User talk:Qzekrom/Archive 7
Thanks on IC[edit source]
All we need to do now is to promote IC again on the forums and arrange sign ups. As a result, I think you should be my assistant, and if you are lucky, you can take over the task of IC. 
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill 
| 06:34, July 12, 2012 (UTC)
- Check the Village Dump for a new forum I created. --QZEKЯOM
Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 22:40, July 12, 2012 (UTC)
- You now earn a new avatar.
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill 
| 11:08, July 14, 2012 (UTC)
- Thanks. I'll do another userpage makeover using the colors from that. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 14:37, July 14, 2012 (UTC)
- Also, thanks to you, I have a new userpage! |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 06:22, July 16, 2012 (UTC)
- You're welcome. I just added a "glow" effect to the border, feel free to do that because you are officially licensed to use my userpage templates. I suggest putting the welcome sign in a template (User:Joe9320/welcome) to modularize the design. --
23:09, July 16, 2012 (UTC)
- You're welcome. I just added a "glow" effect to the border, feel free to do that because you are officially licensed to use my userpage templates. I suggest putting the welcome sign in a template (User:Joe9320/welcome) to modularize the design. --
- Also, thanks to you, I have a new userpage!
- Thanks. I'll do another userpage makeover using the colors from that. --QZEKЯOM
- You now earn a new avatar.
Pee Review[edit source]
Hi Qzekrom, first of all thanks for contributing to Pee Review, your input is appreciated. However, it has come to my attention that the reviews that you are providing are falling short of the standard we expect.
This review for instance, is not in-depth, it criticises without explaining and compliments without doing the same. A pee review is not only intended to identify problems, but to suggest areas for improvement and perhaps even ideas as to how one would do so. You're picking out the points where the article needs to improve but you aren't offering any feedback on how. Ideally we would wish all users who submit an article to Pee Review to receive a similar amount of feedback dependent on the standard of their article, granted some write more than others and for some people less needs to be said but someone receiving your review is receiving notably less than if somebody else had done it. I'm not trying to tick you off for contributing, I don't expect the a review similar in length to the Iliad, however, I would say that if a section is scoring 6 out of 10 points it demands more than 7 words to summarise how it should seek to gain those extra points.
For an idea of what I'm talking about please consider this review by Oliphaunte and the guidelines for more information. --ChiefjusticeWii 17:31, July 17, 2012 (UTC)
- Gotcha. I'm revising the PR right now. -- 17:39, July 17, 2012 (UTC)
- Oh, and I became a PEEING member thanks to my contributions to Pee Reviews. Mine are in-depth. Look at that dude's examples, and learn from it. After all, we are Pokemon. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 08:20, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
- Oh, and I became a PEEING member thanks to my contributions to Pee Reviews. Mine are in-depth. Look at that dude's examples, and learn from it. After all, we are Pokemon.
You...[edit source]
This! Nominally Humane! 08:37 18 Jul
- I'm going to +1 that! -- 15:09, July 18, 2012 (UTC)
TheHappySpaceman would like to bring your attention to this forum:[edit source]
Forum:An accurate cartoon representation of me and Kırby
Also, this. ~[ths] UotM 
00:54, 07/19/2012
I'm gonna adopt you[edit source]
Seriously, I am considering that I want to adopt you so that we can learn from each other. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 10:12, July 19, 2012 (UTC)
- Don't do it. It took around 2.5 years before Zombiebaron finally adopted me. And then a few months later he permabanned me. Nominally Humane! 10:21 19 Jul
- Hehe. I might not have time this year. -- 14:43, July 19, 2012 (UTC)
We've got boner for news! It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
July 19th, 2012 • Issue 170 • Got Wood?
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Fancy a Bone?
"The latest meme is Template:Boner." Qzekrom blared into the press room last Thursday. We here in the UnSignpost office were absolutely beside ourselves, if we wanted people to tell us the news we'd open a hotline, a suggestion precluded by our lack of a phone, money or staff. So it came down to a straight choice between considering the reaction and the effect of the new MediaWiki Upgrade and the featuring of a template whose entirety is a very poor drawing of a penis. Naturally, we chose the one that included the smallest amount of penis: Template:Boner. This template is apparently the best thing since sliced bread, and you can use it in practically the same ways; you can spread it with butter and serve it to your friends as a surprise, you can dunk it into egg and, most importantly, consume it with jam. The template stormed to feature status with 23 votes for, which, coincidentally is the same number of votes cast on VFH throughout the whole of March. Nothing it seems mobilises Uncyclopedians better than a penis. The size of the penis in the template may account somewhat for its popularity*. Qzekrom does have a point, and a worrying obsession with css and javascript and all those uninteresting things whose only real function is to produce unnecessary work like page editing and the graphical interface. If you share these interests then you can easily head to one of the many forums he has created to discuss them, if on the other hand you are short on time because of the job you have to go to and be miserable at for fifty hours a week then you can always go to VFH and vote one of of the many penis related articles that Uncyclopedia has to offer. The VFH vote is being called "The third most rigged VFH in the history of Uncyclopedia", losing out to some votes that were actually rigged one must assume. Anybody wishing to rig their own vote has only to head onto IRC and start asking if anybody is "up for lulz" today and then simply pitching their idea as "This great thing I found". If you are struggling then feel free to ask Frosty who is the mastermind behind the present craze for boners. Not that anybody is particularly surprised.
*Readers are invited to interpret this statement however they like. A Song of Ice and Fire
 Isn't that the story of the human heart? The fight between fear and passion, between kindness and meanness, between pwn3d and pwnz0r? It's always two forces, at constant war with one another, until the heart stops beating. But then again, it is but one heart amongst many, and so the war goes on for years and years, with ice winning and then losing, and then fire winning, and then losing. And the efforts of the great men who built this wonderful civilization before us have always striven to achieve the balance between these ubiquitous opposites. For ice shall freeze us, and fire shall burn us, but the middle component, the in-between, nourishes us. And the in-between component I speak of, is water. We always speak of following the middle path, of moderation, of not going to extremes. Well, water is the epitome of moderation! How queer is it, that if you heat a bucket of ice over fire you get water, but only if the ice is heated IN MODERATION! Indeed, water has always given us the best of both worlds! When ice was melted by the fire from the sun, the resultant water ended up becoming the very medium in which the first living organisms thrived! Is it a coincidence that even after all these years of evolution and extinction, 70% of the body weight of man is still water? Is it a coincidence that no living being (except for dormant-ass seedlings) can survive for long without a regular hit of H2O to keep it alive? I think not. Water is always straddling the middle path between ice and fire. Unlike ice, we can swallow it without it clogging our windpipe, and unlike fire, it won't burn our dear skin if we touch it. And water always nourishes us, keeps us alive and well! We all rose from the water, and to the water returns all our piss and shit! People have always wondered, what is the middle path? What is the balance we all seek? I say, the balance is water. The middle path is water! The answer to all conflicts and dilemmas that plague our life- is WATER! |
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--ChiefjusticeWii 16:53, July 19, 2012 (UTC)
Odacchi[edit source]
Started up the Odacchi article. It's decent, would like some other people to contribute.
--
22:34, July 20, 2012 (UTC)
How would you like to do a pee review for an article I wrote?[edit source]
User:Matthlock/HowTo:Be Matthlock User:Matthlock/sig2 18:35, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
- I'll look over it. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 18:42, July 25, 2012 (UTC)
- So what do you think? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:04, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
- It's pretty good. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 19:07, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Good enough to be mainspaced? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:21, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Dunno. I didn't say I read it thoroughly, but if you're going to do a spoof of HowTo:Become RAHB, you should probably spend a little more time on it. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 20:27, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
- It wasn't a spoof of HowTo:Become RAHB, I'm just stating where I sort of got the idea for the article. User:Matthlock/sig2 20:55, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
- Dunno. I didn't say I read it thoroughly, but if you're going to do a spoof of HowTo:Become RAHB, you should probably spend a little more time on it. --QZEKЯOM
- Good enough to be mainspaced? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:21, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
- It's pretty good. --QZEKЯOM
- So what do you think? User:Matthlock/sig2 19:04, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
Get Your UnSignPost! Now More Respected Than The Town Crier![edit source]
Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.
July 26th, 2012 • Issue 171 • Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay
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Painting by Numbers This week some of Uncyclopedia's greatest and not so great have spent some time watching Uncyclopedia pass by without them. This is the news that Wikia has taken the momentous decision to lock out the vast majority of the active administrators and half the users. Problems began at 11:20 UTC on the 24th of July when Socky discovered that he was unable to access a few select features of his account; logging in being the most obvious. Banished to the realm of numbers Socky went to the forums and told everyone else. It soon became apparent that nobody could log in, except for Bizzeebeever, who "made the software his bitch" by pressing the log in button more than even wikia had anticipated. As everyone sat on the forum and debated just how angry and indignant this news should make them, a wikia representative was dispatched to the forum to pour oil on troubled waters, suggesting that Uncyclopedians "Return to causing world suffering or burning me in effigy". But burning effigies of Wikia staff members would have to wait as it became evident that, following the initial lock out of everybody, the adminstrator database had somehow been lost when it was being carried to a new building, or something like that. The administrator magic then gushed into the ground and caused a giant peach to grow outside Wikia headquarters. This condemned the administrators to a long evening of moaning on the Uncyclopedia IRC channel, where another Wikia representative awaited with nothing but a can do attitude and a lack of information about the problem to ensure that everybody remained as irritated as possible. Even worse than that, following a great deal of moaning somebody started off UnTrivia, forcing everybody through an evening of anagrams and obscure song lyrics. At the time of going to press only Thekillerfroggy appears to have been able to force his way through the log in procedure to use admin tools while users who could log in took full advantage of the absence of any administrators to fill the forum with appalling alternatives to fixing the problem. It would seem that, at present, the only solution is to make a new account and then curry favour with TKF, the only way to do this being fellatio or copious helpings of wang. 13.145.208.87 had this to say about the outage: "Zombiebaron.... FU WIKIA". 67.173.252.79 reported a similar feeling saying "Ahahahahahahahahah...god dammit, why can't I log in?". As we enter a second day with all the admins locked out something novel occurs to me; I can watch Uncyclopedia, and I can shag the sheep, but I don't want to if nobody knows it was me.
Loramycetaceae of Ipswich do lorikeets while sitting amidst consecrators a-disciplining the elite. My gonads' dictum ipsilaterally saps your mom. Nullification of the masses accretes the Nibelungen's pretty umpty temperament. Done accelerating liberation. Done cunting shit amidst nisin from a pedo auctioneer named Hendrik. Protein from Trisha's antique rises into risus sardonicus. Doodlebugs' necks beget a menu with fetus. Protein exposure lectures quip Magdalena Corvallis, files nisei fermenter magma, nut amputate diam denim ac tulles. Groin peed. Coned a joust ac oleo perambulator lacing. In presidium collision purls. Letitia venations, nils veal consenter plenteousness, orcas mi male Tussuad urns, veil tempoes nuns est at gurus. Nascence volute. Vivacious Yul trices. Crays portrait offends libeler. Nuns mi amass, collisional veal, dissimilar quips, volute vitae, nuns. Done consequent. Coned congruent peed sit meat denim. Duelist pulmonary ants. Nuns consecrate tether. Done cactus cum, qualm sit mate pulp Tate oculists, just libeler various purrs, seed biennium Turpin purls beget Loramycetaceae. Quizzes we equine dew, Budapest neck, male Tussuad veld, fermentation in, odors. Phallus invites torpor. Integer neck elicit. Nam vitae felts vile Loramycetaceae lacerate Hendrik. Present ornate. Loramycetaceae of Ipswich dolor sit meat, conch secreter a-discoing lite. Sunlamp Isis. Plenteousness vaccinial volute arch. Bisque non nun. In ornate commodity venality. Swed nun rises, gravid at, concuss id, tempts you, Sulla. Phallus is lacking, commodore sled, incident pulmonary, facilitates Vella, Nissie. Vivacious Budapest. Noella enigma. Donne portal Allison dolor. Groin non Maurise. Letitia Loramycetaceae urns, vestibular eat, aliquot vitae, suspicious neck, tulles. Letitia so dales diam egret equine tempos aorta. In ult rices Dolores. Also, I can log in again! Hurrah! |
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| UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox | ||||||
--OliOmniOmbudsman 
15:19, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
A call to arms![edit source]
Greetings, fellow colonizer! As you know, we have chosen Futurama as our article of choice in our quest to resurrect the once grand and glorious empire of Imperial Colonization. After considerable debate, we have decided on our battle strategy and plan on subduing and annexing this article into our Empire forthwith. As a God-fearing solider of our order, it is your duty to contribute to our conquest of this brute. Help us! Should you have any questions or suggestions for a new battle approach, please talk to your fellow imperialists.
Happy hunting!
