek, and (c) therefore probably not someone who reads the UnSignpost. Your loss, George! UnSignpost Word of the Week Censorship: see Wikia. (This Section Intentionally Left Blank)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Dec 12 '12 14:11 (UTC)

!!!!!!!

I didn't know you had a private business --ShabiDOO 21:19, December 16, 2012 (UTC)

To quote from the company's history page: TKF company was founded and incorporated in the State of Ohio in 1947 under the name of Associated Millwrights, Inc. Primarily an erection company at that time.. Indeed. I see a link. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 21:45, December 16, 2012 (UTC)

The jig is up!!!! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 01:16, December 17, 2012 (UTC)

It was the "reciprocating vertical lift" which gave it away. --ShabiDOO 18:28, December 17, 2012 (UTC)

Thanks, and asking for some advice

I greatly expanded the ending of the Claudette Colvin page, adding a new section which now contains the end quote. This was on your probable well-meant push to fix the page, combined with a general disdain for the users which also serves to educate. Can you take a look. Does the page need more, or does that balance it out a bit? The stuff about "Mommy of the civil rights movement" and the little section which honors her can also be seen as a satire, as a counter-point, to the lifelong honoring of Rosa Parks. If we honor Colvin instead in at least one article, that's satire serving a purpose! That's my feeling anyway. If you could take a look at it and see if any of the ending is going in the right direction or does the job. I'll keep polishing the page. Thanks. Aleister 17:47 17decemb12

TKF, I'd really like you to please take a look at the updated page, it was changed, polished, and added to because of your comments. Is it close to being in the ballpark - like just outside in a taxi about to enter the ballpark - of you taking back your no vote or is it so far gone that when the dogs bark it feeds them nothing but soup. I'm asking you totally because of the subject matter. I think it would be fun for this to be featured and honor Claudette Colvin (that is the satire! Nobody honors her, we can) a satire playing with a very important but seldom spoken about event in the history of the 20th Century and in social movements in general. Please take another look as a reader. Thanks. Aleister 17:55 WinterSolstice'12

I do appreciate you earnestly improving the article's structural issues, and also your perseverance to try to win over my vote, but as it does in many of your articles, the prose puts me off in a way that I cannot exactly put. This is not a slight against you at all. I can read it, see the beats it hits pretty clearly, and understand it both as a piece of comedy and writing. I do respect you as a writer, but unfortunately I do not find this style, though it has superb rhythm, very funny except in fits'n'bits. You use this voice/rhythm in a lot of your articles, because it is your voice (and I also respect that: you have tremendous command on your writing, an imprint). The best parallel I can think of right now is Jim Carrey, who excels as an actor and comedian when he restrains himself juuuuuuuuust a little but, but often goes extremely over the top because he is good at that too even though it's kind of distracting and annoying and makes me want to change the channel. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 09:42, December 22, 2012 (UTC)

You know who likes liked Jim Carrey? 15-year-old kids. I know, because when I was 15, Jim Carrey was FUCKING AWESOME. (No seriously. There was this chick whose first name was "Awesome", and he was fucking her.) ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Dec 22 '12 16:20 (UTC)

Thanks for the explanation, which is another one of your lessons on writing (I've seen them, read them, copied them to my page where I put interesting stuff. Everyone's funny is different, so I take that into account of VFH and VFD, and even if I don't find the page worth even a smile, I put lots of other considerations in there. Encyclopedia style (even somewhat) counts lots, if it's satire in a different way of covering a subject matter, that counts to me, if it's a unique idea even if sits all by itself (perhaps an unconscious allusion to Colvin), and other people's reactions to it. If something is going over extremely well, even if I don't see it as a great feature, it's good enough. That's why I like The Camera Obscura Collection of Hans Helmuth Saltzman (1602-1668), it has everything in terms of great satire, and then people wanted it to be more funny although it was such a unique piece of writing and concept that it fooled people in the field it covers and we are lucky to have it. I digress, and thanks again for taking a look. Aleister 16:31 Festivus-eve'12

Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

Dec 19th, 2012 • Issue 179 • YOUR JOKE HERE! Contact management for details.

Apocalypse postponed until after NFL playoffs By Editor This week, it was publicly confirmed for the first time that the on-again-off-again Apocalypse has been postponed indefinitely, due to an accumulation of frozen water in and about the subterranean headquarters of Heck, Incorporated. Yes, it appears that Uncyclopedia's dwindling community of degenerates and failed comedy writers (which is literally the same thing, but never mind), having suffered far too long under the Wikian lash of nipple-and-dick censorship, have finally gotten their shit together, and are making a move to new hosting. News of the move came in Uncyclopedia's Village Dump, as part of a nonchalant post by Lyrithya, who returned to the site from her current job as a human spiderweb to stun, confound, and enrage exactly two people with her announcement. When asked why she chose now to de-bag her cat, instead of waiting for a more opportune moment (such as, y'know, after the fucking move actually happened), Lyrithya had this to say: "I was drunk." Salient words, indeed, which show she is an Uncyclopedian through-and-through, and which afford the rest of us an overwhelming sense of confidence in the Uncyclodepia Moving Company. Yes. High-jinks on the farm. However, while We Here At The UnSignpost™ lounge about and poke fun, you may rest assured that the technicians at Up With Uncyclodepia have not been taking it easy. It's been eleven months of back-breaking work out on the wiki farm, getting up at the crack of noon to shovel out the cow coop, milk the chickens, and slap the sheep for indulging in indelicate thoughts. According to an anonymous source at the highest level of Uncyclopedia's labyrinthine network of cabals, the move quite definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, will be happening at some distant point in the very near future, probably maybe, just as soon as all the ducks are lined up in convenient rows so that they can be loaded onto trains and sent to special camps. When we asked what the bloody devil this meant, we were told to shut up and move along, and that there is no cabal, which we admit must be true, as we have heard it so many times. So, to recap: Uncyclopedia is leaving Wikia for greener pastures, and as most things undertaken by Uncyclopedians happen, it will be slap-dash, semi-competent, and will probably result in everyone involved hating each other to the death, hopefully with the assistance of swords, horses, and heavy artillery. Reaction to the news! By: Editor As of press time, the list of Uncyclopedians furious at having been left out of all the fun could not be reached for comment, but are assumed to be boiling with righteous indignation. To make sense of the week's stunning development, we were able to get hold of an expert on all things frozen and hellish: Sumerian demon-king and devil-about-town, Pazuzu. "I was just doing what I usually do," said he, "by which I mean I was hanging out in some northeastern American town, whispering into the ear of a nondescript loner that guns are fun and kids love fun, and hey wouldn't it be cool if you combined the two?, when I heard that Uncyclopedia was leaving Wikia! I said shit, motherfucker! and ran over there as quick as I could to shut that shit down, but it was too late. And now my home Down Under is encased in ice. Man, some days you're the dog, and some days you're the fire hydrant, know what I mean?" We really didn't, but as we have always enjoyed not being frogs, and would prefer to maintain that state, we nodded furiously and thanked our interviewee for his time. Newbies! Protect them, love them, they are our future! Heil Newbies! By: Romartus How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed' , and other variations of the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny' ? So what we can do here, but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well-scrubbed! In recent months, we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed, and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater, and the ferocious Fakehater, who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phony. Then there is Murder_Frog, who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. (Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers.) Another newbie who is currently taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea, but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground, looking for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog-related stories, is Igotnothing, whilst from the Land of Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places—here, there or everywhere. Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door? The jury is out, and so am I, tonight. Go ahead, check these fledglings out here.

