User:Striker2117
“I do not require a consensus to do what I feel is for the best of Uncyclopedia. When I was democratically made an administrator of this website the community entrusted itself to me. If you feel that my actions are not for the best of Uncyclopedia then just say so. But I think I'm right.”
“You'll work harder with a gun in your back, for a bowl of rice a day. Slave for soldiers 'till you starve an your head is skewered on a stake. Now you can go where the people are one. Now you can go where they get things done.”
But he's dead so he can't. He can however, kill you in your sleep if you vandalize this page by eviscerating you and then hanging you with your own intestines.
Have a marvelous time.
-- 02:40, May 4, 2010 (UTC)
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Me[edit | edit source]
A person, very possibly not a person, and very possibly a butterfly dreaming about being a Chinese Philosopher dreaming about being a parliament of rooks reading a book about being a unicorn dreaming about being a human.
Striker Tells a Little Story[edit | edit source]
Once upon a time there was a time that was underneath a once. But unfortunately this bit of cheap wordplay did nothing to prevent further writing of this story which can only be considered "little" when compared to the infinite vastness of the universe. The characters are as follows:
Figaro MiDante: A seal with a heart of gold.
Strummin' Joe: A singer/songwriter with a heart of platinum.
Striker Zilt: A man who wishes he were a lunatic, in hopes that it would make life more interesting.
The Carpenter Walrus: A walrus who constructs things out of wood and frequently dupes oysters into being eaten.
Magus Aswell: A sage who doesn't care.
One day all of the aforementioned characters are standing around a small oasis in the middle of a desert. The water had been contaminated with large quantities of hallucinogens and thusly did each one of the characters have a vision.
What Figaro Saw[edit | edit source]
<font; size="100px"> 'Twas
brillig
<font;size="96px">AND
T
<font; size="85px">HE
Slit
hy
Toves
The Walrus
and The
Car
pen
ter
when they
are
both full
grown
of all
the trees
that are in the
wood
the red queen is not the queen
of hearts.
But though Elliot
tells us
that he came to Carthage
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning
burning burning burning burning burning
burning burning burning burning burning burning
burning burning burning burning burning burning
burning burning burning burning burning burning burning
burning burning burning burning burning burning burning
burning burning burning burning burning burning burning burning
burning burning burning burning burning burning burning burning
burning burning burning burning burning
burning burning burning burning burning burning
burning burning burning burning burning burning burning burning
burning burning burning burning burning burning burning burning burning burning
burningburningburningburningburningburningburningburningburningburningburningburning
b ingbu
u i n r
r u n bur g n
n r g u in burni g urnin burni
ingbu n b r u n b r g n
n r i u n r g u n b r g
gburn ngbur i n b r i u ningb
OM SHANTIH
SHANTIH
SHANTIH!
Eat Me
Eat Me!
EAT ME!
"I say," said I loudly, "I speak only silence!" But there were no words to describe the silence, for in silence there are no words. The silence was the only thing that spoke, and what it said cannot be written, for no words can do it justice. Water washed over the seal like a hot flame and tossed him into the air before eviscerating him on the sharp earth below. But there was no pain and no death, as the seal became part of the earth and of the air and of the fire and of the water, and by being all four he was both permitted and denied from becoming part of the aether. For the aether exists within all things, and all things exist within the aether; but neither postulate precludes any possibility of existence within the aether or composure thereof. For the aether is the void, and the spirit, and all that that is not.
He who has
ears
let
him
see
and he who has eyes
let him speak.
Five blind men came upon and elephant. [edit | edit source]
"My what big teeth you have", said the blind man to his deaf friend after seeing the elephant's tusks.
"All the better to eat you with, my deer!" said the elephant.
And the mute man tried to warn the others, but it was too late. For the elephant had seen through their disguises and found them all to be deer. The elephant quickly devoured two of the blind men, before the others revealed themselves to be mice disguised as deer disguised as men. As elephants are afraid of mice, the elephant ran away while the three blind mice participated in ritualistic self-mutilation of their tails with a carving knife. "Have you ever seen such a sight in your life?" asked the mute man to the deaf man. But the deaf man had begun revealing himself as a cat, who played with the mice and then ate them. "Come now," said the deaf cat who had pretended to be a man to the mute man, "What are you really?" The mute man, knowing he was truly a mute man, said nothing and left.
And then amidst shaking and quaking and aching and baking and braking and breaking and faking and flaking and making and raking and shaking and snaking and staking and taking and waking and forsaking and mistaking; Figaro awoke from his hallucinations and made a startling discovery. He had believed himself before this enlightenment to be an aquatic mammal which ate penguins and was eaten by whales and was clubbed by men, but he found that he was actually a circular spread of gold wax with the shape of a heart in the middle used to hold an envelope together and show that it had not been opened.
Stummin' Joe's Vision[edit | edit source]
A Quote[edit | edit source]
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet- and here's no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid."
~T.S.Elliot
Things I Made[edit | edit source]
Bold means featured.
- UnNews:Booms stolen as oil spill worsens
- HowTo:Part the Red Sea
- Why?:Is a raven like a writing desk?
- Fecesbook
- UnNews:Beaches_oiled_for_maintenance
- Homeowner association
- HowTo:Be A Journalist
- Don't Eat The Yellow Snow
- South Dakota
- Discordianism (Contributed as an ICer)
- Creationism (Very minor contribution as ICer)
- Gore Theory
- Sterling Morton
- Articles of Confederation
Things I Reviewed[edit | edit source]
- Article: Fight Club Review:Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Fight Club
- Article: Maniac Cop Review:Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/Maniac_Cop
- Article:Mattress Review:Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Mattress
- Article: Mecca Vice Review:Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/Mecca Vice
- Article: VMCSE Review:Uncyclopedia:Pee Review/VMCSE
Other[edit | edit source]
Awards, Titles, and other such things
Currently (re)writing: User:Striker2117/rewrite Why?:We Can't Have Nice Things User:Striker2117/My_Sojourn_with_Mr.Winkler_to_steal_a_Euroipod_from_a_grue:A_Retrospective