Haters

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“Don’t be hatin’.”

“I doaneebm pity dem fooz.”

~ Mr. T on haters

“Awyawzizz is hayters.”

~ stereotypical black guy

“I hate those guys.”

~ Theo Huxtable, the founder of modern hating

Many people use the term "hater" to describe someone who hates them, e.g. "That person just called me a hater. He is a hater. I hate him." Using my perceptive power of genius-like reasoning, I have decided that a hater is someone who hates.

What are the people who call people haters?[edit | edit source]

Well, presumably, people who call people haters are lovers, e.g. "I called you a hater for calling me a hater and I didn't want to be the derogatory thing I had just called you so I declared myself the opposite of a hater and since the opposite of hate is love that makes me a lover but you thought the exact same thing as I did so you too declared yourself a lover and that made us both lovers and if two people are lovers they love each other so by logic I had to either declare my love for you or look incredibly gay and then of course so did you so we both professed our love for each other and then the hangover started." Is that right?

No. I thought so too at first, but then I realized we were just beating the shit out of each other like we were just before I called you a hater.

Yeah. Fuckin' hater.

Isn't it sort of hypocritical to call someone a hater, then?[edit | edit source]

Not if you love them.

Huh?[edit | edit source]

Someday you too will be faced with with the agony of wanting to enlighten a misguided soul's life with peace and love and kindness who refuses to... Yes, yes I am. ... Oh c'mon, it's not like I can help it. ... Well why don't you try it once a month, huh hater? God, I hate you.