User:EvilPuggy/Mahō Sensei Negima

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“In Soviet Russia, Negi rapes YOU!!”

~ A poor attempt on Russian Reversal

“When 31 girls and one guy get in classroom, shit happens.”

~ Captain Obvious on Negima!

the original cover

Mahō Sensei Negima! （ネギ・スプリングフィールドと賢者の石）is an educational manga and anime made especially for children. It is the story about nine year old wizard Negi Springfield, who sent off to an all girls school filled with female paedophiles, most of whom take vast amounts of growth hormones. Being another illegitimate child of the very crafty Akamatsu Ken (creator of Rabu Hina), there are copious amounts of fan service using incredibly well-drawn sexually suggestive pictures of 15-year-old Japanese hot chicks. This series has gotten critical acclaim for being very well crafted in showing the delicate balance between panty shots and mages that can brutally kill someone. The series also ranked in the top 10 for 'hottest set of minors as characters', beating all other known harem or ecchi manga. The Bleach and Naruto fans beg to differ, because they suck.

Two anime series and several OVA adaptations were made to ensure otaku spend every cent of money they have and die homeless. That’s OK, though, because they are currently living outside of a cinema in anticipation for the upcoming film.

Plot overview

All versions of Mahō Sensei Negima! begin the same. Wimpy-voiced Negi Springfield is a ten year old Welsh mage in search of some good pot his dead father, Nagi Springfield. Everyone knows Nagi's dead, but when Negi was five his female cousin put on a fake Nagi beard and said 'Negi, take this staff to remember me before I die'. Negi, treasuring the staff (which was actually just a branch from a tree) dedicates his entire life to becoming a magister magi (aprox. Latin translation: master of maxis). Upon graduating from the magic academy in Wales (which is not in any way based off of Hogwarts), the school dean Alpus Dumpledore sends him to train his magic by becoming an English teacher at Mahora Academy in Japan, where he's not even allowed to use magic. He replaces William Shakespeare as 2- A's homeroom and English teacher, because Shakespeare chose to teach another class when he was asked if he wanted to teach 2-B or not 2-B.

Negi has to deal with 31 estrogen-raging cows schoolgirls conscious of who has the bigger boob size and who likes Negi most. Adding insult to injury, it isn't just a set of normal, smart and stupid students. Rumours have been swirling around that a ghost, a Martian, an android, a ninja, a perfectly normal girl, a half-demon and even a girl who knows how to drive a car are in the class.

After Negi gets sexually assaulted by about 90% of the class, Kagurazaka Asuna decidedly agrees to join forces in the mad duck man hunt for his father and to fight the evil magical forces of Voldemort and Christine O'Donald. Their first job is to find and stop the reported vampire attacks on students. They meet up with Evangeline on a full moon when the following dialogue is exchanged:

Negi: I know what you are.

Evangeline: Say it. Out loud.

Negi: Vampire.

Evangeline: Are you afraid?

Negi: No, Stupid, why the fuck would I come fight you if I were scared?

Sadly, even to this point in time, the girls in 2/3-A still don't take him seriously since he has not yet hit puberty. Out of all things, Negi has topped the rankings as 'most favourite plaything' over the dildo. However, many of his students become valuable prostitutes allies for Negi, so he uses his wands or magic stick to help them feel the magic come inside them.

Characters

Thirty-one slutty girls in a classroom with a ten year old boy… and not to mention a crack-smoking ermine. Most of them have some kind of magical potential except for about ten of them. Because of this, they are easily booted off out of the plot line and are strictly for comical usage.

Teachers/Staff at Mahora

Negi Springfield

The protagonist of the story, negi is an onion you can eat with yakitori. Yummy! A powerful mage, he specialises in sneezing magic. Like all mages, he was assigned to train his magic by teaching people to speak English. His job at Mahora violates several child labour and sexual harassment laws.

Kamo is his Pokemon digimon pet, an ermine who enjoys buying cigars from Cuba. He moved to Japan because he was accused of several crimes, all of which are perverted. He fled to Japan after becoming wanted for various crimes. He also cheated on Sonic & Mario at the Olympic Games. And I'm not talking about the game for Wii.

