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_____________________THIS USER HAS THE GOODS!!!!

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A great quote from Isra that really explains what America is really all about[edit | edit source]

Gadsden flag.png
What is gives me the right to say that thing that so offends you? I'll tell you: God gave me that right, Thomas Jefferson recognized that right, James Madison institutionalized that right, John Bingham expanded that right, and George Bush has to defend that right. Your rights do restrict threat of actual harm, fraud and libel, but those are inapplicable here. Your country's laws and courts don't apply to me or these servers, so if you want something, politely try to convince me. Remember, you have no right to post on this site, so respect the rules, or get out. --v.Rev. Isra Icons-flag-us.png kun suhp (talk)
What we are doing here is not the same as destroying the World Trade Center, it is not the same as committing genocide against the Jews, and it is not the same as any other of the things you have stupidly compared our writing to. Those things involved physically harming someone, taking away their life, or taking away their liberties. They were also done with actual malice. Writing a page that you find offensive fills none of these criteria. There is no malice and you are deprived of none of your rights. There is no right to be left unoffended. There is no right to be uninsulted. There is no right to be respected by others. There is no right to silence people whose ideas you disagree with. There is no right to stop a behavior just because it doesn't promote brotherly love.
This isn't a liberal thing. This isn't a conservative thing. These are the base philosophical positions upon which the Credal Nation of the United States was built, these are the ideas that made it the most prosperous nation in the history of the world, and these are the ideas that you will have to get used to and accept if you want to get anything done around here.---Quill.gifRev. Isra (talk) 22:18, 27 October 2006 (UTC)
To make this crystal clear to everyone: The United States is a sovereign nation, so international law has effect inside the U.S. only if it has been given effect by a valid United States law or treaty. Because the Constitution of the United States of America prohibits laws that abridge the freedom of speech, except for those laws needed to protect an unenumerated right granted by the same Constitution, no valid U.S. law can give effect to any foreign or international law that abridges my freedom of speech. Sure, you can sue me in your country, but I don't have any assets there that you can take. Sure, you can bring criminal proceedings against me in your country, but your police can't come to the U.S. to arrest me. In reality, the only law that matters here is U.S. law. The same goes for our servers: you can sue Wikia to try to force them to remove content, but unless that judgment is rendered in a Federal Court or a court of the State of Florida, they won't have to obey it. This is why so many internet sites are hosted in the United States. This is why Wikipedia can exist. As for your freedom of speech: you have a right to say anything you want. But you don't have a right to use these servers, which are private property, to say it. ---Quill.gifRev. Isra (talk) 01:05, 28 October 2006 (UTC)
Slashy, you just showed the sort of non-American that America hates, has no respect for, and fears because of your lack of respect for our culture, sovereignty and institutions, your lack of legitimacy for the sweeping power you claim over the lives of other people, and your complete misunderstanding of the way the world works. I have done nothing to harm you, so you have no right to hold me accountable to you, and its a good thing for everyone in the world that you don't.---Quill.gifRev. Isra (talk) 01:05, 28 October 2006 (UTC)
(for context, please see Forum:Asperger's Syndrome is no laughing matter Volume I, specifically this section)

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And now, a silly userpage[edit | edit source]


Have them stand in shopping bags. That way if anybody looks under the stall, they'll just see your feet and a shopping bag.

~ Oscar Wilde on making love

Dear Mr. Policeman. I am God.

~ Beltway Snipers on God

Seriously, undo that right now. I WANT MY NAME OFF. Expecially a link to my userpage.

~ Nintendorulez on Euroipods

You bitched for all of 2006. Will not happen for all of 2007

~ Famine on Nintendorulez

So a lot of horses come up to me and they says, "Hey Ed! Nice cock!" So I says to them I says, "Thanks, suck it you fucks!" and they're all like "What an asshole!" But what do you expect? My cock is huge and I know it.

~ Ed on self esteem

"<ajt> Hrodulf: are you flameviper
<Hrodulf> That's a different dude
<Vivisector> Hrodulf ARE YOU FLAMEVIPER confirm/deny.
<Hrodulf> Ajt No I'm not flamevaper
<ajt> I need a vote on perm gline for Hrodulf

Encyclopedia Dramatica on Hrodulf

See User:Hrodulf/ED for more.

<diMario> isn't life all wonderful and rosy when one ignore zombieninja and Hrodulf ?

~ diMario on Hrodulf and Zombieninja'

I went and ordered something for the table.

~ Tony Soprano on ordering something for the table



Knight Commander of the Order
Foolitzer Prize Winner, June 2007
US flag.png This user is American
...and unabashedly proud of it!
(List of American Uncyclopedians)
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... L.A Sucks!!!
(Users from the greatest city ever!)
MarylandFlag.png This user was born in Maryland. Isn't that weird?.
NatNav.gif This user was born at National Naval Medical Center; this birth is widely considered to be the U.S. Navy's worst blunder, utterly eclipising both Pearl Harbor, and its considering using the Village People song In The Navy for promotional purposes.
This user is a native speaker of English.
This user is a native speaker of American English.
bas This user can program in BASIC.
Starofdavid.png This user is Jewish, and probably controls Uncyclopedia in some remote way.
This user is a boy and is made of slugs, snails and puppy dog tails.

