User:Cat the Colourful/Archive 3

Sloppy, falling-apart, and duct-taped-together: the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

Dec 12th, 2012 • Issue 178 • Only wild horses can tear me apart.

Peas offering By Kip Ed. note: in a spasm of Darwinian fish-eat-fish madness, self-described "cock-juggling thunder-cunt" Thekillerfroggy has been riding a white horse with Death following after, especially targeting SPIKE, who, on his own time, has been gnawing the heads off of newbies and IPs alike. Here to comment on the lulz-filled proceedings is our own field-correspondent (yes we have a field correspondent, stop looking at us like that), Kip the Dip: I was asked to write a guest editorial, so let's get this over with. In the spirit of the Christmas and/or Holiday Season, I would like to offer an olive branch of peace. We could all use a little more peace around here. Well, not here, per se, because drama is always welcome amusement for me. More so than in places like the Middle East—the Middle East needs to calm the fuck down and Uncyclopedia needs to be more like the Middle East is what I'm trying to say. Still, drama isn't always amusing. For example, I won't be on the front page next month (I mean, if (point for humility) I win an award) because someone is having a pissy-fit over some bollocks and removed the awards from the front page. In this particular case, we need to pee on the fire, rather than fan the flames. The conflict I'm referring to is between two celebrated users, Thekillerfroggy and SPIKE. The root of this tension stems from the fact that TKF thinks SPIKE is the worst person ever and should leave this site, or at least stop sucking his own dick. Basically, SPIKE is to TKF what Toby is to Michael on The Office. Particularly if there were a British equivalent to Toby. God, that's a good show. Or was. It really blows now. Let me just say that you both have your faults. TKF: You need to stop being a dick, even when it is more hilarious than when it isn't. You appear to be in a drunken rage. I realize it's Hanukkah, but you should really tone it down on the whine. And SPIKE: Well, I just think you're a textbook case of someone who needs to masturbate more. I suggest you start December 25th, when you're having a less-than-sufficient amount of fun reading my holiday-themed articles. Despite these differences, you both have one thing in common: You're Uncyclopedians. And the essence of being an Uncyclopedian is appreciating the art of Comedy. When the world is at its darkest, we rely on the light of humor, parody and satire. Some have said that Uncyclopedia is at its darkest point right now, that our brightest days are far behind. Yet if the annual winter solstice teaches us anything, it's that the brightest days always follow the darkest nights. Or some sugary moral message like that. I mostly just wanted to drop a few horrible puns and get away with insulting you both all over the site. Merry Christmas! Today's date is significant! By Bizzeebeever Because Joey Numbers has his first feature, Wikia are censoring cocks, and it's 12/12/12. That's why, bitches. Shown: classical art, according to Wikia. Uncyclopedia and social nutworking! Do you have a lame sense of humor that is best expressed in 140 characters or less? Do you enjoy ruining the mojo of entire websites? Do you have a tiny penis, or none at all? Then have we got news for you! Those of you who wish to do a better job of misrepresenting Uncyclopedia on all the popular social platforms, including YouBoob, Twatter, Facebutt, StubbleUpon, Porntrest, Cumblr, Spreddit, and all the others, are hereby invited to hit up Hotadmin4u69's talk page, and to do it forthwith, post-haste. Why? Because Hotadmin4u69 runs Uncyclopedia's social networking presenceses...es, all by his lonesome—or at least he did...until now. But he's NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, HE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT, ANYMOOOOOOOOOOOAH! No, seriously, he's going to quit the wiki entirely (as if he hasn't already) if people don't lend him a hand. He loves you all, but you all suck, and it's a thankless task—almost as thankless as writing and delivering this drivel every week.

Check out these pages! Very, very sad, really. Kindly take that language elsewhere, sir. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. Nobody cares. From our logs: The ban that started all the fun 03:37, December 10, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (I just swallowed a little bit of my own vomit reading you put down a noob then proceed to suck your own dick for five whole lines of what I presume to be English words) Mad-libs ban: 16:08, December 11, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.207.212.111 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Hi, I'm Fuck You. I like gay bum sex with You're Banned. And sometimes I like to suck Don't Come Back's fat cock.) Get a room, girls! 01:41, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 226 hours 37 minutes 45 seconds ‎ (Idling on IRC for this long like a true gay faggot <3) 23:01, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (Frosty has both female and male genitals. The more you know.) 23:23, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Hold on I've gotta figure out how to deop you before you can unban yourself) 23:24, December 10, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (pwnt.) 23:27, December 10, 2012 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) (lol obvi i was joking although i agree it will be funnier next time when i deop you before the ban) Biopic of the Week Last week we promised you hookers, rum and flavored spermicide, so here you are. Ha ha ha, just kidding! No, this week's biopic is about Sinner George, whose exceedingly clever user handle is a reference to Saint George, patron saint to all Greeks everywhere, which tells us that he is Greek. As does his user page, and the little flag next to his signature. Unfortunately, we know absolutely nothing else about Sinner George; however, as this has never stopped us from writing a biopic before, we asked our Field Correspondent Kip the Dip to discover some fascinating things about this fascinating newbie. Here's a transcript of our conversation: <Editor> Kip: know anything about sinner george? <Kip> No. <Editor> Make one or two things up. I have a biopic to write! <Kip> He likes Greek food because he's Greek. <Editor> Excellent. <Kip> Also, he's probably hairy. <Editor> Yes, yes, also excellent. So there you have it! Sinner George is (a) new to the 'pedia, (b) Greek, and (c) therefore probably not someone who reads the UnSignpost. Your loss, George! UnSignpost Word of the Week Censorship: see Wikia. (This Section Intentionally Left Blank)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--EMC ^[TALK] 13:54 Dec 12 2012

Watch your step! It's a steaming-hot pile of UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

Dec 19th, 2012 • Issue 179 • YOUR JOKE HERE! Contact management for details.

Apocalypse postponed until after NFL playoffs By Editor This week, it was publicly confirmed for the first time that the on-again-off-again Apocalypse has been postponed indefinitely, due to an accumulation of frozen water in and about the subterranean headquarters of Heck, Incorporated. Yes, it appears that Uncyclopedia's dwindling community of degenerates and failed comedy writers (which is literally the same thing, but never mind), having suffered far too long under the Wikian lash of nipple-and-dick censorship, have finally gotten their shit together, and are making a move to new hosting. News of the move came in Uncyclopedia's Village Dump, as part of a nonchalant post by Lyrithya, who returned to the site from her current job as a human spiderweb to stun, confound, and enrage exactly two people with her announcement. When asked why she chose now to de-bag her cat, instead of waiting for a more opportune moment (such as, y'know, after the fucking move actually happened), Lyrithya had this to say: "I was drunk." Salient words, indeed, which show she is an Uncyclopedian through-and-through, and which afford the rest of us an overwhelming sense of confidence in the Uncyclodepia Moving Company. Yes. High-jinks on the farm. However, while We Here At The UnSignpost™ lounge about and poke fun, you may rest assured that the technicians at Up With Uncyclodepia have not been taking it easy. It's been eleven months of back-breaking work out on the wiki farm, getting up at the crack of noon to shovel out the cow coop, milk the chickens, and slap the sheep for indulging in indelicate thoughts. According to an anonymous source at the highest level of Uncyclopedia's labyrinthine network of cabals, the move quite definitely, absolutely, without a doubt, will be happening at some distant point in the very near future, probably maybe, just as soon as all the ducks are lined up in convenient rows so that they can be loaded onto trains and sent to special camps. When we asked what the bloody devil this meant, we were told to shut up and move along, and that there is no cabal, which we admit must be true, as we have heard it so many times. So, to recap: Uncyclopedia is leaving Wikia for greener pastures, and as most things undertaken by Uncyclopedians happen, it will be slap-dash, semi-competent, and will probably result in everyone involved hating each other to the death, hopefully with the assistance of swords, horses, and heavy artillery. Reaction to the news! By: Editor As of press time, the list of Uncyclopedians furious at having been left out of all the fun could not be reached for comment, but are assumed to be boiling with righteous indignation. To make sense of the week's stunning development, we were able to get hold of an expert on all things frozen and hellish: Sumerian demon-king and devil-about-town, Pazuzu. "I was just doing what I usually do," said he, "by which I mean I was hanging out in some northeastern American town, whispering into the ear of a nondescript loner that guns are fun and kids love fun, and hey wouldn't it be cool if you combined the two?, when I heard that Uncyclopedia was leaving Wikia! I said shit, motherfucker! and ran over there as quick as I could to shut that shit down, but it was too late. And now my home Down Under is encased in ice. Man, some days you're the dog, and some days you're the fire hydrant, know what I mean?" We really didn't, but as we have always enjoyed not being frogs, and would prefer to maintain that state, we nodded furiously and thanked our interviewee for his time. Newbies! Protect them, love them, they are our future! Heil Newbies! By: Romartus How often has someone started a forum 'We're Doomed' or 'Where Domed' , and other variations of the announcement 'this website has moved away from my idea of what is funny' ? So what we can do here, but celebrate a clutch of new fully fledged contributors who arrived on our shores, all fresh and well-scrubbed! In recent months, we had Leverage produce articles faster than bindweed, and now he has joined by the likes of MagicBus (an admirer of The Who or a kaftan nostalgic?), news hound Bill Melater, and the ferocious Fakehater, who will rip your arms off if he detects you're a phony. Then there is Murder_Frog, who swears blind he is unrelated to another amphibian. (Evidently the lily pond is big enough for two croakers.) Another newbie who is currently taking a keen interest in Singapore is CDPCCNAC. What the name means, I have no idea, but perhaps he is wise to leave so few clues about his true identity. Then there is our own Mr Tambourine Man, Equilateralperil. Moving closer to the ground, looking for literary earthworms in his search for Sonic the Hedgehog-related stories, is Igotnothing, whilst from the Land of Connery is Dannyboy1209. A noob with ambition, Danny has already asked to become an admin and has nominated himself for everything. With an attitude like that, this one is going places—here, there or everywhere. Who will become the Noobs of Noobs and win something to stick on their bedroom door? The jury is out, and so am I, tonight. Go ahead, check these fledglings out here.