Check out these pages! No, no we are not. That is a vacuum cleaner, Aleister. No thanks. Shabidoo's 500th new forum! You win a prize, Shabidoo. Here's a mop. From our logs: This week, due to intense laziness on the part of our administrators, no one received a funny ban-summary. We have our best men on the case, and are ferreting out the source of this oversight. In the meantime, you should be ashamed of yourself, Frosty. Biopic of the Week For what we're quite certain is the first time in the long, inglorious history of the UnSignpost Biopic, our correspondents have actually interviewed an Uncyclopedian about themselves. It was a difficult job that was as hard on us as it was on Bill Melater, but the scratches and bite-marks are probably just superficial, and we were going to get a new pair of pinking shears anyway. To the facts: Bill enjoys making up fake names that are ribald puns, and he claims to be a Cuban-American cat owner living with his beautiful Russian bride, Ripya Kokov, in the wonderful country of Finland, which he terms "the home of comedic flop-sweat". The UnSignpost has never been to a comedy club in Finland, but rest assured that if we visit one in the future, we will bring towels and an industrial-sized drum of Clorox. Bill also claims he's 47 years old, which we believe makes him the third-oldest active Uncyclopedian, behind SPIKE, who was born during Woodrow Wilson's second term, and Romartus, who we understand still owes Hadrian five denarii for a mule that he borrowed and never returned Anyway, We Here At The UnSignpost™ feel that Bill is selling himself short. Bald, fat, married, and living in one of the coldest, darkest countries on Earth?! Ladies of Finland, I sense an opportunity! If you're looking for hot, sweaty lust with a middle-aged Yankee Lothario who isn't getting any, and is therefore filled to the brim with sexual angst... don't look at Bill Melater, because his wife just found his talk page, where he described himself as "pussy-whipped." Ouch. You thought Finland was cold in the winter? You ain't met Ripya Kokov. Word of the week, provided by: Bill Melater Pussy-whipped 1. a phrase used to describe the state of a person who has been beaten with a cat. Believed to have originated during reign of Ramses II. 2. something you say when you hope your wife isn't listening. Newsroom UnTune of the week UnNews:Hark! The Herald Angus Sings It's an UnTune AND an UnNews, because that's how Kip the Dip rolls, bitches! (You're welcome, Kip.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:38 (UTC)

Archives?

I was going to check on something I said to you in 2010 on your talk page but you appear to have deleted your archives. Do you intend to restore them? --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 15:52, December 20, 2012 (UTC)

Are you sure? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Dec 20 '12 18:08 (UTC)

Aha! So that's where he put them. Thanks BB. --RomArtus*Imperator ITRA (Orate) ® 19:22, December 20, 2012 (UTC)

He's a sneaky froggy fuck. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Dec 20 '12 21:40 (UTC)

das me! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 09:43, December 22, 2012 (UTC)

Drop your pants and grab the eggnog! It's the UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

January 2nd, 2013 • Issue 180 • We always do it Manually!

Vote! Or else! By Chief This image has not been altered in any way Is it that time of year again? It's the time when everyone celebrates the people who are the most remarkable amongst us at everything except what matters. It's time for Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year. These compliment our small selection of awards: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to all the userspace awards. Writer of the Year got off to a splendid start when Aleister in Chains nominated Funnybony and SPIKE for the award by writing brief but poignant marriage proposals to both of them. Thank goodness for Aleister, if not for him the wider world might have assumed we weren't all massive girls. Since then Thekillerfroggy nominated Xamralco, who was not able to express his appreciation due to a serious case of not editing the wiki any longer. As always what should be a rigorous heterosexual competition involving manly pursuits like backstabbing, lies, blackmail and threats is being irretrievably compromised by people like Aleister and Shabidoo; people whose sole purpose on the awards pages is to make everybody else feel bad about not noticing other people. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Romartus, Uncyclopedia's voting-in-chief. Shockingly, he was also nominated by Aleister who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas, apparently Romartus makes him "Proud to be an uncyclopedian", he makes "Legendary votes on VFH" and gives "Legendary hand relief". Potatochopper of the Year is a more subdued and manly affair, where absolutely nobody has been nominated at all... it's like reviewer of the month were moved to a different page name. Hopefully Aleister or Shabidoo will nominate someone soon, we here at the UnSignpost have gone to the trouble of writing the nomination for them: "<insert name here> has made many fantastic images, at least two of which I have made love to on at least nineteen occasions. My genitals ache for them every single evening and someday they will make my dreams come true and love me! Also Olipro sucks balls." Olipro was the only nominee for Useless Gobshite of the Year (insert your own joke here), but Zombiebaron quickly joined him in ignominy. Please go vote for both of them so they may end up tied, and share the prize (a year's supply of toilet paper) on their revolving bed built entirely from used condoms and KY bottles. From the desk of the Cabal: 2013 is the year of subservience By Nobody Once again you all stand before us, another year of failure behind you and another year of subjugation ahead of you. The non-existent Cabal would like to wish you all a happy New Year. All workers users are reminded that failure to celebrate the new year with adequate happiness and joy is punishable by enforced time labouring in the non-existent Lime Quarries followed by the immediate cessation of chocolate rations for the remainder of this work quarter. Once again you have failed us, utterly and completely. Last year we advised you all that resistance was utterly unnecessary and, if anything, we have had to tolerate 0.22% more resistance, we have heard you discuss and then decide to leave our kind benefactors, whilst promoting several of your own number to within the cabal in an effort to encourage dissent and democracy within our ranks. We saw you continue to tinker with that which does not concern you whilst simultaneously complaining when people are warned about the indecent images you propagate amongst your number. It seems prudent to remind you that if we delete every single template, every single image and every single forum your freedom will only increase. It is not what some of you have foolishly referred to as "overly deletionist", it is streamlining and it is good for all of you. It is with vague optimism that we note that you continue to strive at a barely satisfactory level, you have certainly earned a small fraction of the baubles and trinkets that have been handed out over the past year. It has not escaped our notice that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2012 only closed on time this year due to Thekillerfroggy skipping sixty of the reflections, we are gratified to note that Roman Dog Bird had practically no input on the list and very few of them regard uncontrolled outbreaks of creativity and morale, such dangerous forces must be carefully rationed and controlled. Cutting of corners and a blatant disregard for regulations do not amuse the Cabal. Now we must inexorably turn our attentions to 2013 and the promise it brings. All users should note that due to several security compromises over the last few months movement throughout the Uncyclopedia complex has been restricted during the hours of darkness. Where major editing is to take place you must ensure that you have faxed the appropriate forms to your divisional liaison officer prior to commencing work, failure to do so will result in an unacceptable breakdown in bureaucracy. Uncyclopedia must prevail, editors must remember that without patient mind numbing work and servitude we can never accomplish our ultimate goal of... well, that need not concern you. That is all citizens, you may now return to your allocated taskings.

