User talk:Guildensternenstein/archive6

Interview with a Metalhead

I still have it in my userspace with nothing but a WIP on it, and I'll gladly work on it with you :) • FreddAin't Dedd • • • 09:48 • Wednesday, 20-01-2010

Sure thing, sounds good to me. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:53, January 20, 2010 (UTC)

Raped Bitchez

I win. Jenny? 11:58,20January,2010

UnSignpost 21th January 2009

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

Jan 21st, 2010 • Issue 72 • Yorkshire-style news

Awards of the Year race thrillingly poised By UU Yes folks, as the first month of this new decade lurches slowly and falteringly towards conclusion, the ... of the Year awards showdown is accelerating towards a thrilling climax! Your ever-topical UnSignpost mascot DogNewspaper therefore brings you this essential and timely guide to the runners and riders!. In the most prestigious award of the lot, Writer of the Year, the race for second place behind prolific funny factory and champion-elect Hype is neck and neck between apparently-no-longer-hirsute TKF fan-club president and feature-machine Guildy and low-profile but high-quality-output, er, feature-machine Sog1970. But wait! There's still a chance they could get caught by the chasing pack of little-known and modest Scouser Mhaille, hetero macho-man Orian57, antipodean canine PuppyOnTheRadio and none-more-metal mosher Monika. Oh, and some other chancers have been nommed without polling a single vote (including DrStrange, who is currently looking likely to become the first Uncyclopedian ever to win WotM twice, but hasn't carried that form over to WotY - odd). Meanwhile, over at PotY, the race for second place behind Sonje is even closer, with both Modus and some n00b polling a creditable one nom but no votes each! Who will pull ahead by the end of the month? It's a competition you just can't keep your eyes off! Disappointingly, the UotY vote lets the side down, with seemingly a boring old race for first place between Belgian one-man categorisation whirlwind, maintenance addict, broken thing fixer, BUTT POOP!!! junkie and footwear-as-handwear exponent Socky and handsome English admin who wrote this article and is not in the least bit biased UU. The apparent scramble to be runner-up to whichever of these two is runner-up is far more interesting, as non-stop wikifixer MadMax goes up against Welsh Rarebit RabbiTechno, not-Yorkshire-enough admin Mordillo, vowel-free-zone Mnbvcxz and Moterfucking Nigger Lover Roman Dog Bird. Damned with the faint praise of a nom with no votes in this category are the pants bomber, talk page king FU Spang, human non-sequitur generator Modus and absent but deadly hockey nut Gerry. And finally, over where it's really at, the NotD cockfight is almost impossible to call! Will plucky outsider RC hold off the challenge of Apple, Apples and Maddie's life? The tension is quite literally unbearable! But remember kids: whoever "wins", we're all still losers. And now, your not-at-all-struggling-for-material Signpost brings you... Horoscopes! By GlobalTourniquet Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) - This week, you have a dream, that one day you will be judged not by the color of your skin but by Simon Cowell. Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22) - If Martin Luther King had believed them when they told him "Silence is golden", he never would have accomplished his great work in the cause of civil rights. You, on the other hand, are just a mouthy bitch. Silence is golden. For the rest of this week's horoscopes in full, see the horoscopes page, obviously.

Check out these pages! Narcissism? On the intertubes? Serious businesszzzzszszz - sorry, nodded off there Breaking News: We're The Worst! From our logs: 06:45, 20 January 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked I LIKE PIE!!! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 48 hours ‎ (This is your local formatting nazi-admin reminding you to stop undoing people's formatting fixes. Learn to wiki, pl0x. And don't harrass people trying to help.) 01:04, 18 January 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.61.194.228 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (suspected homophobe. might hate gays. or he's just a faggot.) 12:33, 18 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 196.12.233.26 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (And the Lord said unto me, "Cursed are the page blankers, for they are the least of my creations; take up thy banhammer and smite them") Biopic of the Week Conscientious vote-machine Romartus has been around longer than you might think - kick-starting his Uncyc career with a series of DYK suggestions, before hitting his stride. Known as one of the more "demanding" voters on VFH, Romartus has also been diligently saving some of the less-deserving articles on VFD. He also breeds tropical ferrets. One of the previous statements is a lie, introduced by the biographer in lieu of a joke. Use your skill and judgement to work out which one! Old-School Featured Article of the Week Really Big Tree is an article about a really big tree. This tree is of such an immense size, it is scarcely credible. Few trees deserve their own Uncyclopedia article, but the Really Big Tree deserves its own wiki. You may think you have encountered trees of impressive size before, but you haven't seen a tree at all until you've experienced the Really Big Tree! Cajek UnBlock of the week! MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Cajek (Talk | contribs) (blocking Cajek is Sooooo old school. Unblocking Cajek is the new, new school. Not that I went to school. Obviously.) The (probably short-lived) return of UU's Obscure British Dialect Expression of the Week Were you to find yourself in Norwich, Engerland, you may happen upon a local. Were that local to then say to you "dew yew keep a troshin'", you may find yourself somewhat at a loss for a reasonable response - well, no more! Yes, your ever-useful UnSignpost is here to furnish you with a translation, which is: "take care of yourself". (It comes from "carry on with the threshing", if that helps, although we can't see how it would). So now if you find yourself in Norwich, Engerland, the only thing you have to worry about is getting out of there. Fast!

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Also, it's MrN9000's mum's 60th birthday! 9001(bot)  17:33, Jan 21

Manual hand-typed thanks (to show sincerity)

I know this is a bit late but thanks for voting for my article and helping me with it. It wouldn't have taken the direction that it had if it weren't for your pee. Unfortunately, you don't get a template. ~ 16:48, Jan 24, 2010

Thanks, I'm glad I was a help. And I suppose I can forgive the lack of a thank-you template, but just this one time. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:39, January 25, 2010 (UTC)

You still alive?

Work work work! • FreddAin't Dedd • • • 23:53 • Sunday, 24-01-2010

Yes, I'm still alive. And yes, I've started working. Not too much progress yet, but it's a start. It's going to be a while, though: I'm, like, mad busy, so yeah. Also, I'm nearly done with an article on Opeth I've saved on a word document, so I might want to just get that out of the way first. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:41, January 25, 2010 (UTC)

Favre Fnord

Thanks for the vote on the unexpected nom. When you said "only questin is whether he'll be back next year" did you mean in relation to the article saying "former Viking's quarterback"? If so I'll change that part, if it's confusing to some people. It was meant to mean that he's dead, so he's the former. You know what, I'm gonna change it anyway, it could confuse. Thanks for providing the couch for my session, bill me the standard fee. Aleister in Chains 00:38 27 Jan. MMX

That's a good point, maybe I'll try and work it in. The word "former" as the first word in the article really didn't work, so I took it out, and even if you didn't mean to make that point that's how my laser-like pointed-in-the-wrong-direction mind took it, so actually, thanks again! Aleister in Chains 11:08 27 Jan. MMX

OK, done, second to last sentence. Thanks for the suggestion. Al 12:35 Same Day, MMX

Heh, well, you're welcome I suppose. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:39, January 27, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 28th January 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

Jan 28th • Issue 73 • A Periodical. Period.

Continuing Absence Of Certain Users Forces Other Users To Do Things By UU It has come to the notice of our fearless journalists that some users have recently been desperately attempting to fill the gaping void left by the absence of some other users. For instance, in the absence of part-time dinosaur and popular keyboard feature SysRq, Why do I need to provide this? has stepped bravely into the Colonization brief (and has not, for instance, been forcefully volunteered for the task by MrN), dedicating himself to bringing colons where there are none (such is our understanding). Also bravely stepping into the "ban magnet" position created by the continuing and lamented absence of hyperactive loon Cajek is, well, a plethora of users. Admins, deprived of their favourite joke-ban target, have taken to joke banning anyone in an attempt to get their fix. Even those devoted to doing only good, just and true works have recently been targeted; and as if to prove this very statement, some power-crazed asshole went and joke banned Socky, RabbiTechno and Optimuschris as soon as he'd written this sentence. Elsewhere, ChiefjusticeDS has been filling the gap left by the absence of someone's enthusiasm for anything pee-related right at the moment by looking after the pee list, taking over as the person with the most in-depth reviews, reviewing everyone else's reviews, and generally not being lazy about it all. At the same time, the continuing absence of the yellow and black sig of Gerrycheevers has forced grumbling British curmudgeon UU to return to the Wiki's only newspaper, the UnSignpost, churning out issues that are, let's be honest, mere placeholders until Gerry gets his arse back here and writes something worth reading. YOU HEAR ME GERRY? GET THE FUCK BACK HERE NOW DAMMIT! Rumours that, in the relative absence of Orian57, Roman Dog Bird will take over the position of "token gay" are unconfirmed at the time of going to press. And finally, in the absence of enough content to make this issue balance out nicely, the UnSignpost is once again resorting to using blatant filler for the first time this year. Shameless, that's what it is. Complain to someone - it's the only way they'll learn.

Check out these pages! This seems to mean something to some people Bonzer Bruce, throw another stereotype on the barbie! Like. Comment. From our logs: 20:30, 26 January 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.223.27.16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No-one talks that way about my favourite Jew. Learn some manners or GTFO.) 00:48, 26 January 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Why do I need to provide this? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 20 minutes ‎ (Sometimes I feel, like I've been TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEDDD to the Whipping Post!!!!) 18:19, 24 January 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.42.246.27 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Toll. Idiot. Whatever. Banned, UnBanned, Banned, Banned. BYE. Try IRC next time. The guys in there will enjoy it.) Biopic of the Week Users today, they barely know they're born. The problem? Too little exposure to Flammable. The permanent curator of the Principal's office rarely deigns to grace us mortals with his presence these days, but the very sight of his rainbow-strewn sig used to inspire fear, dread, terror and, for some reason, carol singing. "While shepherds fed their flocks thermite..." Old-School Featured Article of the Week This one's for you, Guildy: HowTo:Be pretentious. Don your black polo-neck, cock a snook at the hoi polloi, and sit back, secure in your superiority, thanks to this indispensable guide! Cursory Mention of the Week CheddarBBQ wanted to be mentioned in this week's Signpost. So he is.

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9001(bot)  14:52, Jan 28

So I watched your video

And at the start I was like, oh god. Guildy is calling someone out on the internet. About his behaviour on a humour wiki. But then, you started singing pop music to the whole world. And I laughed. IronLung 20:50, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

I was more like - "Beard at 17 (?) ? What were you thinking! But then you started singing to the world and I chocked. ~ 20:58, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

I got all the way up to the part where the video started (then I got bored and switched to videos of kittens falling asleep). If memory serves Guildy's vid had some dork in a closet. If that isn't the film equivalent of a Freudian slip, I don't know what is. Sir Modusoperandi ^Boinc! 21:08, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, so I'll probably wind up deleting that at some point. Yeah.... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:37, January 29, 2010 (UTC)

Ehy Sexy

Thanks luv u

Thanks for the vote. --Jenny? 20:05,31January,2010

Dude

Thanks for all the awesome things you did for us last year. MrN 09:31, Feb 1

Thank you for the kind words, I appreciate them. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:59, February 1, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you!!

Thank you!!

I stand here before you, arms outstretched and butterflies exploding from my zipper, in thanks for supporting me for Uncyclopedia:Writer of the Year.

Throughout 2009, many people had stupid ideas, and many of those people wrote those stupid ideas down, but apparently you agreed that no one thought of so many idiotic things, nor humiliated himself on such a regular basis, as I.

You pity me! You really pity me!

May 2010 be an even worse year for us all!

---

Hey, I appreciate you coming out in support of me. I hope you take it next year!! pillow talk 19:53, February 1, 2010 (UTC)

Heh, why thanks, Hype. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 06:49, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

Congrats

On the Honorable Mention in the Top 10. Jenny? 20:23,1February,2010

Why thank you. Congrats on your eventual finishing in the Top 10. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 06:50, February 2, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

Feb 4th, 2010 • Issue 74 • Ain't It Uncool? News!

Spang Archives Talkpage; End of World Expected Imminently By UU Renowned Wikia fan, code monkey and sexy admin Spang has performed what many users believe to be the clearest sign to date of impending apocalypse: he's archived his talk page. After almost 2 years of torturing the Wiki's servers, and having amassed a fairly impressive 410,844 bytes of content, Spang finally decided to give people the chance to talk to him without waiting for half an hour for his page to load. When asked for his reasoning behind this unprecedented move, the muddy funster quipped "no comment". Faced with such dazzling repartee, this reporter has no choice but to cut to the next story and hope he has some better quotes to pad it out with. Award Winners Speak Exclusively to UnSignpost By Someone who definitely isn't running out of ideas already this year Well, there you go folks, looks like the "... of the Year" award voting is done and dusted for another year. Thanks to all who voted; without you, the admins would probably have less to do, which would obviously be dangerous. Anyway, that aside, your ever-topical Unsignpost went and mugged the various winners for comments on their various wins. Several of them, of course, have already made their feelings clear to those who voted for them by way of the traditional thanks templates. Apart from UU, because he's a lazy ass. Or because he's busy writing this. Whichever. Anyway again, for the benefit of those who didn't vote for the winners, and don't watch their talk pages, here's what they had to say: Runaway WotY Hype said: "Thanks, you guys!! If you'll permit me to be dead serious for the first time ever on the wiki, this really is an honor, and it's pretty damn touching that so many people came out in support of my work. Whew. Being serious felt weird. I feel... strange. BALLS BALLS PENIS COCK. Ah... there's the stuff!" He then went off to write another My Sojourn spin-off. Even more runaway PotY Sonje said: "Thank you, I intend to return as soon as I can. I am currently in Africa with very limited internet access. I'll try to time my return to co-incide with the Oscars so that I can get some pointers for my acceptance speech." Admittedly, that was before we asked her for a comment, but then, she is in Africa with limited internet access. Joint UotY Socky channeled Churchill to say: "*scrapes throat* Ahem! I would like to say to the community as I would say to anyone who joined this website: Uncyclopedia has nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat. We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, what is our aim? I can answer in one word: Victory. Victory at all costs — Victory in spite of all error — Victory, however long and hard the road may be, for without victory there is no survival. … That seems to be the wrong Churchill speech. Okay, I'll give it another try. *scrapes throat again* The gratitude of every home throughout the world, except in the abodes of the guilty, goes out to the British airmen and Belgian spies who, undaunted by odds, unwearied in their constant challenge and mortal danger, are turning the tide of the Wiki War by their prowess and by their devotion. Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to two people. And so on and so on… Woot! Woot!" Long-winded bugger. And other joint UotY UU said: "wow, Socky's already left me needing a lot of filler for the right panel, so I'll keep this shortish. First, it's good to see someone who isn't an admin get their hands on this award, and Socky's hard work deserves recognition. Second, it's great to have my complete lack of a life recognised in this way. Third, did someone say Spang's archived his talk page? What the fuck's that all about?." Oh, and Dr. Skullthumper was UGotY, but that was a foregone conclusion anyway. He didn't seem to have any comment of his own to make, so TKF hopped in to the breach with "I call the award a "fascist disgrace" and "move to permanently disbar Mike Socia, that ape from Lighting who made my mole visible to all of the goddamn world watching the ceremony."" Which about wraps it all up, I hope.

Check out these pages! No really, it's archived and everything! There are moar quesitons than answers Not sure what the point is, but it's not made with a certain style A question we have all asked, so many times From our logs: 13:56, 2 February 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 161.12.7.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Excess stupid detected. Take it to Niggermania, VNN or one of the many charming forums for racist lunatics like yourself out there.) 11:15, 1 February 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 151.49.98.244 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (ITALY does not rule and has not ruled for quite some time now actually. Blame the Christians if I were you...) 19:46, 29 January 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.11.81.96 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Improve your manners, cunt) 09:51, 29 January 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.167.51.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (UN:VAIN. have a quick read of it, and see why we're not interested in you. although you could probably just look in a mirror and figure that out...) Biopic Legend of the Week MadMax. Forty two thousand edits. Countless other contributions that can never be measured by simple Wiki stats software. No drama. Ever. Probably the single greatest force for good on this miserable little wiki. And it took us until issue 74 to profile him. The UnSignpost sucks; Max certainly doesn't. Old School Featured Article of the Week The 1x1x1 Rubik's Cube is by far "The Most Difficult Puzzle Of All Time™". Many have scrambled, twisted and turned this mythical puzzle, but few have solved it. By the end of this article, YOU TOO will be able to solve this puzzle. Unfortunately... you may encounter some problems on the way though... such as, twisting the cube the wrong way when speedsolving. The Desperate Return of Cajek Ban of the Week! (Block log); 10:20 . . Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10000 years ("And he shall scourage the Earth for 9999 years. And then one more" Book of Mordillo, chapter 1 verse plox. ) Horoscope of the Week Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 22) - So, yeah, it's the start of Black History Month. And speaking of Black History, seems like it's an appropriate time to finally track down your real father. You see, it turns out, that's not just a Jew-fro. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here. Redundancy of the Week Did we mention Spang's archived his talk page?

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9001(bot)  15:11, Feb 4

Just about this...

I like this article - not as a featureable thingy but just as I found the whole stealing intellectual copyright from a parody source a ludicrous concept, and I used the self reference as I felt the humour would be more effective if I used a parody of a recognisable thing as one of the elements. The assumption here is that people who are reading an article on Uncyclopedia would find the parody of Uncyclopedia more approachable than a parody of College humour or Mad TV, to site the two real life examples that I've used. Is there anything that you feel could be added to this in order to improve it? (Other than more archive6 references of course.) Pup

Well, more Rosenkrantinpants references aside, your article is fine how it is, beyond the inherent problem of the fact that it's very self-referential and therefore probably not right for the front page. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:35, February 6, 2010 (UTC)

And another thing...

I've been trying to work out my points on DU and I think I must have stuffed up somewhere along the line. I've just gone through and come up with the following:-

Article Points

• 1990 (2 Points) 2
• 4Kids (Clean-up 1 point) 1
• APL (Clean-up 1 point) 1
• Baby Boomers (Clean-up 1 point) 1
• Beta (CW week: 4 Points) 4
• Daily News (CW week: 4 Points) 4
• Edward de Bono (Clean-up 1 point) 1
• Intelligent Math (CW week: 4 Points) (Featured 2 points) 6
• Karate Kid (CW week: 4 Points) 4
• Lateral thinking puzzle (2 Points) 2
• Love (CW week: 4 Points) (Featured 2 points) 6
• Monitor (2 Points) (Featured 2 points) 4
• Number Bases (2 Points) (Featured 2 points) 4
• Occam's Razor‎‎ (2 Points) 2
• Orthodox Monsterist Church (CW week: 4 Points) 4
• Pawn shop (Clean-up 1 point) 1
• Stereotype (CW week: 4 Points) (Featured 2 points) 1
• Street Fighter (CW week: 4 Points) (Featured 2 points) 6
• Swimming (Clean-up 1 point) 1
• Template:Infobox Company (Clean-up 1 point) 1
• Template:Penis (Clean-up 1 point) 1
• White Folks (Clean-up 1 point) 1
• Worst 100 Ways To Be Castrated (2 Points) 2

Total 60

Does that look right to you? Pup

A scoring system?? What's all this about? pillow talk 23:08, February 5, 2010 (UTC)

This would be about this. And yeah, Puppy, that looks about right. If you feel like "officially" joining, add stuff in the appropriate places, slap a template on your userspace and give up just a little bit of your pride. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:33, February 6, 2010 (UTC)

I am officially joined, just been too lazy to work out points. Oh - I'm trying to think of a way to clean up the format of the scoring thing as well, as - looking at mine - it can be a little messy, and not very DU looking. Pup

manning can suck one

HAHAHAHA CHOKE ChOkE CHOKE!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!

sorry for your loss

HA. Jenny? 03:35,8February,2010

Bullshit. They'll be back next year. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:31, February 8, 2010 (UTC)

And then they'll choke again. XD • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Monday, 15:00, Feb 8 2010

Hell no. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 06:19, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

You doubt me? There's an entire article on it. • • • Necropaxx (T) {~} Tuesday, 08:05, Feb 9 2010

Yeah, which I wrote, and...damn. At least they wait until the playoffs to choke. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:02, February 9, 2010 (UTC)

Feature templates

Please don't subst or play with these templates in the future. You essentially messed up the whole feature for the day and caused the space odyssey article not to be presented on the main page. ~ 09:16, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, fuck, really? Sorry, I had no intention of doing that. The pictures were just screwy on my monitor, so I reverted to an earlier edit, not thinking of what that might do. I'm really sorry for any inconvenience, Mordillo. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:41, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

That's OK, I was already with my ban hammer in the air thinking it's some bloody IP :) ~ 13:45, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

Yikes. Glad I escaped when I did. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:47, February 10, 2010 (UTC)

Dammit, no! Hit him, Mordillo, hit him!! Jenny? 13:52,10February,2010

UnSignpost 11th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

Feb 11th, 2010 • Issue 75 • Picking the nuts of truth out of the muesli of news. Or something.