This user is happy to help n00bs. Leave them a message »
Married.png Against all reasonable probability, this user found a compatible life partner.
Grandpiano.gif This user is a big pianist, and as such believes they are better than all other musicians, except organists.
Organ6.jpg This user is a big Organist, and as such believes they are better than all other musicians.
Guitar-22px.jpg This user plays guitar because it attracts more groupies, and gets more solos than the bass.
Francec15.jpg This user collects postage stamps.
Orko.gif This user follows the wise teachings of Orko the Great. W.W.O.D.?
FrozenBrit.JPG This user likes to manipulate images
20060714161347!Marijuana.jpg This user does not use Marijuana, but is opposed to hypocritical, unconstitutional nanny state laws as a matter of principle.
Meanie.JPG This user is usually a nice person, but that changes fast if you threaten him, falsely accuse him of lying and attempt to trample on his rights.
Hugemanatee.jpg This user is a MORON
Leagueofbenson.gif This user is a member of the League of Benson, and therefore admits that Benson is better than him.
HALCON2.JPG This user created and is a frequent contributor to Ask Hal 9000
DumbUserboxes.JPG This user makes stupid userboxes that would probably get him banned if they were anywhere other than on his userpage
Australia zoo splash 131.jpg Steve "The Crocodile Hunter" Irwin (1962-2006)
The world is a diminished place without him.
Spockkirk.jpg This user is a fan of Original Series Trek and believes it to be superior to all other forms of Trek by orders of magnitude.
WesleyCrusher2366.jpg WESLEY!
Aquateenmovie.jpg _A T H F !
Aubergine.jpg EGGPLANT!
Ep86 02.jpg ONION RINGS



User:Hrodulf/menu (Menu directory to my subpages)

I really, really, really like this painting (Francis Bacon):

Painting 1946.jpg

Anyway, oops, forgot to make a user page. Here we go:

I'm just some guy. Really. Just a totally ordinary human being. Nothing exciting here.

I enjoy converting oxygen into carbon dioxide, metabolizing various organic materials, and eating blueberries while listening to rap music.

More to come. {{noQVFD}}?

By the way, if you're a n00b, particularly if you've had stuff deleted, do yourself a favor and read some friendly advice at Uncyclopedia:How To Get Started Editing (I didn't say it was good advice, just friendly . . . )

Have you been banned? Visit the Ban Chapel to put your ban in perspective.

Upset over Nin's name not being taken out of Euroipods? Visit the Euroipods Chapel to put your pointless bickering in perspective.

Offended by something you saw on the site? Read Uncyclopedia:Content Disclaimer.

Need to contact me? Try e-mail.

What I've done[edit | edit source]

Created Uncyclopedia:How_To_Get_Started_Editing
Created Uncyclopedia:Content_Disclaimer
Created UnNews:Ask_Hal_9000
Wrote 58 unnews articles
Wrote or helped write about 4 mainspace articles

I got banned from Uncyclopedia and all I got was this lousy log[edit | edit source]

  • 04:02, 13 January 2007 Tompkins blocked Hrodulf (contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (1 month probation ban, after which certain guidelines will be set up to help ensure nothing terrible happens. Any attempts to evade this ban, or any off-site trolling will lead to the infinite ban being reinstated.)
  • 04:00, 13 January 2007 Tompkins unblocked Hrodulf (contribs) (Removing infinite ban, resetting to one month)
  • 06:32, 6 December 2006 Rcmurphy blocked Hrodulf (contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (extensive off-site trolling)
  • 06:32, 6 December 2006 Rcmurphy unblocked Hrodulf (contribs)
  • 06:30, 6 December 2006 Rcmurphy blocked Hrodulf (contribs) with an expiry time of infinite (extensive off-site trolling)
  • 05:50, 5 December 2006 Rcmurphy blocked Hrodulf (contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (reinstituting ban for formality's sake)
  • 05:25, 5 December 2006 Rcmurphy unblocked Hrodulf (contribs) (temporary unblock)
  • 00:15, 5 December 2006 Famine blocked Hrodulf (contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month (Extreme flamebating, when I was hoping for some light-hearted comedic relief. Tragic.)
  • 19:01, 2 November 2006 Codeine unblocked Hrodulf (contribs) (clemency, even)
  • 12:54, 2 November 2006 Codeine blocked "Hrodulf (contribs)" with an expiry time of 1 day (Per Famine's previous block. Bumping old forum topics over current discussions just to update the links therein. Moan at me on IRC if you think I'm being unfair.)
  • 03:24, 31 October 2006 Famine blocked "Hrodulf (contribs)" with an expiry time of 1 day (Reviving no less than four (4) many month old Forum posts with assinine comments in one day. Let the dead lie in peace.)
  • 22:23, 9 June 2006 Famine blocked "Hrodulf (contribs)" with an expiry time of 11 minutes (User takes bans too seriously. That's ridiculous. It's not even funny.)
  • 18:35, 7 June 2006 Tompkins blocked "Hrodulf (contribs)" with an expiry time of 30 seconds (HowTo my ass...)
  • 18:08, 7 June 2006 Savethemooses blocked "Hrodulf (contribs)" with an expiry time of 5 minutes (NOT PUTING FORUM TOPIC IN ALL CAPS!!!)

