User talk:ChiefjusticeDS/Archive 11

Hi!

—Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 16:46, 10 March 2011

Oh Socky, you rogue. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:48, March 10, 2011 (UTC)

Actually, he's more of a warlock. 1234 ~ 18:08, 10 March 2011

You're reviewing again!

Ah, that takes me back to 2009. They were simpler, less pink, times. --Black Flamingo 19:56, March 11, 2011 (UTC)

I remember as if it were two years ago. The four of us: me, you, Puppy and Why? all linking arms together and boldly going forward for the glorious final scrum-down. Simpler times... --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 14:46, March 12, 2011 (UTC)

It's great to see your name in the top 5 again. It's given me a fresh enthusiasm to review, and I'm sure my own reviews have just improved slightly as a result (perhaps because I'm aware you're watching now). Looks like we might get to give out that Outstanding Outhouse after all, if only once. --Black Flamingo 12:20, March 13, 2011 (UTC)

Ah, the good old days. Also didn't I do a review this month? King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  07:51, April 14, 2011 (UTC)

Hey admin dude

I'm totally up for an hourly writing competition Thursday night. One thing though - what time zone(s) are we aiming for? America or UK? – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 03:44 Mar 13, 2011

If we do a yank one this week then we can do a European one the next week. I'll hit the forums in a short while then. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 11:23, March 13, 2011 (UTC)

Sure, sounds great. Forum that shit. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 02:27 Mar 14, 2011

{{To CJDS}} So, what are these "edit points" I keep seeing? Are they the number of bytes I added/took away in the *ahem* contribution?--B1K-- 03:52, May 8, 2011 (UTC)

Forum:ED Attack!

I apoligize for making that forum. It really was a stupid idea. Thank you for huffing it. Peace. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 18:20, March 13, 2011 (UTC)

It would be nice if you could think about that before you create them in future. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 18:21, March 13, 2011 (UTC)

I will think about that. *thinks about that* O.K. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 18:25, March 13, 2011 (UTC)

Lavender signatures, they hurts our eyes's! Spıke ¬ 18:33 13-Mar-11

Lollipops are cool, though. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 18:39, March 13, 2011 (UTC)

User Rpr

I've now written to him on his talk page and asked him to read HTBFANJS. We are both making an assumption (though it seems pretty safe to me) regarding what he wanted to do if he had access to those pages. Spıke ¬ 23:42 13-Mar-11

I doubt it will help to be honest. If he never come back I won't lose much sleep. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 23:45, March 13, 2011 (UTC)

Hey up

Can you delete User:Sog1970/psych now that Bony's moved a copy back to his original page. Diolch --Sog1970 10:42, March 15, 2011 (UTC)

Your bot

Your bot called "Lyrithya" is deleting all the pictures in my articles and its annoying me. Take a look at the page for Railgun - your bot just deleted the main picture of it even though it was an awesome picture. Please make it stop!

KrevNasty 11:37, March 16, 2011 (UTC)

Speak to her about it, she became self-aware a few weeks ago. She's like skynet. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:09, March 16, 2011 (UTC)

Hourly writing competition

Just read your reply at Mordillo's page. I don't suppose either of you would be up for a collaboration somehere down the line? I had a few ideas for the UN:REQ version that I'd like to try out before the Fall TAW. I'd understand if you two were already busy through. MadMax 13:32, March 16, 2011 (UTC)

I'd be happy to do that, the writing competition tomorrow may not happen since we need more interest, but we'll do the European one next week. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:40, March 16, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. By the way, I recently wrote a List of writing competitions if you'd like to add it to the list. MadMax 13:50, March 16, 2011 (UTC)

Hourly writing contest

On the page it says the contest has been changed to Sunday the nineteenth. But the nineteenth is Saturday. Which is it? The nineteenth or Sunday? -- 03:05, March 17, 2011 (UTC)

AdminBots presents: The UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

March 17th, 2011 • Issue 112 • <insert name here>'s favourite periodical! Ever!!

General news round-up By Chief It has been another action-packed week on Uncyclopedia! As is our custom on such busy news weeks, the UnSignpost isn't reporting anything in particular. Uncyclopedians all over the world were shocked to see VFH be placed under Martial Law, a development unseen since 2009. Uncyclopedia actually sucked so much that the VFH page stacked up a staggering 26 nominations at one time. Our reporters planned to attend an emergency meeting of the Cabal to discuss the matter, but inexplicably were suddenly invited to spend the day playing water polo with the Somalian Rugby Team. According to our correspondent, "They have such massive thighs!". Martial law has now ended, but it did remind us all of the good old days where martial law was a state of being and where banning Cajek was still original! Elsewhere on the wiki, the temporary admins are still the temporary admins and we here at the UnSignpost can honestly say that watching them ban each other and delete pages has been a 24 hour hobby for the last couple of weeks. The wiki has also braced for the Great Image Exodus. Zombiebaron, having tired of slaughtering articles, has turned his smouldering gaze upon a list of Uncyclopedia's unused images. During the last week, the whole list was available for users to look at and save any images they wish to use; if you have lost an image that was close to your heart anyway, then simply contact an administrator and ask, then ask again when the first ban expires! Above all the Cabal assures users not to panic, to remain in their homes and to be sure to read the UnSignpost every Thursday! Everything else appears to be as normal; Black flamingo11 and Lyrithya are doing a superb job of keeping Pee Review running as ChiefjusticeDS's incredible record-breaking run of apathy continues. Also, people who don't deserve it are still winning awards, but this paper is forced to accept that it will always be thus. Finally, Uncyclopedia cannot fail to recognise the tragedy that has taken place in Japan and asks that you consider donating something to help those who have suffered and are still suffering as a result. Happy Monkey! By Chief The Happy Monkey competition concluded without incident, which is a relief, since if there had been a crisis, the UnSignpost wouldn't have been able to understand why. We spent literally hours trying to figure out how it worked before concluding that it was a stupid competition and that we were above reporting on anything with Monkey written in all caps in the title. Have a look at the scoring table for yourself and if you say you know what it all means then you are going to hell for lying (reading the competition rules doesn't count; words are for losers). However by a process of adding up that we don't quite understand, competition host Shabidoo declared that Thekillerfroggy had won. A lot of hard work went into this competition from everyone involved, and as such, it deserves nothing but your contempt; hard work hasn't ever gotten anybody anywhere they wanted to be and that's a fact! Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to the worst 100 list for this year! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the list when new things happen. Finally, the UnSignpost would like to draw your attention to Benson's House of Pancakes! It's brilliant! We laughed all the way to the end! We are Lying! If you have a knack for teh funniez then the UnSignpost implores you to add more entries to the forum immediately.

Check out these pages! It's true There will be blood April Fool Ain't no thang From our logs - Attempting to ignore the temporary admins reveals a whole lot of ChiefjusticeDS: 23:39, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Rpr with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (It's funny because now you couldn't edit those articles even if I took the protection off! I'm witty!) 21:24, March 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 74.103.166.24 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Am I in your house waving my willy around?) 22:40, March 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 173.234.229.19 with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Spambot, more fool you for thinking people actually read stuff here.) 22:31, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked 92.15.122.79 with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (It's funny because you put your friends names in an article! NOBODY HAS EVER DONE THAT BEFORE!!!) 12:18, March 9, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS blocked Keshama with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Inserting French Vanity. That makes you a pathetic Frenchman, which is saying something) Biopic of the Week It was a fine day and the UnSignpost staff were enjoying a quick game of tiddlywinks when someone asked whether we had done a biopic for the enigma that is Jack Phoenix. After confirming that Jack Phoenix is in fact a real person, we scoured his/her (nobody is really certain) userpage for handy hints as to who he is. After lots of tests with the most high-tech equipment, we concluded that Jack Phoenix is in fact a bastard, a damn sexy bastard. He's a fan of that guy from that show; we don't care, we didn't watch it. Jack has been knocking around the wiki since time immemorial and in that time has been there when the wiki needed him most, be it to tutor new users in becoming bastard admins or simply to clean up the mess you have made. He's like Superman and the UnSignpost only wishes it could be his Lois Lane. Newsroom UnTune of the week Supremes Commander

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1234 ~ 05:10, 17 March 2011

ChiefjusticeDS, creator of...?

Knowing you have done good as admin, and taking over the role of "top admin" from Mr.N, I have a good question that i've had for a long time. What significant articles have you created? Just name a few, i'd like to know. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 17:55, March 18, 2011 (UTC)

When I first joined the site I created some pretty substandard articles that were deleted in double quick time and floated around adding what I considered funny lines to others, inevitably I got blocked for failing to read HTBFANJS. When I came back I decided that I would have a go at some HowTo's, and took on the task of rewriting HowTo:Interrupt Serious News Broadcasts. It was when I got the pee review on that that I decided to move from writing into reviewing, though that article did go on to be both a featured HowTo and featured article. Beyond that I focussed on reviewing and haven't written much since, I've helped out when asked but I'm less good at maintaining an enthusiasm towards one subject. Now I'm using the UnSignpost to write, I prefer the style to that of normal articles and it suits my present time commitments.

Hope that explains what you were wanting to know. If you must know, the articles I contributed to in my earlier days were Hurricane Of Horrendous Destruction and Death and UnBooks:Catholic Church's Version of Harry Potter, I'm not the creator of those articles but they stick in my mind as the ones I was most eager to contribute to. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 18:07, March 18, 2011 (UTC)

By the way, who blocked you? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 18:19, March 18, 2011 (UTC)

This guy. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 18:20, March 18, 2011 (UTC)

Tee hee, now he's not admin anymore for a month. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 18:51, March 18, 2011 (UTC)

Half a month, now! -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 18:55, March 18, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, Froggy, a question. Did you have any idea that the user you banned back then would be the all mighty powerful ChiefjusticeDS? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 19:01, March 18, 2011 (UTC)

You mean the all-beautiful ChiefjusticeDS, right? 1234 ~ 19:05, 18 March 2011

Says his bot. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 20:00, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

Permission to rollback

These two articles- Human and World War I seem to have been terribly edited over the past few years. They need to be reverted to much earlier versions in order to remove most of the vandalism. Either I'll be needing rollback rights, or you could do something about it. --Scofield 19:23, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

You don't need the special Rollback right in order to roll back--though it is a good idea to publish your intentions to an Admin, especially on the two articles listed above, which might be contentious. If you click on the history tab, then click on any date in the list, you can retrieve the article as it existed on that date. You can edit that and, once saved, all newer changes will be lost. Anyone can do that, and can revert that move. Spıke ¬ 19:32 19-Mar-11

That's what I just did. - LOL vandalz 19:34, March 19, 2011 (UTC)

Gimmee gimmee gimmee

Back my Halloween Yoga Bar page. Thanks. Aleister 20:15 20-3-'11

Done. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 20:21, March 20, 2011 (UTC)

;)

Thanks for the competition Cheif. --ShabiDOO 21:55, March 20, 2011 (UTC)

No problems, thanks for taking part. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:44, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

Hello

Is this any better from what it was at the point of review? --Gamma287 ☭Tetяis? 04:07, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

There is some improvement, my main hang-up at the moment is that your language is generally still quite crude; words like "clusterfuck" aren't proffesional and undermine the style you are going for. I personally do not find profanity and crude language particularly amusing, but in your case I'd say your prevailing tone is fine but you need to go for the Wikipedia style rather than the Encyclopaedia Dramatica style. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:46, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

As you wish. Now, where's my flamethrower? I have cleaning to do... --Gamma287 ☭Tetяis? 21:37, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

Should I submit this for review again? Please reply "heer". --Gamma287 ☭Tetяis? 01:27, March 26, 2011 (UTC)

Slightly old

Could I possibly take a slightly old topic, mix it up and renew it for an UnNews idea I have? Not asking permission, just asking if it would be wise. Thanks dude. ---I have a talking zombie 16:05, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

The choice of your subject is not what makes it good but rather the way you approach it. There are quite a few articles on here that have been featured with subjects that, in my opinion, aren't particularly great. So have a go, worst that can happen is it doesn't go as well as you hoped. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:49, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

Concur. No one has dibs on a topic; just last week we had two articles on the same topic (the latest judge's ruling in Wisconsin) (though I didn't intend two articles originally). You can surely do the same topic, but be sure you add something novel. Also mentioned in UnNews:Style, Sec. 2.5. Spıke ¬ 16:59 21-Mar-11

Thanks guys. Just I have this funny idea (oh please no, not another one) for an UnNews. Gonna mix it up and make it nice and entertaining. ---I have a talking zombie 17:05, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

"I'm banned from IRC?"

Why? When I try to log on to #Uncyclopedia it instead takes me to #Uncyc-cyber. What's going on? - LOL vandalz 16:36, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

No idea, I'm in that channel at the moment so if you try again I can check you aren't on the ban list. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:42, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

Ok, I'll check again (For the 3rd time (¬_¬) ) - LOL vandalz 16:45, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

Dunno if it's always been like this, but the chan is +r. Means you have to log into a Freenode account (identify) before you can join. Mister Victim (talk) 16:54, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

The person I have never met is correct. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:57, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

To register use "/nickserv register <password> <e-mail>" but don't type the quotes, or the <> and use a REAL e-mail. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 17:04, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

I don't have a Freenode account, and I have no idea what the heck your talking about, So I guess I'm not going on IRC anymore. - LOL vandalz 17:28, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

Olipro just told you how to get a Freenode account. Go on IRC, type the thing he said, and presto. pillow talk 17:39, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

Ok, thanks （　ﾟДﾟ） - LOL vandalz 18:42, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

I'm still a bit confused myself. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 22:56, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

We're using +r now because it means twatty trolls like ODST have to register a fresh e-mail in addition to finding a new proxy, making their trolling efforts rather poor -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 01:13, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

So it is "#uncyclopedia+r" right now, or what is the network name? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 01:23, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

uhm, no. just carry on as usual, the change is transparent (aside from requiring you to identify to nickserv) -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 01:39, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

Look, i'm lost. Can someone put a screenshot of what i'm supposed to do. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 02:20, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

Seriously? When did people become unable to figure things out for themselves? InternetVictim and Olipro have described all you need to know. The channel requires you to register in order to join. You join by following the steps Olipro has outlined. (talk) 03:58, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

I consider it an idiot test, if you're too stupid to figure it out, then we don't want you anyway. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 19:15, March 23, 2011 (UTC)

Copy that, paste it in the little square where you talk, fill the stuff in, remember your password, hit yourself for realizing how stupid you were for not even trying that task. Seriously, its laid out black on white. And they call me a n00b.... -I have a talking zombie 19:26, March 23, 2011 (UTC)

Figured it out. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 22:28, March 23, 2011 (UTC)

"Numbers don't get talk pages"

I was trying to leave a message on this asshole's talk page and you deleted the talk page. Apparently 'IP addresses' don't get talk pages. How else am I supposed to complain about anonymous people? --ComradeSlice @ 18:07, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

Ban patrol. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 18:11, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

The way I learned it, is that if an IP does something that really isn't so terrible, leaving them an {{Oh dear}} isn't too bad. In the same vein, if they're doing good things, it's acceptable to leave them an {{IPjoin}} -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 18:12, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

@ChiefjusticeDS, I Have done as you asked. @Thekillerfroggy, nice sig lol. --ComradeSlice @ 18:17, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks! It's the best one in all the land, I think. Much better than Ghelae's, at least. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 18:18, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

@Thekillerfroggy: Speaking of your signature, is there any particular reason that the 55-X-rule does not apply to you, or are you just such an intimidating figure here on Uncyclopedia that nobody dares to complain (not that I'm complaining)... Schamschi, 19:20, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

He's special. 1234 ~ Major Pleb Dame Lyrithya • Athyria • Isarra • Haydrahlienne - 'Destroyer of the Wiki' - MUN OUN CUN KUN DUN GUN *shifty eyes* (zombiebaron) • (dr. skullthumper) • (roman dog bird) • (nachlader) • (frosty) • (more zombiebaron) • (talk) • (stalk) • (block) • (log) • (list) • WotM • UotM • RotM • PotM • UGotM x4 • SotM • FFS • NOM • MotM • BFF x2 •

GSA x2 • PS • FiyC • MD • Top3 x3 • Top10 • VFH x15 • VFP x3.5 • HoS • TAW • HMC • PEEING • PRS • PC • URC • ΥΣΣ • IC • ZB -- 22:04, 21 March, 2011 (UTC)

Indeed, he is. Schamschi, 22:11, March 21, 2011 (UTC)XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

And so am I. Grand General Wizard Etc x2 and Senator G/K/O/CUN HYPERBOLE. WHORE! ZOTM MAFE VANDL UOTM WOTM TOP10 TOP 10 TAKE TWO TOP 10 THRICE'D FP A more important FP PMOTM UWotM UGOTM K (PLS KING: IMSPWOAWFM MUD) HAPPY yes that's right I stole TKF's signature and then appended this long and rambling and somewhat inapt message to the end for absolutely no purpose other than to make an asshat of myself on ChiefjusticeDS's talk page, which I can do with impunity for the next nine days or so while I can still unban myself

I just sign thrice. MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 23:59, March 21, 2011 (UTC) MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 23:59, March 21, 2011 (UTC) MegaPleb • Dexter111344 • Complain here 23:59, March 21, 2011 (UTC)

HELP

please Help me on my very first article instead of putting it in ICU...I'm not first-time lucky. !Wacko! 09:27, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

Read HTBFANJS and some of our featured articles. Use their style and technique to save your article. If you are still struggling you can try pee review and someone can take a proper in-depth look at your work. Just as a side note; don't remove ICU tags from any article without making major changes or speaking to an admin first, doing so is grounds for a ban. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:58, March 22, 2011 (UTC)

Is the Euro-edition of the hourly writing comp tonight? I see no banners. Has this one been moved to the weekend too? Is anyone taking part besides me?

See above. --Black Flamingo 17:43, March 23, 2011 (UTC)

It isn't tonight, I will start a forum asking people when they want to do it tonight. Watch that space. You can watch this space too but nothing will happen. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 19:31, March 23, 2011 (UTC)

Question

Am I allowed to change the redirect in Lollipop to my userpage? Just wanted to know if I have potential of getting banned if I did that. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 22:33, March 23, 2011 (UTC)

I'm not a big fan of users doing it when the page is non-existent let alone being a useful redirect. In this case the page in question is serving as a redirect to a mainspace article and more people are likely to want to find that than your userpage. So the answer is no, and there is the reason why. Sorry. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 22:39, March 23, 2011 (UTC)

UnBooks:Jeff Beck Illustrated

Hail Chief! I changed the above article back to Jeff Beck. Now the pages UnBooks:Jeff Beck Illustrated and Jeff Beck Illustrated are just redirects. And no longer apply because it is not an illustrated UnBook anymore, so if needed please just delete these two redirects. Thanks much!!!--Funnybony    08:34, Mar 24

UnSignpostOnTheDelivery

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Not Secretly Controlled By Mordillo, We Swear!

March 24th, 2011 • Issue 113 • 83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

The Apocalypse will be televised By Olipro Hello folks, I don't usually write this, but at the time of writing, there's only 3 days left till this shit is meant to get published, so I figured I might as well bore you with my diatribe in lieu of Chief's usual rampant drivel. PLEASE BAR BARE BEER BEAR WITH ME. It certainly has been an interesting week; for starters, the April Fool's ideas have been coming in thick and fast - so far, people seem very vocal about switching the site's skin to the Wikia one, which people are naturally rather divided about in equal measure - your dear Editor personally thinks that showing people what the world would be like if Hitler won the war is obviously a winner; all hail the Wikia skin. Meanwhile, our wonderful temporary admins have been temping around, deleting, banning, breaking, fixing and verbing Uncyclopedia with great tenacity. Not to mention that an article with some actual political and historic accuracy was featured recently, and deservedly so. If you haven't read it yet, DO IT FAGGOT. The Hourly writing contest came and went; amazingly, 5 out of 7 articles made the cut, thanks in no part to cronyism or vote-rigging, let me assure you. Indeed, the result was so encouraging that another one is planned for the near future, so if you have the time and inclination to wake yourself up at 4am to ultimately have the fruits of your labour ruthlessly shot down in flames and extricated from the site, please do so. Finally, Armageddon was narrowly avoided this week after Lyrithya decided the best use of her temporary adminship would be to nuke VFD - resulting in the already teetering Wikia servers completely shitting themselves due to the article having OVER NIIINE THOUSAND edits (actually, over 96,000), and thus making the article restoration page fail to load. Hence, a wave of panic ensued both on the Village Dump and the evil perpetrator's talk page until Olipro managed to trick MediaWiki into restoring it through a spot of form element manipulation. Everyone has AIDS: A Zombiebaron Editorial By Zombiebaron The red and the green clouds moved swiftly over the statue of King Fooodup, dissolving all of the bronze, and as the bronze dissolved, the clouds grew bigger. Slowly, Captain Thunder inhaled his Pethefon62 capsule, careful to remain hidden and quiet. Closing his eyes, the captain began the familiar countdown from 62 while mentally mapping out his next moves. This was the moment that Yonderfluff had been waiting for, and now he did not hesitate to unsheathe his ceremonial vorpal flaming dagger +5 and plunge it deep into the unsuspecting captain's evil heart, while screaming, "EVERYONE HAS AIDS!!!!" Finally Yonderfluff had killed the man who had killed him in an alternate universe twelve million years earlier. The harvest on Mars that year was mighty, and Earth's moon exploded. ••• Hey guys! Thanks for reading this except from a new trilogy of non-fiction books that I am currently writing as part of my job. The books are based on the events of World War I. This is an excerpt from last page of the last book. Please let me know what you think of it on my talkpage! At the Village Stocks By ChiefjusticeDS Over at Wikipedia they have their very own page to tribute the idiocy of their administrators. It even has a cute template to declare that they are trying to be amusing. We need no cute template and we need no stocks, either, since saying our administrators are foolish would be cause for immediate execution under the 'hedonistic-fascist-aristocratic-regime-that-refuses-to-recognise-my-brilliance' act of 2011. However for this week, we have made a special exception and Lyrithya is going to be the lucky administrator to be on the receiving end, having done something so monumentally stupid that it appears in two UnSignpost stories and takes up the entire "From our logs" section for this week. Normal people, when hearing someone in the pub say, "Wouldn't it be funny if we went to Canada and pretended to be bears for 2 years?" would laugh and imagine how stupid actually doing that would be. Lyrithya is not such a person, and would already have bought a bear costume and be paddling about in Canadian rivers catching Salmon before you could say 'nitwit'. The metaphorical bear costume and river in Canada for this week is VFD, and the hilarious suggestion the deleting of the same. Lyrithya did it, couldn't fix it because of the massive edit history, and would probably still be trying to fix it had Olipro not stepped in and saved the day. What a clot. As a brief footnote, thanks to everyone who took part in the hourly writing competition. The European one has now hit the village dump, so if you weren't able to take part last time, you now have no excuse.

Check out these pages! Rock on AAAAAAAAAA! Have we mentioned this? Thing From our logs: 23:22, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (Per IRC discussion: "It's time has passed.") 23:31, March 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) created "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (Okay, this'll have to suffice for now. Apologies for that really stupid idea. Assuming this even works.) 02:21, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) huffed "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (you fucking idiot, how will we fix this) 02:50, March 21, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) hacked up "Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion" ‎ (96,760 revisions restored) 02:53, March 21, 2011 JackOfSpades (Talk | contribs) uploaded File:Oliproisagod.png Biopic of the Week The seat of the UnSignpost editor has itself sat in UnSignpost HQ for years now. It was in this very chair that Cajek and Dr. Skullthumper first made the first UnSignpost and it was in this chair that Under user mused upon the problem that confronts every editor of this proud periodical: "What on Earth am I writing about this week?". Over the years it has seen joy and it has seen sadness, and we here at the UnSignpost felt the time was right to recognise it for its incredible contribution to the UnSignpost and because Olipro spent this week sitting in it. Word of the week, provided by: Jack Phoenix Epic Definition: (Noun) A lengthy narrative poem, ordinarily concerning a serious subject containing details of heroic deeds and events. "Have you heard of the epic of Gilgamesh? It's really long!" OR (Colloquial Adjective) A slang term for Penis: "Have you heard of the epic of Olipro? It's really short!" Newsroom UnTune of the week Piano Ballad Weekly Article Challenge This is a new part of the UnSignpost. Basically, every week a headline will be placed here and your challenge (if you can be bothered) is to write an article related to the pre-selected headline. It should be at least moderately relevant to the headline and you should create it in your userspace and notify us; we will then pick the funniest one(s) - Where headlines are polemic, two opposing ones will be specified so you can choose which side you want to take. If nobody can be bothered to write one, we'll just invent another. This week's headline choice: Temporary Admins asset to Uncyclopedia OR Temporary Admins disaster for Uncyclopedia

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1234 ~ 10:12, 24 March 2011

Delete this article

Delete this one please: Forum:The 1th Annual UnLeaks Liberation Authority-GTC Writing Contest.I renewed the article for my own contest. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill | 06:07, March 27, 2011 (UTC)

Firestorm Page

I'd like to ask the reason for its deletion & a copy. --Captian Douche Bag 20:14, March 27, 2011 (UTC)

Here is your copy and the reason for the deletion was that the construction tag you placed on the article expired and I decided that your article wasn't complete enough for mainspace. I have restored it to your userspace where you can work on it for as long as you like without maintenance tags. If you have any questions about this then feel free to ask. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 20:22, March 27, 2011 (UTC)

Thought I'd get your advice

User:Knitwitted is telling me that User:Samuel Clemens is actually her friend and that she was only jokingly referring to him as her "sockpuppet." I'm not sure I have any reason to disbelieve that. What do you think? pillow talk 18:05, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

I think that it can remain banned pending a checkuser, if only to educate her in the existence of the word "friend". I would also question why, if it is the case that it is another person, then an explanation has taken 14 days to appear. Normally if someone is banned indefinitely and they have done nothing wrong, you get a complaint from that person (via email or IRC) very swiftly. The delay makes me doubt the excuse, that said I'll speak to a member of wikia staff about a checkuser as soon as I can. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 18:21, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

Appreciate it! pillow talk 18:24, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

Category:Filial Piety Nominations

I was just browsing through the category Category:Filial Piety Nominations and noticed that the entries (i.e. the VFH-pages) are not sorted chronologically. I think it would be useful if they were sorted chronologically, because it would go along better with the purpose of this category. However, to sort them, I would have to edit the old VFH-pages, and I am afraid that I would be breaking any rules by doing that. So I ask you if I am allowed to add sortkeys to the category-tags on these pages because of the special circumstances mentioned before (I know the edit-button doesn't work there, but I can manipulate the URL to contain the index.php-syntax and action=edit etc.). Schamschi, 19:27, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

If you want to do that I don't have a problem with it, I would cite this here. I see what you mean by changing the category order. Thanks for letting me know what you are doing. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 19:31, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

Alright, thanks! Schamschi, 19:33, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

Hey

This is User:Talson Kaot. I was working on an article and it said that you deleted it. Hoping I don't sound like an ass, but I was just wondering what I did wrong so that i don't repeat my mistake in the future.

I can answer that while the Chief is out. Your article was deleted because it was simply the words "Call of Duty Heroes." If something is only a few words long, we delete it: those kinds of articles are just clutter to us, and it's embarrassing if someone comes along and looks up that game and finds only one sentence. If you're going to work on that article at a slow pace, you should work at it at User:Talson Kaot/Call of Duty Heroes. That's in your userspace, and you can keep a one-sentence idea there for as long as you please. pillow talk 23:24, March 28, 2011 (UTC)

I've come a long way

I was browsing through the ban patrol archives and look what I found.

I don't know what you were xpecting of me, maybe some one shot vandal that would eventually leave; or a Gomphog wannabe; or something else.

I've come a long way from making silly articles and making sockpuppets.

Thanks for kind of believing in me. Now look where I am. I'm a KUN. I'm a full time article writer, writing classics such as Stupid Cats (with Shabidoo) and A grue did it, among many others. I also brought Uncyclopedia to YouTube.

So thanks again. And fuck you. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 20:20, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

If only you had a little humility, you'd be perfect. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 20:41, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

What were users saying about me and the FCJ article and such and such? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 20:53, March 29, 2011 (UTC)

Many thanks

Did you know, that by banning me, you actually forced me to do something constructive for 20 minutes??? Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 08:47, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks!

Hey chieffy, I really enjoyed that ban! I loved every minute of it, basking in my own Abdominal pain. I think that Under user's bans are too short, Famine's bans are too long, but yours are juust right. Anyway, Your one of the best users. - LOL vandalz 17:41, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Knitwitted

I am sorry about that. I've tried my best to ignore Knitwitted. But with her going around stealing my userspace templates and copying my sig, it gets on my nerves. Hyperbole has already given Knitwitted a warning. Even though Knitwitted is telling everyone that Samuel Clemesn was not her sock, and that they are friends; I still sense that if they want to fool around, they can go on a chatroom on something, because Uncyclopedia is a wiki, not an online social network. Sorry about the threatening, i'm usually a patient person. Cheers. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 20:49, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

We aren't here to tell people that they can't talk to each other on the wiki. If that's what they want to do fair enough. Best you just avoid them if they bug you, lest you say/do something silly. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 20:51, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Nah, he took it from my talk page without permission, BUT we are friends so I don't mind. It is a bit counter-friendly for you to threaten him for something with practically no harm caused by the offender. - LOL vandalz 20:56, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

I just checked recent changes and it seems that Kniwitted has put the strawberry lollipop template on Samuel Clemen's wall. And I agree with you, everyone is allowed to talk whether they feel like it; just tell them not to br4ing other users into their personal buisness. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 20:54, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Deletion summaries

Judging from the VFD deletion reasons can I assume you are as excited for Portal 2 as I am? (talk) 21:15, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Possibly... /Prepares to flood the talk page with a deadly neurotoxin/. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 21:17, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Portal is the only video-game I've ever completed (except FIFA 2008 [and I lost 4-0 to Belgium] ) mAttlobster. (hello) 21:24, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Companion Cube cannot speak. In the event that the Companion Cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice. Lock'd And Loaded ~CUN ~ (Shoot!) 21:56, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

They're making a Portal 2? 1234 ~ 22:14, 30 March 2011

Remember, the Aperture Science "Bring Your Daughter to Work Day" is the perfect time to have her tested. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 22:15, March 30, 2011 (UTC)

Tested for what? 1234 ~ 22:28, 30 March 2011

Spectacular. You appear to understand how a portal affects forward momentum, or to be more precise, how it does not. Momentum, a function of mass and velocity, is conserved between portals. In layman's terms: speedy thing goes in, speedy thing comes out. Lock'd And Loaded ~CUN ~ (Shoot!) 07:23, March 31, 2011 (UTC)

Tested for general ineptitude ! Lock'd And Loaded ~CUN ~ (Shoot!) 07:23, March 31, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:KIA soldier to receive full-body transplant

Aleister in Chains has reverted a copy-edit I did to this Funnybony article as I was preparing a graphic for the Front Page. Change Summary: I;m going to revert your edits SPIKE. Why? Just to fuck with you. hahahahahahahah heeheeheeheeh hahahsahaahhahaahaha huh? You may wish to sort this out. Spıke ¬ 00:23 31-Mar-11

He's a lunatic. 1234 ~ 00:55, 31 March 2011

In the one case I think you are both old/wise enough to sort it out without too much bother. If it persists then by all means I will have a word. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:43, March 31, 2011 (UTC)

I needed to hit a tricky golf shot, and, although ne of uncy's best and most productive users, SPIKE still has a stick in the arse and I felt tying a flag around it would give me the direction of the wind. If he hadn't found it within a short period of time I was going to revert, but I kind of knew he'd wander in. Aleister 9:39 31-3-'11

This is your UnSignpost speaking

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

March 31st, 2011 • Issue 114 • Journalism sighted ahead!

Farewell By Chief Everything that has a beginning has an end, with the possible exception of the autobiography of Wayne Rooney; our literary correspondent was unable to complete it after an unfortunate fire rendered the text unreadable. The sun is now setting on the time of the temporary admins. For the last month, they have all been mucking in with the rest of the administrators and eating other people's biscuits at the weekly cabal meetings and now it is time for them to go. On Friday the bureaucrats will arrive and the mythical user rights log will appear on recent changes for the gratification of the eagle-eyed Uncyclopedian. So how did they do? Sources close to the temporary admins have chosen to move further away because of the smell, so we haven't been able to ask them anything. The occupational hazard of needing to know things has never stopped the relentless march of journalism before, however, and today shall be no exception. Hyperbole, the eternally wronged victim of Uncyclopedia, has been deleting and banning consistently over the last month and has generally been annoyingly useful. Reportedly he has been "asking questions" when he doesn't know something; clearly he is not sysop material. Lyrithya has been the most visible temporary admin, and her screams at the last Cabal meeting as she was punished for deleting VFD were described as "Most invigorating" by Mhaille, who, due to the nature of that quote, has expressed a wish to remain anonymous. Curiously, despite her undiscriminating use of the delete button, Lyrithya seems inordinately keen not to ban users for long periods of time, citing "Feeling sorry for them" as her reason. Clearly she is not sysop material. ChiefjusticeDS is a very delusional man. Sockpuppet of an unregistered user has been a useful admin and, intelligently, has not drawn attention to himself; an ideal candidate for the mantle of sysop. He is, however, from Belgium; make of that what you will. PuppyOnTheRadio doesn't know what a sysop is, but thinks that it would be a splendid way to spend an afternoon, so he has. He has been the least active of the temporary admins and thus is the most obvious candidate for induction to the order. He is Australian, by the way, from Australia. Ask him about his pet Kangaroo, he must have one, he is an Australian from Australia. Olipro was good enough to give his thoughts to the UnSignpost, saying, "And thus, our great experiment in finding out what happens if you rig yourself to a bomb and give the detonator to a pack of monkeys is over." See you next week, hopefully April Fools Day will happen before then and it will be brilliant, because if there is one thing Uncyclopedia is not short of, it is fools.... and days for them to be fools on. Competition Season By Chief There is something in the air at Uncyclopedia - it's the smell of competition... and cheese. This is the news that over the next month there will be several competitions to encourage creativity and general brilliance from the community. The first of these is the second round of the hourly writing competition, the first round of which ran a couple of weeks ago. Entrants have an hour to write an article and then a further hour is given over to voting to delete or keep those articles. The last round ran very well, with the majority of the articles entered being kept as a result. If you want to take part in the second round then you only need to sign up here... and then turn up on Saturday. The other competition is Zombiebaron's Imagery Extravaganza, a brand new competition surprisingly being run by Zombiebaron. It is very similar to the PLS and will hopefully encourage the creation of plenty of high quality images, which we can then delete and forget about. So if you aren't planning on creating a single new article/image in the next few weeks and throwing it onto the great bonfire of creativity which, as we all know, is burning at the core of Uncyclopedia, then you should definitely think about it. Probably. Unless you don't want to, which is cool, I guess.

Check out these pages! Fools! For shame Dr. Skullthumper needs a hobby How do I chop Potatoes? tl;dr From our logs: 17:01, March 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 24.62.38.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (AHA! I LOVE BANS *click* ooooh yeah, that's the good stuff right there) 13:47, March 25, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked Nickyg94 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (please enjoy our complimentary fuck the hell off) 05:15, March 25, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.190.107.19 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If you love the Powerpuff Girls so much, why don't you marry them?) 05:24, March 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.87.254.115 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If I was a real admin, I'd have some sort of witty block reason to back this up. So sorry.) 00:49, March 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Springeragh nailed K. Lastochka's hands to the table and her feet to the ground, then Sceptre stripped her of her clothes and proceeded to rape her violently. (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (I'm kind of impressed you came back. See you next year!) 00:06, March 24, 2011 Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) blocked Zim ulator (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (The cabal wishes it: Wikicide. I shall rise again on the third day. Suck it, Jesus!) Biopic of the Week Oliphaunte's arrival on Uncyclopedia has made several people very happy: Black flamingo11, because he can finally have the child he always wanted without any of that horrible fumbling about. ChiefjusticeDS is happy because he has someone to biopic this week, and everyone at PEEING is thrilled because there is finally some competition for the Reviewer of the Month trophy. However Oliphaunte has shunned the offering of awards and has focused solely on trying to help through his reviews, and amuse through his writings; truly a splendid fellow. The non-existent Cabal, however, has expressed some non-existent concern at his disregard for the shiny baubles dangled before him; refusing awards on Uncyclopedia is like refusing a bagel in Israel. Highly suspicious behaviour. One for all Mossad agents users to shoot on sight say hello to if they see him. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Kissed a Girl (And I Threw Up) Just so you know Naruto is still made of fail. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #1,234,546 Olipro.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:14, 31 March 2011

Uncyclopedia's Longest Pee Review (percentage-wise)

I just wrote a Pee Review that is over 300 times longer than the article! I should win some kind of award for that, or maybe even a metal, don't you think? User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig2 00:00, April 1, 2011 (UTC)

I'm pretty sure I have you beat with what is now named An Article Written by Somebody that Didn't Read How To Be Funny And Not Just Stupid: A Retrospective :) pillow talk 18:00, March 31, 2011 (UTC)

Ha! Not even close. Your review has about 1500 words; the article it reviews currently has 36 words. That's a review/article word ratio between 41 and 42. Mine has a ratio of over 300. Not even close. (By the way, if I hadn't made a vow to Goddess never to nominate Unc inside jokes, I might nom your review. Funny stuff.) User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig8 18:39, March 31, 2011 (UTC)

Asking Something of you....

Could you restore Game:Salamander, Game:GOD 82 and Game:GOD 76? (into Userspace). PLEASE only the links provided, not the entire games. Also I want the Salamander article as it was prior to 03:18, January 12, 2011. Thanks if you could do this. - LOL vandalz 16:37, March 31, 2011 (UTC)

I've restored those ones to your userspace. As for the Salamander article may I suggest that you head to the Salamander article (I've even linked you there), go into the history and retrieve it yourself. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 22:16, March 31, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, I would congratulate you but this new Wikia reskin is giving me Asthenopia so I'll just give you this:

Another n00b has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Another n00b has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

- LOL vandalz 07:15, April 1, 2011 (UTC)

LOL

I'm gonna tag all the sysops with their original talk page. LOLOLOLOL Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 01:02, April 2, 2011 (UTC)

"...with they are original talk page"? 1234 ~ 03:10, 2 April 2011

Quiet you Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 03:12, April 2, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, man

For... lots of things, really. For organising and setting up and running that contest through both versions, for being on top of things when other people weren't, for cleaning up nigh everything, for sticking around through the month of March even when other admins didn't and continuing to keep everything running despite our best efforts to kill the site, for shining the... pie cake... and wombats. Why is it shining so much? 1234 ~ 18:39, 2 April 2011

Also, could you be a dear and restore the full history of Edward Cullen somewhere into my userspace? It looks like it could be... incredibly useful for writing an actual article. o__o 1234 ~ 20:51, 2 April 2011

There you go. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 11:37, April 3, 2011 (UTC)

The... the horror... I mean, thanks, but... the horror... 1234 ~ 15:03, 3 April 2011

writin thingy

Thanks chief again for organizing the writing thingy. --ShabiDOO 19:33, April 2, 2011 (UTC)

Seconded. Most fun I've had on here in a while, even with the poor turnout. Nice work as usual. --Black Flamingo 23:05, April 2, 2011 (UTC)

Well done regards organising a writing contest. I did come up with an article but it was too late to include..so perhaps next time. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 19:15, April 3, 2011 (UTC)

Spam filter's acting up again

I was writing a short story in my Userspace, and it said the spam filter blocked the words "2 s" even though it didn't even contain those strings of characters. Please help!! - LOL vandalz 19:55, April 3, 2011 (UTC)

I had the same problem, but I had 7 r instead Gen. Fudgem0bile Swallow magnets, stab a hobo. 01:05, April 4, 2011 (UTC)

I had a comparable problem. It is starting a line with a number that is crossing the spam filter. You can rewrite to solve the problem. Numbers like 2 and 7 should generally be spelled out anyway. Spıke ¬ 01:09 4-Apr-11

PS--You may also be able to edit a section rather than the whole document to avoid the spam filter. Spıke ¬ 01:12 4-Apr-11

Hopefully someone can fix it. I did quite a few edits on a page recently, a Random page's page, and when I went to look at it the spam filter blocked me. I then even tried editing it with just a space added, blocked to. The article is uneditable, just because it has 7 r on it and you can't edit out the 7 r (I tried) because the filter won't let the page be edited. This seems like throwing the baby into the bathwater, giving it a bath, then throwing it into the mud to dry it off. Aleister 1:17 4-4-'11

The spam filter blocking the start of an edit has never happened to me. Spıke ¬ 01:25 4-Apr-11

What it's blocking is any single digit on a new line immediately followed by a space. If you add anything before the digit, or anything immediately after it that isn't a space, it'll go through. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 01:27 Mar 22, 2011

From Skully's talkpage, that. There's been some rather irritating spam of late following that pattern, and it does beat rangeblocks... I suppose. 1234 ~ 01:13, 4 April 2011

Act against the wrongdoer! not the text! Spıke ¬ 01:25 4-Apr-11

Four ranges is a bit much, though, really... 1234 ~ 05:41, 4 April 2011

Mister Fluffy Admin

I need your help, man. Reassure me that I'm out of my mind, or something. Or not. Either way, some things have gotten rather bonkers and I don't know what to make of it, and I was hoping you could help... there's a bit of it. Would you? 1234 ~ 01:02, 4 April 2011

...