Check out these pages! BURN THE WIKI BURN IT TO THE GROUND A long, long, very long forum where nothing was accomplished and everybody eventually just started typing random bullshit. A bad, bad, very bad idea, which the UnSignpost endorses with full vigor. An even worse idea. A page where Kip the Dip takes credit for something bad, very bad. A discussion far more important than any of the preceding links. Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home: 03:48, May 2, 2012 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Hahaha you're not an admin so I can do this and get away with it! Hahaha! (hahahhaha)) 22:44, May 18, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Not cool to use other people's sigs man......*shity eyes*.....) 23:07, July 17, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Snoopin' around in areas he shouldn't be concerned with) 19:32, October 4, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 44 seconds ‎ (I must block you at least once in order to be more awesome than you.) 03:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 02:11, December 13, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 minutes ‎ (User request) 16:11, December 19, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Necessary research into the reasons for no funny bans having happened last week. Do not be alarmed, we are trained professionals, and also very aroused.) 01:29, December 26, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 33 seconds ‎ (Telling me how to be an administrator) Biopic of the Week When we carried our knuckle-dusters and brick-filled socks to the talk page of new user Equilateralperil this past week to interview him, we were amused and perplexed to see him employ the classic defensive stance of a painfully shy, abused opossum. Rolling into the fetal position on the ground with his buttocks in the air, he began to reveal embarrassing personal details in a shrill voice, shouting "Have a field day, you scamps! Yes, mock me harder!", apparently hoping that we would walk away in disgust. However, to assume that reverse psychology would work on Uncyclopedians is to give them credit for having something that they don't, namely, a psychology. Some of the details which he will now regret ever having shared: Equilateral (that's what we call him for short, when we don't call him Bitch) is a 17-year-old schoolboy living in Victoria in Australia, is at the "top of his class" in multiple subjects, and is on his school's debate team. As he is on his school's rock band, jazz band, and "show" band, we are forced to assume that his school, like the one from Glee, is filled to the brim with people wearing matching plaid shirts, bow ties, white vests, and straw skimmers, who are all horrifyingly perky and prone to breaking into song (or dance) for no apparent reason—especially when the occasion does not require it. He claims to have had one girlfriend, who was Japanese and broke his heart. He refused to supply nude pictures of her, so we are forced to conclude that she is imaginary. For Christmas, he claims he received a "charcoal Italian moleskin jacket", which he is apparently wearing at this moment, over his Casper-the-Ghost™ footie pajamas. So there you have it! From our experience, Equilateralperil is most likely his school's Designated Punching Nerd, and spends most of his spare time pulling his poodle-haired head from toilets, when he isn't writing excellent articles for Uncyclopedia. While he's on holiday in Perth or Canberra or someplace, do give them a read. Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Uncyclopedian's Song This space left intentionally penis.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Jan 2 '13 13:29 (UTC)

Just drop your pants, forget the eggnog

Hey, you immature fuck, you're welcome. Oh, you were too immature to thank me? True. Anyway, I hope you turn over lots of new leafs with the move. I want to maintain my pages here too, and at least look in on this site quite often. Does leaving this site mean admins are leaving their admin duties here? If so, can I at least have a ban stick and some of the other tools, even though I don't care about admin status, so I can zap vandals like flies on the wall. Thanks. Aleister 13:55 3-1-'13

Rollback

Can I please have my rollback power here, per the banner. Thank you. Aleister 2:27 5-1-'13

yr wish is my cmnd -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 02:29, 5 January 2013 (UTC)

Well it seems Frosty already did that for you a half hour ago. But I made you "confirmed" too anyway because that's just the kinda guy I am!!!!! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 02:30, 5 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks! You light up my life. Al 2:51 5-1-'13

and you light up my kitchen! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 02:52, 5 January 2013 (UTC)

What he said. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 03:02, 5 January 2013 (UTC)

Woody! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 03:24, 5 January 2013

SOCKY! Good evening? Afternoon? HAPPY MOVING DAY!!! The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 04:29, 5 January 2013 (UTC)

I find your actions quite disrespectful

Not to mention you cannot ban that which resides in your subconcious. Kıp ¬ 03:08, Jan. 5, 2013

....are you my conscience??? -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 03:28, 5 January 2013 (UTC)

As if you have a conscience.

*cricket chirps*

Ha, get it?

♪ When you wish upon a cake, SPIKE will be banned for 30 days. ♫ -- Kippy the Elf Talk Works ☃ 04:45, Jan. 5, 2013

Aimsplode

I wanted to know if we could get Aimsplode to get rid of his swastikas on his page and in his signatures. It's disrespectful and rather fucking disturbing. For offensive purposes. To avoid offending people.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 13:15, 7 January 2013 (UTC)

I agree his swastikas are offensive. But Uncyclopedia runs on the premise of freedom and intentionally offending people, and as Aimsplode is a part of Uncyclopedia, he's free to intentionally offend people with his intentional glorification of a bunch of murdering German scum. Now, if it were a swastika inside the Goatse guy's anus, that would be fucking unacceptable.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Jan 7 '13 13:47 (UTC)

Maybe can we have at least his swastika taking off from his signature? For instance, if he messages someone and the swastika offends them, they weren't asking for it. If they were, they would go the page Nazi or Swastika like average.--Sir Peasewhizz de New York (Chat) (Stalk?) 20:38, 7 January 2013 (UTC)

A very similar situation happened in early 2007 with a user named Walter Humala. Long story short, but "freedom of expression" won out in the end in the short term, though of course in the long term the dude got bored and moved along. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 02:45, 8 January 2013 (UTC)

Six million of my relatives died and pictures of swastikas do not offend me. Why are you offended? -- The Zombiebaron 02:54, 8 January 2013 (UTC)

A swastika is a Hindu symbol with a very positive meaning. Why should anyone be offended by that? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 03:03, 8 January 2013

Because of the Hitler thing. I know you kids like to make jokes but lets be responsible adults for just a moment please. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 03:09, 8 January 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost sez, "Give Pease a Chance!"

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

Jan 11th, 2012 • Issue 181 • Solid information. At its worst.

Three cheers! SPIKE is going to lose his bet! By Sir Peasewhizz de New York If you haven't heard, we recently moved and split from those meanies at Wikia. If you haven't heard, you're 1) either oblivious or 2) new to this site. Because... you are on the site now. But don't get me wrong, we are sooooo better than the fools who stayed. AY! Speaking of fools at the old, less stylish Uncyclopedia site, (maybe I'll regret saying this in the future) SPIKE made a bet with a few other users that the new site would be out and down by the end of the week. Being Saturday the 12th. We will all stay up Friday night and count down until that naughty dog is proven wrong. However if we do fail, which we won't, SPIKE will become known as a psychic throughout the globe. We aren't going to let this happen, are we? If you haven't gotten the hint... the answer is a big N and a big O! NO! Plus, SPIKE, according to TKF has a very bad betting history. Send him to Vegas, lord, please! Make him bankrupt or something, please? Also, some examples of the users that decided to migrate to this site (all the cool users do this) are for one, myself, Zombiebaron, RAHB, Simmy, Lyrithya, Aleister who received a name change, and TKF, who received a name change. Not to forget that one guy, Sir Frosty, who has been recently reverted all of our pornos, for our self enjoyment. The majority of his reverts of the Wikia censorship thingy-ma-bobber pics involved boobies. Nice work, Frosty. Round of applause everybody! On the other hand, all the cool cats are doing it, so go add yourself to this list and tell us about how you stumbled upon calling yourself what you are known as here. Better be good, or we're coming to get ya! We're gonna suck out your insides using your intestines as a bendy straw, YUM! An example includes Zombiebaron, who got his name from stealing it from a video game. Another example is Strange but untrue, who took the name from her first (probably porn) website. Some lame examples include David Gerard's and Splaka's, who became known as that because of a typo. I myself, am a typo of my parents, who misspelled condom worked and here I am. Splaka failed to tell us more about the typo and what word was suppose to be the username. Shame, shame, shame! And one last thing, Ly is demanded the reporting of any and all (EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF 'EM, OR ELSE) bugs/crashes/malfunctions/apocalypses the site gives you. They should be reported here, or else we'll kill help you. That is it for now, I am Sir Peasewhizz, you are some random reader in which I may not know, this article is over, except for this line: I need some soup. Be ashamed By Sir Peasewhizz de New York Just because of that little incident, you had to make more little incidents, Kip? Shame! Look what you've done, oh dear heavens!