Articles I originated[edit | edit source]

UnNews[edit | edit source]

Advice column: UnNews:Ask Hal 9000

My first UnNews piece: UnNews:Queen puts Swift's proposal into effect; English start devouring Irish babies. Thanks to Flammable for improving it.

My second UnNews piece: UnNews:5 lawmakers arrested for drawing attention to humiliating human rights disaster

My third UnNews piece: UnNews:Scientists discover bears that use toilet paper

My fourth UnNews piece: UnNews:Choice of which product to buy last vestige of freedom for most Americans

My fifth UnNews piece: UnNews:"In God We Trust" removed from U.S. coins; new coins to say "Fuck God". Credit to Mhaille for adding an image to it.

My sixth UnNews piece: UnNews:Palestinean plan to defeat Israel by capturing one soldier not going as planned

My seventh UnNews piece: UnNews:New Sony PSPs are hot gynoids

My eighth UnNews piece: UnNews:Britney Spears goes broke. Thanks to Zim ulator for adding an audio track to it. (Note: This article was the 'second lead' on the unnews main page on July 19, 2006)

My ninth UnNews piece: UnNews:OUCH quarterback kicked off of team for forgetting to cut bear's nuts off. Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track.

My tenth UnNews piece: Bin Laden releases video; demands release of Mokey plush . Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track. (Note: This article was the 'lead article' on the unnews main page on August 15, 2006)

My eleventh UnNews piece: UnNews:Sesame Street introduces new character. Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track.

My twelfth UnNews piece: UnNews:Earth declares war on, attacks Moon. Thanks to George W. Bush for starting an unneeded war based on false pretenses and thereby earning a co-creator credit for this article. Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track. (Note: This article was the 'lead article' on the unnews main page on September 3, 2006. Also note, the story continuity of this article was continued (hilariously) in UnNews:Al Qaeda's number Two Operative in Iraq Flees Moon, Captured in Iraq, which I did not write).

  • Note: the above twelfth article was substantially edited after I submitted it. If you want to read my original version, click here.

My thirteenth UnNews piece: UnNews:John Mark Karr confesses to murdering Steve Irwin, extradited to Australia for DNA testing. Thanks to Zim ulator for adding an audio track. (Note: This article was the 'third lead' on the unnews main page on September 7, 2006).

My fourteenth UnNews piece: UnNews:Pope apologizes; makes new speech praising Islam. Thanks to Mordillo for improving it and adding an audio track.

My fifteenth UnNews piece: UnNews:Thailand prime minister loses admin status Thanks to Severian for improving it and adding an audio track. (Note: This article was the 'third lead' on the unnews main page on September 21, 2006). (Second note: unconfirmed, but this article may have helped to inspire UnNews:Saddam banned for third time, which I did not write).

My sixteenth UnNews piece: UnNews:Manuel II Palaiologos blasts backpedaling pope. Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track. (Note: This article was the 'lead article' on the unnews main page on September 25, 2006, following which it was the third lead)

My seventeenth UnNews piece: UnNews:Mystery of Anthrax letters persists. Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track.

My eighteenth UnNews piece: UnNews:Controversial racially charged series of Survivor claims yet another victim. Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track to it. (Note: This article was the 'second lead' on the unnews main page on September 26, 2006.

My nineteenth UnNews piece: UnNews:Major media outlets sue family to force them to provide juicy details on interesting homo news story. (I accidentally forgot to log in when I created the article, but you have my word this one's mine). (Note: This article was the 'second lead' on the unnews main page on October 6, 2006)

  • A short note concerning the above piece (No. 19):

"I used a lot of strong language in this article, because I wanted to make a point; that the mainstream media treats homosexuality as a joke, and it's ridiculous. I personally support gay rights, donate to a PAC that supports marriage equality every month, and believe that gays should have the freedom to have their relationships, sexuality and beliefs respected by the rest of society. I just wanted to put this small note here so that people didn't think that I actually believed the satirical material I wrote in this piece, which, more than anything else, is an indictment of the television "news" we suffer from at the present time.

Remember, in the true spirit of uncyclopedia, this article (although, I would respectfully submit, not this explanation) is misinformation and satire. Please take it as such, since that is how it was intended.

