UnNews:Donald Trump declares Space Force
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This article is part of UnNews, your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation. |
18 June 2018
WASHINGTON -- United States President Donald Trump announced he is forming a sixth branch of the military: the Space Force. "We must have dominance in space," said the president. "That's a big statement."
“We are going to have the Air Force and we are going to have the Space Force. Separate, but equal. Like whites stay in Trump Tower, and Mexicans live in tent cities. Separate but equal. It is going to be something. So important,” he said.
Dr. Isaac Clarke, an official with NASA, said, "What about us? NASA has been here for 60 years. We pioneered space flight. We put men on the moon, went to Mars and the furthest reaches of the solar system. We created a satellite system that revolutionized communication and weather prediction, performed zero-gravity studies that revolutionized medicine, and our space-created materials even led to the sports bra. What is this Space Force going to do, fight Moon men? And how much is this going to cost?"
"We have to keep those illegal aliens out at any cost," said Trump. "NASA, bunch of scientists in white lab coats, hasn't done that. And we need Space Force One, my space ship, presidential, huge, with a space-ace pilot like Buck Rogers or Luke Skywalker. Either one."
The first priority of the Space Force will be to build a wall to stop alien invaders. "It's going to be huge, believe me," said Trump. "So high, 100, 200 feet tall. That will keep the space ships out; they can't fly over that! It will reach the sun, believe me."
When told the president did not have the authority to create a military agency, Buck Rogers and Luke Skywalker were fictional characters, and the average distance between the Earth and the sun was 93 million miles, Trump responded with, "Fake news!"
Source[edit | edit source]
- Brumfiel, Geoff "Trump Calls For 'Space Force' To Defend U.S. Interests Among The Stars" NPR, June 18, 2018