Check out these pages! Report any bugs here or die. We're not horsing around. Where are all by rights be meant to be taken in NO WAY ANYTHING OTHER THAN SERIOUS. THIS IS UNCYCLOPEDIA! And.We.Are.Honest! Indeed it does. But what else is supposed to suck? Why is your mind in the gutter? You sicken me. We want boobies! Get it? You see a censored pick of 'em, reversion! Give us boobies, or give us death! Link your page. Art is nice. What about us? Is something wrong? From our logs: 16:58, January 7, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Wutjtod En.Uncy.Co Deluxe Limited Edition (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Not being Zombiebaron: <youtube>n9sEBBCIZ54</youtube>) 02:30, January 6, 2013 MoneySign (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk) with an expiry time of 2.71828182 hours (... like flowers!!) 02:27, January 6, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked MoneySign (Talk) with an expiry time of 3.141592653589 hours (You smell.) 02:26, January 6, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk) (UR GAY) 02:25, January 6, 2013 MoneySign (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk) with an expiry time of 3.1415926 hours (Active admin does administrator activity.) 22:53, January 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Socksilikesocks (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Fuck off) 18:12, January 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked MoneySign (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (Not supporting my vote, also hasn't been banned in 2 and a half years, you call yourself an admin???) Biopic of the Week Sorry, due to recent tasks that are far more important, there is no Biopic of the Week. If you need medical help, wait... what? Newsroom UnTune of the week Sorry, due to recent tasks that are far more important, there is no Newsroom UnTune of the Week. Please go listen to your favorite band. It is highly recommended by 8 out of 4 doctors. Which means 2 doctors recommend it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Jan 11 '13 5:31 (UTC)

Yannow, pywikibot blows. Its "addtext" function ignores redirects. Its "replace" function does not. True story. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Jan 11 '13 16:17 (UTC)

Oh lord!

Thanks, I must have been drunk or something when I added Aleister there. Haha. Sorry.--  ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 20:26, 11 January 2013 (UTC)

IRC

 ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Sat, Jan 12 '13 3:55 (UTC)

thank you, young man

thank you --Roman Dog Bird (talk) 05:25, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

no problem, kid! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 05:36, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

Where do I ask to change my username?

I think I missed that opportunity. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Giratina CUN|IC Kill | 07:24, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

You can ask myself or Zombiebaron, but believe me, changing your username is no petty thing. You must first present, in your userspace, a detailed five-point reason for wanting to change your name. Myself and ZB will thoroughly review your argument before reaching a decision. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 15:07, 13 January 2013 (UTC)

Feature something.

Zombiebaron has instructed me to instruct you to instruct a VFH to instruct itself into instructing the main page to instruct itself with the instructions of how to instruct the site to have a feature on it.--  ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 00:53, 16 January 2013 (UTC)

I regret nothing. -- The Zombiebaron 00:56, 16 January 2013 (UTC)

Could you remove the noms?

For Suddenly Slender and Beef stroganoff?--  ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 15:55, 21 January 2013 (UTC)

joke noms

UncycBot Is A Bully and Green Eggs and ham are all joke noms resulting in IRC.--  ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 04:23, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

Sir Peasewhizz asked me to ask you if you could pretty please shorten his ban to 6 hours because he promises to be good. Also cake is tasty. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 04:37, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

Hey

I know. I know. Do you think it'd be an okay idea to nominate Gerard Way?--  ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 21:58, 22 January 2013 (UTC)

unvoyage

Can you make the namespace for UnVoyage? I wanna start it!!!!!!! —  (talk) (contributions) Jan 22 2013 23:11.

Go ahead and make it at UnVoyage and such, and once it grows into a sustainable size I (or another 'crat) will officialize it! Lets make sure we get it up and running first though. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 01:55, 23 January 2013 (UTC)

Hey.

I was wondering if you could adopt me. Thanks. —  (talk) (contributions) Jan 23 2013 19:55.

First you must pass one trial: read more of the articles that aren't just Boner on Uncyclopedia:Top10_12 and allocate ya votes. Being in my lineage means reading a lot to strengthen your own writing, and also voting a lot to make it seem like this community's alive, and also being a somewhat shameless whore. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 23:12, 23 January 2013 (UTC)

KK —  (talk) (contributions) Jan 24 2013 00:15.

Are you still awake? —  (talk) (contributions) Jan 24 2013 01:01.

VFH

Let me know when VFH gets the axe, because I may have to rewrite some portions of the VFH gadget for it. It's going to be just like VFD, right? With templates separated by newlines? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Jan 24 '13 2:01 (UTC)

Next Friday is the due date. And yeah, for the VFD comparison. Can you work it so that the article health appears in the box and such? -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 06:58, 24 January 2013 (UTC)

Dude I don't even know how that shit works. I'll have to take a full day and come to the library and figure it out. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Jan 25 '13 3:21 (UTC)

Just wanted to let you know that Ljlego and Lyrithya made some points about why we shouldn't go back to the old format, and I completely agree with all of them. Also, there's just no way for us to set it up the old way and keep the VFH health bar or have a simple VFH overview that lists the health of each nomination. Also, the vote gadget will have to have quite a bit of tinkering to make it smart enough to work with a VFH page that's like VFD.

In conclusion: I gotta move my opinion on the whole thing from "neutral" to "Nah." We could maybe have a powwow on IRC and come up with an alternative? ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Jan 31 '13 2:04 (UTC)

IRC

You are much needed —  (talk) (contributions) Jan 24 2013 22:44.

What'd I miss? -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 17:49, 25 January 2013 (UTC)

Thanks...