--Hrodulf 15:08, 6 October 2006 (UTC)"

My twentieth UnNews piece: UnNews:Jews take over. Thanks to Mordillo for improving it and adding an audio track. (Note: This article was the 'lead article' on the unnews main page on October 10, 2006

My twenty-first UnNews piece: UnNews:John Lennon denied resurrection for fourth time.

  • Note: the above twenty-first article was edited after I submitted it. If you want to read my original version, click here.

My twenty-second UnNews piece: UnNews:Fred Phelps:"God hates straights too". Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track.

My twenty-third UnNews piece: UnNews:WBC takes strong stand against physics.

My twenty-fourth UnNews piece: UnNews:Kim Jong Il kicked out of Hard Rock Cafe for violating longstanding rule against bringing a nuclear weapon inside Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track. (Note: This article was the 'second lead' on the unnews main page on October 21, 2006)

My twenty-fifth UnNews piece: UnNews:Donald Rumsfeld proposes using textbooks as shields in Iraq. Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track. (Note: This article was the lead article on the unnews main page on October 23, 2006)

My twenty-sixth UnNews piece: UnNews:Emma Lazarus poem updated for 2006. Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track. (Note: This article was the third lead on the unnews main page on October 23, 2006)

My twenty-seventh UnNews piece: UnNews:Controversy brews over Trollan face-concealment

My twenty-eighth UnNews piece: UnNews:World Trade Center found in government warehouse Thanks to Zim ulator for adding an audio track to it.

My twenty-ninth UnNews piece: UnNews:Bush announces bold new change in way Iraq strategy will be described in speeches and press releases Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track. (Note: This article was the second lead on the unnews main page on October 25, 2006)

My thirtieth UnNews piece: UnNews:Bush gets pwned.

My thirty-first UnNews piece: UnNews:United Nations vote: all religions are entitled to their own state in the middle east

My thirty-second UnNews piece: UnNews:Fox cancels planned Michael Jackson special "If I Did It" (Note: this article was the main lead on the unnews main page on November 22, 2006).

My thirty-third UnNews piece: UnNews:EON Productions defends controversial casting of eleven year old girl as James Bond Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track. Note: this article was the third lead on the unnews main page on November 28, 2006).

My thirty-fourth UnNews piece: UnNews:Local - Bar review : just say no to 'EMERGENCY'

My thirty-fifth UnNews piece: UnNews:Oprah, Bono feud over who's gooder

My thirty-sixth UnNews piece: UnNews:Virus rights activists protest against "red" campaign

My thirty-seventh UnNews piece: UnNews:Pauly Shore lands title role in major production of "Waiting for Godot" Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it.

My thirty-eighth UnNews piece: UnNews:Gay alien clown from outer space invades Earth, demands pancakes. Millions feared dead.

My thirty-ninth UnNews piece: UnNews:Iranian government releases new "Iranian Waters" line of bottled water. Thanks to Mhaille for creating the picture in the article. Note: this article was the third lead on the unnews main page on April 7, 2007.

My fortieth UnNews piece: UnNews:Virginia Tech notes that 22,261 students were not shot dead

My forty-first UnNews piece: UnNews:Melee breaks out between cops, protestors over cake left out in rain. Thanks to for improving it.

My forty-second UnNews piece: UnNews:Man buys soda in $1.25 dollar deal

My forty-third UnNews piece: UnNews:ED dies

My forty-fourth UnNews piece: UnNews:AIDS walk fails to cure AIDS. This article was second lead on May 20, 2007.

My forty-fifth UnNews piece: UnNews:Stupidest lawsuit in history filed.

My forty-sixth UnNews piece: UnNews:Bloomberg steps down. Thanks to Zim ulator for improving it and adding an audio track.

My forty-seventh UnNews piece: UnNews:Kevorkian out of jail, faces clamoring demand for his "services". This article was third lead on June 3, 2007.

My forty-eighth UnNews piece: UnNews:New York scraps ground zero plan, opts to rebuild Radio Row

My forty-ninth UnNews piece: UnNews:Man imprisoned for saying "maybe those Arabs have a point".

My fiftieth UnNews piece: UnNews:Editorial - Government: "You can't get high"

My fifty-first UnNews piece: UnNews:2012 Olympics logo really getting through to the young people

My fifty-second UnNews piece: UnNews:Christianity hoax exposed; bogus belief system baffles western civilization for 2,000 years (NB - this is based on a humor essay I wrote in 1998, with minor changes and corrections) This article was displayed in the "In the news" section of the main page on June 10, 2007. This article was featured on June 23, 2007.

My fifty-third UnNews piece: UnNews:Hamas embarrased to find it invaded wrong country. This article was second lead on June 19, 2007.

My fifty-fourth UnNews piece: UnNews:Beatings and riots aim to improve drivers' ability to not run over Black children.