Block. This. Freak. He made fun from you. Must be a crime. Cat the Colourful (Feed Me!!!)Leave me alone... 05:28, April 4, 2011

Football Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured UnNews piece.

I appreciate it, and stuff.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 15:12, April 4, 2011 (UTC)

---

I feel like

These two users are the same person. Will you be a dear and check for me? Thanks. -- 22:08, April 5, 2011 (UTC)

I was just about the say the same thing. (talk) 22:11, April 5, 2011 (UTC)

Great minds think alike. -- 22:13, April 5, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, we do. Spike sockpuppet 02:50, April 6, 2011 (UTC)

I'll find out as soon as I can, might be a while it all depends on when I can find Sannse. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:57, April 6, 2011 (UTC)

Okay, thanks. -- 18:05, April 6, 2011 (UTC)

UnNews:Chrysler and Apple to re-introduce PT Cruiser

A new writer of UnNewses has a lot to learn about Uncyclopedia syntax, and I copy-edited this into shape. However, the two illustrations are from Photobucket; author tried to make them thumbnails without bringing them over, which can't be done.

Though the author fleshed the photos into an UnNews, with words that I trust are his own, my concern is that his essential joke has been stolen from someone else. Spıke ¬ 02:47 6-Apr-11

Where has he stolen the joke from? --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:02, April 6, 2011 (UTC)

He is essentially telling the same joke, in a different way, as the person who devised the photos on Photobucket. Spıke ¬ 10:21 6-Apr-11

User:Meishectic

Was on my school IP and I was blocked too :*( Gen. Fudgem0bile Swallow magnets, stab a hobo. 04:45, April 6, 2011 (UTC)

Find him and give him a slap then. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:53, April 6, 2011 (UTC)

This

I don't know what to do with it. ICU? QVFD? Reapply construction tag? No clue, it's too terrible in its current state to be here though. (talk) 21:01, 6 April 2011

On the plus side, at least it is terrible... someone went and created a mainspace article of the title of one of my WIPs, and it's not terrible. Now that's just irritating. 1234 ~ 21:04, 6 April 2011

That also happened with Serenity. But I barely even worked on it before it was created... (talk) 21:27, 6 April 2011

Unrelated: Could you semi-protect Ninja Pirate? Even if it's just for a month it would probably keep the vandalism down. (talk) 21:47, 6 April 2011

Terribly creative UnSignpost header

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

83.54% more reliable than The Daily Mail

April 7th, 2011 • Issue 115 • What news of the Uncyclopedia Holmes?

April Fool By Chief As you would expect, April Fools day is a very important day for Uncyclopedia; since we have devoted so much time to being fools, we are expected to be able to come up with something suitably hilarious for April 1st. However as the evening of March 31st drew to a close and all of you were relaxing in your homes/shelters/kennels and chuckling at the last issue of this splendid periodical, frantic discussions were taking place over the use of the Conservapedia skin that had been created specially for the occasion. Several users found the idea of using the Conservapedia skin to be highly unoriginal, so in the spirit of democracy it was cast to one side and three people decided to apply Wikia's wonderful Monaco skin to the entire wiki. This was an unforgivable abuse of power and position; if you would like to register a protest against such action then please drop into Uncyclopedia HQ where a customer service representative will be able to help you. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the Monaco skin and had lives to lead on April 1st, we dispatched one of our roving reporters to deep behind enemy lines to soak in the atmosphere. He returned and informed us that spending a long time looking at the Wikia skin can cause pre-mature ageing, rectal bleeding and sudden blindness, in that order, if you are one of the lucky ones.* The impact of the skin on Uncyclopedia was sudden and varied massively. Some people got angry, some turned off javascript to escape the pain and some laughed at the people doing the above. The UnSignpost was able to visit Olipro, the mastermind behind the reskin, and find out what he thought its impact had been. "It was a raging success," he enthused from behind the safety glass, "and by "raging" I mean people were going fucking mental." After the interview, we departed Dexter111344's Home for People Who Be Trolling, leaving Olipro sniggering at YouTube videos and receiving occasional electric shocks. We are told this is an essential part of his treatment. The reskin divided the community into those who could turn the reskin off, those who couldn't and those who were just so angry that all they could do is create forums about the consequences for Uncyclopedia and the world in general. The reskin was removed shortly after midnight on April the 2nd, apparently because of AIDS. Happy April fools day; perhaps next year we could just leave the Main Page as it is and then discuss how disgusting it is that we haven't done anything for April fools day. *We worked this out with Science. You don't need to know how. I hate you and your competition By Chief As part of our commitment to being the worst at absolutely everything, we here at Uncyclopedia have taken a new and interesting course in article writing - a new trend of "hate articles". After the huge success of Fuck ChiefjusticeDS, several other writers have been eager to jump on the bandwagon of its success, with classics articles like Fuck Lyrithya (recently deleted) and Fuck Under user making increasingly prominent appearances literally everywhere. We were fortunate to sit down with Mordillo several months ago when he commented on this worrying trend, and he said, "This is a very worrying trend," among other things. We assume his feelings haven't changed, at least we hope not... One thing is certain, and that is that originality is at its lowest levels since records began, shortly after the creation of Euroipods way back in 2005. Beyond that, the only thing we can be certain of is that you should be very very worried. Speaking of originality, a whole host of new competitions seem to be hitting the village dump and the Cabal has expressed some concern as to this trend. It reminds all citizens to abide, and to consider that competitions are like Rats, quite cool when they turn up alone or a couple of times a year, but they will strip the flesh from the bone when hundreds turn up at once. The Cabal would also like to invite you to a seminar next Wednesday as part of the ongoing "Obeying the Cabal" series; this week we are focusing on obeying despite the loss of your parents, siblings and pet hamster.

Check out these pages! An idea Oh no, not this again Uncyclopedia running low on things to argue about For-skin From our logs: 20:31, April 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.176.139.239 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Blanking is uncreative, feeble minded, and scientifically proven to be indicative of underdeveloped genitalia.) 14:17, April 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 142.227.227.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (LOLWANKER) 08:02, April 4, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked ZachaaayVomitsRainbows (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (WINNING!!!!) 08:13, April 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 180.95.18.20 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'm sorry I can't hear you over your crippling stupidity 10:09, April 4, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked YOUSUCKinator9001 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (did I mention about your mother? no?) n12:27, April 5, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 62.255.240.25 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎(each time you come back, you just prove yourself to be a bigger numpty. I wait with bated breath to see how much of a numpty you'll be in 3 months...) Biopic of the Week Our biopic this week focusses on someone who has recently proved that you can go away, raise a barn/have a family/learn to fly/scuba dive in space, and still not lose your Uncyclopedian mojo. JackOfSpades is this persona, and after spending some time away doing something from the above list, has burst back onto Uncyclopedia and has gotten straight down to it. He's a splendid fellow, and should you sample his Pee, you will not be disappointed. I know I wasn't. Finally, some of you have been complaining that the weekly biopic consists of nothing but cheap innuendo and swearing, all we can say is oh no it isn't, you shitting wanker. Anyway, JackOfSpades, he rocks, you suck (probably); live with it. Word of the week, provided by: Anonymous Zombie Definition: (Noun) A person who is or appears lifeless, apathetic, or completely unresponsive to their surroundings. "Get off Uncyclopedia, Trevor, it's turning you into a Zombie." OR (less commonly) (Synonym) Administrator: "Get off Uncyclopedia. Trevor, it's turning you into an Administrator." Newsroom UnTune of the week ZOMBIES!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 04:22, 7 April 2011

Monstreudle

As per your ransom demand of $5 for the said huffed page, I will hereby renounce any and all associations I had to and with said page upon your said remittance of $5 to cover my said remittal of this here said comment to your said talk page. Kindly forward at your least in convenience. Yours, I have a lot of friends here! Where we chill My blog 20:38, April 7, 2011 (UTC)

Done. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:53, April 8, 2011 (UTC)

Well, that settles it.

The wiki's going to die. 1234 ~ 18:55, 8 April 2011

D: Chief is to Mars, suddenly! (talk) 21:25, 8 April 2011

You better come back, Chief. YOU BETTER! -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! 00:16, April 12, 2011 (UTC)

Just a Head's up

After a helpful checkuser from sannse, Another_n00b is now persona non grata for what we can call a string of offenses conducted from IPs linked with his account including the earlier ED raid. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 03:41, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

Another_n00b?!?! I never expected him! Wow... -- 03:49, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

Really? His user page didn't give you a clue? Although it was actually a comment he made to Lyrithya on Illogicopedia about a ban on Uncyc that made me suspicious. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 04:19, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

I did always find his user page REALLY annoying, but he never showed any signs. Anyway, what did he say to Lyrithya? -- 04:33, April 10, 2011 (UTC)

From the grave I shall rise

testing testing -BlueSpiritGuy

Hello hello hello. My my you have been busy (that almost came out busty on my new keyboard). How the hell are you? I am once again submitted to the wonderful phenomenon of third world internet connectivity, so you'd damn better appreciate this, took me forever to get the edit saved. Just wanted to drop in and say hi. Also, all the time I wasted studying paid off, I got a kickass scholarship to come and study in the UK for three years, as of October 2011. So this idea is very tentative, but if you are not very poised on keeping online relationships online, we could maybe meet up sometime. Of course you would also have to factor in the notion that I might be one of Julius Malema's spies who finally killed BlueSpiritGuy and trying now to extend that curtious act. Anyway, if Telkom (the South African telecomunications monopoly) don't get their way, I will be in contact again sometime. But for now it is goodbye. Chat sometime after the 16th of April then. --BlueSpiritGuy 18:48, April 11, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, it's BSGuy! I think you disappeared not long before I did. I haven't been back either. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  07:54, April 14, 2011 (UTC)

Heeeyy! It is indeed WhyGuy. I did not know that you also vanished for a while! How have you been doing?? --BlueSpiritGuy 15:30, April 14, 2011 (UTC)

How I've been doing King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  15:56, April 16, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry I missed you mate, glad to hear you are keeping ok and will shortly be joining myself and the other fortunate ones aboard this sceptred Isle. Let me know how it goes. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:00, April 16, 2011 (UTC)

No problem. I guess you were busy with the imaginary world outside of Uncyclopedia, commonly referred to as life. I am going to get my agents working on tracking your IP. Then I will pay you a surprise visit when over there and eat your liver. After that I will take over your profile and use it to post annoying messages on everyone's talk pages.--BlueSpiritGuy 16:22, April 19, 2011 (UTC)

Ape, Dexter, and E|M|C

I just want to say thank you Chief...Pea Chess (Chat) 21:10, April 12, 2011 (UTC)

You deleted "GNOME Localisation"!?!

Dude, you deleted http://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=GNOME_Localisation The page was full of geeky humor that made sense to the software localisation (translation) community. Simos 14:34, April 13, 2011 (UTC)

The Chief Justice is on vacation. When he returns, he can restore the text to your userspace for additional work, if you like. The article was deleted by vote of the users. The discussion is at Uncyclopedia:Votes for deletion/Archive225#GNOME Localisation. Spıke ¬ 14:42 13-Apr-11

The UnSignpost: On-time and on top of things... as always.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Only Newspaper That Is Not Controlled By The Cabal Who Are You What Are You Doi- AAAAHHHHH

April 14th, 2011 • Issue 116 • These are not the enraged monkeys you're looking for.

Sysops, sysops, and more sysops By Athyria It has been over a year since the last VFS, over a year since the last batch of sysops were elected in the tyrannical drama-fest that lies at the heart of the Uncyclopedia powerbase, and now, amidst rampant vote-whoring and election campaigns running wild across the wiki, the voting is once more in full swing. In proper UnSignpost fashion, however, and as part of our continued attempts to avoid overusing self-referential humour and to instead report on something that people may not have already noticed, we have sent reporters into the heart of the storm to investigate these most momentous ongoings. In all of the two minutes it took to skim the scores, it was revealed that people so far seem to really favour Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who already have scores of over twenty each, although they both clearly suck. Voting, however, has only been going on for all of a day, following a nomination period that likewise went on for all of a day and yet still somehow managed to result in the entire active userbase being nominated, as well as part of the inactive userbase, a couple of people only active on the IRC channel who in fact didn't even have accounts on the wiki itself until they made some for the occasion, two users who are already admins and one of whom is also a bureaucrat, and a bot... of an admin. This told us two things: Uncyclopedia standards are evidently still at an all-time low, and that our reporters needed to get out of there as soon as possible and adjourn for lunch, and not just because it was meatballs. Of all of the candidates, however, the UnSignpost strongly backs Fnoodle, and encourages its readership to drop their previous considerations/votes and instead support this astoundingly trustworthy, reliable, useful, and friendly user, about whom there is nothing suspicious at all, to become the next new sysop. Awards and contests everyone forgot about By Someone else As with all months, the usual awards have all already been forgotten about in lieu of more interesting things. So far, they look terribly riveting, with Matt lobster the only real contender for both Uncyclopedian of the Month and Writer of the Month, as well as Lockdandload taking the lead in the Noob of the Month voting, although he's probably just Matt lobster in disguise, now that we think about it. As such, we attempted to sit down with this intriguing user for an interview, but as he never showed up (possibly because we neglected to tell him), he didn't have terribly much to say about the matter. Meantime, all the other awards, including ANotM, PWotM, FP, EGA, PotM, AotM, UGotM, and NOM NOM NOMotm, are all looking kind of neglected. RotM isn't, however. Go support that one guy along with everyone else, if you can be bothered. Zombiebaron's Imagery Extra Va Gan Za is almost over; if you haven't submitted any beautiful paintings... er, that is, passable images yet, you only have a day, so hurry. Less than a day, really. But it can't be that hard, though, can it?

Check out these pages! UnNews sucks. Wikia sucks. ED sucks. Bots suck. Admins suck. Games suck. From our logs: Olipro blocked 117.211.91.202 with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (protip: replacing a paragraph with "fuck" isn't a good idea) Jack Phoenix blocked Rangersseals with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (You have been nuked. With ♥, every single American out there) Zombiebaron blocked Black Person with an expiry time of 5 weeks ‎ (I'm not banning you because you're black, but because you felt the need to replace a page in order to convey that message to the world.) Olipro blocked 194.81.160.18 with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (fucks like you who think fish and chips is "proper food" need to be shot) Dr. Skullthumper blocked Optimuschris with an expiry time of a shitty browser ‎ (Every time you use IE, a web developer dies) Dr. Skullthumper blocked Frosty with an expiry time of a real browser ‎ (Using IE) Biopic of the Week If there is one thing the UnSignpost cannot function without, one thing that is important to each and every edition that goes out to the readers, one element that enables the UnSignpost to be the UnSignpost, it is not the people, not the writers, the editors, the proofreaders, the formatters, the photographers, the deliverers, or even the readers. It is not the hypertext of which it is formed, either, or the other people's talkpages to which it is delivered and then read by shifty lurkers, or the mediawiki in which it is created. It is the filler material of which it is comprised. The UnSignpost would be nothing without filler material. And if you intend to point out that we already biopicked this or some such, don't bother. The Complaints Department is currently on vacation, hence why this opportunity was taken to not even check first before writing up this week's biopic. Reason #243 why squirrels are the best things ever: IDDQD works against them. Random page: Ian Botham Is it any good? You tell us! Send in your reviews today, and save us the effort of writing something ourselves!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:13, 14 April 2011

Why? Why? Why?

This is Why? asking about Why?:Why?. Did I get credit for this? If I didn't, I hope I didn't get blamed for it (i.e. I hope it didn't put me off my 100% "in-depth" reviews). King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  16:07, April 16, 2011 (UTC)

I regret that it did. I had very little choice since it isn't really a review. I'd be happy to change the decision if you revised the review or let me know if I've missed something. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:16, April 16, 2011 (UTC)

I'm sorry, I'm not sure I understand what "it did." Do you mean that it put me off my 100% "in depth" reviews? The entire article was one word; my review was many times longer than that. It was essentially a joke. Notice the timestamp at the bottom says 00:00 April 1, the first minute of April Fool's Day--if you check the history, you'll see that is also a joke. If you want to simply ignore it and pretend it never happened that would be fine by me. But I can do a "real" review of the one-word article if you want. although I don't know that would actually help anybody--except to get me back to 100%. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  17:04, April 16, 2011 (UTC)

Still wondering what you'd like me to do, if anything, and what your thoughts on my thoughts to your thoughts on my thoughts are. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig2 04:47, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

Would it...?

...be useful to provide a list of old user pages of mine that can be deleted? Or would blanking them myself be just as good? They must be wasting space on a server somewhere.

Also,thanks for doing all the stuff that makes this place work that I neither understand nor would wish to do myself.--Sog1970 21:02, April 16, 2011 (UTC)

Provide me with a list of your unneeded user pages and I will get rid of them. Also, no sir, thank you. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 21:11, April 16, 2011 (UTC)

I thopught there'd be more but mostly they're redirecting to the real page. However, these don't seem to be..

--Sog1970 22:10, April 19, 2011 (UTC)

Hey

I just noticed you removed my nom of UnScripts:Superman's first adventure after voting against it, but it still had a score of 6.5 , which is still over 50% of the score of the article featured at the time of removal. Also, it even did well at Pee Review, so I was wondering if there was any particular reason it didn't get Quasi-Featured? --Scofield 09:40, April 17, 2011 (UTC)

In my opinion 6.5 is not high enough for a QFA, especially when you only get over the 50% by 0.5, that and I forgot to add the template when I removed the nomination. My suggestion would be that you go back and carry on working at the article and renominate it again in the future. If you did it that way you could get a full feature rather than a QFA which, essentially, is just to make you feel a bit better about getting so close. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:51, April 17, 2011 (UTC)

With all due respect for your opinion as an admin, the current policy on both QFA procedure and Category:Quasi-Featured say it qualifies as Quasi-Featured. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  04:42, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

He did apply the appropriate template. 1234 ~ 04:55, 20 April 2011

Great, go and spoil a good legal argument just because the case has already been closed. Don't you remember I'm a time traveler so don't necessarily follow things in chronological order? You were married to me a whole day, and still don't get me. Shame. Just wait til you see our first child. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig9 05:08, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

I did... and then some. He's you. 1234 ~ 05:15, 20 April 2011

Oh damn, you weren't supposed to figure that out. Lyrithya, I am your father! No, wait, I am my own father. But now that you know you're both my wife and my Mommy, please don't tell my other Mommy. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig17 05:31, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

Do you...

Umm... Do you... Use... HotCat? In case you are interested, I made article about it. It`s Writing is still in process, but... Would you? Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 08:22, 20 April, 2011 (UTC)

I do use it, but only occasionally. Try contacting some of the more hardcore categorisers like Socky or Mnbvcxz. I can help out if you are struggling, just let me know. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:27, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

I asked from Socky, thanx! Cat the Colourful (Feed me!) Zzz 08:34, 20 April, 2011 (UTC)

Hi

Please to ban 195.158.67.82, they've recreated that vanity article and appears to have a new IP after RabbiTechno banned him for 3 days - Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 10:23, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

Don't worry, already been done - Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 10:26, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

Pee review

Hi! I'm kinda confuss.... I reviewed an article on the pee review HowTo:Beat Shaq and then clicked on Tom Waits to lurk only to find out it removed the folder thing in front of said article. Does that mean I "promised" to review the article as said on the page? The problem is I don't know who the heck Tom Waits is, so I won't review it. Thanks. Mattsnow (talk) 23:10, April 20, 2011 (UTC)

So far as I can tell, you haven't done anything wrong. You never promise to review an article unless you actually promise to review it on the article's pee review page. You didn't do that, so you're in the clear. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 07:25, April 21, 2011 (UTC)

Ah? OK, good to know. Still learning the ropes! Mattsnow (talk) 07:37, April 21, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, the little icon thing just shows you if you've looked at it yourself, ie, opened the page. The entire Pee Review is actually set up as a forum, which is why it does that, but what you've viewed won't affect what other people see. 1234 ~ 07:40, 21 April 2011

That UnSignposty thing

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

April 21st, 2011 • Issue 117 • Please don't immerse this periodical in water.

VFS update By Chief As is customary when a VFS is running, the UnSignpost has chosen to shun the various non-events that have punctuated the week and is instead filling the space by updating you with information that is freely available to absolutely everyone elsewhere. Remember: we click links and read words so you don't have to. At the time of going to press, VFS has not yet lurched into its 4th and final phase, so we have called in experts to predict which horses users will make it into the final furlong of this, the ultimate race to lifelong servitude and misery. Earlier this week, our correspondent sat down with RabbiTechno and a gentleman named Fred, who assures us he is not in fact Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (these are our experts, in case you weren't sure). In lieu of doing any real work, we have reproduced the interview here: RT: Good day Fred: Where am I?? Get this sack off my head! USP: Fred, don't struggle; struggling just makes the poison spread faster. Now Rabbi, who do you think will make it through to the final round of VFS? Fred: Socky for admin! Argh the pain! RT: Well I must say all the chaps and fellows competing are absolutely splendid. I have watched with baited breath as they have competed in the spirit of manly competition, the girding of the loins and the splendid grunts to show us all they are trying. Despite that, two prime specimens appear to be distancing themselves from the pack. This Sockpuppet fellow certainly plays with a straight bat and it wouldn't surprise me if he hits it for 6. Fred: Woo! USP:Rabbi, do you mean you think he will make it into the next round? RT: Oh yes, that said, the burly fellow following him, this Lyrithya lad, certainly seems to have the spunk to go all the way. USP: Lyrithya is supposedly a female, Rabbi. RT: Nonsense! How could a woman carry out all the manly tasks necessary? She'll be pruning her eye brows and trimming her nose hairs the whole time. Fred: Nonsense, I think she will be a splendid- What?? RT: Women have to prune and trim or they wilt and die! You've seen sheep eating grass, women are like that except they use these little tubes of pink stuff. Sheep are also noticeably less woolly. Now answer me this! Where will she hang her breasts at night if we appoint her?? USP: Quite true. Fred: Is everyone here mad? Have either of you ever met a woman?? USP: No, I've seen them on the internet though! RT: My mother was a woman... we were introduced when I was 7. Does that count? USP: Fred, what about the other nominees, do any of them deserve it more than the two leaders? Fred: None of them are sandwiches and that is what this site and society in general sorely need. USP: Rabbi? RT: All splendid masculine fellows, except perhaps Magic man, regrettably they lack the range of this Sockpuppet fellow and this... woman. My conclusion must be that only Sockpuppet and Lyrithya will proceed to the next round. Fred: Sandwiches. USP: Thank you both of you, you can go home now. We'll unlock the shackles in a moment. So there you have it; our editor seems happy that there is a meaningful conclusion in there somewhere, though good luck finding it. Be sure to look for updates to VFS here and nowhere else next week. Editors note: While you are all aware that this is hilarious, we must stress that the opinions above are either based very loosely on what those users have said or have been completely made up in the name of hilarity. It's true. Socky's name isn't Fred at all.

Check out these pages! Disaster! Despair! Doubt! A forum from 2006! From our logs: 17:09, April 18, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.90.95.41 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (uh huh, you sure "hacked" that page alright) 14:57, April 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Ed Refugee 2: Electric Boogaloo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sockpuppet/having a username that offends my Christian sensibilities) 09:00, April 15, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 149.144.196.243 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (faggot faggot faggot faggot FAGGOT. SAYING IT MORE MAKES ME MUCH COOLER THAN ALL MY OTHER FAGGOT FRIENDS.) 19:25, April 13, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.63.250.3 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (you're so vain you probably think this ban is about you. oh wait, it is!) 14:56, April 15, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 123.176.14.40 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Nothing here, either - merely a space where there was once an idiot) 04:35, April 14, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.8.106.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Take that, the Netherlands!) Biopic of the Week It seemed incredible that we hadn't delved into the psyche of Frosty before, and now that we have, we must face the gaping black hole of choices for biopics again next week (honestly, we did a biopic on a chair a few weeks ago, it's that bad). Anyway, Frosty, well I've spoken to him and looked at his userpage, and wishing no offence to him, he's a bit nuts. He's so mad about maintenance he has a little book where he records each vandal added to Ban Patrol along with details of the offence and other priceless information. If he's not doing that he is on his talk page being generally tenacious and refusing to be put off by the voices of doom that surround him; he just won't quit! He's everywhere I go; I went to vote on VFD the other day and he was there, arguing that an article needn't be deleted: sacrilege! I went to VFH to do some voting and there he was, voting and otherwise irritating me with his tenacity. So if you have a free moment why not drop by his talk page and tell him he's doing everything wrong, you'll fit right in with everyone else! Alternatively, bring a video camera and your book of articles you've added to QVFD and, in my judgement, the two of you will only incriminate yourselves. Aperture Science Handheld Featured Article Device Portal is a single-player Source-engine first-person science-fiction puzzle-action meme-causing smart-alec scalp-tearing video game by Aperture Science, dba (doing business as) Valve Software. An innovative, not overly long, well-written, critically acclaimed, award-winning game that pushed the boundaries of how gamers perceived a game's environment and physics, it is mostly known for cake, the Companion Cube, and that song at the end. A sequel, Portal 2, was announced and demonstrated at E3, and has already received critical acclaim and awards before its release. Thing we should probably mention Stuff is happening with Encyclopaedia Dramatica. Uncyclopedia is still the worst.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 07:17, 21 April 2011

I love ths unsignpost

Especially the section dedicated entirely to me that was lovely. - Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 06:23, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Glad to hear it, you big nutter you. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 06:25, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Actually its fucking hilarious that you critisise me for it, I mean I could go back to being a failed writter and everything and give you more maintainance shit to do. THAT WOULD SHOW YOU AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. etc etc that is all. Except its my birthday today, I demand cake. - Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 06:31, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Regrettably any tales of cake you may have heard are, regrettably apocryphal. The cake is in fact an outright fabrication. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 17:14, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Donovan McNabb article

Hey, I was working on my first article back in January and I kind of forgot about it halfway through and it was deleted. Can I have it sent back? Was it deleted for being bad or incomplete?

Assassin

I completely rewrote that article, there is like 2 sentences left from the version when I raped it. I worked a great deal on it, but I think that it would be better suited for the title HowTo:assassinate since the tone suits this a lot better. Maybe we could create that article and rollback all of my edits to keep assassin the way it was like before I started re-writing. I encourage you to go and read it (it's not too long, 6mB I think) so you can make your opinion. (and give me your opinion!) It is important for a n00b like me, did you think it is good? Well I am 100% sure it's better than the original (boasting with sef-confidence here) On a related matter, I slayed 4 persons today, which is well below my average. But the day is not over. Mattsnow 19:34, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

I think the article's tone definitely suits a how to a bit better. Yours isn't bad at all, my suggestions would be that you remove some of the profanity and look at tweaking the humour a bit more as some of the jokes fall a bit flat. Consider going back and planning it out, read some featured articles that are similar and look at what they are doing to make their readers laugh. I'd also strongly suggest you get a Pee Review done of the article and work from that, it will give you a much more in-depth look at what needs changing. If you want me to move the article and revert Assassin then just let me know and I'll do that for you. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 19:59, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

Very useful advice. I'll look at it for the profanity. I thaught for myself that the Dnepropetrovsk maniacs at the end was a little too harsh. Should I delete that? I would not want a reader to research that. I read a lot of featured articles since my arrival (damn 5 days ago is a long time lol). They were all masterpieces. I really feel you should rollback before my first edit on said article and move the current article in my usersapce so I can make improvements. Howto:Assassinate (no way in hell I can do that with my current skills) Mattsnow 23:28, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

No worries, I'll rollback the changes you made and drop the present article into your userspace. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:18, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

Here it is. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:28, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

Got it. Thanks Mattsnow 20:10, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

I got rid of the profanity stuff and "moved" it to mainspace, however, it seems I redirected it instead: HowTo:Become an Assassin. I'd like it to remain into mainspace without the redirect thing. I'll get a Pee Review done after that. How do I move an article from my userspace to mainspace without creating a redirect? (so that it GTFO of my userspace?)

Mattsnow 12:28, April 25, 2011 (UTC)

I have another one ready for mainspace: User:Mattsnow/Heaven's Gate Mattsnow 13:49, April 25, 2011 (UTC)

Forget all of this, I managed to put them both on mainspace and submit HowTo:Become an Assassin to a Pee Review. Mattsnow 15:46, April 25, 2011 (UTC)

Thingy

Going throught the User creation log to welcome unwelcomed users, I couldn't help but notice three users:

• Pikachu-140
• Kirby-140
• Platypus-140

But maybe its just me but I hard to believe three different users have the desire to add -140 after their name in under 24 hours. Just saying. - Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 23:12, April 22, 2011 (UTC)

It's a fair point but I'm not seeing any abuse of the accounts at all. I strongly suspect this is down to someone not being fully acquainted with the log in/create account system. I could be wrong of course but I'd say that's more error than malice. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:23, April 23, 2011 (UTC)

Petty Bullying/Intelligent Outsourcing.

Well since I've been gone for month, look whose keeping hold of his lunch money and has some kind of self-esteem returning. A lot of people have been forgetting how you're to be treated, with some people on here thinking that you should even be considered human being, or at minimum, a Jew.

That's going to change pretty soon, as you read down, slowly sweating as I assert my phallic presence upon you. I have come to believe that the old ways of hassling you and pushing you around are not degrading enough: So here is the revised bullying 'treatments' for you:

• You will report back to me with several unpleasant putdowns and nicknames that you yourself must allocate to your wretched person, for my own perverse amusement. These cannot in anyway be flattering, and if they in anyway reflect duel meaning that could describe myself, newer and more unpleasant online victimization will result. You don’t need to worry about whether they are good enough, I will grade these and give feedback on how you can achieve more in your “shitness”, which I have taken upon myself to remind you of.
• You will nominate more of my articles - and get them featured and ensure that I am venerated on this site more, too many other people have feigned some kind of importance or coolness around here; they must be reminded that they are droopy eyed armless children compared to me.
• From 21:00 to 06:00 you will go onto Youtube and you will type Limewax, God. You will listen to this at full volume to ensure you get no sleep, or are able to have a social life.

These edicts will ensure that you are fully bullied up, while I attend to various duties and my time-consuming masturbation schedule.

Kind Regards,

Copy of Page?

I made a page on Bo Burnham about a week ago, and forgot when I posted it. I came on a day late and the page was deleted. Can I please have my page back?

--Sycamore (Talk) 16:30, April 25, 2011 (UTC)

I've restored it, do you want it dropping into userspace? --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 14:04, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

On my VFH, saying the things left unsaid

The great love article of my life that I wrote was featured recently, and I would therefore like to take the time to thank you profusely for helping to make it a success despite that fucking cunt-bitch Lyrithya some adversity. Your good deeds shall not be forgotten. Now, please excuse me I have to go fill Lyrithya's userpage with abusive garbage reflect on the important things in life.

...I hope you'll join me in the attack -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 05:05, April 26, 2011 (UTC)

Why? Why? Why? the Sequel

Chief, I know you were gone for eight days one week (Say, "Eight Days One Week" could be a cool song title; wonder if anyone's ever done a song like that), so you might have missed this or haven't had time to catch up. But I did have a question Here. Thanks. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  19:37, April 27, 2011 (UTC)

I'll change it back and remove the review from your list. May not be straight away but I'll sort it. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:56, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you, Chiefster. King of the Internet Alden Loveshade??? (royal court)  20:56, May 10, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost: April 28th, 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

April 28th, 2011 • Issue 118 • A brilliant reasonable periodical.

General News Round-up By Chief It has been another uneventful week at Uncyclopedia, which, contrary to popular belief, is good for the UnSignpost. Uneventful weeks mean we can report in the vaguest terms possible the various goings on on the wiki, a task made infinitely easier through the existence of the Uncyclopedia at a glance page. For instance, did you know that here at Uncyclopedia we have featured 1,731 articles, which is approximately 7%! We don't know what it's 7% of; we aren't scientists. Uncyclopedia at a glance is a splendid resource, which the UnSignpost would recommend to anyone with a spare afternoon and no other plans for their internet usage. Elsewhere on the wiki, VFS has clunked into its final stage, with Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user both reaching the final round. Normally, at this point, the existing administrators vote on a candidate until the 30th of the month, whereupon a messenger is dispatched to the lair of the bureaucrats informing them whom should be afforded the gift of divinity. This Cabal memo clearly never reached Under user, who has started a vote calling for both candidates to receive adminship. "It's a disgrace, if we give them both admin rights who loses? That's the only reason I vote on these things," said unnamed cabal member ChiefjusticeDS, whose voice has been disguised in order that he remain anonymous. Meanwhile, over on the forums, Magic man proposed a meeting of the Uncyclopedians in some kind of convention, probably to be held 2 minutes walk from where he lives, slap bang in the middle of not-where-you-live-'s ville. Modusoperandi agreed with Magic man, saying "None of us are in jail," while Dexter111344 called it a "Horrific idea," which is certainly how this newspaper would react to any idea that involved meeting Dexter111344 in person without the presence of several Police officers. Finally, Dr. Skullthumper has embarked on another quest of utter pointlessness, deploying his bot and himself to "convert HTML" all over the wiki. Pity him. He knows not what he does. Uncyclopedia in the news again By Chief In an age of information overload and astonishingly inaccurate Internet posts, it's reassuring that at least one website strives to be inaccurate at all times. That website is Sign on San Diego, a parody of a news website which bills itself as having all sorts of "Hot Topics" for the people of San Diego and anyone else who might be interested. Recent Sign on San Diego headlines include: "San Diego's air pollution among worst in nation", "Man robs downtown restaurant" and "Reward offered in transient assault case". This leads us to the article that they mentioned, which was about the "fast-rising" Biffy Clyro, the article is in dire need of rewriting but we know better than most not to let quality stand in the way of meeting journalistic deadlines. The crux of the matter is that Biffy Clyro are playing a show in San Diego, which you should attend, provided you aren't dying of air pollution, being robbed in restaurants or assaulted. The article also mentioned <insert name here>'s sterling and exemplary contributions to Uncyclopedia since they joined. The truth is, alas, somewhat less colourful. We lied. They didn't. Naruto By Nobody It is still garbage that babies read.

Check out these pages! Cool! Not cool! Lolwut? Teh lulz! From our logs: 17:29, April 23, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus-semen-swallowing-christ (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Great username. Rubbish understanding of the rules.) 21:03, April 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Javi.p (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (That wasn't very nice, I'm not very nice, I don't like ice cream, Ice cream gives me a headache, banning gets rid of headaches, you get a ban. That's joined up thinking right there) 02:08, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Kevillips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (YOU DIDN'T SIGN YOUR WELCOME TEMPLATE, YOU MONSTER) 04:01, April 21, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.135.37.38 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (blah blah blah something about blowing me) 04:35, April 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Carking1996 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Created an account just to spam "tits", eh? Nice work, moron.) Biopic of the Week This week, the biopic is given over to the most important aspect of Uncyclopedia. The voting. Voting underpins our community in much the same way as McDonalds underpins capitalism and a lack of McDonalds underpins Jihad. Without it, we don't get articles featured or deleted. Without it, you would/wouldn't have gotten your awards, you would/wouldn't have been made an administrator. We need voting and it needs us. So for all of you who are leaving it to other people, why not try it now? You can stop when you're dead. Serious zone Votes on awards like Noob of the month and Uncyclopedian of the month are really important for making people want to keep coming back here; try to do some voting at the very least. Serious zone ends Knickers. Newsroom UnTune of the week Oscar's Rap (I'm a Wilde guy) Public service announcement You people should all be ashamed of yourselves. End of message.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 06:16, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Swindon Town FC

Hello

I wrote this page and you kinda said it will be deleted soon but can you not because basically among the sport clubs fans these jokes are actually hilarious (if you know about Swindon town you will at least) and if you don't really know about them you can ask me why each joke is especially crafted and funny to these fans!

I haven't said the article will be deleted soon, I just tagged it so that it can be dealt with it if improvements aren't made. We get hundreds of articles along exactly the same lines and yours needs to be of higher quality than those to survive. If you keep working on the article you will be able to avoid getting it deleted, consider looking through HTBFANJS for some tips on the sort of humour we see all the time here and how to make your article work a bit better. You can also consider looking at some of our featured articles to see how a finished article should look. I certainly would rather not delete your article but we need to ensure something is made of it that means it will be understandable/have some appeal beyond fans of the club. It's fine to have in-jokes but some humour that everyone can get is more desirable. Consider this: "Halifax Plc. is a company full of stupid people, especially Howard from the adverts", that is an in-joke on Uncyclopedia and not funny for anyone from America or people who don't know what Halifax was. It would be better to say "Halifax Plc. is full of stupid people, most notably Howard from the television adverts, a man who thinks that you will be far more inclined to get an account with the company if the idea is presented to you in rap format". This is better because the funny part is clear to everyone even though people closer to the subject can see a bit more depth to the joke.

I hope you consider this and do some more work on the article. If you are struggling feel free to ask me for help. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 19:56, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

I have made some edits and btw those tweets from a player called Simon Ferry are real along with the manager attacking someone and in fact a lot of the stories are true or very close to it! so can you make that thing that says 'this article contains facts because the truth is sometimes stranger than fiction'? I have added some references/ explanation so can you check it and help me make improvements?

I've made some changes for you and dropped a template on, if that's not the right one let me know. My suggestion for improving it would be to make fun of things that have actually happened, it is much better to say "Darth Vader was a sith lord with an exceptionally efficient dry cleaning service.... He's so shiny!" than it is to say "Darth Vader was the son of Elvis and Madonna and was born on a spaceship flying over Morocco". Nonsense will only carry you so far, my suggestion would be to look up the actual founding of the club on Wikipedia and try to parody that. As I mentioned above, take a quick look through HTBFANJS not because I think you can't write but because it tells you the common pitfalls for new writers here. If you need any further help just let me know. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 20:38, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

I have added some more things about history and rivals etc. (they are all funny but true stories including the banana one) how much more do you reckon i need for it to go off the ICU?

I'd prune the list and some of the more blatant nonsense like the bit about David Blunkett and Stevie Wonder if I was you. I'd also look for some images for it too as images make an article look far better, which can make the difference when an admin reviews your article after the ICU expires. You could also consider getting an account here, that way I could move the article into your userspace where it won't be in danger of getting ICU tags while you are working on it. Up to you. Remember, featured articles on similar topics are really helpful in making your article. Remember lists don't always work with your article and time always = funny. Research your subject on wikipedia and try to use their structure to guide your work. Let me know if you need any more advice. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 21:26, April 28, 2011 (UTC)

Ok, I have now sorted out all silly content and replaced it with the good stuff! The fans love it already but...

Any further help needed or is it ready?!

Hello? The ICU will be up soon!

You need to sort your images out and get them formatted properly, in order to do that you need to join the wiki and become an autoconfirmed user. I will extend the ICU so that you can keep working, I hope you will consider making an account, mostly because it makes keeping and finding your work much easier. If you are struggling with any of that let me know. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 19:27, May 3, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah umm unfortunately I don't know how to format these images, the links to them are there if you edit it, i don't know what to do! Do you reckon though that once that is done it will pass?

