Keith Urban
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Keith Urban is an New Zealander-Australian-Bible Beltanian Cuntry singer, who was born in New Zealand, but emigrated to Australia where he used to play guitar, read Bible and dream about moving to Nashville, Tenesie... Tennessy... Tennnesssee... I don't know. After 5 years of living a peaceful, country life, he moved to the capital of this beautiful state. He is also the Fuhrer and Pope of the nation of Mauritius.
His early days[edit | edit source]
Keith Urban was born in New Zealand quite a while ago, as the result of a failed abortion. His first few days were a fight for life, having been born with a saline needle sticking out of his skull and with undeveloped lungs. But after being promoted from the Iron Lung to a more porous version, we was given the all-clear, and so started his rise to stardom.
Keith took an interest in playing the banjo by the age of six, and showed considerable talent. This, coupled with his redneck attitude and education (or lack thereof), made it blatantly obvious that a career in Cuntry music was on the cards. He also had a couple of aces, a six and a two, but that is beside the point.
Keith has also declared himself the Fuhrer and Pope of Mauritius. Since no one has really cared to disagree, he is now the de facto leader of the nation.
Music Career[edit | edit source]
Keith started small, playing in local clubs and pubs around Australia. But his appetite for success was insatiable, so he emigrated three days later to America so he could make his mark on the industry.
His first attempts at becoming a noticed artist went unnoticed, and this was noticed by Keith. As he found out, Cuntry music is SO yesterday.
As a result of his failure, Keith changed direction entirely, and reconsidered his options. After much thought during a drinking and drug binge, Keith Urban promptly joined the death metal act Cannibal Corpse as lead vocalist. His success, as of today, is unparalleled.
Oggling[edit | edit source]
Many young women tend to "oggle" over this artist but they live in a dream. Of course, it is every girls dream to "be with" a worn out, old, crackling, drugged up, strung out, puffing, alcoholic. The problem is that these girls live in a delusion. These are the same kind of girls that trip over air, can't pronounce the word energetic, and don't know the difference between a hammer and a wrench. There is no point to this false hope because they will never succeed in having a relationship with this pile of sleaze. They may as well fantasize about the ant Flik from A Bug's Life...
Discography[edit | edit source]
- You Look Good In My Skirt, (1990)
- Mouse In My Guitar, (1991)
- Snowing On Monday, (1992)
- My Surname, (1996)
- Whenever I Fall, (1999)
- Suburban Urban, (2000)
- Bushfire, (2002) (featuring Olivia John-Newton)
- Who Wouldn't Wanna Be With Me, (2006)
- Where The Blacktop Ends: 20 Years Of Urban Legends, (2010)