My fifth-fifth UnNews piece: UnNews:Chris Benoit wins home match against his family

My fifty-sixth UnNews piece: UnNews:Emperor of Colorado assassinated

My fifty-seventh UnNews piece: UnNews:Yankees get asses handed to them

My fifty-eighth UnNews piece: UnNews:Uncyclopedia is finished

My fifty-ninth UnNews piece: UnNews:Spitzer prostitution scandal overshadowed by theft of man's KFC

My sixtieth UnNews piece: UnNews:3/16 truth movement sprouts up on internet

My sixty-first UnNews piece: UnNews:Domino's introduces Hubble Deep Field Dish Pizza

My sixty-second UnNews piece: UnNews:Regegade rabbi recites kaddish with only nine Jews present; universe thrown into chaos. Thanks to Fou-Lu for finding the picture for the article.

My sixty-third UnNews piece: UnNews:TV Listing : New Series - The Pedo Files

My sixty-fourth UnNews piece: UnNews:Hillary Clinton defends holocaust remark

My sixty-fifth UnNews piece: UnNews:Rule 34 community reaches consensus : the Spaceballs Cartoon sucks too much to be worth 34'ing

My sixty-sixth UnNews piece: UnNews:Battletoads rereleased due to overwhelming demand

My sixty-seventh UnNews piece: UnNews:Obama : "Then again, maybe we can't after all"

My sixty-eighth UnNews piece: UnNews:Michele Bachmann decides making gays straight too hard; will now make them bi (Note: This article was the 'second lead' on the unnews main page on July 13, 2011)

Featured Articles[edit | edit source]

UnNews:Christianity hoax exposed; bogus belief system baffles western civilization for 2,000 years

Collaborations[edit | edit source]

I had the idea for UnNews:Bush vetoes budget, "Takeout bill" returns to Congress, Bradaphraser wrote the article. I added the image and caption and some wiki links. This article was the Second Lead on May 4, 2007. Thanks to Zim ulator for adding an audio track to the article.

Main Space[edit | edit source]

Article: JFKlue
Article: The Great Aspie War of Ought Six (with many others)
Article: FCUK (with many others)
Article: Asparagus Syndrome
Article: IRC Bible
HowTo: HowTo:Infiltrate ED IRC
A play: Famine won't leave my house!

Site Policy[edit | edit source]

Wargames I've contributed to[edit | edit source]

Arab-Israeli Conflict (video game)

Images I edited or otherwise ruined[edit | edit source]

My Favorite Images[edit | edit source]

My Favorite Articles[edit | edit source]

The Great Aspie War of Ought Six
Open-Heart Surgery for Dummies
Worst 100 Childrens Books of All Time
Ringo Needs Some Money
MS Word
Red Shirts
The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah
UnBooks:Horton Hires a Ho
UnNews:Media: President Bush Biased?
UnNews:Stoners condemn North Korean nuclear tests
UnNews:E.coli outbreak proves vegetarians are stupid
UnNews:Government reminds Americans that marijuana is still illegal
UnNews:Experts want to rename schizophrenia
UnNews:Blue Man Group member suffocates, dies onstage
UnNews:Bull of TV's "Night Court" goes on 7-hour rampage
UnNews:Michigan angers Gorgoth the Creator with evolution ruling
UnNews:Bush declares war on Yankees after pitcher flies plane into building
UnNews:Man slaughters entire family in self-defense
UnNews:Dow reaches 12,000, people still live in poverty, squalor
UnNews:Ban on web gambling boosts "throw away your money" websites
UnNews:NASA chief Michael Griffin resigns over handling of Saturn hurricane
UnNews:Police seek prophet in attempted herbicide
UnNews:Microsoft Zune a billion times better than iPod
UnNews:Vetoing Congressional funding bill, Bush launches telethon to raise money for Iraq

Some thoughts on the U.S. legal system[edit | edit source]

  • We should get the Lemrick Nelson jury and the O.J. Simpson jury together. The combined vacuum power of their empty heads would probably trigger a catastrophic gravitational collapse. American justice, the best in the world!!! Especially when the jury is too stupid to know what DNA is because they flunked out of an American high school!!!
  • Bill Clinton gets impeached for some rather nasty sex with an intern. Bush lies and gets us into a war and . . . nothing. Let me get this straight; Bill Clinton getting orally serviced with the help of altoids the curiously strong mint is more of a problem for the country than Bush's treason and the resulting Iraq war. Oh yeah, that makes perfect sense to me. Thank god for term limits.

Useful site links (to me, not necessarily to you)[edit | edit source]

#uncyclopedia IRC quotes

Special:Newpages and QVFD

Help:How to write an UnNews article


Uncyclopedia:Foolitzer Prize


List of New Users

Uncyclopedia:Vote for awards, decorations and honours

VFP image review service

Interesting Wikis

(Check out the Template Graveyard for an alternative British user template nationality code)

By the way, check out User:Hrodulf/NRVRescue for my half-assed attempt to save stuff from getting wiped out.

What links to the HowTo page: HowTo:Get_Started_on_Editing_Uncyclopedia

Got a question? Ask Hal 9000!!

