Australia is the best!!!

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search

“Australia, a land forsaken by both God and the Devil

Australia is the best!!! And I mean, THE best! Like, take all of the best countries you can think of right now. Such as:

See? Australia is AWESOME!

Australia is way luckier and cooler than any of those. Well, maybe not Britain. But then again, America churns out a shitload of crap. Oz, and I mean Australia and not the character from the Wizard of Oz, is the lucky country.

The Australia Story (AKA the Dreamtime AKA How Australia Is Better Than America, Our Older and Crappy But Strong Friend)[edit | edit source]

The Australian story is an awesome one, spanning millions of years. Today, Australia's shape is still left unchanged.

Chapter 1 (God chooses Australia and places Aborigines in the land)[edit | edit source]

In the beginning, God created the world. When He created Australia, He blessed Australia and made it in a way that will make Australia never change in its shape. God placed the Aborginals in Australia, in the hope that they will flourish in a barren land.

As a result, the barren land is full of life and Aborigines. It will become a safe haven from terrorists, towelheads, Americans and whites. Australia then soon become an adopted child of America, and that's when capitalism was passed down to Australia.

Chapter 2 (Here comes the English! And the Irish! And the Scottish!)[edit | edit source]

The whites arrived at Sydney in 1788, forcing many Aboriginal people living in the area to move inland. Some whites are ashamed of themselves; others celebrated and did an evil laugh. The Irish were treated in cruel ways. They are wedgied on, stamped on and even get killed for drinking. But the English and the Scottish felt better afterwards, except that they are condemned by God for killing the Irish. Then the Gold Rush happened. Thousands of people were pulled to Australia just to get gold. And that's when the Chinese people arrived, looking in other places to find gold. They all hate the Chinese. The Chinese were different to the English. They say "Herro, where is the gord?" and other stupid phrases. But they are protected by God.

Chapter 3 (Here comes the Italians! And the Maltese! And the Greeks! And all the other people!)[edit | edit source]

After World War II, Australia became a multicultural nation. Thousands of Italians, Greeks, Jews, Maltese and other wogs came to Australia. Even Americans came in too. Then came the gooks in the 1970s and 1980s. The Chinese came back, but brought them a few others too, such as the Vietnamese, the Indians, even Japanese and Koreans! Then in 2008, Kevin Rudd says sorry to the Aborigines for what we done to them.

And that's why Australia is the best!

How else Australia ROCKS[edit | edit source]

  • We have ANIMALS -- That's right, we have lots and lots of animals (most of them you could find only in Australia). Some are so poisonous that we Aussies scared (We didn't farkin' mean it! Honest! It's the farkin' animals that did it) the US Marine's arses out of here when we invited them for training! Don't worry Yanks, they don't hurt you.
  • We have the GREATEST LANGUAGE EVER -- That's right, English is the only language in the world that is bullshit-free. American English doesn't exist (it's bullshit, mate), it's their verbal diarrhoea that the Yanks created so that they think they are better.
  • We have SPORT -- Rugby, Aussie Rules, Soccer and Swimming. We are good at those. But there are other games too that we are good at, such as two-up and ping pong.

Reasons Australia doesn't rock[edit | edit source]

None. Except for:

  • Drought
  • Getting owned by a Kangaroo in the face

See? Australia is the best! And everyone else thinks so. Cause we're the best!

See also[edit | edit source]