Daniel Andrews

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Chairman Dan - The Great Leader of Victoria
Chairman Dan took his inspiration for the police uniforms from Spaceballs
Chairman Dan used Homer Simpson to train his police in conflict resolution skills
Chairman Dan's leadership moto

Chairman Dan Andrews, the self-appointed Great Leader of Victoria in Australia and Leader of the Victorian Communist party recently became the subject of global recognition for his skillful handling of the Coronavirus Pandemic Panic April 2020.

Chairman Dan wisely imposed a State of Disaster and implemented martial law, locking down Melbourne, Australia with its 5 million inhabitants and giving his personal paramilitary Police PORK free reign to beat the crap out of anyone for any reason whatsover.

ThoughtCrime Criminal Arrested and Gagged

Dan Andrew's latest piece of legislation, popularly known as the Thought Crimes Act (2020) criminalises even thinking about disagreeing with the Great Leader and gives legal power to arrest offenders to any Victorian Public Servant, as exemplified by the arrest of a pregnant mother for posting a Thought Crime on Facebook.

Early Life[edit | edit source]

A Catholic School Twat, Andrews got off on kicking the crap out of the younger kids and pulling the wings off butterflies. All the while dreaming of when he could assume his place as the Supreme Leader of Victoria.

Andrews then went on to study a Bachelor of Arts degree at Monash University. After graduating and finding he was unemployable he then decided to move into politics.

Andrews decided that politics wasn't for him so he contacts his mates over in china and fulfilled his life long dream to become a dictator.

The Chinese Influence[edit | edit source]

Dan Andrews always felt drawn to the concept of himself as the supreme dictator of a police state. Subsequently he visited Communist China and became acquanted with his long time idol Xi Jinping who taught him all the wonders of a fully functioning Communist police state. Dan Andrews then became convinced that he could model Victoria on Communist China and emulate the great successes in human rights that that country had achieved.

The North Korean Influence[edit | edit source]

After entering politics as a member of the Australian Labor Party Dan Andrews felt Communist China was too liberal for the kind of state he envisioned and became fascinated by Kim Jong-Un, visiting North Korea to learn from him how to run a Stalinist police state. Dan Andrews then became driven to remake Victoria in the North Korean model. All he had to do was wait for the right crisis to take advantage of to implement his plan.

Supreme Leader of Victoria (2014–PRESENT)[edit | edit source]

In his victory speech, Andrews declared, "The people of Victoria have today given to us the greatest of gifts, entrusted to us the greatest of responsibilities and bestowed upon us the greatest of honours. We will not let them down!" He was later heard telling one of his advisors that "It would not be impossible to prove with sufficient repetition and a psychological understanding of the people concerned that a square is in fact a circle. They are mere words, and words can be molded until they clothe ideas and disguise."


Upon his election, Andrews fast-tracked Victoria's ties with the People's Republic of China. Firstly, he led a group of prominent Victorians to China on his first overseas trip, and promised to send his entire cabinet there during his first term. Xi Jinping then decided to put him on the payroll and went about buying whatever was left of the once British colony of Victoria.

Corona Virus

In early August 2020, following a spike in the Flu in Victoria, Andrews realised this was the crisis he had always hoped for and he could now implement his plan to make Victoria a police state. He declared a State of Disaster and announced Stage 4 lockdown rules for 31 metropolitan Melbourne municipalities and Stage 3 rules for regional parts of the state. The Stage 4 rules for Melbourne included compulsory gags, Anal probes, all but essential businesses closed, residents only being allowed to leave their homes once a day to shop for essential items such as Toilet paper only, and once a day to exercise for a maximum of one hour. Both these activities were restricted to within five kilometres of home. All schooling was to be done remotely using electronic communication. A nightly curfew from 8pm to 5am was introduced. Exemptions existed only for Party Members, their henchmen and Victoria Police.

See Also[edit | edit source]

  Dictators and Tyrants
Adolf Hitler ~ Bashar al-Assad ~ Imelda Marcos ~ Joseph Stalin ~ Kim Il-Sung ~ Kim Jong-il ~ Kim Jong-un ~ Mahmoud Ahmadinejad ~ Muammar Gaddafi ~ Osama bin Laden ~ Lee Kuan Yew ~ Robert Mugabe ~ Saddam Hussein ~ Vladimir Putin