UnNews:Hamas embarrased to find it invaded wrong country

This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.

15 June 2007

Hamas soldiers who are apparently blissfully unaware that they have seized the wrong country

GAZA STRIP/HAMASTAN -- Having completed conquering the Gaza Strip, Hamas leaders were forced to confront their error: they had invaded the wrong country.

"I really don't know how this happened" said Wakef Wanna Batuhak, leader of Hamas. "Everything was going great and we were making a lot of progress and before long we had won. It was to our horror that we discovered that our map was inaccurate and we had accidentally attacked Gaza, which we already had, instead of Israel. Oops, our bad."

Hamas fighters were still celebrating their victory, and Wanna Batuhak couldn't bear to tell them that they hadn't subdued Israel and driven the Jews into the sea. "They're so happy right now, I figure, why ruin it?" said Wana Batuhak. "I mean, these are guys who I had to train by putting a yam in their left hand and a potato in their right hand and shout "Potato! Yam! Potato! Yam!" to teach them to march. It would be cruel to take away their joy. It would be . . . like killing a mockingbird."

Investigation has revealed that the invasion went astray because a compass bought on Canal Street in NYC for the purpose of leading the attack was not reliable. It turns out the compass was a toy that relied on a needle made of a chicken bone that could not point to magnetic North. The invaders were stimied when they could see Israel, the proposed target of the invasion, but continued to follow the defective "compass" in the wrong direction. A few of the disappointed invaders started to question their leadership "I wonder if we're stupid," said one, but the consensus was "Naaahhh!!"

Israeli response to the mistaken conquest was decisive:carpet bombing of the Gaza strip.

Sources

• G.K. Chesterton "Hamas invades wrong country" Middle East Studies and Bait Tips, June 14, 2007