Got a complaint about the site? Uncyclopedia:Complaints Department

List of admins: Special:Listusers/sysop

Shortcut to #uncyclopedia : irc://

Shortcut to Departure of Fun : Uncyclopedia:Departure_of_Fun

Editorial Page[edit | edit source]

Update!!![edit | edit source]

Update: The NRV template has been given a comment feature that makes advice for the author appear right in the template box. The format is {{NRV|~~~~~|fix=message}}. See Template:NRV for more information. It's my position that the fix feature should be used whenever possible to assist both the author of the page, and the admins performing NRV cleanup, when dealing with NRV'd material.

On a related note, Splaka made some good comments about the use of NRV, which I am reproducing here (from

"Lets clarify a few of the NRV rules guidelines: Don't NRV things that have {{Construction}} tags, don't NRV images, don't use offensive edit summaries when NRVing ("DIE CRUFT DIE"), don't put in offensive and falsly authoritive comments with the NRV tag "This seems kinda good, but REALLY badly made. Someone clean it up and maybe resubmit. For now, it's BALEETED."" --Splaka 21:11, 22 May 2006 (UTC)

Naturally, I agree with the above 100%. Just because something doesn't belong here doesn't give you the right to personally attack other users. If the NRV procedure is going to work, it has to be fair, and it's up to every member of the uncyclopedia community to remember that if we aren't fair to each other, particularly n00bs, this place just won't work as well as it could. Being fair doesn't mean letting garbage stay here, but it does mean dealing with garbage in a constructive way, which means not leaving comments like "stay of execution" when you NRV a page. It also means, ideally, giving the user, especially n00bs, some rational guidance about what they should do to avoid deletion (if you don't have the time to give personalized advice, just refer them to Uncyclopedia:How To Get Started Editing).

NRVs shouldn't be used without explaining the aspect or aspects of the page that are being criticized in the edit summary[edit | edit source]

Recently, I became involved (some would say, stumbled into and fell on my ass, see in a discussion over how the NRV template should be used on uncyclopedia. After changing my opinion concerning both the scope and the wording of the template itself as a result of the conversation, I had the idea of requiring people applying the template to have to give a reason for the use of the template in the edit summary for the NRV to be effective. While this idea is apparently unpopular, and may not even be considered for inclusion as a policy, here is why I think it's a good idea:

  • Let's say someone puts up a page that's a horrible idea. It gets NRV'd. The person who created the page decides to write a lot more to try to fix it. They work on it. Then, since the idea, not the writing, was the reason for the NRV, it gets deleted, wasting that person's time. People who use the template should be encouraged to (perhaps required to?) explain why they are adding the template in their edit summary, since otherwise the person who created the page has no idea what needs to be done to fix it, and could end up working on a page where the idea was the reason for the NRV, and it just gets deleted anyway, despite the work.
  • Wouldn't it help the admin reviewing the NRV'd pages for deletion to know the original motivation for the NRV? Then it/she/he can make an informed decision on whether the page should be deleted or not, whether it's improved enough in the relevant way to justify or deny its inclusion in uncyclopedia.

If you want to change my opinion, give me a reason why this modest policy change wouldn't both help NRV accomplish its purpose, as well as make it harder for people to use the template without at least thinking about it first.

It's my opinion that the current system, where anyone can use NRV for any permissible or impermissible reason, or no reason, gives too much power to deletionists and short-circuits the consensus process for deleting articles. Requiring an explanation on the edit summary to effectively add NRV to an article requires no additional code, doesn't meaningfully complicate the system, and makes it easier both for admins to decide whether an NRV'd page should be deleted when the NRV expires, as well as making it easier for users to judge if an NRV template can be removed upon improvement of a page, and also which NRV'd pages they should put effort into and try to save.

As I've noted, if the NRV-er hates the original idea behind the page, why should people waste time in a futile effort to improve the writing when it's still going into the garbage? Don't people deserve to know what aspect of the work is being criticized when responding to this template?

It's illustrative that many people who use the template put words to effect of "seven day stay of execution" or some such in the edit summary. Is it so much to ask that the condemned should be informed of what crime it's been charged with?

See for more information.

You Have No Rights[edit | edit source]

As you may be aware, Admins on Uncyclopedia have the ability to block users from editing the site. This is necessary to protect the site from spamers and vandals. Unfortunately, in practice, any Admin can block anyone for any reason, however, and also in practice, fairness doesn't have much to do with the ban process, so I suppose what I have to say on the subject is, for all practical purposes, completely and utterly worthless, as proven definitively by:

Forum:Who Admins the Admins?
Forum:Who Uses the Users
Me getting the ban stick unexpectedly waved at me
Me getting the ban stick unexpectedly waved at me again
Flash:Admins apparently sit around debating large scale bans without warning (because they can, naturally).