Saberwolf116 (talk) 18:59, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
Hello![edit source]
I noticed you're into social media and web technologies. Would you like to test my new social-media sharing buttons before they're instituted site-wide? If you would, just cut and paste the following code into your <skin>.js file:
importScript( "User:Bizzeebeever/scripts/sharing.js" );
importStylesheet( "User:Bizzeebeever/styles/sharing.css" );
...and then clear your cache according to the instructions. I need to make sure this works in as many browsers as possible, so if you have Safari, or old versions of Firefox and Chrome, it would be a big help if you could test the buttons in those browsers, as well. I don't care about IE 6 or 7 (now irrelevant), but testing for IE 9 and/or 10 beta would be a big help, as I can't get those browsers on XP. I'll let you know when the test is over. ~ BB ~ (T) 
~ Thu, Jul 26 '12 21:55 (UTC)
P.S. this is some design you've got here.
- Thanks man. I've enabled your new script. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 22:00, July 26, 2012 (UTC)
Hi[edit source]
Please help me on the Facebook rewrite that I am doing. Seeing as you got some templates, this could be a good time to layout on how to make a fake Facebook page. And I have a stupid coding problem with it. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 06:04, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
- You could try something like the way SOPA was set up. I just don't know how to do it. --QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 14:40, July 27, 2012 (UTC)
- Just to butt in, I don't think Facebook needs a rewrite. It's already quasi featured and, in my opinion, a pretty damn good article. --
TKFU
UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK 
06:00, July 31, 2012 (UTC)
- Agreed. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 23:44, July 31, 2012 (UTC)
- It feels.... incomplete. There is something missing on the Facebook article, and that it must look like Facebook. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 06:40, August 1, 2012 (UTC)
- It feels.... incomplete. There is something missing on the Facebook article, and that it must look like Facebook.
- Agreed. ~ QZEKЯOM
Blocked dude![edit source]
Bugger. I was going to ask you a question that I wanted an answer to today, but I figure you can probably answer me at the mirror, as that's where I was after the information for. You mentioned a while ago about changing the format of Mediawiki pages for blocked and a bunch of others. I was wondering if you knew where there was a list of Mediawiki pages that are default for different views. Oddly the main ones I'm after are for ?action=history and ?action=edit. Thanks, Nominally Humane! 01:22 31 Jul
Qzekrom[edit source]
FUCK THE BRITISH! Get that fag flag off your userpage. User:Matthlock/sig2 17:21, July 31, 2012 (UTC)
- "Congress shall make no law... abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press." I'm just trying to be an asshat to the IOC. If you want to find out more, check out #nbcfail on Twitter or G+. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 23:43, July 31, 2012 (UTC)
- ChiefJusticeDS is a Brit, and if he hears you, you'll get banned from him. Also, we have our own fail page dedicated for Australians. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 06:41, August 1, 2012 (UTC)
- The IOC is a bunch of asshats when it comes to intellectual property. If you don't want us to get taken off the net, stop flying that fucking flag. 68.173.113.106 13:55, August 1, 2012 (UTC)
- You're an asshat when it comes to intellectual property, IP. Kindly fuck off. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 13:57, August 1, 2012 (UTC)
- Said IP is probably unaware that we are hosted on US servers and as such not bound by UK law that have been enacted to get around international IP laws in relationship to the 0l¥m1c5. Nominally Humane! 01:44 02 Aug
- No law - including US, UK and Easter Island law - gives a fuck about Uncyclopedia userpages. What is amusing is your "Terms of Use" which is the least enforcable load of bollocks I've ever read. mAttlobster. (hello) 08:41, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
- My "Terms of Use" is supposed to satire stuff that companies with websites try to make you do (or not do), such as not linking to their websites. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 14:59, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
- I apologise.It's too well written. Love it. mAttlobster. (hello) 21:16, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm going to add a provision prohibiting people from viewing, linking to, copying, "Like"ing, "Tweet"ing, or "+1"ing pages. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 21:23, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
- Good idea. I especially like the idea of people being prohibited from viewing something they are already reading. mAttlobster. (hello) 09:26, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm going to add a provision prohibiting people from viewing, linking to, copying, "Like"ing, "Tweet"ing, or "+1"ing pages. ~ QZEKЯOM
- I apologise.It's too well written. Love it. mAttlobster. (hello) 21:16, August 2, 2012 (UTC)
- My "Terms of Use" is supposed to satire stuff that companies with websites try to make you do (or not do), such as not linking to their websites. ~ QZEKЯOM
- You're an asshat when it comes to intellectual property, IP. Kindly fuck off. ~ QZEKЯOM
- ChiefJusticeDS is a Brit, and if he hears you, you'll get banned from him. Also, we have our own fail page dedicated for Australians.
I know you don't like the fake "New Message" boxes, but...[edit source]
...I made one on my page that you might just love. ~[ths] UotM 23:55, 08/02/2012
- That's awesome. The ones that bug me are the ones that look exactly like the real ones. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 00:03, August 3, 2012 (UTC)
What do you think[edit source]
....of my new and improved userpage? Just keep on clicking Ctrl R. User:Matthlock/sig2 17:31, August 4, 2012 (UTC)
Like ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 17:57, August 4, 2012 (UTC)
- AH DUDE!!
User:Matthlock/sig2 18:05, August 4, 2012 (UTC)
- It's great, I know. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 18:28, August 4, 2012 (UTC)
- A randomly generated user page. I wish I had thought of that. Nominally Humane! 09:04 08 Aug
- It's great, I know. ~ QZEKЯOM
- AH DUDE!!
Ash[edit source]
This needs a rewrite. Badly. Nominally Humane! 09:01 08 Aug
- Thanks, I'll look at it. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 23:14, August 8, 2012 (UTC)
- {{Fix}} has been on it for months already. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 23:17, August 8, 2012 (UTC)
I had an idea[edit source]
I had an idea that I started playing with here, and started screwing around with on twitter. Like these: [1][2][3][4][5][6]. I was thinking about extending the concept for an UnTweets page, as we don't have a 12 days of Christmas page (it redirects to that section of the page I linked to above.) A tweet dated every few days and we could have an entire years diary of the repercussions fairly quickly, which would go full circle. I've already said on CTAM how much I'd like a few templates that could fake a twitter look, and your CSS styling and use of templates means you'd be the ideal to put it together. How do you feel about a collab on it? (And yes, that is me in the avatar. My hair is about an inch shorter than when that pic was taken, and purple streaked, but it's still fairly accurate.) Nominally Humane! 12:55 09 Aug
- Your hair in the picture does resemble "puppy ears" (no offense). Try this:
<div style="background-color: rgba(255, 255, 55, 60%); border: 1px solid #aaa; border-radius: 4px;">and put the content in there. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 02:26, August 9, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm called Puppy IRL, so comparing me to a puppy is not going to offend me. Is border radius cross-browser compliant now? A few years ago I remember having to screw around with it for moz/IE/opera compatibility. But what I was thinking of was a little more intense than that. It's cool. I know what I have in mind, and probably just as easy to do it as describe it. Nominally Humane! 10:15 09 Aug
No need for eye protection, it's the UnSignpost![edit source]
Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!
August 9th, 2012 • Issue 172 • You need to know stuff to be biased!
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The state of the Wiki: Summer 2012
 The biggest news of the week this week is that there isn't any news whatsoever, sure there are a few forums in the dump that promise to radically shake up the way everyone edits Uncyclopedia, or at least change it slightly. But for the most part there is no news, which always comes as a great relief to everyone in the UnSignpost office as it means that we can spend this week drivelling about pointless minutia and thus crawl that one vital step closer to death. The state of the wiki is this: nobody is voting for half of the monthly awards. This is naturally a cause of great concern for everybody, the prevailing feeling being that somebody should be nominating and voting for people on these awards, but we'd rather it wasn't us. Nobody is happy with the current VFS system, but nobody can agree on anything to change it to, so the current VFS system has remained with he proviso that everyone sneer about how unfair it is every time it is used. This periodical has already chronicled the appalling miscarriage of justice that allows administrators extra votes on VFS so it with an air of surprise that the UnSignpost can now bring to you a proposal to let administrators run everything. Uncyclopedia's 29th wordy controversy filled blockbuster of the year suggests that the admins run everything because they are the most thorough and most experienced users, the voting section of the same forum being filled with comments from admins saying "Tl;dr" and "I can't be bothered to read your entire essay", hand these splendid fellows the keys to city immediately, the UnSignpost implores you to entrust the administrative body with any nuclear codes or state secrets you might have, safe in the knowledge that they will never ever be looked at. Thekillerfroggy has solved the problems of the Worst 100 list by skipping 60 reflections and justifying it with a cliché, absolutely nobody notices and continues adding reflections about themselves and why they are adding a reflection to the list. Modusoperandi adds an actual reflection to the list causing the universe to begin collapsing in upon itself. The final and most grave piece of news is that Uncyclopedia is critically low in images of boobs, totalling only 634 pictures in the boob images category, now either some of you aren't correctly categorising your images of boobs, or there is a serious problem. Socky, who long ago took on the arduous and time consuming task of auditing the boob images category said "How I Uncyclopedia Needs More Vandals Yeah, you heard me, <insert name here>. Uncyclopedia needs more vandals. Why, you may ask. Why would we need more annoying basement-dwellers to ban? Well, I'll tell you. As all of you may have noticed, Uncyclopedia has been going through some inactivity lately, to the point where users who haven't signed on since who knows when are becoming more active on the site than users who check the website everyday. It seems our competitor has been gaining more activity than us, and we can't let that happen, now can we? There's only one way to get our activity back up: recruit vandals. Most vandals are EDiots anyway (of course, the best vandals are admins), so if we attract some vandals here, maybe they'll attract some more writers! And... er... Second thought, we don't need more vandals. Vandals suck and they should die. |
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--ChiefjusticeWii 07:08, August 10, 2012 (UTC)
Um, excuse me but[edit source]
What exactly are you doing? -RAHB 01:53, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- I'm making more articles! ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 01:57, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- Yes, so you are...Um, it appears that you're copying them from deleted articles. Why is that? -RAHB 02:05, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- Were they voted for deletion recently? ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 02:07, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- One appears to have been deleted in FFW. If you want to improve it by all means do so but don't remake it word for word... ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
02:09, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- FFW happened this year? Oh, I'm sorry. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 02:10, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- So would you like me to move them to your userspace or delete them? -RAHB 02:14, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- You can userfy it (them). ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 02:16, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- You got it. :) -RAHB 02:22, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- Hold the phone here! Happy Land 2 was an entirely original article. It was written entirely by me, I didn't base it off of anything else. Why did you userfy that one? ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 02:30, August 12, 2012 (UTC)
- Besides, Monday's deletion log shows no evidence that it was ever burnt in FFW. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 02:41, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- Okay, what's exactly happening here? You restored the Monday article from a previous version, right? -RAHB 02:44, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- The deletion log only lists your recent move and an old redirect delete by Zombiebaron. I didn't just restore it word-by-word a previous version, I wrote it myself; how would I know what the previous version looked like? But what's more important to me is Happy Land. That article had never been made before. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 02:46, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- The deletion log only lists your recent move and an old redirect delete by Zombiebaron. I didn't just restore it word-by-word a previous version, I wrote it myself; how would I know what the previous version looked like? But what's more important to me is Happy Land. That article had never been made before. ~ QZEKЯOM
- Okay, what's exactly happening here? You restored the Monday article from a previous version, right? -RAHB 02:44, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- Hold the phone here! Happy Land 2 was an entirely original article. It was written entirely by me, I didn't base it off of anything else. Why did you userfy that one? ~ QZEKЯOM
- You got it. :) -RAHB 02:22, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- You can userfy it (them). ~ QZEKЯOM
- So would you like me to move them to your userspace or delete them? -RAHB 02:14, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- FFW happened this year? Oh, I'm sorry. ~ QZEKЯOM
- One appears to have been deleted in FFW. If you want to improve it by all means do so but don't remake it word for word... ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!)
- Were they voted for deletion recently? ~ QZEKЯOM
- Yes, so you are...Um, it appears that you're copying them from deleted articles. Why is that? -RAHB 02:05, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
Just reading Monday on it's merit, and ignoring the it was deleted/it is new discussion, it has some merit as it stands, and a little rewriting could bring it up to scratch. If nobody objects, I wouldn't mind giving it a quick shave and a haircut and removing some of the meme-ish stuff and adding it back to main space. It may be this is a borderline VFD that was swept away with FFW last time, rather than being salvaged. (Although if it is a restoration from FFW/VFD, it still should have a little more work before being mainspaced.) Nominally Humane! 03:06 11 Aug
Access granted[edit source]
I hereby grant PuppyOnTheRadio exclusive permission to edit and mainspace User:Qzekrom/Monday as well as User:Qzekrom/Happy Land 2: Revenge of the Darkies. The "exclusive" business will expire once Puppy finishes fucking with the article. ~ QZEKЯOM 
Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 03:14, August 11, 2012 (UTC)
- Bugger - I'll get back to it... Nominally Humane! 05:44 17 Aug
Happy Land and Monday[edit source]
I've finally realized what went wrong with Happy Land 2: Revenge of the Darkies and the Monday article I wrote. There was a mix-up with Monday because I, myself, put the FFW template on the page by accident. I just misunderstood that it was intended to be an FFW template, my apologies. As for Happy Land 2, that was never nominated for deletion or given an FFW template.
I want to return Happy Land 2 to mainspace in the near future, but I think it needs some more content first.