Student Paedophiles

Aisaka Sayo

Actually a ghost, Aisaka Sayo doesn't remember how she died, but she knows it happened at Hiroshima a little before World War II ended. Like her boyfriend Casper, she is very shy and fearful. Some of her fears include talking to scary people, talking to everybody else and dying. Unlike most ghosts, she is not in the KKK. Due to ghostaphobia, she is attacked by Tatsumiya Mana, Sakurazaki Setsuna, the Ghost Busters and Danny Phantom's parents before she becomes an unpaid photojournalist for Asakura. When she was alive she had black hair, but after she died she could no longer afford to buy hair dye like your mother does every week.

Akashi Yūna

The most interesting thing about Akashi Yūna is that she is a female basketball player. In other words, there is nothing interesting about her at all.

Asakura Kazumi

Kazumi Asakura is a professional journalist, newspaper photographer and stalker. She writes for the school newspaper, The Mahora Morning Post Times, not realising that people have been getting their news from the Internet since the 15th century. Her most famous article is about a vampire attacking Makie. The article has approximately 400 000 views and an upskirt photo of 14-year-old Makie's panties after she wet herself. A copy of the photo was found on R Kelly’s wall. Another of her notable stories is More Cases of Paedophilia at Mahora, which includes an interview from an anonymous class president.

Ayase Yūe

Ayase Yūe currently has a low level of magic. However, she does know a very useful spell that allows her to light cigarettes without a lighter.

Though she is interested in studying philosophy and reading books, she hates studying. For this reason she may become a bartender when she grows up, given she has a talent for mixing drinks. One of her favourites is made from strawberry, banana, sugar, gasoline, milk, and ice.

Izumi Ako

Izumi Ako is a student school nurse afraid of blood. She also plays bass for Dekopin Rocket and Green Day and coaches football (soccer) for little boys. She is definitely not a shotocon.

Ōkōchi Akira

Having almost no role in the story until the magic world ark, Ōkōchi Akira was once a lifeguard with Pamela Anderson.

Kakizaki Misa

As a cheerleader, Kakizaki Misa's diet provides her with almost 100 Calories a day. She is often seen with her fellow cheerleaders Shīna Sakurako and Kim Possible.

Kagurazaki Asuna

Kagurazaki Asuna … try to ring her bells…

Kagurazaka Asuna is the main heroine of the story. She is also Negi's roommate, but it's OK because she's not into kids. In fact, she's an oldaephile. Her eyes are different colours: one is blue, one is green and the other is brown.

She is immune to magic, but because this was not yet explained in the manga, the anime writers took it upon themselves to make up a story to explain it. Ten years ago, Asuna's village of Oakvale was attacked by ruthless bandits. Everyone is killed, including women, children and emos. Asuna desperately makes a deal with a demon. He offers her powers for only $9.99 a month and her eternal soul with no interest for ten years. Figuring the demon needs the money more than she, Asuna accepts.

Kasuga Misora

Kasuga Misora is a nun in training. She made a pactio with a little girl nun in training, her artefact being a pair of Adidas that let her cheat when she runs track. Despite having the appearance of a friendly and benign lesbian nun, she is actually quite the prankster. Some of her pranks include:

• setting a trap so that an eraser falls on her teacher when he walks into the classroom
• pretending to be the priest during confessions, so that she can make people pray rosaries a million times even though God gets really bored when he hears them
• putting condoms in people’s carts at Wal Mart
• putting fake blood on Chachamaru so that she freaks while shouting ‘OH MY GOD I’M DYING’!! before remembering she’s a robot and realising it’s just ketchup on her
• putting nude pictures of Wall-E and Gir in Chachamaru’s book bag so that Hakase thinks she’s looking at porn

Karakuri Chachamaru

Chachamaru the Android

Chachamaru is an Android built by Rinshen Chao with help from Hakase Satomi and Bill Nye the Science Guy. Her hobbies include helping cute kittens, helping cute children and helping a cute, murderous vampire (though that one kinda counts as helping cute children too). She also likes to drink tea, because she has been programmed to mimic British behaviour.

She has high-powered weapon capabilities, rocket boosters, and a built-in cup holder designed to compete with these features which are also available on the iPhone 4, along with an MP3 player that lets Evangeline listen to Justin Bieber and The Jonas Brothers while she sucks the blood of innocent children.

Appearance-wise, she has two green antennas on her head. She also needs to be wound up every day, which is kinda stupid because even Wall-E can afford to have a solar panel and that guy lives in a dump. Literally.

