Uncyclopedia:Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball/judging2013

Rank the articles or images from 1 to 5, with 1 being the best.

The Aristocrats

• Hrodulf

1st Place : Tumb13weed.

2nd Place : Aleister.

3rd Place : Puppy.

• Acmed2

3rd Place : Tumb13weed. Not long, but originality definitely existed. I liked all the weird stuff, but some relevance could have helped you out.

2nd Place : Aleister. I had a few hardy chuckles. That's a good thing, because I hate people. Excellent job with the pacing as well!

1st Place : Puppy. Great take on the subject. The formatting was nothing short of fantastic, the humor was all there, and you smell like raisins.

• Strainj1

3rd Place - 3 points to : User:Shabidoo/art for sheer strangeness.

2nd Place - 4 points to : Puppy's UnReview:Parker Family Fun Time Circus, because I really enjoyed it, a cool take on the idea, and it was well written.

1st Place - 5 points to : User:Aleister/The_Aristocrats, mainly due to the extremely graphically-disturbing essay-length retelling.

Scores:
1st: Aleister (4 + 4 + 5 = 13)
2nd: Puppy (3 + 5 + 4 = 12)
3rd: Tumb13weed (5 + 3 = 8)
4th: Shabidoo (3 = 3)

Bad Taste

• Shabidoo contributed the only entry to this category, but 5 minutes after the submission deadline.
• happymonkey39, Screw deadlines, I'm judging anyway!

Infinity divided by 0 points to Shabablebleebleebla. (-42nd Place)

Words cannot describe my feelings toward this article... Unless you used the words "steaming pile of ignited mutated cow-dog excrement", because those would just about sum it up. I still don't understand how it could be hip (as them younglins would call it) to do something that must be forever kept a secret... Doesn't that mean no one could know so the word wouldn't spread? On top of that, the use of unrelated pictures made me want to barf up my breakfast (which I haven't even eaten yet because I'm too busy judging this)... except the one with the lego pieces... That one is now my desktop background. I find your format quite intriguing though; the more you read, the creepier it gets and the more you question why you keep reading. Of course in the end this article did two things. 1, the gym teacher joke made me laugh quite hysterically... though I don't know why... Maybe it's because I had a hot gym teacher once... Meh whatever. 2, it made me ejaculate. And that's all that matters on uncyclopaedia right? So I deem this article worthy of winning first place. And last place. And every other place. Good work! --Happymonkey39 Dah Meme Master 17:52, 14 December 2013 (UTC)

Maste Goa Tse

• RAHB

  3 - Danish Funeral - It took me forever to get this, but that was mostly because I didn't realize for the longest time that that was Condoleezza Rice sitting in the front, further perpetuating the stereotype that all us white guys think that all black people look the same. Anyway, it's bitingly satirical and the "AH-HAH" moment was well worth the wait. However, I have to nitpick that in comparing with the original image, you can still clearly see that white man's big broad-shouldered jacket behind the petite gray jacket in front of it, which gives it an unfortunately jarring look as though it were scribbled in with a paintbrush. Either way, quite an excellent, if small, crop of selections this year, and a third place vote in this instance really means "there weren't any actual lesser ones to put here", so unfortunately one must be the odd man out. Well done.

  2 - Jesus Rock Band - Clearly the most well done in terms of aesthetics (although I did just now notice that the microphone appears to be dropping behind the singer's hand, if that's fixed I don't mind putting it up on VFP). I also find it to be rather offensive, if we're talking about the right people viewing it. Us jaded weirdos taking part in this competition on this website of all places, and generally usually of a more liberal/atheist sort, or at the very least accustomed to interacting with the liberal/atheist sort, may not be offended. But all four of those Jesii come from highly sacred and revered depictions that the typical Christian holds in high regard. Many have prayed to some or all of them and they're known to get pretty uppity about defacing idols and what-not. The cherry on top for me is using that particular pose for the lead singer. Taking the depiction that typically meant "come to me and I'll heal you, I have powers and I'm here to impart my wisdom and guidance and make you the best people that you can be", and turning it into "WHASSUP BITCHES, WE'RE GONNA ROCK YOUR ASS" is something that a lot of people I know would find utterly offensive. Granted, I do know some Christians who would find it absolutely gut-bustingly hilarious, so it does depend on the perspective.

  1 - Grinding Nelson - In addition to the name of the image sounding like a super badass wrestling move, this is the most offensive thing ever and we're all going to hell. Every single last one of us. Everyone who has ever had any connection with this website, no matter how minute, is going straight to hell with no detours. Not even a bathroom stop. The quality surrounding Mandela's face (and the fact that it is attached to a white person's body) are unfortunate, but not bad enough to knock this down from its throne as the most offensive image, far and away. Zombiebaron, go take a shower.

• Shabidoo

  All three of these images are utterly awesome. I judged them through the lense of bad taste/shock more than anything else.

  3 points Tumbleweed (3rd place)

  The image was better crafted than the other two. I loved the concept. Totally top notch chopping. The only problem is...it doesn't read "bad taste" to me...nor is it shocking, gross, raunchy or emotionally reactive (at least for me). Which I think is essential for the competition. If this was made for the PLS competition...I would probably have chosen this as number 1.

  4 points Meepstar Lives (2nd place)

  This image isn't shocking though it retrospect it is very bad taste. I had to look into this as I didn't know the background story. Once I did...I laughed and the more I looked at it the more I liked it. Every element is well placed and it was fairly well done. The rendering isn't quite as good as tumbleweed's but it didn't look amature either. My friends overall liked yours the most.

  5 points to: Zombiebaron (1st place)

  This made me laugh out loud...the idea was genius and you won in the bad taste/shock department. Though there are a few problems in the execution of the chopping. A little pixelation on the bottom part of Mandelas face and along the top of the couch to the right of the slut. Also...perhaps adding another subtle element in the background of the picture that related to mandela or to the slut in the photo would have made the image utterly perfect (though I'm sure for most people it's great the way it is). My friends were totally grossed out by this one. But then...they are girls.

• Kip the Dip

Third place: Tumbleweed's image

While this image was the best done, it didn't really feel offensive or in bad taste, with the exception of the Jesus with the crown of thorns on his head on drums. Jesii have been done to death, but perhaps the joke could work if there were an article to expand upon it.

Second place: Meepstar's image.

I so did not get this at all at first, but once I did, I decided it deserved second place out of satirical edge.

First Place: Zombiebaron's image.