User talk:Strainj1

	UnSignpost Home Delivery The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

For more about me and/or my articles, Click Here. Otherwise, write below.

Talk Area

If you need help, feel free to ask me on my talk page, ask at the community forum or in the chatroom, or ask an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, our Adopt-a-Noob program can bring experienced editors straight to you. Simply leave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you enjoy editing here and being an Uncyclopedian!  ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 22:03, August 17, 2012 (UTC)

thanks Frosty. I look forward to it and enjoying it so far :) (I've also recently learned that : means tab....... yay , I'm learned-ing) ~Strainj1 (talk) 07:32, August 18, 2012 (UTC)

Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport

I was chuckling as I read the 'lyrical analysis' part. Keep it up, man.--Snippy 00:57, August 19, 2012 (UTC)

thanks Snippy! :) Also thanks for your changes! I love the input. 02:52, August 19, 2012 (UTC)

My 2c worth

Is looking after his "cocky" and playing his "didgeridoo" actually euphemistic? And, as an aside, the only Aussie blokes I've ever known as "Curly" are actually bald. (True story.) Nominally Humane! 03:17 19 Aug

Yeah I think so....I suspect much of what Rolf writes is probably done with a lot of double meaning intended. Strapping on a third leg and calling himself Jake the Peg?? really? haha - There's a version he does of "I touch myself", with just him singing it playing a wobble board...... it's very disturbing... And there's "The Big Dog" where he pants like a madman throughout the song..... I'm actually a big fan of his work, and oddly I suspect he'd find the article quite funny..... And thanks for the "Curly meaning bald" edit - I think you're right, I just completely forgot.... it is actually "Australian Humour" huh? :D03:32, August 19, 2012 (UTC)

Yeah. It's not humour as much as just a way to relate to someone. Redheads called "bluey" is a little cliché, but bald guys "Curly", or big guys "Tiny", is still fairly common. Rolf also did a cover of "Stairway to heaven" as part of an Australian TV show "Money or the gun" hosted by Andrew Denton. It became popular, but Rolf had no idea what the song was about and apparently had never heard it before being asked to perform it. And Jake the Peg was definitely and entendré, as it's an old nickname for a guy that's well hung, which as far as I'm aware actually pre-dates the song. (I'm not 100% as I'm not quite that old.) Nominally Humane! 03:40 19 Aug

Sig

If you are going to use a custom made sig, it should at least provide a link to your userpage. See how my sig does that? Your's needs to as well. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:38, August 30, 2012 (UTC)

Ok I'll test this out - Like this? S^tr_ai_n^j1 09:40, August 30, 2012 (UTC)

Nope seems not....So how do i do that? S^tr_ai_n^j1 09:42, August 30, 2012 (UTC)

it will work, just not on your talkpage as it is linking to this page. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:43, August 30, 2012 (UTC)

Ah. thanks. :) S^tr_ai_n^j1 09:47, August 30, 2012 (UTC)

So you didn't just disappear?

Glad to see you came back :) ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:03, October 7, 2012 (UTC)

yeah I sort of became distracted by life temporarily - it was always my intention to return.... haha S^tr_ai_n^j1 10:06, October 7, 2012 (UTC)

Excellent and I see you signed up for the writing competition, this now means we have as many judges as contestants which in my view makes it semi-successful. Good luck :D ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:07, October 7, 2012 (UTC)

Yay you're back! :D (Now go write another article.)--Snippy 22:45, October 7, 2012 (UTC)

Howdy!

How'd you like to be featured in this week's issue of the UnSignpost's Biopic? I just need some random biographical stuff about you. Where you're from, what your real name is, how many dependents you list on your tax returns, the color of your underpants, the immigration status of both your parents, what sexual positions you prefer... you know, typical boring stuff. :D  ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Tue, Feb 26 '13 3:27 (UTC)

wow, yeah ok. :D I'm from Gympie, which is quite clearly the center of the universe. My real name is Nils, which to be honest a quick Google search with that fact and my username would probably lead FAR too easily to my full identity. My surname is VERY Asian sounding, even though my entire genealogy is Northern Europe (Danish and Dutch mainly) - feel free to say as much about vikings as you like, because I'm totally like one. As far as dependents go, I own a small dog, and an awesome purple party house, complete with and a discoball and laser lights controlled by a party switch. My parents' immigration status is all good - however my dad did just marry a Ugandan woman, and my sister is a statistical mathematician in Switzerland. But that's all legit yeah? I meanwhile coast through life in a full time job that is more varied than the colours on the walls in my ridiculously multicoloured toilet. I'd also like to state that every statement in this paragraph is NOT a lie. - S^tr_ai_n^j1 07:02, 26 February 2013 (UTC)

Sir, that is the most excellent biographical paragraph I have ever read -- even better than the one about Evel Knievel which was machine-translated from Mandarin and described him as a "high top car fire leaping person". Yes. I am printing it verbatim et literatim. ~ BB ~ (T) ~ Wed, Feb 27 '13 2:24 (UTC)

People like the UnSignpost because it’s hot! It has the best graphics and everything. Marcus, USP! Step yo’ game up!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Replaces Analysis With Flashy Graphics!

March 21st, 2013 • Issue 191 • Marcus. USP. Step yo' game up!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 02:28, 21 March 2013 (UTC)

CTC knows CC

lol sometimes my imagination surprises even my self... yeah that's a stupid topic :D So, I had in mind that if you don't know much about CC, it'd be a good idea to write that does mention it but not to overuse it. I hda in mind about writing an UnBooks about a granny who goes to a sunday evening church, with the special act 'Cannibal Corpse' performing their best, christian songs. Or that's what she thinks. After she realizes what's really going on (maybe some mocking about youth and stuff from the eyes of an old woman would fit greatly), she escapes, and decides to destroy these unholy spirits by burning down the church or other alternative. I thouhgt the church-burning would work, as lpaying with the subject 'christian burns a church down' would be ridiculous. But please, tell me what you think and give any ideas or suggestions and stuff. You know where I can be found -> Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:46, 26 March, 2013 (UTC)

I love the confused granny unBooks idea!! Could be an autobiography.. :) And a promotional booklaunch on unNews wouldn't go astray, where the newspiece could finish with advertising a meeting of a club she's started to inform the public of the tyranny that is modern music. With free tea and coffee, and cakes and sandwiches for gold coin donation of course. I'm going to copy paste this all into SOS if' it's ok with you.... - S^tr_ai_nj¹_...TALK 09:09, 26 March 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost’s BONER TIME!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

March 28th, 2013 • Issue 192 • The USP that'll make good penis jokes!

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 21:55, 28 March 2013 (UTC)

Okay so

I started the article a bit, and it can be found nhiar. I took the freedom to make her an aware person who is, umm, aware, of everything, and so I thought about this conspiracy-theme, which will just evolve into a bigger and more ridiculous setting. You know? In the end she can't trust ANYTHING at all which would looks like hilarious. I didn't write much, so now she is at the even when she's soon going at the church and the show hasn't already begun. I thought that the next scene would be about her getting into the church and wondering about the present christianity and getting more aware and stuff, and then the gig-scene... Well but it's up to you how you want it be written, you're the boss for rest of the day :D I'll do more tomorrow morning on finnish time.