Since I can't do anything about the simple fact that Admins can ban anyone (or even everyone), at any time, for any reason, or theoretically no reason, and there's nothing anybody can really do about it, I did all I decided it was possible for me to do, update the HowTo guide accordingly and create the Ban Chapel User:Hrodulf/BanChapel, although that's mainly for my own use, for situations when doesn't cut it. Maybe I should buy some paper bags to breathe into also, since I'm probably on the way to more bannination. As has been noted several times, uncyclopedia is not a democracy. What is noted less often than that is the corollary that users have no readily discernable rights at all. It's important to remember this, otherwise you could be lulled into a false sense of security.

So remember, if you do get banned, check your sig template. It may have annoyed someone.

Some thoughts on Slashy's fun Uncyclopedia misadventure[edit | edit source]

For those who don't know, Uncyclopedia was recently vandalized and then harassed at great length in the village dump by a pompous imbecile who has apparently decided that he has the power to control the content of every site on the internet and censor anything that offends his small-minded opinions and balsa-wood brittle ego.

This is the face of extremism. Throughout this entire episode, I've been reminded of nothing more than video I'd seen of members of the Westboro Baptist Church on youtube, for sheer irrationality, attacking anybody who disagrees and deciding that their own thoughts, ideas and beliefs are somehow the most important thing in human history, and everyone else is hateful, evil stupid and cowardly.

One of Slashy's idiotic criticisms of me when I mentioned in the forum that seeing his kind of extremism in action was a bit of a new experience to me was "What cave have you been living in for the last couple of decades?" If living in a cave would be the only way to get away from idiots like Slashy, then I'd gladly move in. However, since there are fortunately not that many people quite as horrendously stupid and arrogant as Slashy around where I live (or if there are, they leave me alone), that won't be necessary. Suffice it to say that I'm proud to live in a country where dealing with Slashy during this episode was a novelty; Slashy's attempted insult is actually high praise for the essential sanity of our community, and I'm very proud of our strong response to this refugee from a colostomy bag's attempted vandalism and intimidation. While some people may see this episode as minor, or frivolous, it isn't. We stood up to ideological aggression against our freedom of expression, we didn't mince words, we didn't retreat, we didn't surrender, we didn't give up, and we won. And Slashy will have to find some way to live with that fact. Or not. I don't give a tinker's cuss about Slashy or the feeble activities of his obviously severely damaged brain.

And I truly meant what I said in the forum about thanking everybody for helping us give Slashy the treatment he so richly deserves and earns; since a lot of people didn't read it, let me say it again, thank you Uncyclopedia, for treating Slashy in the exact manner in which a bottom feeding pile of filth like him should be, marginalized, ridiculed and universally hated for his unbelievable stupidity and apparent inability to think of anyone other than himself. If I was speaking to him, congratulations would be in order. I don't believe anyone has ever managed to become the most hated person on Uncyclopedia in only four days before.

This editorial raised a bit of a ruckus, click here for more

The "new messages joke" template should be taken behind the woodshed[edit | edit source]

It isn't funny, it's overused, and it's extremely annoying.

Can you see what I mean (I'm not kidding about this, I hate the fucking thing).

The Funnies[edit | edit source]

lolbye roflcopterz

End of Editorial page[edit | edit source]

Attempts to insult me that really just ended up confusing the crap out of me instead[edit | edit source]

Children of Hrodulf

My response to the above after I eventually did manage to figure out what was going on (from the Children of Hrodulf talk page)[edit | edit source]

Sorry that I found a swift-esqe holy war on the internet over one word in an article ridiclous, and chose to communicate that fact. Apparently the saying that nothing deflates faster than a punctured reputation is true. The funny thing about it is, who looks worse as a result of the Children of Hrodulf article, me for being featured in it, or you for writing it? I'll leave that for people to decide on their own. Unlike you, I respect their ability to think for themselves, develop their own opinion, and share it with the group.

I think that's all I need to say about this, at least for now.

--Hrodulf 10:12, 29 November 2006 (UTC)

The denouement[edit | edit source]

Click here for the thrilling conclusion.

The Wisdom of Orko the Great[edit | edit source]

From It's Not My Fault

"In today's story my pal Podi got herself into big trouble. She made a mistake and ran away, which only made things worse. Now everyone makes mistakes, but running away is never a way to handle a problem. So when you make a mistake, admit it. That's the best way I know of to start making things right again. Until later, bye now!"

From The Shaping Staff

"In today's story you saw what happened when a stranger came to the Palace. She turned out to be evil and dangerous. Of course, turning people into animals is only make-believe, but there is nothing make-believe about how dangerous some strangers can be in real life. Never accept any food or toys or money from a stranger. Don't even talk to them. And no matter what a stranger may say, never go away with them. Terrible things have happened to some kids who did. The smart thing is to just walk away, or in my case just float away!"

From The Dragon Invasion

"In today's story Skeletor tried to conquer Eternia by using animals in an evil way. Animals like all living things should be treated with kindness and respect. I hope that those of you who have a dog or cat or maybe even a hamster remember that. When we have a pet we also have a responsibility because they depend on us, but you can be sure of one thing. However much we love them, they return that love, and more. Well, time for me to disappear, bye."