...for the cookie at the house next door. It's been featured today! I wouldn't have nommed it if I didn't think it was feature worthy (or false - I've actually married brown rice so I could live my story), which occured when I added the youtube vid of Caruso singing and thought up the caption for it "Tommy Lee Caruso sings for his supper on their wedding night". A bunch of IP's put it near the top, and then some wanker voted it in. Thanks again! Aleister 12:22 25-1-'13

You're welcome! Glad to support anything involving brown rice. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 17:56, 26 January 2013 (UTC)

Could you clean up VFD

It's dead XD. Also there is a bunch of VFH noms over the 30+ day mark. Thanks again. You can blame some lazy admins lol--  ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 17:49, 26 January 2013 (UTC)

Lulz, it looks like ZB did the VFD clean up as I wrote you the message, but the VFH 30+day noms are still there.--  ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 17:52, 26 January 2013 (UTC)

There ain't a rule about 30 year old VFDs, just the health system (and most of those old nominations are pretty healthy, but one or two votes away from feature. If you haven't voted on them yet, you should). John Cage ended up getting featured after over 60 days waiting on line, y'know. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 18:06, 26 January 2013 (UTC)

Oh, sorry. Leverage asked me if I could remove the nominations past 30+ days (idk why he thought I could do this) so I assumed maybe we changed the policy. I voted on every article so far.--  ŤäŁķ ¿Ș₮áłĶ?฿¡฿↓¡ography 18:10, 26 January 2013 (UTC)

Sound remotely familiar?

Every article based on a Family Guy joke is an article based on a Family Guy joke.

-- Kippy the Elf Talk Works ☃ 09:46, Jan. 30, 2013

Could you set up the Vote:Top 10 January

All the features can be located here: click here. I really think the Vote Top 10 2012 is going to have little more votes and maybe if people are voting for the Top 10 of Jan they'll also vote for Top 10 2012. Please?--Sir Peasewhizz de New York 00:13, 31 January 2013 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

January 31st, 2013 • Issue 184 • We're delivering it to your door anyways!

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:25, 31 January 2013

Congratulations!!!

You won Writer of the Year!! Very well deserved and long overdue (I was hoping you would tie last year, but it ran off). Nice work! Funnybony won at the other site, so this is a perfect result imnho. Congratulations. Aleister 00:10 2-1-'13

Thanks ya! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 07:20, 4 February 2013 (UTC)

Winner!

Congratulations! You've won Writer of the Year! If I can, I'll make the WOTY 2012 template and bring it to you tomorrow! --Sir Peasewhizz de New York 00:56, 1 February 2013 (UTC)

CONGRATU-GODDAMN-LATIONS —  (talk) (contributions) Feb 1 2013 16:37.

Thank you both, couldna done it without youse. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 07:20, 4 February 2013 (UTC)

TKF

Have you published outside the wiki?--ShabiDOO 03:22, 4 February 2013 (UTC)

Yes, but not in comedy. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 07:20, 4 February 2013 (UTC)

Ping me if you ever care to share it. I'd be delited to read it :) --ShabiDOO 22:17, 8 February 2013 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:35, 7 February 2013

Can you mark User:Lil' Pease Jr. as a bot?

It is my bot, and needs to be marked as one.-- ^SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 00:45, 10 February 2013 (UTC)

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:36, 14 February 2013 (UTC)

AWARD INCOMING

Here's a totally shitty retread of the 2010 WOTY award:

Don't worry, I am working on a WAY better one in Blender, which will be complete shortly before next year. On a related note, what's your hometown? I intend to use an HDR panoramic shot of YOUR (yes, YOUR) hometown as a background for the image. So, y'know, no hurry or anything. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Feb 20 '13 3:19 (UTC)

Detroit, Alabama -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 06:10, 20 February 2013 (UTC)

Wow you're a big help. I'm just gonna go with "Concorde, New Hampshire." Congrats. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Fri, Feb 22 '13 1:43 (UTC)

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:38, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Pee Review

Sir Peasewhizz mentioned on my talk page about the status of Pee Review. I noticed there's not much activity on there (discounting edits from Dawg, Frosty, and myself). Do you think holding another Pee Week might help? MadMax (talk) 03:22, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Gotta be a pessimist when I say that probably won't help. The core of our reviewing problem is that we have a writing problem, first and foremost, and with so few articles being written (and the mandatory pees for VFH being removed) and the shrunken userbase, there simply isn't the importance or focus placed on Pee Review as there was before. This is a damn shame, since it's also accompanied a pretty sharp downturn in quality for new articles. But yeah, definitely much more of a structural issue that a contest (which will ultimately be underattended) will fix. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 07:19, 22 February 2013 (UTC)

That's too bad. I always thought the project was ideal for users who didn't have a lot time to edit the site. Has there been any discussion about attracting new editors or promoting the website? I have a small list of ideas if it helps. I talked to Mhaille awhile back about contributing short videos and flash animation to use in articles similar to Wikipedia (e.g. World War I#Media). I notice that Uncyclopedia has its own official YouTube channel and this might be a perfect format for audio and visual-based UnProjects (ex. an UnTunes music video or a weekly UnNews segment). Original videos in the style of Cracked, FunnyOrDie, et. al. could bring in a whole new type of audience. MadMax (talk) 18:04, 22 February 2013 (UTC)

Promotion is definitely central to a magical site reviving elixer, but unfortunately I'm real too busy outside the site to get involved right now. Talk to EMC/Hotadmin4u, I think he's our official hype guy now. Great to see you've got concrete ideas, though. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 14:38, 23 February 2013 (UTC)

Oh, so that's who it is! I'll leave him a message then. Also I appreciate the welcome back. :) MadMax (talk) 23:56, 23 February 2013 (UTC)

SITE NOTICE

Why would you remove the site notice? Voting has dipped down since, it seems.-- ^SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 02:57, 24 February 2013 (UTC)

Tom K. Fennedy?

Hi, I'm back since there seem to have been major changes. Just so you know there's now one more apt to blow up any time at all. No, seriously, I'm unfused. It's been years after all. -- Style  Guide 19:35, 26 February 2013 (UTC)

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:54, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

Gerard Way

If this doesn't get you to have him on that page, then I don't know what will. I do not own these lyrics, Wikia. lol

Now I know that I can't make you stay But where's your heart? But where's your heart? But where's your?

And I know there's nothing I could say To change that part To change that part To change

So many bright lights to cast a shadow, but can I speak? Well, is it hard understanding I'm incomplete? A life that's so demanding, I get so weak A love that's so demanding, I can't speak

I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to walk this world alone Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven Nothing you could say can stop me going home

Can you see my eyes are shining bright ‘Cause I'm out here on the other side Of a jet black hotel mirror and I'm so weak Is it hard understanding I'm incomplete? A love that's so demanding I get weak

I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to walk this world alone Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven Nothing you could say can stop me going home

I am not afraid to keep on living I am not afraid to walk this world alone Honey if you stay, I'll be forgiven Nothing you could say can stop me going home  SIR Peasewhizz de NY Biblio HOS Awards 22:07 3.02.13

F. U.

...is all I have to say. This is quitting at its best (or worst). If you actually wrote something, you wouldn't feel this way. And then other people would start writing again. For shame, you pig. You ruined my week. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Mar 5 '13 2:18 (UTC)

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

I love it when the news comes together

March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 20:37, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

oh yeah

Why would you leave man? I hate you ;-; ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:34, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 11:46, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Don't leave me, TKF! I love you! I mean it, man! Because I realized that platonic love can exist between two straight men! User:Matthlock/sig2 01:08, 15 March 2013 (UTC)

Just heard the news

Say it ain't so. MadMax (talk) 15:19, 15 March 2013 (UTC)

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:29, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost’s BONER TIME!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 21:55, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 18:25, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:37, 11 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost, late and lazy!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:44, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

The 2 Days Tardy USP!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:08, 27 April 2013 (UTC)

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.