Oh and I wrote this really late last night, so expect to see mistakes and others. I actually beg you should modify it a bit, it has few jokes but not enough, I think. I'll see what you have done tomorrow! Yours, Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 05:50, 2 April, 2013 (UTC)

Haha thanks a lot. I read through your edits, they were pretty awesome. Thanks, really.

I'll start writing now and stop that thanking so it's ready some day :D Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 04:57, 3 April, 2013 (UTC)

This isn’t an April Fool’s Day Prank! This is the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

April 4th, 2013 • Issue 193 • April showers bring February flowers. Wear protection.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 18:25, 4 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost Time, Folks! I repeat, UnSignpost Time!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

April 11th, 2013 • Issue 194 • Chicago Cubs 0 (HAHAHAHA! GET IT? THEY SUCK!)

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 00:36, 11 April 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost, late and lazy!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Reading This Is The Mysterious Second Step To Getting Profit From Stealing Childrens' Underwear!

April 19th, 2013 • Issue 195 • Fresh shredding material for your kitty's claws

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:43, 19 April 2013 (UTC)

The 2 Days Tardy USP!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

April 25th, 2013 • Issue 196 • Good morning... just kidding.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 01:07, 27 April 2013 (UTC)

You still here?

You've been lost for awhile :O But anyways, I finished the article now! I think now is the time for trimming and joke-adding 'n all that stuff. You know where to find it :D Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 10:34, 4 May, 2013 (UTC)

Hey Sorry, yeah... - I've been really quite busy of late, but have been meaning to come back. I might get a chance tomorrow though. :) - S^tr_ai_nj¹_...TALK 06:09, 10 May 2013 (UTC)

Oh wow so you are still here! :D awesome! Looking forward to your edits! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 06:16, 10 May, 2013 (UTC)

Week-old news two weeks late: The UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

June 6th, 2013 • Issue 198 • Back and better than ever still pretty adequate.

-RAHB 04:39, 11 June 2013 (UTC)

UnSignpost is back

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now with 20% more ninjas!

July 7th, 2013 • Issue 199 • Still fashionably late.

Enjoy! IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 10:22 7 July 2013

The UnSignpost: a brilliant new format but less news

The UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

August 1st, 2013 • Issue #200 • Archives • Press Room

Servers Paid For Until 2014; World Peace Inevitable

Approximately how much money Uncyclopedia has now. Oh well, one zero is still more than no zeroes.

In a genius financial maneuver called "eat only Ramen for nine months", Uncyclopedia administrator Isarra has paid for Uncyclopedia's servers until September with what little student loan money she had left.

The remaining three months of 2013 were paid for with money raised from donations, merchandise sales, and advertising on the Uncyclomedia Shop. It cost $277.80 of the site's whopping $307.51, leaving the rest of the admins with barely enough money for their Ferrari gas tanks and an Uncyclopedia Android app.

However, this makes it obvious that the site is not yet financially self-sustaining and that other methods of generating revenue and/or more exposure to Uncyclopedia are needed if the site will do better in 2014. Ideas proposed on IRC include advertising, finding a generous sugar daddy, playing the lottery, and selling synthetic marijuana. Also worth considering is that even though raising awareness of the site through word of mouth and Operation Infamous is embarrassing and socially isolating, it will attract more people who will (hopefully) put money in our cup. And clicking on the ads in our e-store helps a bit too.

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Count to a million fiasco
On July 29th, 2013; the infamous Count to a million thread which is popular for it's time wasting appeal was locked by Frosty in what could be said as "an action of gay gay gay proportions." Several Just three users took to the streets to protest this decision, angry that their only source of time wasting has been taken by one gay snowman; of course, they didn't protest or anything so nothing notable happened.

When we asked Frosty about this, he responded "This is to make sure people edit in the mainspace like they're supposed to, for so long very few edits have taken place in mainspace and it seems like the most popular thing here is that blasted thread. I feel like I've made the perfect choice." However, TheHappySpaceman and co-partner in crime Kırby think otherwise; claiming that "This is just so Frosty can get the "gayest person in the world" award; we've made attempts to make the thread viable by contributing comics and other stuff and to mock all of our attempts, that's gay indeed. Even gayer than Mr. Winkler's F."

Everybody else is oddly not disturbed by this recent conundrum; knowing full well that the thread will be open in a week. "It's nice that we have a motivation to edit mainspace, I was getting tired posting numbers in an attempt to reach a million. Hey, maybe I'll make a featured article in a week." said a random Uncyclopedian. Okay, so it's not much of a fiasco as we portrayed it to be but two people are pissed off and that at least has to make it a mini-fiasco right? As of writing, TheHappySpaceman and Matthlock are currently planning to write a mainspace article, presumably with lots of gay jokes.

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UnDroid
For eons, an Uncyclopedia Android app was only a pipe dream. Maybe like two weeks ago. Thankfully, it's now a reality. The app, developed by some guy you've never heard of named Jude Pereira, can be found here. It's free in exchange for money and referring your friends to download the app. The app also has many exciting features such as AutoTypo 1.0, which shrinks the keypad and allows you to create typos faster than ever before, and Zoom 0.8, an innovative feature allowing you to make large things small and small things large. It's truly revolutionary technology, and it's completely free. So download it, use it, and be somebody.

Biopic
In this Biopic we examine the trials and tribulations of Fakehater who, with a few uploads under his belt (however that works), is taking audio requests in the Village Dump. He says he enjoys proofreading, doing audio, and based on his userpage, The Goonies. He is also into older women but, like most UnNews reporters, he has little to offer any dignified, diabetic septuagenarian. Embarrassingly, his IRC nickname is "arsenic_x", which we're pretty sure is what created the Powerpuff Girls.

From The Logs
• 20:53, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lemonpie (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Infinite ‎ (just fuck off pls)
• 17:13, July 19, 2013 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of -3600 seconds ‎ (how many dicks could a dick sucker suck if a dick sucker could suck dick?)
• 11:41, July 1, 2013 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 31 millennia, 6 centuries, 8 decades, 8 years, 269 days, 17 hours, 37 minutes and 3 seconds ‎ (Better number of nines)

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Top VFH Competitors
• UnNews:Army launches new recruiting ad campaign (8/0.5)
• UnScripts:Your Guide to Notable Literature: Abridged (6.5/0)
• Constantine II (5.5/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week
Katy Perry hit generator (10/0)

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From The Forums
• Remember a time when Uncyclopedia didn't suck
• Hey! This looks like an important thing!
• I can't hear you!
• The day the music was born again and accepted Christ

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UnSignpost News
You are probably noticing that the UnSignpost looks a little bit different. That's because it is. If you don't like it then that's just, like, your opinion and stuff man.

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IRC Quote
[13:35] <DogTheColourful> I WILL FUCK YOUR HOUSE AND BURN YOUR MOTHER DOWN

Anton (talk) 13:22, 8 August 2013 (UTC)

While you're here...

You should go vote on VFH, I put some new pages up for nomination. IFYMB! Talk to me baby! 09:14, 1 December 2013 (UTC)

ok, will do... - S_t^raⁱ_nj 1 . . . . TALK 09:38, 1 December 2013 (UTC)

Judging

Hi, you signed up to judge this year's Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball. Please judge here. We are all eagerly awaiting your decisions. -- The Zombiebaron 09:13, 18 December 2013 (UTC)

Hey Zombiebaron, yeah I read them all on the weekend, but hit dramas when it actually came to the "correct" procedure to vote - I'll figure something out tomorrow morning - but for now, I must sleep... - S_t^raⁱ_nj 1 . . . . TALK 12:34, 18 December 2013 (UTC)

Thanks for judging! -- The Zombiebaron 00:03, 19 December 2013 (UTC)

Images!