Check out these pages! No, no we are not. That is a vacuum cleaner, Aleister. No thanks. Shabidoo's 500th new forum! You win a prize, Shabidoo. Here's a mop. From our logs: This week, due to intense laziness on the part of our administrators, no one received a funny ban-summary. We have our best men on the case, and are ferreting out the source of this oversight. In the meantime, you should be ashamed of yourself, Frosty. Biopic of the Week For what we're quite certain is the first time in the long, inglorious history of the UnSignpost Biopic, our correspondents have actually interviewed an Uncyclopedian about themselves. It was a difficult job that was as hard on us as it was on Bill Melater, but the scratches and bite-marks are probably just superficial, and we were going to get a new pair of pinking shears anyway. To the facts: Bill enjoys making up fake names that are ribald puns, and he claims to be a Cuban-American cat owner living with his beautiful Russian bride, Ripya Kokov, in the wonderful country of Finland, which he terms "the home of comedic flop-sweat". The UnSignpost has never been to a comedy club in Finland, but rest assured that if we visit one in the future, we will bring towels and an industrial-sized drum of Clorox. Bill also claims he's 47 years old, which we believe makes him the third-oldest active Uncyclopedian, behind SPIKE, who was born during Woodrow Wilson's second term, and Romartus, who we understand still owes Hadrian five denarii for a mule that he borrowed and never returned Anyway, We Here At The UnSignpost™ feel that Bill is selling himself short. Bald, fat, married, and living in one of the coldest, darkest countries on Earth?! Ladies of Finland, I sense an opportunity! If you're looking for hot, sweaty lust with a middle-aged Yankee Lothario who isn't getting any, and is therefore filled to the brim with sexual angst... don't look at Bill Melater, because his wife just found his talk page, where he described himself as "pussy-whipped." Ouch. You thought Finland was cold in the winter? You ain't met Ripya Kokov. Word of the week, provided by: Bill Melater Pussy-whipped 1. a phrase used to describe the state of a person who has been beaten with a cat. Believed to have originated during reign of Ramses II. 2. something you say when you hope your wife isn't listening. Newsroom UnTune of the week UnNews:Hark! The Herald Angus Sings It's an UnTune AND an UnNews, because that's how Kip the Dip rolls, bitches! (You're welcome, Kip.)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Dec 19 '12 17:20 (UTC)

Here was the photo I was telling you about

The place with the red square around it is "Yahnikurm Imp Hole". User:Matthlock/sig2 18:53, December 22, 2012 (UTC)

OK thanks! Unfortunately I'm logging off because I have to get some sleep. :( But I'll check the article someday! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 18:56, 22 December, 2012 (UTC)

Uhm yeah, I haven't gotten the message on gmail, you might have to try again. User:Matthlock/sig2 00:08, 12 January 2013 (UTC)

Re:Welcome!!!

Hi, thank you for leaving a message at my talk page, that's really nice of you! I also have something to say. I also want to know why you removed the {{VFD}} tag at the Jeroen overeem page created by an anonymous user under the ip 83.87.175.41 That was a worthless, unfunny article that is very offensive and not even written in English. Please explain, thanks!

Explained it to you already. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 18:41, 23 December, 2012 (UTC)

Re:Jeroen overeem

Oh, thanks for helping me out --RockoRocks (talk) 18:41, December 23, 2012 (UTC)

You're welcome! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 18:42, 23 December, 2012 (UTC)

Re:Welcome!!! (2)

Hi, i also want to tell you something. I was actually about to ask how to flag bad pages as QVFD, but it looks like you've already told me you can do that with the handy QVFD gadget. Thanks for letting me know that! But, there is one more problem : I cannot use this gadget yet because i am not autoconfirmed yet. What exactly is autoconfirmed? Also, i found a crappy page i'd like to send to QVFD but since i can't do that yet due to not being 'autoconfirmed' yet i'd like to ask you to do that. The page is HowTo:Catch_A_Leprechaun and the reason for deletion is obvious : Too short, only 1 line and thus makes no sense. Can you please add it to QVFD in my place?

I can do that (But I'll check the page first). I remember that you had to do a certain number of edits before you were autoconfirmed (10-20 I'm not so sure). Do something useful and cool and soon you should be autoconfirmed. Also, please sign yourself with the four ~'s so I know who's talking. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 18:53, 23 December, 2012 (UTC)

to cat the colourfull

to cat the colourful unless you are an admin please mind your own business if not then please read the previous posts i made the article i wrote it there are perceived to be problems with it i cant be bothered to fix them so i will probably remove it. tbh this whole process is really starting to piss me off someone needs to make a wizard and a wysiwyg for wikis

Shut up I already answered you. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 20:16, 23 December, 2012 (UTC)

Actually sorry, I answered bit too harshly. I got abit too pissed off. Sorry. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 20:20, 23 December, 2012 (UTC)

Notice

RockoRocks has given you a candy cane! Hi you are really nice!!

– Preceding unsigned comment added by RockoRocks (talk • contribs)

VFD

Hi, do you know how you can vote for/against the deletion of articles on the VFD page? If you try to edit the page it says the page has been locked to prevent editing. Is there a way to vote for/against articles on the VFD page? Please tell me how if so! --RockoRocks (talk) 20:05, December 26, 2012 (UTC)

You have to wait a few days until you become "autoconfirmed". No one knows exactly what that means, but once you achieve it, you can edit just about anything. It's a curse rather than a privilege, really. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Dec 26 '12 20:42 (UTC)

Meanwhile, DO NOT REMOVE {{VFD}} FROM A PAGE, least of all saying in the Change Summary, "This page isn't even on VFD." Placing {{VFD}} on a page indicates an intent to put it on VFD and you should assume it has been done. What do you say to the arguments on VFD toward deleting this template (including mine)? Spıke ¬ 23:51 26-Dec-12

Buckethead

Am working Patrol and saw your revert of Anon for adding LEET to this article. Good call! But could you also mark the change as Patrolled (if you have that power) so other users don't have to review it as well? Thanks. Spıke ¬ 23:52 31-Dec-12

Oh, sorry! I normally do mark the changes as patrolled but it seems I forgot this time. I will be more focused next time. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 08:56, 2 January, 2013 (UTC)

Very good, sir. Carry on. Spıke ¬ 12:04 2-Jan-13

I will. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 12:05, 2 January, 2013 (UTC)

OK. Spıke ¬ 12:07 2-Jan-13

K.O. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 12:08, 2 January, 2013 (UTC)

Drop your pants and grab the eggnog! It's the UnSignpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

January 2nd, 2013 • Issue 180 • We always do it Manually!

Vote! Or else! By Chief This image has not been altered in any way Is it that time of year again? It's the time when everyone celebrates the people who are the most remarkable amongst us at everything except what matters. It's time for Writer of the Year, Uncyclopedian of the Year and Useless Gobshite of the Year. These compliment our small selection of awards: WotM, UotM, PotM, NotM, AotM, RotM, EGA, FP, PWotM, ANOTM, Top 10 o' the month, UGotM, VFH, VFD, VFS and VFP. Not forgetting of course to all the userspace awards. Writer of the Year got off to a splendid start when Aleister in Chains nominated Funnybony and SPIKE for the award by writing brief but poignant marriage proposals to both of them. Thank goodness for Aleister, if not for him the wider world might have assumed we weren't all massive girls. Since then Thekillerfroggy nominated Xamralco, who was not able to express his appreciation due to a serious case of not editing the wiki any longer. As always what should be a rigorous heterosexual competition involving manly pursuits like backstabbing, lies, blackmail and threats is being irretrievably compromised by people like Aleister and Shabidoo; people whose sole purpose on the awards pages is to make everybody else feel bad about not noticing other people. Uncyclopedian of the Year is being lead by Romartus, Uncyclopedia's voting-in-chief. Shockingly, he was also nominated by Aleister who, as it turns out, is gayer than Christmas, apparently Romartus makes him "Proud to be an uncyclopedian", he makes "Legendary votes on VFH" and gives "Legendary hand relief". Potatochopper of the Year is a more subdued and manly affair, where absolutely nobody has been nominated at all... it's like reviewer of the month were moved to a different page name. Hopefully Aleister or Shabidoo will nominate someone soon, we here at the UnSignpost have gone to the trouble of writing the nomination for them: "<insert name here> has made many fantastic images, at least two of which I have made love to on at least nineteen occasions. My genitals ache for them every single evening and someday they will make my dreams come true and love me! Also Olipro sucks balls." Olipro was the only nominee for Useless Gobshite of the Year (insert your own joke here), but Zombiebaron quickly joined him in ignominy. Please go vote for both of them so they may end up tied, and share the prize (a year's supply of toilet paper) on their revolving bed built entirely from used condoms and KY bottles. From the desk of the Cabal: 2013 is the year of subservience By Nobody Once again you all stand before us, another year of failure behind you and another year of subjugation ahead of you. The non-existent Cabal would like to wish you all a happy New Year. All workers users are reminded that failure to celebrate the new year with adequate happiness and joy is punishable by enforced time labouring in the non-existent Lime Quarries followed by the immediate cessation of chocolate rations for the remainder of this work quarter. Once again you have failed us, utterly and completely. Last year we advised you all that resistance was utterly unnecessary and, if anything, we have had to tolerate 0.22% more resistance, we have heard you discuss and then decide to leave our kind benefactors, whilst promoting several of your own number to within the cabal in an effort to encourage dissent and democracy within our ranks. We saw you continue to tinker with that which does not concern you whilst simultaneously complaining when people are warned about the indecent images you propagate amongst your number. It seems prudent to remind you that if we delete every single template, every single image and every single forum your freedom will only increase. It is not what some of you have foolishly referred to as "overly deletionist", it is streamlining and it is good for all of you. It is with vague optimism that we note that you continue to strive at a barely satisfactory level, you have certainly earned a small fraction of the baubles and trinkets that have been handed out over the past year. It has not escaped our notice that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2012 only closed on time this year due to Thekillerfroggy skipping sixty of the reflections, we are gratified to note that Roman Dog Bird had practically no input on the list and very few of them regard uncontrolled outbreaks of creativity and morale, such dangerous forces must be carefully rationed and controlled. Cutting of corners and a blatant disregard for regulations do not amuse the Cabal. Now we must inexorably turn our attentions to 2013 and the promise it brings. All users should note that due to several security compromises over the last few months movement throughout the Uncyclopedia complex has been restricted during the hours of darkness. Where major editing is to take place you must ensure that you have faxed the appropriate forms to your divisional liaison officer prior to commencing work, failure to do so will result in an unacceptable breakdown in bureaucracy. Uncyclopedia must prevail, editors must remember that without patient mind numbing work and servitude we can never accomplish our ultimate goal of... well, that need not concern you. That is all citizens, you may now return to your allocated taskings.

