UnNews:WBC takes strong stand against physics

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19 October 2006

Coeur d'Alene, Idaho- The Westboro Baptist Church has launched a new series of pickets, now protesting higher physics.

Westboro Baptist Church demonstrates against the sin of "stealing the secrets of the universe from God"

"God hates the sin of looking over His shoulder and writing down all the nerdy math stuff He used to create the universe." stated a Phelps supporter. "Physics makes baby Jesus cry. God hates people who stick letters and numbers together and then writes all this crap we can't understand about the letters and numbers."

The man also said "Ludwig Boltzmann has now been in Hell for 36,570 days for his sinful physics filth. This man is so evil he actually has his perverted sinful science equations carved into his grave marker, as if it was something good or important. He's burning in Hell, along with Niels Bohr, Albert Einstein, and Isaac Newton. All fuel for Satan's furnace."

Fred Phelps himself delivered a scathing sermon condemning the godless, "mathosexual" physicists.

"Damn these sinful backsliding physicists, with their ugly glasses, slide rules and "thought experiments." Numbers and letters probably make them get excited to sin even more by writing down equations that anger God and confuse us because we don't get the explanations, even though they're written in English. What isn't confusing is that we know God hates these goofballs who are sinfully trying to figure out His secrets. Are these sinful physicists reading the Bible? No. Are they trying to figure out something useful, like how to better serve Jesus? No. They're just playing with numbers and letters and then expecting us all to care about it when we can't even understand what they're talking about. They're all going to Hell, and Satan will be very happy to greet them when they split Hell wide open. This is the only equation anyone needs to know: "G." The G stands for God, you whiny heathen bags of crybaby dung. God is everything. Learn how to serve him, or learn how to serve Satan in Hell because that's where you're going, along with all the physicists who think they can figure out God's arithmatic formulas and know what God knows. The Bible doesn't say how the Lord created the universe, but He sure didn't write down random letters and numbers to do it, which these godless idiots seem to think He did for some reason. He did it all in his mind, and trying to read God's mind is a sin. These physicists think they're better than God and can have the same thoughts He did. They are just pawns of the Devil and it will be a great day when they all split Hell wide open and try to figure out an equation for how hot the flames that are consuming their souls for all eternity are."

An attempted counter protest by several prominent physicists and mathematicians was planned, but called off when nobody could find enough coins underneath their couch cushions to afford the $3.50 cab ride.