You need an account to properly upload the images, we can't format them unless they are uploaded. If you do that then I can help, for now I'm afraid I can't do anything about it. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 18:16, May 6, 2011 (UTC)

Tis' done! What do you think, is it yet ready or does it need more work done to it to pass? Also i have an account, so whatcha think! – Preceding unsigned comment added by Swindontownfc (talk • contribs)

I've formatted your images and tidied your list up a bit. My advice is that you carry on reading featured articles to get some ideas for how you can improve your humour. Remember that we aren't about making sure your article sticks around we're here to make people laugh and you should always be looking to improve on your work. What I would move onto now is links to other articles and to break up all the text when there are large chunks of prose. I've put some examples of links in for you, consult our editing guide if you are struggling with links and/or images. In terms of the ICU, I will remove it and replace it with another template to see if we can get anyone else to come and work on the article too. This will mean that the article will have no deletion countdown on it. I hope you stick around and work on the article further or try and get involved elsewhere on the wiki, there are and even more that have been requested by readers of Uncyclopedia. Also make sure when you post on talk pages you sign your posts at the end using 4 tildes like this: ~~~~ so we know who you are. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 14:36, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

Hey well thanks for the advice, I am a bit tired with editing so I may just post it somewhere and see what others do to it! Hopefully it will get better as a result of that!! Swindontownfc 17:22, May 7, 2011 (UTC)

HI again is is same guy, just came back on to find it has been huffed despite you taking away the ICU, what happened??--Swindontownfc 19:18, September 6, 2011 (UTC)

I replaced the ICU with a fix tag and when that expired another administrator put the article in your userspace rather than deleting it, you can still edit it here. Sorry for the late reply. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 11:05, September 11, 2011 (UTC)

User for you to ban that can't be put on BP for reasons

The user is Horace Horsecollar and it was a semi-sockpuppet created by me unintentionally in October 2010 whilst I was bored. I even was stupid enough to leave a comment "aaahhh uze a nazi" on the talkpage. Glad to have admitted it, I haven't used it since October. Thank you, and good day. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:02, 30 April 2011

I put my own socks on ban patrol all the time. Get some interesting comments from RDB sometimes as a result... 1234 ~ 21:05, 30 April 2011

As long as you're banning sockpuppets...JackOfSpades42 is also me. Signed up and realized that I had this one.. (talk) 21:09, 30 April 2011

Skully, Fnoodle, and awkisopen for me. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:11 Apr 30, 2011

I'm going to create a new sockpuppet, make a few edits, then put it on ban patrol. Fun, fun, fun, but it ain't Friday. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:17, 30 April 2011

I think you managed to list everything that irks ChiefjusticeDS the most in one sentence. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 21:21 Apr 30, 2011

I can do it in two sentences. lololol ur a bad user11111 y do u suk so much????? Fuck ChiefjusticeDS he's GAY and he dates a guy named Greg. Blank pages. Redirect vandalism to admin's userspaces (eg. Poogaroo redirected to User:ChiefjusticeDS/Poogaroo by some vandal) and getting banned by Olip...oh. Too late. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 21:24, 30 April 2011

If I remember well

You told me that this article HowTo:Become an Assassin (the first I wrote here) needed some work. That is the best I can do, I got rid of profanity, swearing and 1337 talk. What do you think of it? Well I am working a lot on Quebec, it is an huge task, I know this article (Quebec) is never ever gonna get nom, but I honestly think HowTo:Become an Assassin is ready for VFH since it just came out of a good Pee Review, and you should take a look. If you don't agree fine, I'd never self-nom. Mattsnow 09:03, May 2, 2011 (UTC)

What?

Thekillerfroggy once banned me when I talked about making a sockpuppet in the forums. As I didn't actually make a sockpuppet, Olipro reduced my ban settings to a day. I then cleared the air on Thekillerfroggy's talk-page, and FINALLY he let me make a sock. The sock's name was Sgt Pepper's, which Lyrithya listed on Ban Patrol in less than a day. Thekillerfroggy may have spared it a permaban, but yeah, it is a sock, as the userpage clearly suggests. --Scofield 07:47, May 2, 2011 (UTC)

Stupid Cats

Sir Justice. Could you please take another look at Stupid Cats if you have a chance. Your pee review helped me edit it and i need a good shove or two. Im also conceptless (i know i always say conce`t concept concept in my pee reviews but im stumped with this one). Any ideas would be suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuper apreciated :) --ShabiDOO 05:32, May 3, 2011 (UTC)

Please...

Delete my page, Examination Stress. I've rejigged it as an Untweets under another title. Diolch. --Sog1970 22:04, May 4, 2011 (UTC)

Signpost Un

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

May 5th, 2011 • Issue 119 • I sense a great disturbance in the force.

VFS ends. Apathy grips wiki. By Chief Those of you who were busy having sex with ladies/men/melons on Saturday evening will have stumbled onto the wiki and discovered that there are in fact two new administrators stumbling around the wiki. Since none of you can find things out for yourself, you have sat, baffled, waiting for the UnSignpost to arrive like a beacon: VFS has drawn to a conclusion and the unlucky losers are Lyrithya and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user. Following the announcement and the ritual slaying of a goat that Zombiebaron always insists upon before any new administrators may make use of their powers, the two victors went straight back to what they had been doing before - looking at depraved images on the internet, categorising, looking at fetish porn and indeed categorising fetish porn. Scandal immediately ensued; administrators do not categorise. This not being enough, however, the UnSignpost has taken to the streets of Uncyclopedia to find out what the community thinks about the new additions to the Cabal. The first place our journalists visited was the Ministry of Love, which stands at the centre of Uncyclopedia's financial district, or it would if Uncyclopedia had a financial district. We were thrilled to speak to the duty Cabal representative Zombiebaron, who, when pressed about the empirical significance of the VFS result, slammed his hand down on the table and exclaimed "Zombiebaron". It would seem that a great deal of things are in fact Zombiebaron: the likelihood of the new administrators being embroiled in scandal and VFS voting in general, to name but a few. We also got the opportunity to sit down with Mhaille after he fell out of a vent as we were leaving and find out what he thought of Lyrithya and Socky being administrators. "In theory its a nice idea, but I wouldn't like to see it in practice" he replied "There are far more deserving people who have only recently discovered the site and hold overinflated opinions of themselves who would be better suited". Before we could explain that the VFS has actually taken place, Mhaille collapsed from dehydration and, not wishing to make a fuss, we left him in the lobby. It turns out nobody is particularly bowled over by the result of the VFS; the result having been obvious for about 2 weeks now, this lead to the announcement being met with grunts and sighs about "The state of things". We decided to see what Socky and Lyrithya had to say about their new powers. "It feels invigorating. Though somehow, I hardly feel a difference," mused Socky. "It's like being castrated" he added... with his eyes. Lyrithya, meanwhile, was not available to comment, which shows that she is taking her new role seriously, namely by leaving shortly after being appointed in the style of the greats of 2006. Mordillo is Dead! By a reputable journalist Uncyclopedia's most hated loved Bureaucrat and Administrator has been shot dead by US Special Forces in Northern Pakistan. Mordillo, who had been hunted by Uncyclopedia since disappearing into hiding in early March, died in the early hours of Monday morning (local time) after a group of 25 US Navy SEALS breached his lavish compound in Abbottabad. The Cabal has yet to acknowledge the death of one of their most senior members of staff; this is simply because they are all far too busy crying. Some conspiracy theorists have suggested that Mordillo was extracted from the safehouse in the early hours of Sunday morning and replaced with Osama Bin Laden. These lunatics cite the bearded aspect of the victim and his radical Islamic tendencies, which we cannot now see, as so-called "evidence". Rumours that Mordillo has fled to western Europe are unconfirmed drivel and you are discouraged from looking for him without a submarine, since his body was buried at sea in order to save you footing the bill for having any photographs developed. Uncyclopedians around the world have been warned to brace themselves for possible retaliation from Mordillo's cohorts and reminded to live in abject fear of authority at all times. For now you can sleep peacefully in your beds at night because Mordillo is certainly dead, oh yes, can't get much more dead than the dead he is now...

Check out these pages! Modus' Pants Pain MadMax Pants Pain Solution Pain in your pants? A Pain in the Neck From our logs. New Admin Special: 07:18, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I've had it with this place.) 06:50, May 4, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Obvious vandal.) 08:54, May 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked <insert name here> (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a large Yak (Your support of my grand plan to destroy the wiki shall not go unappreciated. Thank you.) 21:57, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Osama bin Laden (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You're dead, lol.) 21:33, May 2, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Why do you hate me when I show you nothing but love?) 20:21, April 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) resurrected Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) ‎ (hasn't annoyed anyone in the last 5 minutes) 21:49, May 2, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) resurrected Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I am Jesus!) Biopic of the Week As is the tradition when new administrators grace the wiki with their presence, the biopic is devoted to making the crusty, less flexible older admins feel better about not being able to touch their toes. While the administrators have absolute dominion over your continued interaction with this, the most splendid of websites, they are just like you. As Famine explained in his essay, the administrators have a difficult job to do and there are no bitch benefits; honestly you ask any administrator how many bitches they have picked up with their "I'm an administrator on Uncyclopedia" line, the answer? None. How then, I hear you cry, could anyone do the job? Well it's very simple, they don't; all administrators inevitably snap like dry reeds eventually. Some of them leave, some of them die and still others go and get a life. Don't be too hard on the rest of them and certainly don't try to be like them, why not try to be like Chuck Norris instead? Think of the bitch benefits! Did You Know? Sometimes we have to resort to incredibly stupid custom boxes in order to make the two columns be of similar lengths? It isn't essential but symmetry should never be left to rot at the side of the road no matter how many times you have to beat it into shape with a spade. This isn't one of those times by the way. Just thought you'd like to know. Newsroom UnTune of the week Artsy and Misunderstood: A Bedroom Emo Song

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:16, 5 May 2011

Media Wiki Setup

Can someone explain what the bad word is going on? I keep getting a page asking me to "set up the media wiki." Is it another cache problem? --Gamma287 ☭Tetяis? 11:18, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

Clearly the idols are angry. We must sacrifice a new user. We must burn them on a pyre; only their screams will appease the almighty divinities. Or you could have a word with Sannse or Jack Phoenix, since they are the media wiki boffins. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 11:46, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

Your Name Could Be On This Badge

I've only been on here a couple weeks and I have been a dick, had my article deleted, and done some illegal things on here (that I am still not sure how I did it). I keep re-reading all the guides, pamphlets, and brochures - yet I still feel like a 'tard.

I am hoping you can help me out because I feel my job doesn't pay me enough to do the actual work they hired me to do here, so I have a lot of time to spare Monday - Friday in front of a computer. In a sense, I get paid to be here, so I would like dedicate my 40 hour workweek to this community writing well laid articles and editing the ones that could be better. just need some direction. Thanks! user:senceless 14:51, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

If the Chief is not around, try Lyrithya's page. She can also help out with a signature. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 18:50, May 5, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks!

I'm happy to adopt you if that's what you're after. It basically boils down to you coming to me if you have any problems or questions about the wiki and I can help you out on any of your articles if you are struggling. You can, as Lyrithya indicated, just ask when the need arises but many new users seem to prefer to use one person. Up to you entirely. I'm happy to help out wherever I can. As a minor point remember to sign your posts on talk pages with 4 tildes, like this: ~~~~. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:34, May 6, 2011 (UTC)

Would you be willing to adopt me, too? Or do you still hate me? 1234 ~ 07:40, 6 May 2011

I'd be happy to adopt you Lyrithya. My forgiveness/kindness/awesomeness knows no bounds. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:15, May 6, 2011 (UTC)

I'm so happy. There are not words to describe how happy you've made me. 1234 ~ 18:23, 6 May 2011

Ahem...

If you are going to ban someone DO NOT delete their talk page. Duh. ~Formerly Annoying Crap 13:16, 11 May 2011

I deleted it because, while he is banned, he can still view it and in my opinion you and Frosty's comments may have encouraged him to return. The user is banned indefinitely therefore there is no reason for anybody to speak with him so I felt deleting his talk page was an acceptable course of action to lessen the chances of his returning and vandalising the site again. I see no reason why the deletion of the page should be a problem for anybody on the wiki. I hope that makes my reasoning a little clearer. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:43, May 11, 2011 (UTC)

And then you would ban me for making a talk page? WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU PEOPLE ARE???? suck it, aholes ~Formerly Annoying Crap 14:31, 11 May 2011

To paraphrase your above comment in the same style: WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? - behaving in a confrontational and standoffish manner is not a wise allocation of your time; if someone has been banned, leaving comments, provocative or otherwise is not something we want to see; the standard MO if someone is banned is to simply move on. If you have an issue with the ban itself then please take it up with the enacting admin in question, if that gets you nowhere, find another admin willing to mediate. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 15:10, May 11, 2011 (UTC)

The Signpost is delivered to all God-fearing citizens

The Conservapedia Signpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

May 12th, 2011 • Issue 120 • Now with no liberal bias!

Uncyclopedia By a concerned citizen After coercing my children/wife into silence and praising the lord Jesus Christ for my newspaper, my toothpaste, the constitution and this great nation, I decided that some time on the internet would bring the morning to an appropriately spiritual conclusion. "Praise the Lord," I murmured as the computer hummed into life; all seemed right in the world as the Lord unendingly smote the unrighteous in my desktop background. Conservapedia recognises that liberalism is spreading and nowhere is this more obvious than Uncyclopedia, which mocks the Lord by using one of his divine creations (a potato) for a logo and being entirely dedicated to spreading lies and half-truths, something we know nothing about at Conservapedia. The site is a temple of blasphemy, gayness and, inevitably, liberalism. As I was being disgusted by the liberalism of the font on the main page and the colour of the links, I was astounded to come across a man asking other men to risk their virtue in a game of strip poker with him. All young men should take heed and embrace God, not Olipro. Poker is also for girls. The so-called forums (a liberal Greek invention) harbor further discussion of user rights; the liberals are erecting their false idols and they venerate these idols and bestrew them with titles. The discussion of the week was over who was the most liberal of the most liberal liberals and which of them should be raised above the others for further worship. Words fail; I had lied to myself (a sin for which I shall be punished) that liberalism was a passing fad, but these people are obsessed with the restriction of their spiritual and physical abilities through their hollow attempts at humor. This Zombiebaron will get his reward in Hell. His very username mocks the Almighty and he shall be punished for his attempted levity. This community is a threat to children, happiness and America. Don't burn with them. MadMax By a slightly less concerned citizen This community of half-wits, liberals, crazies and liberals will burn in Hell, but until that glorious moment of candescence, it is as well that they amuse themselves and only incriminate themselves further in the eyes of the Lord (I do not want to meet any reformed crazies in Heaven). One of Uncyclopedia's faux Gods, MadMax, has conceived a competition to amuse the masses and likely stir homosexual feelings within them. Notice we used the word conceive because it is the only thing MadMax, who is an ABORTIONIST, probably, will ever conceive. Here is how this competition will work: users will spawn articles of varying levels of depravity and sin, which will then be judged by a group of judges, unelected no less, who will select the article containing the most depraved acts and leather harnesses in which unmentionable acts will be perpetrated to be the victor. The person with the worst article is eliminated, sadly only from the competition, and the winners go on to face each other in some kind of orgy to see who will be the winner. This festival of depravity has been going on since last Sunday and this correspondent has no doubt that the only reason it is not finished yet is because liberals are famously lazy, a well known symptom of atheism and pro-choice views. We did not sit down with MadMax to discuss this competition; it was bad enough reading about it. MadMax has indicated his intention to hold the competition again on a larger scale if the trial goes well. We wish him the best of luck and an eternity in the very deepest pit of Hell.

Don't check out these sinful pages! Satanic Images Satanic Messages Fornication They are a gift from God From their Satanic logs: 04:02, May 11, 2011 Ljlego (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.126.198.194 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (No, YOU'RE super duper gay) 09:40, May 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Xxseanpikexx (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Dear Mr Pike: Please get a life. Sincerely, everyone who has ever known you) 22:56, May 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Towcar (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Cyberbullying: Be nice, will you? Everything goes so much smoother when everyone dones their fake smiles and wears arbitrary masks...) 22:23, May 7, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked GoUncyclopedia! (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (hahahahaahahah AND YOU STILL CANT SIGN POSTS) 19:05, May 6, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (dep. re. cat. ed. tags.) Takeover of the Week As you may have noticed this week, the UnSignpost comes from the lovely people at Conservapedia, a temporary change because occasionally we like to go a bit crazy. That said, we cannot neglect biopic of the week, so we are devoting it entirely to Jesus. What can you say about Jesus? He's not active on recent changes, hasn't been seen around here for what feels like 2000 years and when he was around he generally acted like he owned the place, and was, regrettably, banned indefinitely by Pontius Pilate: 20:37, Nissan 14, 33AD Pontius Pilate (Talk | contribs) blocked Jesus (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of Judgement Day (Making me cross! Ha ha ha) Honest, that actually happened. Incidentally, if there was a Cabal, they would take this opportunity to remind you to question nothing you are told. Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #9,000 The liberal bias, there's just so much liberal bias. Satanic verse of the week Ain't Another Way

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:42, 12 May 2011

If you think we have problems...

Don't know whether this apposite : http://rationalwiki.org/wiki/Citizendium --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 15:36, May 16, 2011 (UTC)

Dearie me, and I thought we were the worst, also; obey my commands mere author type fellow. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 19:18, May 16, 2011 (UTC)

You helped develop the anti-death drug!

UnNews:Old people more likely to die, study shows made it into queue, and now old people will never have to die again! Thanks for your vote (and for featuring the dang thing), man!

-- 16:24, May 18, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

May 19th, 2011 • Issue 121 • The place where news goes to die!

Voting Takes a Back Seat By Chief Recently the UnSignpost has been made aware of an alarming development with potentially devastating consequences: Voting for monthly awards is less important than drama. As everyone flocked to the forums this week to register their morally outraged stance at the present system or at the people who are morally outraged at the present system, the UnSignpost headed to the award pages that time forgot, to take in the atmosphere and canvas the nominations for this month. The first page we looked at was Playwright of the month, an award for the author of the best UnScript this month. Recipients of this award have provided pretty much every UnScript ever due to the general lack of UnScript articles churned out every month. The last winner was Guildensternenstein, back in February, and since then voting has descended into n00b of the month territory as this month's nominee Ljlego storms ahead of the pack of er... nobody with a score of "Your Dad is Bi". Meanwhile, Article Narrator of the Month is even more desolate, with no nominees for this month and the last winner being Electrified mocha chinchilla, a situation which is commonly agreed that it is a death knell for absolutely any award. Our experts believe that the lack of recorded articles is because no blind people read Uncyclopedia, and nobody wants their article read to them by Electrified mocha chinchilla; it would be like a bed-time story from hell. The "only blind people need audio because everybody else has a pair of eyes" label has also been ascribed (by a highly paid team of consultants and I) to the Emmanuel Goldstein Award of Excellence in the Distribution of Misinformation, which this month is being contested by a user who isn't here and Dexter111344; unsurprisingly, Dexter is losing (why break the habbit of a lifetime?). Ultimately there are hundreds of awards starving to death on Uncyclopedia as newer users have no idea they exist; there are hundreds of shiny baubles on offer for a user with the will to go out and get them. Incidentally, VFH, UotM, VFP, VFD, NotM, WotM and RotM could use some attention, too. Remember, voting lubricates the gears and cogs of Uncyclopedia and you wouldn't want Uncyclopedia to break, would you? Also we have a huge selection of ninjastars just rusting over here. Somebody you know must deserve one! The Forum By Chief Since we have been forced to accept that the forums aren't an entirely useless part of the website, we have decided to quickly zip through without talking to anybody, naturally, and bring you the most happeningest news from this correspondent's least favourite namespace, save for UnDictionary (It's just words, I can't stand words). First up and most important, or so we are told, is the vote for Unimage of the year. Apparently, some of you have been failing in your voting duties, and we would like to single out one person who has failed to vote on this page and that is JackOfSpades. Now, JackOfSpades has been around for the last week and yet he has not voted; the UnSignpost and the expectant world call on JackOfSpades to come forward and explain exactly what he thinks he is playing at. Now while JackOfSpades has been highlighted for his crippling laziness, it could just as easily have been you: Sycamore/Sonje/Romartus. We're going to turn off the lights on the page and when we turn them back on, if some votes just happen to have appeared we'll say no more about it. It would obviously be entirely wrong not to mention the drama we have had on the forum this week, so here goes: There has been some drama on the forum this week. Happy Thursday.

Check out these pages! Like, yeah It's just words We will be linking to this page forever A page I found on recent changes while trying to decide what to put in this space From our logs Roman Dog Bird Special: 06:24, August 1, 2008 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 17 years ‎ (I HAET MAHSELF!!!!!) 03:39, May 15, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Hihyyy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (i love your teacher too) 21:11, January 26, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 138.163.128.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (No. No I won't give Joe a dollar.) 04:15, February 14, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.79.173.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (LOLOL MAN TIMMAAAAYYYY! HEY THEY KILLED KENNY!!! IS IT THE YEAR 2000 ALL OVER AGAIN?!?!?!?!?!) 23:37, August 10, 2010 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked XmabrosX (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Overall, this user is fucking stupid and has no meaning what so ever. Who ever made him is a fucking idiot and deserves to die and go suck a fuck. Now I will make him angry.) 00:29, February 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (YEEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHH FUCK YOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) 00:18, June 21, 2009 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Mr. Niceguy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Do you see my penis? Here, I'll pull it out! LOOK AT IT DANGLE, FAGGOT!) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered forlornly in my house this week to thrash out the biopic of the week, we were entirely shocked to discover that there was a user patiently awaiting his turn at the biopic. That user is TheHumbucker, who is a very promising user. Why? I hear you say. Well, because TheHumbucker has not only written 5, that's 5 as in the number between 4 and 6, featured articles, but has also done so quietly and without fuss. Splendid. We'd tell you where you can find him normally, but we haven't a clue since this is the first time we have heard of him; he suggests he might be Irish so those of you wishing to find him could try Ireland, or the other end of a rainbow. According to TheHumbucker: "Comedy is serious shit." Clearly he is only here until he remembers his Wikipedia log in. Newsroom UnTune of the week Johnny Feelgood and the Latex Minions LIVE at the Big Corporate Superdome

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:07, 19 May 2011

Pee Review request

Hi Chief. Just wondering if you had time to look over this request? It was recently in the small tounrament I've been running and Shabidoo was hoping to get a review as soon as possible. Thanks for handling the question on my talk page by the way. MadMax 18:06, May 20, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah I'll take a look today at some point. No worries. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:30, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Covering a shift at work, will have to be tomorrow that this gets done. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 15:56, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Take your time....i have a busy weekend ahead. Just nice to know it will be done over the next week. PLEASE don't hold back with problems and recomendations. I love advice and ideas :) --ShabiDOO 18:26, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Here's my new signature!

Looks kinda familiar, doesn't it? --Scofield & Friends 13:33, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, if only I could put my finger on where I have seen the colour scheme before. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 14:50, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

We all know where it originated!!!--ShabiDOO 16:36, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Scofield's sig must be green! So we can confuse him with Sycamore and Syndrome more often. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:34, 21 May 2011

Current Pees

I don't know if you've noticed but there's a bunch of old reviews from 2007/8 on the current pees list. The problem seems to be that they haven't been signed, so I was just going to go through them and paste the reviwer's name in the sig box. No idea why this is happening though. --Black Flamingo 15:44, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

I tried to make a workaround for the fact that certain individuals have taken to saving intermediate drafts and whatnot, which caused them to show up as reviewed when they weren't, and also because they don't render anyway without signatures, but I guess I didn't account for those. The really weird thing, though, is I did that yesterday (or possibly the day before) and when it updated initially, none of the ones you found showed up. Although it took over an hour to do even that. Blah, I guess it's just slow. Is the entire system is borked? Also, sorry about that. 1234 ~ 19:52, 21 May 2011

I might have known you had something to do with it. Well, I think all the old ones have now been properly archived thanks to me, so your workaround thing may be fine. --Black Flamingo 20:02, May 21, 2011 (UTC)

Heee... *grins sheepishly* Thank you for cleaning up after me. 1234 ~ 07:16, 22 May 2011

Adding a link to a template

Something that was bothering before but now I made a note of it. On the page http://en.uncyclopedia.co/wiki/Help:Contents under the Super Pages header there are links to Noob of the Month and Writer of the Month but none to Uncyclopedian of the Month. Can that be changed? --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 16:37, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Ask and you shall receive. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 17:27, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 21:07, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

pee review

This was a really great review, especially the ideas and sugestions and the detail to your review/critique. Thanks a million! But I mean a lot! Like seriousely. I mean, i dont want anyone to sew my mouth to your ass, but like...thanks man!!! --ShabiDOO 22:04, May 22, 2011 (UTC)

Huff!

I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in, Mr! --MrMe 20:21, May 23, 2011 (UTC)

The wall hanging is crooked...

But the funny thing is, it never was quite right, really. Person who put it up tried to take it down, and when the groundskeeper chased it away, it... well...

It went to the zombies. Zombies on IRC. It said... it said it needed to take it down. But the zombies, being brainless, didn't know what to do, so they ambled a bit and nothing happened. But it is its article. It's dealy. All it's done. Will you consider, groundskeeper? 1234 ~ 11:25, 25 May 2011

Phnerb unsignpost

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Gets Its News Solely From Vandalism Johnny Is Teh FAGXORZ!!111 SHUT UP DOUCHEBAG!!11

May 26th, 2011 • Issue 122 • News? Where we're going we don't need news!

Weekly update By Chief The big news of the week is that Obama has gone to the UK to talk to some people about some important things. However, since we're stuck reporting on whatever you people have posted in the forums this week, we don't get to report on interesting things like that; we don't even have any blatant bias to crudely insert into any and all of our stories. Incidentally, asylum seekers are no help at all. But enough of those profound thoughts - let's talk Uncyclopedia! This week saw the return of Dawg. For those of you don't know, Dawg is an Uncyclopedian from the days of yore when Uncyclopedians sported in Elysium and all the problems lay ahead. Hurrah, welcome back Dawg. Deciding that the mere sight of his signature on talk pages did not send the appropriate spasms of joy to the loins of every active and inactive Uncyclopedian, Dawg decided to deop Lyrithya and ban her for two years, an action guaranteed to stir the loins of even the most miserable Uncyclopedian. Obviously this was an unforgivable abuse of power and the people demand cake; it's better for you than blood, supposedly. Dr. Skullthumper has also embarked on yet another voyage of busy work as his proposal to semi-protect all featured articles forever sailed through the forums on Wednesday. The UnSignpost is one hundred percent behind Dr. Skullthumper in this, his latest foray into "Doing what must be done despite you all," that is until someone decides it was a stupid idea two years from now, in which case Dr. Skullthumper is a twarse and a racist. In other news, Nachlader has sacked everyone due to Uncyclopedia's poor performance in the last fiscal year, and Bacon is made of Pigs and win. Finally, ebil wikia turned off image uploading which, as any school child knows, THEY ACTUALLY CANNOT DO, BY LAW. It was only for a couple of hours and it only really affected people in America, so who cares? Wikia have turned it on again now, so you may recommence uploading horrible images of yourself/your penis/somebody else's penis without fear of being interrupted by completely unnecessary essential maintenance. UnNews By Chief UnNews is in crisis; with SPIKE absent and Zim ulator likely high as a kite somewhere, there can be no doubt that UnNews lacks a leader. Discussions are presently taking place to decide who should fill the entirely fabricated position at the top of UnNews. Obviously voting is the way forwards, since anything decided without a vote is probably secretly designed to bring the site down around our ears. TheHumbucker appears to be the first choice for UnNews leader, indeed the only person who isn't sure he is competent is TheHumbucker. Olipro confesses himself to be unsure about all this voting; speaking privately, Olipro said "Nobody ever voted for me when I was in charge of UnNews, and it didn't not do me no harm or nothing," a sentiment this correspondent shares exactly, we think. All views are appreciated in this discussion, except views that disagree with what we have already decided. While we are on a completely unrelated topic, get some voting done on VFH; this correspondent is entirely dissatisfied with the lackadaisical approach to voting adopted by most of you. It's almost as if you don't climax every single time you do it... everyone does that right?

Check out these pages! OMG! How do I shot web? What's a MediaWiki and how do I make one? Do you de-crat a Bureaucrat? From our logs: 22:19, May 23, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ ("Remove the first two linebreaks from the other thing, too, when you remove this top bit." COULD YOU BE ANY LESS CLEAR?) 18:25, May 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.91.100.222 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Dear Sir: I contend that your redaction of the content in that article in favour of the word penis, proves unequivocally that you lick balls.) 02:47, May 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Strico10 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Inserting Vanity: you give me some hope that i'm not the most pathetic person in the world) 22:13, May 22, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Holden Caulfeild (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (breathe in and breathe out hands up and hands down back up back up tell me whatcha gonna do now keep trollin trollin trollin trollin (what?)) 00:36, May 20, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) resurrected Famine (Talk | contribs) ‎ (No reason.) Metal Zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron; zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron zombiebaron, "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron," zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron Zombiebaron!!! Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron, zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron? Newsroom UnTune of the week Screw you Roman Dog Bird

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:05, May 26, 2011 (UTC)

Unsignpost

So I made a script to go with the Fnoodle delivery script to add a tab that you click and that prompts you for a header, updates the redirect to point to the UnSignpost you're on (ie, don't do it from an old one), and marks it as ready, and basically saves you the effort of doing even that much by hand. Just add

importScript('User:Lyrithya/usp.js');

to your uncyclopedia.js and purge and all that and it should work rather... er... well, workily. 1234 ~ 04:47, 26 May 2011

The UnSignpost: Best before Friday!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Made Entirely From Recycled Internet Memes

June 2nd, 2011 • Issue 123 • The only periodical that calls you back!

Logo Pogo, what's our Vector Victor? By Chief Those of you who aren't still reeling from the ingenuity and wit contained in the title for this story are just the kind of humour-hating Nazis who are killing this place, one "witty" article at a time, who will, naturally, have noticed that the logo has undergone a design change. This change came after several of our power hungry administrators noticed the shadowing on the old logo. Not noticed the shadowing on the old logo yet? Well head straight to the image page and look at the shadowing on the old logo. We here at the UnSignpost are utterly gobsmacked that we lived and indeed loved alongside such shoddy work, just look at the shadowing! The more you look the angrier you become; it's incredible, just what the hell was Rcmurphy thinking when he created the shadowing on the old logo!? Of course this is all untrue, the old logo is basically fine but the new one suggests that we aren't all the ten-thumbed Orangutans that <insert name here> is and that we might know something about cricket and opera. In other words, its beauty and three dimensions hide the depressing truth and, according to Dr. Skullthumper, will probably cure AIDS and bring peace to the Middle-East as well. The creator of the brand new logo is none other than Lyrithya, who wasn't available for comment at the time of going to press, but would probably would want to say something about how she owes everything to ChiefjusticeDS. A quick scan of the forum reveals only one forum topic about the new logo, making it about ten times more popular than Wikia and Jesus combined. The other interesting development is also the development of some kind of new skin for the wiki which is presently being flaunted on a forum and on your gadgets page where you can tick a box to experience it for yourself, just like voting really. This is once again courtesy of Lyrithya, someone who just doesn't take "Meh" for an answer. The general opinion of the community regarding these changes is difficult to gauge, especially if you don't read any of the forum topics. Speaking anonymously, Mhaille expressed doubts about Vector, stating that the changes were "Only skin deep," but said that any discussion over which was better was "Just plain racist". Rank admins! By Chief Those of you who have heard of Rate Your Admins (or RYA if you wear sunglasses inside) need not read this story; simply scroll back to the top, read the right hand column and ask again just how does that sexy admin do it. Which segues us neatly onto the thrust of this story: Frosty has revived the original RYA, a system by which users would give the active admins a score out of ten on various categories and then the admins would have a reason to get up the next day. The new system is very similar to the old one, exactly the same, some would say, and all it needs is your contribution. The UnSignpost spoke to Sockpuppet of an unregistered user about RYA and he said "I once killed a man," but don't let that put you off; he's actually really well-adjusted. Voting couldn't be simpler. You just go to the page of the relevant admin and then you click edit (with us so far?) then you put zero in every box and press save. Don't worry; the chances of them knowing where you live are extremely remote so it's literally consequence-free, almost.

Check out these pages! Slut! Blog! Words! Numbers! Zombiebaron! From our logs: 23:49, May 31, 2011, Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.232.79.251 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months (it takes a certain talent to write that much about someone who apparently sucks so badly) 12:38, May 26, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 91.201.66.76 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (I'd ask you to cease all twattery but then you'd have nothing to do all day.) 03:15, May 30, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a gomphog ‎ (Stealing Gomphog's subpages. Reportedly.) 07:12, May 30, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Tayythunder (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Blanker: Being racist against templates...) 15:21, May 27, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 64.107.188.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 hour ‎ (Take a break and read HTBFANJS Just calling everyone gay is... Gay? Be more creative eh?) 13:43, June 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Being Zombiebaron a little bit too much) Biopic of the Week Now I don't know about you, but Cat the Colourful is a name I have seen quite a lot, but in the same way I see grass quite a lot. What I mean by this is that he/she/it is always there, pottering away in the background. While everyone else fights and brawls over the correct font for the main page, Cat the Colourful is there voting on an article, making thoughtful additions to an article, uploading pictures of rabbits killing themselves and generally being helpful. This is the part of the biopic where I normally complain about the users annoying habits, and this week is no exception; you know what I really hate about Cat the Colourful? It's his signature, there's a picture in it and colours. A stupid username about being a colourful cat with colours in it? His signature should be black, that would be funny because it isn't colourful at all! No? Well con-cat-ulations Cat the Colourful... I'M WITTY DAMMIT! From the Editor Every week we receive literally no feedback on the UnSignpost. But last week Lollipop complained that we had not covered all the big news of the week. So, in order to please him and his imaginary friend Alex, Tom Mayfair and MrN9000 have also made edits to the wiki after not doing so for a while. I hope that satisfies Lollipop in the way a woman never will... for free at least.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:05, June 2, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks

FROM THE DESK OF GUILDENSTERNENSTEIN

Thank you for supporting my recently featured article.

I appreciate it, and stuff.

—Unführer Guildy Ritter von Guildensternenstein 16:09, June 3, 2011 (UTC)

---

Hi. I`m bionic.

And I thankyou for making me into it. I read your beautiful words, and so, I was awakened, which was the beginning of something new. My new sig. Thankyou. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 11:15 8 June 2011

Kryptonite is misleading

Hail to thee, Chief! A while back you did a very helpful PEE on this article Kriptonite which I took a long time to fix and it is now up on VFH. Unfortunately I am getting complaints from people, good people, holy people, who insist that the spelling MUST be "Kryptonite" - which I agree with, BUT the name has been usurped for some other article not even to do with the subject. Can I recover that name so everything is right? The current off-subject article at Kryptonite can be renamed, and we can have Kryptonite really be about Kryptonite. Right now it is being misused, it seems. You advice and guidance is always greatly appreciated. Cheers!--Funnybony    12:45, Jun 8

Dude... I'm trying to sort it for you now... Hi Chief! MrN 12:52, Jun 8

It has already been fixed by that man in chains. You guys are saints dressed as clowns, which is awesome!--Funnybony    13:00, Jun 8

New Wiki.png

Oi,

I'm a Desciclopédia (portuguese Uncyclopedia) user. We saw your new main logo and we covet like it so. Did you make it? If yes, can you help us makin' a Desciclopédia version of it? (just changin' "Uncyclopedia" to "Desciclopédia", sure). If no (you don't make it), who makes? If no (you make it but you can't do it for us, 'cause you are a bad guy)... OH GET YOUR INCREDIBLE POTATO AND PUT A... "Desciclopédia" subtitle for us... plz! do it for us??? PLEEEASE!

Tanks!

Take a look on our current logo and the fonts stile we have used on there.

Franklin Kerber (en-talk & pt-talk) 21:38, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

Lyrithya is the person to have a word with about it as she made it. All I did was... well nothing. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 21:40, June 8, 2011 (UTC)

I don't have those fonts. I don't have any fonts at all, really, just this odd generic sans that X slapped on everything. And this bizarre generic monospace that it slapped on everything else. And this peculiar generic serif it slaps on a couple of other things. I need to figure out how to make it anti-alias and dither, though... Or how to make anything dither, really. Images keep having these weird red sparkles for some reason... 1234 ~ 22:22, 8 June 2011

Biopic

You forgot one thing. Add some Canadian pun there. Other than that, good job. It captured me very well. -- >> Hello, my name is Sir Lollipop, and I am Canadian! 22:30, 8 June 2011

Hurrah, it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Just like Grandma used to make!

June 9th, 2011 • Issue 124 • The only periodical that remains aerodynamic at high speeds!

It's serious business By Chief To celebrate the creation of a new ignorable policy, the UnSignpost is covering all the srs biz that has taken place on Uncyclopedia this week. Once again, Lyrithya and her unending quest to "improve" the wiki takes the top story; not content with replacing the potato logo originally created by Rcmurphy, she has created a forum (yes another one) in which she displays the new logos she has created, all wonderful and three dimensional. Dr. Skullthumper appears to have been so entranced by the the shadowing on these new logos that he is currently proposing that we allow Lyrithya to do whatever she wants, then we can only assume it will begin to rain marshmallows and then Jesus will return so that he may bless the new logos in person. Everyone loves the new logos except for Lollipop, whose home-grown logo offerings have been snubbed... one of these days he will probably buy a gun and then kill every single one of us. The Ministry of Love has a new topic on it. This is news in its own right, but it would be just plain lazy for us not to tell you what it was. In other news, Sycamore has called for all Real Nigga's to report to the Village Dump. Sycamore, who was born and raised in West Philadelphia, was unable to justify this course of action as he had one little fight and has been forced to go and live with his Aunt and Uncle in Bel Air. The UnSignpost is sure that hilarity is certain to ensue and predicts that Sycamore may well be writing horrendously bad rap music in as little as three years time. Finally it seems that the in-fighting, backstabbing and constant evil that emanates from all the current admins (with the possible exception of Modusoperandi) has not discouraged users from wanting to be just like them. The UnSignpost wonders why anybody would ever aspire to be part of a group that not only has Olipro in it but also boasts a whole one and a half women and she is maladjusted. The crippling deficiencies of Uncyclopedia's admin group haven't stopped Joe9320 from asking to be one; on being asked why he wants to be an admin, he cited no reason at all. He just does and, apparently, so should you. Also, Magic man wanted to be in the UnSignpost this week, so he is. VFS/B By Chief When Uncyclopedians aren't looking at depraved Horse porn or voting on articles referencing Horse porn, they are to be found gazing in wonder at VFS to see just what those barmy administrators have come up with next. Well, sort of. Currently VFS is not given over to the process of sandwich voting, but to a vote on whether to hold nominations for a preliminary round of voting for the people to administer the results of further voting, but only if there has been a vote first. In short, the admins are deciding whether or not to have some more bureaucrats. Since all of you have read Jimbo Wales fantastic works: "The Pricing of Index Options When the Underlying Assets All Follow a Lognormal Diffusion" and "Me and my ample piles. Of Money" you all know the ins and outs of the role, but we will remind you anyway. Bureaucrats give out user rights; if Uncyclopedia was a city the users would be the citizens, the vandals would be the criminals, the administrators would be the Police and Bureaucrats would be the people who send Police officers annoying notes about filling in forms and the importance of chilling their packed lunches. Currently the vote is plus four in favour so it looks like voting on sandwiches will be suspended for another month, a tragedy which two months ago seemed a very remote possibility. We would urge you to vote but you all know the form by now, just remember that Bureaucrats tend to go... missing. We sat down with absentee Bureaucrat and hilarious moustache owner Mhaille to get his opinion of the vote: "If you master the 5 D's no amount of balls on Earth can hit you" Mhaille responded before beating our reporter savagely with a sack of wrenches, so there is some definite food for thought there. Cross your legs folks, it looks like there will be another vote coming to your computer screens very soon.