- It seems rather...off, yes. But if that's the case feel free to when you feel it's right. Sorry for the mixup, then. -RAHB 08:13, August 17, 2012 (UTC)
No problemo. (-: I agree that Happy Land seems kind of off... For now. QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 16:10, August 17, 2012
One last time to do this, huh?[edit source]
[7]
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 11:13, August 13, 2012 (UTC)
- Oh God. Let's make a Worst 100 List. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 21:07, August 13, 2012 (UTC)
- I specialise in converting Cracked humor into Uncyclopedian humor. That way, I can sell it distilled (Uncyclopedian form) for 10p a gallon! |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 12:01, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
- Awesome! By the way, here's my website. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 22:42, August 22, 2012 (UTC)
- Awesome! By the way, here's my website. ~ QZEKЯOM
- I specialise in converting Cracked humor into Uncyclopedian humor. That way, I can sell it distilled (Uncyclopedian form) for 10p a gallon!
4kids UnNews[edit source]
Cool.I had an idea. The "Americanization" of anime made me think of something. Moving to an American mindset, and adding in the desexualisation of female characters, how about taking a female villain from and anime series (who has curves) and turning her into a Muslim woman (with the full hijab). I don't know enough anime knowledge or have access to a decent image editor at work, so I thought you might be able to put something together. (Which would also work on the 4kids article, which I've had some influence on in the past.) Nominally Humane! 05:35 17 Aug
- Funny idea. I'll try it. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 17:33, August 18, 2012 (UTC)
ChiefjusticeDS enjoys buttsex: The UnSignpost![edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
August 23rd, 2012 • Issue 173 • One periodical to rule them all...
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Don't mention the merger
 The UnSignpost office is always busy, the phones ringing, the journalists writing, the constant clamouring of eager interview candidates and our editor daydreaming all of the above into existence. If anyone else came through the office every week there wouldn't be room for the crippling loneliness that forms such a massive part of our lives. The same, alas, cannot be said for UnBooks Author of the Month and UnScripts Playwright of the Month whose complete lack of any activity has resulted in them both being rolled into writer of the month. Why is this news? Because it means less voting and if there's less voting there must be less democracy, that's just common sense. Responsible for this dastardly plot is none other than Simsilikesims, you all know Simsilikesims, she's the person who wrote the content warning which we now see approximately six times a day. If you didn't know how content warnings worked before you definitely do now. Simsilikesims has had a number of these good ideas and it's likely that shortly we shall see her malevolent intent, possibly in the form of combining the UnTunes namespace with the mainspace because not enough people are singing their articles in the style of Dragonforce or however it is those people who don't understand magnetic fields sing their songs. What would an intolerable loss of the right of Uncyclopedians to let parts of the wiki fall into a state of abandonment and disrepair be without Thekillerfroggy to swing the hammer of despair? Hoping nobody would notice TKF also decided to smite Reviewer of the Month into the ether. RotM is an award that literally nobody was ever interested in... It's also the only award I've ever won twice, so don't mind me, I'll just be over here sobbing while I look through the archives of the first award I ever won... In other news Mattsnow has stepped down as UnNews' biggest cheese. The war to replace him is now on, the choice being between GlobalTourniquet and a machine who will plaster something onto the front page every so often, a machine and nobody at all. We here in the UnSignpost office haven't quite decided which we prefer and have ultimately decided to vote for Batman instead. Batman has a grappling hook to reach hard-to-reach places, sneaks around wearing leather and is a complete social retard while he's doing the job, in other words he's perfect for the position. If he can save Gotham from the Joker then we have absolute confidence in his ability to read articles and then put them in a template on a fairly regular basis. Do you have an opinion? Too bad, because you don't get a say; GlobalTourniquet started doing the whole thing last Saturday. Happy Thursday! The feature feature
 "VFH sucks right now." proclaims the banner that greets all visitors to the VFH page. We've all seen it, probably whilst passing through and very pointedly not visiting VFP which is now beginning to resemble the immediate aftermath of a Nuclear event. However, this reporter has come up with an alternative explanation: it isn't VFH that sucks, it's all of you, and by extension all of us, which also happens to be all of me. Uncyclopedians, famous for their flame wars and constant douchebaggery seem to have come to the conclusion that when on VFH that it's better not to vote than to disagree. What else could account for the 15 plus voter turnout for articles that we all agree are fantastically well written/crafted, while articles which may well be of high quality, but bear the title "UnNews:Politicians politicise the filing system of plumbing the South-Eastern region of the Ukraine" struggle along, accruing 7 votes for before sitting on the feature queue until they die of old age. This alongside the fact that people can't be bothered means Thekillerfroggy is beside himself at the state of things. Why TKF? Because he seem to have appointed himself supreme worrier in-chief for VFH and is executing that duty by slapping increasingly urgent messages onto the page. "DON'T MAKE ME PUT IN CAPITALS" twitched Thekillerfroggy when approached by the UnSignpost about the latest message. How do we fix this? Voting, obviously, but it's more than that. Yes, you might only have time to vote on just one article, yes you are probably more likely to enjoy the article with 20 votes than 5, but unless you vote the articles with 5 votes will never have 20. There are lots of articles to vote on, but you have ages to do it in! This article has been there for a month and has managed 10 votes. Twitter managed 17 in 5 days! Are you people pulling our balls? Don't make us use the awe inspiring powers of caps lock to get our way, VOTE NOW! |
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08:26, August 23, 2012 (UTC)
Hamsters on caffeine?[edit source]
Sounds familiar. Nominally Humane! 01:02 24 Aug
- Yeah. I thought UnLeaks might be a good idea. We (me and a friend who also writes content for Qzekrom.com) were going to create "QLeaks" or something like that. ~ QZEKЯOM Proud sponsor of Team Zombiebaron Tw$*ty Tw%#ve G*me$ FTW! Let's go for the g^@d! 01:16, August 24, 2012 (UTC)
Jediism[edit source]
I'm trying to create a rewrite of the currently existing Jediism page, and the page I'm writing is at User:Qzekrom/Jediism. I'm going to continue adding words and put in some images. If anyone would like to help out, that would be great.
Thanks...[edit source]
For voting me as Perv of the Month. As a reward, I will not bang your girlfriend. User:Matthlock/sig2 20:36, September 5, 2012 (UTC)
- You're welcome. Oh, yeah. By the way, our F_C_BOOK image is featured on the new Qzekrom.com website. —qzekrom.net16.net clicky! 20:38, September 5, 2012 (UTC)
Set phasers to frag! It's the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
September 6th, 2012 • Issue 174 • When we were your age, this was all fields...
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My "coming out"
Hey girlfriends! This week the UnSignpost puts the "Queen" in "Drama Queen" as it discusses the issues which are literally the bomb. The biggest bomb this week, besides how darling our UnSignpost correspondents look in their new outfits, is that Zombiebaron wants the wiki to improve, this means deleting most of it and playing trivia on IRC. The bigger news is that PoofyOnTheRadio also wants the wiki to improve, this means not playing trivia on IRC and sending editors out onto the internet in order to sell their bodies to Google in the hopes that this will increase traffic to the wiki. These squabbles are ultimately self-defeating, while we are arguing amongst ourselves whether or not we ought to change the beginner's guide into an 20 minute video and a fireworks display we still haven't managed to do anything. What we have decided is that articles can be deleted with less than +5 votes to delete and that RAHB is very good at trivia if nothing else. The other big news from weeks ago is that Mattsnow has stopped being in charge of UnNews after a period of however long it is he has been doing that. Shabidoo who loves to do "zany" stuff so he can get into the UnSignpost, has created an extra forum to ensure that absolutely nobody thanks Mattsnow and instead demonstrates just how hilarious they are. Congratulations to Zombiebaron who came out with the completely obvious joke before anyone else. Finally GlobalTourniquet, the new UnNews Quasar (by appointment of himself) is open to criticism... and penis, lol. VFHarassment
Remember the heady days of two weeks ago when we told you all to feel very bad because VFH didn't have enough nominations. Well forget that because now it does and we can move our sensationalist bandwagon elsewhere. Where better to send it than Pee review, currently known as the namespace that isn't a namespace that time forgot. Five reviews for the entire month of August demonstrates that nobody really seems particularly interested in assisting the review process. It might take a little while to do a Pee Review but there is a reason we have the space. It is of particular concern as we have a list of people who are supposed to be doing reviews at least once a month, myself included. Where are we? Who knows, but we certainly aren't perusing the list of articles awaiting review. Let's go over there! Let's bring Thekillerfroggy who can put a stern template at the top of the page and insist that this is hugely important to the wiki, guess what.... IT IS!!! Also there is likely to be a new VFS this month, bring on the voting, it makes everything better!
Why, again, are we counting to a million? Ever since 2008, Uncyclopedia has had a tradition of counting to a million. Started by Spang, this tradition has been going on for nearly five years. However, recently the question was asked relating to the value of the forum, with users complaining that it was "completely devoid of humor" and that it turns smart users into idiots. After mass protest (okay, not really) from the contributors of the thread and from someone else, said users commented on the forum saying that counting to a million is why so many articles supposedly suck nowadays and it's also why VFH is completely empty. It has also been stated that only idiots would do it. So now I'm attempting to answer it as quickly as I can: that's the point. We're idiots and we know that we're never going to make it to a million, but we want to see how close we can get anyway. So if you are the type of idiot that would write for Uncyclopedia, feel free to assist us in our count to one million, or close to. |
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--ChiefjusticeWii 10:52, September 6, 2012 (UTC)
I could be good at this.[edit source]
|Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 08:20, September 22, 2012 (UTC)
- As in a new article? I think that would be great! I apologize that I haven't really been here in a while. —qzekrom.net16.net clicky! 14:21, September 22, 2012 (UTC)
I just wrote an UnNews piece[edit source]
What do you think of it? User:Matthlock/sig2 00:53, November 6, 2012 (UTC)
- Nice. Mainspace and VFH. —qzekrom.net16.net clicky! 01:02, November 6, 2012 (UTC)
- Now should I make an audio file for my article, or would that be a little narcissistic? User:Matthlock/sig2 18:48, November 9, 2012 (UTC)
- Definitely. —qzekrom.net16.net clicky! 00:13, November 10, 2012 (UTC)
- What do you mean when you say "definitely"? I should definitely make an audio file, or what I said is definitely narcissistic? User:Matthlock/sig2 23:10, November 10, 2012 (UTC)
- Definitely. —qzekrom.net16.net clicky! 00:13, November 10, 2012 (UTC)
- Now should I make an audio file for my article, or would that be a little narcissistic? User:Matthlock/sig2 18:48, November 9, 2012 (UTC)
Extra! Extra! News that's not new to you![edit source]
I love it when the news comes together
Nov 20rd, 2012 • Issue 175 • The edition that's black and white and dead all over
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We are all doomed, and it's Wikia's fault
It's been a quiet four months at Uncyclopedia, our hometown, out here on the edge of the prairie, and it's not just because Wikia have murdered everyone and are currently bathing in golden tubs filled with their blood. It seems Uncyclopedia has lost more users than John Travolta has lost gerbils up his own butt[citation needed], but fear not, Uncyclopedians-who-have-been-here-less-than-one-month! Long-time wunderkind and beloved administrator Frosty (sorry, are we laying it on too thickly?) has a plan to save us, and it involves... getting himself run over by a car. Ha ha! Actually, he posted a forum topic, accompanied by a vote, because that's what Uncyclopedians do in times of crisis, and it always works. Forum:Petitions to make all our users that quit comeback attempts to galvanize Uncyclopedia's remaining users to action by reminding them that we used to have members, Oh! so many members! Most of whom were better than us! Please sign a petition asking them back—sign, you ungrateful todgers, like your lives depend on it—and then email them all on the 14th! In theory, the people receiving said emails will return to Uncyclopedia with smiles on their faces and bliss in their hearts. In practice, however, the plan has been difficult to implement. And by "difficult", we mean "slightly impossible". A frustrated user has narrowed the plan's failure to three causes:
As it turns out, Wikia has limited the number of emails users can send to each other to ONE PER BLOODY DAY, rendering Frosty's scheme to bury our departed users under an avalanche of spam all for naught. As of Monday, November 19, exactly two departed users have been persuaded to return by the campaign, and nobody likes Kakun or Oliphaunte anyway, because they are useless puddles of suckage. It's just as well; most current Uncyclopedians are slightly too drunk to notice that putting a running chainsaw against one's neck is a bad idea, much less understand what the petition is all about. At any rate, if you haven't accidentally decapitated yourself with a chainsaw, do have a look at that forum, and if necessary, make yourself one or two (or forty) sockpuppets, just to spam those long-departed users of ours. The Cabal Wills It.* *(Note: There Is No Cabal) Frosty is dead.