Check out these pages! BURN THE WIKI BURN IT TO THE GROUND A long, long, very long forum where nothing was accomplished and everybody eventually just started typing random bullshit. A bad, bad, very bad idea, which the UnSignpost endorses with full vigor. An even worse idea. A page where Kip the Dip takes credit for something bad, very bad. A discussion far more important than any of the preceding links. Screw You Guys, I'm Going Home: 03:48, May 2, 2012 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Hahaha you're not an admin so I can do this and get away with it! Hahaha! (hahahhaha)) 22:44, May 18, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Not cool to use other people's sigs man......*shity eyes*.....) 23:07, July 17, 2012 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Snoopin' around in areas he shouldn't be concerned with) 19:32, October 4, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 44 seconds ‎ (I must block you at least once in order to be more awesome than you.) 03:31, November 17, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Shame on you for hating on Australian films! [DO NOT UNBAN]) 02:11, December 13, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 minutes ‎ (User request) 16:11, December 19, 2012 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Necessary research into the reasons for no funny bans having happened last week. Do not be alarmed, we are trained professionals, and also very aroused.) 01:29, December 26, 2012 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 33 seconds ‎ (Telling me how to be an administrator) Biopic of the Week When we carried our knuckle-dusters and brick-filled socks to the talk page of new user Equilateralperil this past week to interview him, we were amused and perplexed to see him employ the classic defensive stance of a painfully shy, abused opossum. Rolling into the fetal position on the ground with his buttocks in the air, he began to reveal embarrassing personal details in a shrill voice, shouting "Have a field day, you scamps! Yes, mock me harder!", apparently hoping that we would walk away in disgust. However, to assume that reverse psychology would work on Uncyclopedians is to give them credit for having something that they don't, namely, a psychology. Some of the details which he will now regret ever having shared: Equilateral (that's what we call him for short, when we don't call him Bitch) is a 17-year-old schoolboy living in Victoria in Australia, is at the "top of his class" in multiple subjects, and is on his school's debate team. As he is on his school's rock band, jazz band, and "show" band, we are forced to assume that his school, like the one from Glee, is filled to the brim with people wearing matching plaid shirts, bow ties, white vests, and straw skimmers, who are all horrifyingly perky and prone to breaking into song (or dance) for no apparent reason—especially when the occasion does not require it. He claims to have had one girlfriend, who was Japanese and broke his heart. He refused to supply nude pictures of her, so we are forced to conclude that she is imaginary. For Christmas, he claims he received a "charcoal Italian moleskin jacket", which he is apparently wearing at this moment, over his Casper-the-Ghost™ footie pajamas. So there you have it! From our experience, Equilateralperil is most likely his school's Designated Punching Nerd, and spends most of his spare time pulling his poodle-haired head from toilets, when he isn't writing excellent articles for Uncyclopedia. While he's on holiday in Perth or Canberra or someplace, do give them a read. Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Uncyclopedian's Song This space left intentionally penis.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Wed, Jan 2 '13 13:11 (UTC)

For all means and purposes

Yeah, I'm back. Can you remind ZB to unban me on IRC and, are you still writing that article? It was pretty good. User:Aimsplode/sig6_{17:26 5 January 2013}

Sorry, I've been very busy lately and haven't had time to write it. But I'll continue it soon, I just a need some inspiration somewhere :). I'll tell that to Zombiebaron as soon as I can, today I'm having a lot to do so I'm not sure if I can... Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 10:33, 6 January, 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost sez, "Give Pease a Chance!"

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Jan 11th, 2012 • Issue 181 • Solid information. At its worst.

Three cheers! SPIKE is going to lose his bet! By Sir Peasewhizz de New York If you haven't heard, we recently moved and split from those meanies at Wikia. If you haven't heard, you're 1) either oblivious or 2) new to this site. Because... you are on the site now. But don't get me wrong, we are sooooo better than the fools who stayed. AY! Speaking of fools at the old, less stylish Uncyclopedia site, (maybe I'll regret saying this in the future) SPIKE made a bet with a few other users that the new site would be out and down by the end of the week. Being Saturday the 12th. We will all stay up Friday night and count down until that naughty dog is proven wrong. However if we do fail, which we won't, SPIKE will become known as a psychic throughout the globe. We aren't going to let this happen, are we? If you haven't gotten the hint... the answer is a big N and a big O! NO! Plus, SPIKE, according to TKF has a very bad betting history. Send him to Vegas, lord, please! Make him bankrupt or something, please? Also, some examples of the users that decided to migrate to this site (all the cool users do this) are for one, myself, Zombiebaron, RAHB, Simmy, Lyrithya, Aleister who received a name change, and TKF, who received a name change. Not to forget that one guy, Sir Frosty, who has been recently reverted all of our pornos, for our self enjoyment. The majority of his reverts of the Wikia censorship thingy-ma-bobber pics involved boobies. Nice work, Frosty. Round of applause everybody! On the other hand, all the cool cats are doing it, so go add yourself to this list and tell us about how you stumbled upon calling yourself what you are known as here. Better be good, or we're coming to get ya! We're gonna suck out your insides using your intestines as a bendy straw, YUM! An example includes Zombiebaron, who got his name from stealing it from a video game. Another example is Strange but untrue, who took the name from her first (probably porn) website. Some lame examples include David Gerard's and Splaka's, who became known as that because of a typo. I myself, am a typo of my parents, who misspelled condom worked and here I am. Splaka failed to tell us more about the typo and what word was suppose to be the username. Shame, shame, shame! And one last thing, Ly is demanded the reporting of any and all (EACH AND EVERY SINGLE ONE OF 'EM, OR ELSE) bugs/crashes/malfunctions/apocalypses the site gives you. They should be reported here, or else we'll kill help you. That is it for now, I am Sir Peasewhizz, you are some random reader in which I may not know, this article is over, except for this line: I need some soup. Be ashamed By Sir Peasewhizz de New York Just because of that little incident, you had to make more little incidents, Kip? Shame! Look what you've done, oh dear heavens!

Check out these pages! Report any bugs here or die. We're not horsing around. Where are all by rights be meant to be taken in NO WAY ANYTHING OTHER THAN SERIOUS. THIS IS UNCYCLOPEDIA! And.We.Are.Honest! Indeed it does. But what else is supposed to suck? Why is your mind in the gutter? You sicken me. We want boobies! Get it? You see a censored pick of 'em, reversion! Give us boobies, or give us death! Link your page. Art is nice. What about us? Is something wrong? From our logs: 16:58, January 7, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Wutjtod En.Uncy.Co Deluxe Limited Edition (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Not being Zombiebaron: <youtube>n9sEBBCIZ54</youtube>) 02:30, January 6, 2013 MoneySign (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk) with an expiry time of 2.71828182 hours (... like flowers!!) 02:27, January 6, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked MoneySign (Talk) with an expiry time of 3.141592653589 hours (You smell.) 02:26, January 6, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk) (UR GAY) 02:25, January 6, 2013 MoneySign (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk) with an expiry time of 3.1415926 hours (Active admin does administrator activity.) 22:53, January 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Socksilikesocks (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite (Fuck off) 18:12, January 5, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked MoneySign (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (Not supporting my vote, also hasn't been banned in 2 and a half years, you call yourself an admin???) Biopic of the Week Sorry, due to recent tasks that are far more important, there is no Biopic of the Week. If you need medical help, wait... what? Newsroom UnTune of the week Sorry, due to recent tasks that are far more important, there is no Newsroom UnTune of the Week. Please go listen to your favorite band. It is highly recommended by 8 out of 4 doctors. Which means 2 doctors recommend it.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Jan 11 '13 5:28 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130119042144 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

Jan 19th, 2012 • Issue 182 • Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:22, 19 January 2013

Unsignpost - 20130124050125 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

January 24th, 2013 • Issue 183 • Better sign it.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:01, 24 January 2013

Mr. Volman, your cheeseburger!

http://www.adrive.com/public/PpsNS2/Full%20On%20Jazz%20Mattaz.mp3 :D -RAHB 07:45, 29 January 2013 (UTC)

Danke. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 07:46, 29 January, 2013 (UTC)

Unsignpost - 20130131002159 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

January 31st, 2013 • Issue 184 • We're delivering it to your door anyways!

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:22, 31 January 2013

Unsignpost - 20130207013217 gibberish asdf

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

February 6th, 2013 • Issue 185 • There is news in this thing.