From Reign of the Monster

"Boy, the fruit on that tree looks good enough to eat doesn't it? That's like a lot of things you might find around your house or in your neighborhood. But looks can fool you. Sometimes things that look or smell good can make you very sick. Remember never taste or eat anything if you're not sure what it is. The best thing to do is ask a grown up who knows. Remember it's better to be safe than sorry. Until next time!"

    my anti-drug

Modern Human Nature[edit | edit source]

The modern emergence of human nature has been marked particularly by a near-fanatical devotion to the intellect, reason and intelligent awareness of humanity and its place in the universe. All superstitions, religions and activities such as playing the lottery seem to be in sharp decline. Particularly in the United States, children at a very young age are receiving Ph.D.s in fields such as microbiology and quantum astronomy without even having to leave home, thanks to a popular new product made by Sony called the Ph.D. Station, whose competition is the Microsoft X-Doctorate 360.

Alcohol and cigarette companies and hostess snack foods are also filing for bankruptcy, since it goes against human nature to attempt to escape from pain and stress by eating, drinking or smoking poisons that temporarly incapicatate the mind. Rather, human nature is to join together with other people and try to solve the real problems facing everyone, rather than grabbing a bag of funyuns, drinking a beer, and watching "dog the bounty hunter" or some other such car chase that has its own show. For this reason, illegal drug use is unheard of, and there is no need for ridiculous unconstitutional laws against drugs because nobody wants to take those nasty poisons.

Another important aspect of human nature is humans' awareness of their intellectual rights to disagree with each other. For this reason, it is unheard of for humans to have arguments with each other, because they respect all awareness in the universe, and understand that every awareness that resides within a human is entitled to its own, unique point of view of the universe. However, wearing a mets hat to the yankee's parade will still get you killed, because yankee fans aren't human: they are in fact the genetic mistakes from a failed dna experiment by Josef Stalin in an attempt to create cold-proof corn. This is why yankee fans suck.

Oops, Hal broke the rule against going on the internet and caught a virus. I wonder where he could have gotten it from?



"Kill Your Television" is the slogan of bitter hippies and pseudo-intellectuals who majored in liberal arts and thus cannot find a job that pays more than minimum wage. Usually, the slogan is advertised on the back of their 15 year old, piece of shit automobile and is often accompanied by a "Free Tibet" bumper sticker (these cheap bastards don't want to pay for Tibet, they want it for free). They should be avoided at all costs. Lucky for you, they are easy to spot.


The life of a jew is a very sad and dimeaning thing. Living as a jew consists of licking camel ass, living alone and beating off in your moms basement, and for that matter, living forever with your mother and father until they die or travel on their mystical Jihad. (which happens to be a complete load of shit and a waste of time. The jew boys parents just tell him they're going on one when in reality they're going to Vegas to get loaded up and have random sex with multiple people (aka becoming whore jews and not remembering shit later.) You know you have sited the illusive "jew boy" when you see a scrawny, slightly tan, girly sounding human lifeform with a yamaka ontop their heads. One "Jew boy" you know from a mile away by the large glasses and even larger nose (which is a safety mechanism for when they have a hard-on so they hit their noses before they break their dicks(their noses are huge)), he has the breath of a camel and hates it when you call him arab. He is sometimes seen dressing like a woman and wearing a turban yelling into the night. ICKY ICKY BA BA and other bable that the jewboy tries to imitate from the arab. The typical jew has a very bad sense of humor second only to his horrible smell and dirty beard, but jew boy happens to have a decent sense of humor and no beard what so ever, even though he does have a very very tiny penis (Which should make him have a very bad temper but it doesnt effect him because he's homosexual anyway.)


From Jewish conspiracy

The jewish conspiracy is a conspiracy of jews to take over the world. Despite the fact that white protestants are somehow superior to jews and blacks, the jews and blacks are able to control the world. or something. dammit, dont expect my political views to make sense! WHITES ARE BETTER! I CANT EXPLAIN IT, MY PARENTS WERE RELATED! MY IQ IS 52! HEIL HITLER!

A Typical Conversation[edit | edit source]

Person 1: "Hey, Person 2, this is my friend Person 3. He works at Local Art Gallery."
Person 2: "How's it going Person 3? (begins pointless smalltalk) Hey, speaking of Local Art Museum, on CNN last night I saw this..."
Person 3: "What's CNN? Is that some sort of TV show? Well, I've never heard of it because I don't watch TV. In fact, I don't even own a TV. Haven't had one for 10 years. Nope, no TV for me. You really should get rid of your television. It's just a waste of time and it rots your brain. I prefer reading and writing in my journal in my spare time. Just last night I was reading Sartre's L’être et le néant and..."
Person 2: "Fuck you."

Burn baby burn / day care inferno. . .

hAl > i hAte eXPlOsiVe BolTS

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HAl > SCrEW tHIS i HAtE cHEsS let'S plAY KiLL ALl tHe AStroNAUtS inSTEAd!