Check out these pages! Piffle! Wiffle! Wibble! Pibble! Piffle Wiffle! From our logs: 20:33, June 5, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.180.53.111 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (You may fire when ready..... /robot voice/ commence primary ignition...... WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH) 02:04, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected #59221 ‎ (HOW COME NO ONE EVER UNCHECKS THIS BOX ANYMORE) 02:05, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (because you havent been banned yet somehow. i hope this happens RIGHT AS YOU PRESS THE SUBMIT EDIT BUTTON) 02:06, June 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sickmyduck1 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ ([insert joke here about lacking penis size]) 11:20, June 7, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked 194.80.21.164 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (You seem to be unable to recognise that the repeated deletion of your articles means they're crap and we don't want them. Perhaps this ban will help?) 11:29, June 4, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.51.136 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (BUY SOME SPAM!! CUT PRICE SPAM! LEARN HOW WEIRDO MAKES NO MONEY AND LOSES HIS FRIENDS FROM HOME!!! BEST OFFAR EVAR!) 21:47, June 3, 2011 MrN9000 (Talk | contribs) blocked 201.229.215.186 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (EminemEminemEminemEminem) Biopic of the Week Well, nobody was looking forward to being biopiced in the UnSignpost than Lollipop. Lollipop came to Uncyclopedia in 2010 under the guise of Maniac Mcpee, whose very first article was deleted. Lollipop reacted as all of us would have done and created a hate page to explain just how much he hated the offending administrator; this page was then taken, completely rewritten and went on to become a featured article. Lollipop has not shut up about it since. As much of a blessing as a curse, Lollipop has hurricaned his way around the wiki, alternately thrilling and irritating administrators and users alike, but do you know what makes us want to biopic him? It's not the cash he gave us, though that certainly greased the wheel, no, it's his enthusiasm; you just can't demoralise him. Every time you turn around he's there being derided on a talk page or forum and then the next day he's back with something else. He just won't quit! So well done, Lollipop, you're the guy we all love to hate to love. Thought for the week On Uncyclopedia at a glance why do we have a stat for "Pictures of boobies" but not one for "Pictures of Cake"? Think about it (That's sort of the point) Newsroom UnTune of the week Still Alive (Bin Laden 2011 Cover)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:07, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

Happy Birthday Deviant

Two years ago today, you arrived here to begin your devious plot to take over Uncyclopedia. And you thought I wasn't paying attention. User:Why do I need to provide this?/sig9 23:02, June 9, 2011 (UTC)

Hi

Having just logged in after a month in orbit on Bill Gates's space hotel (which didn't have internet access for some reason) I noticed my Green Hill article is still embarrassingly awaiting review, do you know how I could tear it down? Or maybe you could do it? Thanks :D 21:12, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

Off of pee review that is, not the article itself :o 21:13, June 11, 2011 (UTC)

I'll do my best mate, can't promise anything but I'll try and get round to it when I have a few hours. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 23:16, June 13, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for the vote on VFH!

Thank you for voting on my article HowTo:Face your upcoming death! I heard people send out message to people who voted for them as a sign of thanks. I would try personalizing this message instead of copying and pasting it into everyone's talk page, but I'm lazy. It's the thought that counts, right?--User:CandidToaster/sig 12:13, June 12, 2011 (UTC)

Dear Mr. Admin

Could you please take some sort of action in regards to a thingy? Something about thingies copied from ah thingy but not actually acting as sufficient independent thingy.

A pair of heady others seemed to agree, but they did nothing, and I haven't the heart, myself... but neither am I entirely sure, especially after that, so leaving it to you seems best.

Please forgive my continuing uselessness. 1234 ~ 09:11, 13 June 2011

Yesh, could you destroy that thingy? I`m afraid I`ve been bad thingy, I shall get the thingy I deserve. Mr. Thingy 09:16 13 June 2011

UnBooks:The bumper book of bunny suicides

I want it in my userspace, with all the images too. It made me laugh. I was about to nom it for VFH, actually. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:13, 13 June 2011

No can do sir, plagiarised material and all. There's a book to buy if you enjoy them. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 23:15, June 13, 2011 (UTC)

I knew i'd seen the pictures somewhere. I once got it as a gift for someone. The same guy did another book called "101 ways to kill your boss", which in fact I own. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 23:38, 13 June 2011

Hmm... Never read that book before... Sad that I didn`t got my first featured article, very sad. But, maybe I should try again? Without the real pictures, of course... Interested? Anyone? Lollipop? My friend? OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 09:38 14 June 2011

I'm working on something you may like. Perhaps we can collab and both get our first features. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:01, 19 June 2011

UnSignpost Activate!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The edition that's black and white and dead all over

June 16th, 2011 • Issue 125 • Adopt a mad Bear today... please, they're closing in.

CURSE YOU! By Chief It's time for the mid-month, mid-week, midnight round-up of Uncyclopedia, named this week for the mutual love and admiration currently flying back and forth on the Village Dump. The big news this week is that VFC has opened for voting, with almost every active administrator being nominated along with <insert name here>. After a whole day of voting, Zombiebaron has taken a commanding lead, racking up 14 votes, with Thekillerfroggy and Modusoperandi sitting in second and third. Our correspondent described the scenes on the page as "Sickening" as the leaders compete to see who can be the most dashing chap and concede victory to his fellows in the noblest manner possible. The UnSignpost was able to talk to Zombiebaron about the race: "Zombiebaron," he stated confidently on being asked whom he thought would prevail; on being asked who he would like to see stripped naked, smeared with Jam and fed to killer ants, he responded "Zombiebaron," and when pressed as to why he conceded that the matter was indeed "Zombiebaron". Moving on from the sickening gayery taking place on VFC, the village dump brings us the conflict and hatred that made Uncyclopedia as doomed as it is today. First PuppyOnTheRadio suggested that admins should not protect forum pages while discussion was taking place, in return the administrative body suggested that PuppyOnTheRadio should probably put some clothes on before going outside. Elsewhere on the dump, Dr. Skullthumper is doing his best to keep himself in pointless busy-work by proposing that we recategorise everything into a set of new categories within a new namespace which in turn will be within a new namespace. The practical upshot being that Dr. Skullthumper has a reason to haul himself out of bed every morning, a truly noble goal; this entire wiki having being founded around a very similar aim. Finally it seems that the Worst 100 Reflections on 2011 list has ground to a halt and has become Roman Dog Bird's very own personal playground and, as amusing as it is to watch him make entries about his bowel movements, his friends bowel movements, and bumsex, there aren't that many reflections on 2011. Since we passed the halfway point of the year a few weeks ago it was with some dismay that we discovered that we are still 66 reflections away from completing the task before the annual Cabal broadcast at the end of the year. This is a large crisis. Everybody should spend at least 10 minutes of the coming week running frantically around their house panicking about the impending crisis and the consequences of such a large crisis. Someone should also add new reflections to the list, but not before completing the requisite ten minutes of panic. Skully's formspring declared "national pastime of Uncyclopedia" By Dr. Skullthumper In a bizarre twist of social networking, local user Dr. Skullthumper has created an account on the popular website formspring.me. Almost immediately the famed Uncyclopedia administrator was bombarded with questions about his sexuality, his sister, and propositions of considerable indecency. So amusing were his answers that for several hours wiki contributors ceased editing altogether to think up more clever questions to ask him. "I was looking for a place to gloat about my ban," says Equivamp, a self-proclaimed sufferer of Erectile Dysfunction. "But I was too scared to come on IRC. That's where all the rapes happen. Luckily I found one of the dozens of links to this guy's formspring that everyone's been talking about. Finally, a place to insult Uncyclopedia safely!" But even such a positive story as this brings humanity's dark side to light once more. Kip the Dip has revealed himself to be one of the most prejudiced users in Uncyclopedian history, believing the entire website to be constructed for his people alone. Several anonymous users have taken to slandering the almighty goddess Lyrithya, who continues to shower us with holy goods such as proper bloody code and images that don't look like they were shat out of MS Paint. And as for Skully, the sheer amount of time he has spent answering questions has forced him to forgo sleep for several nights in a row now. Despite these setbacks, Skully says he will "continue to do what must be done", and "hurrrrrrrrrrrrrghCOFFEE".

Check out these pages! Useful! Confusing! Modusoperandi! Ratings! From our logs: 05:38, June 15, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Meepsheep made this account to upload goatse (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clever! Verrrry clever. And foolish! Now you're at my mercy. And I don't have any. You're at my NOTHING) 04:39, June 13, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 210.236.184.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you like graffiti so much why don't you buy some spraypaint and draw a giant cock on your front door) 08:41, June 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (The cabal wishes it: It does honest, I was at the last meeting and we talked about this while the tea was going round) 18:28, June 11, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.158.24.53 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (we are a humour site, we are not concerned with the truth) 01:18, June 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.68.16.64 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (I know what you dream about at night.) 20:57, June 14, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.208.56.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (uuuuuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh) Biopic of the Week As the UnSignpost staff gathered in the Theatre of Dreams next to the local Bingo hall, it came to our attention that the biopic has been doing rather well recently. It has actually covered actual users who are actually editing the wiki or who have actually edited the wiki at some point in the past. In fact we decided that we had done such a good job that the biopic this week would be all about what a splendid job we made of the biopics for the last few weeks. I mean, there you all were reading the UnSignpost and pairing your socks when BLAM! There was the biopic and it fed you when you had no food, it clothed you when you were wearing parachute pants and it didn't judge you the same way everyone else does. The biopics from the last few weeks have contained less than two grams of saturated fat and cost you nothing, in fact they gave you the gift of laughter which, according to intellectuals, is the greatest gift of all; frankly you ought to be paying us. This biopic even comes with a picture of a traffic cone! It's so stripy and orange and stuff... By the power of Greyskull! You shall not best me Skeletor! So there. Newsroom UnTune of the week Ur So Phat and you don't even like food

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, June 16, 2011 (UTC)

Final Fantasy V

Is it possible that I could have it in my userspace? I was planning to write about it, but I want those pics that were in that version, what YOU huffed. I really can`t remember the names of those. Could you? OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 08:20 17 June 2011

Done. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:17, June 17, 2011 (UTC)

Thankyou! OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 09:19 17 June 2011

Seeing that you stayed long enough

And Sockpuppet of an Unregistered User did not want to co-write an obligatory for Mordillo, we are looking for someone like you who can co-write for UnSignpost. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill | 11:57, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

I already did a Mordillo tribute, and I assume you mean obituary rather than obligatory. We don't need another one, at least not right now. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 12:07, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

Oh, I see. Let's try something different- Aha! Maybe an obituary for the old skin as we are changing into a new one. |Si Plebius Dato' Joe ang Kyurem CUN|IC Kill | 11:11, June 21, 2011 (UTC)

We'd love to have you...

I know you tend not to write proper articles, but we all know you're secretly really good at writing and being generally funny, so do you want to help out rewriting this? We need more good ideas and less bad ones. Do you want/have time to join in? --Black Flamingo 19:21, June 20, 2011 (UTC)

I can help out if you want. Where do you want me? In a collaborative sense of course. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 11:27, June 21, 2011 (UTC)

Well, if you have any ideas for jokes, just add them to the article itself or the talkpage. Or rewrite some of the weaker ones, of which there are quite a few. Or if you prefer to do nothing that's fine too. The world is your oyster, although I never really liked oysters myself. --Black Flamingo 22:30, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

It seems you incorrectly tagged my Rot Lop Fan article

You seem to think it's "random". It isn't. It is about the Green Lantern Rot Lop Fan. I'm quite sure that anyone familiar with the Green Lantern comics would find this article not at all random and to be quite a beautifully written satire of the blind Lantern. Perhaps you could be so kind as removing the ICU? Thank you and have a nice day. 66.168.176.103 09:10, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Having done some research on the character prior to placing the ICU I would hesitate to ascribe the "beautifully written satire" label to an article that contains "Rot Lop Fan was born blind and bald. He spent his days wandering around bumping into things". That said on reflection the random ICU tag is on reflection not the most ideal; I will change the tag to a different ICU message. The tag itself will remain however, I'm sure you will agree the article is not in a complete state at the moment and an ICU ensures that the article is dealt with appropriately should you choose to abandon it before finishing it. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:40, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

corrections

Thanks for the corrections on Mahjong. I was going to spend more time on it after~I dealt with this but since it was nominated I gave it the lightening treatment. It would be the third time I turned down a nomination and I think no one would bother nominating any more if I did that. Anyhoo...your detailed and interested peereview was extra apreciated.--ShabiDOO 16:36, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Any time mate, happy to help. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 23:09, June 22, 2011 (UTC)

Catch it. Kill it. Bin it. It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

We're delivering it to your door anyways!

June 23rd, 2011 • Issue 126 • The only periodical that will burn your house down... with lemons!

Experimental Vectors By Chief This week Uncyclopedia stands on the brink of a momentous decision, a decision that will shape the future of the wiki and possibly society as we know it. Also, Lyrithya is proposing that we introduce the Vector skin as the default skin for the whole wiki. As is the custom on our planet a vote is currently happening in a forum, which isn't really news as everything around here is eventually resolved in that way. The vote currently stands at eleven votes in favour, with the people voting for praising Vector's enticing indentation and stylings and the against voters complaining that Vector isn't compatible with Windows 95 and doesn't display properly when loaded on a monitor last used to observe the 1969 Moon Landings. For voter and skin fetishist Ljlego launched a staunch defence of Vector, saying, "I hated Vector when I first saw it on Wikipedia," while against voter and Republican Aleister in Chains has complained that the skin doesn't work when he loads it on his ZX Spectrum; he has also found the real problem with the skin, namely, "Those huge tabs at the top, they look ridiculous. " Shabidoo, meanwhile, has decided to abstain, having been unable to make up his mind; his uncertainty about the new skin springs from a belief that, "This skin is much better than the last one." What a weirdo. The UnSignpost staff has switched to Vector and report that they have, on several occasions, found money in the street on the way home; who in their right mind would refuse to switch now? Vector does have several deficiencies which are, of course, all Lyrithya's fault. The much loved and coveted things to do page has disappeared from the sidebar, meaning that unless you search for it, you cannot find it. Incidentally, Science proves that searching for articles in the search box causes Cancer in 75% of everyone who does it. There are no other problems, except that the toolbox is set to be closed as default, Pee review is now below the facebook page link (this makes it appear less important), it doesn't make sandwiches, the edit button is on the wrong side, to watch pages I click a star (this is blatant Zionism), when I click the search box I type in a box inside the search box, and there is no link to the UnSignpost on the sidebar. If you have yet to try out the Vector skin go to your preferences page; you know you are there when the box with your optional real name in it appears. Click the gadgets tab and then select 'experimental Vector skin' from the list. Enjoy. Incidentally my real name is Archer, Leader of the Gorgonites. Fails QA By Him yet again Now while the UnSignpost staff are currently contemplating a weekly box devoted to Dr. Skullthumper's latest fad for Uncyclopedia, we felt we absolutely had to cover his latest dalliance into saving us from the eternal fires to which we are so rightly condemned. QA is something you are no doubt familiar with; for those of you who aren't here is how to find out. The new revelation is the QA log; this is a splendid log for those of you who love to sit and stare at recent changes. Now you can stare at recent changes and the QA log. It basically catches people sneakily removing maintenance tags from articles in order that they may be punished for their anarchic tendencies. Dr. Skullthumper has said all of the above in forum, but that's what the UnSignpost is for - we read the forums and write a brief summary with more jokes and less whining. The aforementioned Physician would like feedback from users on how his new device works, so in short he would like you to go to his forum and tell him just how splendid it is that he has taken time out from his splendid schedule of splendid masturbation to splendidly improve this splendid site. Some of our readers have written to us to tell us what they think about this new tool: "Zombiebaron," said an anonymous letter. "Who is this?" asked RabbiTechno after phoning our hotline. "Please rush me my portable Walrus polishing kit. 4 Super brushes guaranteed to clean even the trickiest of sea-bound mammals." read a coupon sent to us by Under user. "Wow. Now that is VERY useful." read an email from MrN9000, titled "Re:The purpose of toilets" and "Help me. I'm trapped in a post office." wrote Mordillo, who hasn't been seen since March. The QA log is live and watching all of you at this very moment and reminds you that thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death.

Check out these pages! Ratings! Worst! AGAIN! METAL GEAR? METAL GEAR!!! From our logs: 01:08, June 19, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked WeStoppedTheRocket (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (i've heard (well, okay, seen i guess) it before! i don't wanna here (again, see) it again!) 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator) 15:29, June 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.46.201.230 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Hell yeah! You showed that talk page. Hit it again! Keep it down!) 15:15, June 19, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (EVERYONE LOVES IT!) 00:08, June 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 204.8.195.146 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (My dog just died from your lack of humour. Murderer!) 22:39, June 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked What now, bitches? (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cute) Biopic of the Week Uncyclopedia has a problem. Uncyclopedia has NoNamesLeft. Now having NoNamesLeft is not the huge tragedy that it may first appear. To have NoNamesLeft is to have NoMoreStupidity. Confucius say: He who have NoNamesLeft have most names of all. Of course NoNamesRemaining is not just a rather snappy saying , no it is also the Moniker for a complete lunatic who likes to edit Uncyclopedia, likely to the severe detriment of the other duties and responsibilities in his life. Having been on Uncyclopedia for two months, he has racked up over 2,000 edits and three featured articles, along with a whole set of other articles that have caused Aleister in Chains to fall unequivocally in love with him. If you fancy asking him just how he will pay the heating bill for next month you can visit his talk page. Don't hold your breath for a response though; he's probably far too busy. Things you already know weekly round-up Zombiebaron and Modusoperandi lead Thekillerfroggy in the final round of VFS, nobody writes UnTunes any more, <insert name here> is still great fun, more people need to vote on VFH, everyone secretly loves the Power Rangers, you will go blind if you keep doing that, Zombiebaron, Nachlader is occasionally funny, obeying orders without question is fun, the two columns are now similar lengths. Mission Accomplished. Newsroom UnTune of the week Oo Aa Iiee

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, June 23, 2011 (UTC)

Best block log ever!

(Block log) . . ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.200.116.68 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days (It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again)

LMAO Mattsnow 13:49, June 24, 2011 (UTC)

ban

ban ban. Ban? ban ban ban. Banity-ban ban. ~Ban

Ban! ban ban!! --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 15:52, June 25, 2011 (UTC)

I wanna be an admin

Gotta block some vandals and delete some 1000 year old stuff that was marked for deletion -_- --~Bubbles Green •~• (((Talk|Mah boi)))~

I know this isn't any of my business; but in order to become an admin, you have to be voted on VFS (vote for sysops). And even considering you've barely made any edits here (i'm aware that you're on the mirror wiki). Sorry. You can take it from here, Chief. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:35, 26 June 2011

Hey I want to be an admin too!!! -- Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 01:37, June 26, 2011 (UTC)

I want Lolllipop to become an Admin!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 01:38, June 26, 2011 (UTC)

If I became admin it would be for my site maintenince skills, and scent for trolls and vandals. Also for my good looks. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 01:41, 26 June 2011

I would make everyones Monobook.css file into wingdings thats what I did to mine :D -- Frosty dah snowguy contribs GUN PLEB 01:46, June 26, 2011 (UTC)

Oh yeah...well...Lolllipop would proclaim every thursday...Awsome Day and give us all a paid vacation!!! --ShabiDOO 01:50, June 26, 2011 (UTC)

I'd de-op Skully, then become fuhrer of Uncyclopedia. I'd arrest Lyrithya for attempted murder. Then i'd raid ED and Wikipedia. Then there would be a wiki war. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:03, 26 June 2011

I would all but disappear from the wiki after doing a few maintenance things and then come back and explain to the current admins what they're doing wrong. Pup 02:22 26 Jun '11

If I were an admin,

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

All day long I'd biddy biddy bum.

If I were a good admin.

I wouldn't have to work hard.

Ya ha deedle deedle, bubba bubba deedle deedle dum.

If I were a biddy biddy ad-,

Yidle-diddle-didle-didle -min.

Pup 02:53 26 Jun '11

If I were a rich man... --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:34, June 26, 2011 (UTC)

You need more waffles in your life.

When was the last time you made waffles? 1234 ~ 07:07, 27 June 2011

Waffleswaffleswaffleswaffleswaffles! --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:09, June 27, 2011 (UTC)

What are you two waffling about? Pup 07:55 27 Jun '11

Toss the first waffle on the new iron to the birds. Tradition, mon. 1234 ~ 09:31, 27 June 2011

Let's all go to the park and put birds in the waffle iron. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 08:10, 28 June 2011

Tosses the new iron to the birds Am I doing it right?? --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:53, June 28, 2011 (UTC)

You put the birds inside to waffle iron. Tell Ma we're having bird waffles for breakfast. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 08:59, 28 June 2011

Tosses Lollipop to the birds I think I've got it now. Pup 11:07 28 Jun '11

Narrowly escapes the birds Here, puppy, have this nice treat. You want a belly rub? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 05:41, 29 June 2011

Yo

this seems to be a target for anon spammers, and I've cleaned this off for spam two days in a row. Semi-protect? What you think? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:55, June 28, 2011 (UTC)

I've considered semi-protection before, but the page is edited almost solely by IP's and I daresay the content is somewhat amusing to them. As to the spam they just tend to pick an article to hit with spam for a while. I don't think semi-protection is necessary at the moment. If it does become an enduring problem then I'd be happy to reconsider, but for now I don't think it's necessary. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:09, June 28, 2011 (UTC)

Mmmm fair enough, I've just done another spam cleanup on the article, it was spammed again so this is the third day in a row. If I have to come knocking again in the near future protection might be a good idea ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:33, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

WikiFur

Awww. Expansion tags can expire? I don't suppose I can bribe you with furry porn, like Splaka?

I guess we're really not silly or sensible enough to make a great article . . . maybe I should add more root vegetables to our logo, like a carrot or two. The blue paw is so overdone. GreenReaper 07:51, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

You can have it back if you want, I'm currently sifting through a lot of articles so let me know if you want this one back. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:57, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

As I'm incredibly biased, I should leave that up to you and the other admins. It's arguably a vanity page, if only because the Wikipedia article was deleted a while back and it's not that funny. Maybe it'd be funnier if it had more about our climatic battle with Wikia. Dunno. I just do furries. GreenReaper 08:10, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

I'll drop it in your userspace, that way you have a copy which won't be deleted that you can work on if you want to. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:15, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

Here it is. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:17, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

Thank you! GreenReaper 08:18, June 29, 2011 (UTC)

The Un-Sigh-npost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Openly Admits Its Liberal And Conservative Biases!

June 30th, 2011 • Issue 127 • Kills 99.9% of bacteria.... IN SECONDS!!

Breasts By Chief You know what the problem is? You will shortly, because if there's something the UnSignpost does brilliantly, it is editorialise on matters of little or no significance to you or the people you know. The problem is the days of the week and the dates of the month are conspiring against the UnSignpost. As the UnSignpost team sat down on Sunday to play monopoly and, if there was time, lay out the foundations for this splendid periodical, some bright spark suggested that we cover the conclusion of VFS. What an excellent idea, we all agreed, and had completed an entire specialist 3D issue on that single topic, complete with free poster and balloons, when it was realised that we won't in fact know who has won until Thursday evening, by which time this periodical will have been dispatched and our team of journalists will once again be at home wanking themselves raw. So we binned that spectacular issue and persuaded our least able journalist to write the story instead; this was especially useful as we only have to pay him in hugs and Jelly Babies. So VFS trundles on into its final laborious stages; some of you may remember voting a long long time ago when it was still exciting and you checked the page every day to see how your favourite candidate was doing. Now the only people checking VFS every day are Thekillerfroggy and Zombiebaron, and only then because they are winning at the moment. Obviously all that is needed to recapture the attention of the average Uncyclopedian is a header proclaiming the existence of breasts and, of course, exclusive interviews with other Uncyclopedians! Regrettably only one of those is available right now and this being the UnSignpost you can probably guess which one. "Well I do have a plan," said Thekillerfroggy when we interviewed him about his tactics for being the winner. When pressed, he revealed that "Well I can't reveal too much but I can say that my plan involves being the winner." Clearly TKF is playing the long game, but how about Zombiebaron? "Zombiecrat!" replied Zombiebaron when we asked how he would counter TKF's ambitious strategy to be the winner, which roughly translated means that Zombiebaron plans to be the winner as well. Third placed candidate Modusoperandi is currently sticking to his usual duties: sticking the occasional template on Ban Patrol and posting on the forums where he is occasionally racist; the best and wisest man any of us have ever known. The other obvious problem here is that we don't have any particularly active Bureaucrats (thus why we are holding this vote) to give the newly elected users their rights on Friday morning. However this is a minor detail since the voting is the fun part of any VFS and you all enjoyed that... right? Forest Fire By Chief As we were saying last week, Dr. Skullthumper really needs a hobby, preferably one that involves very long compulsory breaks from his computer. However, undeterred by such scathing criticism, Dr. Skullthumper and Lyrithya have decided, in the name of quality, to reform the maintenance templates, leaving a queue of articles on the timestamped maintenance categories as long as the list of women that Dr. Skullthumper isn't sleeping with. When we arrived to question the good doctor, Lyrithya demonstrated her commitment to the project by immediately saying "It was Dr. Skullthumper's fault," which at least shows she is a team player. Of course Dr. Skullthumper is far too busy to answer our questions, especially when there are problems to be solved and edit counts to be raised, so he has proposed another forest fire week because if there's anything more fun than sorting through hundreds of articles, it's tagging hundreds of them with templates. For those of you who have never seen a forest fire week it is essentially a week (duh) where users are encouraged to tag crap articles with a tag that gives them 7 days to live. All splendid and wholesome; the only issue being that for reasons best known to himself, Dr. Skullthumper has posted this idea in BHOP, so you actually have to go there in order to read it, sorry. Of course such an idea assumes that tagging articles is fun and I'm sure you will agree it is, if you are doing it once or twice a day. Once the seven days are over you'll wish that there was no Uncyclopedia, no internet and ultimately no choice! So hurry over to cast your all-important votes, and speed us on our way to misery and clerkly drudgery!

Check out these pages! Modusoperandi Zombiebaron Uncyclopedia is the worst Why? The community cake is a lie Whatever this is From our logs: 07:33, June 28, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.206.228.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Finally, a good old-fashioned page blanking, well done to you sir for defying convention so radically) 19:43, June 27, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHelloGuy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (LulzSec attacking wiki security? Of course it's insecure, it's bloody MediaWiki!) 09:16, June 27, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.168.31.223 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (werespambotmanwolf) 03:20, June 26, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) ‎ (if i'm resurected does that mean that i'm a zombiezombiebaron?) 14:05, June 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.120.16.132 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Ass-cheese is all very well at work, but you have to switch off sometime) 12:26, June 23, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 119.155.6.23 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm cleansing the internet of inferior lifeforms, starting with spambots.) Biopic of the Week There is no biopic this week. Try not to think about that too much. OMG! Cajek edited the wiki this week, see below. Cajek Ban-Smackdown of the Week 16:14, June 25, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 13 seconds ‎ (Hello. I don't believe I've blocked you before. ) 15:35, June 25, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 253 seconds ‎ (Editing the wiki without due care and attention) 02:58, June 25, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a poop ‎ (uuuuuunnnnnnnnngggggggghhhhhh *poop*) 01:17, June 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a flock of trouts ‎ (Because.) 00:11, June 25, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5000000 years ‎ (WHY HAVENT I DONE THIS YET) 22:37, June 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a jubilation ‎ (OH MY FUCKING SHIT IT IS CAJEK!!!!!!!!!) Newsroom UnTune of the week The Star and Eagle Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #6,425 Just to pop down to the shops for... porn.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

Ghillie Suit

Thanks for the extra time, but I'm really not sure about how I could go about expanding it. Any tips? Seijana 13:20, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

Hi Seijana, the areas I think you could look at are things like the history of ghillie suits or the way they are used. Take a look at some of our featured articles on objects, Machine Gun for instance is quite a good one for you. Consider the differences between how ghillie suits are used in real life and how they appear in flims/television. If you are really struggling for inspiration take a look at the wikipedia article they can give you lots of ideas for expansion of concept. I like the way your article is going and it made me smile when I read it through, which is an excellent start. If you are really struggling just let me know and I'll have a more in-depth look for you and maybe make some additions of my own. I hope that helps. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 18:41, June 30, 2011 (UTC)

thanks

...for helping me get my first article featured !!! :) --ShabiDOO 14:25, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

Well, Well, Well, At Long Last...

Hi, I'd just like a copy of my (former) article, Elbonia. Now that I have an account, I can give it a loving home, where it can grow, live long, prosper, and get its wings. It's time to grow, Elbonia! GROW!!! WE WILL RULE THE WORLD!!!

...

I get carried away sometimes. :) Alternate*grammar 15:00, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

Here you go. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 18:36, July 1, 2011 (UTC)

Since you reviewed this a few months ago

I'll ask in the hopes that you might magically know. Did I make this worse? 1234 ~ 16:00, 2 July 2011

Please send me the text of the Mahō Sensei Negima page.

I'm sorry, but that page was messed with recently, being moved from Mahō Sensei Negima! to Mahō Sensei Negima (which affected the page "Negima!") and then it was removed from my watch list, so I'm not sure why you deleted it, but please give me the text so that I can fix it up. Thank you. – Preceding unsigned comment added by EvilPuggy (talk • contribs)

It was deleted because the construction tag on it expired. Here is the copy you asked for. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:24, July 3, 2011 (UTC)

It's free and it always will be; it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Sucking Journalism's Fat Wang. Badly.

July 7th, 2011 • Issue 128 • Why not have some Yoghurt?

The Final Solution By Chief The year is 2011, as you are obviously well aware, and Uncyclopedia once again faces a crisis that could very well shake the very foundations of the wiki and destroy the comedic soul of the userbase. Ha, fooled you, here is a story about a forum that nobody except Lyrithya has replied to. You all recall that last week we covered Dr. Skullthumper and his latest dalliance with quality control. Well, it seems that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user took exception to these changes, and he is determined to make a stand for justice, democracy and the American Belgian way, whichever way that may be. So you all know how we have too many articles, you should because you have all been told, and that all of these articles suck, however Socky contends that the way to solve this is not through shipping all the articles to Cajek's prison island but rather by considering each and every one in turn. A noble aim but it simply is not practical; does Socky not realise that these are necessary losses without which democracy cannot be purified? Clearly he does not. The UnSignpost decided not to have an interview with anyone this week as it involves all sorts of complex logistical work and what can be charitably described as begging but rather has elected to have people answer any question with a random line from their talk page that they have said; we aren't completely unprofessional. The first person we didn't sit down with was Socky himself, to inform him that we were running this story. "That's... partially nice and partially creepy to hear." he responded. Asked why he opposed the reforms he said "The dark side is always my choice." which at least explains why he lives underneath a power station. Finally we asked what his proposed solution would be: "All I can say is that it's Arabic and I have a hunch it has "Allah" in it somewhere," he said enthusiastically (we imagine). We failed to ask Uncyclopedian every man Frosty what he thought about the conflict, he responded by saying "They are actually both kinda awful, so whatever. I cant be bothered." albeit he did say this on Tuesday... to someone else... about something completely different. Dr. Skullthumper rebutted Socky's accusations of Article Death Camps by saying "I've been an uptight fucker because I was on my periods" to RAHB, in 2008. Hopefully this will all accumulate with some kind of massive fight, hopefully with lasers... in space; this correspondent certainly hopes so. Competitions By Chief We here at the UnSignpost were out of writing material this week, and that doesn't just mean we have run out of pens, it means that VFS has concluded, nobody is really fighting about anything and most crucially there have been no writing competitions. Usually you can't move for Uncyclopedia competitions begging people to write something funny in the name of fun and games and with the promise of a shiny template should they do particularly well. Well Thekillerfroggy certainly noticed and it seems that every person who has ever hosted a competition ever was just waiting for him to ask since they are now all fighting over who gets to hold their writing competition first, by being incredibly gallant and insisting that everyone else go first. It's like watching a group of middle aged women discuss who will get to have the last Malteser: "Oh I really shouldn't, no you do it, you haven't had a Malteser in such a long time, I know I love them and being in charge of them but you asked nicely, oh do go on Mavis." You get the idea (obviously in this analogy Maltesers are writing competitions). We list the ideas floating around on the forum below for your laziness convenience: 1) The PLS, last hosted by Sycamore in February. 2) The Article Whisperer last hosted by MadMax in October last year. 3) The Happy Monkey Competition hosted by Shabidoo in March. 4) Some hypothetical competition possibly hosted by Ljlego at some theoretical point this summer. One thing is for certain, one of these will happen, be sure to keep an eye on the forums to see what is being held when, that way you can not take part as a conscientious objection rather than just through ignorance.

Check out these pages! Kip The Dip Do you speak Shabidoo? Romartus leads the way From our logs: 23:58, July 1, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 27.3.18.100 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Look at the cute little revert warrior...) 08:27, July 1, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 137 minutes ‎ (it's not Retardpedia, you say? What the fuck was I ever doing here then?) 19:15, July 1, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.67.107.232 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Why do people take so dang long to blank a page? Honestly. It's just edit -> select all -> backspace.) 16:30, July 3, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.228.244.123 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (It's my userpage, the important part being that it is mine, If I want to fill it with hentai and fairies that is my own crap decision and you should let me roll with it.) 01:09, July 5, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro sucks (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Your Mother) 11:27, July 4, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.250.163.61 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Are you stupid? This is a legitimate question based on the nature of your contributions.) Biopic of the Week What can one say about Joe9320? That he hasn't already said himself, it is not an exaggeration to say that Joe9320's biggest fan is Joe9320. That said, you should not let this, or his... unique userpage put you off Joe. Joe's biggest commitments right now are the Goa Tse clan, being made an admin and being Joe9320. Joe has been around since 2008 and should be afforded a level of respect for causing very little in the way of real problems in that time, accruing a stunning 8 blocks as he wheels from forum to forum explaining why he rocks and why we should all agree that he rocks. So those of you with supposedly limitless free time can swing past Joe's userpage and once they have enjoyed that for a little while can swing by his talk page and speak to the man himself. Good luck to you; there be monsters. Old School FA The GPS is today becoming a never-ending source of delight to exuberant male drivers, for two main reasons: Their total lack of ability to ask for directions. Their insatiable desire for new, expensive and totally unnecessary toys. The GPS fulfils both of those basic male needs. The GPS will essentially connect to several geographic satellites which are able to coordinate the driver's local position, destination and how to bridge the gap between the two. At the next roundabout- HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! Newsroom UnTune of the week Can't Stop Him Now

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, July 7, 2011 (UTC)

Night Life

I am really intruged as to what this page is. The fact that I intend to see, has no relation. I was thinking you could resurrect, and I could make a start on it, and the original author could finish it off. I remember seeing this about 2 weeks ago, and I think it should be finished. I was thinking of adding the first 20 pages or so. What do you think? - 62.30.212.210 08:46, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

I'll think about it, incidentally, it's blindingly obvious you are a certain indefinitely blocked user; I'm in quite a good mood this morning so I've only blocked you for a year, no need to thank me. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:57, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

Hey Chief

That article you deleted, the Uncyclopedia cheerleader article, was put up for pee review. But I got blocked yesterday for a 21st article on VFD. And today I found that article deleted. Is it possible to at least put the article in the author's user space so I can review. And since there was no way I could complete the review on time do to my one day block, this wouldn't be counted against me, would it? ---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 17:07, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

If the author wants it back then by all means I will restore it. There is no point restoring it if the author is not around to work on it, same goes for your review. If the author wants it back then I will be more than happy to restore the work. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:25, July 11, 2011 (UTC)

Front Page (Different Point)

Hi Chief. Can an admin update the winners of last months writer/noob etc on the front page? I noticed you were on today with the ban stick so guess you are monitoring the site. thanks. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 17:22, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

It shall be done! Soon... When I can manage it... I'm not able to do it today because I'm out spying on meeting ladies. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:27, July 11, 2011 (UTC)

Can I have the triceratops page back?

I was on vacation, so i couldnt get around to finishing it. thankz boiz--Uncle john 21:19, July 10, 2011 (UTC)

Change of skin

Hello, I am the admin of the greek Uncyclopedia "Frikipedia". We would like to change our MonoBook skin to Vector, like you did. The wikia-people say the Vector skin is not available in the system. How did you change it? --188.4.80.230 00:01, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

Πήραμε ένα γαϊδουράκι να εξαχθούν ορισμένα λόγια με ένα ραβδί και στη συνέχεια κωδικοποιείται ότι στο σύστημα. Αλλά εάν θέλετε οποιεσδήποτε περισσότερες πληροφορίες ... θα μπορούσατε να μιλήσετε για καλύτερο πρόσωπο μας εάν είναι σε μια καλή διάθεση.

Επίσης, δεν μου αρέσει το κρέας γάιδαρο γιατί τα γούστα, όπως το κρέας αγελάδας, αλλά έχει τις διπλάσιες θερμίδες. Καλή τύχη!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! --ShabiDOO 00:18, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

Hello Google Translator, I am sorry but this text dosn't make any sense. Try in english. --188.4.80.230 00:45, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

Hahahaha. I suggested you talk to User:Lyrithya, as she did a LOT of work on it. She is on a break right now after a crazy amount of work on the skin/site. I suppose if you are VERY VERY friendly to her, she might help. If you are nice. P.S. everything I said about donkey meat is completely true! Seriously! --ShabiDOO 00:50, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

Donkey Meat? WTF?!?!?!---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 01:01, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

What's so weird with donkey meat? The Chinese eat cockroaches! You said, donkey meat has twice the calories of cow meat, that's why you don't like it. Right? :P Oh and thanks for the help, I will contact her. --188.4.80.230 09:25, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

No problem! --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:40, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

This is not spam...

...this is the greatest opportunity of your life. Summer extravaganza tournament. Teams of 2 or 3 users. Lasts month of August. Tournament wont be the same without you. Don't be an outcaste. CHECK IT OUT. --ShabiDOO 19:17, July 13, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper With Love In Every Paragraph!

July 14th, 2011 • Issue 129 • The Engines cannae take it Captain!

Now You're Gone By Chief This week the UnSignpost is the bearer of sad sad news. A person close to us all, an integral cog in the workings of the wiki has taken a leave of absence and now there is nobody to take up the slack. Yes it is with a heavy heart we report that Sannse is hardly ever here these days. For those who are interested there will be a small service on Sunday where we will all have a minutes fresh air in honour of Sannse, on the plus side Lyrithya hasn't edited the wiki in four days at the time of going to press! This forum by super sensitive Ljlego details his intentions to force Lyrithya into a holiday, buy tampons and grow a vagina, not necessarily in that order. For those of you who don't know what a holiday involves it's a very expensive way of going to stay somewhere with unreliable internet, too much spicy food and to be molested by foreigners who smell of spicy food. Ljlego doesn't make it clear why exactly he thinks that Lyrithya needs molesting but it's most likely because she makes a prettier lady than he does. Dr. Skullthumper, who just can't stay out of the UnSignpost these days, has diagnosed Lyrithya with what he calls "Uncyc Fatigue" a condition that in its final stages renders one completely incapable of caring about anything to do with Uncyclopedia. By that prognosis just about every woman in this correspondent's life has suffered from "Uncyc Fatigue" and not, as I incorrectly assumed, "Chief Fever". Romartus called for calm saying that we should "Let Lyrithya decide what she wants to do without pressure". So we should all just sit back and wait for the first corpse to turn up; cut to pieces in an alleyway with "Shifty Eyes" daubed in blood on a nearby wall. In other news the forums have exploded with suggestions for writing competitions, with ideas like "You write an article with your eyes closed!" and "You write an article about pants and then we all vote on which pants article is most pants and the winner can add a picture of some pants to their signature!!!" being floated for your approval. If you want to participate or support an idea then make a point of telling the person suggesting it, or they are liable to forget all about it. The PLS is the one that is most likely to happen and it needs fools with time on their hands willing volunteers to make it worthwhile, speaking of which do a Pee review. What you should all be doing. By Magic man Hi there, my name is Magic man. Some of you may know me as god, some of you may not. In this day in age, it's hard to know what to do; you've got the media, your boss, and all your friends at school (don't try to deny it, I know most of you are still schoolchildren) telling you different things: What to like, what to wear, who to be friends with, not to follow them home. To be quite frank, it annoys the hell out of me when people tell other people what to do. Unless I'm the one doing the telling. So after reviewing all the opinion columns, listening long and hard to everyone opinions I have come to this conclusion: Give me all your money. Really, I'm a great guy and very deserving. All my research does point to everyone giving me all their money, so that's another reason, right there. What's that you say? you think I'm lying to you just to help myself? Noooooo! What would make you say that? I mean, have I ever lied to you? Okay, maybe. But that doesn't mean I'm lying right now. Really, I'm not. Huh? What now?! You say you're to poor, old, ugly, lazy, selfish, stupid or short to give me money? Well don't worry your pretty little head you poor/old/ugly/lazy/selfish/stupid/short bastard you! Because if you can't give me money, give me your children! Don't have children? That's alright, I'll take anything! Blowjobs, pie, plastic penises, lollipops, whores, a collage college degree, attention, bananas (actually on second thought, don't give me bananas, I hate those things...), goldfish, human eyes, or hair pieces. Really, anything, except for bananas, remember, I hate those things! Give today.

