UnNews:Emma Lazarus poem updated for 2006

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22 October 2006

LIBERTY ISLAND, New Jersey -- The goofy government wonks in charge of the Statue of Liberty (since 2001, specifically, in charge of making sure nobody can go inside the Statute of Liberty) announced that the famous Emma Lazarus poem on a plaque on the statue's pedestal would be replaced by an updated version, in response to complaints from several parties that the poem was an idealized portrait of immigration to the United States.

Welcome to America, Ulf, now get to work on my lawn!

The revised, improved and more realistic poem for 2006 will read as follows:

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed to sweatshops,
Wal*Mart and numerous construction sites, to work at
minimum wage as a permanent semi-slave underclass so
the real Americans can watch TV, drive around their SUV's
and buy stuff on sale that they don't actually need"

Democrats protested that the poem was racist and implied that people from other countries lacked the connections and networking skills to get jobs that didn't suck in a country they and their families had never been to. They are presently lobbying the goofy government wonks to change the more brutally realistic poem back to the late 1800s clueless liberal noodling so that everyone will forget about the unsolveable and politically embarrassing problem and everything will be OK again forever.

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