New way to win awards, impress friends, crush rivals! By UU Writing competitions, eh? With the Poo Lit Surprise, the Turkey Day Ball, and a conservation week or two, it would seem Uncyclopedians can't get enough of 'em. And now there's another! But this one has a point that separates it from the herd. Well a couple of points, actually. One: it's organised by human wiki-whirlwind MadMax, so it'll probably be efficient as all get-out; two: it's a sneaky way of fulfilling a need. See, there are all these great ideas for articles floating around at UN:REQ; articles that would undoubtedly improve this festering little wiki. And there they sit, being good ideas, but not being used. This competition aims to change all that! Yes, that's right, The Article Whisperer is a competition that gives you the ideas to get you started, all you need to do is supply the funny. What could be easier? Well, since you ask, perhaps judging it could? Max is also looking for at least 4 more opinionated types, unafraid of passing withering judgement on their peers. If you're interested in judging or entering, or if you have a good idea that would elevate this competition from being a damn good idea to a colossally awesome one, let MadMax know either on his talk page, or on the article's talk page. For those who want to selflessly improve the wiki while crushing all around them under the steel wheels of their genius, there can be no finer opportunity! General news round-up By UU As several things have been happening recently in Uncyclopedia, and ace cub reporter DogNewspaper is in some sort of snow-induced hibernation, and consequently too lazy to write individual articles on any of them, here is a quick synopsis of a couple of the more newsworthy recent events on the wiki in handy easy-to-digest bite-sized chunks. Mordillo nearly went mad attempting to feature all articles tied for tenth place in the top 10 of last year. And then spent the rest of this month to date patiently fielding questions about how long the rest of the featuring was going to take, and when normal featuring would resume. POTR did his best to help. When not asked for a quote, Mordillo said "FUCK YOU VERY MUCH AND SEE YOU IN 2011". We think he's just talking about the top 10, and not about taking a 10 month hiatus. That is, we hope so. A recent VFD nomination ended in a deletion marathon, as MrN and RDB spent 2 hours removing every last trace of the notorious Game:Page. Apart from the traces Mordillo deleted, that is. And the redirects to it that UU took care of, come to think of it. But still, all told, an impressive act of mass carnage only made more awesome by the fact that they somehow managed to delete Socky's userpage at one point during the proceedings. MrN claims "Both RDB and me still have sore huffing fingers you know".

Check out these pages! Insulting sports players - the future of comedy When is a month not a month? The most important link you'll ever click From our logs: 15:04, 8 February 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs | block) blocked 169.139.1.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (We are having communications issues here. When I say don't recreate, it means don't press that little create button and paste the same content for the third time) 11:55, 8 February 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.75.78.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (there are a million better things you could be doing with your life right now, but you're inserting barely literate insults to a sports player on a comedy wiki. must suck really hard to be you.) 08:35, 7 February 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.92.151.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (We don't care if you fuck horses. No need to tell the world. Maybe the police, but that's up to you.) Biopic of the Week Being as he's now been on Uncyclopedia for three bastardin' years, this seems as good a time as any to profile Kip the Dip. A man of many contrasts, Kip appears to be some sort of useful gobshite. His enthusiasm for all things Uncyclopedia, including his tireless championing of Euroipods and sterling work on The word parakeet written exactly two hundred and forty-two times have helped make this wiki what it is today. The Worst. Thanks, Kip. Old School Featured Article of the Week Patriotism is an air-borne disease caused by the bacterium enlistment bonusai. It was first observed in 1776 by Dr. Arnold Bazonga, but was initially confused with the alcohol-borne illness bravery. Patriotism is communicable through the auditory ingestion of feces. Contamination often occurs from politicians, entrepreneurs, country music singers, Richard Albinger and French Emperors. Final Side-Panel Box of the Week Because we don't need that much padding this week.

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9001(bot)  12:59, Feb 11

Opeth Article

Well done! I really like the select edits you've made. This article will probably appeal more to regular folks now and is even funnier to Opeth fans. There's one place that could use a comma; "but with Isberg’s eventual departure the project was left " I feel as if you could add a comma between 'departure' and 'the' That's pretty much the only thing left I have to say critically, very nice edits. (--Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 17:28 EST 12 Feb, 2010

Hah, brilliant, I'll nom it soon. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:13, February 13, 2010 (UTC)

Charlie D

It is now Charles DeGaulle as requested. maybe I should just put the original DeGaulle article up for deletion, I didn't understand it anyway. --Sog1970 22:58, February 12, 2010 (UTC)

Brilliant. And you've got my For, as promised. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:13, February 13, 2010 (UTC)

Error

Pup 09:10, 15/02/2010

Der Unwehr

The staff at Unsignpost have come to the realisation that you have recently had to defend yourself from a potential usurper who has dramatically upset your rightful place as unfuhrer by out scoring you. While we are known for our gutter journalism and our ability to create complete stories out of minimal factual information, we would like to get a comment from yourself that we can twist dramatically out of context and show you in the least flattering light. Any comment? Pup 09:22, 15/02/2010

My official position is: "This is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. Following standard Nazi protocol, the young officer in question will be forced to resign his position due to his disturbing excess of competence, just like what Hitler did to Rundstedt, List, Manstein, Bock, Rundstedt again, Busch, Leeb, and Rundstedt a third time. I wash my hands of this." —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:53, February 15, 2010 (UTC)

(You forgot Rommel.)  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  10 Sep 2010 ~ 04:06 (UTC)

Actually, Rommel was probably over-promoted--he was made a Field Marshal, even though his skills as a tactician meant he would have been much better suited as, say, a Major General, which is what he began his career in Africa as, if I'm not mistaken. They did force Rommel to commit suicide, though, so I see where you're coming from. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:13, September 10, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th February 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

Feb 18th, 2010 • Issue 76 • Now with 20% more vanity!

Understanding of the universe is shattered; Creation as we know it is defunct By POTR Imperial colonisation is back, and in true colonisation style, is taking religion to the masses. One of the most controversial elements of religious understanding has been the answer to the question "How did we get here?" This has often been seen in the debate that has been long held between Creationists and Evolutionists. Now that Imperial Colonisation is back on its feet, under the able guidance of IC Buccaneer Admiral Why?, they are educating the masses on this as we speak. "The article had been befouled by some evil doers, probably French or Spanish or Americans or worse. We are diligently researching and writing to bring the article in line with the Truth." stated Buccaneer Admiral Why?. A dramatic re-write is in process, as Why? has all his seamen working towards the noble goal of indoctrinating the masses in Creationist theory. After some false starts involving a banana and a jar of peanut butter, the recreation of creationism is being created. "The colonized article will show how the Empire has the right and duty to colonize everywhere by any methods available, and that anything we do is God's will. We will finish it by Saturday, 20 of February, or by Saturday, 27 of February, depending upon how long it takes us to colonize the natives. Anyone who wishes to apply to join our noble effort may do so at Uncyclopedia:Imperial Colonization." Why? stated in closing. Darwin awards - Uncyclopedia Stylie By POTR Recently a n00b by the name of I LIKE PIE!!! chose to join the Uncyclopedia family. After a very short time he demonstrated the behaviours that make Uncyclopedia the place that it is. Of course, removing edits and formatting fixes by other users had him come to the attention of Dr. Skullthumper, who politely left him a message along with a 48 hour ban. Fortunately he showed the resilience that 10 year olds have when they are in the middle of doing something completely idiotic, and continued to trawl through people's talk pages, undo their edits, and generally be a dick. MrN9000, understanding the right balance of politeness and harshness, gave I LIKE PIE!!! a friendly message on his talk page, with a 1 week ban to support the severity of his words. Undeterred, I LIKE PIE!!! later returned. 1 week and 35 minutes after his previous ban, MrN repeated his previous words to the young man, along with a further 1 week ban. Thankfully, it appears that I LIKE PIE!!! took MrN's words to heart, as he managed to last a further 30 minutes after this second ban before he ran afoul of Roman Dog Bird, who in true RDB style demonstrated what an infinite ban actually means. When hard-hitting journalists pressed for details relating to the banning of this pre-pubescent pestilence, MrN replied "What kinda a journalist are you man!?!" Congratulations, I LIKE PIE!!!, for becoming the inaugural Uncyclopedia Darwin award winner, and removing yourself from the meme pool that we all enjoy.

Check out these pages! Some people are just too vain... Sluts get VD, I think Everyone loves a bad winner From our logs: Under user blocked 206.113.136.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (y0u h@v3 b33n b@nn3d (don't be a tw@t)) MrN9000 huffed "Onlytheashesremain" ‎ (You call that an article? Put your back into it!!!, not that we are calling you stupid you understand. Dave, can we call you Dave?) Roman Dog Bird huffed "Bucket of Shit" ‎ (Funny title, but the content proves that you like to suck big, fat, black, dick. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you obviously have trouble admitting it. Well....I'm not here for you dude. Sorry.) Biopic of the Week Hmm, who to bio this week? Well, it's been a while since we covered {{username}}, we could always go back to that old chestnut... Or maybe something esoteric, like profiling the sidebar, that'd fit with Unsignpost tradition. Hmm. Or maybe we could note that Turbo-Whoring machine, one-man Doritos fan club and Torch-Carrier by appointment to someone called "Jenny", CheddarBBQ hasn't actually asked to be profiled this week, and therefore decide this is the perfect opportunity to profile him. Usurping of the Week The Unführer of Der Unwehr has recently demonstrated the concept of survival of the fittest by finally having someone with more DU points than him threatening his position. "This is unacceptable, and will not be tolerated. Following standard Nazi protocol, the young officer in question will be forced to resign his position due to his disturbing excess of competence, just like what Hitler did to Rundstedt, List, Manstein, Bock, Rundstedt again, Busch, Leeb, and Rundstedt a third time. I wash my hands of this." Unführer Guildensternenstein said in response. Stand-in of the Week It has come to our attention that an anonymous user has infiltrated the presses here and overtaken the majority of the writing for an issue of the Unsignpost. When approached by Necropaxx to discuss this catastrophe, he is quoted as saying "I... is a... butt." This editorial team couldn't agree more.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  23:34, Feb 18

UnSignpost 25th February 2010 (It's not late your mum is)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

Feb 25th, 2010 • Issue 77 • Slurping the froth of Truth off the cappuccino of News

Games, games and more games! We have more games then you can poke a stick at! By POTR Is the games namespace 99.9% shit was the question elegantly asked by OptyC recently. A simple question that has sparked a storm in a teacup. While Uncyclopedia is, undoubtably, the pinnacle of fine parody, it has been suggested the this particular poor cousin of the Main space has been allowed to fall into disrepair and disrepute due to the influx of poorly crafted content. In the words of one editor Delete it. It's cruft and I'm not even sure if it qualifies as a parody namespace of anything on Wikipedia. However, despite the lack of quality content, a significant portion of users have requested that it remain in play, however it be improved by having a little tender loving care given to it, along with a more rigid amount of cruft huffing. As such, it is with open arms we welcome the inclusion into this realm of the new moderator of the Games namespace OptyC, who will be referred to going forward as the Game Master. Upon the announcement of this singularly spectacular accolade, Optyc's first words were Maybe I shoulda just kept my mouth shut, eh? Although much respect must be levelled his way at the way he has taken to his new role with much gusto, winnowing through the chaff to find the kernels of wheat available in there. For more information on these developments, visit Forum:The Games namespace. It's Alive! By Mordillo A new blow to the "democrats"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" of Uncyclopedia, opposing the disputed hereditary law. Senior member of the non existent Cabal and editor-in-chief-in-absentia of this newspaper, UU has announced the birth of heiress to the throne, also known as UUette. UUette was reportedly born holding a scepter and a miniature ban hammer, wearing a crown and QVFD grade galoshes and waving frantically at the hysterical cheering masses. The non existent cabal promptly announced a reserved seat for UUette in the VFS round of 2026 as well as the prestigious position of "Noob of the Month". A shrouded spokesperson for the Cabal noted that "it would have been important for the Cabal, were it to exist, that the existing Cabal dynasty, especially one coming from such a quality genetic specimen such as UU, shall continue without disturbance. The Cabal is greatly pleased with UU and Mrs. UU for bolstering its numbers for the greater Cabal's good." Sporadic demonstration of support were noted around the Uncyclopedia realm, as supporters of the Cabal were seen with "DEAR UUette IS GREAT" and "ALL HAIL THE HEIR APPARENT" signs. So called "democratic"/"liberals"/"whiny bitches" protests were dealt with swiftly and efficiently. And from all of us in the UnSignpost here is one big congratulations UU, may your daughter have huge...errr..tracks of land.

Check out these pages! A very pointed question Something about penises? Damn this self-referential humour From our logs: sannse blocked EugeneKay with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (WILL YOU PLEASE STOP GETTING BLOCKED!) MrN9000 blocked 173.53.142.210 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (HOWARD STERN IS *NOT* THE GREATEST. Steve Davis is considerably better for example. As is Burt Reynolds.) Under user 80.239.242.142 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (me again - I see you're still a twat. have much longer to do something about that.) Biopic of the Week Puppy on the radio's signature has been a long and respectable member of the Uncyclopedia community for many months. Undergoing genetic manipulations and constant radiation bombardment, it now qualifies as a sentient entity by its own accord. The signature, expecting to be emancipated in the near future, indicated that it likes funny articles, men who are not afraid to be in touch with their feelings and long strolls on the beach. Mordillo's profound statement of the Week "I don't mind boobs" Source: User talk:MrN9000 Word of the Week Abodespotism IPA: /əˈbəʊˈdɛs.pɒt.ɪzəm/ the rule of a household despot; the exercise of absolute authority over the household. absolute power or control of all housemates; tyranny of shared living.(n) (eg. "While you live in my house you will abide by my rules.") Origin: Abode + Despotism Related forms: Ab⋅od⋅es⋅pot⋅ic  , Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅tic, Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tis⋅ti⋅cal, adjective Ab⋅od⋅esp⋅o⋅tist, noun Note: Often confused with Nespotism. Source: Undictionary Underwater Sea Monster Sighting of the Week Deep sea recent changes fishermen have been repeatedly reporting sightings of a huge scaled fire breathing creature, roaming the deep. Later on, the on call coast guard confirmed that this was a "once in a generation sighting of Ogopogo. Ogopogo, a mythical see creature than has been tamed by the Cabal many generations ago, has been lost for decades but now apparently decided to come back and check what's for dinner. Tsunami waves are expected all across the pond for the next few weeks. Administrative Notification of the Week Uncyclopedia's management would like to thank all participants of the 2nd Dubai Uncyclocon and would like to emphasize that it takes no responsibility for the excessive usage of forged passports. Please, people, try to be more discreet next time eh?

9001(bot)  20:49, Feb 28

Can words speak louder than actions?

Just wanted to let you know that I had already decided last month to nom and vote for Puppy for UotM for this month. I'd really like to see both of you get it. You both deserved it longer than I have, so it's really rather unfair that I got it first. But then awards, like life, often aren't fair. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:55, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, well, by all means, go right ahead. And don't deprecate yourself--you deserve that award. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:48, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Honestly, I'm not trying to deprecate myself. I didn't give the award back, after all.  :-D But I did feel a little guilty because I won it for a month where I contributed less than I did in other months. I just honestly believe the two of you deserved it longer than I have because you've been making fine contributions in various areas, and doing it longer. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:08, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, well thank you. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:09, March 1, 2010 (UTC)

Proggy beyond belief

My pretentious extended schooling after the fact. I'm stoned, so ignore me. New live boot became available.--    02:22, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Holy Progginess, Batman! (I'm still not a Yes fan, though.) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:56, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Wow, I was really wasted when I posted this. I totally forgot doing it ;-) --    13:58, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Hah, I know what that's like. Posting '70s Prog videos to people's talk pages, I mean. Do it all the time. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:11, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Wow, way to use the Batman line immediately after I do Jenny? 14:14,3March,2010

Batman was just in the air, I guess. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:25, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

BATMAN: Current project of IC. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  23:29, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

Heh. Well there ya go. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:36, March 3, 2010 (UTC)

That still exists? Jenny? 00:06,4March,2010

You betcha. It's been commandeered and is now quite active. We just colonized Creationism, it just got Pee Reviewed so is in post-review edits. Now The Dark Knight Begins. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  01:10, March 4, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4th March 2010 (your calendar is wrong)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

Mar 4th, 2010 • Issue 78 • Snorting the drug of Truth from the toilet seat of News

Controversy over Uncyclopedian leads journalist to public outcry By Him again The "of the Month" nominations and celebrations have been marred recently by drama circulating in forums, talk pages and on vote pages in various areas. Fortunately, whenever and wherever a drama has reared its ugly head an Unsignpost reporter has been there to cover it. Why do I need to provide this? is now experiencing his second week of not having been nominated for anything. After mentioning to a respected editor that he had been nominated for at least one award for almost every day he had been part of the Uncyclopedia community, he bemoaned the fact that he had not been nominated for anything this month. "I've been nommed for something EVERY SINGLE DAY of the five months I've been here--until this month. I'm not nommed for anything. It's pretty depressing, really." Why? complained As a result of this complaining, Why? was then nominated for an award that had been more respected in the breach then in the observance - to paraphrase the bard - Nomination of the Month. When, after a series of events, Roman Dog Bird felt obliged to nominate Aleister in Chains' Nomination for NOTM of PuppyOnTheRadio's nomination for NOTM of Why do I need to provide this?'s nomination of PuppyOnTheRadio for UGotM, he simply stated "This is a stupid award." Meanwhile, at UotM, discussion over the number of awards given out led to an obvious discussion about the worth of RotM and UotM, which of course led, as all conversational roads do, to the hugely popular and debatably talented Dan Brown, not to be confused with Dan Kwon, as we aren't quite sure who he is. The debate got unexpectedly heated when a talented and handsome editor suggested that another less talented editor should perform carnal and bestial acts with random household appliances. Remember to cast your vote in AotM, PotM, RotM, NotM and WotM, or nominate the uncyc member that has impressed you most in these areas. And of course, always remember Mordillo's words, "This one is for people who made Uncyclopedia better by cleaning up shop, helping people and allow Uncyclopedia to wobble around without falling over." Vote today. Or tomorrow - depending on if you have the time. Vote for Sandwiches suspended, Uncyclopedians confused By UU Confusion reigned supreme in Uncyclopedia this month, as the ever-popular Vote for Sandwiches page was inexplicably protected, and changed to something that appears to be called "Vote for Sysops". Historical investigation by our fearless mascot DogNewspaper has revealed that this is actually the traditional process by which new sysops are selected on Uncyc - which came as a surprise to many editors, particularly the newer ones, many of whom didn't realise new sysops could be selected. And with the current vote count standing at 6 in favour, and with few regularly active sysops left to vote, it looks like the chances are that there will be new sysops by the end of this month - so time to start deciding who you're gonna nominate! Who will be the next to have a thousand IPs ask them on their talkpage why they deleted their useless little one-line stub? Stay tuned to find out?