No, you read that wrong, he is just dead inside. Earlier this month, Frosty nearly had the shit murdered out of him by a car. Luckily, as Frosty is a typical Australian teenager, he was protected from serious harm by his protein-based exoskeleton and his thick layer of poisonous, mucosal warts. The car is expected to recover in time for the rematch; in an interview with our correspondent, the car shouted numerous dark threats while leaping onto a turnbuckle and shredding its T-shirt. In the interim, Frosty has been resting comfortably with the aid of codeine, alcohol, and oral favors from the Asian transsexuals arrayed at his feet. "I find Uncyclopedia no longer holds the same draw for me as it did before," said Frosty, "especially since I've been getting oral favours from these Asian transsexuals arrayed at my feet." So weep, all ye who read this, for Frosty has joined the ranks of the undead, despised by God and abhorred by the God-fearing. On the upside: he can now appreciate those movies about sparkly vampires. On the downside: he wants our blood. RUN! Return of the Prodigal Son
Hearts and minds were filled with joy last month by the tentative return of beloved Uncyclopedian Bizzeebeever, who became scarce in July, leaving behind a terse apology for "having no money for Internetting". Current Uncyclopedia ghost Lyritha was heard to say "Buckets, remind me who that is, again..." before floating away down a corridor, moaning and rattling chains. Or rather, she would have, if ghosts were real, and if we'd asked her. Bizzeebeever's return is said to augur good tidings for the wiki, even though his current contributions consist of pointless pot-shots at Wikia, and short, pithy remarks left on talk pages, such as "fuck you, I hope you are dead", and "please disregard the previous comment, my penis was caught in a pencil sharpener". He also lurks for hours on IRC, talking and playing UnTrivia by himself. It will surprise no one at all that Bizzeebeever is now the person most accomplished at playing with himself; when we asked Zombiebaron about Bizzeebeever's remarkable dominance of a game that no one else plays, he was heard to remark "Zombiebaron", which our interpreters took to mean "Can someone please ban that guy? I am too lazy to do it myself." We at the Unsignpost do hope that Bizzeebeever holds on to his current position as Head of Quality Assurance at the dildo factory, for we have missed his hilarious forum posts almost as much as we missed his habit of talking himself up in the Unsignpost ...and his limpid blue eyes ...and his silky-soft golden locks ...and the charmingly-gnarled 40 kg tumor jutting from his neck—you know the one, it resembles the offspring of a blood tangerine and a baboon, and contains both hair and teeth...? (That might be his head; we're not sure.) Anyway, yes, we all love Bizzeebeever, and we hope he stays "returned", at least until the judge decides whether to hold him indefinitely, or just chemically castrate him, for the safety of the public. Return of the OTHER Prodigal Son
This past week, another intermittent Uncyclopedia member (and full-time Mensch-in-Chief), TKF, returned to swear at SPIKE; delete articles which had even votes on VFD; ban people; feature an article with one "For" vote, one "Against" vote, and one comment on VFH; and be a generally hilarious excuse for an administrator. We all want to be you when we grow up, TKF! |
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~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Nov 20 '12 9:04 (UTC)
I don't know if you know this but[edit source]
Yous website is BROKEN HO — 
(talk) (contributions) Nov 22 2012 05:38
I didn’t find…[edit source]
Hello.
having more practice of html and css than on wiki-grammar (wiki language is truly difficulter than html for me, sadly, it isn’t a joke), I didn’t find how to do this correction (and if it must be done?): http://uen.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/The_Importance_of_Being_Earnest/Text has a }}wikipedia{{ thing, but on wikipedia it doesn’t link to the good page. The good link to the wikipedia article wouldn’t include the “/Text”. Mypoorlugar (talk) 16:04, November 25, 2012 (UTC)
- Use {{Wikipediapar}}--
- {{Wikipediapar|the actual name of the Wikipedia article|the text you want shown in your article}}
- But I would recommend that you not use anything on subpages. Reference the Wikipedia article only on the main page. Spıke ¬ 16:16 25-Nov-12
The UnSignpost! Cancel Your Subscription Today![edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
Nov 27, 2012 • Issue 176 • I scream, you scream, we all scream...for painful orgasms
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 No, Uncyclopedia has not gotten religion; it's still full of degenerates, wang vandals, and that scourge of gay men everywhere: uncensored images of boobies. However, it has seen a recent influx of old and new users, most of whom apparently never got the memo about how Uncyclopedia sucks, or how Uncyclopedia is dying, or how Uncyclopedia will be contagious for another six weeks before the amoxicillin starts working. Returning recently like a scorching case of gonorrhea were Meganew (!), Socky, NoNamesLeft (to the everlasting delight of Frosty), and Master of Menageries Comicat1, who took a six-month sabbatical to invent preposterous new animals on the Serengeti. New users include Sinner George, MagicBus, Leverage, Fakehater and Kamek98, who have all taken to editing like ducks take to water—of course proving that they are all sockpuppets of someone, for which they will all be perm-banned, just as soon as Frosty can figure out who. Lastly but not leastly, we celebrate the arrival of the ridiculously competent Murder Frog, who brings expertise on influential musicians of the last century, but, more importantly, has the most awesome name since the Universe itself birthed Captain Machinegun Thunderpants Fuckmaster on a pile of slaughtered tigers. The UnSignpost welcomes them, one and all, and hopes that their tranquilizers don't wear off while they still remember how to leave. Obituary for a friend
Thanksgiving came and went on Uncyclopedia this past week, and while the rest of the world was busy cracking jokes about how Americans really don't need to throw a holiday as an excuse for eating, a certain Uncyclopedia tradition was busy getting beaten, raped, and left for dead in the compost-bin of memory. Yes, we were referring to the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball; how did you know? For those of you who don't remember, or don't want to remember (we assume that's all of you), the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball was the once-mighty celebration of sex-, torture- and scat-based humor so debauched and vile that it would shame a London dockside whore, and not a fresh young one, either—one that had been "fucked around the fleet". Sadly, no one even remembered the damn thing until two days before Thanksgiving, and when Uncyclopedia's favorite whipping boy brought up the subject in a forum, he was met by a silence so vast that we assume he fell into it, because we haven't seen him since. Being Kip, though, he'll probably pop back up through a sewer grate somewhere. Swim hard, Kip. The ATDB left no survivors; its limp corpse will be thoroughly sexually abused, its intestines torn apart and worn around necks like Christmas garland, and its remains will be fed to a freshly no-legged midget with a massive dildo rammed up his butt. Damn you, Mhaille and Zombiebaron, you lazy useless fucks. Esoteric bullshit
A certain faithful UnSignpost reader recently noted via electronic signal that the UnSignpost's last edition was both "spam" and "esoteric bullshit". We Here At the UnSignpost™ were, to be frank, shocked and dismayed by this statement, for it was never our intent to be anything but the most outrageously stupid, inane, crass, vulgar, rude, boorish, inbred, brain-dead, emotionally-stunted, anti-literate, fucked-up and all-around retarded puddle of gassy splooge east or west of the Mississippi—or any river, for that matter. In this endeavor, however, it seems we have failed.  Yes, someone has beat us to it, and by a wide margin, for he is the undisputed champion of such sculduddery. So we offer up our most heartfelt apology to that reader, who shall remain nameless (it was Hotadmin4u69), and we humbly admit that we stand in awe of his ability to pick the gayest user name possible, not once, but twice. However, while we wish him the best of luck in disentangling his dental retainer from his own scrotum, we would like to remind him of the famous adage, Never quarrel with a man who buys ink by the barrel. |
Frosty Sez:
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~ Thu, Nov 29 '12 5:27 (UTC)
Journalism so yellow it's orange: The UnSignpost[edit source]
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
Dec 6th, 2012 • Issue 177 • OH GOD RUN! IT HAS GENITALS, AND IT IS IN SEARCH OF A MATE!
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A headline goes here! No, really!
Well, it's that time of the month when you realize you've wasted another 30 days in the company of Uncyclopedians, and your wife or girlfriend metamorphoses into a giant man-eating banana and rampages through Kuala Lumpur while screaming about "cramps". But cheer up, Mister Cratchit! Eet's Christmas toime! Yes, time to purchase meaningless junk for people you hate, give freely to homeless assholes who are too lazy to work for their own money, and get drunk with other people you hate, because the economy is in the shitter, and if you ain't buying, you're with the terrorists! And now that I've reminded you of your long-lost Christmas spirit, it's time to remind you of something we like to call "VFS"! Yes, VFS is upon us again, and with it come several calls to op some twit named "Bizzeebeever". We Here At The UnSignpost™ can't think of anything that would benefit the wiki less, unless it was feeding live badgers through a blender inside Wikia's datacenter, or perhaps marking the words "UNCYCLOPEDIA HATES JIMBO" onto a large paper bag, filling it with our own feces, lighting it afire, and dropping it through an open window at the headquarters of the Wikimedia Foundation. Or perhaps renting a hot-air balloon and filling its ballast tanks with liquid sewage and flying over the house of one James Q. Wales, Esq. Or perhaps sacrificing virgins on a beach under a full moon, nude, while blasting Slayer from massive speakers while a Coast Guard boat rakes the sand with machine-gun fire...um, where were we again? Ah, yes! The idiots over at VFS are on about something. You should go vote "no".
This week, MAJOR NEWS happened, and as usual, our correspondents were on it quicker than Kirstie Alley on a meat sandwich, or a meat pie, or anything made of meat, really. We are happy to report that longtime useless slacker and IRC lurker RAHB checked out a book from a local library! (Please suppress your exclamations of shock and dismay, folks; the neighbors are still complaining about the Coast Guard-assisted virgin sacrifice). When we inquired about RAHB's first foray into intellectual enrichment since his early childhood, he summarized it as follows:
Stay tuned for next week, folks, when Zombiebaron Hears a Who! Same Bat-Channel, same Bat-Time!
The last two editions of the UnSignpost, which were the first editions published since the last editor came down with a case of exploding lung-weasels and threw himself off a cliff, contained 150% more fucking swear-words and 6000% more hyperventillating about things which are going to kill us all (such as Wikia, you knew it was going to be Wikia, because fuck Wikia). However, most of the 700 complaints we've received in the last two weeks (all of which were from Hotadmin4u69, and 699 of which included candid shots of his genitals[1]) concerned the lack of the UnSignpost dog, who we cheerfully claimed had been murdered and turned into soup. (If you hadn't noticed, go back and check. We'll wait.) This, of course, was an outrageous and unforgivable ploy on our parts to get your attention, and we apologize for it profusely; we promise never again to threaten or even joke about violence against dogs, especially since the SPCA's hired thugs know where we live. So here you are, folks: this week's edition of this glorious rag will go back to the usual tradition of featuring a charming dog who is in no peril at all:  Oops.
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~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) 
~ Thu, Dec 6 '12 13:00 (UTC)
User SkySam on Talk:Uncyclopedia[edit source]
In fact, Hotadmin4u69 left the welcome message on his talk page. If he can't figure out how to get there, he's a lost cause. Cite UN:SIG, not the Wikipedia page, then you won't have to warn him. As he picked a random article and typed noise all over its talk page, I'm inclined to revert everything out tomorrow if he doesn't take the next step. Spıke ¬ 04:27 9-Dec-12
- UN:SIG (almost said "UN:DIG") does not tell users how to type four tildes. —qzekrom.net16.net clicky! 04:29, December 9, 2012 (UTC)
True; but the said welcome message did, if he can figure out how to find it. Have now indeed reverted Talk:Uncyclopedia. Spıke ¬ 08:59 9-Dec-12
Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost![edit source]
The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH
Dec 12th, 2012 • Issue 178 • Only wild horses can tear me apart.
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 I was asked to write a guest editorial, so let's get this over with. In the spirit of the Christmas and/or Holiday Season, I would like to offer an olive branch of peace. We could all use a little more peace around here. Well, not here, per se, because drama is always welcome amusement for me. More so than in places like the Middle East—the Middle East needs to calm the fuck down and Uncyclopedia needs to be more like the Middle East is what I'm trying to say. Still, drama isn't always amusing. For example, I won't be on the front page next month (I mean, if (point for humility) I win an award) because someone is having a pissy-fit over some bollocks and removed the awards from the front page. In this particular case, we need to pee on the fire, rather than fan the flames. The conflict I'm referring to is between two celebrated users, Thekillerfroggy and SPIKE. The root of this tension stems from the fact that TKF thinks SPIKE is the worst person ever and should leave this site, or at least stop sucking his own dick. Basically, SPIKE is to TKF what Toby is to Michael on The Office. Particularly if there were a British equivalent to Toby. God, that's a good show. Or was. It really blows now. Let me just say that you both have your faults. TKF: You need to stop being a dick, even when it is more hilarious than when it isn't. You appear to be in a drunken rage. I realize it's Hanukkah, but you should really tone it down on the whine. And SPIKE: Well, I just think you're a textbook case of someone who needs to masturbate more. I suggest you start December 25th, when you're having a less-than-sufficient amount of fun reading my holiday-themed articles. Despite these differences, you both have one thing in common: You're Uncyclopedians. And the essence of being an Uncyclopedian is appreciating the art of Comedy. When the world is at its darkest, we rely on the light of humor, parody and satire. Some have said that Uncyclopedia is at its darkest point right now, that our brightest days are far behind. Yet if the annual winter solstice teaches us anything, it's that the brightest days always follow the darkest nights. Or some sugary moral message like that. I mostly just wanted to drop a few horrible puns and get away with insulting you both all over the site. Merry Christmas! Today's date is significant!