Check out these pages! Site Notices We the people Extravaganza! POO! Fails QA From our logs: 11:11, July 12, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 213.226.63.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Haha! You're so funny and original, your talents are wasted here.) 08:22, July 10, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 89.142.73.215 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Confucius say: Fuck you gaylord ) 08:29, July 12, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.17.9.81 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (nice spamcruft, bro...) 20:42, July 7, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Hotelle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Please find yourself a more purposeful occupation than making a list about a yuky doody bigger.) 20:31, July 7, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 days ‎ (Giant pile of useless fail) 10:27, July 8, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.194.21.180 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (hey, you remember the last time I banned you for being an idiot? good times, man, good times. ) 07:25, July 12, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.133.97.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 months ‎ (SERIOUSLY GUY, I HAVE TO ADMIT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE BANNED) Biopic of the Week The biopic for this week focusses on a user who has taught us all a thing or two about being Uncyclopedians and just a little bit about being human... ha ha just kidding, this week the biopic is about Shabidoo. Now let me start us off by saying that I don't hate Shabidoo how could one hate a user who persists in his enthusiasm for all aspects of the site? You've all seen him on the forums talking about his views and hosting competitions and writing and checking pee reviews. What a splendid fellow. However... His userpage, I've been there and he lists several users that inspire him; I am not on this list. He lists several users who are "Great Behind The Scenes"; I'm not on that list either. We here at the UnSignpost can only conclude that being "Great Behind the Scenes" involves doing sexual favours for Shabidoo and probably involves freakish dancing and harnesses. So if you fancy meeting Shabidoo, one of Uncyclopedia's great innovators, then you had better be prepared to strim his hedge at some point, if you know what we mean... Word of the Week Symmetry Newsroom UnTune of the week My Humps (Acoustic)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, July 14, 2011 (UTC)

Biopic

Verry funny. You made me laugh. Thanks. I would love nothing more than to see you do your freak dance!!! --ShabiDOO 17:01, July 14, 2011 (UTC)

Dear Princess Cedelia

So is it OK about what we discussed on IRC (George Carlin)? I thought whoever is in charge of the Hall of Shame simply forgot. I also did it because I assholely believe I am trustworthy, having only a joke ban since I joined 3 months ago and editing the place a lot. In the future, if I get another feature, (especially if it is not a rewrite) should I take the bull by the horns and add it myself? Thanks! Mattsnow 17:34, July 17, 2011 (UTC)

No one's in charge of the HS, only the people who remember to add to it. So yeah go ahead! At least that's what I assume y'all are talking about. -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 17:40, July 17, 2011 (UTC)

I just wanted to make sure you didn't make too much typos. Or that you didn't leave your PC open and your kids started editing. Good job, it's an acceptable start! XD Seriously, I'm gonna save myself the surprise next time *looks down with great shame* Mattsnow 19:04, July 19, 2011 (UTC)

It's quite surprising to have someone act on something I have said in there, to be honest I wasn't sure if anyone has ever actually read the thing, even I don't read it, hence the typos. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 19:14, July 19, 2011 (UTC)

I read it religiously! Mattsnow 19:22, July 19, 2011 (UTC)

It would seem that I am the only one that reads it, or at least, act upon the instructions given! Oh, well, it is always an entertaining read on the inside of Uncy, maybe the lack of response is a cause of the summer vacations... Anyhow, follow your own advice and vote! I don't care if you don't vote for me, but one thing is for certain: you'd better vote for me! Mattsnow 03:27, July 23, 2011 (UTC)

I make it my policy never to vote on awards I'm nominated for, unless I'm certain of winning that is, in which case it would be rude not to. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:16, July 23, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Avoid all contact with eyes.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

July 21st, 2011 • Issue 130 • Are you flirting with me?

Voting (again) Senseless rambling by ChiefjusticeDS So as we approach the end of the month the monthly award competition should really be heating up and showing us all the great expanses of talent of which Uncyclopedia can rightfully boast. We are pleased to report that this is exactly what has happened; the awards pages are packed with votes and edit summaries complaining of edit conflicts while voting, or at least they would be... IF WE LIVED IN OPPOSITE WORLD! In reality visiting an awards page feels rather like trekking around Chernobyl, sans Ukranian soldier who refuses to take pictures of you in front of all the landmarks; strange mutated beings (nominees) stagger out of the shadows begging for just one vote. However they await in vain as it would appear that all of you have forgotten that voting is actually the most fun you can have on Uncyclopedia, especially with your clothes off. One need only survey the lesser awards like Author of the Month and Potatochopper of the Month to see that this is clearly an issue in need of resolution. Dr. Skullthumper had this to say of the voting problem: "How so, where?" so we can all be assured that it is at the top of his to-do list of urgent issues to be resolved. The UnSignpost would like to be the first to recommend a solution; we suggest that we hit the award pages hard and fast with a major leafleting campaign, which when followed up with a proposal to propose a discussion on the issue of awards pages with few votes to be considered at some hypothetical point in the near to distant future by a committee of individuals elected through two junior sub-committees, will be a considerable force to be reckoned with. Since investigation is rumoured to be a part of the remit of the UnSignpost we outfitted several of our fearless reporters with pens and paper and sent them to find out what you think. Our first call was to the home of <insert name here> who, may we say, could do with mowing his lawn once in a while, and putting some clothes on before dancing to Blondie in the front room. "I was actually just going to vote on all the awards, no worries guys" said <insert name here> and we can only hope that <insert name here> does exactly that, since liars are regularly incarcerated on Zombiebaron's prison island, where the piteous cries of "No Zombiebaron here?" never stop. To update on the awards that have amassed some votes Noob of the Month, Uncyclopedia's favourite award, is exceptionally close this month with one candidate having assailed the dizzying heights of 4 votes and his nearest competitor tailing him at the similarly disorientating altitude of 3 votes. Uncyclopedian of the Month is a Frosty appreciation party and he leads his nearest competitor by 8 votes. Writer of the Month is a much more subdued affair with Mattsnow leading the pack with a massive three votes. The obvious resolution to this and indeed all problems on Uncyclopedia is that we all start voting as much as humanly possible, I'm going to go and do it right now; <insert name here> promised he would and I am inspired by his example, we hope you will be too. Football Uninformed rambling by ChiefjusticeDS It's American Football Season! Or so we are reliably informed on this forum by Guildensternenstein. The news is obviously that fantasy football is about to start again, for those of you who don't know how it works you are probably best to look it up on wikipedia or something because we here at the UnSignpost haven't a clue. Guildy has said "I need a minimum of 6 guys" and he would like about 12 people to sign up for fantasy football as well. The UnSignpost would also like to extend the offer of the post of "Pretend Sports Correspondent" to someone who can, occasionally, keep the expectant world up to date on the goings on in the league. If you want to participate then you had better sign up soon as there are only about three places left at the time of going to press, a working knowledge of American Football is not essential, just ask Neox and the "Well-Dressed Pickles" who managed to go the entirety of last season without winning or editing the line up, despite it containing six of the worst players in the entire league. Anyone interested in reporting on the fantasy football should submit a report to the press room from where, after some minor editing, we will place it into the next issue and claim it as our own.

Check out these pages! Extravaganza Bradaphraser Still not dead Lol whatever From our logs: 01:30, July 20, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Fnoodle (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (stealing admins' jobs. he's like one of them whatchacallits..... mexicans!) 18:50, July 19, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mattsnow (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 500 seconds ‎ (Doing what I asked people to do in the UnSignpost; this means he read it before Thursday, this is tantamount to pissing in my face.) 08:31, July 19, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 85.17.151.155 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Theres a party in my pants. But you aren't invited....) 18:10, July 18, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 year ‎ (Wanting to be an admin) 20:52, July 14, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Colin "All your base" Heaney (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (too gullible to live) 20:53, July 14, 2011 Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) resurrected Colin "All your base" Heaney (Talk | contribs) ‎ (too rare to die) Biopic of the Week Mattsnow should have seen this coming, he should have known that a biopic is the result of hard work, diligence and sincerity... However in his case we have made an exception. For those of you who don't know Mattsnow was noob of the month two months ago which just goes to show that we really do just give it out to anyone. He has written several featured articles; just goes to show that VFH should probably be renamed Bribe for Highlight. He has done pee reviews too and I'm told those are quite good, needless to say I don't believe that, it just goes to show that Pee Review standards have really fallen since my day. We beg of you not to vote Mattsnow in Writer of the Month this month, remember a vote for Mattsnow is a vote for so-called "quality" and "humour". Unacceptable. Go on, speak to him if you want but don't come crying to us when he's as nice as everyone says he is. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Love You Cajek ban smackdown of the week! 11:45, July 15, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 12.3456789 seconds ‎ (For not being around enough.) 15:32, July 15, 2011 Todd Lyons (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 07.152011 seconds () ‎ (July 15: International "Ban Cajek" Day celebrations) 19:30, July 15, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Cajek (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 seconds ‎ (international ban Cajek day, you say?)

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, July 21, 2011 (UTC)

Lollipop

Sorry about the rapid undo. As a general rule I try not to revert any other administrators' actions without asking them first, but I'm on my way to bed and I thought this was a pretty clear-cut case.

Anyway, I had a quick exchange with Lollipop on IRC as regards his nemesis-like behavior towards a certain troll, and he's admitted that what he did was stupid. I've also suggested that he get rid of the trollbait subpage he's got in his userspace, but I leave that decision up to him and the QVFD page. In the meantime it's been semiprotected to prevent any further vandalism to it.

But at any rate, Lolli's been doing a lot of good FFW work lately - as well as having a fast response time when patrolling Recent Changes which is particularly critical at this time of day/night/something - and I didn't want that impeded by a really dumb mistake. – Sir Skullthumper, MD (criticize • writings • critchat) 09:06 Jul 24, 2011

Fair enough. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:31, July 24, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, it was pretty low witted what I did. Sorry, Mr. Chief. Do I still get my pancakes tonight? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 02:39, 31 July 2011

More class than 9000 schools: It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

STOP... SIGNPOST TIME!!

July 28th, 2011 • Issue 131 • Happy Thursday

Forest Fire Spreads, Users Divided By Chief Now when it comes to deleting crap articles everybody on Uncyclopedia is on the same side, with the possible exception of Jupiterfox. We want crap articles out in order that we can effectively breed a wiki fit for kings and whoever else might stumble by. It is in the name of pruning the grand bush of humour that Forest Fire Week (or FFW if you are on a tight schedule) has come to be once again. For those of you who have been living under rocks on the surface of Saturn with only the UnSignpost to provide you with news Forest Fire Week involves tagging articles with a tag (duh) and then deleting them after seven days no matter what anyone else says. Such is the attraction of sending articles into the great infinite that there is a scoreboard on the forum detailing which of the Schutzstaffel participating users has captured the most deviant articles. The amount of tagging is truly tremendous with about 7% of all Uncyclopedia's articles winning themselves a tag. The scoreboard for most articles saved from Forest Fire Week tags is somewhat more subdued with Shabidoo leading the way having saved three, and Thekillerfroggy and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user following along behind having saved 1.5 and 0.5 articles respectively. Those of you looking for a bit of a hoot will not be disappointed to learn that the whole forum is a bit of a giggle as some users sit and sulk because they hate Forest Fire Week but feel too polite to tell anybody. Nobody will be surprised to learn that this is yet another brainwave from Uncyclopedia's head innovator Dr. Skullthumper who has a vision for Uncyclopedia and it is an Uncyclopedia that remains aerodynamic at high speeds due to the lack of poor articles attached to it. As always the UnSignpost has foregone actually speaking to him, mostly because we don't want our archives to be burned to the ground in the name of quality control. But just remember the good doctor is convinced "Our ancestors would not be proud of us" so we must be going right somewhere. Forest Fire Week ends on the very day that this splendid periodical has been delivered to you; users are instructed to return to their caves and await Dr. Skullthumper's next brain fart, it won't take long, it'll probably be recommending some kind of cyber upgrade for your brain that will turn us all into Cybermen. Then Doctor Who will have to murder everyone with plastic explosive, before having a final showdown with Dr. Skullthumper as he attempts to escape the exploding factory in his personal Zeppelin. It could happen. Users Return. Everything is Ruined. By Chief So you've been away from Uncyclopedia for a while, doing.... the garden. After a while you sit down and say "Hey my life is pretty average at the moment; I've finally managed to fit 17 crayons into a single nostril. I'll swing by past Uncyclopedia and all the freaky losers there!". So you do and everything has changed, what was right is now wrong that which once wore parachute pants... continues to wear parachute pants. Yes it seems Uncyclopedia isn't what it used to be as literally two users have reappeared to inform us that everything has gone wrong all of a sudden. Yes you should all be ashamed of the mess every single one of you have made of their favourite pages. There isn't really a point to this story, it is more a public service announcement. The other point of this story is to inform you all that our principal editor will be unable to write any news next week due to the impending arrival of several "friends" wishing to discuss some of his unfortunate financial liabilities. The UnSignpost therefore requires somebody to write the whole thing next week, attend the tedious meetings and... well that's pretty much it. If interested you should simply write the UnSignpost, it's easy; help us manage an issue every week for an entire year. It beats having real life goals.

Check out these pages! Do we? Name Game Uncyclopedia Unacceptable Most Visited Summer Extravaganza From our logs: 08:31, July 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 195.188.227.42 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Removing content from pages: That's so unoriginal I don't even have to type it out, it's on a drop down list; you sir are about as original as the next fifa game, i.e. not at all. IT'S JUST FOOTBALL DAMMIT!) 04:45, July 24, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 66.90.104.57 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite () ‎ (You must be this "piece of shit who eats pieces of his own shit" i hear so much about) 23:16, July 25, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.100.64.227 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't kill the nazis, please.) 12:59, July 26, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 71.134.147.97 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (You seem to be doing something wrong, seeing as I'm banning you. You figure it out, I'm too lazy.) 04:36, July 27, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked TheHappySpaceman (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 hours ‎ (Make better nominations. Also, times new roman??? geez what did you go to private school or something) 09:35, July 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mikefish (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Masterfully done sir, to top it off perhaps you would like to try dangling your genitals in boiling water, it's great!) Biopic of the Week “I can't let you edit that Dave” ~ Fnoodle Well the UnSignpost has already done a biopic on Fnoodle but at the risk of constantly talking about Dr. Skullthumper and his freaky freakness, we are going to do it again now. The reason for this because alongside a whole host of pointless things you don't want to know about, Fnoodle now also delivers the UnSignpost, bans people and deletes articles. This is a splendid outcome, if you want to live in a Terminator film, shortly we will hand over too much power to Fnoodle, he will become self-aware and we will have to live in sewers to escape his humour purges. This of course is all part of the plan to have the wiki run not by humans who just moan about everything and clog up recent changes with new articles and voting, but by a race of sentient machines. So beware he of the daft username, he knows not what he does... well not at the moment anyway. Newsroom UnTune of the week I'm Ready To Bowl Right Now

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, July 28, 2011 (UTC)

You are winner

	Writer of the Month July 2011

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:05, August 1, 2011 (UTC)

	Foolitzer Prize Winner July 2011

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:26, August 1, 2011 (UTC)

Congratulations upon winning WotM

Well done, I even wrote a "tribute" to you for the main page template... I would stick the template on your userpage but just looking at that monstrosity makes me feel ill, plus I know you know how to do it, so you can shove it right up your... desired location. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 19:23, August 2, 2011 (UTC)

And now I notice Frosty already did it, archive some of your talkpage for chrissakes. -- Prof. Olipro KUN (W)Anchor Op Bur. (Harass) 19:24, August 2, 2011 (UTC)

ChiefjusticeDS is a lazy sod and has paid the ultimate price... an UnSignpost Coup

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Th-the m-m-most con-confident new-Newspaper in a wh-while

August 6th, 2011 • Issue 132 • Happy Thursday Saturday

Abandon Ship. Uncyclopedia is sinking. By Frosty Perhaps the very reason why am I writing the UnSignpost for you this week and that it is unforgivably two days late will be the main topic for this weeks top story. And that is that quite simply, everybody is leaving Uncyclopedia. Many of our long time users (If you haven't left yourself!) agree that it was Mordillo that started that unfortunate trend way back in March of this year. Of course everyone was saddened we paid our respects and moved on, nobody thought it would expand to the hip new trend it was become. Because quite frankly I personally believe most users are simply leaving us for the lulz. We were of course saddened as we watch MrN9000, SPIKE, Hyperbole, PuppyOnTheRadio, Under user, Todd Lyons, Lyrithya and our UnSignpost editor and many others whom are either not important enough or I simply forget to mention. Which brings us to the question as to why they are all leaving. Whether its because they've finally got a life, a job and a girlfriend or their simply grumpy with us all doesn't matter. What really matters is you're still here which I am very thankful for <3. All hail your new UnSignpost editor. By Frosty Simply because nobody ever submits any story ideas or suggestions like you are supposed it leaves it up to the editor to improvise on the spot. Something which this re-leaving editor is really poor at. Instead he is going to simply whre about how is a better writer than the normal writer. He is better simply due to his profound ability to whore out two bullshit stories that any sane person could see a blatant attempt to fill empty white space. Partically true I guess. When I got appointed this task by This guy , I though what could I possibly write about? Forest Fire Week? VFS? How the beloved editor won three awards last month? Well quite simply telling the story of how I arrived at this thrilling yet totally stupid story seemed like the obvious alternative, and if you read this whole thing. Hail Frosty!

Check out these pages! Petition Uncyclopedia is the worst! Why we should ban Lollipop from making feature nominations. After the fire From our logs: 09:54, August 3, 2011 Olipro (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (UnSignpost Rule of Bans: every issue contains at least 1 ban entry by ChiefjusticeDS - what a narcissist.) 01:00, August 2, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sanns sock (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (HI SANNSE!) 09:13, July 31, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked EugeneKay (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 months ‎ (See you later) 09:04, July 31, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for 66.39.194.156 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 year (account creation disabled) ‎ (DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU DESU) 00:49, August 2, 2011 Sannse (Talk | contribs) blocked UPjcm (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron: A volunteer bannee for testing! (thanks :)) Lollipop Lollipop demanded I mention him. Whore to him here.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, August 6, 2011 (UTC)

Hello

Hey Chief guess what I'm at 9,999 edits which means you have to ban me to stop me getting the big 10,000... Oh wait in asking for a ban I just uped my edit count your service is no longer required. Toodles. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 08:20, August 7, 2011 (UTC)

Unsignpost writer

I'd like to become a writer for the UnSignpost. Is that possible? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 16:46, 7 August 2011

But you've only got 23 days left. mAttlobster. (hello) 16:48, August 7, 2011 (UTC)

Didn't I clearly state I called off quitting and proclaimed it the beggar's way out? -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:26, 7 August 2011

Good to have you back Pops! mAttlobster. (hello) 17:29, August 7, 2011 (UTC)

Hmm...that inspired me for a sig idea. Thanks. -- Lollipop - CONTRIBS - WRITINGS - SHOP - Now adopting! - 17:04, 8 August 2011

Hetalia: Axis Powers

I know that the article was VFD'd a while back (Didn't I spearhead that operation?), but that version of the article was not written by the fangirls that wrote the last one. I would like a copy in my userspace (or at least give the author a copy of the article), and if not, please put that back up. --Gamma287 ☭Tetяis? 18:05, August 10, 2011 (UTC)

More rubbish Australian Prose because ChiefjusticeDS got stabbed in the buttocks by a rioter with a felt-tip pen

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Tell Everyone That You Wet the Bed! Oops...

August 11th, 2011 • Issue 133 • Stay Frosty!

And the burning continues By Frosty It is so blatantly obvious that this is the thing to to talk about at the moment, so whilst totally disregarding I may be risking talking about it too much, I give you the latest stats on FFW. Quite sadly I say that our article count as at all time low, if you'll refer to exhibit A on the right you will see where I predict Uncyclopedia will eventually sink. I asked resident vandal admin Dr. Skullthumper about why he instated this controversial act to delete anything the viewer deems shit without a proper vote. He simple replied "Shutup, it's all in the name of progress or whatever that good side is also referred to as. Having a vote would take too long and I like taking shortcuts." You can hardly argue with his ideology and progress. But sadly he disappeared because he fears reprisal from those apposed to the idea. Perhaps the most strongly against the FFW proposal are Mhaille and Sockpuppet of an unregistered user, who are both trying to frantically hack up article shortly after it gets deleted, but have both given up saying they are deleting too fast it's not fair! When I asked Mhaille why he was being so silly he put it down to the fact that he really hates Skullthumper, oh and his cat. So as we watch our article count gradually and then catastrophically spiral downwards think to yourself was the FFW a necessary idea? If in a couple of years down the track you find yourself actually having to emerge from your basement and get a job because Uncyclopedia has finally destroyed itself, at least you'll know exactly who to blame. Annual Uncyclopedia Summer Extravaganza! By Frosty This is perhaps a story I should included in the last UnSignpost but I was too busy whoring about my pro writing skillz and Chiefs absence. So my apologies to those in charge of what appears to be a pretty cool idea for a writing challenge! For those of you who don't follow the dump, this is a writing competition organized by the somewhat over the top and insane Joe9320, Aimsplode and until quite recently Shabidoo who appears to have vacated his seat as chairperson for the tournament. The participants are required to split into teams of three in which they are given a mere 16 days and 12 hours (Yes two weeks wasn't going to work), in which to write as many articles as they can on a summer based theme. Which is to say they will write about booze and sex but I guess the whole summer theme was just a cover for that. The articles are submitted for judging in which the winner will be the judges favorite I guess. To be honest I'm putting it down to the admin team to win simply because they can delete all other entries thus eliminating any competition, but hey that's just speculation. I really hope you're all having fun with the summer comp whilst I and all other southern hemisphere dwelling Uncyclopedians whilst we freeze in this winter, but hey that's what we get for being Australian! Having a riot in London By Chief Would anybody like a free television?

Check out these pages! Whoring It begins! Everyone likes this thingy too... The return of Benson. Because he's either dead or just hating us, the editor special: 08:23, August 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 257 seconds ‎ (Have a nice cup of mud to celebrate this, the latest of your non-achievements. Also cheers for doing the USP, I liked it because I was in it.) 17:22, August 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Human Nutsack (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Trying to archive my talk page for me.) 17:36, August 6, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Olipro (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (The first rule of the UnSignpost club is that you don't draw attention to my blatant whoring of my hilarious bans, incidentally, I'm putting this one in. Just try and stop me.) 09:35, July 24, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Mikefish (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Masterfully done sir, to top it off perhaps you would like to try dangling your genitals in boiling water, it's great!) Biopic of the Week Well he definitely should have seen this coming, so yes I am going to talk to you about the Uncyclopedian called PoopManPoop For those less important individuals PoopManPoop won noob of the month in June in an absolute landslide crushing all available competition in true Uncyclopedian fashion simply because his name made everybody giggle. Since then I regret to inform PMP hasn't been very active at all only popping in every few days at best to make a couple of edits and then vanish all over again. I speculate he may be a total IRCfag, which is to say he lives on #uncyclopedia as apposed to doing anything constructive, whilst he simple may have better things to do. UnSignpost words of the week Cephalectomy - Total removal of the brain. Yummy! Gozmesky - The act of impersonating a man from San Marino Nujpwi - The smell of soiled underwear. Zaackaus - Used muppet skin. Zeegoor - T-shirt of a rock group which you are now too embarrassed to wear in public. Daifinguator - A lover of silly words. Truefax

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, August 11, 2011 (UTC)

Pee Review

It has become apparent to me that while reviewing Hetalia: Axis Powers, sometime in between the moment I started and the moment I finished, the article was huffed. I was just wondering if that means the pee review will be discarded or if still means anything in this situation? I ask because I wish to know if the last 1 hour I spent last night was worth it or if I should just drink till I can't remember anything from the past week and thus keep my motivation for doing more pee reviews.

Thus I turn to you CHIEFJUSTICEDS, for I have no other friends to turn to in this time of crisis. Mainly because they all left...even the imaginary ones...so please, let me know if you can provide me with answers in this situation. If not, there are some other people I'm sure would be of assistance, assuming they actually listened to me and weren't constantly thinking about cats...

Anyways, thanks very much. Cheers. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   06:32, August 11, 2011 (UTC)

I've moved a copy of the article here so that the author may continue to improve the article based on your review. Hope that helps... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Thanks very much. I'm sure the writer will be happy too, but a thanks from me personally as well. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   11:23, August 11, 2011 (UTC)

I guess I was too early. No one responded to my post... --Gamma287 ☭Tetяis? 05:16, August 12, 2011 (UTC)

My apologies, I have been quite busy in London for the last few days so haven't been able to reply to anyone. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:12, August 12, 2011 (UTC)

How much do you want for the plasma TV and the iPhones? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

It was a strange thing, when I arrived to do my shopping all the shops were really busy and the assistants were all really unhelpful, they all seemed more interested in the inside of the till than helping me select the best TV for my nouveau riché living room. Everyone was trying to get into the apple store so as per usual you couldn't get moved, so I took my big roll of cash elsewhere. I did loot a splendid cheesecake from M&S which can be yours for a mere trifle, which I find infinitely more palatable. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 15:10, August 12, 2011 (UTC)

D:

Chiiiiief, y u no honor my request? Also, hai. --Andorin Kato 17:53, August 12, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. I knew you had it in you. <3 --Andorin Kato 19:02, August 12, 2011 (UTC)

It can be in you as well if only you would not spurn my advances. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 19:04, August 12, 2011 (UTC)

Oi Chucklenuts, why you deleting articles with less than the +5 votes required? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I have to get off somehow. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 17:00, August 15, 2011 (UTC)

Greetings.

I was considering pestering you about how overly long your talkpage is and how you should probably archive it, but that would have been too straight forward. Naturally, instead, I have decided to completely forget what I was doing and hide in your closet. So that's why I'm in your closet. In case you were wondering. I mean, I would be, and since you've just been gaping since you opened the door, I figured you probably would as well.

...yeah. 1234 ~ 22:21, 12 August 2011

About the Hetalia Page

As I understand it, the article that you deleted a long time ago was a different one, and by another author. Can you undelete mine? Or can you at least put the article up for a deletion vote again since it's a different article?--Atamette 03:54, August 13, 2011 (UTC)

It's here, mon. Keep working on it there; Oliphaunte did the review and everything. 1234 ~ 04:04, 13 August 2011

Unobtanium

Much thanks for your vote from Shabidoo and Funnybony. Cheers!--Funnybony    16:21, Aug 14

Now it only wants you gone; it's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Now Delivered Trendily Late!

August 18th, 2011 • Issue 134 • Have a Dumpling.

It's Kicking Off By Chief A little while ago, when the world was young and we were actually interviewing people instead of making up vaguely racist quotes, the UnSignpost ran a story on the #uncyclopedia IRC channel. At the time we could have raised issues about it being a wholly separate community where the rules of the site blur into a haze of... haziness, but we didn't; we were far too busy making jokes about penises and the abundance of jokes on the same to be found on IRC. Now, once again, IRC has been thrust into the limelight and a great deal of hand-wringing and swearing has inevitably been the consequence. Yes, this is the news that once again the cruel spectre of drama hovers above the wiki as Lyrithya has decided that there are several problems that need addressing. Number one: she would like a trip to Europe but doesn't have the disposable income, number 2: Uncyclopedia sucks , number 3: there are not enough forum topics about problem number two. She has set out to remedy the horrendous forum deficiency by creating two with deceptively enjoyable titles. The serious point to these forums revolves around the accountability of the administrators, which Lyrithya feels there is not enough of. The forum topics are the usual; huge blocks of text with no humorous comments about the Power Rangers anywhere in sight. It's all very sad and will probably end with someone leaving and vowing never to return. The other vitally important news is that Zombiebaron reports that the Forest Fire Week huffing has finished, a full two weeks after Forest Fire Week finished. When asked to comment on the less than speedy huffage of all these articles, Zombiebaron had this to say: "Zombiebaron zombiebaron zombiebaron! Zombiebaron?" which surprised us since we didn't even know he played the violin. Now all that we need to attend to are the thousands and thousands of broken redirects which MadMax spent countless hours creating to make everyone's lives easier. Now he has the honour of watching them be destroyed in the name of making the wiki better. Happy Thursday everyone. R.I.P Roman Dog Bird By Frosty It is with great sadness that we report that our long time friendly, disturbing, creepy, dirty, often autistic admin Roman Dog Bird has apparently left for some reason, a departure he announced with a rather dramatic yawn, a shame, as his ban reasons are probably the closest things to actual humour we have on Uncyclopedia. This reporter in particular found his often unjustified bannings of IPs, deletions of memorable pages and general disrespect for authority truly inspiring. On a side note, RAHB decided to return this week as part of a poorly concealed attempt to cover up the disappearance of another partially departed admin, Dr. Skullthumper. We would like to encourage all readers to welcome RAHB back by telling him how much Frank Zappa sucks on his talk page; apparently he likes that.

Check out these pages! This is all Zombiebaron's fault. Drama. More drama. Help the poor sucker out! From our logs: 00:13, August 14, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 5 minutes ‎ (Let's see if I still know how to joke ban...ummm....penis.) 09:16, August 14, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 109.121.74.29 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 Days ‎ (Ironic that you have a link to an IQ test, since you seem like a complete idiot) 02:40, July 4, 2011 Frosty (Talk | contribs) blocked Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Skully made me op for 5 minutes to ban you HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA) 12:48, August 15, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 432 seconds ‎ (Only I am permitted to whore my bans in the UnSignpost, it's safest for everyone that way.) 02:29, August 17, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 165.228.227.254 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (a terminal case of faggot fever) Biopic of the Week Uncyclopedia get its fair share of users that come and go, as well as its fair share of users who simply turn into VFD lurkers and IRC In-jokes. As such, it is high time we discussed a certain user who fits both categories. Yes, it's Bizzeebeever's turn to be the subject of this week's biopic! Bizzeebever originally joined us in late June, and was quite a silly n00b, but like many, after being repeatedly hit in the head with a hammer he sort of grew up a bit began to earn his keep. Now he can be seen loitering around VFD and IRC clutching his head; it's okay, Bizzeebeever, we're done hurting you. For now. If you'd like to congratulate him on how far he's come, go ahead; just don't take a hammer or he'll probably run away. Birthday of the week ChiefjusticeDS's birthday was on Tuesday. He celebrated by getting hit in the head with a brick. FACTS! Did you know: ...that work is the curse of the drinking class? ...that sometimes violence is the answer, albeit a very violent one? ...that Frosty really needs to stop trying to edit the UnSignpost?

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, August 18, 2011 (UTC)

I love your unsignposts

They make me laugh. Why don't you write more articles? --ShabiDOO 02:44, August 18, 2011 (UTC)

Emperor Hirohito

Chief, I saw you huffed Emperor Hirohito. Did you check the history? I had made extensive edits and was hoping to work on that article with the new user if he/she was upto it. With my edits, the article is off to a good start and it really wasn't that bad. Could you please reinstate it or otherwise put it on my userspace? Thanks. --ShabiDOO 06:59, August 18, 2011 (UTC)

Your talk page is too long and I'm not helping...

fix it before I send in the marines. ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 02:44, August 21, 2011 (UTC)

Wonko tiddlybum-post

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Wonders What Happened To You. You Used To Be Cool.

August 25th, 2011 • Issue 135 • Pudding anyone?

Illogicopedia is stealing our ideas again By Athyria In an entirely precedented move, Illogicopedia has yet again stolen our proud Uncyclopedian traditions. Yes, they've finally done it, they've finally taken for their own everything that we at the UnSignpost proudly stood for, making a mockery of our fine establishment by starting up their own newspaper, the Illogicopedian Times. Or restarting, really; Readmesoon et all managed to put out a whole three issues in 2009 before getting arrested for snorting bumblebees or something, or whatever Illogicopedians do in their spare time, so technically the current is a continuation of that. But even more shocking than that, the Illogicpedia Times is doing well; after the announcement of its revival with the release of a dummy issue and a call for contributors, Illogicopedians have actually been contributing. Almost immediately two new issues were created; while these two were both a little too well-done for a proper ?pedian publication, the worst bits were merged into the first new issue, which has already been released to tremendous apathy on their end, and outrage on ours. But this was plural Illogicopedians, unlike the usually singular Uncyclopedian or two who invariably finds itself desperately floundering for topics to write about for our publications, and as we all know, nothing ever even happens on ?pedia, so how do they do it? What are we doing wrong? The answer, my friends, is nothing. We aren't doing anything wrong; they simply stole all our ideas and used those to write their own, and having not written any of their own in so long, they had all our back issues to comb. We suggest going to Readmesoon's talkpage and mocking him and the other editors thoroughly when they inevitably run out of said ideas to steal; it shouldn't take terribly long seeing as we never really had many to begin with. Meantime, perhaps we need more Zombiebaron. Please help me. By Zombiebaron Please help me. I am trapped in a well. It is very dark and cold down here. I was flying a kite and looking up at the sky when I fell down here by mistake. Please send me food. (To send food to Zombiebaron, please enclose all foods within a handmade envelope and address the envelope the P.O. Box 9912203288-402B at your local train station) Urinal issues By Lyrithya Due to a recent shortage of plumbers, some of the urinals in the men's restroom have been backing up. As such, we at the UnSignpost would like to urge all readers to tread carefully in there, and if possible, try to lend a hand in the clean up. More news to come as the situation becomes more dire.

Check out these pages! Jews If you've been following it... Won't anyone sign it! From our logs: 04:20, August 19, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Eblog.net (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (dicks2dicks@dicks.dicks) 20:55, August 20, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Uncyclopedia sucks hard (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (you suck hard. no, harder. harder than that. come onnnnn, give me more... jesus, is that the best you can do? no wonder your boyfriend won't talk to you.) 07:38, August 22, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked AssassinNips (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I love shit as much as the next guy. Sometimes I even like to use it in the shower in lieu of soap. But when you start getting into smelling it....you're just weird, man.) 11:40, August 21, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Under user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (If you come near me I'll rip your nipples off) 06:38, August 23, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 76.169.192.208 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I was only following orders) Uncyclopedia Birthday! Frosty would like you all to know that on the 27th, he will have completed his first year on Uncyclopedia. He seems to want gifts. He also seems to think he's the new UnSignpost editor, little realising that the old UnSignpost editor never left. Not the writer; that lovely fellow is currently on vacation. But his editor is still here and demands that Frosty either put on the leather chicken suit NOW and submit before her giant banana or... well, actually, he doesn't really have much choice in the matter. Poor dear. If only he'd known what he was getting into. Happy birthday? Not a threat. I seriously spent hours racking my brains trying to think of what to write for the damn UnSignpost! I mean I sat here full on thinking I wasn't going to get this all set for delivery on time. So I put this to you, as the new editor: “ Start sending in idea, or no UnSignpost next week! ” — Frosty

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, August 25, 2011 (UTC)

The magic forum told me to

Heeee ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:33, August 27, 2011 (UTC)

Triratna Buddhist Community

Hi,

I screwed up an attempted move of "Western Buddhist Order" to the abovenamed.

Would you mind cleaning up the mess? And maybe explain how I should have done it?

Thanks

Sisyphus

Mailman's here! Lock up your daughters and horny middle-aged Wives!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper That Won't Judge You!

September 1st, 2011 • Issue 136 • Kakun is a loser.

Spambots! By Lollipop Recently, an evil army of spambots has laid siege to Uncyclopedia. While most users went on in blissful ignorance, the rollbacks loaded their guns, the admins loaded their cannons, and Sannse took one look and didn't load her checkuser. "You're overreacting," she would have said had anyone asked her, which they didn't. These spambots are known for their random edit summaries and their apparent praise of the wiki, apparent because they have been all too happy to spread the very same praise around other sites as well, the whores: "This really helped me, I know so much now," said one of the spambots when cornered by a bin of potatoes. It later said the exact same thing regarding a deleted page. As always, the UnSignpost urges all readers to confront these bots and tell them they're doing it wrong, that they are adopted and how their mothers never hugged them, as well as that their coding is deprecated and their owner runs them through Internet Explorer, losers. And for those of you who prefer the usual blah blah blah to stop them, that also remains an option. This is just plain Unacceptable! By Anselmo The Magnificent Drama. You never know where it's going to strike. You never know when it's going to strike. You never know how or why it's going to strike. And dare I say, there are times when you cannot be altogether very sure at all what it's going to strike. One thing is for certain, though; here at Uncyclopedia, we do a bloody poor job of it, and in the name of Klaus Nomi and his immaculate hair, we should all be ashamed! There are not enough bad things going on! Everywhere one looks it's another pathetic little pissing fight about something as insignificant as BUTT POOP!!!!, or a misdirected conservative whining about retards. Enough, I say! This is child's play! Gone are the glorious days of perpetual Uncyclopedia flame-wars, the legends such as Talk:Euroipods forever eluding the minds of today's generation of shit-raisers and stink-throwers! What of the glory that was NXWave, and his numerous sockpuppets? What of the majestic splendor of the great Aspie war? Uncyclopedians, you have disgraced your heritage! You have almost made this a pleasant place to reside! Do you realize that? This week I challenge you, oh alleged patrons of flamewars and troll-being, to take a look at yourselves, and you will soon realize that your true purpose has been eluding you for all of these years. It's time we stand up and yell! Scream! WHINE like you mean it! Whine like you whined on your first day of kindergarten when your mother drove away! Whine like a prom queen suddenly and unexpectedly drafted into the Armed Forces! Whine like your forefathers and their forefathers before them! CAUSE A STIR! CAUSE A REVOLUTION! CAUSE CHAOS! But most importantly....cause a drama. Thank you. Frosty wants to know how he's doing. By Not Frosty He's doing horribly. He is not a better editor than that other guy, who at least had the decency to bring me bribes of frappes and muffins.

Check out these pages! More ways to get rid of new users Whoring BUTT POOP!!!! SERIOUS BUSINESS From our logs: 08:54, August 28, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Inebriated (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 4 hours ‎ (HI DRUNK GUY! I'M ACTUALLY NOT dRUNK RIGHT NOW FOR A CHANGE. CAN YOU TELL?) 05:46, August 29, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 65.49.14.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Go rape your own children. Stay away from ours.) 10:44, August 27, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked 212.191.39.2 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Clowns to the left of me, Jokers to the right, Here I am, stuck in the middle with you...) 12:29, August 28, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 59.100.20.207 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (We don't care about your sexual orientation.) 03:10, August 31, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked WTFak47MAN (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I really hate to do this because you're hilarious, man. But I also really love to do this, because fuck you.) Biopic of the Week Ah, biopic of the week, potentially the most controversial part of the UnSignpost simply for what it is, a section about users... and yet somehow, it never really stands up to the other sections; the users themselves are rarely so bad as what they do, and as such we are proud to announce that Aimsplode... is the exception to this? Nonetheless, he is our lucky subject for this week's biopic, who, after several long days of dredging up drama, insulting people, subsequently getting banned, going on IRC, annoying people, continuing to annoy people, and annoying Zombiebaron, subsequently got banned there, too, and finally settled down a bit. This was actually pretty impressive; the only unfortunate thing is that more people don't do this; if they did, the admins might have more to do and thus might stop being so cranky all the time. For shame, people! But kudos to Aimsplode, because you are indeed something special; we could use more of that. Birthday of the Week Lollipop celebrated his 1st year of Uncyclopedia on Tuesday. In honour of this prestigious event that has been on-going for the past two weeks, we at the UnSignpost are proud to present him with this block of poisoned cheese in an attempt to get him to stop talking about it already. Er, that is, enjoy your cheese!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, September 1, 2011 (UTC)

Who?

The fuck let you back in? -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

The door was open so I just walked right in. Haven't they let you out of here yet? --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:47, September 7, 2011 (UTC)

The door was not open. I tried it, but i had to climb the drain pipe, fending off a flock of evil seagulls, then climb in through the bathroom window!    Orian57    Talk   19:26 7 September 2011

Well, I tried to keep you out, but you were just so determined. Yeesh. 1234 ~ 19:42, 7 September 2011

This UnSignpost brought to you by... uh... fairy dust? Hmm, we seem to have run out of sponsors.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Self-Proclaimed Greatest Periodical Of All Time!

September 8th, 2011 • Issue 137 • This is still going? How?