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 01:32, 7 February 2013

It is the day of USP love, Valentine’s Day

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

February 14th, 2013 • Issue 186 • Happy Valentine's Day, motherfucker.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:31, 14 February 2013 (UTC)

Crikey! It’s a rare, wild UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper the Whole Family Must Enjoy!

February 21st, 2013 • Issue 187 • Burn.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:32, 21 February 2013 (UTC)

Surprise, Motherfucker, USP

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

February 28th, 2013 • Issue 188 • When life gives you lemons, sue for damages.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:47, 28 February 2013 (UTC)

I thought I heard the Imperial March. USP time, everybody!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Proudly supporting editorial independence whenever the board say it's okay

March 7th, 2013 • Issue 189 • You may now start the sad music.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 20:33, 7 March 2013 (UTC)

Can I have some salad with my UnSignpost?

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

March 14th, 2013 • Issue 190 • It's a "sa-lad".

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 11:39, 14 March 2013 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Topic

Your topic for the contest is Robot Unicorn Attack . You have 36 hours to write the article (until Friday 03.00 UTC/Thursday 9pm EST). If you want to make it unbook, unreview etc. you can very slightly alter the title. Remember the judging is on creativity and originality more than anything else. Have fun. In the mean time Happy Monkey is leaving various surprises all over your house. --ShabiDOO 14:52, 20 March 2013 (UTC)

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:24, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Cat

I'll type up all the stuff (any ideas, put them on my gmail) in my spare time on notepad and send it to you Friday afternoon (if the weather's not too rainy, I'll ride my bike to the library, which closes on Friday at 6:00 pm, which coincidentally is when the HMC competition ends).

I'll gmail them first, and then send it to Uncyclopedia when I'm done.

I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm going to go to bed real soon. User:Matthlock/sig2 03:40, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Actually I realized I just can't. Well, maybe I still have time. I'd give you ideas now, but my mind is tired. User:Matthlock/sig2 03:41, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

If not, I'm sorry. Really sorry. I thought HMC was in February. User:Matthlock/sig2 03:43, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

Ah, no problem, I can wait! And anyways, my birthdays at sunday (24th this month, remember to congratulate... or else... :D) so I get them out of my way first and then I'm completely free to this. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:43, 21 March, 2013 (UTC)

Bitter winters

No...I live in Madrid. So it's not artic frost like you have. But cold is always relative. I lived in Canada through -40ºC or even lower with 5 months of snow without a car but instead a bus pass (I would imagine that Finland also has a few absurdly cold days a year and that houses and towns are spread out). I will never forget waiting in the glass bus shelters with my bones nearly frozen...for 15 minutes as the cold wind ripped the skin off my face...and then watch the bus zoom by me cause the glass barrier in the shelter was so frosted over the driver couldn't see me inside. When that happened I would not wait another 15 minutes as my brain cells died off from frost related ruptures. I decided to just not go to school/work but go home and put the heating on the most expensive level and take a scalding hot shower. I still...for the life of me do not understand why my parents allowed themselves to move to one of the coldest cities in Canada and stay there. If Aliens were parked in their UFO orbiting the earth and took pictures of people on Carribean beaches and then people scraping ice off of their car windshields in the Nordic tundra...they would likely be very confused or maybe laugh out loud for a couple days. Sounds like a nice idea for an article! --ShabiDOO 04:19, 27 March 2013 (UTC)

Hahaha yeah it really does sound like a good idea :D Oh yeah Canada is a hell of a place, especially on coldness... I thought that when I'm older I move to Alaska :D I couldn' think of moving anywhere hot like California or such, because it wouldn't suit me... I'm snow's friend, and snow if my friend. So I kinda like cold, even when there is those damn -40 C days :/ Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 06:09, 27 March, 2013 (UTC)

If you like having your penis frozen off in -100ºC cold ... I would recommend floating around naked in outerspace. It's a lovely experience :) --ShabiDOO 22:33, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost’s BONER TIME!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 21:51, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

moar crazy old lady.

Hey cat, I went through what you'd written on that article, changed a few things, added some things, and wrote some new things - I see what you mean about being hard to not ramble too much - I'm thinking a lot could be trimmed off - I'm also thinking that it might need another few entries between diary entry #2 and #3 - maybe the concert needs to be put later on that week, like, on Friday? Give her time to adjust to the crazy new world? - anyway sorry i didn't get too much done, got home from work a bit late, and now it's midnight. I'll leave it with you for now! :) cheers - S^tr_ai_nj¹_...TALK 14:01, 2 April 2013 (UTC)

Ha ha ok thanks a lot! I'll see what I can do. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:47, 3 April, 2013 (UTC)

This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 18:21, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:33, 11 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost, late and lazy!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:33, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

You know how you wanted to collaborate?

Well, I helped out with your long sentences article. I think you'll like what I added.

Also although I don't have any idea in plan right now, I also want to help you out with your polytheism article. That and long sentences seem to be the most two promising.

There are a few articles I want you to help me out on. Like the one on Jerry Garcia. I don't really know much about the man besides the fact that he had nine fingers and he was in the Grateful Dead. If you want to help out you can (since the only jokes I've made are about his nine-fingerness, don't delete them though because I think they're hilarious). I was also thinking about maybe getting RAHB on the bandwagon with my Jerry article. What do you think? User:Matthlock/sig2 18:21, 20 April 2013 (UTC)

Sorry for late answer, I spended the whole weekend with my new stereos and few new albums I bought, including bands like Cradle of Filth and Mercyful Fate. Yes, it was a satanic weekend. :D

First of all, THANKS a lot from your contributions on the Long Sentences. It's one of those articles that I created like a century ago way too younger without a good sense of humor yet, that article has always been a puzzle to me. Also Polytheism I found a bit challenging but if you can type anything that too I'd be grateful... dead... I have no idea who is Jerry Garcia but that isn't a problem; there's always the wikipedia for those kind of projects. Also the 9-fingers sounds cool, I won't delete them. And as a member on Grateful Dead I could imagine writing something cool. I'll let you know when my brain catches me up, I'm still feeling little Mercyful Fate on my spines and now can't think of much. But anywyas, thanks a ton! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:51, 22 April, 2013 (UTC)

It's okay. I've only listened to two Grateful Dead songs in my life: "U.S. Blues" and "Casey Jones". And Casey Jones is the only song I've only listened to more than once. That actually brings me to a funny story - I'm one of those people who likes to sing while they're in the shower, and once for no reason I started singing Casey Jones for no reason. DRIVING THAT TRAIN HIGH ON COCAINE, CASEY JONES YOU BETTER WATCH YOUR SPEED, TROUBLE AHEAD, TROUBLE BEHIND, HAVE YOU KNOW THAT NOTION'S JUST CROSSED MY MIND. User:Matthlock/sig2 01:32, 24 April 2013 (UTC)

Ahahaha :D I did sing in shower but I quit that after my parents made me some sort of speech to me when I was 8... It seems I had sand Marilyn Manson's 'This is the New Shit', which had a sentence like 'Bubble bubble bitch bitch, rebel rebel party party sex sex sex and don't forget the violence, blah, blah, blah, got your lovey dovey sad and lonely, stick your stupid slogan in, and everybody sing along:' and so on... :D It seems that my neighbours had heard it and told about it to my parents which then stopped me from doing it >.< But yeah, I'll look over the article next week, been quite busy lately. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:48, 24 April, 2013 (UTC)

The 2 Days Tardy USP!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:59, 27 April 2013 (UTC)

Granny

Hi, I improved the first chapter. Do try improve the rest on your own. I can do it but it's not exactly my trip. Once you have all you can, let me know and I'll check it out. Also, start thinking of a funnier (or less obvious) title. Something like "The diary of Grandmother Jones" if you can't come up with anything special. -- Style  Guide 11:34, 5 May 2013 (UTC)

Ah, thanks a lot. Yeah, I will improve it more later. I just wonder where Strainj1 is but I hope he returns. And yeah, it's just a raw-version, the name shall be changed at some point too. Thanks! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 11:38, 5 May, 2013 (UTC)

Electric BEARD

Now with 30% less plutonium! -RAHB 06:28, 10 May 2013 (UTC)

PLS Judging

I'm sending you this because you signed up to judge the Poo Lit Surprise. If you no longer want to judge or are incapable of doing so, please tell me as soon as possible. If you're still good to go then here are the instructions:

First, read all of the articles and look at all of the images submitted. Second, judge them. Judge how you like, as long as it's at least fair and based on merit (one suggestion would be to use the Pee Review format). You, as the judges, have the sole authority to pick losers, winners, and disqualify entries, so please read the PLS rules carefully before judging.

Post your top 5 entries here for all categories except the Best T-shirt Design. For the Best T-shirt Design category just say which ones should be t-shirts and which ones should not be t-shirts.

Hit me up on my talk page if you have any questions and thank you again for your valued participation in the balletic train wreck that is the Poo Lit Surprise! --EMC ^[TALK] 03:42 May 12 2013

REM

• Those are all OK: doesn't matter what you write about but how you do it
• Sure, add a SoS page. It's not an organization but a place to put your ideas in. Just add a link to SoS main page and put the links to actual articles in your own user space the way I've been dealing with mine.
• Didn't mean writing about a real band but a bunch of bands, wordplay, puns, computer related punk. I still think that one is easier to write than any of those you gave because all you'd need to do is twist song names and come up with crap. Well, it's your choice.
• You would have written it in the time you took writing that message to me.

