UnNews:A dingo ate my baby

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Good Small.png Nominated Article
This article has been nominated for highlighting on the front page. You can vote for it or nominate your favourite articles at Uncyclopedia:VFH. Please see this article's entry.
UnNews Logo Potato.png
Wikinews waves Left.svgThis article is part of UnNews: your source for up-to-the-picosecond misinformation.Wikinews waves Right.svg

17 August 1980

Thats the fucker that did it! He looks calm now, but I tell you, he's a monsteh!

Alice Springs, NT;

John Biasedreporter: We're here in Alice Springs with Lindy Chamberlain-Creighton, who says her baby was eaten by a dingo earlier this morning. Lindy?

Lindy Chamberlain-Creighton: I was out on that big-ass rock out near Alice Springs when this damn dingo ate my baby!

John: A dingo, you say?

Lindy: They look all cute from a distance, but they're savage! They should be hunted to extinction, then thrown on the barbie with some shrimp! They're all monstehs! They would probably be delicious with vegemite! Now I'm hungry. Thanks a lot!

John: Alright, tell us about it.

Lindy: So, we were camping out on Uluru, when this dingo comes in the tent and fecken grabs Azaria![1] I tell me husband, "The dingo's got moi bay bee!" but 'e just cracks open a beer and keeps eating his kangaroo, koala, and vegemite sandwich! He should be the one on trial here!

John, interrupting: If I coul-

Lindy, continuing: You're all crazy! He could have caught up to that monsteh! He's fast! I tried to get to 'em, but e' was just too fast! Well, for an Australian at least. Now he's calling me a bitch! What kind of husband does he think he is?!

John: I'm not sure, but tell us what happened when you ran for help.

Some focker said this is what they saw and took a picture! My hair isn't that long! And I was wearing blue!

Lindy: ...

John, worried: You did go for help, right?

Lindy: Yes, but then we go get some other campers to help, and they think that I killed her! I saw the damn dingo take her! They said something about slitting her neck! I would never! What kind of people?!

John: Um...

Lindy: I'm scarred for life! My own baby, snatched by a wild beast! Why does this happen to me? Why not those damn natives? What did I do to deserve this? It couldn't be the camping on a sacred site? Or littering there? Or even yelling at my husband on the way there?

And the police think I'm the one who did it! They just want an answer that doesn't involve doing anything! They think I'm crazy! Do I look crazy?!

John: Quite.

Lindy: I saw it with my own damn eyes! I'm telling you! What? You think I'm crazy! Murderer? Complete kangaroo shit! Hey! Get your fucking hands off me! Are those handcuffs?! NOOOOO!

...

John: We'll be right back after these messages, brought to you by Jeff's Sandwiches. Come try our Kangaroo-Koala-and-Vegemite Sandwich! Only at Jeff's, 120 Noname Street, Alice Springs.

See also[edit | edit source]

Roo.png Roo.png

Tooheys new.png Australia • Australians • History • History (abridged) • Government • Tourism • Stereotypes • Australian-English Dictionary • The Wizard of Aus Tooheys new.png

States

New South Wales • Queensland • South Australia • Tasmania • Victoria • Drunk

Cities

Adelaide • Brisbane City • Canberra • Centrelink • Cootamundra • Darwin • Hobart • Ipswich • Melbourne • Mount Isa • Port Pirie • Sydney • Tamworth • Traralgon • Uluru • Wagga Wagga • Wollongong

Fauna

Boony Doll • Bunyip • Crocodile Dundee • Dingo • Baby-Eating Dingo • Dingo-Eating Baby • Drop bear • Echidna • Emu • Galah • Germaine Greer • Hoop Snakes • Kangaroos (Killer) • Kangaroos (friendly) • Koalas • Koalas (other) • Kookaburra • Lamington • Magpie • Platypus (duck-billed) • Possum • Blue-ringed octopus • Vegemite • Waltzing Matilda • Wog • Wombat • Yowie

Culture

Australia is the best!!! • Christmas in Australia • Creationist Views on Australia • Labor Party • Liberal Party • Next Year's Australian Grand Prix •

People

Australian Pink Floyd • Bert Newton • Bill Lawry • Bill Lawry • Bob Brown • Bogan • Brendan Nelson • Chris Pyne • Chris Taylor • Eddie McGuire • Gladys Berejiklian • Horny Warnie • Hugh Jackman • Iain Hewitson • James Cook • John Howard • John Winston Howard • Karl Stefanovic • Keith Urban • Kevin Andrews • Kevin Rudd • Kylie Minogue • Lara Bingle • Larry Emdur • Mark Latham • Rupert Murdoch • Paul Keating • Pauline Hanson • Philip Ruddock • Reg Reagan • Ricky Ponting • Rob Mills • Rolf Harris • Rove McManus • Russell Crowe • Spoida'man • Terrance Speedo • The Chaser Boys • Wayne Swan

Lazy kangaroo.png
  1. ↑ The baby in question.
Retrieved from "https://en.uncyclopedia.co/w/index.php?title=UnNews:A_dingo_ate_my_baby&oldid=6468439"