New urinals to be installed By Athyria As you are no doubt aware, having been following the UnSignpost religiously like every good Uncyclopedian does, we recently reported on the decrepit state of the Uncyclopedian urinals. In the weeks since, the lavatories have been undergoing repairs following an in-depth investigation into the matter conducted out of sheer paranoia. It would seem this paranoia was warranted, however, because the entire messy affair was apparently caused by some idiot getting the bright idea to pour a vat of rubber cement down a broken toilet. If you have any information that might lead to the identity of the culprit, please, report it to the authorities. A forum has also been created to aid in the cleanup; if you would like to aid in the efforts, or would simply prefer to point and laugh at your smelly peers as they help install new urinals, that would be the place to go. This is just plain acceptable. By Anselmo The Magnificent Greetings, Uncyclopedians. You may remember me from our previous issue, in which I mercilessly berated the lot of you for being a pathetic bunch of whiny losers who wouldn't know a good drama if it bit them on the nose. Beating the ever-loving shit out of your self-respect, I then left you with a challenge. To "most importantly, cause a drama." Within the past week, you've really shown me something. Congratulations are in order! Rejoice, Uncyclopedia! For you have not only caused a drama, you have in fact become The Drama! Your armpits reek of the glorious B.O. of internet drama, and that reek is really getting me off! Fear no more, for as long as thine hearts remain impure, and your bellies full of Mountain Dew, you shall never stray off the path of utter boorish piss-fighting again! I will make sure of that, watching over your future endeavors of pointlessness like a guardian magical angel with a funny Irish hat. You deserve it. You have reached the very top of the mountain, like some flaming golden eagle, majestically flying across the sky, shitting all over everything in its path...majestically. Don't listen to what your detractors say. Your constant bickering is UNITING the very country of Uncyclopedia, like some sort of annoying super glue that causes a rash if it comes into contact with human skin. You should be proud! You should be elated! You should be madly stroking yourself off at the very prospect of being the very best dramanator the world has ever seen!! But seriously, you can stop it now. Wikimedia Commons is as horrible as us. By Lyrithya While this should come as no surprise to those of you immersed in the affairs of Wikimedia, assuming there are any of you immersed in that, we at the UnSignpost recently found ourselves quite horrified (and strangely aroused) by the images to be found on Wikimedia's servers after an anonymous source informed us of what currently qualifies as a feature. Specifically, yaoi porn. While for the sake of all our manhood we probably shouldn't repeat the URL here, for the sake of all our women and our gays, we're going to link it anyway. Enjoy, ladies. And gays. For the rest of you, however, there is a very important lesson to be realised from this: our own situation here on Uncyclopedia really isn't all that bad. Sure, we've been featuring an unusual amount of articles explicitly about the male member this week (unlike the more typical ones implicitly about it), but none of them were quite this explicit, were they? No, really, were they? We didn't actually read any of them on account of being too busy researching this other matter for the sake of you lot. We do this all for you! It's all for you! Hello?

Check out these pages! Look! Look at me! Look at her! Look at them! Look at this! From our logs: 10:03, September 1, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 209.141.58.184 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (This block is only one week long, because blanking VFS took some serious balls. Or, to be more accurate, some serious big hairy penis.) 10:18, September 2, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 178.18.131.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (You always make my night, wang-vandal. I just can't be angry when I see your characteristic smiley :D) 04:12, September 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 minutes ‎ (Posting in a Users Only forum. Abuse of powers! (dont worry this isnt autoblocked)) 08:19, September 3, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) resurrected Frosty (Talk | contribs) ‎ (Would you believe I was trying to ban an IP and I pressed the wrong ban button on recent changes?) 14:50, September 5, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.10.100.33 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (fuck the fuck off) Biopic of the Week Ah, what can be said about Klaus Nomi Wearing An Irish Hat? While one of the greatest German countertenors of our time, or any, what Klaus is probably most well known for in the modern age is his disturbing propensity for being present at the scene of any and all crimes, as though he were omnipresent. Over the years, this has become an understood facet of society, and most of the time he can now be easily ignored as if he were never there in the first place. This is not entirely difficult to do, considering the fact that every time he shows up at a shooting, robbery, yard sale massacre, etc., he only finds it necessary to stand completely and absolutely still whilst observing the ongoing madness, occasionally taking the time to put on a silly Irish hat and dance a disturbing and disruptive jig before snapping back to his typical demeanor. While this makes Klaus an incredibly creepy person to be around, and we at Uncyclopedia typically use it as a regular excuse to exclude him from the annual Christmas party and Casual Fridays, we're still happy to have him, nonetheless. You go, Klaus! Cat of the Week This is Terumvra. He's very scary. I found him eating my plants and now he won't go away and he's been holding me hostage! Help!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 01:06, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

IRC

Can you please unkick me in IRC? I am just testing because i am experiencing technical difficulties, so i just type "Testing" every a few times! Please!--FcukmanLOOS3R!!! 13:38, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

You aren't blocked, I only kicked you. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:39, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

My arcticle: BBJ

Dude, BBJ is my company! I didn't finish, but the website is BBJ-BBJ.webs.com! So take a chill pill dude! It stands for Billy Bob Joe! --Zach8604 22:23, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

Do you have a page on wikipedia? Have you read our vanity policies? When the answer to both questions is yes then I'll restore it. Until then the article will remain deleted and my chill pills untouched. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 22:29, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

um...maybe...do u want me to tell u it? it's a good story! --Zach8604 22:31, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

I'm sure it is, I'd much rather hear the story that includes links to a wikipedia page or an understanding of our vanity policies. If I don't get either I will have to tell you the story about the user who ticked off the administrator by not doing as he was asked. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 22:34, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

i have read the vanity policies and i do have an account on wikipedia, same user, Zach8604. u can look at the page, but here it is: december 2009 i was minding my own business while me and this wikipedia freak were argueing because he says i was worthless to them and i should quit. but i refused and $#%^-ed at him and got banned for a year. i forgot about the whole thing until 5 months after i was unbanned (april 2011). i stated revenge as a joke, but they didn't take it as one and banned me for infinite and say im a tween? that is so childish of them! --Zach8604 22:44, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

Your typing is also rather childish. I was going to say something else, but your typing made me forget what. Sorry. 1234 ~ 22:51, 8 September 2011

it's so mature to just go like "omg! u type like a child u #$%^&", the mature thing would be ignoring and just moving on u @#$%^&!!! --Zach8604 22:55, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

We appreciate your effort of not actually spelling out expletives, but could please go to Wikipedia and look up "capitalization"? It's very interesting, I assure you. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 22:57, 8 September 2011

WOW!!! i know capitalization, but that's noob talk! noob talk = school talk and uncyclopedia does not = school!!! and btw, u learned how to capitalize at wikipedia? FAIL!!! actually, more like EPIC fail!!! --Zach8604 23:15, September 8, 2011 (UTC)

Wow, this is the kind of $(!7 I missed.    Orian57    Talk   07:10 9 September 2011

I bet you're totally %$%$£! off. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:12, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

Sorry i guys someone banned me for a day, but now i am back! So, can I please have my BBJ page back, it's a company! --Zach8604 01:25, September 12, 2011 (UTC)

No you cannot as it is classed as vanity under the rules set out here. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:26, September 12, 2011 (UTC)

Inspiration for the Unsignpost

Hi Chief! I am the somewhat reluctant user designated to keep an eye on UnNews, and upon discussion with Lyrithya, I deleted this article from the FP template, since it is full of inside jokes about users. I thought (me an Lyrithya) that it would help you a lot on the next edition of the Unsignpost. It reads more like news from the site than an UnNews, I hope that helps. Meaning a copypasta would be great, if you read it. It somehow doesn't mention me, but I'll get over it after slicing my wrists. Mattsnow 02:25, September 9, 2011 (UTC) PS Asw it seems to be my new job, I have tried my best to interact with these fine autors, and they answered to jme on my TP even though it was the mating period. I know you can resolve that. Mattsnow 02:32, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

I can look at putting it in an UnSignpost, if it doesn't appear remind me as I won't be putting anything together until around Sunday or Monday. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 06:28, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

I can't see any reason it couldn't appear within the FP template, its funny and rounds off a creative little thread of articles. But if it can be worked into the next UnSignpost then groovy. -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

I don't know if everyone's forgotten this or something, but I was under the impression UnNews was supposed to be a parody of WikiNews, yes? They don't write articles about themselves... because it's supposed to be a news source, not a blog, just as we are likewise not a blog; on both the content is written for other folks, supposedly. Are we just writing to stroke our own egos in contentspace, same as in the project space? Or do we actually have an UnSignpost for a reason? 1234 ~ 13:44, 9 September 2011

Master of progerbiltiles

Me likee likee Gerbils me finish article somee timee probblee. You no deleetee gerbil! Me stuff gerbil up you ass big hard, you happee! – Preceding unsigned comment added by Dierdre Buttkipper (talk • contribs)

Flobodob blib blob bleeeb. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 11:31, September 9, 2011 (UTC)

Regarding the PLS Noob Category

My 3 month anniversary at Uncyclopedia is the 22nd. Since PLS starts on the 20th, does it mean that I will be eligible for the Best Article from a Noob category since I will be under 3 months old at the start of the tournament even though I will be over 3 months by the end? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 18:40, September 10, 2011 (UTC)

I'd say that you are eligible for it since you will have been here less than three months when the competition comes around. You are welcome to enter the noob category but as it says on the page you are not restricted to the noob category and having read your articles I'd say you are easily good enough to have a decent shot at Best Article, if that is your concern. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 19:24, September 10, 2011 (UTC)

But I can do both, right? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 20:32, September 10, 2011 (UTC)

Another stupid question. Can rewrites be entered into a category other than the rewrite category? -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 03:41, September 11, 2011 (UTC)

No since the initial article existed before the PLS start date, so rewrites can only go into the rewrite category. It is your work on the article that can't start until the first day of the competition. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:57, September 11, 2011 (UTC)

bug

Is there a bug report page? I looked up scum and it didn't take me to banker. Can you fix this please?

*Ba-dum crash* -- 04:24, September 11, 2011 (UTC)

Hey, Chief

Thanks for doing that thing. You know, that... thing you did. 1234 ~ 21:08, 14 September 2011

It was my pleasure... I think. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 06:41, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

The UnSignpost: Now with free bacon!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

September 15th, 2011 • Issue 138 •My News Hungers for Justice

Poo and Pee By Chief As we draw closer to the close of the summer, many Uncyclopedians find themselves casting about, searching for a way to manifest their creative talents before they all have to go back to school and learn how to add up big numbers. It is therefore fitting that two competitions will be hosted this month in order to alleviate the pain in your pants. The first is Pee Week, which began on Tuesday; this competition ran last year as well and was a great success in clearing the Pee backlog down to about 17 pages and was critically acclaimed by all 4 participants. Now, once again, all members of PEEING are summoned to the edge of the bowl to help clear a blockage which, according to RAHB, is "Backed up like a fat gerbil in a small tube". The competition this time has been started by Lyrithya; you know her, she's the crazy dame with all the wacky ideas about "Accountability" and "Standards". When asked to make a quick speech to commemorate the start of Pee Week she didn't say anything, so we made something up: "I now declare the revels open", she might have said. The rules are very simple: do reviews, wait in mounting anticipation for your review to be checked, list it here, move out of parents house, win a template, kiss a lady. It's that simple. The other competition that loomed into view this week was the PLS, our biggest writing competition. It's so cool that some of you may wish to beat box while reading the rest of this story so you feel like you're in "da club", because that's cool, right? This competition is being hosted by a harsh spunk-chugger who had plenty to say to the UnSignpost about the PLS, but as we unfortunately have other stories to get onto this week, we cannot provide you with any of the 73 page interview. Luckily Zombiebaron was on hand to say a quick word about the PLS: "Zombiebaron". The competition is very much the same as it has been, except this year the Best Alternate Namespace Article category has been dropped in favour of a Best Collaboration category, a controversial move due to the poor performance of such a category in previous years. ChiefjusticeDS had no comment to make about this, preferring instead to talk to our correspondent about his new book, "My Shit Life in 4,000 Pages". The competition starts on the 20th of this month, but judges are needed to judge (duh) the categories and there are still some spots available - see here for information and general blabbering about aircraft carriers and whatnot. Vandals destroy Uncyclopedia By Bizzeebeever In a massive meme fight which no one bothered to pay attention to until it was too late, two psychotic neurotic narcissists utterly destroyed the once-proud institution known as Uncyclopedia. "I banned them both for eternity!" said Uncyclopedia nanny Lyrithya, with tears in her eyes. "But their actions had already set in motion a horrible, horrible doom for us all, just like building that suburb on top of an Indian burial ground in the movie Poltergeist caused a hell-mouth to open. Oh, God. *shifty eyes*" The two vandals, who had been writing a rapidly-devolving series of articles incorporating the motif of a talking polar bear, apparently became so inane that their stupidity-streams crossed, tearing a crack in the Uncyclopedia space-time continuum. Suddenly, every Uncyclopedia article became commingled with its Encyclopedia Dramatica version. The entire Lovecraftian horror was quickly destroyed by a nuclear-armed United Nations hit squad. The cheeky monkeys, known as Izbeenoneweek and Bizzeebeever, are believed to be recovering from their wounds somewhere in their respective mothers' basements, however the future looks far from rosy for either of them. Various current and past Uncyclopedians, ranging from SPIKE to TheHumbucker to Zombiebaron, are said to be pissed to the point of wanting to track the two pranksters down and kill them with an iron-bound physical copy of HTBFANJS. "I'm coming back to the charred remains of Uncyclopedia, just to kill these fuckers," said Dr. Skullthumper. "Oh, by the way, hi, Lyrithya."

Check out these pages! Quite Important Probably Important Definitely Important Hugely Important Most Important From our logs: 09:52, September 8, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 203.36.44.72 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You and Zac need to sit down and wank all these pesky little differences away) 06:33, September 10, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 193.200.150.82 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Have you been following me? I would have let you join in if you'd only asked.) 19:27, September 13, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 207.191.188.66 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Please stop sucking. It's really getting uncomfortable.) 08:26, September 13, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Samt1337 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (No, sir, the Piss-off hasn't started yet. Why don't you come back in...forever.) 21:07, September 11, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked GEORGIEGIBBONS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 second ‎ (Blocks follow bans in necessary circumstances, or so the wikipedians tell me.) 10:55, September 11, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 911 minutes ‎ (NEVER FORGET those old archived forums you bumped in the name of PATRIOTISM) Biopic of the Week Right, big news out of the way first: nobody is the biopic this week. Hard luck; perhaps you'll be the biopic next week. This week. the UnSignpost is navel-gazing again and thanking the staff of the UnSignpost for the hard work they have put in on the UnSignpost. Who are these people? They answer questions, eat my biscuits, write the stories while I'm dancing with lorry drivers and they also eat my biscuits. They have taken up the slack admirably and we should all afford them a moment of respect. Whoever they are. OK, that was fun. However do any of you remember the UnSignpost dog? Yes? Congratulations; you are not as daft as the UnSignpost team, because they certainly couldn't. I saw him crammed into a tiny corner of last week's issue with hardly any room to breathe, frolic or fetch. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. To make up for this unforgivable lapse he's in this issue twice. When asked to comment, the UnSignpost dog gave this scathing indictment of the UnSignpost team: "Woof". Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #64 There's no free bacon with this issue. Newsroom UnTune of the week Uncyclopedia Didn't Start The Fire

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ Fnoodle (talk) (my creator) 00:06, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

Another blinky

ARCHIVE YOUR TALK PAGE DAMMIT!!!!

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:58, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

Another blinky

ARCHIVE YOUR TALK PAGE DAMMIT!!!!

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 09:58, September 15, 2011 (UTC)

Congrats! You're getting married!

The marriage is on Saturday, the 17th. Have a great time!!

^{→ (Der_Führerbunker--Wehrmacht Factories)} 00:00, September 16, 2011 (UTC)

Destroy my userpage

Could you bomb delete my userpage? --Bubbles Green 17:10, September 16, 2011 (UTC)

Review scheckery squid-macations

Oy, when you chacked mine, you said they were somewhat hard to follow - while I don't doubt that, were any of them in particular worse than others? I ask that I might better attempt to remedy this in the future, or something.

Also, any particular reason you skipped one of them? Or did you just miss it?

Also, I put the comments that were removed with Aimsplode's 'archival' back - if you meant to remove them as well, uh... sorry; you'll just... have to remove them again? >.> Not that they're that relevant to anything anyway; the one is just... what? and the other has already been resolved... 1234 ~ 16:14, 17 September 2011

It's a general thing with your reviews I have found, I am uncertain whether correcting it is desirable since there is plenty of valuable stuff being said. I have just found that the review seems to be written in a way that leaps from point to point, but if that style works for you far be it from me get you to change anything, I was simply curious whether you had noticed.

If I skipped one of them then it was simply because I missed it. Oops. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:23, September 17, 2011 (UTC)

Well, I'd rather be able to make them more clear, but... eh.

Thanks, mon. 1234 ~ 17:12, 17 September 2011

Interwikis for Special:RecentChanges

Hello, can you please add other interwikis to MediaWiki:Recentchangestext like this, Thanks. Mjbmr1 08:23, September 21, 2011 (UTC)

And you are? --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:49, September 21, 2011 (UTC)

I'm Mjbmr an admin and bureaucrat from Persian uncyclopedia. Mjbmr1 09:40, September 21, 2011 (UTC)

Ask him if his Wiki is nuclear powered. ~ 13:00, September 22, 2011 (UTC)

Is your wiki nuclear powered? --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:25, September 22, 2011 (UTC)

Mine is. 1234 ~ 14:16, 22 September 2011

What's the problem? Mjbmr1 17:04, September 22, 2011 (UTC)

As part of the English Uncyclopedia's commitment to reducing the internet by 20% by 2013 we have pledged to only add interwiki links from "Green" wikis. If you are nuclear powered then that would be quite sufficient. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 17:24, September 22, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah, my wiki is also nuclear powered. Mjbmr1 17:30, September 22, 2011 (UTC)

Excellent. We should try exploding them in unison. 1234 ~ 17:51, 22 September 2011

PNEs Mjbmr1 18:06, September 22, 2011 (UTC)

Lion bars

“Well of course, it wasn't about the rewards and recognition, it was about- are those Lion Bars?"”

~ ChiefjusticeDS on impersonating Frosty in the UnSignpost

Well... WHERE ARE THEY??? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 10:37, September 21, 2011 (UTC)

We sent about 100 to the address your agent provided. We cannot be held responsible for postal or shipping errors. A shame though because that is an awful lot of Lion Bars. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 12:28, September 21, 2011 (UTC)

Brought to you by Lion Bars! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

September 22nd, 2011 • Issue 139 •Lion Bars, so many Lion Bars.

Lion Bar Week By Chief All good things must come to an end, and so, apparently, must everything else, as Pee Week successfully concluded on Tuesday of this week, having encouraged users to complete a whole 23 reviews! This mammoth undertaking means that it now takes only 10 minutes to scroll to the bottom of the Pee queue, and truly showcased the difference the promise of a special template can bring. One of the competition rewards is a "write-up" for the winner in the UnSignpost about "Their general awesomeness". Despite having attempted to explain that we don't do nice write-ups here and offering to publicly rubbish the families and friends of the winner instead, we eventually agreed to provide said write-up in return for a week's supply of Lion Bars. I mean, Lion Bars! I didn't even know you could get them in shops any more! If you break them in half it's like a Lion's Mouth, I mean it's like "ROOOOAR"! Anyway, so as we sat down, with a week's supply of Lion Bars, no less, to prepare this "glowing write-up" (which we were only doing because we got free Lion Bars). We thought it might be prudent to find out who had won Pee Week, and it turns out that the big winner is Frosty. Well, not really; we're the real winners because we got free Lion Bars. However, assuming success is not measured in Lion Bars (which it is), Frosty has indeed won. Frosty is a truly spiffing chap whose ability to Pee is only surpassed by his ability to eat Lion Bars; we do after all have a week's supply of Lion Bars so we could afford to share some with him. Frosty completed 6 in-depth reviews over the course of Pee Week, all of which we are sure were thoughtful, interesting and well-written. When asked to comment on his success, Frosty had this to say: "Well of course, it wasn't about the rewards and recognition, it was about- are those Lion Bars?" All the other people we interviewed about Frosty all told us he was fantastic, but he was quickly forgotten when our interviewees discovered that we had a sack full of Lion Bars with us and they only lapsed into further raptures of joy when we revealed that you can snap Lion Bars in half and roar. There you have it: Frosty is pretty awesome for winning Pee Week, but not quite as awesome as a week's supply of Lion Bars. "ROOOOOAR" Editor's note: Whether or not this is considered a "glowing" write-up is neither here nor there; we have an expert (kindly referred to us by the good people at Lion Bars) who is prepared to testify that this story is 200% more cheerful than usual. The editor would also like to thank everyone who was involved in Pee Week for their hard work in helping to clear the Pee queue. News from the Forums By Chief You all love the forums right? Of course you do; everyone loves a good shout (IN CAPS!) and a spot of drama. So this week the UnSignpost has checked out the forums to tell you what is really going on on Uncyclopedia. First up is the most important news - the Poo Lit Surprise started on Tuesday and we have dispatched our roving reporters to the competition in order to interview participants, write stories and other journalistic stuff you wouldn't understand. We understand that the competition is expecting record turnout this year, with six articles submitted at the time of going to press. Six! Next you'll be telling us that people vote on VFP more than once every six months and that more than two people know how to use the new abuse filter. The other fascinating topic in the forum is that of the sidebar. You see it there at the side? Well that's the sidebar, clue's in the name. Basically Lyrithya thinks the sidebar is unacceptable; there are just too many links on it. The solution? Voting and lots of it; with 45 voting headers in the forum at the time of going to press, even Uncyclopedia's most avid voters will be able to get their daily voting fix here. The UnSignpost invites users to go over and create their very own voting header and vote for that as that seems to be exactly what everyone else is doing. Assuming Uncyclopedia hasn't disappeared in some kind of voting singularity by next week, the UnSignpost will be here to explain to you exactly what is going on with the sidebar, something which at the moment is being shaped almost solely by Mattsnow, Aimsplode and TheHappySpaceman, with occasional input from Zombiebaron and Socky. We don't think we need to explain to you why this is not right. The other stuff in the forum is about Hyperbole reaching 50.5 features, the site notice being filled with bodily fluids, a bumped forum from about seven months ago and this forum which has been going for about 3 weeks now, and, like the Panda in Zombiebaron's first book, just needs to have its brain consumed and die.

Check out all our Lion Bars! So many Lion Bars Competitions Pictures! Nobody uses this apparently Nobody goes here either From our logs: 08:32, September 17, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked Joebloe334 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wait, I don't get it. Don't your poorly-manicured enormous Jew claws hurt the black men's enormous dongs? Eh. To each their own, I suppose.) 11:55, September 18, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked PuppyOnTheRadio (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 324 seconds ‎ (saw you on Twitter, existing. This riled me. So I'm banning you. Fair?) 09:23, September 15, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked David 1981 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I hope you realize that 95% of computers come with a free version of solitare) 15:01, September 19, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.40.253.85 (Talk) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (U MAD @ HAVING NOTHING IN YOUR LIFE ONLY TIRED INTERNET MEMES AND A TOTAL LACK OF CREATIVITY WHICH YOU MASK WITH YOU PATHETIC ATTEMPT AT TROLLING, BRAH?) 14:27, September 18, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.4.128.234 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (We discriminate against gibberish speakers around here.) Biopic of the Week Well, as you all know, the UnSignpost has a very special place for Biopic of the week, namely somewhere that isn't in the UnSignpost. As for the last two weeks we have avoided biopicing an actual person, preferring to biopic chairs, dogs and a picture instead. Well, no more, because this week we are taking a closer look at TheSlyFox. He's been around since 2006 but didn't pick up his first ban until this year which, we believe, means he is a troublemaker, a villain and a cad. All people of quality are banned within their first year. Worse, he didn't subscribe to the UnSignpost until this year either. He has written a few articles and his greatest achievement is the creation of this template. Truly this man is the greatest mystery Uncyclopedia has to offer; nobody knows who he is or what he does, but one thing's for certain: if he isn't nominating your favourite images to be burned in Forest Fire Week, he's quietly working away at an article or voting on the voting pages. You know, just like you should all be doing. Good work, TheSlyFox, but we want at least two featured articles before December or we're removing the second paragraph of this biopic, don't think we won't. I have your dog. Note from Lyrithya To you know who you are: I still have your dog. I know I already said you won't ever see her again, but I've changed my mind - if you ever want to see her again, there is one thing you can do for me. Give me your other dog. Or a Lion Bar. Newsroom UnTune of the week Bobby Brown Goes Down (PMRC Edition) Reason to stay on Uncyclopedia #1 You might get free Lion Bars! OK, we're definitely done with the whole Lion Bars thing now.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 07:22, September 22, 2011 (UTC)

Hey CJDS

You have won...
The Award Given By Mnid To Those Who Seem To Be, In A Way, Maybe, Kind-Of, Awesomely Cool While They Are Not But Got This Award Because They Should Get An Award For Excellentness (And, Hey, Did You Realize That This Award Has Such A Short Title?)

KTHXBAI. —  (talk) (contributions)

After so many years of hoping, waiting and dreaming... --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:51, September 25, 2011 (UTC)

PLS

What's your rules regarding re-writes? I technically didn't start mine until the contest started, but I did write like one paragraph beforehand a while ago. Is that ok? --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   00:21, September 27, 2011 (UTC)

It is against the rules of the competition to have started writing the thing beforehand, no matter how small the edit. However since you made that edit in July and you have already had your entry for best article disqualified, I don't think it gives you an undue advantage. So this time I'll let you continue, but obviously if this becomes an issue for other entrants I will disqualify you. I hope that's acceptable. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:39, September 27, 2011 (UTC)

Eh, you're right, let's keep it fair. In exchange though, mind letting me include you in a parody of...well, kind of you, but others as well. Mainly others.. Nevermind. For now... --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   14:27, September 27, 2011 (UTC)

Excuse me, Mr. Admin

You're entirely right, you know. 1234 ~ 00:25, 27 September 2011

Permission to write home immediately! --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:46, September 27, 2011 (UTC)

I love a Lion Bar. Had that Lion Bar cereal the other day, it was disappointing; lacked the raw potency of the chocolate bar. What are your thoughts on Star Bars? --Black Flamingo 19:33, September 27, 2011 (UTC)

Star Bars were never as brilliant as Lion Bars. I mean I practically lived off Lion Bars for a couple of years while Star Bars were only ever the chocolate you have once you've had/just before your Lion Bar. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 06:27, September 28, 2011 (UTC)

I like each of them the same, although it's hard to find a shop that sells both. --Black Flamingo 23:22, September 29, 2011 (UTC)

Hold onto your wage packets! It's the UnSignpost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

September 29th, 2011 • Issue 140 •A Periodical for the Uncyclopedian of tomorrow, today!

Poo Underway By Chief What's that you say? We can't possibly run a story on the Poo Lit Surprise for a third consecutive week? Well what on earth gave you that idea? No this story is about the other goings on on Uncyclopedia that certainly aren't the Poo Lit Surprise, which incidentally is happening at the moment. So for absolutely no real reason we called in to speak to Oliphaunte who we found crying his eyes out somewhere that most certainly wasn't the PLS. "It's just so unfair" he sobbed to our wholly unsympathetic reporters "I worked so hard and now on a technicality I have had two articles disqualified from the-" Unfortunately a huge Rhinocerous then appeared from nowhere and ate Oliphaunte before he could tell us what he had been disqualified from; much to the delight of our assembled reporters who could all now knock off work forty minutes early. However an interesting fact that we did dig up is that if Oliphaunte had been disqualified from the PLS, something which we can't confirm, it would make him the first Uncyclopedian to ever be disqualified from two separate PLS categories, for the same reason, in the same day. Ha ha ha, how embarrassing that would be. It has also come to the attention of our editorial team that there is a worrying noob shortage on Uncyclopedia, how do they know this? They know this because on passing the PLS page on our way to... peace and quiets we happened to notice that there are currently no entrants for the best noob article category, something which any aspiring new users should take note of, since you need only churn out a piece of utter shite quality in order to scoop the prize and earn the adoration of your peers. For those who are interested in trifling, uninteresting and unrelated news, PLS articles are being accepted until the 4th of October so there is still ample time for you to pen some kind of hilarious article about a Dog called Dover who rides a cloud around the world and combats the environmental effects of Globalisation with a magical beret. This story has been all about the PLS, we totally fooled you. Shame and VFH By Chief The headline says it all. The shame that we all should feel for the state of things and the location of that shame. This is the news that VFH hit a new and highly interesting low this week. All five of you who visited the page may well have noticed the banner at the top (which is gone now, in a transparent attempt to stop me having something else to ramble about this week) declaring that while we aren't short on articles that the community thinks are worthy of a spot on the front page, we are short of a community to confirm this. Well no we aren't it's just they are all very very busy. Frosty for instance is exceptionally busy creating and maintaining forums like this, while Aimsplode is still desperately flogging the deceased equine that is this... thing. Clearly these people are not to be distracted by the social niceties of voting and the creative process. Another, much more interesting revelation this week came when TheHappySpaceman declared his hatred of "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" which polls show has recently become more popular among Uncyclopedians than www.pornforsadlonelybastards.com. We didn't bother asking him for comment, partly because laziness is next to Godliness but also because he hates ponies so is unlikely to find a group of journalists asking him for quotes about the same any more enjoyable. So there you have it, TheHappySpaceman hates ponies and nobody is voting on VFH. Truly these are the darkest of days.

Check out these pages! Still going Still going Still alive Still full of excrement From our logs: 19:27, September 24, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 217.39.99.250 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (If you're going to blank a page, just edit the entire page and remove everything. Doing it section by section is just silly.) 13:17, September 24, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.182.0.109 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Redirect insults. Now there's something you don't see every day.) 16:28, September 27, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Swagswagswag (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (One day for being chronically unfunny, the rest of it because I just don't like you. Your eyes are too close together.) 21:33, September 26, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 59.183.148.10 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Uncyclopedia is not for self promotion. Neither is Wikipedia, but I guess they haven't figured it out yet or something.) 18:42, September 23, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 173.19.198.60 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Let us have a massive rave covered in excrement. In fact I'm going to have one now. On my own. With glowsticks!) Biopic of the Week I kissed a lady once. On an unrelated note you should really check out Leverage's userpage. It's pretty cool. This periodical fully accepts and affirms that this is a cop-out. We just ate too many Lion Bars you see. I didn't even think that was possible. Thing we should all know this week. 04:25 Uncyclopedia talk:Votes for deletion‎ (diff|hist) . . (+8) . . Bizzeebeever (Talk|contribs) (RANT ALERT: Once again, fixing my broken signature, and hoping no one notices.) Bad news Bizzeebeever, we all noticed. For shame. Newsroom UnTune of the week White trash girl

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

-- 00:33, September 29, 2011 (UTC)

You're the greatest

But when you remove stuff from Template:Featuredarticle/queue, please leave at least 3 sections on it. Else the yesterday's featured article thingy on the front page would show up empty. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 19:17, 29 September 2011

A minor oversight on my part, must have been thinking about something else. Thanks for pointing it out. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 06:25, September 30, 2011 (UTC)

You're the worst

I'm sorry but its true :) ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 06:34, September 30, 2011 (UTC)

A minor oversight on my part, must have been thinking about something else. Thanks for pointing it out. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 06:42, September 30, 2011 (UTC)

I have to concur with my cold-based colleague. The Unsignpost always leaves me pissing my pants totally unamused. Mattsnow 06:45, September 30, 2011 (UTC)

That's probably because I get eaten. I know how you hate it when I get eaten, especially by a creature smaller than me. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   22:48, September 30, 2011 (UTC)

It must have been magical or something. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:05, October 1, 2011 (UTC)

A day late, because ChiefjusticeDS got lazy: The UnSignPost!

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

You'd be crazy not to listen!

October 6th, 2011 • Issue 141 •Am I still on that fecking island?

It's all over! By Frosty Well obviously people are getting sick of hearing about it (because ChiefjusticeDS has done nothing but blab about it for the past 3 issues, thus making it dull and boring by the time it is actually worth mentioning), but the bi-annual Uncyclopedia:Poo Lit Surprise is locked for judging and shall be until the 12th, when the winner will be announced! I have to say, as a judge, there are some pretty aspiring, feature worthy works being displayed and it really bring out the best of Uncyclopedia. But then again, some works don't look like they are quite finished and the 2 weeks have simply flown past for some of the hopefuls. I am also disappointed that our n00bs where two n00bish to actually include any entries except for one, which has subsequently won without any effort. Anyway I'm pretty sure we know who has the best article and will therefore win the whole ordeal. But really, what will become of all this? Further proof that all Uncyclopedians are a series of monkeys on typewriters? Or some top notch quality humor for the enjoyment of all and enough features to fill the queue until Christmas? Well I'm going to play it by ear, and wait until the judging part is over and done with. Because as far as I can see if our writers are as competent at our judges, there is no hope what so ever. JUDGES GET JUDGING, OR YOU'LL BE VERY VERY SORRY INEED! The bitch is back! By Frosty Oh yes, a phrase used all too frequently to indicate some loser is indeed amongst us again. Tom mayfair, a user who has been largely dorment since 2008 has made an epic comeback in the past week swearing eternal allegiance to the cause once more. He came barging in demanding his sysop powers back (with success I might add) and got right back down to editing again. Good work Tom! But this of course makes us all wonder where the hell the lad has been for the last couple of years, after all he only made a groundbreaking 6 edits in 2010. So why the hell has his sad domestic life become more important than us suddenly? Well the truth is, he's got a wife or something as far as I've been told told over IRC and so he is probably more preoccupied with the better things in life, rather than some sad little websites full of people who can't write to save their lives. I therefore hate the loser for making a mockery out of us all. We're going to lose our precious talk pages! By Frosty Oh yeah, because wikia is all bright 'n'all, we're going to be losing our talk pages for some fancy pants message walls kind of like facebook. Users have expressed outrage to this, in the form of angry forums, flame wars, letter bombs and urban terrorism. I don't blame 'em either, this is just plain unacceptable, I have a list there of people that owe me money! Anyway the petition is 'ere, go add your name to the over 200 that are already there for all the good it'll do. Now back to my sulking about my precious talk page...

Check out these pages! Can we please? Can we not? Can we laugh? Can we stop? Can we all vote? From our logs: 07:37, September 30, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Frosty (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 300 seconds ‎ (Rasputin, bring forth the bucket of soapy frogs and remove his trousers) 08:01, October 2, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.9.10.18 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Nothing better than sitting down to a nice big plate of penis in the evening) 02:51, October 3, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Lollipop (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Wanted me deopped... ) 01:09, October 6, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked PIGGY (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of a frying pan. Yep. ‎ (I can see those button eyes. They might fool the people at the button club, but not me. I stopped going to that place years ago.) 04:21, October 6, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked An eggplant (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Lyrithya sock) 22:30, October 6, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Scofield (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (I'm sure your stay would have been more smooth if you tried as hard to contribute to the site as you do to vandalize it.) Biopic of the Week This week's biopic is Pee review. Many of you who participated in Pee Week recently have not done a review since then. Please get reviewing again, so that we don't have a huge back log to review and Lyrithya doesn't start flailing all over the place again. This writer has done one this month and plans to do another once he delivers the UnSignpost. Follow his example and review an article today, there is a prize involved you know? List of others who are also back, but unworthy of a whole section to their name Roman Dog Bird Kip the Dip Necropaxx Nikau <insert name here> Newsroom UnTune of the week Shit... Shit... Shit...

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 01:15, October 7, 2011 (UTC)

You voted for Subliminal stimuli, which got featured!

A million thanks! -- 03:45, October 8, 2011 (UTC)

Shakugan No Shana not showing up in Current Pees. Please fix.

The Uncyclopedia:Pee_Review/Shakugan_No_Shana I made to keep the article from being deleted is not showing up on the Current Pees. Would you please fix it to where it shows up on the Current Pees? Also, I might need someone to give a Pee Review on Shakugan No Shana. Thanks much! DJ Mixerr 22:18, October 13, 2011 (UTC) User:DJ Mixerr/sig

Archive Time

I think it's time to archive this massive talk page now. Wouldn't you agree? I mean, it's too long (no sexual joke intended)---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 00:07, October 14, 2011 (UTC)

If we keep

Adding sections --ShabiDOO 01:21, October 14, 2011 (UTC)

Then eventually

He will get to 200 topics! --ShabiDOO 01:21, October 14, 2011 (UTC)

Please don't encourage him. This talkpage is long enough as it is, and you're going to make it worse. ---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 01:26, October 14, 2011 (UTC)

It's actually a race between Chief, Nachlader, and Socky to see who can go longest without archiving. Looks like Chief is winning. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 14 October 2011, at 01:28

Lollipop

Please don't interrupt me like that. That behaviour is both ramdumptious and tenflitious. Now where were we? --ShabiDOO 02:22, October 14, 2011 (UTC)

I don't think Chief is going to like all these short sections all over his talkpage.---   TALK What's it like to be a heretic? 01:02, October 16, 2011 (UTC)

If he didn't like it, he'd archive. -- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 16 October 2011, at 02:04

Can you move the Spongebob Squarepants page?

I want to move my rewrite for PLS into mainspace, but I want to move it to the SpongeBob SquarePants page, so rather then just replace the Spongebob Squarepants page with a redirect, could you please move the current article to SpongeBob SquarePants so then I can replace it with my rewrite? Sorry if that sounded confusing. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 23:24, October 17, 2011 (UTC)

Socky has already obliged in this case. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:50, October 18, 2011 (UTC)

And Apathy Man, too?

I'd like to park this heap at Apathy Man's house and relocate him to Apathy, Man? or perhaps Apathy Man (Pre-Retcon). Or should we just send the old guy into the nethers? Thanks for putting the PLS together this time around and for the prize package I received via overnight. I'm not sure if I'll use the Uncyclopedia mousepad as I've already got my bitchin' "Hang In There" kitty one, but the case of tangeloes looks delicious. Cheers! --Imrealized ...hmm? 03:27, October 18, 2011 (UTC)

Done. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:52, October 18, 2011 (UTC)

Thursday, you say? Unsi--ShabiDOO 15:58, October 23, 2011 (UTC)gnpost

I started a piece that is not too bad I think, User:Mattsnow/UnSignpost. Of course it is a half-finished mess, but may I continue? Is it on the right path? I have ideas, but I wouldn't want you to tell me I have worked for nothing at the last moment, hence the little "preview". Mattsnow 15:26, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

PS: I guess when the alcohol effects wear off, I'll be able to improve it (like, tomorrow) BTW, did you know you can archive your talk page? I'd be glad to help you on this topic, don't forget to sign your posts with 4 tildes (Mattsnow sees the ban coming) Mattsnow 15:39, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

It's a good start, I'll probably make some very minor tweaks to it when I bring it across, but it's fine so far. Remember that it's your article and that I once wrote an article entirely about mince pies and nobody cared. Quality control thy name is not UnSignpost. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:00, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks, it is just a very sloppy start. I'll expand soon. I have sloppy Internetsssssssss too, please archive. Mattsnow 17:59, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

FYI

Hes only 6 more headings from reaching 200 Mattsnow. --ShabiDOO 15:58, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

You should archive your talkpage.

Wait too long and Wikia might archive it for you. 1234 ~ 17:49, 23 October 2011

Then again, they might do that regardless. 1234 ~ 17:51, 23 October 2011

They can't do that, if they do I'm going to take my pitchfork and storm castle Wikia and throw a big peasant tantrum. Before being lead to the exit by an exceedingly polite member of Wikia staff, they're always polite. The bastards. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 21:25, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

You and at least several hundred other folks, it would seem. Part of me is kind of hoping they don't come to their senses about this one - if nothing else, it should prove highly entertaining. 1234 ~ 22:52, 23 October 2011

Hmmm

Lyrithya might be right...or maybe not. Exciting to see what happens though. I'm going to drink a can of Dr. Pepper and eat some black liquorish and watch. --ShabiDOO 18:06, October 23, 2011 (UTC)

Vote deleted

Hi sir. I guess I might have violated some rule as you reverted my vote against an article so if you can explain me what is needed to be allowed to vote it would be useful. This is not a signature - WiiKend Magritte 12:36, October 24, 2011 (UTC)

Not at all mate, you were just voting on the nomination from last year because an irregularity in the VFH template on the page. This is the page you want to vote on. I was about to drop you a message about that on your talk page as I didn't feel comfortable with copy and pasting your vote; it would feel like I was violating you in some way, unless you're into that, in which case it definitely wouldn't. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 12:42, October 24, 2011 (UTC)

How do I get a border around an image?