-- Style  Guide 06:33, 28 May 2013 (UTC)

Well, hah, that's basically true. I could have started writing already but I wanted to ask your opinion. Well now that I have your opinion (which after all didn't help me that much as I thouhgt it could, except about the SoS-part that is cool :D) I could start writing. I'll hopefully start this week, maybe not, pretty busy schelude. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 11:18, 28 May, 2013 (UTC)

Saw your "REM" idea over on Multiliteralist's talk page and thought of Rapid Ejaculation Movement as well as Rapid Erection Movement. What do you think? IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 16:33 28 May 2013

ahahaha, great, great ideas :D both are :D I'll work on those later then, thanks from those. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 16:41, 28 May, 2013 (UTC)

REM

I see you're starting Rapid Erection Movement, it looks good so far. :D IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 12:58 2 June 2013

hehe, thanks :) It's pretty messed up still, I just copypasted stuff I wrote last night so there's lots of mistakes and over-repeating, and few sections that went to weird places. I'll fix it later and write more, but yeah, I'm getting good vibes from this one, should work out pretty well. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 14:31, 2 June, 2013 (UTC)

Isn't it time for school?

Go catch the bus, you'll probably be late if you edit here any longer. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 09:07, 5 June 2013 (UTC)

What? I'm having a summer break currently Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 09:11, 5 June, 2013 (UTC)

Ugh! Does that mean you will be around here more than usual?! Awful. We need to repeal summer break. The Woodburninator Minimal Effort ™ 18:53, 5 June 2013 (UTC)

Ahahahaha ;) Well, you can try... Contact to the finnish schools, something's ought to happen. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:06, 6 June, 2013 (UTC)

I have a question?

Do you agree that Mr-ex777 is a faggot? If so, I shall put you as "user of the month" on my userpage. BTW, check out my userpage. It's in progress, so it's really empty, but hey, there's music.

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

All your readers are belong to us

June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Tue, Jun 11 '13 2:29 (UTC)

Don't call me that.

I noticed that your header said "Hey dude". Please don't call me dude. TheHauntingHour2 (talk) 14:07, 13 June 2013 (UTC)

Don't call me "someone" again. Use your header as "Hey, <insert name here>". TheHauntingHour2 (talk) 13:31, 16 June 2013 (UTC)

Hey {{USERNAME}}

My First Dildo is up for nomination. I remember you wrote something nice on the talk page, would you consider voting for it please? Leverage (talk) 07:42, 20 June 2013 (UTC)

PANDA PORN

http://www.adrive.com/public/86x7yp/Panda%20Porn.zip -RAHB 16:16, 24 June 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost is back

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.

And enjoy the news! Anton (talk) 17:41, 6 July 2013 (UTC)

I like poop

I like poop --XReaper (talk) 16:45, 22 July 2013 (UTC)

And you should. Ever heard of those people who didn't like poop and registered an account here?

Yeah. Me neither. They do not belong into a site like this, and never will. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 16:48, 22 July, 2013 (UTC)

It's that time of the year again

That's right. Monday July 29th will mark two years since my first edit on Uncyclopedia as "Matthlock." Congratulate me on my talk page and make sure to say something on Forum:I'm Sick of the Fact That There Are No New Forums! Thanks! User:Matthlock/sig2 21:47, 27 July 2013 (UTC)

Ah, ok. Let's see if I remember this then :) Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 15:55, 28 July, 2013 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news

The UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

August 1st, 2013 • Issue #200 • Archives • Press Room

Servers Paid For Until 2014; World Peace Inevitable

Approximately how much money Uncyclopedia has now. Oh well, one zero is still more than no zeroes.

In a genius financial maneuver called "eat only Ramen for nine months", Uncyclopedia administrator Isarra has paid for Uncyclopedia's servers until September with what little student loan money she had left.

The remaining three months of 2013 were paid for with money raised from donations, merchandise sales, and advertising on the Uncyclomedia Shop. It cost $277.80 of the site's whopping $307.51, leaving the rest of the admins with barely enough money for their Ferrari gas tanks and an Uncyclopedia Android app.

However, this makes it obvious that the site is not yet financially self-sustaining and that other methods of generating revenue and/or more exposure to Uncyclopedia are needed if the site will do better in 2014. Ideas proposed on IRC include advertising, finding a generous sugar daddy, playing the lottery, and selling synthetic marijuana. Also worth considering is that even though raising awareness of the site through word of mouth and Operation Infamous is embarrassing and socially isolating, it will attract more people who will (hopefully) put money in our cup. And clicking on the ads in our e-store helps a bit too.

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Count to a million fiasco
On July 29th, 2013; the infamous Count to a million thread which is popular for it's time wasting appeal was locked by Frosty in what could be said as "an action of gay gay gay proportions." Several Just three users took to the streets to protest this decision, angry that their only source of time wasting has been taken by one gay snowman; of course, they didn't protest or anything so nothing notable happened.

When we asked Frosty about this, he responded "This is to make sure people edit in the mainspace like they're supposed to, for so long very few edits have taken place in mainspace and it seems like the most popular thing here is that blasted thread. I feel like I've made the perfect choice." However, TheHappySpaceman and co-partner in crime Kırby think otherwise; claiming that "This is just so Frosty can get the "gayest person in the world" award; we've made attempts to make the thread viable by contributing comics and other stuff and to mock all of our attempts, that's gay indeed. Even gayer than Mr. Winkler's F."

Everybody else is oddly not disturbed by this recent conundrum; knowing full well that the thread will be open in a week. "It's nice that we have a motivation to edit mainspace, I was getting tired posting numbers in an attempt to reach a million. Hey, maybe I'll make a featured article in a week." said a random Uncyclopedian. Okay, so it's not much of a fiasco as we portrayed it to be but two people are pissed off and that at least has to make it a mini-fiasco right? As of writing, TheHappySpaceman and Matthlock are currently planning to write a mainspace article, presumably with lots of gay jokes.

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UnDroid
For eons, an Uncyclopedia Android app was only a pipe dream. Maybe like two weeks ago. Thankfully, it's now a reality. The app, developed by some guy you've never heard of named Jude Pereira, can be found here. It's free in exchange for money and referring your friends to download the app. The app also has many exciting features such as AutoTypo 1.0, which shrinks the keypad and allows you to create typos faster than ever before, and Zoom 0.8, an innovative feature allowing you to make large things small and small things large. It's truly revolutionary technology, and it's completely free. So download it, use it, and be somebody.

Biopic
In this Biopic we examine the trials and tribulations of Fakehater who, with a few uploads under his belt (however that works), is taking audio requests in the Village Dump. He says he enjoys proofreading, doing audio, and based on his userpage, The Goonies. He is also into older women but, like most UnNews reporters, he has little to offer any dignified, diabetic septuagenarian. Embarrassingly, his IRC nickname is "arsenic_x", which we're pretty sure is what created the Powerpuff Girls.

From The Logs
• 20:53, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lemonpie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Infinite ‎ (just fuck off pls)
• 17:13, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of -3600 seconds ‎ (how many dicks could a dick sucker suck if a dick sucker could suck dick?)
• 11:41, July 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 31 millennia, 6 centuries, 8 decades, 8 years, 269 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 3 seconds ‎ (Better number of nines)

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Top VFH Competitors
• UnNews:Army launches new recruiting ad campaign (8/0.5)
• UnScripts:Your Guide to Notable Literature: Abridged (6.5/0)
• Constantine II (5.5/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week
Katy Perry hit generator (10/0)

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From The Forums
• Remember a time when Uncyclopedia didn't suck
• Hey! This looks like an important thing!
• I can't hear you!
• The day the music was born again and accepted Christ

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UnSignpost News
You are probably noticing that the UnSignpost looks a little bit different. That's because it is. If you don't like it then that's just, like, your opinion and stuff man.

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IRC Quote
[13:35] <DogTheColourful> I WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR MOTHER DOWN

Anton (talk) 14:13, 8 August 2013 (UTC)

Lol, newsig

Hai you sexy beast. --The Defender of Light >Grand Warlock Danzathel Aetherwing Inventory 03:49, 14 August 2013 (UTC)

No u!!! Don't ever call me as a shark in finnish, bitch, because that is what hai exactly means. Shark. Bitch. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 03:51, 14 August, 2013 (UTC)

New messages on your talkpage

☻/
/▌
/ \
This is Bob.
Copy and paste 10 times if you want Bob to take over Uncyclopedia. — SG1 ^{[citation needed]} 03:53, 14 August 2013 (UTC)

Congratulations

On winning the Mongolian scrabble and twister tournament. We are all so proud of you. Remember us when your fame grows. --ShabiDOO 19:29, 18 August 2013 (UTC)

Man, this feels so great... Especially when I don't remember even participating those tournaments... Well, it's gotta be one of those days again. And don't worry, I will forget you all after I win the mongolian bingo-tournament. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:54, 19 August, 2013 (UTC)

??????There is no mongolian bingo-tournament. That doesn't exist. No one plays bingo there. !! --ShabiDOO 21:48, 19 August 2013 (UTC)

OH SHIT!! Does this... does this mean I'll never get faumous? ;_; SHAB, MAKE ME FAUMOUS ;_; AWWGH ;_; *sob* Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:33, 20 August, 2013 (UTC)

Informal competition

Sign up before the last two spaces are gone.

Days of the week friendly competition that shabidoo will win and everyone else will fail

Your topic is TUESDAY

Rules are posted here

I would wish you good luck but I shave my crotch hair every day in September and I'm rather busy.

--ShabiDOO 16:49, 9 September 2013 (UTC)

Woah sorry.... Mr Tinkles, please forgive me!