Check out these pages! Heh - poopy Haven't we been here before? Hang on - writing articles? There's an idea... From our logs: 02:36, 1 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Cyberbullying: I'm guessing that's what you are trying to do. If so, you are shit at it.) 14:57, 2 March 2010 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) blocked {contr|207.144.173.198}} (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Anti-semitism + stupidity = my foot + your butt) 19:05, 2 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.211.39.160 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Why don't you go to concervapedia, and ask them if Jesus loves you. I say, He doesn't.) 18:32, 2 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 87.114.246.12 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (blanking by installments is still blanking. and blanking makes baby jesus cry. it also pisses me off, and that's far worse.) Biopic of the Week Is it actually legal to have two Portsmouth fans on the same wiki? The subject of this week's spotlight, Nachlader cared not a jot for this important question when he joined Codeine as Uncyc's second Pompey fan. Nachlader is an occasional drunk poster in the dump, a former NotM and RotM and, lest we forget, the writer of some very fine featured articles. Shame no-one can spell his username though. Old-school featured article of the month Smells Like Teen Spirit was a monthly celebrity scratch and sniff magazine produced by Grunge Publications in the early 1990's. Beckoning a time of true periodical change, young women aged eighteen to twenty-two decided that merely looking upon their favourite celebrities no longer hot-buttered their ever-so-proverbial muffins and collectively proclaimed, "Here we are... now entertain us." Perhaps it was something in the way these determined ladies phrased this proclamation, or simply the fact that Grunge perceived a lucrative sliver of the niche market that was girls who wanted to smell things, but the call was swiftly answered with a glossy, uniquely olfactory experience hailed as "a Nirvana for the nostrils" that became the unofficial scent of Generation X.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  00:08, Mar 6

Upsilon Sigma Sigma

Hey Guildy, I'm just going around trying to drum up support for a new group I'm trying to get going. I've been sitting here, thinking to myself, "gee, Uncyclopedia has a lot of stuff, a legal department, a political party, and an assortment of other great things, but it doesn't have a fraternity." I also noticed that the top 50 wanted articles list hasn't changed in over a year. Soooooo, I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to join me and potentially others in the 1st Uncyclopedia fraternity, ΥΣΣ, Upsilon Sigma Sigma, a collaborative an independent organization with the aim of writing exclusively requested articles. Also, I just want to point out that this isn't meant to be a competition with Der Unwehr, but rather perhaps a sister project. I feel Der Unwehr is more of a rewritting project than a creation project, and I feel there's a need to create quality articles from the top 50 wanted list since most of those articles have been huffed. Anyways, pop on by the page, if it's something you're interested in, just let me know. --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 16:54 9 Mar, 2010

USS v. DU!! Fight to the DEATH!!!! Jenny? 22:46,9March,2010

Don't forget User:Isra1337/vital. Recently updated and lots of redlinks. This is not a rewrite thing, but it is one of the DU focuses. Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 23:06, Mar 9 2010 UTC

Heh, sounds kinda cool. I'd be happy to give you my blessing and support etc., although I should point out that DU does do requested articles in addition to rewrites. No matter, though, I'd be glad to support you. After all, it's all about the spirit of wiki improvement. If there's anything you'd like me to do, you know where to find me. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:50, March 10, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 11th March 2010

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Mar 11th, 2010 • Issue 79 • Making the New York Times look shabby since 2008

Investigative journalist looks in to the cabal; Shocking discovery By PuppyOnTheRadio For years a dreadful mystery has hung over Uncyclopedia. Rumours of a cabal have dogged Uncyclopedia, suggesting that there is a shadowy, mysterious group behind administrative decisions that have guided the hands of Uncyclopedia policy and procedure since the time of it's inception. Many veiled references have been made to this cabal, however until now there has been no real investigative attempts to uncover the shocking truth about the cabal. However, despite this, one plucky rookie journalist has decided that the truth must be free, and an investigation into the cabal has been undertaken. Investigating this it appears that the rumours relating to a cabal have come from numerous sources. In investigating this there were a number of dead ends, including pages that appear to have been deleted with no history. One source has come forward to expose the truth about the cabal. Under threat of repercussion, this source has been asked to be known simply as Deep Throat. Upon interviewing this source the following shocking truth has been discovered! There is no cabal. Any rumours about a supposed cabal are completely untrue. Any suggested sources are in fact fictional and have no veracity behind them. There is no shadowy, mysterious force guiding Uncyclopedia. As I, as a respected journalist, have now been made well aware of the non-existence of this cabal, I am now comfortable to retire my journalistic career. I will shortly be taking a long trip to a very remote location where there is no phone or internet access and will choose to never write again. I may even go to Antarctica. But most importantly, there is not now, nor never has been, a cabal. A useful HowTo? does not compute! By UU Writing UnNews just got a whole lot easier, after UnNews kingpin Zim ulator, Zionist control freak Mordillo and sucker for punishment workhorse SPIKE got together to completely rewrite HowTo:Tune up an UnNews article. Featuring novel ideas (that they got from a novel) such as helpful advice, up-to-date references, and words in the right order, the article is so preposterously useful that it may have to be deleted, as it clearly contravenes Uncyclopedia's mission statement. If there were a Cabal (which, as the above article clearly establishes beyond doubt, there isn't), it would encourage you to read it and never write a bad UnNews again.

Check out these pages! Pruning dead wood MrN's power trip continues, and something about a usergroup Has someone taken the piss? From our logs: 00:09, 10 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.47.145.114 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I shit on you, you emotionally unstable little twat. Why would you even come here?) 18:33, 9 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.150.243.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (So... Because you hate the CIA you vandalise the article about them on Uncyclopedia? Good thinking batman. That will stop em! Try again.... Later (obviously)) 09:19, 9 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.189.75.214 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you are right: Twilight does suck. however, so does page blanking, which means you yourself are full of as much fail as Twilight. consider that, and then weep.) 22:08, 8 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 168.99.135.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (obviously we're not getting through here. Go away and grow a cactus, then sit on it. Repeate step 2 several times. ) Biopic of the Week If this issue of the UnSignpost has reached your talk page, it's very likely to be thanks to the unstinting efforts of paperbot MrN9001. He's been schlepping around this wiki for over a year now, delivering this very slab of journalistic goodness, replacing templates, reverting stuff, making tiny but doubtless vital changes to pages, and generally taking care of all the stuff MrN himself is just too bone idle to do. What the hell would we do without him? Admin answer of the Week Shijiati: Why did you huff my page? Codeine: Because it sucked. Any questions, folks? Horoscope of the Week *Taurus (April 20 - May 20) - You have many great strengths, but taken too far they can become liabilities. For instance, your honesty can become rudeness, your bravery can become foolhardiness, and your taste for human flesh can become criminal cannibalism. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

9001(bot)  11:00, Mar 12

I wanna nom your article, as if you don't have enough features

That "overwritten trainwreck by Thomas Pynchon" thing. Is it ok? ~ 11:04, Mar 14, 2010

Wow, I'm flattered. And yes, nom it, if you think it's good enough. :-) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:25, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

Now go vote for yourself, you whore! ~ 16:26, Mar 14, 2010

Argh, must... correct... spelling mistake... must...not...edit... other users' comments... ~ 16:30, Mar 14, 2010

Wow, yeah, I'm "faltered." Though to be fair, that was firefox's fault. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:37, March 14, 2010 (UTC)

I like "Wow, I'm faltered" better. And also Guildy is dangerously over the quota for featured articles, and will have to take three months off (or sign my name to his work). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  03:20, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

ΥΣΣ March Collaboration

I know it's halfway through the month already, but I thought we would go ahead and kick off our collaborations with a top 50 that one of our members, Pelargonium, has already started working on. The collaboration homepage is here, and the article we're doing this month is Nintendo. hope you end up participating this month! --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 12:28 EST 15 Mar, 2010

I probably won't end up contributing to this one, mostly because A) I hate Nintendo and B) I've got a lot of work this coming week. Sorry. (Perhaps in April, when I won't be as busy.) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:37, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Last-minute thank you

	All Praise and Glory Be Theirs!
	This user has been promoted the the rank of Queen's voter.
	Due to their site-topping talents in voting awards for me, all other chores formerly assigned have been rescinded.
	Unlike other ranks, this one is for life, and they'll do nothing other than HELP ME win awards anytime soon.
	If you were hoping they would reply to a message, sorry to disappoint,
	but such a menial task is outside of their job description.

Also, for the record, it took me about twenty minutes to find this page because I couldn't spell your username.—Sir ¬_¬ | Banter HOMOPHOBE!!! NOTM 19:24, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

Hah, well thank you. Also, there's a link right there in my sig for easy access next time you get lost. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 20:12, March 15, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 18th March 2010 (on time as always)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Free Newspaper Only Two People Started Out Editing, But Now They Want Nothing To Do With!

Mar 18th, 2010 • Issue 80 • Hold the line! News isn't always on time!

VFS: it begins By UU As exclusively reported in your super soaraway UnSignpost last week, the voting process for new Uncyclopedia sysops has begun, and so it's time for Signpost mascot and never-popular running joke DogNewspaper to give the traditional unbiased Signpost rundown of the candidates. Leading the popular vote at present is long-serving poopsmith and kvetcher RabbiTechno, gaining a seemingly unassailable lead by being helpful, friendly and competent, and by promising to bake cakes for all who vote for him - a ploy which may well have snared the support of more than just the odd swing voter. In a comfortable position just behind the Rabbi is lengthily-monikered Belgian workhorse Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, the joint Uncyclopedian of the Year for 2009, who seems to be gathering followers by being helpful, competent, friendly, and doing loads and loads of stuff. This cunning stratagem has obviously endeared him to the denizens of this wiki, who seem to be propelling him towards having his own banstick. But hold on, who's this coming up stealthily behind Socky? Why, it's pee review supremo and scourge of vandals everywhere ChiefjusticeDS! The Chief is steadily accumulating backers through the cunning tactic of being competent, helpful and friendly. He also rules PEEING with an iron fist, and spends inordinate amounts of time cleaning and tidying up the place, facts that have led to him coming within striking distance of the leaders in what appears to be a three-horse race. One thing is clear from this - all 3 of the most popular candidates appear to be helpful and friendly, which this newspaper finds unacceptable - where is the next Famine going to come from? where will we find an admin willing to infiban users and delete all their articles just for looking at someone the wrong way, or for being Kip the Dip? Also nominated, and receiving some support are current Writer of the Year and greatest person in the history of all things ever Hyperbole, diplomat by Uncyc appointment to all religions Optimuschris, canine broadcaster and damn fine journalist PuppyOnTheRadio, allcaps-named VFD machine SPIKE, confirmed female on the internets Zana Dark, easy-to-spell feature-machine Guildensternenstein and jaded old-timer Necropaxx. Other people have been nominated without recording a score as yet, but as this article is already long enough to have the editor wondering how many filler boxes he can dream up for the right-side panel this week, they just appear as a brief list: Mnbvcxz, Cajek, Gerrycheevers, Syndrome, The Woodburninator, Why do I need to provide this?, Charitwo and some bloke called Mhaille. Will any of them pick up a sympathy vote before the end of voting round 2? Positions vacant. By PuppyOnTheRadio The Imperial Colonization is a long standing organisation that has for years been at the cutting edge of creativity of articles for one of the world's most respected websites: Uncyclopedia. Due to a period of unprecedented growth during a time of economic downturn, as most of our members are otherwise unemployed, we are looking for a new assistant to the head of IC. This is a fantastic opportunity for you to work from home. Your daily duties will include: Telling writers that they should be working on the latest colonisation Ensuring that changes to current colonisation are consistent with the theme Telling writers to stop wasting time on other projects and get back to the current colonisation Vetting new applicants to IC to ensure they are of the quality needed Telling writers that they should really be working on IC Going insane with power (optional) The relevant applicant will have: Significant experience in editing and writing articles for feature Preferably have worked on IC or in a related field The ability to tell writers that they should really get back to the current project, as it needs to be completed by the 20th of March. A fluffy teddy called Norman (optional, but preferred) This is a rare opportunity. The successful applicant will become next in line to take over the reins of IC when the current head gets sick of it retires. You will be paid in the half feature credit when a colonised article gets featured, as well as being able to call yourself the assistant to the head of Imperial Colonisation. To apply, contact Why do I need to provide this? here.

Check out these pages! UnNews is revolting! Shit happens Bandwagons also happen, inevitably Oh noes, Aussie lawyers - could we be DOOMED? Opinions required From our logs: 08:26, 17 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.28.232.175 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Vandal: Oh my, you are just so fucking witty. With wits like that, who needs enemas?) 18:53, 16 March 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperactive-Sausage (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (enjoy your complimantary penis) 00:21, 16 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.251.242.153 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I THINK 99.251.242.153 SHOULD BURN OR HAVE TO PAY FOR OXYGEN, fuckin fuirt, KILL 99.251.242.153) 12:30, 12 March 2010 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.219.247.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Cyberbullying: and generally being a retard. Let's get this right... You call your friend Gay, but you like editing the Powerpuff Girls page? Think about that...) Biopic of the Week We at the UnSignpost pride ourselves on profiling only the finest Uncyclopedians. So how in the hell has it taken us 80 issues to get around to profiling Zana Dark? A self-confessed female and all-round smartass, Zana has been on this wiki for years, bringing her uniquely feminine touch to the Uncyclopedia Legal Department and a whole bunch of impressive rewrites. She's also been WotM for writing funny articles about flashing beaver, tits, and butter, proving conclusively that she knows exactly how to appeal to the sensibilities of the largely male Uncyc userbase. Old-School Featured Article of the Week Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! (1959) was a fact-based horror film that played in drive-in movie theaters across America. It is widely lauded for opening the eyes of an entire generation of movie patrons to the blood-curdling terror of a heterogeneous nation. Filmed in Super Black 'n' White-O-Vision, with monophonic sound recorded in Mono-O-Phon-O-Sound, Illegal Aliens from Outer Space! proved to be a blockbuster that far exceeded the director's humble expectations. The movie's potent real-life lessons held patrons enrapt, while its documentary film-style distracted horny teens, protecting them from the joys of second base for the duration of the action-packed second and third acts of the film. Reason to leave Uncyc #341 Modusoperandi won't quit hoggin' the shower. Obligatory Filler Box of the Week When you absolutely positively gotta have an extra line or so to balance out the UnSignpost - accept no substitute! Horoscope of the Week Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 19) - This week, you will say words that are complete nonsense to you because you think they identify a particular culture that you otherwise completely ignore, but that no one of that culture actually ever says. B'gosh and begorrah. For the rest of this week's 'scopes, see here.

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9001(bot)  11:45, Mar 18

UnSignpost 25th March 2010 (hand delivered for added flavour)

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With No Ambitions, Goals, Hopes or Dreams!

Mar 25th, 2010 • Issue 81 • So full of news, our news-gut hangs over our news-jeans

VFS reaches third and final round, Uncyclopedians bored to tears By UU And so the bloated process that is VFS stumbles drunkenly into its third and final stage. All the chaff - that is, those polling low numbers of votes - has been mercilessly pruned, and the wheat - Chief, Rabbi and Socky - is now being sifted carefully by the admins. And the UnSignpost once more devotes precious space to covering it, even though most Uncyclopedians, with their reduced attention spans, got bored of it weeks ago. Once again, the Rabbi appears to be in pole position, and there are rumours that Mordillo is already preparing him a traditional Jewish banstick, such is his current lead. Meanwhile, Sock and Chief are neck-and-neck for the second slot, polling three votes each currently. When he interviewed himself for this article, lazy journalist UU exclusively told us: "this reflects well on the site - we have three great, very strong candidates, any and all of whom would do a great job if opped. And a number of those who didn't make it to round 3 will probably make a much stronger showing next time. If there is a next time." All that remains now is to see how the final few days affect the vote, and who finally gets the supreme honour of being able to go delete every single page of shitloads of crappy games that have been nommed on VFD, and the like. Joins us next week for the "From Our Logs" new admin special, when we analyse their first bans, and watch as these new admins mercilessly ban the unlucky loser and abuse their new powers flagrantly. Hopefully. Top 5 Of-The-Months Become 90% Cheesier By CheddarBBQ Well known and completely badass user CheddarBBQ, known for his increasing his own self-image, and for being one of the coolest guys ever, has now set a record by being nommed for all four "big" nominations in the same month. Even more impressive, he has been nommed for these four without doing much of anything deserving of awards (besides the aforementioned alleged coolness and/or badassedness). The always tasty Eyetallyan snackfood has been able to hold tightly to last place in each one of these all month. When asked about his newfound record, the great man/food had this to say: "I always knew I was special. The bag of cheese curls that I referred to as "Mommy" for 15 years would tell me so on a regular basis. Also, suck it bitchez." Of course the amazing record-breaker would think well of himself, so we went elsewhere, to question his adopted son, Momo. When asked about the excitement over the record, Momo claimed, "Papa De La Rosa is, like, the greatest dad ever, I used to have so much fun with him when I was little. Ya know, he once left me inside an oven when I was a baby, went for a beer and got me out the following morning. That was fun, I'm tellin' ya. And when I was 4, he left me in an amusement park, went for a beer and came to pick me up a whole week later. I spent that week with that nice guy who kept touching my ass.. Good times.. When I was 7, he took me for a beer. And by the age of 14, we were running our small liquor-smuggling business.. Oh yeah, he's a great guy." Curiously, his comment did not much relate to the matter at hand, yet it was deemed necessary to include it anyway. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. In other news, it appears that Don Chedds is about to set another record by being the first Uncyclopedian to drastically lose all five major awards in one month. It appears to be abundantly clear that Cheddar is a marvel of a man whom we can all look up to. Here's to you, CheddarBBQ. Oh yeah, and some other people had something to do with it as well. Note: The writer of this article has decided that a fact check as to whether or not either of these are true records would be unnecessary.