Because Joey Numbers has his first feature, Wikia are censoring cocks, and it's 12/12/12. That's why, bitches. Uncyclopedia and social nutworking!  Do you have a lame sense of humor that is best expressed in 140 characters or less? Do you enjoy ruining the mojo of entire websites? Do you have a tiny penis, or none at all? Then have we got news for you! Those of you who wish to do a better job of misrepresenting Uncyclopedia on all the popular social platforms, including YouBoob, Twatter, Facebutt, StubbleUpon, Porntrest, Cumblr, Spreddit, and all the others, are hereby invited to hit up Hotadmin4u69's talk page, and to do it forthwith, post-haste. Why? Because Hotadmin4u69 runs Uncyclopedia's social networking presenceses...es, all by his lonesome—or at least he did...until now. But he's NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOAH! No, seriously, he's going to quit the wiki entirely (as if he hasn't already) if people don't lend him a hand. He loves you all, but you all suck, and it's a thankless task—almost as thankless as writing and delivering this drivel every week. |
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Talk Works 14:13, Dec. 12, 2012
Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost[edit source]
83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
Dec 19th, 2012 • Issue 179 • YOUR JOKE HERE! Contact management for details.
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Apocalypse postponed until after NFL playoffs
 This week, it was publicly confirmed for the first time that the on-again-off-again Apocalypse has been postponed indefinitely, due to an accumulation of frozen water in and about the subterranean headquarters of Heck, Incorporated. Yes, it appears that Uncyclopedia's dwindling community of degenerates and failed comedy writers (which is literally the same thing, but never mind), having suffered far too long under the Wikian lash of nipple-and-dick censorship, have finally gotten their shit together[citation needed], and are making a move to new hosting. News of the move came in Uncyclopedia's Village Dump, as part of a nonchalant post by Lyrithya, who returned to the site from her current job as a human spiderweb to stun, confound, and enrage exactly two people with her announcement. When asked why she chose now to de-bag her cat, instead of waiting for a more opportune moment (such as, y'know, after the fucking move actually happened), Lyrithya had this to say: "I was drunk." Salient words, indeed, which show she is an Uncyclopedian through-and-through, and which afford the rest of us an overwhelming sense of confidence in the Uncyclodepia Moving Company. Yes. However, while We Here At The UnSignpost™ lounge about and poke fun, you may rest assured that the technicians at Up With Uncyclodepia have not been taking it easy. It's been eleven months of back-breaking work out on the wiki farm, getting up at the crack of noon to shovel out the cow coop, milk the chickens, and slap the sheep for indulging in indelicate thoughts. According to an anonymous source at the highest level of Uncyclopedia's labyrinthine network of cabals, the move quite definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, will be happening at some distant point in the very near future, probably maybe, just as soon as all the ducks are lined up in convenient rows so that they can be loaded onto trains and sent to special camps. When we asked what the bloody devil this meant, we were told to shut up and move along, and that there is no cabal, which we admit must be true, as we have heard it so many times. So, to recap: Uncyclopedia is leaving Wikia for greener pastures, and as most things undertaken by Uncyclopedians happen, it will be slap-dash, semi-competent, and will probably result in everyone involved hating each other to the death, hopefully with the assistance of swords, horses, and heavy artillery. Reaction to the news!
As of press time, the list of Uncyclopedians furious at having been left out of all the fun could not be reached for comment, but are assumed to be boiling with righteous indignation. To make sense of the week's stunning development, we were able to get hold of an expert on all things frozen and hellish: Sumerian demon-king and devil-about-town, Pazuzu. "I was just doing what I usually do," said he, "by which I mean I was hanging out in some northeastern American town, whispering into the ear of a nondescript loner that guns are fun and kids love fun, and hey wouldn't it be cool if you combined the two?, when I heard that Uncyclopedia was leaving Wikia! I said shit, motherfucker! and ran over there as quick as I could to shut that shit down, but it was too late. And now my home Down Under is encased in ice. Man, some days you're the dog, and some days you're the fire hydrant, know what I mean?" We really didn't, but as we have always enjoyed not being frogs, and would prefer to maintain that state, we nodded furiously and thanked our interviewee for his time. Newbies! Protect them, love them, they are our future! Heil Newbies!
 How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed' , and other variations of the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny' ? So what we can do here, but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well-scrubbed! In recent months, we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed, and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater, and the ferocious Fakehater, who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phony. Then there is Murder_Frog, who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. (Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers.) Another newbie who is currently taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea, but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground, looking for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog-related stories, is Igotnothing, whilst from the Land of Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places—here, there or everywhere. Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door? The jury is out, and so am I, tonight. Go ahead, check these fledglings out here. |
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~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:32 (UTC)
Drop your pants and grab the eggnog! It's the UnSignpost.[edit source]
The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!
January 2nd, 2013 • Issue 180 • We always do it Manually!
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Vote! Or else!
Is it that time of year again? It's the time when everyone celebrates the people who are the most remarkable amongst us at everything except what matters. It's time for Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year. These compliment our small selection of awards: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to all the userspace awards. Writer of the Year got off to a splendid start when Aleister in Chains nominated Funnybony and SPIKE for the award by writing brief but poignant marriage proposals to both of them. Thank goodness for Aleister, if not for him the wider world might have assumed we weren't all massive girls. Since then Thekillerfroggy nominated Xamralco, who was not able to express his appreciation due to a serious case of not editing the wiki any longer. As always what should be a rigorous heterosexual competition involving manly pursuits like backstabbing, lies, blackmail and threats is being irretrievably compromised by people like Aleister and Shabidoo; people whose sole purpose on the awards pages is to make everybody else feel bad about not noticing other people. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Romartus, Uncyclopedia's voting-in-chief. Shockingly, he was also nominated by Aleister who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas, apparently Romartus makes him "Proud to be an uncyclopedian", he makes "Legendary votes on VFH" and gives "Legendary hand relief".  Potatochopper of the Year is a more subdued and manly affair, where absolutely nobody has been nominated at all... it's like reviewer of the month were moved to a different page name. Hopefully Aleister or Shabidoo will nominate someone soon, we here at the UnSignpost have gone to the trouble of writing the nomination for them: "<insert name here> has made many fantastic images, at least two of which I have made love to on at least nineteen occasions. My genitals ache for them every single evening and someday they will make my dreams come true and love me! Also Olipro sucks balls." Olipro was the only nominee for Useless Gobshite of the Year (insert your own joke here), but Zombiebaron quickly joined him in ignominy. Please go vote for both of them so they may end up tied, and share the prize (a year's supply of toilet paper) on their revolving bed built entirely from used condoms and KY bottles. From the desk of the Cabal: 2013 is the year of subservience
 Once again you all stand before us, another year of failure behind you and another year of subjugation ahead of you. The non-existent Cabal would like to wish you all a happy New Year. All Once again you have failed us, utterly and completely. Last year we advised you all that resistance was utterly unnecessary and, if anything, we have had to tolerate 0.22% more resistance, we have heard you discuss and then decide to leave our kind benefactors, whilst promoting several of your own number to within the cabal in an effort to encourage dissent and democracy within our ranks. We saw you continue to tinker with that which does not concern you whilst simultaneously complaining when people are warned about the indecent images you propagate amongst your number. It seems prudent to remind you that if we delete every single template, every single image and every single forum your freedom will only increase. It is not what some of you have foolishly referred to as "overly deletionist", it is streamlining and it is good for all of you. It is with vague optimism that we note that you continue to strive at a barely satisfactory level, you have certainly earned a small fraction of the baubles and trinkets that have been handed out over the past year. It has not escaped our notice that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2012 only closed on time this year due to Thekillerfroggy skipping sixty of the reflections, we are gratified to note that Roman Dog Bird had practically no input on the list and very few of them regard uncontrolled outbreaks of creativity and morale, such dangerous forces must be carefully rationed and controlled.  Cutting of corners and a blatant disregard for regulations do not amuse the Cabal. Now we must inexorably turn our attentions to 2013 and the promise it brings. All users should note that due to several security compromises over the last few months movement throughout the Uncyclopedia complex has been restricted during the hours of darkness. Where major editing is to take place you must ensure that you have faxed the appropriate forms to your divisional liaison officer prior to commencing work, failure to do so will result in an unacceptable breakdown in bureaucracy. Uncyclopedia must prevail, editors must remember that without patient mind numbing work and servitude we can never accomplish our ultimate goal of... well, that need not concern you. That is all citizens, you may now return to your allocated taskings. |
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~ Wed, Jan 2 '13 13:24 (UTC)
UnSignpost sez, "Give Pease a Chance!"[edit source]
May contain traces of humor!
Jan 11th, 2012 • Issue 181 • Solid information. At its worst.
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Three cheers! SPIKE is going to lose his bet! .jpg) If you haven't heard, we recently moved and split from those meanies at Wikia. If you haven't heard, you're 1) either oblivious or 2) new to this site. Because... you are on the site now. But don't get me wrong, we are sooooo better than the fools who stayed. AY! Speaking of fools at the old, less stylish Uncyclopedia site, (maybe I'll regret saying this in the future) SPIKE made a bet with a few other users that the new site would be out and down by the end of the week. Being Saturday the 12th. We will all stay up Friday night and count down until that naughty dog is proven wrong. However if we do fail, which we won't, SPIKE will become known as a psychic throughout the globe. We aren't going to let this happen, are we? If you haven't gotten the hint... the answer is a big N and a big O! NO! Plus, SPIKE, according to TKF has a very bad betting history. Send him to Vegas, lord, please! Make him bankrupt or something, please? Also, some examples of the users that decided to migrate to this site (all the cool users do this) are for one, myself, Zombiebaron, RAHB, Simmy, Lyrithya, Aleister who received a name change, and TKF, who received a name change. Not to forget that one guy, Sir Frosty, who has been recently reverted all of our pornos, for our self enjoyment. The majority of his reverts of the Wikia censorship thingy-ma-bobber pics involved boobies. Nice work, Frosty. Round of applause everybody! On the other hand, all the cool cats are doing it, so go add yourself to this list and tell us about how you stumbled upon calling yourself what you are known as here. Better be good, or we're coming to get ya! We're gonna suck out your insides using your intestines as a bendy straw, YUM! An example includes Zombiebaron, who got his name from stealing it from a video game. Another example is Strange but untrue, who took the name from her first (probably porn) website. Some lame examples include David Gerard's and Splaka's, who became known as that because of a typo. I myself, am a typo of my parents, who misspelled condom worked and here I am. Splaka failed to tell us more about the typo and what word was suppose to be the username. Shame, shame, shame! And one last thing, Ly is demanded the reporting of any and all (EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF 'EM, OR ELSE) bugs/crashes/malfunctions/apocalypses the site gives you. They should be reported here, or else we'll That is it for now, I am Sir Peasewhizz, you are some random reader in which I may not know, this article is over, except for this line: I need some soup. Be ashamed Just because of that little incident, you had to make more little incidents, Kip? Shame! Look what you've done, oh dear heavens! |
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~ Fri, Jan 11 '13 5:30 (UTC)
Unsignpost - 20130119042144 gibberish asdf[edit source]
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
Jan 19th, 2012 • Issue 182 • Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.
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The Return of Not Jedis, but rather Old Users No, we do not mean users with ages soaring into the atmosphere. Well, I hope so. Because 80 year old users would be weird, just saying. However, users who had currently quit the Wikia back up to years ago have now returned, and maybe all will return. Why did they leave? Protest mainly, or traveling the world. The world is big, however, so that could explain things. Some sysops have returned, including MoneySign, Tom mayfair, MadMax, etc. On the hand of the those who aren't admins, TheSlyFox sneaked back into the site, ColinAYB has returned, and even Acmed2 has returned after his rage quit in September of 2012. So basically, what is to be said for here is, well... Uncyclopedia attracts quality writers that write from the heart, which Wikia wouldn't allow. Everybody, here's a life lesson: Down with Wikia! Argument on swastikas is fading Recently, I have raised a master debate on HGA's (who desires to be called HGA instead of his actual username, so don't call him
So hopefully, Kip's influence off my original forum will die down and stop influencing others. Like Joey's instinct to respond, as seen here: Joey Number's sig. However, DO NOT confuse these mock threads with this response seen here, as Socky has a very good point. Go vote now!
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I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:23, 19 January 2013
Unsignpost - 20130124050125 gibberish asdf[edit source]
The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.
January 24th, 2013 • Issue 183 • Better sign it.