Hey man, thanks a lot from those church-images! They are indeed good and fit well as the article indeed needed few pictures, so thank you :) Btw, I don't know if you read it through yet, but what do you think, mainspace-worthy; yes or not? Or is there something you would like to add or edit? I personally think it's starting to look pretty cool as I've been fixing most of the mistakes and editing some of my worst grammar mistakes and stuff. Also I've made the granny way more insane than she used to be and writing quite a lot of conspiracy-stuff. We've been working on this since april 2013! :D Lots of improvement since then, and we can of course edit the article after the mainspacement as well. So, ja or nein? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 09:48, 18 January, 2014 (UTC)

Hey Cat, I think it's looking pretty good overall. I made a few adjustments too, hope you don't mind. My only issue with it is that the cannibalism of the old lady sort of comes on a bit suddenly for my taste, but it's a fun idea.... :) - S_t^raⁱ_nj 1 . . . . TALK 00:42, 19 January 2014 (UTC)

Well yeah, the sudden cannibalism... :D The joke of that was that how the granny first writes how she thinks she's more "sane" from the lack of the mind-altering pills. And then, out of nowhere, she eats a nun :DDD It's random, I know, but I wanted to make her as insane as possible, especially during the end. Also, thanks a lot from your work, I really appreciate it, and now I'm putting this into mainspace and see what others think. It was fun working with you :) Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 08:16, 19 January, 2014 (UTC)

Aristocrats

Hi, and mucho thanks for your work in judging that unfine contest. My page, which luckily won, has the added thing of saying that everything in it was done by props! hee hee. Thanks again. Aleister 14:32 18-1-14

No worries Aleister, and congrats! - S_t^raⁱ_nj 1 . . . . TALK 00:42, 19 January 2014 (UTC)

Remember

Hey...don't forget to vote for the Best articles of 2013. You're vote matters. Every vote counts. One vote can make a difference. Harry Potter is a wizard. Vanilla Icecream is the body of Jesus!. --ShabiDOO 01:58, 20 January 2014 (UTC)

Review of Tie Me Kangaroo Down Sport

Kind of belated but I wrote a review of sorts. Hope you find something in it of value. (You may already have been notified that it was done -- I don't know if the system is set up to send notifications when a review is considered "done".) Snarglefoop (talk) 19:29, 12 April 2014 (UTC)

UnSignpost: yet another new format but still less news

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Contains Neither News Nor Paper.

5 May 2014 • Issue #201 • Archives • Press Room

Some headline to make this awful story by an inexperienced editor seem important and newsworthy

By Llwy-ar-lawr
So it seems nothing much goes on these days that's really newsworthy. Sure things happen, new users stop by, edit a while then leave, people write things, but...nothing really notable, you know. But we won't write an entire article about how nothing's happening and how depressing that is because, well, it's depressing, you know? So we're going to tell you about one thing the author - in her extreme vanity - thinks is worthy of reporting and make it seem like that's important and trick you into caring, when you'd really much rather be playing video games or (gasp) writing an article.

This forum resulted in our acquiring a new admin, Llwy-ar-lawr, who is still all over the place just like she was before but now shows up in different places and is making this slow website go a little faster to hide how slow it is (we hope). There are rumours that she sleeps sometimes, but they have yet to be verified. She also happens to be writing this text right now, which is a terrible conflict of interest so we can't say any more on the matter; this means we will distract you with more pointless drivel about nothing. Now back to our regularly scheduled commercials, which we've forgotten to serve you. We bet you were really missing them because they're so yummy and informative. And yellow. That comes from the pee, which is high in nice nutrients like phosgene phosphorus...we think. Probably. We're telling it to you as a fact, though, because we're never wrong.------------

Retro Week happens

By Anton199

The Retro Week organisers combat Uncyclopedia's liberal minds.

Uncyclopedians, rejoice! A great victory over the forces of liberalism has been won!

We, the Conservative users of Uncyclopedia, have decided that we don't have enough featured in-jokes, clowns, Really Big Trees, user and disambiguation pages, as if we haven’t pulled enough boners (and templates), we are putting all our past glories on our main page, once again, one by one, ten days a week.

Dear readers, only a few days late, the UnSignpost declares the Retro Week open! Applauds!

Originally Shabidoo's very controversial idea, the Retro Week has grown to become the time when all the Uncyclopedia administrators take an official rest from their site work, unless they are also the UnSignpost editors. You don't believe us? Check the recent changes!

So the 2014 Retro Week opened with a really big tree. A very big one. But it is pretty much everything original about it. It pursued with Slender Lorises, that are able to live in wet and dry forests, next - with Template:Boner, which we are not going to use in this UnSignpost, no matter how many times you ask us. Then came the turn of Hardwick Fundelbuggy's Userpage, featured not because it was funny, but because its author had written a lot of funny stuff (following this logic we can feature sandboxes and user contributions). Finally, we saw the Fire Hydrant spreading its waters around Uncyclopedia and slowing down - if not destroying - the servers.

Amongst other pros of the Retro Week are the facts that it gives users a good excuse for not voting on VFH for a while, because nobody does this anyway and that it is keeping our main page busy, while we are making an UnSignpost for you.

Thank Sophia, it happens only once a year!

Biopic We haven't managed to get hold of anyone long enough to get sufficient information out of them for a biopic. They always managed to ooze away just in time. Must be that slime that's got into the works.

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From The Logs

• 23:35, 1 May 2014 Llwy-ar-lawr (talk | contribs) blocked SPIKE (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds (account creation disabled) (does this do what I think it does?)

• 08:07, 17 April 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked MediaWiki default (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (you can't do that... YOU JUST CAN'T!!)

• 15:09, 10 April 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 166.216.165.0/24 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, cannot edit own talk page) (Hey! Hey, guess what? I have a BONER for you to gnaa on! Ha ha ha ha ha pwnt.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Breaking Bad Wind (9/0)

• Why?:Are motorists out to get me when I ride my bike? (9/1)

• UnNews:Massage bugs discovered in Uganda (7/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week This is not an article (12/2)

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From The Forums

• Retro Week is in session

• This looks interesting

• This looks interesting too

• Shiny stuff

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UnSignpost News This is the first UnSignpost issue since August 2013. If that's not news I don't know what is, so stop complaining.

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Chat Quote [22:15] <snerk> I just can't help but think that this is a pattern that is indicative of an anarchist takeover.

– Llwy-ar-lawr (talk • contribs • logs) 05:00, 5 May 2014Uncyclopedia is a community site that anyone can contribute to. Discover, share and add your knowledge! UncyclopediaUncyclopediaIllogicopediai:fr:LogimalpediePaudurapedyjaFrithchiclipeidUncapaediaAbsurdopediaScotypedia

It's back! - The UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

25 July 2014 • Issue #202 • Archives • Press Room

UnSignpost: Return of the worst newspaper in history! By Frosty

Uncyclopedia. A kelpy substance.

Uncyclopedia is like a moldy pile of kelp right now. Not a lot of fun is happening right now. Or is it? Well probably not, but the UnSignpost is back! You know that newspaper that occasionally makes appearances on your talkpage that you also totally read. More than ever this newspaper will be uninformative, filled with articles that seem to endlessly ramble on about nothing in particular just to serve as filler and most importantly it will be the newspaper written by barely literate drunks.