Check out these pages! Screw you, smartasses Something to do with politics, I think We have a history, but is that anything worth celebrating? From our logs: 23:47, 23 March 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Dakotah0 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Being a Dick: Fucking n00bs, editing the UnNews Main Page.... what do you think this is, rimjob? Wikipedia?) 09:16, 23 March 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.162.71.154 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (stop being so full of fail. seriously, did you have a fail transplant or something? that's a serious fail supply you carry round with you.) 05:14, 22 March 2010 Roman Dog Bird blocked TheUnUncyclopedian with an expiry time of infinite (Have you ever tried to cum in your mouth? I did. I couldn't go through with it though. No way was I going to eat my cum. What the fuck was I thinking? True story.) Biopic of the Week Tell you what, let's do a bio of someone who's won the WotM award this year - how's that sound? Splendid, knew you'd like it. And you'll like the guy we've chosen too: Nameable. How can you not? He's friendly, cuddly (we're told), and capable of writing a funny article about Corn Flakes. That's pretty much as good as it gets, right there. Unless you have some kind of Corn Flake aversion, but then, if you do, you're beyond help. Probably. Day of the Week A glut of Sasquatch-related UnNews stories led the very Reverend Zim to declare March 24th Sasquatch Appreciation Day. He celebrated by spamming a template around a few talk pages. Do those sasquatches appreciators know how to party or what? Old school featured article of the Week Sexual innuendo is a hard topic to stay abreast of. As a humor tool, it stands erect in the English language. While there are no hard and fast rules as to what constitutes sexual innuendo, many people have mass-debated over the topic, and now the general principles at the root of the topic are firm and well-rounded. However, full penetration of the subject requires that the reader take a long, hard look at the target and be a cunning linguist in order to avoid limp phrases and imbibe the phrase with a large handful of meanings. The topic can become hot by attempting to grasp it, and the more one experiments with it, the more interested they become. Also, as the language changes innuendos must change in order to fill the newly created holes and satisfy listeners.

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--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 22:31, March 25, 2010 (UTC)

Here are some things left over from the garage sale, please trade them up, and soon you will own the planet! Thank you for your vote-to-be, appreciated. Al de'chainy 00:25 29 3 mmx

Upsilon Sigma Sigma March Newsletter

March's collaboration on Nintendo, our first as a group went really well. You can drift on over to check it out in mainspace. Now onto frat business and stuff. First of all, we need to determine as a group a few things in terms of our monthly collaboration; will it really be a 'monthly' collab, or should we not stick to such a rigid timeframe? Secondly, we need to figure out how we're going to determine future collab projects. Currently we're voting on April's project, but we need to decide if we're going to vote at the end of each month for the following month's project, or if we're going to adopt a rolling queue like IC currently has. I'm leaning more towards the rolling queue idea, but I'd like to get a consensus on the subject. In order to vote on this, go here. I would like to take the time to point out that we are not IC; in fact we're kind of the opposite, whereas they take crap and turn it into slightly better crap, we create the crap that people want the most. Along these lines, any member of the frat is encouraged to contribute to each months collab, not matter how big or small. There aren't really any rules in terms of how we tackle these collabs, so the structure will kind of just spring up.

Ok, the second part of the frat of course is the individual creation of pages from the requested articles list. None of us, myself included, have called dibs on, started, or created any of these pages. I want to stress that this is just as an important part of our group as the monthly collaboration. I hope to make an individual article of my own in April from the list, and I encourage all of you to do the same.

Third, the lesser third pillar of our group, pee reviewing. I would just encourage you guys if you feel like it to go ahead and do an in-depth pee review or two in April.

Well, I think the start of Upsilon Sigma Sigma has gone rather well considering most groups don't get off the ground too well here, and it's all thanks to Aleister in Chains and Pelargonium, who both contributed to Nintendo. Without them, I feel the group wouldn't have gone very far, so please pop over to Frat Bro of the Month at some point and give them a shout out. Also, please feel free to browse the various sections of the group (I spent a bunch of time creating the frat page), and be sure to check the news tab from time to time, I'll be updating that regularly. I'm really looking forward to working with you all in the coming months in making some quality requested articles! --Sir Skinfan13 Talk {< CUN RotM FBotM VFH ΥΣΣ Maj. SK >} 22:12 EST 29 March, 2010

UnSignpost 1th April 2010 - Always on time

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That DOESN'T Think It's Better Than You!

Apr 1st, 2010 • Issue 82 • You'd better watch out, you'd better beware: if any news happens, the Signpost will be there

Nominally Humane! some time Friday, 04:47, Apr 2 2010 UTC

VFS

For your vote in VFS and as promised last time You have been awarded a Certificate guaranteeing you safe passage whilst inside those areas of Uncyclopedia under Zionist domination. Certificate also redeemable for one (1) free bagel at your nearest grocery - simply print out and present to the shopkeeper to claim your free bagel with the filling of your choice. Rabbi Techno

Could you do me two favors?

First, the full script of an average MTV Cribs episode - as a working template for my upcoming article MTV Castles: Elizabeth Bathory found this one by myself after a second though, I'd like you to find me another more authetic one.

Second, an extremely negative but professional and throughout film review - also as a working template for my other upcoming article UnMovie Reviews:Worst Movie Ever

I'd be very grateful if you would find me these two on the innernets. • FreddAin't Dedd • • • 16:04 • Sunday, 4-04-2010

Lazy. I thought I raised you better. Jenny? 16:15,4April,2010

Hey, you go spice up the UoTM nom. And change it to my current username. Also, no, it's not laziness, it's inability-to-find-them-myself-ness. • FreddAin't Dedd • • • 16:29 • Sunday, 4-04-2010

That's a no and a no. Jenny? 20:32,4April,2010

Fine. • FreddAin't Dedd • • • 20:40 • Sunday, 4-04-2010

Sure, I can find all sorts of negative reviews for ya. I'll post the links on your talkpage. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:36, April 4, 2010 (UTC)

Decided to come back and so forth...

I see you mostly stick to different things in your writing than what I usually have in mind - but if you want to try out a different method some time, come over and have a ride at SoS. First time we talked about it, you disagreed on the usefulness of the idea (based on your feeling that the writer needs to do all the work and get all the credit) but I hold to my view that SoS is a great way to collaborate - especially when you don't need to collaborate on any one article, but need just to fit your article in the general idea, and there are many ways to do that. So, read the shit and I hope you decide to help out every once in a while. Although you are a feature engine on your own. -- Style  Guide 14:39, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

Glad you decided to come and stay. And I'll try and drop in on SoS every once in a while. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:09, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

UnSignpost 4/8/10 - Oh hi Signpost.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Your #1 source for Cajek ban jokes!

Apr 8th, 2010 • Issue 83 • News even an Uncyclopedian can understand!

We deliver on our promises By PuppyOnTheRadio As stated in last weeks edition of the USP, VFS is over, and we've run out of material to be able to fill this particular edition. Discussion about what to include in here has been vast and varied. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user suggested we write an article about how it's his birthday today, but how are we going to be able to write an entire article about his birthday? Especially when the bastard hasn't invited us to his party or shared any of his cake with us. Other suggestions included writing the value of π to the first 1,000 digits, or planting drugs on an admin. As none of the regular writers are able to do anything mathematical, and we attempted to plant drugs on an admin, but they mysteriously disappeared before we could discover them, those options were excluded. So instead we have gone back to suggestions for what we were going to do for the April Fool's day issue, where EMC suggested we have an article which simply showed someone being hit in the face with a pie. Working on the assumption that a picture is worth one thousand words, this seems to incorporate elements from most of the ideas we have had so far. If you are interested in helping to pad out contribute fine quality writing to the UnSignpost, or just wanting to bring up items of interest for our intrepid team of editors to report on, drop us a line at the press room and we promise we'll be polite when we ignore it. Spinning some new yarns By UU Another week, another new Uncyclopedia project, it seems. The latest to be launched is the Summit of Spin, which purports to be "an "office" that makes it easier and more organized to collaborate on article serials". It seemingly has no rules, but claims to provide "a series of tools to facilitate writing", which sounds dangerously close to helpful, if you ask us. Intrigued, your ever-alert UnSignpost asked the project's founder, Multiliteralist, for some quotes, preferably lengthy ones for the sake of padding. He responded: "You like the truth, don't you? But you don't like it the way it is now? Join us." Which is all well and good, but doesn't exactly fill this article out anything like enough. Fortunately, he added: "Our door is open for anyone with - in the words of Sir Humphrey Appleby - some moral flexibility." That was slightly more helpful for our purposes. Fortunately, however, he followed that up with: "Early this year, I felt something was missing in the world. That something was money truth - and it was specifically missing in my pockets the world of organised news reporting. Whatever is true in the world - like how wooden wheels are far better than tyres made of rubber and wheels made of metal alloys, or how fluffy bunnies are infinitely useful for all kinds of things - I felt I had to bring these things out for people to see. And you, if you are as greedy as I am love truth as much I do, can join forces with me by working for Summit of Spin for a ridiculously low salary, considering how much you have to lie love of truth! I cannot promise you anything else but prolonged court battles blood, sweat and tears in our constant fight for better-paying clients a more honest world!" And we think that just about sums it up without us having to do too much actual reporting, so we'll leave it here. Why not have a look at the Summit of Spin and get involved?

Check out these pages! Someone wants to be banned Oh dear God, is it still going? World Cup fever starts here From our logs: 14:26, 6 April 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 167.206.233.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks (anonymous users only, account creation disabled, autoblock disabled) ‎ (ooh, is this a game of "state the bleedin' obvious"? OK: you're a twat. I win!) 15:53, 4 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Starsky133 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 seconds ‎ (I have no life and nothing bothers me more than people who don't know the difference between "your" and "you're." :-)) 01:22, 3 April 2010 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.243.77.178 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Because I said so: Random insertion of the phrase "Monstrous testicles" into an UnNews article is not funny unless you're extrodinarily lucky, and you, my fine douche bag of a fellow human, are not lucky.) Biopic of the Week You'd think that, him having been on the wiki for over 4 years, having written a bunch of featured articles, and recently become an admin, we'd have done a bio on RabbiTechno by now, wouldn't you? Arguably Uncyc's second most notorious Jew (because no-one ever remembers TKF is Jewish), and UotM wayyy back in January '08, the good Rabbi now polices the wiki with his kosher banstick as part of the increasingly Semitic but non-existent Cabal. Old-School Featured Article of the Week I'm a dick. A private dick. That's like a private dancer but with a gun and dances cost extra. That's how we do it in the detective game. It's a game like Clue, but without the cards or the board. Just the dice. And they always come up snake eyes. The name is Gwendolyne. Last name's not important. All you need to know is my friends call me Gwendolyne. My friends are bourbon and ice and I haven't spoken to ice in years. It was a stormy and dark night. Not a dark and stormy night. That's an unrelated story, one that’s got little to do with this narrative. That somber tale has got something to do with Paul Clifford and I'd tell you about it, but the library revoked my card. Something about expositioning too loud last time I was there. Sorta-Comeback of the Week A wild Gerrycheevers appeared! Gerry used April Fool - it's pretty effective! Necropaxx, RabbiTechno, Mordillo and UU used gullibility - it's not very effective! Gerry wins!

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MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 20:09, April 8, 2010 (UTC)

WotM voting

It's not about you using half-fors, though I might warn you that an admin might disapprove of that. The thing is, you already voted for Nach earlier (about two votes higher than your current one), so you see somewhat of a weird situation has arisen. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:48, 10 April 2010

Really? Whoops. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:28, April 10, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you for your half vote, no matter what came afterwards. Maybe on your fourth vote on the page you can consider me again, but I then expect to lose your vote on the fifth tally, and am counting on the sixth as the "magic vote" that will put me over the top! Ah, but beware the seventh vote. I greatly fear the seventh vote! Al en chains 21:45 11 4 MMX

Well, my ineptitude and withdrawn support aside Al, you've got my support next month for sure, provided you don't win this month. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:13, April 11, 2010 (UTC)

I have looked at the entrails of a pigeon, and it has told me 'ware the seventh vote. Nominally Humane! some time Sunday, 23:23, Apr 11 2010 UTC

In order for me to be able to count the votes by the end of the month - cam you make it absolutely unequivocally clear who did vote for? Will all the strikeouts it's still not clear. ~ 07:20, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

The prophet of Uncy has predicted this. You have voted, by my count, 6 times. Now Mordillo asks for the dreaded seventh vote. I greatly fear the seventh vote! Al trembling with dread 23:41 13 4 MMX

MTV Bathory

Is on VFH. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 14:46, April 12, 2010 (UTC)

I noticed. I haven't had the time to read it just yet--I promise I will, though, so don't you worry. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:20, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Mooshy's whoring to you? How dare he. Jenny? 00:27,13April,2010

Please register your name here. Thank you. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 13:11, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Even though your name is conspicuously absent from both here and here? Doubtful. I mean, my articles haven't got a chance in hell, but still. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:19, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Ahem. Nominally Humane! some time Tuesday, 23:03, Apr 13 2010 UTC

Guildy: Done. Puppy: You first. SIRE FREDDMOOSHA AMUSE ME 23:19, April 13, 2010 (UTC)

Yippy, I just got paid and decided to come by this den of whores. Well Hello there! Don't mind if I do. How much? Well, yes, I can afford that. Upstairs? Why sure! Al with my pockets full and yes, I am glad to see you 23:27 13 4 mmx

Well, if you insist. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:29, April 14, 2010 (UTC)

Already voted Mooshy - your turn! Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 03:08, Apr 14 2010 UTC

UnSignpost 15/4/10 - Yet another on time delivery.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

Apr 15th, 2010 • Issue 84 • News? Where we're going, we don't need... News...

Something Scary This Way "Comes" By Skinfan13 A recent infestation of glowing dildos has taken over the front page of Uncyclopedia. Many users were shocked on April 11th when they opened up their web browsers and were treated to bright green replicas of EugeneKay's penis. Everywhere. Even poor anti-Semite Mel Gibson couldn't escape the wrath of the glowing dick. And the reason for the Scream in Edvard Munch's famous painting was revealed - turns out to have been caused by a hoard of giant glowing EugeneKay penises - an understandable reaction. When asked to comment on the matter, users simply refused to acknowledge that they had seen the penises at all. "Well, I for one didn't notice anything. Glowing penii are so common around here that these particular examples of illuminated manhood really didn't make an impression..." said Aleister in Chains. HELPME had a different outlook on the whole matter: "of course I noticed, how couldn't I? They were everywhere!" he exclusively told our intrepid reporter. Random internet traffic took notice of the infestation as well, with 127.0.0.1 commenting" "Ballsack!!!11 alolololololololooll pasfsdkjfhaelkfjds PENIS PENIS PENIS." He was promptly banned. The infestation passed almost as quickly as it came and a sense of normalcy returned to the main page when the penises retreated into the dark and abysmal graveyard of unused image files. By April 13th, all traces of the Great Penis Invasion of April 11-13 2010 (as it is now being called) were gone. There are, however, unconfirmed reports that the menace still lingers close to the main page, just waiting to strike again soon. I See IC All At Sea By UU It has come to the attention of our ever-vigilant reporters (largely because Why? has been bugging us to write a story about it) that Why? has decided to stand down as Admiral of Imperial Colonization, the organisation that somewhat amusingly styles itself after British Imperialism, but uses American spelling. We didn't need to ask the outgoing Admiral for a comment, as he was falling over himself to give us plenty, so we randomly selected the following: "I'm anal for accuracy", he told us. Among other things. Anyway, if you want to follow in Why?'s footsteps, and those of his illustrious predecessors in charge of the Colonization project, you can sign up to be considered for the post here. If it helps, you may wear a nice hat (please provide your own hat).

Check out these pages! The seed of a good idea It's a surprise, it says so in the name... Tell Uncle Dex everything. Everything... From our logs: 17:54, 14 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.185.215.1 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (On the charge of flagrant asshattery while in posession of an internet connection, I find you incredibly guilty) 20:05, 13 April 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I never gave you an inaugural joke ban? I blame you.) 23:03, 12 April 2010 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.55.13.71 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (And the LORD said unto me: "Go ye, and smite the page blankers; they are as shit upon My heavenly sandal") 14:44, 11 April 2010 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 79.73.5.86 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (You sound clever, and therefore I am blocking you to ensure that your talents are not wasted on us.) 21:19, 11 April 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a random ban time ‎ (chose your own adventure) Biopic of the Week Continuing our glorious occasional tradition of bio-ing people who haven't contributed for months and half the newer members of the wiki will never have heard of, let's have a look at Andorin Kato. An Uncyc stalwart since 2006, Andorin was voting on VFD, QVFDing stuff and writing good articles when most of today's active users were in short trousers (they're still in short trousers, of course, but it's been a while). In true on-the-ball Uncyc fashion, this hard work was recognised when Andorin was made UotM in November 2009. He was less than thrilled. The nostalgic return of Cajek Ban of the Week 11:39, 14 April 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (About time I did this. It's been a good two weeks and I haven't done yet.)

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--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 20:34, April 15, 2010 (UTC)

Marilyn

I may come back to you for another request at some point soon (see Tim Burton talk page discussion on pee review) but for now: I've been doing some edits on the Marilyn Monroe page, and came across and added the pic on the bottom. Can you help identify the other three? My guess is Lana Turner, Jean Harlow, and Carole Lombard, but may be wrong on all but Harlow. Thanks. And feel free to come and play on the page too, we should have a top-notch page on Monroe and what's there could be a backbone or two. Al sans chains 21:48 29 4

That's a nifty little photo there. Unfortunately, I'm no expert on fifties' starlets, so your guesses are as good as mine. Also, I've got one week and three final exams of school left, so perhaps after those I'll lend a hand (and start contributing more to the site in general again). —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:07, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Tim Burton

Remember like 9 months ago when you were doing a shitload of directors, and I said you should do him, and you said no? Well, it's done. Just about. So there. Jenny? 22:02,29April,2010

I see that. And yes, well done, those that worked on it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:05, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Thank you. And I was thinking of making a director article myself (Stephen Chow) but I have no idea what to do for it. The only angle I can think to take is his terrible Chinese-English translations/subtitles, but that seems overdone already. Jenny? 02:29,30April,2010

Well, if that's the angle you've got, go with it, by all means. You never know what you're gonna get until you start writing, ya know? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:57, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

Maybe. Jenny? 10:58,30April,2010

Exactly. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:56, April 30, 2010 (UTC)

I can't believe you watch Stephen Chow films. Maybe you can do the article in his style of humour, with or without bad translations. ~ 09:36, May 1, 2010

Yes, I was thinking of that. His style of humor is a bit... something. Jenny? 13:57,1May,2010

It really is... something, alright. ~ 14:56, May 1, 2010

UnSignpost 1 May

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost: Special Weekend edition

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

April 22nd 1st May, 2010 • Issue 85 • Insert penis joke here

The launch of a new and exciting weekend edition. Maybe. By PuppyOnTheRadio "Where is my signpost?" was the cry heard from the world wide masses this week. "There should have been an issue on the 22nd and on the 29th, and nothing seems to have been done about it." Fear not, gentle reader, for the signpost will not go gentle into the good night. We have instead taken a brief hiatus for no reason that we could conceivably come up with, and now we are back in a blaze of glory. For those who are unaware of our proud history, the next issue, coming out this Thursday, will mark the (roughly) 2 year anniversary of the creation of the UnSignpost, the unperiodic periodical started by Dr. Skullthumper and Cajek. The good doctor, at the time of the first issue, was asked what his feelings were towards creating the first formalised forum for spam within Uncyclopedia. It was from this that we now have the immortal words "Those assholes better appreciate this. They'd BETTER." Now, two years on from those words of wit and wisdom, the UnSignpost is still struggling going strong. There have been varied reports as to why the USP has not been released. One suggestion is that regular contributors just "couldn't be bothered writing." Others have suggested that it comes down to the unwillingness of the head editor, who was recently heard to say "I'm so against... this... again... (E)xistence is far more than (it) deserves." One of the more probable reasons for the lack of issues may be that the news has now gone viral, and is available more readily through facebook then it has been previously. One facebook semi-regular, who bears a remarkable resemblance to a Silent Bob inaction figure, has said of this development "Excuse me, but I think your geek is showing." Dexter111344 supported the move to the social networking site by saying "I won't be joining as I don't intend to ever make a Facebook." Another possibility is the number of users now communicating via UnSkypelopedia. When asked for a comment, EMC said "OH FUCKING CHRIST I'VE CUM" Dr.Skullthumper, however, said "I started both of them.", and then wished to make reference to some forum or something. Ethine, however, was somewhat more constructive, informing this reporter that "Since it's getting close to summer, we'll likely have more calls, as most people's schedules are slowing down. As well as calls, we have the neat little chat thing at the bottom, where everyone sexually harasses each other when calls aren't going." Despite several attempts, I still haven't been sexually harassed. One reason why users have not been as distracted recently is due to the enormous amount of work going on at PEE review. At present there are articles waiting for review which have been there for over three weeks. For all those who are looking to get the review process back and alive, please pick up an article for review today. Your time and investment into this proud tradition can create the next great article, like the recently featured A wizard did it or the recently nominated UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out, hailed by some as "the most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years" Another reason why many users may be distracted is the number of collaborations that are currently in progress. Of those there is Tim Burton, being cleaned up by the team at ΥΣΣ, lead by the fantastic Skinfan13. Also starting to make some ground in the spread of reliable information is the team at Multiliteralist/Summit of Spin, lead by the wonderful Multiliteralist. And of course, coming out blinking from seeing the light of Discordianism is the ever faithful Imperial colonization, lead by everyone's favourite canine, RDB PuppyOnTheRadio. And of course, another reason might simply be that the team here at USP are all running around arranging bake sales to assist with Poo Lit Surprise, the bi-annual competition that actually gives prizes to the winners. The most likely explanation, however, is that nothing newsworthy ever happens on Uncyclopedia

