User:Tumb13weed/Drafts/The Aristocrats

A talent manager in Arizona is enticed to see an “Amazing New Act” promised by a talent scout, but is chagrined to find that the act involves only a hobo with a worn out crate. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I really have no time for this.” The man raises a hand and says, “Just give me five minutes…just five minutes.” The Agent capitulates, and leans against the edge of his desk.

The hobo draws a stick and taps the box. A giant flamingo flies out of it and flies around daintily, its soft cries mellow in the quiet morn. The talent manager is amazed. "Do that again!" he exclaims.

The hobo repeats his action, and this time a huge sperm whale pops out of the crate and spouts, engulfing the area in a misty dew. The manager in enthralled beyond possible limits. He urges the hobo on, drooling.

The hobo taps the crate again and a gorgeous winged girl emerges. The girl, exceptionally well endowed and minimally dressed, flies about gracefully with the flamingo, doing mid-air pirouettes. The hobo starts masturbating but the manager doesn't even notice him. "Sweet mother of baby Jesus! This is...she is...you're like, a mad man with a box!" he says, staring open-mouthed at the act.

The hobo smiles and taps the box a fourth time while furiously masturbating. A giant toad leaps out and squats in the sand. The girl screams and the toad starts licking her. The girl climaxes right there. The very confused flamingo flies about shitting all over the place. Unable to take the Arizona heat (and the girl's orgasm), the whale dies and its blubber explodes. The whole place is covered in whale flesh pulp and blood. The explosion hits the flamingo and the girl, and they both drop dead. The toad just sits there and pisses.

The talent manager, dripping flamingo poop, whale blood and pussy juice, is in shock. He slightly recovers and asks, "Wh...what the hell do you call that...that fucking box?!"

The hobo ejaculates on the man and shouts, "The Aristocrate!"