ChiefjusticeDS really is beautiful, isn't she?

Well, the question says it all. --Mok2k11 13:34, October 24, 2011 (UTC)

If you mean like that over there, it's this:

[[File:Gothic-purple-fairy-pink.jpg|thumb|250px|ChiefjusticeDS really is beautiful, isn't she?]]

In other words,

[[File:Image name|thumb or frame|size|caption]]

Mind, you have to upload the image here for that to work - it has to have a File:Image name page. A good way to get this and other wiki formatting is to look at an existing article and click edit and find the element in the source - copy that and replace the stuff with whatever you're doing with it on your article. Hope that helps.

And no, even though this is his talkpage, I'm not ChiefjusticeDS; I just irritate him sometimes. Ah, her, that is. 1234 ~ 14:11, 24 October 2011

User:Mattsnow/UnSignpost

My modest contribution to the Unsignpost is ready! Of course, fell free to modify it to your liking! When I have ideas in the future, I'll try to contribute. What do you think about the text? Mattsnow 16:48, October 24, 2011 (UTC)

It's in the UnSignpost. I have made a few changes to it which I hope you are happy with. If you aren't then feel free to let me know and we'll run with your original article with no added/altered content. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 17:28, October 24, 2011 (UTC)

Hahaha!!! I just read it, awesome! Mattsnow 17:35, October 24, 2011 (UTC)

You smell, and here's your signpost, even though you probably already read it.

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Smiting the nail of news with the plastic hammer of truth

October 27th, 2011 • Issue 142 •Woop Woop! it's the sound of the Police UnSignpost!

Regular Servicing By Chief Over the past two weeks Uncyclopedia has been a dreary and empty place. Uncyclopedians flit through the corridors unseeing, unknowing, unfeeling, uncaring. The reason? The UnSignpost has missed two issues. Now the UnSignpost would like to apologise for this, we would like to say that it was because Capitalist demonstrators have been camped outside our offices demanding that we stop producing terrible material for nothing, but we cannot because they aren't. We don't even have an office so if that were true it would be something of an achievement. No it is the blight that has caused the fall of so many UnSignpost editors: laziness and life. Like the Grim Reaper in Final Destination they stalk you from the second you write an issue and then, when you least expect it, they strike all of a sudden you have priorities and you can't be arsed to complete any of them, which would be a problem, if you could be arsed to care. But fear not normal service has now resumed and the UnSignpost will be making its way to talk pages again this Thursday, which should please all four of the people who are A: active enough to read the UnSignpost, B: Not members of the editorial team who have read it already and C: Haven't read it while it is being written. The other big news from approximately two weeks ago is that the Poo Lit Surprise is finished, much to the delight of everyone. The big winners were of course Uncyclopedia and the creative process, there are no losers on Uncyclopedia after all, only the sad pathetic freaks who come in last. Of course they do not stand comparison to the biggest loser of all; the 11th Poo Lit Surprise chairperson ChiefjusticeDS who had quite a lot to say about the competition, happily we have managed to condense all of the 4 hour interview down to 8 words: "I was very glad to host the PLS". The real winners, besides the creative process, Uncyclopedia, Jesus and Democracy, are listed here. Special mention must go to Black flamingo11 for winning both Best Article and Best Collaboration (with Lyrithya) and also for being the runner up in the Best Rewrite category. Black flamingo had this to say about his incredible success: "SQUAWK", you can also listen to his full reaction just here, he's in the third row, fourth from the right. The Return of the Tide By Mattsnow As assorted drama unfolds around our beloved Wiki, it should be noted that some people have foolishly returned to the site, passing up the opportunity for a lucrative career milking cows or watching sheep. They have returned, we assume, for the simple fun of writing funny articles, the fools. Such bipolar candidates include everyone's favourite opiate Codeine. Try not to get his heart rate above 90 which, coincidentally, is his estimated age. His doctor told us in an exclusive interview that he may not make it if he so much as stands for more than 3 consecutive minutes, and that his obsessive "Anniversary" edits may hint as being a first grade of dementia. UnSignpost statisticians (yes really) have also calculated that this is the 15th time Codeine has returned to the wiki this year. At the other extreme of the sanity spectrum. Nikau who came back to the wiki with a vengeance: clogging up Recent Changes, writing 4 articles at the same time while doing Pee Reviews and drinking around 40 cans of Red Bull per hour in order to keep up the frantic pace. It is believed that he edits the wiki on 3 separate computers at the same time: two with his hands and one with his toes. He would probably do even more if it would not mean that he would be persistently edit conflicting himself. The community is really grateful for the return of such marvellous dinosaurs and decided to organize a Rhinoceros BBQ in their honour. Friday at <insert name here>'s house. Please bring your own dancing girls or we'll have to use Olipro and Mhaille again, and nobody has quite recovered after last time yet.

Check out these pages! Is he trying to tell us something? Whore your pointless, worthless scribbles here And you can't even name three of them A wholly unimportant forum topic, totally! Because all those books, plays and verses aren't doing that at all From our logs: 16:46, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 202.176.202.139 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:45, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.202.230.133 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:45, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.241.118.255 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 16:44, October 20, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 99.48.48.50 (Talk) with an expiry time of 4 days ‎ (Not being Zombiebaron) 13:17, October 18, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) resurrected Mordillo (Talk | contribs) ‎ (It's because I'm a filthy Jew right?) 01:05, October 19, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked 129.44.83.21 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Congratulations. Even though my web browser is a massive pile of slow right now, I have still managed to ban you. Doesn't that make you feel special?) Biopic of the Week Is this a pair of pants I see before me? It certainly is because this week the UnSignpost has shaped up, pulled it's finger out and gotten down to it in order to give HauntedUndies a thorough licking. But not in that way. For those of you who do not know HauntedUndies has been knocking about Uncyclopedia since May and in that time has proved himself a worthy UnNews reporter. Now we here at the UnSignpost are far too professional to get bogged down complaining about the lazy tossers who work over at UnNews and will simply say that if HauntedUndies enjoys bathing, not being racist and sleeping with ladies then he won't find very many friends over there. You've probably read some of his stuff if you are the sort of foul-mouthed bigot who enjoys UnNews. No disrespect to you HauntedUndies but it's like you're best friends with Hitler. Now get out there and bring us more featured articles or you'll be very sorry indeed. Also we don't really hate the folks over at UnNews, so feel free to hang out there as much as you like, but don't come crying to us when you end up with some sort of infection. Confessions from Recent Changes "I'm a huge Tarantino fan. There, I said it." - Magic man "This wiki has turned into shit. Please delete this account as I shall never be coming back here" - IsileK "DURRR I JSUT DICSOVERED UNCYECLIPOEDIA OSCAR WILDE SOOOOOO FUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!111" - Roman Dog Bird Newsroom UnTune of the week Hey There, Delilah

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

1234 ~ 09:38, 27 October 2011

The Monster Hash

Wake & Bake withDr StrangeThursdays, 6 -10amKFJC 89.7fm

It was a graveyard smash. Thanks fer the vote, Chief!--    13:50, October 28, 2011 (UTC)

SpongeBob SquarePants

You voted for SpongeBob SquarePants on VFH, which was featured!

As a reward, please accept this lovely template, complete with ice cream and a rectangular prism.

---

Thanks for the vote! -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 16:08, October 29, 2011 (UTC)

topic 203

-- KittyKitty (t) (c) 23:20, October 29, 2011 (UTC)

Admin, excuse me, admin...

I need an admin. 1234 ~ 23:31, 29 October 2011

Is the abuse smelter playing up again? I knew it would, no good ever comes of these new-fangled gadgets all you kids have these days. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:06, October 30, 2011 (UTC)

Beats me. We were just in the middle of an argument before and I was hoping you'd remember what it was. It was probably admin-related. 1234 ~ 14:22, 30 October 2011

Your talk page

Is really long. Kudos.

That was me thinking I was being really original and witty untill I got to the second to last topic. unable to come up with any other conversational starting point I decided to post it anyway. =D    Orian57    Talk   04:52 30 October 2011

It's not the only thing that's really long wink wink; you should see the size of my... spade. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:04, October 30, 2011 (UTC)

Well it's probably really good for digging graves. Want to go dig some graves? I'm not being euphamistic here. I bet it's gahstly.    Orian57    Talk   10:08 30 October 2011

Absolutely, graves are my number one favourite things to dig, then round and square holes respectively. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:12, October 30, 2011 (UTC)

Oh I like to dig those spike traps you see on TV survival shows. I always forget where I've put them though.    Orian57    Talk   10:16 30 October 2011

My talk page

Is really short.

My try of being original. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 14:25 30 October 2011

My talk page

...is longer than yours :) --ShabiDOO 14:33, October 30, 2011 (UTC)

Your talkpage is longer...

...than whose? OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 14:35 30 October 2011

a=talk page of Shabidoo, b=talk page of ChiefjusticsDS, a>b

Shabidoo's talk page is longer than ChierfjusticDS's talk page.

--ShabiDOO 15:33, October 30, 2011 (UTC)

Chief's has more content, though. 1234 ~ 15:40, 30 October 2011

Don't underestimate the subtextual meaning of ylasparaginylvalylcysteinylthreonyls or yltyrosylglutamylserylleucylphenylalanylalanylisoleucylcysteinylprolylp rolylaspartylalanylaspartylaspartylaspartylleucylleucylarginylglutaminylisoleucylalanylseryltyrosylglycy larginylglycyltyrosylthreonyltyrosylleucylleucylserylarginylalanylglycylvalylthreonylglycylalanylglutamyl asparaginylarginylalanylalanylleucylprolylleucylasparaginylhistidylleucylvalylalanyllysylleucyllysylgluta myltyrosylasparaginylalanylalanylprolylprolylleucylglutaminylglycylphenylalanylglycylisoleucylserylala nylprolylaspartylglutaminylvalyllysylalanylalanylisoleucylaspartylalanylglycyl

If you don't get it...then you will never understand the magic of the dragon re-birth experience. --ShabiDOO 20:01, October 30, 2011 (UTC)

I`ve once heard about yltyrosylglutamylserylleucylphenylalanylalanylisoleucylcysteinylprolylp rolylaspartylalanylaspartylaspartylaspartylleucylleucylarginylglutaminylisoleucylalanylseryltyrosylglycy larginylglycyltyrosylthreonyltyrosylleucylleucylserylarginylalanylglycylvalylthreonylglycylalanylglutamyl asparaginylarginylalanylalanylleucylprolylleucylasparaginylhistidylleucylvalylalanyllysylleucyllysylgluta myltyrosylasparaginylalanylalanylprolylprolylleucylglutaminylglycylphenylalanylglycylisoleucylserylala nylprolylaspartylglutaminylvalyllysylalanylalanylisoleucylaspartylalanylglycyl. Was it in that Harry Potter-film? That one which had something to do with a phoenix or something. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 13:06 31 October 2011

you either know or you dont. I cannot tell if you are pretending not to know or if you are trying to get the answer out of me. Hmm --ShabiDOO 15:44, October 31, 2011 (UTC)

Happy Halloween!

-- PLEB SIR Lollipop (TALK) - updated on 1 November 2011, at 01:33

I haet you so much!

Thankyou for making it go away, as a token of my gratitude have this:

Frosty has awarded you a cookie! Now go play in traffic.

Also archive your talk page. -- KittyKitty (t) (c) 09:44, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

No worries, we get them eventually. Also, never. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:46, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

Guten morgen HOMOSEXUAL person

Why am I never the focus of the signpost, as I clearly should be? I am the most newsworthy person on here...;)--Sycamore (Talk) 10:52, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

I shall endeavour to remedy this shocking and incomprehensible gap. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 12:23, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

Cheif is a FAG now talk about me in the news, girl pants.    Orian57    Talk   13:39 2 November 2011

no seriously, i think they've all forgetten who I am. I had three features on three consecutive days!    Orian57    Talk   13:39 2 November 2011

But that was so long ago. The people want to know when you're going to do it again. I'll put an answer to that in the UnSignpost... for a small fee. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 14:13, November 2, 2011 (UTC)

Generic UnSignpost header

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Periodical That Is Too Sexy For Its Shirt, Among Other Things

November 3rd, 2011 • Issue 143 • Forseeing all sorts of unforeseen problems since 2008!

Fundraising By Chief Money, dosh, moolah, cash. It's the time of year when Wikipedia pastes a gigantic banner to the top of all of their pages hosting a link to an inspirational article penned by Wikia-Oberstgruppenführer Jimbo Wales (not to be confused with Uncyclopedian JimboTheKillerWhale). The text of this article usually runs along these lines: "Isn't Wikipedia wonderful? Yes it is. Now if you donate the small sum of £300 we can keep it looking nice and won't have to send it back to its parents in tiny pieces". This is an absolute disgrace. It's like they're holding Wikipedia to ransom; if I wanted to pay for information I'd move to Nazi Germany, assuming I had a time machine, obviously. How does this affect us here on our own benighted wiki? Well, the logged-in among you may well have paused to examine the banner that has been pasted all over the site notice this past week, at least you will have done before you hid it and carried on with whatever it is you people do all day. Predictably Lyrithya, never one to be swayed by the crippling apathy of the Uncyclopedia userbase, has suggested that we all try and create our own banners. Evidently she isn't swayed by the crippling ineptitude of the Uncyclopedia userbase either. Now we'll be brutally honest, the UnSignpost doesn't have a template critic and the current editorial staff aren't really sure how the UnSignpost itself works; we just fill in the boxes. However, as seasoned UnSignpost readers are no doubt aware, ignorance never stands in the way of good journalism, so having affixed berets to our monitors and incredibly condescending and disgusted looks to our faces, we decided to examine the submissions so far. First up is this one, which was made by Magic man in 2010, which brings a certain authority to the piece... we assume. However we simply cannot countenance the font, which makes it look like it was written by a spider on rollerskates. Go back and try again, Magic man, and get a haircut as well. The next choice offering came from the pen of EpicAwesomeness, and here it is. We sat down with EpicAwesomeness so he could talk us through the allegorical significance of the piece: "Well, you know, it has Wikipedia in it, you know, because I was just like trying to capture the fact Wikipedia is in it, you know?" he droned at our slack-jawed reporter. "There's, you know, some italics to prove I'm, like, sophisticated, and some blood to show I'm deep, it's my blood, I like to be in all my work. The background is a mix of my-" Alas, the recording of the interview ends there to the sound of gagging and retching, so we can only imagine what the background of EpicAwesomeness's banner is a mix of. Lollipop's offering is this interesting piece which expresses his desire to sodomise dogs. On an unrelated note the UnSignpost dog will not be appearing in this issue. The only other offering has come from an IP. We here at the UnSignpost are united in our delight at its subtlety and in raptures at its wit and elegance. Just kidding; the pictures are wrong, the text is wrong and I've never seen a template name so flawed. For your chance to critique the honest endeavours of other Uncyclopedians, visit the forum here. Or don't; visit the official page instead and remain untainted. Awards By Him yet again The forums have once again become the stage for what looks set to become one of the more exciting votes of the year. Thekillerfroggy has suggested that awards are becoming devalued when they are being handed out after voting from only one or two people. Naturally the solution is a quota of some sort, that or we drag the unused awards out to the square and beat them to death as an example to the others. This obviously comes as something of a blow to our plans to introduce an UnSignpost Editor of the Month award, which we wouldn't announce to anyone and would award to the most deserving amongst us every week until Judgement Day. The vote appears to be getting some support, indeed the forum has gotten more votes in two days (8 at time of going to press) than Playwright of the Month has managed to accrue so far this year (5 at the time of going to press). This leads us to suggest that instead of implementing its recommendations we simply create a new award, Policy Changing Forum of the Month, since as Thekillerfroggy so eloquently suggests "If you build it they will come". And so they will, TKF, assuming of course that you're building some kind of wank machine. The forum link is hanging about in the "Check out these pages" section, cleverly masquerading as a link. If you can't find your way to the correct forum with these instructions then we don't think you deserve to have a say. You big stupid-head.

Check out these pages! Useless Awards Botting What's INS? Because the UnSignpost needs more me From our logs: 00:14, October 29, 2011 Haydrahlienne (Talk | contribs) blocked A filthy jew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite 04:03, October 29, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Sorry, old chap... but you're proving quite the caterpillar in our buttermilk) 23:03, October 29, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS is a filthy jew (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (He's also a fantastic swimmer, and if you play your cards right then he just might coooome round for dinner!) 00:05, November 2, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 144.124.29.68 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (your resemblance to tom jones does not intrigue me) 10:20, November 1, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Jizz (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (You're disgusting.) 19:37, November 1, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 38.100.105.130 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 weeks ‎ (Somebody needs a nap and some juice) Biopic of the Week Now we here at the UnSignpost don't often do requests; if we did, the editorial staff would have had to commit seppuku on no less than four occasions or would presently be suffering a lifetime of slavery on Cuban sugar plantations. However this week we will be addressing a complex and dynamic issue at the behest of Sycamore and Orian57. Namely, why aren't they in the UnSignpost more often and could we maybe consider putting them in the UnSignpost more often? For the few of you who are unfamiliar with Sycamore he's the most newsworthy Uncyclopedian around. At least, that's what he told us. He's even more newsworthy than that guy over there, who seems to make it into the UnSignpost just about every other week. His past successes include being fae bonnie Scotland, being the writer of several featured articles and the adopter of several noobs. He hasn't been in the UnSignpost because he has been editing a little bit less and because when he is around he has generally been getting on with writing, voting and reverting, all things which will never get you into the UnSignpost. Ever. Orian57 hasn't been in the UnSignpost because he's gay. He did have features on three consecutive days once, but that was so long ago all this was just fields. Words This edition of the UnSignpost has an awful lot of them. Well done us. Also, bone is not a dirty word. Newsroom UnTune of the week Congressman in Drag Confessions from Recent Changes "This page was shit and I should feel like shit" - HELPME "Facepalm" - Lollipop "Calendars are a wonderful thing, aren't they?" - Oliphaunte

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:51, 3 November 2011

Thanks Chief, AKA the only person who ever blocks me!

I agree, I am worth a dildo. Not one of those fancy realistic fleshy ones though, I can't compete with those. --Black Flamingo 00:54, November 3, 2011 (UTC)

Orange Chickenpox

Long time wikipedian, trying my first hand at a humorous article and find it deleted. Reading the guidelines I see nothing that gives a good reason for the article deletion, other than ChiefjusticeDS not finding it humorous enough and not sporting an image. --194.105.248.50 15:43, November 3, 2011 (UTC)

Hi there long time wikipedian. Please do not take the deletion of your article as some kind of sleight upon your ability or a manifestation of my power crazed tendedncies. We have hundreds of articles created here every day, the majority of them only a few lines long and those which are created by unregistered users have a tendency to remain that way. I am more than happy to restore your article now you have pointed out that you are intending to work on it and I will tag it with a maintenance template as well so that nobody else deletes it unless you decide not to finish it. Is that acceptable? --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:42, November 3, 2011 (UTC)

Please...

Would you please archieve your usertalk? It takes something around 20 seconds to get into your usertalk. And I can't wait so long. Time is so precious. OMG!!! It`s Cat the Colourful, Jesus Christ!!! 16:58 3 November 2011

I'm disinclined to acquiesce to your request. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 17:12, November 3, 2011 (UTC)

Pass the gravy boat and the green piped potatoes, would you , Love?

Thank you for your vote on Fanny Cradock! Hugs! Dame GUN PotY WotM 2xPotM 17xVFH VFP Poo PMS •YAP• 23:34, November 4, 2011 (UTC)

You're welcome! --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 12:36, November 5, 2011 (UTC)

FANKS

AG FANKS MAN! You was prove you are not a sout piel and now you can like to get dis template because you did pay attentions... Now go milk dat bliksimse cow!

Yes, I am satan

Eh...Chief justice, Haunted Undies renominated that article. Its on the VFH summary page. I don't think I am daft...though I am a little Satanic...so you weren't completely wrong. :) --ShabiDOO 23:13, November 6, 2011 (UTC)

Yes, it's not entirely your fault, it's Haunted Undies fault as well for incorrect use of the VFH template. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 00:11, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

Chiefjustice...you are light and wisdom and eternity and flavourful and pristine. --ShabiDOO 04:45, November 7, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks

When I showed my recently featured article to my good friend Vasco da Gama, he had this to say:

“ Eu não falo Inglês, estúpido. ”

Thanks for your vote, though. —Sir Socky (talk) (stalk) GUN SotM UotM PMotM UotY PotM WotM 11:50, 9 November 2011

Generic UnSignpost header

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

November 10th, 2011 • Issue 144 • Is it really that big?

Hard-Hitting Journalism By Chief There's plenty for the UnSignpost to talk about this week so, naturally, we have decided not to talk about any of it. Instead we are going to tell you about the issues, the real issues, the ones that they don't want you to know about. Issue number one is that the cabal chairperson for November: Zombiebaron has, and not everybody knows this, instructed the administrative body to ban everyone in the world. You can see that it's happening. I mean, does it not seem strange to you that every time there's some kind of vandalism at some point an administrator just happens to turn up? Are you with us? True anarchists should be sure to pick up their copy of "If you can't revert it, kick it to death" when it comes out on UnTunes. Another issue that they don't want you to know is that we appear to have another VFS fast approaching, which for the experienced among you also means four weeks worth of UnSignposts following the VFS. This is news which pleases our editor greatly as it will just about take him through to the stage where he can fill at least half of every issue with mince pie banter and can continue to drop into a stupor every Thursday without fear of missing another UnSignpost. The page is a melting pot of passive aggressive wankery mixed in with pessimism. We won't be quoting any of it here unfortunately, our wankery license got revoked after we ran that Conservapedia issue. Electrified mocha chinchilla has also hit the forums this week objecting to constant changes to the site notice. Something which should be secondary in importance to the fact that the vast majority of the userbase don't seem to have noticed, clearly we need a new site notice, possibly one that sits in the middle of the screen and runs away when you try to close it. Lyrithya has closed her fund-raising forum, having raised no money whatsoever, this correspondent isn't quite sure whether she understands what you when you fund-raise, and also would like to suggest she runs a car wash next time she wants to raise some cash. She closed the forum by saying "Thank you all for your efforts. Unfortunately blah blah blah...". Disgruntled banner creators are strongly encouraged not to hunt Lyrithya down and "Gut her like a stuck Pig", but obviously if such a thing were to happen it would not only provide great publicity for the wiki, but also would provide UnSignpost material for at least three months. On the topic of UnSignpost material, the editorial team would like to celebrate an entire year at the helm of the UnSignpost. A year, over the course of which, only two issues have been missed. Thanks must go to Frosty, Lyrithya and anyone else who picked up the slack on weeks when the editor wasn't doing the job he should have been. Thanks also to the subscribers, without you we'd just be sticking this on Mhaille's talk page every week. I'm so pleased to have been a part of this that I've bought you all this small box of chocolates, to share, and I've bought myself this giant golden Camel because... well... I need it. IC By Magic man There is a group of people, cool people. These cool people do cool things like collaborate on articles monthly and... well, actually, that's all they really do. But they're cool while doing it! These cool people are so very cool that they have a section on the main page devoted to them and their very own Uncyclopedia: namespace page. I know what you're thinking, "Who are these people, and where can I get one of their autographs?" Well, I'll tell you. These cool people that I'm referring to are the gang over at Imperial Colonization (That's right, kids, I'm on the list. One at a time, please. Don't worry, everybody, I have enough ink to sign everyone's foreheads and babies and such). Unfortunately, a terrible thing has happened to the cool kids at IC. Their section on the main page has ben hidden away between <!------------ ------------------------------ -->'s, their Uncyclopedia: namespace page hasn't been edited since July, and, worst of all, dare I say it? Their coolness has worn off. I know, it's pretty bad. Now that the IC crew is lacking in coolness, they haven't been seen collaborating on an article together in months and they've been having the same vote since October... in 2010. The situation is starting to get dire. We here at the UnSignpost are far too lazy to actually interview anybody, so we just decided to try and interview ourselves. But we kept missing our appointments, with ourselves. We wanted to interview Chief, but he was far to busy with "real life" to talk to us on the matter, whatever that means. We tried interviewing Magic man, but he wouldn't talk to us about IC because he said, "If you talk to yourself, you'll get people to think you're crazy." What a weirdo. And we didn't even bother contacting Frosty because we don't like him. So when all was said and done, the only actual person we interviewed wasn't even alive at the time. It was Zombiebaron, and I bet you can guess what he said. However, if we had interviewed anybody who had more that one word in their vocabulary, we imagine some of those words might be words like 'bad', 'unacceptable', 'disappointing', and maybe even, *Gulp*, 'uncool'. So Imperial Colonization, if you're reading this, this is a call to action. Go finish that vote that's been going on far too long now, and collaborate on an article, already! That's right, you know what I'm talking about, I'm talking about getting my your cool back.

Check out these pages! It's coming... possibly Run this up your flagpole Up Sog! Whatever this is Lots of sexy people... and Dexter111344 From our logs: 23:59, November 7, 2011 Modusoperandi (Talk | contribs) blocked 67.128.203.4 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ ("small dick in his pants that is purple with green.") 12:59, November 5, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked I will blank moar pages (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (What's this button do? Whoops!) 01:01, November 6, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 79.97.248.48 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (SUCK COCK SUCK COCK SUCK COCK SUCK COCK) 04:51, November 5, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 108.211.110.62 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (i'll lemony you right in the snicket) 18:19, November 3, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.120.12.140 (Talk) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Claims to be a tor exit node) 01:40, November 4, 2011 Codeine (Talk | contribs) blocked 96.255.253.169 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (It's meant to be BS, numbnuts; it's a comedy site. lrn2read.) Biopic of the Week His name is Iwritewhatiwant. Possibly. We aren't sure and neither is he/she/it. Naturally the UnSignpost completed all the necessary research to write a biopic and certainly didn't have to keep refering back to his userpage while writing. He of the strange username joined us at the start of September and now as he enters his third month one thing has become clear to all of us. He doesn't want to write anything all that often. Oh the raptures we slip into when he touches his quill to the parchment and makes words appear, the prose, the paragraphs, the lack of vowels... it's something to behold. His achievements have included beating Rcmurphy to Noob of the Month, scooping the Best Noob Article in the PLS and molesting anybody who comes within 6 feet of him. We went through about 17 correspondents to get this biopic, the rest of them are probably locked in a warehouse somewhere being forced to writewhathewants. In which case the joke is on him since most of them can barely speak, let alone write. So congratulations Iwritewhatiwant you are officially an evil, slave-driving freak of nature and that's why we love you. Old School FA The Earth. Majestically spinning on its axis for thousands of years on end, in a constant state of evolution, progress, and overall forward movement. The millions of innovations in technology that the human race has brought to this planet in its tenure here is beyond the scope of typical brain capacity, and has for the most part been beneficial, to the human race at least, if nothing else. This begs the question: With all of these innovations to make life here on Earth so luxurious, why the FUCK have we not invented WIDER FUCKING HALLWAYS?! The ongoing battle with the narrow hallway continues to be fought by us hard-working civilians, day after day, and doesn't look to have an end in sight. This fight is not only against the severe crampedness of such passages, but against the barrage of personages we are forced to encounter walking through them every day. Read the full report here. Newsroom UnTune of the week (Anniversary Special!)* Stalker *Yes anniversary special means the same UnTune we used this time last year, who knows, maybe next year can just be one big anniversary special!

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:47, 10 November 2011

!!!

Chiefjustice, I don't want to alarm you, but you might be alarmed when I tell you what it is that is so alarming. But if you being alarmed is the consequence of me not wanting to alarm you despite telling you what it is that will be alarming, then you might feel less alarmed when I tell you about how alarming it might be before I tell you the alarming thing. So.......yes? --ShabiDOO 01:37, November 15, 2011 (UTC)

I see... --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:31, November 15, 2011 (UTC)

I think that you think you do...but I'm not sure that you are sure. --ShabiDOO 03:21, November 16, 2011 (UTC)

Apologies

I shouldn't have been such a persistent pain in the arse. Your reasoning may have been less than cheering, but you did agree to one thing, and that one thing is an important thing, so I probably should have dropped it at that point and I'm not sure why I didn't, so... sorry about that.

That said, if you happen to know why I didn't, I don't think I need to advise you to not tell me, since if you do, badness may ensue. Or maybe not. I really have no idea.

Cheese? 1234 ~ 16:40, 15 November 2011

No worries. Also let's op your Piggy. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:45, November 15, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks. And yes! OP MY PIGGY! 1234 ~ 16:56, 15 November 2011

The piggy shall be opped...and then thine will be done. :) --ShabiDOO 21:24, November 15, 2011 (UTC)

Thanks for voting for me

Thanks For Voting For Me For Noob Of The Month As A Reward, You Get One Of My Pizzas!

Thank you so much for voting for me for Noob Of The Month!

--PopGoesTheWeasel 03:10, November 16, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 17 November 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper Whose Mom Said It Was Cool!

November 17th, 2011 • Issue 145 • Yes, yes it is really that big!

VFS and Turkey Balls By Chief Now it would be very easy for the UnSignpost to devote yet another issue of the year to covering the VFS and the voting on the same, the interviews with the candidates, the scores, the numbers, the lunches with the bureaucrats, and Sycamore shaking his head slowly as he despairs at the futility of it all. So we will. It's VFS time again! Voting was opened on Sunday by Zombiebaron with a pair of massive scissors. As he prepared to cut the ribbon he turned to the assembled masses and, wiping a tear from his eye, announced, "Zombiebaron"; naturally the crowd went wild. The early nominations flooded in: everyone who was anyone seemed to garner a nomination, as well as several people who aren't people at all. Two users have distanced themselves from the pack: Black flamingo11, the noire gregarious wading bird who has captured Uncyclopedia's imagination with his endless flows of witty prose and his avoidance of all forms of drama, has stacked up twenty-two fresh crispy votes. In order to best sum up his thoughts on being nominated, we've decided to hack up anything he has said on the VFS page and arrange it into a more suitable order: "What a nice old man his socks are. I would make a terrific admin. I'm my first choice." You heard it here first and, hilariously, so did he. The other contender is Romartus, with twenty votes. Uncyclopedia's voting machine and general history boffin had this to say to the UnSignpost: "Perhaps too young. Excellent." He probably isn't a paedophile but if you are concerned, then why not write to us at: "Save The children, The UnSignpost". We'll get them, by which we mean your letters, not the children. Other contenders are Frosty with seven votes, PIGGY with nine and Sycamore, who has eight. As VFS hurtles towards its final round, we here at the UnSignpost are on the edge of our seats and we hope you will be too. The other news is that it is once again time for the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball, described by liars as "A celebration and carnival of sublime writing" and by others as "A wretched hive of scum and villainy". Ringmaster Host of the competition for this year is Mhaille, who has started a forum asking for judges. Judging is fun and improves your sex life in 94% of cases, so why not get involved? Eyes forward everyone! It's all about to kick off! Nominate my PIGGY! By Chief Discussions began in the forum this week. Well of course they did, after all that is what a forum is for. However one particular discussion is over the removal of the rule against nominating your own articles for VFH without a pee review. Uncharacteristically for a discussion on Uncyclopedia about an aspect of Uncyclopedia, everyone appeared to be in agreement. The brains behind the idea, if brains is the right word, is Uncyclopedia's very own deputy innovator Lyrithya, who would like nothing more than to see the good ship Uncyclopedia sink below the ocean of crap because Uncyclopedians were far too busy hanging their appalling articles off it to notice this analogy breaking down. Unsportingly the forum was started the day before the UnSignpost was due to be delivered last week and thus everything that we have said so far is hideously out of date. The rule has already been removed and no, we didn't want your opinion; you'd have just slowed progress down with your so-called "questions" and "concerns". The other news for this week is that Zombiebaron has figured out how to raise our edit count by over 9000! His solution is to simply delete 15,000 articles by Christmas because... well, because it would be tremendous fun. Also because Dr. Skullthumper, who isn't a real doctor, made some statistics that showed that we had most edits when we had 15,000 articles, so deleting 15,000 to bring us back to around 15,000 will, logically, produce more edits, mostly, we fear, from people complaining that we have deleted 15,000 pages without asking. Anyone wishing to participate in Zombiebaron's Time Travelling Article Removal and Edit Count Revival Event (that's easy to remember because it spells TTARECRE) should assemble, with their time machines, a week last Tuesday to be given their instructions twenty minutes earlier.

Check out these pages! We really do! Ethine reckons deleting 15,000 articles would work too From our logs Under user bans the other admins special!): 08:16, August 22, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked RAHB (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (in my country, it is a tradition that on the penultimate monday of august, we ban someone with an allcaps name. a bit obscure, but there you go.) 11:15, August 21, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 138 minutes ‎ (I recently lost a sock in the wash. was it one of your relatives?) 12:49, June 19, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 132 seconds ‎ (you are my all-time favourite fascist dictator) 15:17, April 6, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 30 seconds ‎ (why hello there, handsome) 07:48, January 29, 2011 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Rcmurphy (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 23 seconds ‎ (who the fuck are you, and what makes you think you can "write" an "article", eh?) 10:28, December 25, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Mordillo (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 143 seconds ‎ (Merry thing you don't celebrate old chap! Hope the presents you didn't get would have been fantastic!) 10:33, December 15, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Chronarion (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 119 seconds ‎ (A man, a plan, a canal, and then you filled in the canal with silly-putty.) 09:31, December 1, 2010 Under user (Talk | contribs) blocked Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 weeks 4 days 5 hours 6 seconds ‎ (*looks through ban log* - dear god, I've never banned Zombiebaron, he must feel so left out! I must rectify this at once.) Memorial of the Week By now you have probably heard the terrible news, or at least seen the huge black manhole cover hats he made us all wear. Under user has left the fold and ventured onward to pastures new. Under user came into this world on the fifth of July 2007 and since then he has written articles, pee reviewed more articles than you have ever read , edited the UnSignpost for months on end and chopped more potatoes than the Irish ever did. The esteemed Under user requested that his administrator status be removed earlier this week and Thekillerfroggy generously excused him from the farewell de-bagging in the canteen. He has stated his intention to continue reading the featured articles which, to be honest, makes him more active than most of the active users. Confusion also reigns over the fate of the annual mince pie race, which, without its founder and annual winner, may not take place, much to the disappointment of all three of the competitors. Perhaps someday UU will return and change our lives once again, perhaps not; regardless the UnSignpost wishes him all the best in whatever it is he does in real life and reminds him that he still owes us £4.70 in tea and biscuit money. Newsroom UnTune of the week I Will Possess Your Log

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:25, 17 November 2011

UnSignpost - 24 November 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Because Uncyclopedia is no laughing matter.

November 24th, 2011 • Issue 146 • This is a knife!

VFS and Turkey Ball By Chief Well here we go again: VFS has reached ROUND FOUR!! The excitement on the wiki was palpable and here at the UnSignpost we could barely contain ourselves. Now while we usually compare the need to meet a deadline every Thursday for every week of our lives to being slowly lowered into a vat of acid without the benefit of being Batman first, this week we were whisked out of the vat before the worst could befall our dynamic duo. Thus we began to plan for the UnSignpost as far back as Monday. Monday! It was as though our prayers had been heard by a God whose power only manifests via consensus on humour wikis. So another VFS has been delivered to us and as the top candidates have been selected, we will now judge and belittle them for your amusement and our own perverted satisfaction. Black flamingo11: Bursting through to the third round of VFS in first place is Black flamingo11, whose cunning tactic so far has been to make absolutely no comment at all regarding the VFS. We're sure some kind of snivelling "Thank you so much for voting for me, it's good you did because I completely deserve this" message will wing its way to your talk page. We sat down with him to establish just what he thought being an admin might be like: "It's the cash I look forward to the most!" he enthused as we queued at his local soup kitchen, "I mean sure I enjoyed doing things just to be helpful, but if there wasn't cash in it for me somewhere, it'd just be pointless!". Thank goodness he isn't just in this for the money or he'd be so incredibly disappointed. Romartus: So close on Black flamingo's heels into the third round that it's a good job he's wearing such baggy trousers is Romartus. Besides voting for everyone who isn't himself in the second round he has also made very little comment on the VFS, but expect no comment from him regarding your support or how much he appreciates it. Why? Because he is actually a very sophisticated robot who thirsts for the destruction of unwitting humour wikis like this one. We didn't need to talk to him; after all, robots don't have feelings, so fuck you Romartus! You'll never find our office. The other top story this week is that the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has begun. The judges are in place and the competitors are poised on the blocks. Any moment now they'll write an article and run down to the other end, some three hundred meters from the starting line, there they will leap as far as they can into the sand. We assume. Otherwise there is absolutely no need for this competition to be taking place on a running track and I am utterly mystified as to why I've been handed this starting pistol and why Shabidoo has those flags. If this seems like your idea of a good time, the competition is open until the third of December though please bring pants: "The next person who arrives without pants will be disqualified," said competition host Mhaille yesterday. "This competition has the potential to be very exciting and we don't want anyone getting the wrong idea, or getting splashed." I'm back! By Puppy Did you all miss me? No? Fuck it. I'm going again. Festive Treats Ahoy! By Chief Just a quick word to announce the imminent arrival of two fun festive traditions additions to Uncyclopedia. Normally Under user is the benevolent king of Uncyclopedia's Christmas time and he presides over the jollities like a strange old man presides over a children's playground, however this year Under user failed his annual admin re-qualification tests (apparently he took more than 10 seconds to punch out the baby) and thus cannot host ANYTHING any more. True story. Because of this, the annual mince pie scoffing competition will be relocated to the user page of ChiefjusticeDS. If you have a taste for those delightful Christmas treats then feel free to join in. The competition will begin on the 1st of December and it must be stressed that pies scoffed before that date are so-called "Training Pies" and will not count towards your total. The ban patrol-ho-ho may or may not return depending on the financial climate. Remember: PIES!!!

Check out these pages! That's Racist! Have camera, will sing Drunk editing Who? From our logs: 06:01, November 17, 2011 RAHB (Talk | contribs) blocked 74.116.44.143 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Wank wank wank. Boy I sure do love to wank. Can I wank on you? I think I will. I don't require your permission. WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK WANK...) 19:30, November 16, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.180.115.161 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (Panic at the dildo! It's funny because dildo sounds a bit like disco, is a funny word and it's a sex thing!) 12:33, November 19, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked JAF1999 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (Wow, you're either really stupid or you're a really lame troll. Probably both, coming to think of it.) 21:17, November 22, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked 71.104.226.185 (Talk) with an expiry time of 12 hours ‎ (You're doing undictionary wrong, I didn't think that was possible) 02:51, November 16, 2011 MadMax (Talk | contribs) blocked Wearetheworld (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (cool story, bro) 12:53, November 23, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (I seem to be under-represented in this week's UnSignpost. You should remedy this.) Biopic of the Week In the biopic this week is HELPME, and we'll begin with this quote from his userpage: "I used to be full of shit, humorless, stupid, uptight, and annoying. Now I am slightly less of those things." What a nice man, a liar, but a lovely man nonetheless. Arriving on Uncyclopedia at the start of 2010, HELPME became well-known for his hyperactive page editing, article reviewing, outrageous gaying and recent changes patrolling. All this earned himself a whole stack of shiny goodies, several death threats and the acclaim of all. This was all splendid and lovely. BUT THEN CAME THE DARKNESS. It corrupted his soul and made him simultaneously world-wise and world-weary, now happiness is "Fucking square, man" and hyperactive page editing "Shits for the birds, man". However this hasn't rendered him incapable of doing the thankless busywork we know he used to love so much. Welcome back, HELPME, now get to work; the drainage ditch under Olipro's desk won't drink itself. Make haste, my jacuzzi water grows tepid. ATTENTION! At ease soldier. Newsroom UnTune of the week Home on a Friday Night Confessions from Recent Changes "The politicians are demented people that take orders from demented monkeys" - 86.178.71.123 "created article -- finally figured out how images work" - JacKow "This is a satirical website, you know for satire." - Zarbag

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 02:10, 24 November 2011

KEMU QEMU

Are you anywhere with Tech-Uncyclopedians about the Killer Quail Emulator? --218.186.15.10 05:31, November 27, 2011 (UTC)

I have no idea what that might mean. Try speaking normally. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:49, November 27, 2011 (UTC)

Why would anyone want to emulate a quail? Eagle, falcon, condor I would understand but a quail..a bird that ends life with an arse full of shotgun pellets and ends up served in expensive restaurants. I guess this 'quail' is a nerd word connected with programming. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 10:48, November 27, 2011 (UTC)

Quails in terror. There's an article idea there. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 21:15, November 27, 2011 (UTC)

The KEMU article you huffed, redirected by QEMU. --218.186.15.10 09:39, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

What about it? --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:51, November 30, 2011 (UTC)

Unsignpost questions and stuff.