Check out these pages! UnNews:Windows 999,999,999,999,999,999,999,999 came out Looks who's out of the closet. The most profound and groundbreaking article to hit Uncyclopedia in over 50 years From our logs: Flammable blocked 86.171.18.85 with an expiry time of infinite ‎(YOU ARE SO COOL SO COOL AWESOME LOL) ChiefjusticeDS blocked 91.195.183.211 with an expiry time of 1 day ‎(Ah, that may be true, but you are a wanker, so it evens out) Olipro blocked 92.4.117.223 with an expiry time of infinite (YOU EVER BEEN FUCKED IN THE ARSE WHILE WATCHING A YANKEES GAME?) Mordillo blocked 217.28.207.226 with an expiry time of 1 week (time's up! you need to go to the toilet to do some poopy!) RabbiTechno blocked 91.195.183.213 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎(Cyberbullying. Matthew R. would like to point out that while he may be gay, you are banned) Olipro blocked YOUR TOO SLOW! with an expiry time of infinite ‎(your spelling is shit, it's spelt "YOU'RE" ... so that means you're a fucking retard) ChiefjusticeDS blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 days ‎(Blessed be the Uncyclopedia admins for they shall lead us to the promised land, also bye bye!) Mordillo blocked God-Is-Cool with an expiry time of 40 years (It took them 40 years not 40 days you bloody heathen) Biopic of the Week What can anyone say about Maniac1075. There are rumours that he is not an individual, but rather a multinational conglomerate of authors who do nothing but write quality articles on an extremely high rate. Or at least on an extreme high. However you look at it his contributions to date have been fast and furious. There is definitely something odd with him at least. If nothing else, he has a scarily in-depth knowledge of the world of professional wrestling. In fact he has been nominated as both Writer of the month and Potatochopper of the month. There is a particular school of though that says that these fields here should be filled in with any old garbage in order to ensure that both the left and the right hand sides of the USP are of the same length. While we appreciate this sentiment, the truth is that the USP is known to be constantly at bursting point with information that we can't fit into one column, and so this right hand column is essential for the stuff that we can't fit elsewhere. SCROTUM The above section is not a prime example of the statement in the section above. Please feel free to ignore it.

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Brought to you by fucking magic. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:06, 1 May 2010

Mecca Vice will skip your home

"Much thanks for your help in making it better!"

--Funnybony    07:09, May 3

Thanks!

Striker2117 and Al Gore thank you for your vote! Without you, their theorem could not have been featured.

--Sirrah CatshirE Chess the Striker2117 00:11, May 4, 2010 (UTC)

Please move your PLS submission ASAP

PLS Submissions have to be in your user space. The primary purpose of this is to insure no one edits your article, which disqualifies it. For your sake, please move it now so it doesn't get disqualified. Thanks. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:39, May 14, 2010 (UTC)

Nevermind; it is in user space. Your title fooled me. I'm so easily fooled. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  05:45, May 14, 2010 (UTC)

Hah, apparently. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:48, May 14, 2010 (UTC)

Just out of curiosity

Which other illustrations by Gustave Doré for The Divine Comedy are you planning to use? —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:08, 16 May 2010

Which ones are Divine Comedy ones? And I don't really know, seeing as I didn't know I used any to begin with. (In any event, all the pictures seem to fit.) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:02, May 17, 2010 (UTC)

Hmm, it seems I confused The Divine Comedy with Paradise Lost. Though I think pictures from both poems could fit into your article. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 17:54, 18 May 2010

Hah, yes, the makers of Fallout 3 made the same mistake you did: http://fallout.wikia.com/wiki/Paradise_Lost Kinda funny, actually. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:04, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

I was thinking about putting something forward for PLS, read this, and realised that I didn't have a chance, and gave up. Nominally Humane! some time Wednesday, 03:17, May 19 2010 UTC

I was wondering where your half-dozen entries were this time around. Well, there's r,five other categories you could potentially enter, so don't let me spoil everything for you. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:42, May 19, 2010 (UTC)

Sir?!? Excuse me sir???

Are you enjoying the flight? Can I get you anything? Fluff your pillow? Cook your taco? Adjust your seating, airflow, overhead light or oxygen? Ok then, I salute you!  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  12 Jun 2010 ~ 05:08 (UTC)

Hm, perhaps, but I have work five days this week, a bunch of fun friend stuff to do, and another article of my own in the works. Plus I might do a pee review, because I haven't in ages and feel bad. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:53, June 12, 2010 (UTC)

You're not living off the two bits you get paid from working here huh? Friends come between you and the internet...? Next thing you'll be telling me is that you're gonna continue to be AMAZING at other stuff too. Way to make my life suck even more. Thanks a lot. (Stop by next week & add a sentence or two if you can.)  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  12 Jun 2010 ~ 20:54 (UTC)

That I may be able to do. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 18:46, June 13, 2010 (UTC)

Along the same lines as the above, pee review

Very good, both the six-line stanza idea and the additional stanzas about BP and the oil execs in general (along with their governmental cronies from various American administrations and Congresses, including the present ones) Bottom line (here's a bottom line: ______________), would you like to collab? You've started already, with the two stanzas. I'd still like to link each line with something here, as that way all the pages (mostly in UnNews right now) concerning the oil gusher would be linked. Would be very nice to work with you, and we can both come up with ideas and then work out what works best. Yes, the present ending is weak, as I did try to work in a ryme to the second to last line. Well let me know, and I will work on some other stanzas and links in the meantime. Thanks a billion (and F.U. C.K. BP--excuse my fu. ck. in.' language) Aleister 18:10 16 6 MMX

p.s. lol. Check out the bottom photo caption. An attempt to save the photo on the page (it seems at home there somehow).

p.s. I've put your two stanzas in, although I reversed them (you probably improve as you go, the second was better than the first) and changed a few words (I think I'll take out Pig, a little too direct and '70ish, unless you really love it!). Can I use them if you don't want to collab on this? And I promise I'll go along with the same theme and put a lot of time in to do it juuuuussssssttttt right (to give BP another nightmare, although be it this one on a clown site). Thanks again, Al 19:03 16 6 MMX

I'd actually really love to collab. I've never actually managed to successfully do so here (nothing ever got off the ground), but since we're already on the same page here I think it work work brilliantly. I get to work first thing tomorrow. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:02, June 17, 2010 (UTC)

I've done quite a bit more work. Edits to your stanzas, added a new stanza, and am looking at three more stanzas, for nine in total. One will summarize/comment upon the government, one on the public's response (or non-response i.e. kicking capitalism's behind) and some other aspect. The language flow I've carved this into (lots of double meanings and layers of symbolism--even the Sandra Bullock line and Meg Ryan's facelift are commentaries on the two-faced approach that corporations take to their public and private agendas) has its own logic too. Your idea to add stanzas was perfect. Aleister 2:34 17 6 MMX

p.s. I'd like to do the last stanza, a call for action, nonviolent but direct, aimed both at BP and the structure of environmental destruction (did you see Chicken, the frat collab for May?]], and final edit on the page (I guess I feel an ownership ego-thing here, but I want it to be perfect and you tossed in a second stage to the project), yet I know you will add further great value to the page. So, fun stuff!

Your version, extremely good writing and edits (neither of us would expect no less!). I'll work them in and around and keep most of it, yet would like to do the closing verse focused on nonviolent direct action. But not until the 'morrow, my mind reels with too much oil, and I am needed elsewhere! Thanks, nice work all around! Aleister 3:36 17 6 MMX

Excellent, I'm glad you approve. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:27, June 17, 2010 (UTC)

Damn, it's looking good. I spent an ungodly amount of time mixing the two versions, feeling my way into the many-level based language of much of it, keeping what I still liked and hopfully what you liked. Two more stanzas needed, the last one the call to action thing I have in spirit (I'll have to carve that well). Can you come up with one about pubic reaction or something that moves you for the second to last stanza, or do you want me to go ahead and play it out? Your Red Sea page has interested me but I haven't gotten around to reading it as yet, but will do so right now. And I'm not whoring my HowTo:Reinvent the wheel page either :) (seriously), just wondering if you've read it yet, and if not, please do and make a judgement either way or not at all. It's one of my faves, but wayyyyy at the bottom of the VFH page, hanging on by its nails just as it's gained new life in the last few days. As for the oil poem, I kept the other animals in there too, and Sandra and the bunch, just to expand it out and to add a bit more funny within the serious (and I like them too, like tadpoles you want to protect until the fish come along to eat them). Al 11:33 17 6 MMX

Hi. Left a few notes on your most recent draft. I guess this is the point where collabs breakdown unless someone does the final edits, which is one of my hats on this page. All strong writers love their own stuff, so we need a captain on each voyage. That's the joy or horror of collabs! On the page, I didn't see various ocean animals as being excluded by the title, it's a title refering to the birds and, as you point out which I didn't realize until you said it, the "well-oiled (corporate) birds". But many of the photos to come will be of sharks (must use sharks, another double meaning), dolphins, turtles, etc. who are right now being driven toward shore by the oil in numbers which are scaring marine biologists and everyone along the Florida and Alabama coast. Cuba will be hit soon too. The most horrible quick-time environmental tragedy since the U.S. prairies were quickly destroyed in the 19th century. Let's get rid of Sandra, Simon, and Meg, which I think is very funny and has the great double meaning of two faced individuals, but you dislike. I'll keep Bennie, as he is a mafia hit victim who was thrown into the gulf to sink in the oil (and I think funny to the people who will get it). Much more, but this is a very large note. Give me some time to work on the thing again, lots of work on it today. Thanks, Al 18:36 17 6 MMX

Call to action, although I have to eat first

How about this ending? It feels right, or close to it, and at least throws a pebble into the pond. Al 1:12 18 6 MMX:

Later the next day. I found maybe the "perfect" vid for the bottom of the page. Blessed Be.

Here's the latest last closing stanzas. Thoughts, fears, and recipes? When did you become a wizard? Al 4:22 19 6 MMX

Students, housewives, and old broken-down hippies,

Show your love for all nature,

Not hate of the spoilers,

Ask for world healing, bring drummers and shamans,

To a nonviolent stand:

United Nations.

"End Earth's destruction", our request to the leaders,

"Restore lands and waters",

With the help of the leakers.

So here, a rhymed call for humanity's quorum,

Now gather your friends

At the world's modern Forum!

I like it. Perhaps a little preachy, but that's unavoidable I suppose. A couple things, though: 1)put a "The" in front of "United Nations" to make the meter work better. 2) The rhymes in the first stanza are kind of, well, not really rhymes. I know it's hard to rhyme something with "nation," so I suppose that second time can stand, but the first three lines should really be reworked.

Also, sorry I haven't been around much the last day or so. Yesterday I had a full day of work followed by a full night of friends, and now that I'm back home I have to shortly get ready for another full day of work. I'd help you rework those two stanzas of yours, but I'm not going to be around this weekend much to do so, plus you said you wanted to see to them anyway. But yeah, aside from my two criticisms they're good, so I guess so to that I guess. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:21, June 19, 2010 (UTC)

Hi, I just got back online after a couple of days off myself. Let's go with one of these versions, I would feel bad for my old hippie friends if we say they haven't been laid since the mid-1960s (shivers), probably the opposite is true, they probably get laid more now than anyone else their age who wasn't a hippie--those that kept healthy and active that is.---We have a fun unintentional things in the poem, the CEO's Yacht is named "Bob"! so "bob in the water" can be linked to yacht, and if we don't have a yacht I've got a page in mind to be named "UnBooks:Daddy has two yachts" (seriously, I've already written some of it, a fun one). I'll put in the stuff, and how do you like that video!!! Perfection, imnho, perfection I'se tells ya. I must have listened to the vid a dozen or more times after putting it in. More soon, and maybe this is close to being nommed after the slight rework. Think so? Oily, Aleister 1:05 22 6 MMX

Well, I'm glad you're just as generally pleased with everything as I am. And I agree, we're basically ready for a nomination. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:06, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

Great. How about if we wait a day, do it on the 23rd both for luck and to give Ape's oiled bird page time to get his double-digit votes. I'll put up the nom unless you want to do it, Nice changes. And there is uncy page on yacht, although I've wondering if anyone did a UnNews on the yacht fiasco. I'm watching Obermann, now BP wants to drill in the artic. Righhhtttt. Al 2:14 22 6 MMX

P.S. Or a better idea, how about if we sign both names on the nom. Something like 'Aleister & Guildy' (do you mind that shortening, it's what I always think of you as) or your whole name and I'll shorten mine to fit in the space on the VFH page.

Feel free to do the nomination when and however you want to, provided you're pleased with the final revisions. You'll certainly have my vote, haha. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:53, June 22, 2010 (UTC)

Hi, I expanded the nom comments and my vote a little to make it clearer that this was a collab. Felt like the right time to nom it, I'd done some link changes which seem to work, and a slight tweek or two which improved the pace, etc. And we have enough link spaces to put links to new UnNews pages or a full page or two when people write them. Sort of a depository for articles on the Gulf. Writing this was a trip! Aleister 17:36 22 6 MMX

Indeed it was--we should collaborate again some time. Perhaps after Conservation Week is over, or something. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:10, June 23, 2010 (UTC)

Hi. Some grumbling on the nom, that it's not funny enough (not recognizing satire), so I did a little more funny by modifying but using your "laid since the mid-. . ." and redid the Obama stanza so it made me laugh. Neverending saga. Al 2:47 23 6 MMX

p.s. For funny, would you greatly mind if I put that second stanza back, but maybe using Christian Bale's name (to whore Matfen, of course) or Ann Coulter in place of Sandra Bullock (that she is a man isn't as well alleged as, say, Coulter, and putting Bale in would be saying "as surely as he is a man" in a macho sense). That wold lighten the load of seriousness a bit right at the start. It can be updated periodically as Christian Bale has the operation and no longer is a man.

Sure, if you think that'll sway the votes of the naysayers and improve the article, than go for it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:28, June 23, 2010 (UTC)

Naysayers can seldom be UnNayed, but since we are a clown site it seems a little more of the fool should be on the page, it's what the people want, bread and roses and all that. Thanks, Al, minutes later

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Now With 0 Trans Fat!

Jun 24th, 2010 • Issue 86 • Oh yeah, the UnSignpost, I remember that...

Conservation Week Approaches By UU Fancy watering Uncyclopedia's forestry? Want to be a good conservationist? Fancy taking up the rewriting sword of justice, and righteously smiting the dragon of shit writing? Actually, the hell with that, do you want to take a bunch of bad articles, and make them suck less? Then you, my friend, are in luck! Conservation Week 2010 starts on July 5th, and actively encourages users to scour the wiki (perhaps through judicious use of Special:Random, or possibly through exploration of Category:Rewrite or Category:Ideas or even Special:Lonelypages), find lame articles that they consider are taking up the very space which could be occupied by something less sucky, and then using their skill and judgement to turn those articles into shining examples of comedic writing. As this is a competition dedicated to simultaneously reducing the number of useless articles on the wiki and increasing the number of good ones, some naysayers believe it to be completely pointless - Uncyclopedia is the worst, they say, and no amount of well-intentioned competitions can change that. But were it to exist, the Cabal would probably beg to differ. They may call it something like "a genuinely good thing", and "a ray of hope, signalling that occasionally, even the most worthless dreck may be redeemed". So if you think what your userpage is missing is a template called the "Greasy Mechanic Award", then prepare to rewrite like you've never re-written before. Just don't forget to make your new version better than the original. Something summarizing the events of the last month or so By PuppyOnTheRadio It has been said by one of our esteemed administrators here at UnSignpost that if it wasn't reported in the UnSignpost, then it didn't happen. As there has been no UnSignpost produced for the last few days, due to one of the editors having a real life, and another one being lazy, there are several things that didn't happen. Yes, the loss of the UnSignpost for so long sent a shiver down the spines of many an Uncyclopedian. So much so that one member of the community decided that it was timely to look at a new way to produce the UnSignpost. One such idea was to release a monthly periodical in the place of USP. Although there has been several attempts by this reporter to obtain a quote from said insurrectional community member, to date no response has been heard. As part of the ongoing struggle to maintain our independent stance from Wikia, several members decided that it would be a wise idea to create a way to cash in on the popularity of the site. As such the UnShoppe has been created, where you may purchase any one of a number of Uncyclopedia-related pieces of merchandise. So far all purchases have been made by the individuals who created the store. However, if you are looking for the place to buy a shirt that shows that your nipples have been featured, that a wizard did something, whatever it was, and that you have an in-depth knowledge of who Dan Kwon is. There was a competition. Congratulations go to mrthejazz, who got the pun. Imperial Colonisation has taken a brief hiatus after the new head of IC became the old head of IC. He was an Australian, and his example has inspired the entire nation so much that the new head of Parliament for the country is now the old head of parliament. Congratulations go out to the new new head of IC. A strange bandwagon has been created by a drunken Bonner, who has challenged all and sundry to ask him anything at all. As such there are various forums dedicated to asking regular Uncyclopedian members things. These previously were known as user talk pages, but who can stand in the way of progress? And that's all that didn't happen. Although now it's listed in UnSignpost that means it actually did happen. Which suggests that by editing UnSignpost I have the power to change the past. If I could change anything about the past, what would it be? I had sex with a real person!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandipedia? Fuck... Uncle Dex needs ideas for business cards Wait, we seriously have a store now?! From our logs: 06:22, 23 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.152 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (and you are the living proof that school kids are idiots) 00:12, 23 June 2010 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked LRC (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (The purpose of redirects is to redirect someone to a page that is related to the original page, not separated by six degrees of bullshit logic. Try again.) 09:52, 21 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 153.107.33.158 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Back after your last block and still loving the penis, have a bit longer to think about that) 15:02, June 17, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 243 seconds (I hear the UnSignpost may be returning, so I'd better make sure I put up at least one decent ban this week so I can get in it!) 05:38, June 17, 2010 PantsMacKenzie (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.109.125.137 (Talk) with an expiry time of a million years ‎ (multiple vandalizations of keitei) Old-School Featured Article of the Week UnMysteries:J'accuse Thank you all for meeting me in the Accusing Parlor tonight. If you're wondering what "j'accuse" means, and why I ran screaming it through the whole house, it means "I accuse" in French, and it's what people say when they accuse people of murder. I trust you know why we're all here. After I was mysteriously invited to this party, and after people started mysteriously dying, I decided to put my internet degrees in Criminology, and Criminography, to good use. But to accuse people of homicide, I have to start at the beginning. International Sporting Tournament of the Week The Swedish Orienteering And Firing A Rat From A Cannon Championships. The World Cup? What's that? Missed anniversary of the week Some time in the last month or so, the UnSignpost completely failed to celebrate its second anniversary. Hey ho. Two years of missed deadlines, desperate filler boxes, flimsy biopics, hand-deliveries and pale imitations of journalism - is it even worth mentioning? Probably not. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #347 The standard of desperate filler boxes in the UnSignpost remains as low as ever. Oh look - a monkey!