Of course, you must ask, will this project actually be happening on any regular basis? You bet! Certain people who are extremely vain, as proven by the writing himself into the article will try and deliver you an UnSignpost every single Friday! That is of course, unless he gets devoured by a moldy pile of kelp. Then it might not happen. Other writers may also take part in this wonderful franchise, but let's face it, it's more likely that you read this entire article through to the end, than people actually write for this place anymore.------------

New admin time By Frosty
Once again we find ourselves in that horrible, horrible mode of electing new administrators for Uncyclopedia. A process that never fails to see at least three users permanently quit the site because of "hurt feelings". But apparently, this time will be different. Although we say that every time, we truly mean it this time. Every drama stirrer will win an all expenses paid trip to RAHB's secret rape dungeon where they will have their anus mercilessly pounded with a stick coated in pieces of broken glass, and to top it off, the glass pieces will have been soaked in the HIV virus before hand.

Serious candidates include Kip the Dip, Mr-ex777 and Leverage; and not so serious candidates include RAHB, vandals from 2008 and DungeonSiegeAddict510 (let's face it, who'd vote for him?). And although newspapers are supposed to be non-bias and non-speculative, if you don't vote for Kip, Mr-ex or Leverage you are a loser. Plain and simple.

Users are all encouraged to vote, because unlike with the presidential election, your vote counts! Further more, not every single candidate is a loser, most of them are, but not all of them. Voting commences on August 1, so get ready for some old fashion in your face comedy tragedy!

Biopic For the first time in 2014, we actually have a biopic! This week's biopic is Banzaikitten, who, is one of the very few new comers of 2014 to not bugger off within 7 days of signing up. We would like to thank SPIKE for his contribution in bringing Banzaikitten closer to us through his "take no prisoners" banning style on Wikia. If it wasn't for this, Banzaikitten would never have quit Wikia and joined us at the chosen Uncyclopedia. Please take a moment to thank Banzaikitten for being one of the very, very, VERY few users to join in recent times.

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From The Logs

• 14:56, 23 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) changed block settings for 184.7.86.140 (talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I've decided to use lube. You should feel so lucky.)

• 00:55, 19 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked 184.7.81.56 (talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Chronic sock wanking and being a really shit vandal.)

• 14:41, 1 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked 23.105.212.133 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (I’m coming at you like a dark horse)

Top VFH Competitors

• F4 (10/0)

• Potatoe (10/0)

• Bidet (10/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (13/0)

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From The Forums

• Well, do you?

• Goes without saying, this is Uncyclopedia.

• Good riddance!

• Oh boy...

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UnSignpost News If you've read the UnSignpost all the way to this point, you need help. Seriously.

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Chat Quote [17:12] You have been disconnected. Attempting to reconnect for you...

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:39, 25 July 2014 (UTC)

Two weeks in a row? A new record! It's the UnSignpost

The UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

01 August 2014 • Issue #203 • Archives • Press Room

...And they're off! By Frosty

Just as lame and boring as a horse race, except without the gambling.

Predictably (and because let's face it, nothing else is happening on the site), the admin election takes the lead story. For those of you living under a rock and those that are just plain slow, Kip the Dip is leading the race by far (+19) and should win be a few lengths, this is definitely because of how hard his jockey is riding him. Cat the Colourful is trailing at second with +13, followed by Leverage at +8 and Banzaikitten at +6. Other notable mentions include Aleister, Mr-ex777, Lost Labyrinth Mattsnow and DungeonSiegeAddict510 who have all succeeded in avoiding the highly embarrassing score of getting +1 or less. Feel free to message the losers with negative scores and point and laugh a lot hahaha.

It shuld be no surprise that the page has been mercilessly trolled with other complete joke nominations including The Chief of AIDS and The Zombie of AIDS.

If you haven't been to the forum yet to cast your vote, do it today! Uncyclopedia admin elections: Twice the drama, half the fat!------------

VFH smells By Frosty
This story is nothing short of a PSA, circle-jerking with traces of vote whoring in as well. If you are reading this, you should vote on VFH. VFH voting takes very effort and makes it, at the very least appear, that we have active users. So get down there some time today and vote on all the articles. Some might say you need to actually read them first, well this is (probably) a good idea, but do bear in mind that we don't actually know if you've read it or not. And unlike, when you didn't read Hamlet in your 9th grade English class there is not going to be a surprise test on the matter.

You should also go vote on Frosty's article(s) currently on VFH, it's the least you could do after he SINGLE HANDEDLY wrote this terrible newspaper for you. If you don't, the length of his e-penis will decrease considerably all because he didn't get another feature on a website with a userbase smaller than an Eastern Siberian village.

Biopic This week's biopic is the user named TheRealSexyFluttershy, which just goes to show how desperate we are for biopics that we are willing to write about literally anyone who shows a vague interest or presence in the site. TheRealSexyFluttershy can be found on The Internet Relay Chats discussing things that have relevance to ponies and poopdick on a disturbingly regular basis. However, he does occasionally make the odd presence on the Wiki and even more occasionally he makes useful edits to some page or another.

If you appreciate him go to his talk page and thank him for his noble contributions in the field of poopdick, if you don't appreciate him please feel free to spam his page with poopdick (although he may start furiously masturbating).

---

From The Logs

• 16:25, 25 July 2014 ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) blocked Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) (You look like you're doing something important right now. Are you? What is it? Why are you doing it? Did I break it? Would that be bad?)

• 11:46, 26 July 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Asking for it, begging for it actually.)

• 09:24, 29 July 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 173.44.44.121 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Now sit in your corner and think about what you've done)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (11/0)

• What's-his-name off that thing (10/0)

• F4 (10/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week You Are Gay (14/0)

---

From The Forums

• Vote if you haven't already!

• Bunch of sluts!

• This has been bumped again, add yourselves!

• How often should we feature things?

---

UnSignpost News Frosty thinks all the other administrators are highly useless. Yeah, sorry guys but you are.

---

Chat Quote [21:19] <sleeptyper> RAHB dislikes niggers

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 23:49, 1 August 2014 (UTC)

Does this look infected to you? It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

08 August 2014 • Issue #204 • Archives • Press Room

The return of TKF (sort of)! By Frosty

Filial Piety.

Not that much over a year ago, TKF left us with the classic "I'm quitting forever in a highly obnoxious and auto-fellating manor". For about 66 seconds Uncyclopedians everywhere were sad, we all fapped in sadness at the loss of our beloved TKF and things were never going to be quite the same again. Then we all thought to ourselves "good riddance, I hope he contracts Anthrax and dies."

No surprise, but he has come back under the highly illusive nickname "Argylesocks" which is obviously not somebodies sockpuppet because it contains the word socks in it. I mean, if you were a sockpuppet would you give it away so easily? Flawless logic! He can also be found on IRC chatting casually under the "dcik", showing his support for "The Dyslexia Support Foundation".

Head over to his user page and talk page to find out details about his awesome "Uncyclopedia Retrospect project" which is probably some grand social experiment documenting the life and times of hopeless losers on the internet, but hey it SOUNDED COOL.------------

Forum dramaz By Frosty
Uncyclopedia has recently had an infestation. An infestation of drama. Drama is bad mmkay? Aside from the obvious fact users get banned, users quit and people proceed to hate each other to the point where you would rub hot English Mustard into their prolapsed anus if you ever saw them in the street, drama distracts you from writing. As does reading the UnSignpost. But reading the UnSignpost is more constructive as the constant not so subliminal messaging telling you to write articles is plastered everywhere. WRITE ARTICLES.