Kugimiya Madoka

A proffesional kareoke singer, she has an upcoming concert in her shower.

Fei Kū

A disciple of Chuck Norris and frequent player of Mortal Kombat, Fei Kū can kick anyone's ass who doesn't have any special powers or weapons. Unfortunately, she's going to school at Mahora, where half the kids are magical demons, vampires or super robots. Of course, the story takes place in Japan, so I didn't really need to mention the super robots, which totally exist in everyday Japan.

Konoe Konoka

A very sweet girl, Konoe Konoka enjoys cooking, cleaning and making tea for her guests. Traditional housewife that she is, she really needs a traditional husband to live take care of her. Like the female kind of husband. :)

Sakurazaki Setsuna

The girl that can slice anyone's ass. If I were you, I suggest you would back off raping Konoka because someone tried to rape her and that guy ended up getting a sword shoved up his ass all the way out of his stomach. She's one of Negi's partners I can tell you that. She does LOVE Konoka.

Rinshen Chao

Student genius, mathematician, physicist and typical Chinese girl, Rinshen Chao enjoys karate, eating with chopsticks and eating fortune cookies. She is the inventor of the Play Station.

Naba Chizuru

===Narutaki Fūka===The twin sister of Fumika.Both want to make people think they are adults when they keep making them kids

Evangline AK47 McDowell

A loli goth vampire with a foot fetish and ChaChaMaru's master.

Zazie Rainyday

Zazie Rainyday is an emo pirate and acrobat.

Manga

The manga starts off paralleling the anime. As always, Negi Springfield is on the verge of being the victim of sexual assault at an all-girls school, which is no total surprise when you put cute ten year old in a class of 31 estrogen-charged girls. The ball gets rolling once they have a school-wide field trip to Kyōto. At this point, the girls start a "kissing Negi" contest to satisfy their lustful roricon desires. Negi runs away and steals a bike.

In mad pursuit, Negi jacks Dawn's Crimson Mazda with the 22-inch rims and makes his way to a random US interstate highway chased by the police, D.E.A., and local gang members. Nobody can find him, but through technicality, Miyazaki Nodoka ‘trips and falls’ on Negi's lips which occurred about sixty hours earlier.

At Mahora Fest, an ancient Buddhist traditional Japanese festival of Hello Kitty parades, robots, and Pocket Monster battles, Negi meets Colonel Sanders (no, seriously), with whom he fights to the death just for the fun of it. Colonel Sanders wins the fight, then proves Nagi is alive by showing an old baseball card with Nagi's picture on it. As with the kiss Negi contest, Colonel Sanders received the card as a reward for kissing a young Nagi Springfield when he was curious in college. Negi then decides he likes kicking ass and casting vicious spells (but he's all out of ass temporarily). The girls go along with that. As the ass kicking proceeds, a group of girls that are suspected of having ‘extra’ relationships with Negi go along with him to the magical world (Mungus Magicus, Florida) of floating whales, giga-tech cannons, talking animals and the Quidish World Cup.

As the search out to find his father thins out, life for Negi gets even worse. Suddenly, while going through the airport check, an Muslim fundamentalist unknown enemy (most likely Naruto because he thinks he is more 1337 than Negi) sets off a C4 bomb. The plan fails due the expert use of defusing kits by 1337 counter-strike counter-terrorist units. But, in a way, the plan works by the great multitude of people mobbing the counter-terrorists and separating Negi and his clique of hoes schoolgirls from one another.

Negi then finds his students, one or two at a time, which is actually kind of easy because Chachamaru, being an Android, tracks people's location like Apple.

Negi joins UFC tournaments with Izumi Kotarō under the pseudonym Nagi Springfield (mostly because he’s still wanted for stealing that car). There he meets Jaku Rakan, a champion weightlifter, with whom he learns to fight and take steroids. Not yet satisfied with his training, he talks to Evangeline via Skype, and she teaches him magia erebia, a skill she herself invented for emo kids. It does bring Negi the power to turn into a super saiyan, but causes him pain, makes his hair grow longer and darker and requires that he write poetry and cut himself every five seconds.