I finally got around to reading the new edits on that article we were working on a while back..... I quite enjoyed it and will fix up a few things shortly..... also have a few cool ideas for pictures. Just letting you know I haven't forgotten about you - I've just been flat out. :) Cheers, S^tr_aⁱn_j 1 _{. . . . TALK} 04:09, 17 October 2013 (UTC)

Ahahaha, no problem :P I've been very absent on writing and that stuff too lately, I hope that if that article will get finished I'd finally get back my motivation to write once again.. or atleast I hope so. :) Looking forward to see your edits mate! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:32, 17 October, 2013 (UTC)

Don't forget

My 18th birthday is on Sunday! Remember to wish me a happy birthday on my talk page. User:Matthlock/sig2 03:51, 6 November 2013 (UTC)

Ah, don't worry, I'll remember to congratulate. I hope that I've read those chapters you send me before, sorry but I've been extremely busy lately. Ya know, school and stuff. And when I go to the computer I always forget to read it >.< Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:41, 7 November, 2013 (UTC)

I'd pin a reminder to read my book to your forehead, but my arms aren't long enough to reach you. User:Matthlock/sig2 23:19, 8 November 2013 (UTC)

Say...

You aren't the one who keeps repeatedly recreating the forum over on the other site are you? Come chat with me in IRC. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 22:50, 1 January 2014 (UTC)

I don't come chatting with you on IRC in the middle of night (00:50 on finnish time when you posted this) when I'm already sleeping. I'm sorry but that's impossible. I haven't forced anyone to re-create the forum, it was the persons choice which shall go now unnamed; SPIKE banned my IP so I even couldn't have re-created it! I did, in fact, create acopy of the text here because I was furious and knew SPIKE will delete it.

So basically, accusations, accusations without evidence. I've noticed the war that started on my talkpage at uncyclowikia, but I cannot respond to it because I'm currently banned. I will explain everything later on. Also, SPIKE didn't seem to even check my contributions that day when he claimed that I only came to attack. After I had reverted two IPs and edited one of my article I noticed SPIKE's talkpage and decided to respond in a humorous way which would have easily seen as "trolling". I shouldn't have propably done that... but what activated me into rage-mode was when I actually apologized SPIKE and, uh, said a lot of other stuff as well, but SPIKE refused to see my opinions and cold-heartly reverted me. I acted childishly but so did SPIKE. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 09:48, 2 January, 2014 (UTC)

OK, just saw this. I tried asking who did this on irc but I didn't get any sane answer. I can assure you it wasn't me, I was sleeping already when this happened. I can also promise you that I have absolutely nothing to do with this, I haven't even recomended anyone to do so. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 10:00, 2 January, 2014 (UTC)

Well, whoever did it, or one of the persons who did it, apparently knows my name. That narrows it down to a select few, and unfortunately, you are amongst that group. Most people here on this site who are on IRC at the same time as me know my real name, and you have lots of friends on there as well, who might think they were defending you by recreating the forum over and over again. I believe you when you say you were sleeping - given the times you are usually on IRC, plus the world clock on my ipad mini, that would be logical. A checkuser indicated that your regular IP was not responsible for the vandalism - this leaves open proxies as a possibility, which means it could be just about anybody. I was more than a little unhappy about the use of my real name in the vandalism and started pointing fingers in IRC (just ask SG1), but now that things have calmed down, I regret that. I know you were just trying to express your opinion on Spike's page, but sometimes he just takes things wrong. Add you to the list of people he doesn't get along with, I guess. -- Simsilikesims(♀UN) Talk here. 21:46, 3 January 2014 (UTC)

Why?

I am helping make this article better by cleaning up. -- MagicBus Talk to me! 18:41, 7 January 2014 (UTC)

It's in userspace. As a general rule you don't edit articles in others' userspace, even if you think they need cleaned up. Userspace is a place where you can work on stuff without worrying about other people messing with it. If someone says you can edit articles in their userspace it's ok, but otherwise you probably shouldn't. Cat already explained all that in his edit summary, too, so you shouldn't have had to ask, much less give an unexplained rollback. Unexplained rollbacks like that get another in return. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 19:14, 7 January 2014 (UTC)

I did not know that either! Sorry. -- MagicBus Talk to me! 19:50, 7 January 2014 (UTC)

No worries then. Glad we got it straightened out. – Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia 20:06, 7 January 2014 (UTC)

Thanks Llwy for sorting that out! Saved time for me :P Although MagicBus should have read the edit summary... Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 14:59, 8 January, 2014 (UTC)

aprul flools

[10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win![10:33] <@UncycBot> Congratulations WeinribZ you win! The Hamon Master WeinribJo Joestar of Earth 14:43, 1 April 2014 (UTC)

yo doge

Cheers ya fuck. <3 --The Defender of Light >Grand Warlock Danzathel Aetherwing Inventory 02:58, 2 April 2014 (UTC)

Cool song yo, the death of those two guys at the end was pretty cool. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:00, 2 April, 2014 (UTC)

Yo nigga did be symbolic ass sheeeet. --The Defender of Light >Grand Warlock Danzathel Aetherwing Inventory 03:00, 11 April 2014 (UTC)

UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news

The UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

5 May 2014 • Issue #201 • Archives • Press Room

Some headline to make this awful story by an inexperienced editor seem important and newsworthy

By Llwy-ar-lawr
So it seems nothing much goes on these days that's really newsworthy. Sure things happen, new users stop by, edit a while then leave, people write things, but...nothing really notable, you know. But we won't write an entire article about how nothing's happening and how depressing that is because, well, it's depressing, you know? So we're going to tell you about one thing the author - in her extreme vanity - thinks is worthy of reporting and make it seem like that's important and trick you into caring, when you'd really much rather be playing video games or (gasp) writing an article.

This forum resulted in our acquiring a new admin, Llwy-ar-lawr, who is still all over the place just like she was before but now shows up in different places and is making this slow website go a little faster to hide how slow it is (we hope). There are rumours that she sleeps sometimes, but they have yet to be verified. She also happens to be writing this text right now, which is a terrible conflict of interest so we can't say any more on the matter; this means we will distract you with more pointless drivel about nothing. Now back to our regularly scheduled commercials, which we've forgotten to serve you. We bet you were really missing them because they're so yummy and informative. And yellow. That comes from the pee, which is high in nice nutrients like phosgene phosphorus...we think. Probably. We're telling it to you as a fact, though, because we're never wrong.------------

Retro Week happens

By Anton199

The Retro Week organisers combat Uncyclopedia's liberal minds.

Uncyclopedians, rejoice! A great victory over the forces of liberalism has been won!

We, the Conservative users of Uncyclopedia, have decided that we don't have enough featured in-jokes, clowns, Really Big Trees, user and disambiguation pages, as if we haven’t pulled enough boners (and templates), we are putting all our past glories on our main page, once again, one by one, ten days a week.

Dear readers, only a few days late, the UnSignpost declares the Retro Week open! Applauds!

Originally Shabidoo's very controversial idea, the Retro Week has grown to become the time when all the Uncyclopedia administrators take an official rest from their site work, unless they are also the UnSignpost editors. You don't believe us? Check the recent changes!

So the 2014 Retro Week opened with a really big tree. A very big one. But it is pretty much everything original about it. It pursued with Slender Lorises, that are able to live in wet and dry forests, next - with Template:Boner, which we are not going to use in this UnSignpost, no matter how many times you ask us. Then came the turn of Hardwick Fundelbuggy's Userpage, featured not because it was funny, but because its author had written a lot of funny stuff (following this logic we can feature sandboxes and user contributions). Finally, we saw the Fire Hydrant spreading its waters around Uncyclopedia and slowing down - if not destroying - the servers.

Amongst other pros of the Retro Week are the facts that it gives users a good excuse for not voting on VFH for a while, because nobody does this anyway and that it is keeping our main page busy, while we are making an UnSignpost for you.

Thank Sophia, it happens only once a year!

Biopic We haven't managed to get hold of anyone long enough to get sufficient information out of them for a biopic. They always managed to ooze away just in time. Must be that slime that's got into the works.

---

From The Logs

• 23:35, 1 May 2014 Llwy-ar-lawr (talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds (account creation disabled) (does this do what I think it does?)

• 08:07, 17 April 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked MediaWiki default (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (you can't do that... YOU JUST CAN'T!!)

• 15:09, 10 April 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 166.216.165.0/24 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Hey! Hey, guess what? I have a BONER for you to gnaa on! Ha ha ha ha ha pwnt.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Breaking Bad Wind (9/0)

• Why?:Are motorists out to get me when I ride my bike? (9/1)

• UnNews:Massage bugs discovered in Uganda (7/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week This is not an article (12/2)

---

From The Forums

• Retro Week is in session

• This looks interesting

• This looks interesting too

• Shiny stuff

---

UnSignpost News This is the first UnSignpost issue since August 2013. If that's not news I don't know what is, so stop complaining.

---

Chat Quote [22:15] <snerk> I just can't help but think that this is a pattern that is indicative of an anarchist takeover.

– Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 03:52, 5 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

oh

OH? Oh-oh. OH - The Hamon Master WeinribJo Joestar of Earth 13:49, 9 May 2014 (UTC)

It's great to sign and get the beautiful orange notice-box stating I have messages by two different users on my talkpage, only to see that it's WeinribZ and his IP delivering a picture of a koala. So cute <3 Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 17:17, 10 May, 2014 (UTC)

On that note, I think I'll try and excite you with this ultimately pointless message. - B@NZai k!tten (Meow?)B 21:40, 10 May 2014 (UTC)

HMC

Your topic for the competition is Brazil (Film)

So go create an article on your user space. Contact me (or an admin if I don't respond soon) for any questions. You have two days. Remember:

CREATIVITY, ORIGINALITY and HELARITY. You will be judged on all three of these out of 10 for a score of 30.

HAVE FUN!