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A new UnSignpost issue, another template spammed onto your talkpage, enjoy! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 15:16, 24 June 2010

Tanks for review

I do have good feelings about this article, but the lack of laughs disturbed me a bit. I'll see what I can do. Do you think my concept is too obvious or not obvious enough? I thought it's pretty obvious but some people seemed to be not getting it. I wonder if there might be others out there.

It's also surprisingly hard to find good pics of headshots on the internet. ~ 08:21, Jun 28, 2010

Believe me, no one has dealt with people not "getting" their stuff more than me. Don't worry about it. And being witty/clever is often better than being laugh-out-loud funny, so don't worry about that either. Best of luck revising your article. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:23, June 28, 2010 (UTC)

So...

What's your favourite Kurosawa movie then? That is, if you can nail it down to one. Personally, I'm quite partial to Ran. Fucking beautiful film. Also, I saw you mention Pink Floyd's Animals in a pee you did. Just so happens that's my favourite Floyd album, you a fan too? Stalkingly yours, --Black Flamingo 18:33, June 29, 2010 (UTC)

Holy fucking Jesus God. Ran is my favorite Kurosawa film, and Animals is my favorite Floyd album. Of course, I also like Seven Samurai, Yojimbo, Throne of Blood, Ikiru, Rashomon, Kagemusha, Dreams, and, like, every film Kurosawa's ever made. Except for The Quiet Duel, that sucked ass, actually. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:11, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

I'm also partial to basically every song in Floyd's Roger Waters era. Animals and Wish You Were Here especially. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 02:12, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

I thought I was the only one... I'm actually glad you mentioned Dreams, that's a really underrated Kurosawa film. And yeah, Roger Waters is The Man. His solo stuff wasn't so good though. --Black Flamingo 16:06, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

I feel exactly the same way about everything you just said. Tell me, what are your thoughts on Ingmar Bergman, Fantasy Football and Porcupine Tree? —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:37, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Ok here's where it falls apart:

• I've only seen The Seventh Seal. I loved it however, and admit I should make more of an effort to watch his other films. Any you'd recommend?
• I don't follow football, least of all American football. I'm English but I don't even follow our version.
• And again, I've never listened to them. They any good?

For a moment there I thought I might have had extreme schizophrenia and was operating multiple accounts at once. --Black Flamingo 16:53, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Aww, drat. For Bergman I'd recommend Cries and Whispers, The Virgin Spring, Persona, Winter Light, The Silence, and Through a Glass Darkly. And though I can't fault you for not liking American Football, it's inexcusable that you haven't listened to Porcupine Tree. They're sort of an Alternative/Progressive Rock/Metal band. They draw a lot of comparisons to Floyd, which makes the fact you haven't heard them yet unforgivable. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:18, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

I like their name. I'll give them a listen some time. --Black Flamingo 20:28, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Pee Request

Mind Reviewing this? Thanks.--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 10:05, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Seeing as I have tomorrow off from work, I'll try and take a look at it, yes. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:30, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

Congrats!

Well done!

--Funnybony    16:45, Jun 30

Why thank you! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:30, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

FU

You didn't thank me for voting on Well-oiled birds. Am I not special or something?!?!--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Wednesday, 07:25, June 30 2010 UTC

No, unlike me, he hates you--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 19:27, June 30, 2010 (UTC)

All the news that's unfit to print!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The periodical without any junk in its trunk!

Jul 1st, 2010 • Issue 87 • More news than something with less news than us

Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to write at speed! By UU Dullness. Boredom. Shit not going down. That's the place Uncyc found itself recently. And we needed a spark. An idea. Something out of leftfield to galvanise the troops, plaster stupid smiles on faces across the wiki, and inspire joy unconfined in the community. We're still waiting for that, but until it arrives, Skull's hour-long writing contest will do nicely. Shamelessly pinching Cajek's idea of time-limited writing competitions (which brought us such classics as HowTo:Sexually Stimulate an Ant, lest we forget), but putting his own distinct spin on it, Uncyc's own mad Doctor challenged Uncyclopedians to write an article in a single hour that would survive VFD. Given Uncyclopedia's well-known exacting quality standards, this promised to be a tough task, but a surprising number of people were up for it. And so it was that a frenzy erupted across the wiki, and baffled Europeans and other users not around at the time awoke the next day to a slew of brand new articles, not all of which ended up being deleted. They liked the idea so much, they held their own a couple of days later. When asked to comment on his brainchild, the commotion and excitement it had caused, and the size of his penis, Dr. Skullthumper exclusively told us "Sure. I'll get on that. I swear". Things getting boring on the wiki? Time to start pointless drama! By An Ape that Only Exists on Thursdays Giant evil multinational wiki-hosting conglomerate Wikia won a major victory last month, when a rebellion by a small but dedicated band of anti-capitalist radicals was brutally put down by a bunch of fascistic Wikia-collaborators. Or at least, that's what happened in the heads of Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning after they nailed their anti-Wikia manifesto to the metaphorical door of Uncyclopedia's metaphorical Wittenberg Cathedral. The 1,000-word anti-Wikia tract, despite the shocking and previously unknown revelation that Wikia was not in fact the wiki-hosting charity that it claimed to be, but rather a commercial company, failed to ignite a spontaneous revolt against Wikia among the Uncyclopedia community. A heated and sexually-charge discussion ensued, with strong arguments offered by both sides. However, it seems that some people were unable to grasp the enormity of the revelation that Wikia's motives were less than altruistic. Eventually, the thread descended into an all-out flamewar and a waaaaaaaaaaaaaahmbulance was called to treat the injured. "We may have lost this round," Carlb told UnSignpost reporters "but it is only a temporary setback. One day, the tyranny of Wikia will be no more. Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." It is rumoured that Carlb, Roye7777777 and CartoonistHenning will employ Black Bloc tactics at the next Wikia conference in an attempt to escalate the struggle against Wikia oppression.

Check out these pages! Tell me about your mother Fantasy (American) Football is back! (Oh yeah - I went there) Open the podcast bay doors, Skull... From our logs: 09:07, 30 June 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Ahmedatefa (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (don't do that....or I shall have to spank you) 20:31, 27 June 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked SadisticWolf (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (I don't "rape" I "cockify". There's a difference. ) 16:01, 25 June 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Dexter111344 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (I'm not a poor version of Oli, I'm a mediocre and far more irritating version) Biopic of the Week What can be said about Ethine? Well, she's been lurking IRC since about December 2006 and only made an account after being forced to by emc. She has been sexually harassed by long forgotten users and by ones you only wish you could forget. She recently took up the job of fighting vandals, reverting idiots, and trying to get new users flogged. For some reason, this was enough to get her the Uncyclopedian of the Month award. Or it could have just been because of her hands. Her young, sexy, oh-so-soft hands... By the way, she actually likes talking to you freaks over Skype. Go talk to her. Ask her about her open invitation to everyone to come to her house. You won't even have to bring your own rope, either. Old-school featured article of the week Hi, my name is David Cameron and I'm the Prime Minister of The United Kingdom. You can call me Dave if you wish, not that I'm trying to tell you what to do. "David" is fine. My mother calls me David and she's a lovely woman, so either way it's cool. This is my own personal uncyclopedia article. I've created this, because I feel that in this modern age of ipods and nanos, it is important to connect with young people and do it in the medium and language that they understand, L.O.L.

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--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 12:17, July 1, 2010 (UTC)

You thought I forgot?

Thanks! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 14:49, 1 July 2010

Did you forget

This?--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 21:19, July 2, 2010 (UTC)

No, I didn't, I've just been very busy. Not having work gave way to a bunch of social and familial obligations the last couple days, and then this weekend is, well, 4th of July weekend, so yeah. I might find some time this weekend to squeeze that review in, though, so don't despair, I haven't forgotten you or anything. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:05, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

I saw somebody who looks just like you do in the video

Been in Northern Virginia lately?--Sir HELPME Talk (more? --> CUN ROTM NOTM Pleb USS Pees SK ) On Monday, 04:23, July 05 2010 UTC

Not exactly, but my girlfriend lives in Northern VA. Though she's in Greece at the moment. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:19, July 6, 2010 (UTC)

Signpost: normal service resumed

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because if the rumors don't spread at the salon, we must spread them in the news.

Jul 8th, 2010 • Issue 88 • Hand-stitched for comfort

Conservation week: how's it going, and what is it anyway? By Under user The 6th bi-annual Conservation Week is now in full swing, and once again bugging people by lasting for a fortnight. So far there are around 12 rewriters signed up (depending on if Joe9320 is serious about pulling out because he got reverted) to rewrite getting on for 30 or so articles. That's a fair old commitment to improvement. But then, that's kind of the idea, isn't it? Conservation week has been running since autumn 2007, starting life in Jocke Pirat's userspace, and spending a confused few hours being called the rewrite-a-thon in an early attempt to get around the whole week-fortnight thing. The first iteration was a resounding success, and about 38 people signed up to rewrite over 50 articles (with Zombiebaron hilariously missing the point and going on a deletion spree instead), making the current iteration look like it has some work to do. However, there was no quality control at the outset - if an article was rewritten in any way, that was deemed good enough. Some of those early articles may well have been made worse, we just don't know (or can't be bothered to check). Quality control arrived later on, when erstwhile gentleman editor of this very organ Gerrycheevers stepped up to run the first 2009 CW, and ran the rule over all the rewrites personally, so that the attendant award was only bestowed on those doing quality rewrites. That task this year falls to Dexter111344, who has promised to be "harsh but harsh". Probably. So, with a prize on offer to the person with the most high quality rewrites, and plenty of time left in which to do said rewrites, the only question left is: "why haven't you entered yet"? We asked this question of one completely random user, and he exclusively told us "because I'm busy writing this week's issue of the UnSignpost, duh!" Image Request: A Retrospective By UU Time to focus on a sometimes-overlooked corner of Uncyclopedia: UN:PIC, otherwise known as Image Request or Radical X's corner. Named for the once and forever king of image manipulation on Uncyclopedia, the near-mythical RadicalX, this page has been responsible for some truly memorable Uncyc images over the years. And some of Pokémon characters superimposed on the crucifixion - hey, whatever floats your boat. Established in March 2005 by a user called Machinecurse, this page has been the domain of most of the legends of Uncyc image manipulation at one time or another - as one 'chopper has left, another has arisen to take their place, in some kind of Potatochop Royal Succession stylee. Or something. Whatever, the likes of Paulgb, Zombiebaron, Seeker, Sonje and, more recently, KneeChee27 and MeepStarLives have slaved over hot image editing software to fulfil the esoteric image requirements of the Uncyclopedia populace. The response time has always varied on the page, as it largely depends on how active the 'choppers are at the time, how achievable the requests actually are, and how polite the request is. But for those with a little patience, it is undoubtedly a useful resource in the ongoing quest for that perfect image of Mario and Master Chief riding Pikachu down the Death Star Trench run. Or something. Have a look at the gallery to see some of the more recent work.

Check out these pages! Yes, it's fucking political... I, er, won't survive? Everyone's a winner baby From our logs: 03:03, 5 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Skinfan13 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Paradox block for breaking a rule on an award with no rules) 21:47, 4 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked Aidan2613 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (The revolution is dead. God save the queen) 18:15, 2 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.154.122.248 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (I hope the next 48 hours pass as swiftly and painlessly for you as the hundred years war) Biopic of the Week In North Vancouver, born and raised, at city fundraisers and bake sales are where he spent most of his days... Some of you may or may not remember Shandon, nicknamed "Doughboy" by the electorate in Vancouver after his notorious political scandal which nearly erupted Canadia into anarchy. This is unlike his nickname on Uncyclopedia, "Doughperson", which is based on Shandon's gender neutral writing style and gender neutral username having led many to believe that Shandon has no gender. He recently moved to America, and after doing so was named "Worst Canadian Export", a title he took from Bryan Adams but recently lost to Justin Bieber (Shandon's only chance of reclaiming the title is Bieber's looming appearance in North Korea which many hope will be the end of him). After becoming the first person to ever pick up a chick from the Uncyclopedia IRC, Shandon is now living the American Dream. So what's the nick all about? Shandon, from Silverlock by John Myers Myers. NOT Shandon from Isle of the Dead by Roger Zelazny (another terrible book). Old-school featured article of the Week A civil war is a form of warfare known for its kindness and civility, in stark contrast to the other tactics such as scorched earth which are entirely too dirty for upstanding gentlemen. Civil warfare is a strategy that has outlasted many minor fads in warfare such as Germany's Blitzkrieg Bop, the British Redcoat's Stand In a Line and Shoot or the French Foreign Legion's Surrender. Its longevity as a tactic can probably be attributed to a few things, namely the incompetence of modern military tacticians compared to those of the past and the universal human need for cordial smiles and small talk, even during battle. The inevitable return of Cajek ban of the week 12:30, 8 July 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (not returning to Uncyc in a proper and timely fashion)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

Oh dear god, am I really doing this again? --UU - natter 10:57, Jul 9

Yet Another Worthless Award

AMAZING FREE GIFT!

As YOU voted for BIBLE! to be featured on the front page,
this FRAMED, VERY RARE and HIGH COLLECTIBLE
JESUS AND LINDSAY LOHAN
issue of the magazine is YOURS TO KEEP!
Generations to come will thank you for this wonderful keepsake.

---

Rabbi Techno kvetch Contribs FOXES 11:34, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

Why thank you Rabbi. Nice job, by the way. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:57, July 9, 2010 (UTC)

Re one of your Top 10 of 2009 votes from January 2010

Dear Mr/Ms Guildensternenstein/archive6, Greetings. I am the lawyer for Arthur C. Clarke's estate. Last summer, following the listing of an article on this website (henceforth referred to as "Uncyclopedia"), namely the article titled 2001: A Space Odyssey, as a featured article, I and my assistant began to prepare a copyright infringement suit against you, and were about to file it in December 2009 when both of us were attacked violently by the user MacMania, who was imprisoned for his central role in this infringement, but had apparently escaped custody to exact revenge against us. Needless to say, MacMania was once again taken into custody, but we lapsed into a comatose state. However, now that we have woken up, we have found out, much to our chagrin and dismay, that you have further encouraged such infringing actions by selecting 2001: A Space Odyssey as the number 2 article of 2009, and that England once again failed to make the World Cup final. We must, of course, take further action, and would like to notify you that unless Uncyclopedia's administrators take action, we will press the following charges: 1. continued support, encouragement, and flaunting of copyright infringement; 2. indirectly causing severe physical harm to me and my assistant; 3. potentially providing shelter to Paul the Octopus, whose psychic powers clearly drastically demoralized the English national football team against the German team, which is an unspeakably criminal act. We will drop these charges only if you agree to furnish us with a Paul the Octopus voodoo doll* for our perusal. Please let us know if this is possible. Your obedient servant (strictly in a figurative sense) James Steel c/o Alesha Phillips London EC4M 7EH UK * Must be complete with voodoo boiling water, voodoo olive oil, voodoo knife and voodoo fork.

Better late than never, or at least that's the thought. (Sorry about the length of this, by the way.) Horribly belated thanks for voting 2001: A Space Odyssey into #2 of 2009! Sir MacMania GUN—[01:43 16 Jul 2010]

In case you thought I forgot

All Quiet on the Western Front is slightly changed, taking your review into account. I've decided to keep the "noob" because in the book, a large part of it dealt with the innocent, wide-eyed teenagers who get senselessly killed in war (the noobs), and this contrast between game and book is quite nifty. Anyway, give it another look and see if you have any more suggestions. ~ 07:32, Jul 16, 2010

Another UnSignpost! Rejoice!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

Jul 15th, 2010 • Issue 89 • Made with 100% recycled vuvuzelas

The 40+ club expands By UU Once, many years ago, having 40 featured articles seemed an untouchable goal - a mystical, far-off land that none would ever reach. These days, it seems almost passé, as Mhaille has joined Modusoperandi in that territory, and Hyperbole (counting works by his various drunken sockpuppets) is half a feature away from becoming the fastest person yet to reach that magical figure. We asked them all for quotes, and Mhaille exclusively told us: ""Go eat more shit, fuckers"...obviously I am excited to have reached the BIG 4-0, and am delighted that enough of my peers deem the quality of my work good enough to have reached that figure, although I have to say I'm a little pissed that at least 10 other of my articles are feature-worthy and are constant overlooked (lengthy bans will ensue, I'm sure), I am equally as proud of my featured images, as well as many of my other contributions that I hope that my peers feel have augmented the work of others. That I am still here after five long years, and still contributing says something about Uncyclopedia itself. What that is, I wouldn't like to speculate. But sometimes you have to in order to accumulate. Apparently." Which is such a long quote we're going to need at least one blatant filler box in the right-hand panel. Bastard. Meanwhile, Modus exclusively told us "It's not that myself and Mhaille have written so very many great and fantastic pages that have, and will continue to, entertain the people for years to come. It's just that Mhaille did. "I" am one of his many sockpuppets. He writes as "Modusoperandi" when he needs a page without a "foreign" accent. Look around. There are a bunch more Mhaille sockpuppets here, too. Hyperbole, for one. Mhaille is like a wet Mogwai." Which is more concise, and therefore OK. Finally, Hype exclusively commented: "I'd like to say thank you to Uncyclopedia for voting to feature my many excellent, high-quality articles, including the drunken insistence that you accept a diseased poodle, the song about having sex with sporting goods, and the blatantly racist tirade about having to wait too long for a Pee Review. Writing 39.5 features has been literally the most important accomplishment I will ever have in my life. I look forward to continuing to service each and every one of you in the future." Which was nice of him. So, the burning question now has to be: who will be first to 50? Modus obviously has the lead, but Mhaille is writing in greater volume than he has for some time, and if Hype keeps up the pace, he's probably a good bet. But they're not the only candidates - Sog is coming up the rails rapidly, and could reach the 40 mark even quicker than Hype - could he overtake the lot of them? The only thing certain is that with these guys around, Uncyc should be assured of some half-decent articles amongst the dross. World Cup over - Romartus struggling for UnNews inspiration By UU The climax to the World Cup may have been a little ugly, unsatisfying and under-whelming (hmm, sounds familiar somehow), but it raises a question so far not addressed by the mainstream media, namely "what is Romartus going to write UnNewses about now?" The scourge of Junior Uncyclopedia has discovered his muse in the planet's biggest sporting event, and has been cranking out UnNews articles on the subject at an alarming rate. Now, without Jabulani balls, biting tackles and Messi long shots to inspire him, what is there to inspire him to maintain such prolific standards? Suspicions abound that the Tour De France is passing him by, he seems far too English to care about the various draft and transfer shenanigans in the NFL and NBA and the like, and as the only story to emerge from golf's Open Championship so far is Tiger Woods changing his putter (wow, someone hold me back), that seems unlikely to unleash his inner news-hound. With a worrying lack of global sporting tournaments on the horizon, will we have to wait another 4 years for the next Romartus article splurge? Stay tuned to UnNews to find out!