But drama can be entertaining when coupled with cheap scotch and buttered popcorn to the humble obverser. But mainly it's bad, so stop it. No matter how funny you think your drama mongering will never compete with Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter... ...and the sequel rest of the trilogy.

Biopic This week's biopic is Chaoarren, which if you haven't meet him yet... You suck basically. He can be found on IRC, occasionally editing the Wiki and frequently reporting established users to Ban patrol because "they made fun of him in his pink skirt" or "he smells funny". Chaoarren has also done the highly laughable feat of running dead last in the most vote rigged admin election in history, where losers like Kip the Dip and Colin actually stand a chance of winning losing.

He's also a noob that hasn't buggered off yet. I wish more of them were like you Chaoarren... I really do...

---

From The Logs

• 11:50, 6 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.115.32 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (You are the weakest Chink. Goodbye.)

• 06:40, 6 August 2014 Zombiebaron (talk | contribs) blocked XReaper (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (account creation disabled) (Horse dick)

• 06:14, 5 August 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked 107.182.116.97 (talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (anonymous users only, account creation disabled) (Enjoy this beefy cock.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Rape (12/1)

• F4 (11/0)

• Jared Leto (10/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week What's-his-name off that thing (12/0)

---

From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Are you a bigger slut than RAHB?

• What this is I don't even

• This'll be good...

---

UnSignpost News Confucius say "Shut the fuck up and edit an article".

---

Chat Quote [20:17] <James_T> My dick is large

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 8 '14 12:22 (UTC)

More {{Boner}}s than a ragged Playgirl: It's the UnSignpost!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

15 August 2014 • Issue #205 • Archives • Press Room

I'm back By Sir Peasewhizz

It was dark times being without Uncyclopedia. Maybe if I got out of the dark and went outside once in while it would be less dark. But you know, lazy me.

I plan to visit Uncyclopedia and do my 'thang (wink wink) at least once a week. But I hold no promises because you can't trust me. I'm a hoe and 3!OH!3 told you to NOT TRUST HOES.

However, I'm sure you guys found out why I was absent from the site for a good 200 years 4+ months and it was because my old laptop KOed and I finally got a new one for school.

So that means I won't be uploading images of Madiq. (pictured)...

Madiq.

I missed you, just kidding, but really. However, I didn't forget you, maybe sometimes,

Is this a haiku or something? My grammar sucks too.------------

New admins for you!

By Sir Peasewhizz

New admins/sysops.

Beware everyone, as a result of this there is now an additional 8 new sysops/administrators. They all expect BJS and prizes.
Kip the Dip

Leverage

Supergeeky1

Banzaikitten

Mr-ex777

Colin "All your base" Heaney

Lost Labyrinth

Cat the Colourful

They expect sacrifices. So chop, chop. Make haste.

Biopic This weeks biopic is on someone who doesn't read Uncyclopedia (but they will because we will make them through laughter har har). Her name is Elizabeth and she's from Australia. She showed Sir Peasewhizz her tits...

They were nice. And that is it for today's Biopic. What the fuck did you expect? A fucking biography on the Borgia family?

---

From The Logs

• 05:37, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (talk | contribs) (I felt bad ;_;)

• 05:36, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Adminning while drunk)

• 05:35, August 13, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) resurrected Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/0)

• F4 (13/0)

• HowTo:Cure homosexuality (11/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week UnBooks:Holmes On Homes (16/0)

---

From The Forums

• Vote spam (again)

• Roman Dog Bird

• Unban a bastard or nah?

• Why is it? Well... because..

---

UnSignpost News This just in: Don't hit your children.

---

Chat Quote

[23:56] <SirPeasewhizz> I'm going to go watch anime

[23:57] <thefakeazned525> Which one?

[23:58] <SirPeasewhizz> Uhm Yugioh GX because I'm feeling nostalgic for shitty card games

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 15 '14 20:12 (UTC)

We gave The UnSignpost an enema, so now it's regular!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

22 August 2014 • Issue #206 • Archives • Press Room

It's the USP!

By Banzaikitten
Welcome to another no longer sporadic edition of Unsignpost. Yes, the quantity of USP's being written has gone through the roof in the last few weeks and as such there is absolutely nothing to report- hence why people who have previously never written one of these are being roped in. One thing of note that has changed is I am now an admin and as such can block RAHB with impunity. God I love to block RAHB. There is nothing quite like the fizzy rush in the root of your penis and the dizzy thrill you get in your anus when blocking RAHB. I urge all who can to try it.

Banzaikitten warns you that this UnSignpost may change your sexual orientation.

But anyway, I'm an admin now and I'm going to try and be the best admin that I can be, and judging from my recent attempt at changing the featured article, and all the admins reactions to my fuck up, the best admin I can be is one who does absolutely no administration work and just writes the occasional UnNews. Thanks for all your votes.------------

RAHBs Sexuality By Banzaikitten
I know I've already spoken about RAHB but god help me I just can't stop. We all like voting and there is a very important vote occuring right now. You, yes you, could decide what sexuality RAHB is. Come the end of the vote RAHB sexuality will be decided for him and he will have to perform sexual acts of that nature for the rest of time. I'm hoping Ponies wins.

---

Shame on you By the curate

As the curate and the moral compass of this sinful land I must say that I have been appalled at the terrible news that my milkman brought to me. Although I don't remember his exact words, I'll try to reconstruct his speech from my memory, which - and for this I thank God - I am still honored to possess, despite my respectable age.

“ Now, I heard Mr What's-his-name talk to his son about something he heard in the neighbor's house, which I didn't hear, but Mr. What's-his-name-again described it so well that I am positive I can repeat it almost word-by-word. So his neighbor was giving his dog its food and commenced discussing our village's events with it, Mrs. Elizabeth soon became the topic of the conversation, and she, as you know, has a daughter... And a cat. Oh, what a fine Siamese cat! But it is of no relation to our current subject. So e man and his pet chattered on and on and, apparently, that dog ... oh, I mean the man (but, you know, from a distance you really can't tell the difference) uttered that "Mrs. Elizabeth's daughter once read an educational page on the Internet, which talked about homosexuality and how you cure it." And can you guess who the author its author was? Mr. Frosty, the man who lives next door to you! ”

These were the words of the milkman. However, this isn't all. I was not terrified when I heard this, because teaching fellow villagers to cure an abominable disease, which homosexuality certainly is, is a commendable act from Mr. Frosty's part, especially if it was done with no impulse other than to save good Christians.

Alas, I, we have been greatly deceived in our trust! Beware of the appearances, especially when they are found on the unholy Internet!

Ah, wicked men! I, your curate, willing to help your ungrateful souls, decided to try the so-praised advice of Mr. Frosty on myself and proceeded to accomplish it yesterday. I did everything he said to the very last phrase and - I swear by the Holy Grail - it didn't work! Biopic bakpak2hvy is a guy who frequently lurks on our IRC without saying anything. The other day he said something.