When it is revealed that Asuna is a princess, she is kidnapped by the Ice King. Negi goes to save her, but when he gets to the castle, a talking mushroom says:

So Negi decides to stop getting high enough that mushrooms are talking to you and come up with a real plan to find Asuna. After several hours of planning, Negi and his students decide on their strategy: They'll go put out an amber alert to see if anyone finds her for them. It doesn't work, so he comes up with a real-real plan.

Ala Alba decides to storm the castle and stop the bad guy—a mysterious cloaked man who has stolen the philosopher’s stone and killed Harry Potter’s parents. Soon after begins…The final battle! After these commercial messages! *McDonald's commercial plays*

Haruna drives her space ship through a battle scene as the Star Wars music plays. Arriving at the castle, they see an emo girl named Zazie Rainyday, and guess what? She was actually in the class the whole time, and you never bothered to pay any attention to her except that one time when she did a naked back flip in the shower. So anyways, there's this whole thing where there's a real Zazie and a fake one and it's supper confusing and they all get to see their perfect world. In Negi's, he wakes up in the morning feeling like P Diddy, grabs his glasses, goes out the door and finds his loving parents are still with him. Negi decides to leave, however, because he valued his obligation to help the magic world more than his parents. Jerk.

So after that long interruption, the final battle really begins. After another commercial break. And another fight scene… Well, at least it's not as long as Naruto. Yet.

TV Adaptations

First Anime

The anime starts off with three thirty minute previews in hopes to boost viewers ratings and deceive the audience with the message that the anime might be better, even though that has never happened in history. These previews were subject of controversy due to the fact they plagiarised the first few chapters of the actual anime since they could not find anything original like Star Wars episodes one to three.

There are 26 episodes using time-slicing documentation of whatever happens at Mahora Academy. Of course, like any bad good anime, they rip off the manga until they can think of a crappy way to the end the manga in only 26 episodes. Thus, halfway in episode 22, the storyline drastically shifts in a different direction than the manga.

For the sake of spoilers, someone named K Asuna dies. Actually, that's too obvious. Let's say Kagurazaki A dies. However, that would be a kinda sad ending, so the whole class goes back in time to old Germany, where Walt Disney is killing Jews. Negi shoots him in the head, leading to the narrator from Halo to say 'Killing spree'! Walt Disney can no longer buy Asuna's soul in exchange for immunity to magic in the future. The class goes back to the future by driving 85 mile per hour and finds Asuna alive and well. Everything is fine, except that everybody has found out that Negi is a mage, which is punishable by death. By hanging. After being waterboarded. And so they all live happily ever after (I think). The End. :)

Spring and Summer OVA's

Just to be to see how hot fifteen year old Japanese anime girls look in swimsuits and milk all the money away from your pockets, the spring and summer specials (having one episode each) were released. Meaning buy it, 'cause sometimes fifteen year old hotties are just worth it. And besides, it's not like they were posted on YouTube or anything…

Negima!?

“I has not-ting berter to do…”

~ Akiyuki Shinbo on the Negima!?

Negima!? retells the story of Negima! with more focus on action, due in part to producer Michael Bay's help. Even though Akiyuki 'I just whooped the shit out of your first season, Damn I'm awesome' Shinbo disagreed to the use of vehicles that changed into robots when Evangeline McDowell stole Negi's bike, it appeared that the spin-off was quite successful in the beginning. This time around, they deal not with just Negi's father, Nagi, but with the Star Crystal. The Star Crystal was supposedly a fallen diamond from Lil Jon's crunk juice goblet, but, in actuality, is just a bit of cubic zirconium. No one ever finds out until someone dies…again… Afterward, the series plummeted down to one of the poorest deviations to hit the late-night block in Japan only because the direction has no sense of originality.

Live-Action Series

Apparently, Negima! got huge loving from Japan so they made it into a live-action series with entirely different plot line serving as a prime time soap opera. Negi is played by a cute 13-year-old girl, and Kamo is played by a piece of cardboard attached to a stick. This is because using a real ermine would be animal cruelty, and nobody realised that they could've just used CG animation.

The Game!?

Negima!, somewhat parallel to the likes of Rabu Hina, was quickly adapted into a video game to boost Akamatsu Ken's DKP and for the sake of more money. Negima!? is not a dating sims game like you wish it were, but rather a role-playing game to the likes of Wikipedia, a computer game in which the player pretends to be an editor for an encyclopaedia written entirely by teenagers.