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The spam finds its way Nobody could have expected the return of the spam. I'm just kidding. Everyone knew it was going to happen. Recently, Ly has made it so editing is more open to those who aren't "users" and with that, came the inevitable spam. Probably the first major bit of spam came from a user who was putting a troll face in 400px on many pages (including category pages). I alerted Lyrithya on IRC and she blocked the user with a time of infinite. I had already put the user on Ban Patrol. Yes, Ban Patrol. We need to kick it into gear now. Like it once was. We want more of it. So please, get your spam spray ready, the Ban Patrol ready to penetrate, and your anti-spam mind in motion. That is an order! The Cold War Update
Well, ladies and gentlemen... It has begun. For those of you who don't know, (you should all know, it has been a few weeks) the great internet humor wiki known across the world as Uncyclopedia has officially split, since January 5th to be precise. While there are those who remain loyal to the original (now completely Wikia-owned) Uncyc, others have left and formulated a site of their own, "Free Uncyclopedia," if you will. Every Saturday, starting this week, I will give an update at Uncyc Cold War on the current situation, sharing details with the populaces of both sites on any updates pertaining to the current split. Post on that page's talk page if you wish to give your input as a Wikia Uncycer or a Free Uncycer. Some of you may wish to know how this started... It all goes back a very long time ago, when a man named Chronarion sold the original Uncyclopedia (uncyclopedia.org) to Wikia for beer and hookers, the company originally created by Jimbo Wales as a hub of wikis for various specific subjects. Over the years, Wikia did many things to Uncyclopedia, including domain name updates, restrictions on hardline levels of satire, and most notable of all, the censoring of all unclad racks on the entire site. The final spark was (according to Frosty, one of the Free Uncyc leaders (Sannse we're ratting you out), a heavy demand over adding a North America-only suicide prevention hotline to the suicide page. Regardless of the circumstances, members were tired of Wikia, and as such left the site to formulate their own variant. Frosty would then go on a rage to revert all booby pictures and give us nudes once again.  If you touch the red zones in just the right way... it will cause an explosion. A primary difficulty for years was the fact that there was no original domain name that a new Uncyclopedia could be built on. Uncyclopedia.org was in Wikia's hands, after all. Incapable of simply leaving, a domain name ([en.uncyclopedia.co]) was eventually found, and the move was made by the majority of writers and the like. The inevitable struggle between these two wikis will prove to be most interesting to watch as it plays out. Until next week, keep on trucking! UnVoyage - journey around the world without leaving your seat, the ultimate travel experience for lazy people!
Uncyclopedian Yrtneg has created a new project - UnVoyage. It's a parody of Wikivoyage. It's a fake travel guide with pages like "Space", "Hell", and etc. Now of course, we're all going to forget about it before six months, but who cares. Go ahead and add some pages! Bitch. Right now there's nothing but who cares. Uncyclopedian Carlb suggested making pages like "Titanic" and "the moon". The main page is at UnVoyage and it's pretty fucked up. Go check it out!
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I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:03, 24 January 2013
Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf[edit source]
The Newspaper 4 out of 5 Dentists Agree On!
January 31st, 2013 • Issue 184 • We're delivering it to your door anyways!
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First month of the Real Uncyclopedia, a sexy & successful one January is over, and to sum things up; the Real Uncyclopedia is doing well. Along with the move, we had multiple features, new users, successful donations, the opping of Bizzeebeever, the new ability to check users, the return of TheLedBalloon and Dawg, etc., a new Uncyclo-project called UnVoyage, new gadgets, name changes, a new poopsmith, more boobies, and even edits from a V6 IP address! Last but not least, the USP is getting done. With contributions from ZB!  ...and here's Slender dancing in celebration! So thank you all and we hope to see more joy in the months, years, decades, centuries, and even galactic light-years to come! Social media Recently, a new addition has been made to Uncyclopedia's Social Media Team. None other than the one, the only, the fabulous Sir Peasewhizz! Sir Peasewhizz has already updated the only Twitter you should care about, found here. He has also been made part of the staff for the official Uncyclopedia Facebook, found here. And if you're not following these precious and incredible feeds, then shame! Make time!!!!!...please? Thank you. Thank you.
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I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:24, 31 January 2013
Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf[edit source]
The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.
February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.
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GLORY! GLORY! WINNNERS! WINNERS! WIINNERRRRS!! YAYYYYY! Aye! Yes, it is true. January is now over. So we're into to February 2013, where the second month of the new site is bound to be kickin'! Am I right or am I right? Well, here's some news that you can get excited for. With the conclusion of January 2013, we have the 2012 Year Award winners implanted into the sexy body of Uncyclopedia History and boy do we have some happy users out there! After a close competition in each category, (which wasn't rigged at all!) behold the users whom gained more "jazzy-ness" from the conclusion of the voting! First off, the Writer of the Year is none other than the killer... the froggy... TKF! TKF won Writer of the Year 2012 with 8 for votes and a baby-slapping 15.5 features tallied for the year twenty-twelve. Coming in second place was Funnybony with 5 votes and 14 features in 2012! Xamralco came in third with 3 votes for and most of his 2012 features being Top features of the month! Second off we have Uncyclopedian of the Year. The winners of UOTY 2012 is a tie between the recently opped in January '13 and quite picture-n-tech master; Bizzeebeever. Who did he tied with? Oh, just the newly opped in September of 2012; the young Australian divinity Frosty! Both had 9 for votes! Coming in 3rd place was Romartus, an admin who chose to stay with the old site, who received a pretty good 6 votes for. Good competition boys! Third off is Potatochopper of the Year (AKA Radical-X of the Year). Who is this winner? Going for the double crown after winning the Uncyclopedian of the Year along with Frosty, is Bizzeebeever! Great pictures man! Great pictures! Not only did he win by an impression-pushing 8 votes in his favor, but he was so good he scared away competition! He was the only nominee and obviously nobody else was nominated because everyone knows that BB would crush his competition. We're not kidding... May the fourth be Gobshite of Ultimate in 2012. Being the only two gobshites nominated, the two tied and were written down in Now we have the month awards for January 2013. Categories are: n00b of the Moment, Uncyclopedian of the Month, Useless Gobshite of the Month, and the Foolitzer Prize for January 2013! What? You're wondering why Writer of the Month wasn't mentioned? Well, um... nobody nommed anyone worthy and actually there was only like 3 votes. And the most someone got was one vote for. So make something happen for February's Writer of the Month this time around! GO! GO! GO! Y, who received 5 for votes won the NOTM for January of 2013. There was a tie for Uncyclopedian of the Month, the MoveCabal and Sir Peasewhizz both mustered up the minimum 5 for votes to hold co-ownership of the January 2013 Uncyclopedian of the Month award-title-thing. For the Useless Gobshite of the Month, Zombiebaron won with 6 for votes, being the only nominee. With 3 for votes, Bill Melater won the January 2013 Foolitzer Prize! Also being a single nominee in a category. Well, congratulations to all winners of something, something! Keep on being aggressive, because a few categories have been already entered by users in a February 2013 campaign! And for the Year Awards, see you again in January 2014 and right here with the winners in February 2014. And also, voting records can be found right here and over here. Cold War Update 2
Well, I didn't update this Sunday, but that's my fault. Anyways... After a serious level of contention on VFS, a conclusion was reached, one that I personally feel was poorly made. Instead of allowing Wikia Uncyc to "reap what they sow," as the old proverb goes, ChiefjusticeDS felt he simply had to intervene. As such, he eliminated Aimsplode's nomination and permabanned him from the site. Admittedly, I was in favor of aim becoming an admin, but not for the reasons everyone thinks. I'm of the opinion that you should suffer the full rewards or consequences of your choices. With the populace having voted for Aimsplode, despite Chief's attempt to eliminate his nomination twice before his permanent termination of it, it's only fair that the Wikia site gets a Nazi as an admin. That's what they want, so that's what they'll get. It's like vandalism: Sure, you can vandalize Uncyclopedia all you want, but you'll suffer the consequences of that. In that case, a ban. As someone who considers himself to have a more traditional view of things, I fully believe that ChiefjusticeDS had no reason to stick his nose in the business of the userspace. Were Aimsplode to have proven himself to be a good admin, he would've stayed. Were he to have been of poor quality, his employment would be terminated. Point is, either way, they would've got what they asked for. Speaking of Aimsplode, he's been doing a good job of terminating all proof of his existence elsewhere on the internet. From Habbo to Deviantart, and even I can haz cheezburger, he has tried to terminate his existence from the web. Perhaps there is more to this pseudo-Nazi then any of us know... Another update, another day. Keep checking back on your daily USP for the next update on the Uncyc Cold War. Cheers!
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I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:34, 7 February 2013
It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day[edit source]
The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!
February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.
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Returning users and Grammar Nazis Recently, we have seen the return of many passionate members of the community, which have seen the return of Uncyc daylight upon arrival. Was that a run-on sentence? Idk... anywaaaays. So the point is, Ljlego has returned recently, and so has Dawg. I bring these two in particular because Ljlego and Dawg have revealed over the IRC hints that they wish to stay here, on the new site. Ljlego was looking to get an Uncyclopedia cloak, while Dawg just plain out said he was interested in staying. To sum it up, yay more returnees! Go Jesus! Oh yeah, and you can join the Proofreading Service. This is basically the Grammar nazi equivalent to the Poopsmith Lounge... only less dead and slightly more squeamish. The old site wants us... sexually?! Lol, no. Just kidding. But hasn't it come to most people's minds that maybe, possibly the Wikia's members are curious to what is going on in here (Bitches, alcohol, and partying) and might come sneak by? Well, first off Chief banned BB on the Wikia and set up a spam account here. BB found out that Chief was the account owner of the vandalizing account and banned both of them. Though Lyrithya unbanned Chief. W.O.W. Gay. Keep your eyes open, boys. Or not, it's not like they mean harm. What do you take me for? Pulixer? lol no. Great Hall of Shame Updating of '13 Okay, so most of you ungrateful bastards won't update your Hall of Shame entrees yourself. Well, did you even see that forum link? It even said "SIGN HERE FUCKERS". Yeah, that's right. Please, go update your Hall of Shame entrees and/or help me update those who don't update their HOS entrees. Man, that was pretty awkwardly worded. However, still. This task isn't easy. Much help is needed. USE THE EFFIN' FORCE, I KNOW THERE'S JEDIS WITHIN OUR RANKS!! BUT SERIOUSLY.
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:34, 14 February 2013 (UTC)
Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost![edit source]
The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!
February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.
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Cold War Update 3: Drama!
Well, this one's a bit late, but still important. Illogicopedia has considered moving their hosting over to the Free Uncyc servers, netting a nifty anti-Wikia deal. As well, a series of "hate bans" occurred recently, involving ChiefjusticeDS banning people on the Wikia site, and a sockpuppet of his being banned on this site. More info will be available when I find out. Cheers! Robot invasion
It has come to the attention of this fine news source that Uncyclopedia is being overrun by robots, displacing tens of writers on a daily basis. After we realized they might be useful (in spite of lacking a sense of humour and soul), we captured and trained a couple of them to deliver the UnSignpost for us. To appease these ravenous automatons, we were forced to switch to categories from our archaic signup list. You may have noticed a new template on your page, which should be placed on the page you wish to have your UnSignpost delivered, where it will be dropped at the bottom (as always). Please refrain from petting the robots, as they may bite (we're working on that with them). One of these 'bots (as we call them) was easier to train and has assisted us in huffing literally hundreds of old (pre-2011) User: and User_talk: pages for anonymous IPs. They're now working deep in the bowels of the site removing crap categories and fixing broken stuff. The one attached to Dawg has the painfully unfunny name of DawgBot, and the one attached to Sir Peasewhizz is suspiciously not a bot at all. He's the... the... OH GOD NO. HE'S THE SLENDERMAN. AHHHHH!!! DEATH TO BRONIES IS AT HAND? OR IS IT THE DEATH OF THE INTERNET??? Well, I was cracking codes in wingdings this day and I found the message at the right when I typed "MY LITTLE PONY: FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC" In ALL CAPS in wingdings. This magnificent message, according to our codecrackers, might mean that the death of the Internet is caused by bronies. This message starts with a bomb and a Jew star, in which the bomb represents October 10, 2010 while the Jew star represents the money-makers of Hasbro. Then it is followed by a sadface, a palm, 2 snowflakes, another sadface, and a finger pointing left. This might mean that 2010 is the winter and sorrow of all franchises, caused by cooperate corruption and...bronies. Both can be read as: "In the day of the bomb, all franchises will be corrupted". The third sentence is pointed flag, flag, skull, Jew star and computer, which might represent the death and conquest of the internet. The fourth sentence is a finger pointing right, a sun, a finger pointing left, a skull, a thumbs down finger, a water drip, a palm, and a pointed flag. This possibly represents that a dawn of death will rise, all the straight men will fight, and finally the dawn of death will make them bleed. The fifth sentence is palm, water drip, bomb, two fingers, one finger, palm and thumbs up. This might represent that we are currently on a countdown to demise. HOW TERRIBLE IS THAT?????? Fortunately, there is good news. The good news is that the same might be used against the bronies, and if this happens it might read as: The bomb had set by the Jews and franchises are corrupted. But now, we will conquer over the terror. they might fight the dawn but they will bleed. The bronies are on the countdown to demise. This is a two sided prophecy. nevertheless, The war against faggotry will eventually prevail. Aleister snags the Hall of Shame lead with 67 features! As of February 19th of 2013, Aleister (formerly Aleister in Chains) leads the Hall of Shame with 67 features. Which article robbed Soggy's and Aleister's tie at 66 features? None other than probably the most boring material to work with, but it happened; UnBooks Biography:The guy who invented soap! Go read it! And also, you must go read the rest Aleister's features. Or else. You can access them here. Remember, we're watching!
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 00:36, 21 February 2013 (UTC)
Surprise, Motherfucker, USP[edit source]
All your readers are belong to us
February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.