---

From The Logs

• 15:59, August 16, 2014 Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) blocked Chaoarren (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ([22:58] <Chaoarren> Can I get joke banned? :D)

• 15:00, August 15, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked DungeonSiegeAddict510 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second (As you aided my quest to take over Uncyclopedia, have a block. I was meant to give this to you earlier but you were already banned for 40 minutes. Have a 1 second extension!)

• 05:57, August 15, 2014 Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) blocked Cat the Colourful (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 seconds (Fuck Finland)

Top VFH Competitors

• Humans (12/1)

• UnDebate:What does the fox say? (13/2)

• Jared Leto (11/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week F4 (13/0)

---

From The Forums

• Olipro is a dick-tator.

• Vote for rainbow names?!

• Vote on RAHB's sexuality.

• View this if you're feeling hot.

---

UnSignpost News

---

Chat Quote
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> so I wrote the USP kind of
[17:16] <Banzaikitten> its entirely about RAHB
[17:16] <RAHB> Awesome

 ~ Capt. Sock Monkey ~ (berate) ~ Fri, Aug 22 '14 2:13 (UTC)

OMG! A WILD USP IS ON THE LOOSE!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Words n' Shit!

7 September 2014 • Issue #207 • Archives • Press Room

Returning MASTERMINDS

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop throwing tomatoes you assholes! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

Okay, so what is really going on, you may say? 'I'm about to fucking tell you. Enjoy.

The legendary Xamralco, who pwns.

Did you know that every ten seconds: another ten seconds kicks in? Yeah, mind equals blown right now, eh? Did you know that the return of one legendary user triggers other legendary users to return as well? When Argylesocks returned from his previous state (not Blue Mountain), it only was a matter of time until the legend named MadMax returned from his couple-of-months-long sojourn in the wild country known as Ethiopia. MadMax does not steal the few supplies of food Ethiopia has, you sick fuck! HE HAS A SOUL.

For those who have heard of the legendary Xamralco, he has returned to. He is an admin and a fantastic writer. We love him. You love. YOU LOVE HIM.

Okay? Okay.

Now if anyone sees Dawg, slap him and tell him to come back. And for Olipro... gosh. I can't even.------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Biopic For this edition of your favorite paper, the USP, we had the chance to get the Biopic for one of the biggest badasses to ever live. That person/thingy/chatter was auror, whom we found frolicking in our IRC channel one evening.

When we asked auror if she would like to be Biopic'ed (did I spell that right? SPELL CHECK PLS) she gave a powerful speech.

“ no ”

Thank you! Give it up for auror!

---

From The Logs

• 00:54, September 1, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked IlanaZkhfzm (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (user did not suck Leverage's cock as promised)

• 16:02, August 31, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked AleidaJbjo (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (sister did not suck my cock as promised)

• 12:24, August 29, 2014 Kip the Dip (talk | contribs) blocked Electric Pope (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 7 centuries, 4 decades, 8 years, 364 days, 14 hours, 38 minutes and 24 seconds (Annoying douchebag.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Shirley Phelps-Roper (8/0)

• Rape (12/6)

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (7/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Psychedelic Rosie and Her Coat of Many Colors (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Sir Peasewhizz came up with a great idea apparently, but nobody has replied. So screw his idea.

• Leverage wants people to update/add/fladangle with the DYK shit. Shall we? We should. Maybe. Idk. DO IT.

• Inspiring parody

• UnMedicine project page? Is anyone here a doctor? WELL THEN YOU'RE A NERD!

---

UnSignpost News The USP will be delivered on Sundays now. (or around then)

---

Chat Quote
[17:42] <ColinAYB> Kippy is forever topical

[17:42] <ColinAYB> Just like the lotion he uses when he takes it to the hub.

[17:46] <Kippy> You don't even need to see all the nudity to take it to the hub.

SLENDERMAN ^talk (Currently following you) 03:21, 7 September 2014 (UTC)

Unsignpost delivery attempt numbr hideous implosion

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

14 September 2014 • Issue #208 • Archives • Press Room

Pee Review pls

By Sir Peasewhizz
Hi, My name is Sir Peasewhizz. Stop hurling babies at me! STAHP! READER PLS. STAHP.

It is days like these when I realize what a cruel world we live in. It seems that Pee Review has bitten the dust. For just a few minutes of your day and some cash you can help solve this crisis. Seriously, you hoes.

Piss on my review quests.

Olipro is gay.------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins.

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Yes, I copied this from the last issue of the USP, you boner goblins. That picture of gold? That was also from the last issue, as well.

---

Uncyclopedia App

By Anton199

There has recently (a certain amount of time before the latest UnSignpost issue) been a lot of talk about creating an Uncyclopedia App as well as an Uncyclospecies. The idea consists in producing and selling the app which will transform all the human beings who use them into Uncyclopedians. The majority of the users (about 50% of those two who really participated) found this idea great (think that it is funny to talk about) and maybe even began working on it (asked someone else to think about it). Nothing else is known about them, as they disappeared soon after the first experiments were held.

The main problem this project has is that, in fact, nobody knows how to create an app. In addition to this, there is no money, as most of it was spent on Ferraris, that were supposed to bring more money but didn't. Finally, some people think that it might be harmful for the environment (nobody cares).

The project is currently being discussed (some users still post random spam on the forum) and with a certain probability the app is going to be created in nearby future (it is never going be to created but some people do think about it). Biopic Alas, an actual Biopic for SEPTEMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Today, the Biopic will be on a man who carries the identity, MrC. He was doing some hardcore crunches while he was surfing the IRC and thus we gained a little more info this is a run on sentence fuk yea murica.

His origin: "Some Uncyclopedians messed around in another channel recently. After hearing all the stories and rumors, I figured I'd like to see for myself."

So when we asked MrC if he could tell us how to get, how to get to Sesame Street, he said "I don't know... bribe Cookie Monster with a cookie?"

There you have it, words of wisdom BOOI!

---

From The Logs

• 22:20, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked LorrineLundy (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Orange is the new black. Welcome to Internet Jail, Lorrine.)

• 22:14, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked CharissSparrow (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Dude, your gay porn name is lame)

• 22:12, September 10, 2014 Bizzeebeever (talk | contribs) blocked VictorForest (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Eat my crotch-forest, Victor.)

Top VFH Competitors

• UnNews:Everyone who hates ice bucket challenge donating money to charity (8/1)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (6/0)

• A letter about Megan Fox (6/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Shirley Phelps-Roper (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Piss on these

• Proposal of Changes

• Drugs?

• Allahland...

---

UnSignpost News Hi. This is a lazy edition of the UnSignpost.

---

Chat Quote
[21:46] Star651 has quit (Quit: Page closed)

[21:46] SirPeasewhizz: NOOOOO

[21:46] SirPeasewhziz: BAE

Brace Yourselves, The UnSignpost is Coming!

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

21 September 2014 • Issue #209 • Archives • Press Room

IMPERIAL COLONIZATION OR NAH? By Sir Peasewhizz

SUCK MY ASSSS!

Previously, in the past, Uncyclopedia has done a project called Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization, which mimics is a battle against crap-quality articles. We recently have finished the colonization of Albert Einstein, because fuck we didn't need a good article on him before amiright?

Anyways I'm telling you this because it would be soooo sweet if we could get this running again... and I kinda need Xamralco or any other admin to combine histories again because I just found out I shouldn't have moved the project myself...------------

Vote for highlights, you giant boner goblins. (third issue in a row)

By Sir Peasewhizz

Here is a random picture of a stack of gold. Craving it? Good.

