Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Ming Dynasty
Ming Dynasty[edit source]
--Black Flamingo 20:40, May 15, 2012 (UTC)
| Humour: | 6 | Not a bad start. You make good connections with actual historical background of China and mainstream connections with whatever flash Gordon is. Since i know nothing of Flash Gordon, I'll rely on you to use that humour correctly, which I'm sure you'll do.
The first thing that keeps coming to my mind is that the article is slightly hard to follow. I don't know how to explain it, there just feels like there is a lack of flow in a way. It might just be me, but it feels like the article kind of goes back and forth. Not to say what's in it isn't funny, it just feels a little...chaotic? I'm nut sure how to describe it. My second issue kind of ties in with the first in that the article doesn't feel like it's finished yet. I feel as though you could easily add on more topics such as legacy of the Ming and tie that into modern day China, and even talk about how Taiwan was formed to counter the evil wizards in the Ming office or something. Other advice: This line "American Football stars were frequent occurrences" in the Rule section. I think it should be European football stars, like Drogba and Anelka, cause that seems to be in the news. I haven't really heard of American football players playing anywhere but America, isn't that just an American sport? Also,"immigration was outlawed, and maps of other countries and planets were burned; sometimes as badly as the places themselves." I'm not sure I understand what you meant in the last part of the sentence. Perhaps you could say something that makes it seem as though the Ming dynasty blew them up with some sort of space laser or something made up? I was just a little confused by that statement. The Tibet section could definitely use improvement. Out of the whole article, I think this was the least funny of it. I'm not really sure what you can do, but I'm just bringing that to your attention. Finally, I think the main thing you need to do is to work on the flow of the article so it's a bit easier to follow along, and maybe add a bit more toe article, without ruining the flow if you can. That's really all the advice I feel like I can give you, good luck with this. |
| Concept: | 8 | Fairly decent concept. It's a good approach to talking about the historical background of China, but still could use some more work. Advice is mainly in humour section, so check for it there. |
| Prose and formatting: | 9 | As is expected, I didn't see any spelling errors in your article and the format looks fairly good. Also is expected, I advise you to re-read the article just to make sure I didn't miss anything errors and that everything is in check. |
| Images: | 8 | I like the images and I like the comments, but some work could be made. The first image is great and the comment is great too. For the second image, I think you could definitely add more to the comment. Something like, "Ming II, easily distinguishably from Ming III for his lower arching eyebrows and more understandably designed facial hair." There are contrasts between the two images that I think you could poke fun of. The third image is good too and the caption is ok....I feel as though it could be improved but at the moment, nothing comes to my mind on how to improve it. I like the fourth image, but that's a flash gordon reference so I'll leave any decisions on what to do with it up to you.
In regards to including any other images, perhaps a picture of map showing China having control of 3/4ths of the world with a caption like "China's empire at it's peak - according to Ming officials." However, I wouldn't add on pictures at the moment, unless you decide to expand the article, then you will need to come up with some other image ideas. |
| Miscellaneous: | 10 | Cause I forget what this box is meant for. |
| Final Score: | 41 | Good job. I'll avoid the basic formalities with you since you know where I am, who am I and my social security number. So yea, hope the review helped. |
| Reviewer: | --OliOmniOmbudsman  18:57, June 24, 2012 (UTC)
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