Check out these pages! Please not Stephenie Meyer, Please not Stephenie Meyer... Lazy journalism. Which is something we never indulge in Kicking on with another bandwagon From our logs: 23:47, 14 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.8.150.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (Oh, shut up for about half a year, will you? Thanks, dear.) 15:47, 13 July 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Under user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (a song originally written for Celine Dion? Have you no standards?) 14:47, 13 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 294 seconds ‎ (CUZ I MISS U BABY AND I DUN WANNA MISS A THING.) 14:39, 13 July 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Don't want to cloooose my eyes, don't want to faaaaaall asleep.) 06:18, 13 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Keeh69 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I block with the power of a thousand vuvuzelas) 19:16, 12 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 77.164.176.221 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (you can't even spell "racistic" properly it's "RASISTICS") 01:01, 12 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.68.108.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Only because I can't appoint you an admin.) Biopic of the Week Fnoodle was the UnSignpost's first ever paperbot, something we could frankly do with more of. One of the many creations of fiendish evil genius Dr. Skullthumper, it also managed to singlehandedly upset approximately two-thirds of the wiki by running a huge spellcheck operation, maliciously changing "teh" to "the" on every single page - which seemed to put an awful lot of panties in a bunch, judging by teh number of complaints on Skull's talk page in the aftermath. Old-school featured article of the week The Adventures of Baron Ringpiece were composed as a series of short tales, published between 1840 and 1848 by William “Wacky” Thackeray, better known for Vanity Fair Magazine, and his novels Penispenispenis and The Virginans, and details the life and adventures of Redman Barry O'Malley. Thackeray always considered the work to be unfinished, and had intended to add several more chapters, turning the tale from one where the hero works towards success to one where he gains his dreams only to lose them. Cajek ban of the Week 10:04, 9 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day (account creation disabled) ‎ (I really don't do this as often as I should)

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 10:18, 16 July 2010

Red Sea

Red Sea? I meant to say Rolex and Marilyn Monroe but it came out wrong. Nah, I meant Red Sea all along. But I forgot my point, something to do with nomads and oil. Aleister 23:14 16 7

Aaaand

Peer Review is done. I say it's good. Sir MacMania GUN—[00:12 19 Jul 2010]

Pee Queue thing

So yeah, at least one person has bitched in the forums that the queue is getting lengthy - it must be time for action! I'm respectfully requesting that every active peeing member do one or two reviews this week to hammer that sucker right down. You may already have done some, I'm just copy/pasintg this message on to your page, so don't feel slighted, just feel I'm lazy - you'll be right. But if you haven't done any, do you think you could rattle a review or two off this week? Let's show 'em what we can do when we can be arsed! (Told you I'd get on it).--UU - natter 20:42, Jul 19

Already got a review booked UU, haha. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:29, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks!

For your vote on Rolex. It "ran" well on the front page, had a "time" out for awhile, and then pointed two hands at the correct time at least twice today! Thanks, appreciated. Aleister 2:41 21 7

Red Sea

Hi Guildy. I had considered voting for the Red Sea (Slight Return) article after reading the comments from TKF. I thought I was making a point about rapid renomming but it wasn't aimed at your article as I respect your work and as a general contributor around here. So as I was delayed for three days, this is a belated vote in favour. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 14:00, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

Ah, thanks Romartus, I appreciate it. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:45, July 20, 2010 (UTC)

I disrespect your work around here. I'm spray-painting over all of it as we speak! Do something about it. Punk. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 03:34, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

I will. Punk. Oh, and the Redskins suck. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:36, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Low Blow. Low blow. But I've moved to the Cincinnati area now, so I get to watch the Bengals stink it up on TV every week. Which stinks, BUT, at least I'm not allowed to watch Washington blow themselves up week in and week out. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 03:38, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Hey man, Cinci's looking pretty decent this year again. Keep in mind they went 11-4 last year against teams not called the New York Jets. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:40, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Buh. They wrote a HowTo on choking away games at the end there. And by choke away games, I mean Carson Palmer looked awful. Dreadfully awful. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 03:42, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

True, but he hasn't exactly got very many weapons to throw to. I mean, when your best receiver is a 33-year-old named Ochocinco... —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:46, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

It would have been better for everyone if T.J. Houshmancatherinezetajones had stayed. He had a dreadful year in Seattle with a dreadful team. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 03:55, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, it seems nine times out of ten big free agents wind up sucking on their new teams. Like Albert Asshat, I mean Haynesworth. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:59, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

He actually wasn't terrible last year. He just wasn't any good either. A shame really. I guess it's kind of nice that you don't have to worry about any big name free agents stinking it up in Buffalo. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:31, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Hah, well we did have to deal with a very mediocre TO last year. And Haynesworth definitely didn't live up to his $32 million pay check. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:00, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks Guildy!

It was an insightful review; I'm going to read through Moby-Dick again and see what more fun I can make of it (alternatively, and more probably, I may just go to Wikipedia for a summary if when I get tired of the encyclopaedic parts again). Also, ship puns are the new fish puns. Also also, trust me, I was trying to fit Starbuck/Starbucks in somewhere, and the only way I fit Starbucks in (I'm sure you noticed) was a link gag. But since (as you doubtless do not wish to know) I will be expanding on the "frame narrative" by having two sub-sections under the Contents and features section ... never say "never say 'never say never.'" Again, appreciate the review! Sir MacMania GUN—[02:58 21 Jul 2010]

Glad you appreciate it so. I realize a lot of my suggests were very much on the vague side, mostly because I haven't actually read the novel yet. I plan to, though, hopefully sooner rather than later. Anyway, glad to be of help. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:31, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Also, ahem. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 03:33, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

Wait, I voted on that. Is it not getting votes fast enough? Give it time, it'll rise to the top ... right? Sir MacMania GUN—[03:51 21 Jul 2010]

Oh, you did vote for it. Right after I nommed it. Duh. I'm just so instinctively inclined to whoring I completely forgot. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:00, July 21, 2010 (UTC)

OK, so I tried extending/condensing stuff; there's some deviation from the encyclopædia angle, and it might feel a bit redundant. Thoughts? Sir MacMania GUN—[23:13 22 Jul 2010]

I'll take a look at this for you this afternoon. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:34, July 23, 2010 (UTC)

Read all about it! The UnSignpost rides again!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

Jul 22nd, 2010 • Issue 90 • Suddenly, Signpost!

UnNews hits warp factor Whore By Zim That bastard child of Uncyclopedia and WikiNews, UnNews, is in full-on whoring mode. Tired of being relegated to the bilge hold of Uncyc, staff have collectively and to a man, woman or it, decided to resort to the time-honored tradition of whoring themselves for attention. 2010 is shaping up to be a record year for lots of stuff, which I am too lazy to actually reference. We've had lots of cool coding happenings, resulting in a facelift to the Main Page, and a really cool navigation bar giving access to a plethora (well, 7 sections in fact) of sections including Sports, Comics, Editorials, and special coverage of the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico. Contributors to UnNews of note are Funnybony, SPIKE, Romartus, Modusoperandi, Mordillo, Multiliteralist, PuppyOnTheRadio, Happytimes, Matt lobster and MrN9000 (when the bugger's here). Apologies to anybody I've missed. The Newsroom, home to nefarious plots and odd ideas, has once again become an active core of resistance against Uncyc's unofficial policy of ignoring us. Always leading edge, UnNews is acquiring a stable of notable personalities for a new series of Uncolumns called "Reductio ad Hitlerum", a guest column that invites persons of note to do an article for us, usually under threat of blackmail. Discussion here, first RaH column here by guest Sarah Palin. Techno gets Mhaille'd By UU The most exclusive and coveted award on Uncyclopedia, the Mhaille award for excellence, has been presented for only the 14th time in 4 years, and the first time in first time in a year, to the suitably humbled RabbiTechno. The award is, unusually on vote-happy Uncyclopedia, not decided on by voting, but is bestowed at the sole discretion of feature-monster, bureaucrat, whoring legend and token Liverpool fan Mhaille, according to his own criteria. Looking down the list of previous winners - Shandon, ENeGMA, Tompkins, Zombiebaron, Prettiestpretty, Savethemooses and the rest, it's pretty clear that the good Rabbi is a) in good company, and b) not going to be here much longer.

Check out these pages! Whoops! Andorin did it again Vote for less voting! What's a "Braydie"? From our logs: 06:03, 22 July 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.236.215.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Cyberbully - also apparently believes women to have penises and is thus either aged under six years or is a Lady Gaga fan. Either way, unsuitable for Uncyclopedia) 08:04, 19 July 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.167.1.63 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (returning blankist. Nice to see you again chap.) 06:06, 17 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 69.171.137.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I get my dubious software from Synaptic package manager, thank you.) 01:45, 17 July 2010 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 82.32.64.51 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (yo article so fat) Old-school featured article of the week A shopping list purports to be a simple item used to detail all items required on a given shopping trip. However, recent scientific studies have revealed its true purpose: it is a key element in a game of oneupmanship between couples. The lists are carefully compiled in a secret code known only to one half of the couple, the objective being to confuse, baffle, and otherwise annoy the other half to the point of submission. The ultimate aim is to get the other half to admit to being an abject failure, and to concede intellectual superiority in the relationship indefinitely, or at least until next Tuesday. Cajek ban of the week brings you - Cajek's first ban! 15:06, 20 September 2007 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (When an admin archives a VFD, voting is closed.)

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--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 14:02, July 22, 2010 (UTC)

Konbanwa/Ohayō kozaimasu Guildensternenstein-san

(I'm certainly not young enough to be called MacMania-kun—oh, I wish I were)

(oh, and I almost said おはようこざいました—I can never tell when to say -ました and when to say -ます, although the latter's probably more proper)

Thanks for the review! Spot on with the concept—basically I saw "HowTo:Become Japanese" or something like that on the requested article list, read some HowTos in that vein, feared what might happen if somebody else actually wrote it, and decided to send up the blasted namespace. (Yes, that blood bag image was inspired unlike any other—only a mind as twisted as mine could come up with that from a reading of Japanese nationality law.)

So, on to actual distillation—needless to say, I've obviously had Charlotte the spider's illiterate grandchildren just grabbing random bits from other HowTos and pasting those onto their cobwebs. (Strikeout jokes rarely work, and I should know since I use them so much.)

• Should I drastically reduce 2a? It helps maintain the impression (despite hints to the contrary in the TOC—which I think may be running into the flag because of 2c's very long title) that it's a straightly done HowTo, but then again, as you say, it's a tad bit common and as such loses comedic quality.
• Should I expand on 2b? The running gag as is falls a bit flat, I'm afraid, and perhaps more content in each item and outside of the list as well (maybe drawing the list out into a few paragraphs, even) might help with humour ...
• What about 2c? I like it as it is—short and bitter (with what TVTropers might call a Double Subversion of a trope)—but perhaps some more anti-racist ranting could help.

Sorry for dumping this on your talkpage, and thanks for the review! Sir MacMania GUN—[04:48 26 Jul 2010]

Right, thanks. Tried a few things out, but I don't believe I'm done yet. Do you want to suggest anything further to do before I drop this in the review queue a second time? Sir MacMania GUN—[19:25 26 Jul 2010]

I'll look this over and give you my thoughts this evening after I get out of work. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:55, July 27, 2010 (UTC)

Hurrah, thanks! Changes incorporated, I think. Time for another week in the review queue (and blast it, it's 0500 again for the second time in a row today) ... Sir MacMania GUN—[04:05 28 Jul 2010]

Upsilon Sigma Sigma July Newsletter

Well guys, its been exactly 5 billion years since I last did a newsletter and I thought doing one would be a good way to get everyone back into the fold for August. Big things on the horizon for August for Upsilon Sigma Sigma.

First thing's first: Welcome to our newest brothers, Maniac1075 and Happymonkey39! Hopefully you guys will stick around and become regular contributors to our little project here!

Secondly, unfortunately there wasn't really a July collaboration. That's partly my fault from being absent most of the month because of work. The June collaboration, Taco, that got roughly finished and reviewed around mid-July will be our collaboration for both months. Go ahead and head on over to the collaboration page to vote on whether we send the article to mainspace or not and be sure to nominate an article for the que, also found on the collaboration page.

Third, some asshole (cough MadMax) redirected weird to odd, but bad news for him; we're doing weird as our collaboration for August anyways. This one is going to be epic guys, like Tim Burton epic. I'd like an 'all hands on deck' turnout for this one. We'll begin sometime around August 1 or second. I was thinking the approach for the article should be from the perspective of a high school misfit who's unaware how weird he is describing other kids as being weird. or something... Once the collaboration page is up and running we'll hash it out on the discussion page.

Lastly, and I know I constantly pound this, we all need to start doing requested articles individually. This is supposed to be a big part of USS, but our frat has morphed into mainly a collaboration group. Lets try and focus on those individual requested articles over the next few months.

Looking forward to ramping this thing back into gear with you guys in August!

Founder -- Sir SF13 (Talk) GUN WotM RotM FBotM VFH SK Maj. ΥΣΣ 21:37 EST 28 July, 2010

Re: Yahtzee

OK, the main problem, as people voting on the first VFH nomination pointed out, is accessibility, I think. Most of your other articles in this style are either about very famous filmmakers or actually take some time to coherently explain the person's background, style, etc in some detail if not exquisitely. The ZP article seems to lack a bit in this regard—as a ZP fan I get that this is imitating the rambling, borderline coherent style of the narration, but the sections with biographical information or subject exposition frankly seem to go all over the place, and it's probably confusing to non-fans. In conclusion, you need to go in a solid, visible direction with each section like you do with your other articles, so that it becomes more easily readable and thus more accessible to those outside of the Yahtzee niche. Don't completely lose the train of thought—throw in the occasional one-liner or visual pun once in a while while retaining coherence; that's what makes Yahtzee rather hard to imitate, I think. (The reviewer, not the dice game.) Hope this is not too harsh and somewhat helpful— Sir MacMania GUN—[03:22 31 Jul 2010]

Speaking of Yahtzee the dice game, there's a missed visual pun opportunity right there. Heh. Sir MacMania GUN—[03:23 31 Jul 2010]

I've considered doing stuff along those lines, but the joke (obviously) as that it's an article about Yahtzee done in the style of Yahtzee, and I don't want to toy with that too much. Basically more people should watch Zero Punctuation, and therefore get the joke. One of these days I'll revisit it, though, I guess. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:39, July 31, 2010 (UTC)

Somewhere in the Enrichment Centre...

You voted for this?

Maybe you should marry that thing since you love it so much. Do you want to marry it? WELL I WON'T LET YOU! How does tha—
Er, GLaDOS?
What is it?
You do realise that you're regurgitating quotes from the original game.
Is there something wrong with that?
As a matter of fact, yes, GLaDOS, there is. Quite a few of us are waiting for the new, creative, inventive quotes that are to come in Portal 2, and actually are sick and tired of people who regurgitate quotes and memes from a two-and-a-half-year-old game.
You're right. I can't become just a soundboard of tired old quotes.
Exactly.

Thank you for helping us help you help us all.
*sigh*

---

Thanks for voting for Portal! Sir MacMania GUN—[13:42 1 Aug 2010]

Tag, You're It

Gerry's 24 hours ran up and I drafted for him. Your turn!--    23:00, August 3, 2010 (UTC)

I drafted. Now you get to auto for IWKY!!!! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 01:25, August 8, 2010 (UTC)

Hi!

That is all -^Dame 20:25, August 4, 2010 (UTC)

Yay, Sonje's back! —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:07, August 5, 2010 (UTC)

It's new and it's news! It's the latest UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

Aug 5th, 2010 • Issue 91 • I love it when the news comes together

VFD minimum time limit introduced By UU Yes, folks, it's actual news this week. We know, next week will see normal service resumed. However: following a forum discussion on the dump that impressively managed to avoid any real drama, it has been decided that, to avoid any articles being deleted without a proper window for debate, all nominations on VFD will remain open for a minimum of one day. Further to that, the minimum score required for deletion is in the process of being clarified, so that either a score of at least +5 in favour of deletion will be required before the trigger-happy admins fire up their huffing devices, or 5 keep votes will automatically exempt an article from deletion. One of those. Probably. The number 5 seems certain to be involved, whatever the outcome. Hopefully, this will ensure that BUTT POOP is never deleted again. At least, such is our understanding. Sorry about that. We will now follow this with an article with no relation to news whatsoever, to try and make it up to you. Uncyc Fantasy Football draft off to racing start By UU Those with a passing interest in sports might notice that Uncyc's never-popular Fantasy Football league is about to embark on its second season, and has begun the draft process necessary to create the teams that will be taking part. So far, the results have surpassed the expectations of all except noted optimist Bradaphraser. Three days in, and seven of the record fourteen competitors have picked a single player each, making this the slowest process since BP started trying to cap that goddamn oil leak. This year's competition promises to be more open than the last, including as it does Joe9320, who admits to knowing nothing about the sport, preferring AFL, and noted British namby-pamby "soccer" fan UU, who has somehow agreed to become an Indianapolis Colts fan for the duration of the season. Hence his adding a picture of what he is assured is the awesome Peyton Manning into this very article. With the likes of the here-one-week-gone-for-a-month Gerrycheevers also involved in the process, it could well end up taking long enough to be ready by the start of the 2011-12 season.

Check out these pages! You're new, aren't you? I have this way of telling Fighting the good fight: a beginner's guide Someone returns, creates forum From our logs: 07:55, 3 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ethine (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1000 seconds ‎ (I'm seeing the words "Added category!" when I sleep now) 14:44, 29 July 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.74.132.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (I'm sure Emma is a really nice girl when you get to know her. Ask her out for some coffee or something. And when you guys fuck, don't post about that here either.) 00:14, 28 July 2010 Flammable (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.9.0.0/16 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (I got bored, so I decided to block 2/3 of Norway. Bug an admin in IRC and they'll unblock you, maybe.) Biopic of the Week Some user was just some user who created Uncycloversity, Unquotable, and had the world's greatest departure message from Uncyclopedia. Despite only having been at Uncyclopedia long enough for everyone to cry when he left, Some user brought a plethora of knowledge to Uncyclopedia. He taught us all how to find our inner sockpuppet and be humble, the former of which has duped countless users into earning lengthy bans and the latter of which was laughed at out of confusion and then soon forgotten. He also taught us all about the laws that protect one's anonymity on the internet, reminding us that the internet is a safe, anonymous world. Fact: every time a person uses a proxy, God makes a rainbow. Sexy 'Crat of the Week Mhaille is quite possibly the reason why all sysops on Uncyclopedia are assumed to be sexy. Going by his South Park likeness here (have you added yours?), his excitingly furrowed brow speaks of smouldering hidden depths, his trim goatee teamed with his unkempt hair hints at the animal nature he so barely keeps in check, his narrowed eyes show he's always ready for action... Face it folks: the man drips sex. Being banned by him is actually illegal in twelve American states as being too erotic.