We were once surpassing the votes per article goal of 10 not much longer than a week ago. SHAME! HOW COULD WE HAVE LET THIS DROP TO NEARLY 5 OUT OF 10?! EVERYBODY, HEADS DOWN!

When I say you can put your heads up, you will all go and vote on the feature nominations. Okay? And no laughing or detention!

Wow a third week of using the same entry in a row? GEEZ.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

---

From The Logs

• 13:13, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked WolfganKix (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Wolfgan's arse is going to get Kix if he doesn't stop making accounts here.)

• 13:12, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked JanetteMelton (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (You brought your girlfriend with you? How sweet. She can fuck off too once she's tossed me off.)

• 13:11, September 17, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked AndreBecker (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (OMG A SPAMBOT! I've missed seeing you around man. Where you been these past few days? It's been so emotional. Okay, emotional reunion is over. Now fuck off.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Antibiotics (9/0)

• My Yu-Gi-Oh! collection (9/0)

• Firesheep (8/0)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week Ludwig Wittgenstein (9/0)

---

From The Forums

• Enter On This day submissions, plz.

• Mobile issues

• Sorry, I don't speak Cuntenese. (Bot rights or something)

• Mass massaging messaging can now be used by the admins!!

---

UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

---

Chat Quote
[15:07] bakpak2hvy is edible.

[15:07] TheFakeazneD525 chews on bakpak2hvy

The USP is coming for you! (and your little dog too)

The UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

28 September 2014 • Issue #210 • Archives • Press Room

Incoming October bullshit

By Sir Peasewhizz
So apparently, October follows September. As we all know, Halloween follows September. This means that I get to make a suggestion, amirite?

So I was thinking long and hard one day (which was literally five minutes not twenty-four hours) about something cool we could do for Halloween this year. No, I don't mean egg your neighbor's house... I was thinking maybe we could feature something on Halloween?

Okay yes, I know this is something we basically do every year, and I know you are reading this preparing to accuse me of filling space... and you'd be right.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it!

---

From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Colin "All your base" Heaney (talk | contribs) blocked Banzaikitten (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour and 9 minutes (You're like the Grinch, except it's your cock that's three sizes too small.)

• 14:35, September 24, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 173.213.80.213 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Your free trial of Uncyclopedia has expired.)

• 07:05, September 24, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked JessieTedesco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (fuck Jessie Tedesco, he gets his clothes from Tecso)

Top VFH Competitors

• Nouvelle cuisine (10/0)

• HowTo:Fry an egg (9/0)

• Firesheep (9/1)

---

VFH Highlight Of The Week UnNews:Obama to outline IS strategy after consulting Stonehenge gods (10/0)

---

From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• Don't smoke the dope, kids.

---

UnSignpost News Please VFH, Colonize, etc.

---

Chat Quote
<ColinAYB> Actually his lips did sink ships

<ColinAYB> In the sense that he sucked e

Excuse me, sir, do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, the USP?

The UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

5 October • Issue #211 • Archives • Press Room

Uncyclopedia's preparations for Ebola By Sir Peasewhizz

Gross.

As we all know, a Texan man has brought the Ebola virus to the United States of America. And as country, we are all freaking out. Even Obama, who never freaks out, has freaked out. He now refuses to kiss Michelle because he has become a germophobe.

Anywho, we here at Uncyclopedia have determined that Ebola can be avoided by simple measures. We encourage everyone to wash their hands, especially after ferocious masturbation. Remember kids, diseases come for hookers. So stay away from hookers as well.

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it again!

---

From The Logs

• 12:34, September 25, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked 178.137.80.72 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (dickery)

• 15:07, September 28, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked 23.231.7.217 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (The Maitri Inthusut has ordered us to block editing permanently for all residents of the Phuket Province.)

• 13:39, September 28, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked Leanna Hollway (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (she wouldn't go the "holl way" with me)

Top VFH Competitors

• White-haired Asian Scientist (8/0)

• Bluestocking (8/1)

• Aries (6/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week Firesheep (10/1)

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From The Forums

• Which one of you heathens killed Pee Review?

• Here is where you tell about your new articles.

• Vote on this, it's not getting attention.

• No more silly rules

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UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has begun.

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Chat Quote
<Denza252> ephemey: am i trololololololing?

dicks lol: It's UnSignpost time!

The UnSignpost

Good things come to those who wait. So does the UnSignpost.

19 October • Issue #212 • Archives • Press Room

Hi

By Sir Peasewhizz
Do u think we should cancel the USP

Anyone

Biopic Nahhh. I don't really feel like it againnn!

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From The Logs

• 02:04, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) resurrected Xamralco (talk | contribs) (I have frostbite on my nipples.)

• 01:58, October 12, 2014 Frosty (talk | contribs) blocked Xamralco (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 years, 6 hours, 32 minutes and 24 seconds (Obligatory retaliation ban)

• 01:46, October 12, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds (Obligatory welcome back block)

Top VFH Competitors

• Richard M. Nixon (8/0)

• Why?:Eat a full English Breakfast (8/0)

• Antiques Road Rage Show (8/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week UnDebate:Should women rap? (10/0)

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From The Forums

• FFW2014

• FFW2014 (for pussies)

• That time I nearly sojourned on a village dump or a short and repetitive story about what it's like to read short and repetitive articles

• This gay forum about renaming the site... PISS ON THIS

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UnSignpost News Shabidoo's competition has ended.

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Chat Quote None

The UnSignpost is back, baby! (And also a little bit of front)

The UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

9 November • Issue #213 • Archives • Press Room

Donate your soul to Uncyclopedia!

By Sir Peasewhizz
Before time began there was the cube. Wait, hold on... yeah wrong script. Okay, let's start again. Before the internet was cool, there was no Uncyclopedia. This is because before Uncyclopedia was a website, there was this awful site for information that anybody could edit called Wikipedia. There was also catfishes and cocks.

That all changed back in 2005. When Uncyclopedia was established/founded/spawned/born/emerged/created, the internet took off. Not literally, but metaphorically... or something. The fact remains that the world, with the introduction of Unyclopedia, began to gain faith in the internet. The Amish began to use electricity after Uncyclopedia was established!

And our legacy could fade away; not unlike my basketball trick shot.

All jokes aside, Uncyclopedia may be content-free, as one could say, but it is not free to run. Uncyclopedia runs on a server and this requires money. We don't mean like the billions Obama requires, but it still needs a bit of money to be a legendary thing.

How does Wikipedia stay up then? Well, we're not Wikipedia. We're run by no employees and we're instead run by dedicated users who spend their time editing/fucking with the site that they love. Uncyclopedia is nearly ten years old, so it's not like the joy of "uncyclopediating" isn't real. It's in the Webster Dictionary.

Not every one is rich either, in fact, we're all kinda bland. Money doesn't grow on trees. Now we're not gonna hold you for ransom and we sure as hell aren't going to guilt you into donating to our cause... but think about the children that would starve without us!

Basically, read more about it here. Thanks for your time.

If you can't donate, don't. We won't force you to do something we can't ourselves.

And another thing you could do besides donate is spread the word or buy something from our store.

Anyone

Biopic You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it! You a fool? I wouldn't do another biopic if I felt like it!

