Sunrise (TV program)
“The only reason this page isn't deleted is that bogans can't figure out which button is the on button on their computer”
“AAAAAAAAAA SVENYA ALWESTITABUB!”
Sunrise is the LIVE morning show on Australia's Seven Network, which is the one that isn't the Today Show. It is loosely based on the BBC Series Your Money or Your Life. It airs before anybody is awake from 6am til 9am.
Each day the team bring you topical information about things like Children (both how to and how Not to care from them), Vaginas (both how to and how Not to care from them), Books, Gay people and news, sport and weather. If you want to stalk Sunrise, or learn more about him, meet Bill. He's a douche. Long live retardism. Is that a word? Like a I care. Americans FTW!!!... If I can find it. Damnit. I can't. Fuck. L8ter.
History[edit | edit source]
Early Records suggest that Sunrise began in 1298, however the program was suspended after the presenters engaged in a shouting spat with each other over who has better abilities when it came to taming lesbians. Years later it returned to screens during the Australian occupation of New Zealand. After years of providing quality early morning news to viewers, producers decided to make it more appealing to bogans, and the current incarnation was born. Today, Sunrise is always the first with new innovations such as women reading cue cards and wacky sound effects during sombre occasions. Sunrise himself was born in 1998, and is the gayest person you will ever meet. Seriously, look under your bed and you'll find him... That, and George Bush. What a great guy...
Presenters[edit | edit source]
- Melissa Doyle, know as Melanie Pearson, is the woman. She previously had served food in the canteen at Channel Seven in Canberra, before beginning as news reader. She later made the jump from News to rip-off merchants hosting G'Day G'Night in Sydney. She began hosting Sunrise after giving birth to her spawn, however you have to wonder why she bothered.
- David Koch, known as Kochy, is the bald one with glasses. His first foray into television was playing Mr Bean's penis in a number of sketches however he went on to work in a bank where he counted beans. Later he created his own company selling money to TV stations, including Channel Seven. When Chris Reason retired to have his balls re-inserted, Kochy was named co-host of Sunrise, and began the shows steady decline in quality.
- Natalie Barr, known as Natalie Roseanne Barr-Arnold-Conner, reads from the Sydney Morning Herald each morning. She was born in the late 30's however her creators forgot to install her personality drive, this hasn't however impacted on her news reading abilities. She previously worked at Los Angeles station KRAP 69, before returning to Australia to have her two boys; Walker and Texas Ranger
- Mark Beretta, also known as Bretty, reads all the action sports results. He is not James Bracey. He previously was HOST of sister Roseanne and Tom Arnold's show, but got shafted around the network for being dull.
- Paul Robinson, also known as Pauly, played by Stefan Dennis, reads all the action entertainment duties, he married Kochie at 7:40am AEDT in 1389! His first foray in Neighbours was playing Jim Robinson's penis and touching Helen Daniels' boobs in a number of sketches and sticking his middle finger at both Harold Bishop or Joe Mangel! However he went on to marry 20 wives during his run on Neighbours, where he counted beans. Later he created his own company selling money to TV stations, including Channel TEN.
- Fifi Box, also known as Cardboard Box, is the resident expert meteorologist and brings her fantastic expertise to the show's fun filled weather segment. The segment regularly involves stunts designed to cause maximum pain to fifi. it has been voted the most entertaining segment of the show. She also said cunt on air. Naughty Fifi!
Segments[edit | edit source]
Each week a number of different segments occur:
- Mystery Injection, where a viewer is given a mystery injection and has to guess what it was.
- Tied to a Bear, One of the hosts is tied to a bear for the rest of the show.
- The Zone, Kochie tries to find Mel's zone.
- Rest Time, we have a sleep.
- Quizmania Where viewers text or phone in answers to questions presented by the presenters funnily enough.
- Pauly's marriage
- Celebrity Suicide, Where one of several retarded celebrities nails him or herself to a cross and starts complaining of sore wrists.
Weekend Sunrise[edit | edit source]
Channel Seven replaced their highly acclaimed "Sunday Sunrise" show, with a Weekend version of the regular Sunrise; Weekend Sunrise. It's the same but we don't know who hosts it. Weekend Sunrise is know for being on the Weekend, well only Sunday really. It often outrates 'Songs of Praise', but not always. Deal or No Deal regurgitated its host to front Sunday Sunrise. Andrew O'Keefe tries real hard and succeeds in being a complete toilet bowl. The lame tart that smiles ad nauseum next to him still remains a mystery. Some viewers think she is a motorised cabbage patch kid, who farts pure uranium dust.
Sunrise's Naughiest Home Videos[edit | edit source]
Matt Newton hosts a Daily Sunrise spin-off, which is NOT Australia's Funniest Home Video Show. It contains certin scenes, nudity and language and violence may offened by crappy viewers