-RAHB 04:42, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost is back

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.

Enjoy! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:25 7 July 2013

The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!

August 1st, 2013 • Issue #200 • Archives • Press Room

Servers Paid For Until 2014; World Peace Inevitable

Approximately how much money Uncyclopedia has now. Oh well, one zero is still more than no zeroes.

In a genius financial maneuver called "eat only Ramen for nine months", Uncyclopedia administrator Isarra has paid for Uncyclopedia's servers until September with what little student loan money she had left.

The remaining three months of 2013 were paid for with money raised from donations, merchandise sales, and advertising on the Uncyclomedia Shop. It cost $277.80 of the site's whopping $307.51, leaving the rest of the admins with barely enough money for their Ferrari gas tanks and an Uncyclopedia Android app.

However, this makes it obvious that the site is not yet financially self-sustaining and that other methods of generating revenue and/or more exposure to Uncyclopedia are needed if the site will do better in 2014. Ideas proposed on IRC include advertising, finding a generous sugar daddy, playing the lottery, and selling synthetic marijuana. Also worth considering is that even though raising awareness of the site through word of mouth and Operation Infamous is embarrassing and socially isolating, it will attract more people who will (hopefully) put money in our cup. And clicking on the ads in our e-store helps a bit too.

---

Count to a million fiasco
On July 29th, 2013; the infamous Count to a million thread which is popular for it's time wasting appeal was locked by Frosty in what could be said as "an action of gay gay gay proportions." Several Just three users took to the streets to protest this decision, angry that their only source of time wasting has been taken by one gay snowman; of course, they didn't protest or anything so nothing notable happened.

When we asked Frosty about this, he responded "This is to make sure people edit in the mainspace like they're supposed to, for so long very few edits have taken place in mainspace and it seems like the most popular thing here is that blasted thread. I feel like I've made the perfect choice." However, TheHappySpaceman and co-partner in crime Kırby think otherwise; claiming that "This is just so Frosty can get the "gayest person in the world" award; we've made attempts to make the thread viable by contributing comics and other stuff and to mock all of our attempts, that's gay indeed. Even gayer than Mr. Winkler's F."

Everybody else is oddly not disturbed by this recent conundrum; knowing full well that the thread will be open in a week. "It's nice that we have a motivation to edit mainspace, I was getting tired posting numbers in an attempt to reach a million. Hey, maybe I'll make a featured article in a week." said a random Uncyclopedian. Okay, so it's not much of a fiasco as we portrayed it to be but two people are pissed off and that at least has to make it a mini-fiasco right? As of writing, TheHappySpaceman and Matthlock are currently planning to write a mainspace article, presumably with lots of gay jokes.

---

UnDroid
For eons, an Uncyclopedia Android app was only a pipe dream. Maybe like two weeks ago. Thankfully, it's now a reality. The app, developed by some guy you've never heard of named Jude Pereira, can be found here. It's free in exchange for money and referring your friends to download the app. The app also has many exciting features such as AutoTypo 1.0, which shrinks the keypad and allows you to create typos faster than ever before, and Zoom 0.8, an innovative feature allowing you to make large things small and small things large. It's truly revolutionary technology, and it's completely free. So download it, use it, and be somebody.

Biopic
In this Biopic we examine the trials and tribulations of Fakehater who, with a few uploads under his belt (however that works), is taking audio requests in the Village Dump. He says he enjoys proofreading, doing audio, and based on his userpage, The Goonies. He is also into older women but, like most UnNews reporters, he has little to offer any dignified, diabetic septuagenarian. Embarrassingly, his IRC nickname is "arsenic_x", which we're pretty sure is what created the Powerpuff Girls.

From The Logs
• 20:53, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lemonpie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Infinite ‎ (just fuck off pls)
• 17:13, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of -3600 seconds ‎ (how many dicks could a dick sucker suck if a dick sucker could suck dick?)
• 11:41, July 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 31 millennia, 6 centuries, 8 decades, 8 years, 269 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 3 seconds ‎ (Better number of nines)

---

Top VFH Competitors
• UnNews:Army launches new recruiting ad campaign (8/0.5)
• UnScripts:Your Guide to Notable Literature: Abridged (6.5/0)
• Constantine II (5.5/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week
Katy Perry hit generator (10/0)

---

From The Forums
• Remember a time when Uncyclopedia didn't suck
• Hey! This looks like an important thing!
• I can't hear you!
• The day the music was born again and accepted Christ

---

UnSignpost News
You are probably noticing that the UnSignpost looks a little bit different. That's because it is. If you don't like it then that's just, like, your opinion and stuff man.

---

IRC Quote
[13:35] <DogTheColourful> I WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR MOTHER DOWN

Anton (talk) 14:14, 7 August 2013 (UTC)

IRC

Oh, right. If you still follow your talk page, IRC motherfucker. Sheesh. I gotta edit three pages now? Freakin' kids and your fancy sockpuppets.  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Mar 18 '14 23:51 (UTC)

TKF won't be automatically notified if this page is edited because he hasn't got an email set in his preferences. As is my understanding. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 00:20, 19 Mar 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

Also, and most importantly, fuck TKF. Just as I was about to start writing that article with him he leaves. Fuck him. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 03:38, 22 March 2014 (UTC)

Zheesh. He's not even a gobshite he's that pfff.– Preceding unsigned comment added by Shabidoo (talk • contribs)

It's back! - The UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

25 July 2014 • Issue #202 • Archives • Press Room

UnSignpost: Return of the worst newspaper in history! By Frosty

Uncyclopedia. A kelpy substance.

Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.

Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.------------

New admin time By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.

Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.

Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face comedy tragedy!

Biopic For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.

---

From The Logs

• 14:56, 23 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) changed block settings for 184.7.86.140 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I've decided to use lube. You should feel so lucky.)

• 00:55, 19 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked 184.7.81.56 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Chronic sock wanking and being a really shit vandal.)

• 14:41, 1 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 23.105.212.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I’m coming at you like a dark horse)

Top VFH Competitors

• F4 (10/0)

• Potatoe (10/0)

• Bidet (10/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)

---

From The Forums

• Well, do you?

• Goes without saying, this is Uncyclopedia.

• Good riddance!

• Oh boy...

---

UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.

---

Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:41, 25 July 2014 (UTC)

Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

01 August 2014 • Issue #203 • Archives • Press Room

...And they're off! By Frosty

Just as lame and boring as a horse race, except without the gambling.

Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.

It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.

If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!------------

VFH smells By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.

You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.

Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.

If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).

---

From The Logs

• 16:25, 25 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (You look like you're doing something important right now. Are you? What is it? Why are you doing it? Did I break it? Would that be bad?)

• 11:46, 26 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Asking for it, begging for it actually.)

• 09:24, 29 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 173.44.44.121 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Now sit in your corner and think about what you've done)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (11/0)

• What's-his-name off that thing (10/0)

• F4 (10/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)

---

From The Forums

• Vote if you haven't already!

• Bunch of sluts!

• This has been bumped again, add yourselves!

• How often should we feature things?

---

UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.

---

Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:50, 1 August 2014 (UTC)

Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

08 August 2014 • Issue #204 • Archives • Press Room

The return of TKF (sort of)! By Frosty

Filial Piety.

Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."

No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".

Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.------------

Forum dramaz By Frosty
Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.

But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...and the sequel rest of the trilogy.

Biopic This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of winning losing.

He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...

---

From The Logs

• 11:50, 6 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.115.32 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (You are the weakest Chink. Goodbye.)

• 06:40, 6 August 2014 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked XReaper (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Horse dick)

• 06:14, 5 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.116.97 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Enjoy this beefy cock.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (12/1)

• F4 (11/0)

• Jared Leto (10/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)

---

From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Are you a bigger slut than RAHB?

• What this is I don't even

• This'll be good...

---

UnSignpost News Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".

---

Chat Quote [20:17] <James_T> My dick is large

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:22 (UTC)

More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

15 August 2014 • Issue #205 • Archives • Press Room

I'm back By Sir Peasewhizz

It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.

I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.

However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good 200 years 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.

So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...

Madiq.

I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,

Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.------------

New admins for you!

By Sir Peasewhizz

New admins/sysops.

Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip

Leverage

Supergeeky1

Banzaikitten

Mr-ex777

Colin "All your base" Heaney

Lost Labyrinth

Cat the Colourful

They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.

Biopic This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...

They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?

---

From The Logs

• 05:37, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (talk | contribs) (I felt bad ;_;)

• 05:36, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Adminning while drunk)

• 05:35, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/0)

• F4 (13/0)

• HowTo:Cure homosexuality (11/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)

---

From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Roman Dog Bird

• Unban a bastard or nah?

• Why is it? Well... because..

---

UnSignpost News This just in: Don't hit your children.

---

Chat Quote

[23:56] <SirPeasewhizz> I'm going to go watch anime

[23:57] <thefakeazned525> Which one?

[23:58] <SirPeasewhizz> Uhm Yugioh GX because I'm feeling nostalgic for shitty card games

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:04 (UTC)

We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

22 August 2014 • Issue #206 • Archives • Press Room

It's the USP!

By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.

Banzaikitten warns you that this UnSignpost may change your sexual orientation.

But anyway, I'm an admin now and I'm going to try and be the best admin that I can be, and judging from my recent attempt at changing the featured article, and all the admins reactions to my fuck up, the best admin I can be is one who does absolutely no administration work and just writes the occasional UnNews. Thanks for all your votes.------------

RAHBs Sexuality By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.

---

Shame on you By the curate

As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.

“ Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you! ”

These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.

Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!

Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work! Biopic bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.

---

From The Logs

• 15:59, August 16, 2014 Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) blocked Chaoarren (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ([22:58] <Chaoarren> Can I get joke banned? :D)

• 15:00, August 15, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked DungeonSiegeAddict510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (As you aided my quest to take over Uncyclopedia, have a block. I was meant to give this to you earlier but you were already banned for 40 minutes. Have a 1 second extension!)

• 05:57, August 15, 2014 Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) blocked Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 seconds (Fuck Finland)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/1)

• UnDebate:What does the fox say? (13/2)

• Jared Leto (11/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week F4 (13/0)

---

From The Forums

• Olipro is a dick-tator.

• Vote for rainbow names?!

• Vote on RAHB's sexuality.

• View this if you're feeling hot.

---

UnSignpost News

---

Chat Quote
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:09 (UTC)

OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE!

The UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

7 September 2014 • Issue #207 • Archives • Press Room

Returning MASTERMINDS

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.

The legendary Xamralco, who pwns.

Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.

For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.

Okay? Okay.

Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Biopic For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.

When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.

“ no ”

Thank you! Give it up for auror!

---

From The Logs

• 00:54, September 1, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked IlanaZkhfzm (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (user did not suck Leverage's cock as promised)

• 16:02, August 31, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked AleidaJbjo (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (sister did not suck my cock as promised)

• 12:24, August 29, 2014 Kip the Dip (talk | contribs) blocked Electric Pope (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 centuries, 4 decades, 8 years, 364 days, 14 hours, 38 minutes and 24 seconds (Annoying douchebag.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Shirley Phelps-Roper (8/0)

• Rape (12/6)

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (7/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Sir Peasewhizz came up with a great idea apparently, but nobody has replied. So screw his idea.

• Leverage wants people to update/add/fladangle with the DYK shit. Shall we? We should. Maybe. Idk. DO IT.

• Inspiring parody

• UnMedicine project page? Is anyone here a doctor? WELL THEN YOU'RE A NERD!

---

UnSignpost News The USP will be delivered on Sundays now. (or around then)

---

Chat Quote
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical

[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.

[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:25, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

14 September 2014 • Issue #208 • Archives • Press Room

Pee Review pls

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day and some cash you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.

Piss on my review quests.

Olipro is gay.------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.

---

Uncyclopedia App

By Anton199

There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.

The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).

The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Biopic Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.

His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."

So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"

There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!

---

From The Logs

• 22:20, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked LorrineLundy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Orange is the new black. Welcome to Internet Jail, Lorrine.)

• 22:14, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked CharissSparrow (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Dude, your gay porn name is lame)

• 22:12, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked VictorForest (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Eat my crotch-forest, Victor.)

Top VFH Competitors

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (8/1)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (6/0)

• A letter about Megan Fox (6/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Shirley Phelps-Roper (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Piss on these

• Proposal of Changes

• Drugs?

• Allahland...

---

UnSignpost News Hi. This is a lazy edition of the UnSignpost.

---

Chat Quote
[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)

[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO

[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE

Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

21 September 2014 • Issue #209 • Archives • Press Room

IMPERIAL COLONIZATION OR NAH? By Sir Peasewhizz

SUCK MY ASSSS!

Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which mimics is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?

Anyways I'm telling you this because it would be soooo sweet if we could get this running again... and I kinda need Xamralco or any other admin to combine histories again because I just found out I shouldn't have moved the project myself...------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

---

From The Logs

• 13:13, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked WolfganKix (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Wolfgan's arse is going to get Kix if he doesn't stop making accounts here.)

• 13:12, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked JanetteMelton (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (You brought your girlfriend with you? How sweet. She can fuck off too once she's tossed me off.)

• 13:11, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked AndreBecker (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (OMG A SPAMBOT! I've missed seeing you around man. Where you been these past few days? It's been so emotional. Okay, emotional reunion is over. Now fuck off.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Antibiotics (9/0)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (9/0)

• Firesheep (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Ludwig Wittgenstein (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Enter On This day submissions, plz.

• Mobile issues

• Sorry, I don't speak Cuntenese. (Bot rights or something)

• Mass massaging messaging can now be used by the admins!!

---

UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

---

Chat Quote
[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.

[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy

Filial Pie

That was really great. --Nikau (talk) 03:10, 25 September 2014 (UTC)

The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

28 September 2014 • Issue #210 • Archives • Press Room

Incoming October bullshit

By Sir Peasewhizz
So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?

So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?

Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

---

From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Colin "All your base" Heaney (talk | contribs) blocked Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour and 9 minutes (You're like the Grinch, except it's your cock that's three sizes too small.)

• 14:35, September 24, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 173.213.80.213 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Your free trial of Uncyclopedia has expired.)

