UnNews:Ban on web gambling boosts "throw away your money" websites

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

25 October 2006

Compulsive gamblers stymied by web law.

LAS VEGAS - Observers say the recently enacted U.S. law that bans gambling online will be a tremendous boost to websites where users can freely throw their money away and get nothing in return.

"This is a great opportunity for us," said Charles Winton, owner of the "Pissitaway.com" website, which allows members to quickly drain their bank accounts and ruin their lives, just like they did at gambling sites.

"You got a lot of people who are used to throwing away their money on gambling sites and having nothing to show for it suddenly with nowhere to go. There's obviously a huge market for this kind of thing."

Members of Pissitaway.com choose how much money they want to get rid of, then transfer it into a special trust account that is automatically flushed out to zero every .05 seconds. Transactions cost $4.95 each, and all users get is an on-screen message with a smiling "thank you" face. The money is guaranteed lost and unrecoverable, and certified accountants verify that the money is not transferred to any other person or organization, except maybe the Mob.

Other similar websites such as moneytoss.com, sureloser.com and destroymylife.com offer similar bank account draining opportunities.

According the the U.S. Attorney General's office, websites such as these are in complete compliance with all applicable statutes, since they don't offer even the vaguest chance of "winning" anything.

Gamblers who don't want to take advantage of the money elimination sites will have to satisfy their urges through other more traditional means, such as going to Las Vegas, off-track betting, playing the numbers, state sponsored lotteries, entering sports pools at work, personal wagering, pitching pennies, and playing Russian roulette.