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From The Logs

• 05:54, November 7, 2014 Leverage (talk | contribs) blocked DickSankthptxd with an expiry time of infinite (talk | contribs) (his dick sank)

• 22:48, October 29, 2014 Xamralco (talk | contribs) blocked 50.115.173.177 (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (made me read some gay book)

• 15:45, October 29, 2014 Lost Labyrinth (talk | contribs) blocked Zficysll (talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (Why bother trying to spam Uncyclopedia? If you're as good with girls as you are at hitting abuse filters then I'm sure you'll have no problem getting laid.)

Top VFH Competitors

• Dag Hammarskjöld (8/0)

• UnNews:Wrestlemania 87 commentary LIVE! (10/2)

• Electricity (8/0)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week President Hoover (11/1)

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From The Forums

• Comeback of the Year

• Read about donating here.

• Parody of Wikipedia banner

• Someone who is good with WikiStats should look here.

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UnSignpost News Donate to Uncyclopedia if you can.

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Chat Quote None.

Vote, Vote, Vote

It's that time of the year again! We're going to be showing off our Top Ten Articles of 2014 soon but so far, very few people have voted. It's all up to you to decide what's the best of the best! Go to Forum:Top 10 Articles of 2014 and vote now! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 02:23, 30 January 2015 (UTC)

Your beer article...

Looks good.. are you around? ~Formerly Annoying Crap 13:39, 17 October 2015

Am now..... :D (he says 3 years later) - S_t^raⁱ_nj 1 . . . . TALK

UnSignpost Home Delivery for May 1st, 2021

The UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

1 May 2021 • Issue #215 • Archives • Press Room

Most Active Admin Gets Promoted to Bureaucrat, Transitions to Female By Cassie

Following an incredible (by 2021 Uncyclopedian standards) 16 VFS votes, Uncyclopedia's most active administrator has initiated their transition to female. Said admin, now known publicly as Cassie, has had a talk page that often inflated by 80,000 bytes or more weekly, and singlehandedly managed a vast variety of things, including (but not limited to): vandal whipping, being the school principal, managing VFH, and more.
"Vandalism, eh? Fuck off already," they said, whilst throwing bags of feces at our new dumpyard.------------

Vote for Sandwiches: Triple Resignation, Quintuple the Drama By Cassie
Following the resignation of two of our longtimemost bureaucrats, EMC and Zombiebaron, in addition to the resignation of admin CandidToaster, a new wave rejuvenated much of the now-ancient television show Vote for Sandwiches. MrX and Hipponias quickly climbed the ranks; Shabidoo received the same treatment, but ultimately withdrew. Zana Dark and JJPMaster were both nominated for a new category, interface operator, instead of the traditional sandwich role granted.

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Uncyclopedia's Technologies are Finally Modernized By Cassie
it has been a long time in the making, but Uncyclopedia's editing technologies have finally been optimized for the new decade. An introduction of a new extended-confirmed protection level has enabled famous articles, such as AAAAAAAAA!, to see the light of commoners' editing again. Utilities such as Huggle, RedWarn, CurateThisPage, autoarchiving, and a lot more has been implemented thanks to JJPMaster. Many gnomes have been working on this; as such, please treat their work with respect! Biopic This edition's biopic is about the joy of templating. Templating is a fine art which can be practiced on Uncyclopedia, its parody Wikipedia, and so many other places. It can furthermore be expanded to "module coding", which produces the same stuff albeit in a much more efficient and dynamic way. Come try templating now!

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From The Logs

• 1 May 2021 Cassie renamed user Redacted (8224 edits) to Cassie (Per message here)

• 10 April 2021‎ JJPMaster (38 bytes) (-13)‎ . . (Reverting edit(s) by Gale5050 (talk) to rev. 6045969 by Celeste:shhhhhhhhhhh (RW 16.1dev))

• 22 February 2021 Cassie blocked JJPMaster with an expiration time of 4 hours and 20 minutes (account creation disabled) (You [[Witch-Hunting For Fun and Profit

Top VFH Competitors

• User:Zombiebaron/Resignation (9/2)

• UnNews:As Bernie Sanders starts his second term, we reflect on his Presidency so far (5.5/4)

• Patent nonsense on Wheels! (1/2.5)

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VFH Highlight Of The Week COVID-19 (6/1)

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From The Forums

• We are still learning how to count. Albeit much faster.

• Gale5050.

• There is nothing to worry about! Right?

• Gale5050 again. Or not.

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UnSignpost News Following 1.5+ years of hiatus, Cassie has taken the lead, in a unilateral albeit undramatic manner, and has designated themselves as the lead editor of the UnSignpost.

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Chat Quote Supergeeky1: Boner.

Rewelcome!

Hello, Strainj1, and thanks for rejoining Uncyclopedia! Before re-editing further, please retake a gander at our Beginner's Guide. If you want to refind out more about Uncyclopedia or re-need more help with something, recheck out the following pages:

• About Uncyclopedia and The five pliers of Uncyclopedia
• Help Pages - if you re-need help with a specific issue
• Votes for Highlight Page - reread the very best articles and re-have your say about what goes onto our front page
• Pee Review - a place to reobtain detailed feedback on your articles

Please resign your name on talk pages using four tildes (~~~~) or reuse the "sign" button () above the edit box. This will automatically rereproduce your name and the date.

If you need help, feel free to reask me on my talk page, repost on our community forum, rejoin our Discord, or remessage an administrator on their talk page. Additionally, our Adopt-a-Noob program can rebring experienced editors straight to you. Simply releave a message on an adopter's talkpage to join. I hope you reenjoy re-editing here and re-being an Uncyclopedian! 

Poo Lit Surprise is back!

The 15th Poo Lit Surprise contest is here! This multifaceted competition, with four distinct and open categories, is open between June 1st and June 21st. Five $10 prizes, as well as a bonus $5 prize, are up in the air! Here are the open categories this year:

• Best Mainspace Article - for articles in the traditional sense.
• Best Alternate Namespace Article - for stuff like UnNews or even UnTunes!
• Best File - replacing Best Potatochop, all self-made files are allowed here (with a few exceptions)!
• Best Rewrite - for the best already-existing articles rewritten from scratch.
• Best Template - A brand new category this year: the best template wins!

To register, please consult Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise, add your name to the table in the category you wish to join, and link your entry once you are ready. Everyone is welcome, regardless of seniority!

Judges may enlist at User:Cassie/PLS/Scoring. Judges may not participate in the category or categories they enlist in, but are free to participate in other categories!

Good luck folks!  Cassandra  (talk) 02:32pm  May 31, 2021

Poo LIt Surprise due date coming up

Hey all! You have three (3) more days to submit something to the Poo Lit Surprise contest if you wish to do so.

Good luck with your creations!  Cassandra  (talk) 23:24, 18 June 2021 (UTC)

It's beginning to look a lot like…

See you next year! The first annual *Kiss My Ass* Holiday Competition has officially ended for 2021

Up for grabs is the coveted Clark Griswold Award for Holiday Cheer. Who will be crowned Holiday Victor?

Judgement day is upon ye!

Seasons Greetings!

It's that special time of year. A wonderful time for friends and family to rejoice in gaiety. Not you! You usually spend all of your hard-earned money on gifts for them, and now you just want to hibernate until your finances recuperate. Well, here at Uncyclopedia, entering our newest competition won't cost you a penny — Sign Up Today! (pretty please)  –     (ooh!) (aah!) ...·º•ø®@» LEG CUN GUN DUN 13:32, 13 December 2021