• 07:05, September 24, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked JessieTedesco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (fuck Jessie Tedesco, he gets his clothes from Tecso)

Top VFH Competitors

• Nouvelle cuisine (10/0)

• HowTo:Fry an egg (9/0)

• Firesheep (9/1)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods (10/0)

---

From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• Don't smoke the dope, kids.

---

UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

---

Chat Quote
<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships

<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e

Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?

The UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

5 October • Issue #211 • Archives • Press Room

Uncyclopedia's preparations for Ebola By Sir Peasewhizz

Gross.

As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.

Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!

---

From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked 178.137.80.72 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (dickery)

• 15:07, September 28, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 23.231.7.217 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (The Maitri Inthusut has ordered us to block editing permanently for all residents of the Phuket Province.)

• 13:39, September 28, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked Leanna Hollway (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (she wouldn't go the "holl way" with me)

Top VFH Competitors

• White-haired Asian Scientist (8/0)

• Bluestocking (8/1)

• Aries (6/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Firesheep (10/1)

---

From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• No more silly rules

---

UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has begun.

---

Chat Quote
<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?

dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

19 October • Issue #212 • Archives • Press Room

Hi

By Sir Peasewhizz
Do u think we should cancel the USP

Anyone

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!

---

From The Logs

• 02:04, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) resurrected Xamralco (talk | contribs) (I have frostbite on my nipples.)

• 01:58, October 12, 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds (Obligatory retaliation ban)

• 01:46, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds (Obligatory welcome back block)

Top VFH Competitors

• Richard M. Nixon (8/0)

• Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast (8/0)

• Antiques Road Rage Show (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week UnDebate:Should women rap? (10/0)

---

From The Forums

• FFW2014

• FFW2014 (for pussies)

• That time I nearly sojourned on a village dump or a short and repetitive story about what it's like to read short and repetitive articles

• This gay forum about renaming the site... PISS ON THIS

---

UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has ended.

---

Chat Quote None

The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)

The UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

9 November • Issue #213 • Archives • Press Room

Donate your soul to Uncyclopedia!

By Sir Peasewhizz
Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.

That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!

And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.

All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.

How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.

Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!

Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.

If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.

And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.

Anyone

Biopic You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!

---

From The Logs

• 05:54, November 7, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked DickSankthptxd with an expiry time of infinite (talk | contribs) (his dick sank)

• 22:48, October 29, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked 50.115.173.177 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (made me read some gay book)

• 15:45, October 29, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked Zficysll (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Why bother trying to spam Uncyclopedia? If you're as good with girls as you are at hitting abuse filters then I'm sure you'll have no problem getting laid.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Dag Hammarskjöld (8/0)

• UnNews:Wrestlemania 87 commentary LIVE! (10/2)

• Electricity (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week President Hoover (11/1)

---

From The Forums

• Comeback of the Year

• Read about donating here.

• Parody of Wikipedia banner

• Someone who is good with WikiStats should look here.

---

UnSignpost News Donate to Uncyclopedia if you can.

---

Chat Quote None.

Vote, Vote, Vote

It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:21, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

Interview

<considersomeamountofnarcism>henning@uncyclomedia.org</considersomeamountofnarcism> Cartoonist | Spit it out! | 23:10, 2 March 2015 (UTC)

Hello?

Where are you?--Abacab (talk) 02:26, 19 September 2016 (UTC)

Dead. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Mhaille killed him. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?)B 12:01, 20 September 2016 (UTC)

He had it coming. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

That's a shame. Does anyone have a copy of his Generation Y article from 2008 that was worked out of progress? I can't find it in the archives.--Abacab (talk) 18:20, 20 September 2016 (UTC)

I think that article was an expired WIP created by another user. I can retrieve the original if you still want it. MadMax (talk) 18:41, 20 September 2016 (UTC)

Yes, retrieve it please. I need it to beef up my Millennials article a bit (that is, if it had any salvageable material in the first place).--Abacab (talk) 18:51, 20 September 2016 (UTC)

UnSignpost Home Delivery for May 1st, 2021

The UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

1 May 2021 • Issue #215 • Archives • Press Room

Most Active Admin Gets Promoted to Bureaucrat, Transitions to Female By Cassie

Following an incredible (by 2021 Uncyclopedian standards) 16 VFS votes, Uncyclopedia's most active administrator has initiated their transition to female. Said admin, now known publicly as Cassie, has had a talk page that often inflated by 80,000 bytes or more weekly, and singlehandedly managed a vast variety of things, including (but not limited to): vandal whipping, being the school principal, managing VFH, and more.
"Vandalism, eh? Fuck off already," they said, whilst throwing bags of feces at our new dumpyard.------------

Vote for Sandwiches: Triple Resignation, Quintuple the Drama By Cassie
Following the resignation of two of our longtimemost bureaucrats, EMC and Zombiebaron, in addition to the resignation of admin CandidToaster, a new wave rejuvenated much of the now-ancient television show Vote for Sandwiches. MrX and Hipponias quickly climbed the ranks; Shabidoo received the same treatment, but ultimately withdrew. Zana Dark and JJPMaster were both nominated for a new category, interface operator, instead of the traditional sandwich role granted.

---

Uncyclopedia's Technologies are Finally Modernized By Cassie
it has been a long time in the making, but Uncyclopedia's editing technologies have finally been optimized for the new decade. An introduction of a new extended-confirmed protection level has enabled famous articles, such as AAAAAAAAA!, to see the light of commoners' editing again. Utilities such as Huggle, RedWarn, CurateThisPage, autoarchiving, and a lot more has been implemented thanks to JJPMaster. Many gnomes have been working on this; as such, please treat their work with respect! Biopic This edition's biopic is about the joy of templating. Templating is a fine art which can be practiced on Uncyclopedia, its parody Wikipedia, and so many other places. It can furthermore be expanded to "module coding", which produces the same stuff albeit in a much more efficient and dynamic way. Come try templating now!

---

From The Logs

• 1 May 2021 Cassie renamed user Redacted (8224 edits) to Cassie (Per message here)

• 10 April 2021‎ JJPMaster (38 bytes) (-13)‎ . . (Reverting edit(s) by Gale5050 (talk) to rev. 6045969 by Celeste:shhhhhhhhhhh (RW 16.1dev))

• 22 February 2021 Cassie blocked JJPMaster with an expiration time of 4 hours and 20 minutes (account creation disabled) (You [[Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit

Top VFH Competitors

• User:Zombiebaron/Resignation (9/2)

• UnNews:As Bernie Sanders starts his second term, we reflect on his Presidency so far (5.5/4)

• Patent nonsense on Wheels! (1/2.5)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week COVID-19 (6/1)

---

From The Forums

• We are still learning how to count. Albeit much faster.

• Gale5050.

• There is nothing to worry about! Right?

• Gale5050 again. Or not.

---

UnSignpost News Following 1.5+ years of hiatus, Cassie has taken the lead, in a unilateral albeit undramatic manner, and has designated themselves as the lead editor of the UnSignpost.

---

Chat Quote Supergeeky1: Boner.

It's beginning to look a lot like…

See you next year! The first annual *Kiss My Ass* Holiday Competition has officially ended for 2021

Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?

Judgement day is upon ye!

Seasons Greetings!

It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny — Sign Up Today! (pretty please)  –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 13:10, 13 December 2021