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We Here At The UnSignpost™ bear a strong commitment to accuracy—in fact, the UnSignpost is required by law to print at least one truthful statement per issue in order to retain our status as a tax-exempt organic fish-cannery.[1] We believe that our track record speaks for itself: in our nearly 45 months of existence, the USP has printed only 243 retractions, a full 20% of which were not ordered by a court. It was with some consternation, therefore, that we discovered a massive error in our reporting. In recent weeks, former USP editor and general mensch ChiefjusticeDS was repeatedly identified by the UnSignpost as being a "putrid puddle of poodle puke", and also as having been "perm-banned" for vandalizing the new Uncyclopedia with sockpuppet accounts. While the first statement remains an object of controversy, the second one could not be further from the truth. ChiefjusticeDS is one of the least-likely vandals in the history of Uncyclopedia; furthermore, our research indicates that he is not actually aware of the new Uncyclopedia, and while his lawyers apparently are, he is currently blithely executing his sysop duties on the old site, much as a mother elephant seal mournfully attends the corpse of her crushed pup. We would like to take this opportunity to apologize profusely for any inconveniences this erroneous reporting has caused anyone. While we have traced the original mistake to confusion on the part of our correspondents (who are possessed of more eagerness than brains), the final blame must lie at the feet of our fact-checking department; we intend to take them thoroughly to task for their laziness and inattention, just as soon as we figure out how to fire people who don't exist. On a related note, we would like to issue the following corrections and clarifications:
Upcoming PLS So, even if it has felt like a long past couple of weeks, bring your spirits up! We can help, because there is the PLS coming up soon. So yeah, I know this is short. But it's longer than you. HA! HA! HA! No, but seriously. Consider doing the Poo Lit Surprise or ELSE. Ask Zombiebaron
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 03:51, 28 February 2013 (UTC)
I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody![edit source]
The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...
March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.
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TKF has taken his leave  This is the great TKF.
If you haven't heard the sad, sad news; TKF (formerly Thekillerfroggy) has announced his departure from Uncyclopedia as an Uncyclopedian, Admin, Bureaucrat, Legend, and Hero in the afternoon of March 2nd. With it, his reason; not enough writers who enjoy it for the fun and enjoy others work as well as he doesn't want to write anymore nor does he need to. He feels this has taken him from a shitty high-school writer to something he had gained confidence in. Of course, he wishes us good luck and knows we'll boom with excellence in the future. He would like to thank MadMax, Zombiebaron, The Thinker, Ljlego, So So, Dr. Skullthumper, Mhaille, The Woodburninator, TheLedBalloon, Cajek, Procopius, Mordillo, One Eyed Jack, Heerenveen, Bonner, Hyperbole, THEDUDEMAN, and Modusoperandi. He states Uncyclopedia and his own writing wouldn't have existed if it weren't for these users. He also has to admit his respect for Lyrithya, Frosty, Bizzeebeever, and Xamralco for leading the new guard. He wishes for Leverage to continue writing because he's good at it. He states "Humbucker, we barely knew ye." He left this for Sir Peasewhizz:
He also states he will NEVER FINISH 18TH CENTURY BIIIIIIIIITCH! But Frosty thinks he will return, as he states (and believes) "Once an Uncyclopedian, always Uncyclopedian". February 2013 Award Winners... also, YOU'RE DICKS! As a wise man once said, (yesterday) "Whatintheworldofgaysex?! It's already March?" To answer that question, well, yes. You see, FEBRUARY 2013 HAS DIED. So... I guess we shall show you all the award winners of the month of February this year. We only had two categories with  Want a plate? It is a trophy, made out of pure plate. You can eat cookies on it. The noob of February 2013 was none other than Hoof Hearted. With a score of 5 obtained, this user has passed the ultimate liftout course and went on to claiming this sexy title. Still up there, ready to take March by the balls, is ProfessorScience. Hoof Hearted, however, has left ProfessorScience a strong against vote stating that the humor ProfessorScience gives out was hard to find funny. Sorry, but THAT WAS MEAN. I mean, such n00Bz voted against more than once in this month's Noob of the Moment contest. And guess who was the UOTM? DUH! None other than MadMax, whom we all knew would win. However, we boggled and offended that this guy only won once before claiming this month's UOTM title. Wow. Not cool, bros. But hey, does his 2007 Uncyclopedian of the Year title override this? Well, fuck, now I'm trying to figure that out. Thanks for putting my head into a crisis-like state. I love you for this.
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 20:36, 7 March 2013 (UTC)
Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?[edit source]
Word to your mother.
March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".
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Salad. SALAD I like salad, you like salad, we all like salad.
Yes, salad. It has come to my attention that Uncyclopedians are simply not consuming enough of it. Ladies and gentlemen, we here at the Unsignpost implore of you, we beg you, to eat more salad. Why should you eat more salad? Well you only need to look at the facts to find the answer:
But clearly, this is not all that salad is capable of. Clearly a great cosmic injustice is being done by not mentioning salad's tremendous influence on the Russian space program, 80% of whose members consume salad on a regular basis, some more than once a day. But that's not all. Several tremendously influential figures in scientific history, including Albert Einstein, Stephen Hawking, Carl Sagan, and Billy Mays, have admitted to having consumed salad at least once in their lifetime, sometimes even while doing important scientific things! Sexy sweet Mary, it's true! In fact, most major celebrities (the attractive ones, you know) are regular salad masticators. Lady Gaga, for example, may be best known for wearing a meat suit, but she is also well-known for eating salad. If by "well-known", you mean "she does it and nobody makes much of a fuss." Same goes for the salad eating. Salad is known to have cured countless diseases, voted tremendously in favor of liberal politics, saved at least three dolphin from inconveniently placed tar deposits, fixed a plethora of flat tires on the side of United States interstate highways, eliminated the existence of internet memes, punched Adolf Hitler in the face, gone toe-to-toe with John Wayne in a cage match, and given a lustrous sheen to the coats of some of the world's prettiest felines. In conclusion, salad is a super kool dood, and you should all totally eat him. With dressing if you prefer. Or with croutons, tomatoes, cabbage, olives, pickles, black pepper, onions, imitation crab meat, bacon bits, hard-boiled egg slices, ham, salt, vinegar, jalapenos, bell peppers, sweet peppers, pickle relish, anaheim peppers, bhut jolokia peppers, serrano peppers, crumbled cheese, raisins, avocado, apple slices, blueberries, cottage cheese, shrimp, basil, melon slices, meatballs, turkey gravy, chicken gravy, beef gravy, bacon grease, grease gravy, gravy grease, Bavarian cream, chocolate ice cream, M&Ms, a t-bone steak, bicycle spokes, flapjacks, fried eel, a pair of half-torn tennis shoes, matches, poisonous jellyfish, mushrooms, pimento, a piston engine, a choir boy, whale bones, grocery store food samples, grocery store samples stolen out of the freezer section, grocery store employees, psychedelic pop records, dinosaur fossils, ancient manuscripts, sweet potatoes, Iranian snails, Ukrainian birds, Welsh humans, beets, Saturday morning cartoons, elves, cayenne pepper, salt, mangoes, studio musicians, grapes, whiskey, grated cheese, sliced cheese, a cow, Hormel chili, the tiny oval tomatoes that always roll off the plate or launch away when you try to fork them, potatoes, all of Uncyclopedia, a British nanny, or lettuce. But nothing else.
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 11:44, 14 March 2013 (UTC)
People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up![edit source]
83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!
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More
 If you haven't heard, the "lovely" and "beautiful" Jew / Bringing back the Old School FA Yes, we're doing it. We're doing it. We're doing it, if you know what we mean. And not only is it great that we're bringing it back since the 99th issue of the UnSignpost (8 issues from 100th anniversary of the section departure), but it makes it extra special that it's Why?:Your cat died making it on the big screen for its return! This, we swear, was not an incident of Sir Peasewhizz[1] taking advantage of his abilities during the construction of the USP this week. And we're totally not promoting propaganda. Sillies. One of the ten (to make your chances of guessing correctly less) following articles will be the Old School FA of the Week in next week's issue, can you guess it? Probably not, but we'll let you take a crack at it anyway: Commercial, A Man Getting Hit in the Crotch 800 Times, Sideboob, Kwanzaa, Romance of the Three Kingdoms, Riddle, Fox News, Red Lobster, Stratego, or Snow angels. You have a 1/10 chance to get this correct. MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Peace <3.
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
If you haven't already heard (which you probably have), RAHB started a vote to give bureaucrat rights to MadMax, the awesome admin. In a 14–0 vote, Dawg gave him the rights on the 16th. Now, this obviously raised the age old question - what is MadMax's use of this user right?
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 02:27, 21 March 2013 (UTC)
UnSignpost’s BONER TIME![edit source]
I love it when the news comes together
March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!
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News From Under The Cabal's Desk
UnNews has its own Facebook page now and the podcast that Zimulator used to run has been relaunched here. We already have 45 subscribers! Happy Monkey Competition 2013 On March 20th, we started the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition/Happy Monkey Competition 2013 and had 13 users sign up to participate in the competing bit. The 13 competitors were Aleister, Puppy, Acmed2, Zombiebaron, Kelton2, Leverage, Sir Peasewhizz, Scofield, RAHB, Cat the Colourful, Madclaw, IFYMB!, and MrN9000. Leverage, Kelton2, Madclaw, and Puppy never wrote anything. Maybe they were sleeping? Do people do that for 36 hours straight? I believe so. People scoring 70 out of 100 points (passing GPA :D) were Aleister (with Second conquest of the moon as her topic), Sir Peasewhizz (with Ding dong ditching houses as his topic, but later changed it to an UnBooks), IFYMB! (with his UnReview of the Crimean War) and Zombiebaron with his book about meeting his enemy on that one day. He scored 97 out of 100 points, which is quite considerably erotic. So, for once, we ask you! What did you think? Did you love it? Did you love the HMC this year? You better have, or we'd be sad. Thanks And kudos to Shabidoo for hosting the 2013 Happy Monkey Competition, and his friend Sarah Baldewijns for judging assistance! Did you hear MY CHEM BROKE UP I'M SAD NOWWW IT WAS MY FAVORITE BAND AHHW WYAYYWHEYH WHYYYYYYYYY GODD?!! WHY?! I'm just gonna kill my-! 
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 21:54, 28 March 2013 (UTC)
This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost![edit source]
83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.
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We are so, so sorry
Yes, it's true. After only three months of sickly sweet freedom, our "Free" Uncyclopedia has broken. As the main page announced only days ago, our brief period of independence has come to an end, and it is now time to reconcile with the welcoming - if brutally oppressive - arms of Wikia. Or, in the bittersweet, tear-wrenching words of RAHB; "All will be assimilated into the bliss of the Grand Wikia Empire. Those who resist will be disposed of." Amen to that! Maybe years in the future, we will even look back and say that the day we repented was the day that everything changed for the better. A date that will surely go down in history for Uncyclopedia: April the 1st. ... Wait, April the 1st? You guys fucking got me again, didn't you? Oh, wow. (Thanks to Kip the Dip for the awesome April Fools Main Page!) Easter! So... what did you do this Easter Sunday? Did you even celebrate Easter? Did you see any bunnies in your house hiding eggs? Laying eggs? Making you "special candy"? I know I sure did! If you're not doing anything next year 'round, you could do some of these things;
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 18:24, 4 April 2013 (UTC)
UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time![edit source]
All your readers are belong to us
April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)
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Oh boy is my cat a horny bastard! Oh boy! Oh boy! Oh boooyyy! My cat is a horny bastard! Seriously! My cat won't shut up! He's always chewing on my chords, meowing, biting my laptop's corners (of the screen) and interrupting my Yankees baseball game! Seriously, what should I do? I wanted to write something interesting today for the UnSignpost, but I have to deal with this cat situation! His name is Max by the way. Somebody help me! My cat is horny! HORNY! I love Mila Kunis I love Mila Kunis. I'm sorry, but I really do. She is my girlfriend. I'm not kidding. Why would I lie to you? I LAUGH. This is serious, just like the whole website. Serious matter. I love you baby.
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 00:35, 11 April 2013 (UTC)
UnSignpost, late and lazy![edit source]
The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!
April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws
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I apologize, dudes! It seems last issue, I had a minor outbreak about my about my cat's out-of-control horniness. But my love for Mila Kunis still stands tall. I apologize, bitches and dudes. Here's a picture of broccoli.  Broccoli, guys! Wait thoughhhh! Do you think Katy Perry is hot?
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:41, 19 April 2013 (UTC)
The 2 Days Tardy USP![edit source]
Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!
April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.
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Writers are writing! VFH is getting a boost! HOW DO I KEEP IT IN MY PANTS?! Whilst I sit, watching a Yankees Classics rerun-David Cone's Perfect Game, I become bored. Yes, bored. Sorry to break out the truth stick. So let us talk, paper to reader. Why do you give such gay faces when I say that? Is it that you don't like me? You don't like me?! THE UNSIGNPOST PAPER?! Well then you can just rip me the FUCK UP! Just kidding... I enjoy living. It seems that Votes for Highlight has received a blow. Er, a boost. You fucking pervert. Gawd! Anyways, good job ladies on taking VFH (around 6 votes per article) and pushing it somewhere else! (10.03 votes per article as of Friday, April 19th) And you guys are writing! FUCK YEAH! PLS The 12th Poo Lit Surprise will commence on the 26th of April. Judges sign up here. Writers could win a fortune. Mark you calendars.