--ShabiDOO 18:05, 14 June 2014 (UTC)

You did it! This year is a record for semi-completed and finished articles. I've been blown away by the humour and creativity of the articles I've so far read! Watch as the scores slowly trick in over the next week here. Hope you enjoyed it god of the jesus loving muslim-jews. --ShabiDOO 05:24, 20 June 2014 (UTC)

Awesome Fucking User Page

I had notices in my email that you changed your user page, and you changed it for the better. You should keep it with unicorn zombie apocalypse forever. Best user page of the decade. Consider this your prize, Cat. Good job. User:Matthlock/sig2 02:52, 16 July 2014 (UTC)

The unicorn zombie apocalypse is this weird track by Borgore :P the "I *heart* ponies" was added by bizzeebeaver, I should probably change that text-part a bit lol Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 16:55, 16 July, 2014 (UTC)

I bet you that my little pony collection is bigger than yours Cat!!! --ShabiDOO 17:37, 16 July 2014 (UTC)

How much are you willing to bet Shabs? I want to know how much I'll be owning you before I send the money.. AND TAKE IT ALL BACK, NOBODY has a bigger pony-collection than ME Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 17:49, 16 July, 2014 (UTC)

Oh yeah? How many blue ones do you have? Huh? --ShabiDOO 03:33, 17 July 2014 (UTC)

More than you could ever afford! Huh?! Whatcha gonna do about that, huh?! Huh?!

I mean... I have 2 blue ones because I dislike blue. Pink is the real shit. How many pinks one do YOU have, huh? HUH? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 07:48, 17 July, 2014 (UTC)

About VFD

Hello. I tried to get an article into VFD, but the VFD page is protected from editing. The article I tried to nominate was also deleted from the original Uncyclopedia site days ago by its admins. It's really not that funny and the creator added too many sexual jokes making it only fun to the typist and not the reader. There's not even a single joke to be seen. Furthermore, it's "parodying" a fanmade game which...doesn't really exist.

But I am afraid I am doing something wrong by adding the VFD tag. If you open up edits for VFD, I will be more clear in my reasons

Thank you FastSteelVan (talk) 08:57, 21 July 2014 (UTC)

I'll add it for you. Also, you just need to make a few constructive edits and you'll be "autoconfirmed", which will allow you to vote on VFD. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Mon, Jul 21 '14 9:22 (UTC)

Ah I'm sorry FastSteelVan, wasn't online this morning but glad bizzee did it for you. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 16:24, 21 July, 2014 (UTC)

It's back! - The UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

25 July 2014 • Issue #202 • Archives • Press Room

UnSignpost: Return of the worst newspaper in history! By Frosty

Uncyclopedia. A kelpy substance.

Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.

Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.------------

New admin time By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.

Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.

Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face comedy tragedy!

Biopic For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.

---

From The Logs

• 14:56, 23 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) changed block settings for 184.7.86.140 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I've decided to use lube. You should feel so lucky.)

• 00:55, 19 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked 184.7.81.56 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Chronic sock wanking and being a really shit vandal.)

• 14:41, 1 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 23.105.212.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I’m coming at you like a dark horse)

Top VFH Competitors

• F4 (10/0)

• Potatoe (10/0)

• Bidet (10/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)

---

From The Forums

• Well, do you?

• Goes without saying, this is Uncyclopedia.

• Good riddance!

• Oh boy...

---

UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.

---

Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:48, 25 July 2014 (UTC)

Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

01 August 2014 • Issue #203 • Archives • Press Room

...And they're off! By Frosty

Just as lame and boring as a horse race, except without the gambling.

Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.

It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.

If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!------------

VFH smells By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.

You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.

Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.

If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).

---

From The Logs

• 16:25, 25 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (You look like you're doing something important right now. Are you? What is it? Why are you doing it? Did I break it? Would that be bad?)

• 11:46, 26 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Asking for it, begging for it actually.)

• 09:24, 29 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 173.44.44.121 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Now sit in your corner and think about what you've done)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (11/0)

• What's-his-name off that thing (10/0)

• F4 (10/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)

---

From The Forums

• Vote if you haven't already!

• Bunch of sluts!

• This has been bumped again, add yourselves!

• How often should we feature things?

---

UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.

---

Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:34, 1 August 2014 (UTC)

My link on IRC

KING CAT NAO???

Radical Rocko ❤ (I'm listening...) 19:32, 16 August 2014 (UTC)

One-liner

I'm recreating this article as I was making a see also list while it was deleted. Well, the link's up there anytime you want to get rid of it again.Everyotherusernamewastaken(get dtf) 12:36, 19 August 2014 (UTC)

Award from UN:REQ

This user created Brazil (film), an article originally requested on Uncyclopedia:Requested articles. You're welcome!

OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE!

The UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

7 September 2014 • Issue #207 • Archives • Press Room

Returning MASTERMINDS

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.

The legendary Xamralco, who pwns.

Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.

For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.

Okay? Okay.

Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Biopic For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.

When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.

“ no ”

Thank you! Give it up for auror!

---

From The Logs

• 00:54, September 1, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked IlanaZkhfzm (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (user did not suck Leverage's cock as promised)

• 16:02, August 31, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked AleidaJbjo (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (sister did not suck my cock as promised)

• 12:24, August 29, 2014 Kip the Dip (talk | contribs) blocked Electric Pope (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 centuries, 4 decades, 8 years, 364 days, 14 hours, 38 minutes and 24 seconds (Annoying douchebag.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Shirley Phelps-Roper (8/0)

• Rape (12/6)

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (7/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Sir Peasewhizz came up with a great idea apparently, but nobody has replied. So screw his idea.

• Leverage wants people to update/add/fladangle with the DYK shit. Shall we? We should. Maybe. Idk. DO IT.

• Inspiring parody

• UnMedicine project page? Is anyone here a doctor? WELL THEN YOU'RE A NERD!

---

UnSignpost News The USP will be delivered on Sundays now. (or around then)

---

Chat Quote
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical

[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.

[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:40, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion

The UnSignpost

In Pure Russian Fashion, The Newspaper That Reads YOU!!

14 September 2014 • Issue #208 • Archives • Press Room

Pee Review pls

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day and some cash you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.

Piss on my review quests.

Olipro is gay.------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.

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Uncyclopedia App

By Anton199

There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.

The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).

The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Biopic Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.

His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."

So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"

There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!

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From The Logs

• 22:20, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked LorrineLundy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Orange is the new black. Welcome to Internet Jail, Lorrine.)

• 22:14, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked CharissSparrow (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Dude, your gay porn name is lame)

• 22:12, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked VictorForest (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Eat my crotch-forest, Victor.)

Top VFH Competitors

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (8/1)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (6/0)

• A letter about Megan Fox (6/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Shirley Phelps-Roper (9/0)

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From The Forums

• Piss on these

• Proposal of Changes

• Drugs?

• Allahland...

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UnSignpost News Hi. This is a lazy edition of the UnSignpost.

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Chat Quote
[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)

[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO

[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE

Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming!

The UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

21 September 2014 • Issue #209 • Archives • Press Room

IMPERIAL COLONIZATION OR NAH? By Sir Peasewhizz

SUCK MY ASSSS!

Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which mimics is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?

Anyways I'm telling you this because it would be soooo sweet if we could get this running again... and I kinda need Xamralco or any other admin to combine histories again because I just found out I shouldn't have moved the project myself...------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

---

From The Logs

• 13:13, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked WolfganKix (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Wolfgan's arse is going to get Kix if he doesn't stop making accounts here.)

• 13:12, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked JanetteMelton (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (You brought your girlfriend with you? How sweet. She can fuck off too once she's tossed me off.)

• 13:11, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked AndreBecker (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (OMG A SPAMBOT! I've missed seeing you around man. Where you been these past few days? It's been so emotional. Okay, emotional reunion is over. Now fuck off.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Antibiotics (9/0)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (9/0)

• Firesheep (8/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Ludwig Wittgenstein (9/0)

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From The Forums

• Enter On This day submissions, plz.

• Mobile issues

• Sorry, I don't speak Cuntenese. (Bot rights or something)

• Mass massaging messaging can now be used by the admins!!

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UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

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Chat Quote
[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.

[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy

The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)

The UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

28 September 2014 • Issue #210 • Archives • Press Room

Incoming October bullshit

By Sir Peasewhizz
So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?

So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?

Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

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From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Colin "All your base" Heaney (talk | contribs) blocked Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour and 9 minutes (You're like the Grinch, except it's your cock that's three sizes too small.)

• 14:35, September 24, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 173.213.80.213 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Your free trial of Uncyclopedia has expired.)

• 07:05, September 24, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked JessieTedesco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (fuck Jessie Tedesco, he gets his clothes from Tecso)

Top VFH Competitors

• Nouvelle cuisine (10/0)

• HowTo:Fry an egg (9/0)

• Firesheep (9/1)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods (10/0)

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From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• Don't smoke the dope, kids.

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UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

---

Chat Quote
<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships

<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e

Shabidoo's Celestial Objects informal competition...

Dance the mash bro!

...is on this year. I hope you participate again Last Year's Day's of the week competiton. First come first serve. --ShabiDOO 02:54, 29 September 2014 (UTC)

Competition starts NOW! You have a week. Go here to pick your topic.

Hey. Extending the competition by three days (giving you over three and a half days to get an article ready). :) --ShabiDOO 08:02, 8 October 2014 (UTC)

Ohhhh shit, it seems I did in fact forget something... Sorry, I've been super-busy for lately and last weekend was full of partying and so on, didn't remember I had participated on this >.< I don't think I have time and energy to write an article anymore, even as you gave 3 and a half days. I'm sorry, I hope you didn't extend the time just because of me or anything as I can't write stuff now :c sorry mate Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 12:42, 8 October, 2014 (UTC)

Hey duder

Glad you signed up for the competition. Could you please close this and this per user request? Thanks!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 05:00, 29 September 2014 (UTC)

Sorry, I have no idea how to do that >.< nobody taught me yet how to do VFH. Sorry for being a sloppy admin. Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 15:29, 29 September, 2014 (UTC)

Okay. Let's find someone who does :) --ShabiDOO 21:37, 29 September 2014 (UTC)

Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?

The UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

5 October • Issue #211 • Archives • Press Room

Uncyclopedia's preparations for Ebola By Sir Peasewhizz

Gross.

As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.

Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!

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From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked 178.137.80.72 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (dickery)

• 15:07, September 28, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 23.231.7.217 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (The Maitri Inthusut has ordered us to block editing permanently for all residents of the Phuket Province.)

• 13:39, September 28, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked Leanna Hollway (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (she wouldn't go the "holl way" with me)

Top VFH Competitors

• White-haired Asian Scientist (8/0)

• Bluestocking (8/1)

• Aries (6/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Firesheep (10/1)

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From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• No more silly rules

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UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has begun.

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Chat Quote
<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?

dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

19 October • Issue #212 • Archives • Press Room

Hi

By Sir Peasewhizz
Do u think we should cancel the USP

Anyone

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!

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From The Logs

• 02:04, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) resurrected Xamralco (talk | contribs) (I have frostbite on my nipples.)

• 01:58, October 12, 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds (Obligatory retaliation ban)

• 01:46, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds (Obligatory welcome back block)

Top VFH Competitors

• Richard M. Nixon (8/0)

• Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast (8/0)

• Antiques Road Rage Show (8/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnDebate:Should women rap? (10/0)

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From The Forums

• FFW2014

• FFW2014 (for pussies)

• That time I nearly sojourned on a village dump or a short and repetitive story about what it's like to read short and repetitive articles

• This gay forum about renaming the site... PISS ON THIS

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UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has ended.

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Chat Quote None

The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)

The UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

9 November • Issue #213 • Archives • Press Room

Donate your soul to Uncyclopedia!

By Sir Peasewhizz
Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.

That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!

And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.

All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.

How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.

Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!

Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.

If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.

And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.

Anyone

Biopic You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!

---

From The Logs

• 05:54, November 7, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked DickSankthptxd with an expiry time of infinite (talk | contribs) (his dick sank)

• 22:48, October 29, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked 50.115.173.177 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (made me read some gay book)

• 15:45, October 29, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked Zficysll (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Why bother trying to spam Uncyclopedia? If you're as good with girls as you are at hitting abuse filters then I'm sure you'll have no problem getting laid.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Dag Hammarskjöld (8/0)

• UnNews:Wrestlemania 87 commentary LIVE! (10/2)

• Electricity (8/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week President Hoover (11/1)

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From The Forums

• Comeback of the Year

• Read about donating here.

• Parody of Wikipedia banner

• Someone who is good with WikiStats should look here.

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UnSignpost News Donate to Uncyclopedia if you can.

---

Chat Quote None.

Vote, Vote, Vote

It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:24, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

Happy Monkey Time!!!

Happy Monkey has been scratching his coconut sized balls for days almost bursting with anticipation of the competition. Remember...the articles are not judged by which is most likely to be a featured article. 30 points are awarded...10 each for originality, creativity and making you laugh. Don't forget the originality and creativity. You can slightly modify the topic if you wish to put it in a different space (unbooks, unreviews, unpoetry etc). If you have any doubt...ask Shabidoo.

Your topic is:

Furniture

Good luck and have fun. You have 48 hours from the moment this was posted. Happy monkey has very itchy and blue coconuts to take care of! RAH RAH RAH!!! ShabiDOO 22:58, 31 July 2015 (UTC)

SECOND!!!

I'm really proud of the way your writing has advanced over the last couple of years. Your showing has improved with each competition...you're finding your voice, punching in the humour and writing with clear concepts now. Keep it up my Finnish duderino! Thanks for participating. Next year...first place is in your sights. No go to some icefishing and then fuck a sea-bass in a sauna! ShabiDOO 20:07, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

Well done Cat the Colorful! 20:16, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

haha, thanks uncle shabby <3 it's awarding to witness own improvement - being the narcissist I am - and it seems that working on grammar etc actually pays off in such miraculous ways. this year's hmc was also great as always, thanks for the holding/judging/everything! and massive thanks to grammarfegelen, sarah and THS for the judging as well. and yes, I'm off to set the sauna ablaze and wrestle some polar bears now -> Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 20:18, 6 August, 2015 (UTC)

That's our good old token Finnish guy Cat the Colourful. :) User:Matthlock/sig2 21:30, 6 August 2015 (UTC)

:D congrats for the shared second place matthlock! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 06:49, 7 August, 2015 (UTC)

 Matthlock likes this. User:Matthlock/sig2 19:14, 7 August 2015 (UTC)

The 15 pictures article

Seeing you're at it, I wanted to let you know that XY007 is an abandonned account of MyOwnBadSelf, so I am not sure he needs this page anymore. Maybe move it to MOBS's userspace and ask him? Also, there's a redirect you left: User:An_article_consisting_of_nothing_but_eighteen_images_of_mustelids. Also, the QVFD page says I am not allowed to archive it, seeing I am neither a poopsmith nor an admin. Would you do it? Or will you supervise me doing it? :) Anton (talk) 15:57, 11 August 2015 (UTC)

Ah I actually thought I might have left an accidental redirect somewhere but soon after forgot about it. Also moved it to MOBS's userspace and I'll have a look on qvfd in just few seconds, thanks Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 16:06, 11 August, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks! Anton (talk) 16:07, 11 August 2015 (UTC)

You are a true artist

Why do you say your articles are bad...I read some of them and they're pretty good. The grammar may be a bit off but concept wise they're awesome. Cheers! ^_^ 81.7.15.115 (talk) 22:44, 24 August 2015 (UTC)

Well this certainly isn't something I expected to see when logging in, wow... thank you mysterious IP-person! Really made my day to know that at least has somebody has read any of them and liked them! *sends thousands of heart-emojis* Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 19:03, 25 August, 2015 (UTC)

No need to thank me, I really, truly like your artworks. ^_^ 77.247.181.163 (talk) 21:18, 26 August 2015 (UTC)

Hey guys! Is this the place where all the IPs hang out? 80.189.215.133 (talk) 21:26, 26 August 2015 (UTC)

Definitely that, yes. 194.111.70.137 (talk) 10:38, 27 August 2015 (UTC)

Hello fellow IP's, I love it here. 5.148.34.169 (talk) 10:39, 27 August 2015 (UTC)

Hey man where's your porn stash? I tried looking for it but all I found were these Turmion Kätilöt CDs. And the cases are all sticky for some reason. 50.141.117.83 (talk)

Who needs a porn stash when you've got a solid internet connection? And a handful of NSFW-album covers? Also I'm not creeped at all for people searching my room for porn, not at all, for real, I'm not, completely normal, not creeped. 80.222.108.237 (talk) 13:32, 27 August 2015 (UTC)

IP party! 176.24.77.254 (talk) 21:05, 27 August 2015 (UTC)

Indeed I agree very much. Your writing style has immensely improved over the last few years. ! ShabiDOO 21:41, 28 August 2015 (UTC)

I read some of them and they're pretty good. Leverage (talk) 08:15, 29 August 2015 (UTC)

Thanks

Thank you very much for deleting my pictures that I posted on QVFD. That old shit was embarrassing and it makes me happy now that it's gone. :) ~ 17:12, 10/14/2015

Don't feed the trolls.

This peewee guy is clearly a troll and anyone who starts shit by blanking is not here to contribute. also that article is way past 64 hours when it is moved by me.--WELCOME TO UNCYCLOPEDIA HELL!!!! 05:47, 16 November 2015 (UTC)

Nice picture

I really like the picture on your user page xD Lord Assbutt the Fourth (talk) 12:05, 10 December 2015 (UTC)

judgery

Hey Cat...a second article has been written after no one stood up to me with my totally unfair multiple day extension. Go ahead and finish evaluating the two articles and pick a first and second place. Leave some constructive criticism if you can. ShabiDOO 00:22, 16 December 2015 (UTC)

Wonderful, will get to that as soon as possible! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 15:12, 16 December, 2015 (UTC)

Thanks a trillion Cat for stepping up and judgery-ing the rest! Very nice of you to volunteer your time (and constructive reviews at that).

I hereby present you with the chocolate ninja star

ShabiDOO 19:40, 12 January 2016 (UTC)

Remember when people used to be active at least once a year?

Kevin Spacey and Brad Pit in the same movie lol

Super awesome happy "Seven deadly sins" competition where Shabidoo will win and everyone else colapses into suicidal depression fun week!!! SIGN UP!!! ShabiDOO 14:39, 15 May 2016 (UTC)

Fuck you for doing what you just did

[1]

Lol

At here's the bigger ban. Leverage (talk) 18:59, 23 September 2016 (UTC)

Vote, Please?

WHY???

I don't know if you remember me or not, but I used to be honorable Uncyclopedia editor back before the spork separated into a spoon and fork. My account as Why do I need to provide this? here is apparently tied to some old email I no longer use. I verified I'm the same person over at the spoon as you can see if you check my account there (I verified it there because there's a person or two there who know me IRL).

I'm trying to copy/paste my old user page into my new account, but I keep getting all sorts of warnings that I'm a threat to national security or something. Any way I can do this? (I'm posting this to both Cat the Colourful and Zombiebaron as those and Kip the Dip are the active admins I recognize. Cat once gave me a cookie, and Zombiebaron gave me one of my undead love slaves (or maybe that was just a dream).  Father ALDEN LOVESHADE??? (confessions)  05:07, 5 June 2018 (UTC)

Roza took care of it for me!  Father ALDEN LOVESHADE??? (confessions)  06:12, 5 June 2018 (UTC)

Also I took care of myself doing this.  Father ALDEN LOVESHADE??? (confessions)  22:43, 18 June 2018 (UTC)