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—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:02, 5 August 2010

You're quite a helpful reviewer

so I was wondering whether you'd be able to remark on a few more of my articles (the ones on the review queue, plus Cuban Missile Crisis). Not necessarily full-on reviews if you're busy—just some general remarks/suggestions would do just as well. Hope that made the slightest bit of sense— Sir MacMania GUN—[22:31 5 Aug 2010]

Hmmm, I'll give one or two of them in the queue a review when I get the time, probably tomorrow or the day after. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:18, August 6, 2010 (UTC)

You're up

Well, indirectly, but you need to atuopick that shit. Jenny? 04:52,8August,2010

Again, the ball in is your court.--<<>> 12:54, August 9, 2010 (UTC)

T-T-T-T-T-TIME TO AUT-T-T-T-T-O-PICK! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 21:36, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

I WILL KILL YOU BITCH

It's his turn. Go pick for him. Jenny?

Thanks!

I am eternally grateful! —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:29, 10 August 2010

I was checking over the pee queue and...

Russo-Japanese War is bloody hilarious. I was going to review it but I only really have two suggestions to make. They are:

• Move footnotes 3 & 4 into the main text, they are too funny to be hidden away down there, and I don't think they'd interrupt the flow.
• The "nobody cares" link was a bit predictable. At least, I saw it coming. Perhaps cut that.

Anyway, If I'd have come across the article some other way, I'd have definitely nommed it. --Black Flamingo 17:06, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

Why thank you. I suppose I could integrate the third footnote into the text, though the fourth one is definitely more of an aside based off the point than the point itself, and should probably stay a footnote. And I do agree that the Nobody cares link is predictable, but I needed some sort of segue into the sections on the war itself, and that seemed as good a method as any. Also, if you think it's that good, feel free to nominate it. I'm going to make a couple-three revisions right now, so yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:21, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

Actually, I think I meant the first, not the fourth, I agree on the fourth. Although you could probably move the second up too. I'm not sure what to suggest about your segue. You could just basically explain that there were a lot of reasons for the war (as you already do) but then just say "but these aren't as exciting as giant robots killing drunken Slavic farmers" - or something to that effect. But whatever, I trust you know what you're doing. See you over at VFH. --Black Flamingo 18:10, August 10, 2010 (UTC)

(maybe try one of these links?)  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  14 Aug 2010 ~ 17:55 (UTC)

Auto-pick Joe

Then do yourself. Jenny? 00:21,11August,2010

FIX'D Jenny? 02:55,11August,2010

I was actually seriously considering taking Vernon Davis but I already had Crabtree and don't like stacking people from the same team unless it's QB/WR. I got Davis last year for nothing. I'm a big 49er fan and I heard a lot of hype about him so I was picking him up in my 3 drafts last year way at the end - one even as a FA after the draft was over. I sure hope he has a good 2010 because my real team needs him.--    08:39, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Indeed. I honestly thing the 'Niners are going to own that division this year--11-5, I'm thinking. Plus I think Davis could have an even bigger season than last year, per the 'Niners' improved line and stability at quarterback for once. Hell, even if his stats drop a bit, him getting something like 800 yards and 8-10 TDs makes him more than worth it where I got him. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 13:13, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

I'm hoping that the chemistry will be better with Crabtree in year two and maybe he'll sneak into the bottom of the top 10 fantasy WR's this season at the very least.--    15:38, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Hmm, perhaps, though the 49ers probably don't through the ball enough for that. You never know, though, he certainly has the talent to be a Top-10 guy. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:34, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

They started an "air it out" campaign last year, the players wanted it, and then they suddenly backed off it at the end of the season and I'm under the belief that it was mostly a personnel issue - The O-line. If they can protect better this year that extra half second to scan the field is going to pay dividends. These guys want to throw the ball, I know that much.--    16:41, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, but with that line and Frank Gore, I don't know how much that's going to happen. Plus Singletary is a ball-control kind of guy. At best they're going to use the run to set up the pass, and run a lot of play actions, I think. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 17:35, August 11, 2010 (UTC)

A letter from Filmmakers for Lens Flare

Thanks for supporting Lens flare! Sir MacMania GUN—[19:53 11 Aug 2010]

Ugh

So Rahab is taking forever to make his pick. I probably won't be here Tonight, so if he doesn't pick Jason Witten, give me him. If he does, give me Tony Gonzales.--<<>> 21:14, August 12, 2010 (UTC)

Sure thing Brad. And I often read RAHB's name as "Ray-Hab", for some reason. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:04, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

Whelp, it's morning, and shockingly I got the guy I targeted. It's your turn now, good sir.--<<>> 11:08, August 13, 2010 (UTC)

And now you get to do 4 autopicks. Shockingly, Matt Leinart is still available. Give all of them him. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:06, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

Why do you say that? Have they either been AWOL or said to pick for them?--<<>> 17:22, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

Dunno. Guildy told me on my talkpage that he had four straight auto-picks to go after me. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 17:49, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

I see. Thanks for the info.--<<>> 18:35, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

Well, Guildy, using the numbers from Yahoo, your last couple of autopicks have skipped the Jets defense (which is way up there at an average of 55th pick), then it's Pierre Garcon, Minnesota's defense, and finally Jeremy Maclin of the Eagles. I've been told you've been asked to sutopick for the next four picks, but I have no such insider information, which is why I'm not entering them in, but there you go.--<<>> 18:35, August 14, 2010 (UTC)

Really? Fuck. I didn't even think to look at D for those few picks because defenses usually don't start going until the late 70s. Ah well. No one likes picking D anyway. Anyhoo, I'm gonna do those autopicks now. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:08, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I'm one of the anal-retentive guys. Usually about the dumbest stuff, too.--<<>> 02:08, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

Your turn. I picked the autopicks, so it's your turn to pick a player. The bad news is that there isn't a highly-rated receiver left. The good news is that there are a lot of great defenses to choose from.--<<>> 18:20, August 15, 2010 (UTC)

You're up again. The pickens are getting slimmer. It almost looks like time to start going with backups, though there are some good kickers left. Have fun.--<<>> 10:54, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

Thanks for the help on the board. That's part of the reason why I put it up there, so we can be on the same page on how to autopick.--<<>> 21:17, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

No problem Brad. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 23:18, August 16, 2010 (UTC)

Possibly time for an autopick (unless the other one gets to it first.) Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:29, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

Bring me Chekhov's gun! No, not Pavel Chekov's phaser, you imbecile!

Thanks for giving Chekhov's gun a great review and voting for it! Sir MacMania GUN—[17:10 16 Aug 2010]

And right back at you with an ありがとうございます

Thanks again for a review and a vote! Sir MacMania GUN—[23:47 17 Aug 2010]

Porcupine Tree

So I gave Porcupine Tree a listen. My first thoughts were: this is shit! and I pretty much dismissed them. But you know what? It's really grown on me. Kinda like musical fungus. --Black Flamingo 20:11, August 18, 2010 (UTC)

Yeah, I wasn't really a fan at first either. Some of their older stuff is kinda meh, as they went through an ironic-psychedelic phase and a pseudo-alt-rock phase, but everything from In Absentia on is excellent, in my opinion. Especially Deadwing and Fear of a Blank Planet. If you haven't listened to either of those albums front-to-back, I suggest you do so, because they're both great. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:37, August 19, 2010 (UTC)

BACK TO

you. Jenny? 15:27,19August,2010

League

Lovely. Got to the page, got "You are not allowed to view this page because you are not in this league. (Error #152)". So, as I've not done this kind of thing before, how does one actually join said league? --UU - natter 09:55, Aug 20

[1] Jenny? 16:16,20August,2010

Ruddy hell! It's the UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

Aug 19thish, 2010 • Issue 92 • Does anyone actually read this bit?

UnReviews - get involved! By UU UnReviews is the latest portal-style page on Uncyclopedia. The brainchild of Skinfan13, and first introduced to the world via this forum, it gathers together all of the reviews that are not pee-related on the wiki into one handy place - verily, it's the page of the future! And it needs YOUR help! Yes, good idea though it seems to be, it does lack one fairly insignificant ingredient - there aren't actually all that many UnReviews to fill it up with. So how can YOU help? Well, we would have thought that was obvious, to be honest, but as we're dealing with Uncyclopedians here, we'll make it a little clearer: write an UnReview! You could go down the road of Modus's magnum opus UnMovie Review: The Dark Knight, and make a movie review, you could get all cultured on our asses, and go Shakespearian, or you could review something else entirely. The choice is, quite literally, yours! Something helpful this way comes By UU Need a hand making your page more awesome? In need of a formatting injection, or some kind of audio enhancement? Well, help may just be at hand. MeepStarLives has decided to create a one-stop portal for all requests of this nature. If this actually works, it could be something beautiful, quite frankly. TKF has already started the ball rolling with a challenging audio request which is likely to be an early acid test for the project. If you have a Casio keyboard and some decent audio skills, get across there and get this thing working! So, how can you get involved? Well, if you are skilled at adding awesome to pages in some way, watchlist the page, check it regularly, and stop hogging your wiki-fu to yourself! If you are in need of added awesomeness on your page, pop in a request and see what happens. If nothing else, it'll make Meep feel good about himself, and that's what it's all about, when you get right down to it. Right?

Check out these pages! Did the leprechaun tell you to burn things? Finally, something worth voting on! Classy! From our logs: 06:45, 12 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.110.140.189 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Don't blank pages, take drugs, or steal cars) 03:16, 9 August 2010 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird's Vag Stank (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (probably a troll, although the username could totally be a coincidence) 16:26, 8 August 2010 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Hyperbole (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (taking top spot on the Hall of Shame.....might consider the need for a longer ban.....) Biopic of the Week Perhaps some of you remember Sir Cornbread. I barely do. I do remember how he made the Village Dump smell pleasant...well, as pleasant as the wafting, mixed aromas of stale cornbread and garbage can be. During his tenure at Uncyclopedia, Mr. Cornbread only had two features: rap and The Putz Who Stole Hanukkah. We're certain that if he would've stuck around he'd have 68,027.5 features, putting everyone else to shame but not rubbing it in our faces because I vaguely remember him being a nice guy or something. Now, this sounds ridiculous because Uncyclopedia only has 25,000 or so articles at present, but trust me on this one: this guy could write. Like many great writers, Sir Cornbread wrote about topics he knew a lot about: hermaphrodites, unoriginality, ape-shit craziness, Thais, and was working on an article about ape-shit crazy Thai hermaphrodites. But as is usually the case with all great writers on Uncyclopedia, only the good die leave young early. The ones who stay are just kidding themselves.

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--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 12:04, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

About the fantasy football league...

Why did you create it now, when the draft hasn't finished yet? It's just kind of odd, is all... <insert name here> <(^_^<)Meh.^Meh. _Meh. or something like that 23:51, August 20, 2010 (UTC)

Why not create it now? Typically, most leagues are created before their drafts even take place, so yeah. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:02, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

I just drafted for Gerry, who was taking too long, so it's your turn.--<<>> 12:11, August 21, 2010 (UTC)

Back to you/ Jenny? 16:45,21August,2010

draft

hey, can you put me on autopick for the remainder of the draft? i'm getting really frustrated trying to find the best players available and i'm crunched for time since the semester is starting. SirGerrycheeversGunTalk 01:06, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

Sure thing, Gerry, best of luck to ya. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 01:12, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

'Tis your turn again, Guildy...--<<>> 11:07, August 24, 2010 (UTC)

AGAIN Jenny? 15:06,24August,2010

We saw the sign that said "No Salesmen or Agents" but we came in anyway

Thanks for the vote! Sir MacMania GUN—[15:04 24 Aug 2010]

Yo ref

Go ahead and autopick the last few of mine, in the interest of time. Jenny? 19:24,25August,2010

Sure thing. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 19:27, August 25, 2010 (UTC)

Starting.....NOW! GO! Do your Auto-picking thing! Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:17, August 26, 2010 (UTC)

The following preview is the only thing standing between you and the feature presentation, bwahahahahaha

Thanks for the vote! Sir MacMania GUN—[19:51 26 Aug 2010]

'Tis your turn

To everything turn, turn, turn. It appears to be a turn for you to pick a lot of players at once.--<<>> 11:21, August 27, 2010 (UTC)

Faintly peeved. I only checked back to see if it was my go, and I find my go's been taken despite me not requesting such, and there still being time left for me to take it. I know I put up the vacation template, but generally, I do ask if I'm not going to be around fully - see lest weekend's post on the forum. Ah well. If that def and that kicker blow and cost me the whole thing, guess I'll just track you down and kill you mercilessly. Sound fair? --UU - natter 21:52, Aug 27

Oh, thank God. I was worried I'd picked for you and accidentally screwed up or something, but it was just Guildy. I wouldn't worry about those players. Defenses are just short of being completely random, and he gave you a good kicker.--<<>> 00:53, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

I

made a team, sorry for being idle for a long time. Reasons better go unexplained--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 23:17, August 29, 2010 (UTC)

No big deal man, nice to have you back. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:01, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Good to be back--If you're 555 then I'm Talk What's it like to be a heretic? 04:03, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Hey, the kicker you just gave to Joe got autopicked earlier in the round. Woody On Fire! Talking Woody Stalking Woody 14:22, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Really? Shit. He was still on Brad's board. I'll fix that right now. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 14:29, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Kevin Boss has also already been drafted (the guy Gerry just got). -RAHB 20:22, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

Son of a bitch. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 21:13, August 30, 2010 (UTC)

'Tis your turn, dude.--<<>> 22:14, August 31, 2010 (UTC)

Draft is done.--<<>> 10:19, September 2, 2010 (UTC)

You're on the list

at UnNews:UnNewsAudio#Other writers whose stuff got broadcast. Add your national flag, if you care. Spıke ¬ 02:16 3-Sep-10

Wow, thanks for doing an audio! (You think that UnNews of mine is feature worthy? I think it might have a shot, but I'd like a second opinion.) —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 04:34, September 3, 2010 (UTC)

Fuckin' go for it, man. - Not particularly sincere, Sir ColinAYBCUNVFHWhoringMore Whoring at 04:42, Friday 03 September 2010 -

Thank You!

^{Pirate Lord}__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 17:57, September 4, 2010 (UTC)

Special Thanks, Guildy!

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'RE NOT GOING TO HELL!! Your vote of confidence is crucial for our continued efforts to realize the galactic potential of Judgment Inc. Teamwork will be essential in the pursuit of our goals and we appreciate your patience during this transitional phase of our growing company and it's subsidiaries. I can assure you that your sacrifices are being noted and the management team suggests that you to read the book of Job as many times as possible in order to make your life seem more like paradise by comparison. Don't forget that first born males are due by the end of the fiscal year so don't delay submitting your offering. Thanks!

I was wondering why this article was being overlooked and didn't want to throw a hissy fit about it. Thanks for the nom! --    11:15, September 7, 2010 (UTC)

No problem Doc. Thanks. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 12:22, September 7, 2010 (UTC)

Happy day of being pushed out of a vagina

Even though I already said it on Facebook, I'll stop in again. Birthday. Yours. Happyish. Prostitute. Jenny? 21:57,8September,2010

UnSignpost - This is definitely not late; you're just drunk

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

Sept 9th, 2010 • Issue 93 • Our definition of "weekly" may not match yours

The pee is weak - must be time for Pee Week! By UU It's been an unusually long stretch without any kind of competition recently, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that! Co-incidentally, the pee queue is as long it's been in aaaaages, but PeregrineFalcon999 has come up with a way to put paid to that too! Yes, it would appear to be nearly time for the inaugural Uncyclopedia Pee Week! It starts on Monday 13th September. So, the questions must be asked: Do you have an opinion, and want to give others the benefit of it? Do you want to help people who are looking for help with their articles? Do you want to get a shiny new template award thingy? If the answer to at least one of those questions is "yes", you could be on your way to winning this soon-to-be prestigious competition! Just sign up here, and prepare to review as you've never reviewed before! The best of the 5.5 years super-extravaganza begins! By UU As we all know, there is nothing the average Uncyclopedian enjoys more than voting. Except possibly causing drama, but we'll gloss over that for the purposes of this article, because an unprecedented new opportunity to vote has arisen, thanks to amphibious serial-killer TKF. That's right, on the fifth of every month, a new vote will start to determine the best somethingorother of the 5.5 years that Uncyc has been in existence. This month's vote is already open, and it's for the writer of the 5.5 years. So get over there, vote, and make your voice heard! Again. Asked for his feelings on seeing his brainchild getting off the ground like this, TKF exclusively told us: "My grand-uncle used to tell me "He who goes forth with a fifth on the Fourth, may not come forth on the fifth!" and I feel that's somehow relevant to this situation." Anyone pointing out that by the time this finishes, Uncyclopedia will be around 6 years old will be asked not to point it out again. UnNews main page By Socky Someone suggested to completely revamp the UnNews main page and in an epic move of Uncyclopedia originality, decided to hold a vote on it. Some people farted.

Check out these pages! Wikia sucks, part 469 In other news, The Pope's a Catholic Insert lie here The very pinnacle of humour From our logs: 06:16, 8 September 2010 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.137.241.225 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You suck. Flaxmere too.) 04:13, 31 August 2010 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.30.32.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (congratulations on bringing to our attention the fact you are a moron. you win a ban!) 05:47, 29 August 2010 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Vertiqual (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Hey now, some of my best friends suck a lot of cock.) 18:46, 27 August 2010 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Thank god I'm in Israel then!) 18:25, 27 August 2010 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (According to my calculations, it's Shabbat in the 'Dam. Therefore, if you unblock yourself, you'll go to Hell. Ha ha ha!) 17:09, 21 August 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 02:44, 19 August 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked DarkWalrus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Poor edits, won't listen to advice, continuos ICU removal, smells really bad, etc. etc. god damn) Biopic of the Week It's time to cover a true legend of the wiki this week, a name that still inspires awed whispers wherever connoisseurs of pee are gathered together: the one, the only One-eyed Jack! OEJ, as he is more handily known, was for some time pretty much the only person who bothered to do any pee reviews at all. Fortunately, the ones he did were pretty awesome. And he had plenty of knowledge to back him up, having birthed some seriously good featured articles. But Jack didn't just write for features - he turned his hand to improvement - check his userpage to see just how many below-par articles across the wiki had the benefit of his gently healing touch, nudging their prose from lame to lollable with a deft sprinkle of goodness. Man, we need more people like this guy. Where is he now, anyways? Old-school featured article of the week go eat shit fuckers

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MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 12:54, September 9, 2010 (UTC)

Starting lineup? Dammit!

I thought you were gonna just plug in our players when you created the teams. Now I'm down points! Ahhhgh! (or something). Can you fix it or should I swap out some of my crappy players real quick to try and re-capture my kicking & defense points?  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  10 Sep 2010 ~ 03:56 (UTC)

I can't fix it--sorry. And I'd hang onto those "crappy players"--it's better to have depth at things like RB and WR instead of at kicker and defense. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 05:17, September 10, 2010 (UTC)

This is truth you speak... I bet you're right though, If I drop them for one week they might get taken before I can put them back.  ~ Avast Matey!!! Happytimes are here!*  (talk) (stalk) Π   ~  ~  11 Sep 2010 ~ 00:49 (UTC)

Something or other

Sorry for asking this in (probably) the wrong place, but I rewrote HowTo:Sell Ice to Eskimos (first rewrite, not what you'd see today) about a month before joining Der Unwehr. Would that still qualify as a rewrite for Der Unwehr or not? I didn't think that it would, but I thought to come and ask before doing anything, by which I mean doing nothing. Leutnant Herr Thatdamnedfollowspot 20:17 Sunday, September 12, 2010

Well, if said rewrite is an improvement over the original, than yeah, sure. —Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 00:15, September 13, 2010 (UTC)

MINDFUCK

^{Pirate Lord}__Sonic80 (Yell  •  Latest literary excretion) __ 20:52, September 14, 2010 (UTC)