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SLENDERMAN talk (Currently following you) 01:05, 27 April 2013 (UTC)
Your signature[edit source]
Is broken somehow. Please fix it. -RAHB 07:18, 4 May 2013 (UTC)
- No, it's working correctly. It's supposed to expand when you hover on it. 21:09, 8 May 2013 (UTC)
- Ohh... I added those line breaks to make my signature more navigable. 21:17, 8 May 2013 (UTC)
Erm, Hello[edit source]
I spent forty-five minutes and twelve chocolate cookies on a requested article titled Monday. When I'm this close to publishing it I stumble upon your subpage. There seems to be a bit of talkin' here about the page here, too.
Question being, will you be publishing that article as Monday on Uncyclopedia? In which case whatever crap I wrote shall be confined to my subpage. --Tumb13weed (talk) 20:47, 25 May 2013 (UTC)
- That article? Probably not. If you mainspace yours I might merge in my changes. Yours is good, though. 23:21, 26 May 2013 (UTC)
- Cool, I'll mainspace it then. --Tumb13weed (talk) 19:21, 27 May 2013 (UTC)
- Sure thing. 19:26, 27 May 2013 (UTC)
- Sure thing.
- Cool, I'll mainspace it then. --Tumb13weed (talk) 19:21, 27 May 2013 (UTC)
Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost![edit source]
In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!
June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.
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News Roundup At The OK Corral
Here we are, we are not dead. Ignore the fact that the staff is entirely changed from last time. We did not murder them. And we definitely didn't murder Sir Peasewhizz. Because that would be just terrible. What we did do, however, is listed below:
And there you have it. That is literally everything that happened on Uncyclopedia since the last UnSignpost. It may have seemed like not much information, but really we just used a sort of wibbly-wobbly timey-wimey device to cram a hell of a lot of data into a very short space of time. This is part of the UnSignpost's new technological advances that will make us a constant competitor in the world of wiki-news in the future. Please, tell your friends. Please. Seriously, please. Also, Wikia still sucks (just in general). But please don't murder them. That would be just terrible.
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~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Tue, Jun 11 '13 2:33 (UTC)
UnSignpost is back[edit source]
83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail
July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.
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The PLS results
The thirteenth edition of the PLS was held a while ago (in May). If you would like to know the result, we (me) decided to make life easier for you and give you the result of the contest, so you don't have to go all the way to the PLS page (one click). Just to remind you, all in all there were 4 categories and, therefore, there were supposed to be 4 people who got the first place and other 4 who got the second. However, this was not exactly what happened, as there are 6 writers who And so, here are the results! We (everyone) congratulate Zombiebaron for writing the Best PLS article "The Uncyclopedia's Owner Manual" and IFYMB! for his second best article "UnScripts:The Treaty of Minaj-Black" (these two articles got featured after)! We also congratulate the winners of all the other categories: RedHot ("My Dinner"; the best noob article), TheMillionRabbit ("Hold Your Wii For A Wee contest; the second best noob article) and Tmchale ("Searching for Topological Degeneracy in the Hubbard Model with Quantum Monte Carlo"; the secon second best noob article), Zana Dark ("Disturbed"; the best rewrite), Tmchale again ("Ludwig Wittgenstein"; the second best rewrite) and IFYMB! again again ("Opposite Day"; the second second best rewrite), Zombiebaron again ("The Last Unicorn in Vinnitsa"; the best potatochop) and finally Dexter111344 ("Ghost in the Trench"; the second best potatochop)! Thanks to all the participators and judges! The Uncyclopedia App
There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held. The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares). The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Anton (talk) 12:51, 6 July 2013 (UTC)
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Enjoy! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:13 7 July 2013
The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news[edit source]
In a genius financial maneuver called "eat only Ramen for nine months", Uncyclopedia administrator Isarra has paid for Uncyclopedia's servers until September with what little student loan money she had left.
The remaining three months of 2013 were paid for with money raised from donations, merchandise sales, and advertising on the Uncyclomedia Shop. It cost $277.80 of the site's whopping $307.51, leaving the rest of the admins with barely enough money for their Ferrari gas tanks and an Uncyclopedia Android app.
However, this makes it obvious that the site is not yet financially self-sustaining and that other methods of generating revenue and/or more exposure to Uncyclopedia are needed if the site will do better in 2014. Ideas proposed on IRC include advertising, finding a generous sugar daddy, playing the lottery, and selling synthetic marijuana. Also worth considering is that even though raising awareness of the site through word of mouth and Operation Infamous is embarrassing and socially isolating, it will attract more people who will (hopefully) put money in our cup. And clicking on the ads in our e-store helps a bit too.
Count to a million fiasco
On July 29th, 2013; the infamous Count to a million thread which is popular for it's time wasting appeal was locked by Frosty in what could be said as "an action of gay gay gay proportions." Several Just three users took to the streets to protest this decision, angry that their only source of time wasting has been taken by one gay snowman; of course, they didn't protest or anything so nothing notable happened.
When we asked Frosty about this, he responded "This is to make sure people edit in the mainspace like they're supposed to, for so long very few edits have taken place in mainspace and it seems like the most popular thing here is that blasted thread. I feel like I've made the perfect choice." However, TheHappySpaceman and co-partner in crime Kırby think otherwise; claiming that "This is just so Frosty can get the "gayest person in the world" award; we've made attempts to make the thread viable by contributing comics and other stuff and to mock all of our attempts, that's gay indeed. Even gayer than Mr. Winkler's F."
Everybody else is oddly not disturbed by this recent conundrum; knowing full well that the thread will be open in a week. "It's nice that we have a motivation to edit mainspace, I was getting tired posting numbers in an attempt to reach a million. Hey, maybe I'll make a featured article in a week." said a random Uncyclopedian. Okay, so it's not much of a fiasco as we portrayed it to be but two people are pissed off and that at least has to make it a mini-fiasco right? As of writing, TheHappySpaceman and Matthlock are currently planning to write a mainspace article, presumably with lots of gay jokes.
UnDroid
For eons, an Uncyclopedia Android app was only a pipe dream. Maybe like two weeks ago. Thankfully, it's now a reality. The app, developed by some guy you've never heard of named Jude Pereira, can be found here. It's free in exchange for money and referring your friends to download the app. The app also has many exciting features such as AutoTypo 1.0, which shrinks the keypad and allows you
to create typos faster than ever before, and Zoom 0.8, an innovative feature allowing you to make large things small and small things large. It's truly revolutionary technology, and it's completely free. So download it, use it, and be somebody.
Biopic
In this Biopic we examine the trials and tribulations of Fakehater who, with a few uploads under his belt (however that works), is taking audio requests in the Village Dump. He says he enjoys proofreading, doing audio, and based on his userpage, The Goonies. He is also into older women but, like most UnNews reporters, he has little to offer any dignified, diabetic septuagenarian. Embarrassingly, his IRC nickname is "arsenic_x", which we're pretty sure is what created the Powerpuff Girls.
• 20:53, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lemonpie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Infinite (just fuck off pls)
• 17:13, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of -3600 seconds (how many dicks could a dick sucker suck if a dick sucker could suck dick?)
• 11:41, July 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 31 millennia, 6 centuries, 8 decades, 8 years, 269 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 3 seconds (Better number of nines)
Top VFH Competitors
• UnNews:Army launches new recruiting ad campaign (8/0.5)
• UnScripts:Your Guide to Notable Literature: Abridged (6.5/0)
• Constantine II (5.5/0)
VFH Highlight Of The Week
Katy Perry hit generator (10/0)
From The Forums
• Remember a time when Uncyclopedia didn't suck
• Hey! This looks like an important thing!
• I can't hear you!
• The day the music was born again and accepted Christ
UnSignpost News
You are probably noticing that the UnSignpost looks a little bit different. That's because it is. If you don't like it then that's just, like, your opinion and stuff man.
IRC Quote
[13:35] <DogTheColourful> I WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR MOTHER DOWN
Anton (talk) 13:32, 8 August 2013 (UTC)
Hello.[edit source]
I'm pretty new to this fork of Uncyclopedia. I was first registered to the original Uncyclopedia in May 2013. I was known as James Newman everywhere else on Wikia, which was also included even before being first on Uncyclopedia. The original Uncyclopedia is where SPIKE, Simsilikesims, Romartus, Anton199 and I are currently on most of the time. Have fun! Newman66 (talk) 15:40, 25 August 2013 (UTC)
- Perfectly innocent comment, but if you switched the fork and the Uncyclowikia and left the comment on an Uncyclowikia talk page it would be construed as promoting the fork. Strange, isn't it? – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 19:49, 25 August 2013 (UTC)
Least wanted pages[edit source]
Hey. You FFW-tagged Least wanted pages, a page that I think is a funny parody of Special:WantedPages. If you disagree or whatever can you please nominate it on VFD. -- The Zombiebaron 03:29, 30 August 2013 (UTC)
- It was on User:Fnoodle/probablycrap. You can delist it if you want. ｡◕‿◕｡ 03:38, 30 August 2013 (UTC)
- That page is just a bunch of DPLs. There is no way to "delist" anything. -- The Zombiebaron 04:03, 30 August 2013 (UTC)
- I agree that it's a very funny page and also the thing about the DPLs. -RAHB 04:10, 30 August 2013 (UTC)
- I created a larger version of the same dynamic list here and many months ago I got pretty deep into it nominating pages on VFD and stuff. Many of the pages near the top of quite good and do not deserve tags, but feel free to take a look and tag the shitty stuff. -- The Zombiebaron 05:28, 30 August 2013 (UTC)
- I agree that it's a very funny page and also the thing about the DPLs. -RAHB 04:10, 30 August 2013 (UTC)
- That page is just a bunch of DPLs. There is no way to "delist" anything. -- The Zombiebaron 04:03, 30 August 2013 (UTC)
You know...[edit source]
With the amount of Uncyclopedia's articles trimmed to below 30,000 we would never get to the level of Wikipedia. Even Cracked has more articles than us! |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Aussie CUN|IC Kill | 12:08, 23 September 2013 (UTC)
Your bug report in tha forum[edit source]
Would you mind confirming that your issue in the bug forum needs solving? Ansaikuropedia.org seems to be functioning perfectly, but ja.uncyclopedia.info loads horrendously slowly, if at all. They appear to both be owned by Carlb, but dig ansaikuropedia.org ja.uncyclopedia.info shows two different IP addresses. (Or maybe I should just ask Carlb?) Thanks. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Thu, Mar 20 '14 12:49 (UTC)
- If you'll excuse my jumping in uninvited, ansaikuropedia.org seems to work ok - both the root of the domain and /wiki/pagetitle paths - so I think this is a non issue. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 19:08, 20 Mar 2014
UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news[edit source]
By Llwy-ar-lawr
So it seems nothing much goes on these days that's really newsworthy. Sure things happen, new users stop by, edit a while then leave, people write things, but...nothing really notable, you know. But we won't write an entire article about how nothing's happening and how depressing that is because, well, it's depressing, you know? So we're going to tell you about one thing the author - in her extreme vanity - thinks is worthy of reporting and make it seem like that's important and trick you into caring, when you'd really much rather be playing video games or (gasp) writing an article.
Retro Week happens
By Anton199
Uncyclopedians, rejoice! A great victory over the forces of liberalism has been won!
We, the Conservative users of Uncyclopedia, have decided that we don't have enough featured in-jokes, clowns, Really Big Trees, user and disambiguation pages, as if we haven’t pulled enough boners (and templates), we are putting all our past glories on our main page, once again, one by one, ten days a week.
Dear readers, only a few days late, the UnSignpost declares the Retro Week open! Applauds!
Originally Shabidoo's very controversial idea, the Retro Week has grown to become the time when all the Uncyclopedia administrators take an official rest from their site work, unless they are also the UnSignpost editors. You don't believe us? Check the recent changes!
So the 2014 Retro Week opened with a really big tree. A very big one. But it is pretty much everything original about it. It pursued with Slender Lorises, that are able to live in wet and dry forests, next - with Template:Boner, which we are not going to use in this UnSignpost, no matter how many times you ask us. Then came the turn of Hardwick Fundelbuggy's Userpage, featured not because it was funny, but because its author had written a lot of funny stuff (following this logic we can feature sandboxes and user contributions). Finally, we saw the Fire Hydrant spreading its waters around Uncyclopedia and slowing down - if not destroying - the servers.
Amongst other pros of the Retro Week are the facts that it gives users a good excuse for not voting on VFH for a while, because nobody does this anyway and that it is keeping our main page busy, while we are making an UnSignpost for you.
Thank Sophia, it happens only once a year!
Biopic We haven't managed to get hold of anyone long enough to get sufficient information out of them for a biopic. They always managed to ooze away just in time. Must be that slime that's got into the works.
From The Logs
Top VFH Competitors
VFH Highlight Of The Week This is not an article (12/2)
From The Forums
UnSignpost News This is the first UnSignpost issue since August 2013. If that's not news I don't know what is, so stop complaining.
Chat Quote [22:15] <snerk> I just can't help but think that this is a pattern that is indicative of an anarchist takeover.
– Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 04:39, 5 May 2014