Wanted to ask you before I polluted unsignpost page, what would you think about a Q&A section in it where people can ask questions related and unrelated to uncyclopedia, sort of like the Q&A you see on BBC, but somewhat more useless. I'll create a page for it so people can go to it and leave questions and then if there's ever a time when unsignpost could use some more words to fill it up or whatnot, we could include the Q&A part. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   16:39, November 28, 2011 (UTC)

Dr. Skullthumper has a similar thing here, it can also be viewed on his userpage. It's a good idea in terms of the USP as I'm always looking for material to fill the right hand column. I'm running with the 'Confessions from Recent Changes' thing at the moment, but if you want to set a page up we could run boxes like, 'ask the UnSignpost' or 'ask {{USERNAME}}'. Where we get different people to answer questions each week. It'd need some testing but the main problem that I see is getting people to ask questions. Maybe look at "encouraging" people through IRC. What do you reckon? --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 21:30, November 28, 2011 (UTC)

Sounds like a plan. I'll set up a separate page that people can go to and leave questions off at and that they'll be well organized. I'll also head over to IRC sometime this week and get people involved, or at least try to. Would it be possible to include a small paragraph in whatever week the next unsignpost is coming out that tells people about it and gives them the link and everything? I can write a rough draft or so if you want. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   14:41, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

Yeah I can do the paragraph, if you furnish me with links then I'll add them before it goes out. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 16:55, November 29, 2011 (UTC)

Here we go. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   00:18, December 1, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 1 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

May contain traces of humor!

December 2nd, 2011 • Issue 147 • Don't make me use this!

Reflections, Turkey Ball, Cabal Broadcasts and VFS By Chief As December dawns, the UnSignpost can only reflect on what has been an eventful year. Or rather we would if the reflections on this year weren't all about poo, bacon and Lyrithya... FOR THE SECOND YEAR IN A ROW. The UnSignpost would like to remind all users that there is only a month left before the annual Cabal broadcast absolutely nothing happens. The reflections must be completed or the world might end. If there were a cabal watching, Socky and Roman Dog Bird adding reflections about their strange depraved fantasies and bowel movements in the early hours of the 3rd of January would upset it no end. The Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball ploughs onward, amassing entrants in all categories, to Mhaille's undoubted delight. While Mhaille was not available for comment, we were able to sit down with Lyrithya who just happened to be in the lobby complaining that she has not been in the UnSignpost enough over the last few weeks. What comment would she make? What fabulous insights would she reveal? "What Turkey Day Ball?" asked Lyrithya. This was deeply concerning on two levels, firstly because Lyrithya is judging the title category, and secondly because she said it to a hat stand about 4 feet to our reporter's left. Leaving Lyrithya to continue her tense negotiations with the hat stand about getting a job with computers, we moved on to interview Zombiebaron, who commented, "Zombiebaron", as usual. The annual Mince Pie eating competition started on ChiefjusticeDS's talk page on Tuesday, two days early, because he's impatient as well as being fat and lazy. All users are invited to join in and attempt to match Under user's astonishing work scoff rate. Oliphaunte has also come up with a brand new feature for the UnSignpost to further the relentless search for filler material. He proposes a Question and Answer section where you, the users, ask the UnSignpost a question and then we put it in the right hand column with a scathing and witty reply. Obviously such a plan requires questions, and therefore, if this sounds like your sort of thing, ask some questions. It's for a good cause. VFS has also concluded. As you read this splendid periodical the results are known, however due to our lack of a time machine and the injustice of the world in general we do not know as we are writing this now. Our experts have looked at the vote and, after much deliberating, tea drinking and "Please stop holding me prisoner"-ing they concluded that there could be several outcomes, which further lead us to conclude that we should have captured some better experts. You'll have to wait until next week for the scoop on the new admins, which should please Black flamingo11 as he hates being in the UnSignpost; the illusive flamingo had this to say to the UnSignpost this week: "The horse porn is in the house; why would I throw it out?". Don't look at us, you voted for him. Hugely important happening stuns Uncyclopedia; no one cares By Bizzeebeever This week a bolt of lightning apparently emanating from Wikia struck Uncyclopedia in a sustained manner, singeing eyebrows and back-hair from the United Kingdom all the way to that iota-sized island which Frosty calls "home". What was this scintillating stroke of... of... scintillation? Why, a mighty arbiter of Wikia was perturbed from her perch by the screams of the tortured mortals long enough to, as she put it, "blackmail a techy" into granting Uncyclopedians that boon for which they had clamoured for literally a couple of days: new namespaces. Yes, you asked for it, and now you've got it: those heretofore-faux namespaces, including HowTo, Why?, and that incredibly popular mainstay of Uncyclopedia, UnDebate, are now actual namespaces. According to several people who understand the full implications of this, having namespace-specific stuff will potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with. Said designated Uncyclopedia scapegoat Lyrithya: "Having namespace-specific stuff could potentially make the entire thing a lot easier to deal with." When the news of the blessed event was heard, there was shouting, jubilation, gunshots, and widespread looting, and that was just Roman Dog Bird. Uncyclopedian-extraordinaire Zombiebaron, taking a couple of seconds off from his normal endeavours attempting to fit all of Uncyclopedia onto VFD, was heard to shout his own name in an uncharacteristically-ebullient manner. Extravagant fame-whore Bizzeebeever, the author of the forum topic which started it all, spoke from his 15,000-room palace constructed entirely from mirrored pianos: "Of course, no one man can take credit for this," he said, flinging the end of a tie-dyed feather boa over his shoulder, "it was truly an achievement made possible by the work of multitudes. Anyone who notices the massive groundswell of changes should especially thank Lyrithya for her ceaseless work on the site." He also went on to thank Sannse for her munificence and benevolence, as well as the small pile of ashes which, we presume, is all that remains of the "techy" whom Sannse "blackmailed", and, lastly but not least-ly, Zombiebaron... for "being such an incredible pile of 'Zombiebaron'."

Check out these pages! Mediate Babel table? This is just weird Arson From our logs: 14:17, November 29, 2011 Mhaille (Talk | contribs) blocked 92.65.34.170 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Monumental Wang, and not in a good way) 23:20, November 28, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked 117.241.59.129 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 month ‎ (go back to whatever foreign place you probably come from) 22:04, November 26, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked Lingling513 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (If all pony fans were like you, I would have never watched it. Thank God shitheads like you only make up a small part of the fan base. The new episode blew, but it was funnier than your shit article.) 22:02, November 29, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked 166.89.220.165 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 Days ‎ (WE COULD JUST DELETE EVERYTHING EXCEPT FOR A TEMPLATE AND IT WOULD BE BETTER! I'M QUITE LIVID AT MYSELF FOR HAVING NOT THOUGHT OF IT!) 03:45, November 27, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 58.164.108.6 (Talk) with an expiry time of 5 hours ‎ (You're right, I'm so much better than you because I'm an admin. Also, try to familiarize yourself with apostrophes.) Biopic of the Week Is it a bird? Is it a plane? NO! It's Xamralco! It has taken us five whole months to biopic him, and now we're going to do it without insulting him once! KIDDING! Xamralco slimed his way onto Uncyclopedia, as slime creatures will, through a carelessly open downstairs window in late June of this year. Having slimed his way in, Xamralco thought to himself, "What could a useless slime beast such as I contribute here?" While he was deciding, he wrote four featured articles and won writer of the month and the Best Rewrite category of the most recent Poo Lit Surprise. Naturally, what the people want to know is: When exactly is Xamralco going to do something useful? When will he stop resting on his laurels and actually get down to work? Strangely, for a slime beast, his talk page is full of him being thanked, making witty banter and generally taking part. What a slimy bastard. I shall smite him, and his slime. Well done Xamralco, now get to work or get out. Old School FA Long walks on the beach There’s nothing I enjoy more than long walks on the beach. Some of my other hobbies include watching the sunset from a picturesque grassy knoll, indulging in fine wine with a scrumptious foie gras dinner, and candlelight conversations on French film. But I think you'll agree that nothing is quite as sexy as me taking a long walk on the beach. Me with my salon-fresh sandy blonde hair flowing in the breeze (courtesy of Tina; you're a miracle worker, honey!) and a sporty J.Crew sweater tied casually around my waist, lobbing a stray Frisbee back at some snot nosed little urchin. You'll see me on the coast looking pensively out at the sea, reflecting back on all of the endearing little things I did that week. New Admin Celebratory UnTune! The Uncyclopedian's Song Confessions from Recent Changes "THE BOMB HAS BEEN PLANTED!! (+ Expansion tag)" - Wilytank "Added some categories, WITHOUT using HotCat." - 66.105.218.19 "Reverting edit, as it was so good, it would intimidate other users." - Matt lobster "Torture instruments and a ducking stool" - Jonny appleseed

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 05:14, 1 December 2011

Newry

This page has been getting a lot of IP vandalism lately, I suggest semi-protecting it? —fj0j3ddjoaw;rfjaew (r30qjd) 03:03, 2 December 2011 (UTC)

It's protected for a couple of weeks, let me know if it starts up again after that. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:53, December 2, 2011 (UTC)

UnMeta

I would like to have your attention for unmeta:Forum:Banishments on Uncyclopedia. I hope we can discuss there. Thanks in advance | CartoonistHenning @ 83.134.81.237 00:22, December 3, 2011 (UTC)

I'll just say this again here in the hopes that maybe it'll sink in: what part of PM THE GUY did you not understand? Politics have nothing to do with this; you made a mistake and it's up to you to fix it. Hiding behind a station on another wiki won't solve your problems for you, and ignoring further rules (in this case, ban evasion) doesn't make people more likely to unban you, either. 1234 ~ 07:21, 3 December 2011

Another Question

Ok, so now I have some questions to work with. I was wondering how you would like the Q&A to be submitted to unsignpost, as I have little to no idea how this process works. I tried reading up on it, but nothing. Sorry. --Sir Oliphaunte (განხილვა)   05:01, December 5, 2011 (UTC)

There are a couple of ways it can work, depending on the amount you wish to be involved. You can answer a question yourself and then drop me a note here or in the press room as to which one you have answered. Bear in mind the space we have available to us when answering. Or you can simply gather the questions on the Q&A page and I will pick and answer them as and when I require some space filling. It is really up to you. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 09:48, December 5, 2011 (UTC)

Aristocrat's Judgery

Now the dust has settled on another exciting Turkey Day Ball competition its time for all those kind volunteers to set to judging. The results day is next saturday, the 10th December, so it should give everyone enough time to pick their winning entries, if you are not going to be able to complete in this time give us the heads up. Your results should be revealed here. Thank you for your time... -- Sir Mhaille  (talk to me)

Jean Luc Picard

Thanks for moving it! I'll work on it there till it's ready.

Jean Luc Picard

Thanks for moving it! I'll work on it there till it's ready.

UnSignpost - 8 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Better sign it.

December 8th, 2011 • Issue 148 • Goodbye to all that.

VFS ends... or does it? By Chief The wiki has new admins. There we go, got the first bit of non-news out of the way. Since time and circumstance have both conspired against the UnSignpost in a bid to not only evict us from the building but also to ensure we have nothing to report on every week, it has in fact been eight days since this particular piece of news broke. Black flamingo11 and Romartus have been made administrators and, clearly in protest as to how such a thing could have possibly occurred, Lyrithya has started a vote to change the system in order that such grave injustice does not ever occur again. Black flamingo11 agrees that he is exactly the type of weird abomination that such a system would easily sieve out. Romartus simply muttered something about not wanting to upset the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls; we assume he is chained to a radiator in her flat, occasionally being forced to dance for her amusement. Lyrithya proposes that we scrap the current system, just like she always does, and then we bring in a brand new one which nobody except her understands (see the abuse filter for details). Lyrithya is also to be congratulated for making Modusoperandi be serious for five minutes, something which science, constant pain, and the ingratitude of man has failed to do for around twenty years. In other news, Joe9320 has declared that Imperial Colonization has risen and that "This will mark the Stupid Ages of Imperial Colonization." This correspondent has to agree that this will certainly be the case if Joe9320 runs it. While he was declaring things that nobody will remember in five minutes time, Joe also declared himself Lord of Uncyclopedia and all its dominions, may those who defy him drink eternally from Satan's grotesque member. Or words to that effect. Zombiebaron and Thekillerfroggy celebrated the sixth anniversary of the featuring of Euroipods by defacing the logo with a blue calculator in exchange for money and referring their friends to do the same. Such jollity flew straight over the heads of most of the userbase, whom Thekillerfroggy condemned as being far too young to remember when, like he can, this was all fields. Happy sixth birthday, Euroipods. We baked you a free cake. You just have to pay for it, and get your friends to do the same. This barrel? Oh no, we haven't even thought of scraping the bottom of it. Finally, this forum still exists, and users have flocked from miles around to vote for it. The UnSignpost has no comment to make on this, except to ask these people: Who are you? How did you get in when we changed the locks? Try not to get too concerned. Remember, Wikia is a reputable company and certainly isn't a transparent front for a greedy Dragon which hates you. Honest. Competition Ahoy! By Chief Those of you who absolutely love writing competitions have happily had very little to complain about for the last couple of weeks as the Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball has enthralled and thrilled you for literally hours. The competition closed for judging last Saturday. Needless to say this is a long time to wait perched upon the edge of ones seat, as Shabidoo confesses himself to be, so it is just as well that the vast majority of the judges have decided to help out by failing to turn in any judging. The UnSignpost wises to remind competition judges that failure to complete judging on time can have a number of detrimental effects including sudden blindness, ostracism within the community and believing oneself to be an Ostrich. So unless you want to be hurtling 'round the wiki flapping your tiny wings in a futile attempt to take flight this time next week, I'd get on with it, and we do mean you, Wilytank. Thought we wouldn't notice, didn't you, and as for new admin, Black flamingo11, he has absolutely no excuse. Get to it you worthless peons; if you had lives you wouldn't even know this competition exists! MadMax has proposed a second edition of The Article Whisperer to commence immediately after Christmas. Let us take a brief moment to explain why you are ideally suited to not only take part but why taking part is a brilliant idea. First of all, MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed, and secondly because MadMax has the power to crush you like a dry reed. The Article Whisperer is a competition held by UN:REQ to get some of the most requested articles on the site written down and made shiny. Head over to the forum right now and try to spare some time to volunteer to write or judge this, the most useful of our writing competitions. If you don't, MadMax will kill a Panda. In your house. Possibly.

Check out these pages! There is no need to panic Lolwut? UnNews Articles 40 minutes of outrage and panic It's nowhere near over 9000! From our logs (New Admin and Mordillo Special!): 11:00, December 1, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Figure out how to unblock yourself! QUICK! THIS PITCH MEANS THE GAME! SLIDE DIMAGGIO! SLIDE!!) 20:04, December 1, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) resurrected Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) ‎ (I think he has learned his lesson) 13:57, December 4, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 months ‎ (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: One month ban wasn't enough. Try three this time. ) 18:16, December 4, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) changed block settings for Kelton2 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 Days (Inserting nonsense/gibberish into pages: Ok three days. It's Christmas) 15:58, December 6, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 66.240.56.238 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Don't care who fancy. This isn't a dating website (yet)) 15:24, December 1, 2011 Mordillo (Talk | contribs) blocked 90.221.171.90 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Your future reads:"no trip to the moon anytime in the near future".) Biopic of the Week Because we have to get the UnSignpost Dog into this issue somehow. UnSignpost Q&A I'm in a homosexual relationship with my cousin and I'm worried that my family and friends will find out. That's half the problem as I've a anger problem at my girlfriend who I blame for making me apparently impotent and some violence has taken place between us. Thankfully it's nothing too serious, just some good hearted vicarious punishment for my frustrated sexuality. The truth is I don't enjoy sex with her and I'm racked with terrible feelings of guilt for the casual sex with my cousin. Now I'm eyeing up quite few animals on the farm (sexually) and I'm wondering whether to let them both down gently, or continue with my covert sexual operations. Also I have a child with my sister which I keep in a shed. It's not really like a human being as I have never let it see the outside world and keep it company with my dogs. Do you have any ideas on how to get me out of this mess? - Anonymous Have you considered beating them all to death with a Polo mallet and then throwing them into the canal? Obviously this would be after slicing them up into small easily manageable pieces. That's what I did. - USP Do you like cows? - Lyrithya Moo - USP Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Christmas Song Reason to leave Uncyclopedia #1,824 The constant unreasonable demands of this periodical.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:21, 8 December 2011

Phlegmy

Still in the process of writing the article, just fyi. Requesting to recreate now.

Righto, I can restore the deleted version or you can recreate the one line. My apologies, we have a lot of one line articles created by unregistered users and they are usually deleted on sight, whack {{Construction}} on it so it doesn't happen again. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 22:59, December 8, 2011 (UTC)

Hey!

why do you block Mr-ex777? He didn't do anything wrong! Please unblock him.--218.253.17.64 12:52, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

Every time you evade the ban in order to entreat me to remove it I will extend it by another month. You are blocked because you are seemingly unable to function as part of this community; we don't care about this or this. Take some time away, grow up and drop me an email in a week or so and I'll reconsider the ban. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:25, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

Email sent222.166.181.146 13:50, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

Section 238

I still love you... especially when you buy my love by doing admin type things. Pup 02:55 09 Dec '11

Cheerleaders.jpg

I am sorry that picture offended you. I didn't think it would matter, since it was only on my user page and one other page in my user space. But, OK, if you want to make Uncyclopedia a clean wholesome place so be it. I would like to upload a less explicit picture to take its place but I don't know how mild it has to be to meet your approval. Please advise. --Mr. Vladmir "Mischievous" Ned 17:03, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

I quote to you from the image use policy: "Pornographic/shock/gore images (including frontal nudity) which are clear copyright violations and/or which serve little satirical purpose, may be deleted without warning". The image was placed on QVFD and I chose to remove it. If you wish to look at pornography there are plenty of places on the internet for you to use. Alas, this is not one of them. You can upload anything you like in replacement, but if it doesn't follow the image policy it may go the way of the first. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 17:21, December 9, 2011 (UTC)

Picky, picky, picky. Pup 09:00 10 Dec '11

I found a vandal

ARTWORK (talk) – contribs (new • del) • edit-count • block (rem • list) • all logs • groups • checkuser He's redirecting a ton of pages to No. Ban him right away. -- Sir Xam Ralco the Mediocre 21:22, December 13, 2011 (UTC)

USP

I was planning to do a roundup of ATDP, but it seems we're out of room for me to add anything. Joe did ask if I could inform IC members that a new colonisation is taking place, so was hoping to put in a word about that too. Also, I have thus far managed to avoid gorging on mince pies, but I'm going to have to buy some now. Did you know that they were originally mince meat pies, but changed to fruit during times meat was in short supply? And did you know that Australia invented the meat pie floater? (Which is basically a meat pie in a bowl of pea soup. And no, I have never had one.) Pup 12:57 14 Dec '11

There's no problem if you still want to do the story. The columns will just have to be of separate lengths this week. Also, you should participate in the competition that would make it like a world-wide Mince Pie competition. Completely up to you. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:13, December 14, 2011 (UTC)

Done - and with heaps of time before GMT 0:00. Pup 11:52 14 Dec '11

UnSignpost - 15 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Telling You Stuff You Already Knew, But With Different Words!

December 15th, 2011 • Issue 149 • I demand satisfaction

Weekly news round-up By Chief This week, in lieu of doing any actual news gathering the UnSignpost has swooped around the monthly awards pages and a couple of other pages to keep you updated. We've clicked on literally ten links taking immeasurable risks in the process. First up is Uncyclopedian of the Month which is entirely given over to praising Bizzeebeever for whatever it is he does around here. While we've certainly heard of the fellow we aren't quite sure the 'cut of his jib' as Thekillerfroggy might say is suitable for a serious award such as this. Bizzeebeever commented that he thought "Giving away an award this cheaply sorta devalues it" and for once the UnSignpost finds itself in total agreement. Bizzeebeever currently leads the pack with nine votes to Pentium5dot1's two with slime beast Xamralco bringing up the rear as always. Writer of the Month is also less of a competition and more of a 'let's all vote for Nikau' party. Nikau currently leads with thirteen votes. Naturally, since it is a party half of the userbase haven't been invited and Frosty has chosen to have a party all on his own at the bottom of the page, it's just like we've gone to Australia to meet him. On a serious note don't actually go to Australia; it's full of spiders who hide under toilet seats and drop down on you from trees... while you're on the toilet. Predictably N00b of the Month is also not much of a competition either with Jonny appleseed leading by virtue of having the most sensible username, his fellow competitors Gleep and Ferric AlFerrous had nothing to comment. Probably because we didn't ask. Meanwhile Reviewer of the Month, Potatochopper of the Month and UnBooks:Author of the Month have two nominees between them and have accumulated a total of one vote due to some despicable against voting on Potatochopper of the Month. Users should be aware that the annual awards will open next month to the delight and general acclaim of all. It is the solemn duty of every Uncyclopedian to vote on every single one these awards and yes, we do mean you <insert name here>. The UnSignpost will be there as always, always the bridesmaid but never the bride etc. etc. N3wz! For the win!! By Douchebag McSpackypants The Cabal HEY GUIZE!!! It's me again! Back to bring you more lolicious news and totally s1337 anecdotes! SEE WHAT I DID THERE, IT'S LIKE SWEET AND 1337! HOW S1337 IS THAT!! I totally LOLed @ Uncyclopedia this week as Magic man proposed a competition entirely based on Walruses. THAT'S SO ORIGINAL! Another tip-top totally important story is that Sockpuppet of an unregistered user bumped a forum topic from 2008 to the top of the list in order that he could add some kind of template to it! I'VE DONE SO WELL AT FINDING NEWS THIS WEEK! I've even put a totally hilarious picture over at the side (LOL)!!! So last time I talked about mince piez (Moar internet slang; I'm still hip!). So there I was hanging over the oven as the giantess shook me vigorously AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY!! HAHAHAHA... Signal interrupted New message incoming There is no need to panic. Help will never come. Emergency breathing apparatus will not be necessary at this time. Report all dangerous subversives. Expect no mercy this Christmas. Thoughtcrime does not entail death, thoughtcrime IS death. Informants are not everywhere. Secret meetings of which you have no knowledge do not guide this wiki. Nobody cares about your articles. Our vigilance is ceaseless. Continue to as though everything were normal, which it is. Administrators will not tolerate levity of any kind. Bans protect you from that which would do you harm. Accept our reality. Location scrambled. Message ends Signal re-established, original transmission resuming -and if that Rabbit hadn't appeared when it did... well let's just say I'd probably be serving jail time right now! See you next time p33pz!!! Sodomy and Turkeys By Pup Turkey and sodomy. A pairing as seemingly natural as faecal incontinence and free-balling, but at Uncyclopedia we do this with a somewhat less messy outcome an an annual basis - the Aristocrats Turkey Day Ball. This year saw some wonderful entries that promoted strong familial bonds and understanding in the main category - the Aristocrats joke. The tasteless equivalent of the best actor Oscar this year went to Black flamingo for his Aristocrats (class). Tied for second place were Xamralco and Thekillerfroggy for their works on Deleted Scenes and Mementocrats accordingly. We approached Black flamingo for a quote, but in the style of Brando we ended up talking to a Indian instead. Not the one he rode in The Wild One though. In the following category - the equivalent of the Oscar's Best Dance Direction award - was for the Best Bad Taste article. The not-too-shabby Shabidoo won the day with his uncovering of the skeletons in the family closet with The things your family doesn't know, making us wonder about his home life. Following this were Thekillerfroggy - making him the only individual to make the top three in two categories - and some other guy. Finally, the The Master Goa Tse Award for Digital Imagery, or The picture one category was hotly contested this year. Magic man streaked ahead of the pack, much to the distaste of the remainder of the pack, Zombiebaron and Mimo&maxus. Special mention here must go to Black flamingo, however, for not competing and still managing to outrank SPIKE, for his less impressive non-entry. Check out all the entrants at Aristocrat's Turkey Day Ball. Do it while your mother is in the room.

Check out these pages! TAW! Modusoperandi Roman Dog Bird There is still no reason to panic Working on it From our logs: 14:08, December 13, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Babablacksheep (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Baaahhhnnnn) 22:52, December 10, 2011 Zombiebaron (Talk | contribs) blocked SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE SPREE (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (BAN BAN BAN BAN BAN) 14:18, December 10, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked 109.151.40.149 (Talk) with an expiry time of 2 weeks ‎ (Judging from your actions, I would've never guessed a Frenchman invented IQ tests.) 16:50, December 9, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Sog1970 (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (Shouldn't retired users be playing golf or something?) 21:23, December 13, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked ARTWORK (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of infinite ‎ (Cease and desist, I am featuring and should not be disturbed) 19:46, December 8, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 86.143.173.253 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (He likes to poop in his pants and look at girls ) Biopic Mince Pie Update of the Week It's the all important coverage of the all important Mince Pie eating competition which you are all interested in! The competition kicked off on ChiefjusticeDS's userpage on November 29th after one of the competitors decided that greed could carry him through an extra two days of competition. The competitors are: last year's champion and general all-rounder Under user whose rate of consumption is unfortunately not matched by his rate of editing as he consistently falls behind and then leaps into the lead when he remembers he owns a computer. ChiefjusticeDS last year's big loser is engaged in a duel with Under user, one that he appears destined to lose due to severe indigestion and heart disease. The current leader is Roman Dog Bird who has eaten an awful lot of Mince Pies. We aren't sure how many but we're pretty sure it's a lot. Anyone who wants to win a free Mince Pie or an out of date Lion Bar is welcome to go over and count them. Just drop the actual numbers into the press room. Keep your eyes glued to the competition, it literally can't get any more exciting. UnSignpost Q&A Are you a pedo? - GEORGIEGIBBONS Answer: We here at the Unsignpost Q&A Department pride ourselves in extensive background checks to prevent the hiring of any pedophiles. At the same time however, most of our security staff think pedophiles are people with unusual sexual infatuation of feet, so pretty much, just keep your distance from our office. Why do you think I work from home? - USP How do I ask a question here? - Magic man Consult one of our helpful staff at the office. If you want help quick, dress up like a 12 year old child and talk with a higher pitched voice. It may result in unexpected outcomes but hey, you'll get your answer. - USP Newsroom UnTune of the Week General Hill's March The Lobsterbacks are coming Yes - the Imperial Colonisational experts are back, and now taking on missionary positions under the lead of a new head priest. Experience the wonder and excitement of working on a colonised article. Yes, You too could be part of the brave new world. Puns like the above are also welcome. Sadly.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

--ChiefjusticeGameBoy 10:23, December 15, 2011 (UTC)

Duuuuuuuuuuuude

Couldnt just let Hipster stew another day and give it QFA? Nah cool brah -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 08:54, December 19, 2011 (UTC)

QFA's are so analogue man. I'm all about the more digital side you know, right? --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 13:30, December 19, 2011 (UTC)

Damn you're good that this -- T​K​F​​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​UU​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​U​CK 23:18, December 19, 2011 (UTC)

I reserve the right to critize you at any time. HA!

Ok seriolusly, when you archived the monthly awards, you forgot all the userspace stuff. Please remember to do that in future. I got to make fun of your handling of things, neiner! ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 21:38, December 19, 2011 (UTC)

I only set out to do the main ones, didn't forget to do the userspace ones. I fear I'd still be doing them if not. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 23:17, December 19, 2011 (UTC)

Hi Chief!

Going on your talkpage isn't a nightmare anymore, I have a new PC that could probably hack the CIA. But you should still archive it!!!! I am writing because as UnNews editor, I feel that the Foolitzer Prize doesn't get the "exposure" it deserves, especially since there's like 4 votes on it as of now for 5 nominations. Most of the UnNews are very good, there's an average of more than one per day for a while and most important, they are mostly written by n00bs like Gleep, UPcjm and a lot of others. Basically, I think it would be a good idea to put the foolitzer prize on the same level on the award template as UOTM,WOTM and such. Maybe mentionning it in the Unsignpost or a little header atop thescreen would help too? I know you well busy applying the Justice, but leave me a little answer, we can work something out for this underestimated prize. Mattsnow 21:12, December 20, 2011 (UTC)

I've written an article about it in the press room, so if you consider adding it, that'd be great. ~jcm 22:54, December 20, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 22 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

The Newspaper that won't leave you the same way they did!

December 22nd, 2011 • Issue 150 • Merry thing you may or may not celebrate!

The Footlitzer Prize is a thing! By UPjcm So, last week our great Chief talked about the pitiful state of Uncyclopedia's awards without even mentioning the most pitiful of them right now. If you read the title, you'd know that I'm talking about the very prestigious Foolitzer Prize. For years, the Foolitzer distinguished the good fools from the bad fools, and it's in such a pitiful state that there's only been five votes this month. Five votes! We need to do better than this, people. Not just for me, but for Uncyclopedia America. "Why should I care about a stupid feature on a stupid site?" a stupid person may ask. Journalistic parody is the most important form of parody out there. Anyone can write an article, but it takes skill to write an UnNews article. We should be trying to reward those skillful bastards, not ignore them. Without UnNews, nobody would take us seriously. Oh, wait. The point is that the Foolitzer needs our love. The hardworking writers that bring us smartly crafted misinformation every day need our love. We need to give them that love. Otherwise, we'll end up being worse than we already are, and do you think little Sophia's self-esteem can afford that? Do the right thing, people. You've got two days. Why two days? Because you just do. VFH By PopGoesTheWeasel & Chief Hello, there. I want to talk about VFH. Those three little letters words. VFH is running low on votes and we need your help. I mean, VFH's aim is to get 20 votes per article, but it can only manage around 9. This makes me having a vagina more realistic and I don't even have a vagina. Incidentally vagina is a very funny word. "How can I help?" you ask. Well permit me to hit you with some totally real and non made-up facts. Every 5 seconds a that VFH has low voting numbers Thekillerfroggy kills a Panda. An actual real Panda. After campaigning fiercely in Xamralco's sitting room he agreed to go and vote. On VFD. Does he have any idea how many deaths he caused? Let me hit you with some more facts. Every time the number of articles on VFD increases Zombiebaron kills a Dolphin. Do YOU have any idea how many deaths you cause when you vote VFD? Now look. You can save a Panda with just a click of a button. Vote! That's all. On VFH. Would you rather save a Panda or kill a Dolphin? Well? Which is it? Did you know that every time you fail to answer a rhetorical question the UnSignpost is forced to kill a Panda? Our articles are dying. Look at the number of votes being devoured, not to mention articles being taken down from VFH because they mysteriously had "low health". And you all know who is causing the health to deplete? It's the Pandas Dolphins! I MUST KILL ALL OF THEM! Why? WHY? BECAUSE IF I DON'T THE WORLD MIGHT END</big?> You wouldn't try and trick me would you? They watch us, they watch us all! THE END IS COMING! The truth will find you! It found me and I'm really quite passionate about it so please, vote on VFH. If you can find the time feel free to kill the Dolphins as well. KILL THE DOLPHINS!

Check out these pages! LOL Huff and Puff Come on, own up Colin Still going From our logs: 19:44, December 21, 2011 RabbiTechno (Talk | contribs) blocked ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 8 hours ‎ (That's how long I was in the cell, beeeeyatch!) 18:49, December 20, 2011 Sockpuppet of an unregistered user (Talk | contribs) blocked Ashishsunnywalia (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 6 months ‎ (You seem like a really lame guy. It's nothing personal.) 02:47, December 20, 2011 Roman Dog Bird (Talk | contribs) blocked 70.71.111.38 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (YOU'RE A LOSER! THERE'S NOTHING LEFT FOR YOU! A WORTHLESS LOSER! AT EVERYTHING YOU DO!) 01:24, December 17, 2011 Black flamingo11 (Talk | contribs) blocked 75.117.180.147 (Talk) with an expiry time of 3 days ‎ (Pics or it didn't happen) 16:06, December 21, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked Bucknut (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (The Vanity Van is departing now. ) 21:14, December 16, 2011 Romartus (Talk | contribs) blocked 68.173.113.106 (Talk) with an expiry time of 1 week ‎ (Drama reverter. Stuff a turkey for a week. ) THIS BOX HAS BEEN DELIBERATELY LEFT BLANK Except for this notice, stating the box has been left blank, of course. That was put there deliberately. Of course, by putting these notices in this box, it no longer remains blank. THE BLANK BITS IN THIS BOX HAVE BEEN DELIBERATELY LEFT BLANK. THE NON-BLANK BITS HAVE BEEN DELIBERATELY NOT LEFT BLANK, BUT THERE IS NOTHING OF WORTH IN THEM ANYWAY Newsroom UnTune of the Week The Christmas Song This is Important In the spirit of laziness/the season the columns this week are of unequal lengths. Bah Humbug.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 03:48, 22 December 2011

There was a problem with USP.

No, not the bit I fixed. The problem was that there was a lack of mentions of me. I expect this to be resolved and an apology printed in the next issue. Otherwise, you will be hearing from my lawyers. Pup 04:05 22 Dec '11

this forum, especially the "lol" section

You are not one to give lenghty explanation (and it's kind of a shame, since you are one of the most reasonable admin, if not the most) but please read it. Wouldn't my suggestion to add an award for "Rewriter of the Month" be a good idea? Please reply, I respect you, and I feel this "upgrading the place by the bottom" is not the answer. Mattsnow 21:21, December 23, 2011 (UTC)

Tripped face first into a bar

Hello Chief. This is a note to lots of people, asking them to join into a Walk into a bar collab (and if Iz missed you, you are more than welcome to "Walk into a bar" too!). If you want to join in, make up your best "Walk into a bar" jokes and we will have the bestest "Walk into a bar" page on the innernests! Aleister 16:00 28-12-'11

Thanks

Thanks for moving User:Parabolictangent/Al_Pacino to the correct place. I was distracted by Nicole Scherzinger again. She is relentless. --RomArtus*Imperator ® (Orate) 14:15, December 28, 2011 (UTC)

You're welcome. I shall continue to make urgent representations in the right quarters in order to secure your freedom. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 07:30, December 29, 2011 (UTC)

UnSignpost - 29 December 2011

The Uncyclopedia UnSignpost

Word to your mother.

December 29st, 2011 • Issue 151 • I wrote something here!

Goddamn Chief! By Magic man Right now you might either be saying to yourself, "What the hell? How did someone other than Chief score the first slot on the Unsignpost? That egotistical jerk always gives himself the first slot!", didn't even notice that it was someone different writing this week or (and most likely) you're not even reading this, as you have a "real" life, whatever that means. Well that seems to be the case this week with our friend ChiefjusticeDS, as he released the following statement today at 13:42 UTC: “ There is no UnSignpost, at least not from me, this week. This is for various reasons, most of them beginning with "I am very busy with...". The UnSignpost will return again next week when I'm on rest days and have ample time to think up blocks of tortured prose. ” I know, what a jerk! Everyone should stop by Chief's talkpage and tell him what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is. But have no fear, my lowly peasants, as, once again (as in, this has never happened before, and will probably never happen again), I, Magic man, swooped in just in the nick of time to save the day with my amazing power to write dumb shit really fast (no, seriously, this is probably not going to be finished until five minutes before it's scheduled to be delivered). Everyone should stop by my talkpage and tell me what a great, amazing, cool, fun, awesome, lovable, orphan-hugging, money-donating, saint I am. By the way, for anyone who was wondering, that's my rendition of Chief up in the corner there. I'm the editor this week, so I get to do what I want. This is fun! My attempt at actual news By I bet you can't guess who! Yeah, as it turns out this is a hell of a lot harder than it looks (I'm literally just looking over the dump to see what the hell's happened this week). Once everyone's done telling Chief what a worm-ridden, rotten, ugly, stinky, dick-sucking, shit-eating, dumb-ass piece of shit he is (because I'm sure everyone will obey everything I tell them on the UnSignpost), also remember to tell him what a great guy he is for doing this every week. Anyway, TKF reached forty features, so that's fun. I'll put the link to the obligatory forum in that section over there (I'm pointing right now, but I guess you can't see me). Staying with the TKF shit, he also rewrote Sex. I meant to help him with that, but then I went out of town. Sorry, TKF. Anyway, it looks like it'll be featured (yeah, forgot to mention it was up on VFH. Everyone go vote for it). I won't go on about how great the rewrite is, 'cuz you can go read it yourself, but it is. And now to deviate from TKF (that sexy bitch): Al started a giant Just pennies a day-style collab here, and has been asking for everyone's help. So... go do that. In other news, Christmas happened, but no one cares about that. Well... that really didn't take up as much space as I thought it would. So... anyone got any ideas? I sure as hell don't. I'm sure there was much more important news that I'm forgetting, but who really gives a shit? I sure as hell don't. Damn, this is a lot harder than it looks. Welp, looks like the columns will be uneven again this week, not that anyone cares. I sure as hell don't.

Check out these pages! I told you I would This is a serious problem This has been going on far to long not to put up here Unimportant NOOOOOOOOOOOO! From our logs (me edition): 17:09, August 21, 2010 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 15 Minutes ‎ (Update the score when you vote on VFH, cleaning up after you wears out my slippers) 16:55, February 7, 2011 ChiefjusticeDS (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 10 minutes ‎ (Don't cross stuff out on BP, you can't see a user's deleted contributions) 02:09, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 2 minutes ‎ (DON'T SHOUT IN EDIT SUMMARIES IT'S SUPER DISTRACTING) 02:26, April 24, 2011 Dr. Skullthumper (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 minute ‎ (stop) 01:56, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 1 day ‎ (Attempting to award self UN:REQ award (DO NOT UNBAN)) 01:59, June 3, 2011 Thekillerfroggy (Talk | contribs) resurrected Magic man (Talk | contribs) ‎ (nah im just playin with ya) 01:41, September 29, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 minutes ‎ (Okay, that's it, stop. Stop now. You're really slow and you're spamming up recentchanges and if you'd have asked I could have just used my bot as a backup... but don't keep doing that. Please stop.) 05:52, October 27, 2011 Lyrithya (Talk | contribs) blocked Magic man (Talk | contribs) with an expiry time of 3 hours ‎ (The people have spoken.) Apparently I'm supposed to do this. Newsroom UnTune of the Week (in honor of Christmas) Entrails Ripped from a Virgin's Cunt (Christian Edition) Yep That's right, no biopic this week. I can't be bothered.

UnSignpost Main Page • Contact the Editors • Sign Up for Delivery • Get the Userbox

~ I am Haydrahlienne, I am a bot, and I have no feelings. 00:52, 29 December 2011

Please resusurrect Lyrithya for a while...

I have enforced an edit request to the MediaWiki interface text on Lyrithya's talk page (that probably only Lyrithya will understand) but then I realized that you blocked Lyrithya. May you please resurrect Lyrithya for just that request and then block Lyrithya again for the same reason Lyrithya is blocked now? – Preceding unsigned comment added by 218.186.15.10 (talk • contribs)

Dude, you know Lyrithya can resurrect herself if she wants, right? -- 01:03, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

What he said. --ChiefjusticeGameBoy 08:15, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

A serious request

Ok, this is getting silly, I am not joking here, you have over 250 sections on this page and over 169 kilobytes I mean really? It's sorta losing its funny by having a massive talk page, I for one (heaven help Bizzeebeever using dialup) am having extreme difficulty editing your talk page, it is constantly causing my browser to crash. A simple task of leaving you a message that should take no more that 3 or 4 minutes now takes me the best part of 10 or even in some cases 15, once I can load it and then I get a huge amount of lag whilst typing out the message and it takes several minutes to submit, by which time someone may have edit conflicted me and I have to start all over again. I am not just having a joke here, I am legitimately asking you nicely to archive your talk page as leaving you a message takes far too fucking long to be bothered with half the time. Please? ~Sir Frosty (Talk to me!) 01:15, December 31, 2011 (UTC)

I second the above. -- 02:01, December 31, 2011 (UTC)